


未来への進撃--Advance to the Future

by CatherineBuntaichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Major Original Character(s), Multi, Multiple Pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-04-13 19:32:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 128
Words: 473,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4534554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineBuntaichou/pseuds/CatherineBuntaichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no good way to summarize this.<br/>It is the essence of what Attack on Titan stands for:  the action, the mystery, the heartache, and the hope.<br/>What started out as a simple gift to a friend has exploded into an in-depth universe.<br/>Now, you all can join me here, as we step forward toward a brighter future for humanity.<br/>Offer up your hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hey-o!  
> Thanks for joining me on this adventure!  
> If you want to see more of what's going on with this series, check out:  
> mirashinofficial.tumblr.com
> 
> You can also see merchandise on my stores on society6 and redbubble.

_“I’ll be back in three days.”_

_Father’s arms were warm and strong, like always._

_“Have a safe trip.” Mother did not sound so sure. She did not sound like there was the possibility of it being a ‘safe trip.’_ _Then why would she say anything at all_ _?_

_“Next time, can I come too?”_

_“Maybe not next time.” Father’s smile faded, but his words were sincere. “But someday soon, you can come if you want to. My work is tough, but you’re a tough girl, too. If you want to, you can do it, too.”_

_“You think I’m ‘tough’?”_

_“Of course. You’re a strong girl. You always are taking care of your siblings and keeping your mother company in my stead. You’re very strong, Yasmin.”_

 

“Dad…?”

“Yas, get up.”

Yasmin Güven opened her eyes to see a familiar face looking into hers, but it was not the face she had been hoping to see.

“Marco’s here,” Cem told his older sister. “Did you just call me ‘Dad’?”

“Did I?” Yasmin sat up from the window seat, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “I didn’t really mean to.”

“Mom says I look like him. Is that true?”

“I guess…a little bit.”

Yasmin look at her six-year old brother; as young as he was, he was indeed starting to resemble their father more and more. But, obviously, they would never really be the same.

“You look like a troll,” Cem said before running off. Yasmin let him run; she had already kept Marco waiting long enough.

“You slept late?” Marco asked as Yasmin appeared outside moments later.

“I accidentally fell asleep,” she admitted, grinning. “Esra was doing the chores for once, so I just got to thinking.”

“Yeah? About what?”

“The usual.”

“….You think too much.”

“I don’t care what you think.”

The two laughed as they walked along the streets of Jinae, their hometown. Both of them knew what Yasmin had said was an outright lie. She cared very much what Marco thought, and the same could be said for him in regards to her. They had grown up together in Wall Rose, and they had a lot in common, so it was easy for them to become good friends. But there were certain, specific bonds between them--these bonds were what led them to be best friends and almost constant companions.

“Hey, the sky is really clear today,” Marco pointed out, and the two looked up at the blue autumn sky. “Let’s go up to the roof!”

“Yeah, before it gets cloudy!” Yasmin agreed, and the two bolted off toward Marco’s house.

“Hi, Mom!” Marco shouted as they burst into the Bodt’s small house. Marco’s mother, Freya, looked up from cleaning the floor and smiled.

“Welcome back,” she said calmly. “And hello again, Yasmin.”

“Hi, Mom,” Yasmin giggled, dragging her feet a bit to properly greet Freya. She had always considered Marco’s mother to be a secondary mother. After all, she spent as much time with the Bodt’s as she had at her own home. It was only natural that she be integrated into their family.

“Be careful going up there,” Freya told the pair as Marco rushed over to the ladder leading to the rooftop.

“We will,” he assured his mother. “C’mon, Yasmin.”

Nodding, Yasmin followed Marco up the ladder and onto the roof.

“You can see really far today!” Marco gasped. Giving a satisfied smile, he sat down, staring out at the distance. Yasmin sat down next to him without a word.

_The outside world is so far away from here_ , she realized, her smile fading.

“We’ll get there.” Marco looked at Yasmin, smiling brightly. “Maybe not today or tomorrow, but we’ll get there one day. That’s what you’re thinking about, right?”

Yasmin nodded, looking at her best friend. “Yeah, I know all of that. It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really have the chance. …You’re lucky that you’re an only child.”

“Just because you have siblings doesn’t mean you can’t join the military, you know. They won’t be the same age forever, and they’ll have to learn to take care of themselves one day anyway.”

“My mother expects me to take Dad’s place,” Yasmin argued. “She’s reluctant to let me leave the house at all.”

“…If you work hard, you can get into the Military Police, right?” Marco said quietly. “At least there you’ll be pretty safe. Your mother should be okay with that. And if I get lucky enough, I’ll be joining the Military Police, too. You could serve the king, and…”

Yasmin couldn’t help but laugh.

“Marco, even if I joined the military, there’s no way I’d be good enough to make it into the Military Police,” she told him. “And besides, I don’t _want_ to go further within the walls. I don’t care if it’s safer there… I want to go outside. I want to see what…”

“…”

Yasmin couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, but Marco understood her feelings.

Only three years prior, both Yasmin’s and Marco’s fathers were reported as missing. Both had gone out for work and had never returned. The coincidence was undeniable; it was likely that wherever they had gone, they had gone there together. No one would say it out loud, but Yasmin knew from the bottom of her heart that they had gone outside of the walls.

Her curiosity for the outside world had only escalated because of this, and so she had made it her goal to get there one way or another. A way to get there, as Marco had suggested, was to join the military, but this was easier said than done.

“Well, we turn twelve soon,” Marco pointed out. “You should sign up for training, and then you can decide from there.”

“You’ll be signing up then too, right?”

“Of course.”

Sighing, Yasmin looked out at the sky. As they had been sitting there, clouds had started to roll in, and the calm blue color had begun to turn purple and red with the coming sunset.

 

………

 

“See you later, Eren.”

“Eren…”

“Eren…”

“Eren!!”

When Eren finally opened his eyes, the Mikasa standing before him seemed different from the one he had been looking at just seconds earlier.

“Hm…?”

“Wake up,” she told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We should get home soon. It’s going to get dark.”

“…Uh?” Eren grunted, blinking. His eyelids felt heavy still, and his head felt fuzzy. “Mikasa…your hair… It’s gotten longer, hasn’t it…?”

Mikasa stared at Eren for a moment before replying.

“You were sleeping soundly enough to spout that kind of nonsense upon waking up?” she asked, standing and turning to leave.

“Well…it’s like I just had a really long dream…” Eren told her, slowly getting to his feet as well. “But I can’t seem to remember what it was about…”

“Eren?” Mikasa had turned back to look at Eren, and her eyebrows were raised in slight concern. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Huh…?” Eren put his fingers to his eyes. Sure enough, they were wet with tears.

Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackermann were not blood siblings, but they were family nevertheless. That day, the two ten-year-olds had headed to the fields in Wall Maria to gather firewood. And, as usual, Mikasa did most of the work while Eren fell asleep. This was, however, the first time Eren had awoken from a dream in tears.

“Not a word…to anyone,” Eren told Mikasa as they walked back toward the gate into Shiganshina. “They don’t need to know I’ve been crying…”

“…I won’t,” Mikasa assured him in a quiet voice. “Still…you had tears in your eyes for no good reason. Maybe you should let your dad have a look?”

“Are you crazy?! Like hell I’d tell him about that.”

“What have you been crying about, Eren?”

Two gold eyes suddenly appeared in front of Eren’s face, causing the boy to stop in his tracks.

“Ha-Hannes…”

The so-called Hannes kneeled down to Eren’s height, grinning.

“Did Mikasa get mad at you for some reason?” he asked.

“Huh!? What would I be crying for?! …I mean…” Eren wrenched his head back, putting a hand to his nose. “You reek of booze!!”

Eren looked past Hannes’ smiling, reddened face to see three other men sitting nearby, drinking and playing a card game. All of them, including Hannes, were wearing the uniforms of the Garrison regiment.

“You’re still… You’re still going at it…” Eren muttered.

“Why don’t you join us?” Hannes joked.

“No, uh…what about work?”

“Oh!” Hannes straightened up, looking proud. “Today, we man the gates! We’re supposed to stay here all day, so it doesn’t take long before we get hungry, as well as thirsty. Alcohol happens to be part of the drinks sometimes, but that’s nothing to write home about.”

“And when the situation calls for it, how’re you supposed to fight?!” Eren shouted, irritated. At this point, the other Garrison guards had started listening in. Hannes looked back at them, and they all stared at Eren in silence.

“…The situation?” Hannes echoed. “What situation?”

“…!! I can’t believe I’m hearing this! It should be obvious! When ‘they’ break the wall!! And enter the city! THAT’S when!!”

“Hey, Eren! Don’t just shout out like that…” Hannes groaned, clutching his head.

“Lively as ever, eh, doctor’s son!!” one of the guards laughed. “Should ‘they’ ever break the wall, then we’ll deal with it. But you see, that hasn’t happened once in a hundred years.”

“B-but come on!” Eren insisted. “We can’t let our guards down like that. It’s dangerous! My father told me so!!”

“Well…sure, you’re probably right about that,” Hannes admitted. “I don’t claim to know any better than Doctor Jaeger, this city’s resident savior…but, well…becoming a soldier might allow you a chance to see them prowling around while you’re busy reinforcing the walls… But this wall is fifty meters high, and I fail to see how ‘they’ll’ work their way around that.”

“So you’re not even ready to fight them in the first place!?”

“Nope!”

“What the hell!!” Eren shouted. “Then quit calling yourselves the ‘Garrison’ and start calling yourselves the wall-cleaning squad!”

“Yeah, sounds good!” Hannes agreed with a chuckle. “But ya see, Eren, an active army’s not a good thing at all. It means things have gone south… Whereas so long as we’re derided as useless freeloaders, life is peaceful for everyone.”

“What Hannes said,” the other guard chimed in. “Damn…I just can’t get these guys from the Survey Corps, going outside the walls and all that jazz… It’s like they get a kick out of playing warfare or something!”

“Even if we can’t get outside these walls, we’ve got food and rest, and that’s enough to stay alive…” Eren agreed in a quiet voice. “But…a life like that…is no different that if we actually were cattle…”

Eren could hear the Garrison members say something about him as he walked away, but he kept walking, gaze forward. Mikasa followed alongside him. The two were quiet for a while, until finally the latter spoke up.

“…Eren. You’d better forget about the Survey Corps,” she murmured.

“What’s this…you’re gonna make fun of them too!?” Eren growled.

“…It’s not so much about making fun of them or anything…”

Mikasa’s voice was soon drowned out by the sound of a ringing bell, coming from the front gate of Shiganshina.

“The Survey Corps is back!” Eren gasped, stopping in his tracks. “They’re opening the front gate! …The heroes return victorious…!!” Grabbing Mikasa’s hand, Eren began to run toward the gate. “Let’s go, Mikasa!”

 


	2. The Shiganshina Trio

  _“Everyone! Prepare for battle!!”_

_Keith Shardis, twelfth Commander of the Survey Corps, let his voice ring through the forest and against the gigantic trees. His troops followed behind him_ _, restless as ever._

_“We have one target!” he cried, driving his horse and_ _his_ _men_ _forward. “Take it down if it’s the last thing you do!!”_

_“Distance to target, 400 meters!” one of the elite soldiers, Erwin Smith, shouted to the others. “It’s coming our way!!”_

_“Split into five groups just like during practice!” Shardis commanded, waving his hand. Behind him, his troops split off cleanly, falling into formation. “We’ll act as decoys!!”_

_“Distance to target, 100 meters!!”_

_“To all attack teams!! Switch to three-dimensional maneuver!!”_

_Immediately following that order, the air became filled with the sound of pops and the buzzing sound of wires being shot out from the soldiers’ gear._

_“Strike from all directions at once!!”_

_One soldier, finally getting his hook right in the target’s neck, launched himself forward, blades in hand._

_“Have a taste of the power of human-kind!!”_

 

Eren dragged Mikasa all the way to the front gate and through the throngs of people lined up along the main road. Being so small, they couldn’t see anything from just standing on the ground.

“Too many people, dammit,” Eren muttered, finally releasing Mikasa’s hand to climb on top of some crates. “I can’t see a thing.”

When the two were finally settled into their spot, the sight that greeted them was anything but a soldier’s welcome. The soldiers of the Survey Corps had been thoroughly beaten down; even those without injuries had eyes like the dead.

“So few of them are returning…” someone in the crowd murmured, just loud enough for Eren and Mikasa to hear.

“It’s been awful this time as well…” the man’s companion added.

“There were over 100 of them when they departed… Did everyone else get devoured..?”

From somewhere in the crowd, an older woman came running out, shouting someone’s name.

“Excuse me…my son…” she gasped, collapsing in front of Commander Shardis. “I can’t see my son, Braun… What…what happened to him..?!”

“…That’s Braun’s mother,” Shardis said quietly, turning to two of his soldiers. “…Bring it here…”

The female soldier walked over to one of the horses and took something wrapped in a Survey Corps cloak down from the cargo pack. She handed it to her Commander, who in turn handed it to Braun’s mother. Confusion was written all over her wrinkled face. Slowly, she unwrapped the cloak to reveal a severed arm.

“That’s it,” Shardis murmured. “That’s all we were able to recover…”

Braun’s mother, clutching the arm to her chest, began to wail. Eren watched along with the rest of the crowd as Commander Shardis knelt down to the woman’s level.

“…But…my son…” Braun’s mother looked up, tears streaming down her face. “My son has been useful, hasn’t he…?” Her voice grew more and more desperate, more and more strained, as she pleaded to the Commander. “It doesn’t have to be anything outstanding!! He contributed! His death contributed towards human-kind’s retaliation, didn’t it?!”

The air fell eerily silent as everyone waited for Shardis’ response.

“…Of course,” he finally replied. But suddenly he cast his gaze downward, a frightened look in his eyes. It seemed that at any moment, he might snap. “…No… The expedition…this time again…we…!!”

Shardis gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. The next words that came out of his mouth rang with truth.

“It was all for naught!! We didn’t make any progress at all!” he screamed, tears falling from his eyes. “I’ve been nothing but an incompetent…!! Toying around with the lives of our soldiers…!! We couldn’t find out where they come from..!! We didn’t discover the first thing about them!!”

“…This is horrible,” the man standing in front of Eren said. “To think they could have lived out peaceful lives inside the wall. They would’ve been fine…”

“Our taxes could be better spent than on those soldiers,” his friend agreed. “What a waste…”

“So true…”

“As it is, our taxes essentially serve to fatten ‘them’ up by sending out our men as free meals.”

Before he could even stop himself, Eren smashed his fist into the back of the head of the man standing in front of him.

“You goddamn kid!” he shouted as Mikasa snatched Eren by the collar and dragged him away. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Eren did not get a chance to respond; his struggle was instead against Mikasa’s grip.

“Hey!” he shouted, squirming under Mikasa’s grasp as she continued into a dead-end road between houses. “C’mon, that’s enough!!”

With all of her strength, Mikasa tossed Eren against the wall in front of them; he landed on the ground with a thud. The firewood he had been carrying on his back fell loose in result; it became strewn around him in a mess of branches and twigs.

“What’s the big idea?!” he shouted. “The firewood’s all scattered now!”

“…Eren,” Mikasa said, straightening herself up and walking over to the boy. “You were planning on entering the Survey Corps… You haven’t changed your mind, have you…?”

Eren stared down his adopted sister, not daring to say a word. She held his gaze with steady, dark eyes.

“…Help me pick these up…” Eren muttered at last, standing and taking off the carrier for his wood. (AN: heuheuhejfkdh I’m sorry.)

Not long after cleaning up the firewood, Eren and Mikasa arrived at the Jaeger home without having had any further discussion.

“We’re home,” Eren said, opening the front door. Carla Jaeger, Eren’s mother, turned over her shoulder and looked at the pair.

“Welcome back,” Grisha, Eren’s father, said, only glancing back at them.

“You’re late, children,” Carla scolded gently.

“Yeah…well…” Eren mumbled, walking over to his father as Mikasa took care of the firewood. “It’s a long story…huh? Dad, you’re about to leave?”

“Yep,” Grisha replied, looking up from his book. “I’m off to town for a couple of examinations.”

“…Eren said…he wanted to enter the Survey Corps,” Mikasa said in a quiet, timid voice. Still, she was loud enough for everyone to hear her.

“Mi-Mikasa!!” Eren gasped. “I told you to keep that quiet!”

“ _Eren_!!” Carla marched herself over to her son, rage burning behind her golden eyes. In that moment, it was easy to see where Eren’s temper came from. “What are you thinking?! Of all the people who got outside these walls, do you have any idea how many died?!”

“Ye-yes, I do!!” Eren shouted back.

“Eren,” Grisha cut in, his voice and demeanor notably calmer than his wife’s. “Why do you want to go outside?”

“I wanna know what’s going on out there,” Eren replied. “I’d hate to live my entire life inside the walls being ignorant!! And…if no one here wants to pick up where they left off, all the people who laid down their lives so far did so in vain.”

Eren looked up at his father, who stared at Eren with an unreadable expression. Neither of them said anything for a moment, and neither Carla nor Mikasa dared to interject.

“…I see,” Grisha finally murmured. In a more normal and relaxed voice, he added, “The ship will be arriving soon. I’ll be on my way now.”

“Wait, honey!” Carla called out, rushing over to her husband. “Talk some sense into Eren!!”

“Carla…” Grisha looked back at his wife. “Nothing can suppress a human’s curiosity.” He then slowly reached for something tied around his neck. “…Eren. When I get back…there’s that room in the basement, which I’ve always kept secret. I’ll show it to you.”

“F-for real?” Eren gasped, staring at the key his father held between his fingertips.

Grisha did not reply, but instead tucked the key back under his shirt and headed out the door. The others followed him out, waving goodbye as he walked away.

“…Eren,” Carla murmured when Grisha was out of sight.

“What?” Eren grunted.

“I mean it. It’s not happening. Only a fool would consider joining the Survey Corps--“

“Huh?! A fool…?!” Eren stomped down the front steps of his house, shouting over his shoulder. “As far as I’m concerned, those who would buy their own safety at the cost of living cooped up like cattle are ten times more foolish!”

“…Eren…” Carla stood in silence with Mikasa for a moment before kneeling down to the girl’s side. “Mikasa. He has a knack for getting into trouble…so help each other out when things get out of hand.”

“Uh-huh!” Mikasa grunted, nodding obediently.

 

………

 

“What’s the matter, heretic? If you’re not happy about getting hit, just hit back!”

Armin Arlert stared down the punk in front of him, and despite being held against a wall by his collar, he still managed to choke out a response.

“L-like hell I’d do that!” he said. “I’m not stooping down to your level!”

“Excuse me?”

“You know I’m telling the truth… That’s why you’ve got no choice but to hit me without even bothering with an actual answer. Th-that’s right! You’re effectively conceding my point, are you not?!”

“C-clam it, you smart-ass!”

Before the bully could make another move, a familiar voice came echoing down the street.

“Stop that!! What do you people think you’re doing?!”

“It’s Eren!”

Sure enough, Eren was racing toward the gang as fast as he could.

“This time around, he’s out for our blood, the little bastard!” the leader said, having dropped Armin to face Eren. His gang lined up, fists raised to greet the brunet. They had gone through this before enough times to know that Eren was no real match for the three of them--just another scrawny brat.

“Hm? …AH?!?!”

Not far behind Eren was Mikasa, trailing behind him at the same pace.

“He’s got Mikasa with him! We’re screwed!!”

By the time the two reached Armin, the bullies were long gone, their screams of terror still ringing in the air.

“Oooh,” Eren breathed, grinning wildly. “Look at them… The mere sight of me and they scurry away like rats!”

“N-not quite,” Armin mumbled, trying to push himself up from the ground. “They ran away when they saw Mikasa, rather… Ow…”

“Hey!” Eren exclaimed, turning to the blonde and extending a hand. “You okay, Armin?”

“…I…I don’t need help to stand,” Armin replied, slowly getting to his feet.

“Hm? You sure…?”

This was not the first time Armin had been ambushed by the neighborhood thugs, and it was also not the first time Eren and Mikasa had come to his rescue. Still, there seemed to be a different reason behind each attack, and this time around, it was for a more sensitive topic.

“And then I told them that human-kind would need to go outside someday,” Armin explained. He and the others were sitting by the canal, tossing in rocks as Armin spoke. “That’s when they hit me, calling me a heretic…”

“Dammit,” Eren grunted, chucking another stone into the water. “How come you get looked down upon just for mentioning you’d like to get out?”

“Well…that’s because for the 100 years we’ve spent inside the walls, life has always been peaceful. People are wary of screwing up and inviting ‘them’ in. The royal government has declared that manifesting any interest in the outside world would be taboo.”

“The king is just chickening out, then. End of story.”

“…You’re right. But is it the only reason?”

“It’s our own lives we risk. That’s our business.”

“I don’t think so,” Mikasa cut in. “Forget it. Not happening.”

“Which reminds me,” Eren snapped, turning to Mikasa. “Why the hell did you tell on me to our parents?!”

“I never said I’d cooperate.”

“So…how’d it go?” Armin asked timidly.

“Well…they weren’t exactly happy…”

“I can imagine that…”

“W-what? Are you gonna join the chorus and tell me to stop!?”

“Well, it’s dangerous…but I do see where you’re coming from,” Armin assured his childhood friend. “But I’m also curious about the people who do believe that staying within the walls will actually protect us forever.” As he spoke, Armin tucked his knees to his chest, staring out at the water. “The wall may not have been broken in 100 years. But there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen today, and still…”

Interrupting Armin’s reflections, the earth suddenly shook violently beneath the trio, jerking them so hard that they fell over in shock. Somewhere off in the distance was a loud sound to go with the tremor, something like an explosion.

“Huh?!” Eren gasped, looking around. “W-what the--?! Was that an earthquake or something!?” He pushed himself to his feet; Mikasa and Armin did the same. “Let’s go have a look!!”

As they started to head toward the main drag, Eren noticed the wind had gotten stronger, to the point that it was noticeably knocking signs around. He subconsciously stopped running for a moment, taking in the sights around him. Mikasa followed his lead, as usual.

“Armin,” Eren called out as his friend ran ahead. Armin stopped in his tracks upon reaching the main street; he appeared to be staring up at something. “What in the world is…?!” Armin did not respond, prompting Eren and Mikasa to run after him.

“He-hello…can you see something?” Eren tried again as he reached where Armin was standing. “What is it?!”

Eren looked up to where Armin was staring; above the wall was smoke, rising up from someplace just outside of the wall. They were standing quite a ways back, but even from afar, Eren could make out a red humanoid hand gripping the top of the wall.

“It can’t be…!” Armin gasped. “Th-that wall’s f-fifty meters tall…fifty meters…”

As if to prove Armin wrong, a red head to match appeared from behind the wall. It peered down at them, its rows of teeth glistening in the sunset.

“…Ah…it’s one of ‘them’…” Eren breathed, staring up at the giant humanoid creature. “ _A Titan_.”

 


	3. Life in a Cage

_Surrounded by chaos and with screams echoing in his ears, Eren ran as fast as he could to his house--or, rather, what was left of it._

_“MOM!!” he shrieked, panting as he sprinted over to the wreckage. A large boulder, easily a few meters tall, was sticking out of the middle of the Jaeger home. “Mom…?”_

_“...Is that you, Eren?”_

_Carla was lying underneath the broken boards of what was once her house. She was almost completely pinned, save for one arm and her head and neck._

_“Mikasa! You hold this!!” Eren cried, flying into action. “We’re gonna move this pillar! Here goes!”_

_With all of his strength, Eren tried to lift the beam; Mikasa joined him, but even with her help, the beam barely moved. Across town, amidst the screams, they could hear the roars from Titans as they lumbered in through the hole in the wall._

_“Mikasa! Hurry!!” Eren shouted, panicked._

_“I know,” she told him._

_“Move it!!”_

_“The…the Titans…” Carla murmured, her eyes wide with horror. “They’re in the town, aren’t they? Eren!!” She turned her face to look up at her son. “Take Mikasa with you and run away!! Quickly!!”_

_“Run…” Eren lifted his face to the sky, still struggling with the beam. “I wanna run away too, all right!? Hurry up and come out of here!! Come on!! You’re coming with us!!!”_

_“My legs have been crushed beneath the rubble,” Carla said in a low voice. “Even if I do get out of here, I wouldn’t be able to run… You understand, don’t you?”_

_“I’ll take you on my shoulders, then!!”_

_“Why don’t you ever listen to me?! You could at least obey my last wish!! Mikasa!!”_

_Mikasa lowered her head. “No…no…”_

 

The last image of his mother played over and over in Eren’s head for what felt like hours. That Titan…if they had just had a bit more time…

In a burst of rage, Eren flung his elbow into the back of Hannes’ head.

“Ouch!” Hannes gasped, keeping his grip on the ten-year-old firm. “Eren?! What the--?!“

“A little longer and we could have saved our mom!” Eren shrieked, writhing in Hannes’ arm. “And you think you can just do as you please?!”

Before Eren could get another hit in, the Garrison soldier flung him to the ground. The shock of the fall stunned Eren long enough for Hannes to walk over to him and say what needed to be said.

“You couldn’t save your mom because…you weren’t strong enough…”

At Hannes’ words, Eren reared back for another punch. Hannes was ready this time--he grabbed Eren’s wrist just before the tiny fist reached his face.

“As for me…! I couldn’t stand and face the Titan…because I simply didn’t have the courage!”

Eren stared into Hannes’ eyes, which were filled with tears. He, too, was crying, and it was in that moment that the first feelings of hopelessness started to set in.

“Forgive me…” Hannes whispered as he stood and took Eren’s hand, leading him along.

 

………

 

“Yasmin, get up right now.”

Yasmin opened her eyes the next morning to see her mother’s face above her own. Pelin Güven’s amber eyes were wide with fear; her plea had not sounded angry, but concerned.

“Mother…? What--“

“I just received word from Freya.” Pelin kneeled next to Yasmin’s bed. “I wanted to tell you first, before your siblings wake up. Yasmin…we lost Wall Maria.”

“We…lost…?” It felt as if she was still dreaming, and she almost rolled over and fell back asleep. But the look in her mother’s eyes kept her awake.

“They say a gigantic Titan kicked in the gate to Shiganshina,” she continued as Yasmin stared blankly, “and another Titan broke through the gate to Wall Maria. We lost our territory there. The Titans have taken it over.”

Pelin’s words took a few minutes to sink in, but when they did, Yasmin felt a wave of panic wash over her.

_Titans took over the wall?! But how?_

“The walls…” Yasmin whispered. “They were built to withstand Titans, right?! How could this have happened…?”

“That’s all I really know,” Pelin admitted. “Come here--you don’t have to be scared.”

As her mother embraced her tightly, Yasmin stared at her sister, Esra, who was still sound asleep. She was not scared, not for herself. Her fear came from the possibility of losing the things that she cared about.

_Esra…that’s one more reason for me to join the military_ , Yasmin realized. _Now more than ever, I have to protect you, and Marco… And now, the outside world is even further away… What’s going to happen to us…?_

As if in response to her sister’s thoughts, the eight-year-old Esra slowly sat up in her bed, rubbing her cheeks.

“Mom?” she mumbled. At the sound of her voice, Pelin released Yasmin and turned to her other daughter. “What’s going on?”

“Esra, I…” Pelin glanced back at Yasmin for support.

“…Wall Maria fell,” Yasmin told her sister as calmly as she could. The child’s eyes widened. “But Mother, what’s going to happen to all of those people?”

“I…don’t know. I would imagine many of them will come here.”

“Won’t the military do something?”

“The military isn’t good for anything,” Pelin scoffed, and Yasmin was sorry she had even mentioned it. Her mother didn’t understand--she was satisfied living within the walls. She fed on the safety that they offered without giving the opportunities of the outside world much thought. “There’s nothing else that they _can_ do, besides retreat further back into the walls.”

“…” Yasmin glanced at Esra, who was staring at the end of her bed in shock.

_She’s too young to really understand,_ Yasmin thought as she watched her mother go over and hug Esra. _She doesn’t have the same experiences as me, and so she doesn’t have the same desires as me. I don’t think she really knows what she wants, anyway. But I…I have to know._

Stretching her arms out in front of her, Yasmin sat up straight in bed, then pushed the blankets off of her legs.

“I’m going to see Marco,” she told her mother, hurrying out of the room before there was any protest.

Upon arriving at the Bodt’s house, she was a bit surprised to see Marco heading out of his house.

“Oh!” he gasped. “You’re already up. I was just coming to see you.”

“Yeah,” Yasmin murmured.

“So you know…right?”

“Yeah.”

Side by side, the two began to slowly walk down the street toward the center of town.

“They say the Titans came from the South,” Marco told Yasmin. The latter grunted, kicking a pebble. “The really big one--they’re calling it the Colossal Titan--vanished after it kicked in the gate. Same for the armored one that broke through Wall Maria’s gate.”

“…You’re still going to enlist, right?” Yasmin asked quietly. “Despite all of this?”

“Of course,” Marco reassured her. “I mean, yeah, things have gotten tough, and they will probably get worse before they get better. But that’s just more motivation for me to join. The king will need more help than ever, and the army will need more people than ever.”

“That’s how I feel, too!” Yasmin turned to Marco, eyes glittering. “I don’t want time to run out and be shut in here for forever. I can’t let that happen. Does…does that sound selfish?”

“Not at all! You have a dream, and you want to chase it. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. And you’re right--letting time run out would be a waste. But I believe in you.” Smiling, Marco took Yasmin’s hand in his. “You’ll get there. I know you will.”

“I believe in you, too,” Yasmin said, a grin creeping onto her face. “If there’s anyone in this world who can reach his dream, it’s you, Marco. …Thank you.”

“Eh? For what?”

“Nothing.” Yasmin faced forward, gripping Marco’s hand tightly. “We’ll join the military and get to where we’re supposed to be.”

“Yeah, together.”

 

………

 

Yasmin did not return to her house until that evening at sundown. She had not meant to stay out that late, but between talking to Marco and going down to see the incoming refugees, the day had passed very quickly.

“You can’t just run off like that anymore,” Pelin scolded her as Esra, Cem, and Rahmi watched from behind their mother’s back. “You know that I need you to help around the house. You have responsibilities and can’t just go off and do whatever you want. You’re the oldest--it’s time you start recognizing what that means.”

“I’m sorry,” Yasmin said quietly. “I didn’t mean to… Marco and I went down to see the refugees and--“

“Yasmin! You two went there by yourselves!?” Pelin looked aghast. “Don’t you remember the plague?! You know they could be diseased! Or you could have been robbed? Things are dangerous right now! What were you thinking?”

“We just wanted to see--“

“Don’t go there on your own like that again--“

“Why?!” Yasmin shouted, unable to hold back anymore. “What are you so afraid of?! That’s just the way the world is, right? Whether there are refugees or not, Wall Rose, and even Wall Sina, are dangerous places!”

“You’re too young to understand the real dangers that the world holds, Yasmin,” Pelin insisted, but Yasmin was fired up now.

“How would you know? _You_ never leave the house!”

“I stay home to take care of _you_.”

“No, I _know_ that’s not all there is to it. You’re afraid of something--something outside, right? You never liked it when Dad left, and you were always afraid, but you would never tell us why!” Yasmin gritted her teeth, staring up at her mother. “I’m not going to let myself live like that! I’m going to join the military next year!”

“Absolutely not.” Pelin’s voice was firm and, though quiet, filled with anger. “Your father and I worked hard to give you this life. Do _not_ throw it away by running into death’s arms!”

“Death can’t be the only thing waiting for us outside of these walls!” Yasmin argued. “I know it! And don’t you want to know?! Don’t you want to know how Dad--“

“ _Enough_ , Yasmin!” Yasmin immediately quieted at the sound of her mother’s yell. “This is the _last_ I am going to hear about the military! You are _not_ going to join! You will _not_ throw away your life! I don’t care what Marco does--Marco isn’t my daughter! You have a different life than him! And you are not going to waste it!”

Yasmin could feel her blood boiling more and more with each of her mother’s words. It was all she could do to not release her pent-up rage in a scream. For a moment, she caught the gaze of Esra from afar; her younger sister had a strange look in her eyes, one that Yasmin could not, for once, easily read.

“Go wash up,” Pelin ordered. “It’s almost time for dinner.”

“I’m not hungry,” Yasmin muttered, turning away.

“I don’t care if you are. You still need to help me get ready.”

_Do it yourself_ , Yasmin wanted to say, but instead, to her surprise, another voice cut in.

“I’ll do it, Mother,” Esra said, stepping forward. “I don’t mind.”

“Thank you, Esra,” Pelin replied, sounding weary.

Yasmin walked up to her room without another word to anyone and shut the door behind her quietly. Choking back sobs, she walked over to the window and stared out at the cloudy sunset.

_Someone has to go out there someday_ , she thought, curling up in a ball in the window seat. _We can’t all live like this forever. She says to be grateful for this life, and not to throw it away. But just sitting here idly is_ also _throwing it away. Which is worse_?

Yasmin knew the answer to this question, but there was no way she could win the argument with her mother now. Maybe not ever. Which meant that, if she was going to join the military, she would have to go about it quietly.

 


	4. The Year 846

_“You, the graduates of the 100_ _th_ _Trainee Regiment, are now ready to fulfill your destinies! Offer up your hearts!”_

_The unified cry of dozens upon dozens of soldiers echoed in the ceremony hall as they saluted to their commanding officer, Kent Reilly. Three years of rigorous training had been completed at long last, and they now could choose which regiment to join._

_Of course, with last year’s incident with Wall Maria and Shiganshina, many had already decided on the Garrison regiment--a stationary force. Those who were in the top ten of the class could enlist in the Military Police and therefore receive safety within the inner walls. The soldiers who would join the Survey Corps were few._

_However, there were indeed those willing to take the risk._

_“Still won’t change your minds?” the top trainee whispered to his friends._

_“I’ve decided.” The salutatorian squinted his sky-blue eyes, a fierce look of determination written on his face. “And I’ll accept the consequences of my actions.”_

_“I won’t turn back now.” Third in line was their other friend--a young woman with long, messy brown hair. She, too, had a fearless look on her face, and her green-grey eyes were glittering in the moonlight. “This is the right thing to do. I’m sure of it.”_

_“Tch.” The valedictorian sounded annoyed. “The ‘right’ thing to do?”_

_“It is what it is. Arguing about it won’t do any good now,” the salutatorian told them. Next to him, the girl let out a frustrated sigh through her nose. “We just have to do our best at whatever comes our way.”_

_“We have to live,” the top seat agreed._

_“Yeah. Live.”_

 

“Hey, Yasmin!”

Glancing up from her book, Yasmin raised an eyebrow at Esra, who was standing in the doorway of their room.

“What’s up?” Yasmin mumbled, looking back down at her book.

“Marco is here,” Esra said, panting from having run up the stairs. “His mom came, too, so…”

Esra didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t really need to. Yasmin knew what she was insinuating.

“You’re the best little sister,” Yasmin told the nine-year-old, sticking a scrap of paper in her book. “Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, all right?”

“No problem,” Esra giggled. “Have fun!”

“Of course.”

Yasmin trotted down the stairs as casually as she could, hands shoved in her pockets. At the bottom of the stairs, standing near the front door, was Freya and Marco Bodt. Freya seemed to be holding some kind of food, which Pelin was fussing over. Upon hearing her footsteps, Marco turned toward Yasmin and smiled brightly.

“Let’s go,” he said in a quiet voice, barely audible over Freya and Pelin’s energetic chatter.

“Yeah.” And without another word, Yasmin followed her best friend outside.

When they were a few houses down from the Güven home, Yasmin sighed and stretched her arms.

“It’s been a long wait,” she told him, stifling a yawn. “…Thank you, though.”

“What for? For waiting?” Marco tilted his head, a mixture of amused and puzzled.

“Yeah. You didn’t have to.”

“But I told you I would,” he insisted. “This is something we said we’d do together. I wasn’t planning on leaving you behind.”

Yasmin couldn’t help but smile.

Over a year had passed since the fall of Wall Maria, and the small world that Yasmin and Marco inhabited had changed drastically. Hundreds and hundreds of refugees from the outer wall’s towns had come pouring into Wall Rose, and the loss of space led to even more homeless people. On top of this, the loss of land meant a loss of resources, including food.

The government’s response was less than satisfactory in Yasmin’s eyes--a “mission” to take back the land in Wall Maria. 250,000 people were sent out, and not even 200 returned. Anyone willing to look beyond the farce would instead see that it was simply a sacrifice to the Titans, one that would less the burden of the lack of space and the food shortage. Still, rations were necessary, and mentally, many were still recovering from the event.

In that time, Yasmin had been forced to give up joining the army the following year.

“See, now aren’t you glad you didn’t join?” Pelin had said upon hearing about the mission into Wall Maria. “I can guarantee you that the trainees were sent out, too. They’re using these people as live bait.”

Yasmin knew her mother was right about those soldiers just being bait, but she wasn’t so sure that trainees were allowed on the mission. That seemed to be working against the purpose of training them in the first place. But either way, Yasmin did not sign up that year, and Marco, not wanting to leave her behind, also skipped the year.

Both having finally turned twelve, the two knew that the time to act was now. And so they headed to the center of the Jinae district, where the sign-up for the military was located.

“Promise me something,” Yasmin murmured as they walked into the bustling square. The two linked hands so as not to lose one another in the crowd.

“What is it?” Marco asked, having to raise his voice to be heard.

“If my mom kills me for this, join without me.” Marco let out a laugh. “Okay, but seriously. This is it. If it backfires for me now, I don’t want you to wait on me anymore.”

“Sorry, but I can’t keep that promise,” Marco told her, shaking his head. “I already made a promise to you--we said we’d do this together. I don’t intend to break that promise anytime soon.”

The two reached the sign-up desk, still hand-in-hand.

“Don’t worry,” Marco said, smiling at his life-long friend. “We’ll make it this time. I know we will.”

Yasmin couldn’t come up with a way to argue or retort or prove him wrong. She instead just smiled, feeling a knot in her throat.

_I don’t know what’s going to come of me doing this, but whatever it is, it must be better than staying here_ , Yasmin thought, walking up to the registration table. _I’ll get there, to wherever it is I’m supposed to be. But I can’t get there if I’m stuck here._

Letting go of Marco’s hand, Yasmin picked up the pen on the desk and began filling in the information. It wasn’t until after she was done writing that she realized she was shaking.

_I did it_ , she told herself again and again.

Yasmin returned home that afternoon with a new confidence.

“Thank you,” she said, about to bid Marco goodbye for the day. He smiled.

“You keep saying that to me, but I don’t think you get what it means,” he laughed. “Don’t thank me. I want to join, too. You’re not the only one with a dream.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Yasmin chuckled, a bit embarrassed. “Anyway, the real challenge starts now.” Marco nodded, glancing behind Yasmin at the front door of her house.

The plan was rather simple: Yasmin was not going to tell her mother about what she had done that afternoon. She would not tell her until she had to leave. Though it was likely that, at this point, Pelin could do nothing about Yasmin’s military registration, there was always still a chance that she could somehow sabotage her plans. Yasmin did not want to risk this.

_It’s going to be a long time,_ Yasmin thought, grimacing a bit. _But I don’t have a choice. I’m going to do it._

 

………

 

That same night, the trio from Shiganshina found themselves holed away near the Trost district’s main plaza. The atmosphere was heavy, and the three were silent for quite a while.

Armin was the first to break the silence, but it was not with words. Instead, he gripped his grandfather’s hat in his small hands, choking back sobs. He buried his face into the hat as if to attempt to muffle the sound of his tears.

“It’s all because of the Titans,” Eren said quietly after a few more moments of quiet. “We’re weak, so we can’t do anything to stop them. But…” He kneeled next to Armin, staring at the ground in front of him. “Next year, I’m going to join the military. I’ll get the strength to kill them.”

“…Me too.” Armin’s voice was so quiet that Eren and Mikasa weren’t even entirely sure that he had spoken at all. “I’ll go, too!”

“I’ll join as well,” Mikasa said.

“Huh?” Eren gasped. “Mikasa, you don’t have to! Didn’t you say that living on was most important?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m doing it--so that you don’t die.”

Eren said nothing in reply. Standing, he looked at Mikasa, then Armin.

“All right,” he murmured. “The three of us, then.”

 

………

 

“Hey. _Hey_.”

Esra’s whispers were so quiet that, had Yasmin not already been awake, she never would have heard them.

“What?” Yasmin whispered back, rolling over in bed to face her sister. She could just barely make out the outline of her Esra’s body lying in her bed, glowing in the dim light of the moon.

“Are you still going to join the military?”

Yasmin didn’t answer at first. She couldn’t tell if Esra was genuinely asking, or if she was playing devil’s advocate. As much as she wanted to tell her sister the truth, for the time being, she would have to lie.

“I’m not sure if I can,” Yasmin answered, propping herself up with her left arm. “Why are you asking me this, anyway?”

“I…want to enlist when I turn twelve, too,” Esra admitted. Yasmin wished that it was daytime; without seeing Esra’s face, there was no way to know if she was telling the truth or not. “I’ve been thinking about it so much lately, with all of the refugees coming in... You’re right. We can’t live like this forever. We have to save ourselves.”

“Yeah?” Yasmin mumbled. “And you also think the military is the way to go?”

“Yes.” Esra sighed, shuffling under her sheets. “I don’t want to die, really. But it’s my duty to protect others if I am deemed capable of doing so. And it’s the same for everyone else. Don’t you think?”

“What I _think_ is that there’s no way you’re actually just a nine-year-old,” Yasmin muttered. From the other side of the room, she heard a quiet, muffled laugh. “But you have a point, anyway.”

“Mother won’t let us,” Esra pointed out.

“I know that, believe me.”

“So you’re going to give up?”

“What other choice do I have?” Yasmin said, grateful for the darkness. It helped hide her terrible poker face. “I’m still young, too.”

“Your age shouldn’t stop you from doing what you think is right.”

“…Seriously, are you really only nine?”

“You would know better than me. You were alive when I was born, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but I don’t remember much…” Yasmin shook her head, smiling to herself. “Anyway, go to sleep. It’s too late to be having this kind of discussion.”

“…All right. Good night, Yas.”

“G’night, Esra.”

 

 


	5. 104th

_“Dammit…dammit…_ ”

_The twelve-year-old’s footsteps were sluggish and heavy as he came down the small flight of stairs to the kitchen._

_“I hear you over there,” his mother said as he slumped down at the table. “Don’t talk like that. No wonder you hardly have any friends_. _”_

_“I don’t care!” he shouted. “The world is falling apart around us, and you think I care about how I talk?”_

_“You should care.” Her face was gentle but concerned._

_“None of it matters--just shut up!”_

_As if switching into another personality entirely, the boy’s mother slammed down her ladle and stepped away from the meal she was busily preparing just moments ago._

_“Don’t you dare tell your mother to shut up!” she shouted. “Now you listen here, Jean Kirschstein! If you don’t like your life here, then do something about it or stop complaining!”_

_“I’m trying to do something about it, Mom!” Jean shouted back. “I already told you--I’m gonna join the Military Police and hope that things don’t get any worse in these walls!”_

_The two fell silent, and Jean’s mother eventually turned back to her cooking._

_“Jean-bo…you still have a lot to learn about the world,” she murmured, more to herself than to her son. Either way, Jean had no response but a dissatisfied sigh through his nose._

 

Despite the many temptations and possible opportunities for slip-ups, Yasmin managed to keep the fact that she signed up for the military a secret from her family for almost a year. What she had not anticipated was the letter delivered to her home two weeks before her first day of training.

“I’d love to hear your explanation for this?” Pelin said, slapping the small stack of folded documents onto the table with a thwack. Yasmin cringed a bit, and for a moment she was tempted to run back outside. But now there was no escaping it--now that her mother knew the truth.

“I’m going to join the military,” Yasmin said calmly, looking up at her mother.

“Yasmin.” Pelin walked over to her preteen daughter and gripped her shoulders tightly, looking her straight in the eyes. “You are not going to join the military. That is not your role. Your role is _here_ \--I’ve told you this before. You are the eldest sibling, you are my helper, you--“

“No. That’s not ‘my role.’” Yasmin felt the words pouring out of her almost unnaturally. “What you’re saying is that this the role _you_ gave to me. But what you say it is, and what my _actual_ role is, are two different things. You can’t decide how I live my life.”

“Yes, I can, actually. I’m your mother.”

“And I’m your daughter. But we’re not the same person, are we?”

“That’s--“

“Are we?” Yasmin repeated, raising her voice. “We’re not the same. And so we’re not going to live the same lives. I _can’t_ live _that_ kind of life, Mother. I can’t. And I think you know it, too.” Gently, Yasmin brushed her mother’s hands away. “And it’s not just me--Esra, Cem, Rahmi…they are also going to live their own lives, even if neither of us agree that it is the right or correct way to live.”

“It’s more than that, Yasmin,” Pelin insisted. “You don’t understand--you’re still a child, so I don’t exactly expect you to. But the military is a death sentence. Signing up for the military is the same as signing a contract to _guarantee_ your own death!”

“Everyone dies,” Yasmin argued. “We’re _all_ going to die someday!”

“But in the military, even if you join the Military Police, the probability that you will live a long life is low. That may not mean anything to you now, but later--“

“So what if it’s a risk!?” Yasmin took a step back from her mother, burning with anger. “Every day we wake up from our beds, we agree to risk our lives to live! Joining the military might lead to my death, yes, but it’s a risk I am willing to take!”

“Why?!” Pelin cried, exasperated. “Why do you think that it’s worth your life!?”

“Why?” Yasmin echoed. Her chest felt as though it might burst. “Because I’m tired of living a life in these walls, and I’m willing to fight to find out if we make it outside. I’m tired of feeling powerless against the Titans. Humanity still has a chance. Isn’t that what Dad wanted, too?!”

Pelin did not answer, so Yasmin continued; this time, she would not hold any of her thoughts back. She knew that, in order to make her mother understand, she had to be honest.

“Dad wanted humanity to live outside the walls again, right?” she said, the knot in her chest growing tighter at the memory of her father. “He believed in us! And he was willing to do whatever he could to make progress toward that goal! Back then, he didn’t need to join the military to make a difference, but that’s changed. Still, he took chances, Mother. He also risked his life to better the world for us.” Yasmin gritted her teeth, and as much as it pained her to look into her mother’s tear-filled eyes, she forced herself to keep eye contact. “Do you think Dad would’ve wanted us to live our lives without every taking any chances?”

“He wouldn’t have!” Esra’s usually quiet voice was strong, despite coming from the opposite end of the room. She stood tall, with the bravest face Yasmin had ever seen her wear. “I know that he would have wanted us to take risks, too!”

“Esra…”

“Mother, Yasmin is right!” Esra continued, interrupting her mother. “Dad took risks not just for our sakes, but for everyone to live on. Not doing anything to continue his efforts is the same as letting it all go to waste!”

“I feel the same,” Yasmin said, glancing at Esra. “I refuse to let myself become useless.”

The room fell quiet, and Esra slowly sat back down at the table, keeping her eye on Yasmin. Pelin had been rendered speechless, and Yasmin felt a faint glimmer of hope.

“That’s why I’m going to do this,” she declared.

_I have to know the truth_ , Yasmin told herself. _Dad died for a good reason, something worth protecting. I have to know what it is. I’m going to get stronger… I’m going to get stronger so I can go to the outside world. Come on, Mother, why won’t you say anything..?!_

“I still don’t agree with you,” Pelin finally stated, standing upright. “But at this point, nothing else I say will change your mind, will it?”

“No,” Yasmin replied.

“Fine, then. Go off to your death, if that’s what you want. I won’t waste any more of my time trying to stop you.”

“Thank you.”

Though her mother’s words seemed hurtful and immature, Yasmin knew they were only a defense mechanism. It was obvious that Pelin did not know what else to do, and Yasmin could not blame her for acting that way.

_I’m going to do this_ , she thought as she went over and began reading through the documents. _And not just for Dad, or for the world, or even for Marco. I want to do this for myself, too._

 

………

 

Two weeks later, Yasmin found herself standing with Marco in the middle of a crowd of people just like them--cadets who were aspiring to become soldiers. Though she had known there would be many people present, Yasmin was surprised that there were as many people present as there were.

“Are the classes always this big?” she wondered out loud, and Marco shrugged.

“Well, there’s always the possibility that people will drop-out, right?” he suggested, and Yasmin shrugged back. Adjusting her jacket, she looked around the crowd of people for anyone who seemed remotely familiar--or remotely interesting, for that matter. But with everyone dressed in the same pants and trainee jacket, there was no way to pick anyone out in the chaos.

“Still, this is a lot of people,” she commented. Marco laughed and reached out to Yasmin, ruffling her hair.

“What, scared you’ll lose sight of me in the crowd?” he teased, and Yasmin batted his hand away. “If anyone should be scared, it’s me. You look so different with short hair.”

“You think so?” Yasmin said, running her hands through her hair to untangle the mess Marco’s gesture had made. “Well, I guess so. But there are a lot of people who look like you here, too. Tall, dark hair…you don’t exactly have unique features.”

“Neither do you, apparently,” Marco said, nodding to someone behind Yasmin. She turned to see a girl their age with dark brown hair pulled into a short stub of a ponytail. Her skin was a few shades darker than most people’s, and she was tall and skinny. When she squinted, Yasmin could see that she, too, had freckles. “You’ll have to hold my hand so you don’t get lost, little girl.”

Snarling at Marco, Yasmin playfully punched him in the arm.

“I’d rather get lost,” she told him.

“Oi, why don’t you two lovebirds settle down?”

Yasmin turned her head to see a teenage boy standing nearby, staring right at them. Her face immediately fell, and she dropped her arm to her side.

“Eh? I think you misunderstand,” Marco said, smiling. “We’re not dating or anything. She’s practically my sister.”

“Uh-huh,” the boy said, rolling his eyes. “That’s what they all say.” Taking a few steps closer, he folded his arms across his chest. Yasmin eyed him and, as she always did when meeting a new person, began to study him.

He was a bit shorter than Marco and slightly skinnier, with a long face and sharp features. The expression on his face seemed like one of boredom, but he had bright amber eyes that seemed to glow with mischief. Had he not opened his mouth, Yasmin might have considered him to be a decent guy, but between his words and the way he held himself, she could tell he was arrogant.

“Anyway, I’m Marco,” Marco said. “And this is Yasmin.”

“I’m Jean Kirschstein,” Jean replied. “But I doubt we’ll see each other often. I’m going to make sure I stay at the top of the ranks, so I don’t have time to play around.”

“Hey, me too!” Marco exclaimed, sounding not the least bit offended by Jean’s snide remarks. “I want to--“

“Line up as you were instructed!” a subordinate officer shouted from nearby. “The Commander is coming for roll call!”

“I’ll talk to you later,” Yasmin said, hurrying away from Marco and Jean without another word. It wasn’t that she wanted to avoid Marco; she just couldn’t stand another minute around Jean, and the idea of having to stand next to him for several hours made her spine crawl.

Instead, she opted for standing next to a tall, red-headed girl and an incredibly muscular blond boy; she slipped in between them and stood alert. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that Marco and Jean had ended up next to each other.

_Poor Marco_ , she thought, frowning a bit. Her guilty conscience vanished, however, when their commanding officer came into view.

Keith Shardis, the former Commander of the Survey Corps, had changed significantly in the period of just two years. His bushy brown hair had been traded in for a shaved head, and his face was more tanned and wrinkled than before. His fighting spirit, however, was still strong, and Yasmin could tell that he meant business even before he said a word.

“You are now officially members of the training unit number 104!” Keith shouted, his voice echoing across the field where they had gathered. “Unfortunately for you, I--Keith Shardis--will be in charge. I’m not here to give you a warm welcome. All of you are now merely livestock, waiting to be eaten by Titans! You’re even worse than livestock!”

Yasmin felt her stomach drop for a moment.

_No, stop that_ , she told herself. _Don’t psych yourself out._

“For the next three years, I’ll train you useless shits,” Keith continued, looking out at the crowd. “I’ll teach you how to fight the Titans! When you face a Titan in three years, will you still be just food? Or will you become a glorious wall to protect these walls? Or a mighty champion of mankind who will destroy the Titans? The choice lies in your hands.”

_None of those,_ Yasmin realized, her face hardening. _I don’t care if I’m a leader or another cog in the machine--I just want to find freedom!_

 


	6. Makings of a Soldier

_“And who the hell do you think YOU are?!”_

_Keith Shardis peered into the face of twelve-year-old Claus Rasmussen, who drew back a bit as he saluted. He was the first one to be called out in the 101_ _st_ _class of trainees._

_“C-Claus Rasmussen from Yalkell district, Sir!” he managed to squeak out._

_“Oh, from the rich kids’ block, huh? That would explain why you look like such a fairy!”_

_“That very well may be it, Sir!”_

_“And what makes you think you’re worth my time to train?”_

_“I want to give my strength to protect the people left in this world, Sir!”_

_“Give your strength? What strength do you even have to give?”_

_“None yet, Sir!”_

_“Then don’t waste my time with your sugar-coated fantasies! About-face!”_

_As soon as Shardis was out of ear-shot, Claus let out a shaky breath, relaxing his salute back into the at-ease position._

_“Could’ve been worse,” he told himself in a whisper._

_From the girl next to him came a quiet “tch” of disgust._

_“That you’d even say that means you need more discipline,” she muttered, her honey-brown eyes focused forward. Claus side-eyed her angrily._

_“You think you’re better than me just because he passed over you?” Claus hissed._

_“No.” The girl flicked her gaze at him. “You just have more catching up to do.”_

_“Catching up?”_

_“On becoming a soldier.”_

 

“Hey! You there!” Keith Shardis shouted, stopping in front of a wide-eyed Armin.

“Sir!” the blonde shouted back, smacking his right fist to his chest in a salute.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?”

“Armin Arlert, Sir! From the Shiganshina District!!” the boy cried, screwing up his face as he shouted back.

“Oh yeah? What a STUPID NAME!! Your parents gave it to you?!”

“My grandfather did, Sir!”

“ARLERT! WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?!” Shardis’ question echoed against the rocky walls surrounding the new recruits.

“To contribute towards humankind’s victory, Sir!!” Armin’s face was distorted with how much he was having to project his voice.

“That’s what I like to hear!!” Keith replied, smacking his hand on top of Armin’s head. “You’re gonna make great Titan food if it comes to that!! Third line, about-face!”

And with a twist of his wrist, Keith spun Armin 180 degrees around.

This process had been going on for a while, and Yasmin had been watching and listening intently the whole time. Though to most, this was a painfully stressful and boring entrance ceremony, she thoroughly enjoyed hearing what everyone had to say in reaction to Shardis’ berating. This was how she lived--observing people extensively and consequently basing her relationships on these observations. How they responded to the verbal prodding from Shardis seemed to say a lot about their personalities.

However, there were some who did not receive any kind of comment or criticism.

_There goes another_ , Yasmin thought as Shardis walked by a blonde girl who wore a pissed-off expression. … _My row is next, then._

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!” Keith shouted, stopping in front of his next victim.

“JEAN KIRSCHSTEIN, SIR! FROM THE TROST DISTRICT!!” Jean shouted back, his voice surprisingly confident. Yasmin was a little taken aback by his sincerity--from first impressions, he did not seem like the type to take things too seriously.

“What are you here for?!”

“…To enter the Military Police…and live in the inner district, Sir.”

_What a fucking idiot,_ Yasmin thought, rolling her eyes. Her initial analysis had proven to be correct after all, it seemed.

“I see!” Shardis responded. “So that’s where you wanna be, eh?”

“Yes, Sir!”

Out of the corner of her eye, Yasmin saw Shardis smack his head right into Jean’s, causing the latter’s knees to buckle. He landed in a heap at their commander’s feet.

“HEY THERE! Who told you that you could sit down?!” he barked as Jean struggled to get up again. “You chicken out now, you’re never gonna make it into the police!!”

_I suppose it’s only natural that there are people like him here,_ Yasmin realized. _Some people here have selfish goals--I’m really no better. Still, I’ll do what I have to do to reach my goals, which is what everyone else will do, too._

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

“MARCO BODT, SIR! FROM JINAE IN WALL ROSE’ SOUTHERN DISTRICT!”

Feeing her body tense up at the familiar voice, Yasmin listened closely to the exchange between her childhood friend and Shardis.

“What are you here for?!”

“The police force, Sir! I want to enter the king’s service!” Marco’s voice was leaded with enthusiasm that suited his personality, but not the occasion.

“…That so…?” Shardis’ voice was barely audible from where Yasmin was standing. “Well, I think that’s great… You go ahead and make that your goal. That said…”

Yasmin could not hear what Shardis said next, but whatever it was, it left Marco speechless.

“Next!!” Shardis shouted, moving on to the next soldier.

 

………

 

Eren watched in silence as Commander Shardis approached a boy with a buzz cut; said trainee saluted in panic upon being addressed, but with the wrong hand.

“Connie Springer, Sir! From the village of Ragako, in Wall Rose’s southern district!”

With incredible swiftness, Shardis snatched Connie by the head and lifted him straight off of the ground.

“You got it backwards, Connie Springer…!” Shardis growled. “That _must_ have been one of the first things you learned! This salute is meant to represent your resolve to commit your very heart to public service…! Is your heart on the right side, Connie?!”

It took Eren a few moments to notice why Commander Shardis’ roast had so abruptly undergone a mood swing. From what he could see, Connie was still suspended off of the ground, but Shardis was no longer looking at him. Instead, he seemed to be staring at someone else. Eren then noticed a girl nearby Connie, who would not have been unusual had it not been for the fact that she was openly eating in front of the entire class.

“You there…” Shardis said, dropping Connie to the ground. “…What’s the big idea…?”

To Eren’s complete shock (and slight amusement), the girl didn’t respond right away; she simply took another bite of whatever she was eating. She seemed to be unaware that Shardis was even talking to her.

“YOU!!” Shardis roared, getting up in the girl’s face. “I’M TALKING TO YOU, DAMMIT! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

Forcing herself to swallow the hunk of food she had just bitten off, the girl saluted without a hitch, and without dropping her snack.

“My name is Sasha Braus, Sir!!” she shouted. “From the village of Dauper, Wall Rose’s southern district!!”

“Sasha Braus…what is that thing you’re holding in your right hand?”

“A steamed potato, Sir!” she exclaimed, her expression serious. “It was in the kitchen, and I thought it was just what I needed! I didn’t think this through!”

“You mean…you stole it…” Keith Shardis seemed just as stunned as the rest of the cadets. “Why did you pull out that potato to eat…now of all times…?”

“…I wanted to eat it while it was still hot,” Sasha replied. “There’s no point otherwise…so I decided it was now or never.”

“Well…I don’t get it. Why did you eat that potato?”

“…? Are you asking me why people eat potatoes, Sir?”

“…”

The most awkward silence Eren had ever experienced filled the entirety of the training ground. Everyone’s focus was now on Sasha, and they were all waiting for Commander Shardis’ response.

After a while, Sasha seemed to recognize the situation; Eren watched as she broke off a part of the potato and held it out to Shardis.

“Here is half of it…for you,” she said.

_That’s not even half,_ Eren thought, feeling his eyes widen along with Shardis’.

“…A…a half?”

In reply, Sasha smiled sympathetically.

 

………

 

As he watched Sasha break off from the group and begin to run, Marco glanced down the line at Yasmin. Shardis was getting closer by the minute, quickly moving through trainee after trainee. He was certainly on a roll, leaving the preteens emotionally spent in just a minute or so each.

_I wonder what he’ll have to say to her_ , he thought, frowning to himself. _…Well, whatever it is, she can handle it._

Marco carefully watched Shardis as he moved down the line, approaching an incredibly tall, brunet boy. Yasmin was two down from him; in between them was a blond, very muscular boy. To Marco’s surprise and admiration, Shardis passed by all three of them and stopped at the tall, skinny, red-head next to Yasmin.

“YOU!” Shardis shouted, and the girl snapped into a salute. “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”

“Rosaleen Johnson, of the Stohess District!” the girl shouted.

“What did you come here for?!”

“To follow in my grandfather’s footsteps and join the Garrison Regiment, Sir!”

“Oh, so you’re a veteran’s granddaughter, eh?”

“That is correct, Sir!”

“So I bet you think you know a lot about the military already, then?”

“Um, perhaps, Sir!”

“Well, you had better think AGAIN! Just because the Garrison worked for your grandfather doesn’t mean YOU can hack it here! YOU’LL be one GETTING HACKED!! About-face!”

“Looks like your girlfriend didn’t get yelled at like us, huh?” Marco heard Jean whisper from beside him.

“She’s not my girlfriend, but it doesn’t matter--you’re right,” Marco murmured. “She’s a better soldier than me already.”

“Aren’t you a lucky guy.”

“Yeah, she’s the best friend I could ask for. Her judgment calls are almost always right.”

“Is that so?”

“Uh-huh. I can tell that she thinks you’re an idiot, and she’s pretty much right on the money. But you’re a decent guy, too, right?”

“…The hell?” Jean hissed. “Of course I’m a decent guy…”

Smiling, Marco sighed through his nose.

_Only the first day, and already I’ve learned so much_ , he thought. _At this rate, maybe I’ll be able to find out more about my father before I even get into the Military Police_ …

 

 


	7. Alliances

_“If he’s carrying the documents with him, then there’s only one way,” Levi murmured, leaning against the brick wall behind him. Farlan glanced his way, a disgruntled expression on his face._

_“So then…”_

_“We’ll have to kill him,” Levi confirmed. Their search for the “secret documents” had to come to an end soon, before they became too involved in the business of the Survey Corps. Levi could already sense it happening; Isabel’s bright personality was a surefire way for her to make friends quickly, which was the last thing that they needed. If they were going to kill Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps, they would not be able to afford having other personal connections._

_“Don’t say that out loud,” Farlan warned Levi, glancing around the room at the other Survey Corps soldiers. “…It’s not going to be an easy thing to do, y’know.”_

_“Hey you! Can I disturb you for a moment?”_

_The trio looked up to see a Survey Corps member approaching them. From afar, it appeared to be a male around their age, but as the person drew closer, Levi realized it was possible that it was a woman. The way she wore her hair, the way she held herself, and the way she spoke, however, were all completely ambiguous._

_“I saw it, you know,” the soldier said, eyes glittering behind a pair of glasses. “The decisive moment!”_

_That last comment sent a brief wave of panic through Levi, but on the outside, he was as cool as ever._

_“The decisive moment?” he repeated, reaching for the switchblade in his pocket. Had this person really been witness to their plan? “What are you talking about?”_

_“What am I talking about?” Face aglow, the soldier leaned down into Levi’s face. He could see how greasy her hair was. “It’s obvious that I’m talking about the moment when you brought down that Titan! That was really amazing! I was overwhelmed with excitement!”_

_The trio sat there, speechless but relieved._

_“I’m Hanji Zoe,” the soldier continued. “You’re Levi, right? This girl over here is Isabel. And…this is…” Hanji pointed to Farlan, pausing._

_“Farlan,” said soldier offered, looking away dejectedly._

_“Right right, Farlan!” Hanji exclaimed, plopping down in between him and Isabel. “Nice to meet you!”_

 

“Man…that potato girl is still running,” Connie breathed. Yasmin and Marco stood side by side, leaning over the patio balcony. Together they watched Sasha as she crossed the field at a slow but steady pace.

“Eh? It’s been like five hours straight,” another boy said, his eyes widening. Armin stood beside him, speechless.

“The whole thing about running ‘til near death didn’t get to her quite as much as the moment she was told to skip lunch,” Marco pointed out.

“I do remember something about Dauper being a remote, scarcely-populated village hunting inside the mountains,” Connie said.

“She said southern Wall Rose, right?” Yasmin asked. “If so, that’s definitely in the middle of nowhere.”

“I’m surprised to hear those still exist…” Marco admitted. He then turned over his shoulder toward the brunet who had spoken earlier. “By the way, we never got to hear where you’re from… Where did you live?”

“I’m from Shiganshina, just like him,” the boy replied, placing his hand on Armin’s shoulder. “I lived there until I was twelve…before moving to the landfill.”

“I see,” Marco replied. “So that’s your story…”

“That means you were in Shiganshina the day it happened!” Connie exclaimed, running over to Eren.

“Hey, easy there!” Marco said.

“Did you see it?” Connie’s eyes were wide with interest; he obviously didn’t mind prodding Eren. “Did you get to see the Colossal Titan?!”

“Yeah…”

The sound of a bell filled the air before Eren could say more; dinner was about to be served, it seemed.

“Let’s talk about it during dinner!” Connie suggested, sticking to Eren’s side.

“I kind of want to hear about it, too,” Marco admittedly quietly as Eren, Armin, and Connie filed into the mess hall. “Yasmin?”

“I--“

“Hey! You!”

Yasmin and Marco whirled around to see a short, round-faced girl looking at them. She appeared to be addressing Yasmin.

“Sorry--Marco, was it?” the girl said. “D’you mind if I steal your girlfriend?”

“We’re not dating,” Yasmin replied flatly. She turned to Marco. “It must be because we hold hands a lot.”

“I guess so?” Marco shrugged, to which Yasmin did the same.

“But anyway, what were you saying?” Yasmin asked.

“Come sit with me at dinner tonight!” the girl exclaimed, smiling brightly. “We wanted to talk to you?”

_We?_ Yasmin thought, tilting her head a bit.

“…Marco, you go ahead without me,” she then said. “I’m Yasmin Güven, by the way.”

“Milena Gessler!” Milena offered, holding out her hand. Yasmin took it, shaking it firmly. “Great! Follow me!”

 

………

 

Milena ended up dragging Yasmin to a table toward the far end of the mess hall, where one end was already occupied by two red-heads. Yasmin recognized one of them to be Rosaleen Johnson, the girl who had stood next to her at roll call.

“Tada! I’m here! Thanks for saving the table!” Milena exclaimed, arriving in front of the girls. They both looked up at her at the same time; Yasmin could immediately tell that they were twins. “And I brought her!”

“Ah, you’re the one--!” Rosaleen cried, her face lighting up. “The one who stood next to me earlier, right?”

“Yeah,” Yasmin replied, smiling.

“This is Yasmin,” Milena said, yanking Yasmin by the arm. “Yasmin, these are the Johnson twins--the one with the ponytail is Rosaleen, and the short-haired one is Erin.”

“Nice to meet you,” Erin said, smiling.

“And nice to finally know your name!” Rosaleen added.

“It’s nice to meet you guys, too, but…I don’t get it.” Yasmin raised an eyebrow. “Why did you want to talk to me?”

“Sit!” Milena commanded, setting her tray of rations on the table. She plopped down across from Erin, and Yasmin reluctantly sat down next to her. “All right, here’s the story, Yasmin: didn’t you notice that Shardis didn’t approach some people?”

“Yes…” Yasmin murmured. “Is this all because I was one of those people?”

“Exactly. You’re a commodity, y’know.”

“What’s your secret?” Rosaleen asked. “Or are you from Shiganshina, too?”

“What? No, I’m from Wall Rose--same as Marco,” Yasmin replied. “I don’t have any secrets. I really don’t know what kept Shardis from approaching me.”

“Aaaaagh.” Rosaleen gripped her head, nearly elbowing Erin in the process. “You’re so lucky. I felt like such an idiot.”

“If the boot fits,” Erin said, smirking.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Rosaleen replied.

“So you didn’t witness the attack?” Milena asked.

“Not at all. All I saw were the refugees coming in,” Yasmin told her.

“Same.” Milena took a spoonful of gruel before continuing. “I’m from Karanese; we almost doubled in population last year.”

“That must’ve been awful,” Erin said, frowning. “Did you have to let people live in your house?”

“No, but my sisters and I moved in together.” Milena held up her hand, counting on her fingers. “There was my oldest sister and her husband, my middle sister and her husband, and me, all under one roof.”

“Geez. No wonder you wanted out.”

“Well, that wasn’t the only reason, but yeah, that was a factor.”

“I lived with three younger siblings, so I understand that, I guess,” Yasmin added. “And my mother was still there, too.”

Rosaleen opened her mouth to say something, but Erin interrupted her before she could speak.

“Look over there,” she said. “That Jaeger kid sure drew a crowd fast.”

“Oh, do you mean Eren?” Yasmin asked, looking over her shoulder at where Eren was sitting. Even Marco was still listening in to Eren’s stories. The girls could hear him from where they were sitting; he was talking about the Colossal and Armored Titans.

“Well, then,” a boy from the crowd offered, “what does the average Titan look like?!”

To Yasmin’s surprise, Eren’s reply was not with words. Instead, he slapped his hand over his mouth, dropping his spoon onto the table with a clatter.

“…Enough with the questioning, you guys,” Marco told the onlookers. “Some things are best left forgotten.”

“Sorry!” Connie exclaimed quickly. “Must have reminded you of a lot of unpleasant stuff…!”

Eren seemed to hesitate at first, but in just a moment, he recovered himself.

“Wrong,” he replied, reaching for his loaf of bread.

“Eh?”

With a glance up at his audience, Eren ripped off a piece of his bread with his teeth, saying, “Titans…aren’t such a big deal when you come down to it. Once we get used to the three-dimensional maneuver gear, they’ll be nothing to worry about! Screw stone-picking and weeding. We’re training to be soldiers at last! …My emotions just got the better of me, that’s all.”

“I-If you say so…” Marco murmured.

“This kid for real?” Erin wondered out loud. None of the girls replied; all of them were focused in on the action.

“Then, I can enter the Survey Corps,” Eren continued, “and wipe the Titans off the surface of the planet! When that happens…”

“Hello? Are you insane?”

The interruption came from none other than Jean Kirschstein, who was sitting at the table across from Eren. He held his chin in his hand, staring in disbelief. “Did you say something about joining the Survey Corps?”

“Yeah…I did,” Eren replied. “…If memory serves, you’re that guy who wants to join the Military Police to live it up, right?”

“Hey, I’m an honest guy,” Jean told him. “A lot more honest, anyway, that some guy who puts on a brave façade even as, in reality, he’s pissing his pants.”

“Listen to yourself,” Eren shot back. “You think you’re clever, huh? You talkin’ about me, smart-ass?”

“Oh, my bad. I have that bad habit of always speaking what’s on my mind. Never meant to upset you.”

From afar, the bell sounded to end their dinner hour; Rosaleen took the chance to speak.

“Looks like Eren’s met his match,” she whispered.

“Hardly,” Yasmin replied. “Jean Kirschstein is an asshole. He’ll be lucky to live through training.”

“Harsh.”

 

………

 

“I don’t mean to dismiss your opinion.” Eren looked up from his dishes to see Jean standing beside him. “What everyone does with their lives is their own business.”

“It’s all right,” Eren told him, resisting the urge to knock Jean’s teeth in. “I was a bit too eager to pick a fight myself.”

“Sure. Let’s forget about it and be friends, okay?” Jean held out his hand, but instead of shaking it, Eren just gave it a small smack.

“Yep.”

Behind Eren, as per usual, trailed Mikasa Ackermann. She passed right in front of Jean, without giving him even a glance.

“H-hey, you!”

At his call, though, Mikasa couldn’t help but turn around.

“Er…ahem. Uh…” What was he trying to say? He was acting like even more of an idiot than usual. “Never saw anyone who looked like you before…ah… Shit.”

“…”

“Sorry…” Jean stammered, lowering his gaze. “You have beautiful black hair…”

“Thanks,” Mikasa replied, and without another word, she continued after Eren.

Jean, still reeling over the sudden appearance of a girl like Mikasa, stood blankly for a moment. Then, pulling himself together, he made to follow Mikasa outside. He only made it as far as the porch, though; he could hear bits of the conversation she was having with Eren.

“The hell? No, I wasn’t getting into a fight,” Eren was saying.

“I take my eyes off of you for a second and this is what happens,” Mikasa scolded him.

“Here we go again… But more importantly, isn’t your hair a bit too long?” Jean watched as Eren batted at Mikasa’s silky black locks. “Great way to get into an accident during the maneuver drills.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa replied. “All right, I’ll cut it. But…how short do you think it should be?”

The words he had wanted to say spilling out of his brain, Jean watched them walk away, his face dark with a mix of emotions.

Just then, an unsuspecting Connie Springer walked by Jean; the latter suddenly reached out and wiped his hand on the back of Connie’s shirt.

“WHOA!” Connie yelled, spinning around to look at his back. “H-hey, man!! Does my shirt look like a tissue to you!? What the heck did you wipe on there?!”

“…My faith…in humanity…”

“I’m not saying I’m choosing your friends for you, Marco.”

Right behind Connie came Marco and Yasmin, side by side as usual.

“But I _am_ saying, don’t hang around that scumbag,” Yasmin said. She stopped for a moment when she saw Jean. “…Let’s go.”

“Ah, um, yeah…”

Before Marco could protest, Yasmin grabbed his arm and pulled him away, leaving behind a confused Connie and an anguish-filled Jean.

 


	8. A Will of My Own

_For the majority of her evening, Krista Lenz had been watching Sasha run until the sun went down. She had kept herself in the shadows while doing so--something she was quite accustomed to. So, when Sasha finally came stumbling back to the barracks, Krista was waiting for her with some rationed bread and a small jug of water._

_The gesture was meant to be one of kindness, as Krista had trained herself to do, but she almost second-guessed herself when Sasha came flying at her and snatched the bread out of her hands with just her teeth._

_“BREAD!” Sasha shouted, pulling the loaf out of her mouth._

_“It’s not much, but I thought you could use some,” Krista told her, regaining her composure. “Well…still, might be better to drink some water first…”_

_“…God?” Staring with wide eyes, Sasha quickly crawled over to Krista, eyes wide. “God, is that you!? ARE YOU GOD?!”_

_“Hey there!”_

_As Sasha continued to scream and fuss, Krista turned to see a tall, freckled girl standing there watching them. Her hands were on her hips in a disapproving manner, and her thin features made her seem even harsher. From a distance, it was a little tough to tell that she was female, since her hair was so short and her figure so boyish._

_“What do you think you’re doing?” the girl asked, her tone condescending._

_“Um, well…” Krista glanced at Sasha, who was happily eating her share of bread. “She’s done nothing but run for a while, so…”_

_“Not potato girl… You. What do_ you _think you’re doing?”_

_“Me?” Krista echoed._

_“I saw you hide that loaf during dinner, and it pissed me off--you’re just like those kids who raise a pet behind their parents’ back, you know… Now, tell me, you think you’re doing a nice thing, huh? Did you do it for potato girl? Is the sense of accomplishment and exaltation you get out of this worth all the effort?”_

 

The trainee’s dormitories were nothing more than rooms with bunk beds crammed into each one. Boys and girls were, of course, separated, but that did not make the rooms any less crowded. Still, it was better than Yasmin had thought it would be. They had blankets and pillows, and the beds seemed sturdy. The rooms weren’t terribly hot, either, despite the amount of people.

When Yasmin arrived to her assigned bunk, she was pleasantly surprised to see Milena waiting there for her.

“Surprise!” the blonde exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

“Surprise?” Yasmin repeated.

“Surprise! As in, we’re bunkmates!”

“Eh? Really?” Yasmin tilted her head as Milena nodded. “How did that happen?”

“If you didn’t make a request at sign-up, you’re paired up randomly,” Milena told her.

“This is a lucky pairing…”

“It’s fate. You can’t get rid of me now that we’re friends.”

Yasmin couldn’t help but join Milena’s laughter.

“Anyway, have you met these two yet?” Milena gestured to a ginger-haired girl and a girl with pigtails. Yasmin remembered hearing the latter’s name during roll call.

“Mina, right?” Yasmin offered to the pigtailed one, and she nodded.

“This is Hannah,” Mina said, jabbing her thumb at the ginger. “Your name is Yasmin? It’s nice to meet you.”

“We’re the bunk underneath you, so if you guys get loud, we’ll kick the bottom of your bed until you shut up,” Hannah added with a giggle. Milena laughed.

“But _we’re_ the ones who should be worried,” she replied. “If you guys are loud, we’ve got no way to get you back!”

“If they’re actually loud, I’d be willing to climb down to whack them senseless with my pillow,” Yasmin admitted with a wry smile. Mina and Hannah laughed.

“Got it,” the former told her, giving her a thumbs up. “We’ll be good. Promise.”

“Same here!” Milena exclaimed, nodding.

“So, what about Erin and Rosaleen?” Yasmin asked Milena after Mina and Hannah had walked away.

“They’re together, but in the room next door,” Milena explained. “The other four in our room are people I haven’t really talked to yet, so I dunno their names. But, hey, at least _we’re_ together!”

“Yeah, I’m glad,” Yasmin admitted. “It’ll help being with someone I know.”

“Same.” Milena stretched her arms, yawning. “Okay, I’m calling it a night! Tomorrow we have to start gear training, I heard. No point in staying up late, right?”

Nodding, Yasmin smiled.

_I wonder how Marco is doing…_ she thought as Milena grabbed her things and headed to the communal bathroom. _…He’ll be fine. He wouldn’t want me worrying about him_.

 

………

 

“First thing’s first--let’s see if you’re good for anything!”

Yasmin didn’t dare look Keith Shardis directly in the eye as he stood in front of her. She instead kept a firm expression on her face and listened closely to his instructions.

“Just fasten the ropes to both sides of your waists, and hang down from there!! Use your full-body belts for balance! Those who can’t manage that will be used as bait! Or we’ll send you straight to the land-fills!”

Behind Shardis were a couple dozen training mechanisms; had Yasmin not known what they would be trying out today, she would never have guessed their functions. They simply looked like three metal posts brought to a point with some sort of levy.

“Now, divide into your assigned groups, and get to work!”

The chorus of the trainee’s salutes sounded through the air, and they were quickly replaced with murmurs of conversation and general ruckus.

“Good luck today,” Yasmin heard Marco say before he walked away.

“You too!” she called after him.

Yasmin had been assigned to group five with three other people, but she had yet to meet any of them, so she simply headed to the fifth training post in hopes that she would find the correct people. Though she was disappointed to not be training with any friends, she was grateful that, at the least, she was not with Jean.

One of her other group members was already there waiting for her when she arrived. She recognized him immediately as the muscular blond who had stood next to her in roll call the day before. He seemed to recognize her, too, but his initial greeting was hesitant.

“You’re…in group five, then?” he asked, and Yasmin nodded. He stood a head and a half taller than her. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Yasmin Güven,” Yasmin told him. “You are…?”

“Reiner Braun.” Reiner smiled. He had a pleasant smile and glittering gold eyes; though his features were broad, Yasmin could tell right away he was one of those typical “giant teddy bear” types.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Same here.”

The two were quiet for a while as they waited for the rest of their group; Yasmin took the chance to look around for Marco. He had ended up with a couple of complete strangers as well as Armin Arlert. Rosaleen was in group four and therefore right next to Yasmin; she was standing next to already-famous Mikasa Ackermann. Erin and Milena were nowhere in Yasmin’s range of vision.

“Sorry I made you wait!”

A tall, dark-skinned boy came running toward Reiner and Yasmin, grinning bashfully. He was about as tall as Reiner and a similar build.

“Are you Franz?” Reiner asked.

“I am! That must make you Reiner,” Franz said. “And are you Yasmin?” When she nodded, Franz breathed out a sigh. “Man, there’s no way I’ll get into the top ten with people like you guys around.”

“What do you mean?” Yasmin asked.

“Shardis never called either of you out, yeah?”

“That doesn’t really mean anything right now,” Reiner told him.

“I agree,” Yasmin added, nodding. “Though if I’m being honest, Reiner, I’m not surprised you weren’t called out. The way you hold yourself says that you’re not afraid of anything.”

“…I’m not sure that you’re completely correct in saying that,” Reiner admitted. “Everyone is afraid of something.”

“We can judge you better after today’s training--don’t worry,” Franz joked.

The last member of the group soon came running up--a girl with a tightly woven braid on her head.

“Cassandra Horace,” she said. “Group five, right?”

And so, with their group members in place, the four began their training.

 

………

 

“Nice work today, Güven.”

Yasmin looked up from taking off her training belt and met eyes with Reiner.

“You’re not bad yourself,” she told him with a grin. “Not that I’m surprised. Looks like Franz and I were right after all, huh?”

Reiner chuckled; Yasmin could see his face reddened, if ever so slightly.

“Oh, hey, before I forget, I wanted to introduce you to someone.” Reiner turned around and motioned to another boy his age; Yasmin could tell he, like Reiner, was one of the oldest kids there. But despite his height, just by looking at his face, she could see the extent of his youth. In fact, especially compared to the fearless Reiner, he looked terrified. His brown hair being soaked with sweat didn’t help his look. “Yasmin, this is Bertholdt. We’re from the same hometown.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Yasmin said, holding out her hand. Bertholdt looked hesitant, but he gently took his hand in hers. She could feel him trembling, and his hand was very warm and clammy.

“Yasmin, right?” he repeated, releasing her hand. “…I, uh, I don’t remember hearing your name at roll call…”

“She was the one next to me, remember?” Reiner said to his friend.

“Oh,” Bertholdt murmured. “You must be Marco’s friend.”

“Yes, that’s me,” Yasmin said with an embarrassed laugh. “Have you two met?”

“We’re in the same room as him and Jean,” Reiner answered.

“Meaning Jean and Marco are bunkmates?” Yasmin asked. When the two boys nodded, she gritted her teeth.

“I take it you don’t care for Kirschstein?”

“He’s an idiot.”

To Yasmin’s surprise, Reiner laughed heartily.

“Yeah, he is kind of a prick. But he _is_ good at what he does.”

“Being a prick?”

Again, Reiner burst out laughing, and even Bertholdt chuckled this time. Before either could reply, though, a bell sounded out through the training grounds, signaling the start of dinner.

“We should get going,” Bertholdt said, glancing at Reiner. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, same here,” Yasmin replied.

“Don’t be afraid to say hi whenever you’re around!” Reiner told her, and so the two headed off to the mess hall.

 

………

 

Eren leaned forward toward Reiner as the teen hummed to himself.

“A tip on position control…uh…” Reiner mumbled, arms folded across his chest.

“Please!” Eren begged, staring at the blond. “I heard you two were great at this. Bertholdt… Reiner…”

“Sorry…but I can’t think of a trick that involves just hanging there,” Reiner finally told him. “No useful advice to help you keep your hopes up, I’m afraid.”

“I see…”

“All we can do is bank on things turning out okay tomorrow,” Armin told Eren, but even he did not sound confident.

“…You guys are from the infamous Shiganshina district, aren’t you?” Bertholdt asked suddenly.

“Yes…” Armin replied. “Yes, we are…”

“Then…you should know first-hand just how scary those Titans are. So…why do you still want to become soldiers?”

“Um…it’s not like…I got to face the Titan threat up close and personal,” Armin admitted. “As for why I didn’t remain on the landfill… I couldn’t just sit back and watch as the royal government enforced that outrageous recovery operation… I’m physically weak and none too confident, so I can’t quite imagine…how I could accomplish anything… But if there’s one thing I can’t do, it’s to stand there and do nothing.”

“I-I see,” Bertholdt murmured.

“The same goes for me, more or less,” Eren told them.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Armin cut in, noting the far-off look in Eren’s eyes, “where are you guys from?”

“…Reiner and I…come from a village in the mountains, southeast of Wall Maria,” Bertholdt told them, his eyes somewhat downcast.

“Eh?! But that’s…”

“Yeah… Unlike that prosperous town alongside the river, we weren’t informed immediately when the wall was broken. Whatever the case, the Titans got there before the information did.” Bertholdt lifted his gaze a bit, briefly meeting the anxious stares of Armin and Eren. “It was dawn…the livestock was making such a ruckus, it was as if hell had broken loose. And the ground was shaking… Increasingly louder, and in a way that was unfamiliar… By the time I’d figured out those were footsteps, and opened my window to look…”

Bertholdt stopped speaking for a moment, but his expression spoke for itself.

“…After that…I don’t remember much… It was pandemonium out there. For everyone. We took our horses and fled all the way to Wall Sina. I take it you guys did the same?”

“We worked at the landfill for a couple of years, which brings us where we are now…pretty much, yeah…” Eren responded.

“Geez…what possessed you to start blurting out that story like that?” Reiner murmured to Bertholdt, looking exasperated.

“S-Sorry…” Bertholdt again lowered his gaze. “Um…well, what I’m trying to say is that…you aren’t quite like those other guys, are you?”

“What guys?” Eren asked.

“All of them out there who came here, ignorant of the dread of Titans. They’re here mostly to uphold society’s expectations of them… By now, those who turn to manufacturing when they turn twelve are regarded as spineless cowards, since after the fall of Wall Maria public opinion changed completely. So they go with the flow, and become soldiers in training. But even then, they’re not exactly eager to join the Survey Corps. More like the Military Police. And if that’s not an option, then the Garrison, in hopes of being transferred to the police from there…” Bertholdt lowered his eyes, looking at his feet. “But…I’m as much of a coward as they are.”

“Eh?”

“Since I’m pretty fit and all…I thought I’d aim for service in the police, with all the privileges that entails,” he confessed. “If that’s not possible, I may outright quit the whole thing… I have…no will of my own. I envy you guys…for having something you value more than your own lives…”

“Considering what happened to you, it’s hardly surprising that you’d value your own life, right?” Eren said, smiling kindly. “I may have wanted to join the Survey Corps even before the wall was broken, but to think like that you’d have to be touched in the head…so I guess that makes _me_ the freak.”

“Hm?” Reiner finally lifted his gaze for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. “So you mean, even after running into a Titan…you still haven’t changed your mind?”

“We-well, now that we come down to it, it’s more about whether I can become a soldier at all… I’ve been taught quite a lesson in fear…but I wanna kill them a lot more than they scare me. Kill them all…down to the last one.”

“…Me too,” Reiner murmured, his gaze fixed on a random spot on his bunk. “I got something too. Something I’ll never deviate from… There’s no turning back. But I still wanna see my hometown again. That’s all I am about… I’ll do it…no matter what it takes.”

“Sure…”

“…Check out your belt again,” Reiner then said, turning to Eren. It was an abrupt change of subject, but still a pleasant change from the dark conversation they had just had. “Make sure it’s well-adjusted. Tomorrow things should work out okay…” The blond grinned. “You have it in you, of that I’m certain. Eren Jaeger, was it?”

“Yeah. Thanks a lot…Reiner Braun, right?”

 

 


	9. Evaluation

_Eren’s triumph of balancing in the training three-dimensional maneuver gear lasted only a few seconds before he came crashing down into the ground yet again. In that moment, it felt as though it was not just his body, but his hopes and dreams that had been smashed into the ground._

_“No…” he whimpered, trying to straighten himself again. “Not yet…!”_

_“Put him down,” Shardis ordered Thomas Wagner, Eren’s training partner, who stood motionless in hesitation._

_“I-I’m still…!! I’m not…!!”_

_“Put him down now.” Thomas grimaced, but reluctantly followed his commander’s orders. Soon, Eren was kneeling on the ground, shaking all over. Though he was right-side-up again, he still felt dizzy with grief._

_“I’m not…” he breathed, unable to finish his thought._

_“Wagner.”_

_“Sir.”_

_“Exchange your equipment with Jaeger’s.”_

_The order was a surprise to everyone, but Thomas didn’t dare protest. Though Thomas was a bit taller and more muscular than Eren, a switch of belts was not an issue. Soon, Eren was hooked back up to the training mech, and this time, when his feet lifted off of the ground, he did not overturn._

Wha…how come?! _Eren wondered, still a bit shaky despite being balanced._ I did it. …Right off the bat…

_“What on earth…” he murmured out loud._

_“Faulty material,” Shardis grunted. “The metallic fixtures on your belt were damaged. Normally it goes up to the waist, so that even if you’re overturned, your head shouldn’t hit the ground. …This is the first time I’ve heard such a thing. I never knew those bits could be damaged. You’re gonna have to get yourself some new proper gear._

_“What the…!! Th-then…what about my military aptitude…” Eren gasped, his heart pounding in his ears._

_“No problems,” Shardis declared. “Train hard.”_

 

“What’s the matter, Arlert? You’re the only one who’s lagging behind!”

Yasmin could hear Shardis’ voice echoing through the forest despite the heavy downpour. Her pack was rain-soaked and harder to carry than usual, so she didn’t dare turn to look back. Even if Armin _was_ her friend, she would draw too much attention to herself if she were to lag behind with him. So instead, she kept her pace with Marco.

_I’m not going to make it into the top ten,_ she thought, _so I have no room to let myself slack. I have to graduate and finish what I’ve started…!_

“Is that load too heavy for you?! Should I make an exception and let you drop your equipment?!”

In the very back of the 104th trainee squad was Armin, several paces behind the rest of the group.

“Da…dammit…” he breathed, his footsteps growing heavier by the minute.

“Give me that, Armin!” From out of nowhere, Reiner snatched the pack off of Armin’s small back. “If you keep up like that, you’ll fail,” he added, slinging it onto his own back, which had grown even more muscular in the past two and a half years.

“If you do that, they’re gonna fail you too,” Armin whispered.

“If you don’t want them to find out, just get going!” Reiner hissed back. “Now, before I change my mind!”

But in reality, they had already been found out; Keith Shardis had been watching the exchange out of the corner of his eyes the whole time.

_Reiner Braun. Strong-willed, with a solid constitution,_ came the evaluation. _Most adept at gaining the trust of his comrades._

“This is just some luggage,” Armin said. “I’d rather die than be a burden!”

Soon Armin had recovered his pack and went thundering past Shardis, a wild expression in his eyes.

_Armin Arlert. Subpar physical aptitude by a soldier’s standards, but admittedly a genius when it comes to theoretical courses. Should he ever find his own niche, then probably…_

These days, with the class being so close to graduation, Shardis found himself speaking much less and thinking much more. He now spent more time in quiet observation than barking orders--and if the truth be told, he preferred this role.

When the rain had cleared, the trainees then switched into their gear and began their next set of training drills. Since they had become accustomed to using the 3D gear, they were gradually exposed to battle techniques and were thus allowed to develop fighting techniques all their own. At times, it was hard to separate the good from great when comparing talents, but Shardis had made sure to put the best of the best in close contact.

From where he stood, up on a high tree branch, Shardis could see three trainees fly below him toward their target. Annie and Bertholdt each got a good shot into the training Titan’s neck, but Jean’s was shallow in comparison.

_Annie Leonhart. She strikes with a perfect penetration angle… Her blows carve deep into the target. She’s a solitary type, but solidarity doesn’t come to her easily._

_Bertholdt Hoover. Highly proficient in various hand-to-hand combat styles… He seems to have great potential. However, he lacks in self-confidence and tends to leave it to others whenever it comes to showing some assertiveness._

“If I don’t make it into the Police, no one will!”

Jean’s outcry bounced through the trees, and his figure soon disappeared from sight.

_Jean Kirschstein. Highly competent at the three-dimensional maneuver gear, and highly skilled at using it efficiently. He’s also good at assessing his situation at any given time, but is far too eager to unsheathe his sword. He is also prone to spark conflicts._

Shardis’ observations led him to the next practice Titan, where Jean was headed next. Below, Connie Springer was also honing in.

_Connie Springer. Good balance. Especially skilled at making tight turns. But he’s slow on the uptake, and his grasp of strategy is often less than perfect._

Before Connie could get in his hit, a third figure entered the scene, zooming right in front of Connie and slicing the faux Titan cleanly.

“Wha…SASHA!!”

“YAAAYYY!”

_Sasha Braus. Lightning fast, with an uncanny intuition. But her eccentricity makes her unfit for group operations._

“I’ve been tailing you from above, Connie!” she shouted, bouncing back into the air with surprising grace. “And it was worth it!”

“The hell?!”

“Dammit! Go follow someone else!” Jean added.

“Y’hear that, Sasha!? Stop following us!”

Shardis had no time to intervene in the spat; the next group of trainees was coming in fast. From the treetops, the assistant trainers triggered the devices nearby, which lifted up more of the wooden practice targets. But just as two were pulled up, they were sliced by the next two trainees.

_Mikasa Ackermann. A prodigy who excels in even the most difficult courses. She’s an unprecedented genius, deserving nothing short of top grades._

_Eren Jaeger. No particular talent aside from his excellent close combat skills. However, he’s been slowly but steadily improving his grades through outstanding effort, and his sense of purpose is stronger than anyone else’s._

Once the duo was out of sight, the next few Titans were raised up into place, and moments later, the next round of trainees was flying in. In comparison to the last duo, these two were not as lightning-fast, but they were steady and controlled. The two locked into the Titan’s nape and sliced it cleanly.

“Nice!” Marco exclaimed, grinning at Yasmin.

“Another one down!” she called back.

_Marco Bodt. Skilled fighter and light as air with his gear. A great motivator and team player, but could use some more gusto._

_Yasmin Güven. Academically and physically balanced. A better team member than a leader, but has the capability of fitting into either role._

Soon the two were out of sight, following after Mikasa and Eren. And, just in time, three more trainees came zooming in. These three, however, Shardis could hear from far off.

“Look, look! Let’s go again!”

“Yeah!”

_Rosaleen Johnson. Willing to take initiative in a heartbeat, but does not always stop to think things through thoroughly before acting._

_Milena Gessler. Full of energy and passion. Her competitive nature gives her an edge, but also creates occasional unnecessary conflict._

_Erin Johnson. Too passive in her behavior and is better suited for stationary combat. Makes for a loyal and obedient companion._

The trio, bursting with excitement and life, soon disappeared into the trees, and Shardis began to follow them. But just then, one more trainee came flying in; she dug her blades deep into the practice Titan’s neck and moved on without looking back.

_Olivia Gautier. Selfish, with a tendency to isolate herself, but has the cunning of a fox. If she could learn better teamwork skills, she’d be an invaluable soldier and companion._

 

………

 

“That was low, you two.”

The clouds had long since cleared up, and the trainees were now resting under a beautiful blue sky, sweating under the rays of the sun.

“I’d spotted that target before you did,” Jean continued, seated on some nearby logs. Connie and Sasha stood in front of him, both with knowing smirks on their faces.

“Low, you say?” Sasha said, her lips curling mischievously. “What a half-baked thing to say, Jean. Since when does one need to show manners when stealing someone’s prey?”

“That’s right,” Connie agreed, pointing at Jean. “It’s your fault for having it stolen.”

Yasmin, who had been walking with Eren and Marco, stopped at the sight of the conflict. Sasha and Connie had become her friends through their times in training, and seeing them gang up on Jean was a special treat. In fact, anyone who managed to bring out the fool in Jean Kirschstein was her personal hero.

She knew, however, that Marco and Jean had become close; it frustrated her to death because she could not understand why. Marco was the nicest person she had ever met, and so to see him hang out with an idiot like Jean was disappointing. Admittedly, Jean had shaped up a bit over the past six months, but he was still his usual grumpy and spoiled self.

“Sheesh…your countryside logic of hunting makes no sense to me!” Jean growled, trying to ignore Sasha’s bright grin and Connie’s accusatory stare.

“Oh, well…” Marco cut in, pausing beside the group along with Yasmin and Eren. “We should be thankful everyone made it through the exam without a scratch.”

“…Hey, Marco?” Eren’s voice was quiet, but there was a tone of curiosity to it. “You found the targets first, but then you’d like, leave them to someone else… Don’t you wanna enter the Military Police? You need to score well, don’t you?”

“Yeah…” Marco murmured, scratching the back of his neck. Yasmin watched him quietly without saying a word. She had done this more and more lately; sometimes it felt as if she was watching him grow up without her, and while she felt proud, she also felt a bit left behind. This, too, seemed to be one of those times.

“To improve one another’s skill, we need to compete, I believe,” Marco explained. “But no matter what…I can’t help considering a _real_ battle situation. As in, since I’m the slowest and all, I should draw the Titans’ attention while the rest strike at them from behind. Though it was kinda pointless seeing as this test was about measuring our offensive capability…” He lowered his gaze as his voice trailed off. “To think I want to join the Military Police…even though I’ve always aimed for it...”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, but then Eren’s voice cut in again.

“I see… You’re what one might call a natural leader,” he told Marco, who looked genuinely confused. “Sounds like the right job for you, huh? What with the efficient thinking, the attention to detail… I won’t mind joining a team if you’re the one who’s running it.”

“I want on your team, too,” Sasha jumped in. “Sounds like a good survival plan.”

“If…If you say so…”

“The Battle Plan-ification Trainees’ Squad in Trost, huh?” Jean muttered, his voice leaded with sarcasm. “Count me in with Marco, then. I could use the good luck. I don’t wanna be in the same squad as some pointlessly suicidal asshole. I wouldn’t even survive ten seconds…”

“Wait a minute…” Eren said, gritting his teeth. “You talking about someone in particular?”

“Take a guess. I’m sure you can figure out who I mean.”

“Take it easy, you two,” Marco said, laughing.

“Here we go again,” Sasha added. “Jean and his roundabout declarations of love…”

“Can it, potato girl…”

“…I thought everybody’d forgotten about that.”

“Hey, Jean? I don’t think there’s anyone out there who goes by the same ‘some suicidal asshole’ nickname…?”

“…You shut up, too, Connie.”

 

………

 

“You look exhausted, Yasmin.”

From her spot in the corner of the bunk, Yasmin looked up at Milena, who beamed her usual bright smile.

“How are you _not_?” Erin groaned, flopping onto her sister lap. “Today was one of the toughest evaluation days yet.”

“What are you complaining about?” Rosaleen said, running a hand through her sister’s short hair. “We’re almost done! In a matter of weeks, we’ll be graduated and home free!”

“Whaddya mean, ‘home free’?” Erin lifted her head. “’Home’ is Wall Sina, in case you’ve forgotten. Not the military, Rosie.”

“…Do…any of you think you’ll be in top ten?” Milena asked quietly.

“Nah,” Erin replied, sitting upright. “I wasn’t really aiming for it in the first place.”

“Same,” Rosaleen agreed. “My goal from the start was Garrison--being in the top ten doesn’t make a difference to me.” She turned to look at Yasmin and Milena. “What about you two?”

“I don’t think so,” Milena admitted, frowning. “Dad was in the Survey Corps, which is nice and all, but I know that’s not for me. And no top ten, which means…”

“Garrison!” Rosaleen exclaimed, reaching out and shaking Milena’s hand. The latter’s frown faded, and soon she too was grinning ear to ear.

“See, that’s the _good_ part! We’ll get to be together!”

“Maybe we can be in the same squad!”

“Yeah!”

“It’d be nice if we ended up on Wall Sina,” Erin added. “Not far from home, but still active enough to not get bored.”

“Yasmin? What about you?”

“I…don’t think I’ll be in the top ten, either,” she said, looking downcast. “The people that will be in top ten will be those with a technique that is extraordinarily above average. I don’t have anything like that, and I wasn’t really trying to develop any one of my skills more than the other, either.”

“Being average is okay, though!” Erin insisted. “Average people have purpose in life, too.”

“Oh, that doesn’t bother me,” Yasmin laughed, though she was forcing the smile. “I don’t mind being average, I guess.”

“Is it because Marco will be in a different regiment?” Rosaleen asked, pouting. Apparently, but not surprisingly, her friends had seen right through the act.

“He’s gonna be in top ten?” Milena added.

“I think so,” Yasmin replied with a nod. “He’s better at 3D gear than me for sure, and his leadership skills and strategic thinking is far above par. I mean, compared to Armin, maybe it’s not such a big deal, but he’s better than most.” Yasmin smiled to herself. “I’m really, really proud of him for it.”

“But it won’t be the same,” Rosaleen finished. “I get that.” The red-head grinned. “That’s why Erin is going to be in Garrison whether she wants to be or not.”

“Please.” Erin rolled her eyes. “Like I’d ever join the Survey Corps--that’s a sure-fire death sentence. If I’m gonna be suicidal, I’m gonna go down alcoholic and buried in debt.”

The girls laughed, and for a moment, Yasmin felt as if she had known them for all of her life. Never before had she felt so comfortable with a group of people.

_And we’ll all be in Garrison together_ , she realized. _I should be more grateful_.

“So, wait a minute.” Rosaleen leaned forward toward Yasmin. “It just hit me--if you weren’t aiming for top ten to be with Marco, why _did_ you join the military?”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Erin asked, nodding.

 

 


	10. I Have My Reasons

_“What was all that about?” Yasmin mumbled, practically dragging Marco away from Jean in order to talk to him in private. “I get that you guys are close now, but you aren’t his mom. It’s not your job to boost his self-esteem.”_

_“That's not why I said it,” Marco replied, sighing. “I was just telling him the truth. Are you jealous?”_

_“Nah, just confused.” Yasmin laughed through her nose. “I don’t get what you see in him. You’re the nicest person I know, but you chose_ _**him** _ _as a friend?”_

_“He’s actually not so bad.”_

_“Again, you’re just too nice. Don’t throw out compliments so freely. You’ll land yourself in trouble that way, especially in the Military Police.”_

_This time Marco was the one to laugh._

_“Look who’s talking.” Marco gently elbowed Yasmin’s arm. “You aren’t_ _ **my**_ _mom, so you can’t tell me how to act.”_

_“…Fair enough.”_

_As the two headed back toward their camp, they linked hands; for Yasmin, it felt like the first time in ages that she had been able to be with Marco without interruptions. It was nostalgic and comfortable--but at the same time, being so comfortable made her angry with herself._

_“Anyway, I know I’m not strong,” Yasmin said quietly, “so you don’t need to lie to me, too, all right? Save it.” To her surprise, Marco laughed again. “What’s so funny?”_

_“You’re hilarious,” Marco told her. “You’re just the opposite of Jean. He thinks he’s so strong, but he’s weak and is just like everyone else. That’s what makes him great. You, on the other hand…you’re really strong. In fact, you’re probably the strongest person I know--but the problem is that you don’t believe that you’re strong. And so you end up just like everyone else.”_

_“…The hell is wrong with you? I just said not to throw out compliments so freely!” Yasmin used her free hand to push Marco’s face away; he just laughed again._

_“Either way, you both will figure it out in time. I’m sure of it.”_

 

“Why…did I join the military?” Yasmin echoed, narrowing her eyes.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve never asked, and you’ve never really mentioned it,” Rosaleen admitted.

“And plus, Shardis didn’t include you in his initial roast,” Erin added.

“I…guess you’re right.” Sighing, Yasmin stretched out her legs. “…It’s because of a couple of reasons. Let me teach you guys something: humans have different layers and levels to their psyche, right? We have, in result, different levels of goals and objectives. For me…one of my outer goals is to join the military in hopes of finding out about my father.”

“Your father?” Milena echoed. “Was he in the military as well?”

“No, I don’t think so. My father disappeared several years ago. Nobody knows what happened to him. And, on top of that, the one person who would’ve known his whereabouts disappeared at about the same time. That person was Marco’s father.”

“Ahh, I see where this is going,” Erin murmured, nodding to herself.

“Marco’s father and my father worked together, but I don’t really know what they did, besides that it was in the medical field, and that sometimes they would have to travel for work. Dad always said I was too young to understand, and so I never really pried,” Yasmin continued. “All I really know for sure is that one day, my father said he was leaving for work, but he never came back. My mother doesn’t talk about it, which I guess I understand--it _is_ painful to think about the fact that we’ll probably never see him again. And if he _is_ dead, there’s no way for me to ask him all of the questions I've been waiting my whole life to ask him.”

Yasmin paused to catch her breath and collect her emotions; the silence gave her a moment to take in her friends' expressions. They seemed interested, but even more than that, each of them had a look of concern on their faces. She felt a slight twinge of guilt for having made them worry, and so she shifted the focus of her story accordingly.

“What’s weird, though, is that Marco’s father went missing that day as well. Marco told me once that his father always said, ‘I’ll be back,’ or something to that effect, before he left for work. That day, though, he did not say anything.”

“So you think your dad _knew_ he wouldn’t be coming back?” Milena gasped.

“I…can’t dismiss the possibility,” Yasmin answered. “And don’t you think it’s odd? All information on the outside world is forbidden and taboo. Armin has talked to me and Marco about this a lot, and it never really seemed like something I should question until I got to be older, and then when my father left, I knew there must be a link somewhere.”

“You think that the information is hidden somewhere in the military,” Rosaleen concluded.

“Absolutely. Marco does, too. That’s part of the reason he wants to join the Military Police so badly.” Yasmin tilted her head in thought. “But for me…I have another goal, a more selfish one that kind of stops me from wanting to join the Police force. I want to see the outside world. I want to know what kind of life waits outside these walls.”

“Death awaits,” Erin told her with a flat tone. “Titans are everywhere. There’s nothing but a bigger chance that you’ll be eaten alive.”

“Beyond that, Erin,” Yasmin pressed. “There’s got to be something beyond that. Don’t you think it’s weird that they’d hide information about the outside world? That means there is something to hide. I want to find it. I want to know that freedom. I want to have answers to all of the questions I keep coming up with. And it only gets worse as time goes on.”

“Then why don’t you join the Survey Corps?” Rosaleen asked. “They go on expeditions outside the wall all the time.”

“I don’t have the skills for that,” Yasmin sighed. “Or the bravery. But I want to aid humanity some way or another--I don’t want to be the only one to experience life outside of the walls. Humans are interesting, and I think they’re worth saving. That’s not the only reason I want to save them, of course. Regardless of my intentions, though, we all have value. I don’t know myself very well, but I want to fix that so that I can save people and become someone worth saving.”

The girls fell silent for a moment before finally Erin spoke up.

“Well, don’t be sad,” she stated. “You’ve come this far, and you have a definite goal. You understand how to make progress toward that goal, and you have the resources to get there. I believe in you, Yasmin. You’re strong.”

“…”

_Again, someone uses that word to describe me,_ she thought, _but I don’t think they really know what it means. Then again…do I?_

“And you’ll have us!” Rosaleen added. “We’ll help you.”

“I believe in you, too,” Milena said, taking Yasmin’s hand. “I’m here for you. Remember? I said you’d have a hard time getting rid of me. I mean it. And these two are the same.”

“…Thank you,” Yasmin murmured. “You’re right. We have each other, and we can help each other get to where we need to be.”

“That’s right!”

“And by the way, you’re allowed to be sad about Marco not being in your regiment,” Erin said. “I guess not _everyone_ can get into the Military Police.”

“Can it,” Rosaleen scolded, gently smacking Erin on the head.

“This has to do with Bertholdt again, doesn’t it?” Yasmin laughed.

“Ugh, how can I even help it?!” Erin collapsed forward onto the bunk. “He’s just so _nice_. And Reiner is _super nice_. And even Annie is nicer than she seems!”

“You might be exaggerating,” Milena chuckled.

“I’m really not! You guys don’t know--if you shared a room with her…”

“Are you gay for Annie?” Rosaleen teased.

“As gay as you are for Mikasa,” Erin shot back, lifting her head.

“Milena,” Yasmin said, turning to the blonde, “have I ever expressed how grateful I am that you’re my bunkmate?”

“You could stand to say it more often,” Milena laughed. The two high-fived each other as the twins groaned.

“Okay, okay, but while we’re talking smack, can we talk about horse-face?” Erin asked, sitting upright and raising her hand. In response, Yasmin let out a loud groan of disgust. “Is that a no? Oh…”

“He’s part of why you were pissed off earlier, yeah?” Milena asked, patting Yasmin’s head.

“He’s just such an asshole.” Yasmin rubbed her temples. “Marco won’t leave him alone. Why him… _why him_?”

“Is he really as huge a dick like you say?” Rosaleen asked. “I hardly ever talk to him or deal with him, other than the occasional outbursts at dinner.”

“He’s in my group for 3D gear training,” Milena stated. “And he’s just such a horrible asshole. He’s selfish and mean-spirited, and grumpy as hell. You can tell he’s a spoiled only child.”

“I can tolerate him if he doesn’t speak,” Yasmin said. “It’s when he starts running his mouth that the urge to punch him is overwhelming.”

“See? You can’t complain about Annie, then,” Erin giggled.

“Because she never talks.”

“Yo!”

Completely interrupting their conversation, a shout came down from below, causing the four to turn and look. Standing in the doorway was a girl with long, white-blonde hair and glasses. She was undeniably gorgeous, but even from afar, they could sense her attitude problem. Yasmin had seen her around; she was in the same year as them, but she had never really talked to the others or approached them. Still, here she was, and she seemed to have some sort of reason for interrupting.

“I hate to break up your roast session,” she said, her voice clear and crisp, “but whichever of you is Yasmin--there’s a letter for you. And by the way, curfew is in thirty minutes.”

“I’m Yasmin. Who is the letter from?”

“I didn’t really look, but here.” The girl pulled the letter out of her knapsack and waved it around, then looked at the envelope. “…Esra Güven.”

“Give that to me right now, please,” Yasmin said quickly, reaching out over the bunk toward the girl.

“Come down here like a proper citizen and claim it yourself,” the girl replied. She didn’t sound angry or offended, however; her tone was unreadable and so Yasmin found it intriguing.

Doing as ordered, Yasmin climbed down the bunk and walked over to the girl; she stood several inches taller than the blonde. The girl stared up at Yasmin with bright grey eyes, and after a brief moment, she smiled. Her smile, however, was not a normal smile, but one that made the ends of her lips curl in delight.

“Too bad we’ve never met before,” the girl said, smacking the letter into Yasmin’s hand. “G’night, ladies.”

“…”

Without another word, the blonde sauntered out of their room.

“Do you know her?” Milena asked Yasmin.

“No.” Yasmin shook her head.

_That girl…was hot,_ she thought, staring at the empty doorway. She then remembered the letter in her hand, and without another moment of hesitation, she ripped open the seal and pulled out a one-page letter.

“Who is it from? Your sister?” Erin asked, leaning over Rosaleen to peer down at Yasmin.

“…She’s…in training,” Yasmin gasped, skimming the letter. “Esra is in military training too!”

“That means she’s at this camp!” Milena cried. “You should totally go see her tomorrow!”

“Yeah, we’ll go with you if you want!” Rosaleen offered.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Yasmin said, her hands shaking with excitement. “I have to tell Marco! I’ll be right back!”

“Okay, but hurry! Don’t get busted for curfew!”

 

………

 

Yasmin had been exhausted from training that day, but upon seeing her sister’s familiar handwriting, her energy was completely restored. She sprinted to the boys’ dorms and made it there in record time. Pounding on the front door of Marco’s building, she gripped the letter firmly.

“I’m here to see Marco Bodt!” Yasmin cried as the door began to open. Standing there was Armin, wearing a slightly startled expression. “Sorry, Armin, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s all right,” Armin said with a chuckle. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Kind of. It’s…a family thing.”

“Got it. I’ll go get him, so wait just a second.”

“Thanks so much, Armin.”

The blonde smiled cheerfully before closing the door. She could hear him rush down the hall, shouting Marco’s name.

_God bless Armin Arlert_ , she thought when, just seconds later, Marco appeared at the door.

“What happened, Yas?” he asked, panting.

“Esra is here!” she cried. “As in, she joined the military, too!”

“Really?! Seriously?!”

“Yes, look!”

Yasmin held out Esra’s letter to Marco, who took it and scanned it briefly.

“…So we should go and see her tomorrow morning,” Marco concluded.

“Definitely,” Yasmin said. “Or at least, the invitation is open for you to come. I won’t force you to, but--“

“Well then, I’m forcing you to take me,” he interrupted, and even in the dim light of the moon, she could see that he was grinning. “She’s my sister, too, after all.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

 

………

 

Yasmin was barely able to sleep that night, but despite the lack of rest, she awoke early the next morning and was ready to go far before it was usually time.

“You must have really missed her,” Milena said as she groggily pulled on her boots.

“It’s not just that,” Yasmin confessed. “I left my mother under very unpleasant circumstances. I’m shocked Esra managed to get out, too.”

“I see…”

Before long, Milena, along with the Johnson twins, was dressed and ready to visit the other side of camp. When the group left their dorm, Marco was already out waiting with them.

“G’morning,” he greeted them. “Esra’s going to have quite a welcome party.”

“She deserves it,” Yasmin giggled.

The walk to the underclassman dorms was not necessarily a long one, but to Yasmin, it felt agonizing. It had been over two years since she had seen Esra, and she was dying to know what had changed.

_Please tell me you didn’t change_ too _much_ , Yasmin thought as they neared the dorms. They were just in time; the younger trainees were all headed toward the mess hall.

“Look, I see her!” Marco exclaimed, pointing into the crowd. Yasmin followed his finger to a girl with a chin-length bob and a blue long-sleeve shirt.

“Esra!” Yasmin shouted. Several other people turned to look, but Yasmin didn’t care. She had caught Esra’s attention. Even from afar, she could see the surprise on her sister’s face.

“Yas!” Esra cried, bounding over to the group. Soon, she and Yasmin were locked in a tight embrace. “You got my letter!”

“Not soon enough,” Yasmin said with a laugh. “I missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too…” Esra was the one to break the embrace, but she looked overjoyed. “I have to thank you, Yas. Thank you.”

“What for?” Yasmin asked, still laughing. It was hard to wipe the smile off of her face. “I haven’t done anything.”

“But you have. Because of what you said to Mom, she…she’s totally different now.” Esra smiled softly. “I mean, I don’t think she’s necessarily happy about us leaving, but she seems to get it now.”

“Is that so…”

“That’s great to hear,” Marco jumped in. “Maybe even Cem will join before long.”

“I hope so!” Esra exclaimed, turning to her surrogate big brother. “Marco, you got even taller. And maybe more freckles.”

Marco laughed, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Don’t be upset--they look good on you,” Esra added, grinning.

“Esra, these are my closest friends,” Yasmin then said, gesturing to the trio behind her. “The blonde is Milena, and these are the twins, Erin and Rosaleen.”

“Nice to meet you!” Milena said, holding out her hand to shake Esra’s.

“You’re adorable,” Rosaleen added with a giggle.

“You look so much like Yasmin,” Erin chipped in.

“Really?” Esra’s eyes were gleaming. “Mom always said Yasmin looked like Dad…”

“…Esra.” Yasmin turned to her sister again. “I don’t have much time to talk, but listen--I graduate soon, and I’ll most likely be in the Garrison. Marco will be in the Military Police. If you ever need help, you’ve got us to turn to.”

“Okay…thank you. I’ll remember that.”

“And even if you join the Survey Corps,” Marco jumped in, “there’s a really nice guy named Armin Arlert. He’ll help you out anytime.”

“…Thank you.” Esra lowered her head, growing quiet. “I…thank you for coming to see me. I have to get going but I…”

“It’s all right,” Yasmin said, putting a hand on her sister head affectionately. “Do your best.”

“I will.” Esra looked back up at her sister, then Marco in turn. Her face was filled with resolution. “I promise--I won’t let either of you down. Just like you…I joined the military with a goal, and I won’t fail you. I promise.”

Without another word, Esra smiled at the group, then turned and jogged back to a couple of her friends, who had been waiting in the distance the whole time.

“…She’s grown up,” Marco murmured.

“So what does that make us…?” Yasmin wondered out loud. “…Whatever. We should get going.”

 

 


	11. The Elite

_“We have paid a terrible price for our 100 years of peace. There was no way we could have reacted to the sudden apparition of that Colossal Titan given our level of alertness…”_

_The voice of retired Commander Kent Reilly rang through the ceremonial hall and out to the 104_ _th_ _class of trainees. They stood in silence, listening closely to his speech._

_“As a result…we were forced to abandon our foremost wall: Wall Maria. Mankind’s territory has shrunk down to the limits of Wall Rose, within which we stand presently. Even as we speak, it’s very plausible that this Colossal Titan might tear down the wall to come at us any second. When that time comes, your duty will be to assist your fellow soldiers, sacrificing your lives to oppose the Titan threat. You will sacrifice your all!!”_

_“SIR!” In near perfect unison, the trainees all saluted to Reilly, as well as the four men who stood behind him: Commanders Pyxis, Dawk, Smith, and Shardis._

_“Today, you have completed your military training…” Reilly continued. “I will now announce the ten best among those who obtained satisfactory results. Step forward at the mention of your name.”_

_Mikasa Ackermann, Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, Annie Leonhart, Eren Jaeger, Jean Kirschstein, Marco Bodt, Connie Springer, Sasha Braus, and Krista Lenz each stepped up at their name, forming a line in front of their peers._

_“That is all,” Reilly said. “Now that you’ve completed your formations, you have three alternatives. The Garrison--reinforcing the walls and protecting the town; the Survey Corps--ready to sacrifice their lives outside the walls to engage the Titans on their home turf; and the king-controlled Military Police, who regulate the population and maintain order. It goes without saying, but among the freshest recruits, only the top ten may directly apply for the Military Police force. Tomorrow you will apply for your assignments. And today marks the end and the disbanding of the 104_ _th_ _trainee squad… Dismissed!”_

_“SIR!!”_

 

“I wish I was part of the top ten like you guys! But I’d have been surprised if you didn’t join the Police, anyway.”

Yasmin looked up from her food at yet another comrade who had come to admire Jean and Marco. She rolled her eyes; the fact that anyone would insinuate Marco using bribery to get into the Military Police was just nonsense, but with Jean, there was no denying that possibility. But it didn't matter, anyway, because both had indeed made it into the top ten.

“Haaanh?” Jean grunted, leaning back in his chair to face their peer. “Of course. Why do you think I aimed for the top ten at all?”

“Me too,” Marco jumped in, grinning. “That’s where I’m headed. An opportunity to work close to the king…such an honor!!”

Just as Marco put his glass to his lips, Jean’s hand came down on the brunet’s head, causing his tea to splash all over his nose and mouth.

“Don’t be such a goody-two-shoes, Marco,” Jean said. “Tell ‘em the real reason. Wanna live in the inner walls, don’t you? We can escape the shit-hole that’s the outer town at last! In the inner district, a life of peace and comfort awaits us!”

“Wha… hey, man, sh-show some decency,” Marco said, sounding genuinely offended. Yasmin could tell that he was somewhat upset. “I, for one…”

“Ah, my bad,” Jean interrupted. “Sorry about that. My fault. Goody-two shoes. But what would you guys do?” Jean turned to the eavesdroppers nearby.

“You still have a chance to change your mind and join another regiment,” Yasmin whispered to Marco while Jean was distracted.

“I won’t do that.”

“But you’d put up with that horse-faced idiot?”

“Some things…can’t be helped.” Marco shrugged, smiling gently. “Don’t worry about me. Jean’s just riled up right now.”

“Hey…” From the table across from theirs, Eren Jaeger slowly stood up, staring down Jean Kirschstein. “You talk about the inner district being comfortable… The part of town we’re in right now used to be part of the inner district, you know. Jean…I believe even without moving to the inner wall, the contents of your brain would still be comfortable enough.”

From Eren’s table came a loud snort of a laugh and a quiet scream of disgust; Yasmin looked over just in time to see Reiner spraying milk out of his nose all over Armin. She was grateful for that distraction; no one would be paying attention to her own low laughter.

“Eren, don’t,” Mikasa murmured, tugging on Eren’s sleeve. But the sparks were already lit. (AN: EREN DOOOOO)

“Unless I’m mistaken, Eren, you’re calling me a half-wit?” Jean muttered, turning his chair to face Eren. “…Well, you’re wrong about that…I’m a realist. The biggest one out there. Four years ago, we invested half our population into a general offensive…half of the entire human race…out to recover the territory we’d lost. And most of those people earned an instant one-way ticket to the Titans’ stomachs. How many more would it have taken to reconquer our lost land? It takes thirty human deaths on average to fell one of them.”

The room had grown quiet at Jean’s words; even Yasmin felt somber listening to his speech. As much as she disliked Jean, he was entirely correct.

“But the Titans control this land, and they aren’t content to number a measly 1/30th of the human population. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. For humanity, there is no such thing as achieving victory against the Titans.”

Glancing around the room, Yasmin noted the sullen looks on her peers’ faces. Everyone understood what Jean was saying to be the truth, however harsh his words.

“See…?” Jean sighed. “Now the mood's so dark that nobody's gonna sleep tonight—all because of _you_.”

“And…?” Eren responded.

“Hah? Have you been listening?”

“I did hear something about giving up because you thought you couldn’t win.”

At Eren’s comeback, the entire mood of the room changed.

“Tell me…what good is it to throw in the towel? What good is it to give up all hope and escape from reality? Of course, if we go challenging the titans on the field of material resources, we’re screwed from the outset. The number one cause of our defeat four years ago was our ignorance about them. We did lose, but the information we gained is a definite step in the right direction. It gave us hope. And you would give up your responsibility to elaborate a strategy and become Titan food, just like this? …You’re joking, right? I…”

Even from where she was sitting, Yasmin could see Eren’s expression turn more emotionally charged--but it was not anger fueling him. His determination was obvious, and the reason for it was revealed by his next words.

“I have a dream…” he said quietly. “A dream where we exterminate the Titans…leave the confines of these walls…to explore the outside world.”

At his words, Yasmin felt her heart begin to race.

_The…outside world… Answers to the questions we have…_

“Hah!” Jean’s laugh was mocking and cruel. “If only you could hear yourself! And you call me a half-wit!?”

“…Say what?!”

“Look around! Not a single soul agrees with you on this!”

“…Yeah…I see…” Eren clenched his teeth, and Yasmin watched in disappointment as his face fell. “All right, I get it…” But then, the fire returned to Eren’s eyes, and he turned on Jean yet again. “Just go to the inner district already, then… Having a defeatist like you here on the front lines would only hurt everyone’s morale.”

“Oh, I do intend to go, but what about you? You do plan on going outside the walls, right? Go for it, then.” Jean's smirk widened, and Eren's fists clenched in response. “Your beloved Titans are waiting for you.”

 

………

 

Though he was still shaky from his Titan-filled dreams, and his body was still sore from his punch-out with Jean, Eren awoke the next morning and headed to the central plaza of Trost with his friends.

“Gotta admit…this may be one of the outermost towns, but it does have more people than before…” he murmured to Franz and Hannah.

“That’s because nothing has happened in five years,” Hannah told him cheerfully. “Can’t exactly revert to what things were like a few years back, though.”

“The wall’s been reinforced quite a bit in the meantime!” Franz added.

“Now maybe the Colossal Titan won’t come anymore.”

“Quit sounding like wusses! You stupid couple!” Eren shouted at them.

“Co-come on… A couple…” Hannah giggled nervously, her face turning red.

“Us…a matching pair…” Franz mumbled, just as red in the face as his companion. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, Eren!”

Eren rolled his eyes, grimacing at their sugary dispositions. Still, he couldn’t be too angry, for what they said was not inaccurate. Today, especially, the streets seemed to be bustling, and it didn’t take Eren long to figure out why.

“Look!” Armin exclaimed, pointing down the main street. Just a few meters away, a group of people on horseback was slowly approaching the main gate.

“Here they come!” shouted someone from the throng of people. Eren could feel his heart beating in his ears. “The Survey Corps’ main force is here!!”

Sure enough, each of the people on horseback donned a green cloak with the Survey Corps emblem--the wings of freedom--on his or her back. At their front was Erwin Smith, the thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps.

“Commander Erwin!” someone cried as he slowly moved past them. “Please kick some Titan ass for us!!” Erwin’s face did not change from its determined and concentrated expression.

“Hey, look!” Eren gasped, pointing to one man just behind Erwin. “That’s humanity’s most powerful soldier! Captain Levi! As strong by himself as an entire brigade!!”

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin gaped up at the man, who wore a sour expression on his face. He was riding quite close to the trio, and for a split second, he glanced down at them. But just as quickly, he looked away, muttering something under his breath.

Whatever it was, it caught the attention of the person riding alongside him, and it made said ponytailed soldier snickered.

Down the line, Yasmin, Milena, Erin, and Rosaleen watched in awe as the elite soldiers of the Corps passed them.

“They’re all so tough-looking,” Rosaleen breathed, obviously impressed.

“I wonder how many battles these people have survived,” Milena added.

“ _I_ wonder how many will come back,” Erin said.

The soldiers were riding at a relatively slow pace, and so Yasmin could get a good look at each of them. There were all sorts of people, some of them more intimidating than others.

“It does make me wonder…” Yasmin confessed, “…what kind of lives have they lived?”

No one had a reply for her, so she simply continued to watch the soldiers as they passed.

Yasmin had not taken any particular interest in any of them besides Commander Erwin and Captain Levi until two particular soldiers rode past. They were a few lines behind the front, and though they didn’t look like anything special, it was the way that they interacted with each other that made Yasmin look twice.

_They…remind me of Marco and myself…_ she realized as she watched them. A young man with a shortly buzzed goatee was on the outside; he seemed to be joking about something, judging by the grin on his face. The young woman next to him looked like a combination of disgruntled and amused, and at one point, she reached out and punched her friend in the arm. Then, as if sensing Yasmin’s gaze, the woman turned and met the eyes of the teen. Her expression was impossible to read.

 

………

 

“Huuh!? You’re entering the Survey Corps?!” Eren gasped, pausing his work in surprise. He and the other new graduates had been ordered to clean equipment up on the wall, and so far nothing interesting had happened until just then. “Connie…you’re number eight, aren’t you?! You said you’d choose the Police…”

“That’d be nice, no doubt about it…but, well…” Connie avoided looking Eren in the eye, and before Eren could protest, Thomas approached them with a laugh.

“Your little speech from yesterday did the trick,” he told Eren, who gasped again.

“N-no!! I, uh…it’s _him_ … That’s right! Jean,” Connie stammered, going red in the face. “I didn’t want to find myself on the same squad as that guy!”

“That doesn’t explain how you found yourself in the Survey Corps…” Thomas teased.

“Shu-shut it!! That was my decision!!”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes you know what must be done, but you can’t find the courage. It happens.” Thomas chuckled, and his face, too, became flushed. “And you’re not the only one…”

“Excuse me, everyone…”

Interrupting the trio’s powwow, Sasha Braus came walking up with a reddened face. Just as Eren started to ask why, she slowly opened her jacket on one side, revealing a respectable portion of raw meat.

“I was able to steal some meat from the officers’ provisions,” she murmured, her face flushing even redder with excitement.

“Sasha…are you trying to get yourself hauled into solitary confinement?” Eren asked.

“You're really stupid, you know that…?” Thomas added.

“So dumb it’s scary…” Connie’s eyes were wide.

“We can all share it later…” she told them. At this point, Mina Carolina and another couple of their friends had joined the circle, wondering what all the fuss was about. “Slice it up, eat it with some bread…” Sasha let out a creepy giggle, practically foaming at the mouth.

“Go put it back,” Connie scolded her.

“He’s right,” Mina said. “With all the land we lost, meat has become pretty valuable.”

“…We’ll be fine,” Sasha declared, kneeling down to a supply box and slipping the meat inside. “We’ll be able to have plenty more cows and sheep when we reconquer the land.”

“Huh?” Eren gasped. Was she, too, like Connie...?

“Makes sense,” Thomas agreed. “Anticipated celebration for the recovery of Wall Maria, eh? Once we’re done eating, all that’s left is to steal back our land for what’s to come!”

“Thomas…”

“…I’ll have some of that meat, too!”

“I-I’ll have some as well! You keep it…!!”

Eren’s friends’ voices rang out one by one, leaving the fifteen year old standing in shock.

“Don’t just stand there, Eren,” Samuel said, patting him on the shoulder. “Keep working, or we’re gonna get busted!”

“Still got some time to go before noon!” Mina added.

Eren watched in stunned silence as his friends walked away, back to their assigned posts. As a gentle breeze passed by, he lifted his eyes to the morning sky.

_“Dammit. How come you get looked down upon just for mentioning you’d like to get out?”_ He remembered those words like he had only just said them, and yet… _Five years have passed…since then_ , he realized. _At last. After losing one third of its territory and half its population, the human race sets out to recover its dignity. …We’ll win this._ For the first time in years, Eren felt genuinely hopeful and happy. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked out over the Trost district, the breeze tousling his hair. _Now it’s time. Humanity will strike back._

The explosion came from behind Eren and shook the ground and wall so hard that he nearly fell on his face. It felt as though a giant cannon had been dropped just behind his back, or perhaps a bolt of lightning had struck the earth just outside of the wall. But the sound he had heard was a familiar one, and when Eren turned around, there was a cloud of steam rising up from the ground. Seconds later, the skinless, distorted face of the Colossal Titan was peering down at Eren.

… _Fuck._

 

 


	12. History Repeats Itself

_“Tell us the story again!” Through her ceaseless giggles, Rosaleen Johnson managed to shout the command to Alastar Johnson, her grandfather. He chuckled, picking the child up and placing her on his lap._

_“How can I resist a good audience?” he told her, pressing a kiss onto her head._

_“I don’t want to hear this story again,” Erin muttered from her spot on the floor. She roughly ran a hand through her doll’s mussed hair, getting her fingers tangled in the fibers. “Can’t we hear something new?”_

_“Both!” Rosaleen insisted, tugging on Alastar’s jacket._

_“Sure, why not?” Alastar nodded, more to himself than the twins, and began to speak. As he told his tale about his mission to the king’s castle--a story the twins had heard countless times--Rosaleen leaned her head on her grandfather’s chest. Gently, she ran her fingers over the rose emblem on the patch on his jacket._

_“Grandpa, do you think they’ll let me into the military someday?” Rosaleen asked._

_“I don’t see why not,” Alastar replied, but his voice seemed quiet._

_“…You don’t sound so sure.”_

_“It’s because no one wants to join,” Erin told her, looking up at her sister. “Not everyone is lucky and gets to come home like Grandpa. It’s too scary for just anyone to join.”_

_“Is she telling the truth?” Rosaleen turned her face up to her grandfather’s._

_“Rosaleen…someday you’ll understand. And, Erin, you may be right, but there’s so much more to it than that. But…you’re just children. Please, don’t worry about what us adults are up to until you both are adults, too.”_

 

Erin and Rosaleen were with Yasmin and Milena, as per usual, when the Colossal Titan appeared again. They had just finished their duties and were starting to head down the wall when the explosion occurred. The four stopped in their tracks, perched on the wall.

“That’s…!” Milena gasped.

“It’s the Colossal Titan!” Rosaleen shrieked, not bothering to hide her panic.

“We need to get out of here!” Yasmin shouted to them.

“Don’t need to tell me twice!” Erin replied, and she followed Yasmin down the wall and toward the safety of Wall Rose. Off in the distance, behind them, the sound of the gate being kicked down tore through the air; the girls stuck close to the curve of the wall to avoid the shower of boulders and lumber that blasted the town. Erin choked back a sob, watching a rock smash right into a nearby house. Though they were out of the range of the immediate dangers, lingering too long would undoubtedly result in their deaths.

And so the four girls zipped off toward Wall Rose, leaving the sight of the Colossal Titan and destroyed gate behind them.

_Don’t look back at it,_ she told herself. _Don’t you dare look back at that thing._

Gritting her teeth, Erin raced ahead on her three-dimensional maneuver gear, keeping her eyes locked on Yasmin’s back. She had never wanted this to happen. Her intention was to join the military to keep Rosaleen happy and get a decent paying job for a while.

_And then I was going to retire and…shit…_

“It looks like people are trying to fight it!” Rosaleen shouted from behind. “Shouldn’t we try to help them!?”

No longer able to resist the temptation, Erin turned and looked over her shoulder. Her gaze landed on the Colossal Titan behind them; she could see its large skinless head towering over the wall. Squinting, she could also see a small figure zooming around on their 3D gear.

“Dammit,” she hissed under her breath. _Is that one of my friends up there? Reiner? Annie? Bertholdt? …No, please don’t let them be in danger._

Suddenly, a blast of steam came from the giant Titan, surrounding what they could see of its body. The smoke soon cleared, and where the Titan had been standing, there was nothing left.

“It’s gone!?” Rosaleen gasped.

“Don’t stop!” Milena yelled, grabbing Rosaleen’s arm. “The gate is down! We need to get out of here!”

Erin lagged for a moment, waiting for Rosaleen. After all, if Rosaleen was going to stop and give up now, there was no reason for Erin to keep up with this, either. No matter how much she cared for Milena and Yasmin, or Reiner and Bertholdt, Rosaleen was the most important person in her life. That was never going to change.

Unfortunately, Rosaleen soon came to her senses, and soon the four were racing through Trost. They were joined by several of their comrades, including Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and Marco.

“Thank goodness you’re all right,” Marco said upon seeing them. He hugged Yasmin tightly. “All hell has broken loose. We’re wanted by the Garrison commander for combat.”

“Let’s get going, then,” Yasmin said. Together, the group rushed toward the central plaza along with the rest of their newly graduated peers.

_…The hell do they think we can do_? Erin wondered. _We’re just kids…but…we’re bodies, too, I guess…_

Soon, the group had gathered in the plaza, crammed in next to each other. In front of them stood elite soldiers from the Garrison, as well as their captain, Kitts Woermann.

“Unfortunately, the Survey Corps, which counts our most seasoned combatants among its members, is all out on exploration duty,” he yelled, his voice cracking with nearly every other word. “We of the Garrison are the only ones currently repairing the walls and preparing for ambush on the incoming Titans. You trainees--you passed the qualification test. That makes you full-fledged soldiers!”

 

………

 

When Eren finally caught up with Armin, he was not necessarily surprised to see his childhood friend shaking in fear. Still, the guy was in pretty bad shape, and Eren could not ignore him.

“You okay, Armin?!” he asked, ignoring Mikasa’s calling behind him. Right now, Armin needed him more.

“I-I’m good!” Armin insisted as he fumbled with the gas containers for their gear. “I’ll settle down soon enough! St-still…we’re in huge trouble here! We still have an eight-meter high hole in the wall, and it takes time to fix that sort of thing! And that rock supposedly meant to block the entry…turns out we didn’t even get as far as digging it up!” Armin spoke more and more quickly as he continued on. “If we can't fill the hole, this town will have to be abandoned…and it’s only a matter of time before Wall Rose is also breached… Truth is, should they ever feel like it, the Titans could eradicate the human race at any time...”

“Armin!” Eren shouted, interrupting his friend by slapping his hand on the gas container. “Take it easy!!”

“…S-sorry. I’ll be fine.” Without another word, Armin shakily finished screwing the gas container’s clasp into place.

“Eren,” Mikasa said. “They’re calling for the trainees out front.”

“Okay,” Eren replied, nodding. Gently, he placed his hand on Armin’s shoulder, and together they stood and followed Mikasa to the plaza.

In front of them stood many of their peers, lined up and at attention. A terrified-looking man with a Garrison emblem on his jacket was standing before them; from him came no words of compassion, but only the orders of what actions they were to take next. Quietly, Eren and his friends slipped into the formation and listened in.

“The drill’s the same as during training,” Captain Woermann continued. “You split up--to each team its passage. Abide by the Garrison’s instructions. Your tasks will be to assist with supplying, transmitting information, and keeping the place clean of Titans. The Garrison will be assigned to the front guard. The new trainee squad will work for the middle guard under our command. And the rear guard will serve under the Garrison’s elite squads. It’s time for you to earn your keep. We shall protect Wall Rose with our lives, until every last citizen has escaped to safety.

“Furthermore, as you’re already aware, fleeing in front of the enemy will be met with capital punishment. You are sacrificing your lives. Make sure they count. Dismissed!”

“SIR!!”

As the group began to split up and head out, Eren felt a tug at his sleeve.

“If things get confused during battle, come find me,” Mikasa told him.

“Huh?! What are you talking about?!” Eren snapped. “We’re on different teams!!”

“If the situation gets confused, things won’t be going according to plan,” Mikasa insisted. “I will protect you!”

“C’mon, now… What are you--“

“Mikasa Ackermann!”

A third voice entered the conversation, but it was one neither Eren nor Mikasa recognized. When they turned to see who it was, the man standing there was someone they had never seen before. However, his jacket donned the Garrison roses, and his face was a worn, mature one, so they knew to take him seriously.

“I need you in the rear guard,” the man declared. “Especially you. Now go.”

“Given my skill level, I’d just slow you down!” Mikasa argued, turning to the man. Eren could see the desperation written all over her face.

“I’m not asking for your opinion, here,” the man told her. “In evacuations like these, we need the bulk of our elite soldiers close to the population.”

“B-but…!”

“Hey!” Eren shouted, grabbing Mikasa by the shoulder and whirling her around. The two knocked heads--something Eren had expected, but Mikasa had not. “Quit your nonsense, Mikasa! The human race is in danger of extinction!! You have no business trying to impose your own goddamn rules!”

Slowly, Mikasa’s face fell into a small frown.

“…Sorry,” she murmured, looking down at her feet. “I got carried away…”

Satisfied, Eren turned to leave, but again Mikasa grabbed him by the jacket.

“I do…have a request, however… Just one… Please…don’t die…”

_…I won’t,_ Eren thought as he and Mikasa parted ways. _I’m not gonna die here. I still don’t know what the outside world is like._

 

………

 

“Thank goodness you’re all right,” Erin sighed. Letting out a small laugh, Reiner patted her on the shoulder.

“Hey, don’t worry about us, okay?” he told her. “Bertholdt and I have each other to watch out for. Your sister is the one you need to keep an eye on.”

“You can say that again.” Erin sighed again, smiling. “Still, I’m glad you’re both okay. I saw someone trying to fight that thing.”

“I…heard it was Eren,” Bertholdt said quietly.

“Really? Well, that’s not surprising…”

The three teens looked toward the wall, growing quiet. Erin knew that soon, despite the Garrison’s best efforts, Trost would be overrun with Titans.

_What does that mean for humanity, then?_ she wondered. _No…I can’t imagine that. We’re damned. We’ve been damned from the start._ Taking a deep breath, she ran a hand through her short red hair. _All_ _I can do now is enjoy my time with my friends and make sure Rosie doesn’t get herself into trouble._

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Sasha Braus soon bounded into view, followed by Annie and a couple of other trainees.

“I…I should get going to my squad,” Bertholdt told the group.

“Good luck,” Reiner said, patting him on the shoulder.

“…Bertholdt…” Erin murmured, looking up at the brunet. He glanced at Erin, then smiled shyly.

“There’s nothing to worry about…remember?” he said. “I’ll take care of Marco and Rosaleen, too.”

“Thank you,” she replied, unable to hold back her smile. “I’m counting on you.”

“Yeah.”

Without another word, Bertholdt flew off toward where his squad was gathered. From a distance, Erin could see her sister’s bright red ponytail flowing in the wind.

_Twin telepathy_ , Erin thought as Rosaleen turned to her and gave an exaggerated thumbs up in her direction. Returning the gesture, Erin then turned back to Reiner and the others.

“Reiner, we’re relying on you,” she told him. The blond paused for a moment, then closed his eyes, nodding.

“I won’t let you down,” he murmured. “Let’s get moving.”

As Erin followed Reiner, side by side with Sasha and Annie, she tried not to think about what might be waiting for them up ahead. She instead concentrated on keeping a rhythm with her 3D gear execution, and on keeping up with Reiner’s silhouette.

_What the hell am I doing…?_ she thought. _I am literally going off to my death. The hell is going on? This can’t be my life. This isn’t what I wanted for myself._

Above her, the sky began to grow cloudier. In the distance, she could see other soldiers zipping through the air, just like her.

_This isn’t living_ , Erin realized. _Why…didn’t I say no? Had I just told her ‘no’…_

For a moment, Erin pictured her sister’s smiling face. She imagined her parents back home, worried sick. Her grandfather and grandmother…her crazy uncle…her childhood friends and schoolteachers…none of them were going through this. Why was _she_ chosen for this?

_Why am I here? Why…? No…the answer is really just…for Rosie. And for our parents. For Grandpa, too._ Erin narrowed her round, green eyes, whipping her hair out of her face. _And now it’s more than just that. I have these new friends, too, these people I have to protect… If I stop now, who will protect them? No one…can take my place… Reiner…Annie…Bertholdt… Yasmin, Milena, Marco--all of you…are worth protecting._

“Erin?”

Erin turned at the sound of Annie’s voice from beside her.

“Ah?”

“Why are you crying?”

 

………

 

“…Armin. This is a good opportunity, don’t you think?” Eren’s voice was lighter than usual, but also more hesitant. “We’re not part of the Survey Corps yet. If we start getting things done now, by the time we’re recruited, we’re gonna rise through the ranks pretty quickly, no doubt!!”

Armin turned to look his best friend in the eye. Eren’s lips were curled into a confident smile, but his voice had spoken a little differently.

“…Sure,” Armin said, unsure of how else to reply. “No doubt.”

“Listen up, you two…” From behind them, Mina came walking up, a fierce look in her dark brown eyes. “You aren’t exactly the only ones applying for the Survey Corps, y’see?”

“Eren got a few steps ahead of us, but we won’t let him beat us this time around!!” Thomas jumped in. “I declare the Titan-hunting contest open. Whoever takes down more wins!!”

“You said it, Thomas,” Eren replied. “Don’t go messing around with the scores!”

“Team thirty-four onward!!” came a cry from one of the commanding Garrison officers.

“Let’s move out!” Eren shouted, and Armin joined his friends in the chorus of triumphant cheers.

As they scaled the rooftops and zipped between the buildings, they grew closer and closer to the front gate of the Trost district. From afar, their situation was obvious.

“What the?!” Eren gasped. “They’re incorporating even us, the middle guard, into the front guard?!”

“So many Titans already…” Mina added, looking distressed.

“The heck’s going on?” Nac Tius, another member of their squad, grumbled. “Those older soldiers from the front guard are usually so quick to throw their weight around…”

“Almost no time has passed at all,” Thomas realized, “and they already got their asses handed to them.”

Before Armin could add anything to the conversation, something in the distance came bounding up on the roof of a nearby house, causing a distraction.

“An abnormal!?” Mina gasped as the blonde-haired Titan turned toward them. Just like some sort of disgusting grasshopper, the Titan sprung from the roof toward their group. Armin felt his body go rigid in fear.

“OUT OF THE WAY, EVERYONE!” Eren screamed. Armin felt his friend’s hand grip his arm and throw him to safety.

“…?!”

For a moment, Armin lost his sense of awareness, but when he came to, he found himself staring at an aberrant Titan; in its mouth was Thomas.

“T-Thomas!” Eren cried, but at that very moment, the Titan jerked its head back and swallowed the whimpering teen in a single gulp. It then paused, as if savoring the taste, and finally it turned its back to them, lumbering away. Armin could hardly believe he had really just witnessed such a horrible thing.

“Wait…” From below him, Armin watched Eren fly into action. Yet again, his rage had gotten the better of him. “COME BACK HERE, DAMN YOU!”

“Hold it!” Mylius shouted after him.

“Eren!” Mina cried. She took off after him, and the others followed closely behind. “Another one below!”

Eren was not quick enough to respond to Mina’s shout; as he soared over an alleyway, a Titan jumped up from below and snapped its jaw. It did not take Eren’s whole body, but it quickly snipped off his leg, sending the teen flying out of control. Armin watched in horror as Eren careened across the rooftops and finally skidded to a halt several meters away.

“This can’t be…” Mina murmured, coming to a stop beside the others. “Eren…”

“Things are bad here--we can’t afford to stay put!” Nac cried in panic.

Armin felt a sudden breeze as his friends dashed off to take on the Titan. He could not move, however, and so he just watched as the remaining members of his squad fell into the hands of the Titan, one by one. They were each reduced to squirming, helpless insects, then to nothing at all--just a hunk of flesh sitting inside of a Titan’s stomach.

_Why…? Why am I standing here…watching my comrades…getting eaten like this?_

Sensing a presence beside him, Armin glanced to his left to see yet another Titan closing in. It leaned toward him and picked him up by his jacket.

_My body won’t move…_ Armin realized as he dangled over the Titan’s open mouth. _…And I don’t know why..._

 


	13. Hell

_“Eren! There you are!”_

_Eren Jaeger glanced to the side to see his best friend Armin running toward him._

_“What’s the matter, Armin?” he asked, propping himself up on the grass._

_“This…” Armin held out an old, thick book. “My grandpa had it stashed away! A book with pictures of the outside world in it!”_

_“A book about the outside world!?” Eren frowned at his friend. “You know that stuff’s not allowed! The police could haul you off for this, you know?!”_

_“Now’s not the time to be worry about that!” Armin shouted, his blue eyes wide. “According to this book, most of the world is covered by a body of water known as the sea! And the sea is entirely made of salt water!!”_

_“…Salt water?!” Eren gasped. “N-nonsense! Salt is like, extremely valuable. Traders would have depleted the whole supply already!”_

_“No! It’s large enough to never run out!”_

_“Yeah, right…” But just from the look in Armin’s eyes, Eren knew that Armin was completely serious. In that moment, it occurred to him how little they really knew about the outside world. This book might be a chance to fix that._

_“And it’s not just about mountains of salt!” Armin continued, flipping the book open. The text seemed very advanced an was no doubt meant for an adult's'reading level, but the pictures spoke for themselves. “There’s flaming water! Landscapes of ice! Entire fields of sand! The outside world’s got to be so much larger than the confines of these walls!”_

_“The outside world…” Eren murmured; Armin’s enthusiasm was infectious. Eren could hardly believe what he was hearing, but the pictures seemed convincing enough. There was indeed more to the world than what was in the walls._

_“Eren!” Armin quieted his voice, but his tone was as longing as before. “If only we could explore… If only we could see it for ourselves someday…”_

 

Armin’s screams rang through the air and echoed in Eren’s head. His body was throbbing with pain, but the shrieks of terror were even more powerful. He was still alive. The pain had not taken him. If he was still alive, then there was still something he could do--he could still fight.

Fueled by those precious memories and dreams from his childhood, Eren pushed himself off of the rooftop and onto his one working leg. His left leg was missing from his kneecap down, but with the right maneuvering and adjusted timing, he could still use his 3D gear.

Moments later, Eren was kneeling on top of the tongue of the Titan that had attempted to devour Armin. With his left hand gripping Armin’s tightly, Eren kept his right hand clenched on the handle of his blade; the thin sword was jammed between two of the Titan’s teeth, and with all the strength he could muster, he kept the monster’s mouth propped open.

Eren took one look into Armin’s eyes; without needing to exchange any words, he understood the fear his friend must have been feeling. But Eren knew he could not let it end here.

Letting out a cry from the strain and effort, Eren flung Armin out of the Titan’s throat and onto the nearby rooftop. Uninjured but a bit dazed, Armin turned around to look back at Eren, who was still propping the Titan’s mouth open with his sword.

“Eren!!” Armin screamed.

“I’m not dying here,” Eren growled, body shaking as he resisted the Titan’s jaws. “…Hell no…” Slowly, Eren reached out his left arm toward Armin. “Hey…Armin…you… You taught me about the outside world, so I…so I…” Eren’s eyes were wide with sincerity. “I want to see it for my…”

“Eren!” Armin shrieked, moving toward his best friend with his hand outstretched. “Quick!!”

With a loud snap, the Titan closed its jaws at last. Eren’s outstretched arm was the only thing to survive; it flopped out of the Titan’s teeth and onto the ground. Armin watched in horror as the Titan reared back its head, taking a large gulp.

All Armin could do was scream.

He could not bring himself to chase down the Titan as it lumbered away. He could not bring himself to go find help from other friends. He couldn’t even bring himself to lower his outstretched hand. All he could do was scream.

Armin stayed kneeling on the roof, screaming at the top of his lungs, until his throat gave out. He did not notice the clouds roll in, darkening the sky. He was unaware of the tears that rolled down his cheeks. Though his eyes were open wide, staring straight ahead, he saw nothing but the scene of Eren’s death play out over and over again.

How had it come this? The two of them were going to get out from inside the walls. They were going to explore the outside world together and be happy. But all of those dreams had come to a screeching halt. Armin became lost in these thoughts and paralyzed with the grief of knowing that they would never come to be.

The next thing Armin knew, someone standing in front of him, shaking his shoulders and shouting his name.

“Armin!! Wake the hell up..!!” Standing there was Connie Springer, looking a bit alarmed.

“Connie…” Armin murmured.

“Are you hurt at all?” Connie asked. “Hello!? What happened to your team!?”

“Team…?”

“Hey, get a grip, man!” Connie exclaimed. “Why are you here all alone?! You’re kind of sticky all over…! Just what the hell happened exactly?!”

As if triggered into a horrible relapse, Armin’s eyes widened, and he gripped his head, pulling his blonde hair. He let out a horrible scream, causing Connie to back off in surprise.

“Armin!!”

“Damn you…!” Armin screeched, crumpled over with his head in his hands. “You’re so useless…!! JUST DIE ALREADY!!”

“Hey, take it easy, Armin!” Connie shouted, kneeling down next to Armin. “What happen--“

“That’s enough, Connie! They’re all dead, except for him.”

From behind Armin came the declaration; Ymir was standing there, hands on her hips. She had come as part of Connie’s squad, and she had not had much to say until this moment.

“Shut your trap!” Connie yelled. “Armin hasn’t said anything about that yet!”

“Just take a look around, block-head!” Ymir shouted back. “We can’t afford to waste any more time with this one!”

“Why is Armin the only one unharmed?!”

“Beats me,” Ymir replied, calming down. She lifted her nose in the air, looking disgusted. “They must’ve mistaken him for a dead body. Really sucks for them to have run into that many Titans at once… But I can’t exactly tip my hat to Eren and his gang for saving this guy… He’s one of the least competent of us all…”

“You shit-faced bitch…” Connie’s words came out in a growl, then in an angry shout. “How about I make sure you can never open your mouth again!?”

But before Connie could make his move, a blur of brown, yellow, and white appeared in front of him.

“Stop it, you two!” Krista Lenz shouted, throwing out her arms to the sides, as if to block Connie from approaching Ymir. “Everybody here is on edge!! With so many of our friends dying so suddenly…it’s only natural…” She had tears in her round blue eyes, and her words were sincere and gentle.

“That’s my Krista!” Ymir cried suddenly, throwing her arm around Krista’s shoulders and pulling her close. “When this operation is over, let’s get married.”

“True enough…” Connie muttered, ignoring Ymir's cackles. “She’s bull-shitting even harder than usual… Anyway, we can’t leave things like this…” Kneeling back down to Armin’s level, Connie held out his hand. “Can you stand, Armin?”

“…Sorry for causing you so much trouble,” Armin said in reply, standing at last. “I’ll go join the rear guard.”

Without any further comment, Armin took off on his three-dimensional maneuver gear without looking back. As he flew through the now-quiet city, his thoughts began to overwhelm him again.

_This is hell…_ _No…the situation didn’t become hellish… It’s just that up until now, we were too blind to see. It’s always been hell…from the very beginning_ , Armin realized. _The strong devour the weak. If the world was kind to me, and easy to understand…then…_

As the wind blew his blonde hair out of his face, Armin recalled all of those moments in hell during his lifetime. The persistent bullies around town, and being called a heretic, amongst other things…but in those times, there were moments of light.

_It’s just…that my friends--friends striving to number among the strong ones…friends who would help out a weakling like me. They were a standard that I couldn’t live up to… To them, I was someone who needed protection. I wished I could have been just like them…strong enough to make my own way into this world…_

Interrupting his thoughts, Armin’s hook on his gear hit a tough wall and dropped the line, sending him flying into a building. He shielded himself with his arms just in time, and he flopped to the brick path, leaning against the wall.

_And this is the result…_ Armin couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. _…Eren is dead--because of me..._

 

………

 

Most of the citizens living in Trost had managed to evacuate into the confines of Wall Rose almost immediately after the gate had been busted down. However, as time went on, and the distance between these people and the Titans grew shorter, more and more of the remaining citizens began to act selfishly.

Of course, there were those who had acted selfishly from the very beginning; a merchant group that had made their living from trade for years was now the main culprit in the hold-up at the gate.

“Don’t you have any idea what’s going on right now?!” someone from the panicked crowd shouted.

“Hell yeah, I know!” Dimo Reeves shouted, staring down the man. “That’s why I’m doing this!! Now if you wanna leave these walls, come give me a hand, damn you!”

Lodged in the gate leading into Wall Rose was a cart of goods from the Reeves Company’s lot. The men of the company had been spending quite a bit of time pushing and prodding, but the cart would not fit through the passage. As a result, hundreds of people were now trapped in Trost.

“Don’t be stupid! This cart won’t go through, no matter how hard you keep pushing!” someone else cried. The shouts of the crowd rallied even more in reply.

“People are supposed to go through first! What are you thinking?!”

“Soldier, what are you doing?!” A man with a Garrison-labelled jacket froze as the man in front of him whirled around. “Bring them under control!!”

“B-But…” the solder whimpered.

“Try it, drudge!” Reeves shouted, getting up in the soldier’s face. “I’m the head of the merchant group that keeps this town alive! Who d’you think pays for the meals you’re shitting? Do _you_ have the money to feed all the soldiers in this town, huh? Do you!?” Turning back to his men, Reeves raised a hand in the air. “All right! Push!! Your pathetic lives aren’t worth half the cargo in there! You wouldn’t have enough of a lifetime to make up for its worth! Help me and I’ll show my gratitude!!”

The riot was soon interrupted, however, by the sound of the earth rumbling beneath them. Off on the horizon, a Titan was running right toward them--judging by its speed, it was definitely an abnormal. As soon as they realized what was happening, the entire crowd went into a panic, arguing about what to do with the cart.

Behind the abnormal Titan, however, were a group of Garrison soldiers chasing it down. One soldier pulled ahead on the others, blasting past them with a burst of speed. Hooks shot out from the soldier’s 3D gear, and the figure swooped in toward the Titan’s neck. Seconds later, the Titan had crashed into the ground, mere meters away from the edge of the crowd.

Looking at her damaged blades in disappointment, Mikasa stood tall on the dead Titan’s evaporating head. Her eyes then glanced up at the crowd, who were all staring in her direction.

“Huh…?” she gasped in surprise. “What…are you people still doing here? My comrades are dying out there…” She pointed toward the inner city with her blade. “…And since the civilians have yet to evacuate, they’re fighting the Titans and dying because of it…”

“Of course they are!” Reeves shouted. “Sacrificing your hides for the protection of the citizens and their goods is supposed to be your job!! Don’t get so full of yourself just because your 100 years of freeloading are finally serving a purpose!”

“…If you think people dying for the sake of others is a matter of course…” Mikasa hopped down from the Titan’s body and slowly began walking toward Reeves. “Surely you can understand... Sometimes…the loss of one precious life can help save many others.”

“Try it, then! I’m the head of the companies in this town, you know!?” Despite his loud voice and threatening words, Reeves had his back pushed against his cart. “Even your employer is a longtime acquaintance of mine! The fate of lowly grunts like you is a trifle for us to decide!”

“…? How does a dead body talk?” Mikasa murmured, her voice low. Her steely blue-grey eyes were locked on Reeves’.

“Boss…” one of Reeves’ lackeys whispered.

“Huh… Pull away the cart,” Reeves said at last, looking a bit defeated.

Slaves to the orders of their boss, the men of the Reeves company pulled on the cart, freeing up the entrance to Wall Rose. A great cry of relief and joy filled the air as the remaining citizens rushed to safety. Mikasa watched, keeping an eye on the crowd for fights or further outbursts.

“Thank you, miss!”

The voice came from behind Mikasa; when she turned around, a small girl and her mother were standing there.

“Everyone is saved, thanks to you,” the woman said, tears in her eyes. She looked beyond relieved. “We are grateful.”

A small smile appearing on her usually stern face, Mikasa put away her blades and gave the pair a salute. In response, the little girl gasped, her eyes lighting up in delight. Without any further acknowledgment, Mikasa turned and began to walk away. Her head was throbbing.

Soon, she had found her temporary squad leader, Ian Dietrich, waiting for her up on a nearby rooftop. He was looking down at the Titan she had slayed earlier, which was now no more than a heaping piles of steaming bones.

“Good job killing that thing, Ackermann,” Ian told her. “I expected no less…”

“Thank you, sir,” Mikasa replied. “However…in my haste to attack, I completely dulled my blades with that one blow. I’ll be more careful next time.” With a loud clang, the blades fell onto the roof as Mikasa released them from the sword handles.

Quietly, Mikasa looked out over the town; her head was still pounding. The image of the little girl and her mother flashed again in her mind, and she lifted her blade’s handle to her lips.

_Why am I recalling this now of all times…?_ she wondered as she glanced at her bandaged wrist.

“Let’s move out, Mikasa,” Ian said, but Mikasa only barely heard him. Still, she followed him, her head swirling in memories.

_Only the victors are allowed to live_ , she reminded herself as she closed in on another Titan. _The world is just that cruel._

 

………

 

“Damn it! What do we do?!”

“We do nothing…” Jean sat on the rooftop with a hand to his head and a bewildered expression on his face. “They’ve rung the withdrawal signal at last…yet here we are, out of gas and unable to climb the wall…” His bitter smile widened. “Now we’re all gonna die, no doubt about it. All of us…because of those filthy cowards.”

Jean’s directed his gaze to headquarters, which was now swarming with Titans. Some of the smaller ones had even managed to climb up on top of some of the towers.

“They’ve lost the will to fight? That I can understand, but still…calling off the supplying mission, effectively hanging us out to dry so they could barricade themselves at HQ? That’s just wrong,” Jean muttered. “And of course, the Titans come swarming in, and we can’t even go replenish our stocks of gas…”

“We have no choice but to fight tooth and nails against the tide, and kill those Titans as they come!” Connie shouted, turning to Jean. “If we stand around here doing nothing, we’ll be in the same exact situation anyway! The Titans will congregate here, too!! If we keep scurrying about like mice trying to escape, we’ll only end up squandering what precious little gas we have left! And once we completely lose our mobility, it’s over!!”

Jean looked over at his comrade, his smile fading.

“You’re using your head for a change, Connie. But do you really think we can make a difference given our current man-power? Most of our superiors from the front guard have been slaughtered… We trainees are all that’s left, so who’s gonna take charge of this suicide mission, exactly?” Jean let out a sigh. “Oh well… Even if we do find a leader, there’s not much we can do about those Titans anyway… I’m betting the three and four meter classes have infested the supplies room already. And there’s no way we can properly operate in those conditions.”

“…I guess it’s no use?” Connie murmured. Jean sighed again in response.

“What shitty lives we’ve had. We might as well go for it, then…or so I should say…”

“Let’s do it!! Come on, everybody up!!” From across the rooftop Sasha’s ever-bright voice came. She was smiling optimistically, almost to the point of childishness. “Surely we can succeed, if we pool our resources together! It’s all right, I’ll take point. G-guys…”

But no one was willing to respond; she then faced Armin, who was curled up against the wall, away from everyone else.

“Armin,” Sasha said, leaning down to see his face. “Help me convince everyone…” One look at Armin’s face was all that Sasha needed to know that asking for help from him was no use.

“What now, Reiner?” Annie asked her blond friend. He gritted his teeth.

“Not yet…let them gather first,” he replied. Bertholdt, Erin, and Rosaleen stood in silence.

“We’re done for, no matter how you slice it,” Marco told them. His voice sounded cold and distant--not like his usual self. “We’re gonna remain trapped in town and get picked off like animals. Not that I wasn’t prepared to die…but this…just what are we dying for, exactly…?”

No one dared to answer Marco’s question; it was then that a familiar figure dropped down on the roof.

“Mikasa!?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the rear guard…?!”

“Annie!” Mikasa shouted, ignoring Sasha and Connie’s shouts. “I more or less worked out what was going on somehow, and while we’re at it…sorry for letting my personal matters interfere, but…have you seen Eren’s team at all…?”

“Personally, I didn’t,” Annie replied. “But the teams that made it up the wall…”

“Actually, Mikasa,” Reiner cut in, “I saw Armin over there. He was on Eren’s team.”

Mikasa gasped, looking over toward the blonde. He was still sitting motionless against the wall.

“Armin!” she shouted, running toward him. His face was pointed downward; his blonde hair covered most of his face, and so she could only see his mouth. “Armin…are you injured? Are you all right?” Armin gave a small nod, and Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief. Standing upright, she looked around at her peers. “Where’s Eren?”

At this question, Armin suddenly lifted his face, revealing reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He began to cry again, and the expression on his face gave Mikasa the answer she had been looking for but had dreaded hearing.

“In the trainees squad number thirty-four,” Armin began, his voice shaking, “our team…Thomas Wagner, Nac Tias, Mylius Zermusky, Mina Carolina, Eren Jaeger… These five…bravely fell in the line of duty…”

Mikasa could hear murmurs of surprise from behind her, but it all sounded like another language. Had she really heard Armin’s words correctly?

“I’m sorry, Mikasa,” Armin sobbed, lowering his head in shame. “Eren…sacrificed himself for me… I was…unable… I couldn’t do a thing… Forgive me…”

 


	14. Voice of Humanity

_Everything had happened so fast._

_Mere hours ago, Mikasa had been sitting at home with her mother and father, and life was as per usual. In the blink of an eye, she had gone from innocent conversation to life or death, by a series of circumstances so impossible that she wasn’t even sure if it had all really happened._

_But before her very eyes was one of her kidnappers--the only one still alive--gripping the neck of nine-year-old Eren Jaeger and screaming death threats. Though Eren had come in like lightning--lightning that had struck down two grown men twice his size in a matter of minutes, he was now on the brink of death himself. Mikasa could only stare, gasping for breath._

_“F…” Despite being in a chokehold, Eren was attempting to speak. “Fight!!” He looked at Mikasa before closing his eyes in pain yet again. “Fight, I said! If you don’t win…you die… You win! You live!!”_

_“The hell are you up to, you brat!?” the kidnapper screamed in Eren’s contorted face._

_“If you don’t fight…you can’t win…!” Eren gasped._

_Mikasa’s eyes widened, and she reached for the blood-stained knife on the floor behind her. But even with it gripped in her shaking hands, she did not have the nerve to follow Eren’s orders._

_“…I can’t…do such a thing…” she whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks._

_But her eyes soon focused on Eren’s face again, and she then could see how close Eren was to dying. His face was tinted blue; he did not have much time left._

_As Mikasa stood there watching, she realized it--she realized that she had seen this cycle countless times before in her short lifetime. Even though she had tried to avoid it, she could never truly escape it._

That’s right, _she reminded herself,_ this world is very, very cruel.

_Upon coming to that realization, Mikasa felt her body stiffen, then relax, as if her muscles were naturally settling into place to carry out the deed before her._

_“Fight…” she whispered. She was now in total control of herself, more than she ever had been in her life. “Fight! FIGHT!”_

_As she flew toward the kidnapper’s back with the knife in front of her, she felt as though there was nothing she couldn't accomplish._

 

“Armin.”

Armin looked up at the sound of Mikasa saying his name. He expected the worst and prepared himself for such, but when he looked into her eyes, he did not see Mikasa. Instead, he saw a hollow person with dark, lifeless eyes.

“Calm down,” Mikasa told him. “This is neither the time nor the place to be emotional. Come on, stand.” She took Armin’s hand and pulled him to his feet. He couldn’t help but stare. There was no way that the Mikasa that _he_ knew would ever really feel that way--especially about Eren Jaeger. _Especially_ about _Eren_ _._

“Marco,” Mikasa said, approaching their freckle-faced friend. “If we eliminate the Titan swarming the HQ, everyone can replenish their gas reserves and climb back up the wall. Is that correct?”

“Uh, yeah, but…” Marco seemed hesitant. “But even with you around, there are so many of them…”

“We can do this.”

Turning to face the group, Mikasa unsheathed one of her blades and held it high above her head. She had grabbed everyone’s attention by this point; not a single one of them who was up on that rooftop wasn’t listening.

“I am strong…” she told them. “Extraordinarily so… Much more than all of you! …Therefore, I am perfectly capable of kicking those Titans’ asses--even on my own, if I have to.”

Armin could see Mikasa’s face clearly; despite her strong words, her eyes were still hollow.

“Are you all that incompetent? You gutless, spineless cowards…” she continued. “For shame… Fine. Then you just stay there and watch in helpless envy. Go on, do it.”

“Hey, Mikasa?!” one of their peers cried. “What are you talking about?!”

“Are you planning to take on that many Titans all by yourself?” another asked. “But that’s just impossible…”

“…If it is, then I’ll die,” Mikasa replied. “It’s just that simple. But if I win, I get to live… If you don’t fight, you can’t win.”

Before anyone could stop her, Mikasa flew forward on her gear and shot across the rooftops, away from the group. A few called after her, but most just watched in stunned silence.

“…If there’s one thing to deplore here, it’s your oratory skills,” Armin heard Jean mutter. The sullen teen got to his feet. “Those harsh words were meant to shock us into action…” He looked up at the cloudy sky, gritting his teeth. “Eren…this is all your fault.”

Suddenly, Jean was pulling out his blades and flying forward after Mikasa.

“Hey!” he shouted at the others over his shoulder. “I don’t believe leaving a comrade to fight all on her own was ever part of our formation?! C’mon, guys! Or we really _are_ a bunch of spineless cowards!!”

As he dashed off, Armin heard Reiner let out a genuine laugh.

“Didn’t see that one coming…” he said. Soon, he, Annie, Bertholdt, and Marco were taking off after Jean and Mikasa.

“C-Come on, you cowards!” Sasha called out, running ahead of the group. “Weaklings! IDIOTS!”

“Freaks…” another former trainee muttered as Sasha flew away. “But what the hell…let’s go for it!!”

 

………

 

It was like she could fly.

Mikasa had never moved so fast in her life. It was freeing. She felt as if she really could do anything. For a while, she could forget that Armin had said anything. She could easily forget that she had yet again lost a place to return home to.

But soon, Mikasa found herself falling out of the sky. She crashed into a rooftop and rolled across the tiles, landing in an alleyway on her back. The impact from her landing wasn't enough to knock her out, but it was enough to knock the breath out of her for a moment, and the shock reeled her back into reality.

_Again… It’s happening again…_ Sighing, she held her blade out of in front of her. Her eyes shifted focus from the shining metal to the grey sky. _I lost my family again._

Rolling off of the tarp that she had landed on, Mikasa quietly kneeled on the ground, staring at the brick path in front of her.

_Reopening the same old wound… Do I really have to start everything anew yet again…?_

Mikasa felt the earth shiver below her; coming toward her from the left, she could see a fifteen meter class Titan. But she made no movement to escape. Her only reaction was to keep staring at the ground.

_This world…is cruel._ For a moment, she recalled the day she met Eren Jaeger for the first time. She remembered how he had wrapped his scarf around her head. She could still remember all of it quite clearly. _Cruel…and beautiful._

The footsteps grew even louder, and Mikasa lifted her head to see another fifteen meter class Titan approaching from the right. Still, she smiled up at the cloudy sky.

_I’ve had a good life…_

But when she looked down at her hands, Mikasa caught sight of the small stump of a blade in her right hand.

_“Fight! FIGHT!!”_

Without any further hesitation, Mikasa got to her feet, turning toward the Titan on her left. She gripped her blade tightly, tears filling her eyes.

_I’m sorry, Eren,_ she thought, pursing her lips. _I won’t give up…never again. If I end up dead…I won’t able to remember you anymore, so…_ A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek as she took her blade in both hands. _No matter what it takes…I’ll fight! No matter what, I’ll live on!_

Once again gaining full control of her body, Mikasa let out a fierce cry, her blood boiling with the fever of life yet again. The first Titan before her slowly began to reach down toward her, and she readied herself to fight.

But she didn’t have to do a single thing.

From behind her, the other Titan that had been headed her away moments ago had already moved in. It slammed its fist into the first Titan’s face, knocking it several meters away. The injured titan fell to the ground with a loud thud; its impact with the ground caused a small tremor, and Mikasa fell to her knees, covering her head for a moment.

_What…what is this…?_

When she looked up again, the Titan who had thrown a punch was still standing, hand smoking from the damage taken during impact. It let out a loud roar, one that Mikasa had never heard come from a Titan before. She felt a chill go down her spine.

_A Titan…killing another Titan?!_

Mikasa watched in stunned silence as the roaring Titan ripped off the arm of the other, then struck its foot into the other’s neck. After giving the finishing blow, the rogue Titan roared again, and Mikasa felt the chill return. But it was not an unpleasant feeling. In fact, by watching it, she felt empowered. For some reason, the sound felt not like a cry from a Titan, but from the entirety of humanity.

The next thing she knew, someone was grabbing her from behind, and she was being thrown on top of a roof. Armin landed next to her with a grunt.

“Mikasa!” he screamed. “You fell because you ran out of gas, didn’t you!?”

“…I’ll be fine,” Mikasa murmured, feeling like she had just snapped out of a trance.

“Guys!” Connie Springer soon landed beside them, a panicked look on his boyish face. “For now, let’s get outta here!” He shifted his gaze outward toward the city, and he gasped loudly. “This is bad! Fifteen meter class--two of them!”

Mikasa looked to where Connie’s face was turned; she gritted her teeth as she saw the rogue Titan in action again.

“No…that Titan…” she said, trying to form her words carefully.

But before she could say much more, the rogue Titan roared loudly. As Connie and Armin helped her to her feet, Mikasa kept her eyes on the battle. The other Titan roared back, but the reaction of the rogue Titan was even more startling: it raised its fists, as if preparing to execute hand-to-hand combat. It was the most human thing she had ever seen a Titan do.

The other Titan roared again and charged toward the rogue Titan, but the latter was ready. With one fell swoop, it knocked its left fist into the regular Titan’s head; the force of the blow popped the head right off of its neck and through the air. It soared over the three teens’ heads and into a nearby bell tower. The trio turned just in time to see the rogue Titan stamp its foot into the other’s neck; all the while, it seemed to be making a conscious effort to regenerate its hand.

 

………

 

_This is not what I signed up for_.

Gripping her blades in shaking hands, Rosaleen watched in horror as three more of her comrades were eaten alive. Beside her, she heard Erin sigh quietly.

_I know you’re the calmer one, but don’t act like this doesn’t bother you, too, dammit!_ she wanted to shout at her sister, but she felt too short of breath as it was.

They had been standing up on this roof for a while--ever since Mikasa, Armin, and Connie had gone off on their own. Were those three even still alive? Rosaleen knew that Mikasa was strong, but would the other two weigh her down? There was always that possibility of something going horribly wrong.

_Pull it together_ , she told herself, taking a deep breath through her nose.

“NOW!!” Jean’s shout came out of nowhere, but it was loud and clear. “Head straight to the HQ now while the Titans are occupied! It’s a small window of opportunity, but let’s take it!!”

“It’s over as soon as you run out of gas anyway!” Marco added as Jean shot forward toward headquarters. “Everybody charge in!”

_Yasmin, you’d be so proud right now_ , Rosaleen thought with a smile. She turned to her twin, grinning.

“Let’s go, Erin,” she said. Erin nodded. This was as good of a chance to escape as any, and there was no reason to protest.

Keeping her eyes on Jean and Marco, Rosaleen rocketed off into the air, Erin at her side. Below her, she could see several more Titans reaching and grabbing for her, but she kept a steady pace to her movements. Making sure to keep her lines out of the Titans’ grasps, she followed after the boys with a pounding heart.

Before she knew it, Rosaleen was busting in through the glass windows of HQ and tumbling onto the tile floor.

“…Ah…” she breathed, shaking out her hands as she sheathed her blades. Ignoring the stinging of the cuts on her face, she looked around for Erin. “…You all right?”

“Yeah,” Erin grunted, pushing herself up from her knees.

Around them, many more of their comrades came crashing in. Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Sasha were amongst them. Jean and Marco were already there, with the former already back to holding his head in his hands.

“I used the deaths of our comrades,” he said, covered in sweat. “How many people…died on my signal?”

Jean paused, then suddenly looked down at one of the many overturned desks lined up in the room. Rosaleen watched as he knelt down, a bewildered expression on his face.

“Y-you… You’re from the supplying team, aren’t you?”

“Y-yeah,” came a quiet reply from under the desk.

In one swift movement, Jean reached down and pulled the poor soldier up by his collar, then punched him in the face, knocking him right back down onto the ground. Just as quickly, Marco rushed over, grabbing Jean from behind and holding him back.

“Stop it, Jean!” he cried.

“It’s their damn fault!!” Jean screamed, hysterical. “They fucking hung us out to dry!! So many people died pointlessly by _your_ faults, you assholes!!”

“Some Titans made it into the supply room!” a girl screamed, rushing to the defense of the soldier Jean had beaten down. “We couldn’t do anything!!”

“You should have worked out something--it’s part of your job!!”

Interrupting Jean’s screaming match, a sudden shout from Reiner caught the group’s attention.

“TAKE COVER!” he yelled.

Milliseconds later, the far end of the room burst open; a Titan’s head had done the job.

Gripping her sister’s hand, Rosaleen pulled Erin toward the opposite end of the room, toward the exit. They became enveloped in the rush, but the two lingered just long enough to see two Titans appear in the opening, staring at them. Moments later, though, they seemed to vanish into thin air; the rogue Titan was what replaced them.

As the rogue Titan let out a fierce roar, the rush stop in its tracks. Rosaleen then saw three more soldiers come busting in through the windows. Mikasa, Armin, and Connie stumbled to their feet.

“That was close…” Connie was saying, his voice shaky but loud as ever. He was knocking on his gas canister with his knuckles. “It’s empty now. We made it. It was a close call, but here we are…”

“Y-you…you’re alive!” Jean gasped, facing Mikasa.

“We did it, Armin!” Connie cried, slapping the blonde on the back. “Your strategy worked out just fine!!” Connie then stood upright, pointing toward the rogue Titan. “Hey, guys!! That Titan is a weird specimen that enjoys killing its own kind! And it’s shown no interest in us, either! Mikasa and I were dispatching the Titans around it, and we were able to lead it to the swarm here! If we make good use of it, we can escape this place without any problems! That big, beautiful S.O.B. is our ticket outta here!”

“Relying on a Titan for help…?” Jean said as murmurs filled the room. “That wouldn’t sound out of place inside a dream--“

“We aren’t dreaming,” Mikasa interrupted, her voice stern. “I don’t care if it’s an abnormal or whatever. We’ll have this Titan carry on its rampage here a little while longer. Realistically speaking, this plan is by far the best one we have if we wish to survive.”

 

………

 

Despite knowing that the rumblings from outside were the work of their new ally, the rogue Titan, the graduates of the 104th still felt uneasy as they gathered in room above the supply area.

“I-It’s gonna be okay,” Connie told Sasha, who was looking rather disgruntled. “That Titan is stronger than its normal peers. As long as he's wreaking havoc out there, this building should be safe.”

“Just how much do you know about that Titan?” Reiner asked.

“Who cares?” Connie replied. “It saved us.”

“…True enough…” Reiner’s face relaxed into a small smile. “…Saving us. That’s the first step…”

“There!” The room’s side door burst open with Jean’s shout. He led a group of five soldiers--all of them carrying long wooden boxes. “We’ve found the goods the Military Police kept stashed. There’s dust just about everywhere, though…”

Out from the box and into the graduates’ hands came the old-fashioned rifles. There were plenty to go around, just as Armin had hoped.

“Are guns even really that useful…?” Jean asked quietly as he looked over his gun. “Do they make any difference against the Titans in the first place…?”

“…Better with them than without, I think,” Armin finally answered, glancing up from the map of the supply room to look at Jean. “The supply room still has seven three and four meter classes occupying it. With the firepower at our disposal, we might even be able to blindside them all at once. First…we use the lift to lower several people down the central rooftop. If those seven Titans are anything ‘normal,’ that should draw them in. They do react strongly to human concentrations, after all. Next, the people in the lift will fire at their heads simultaneously…to rob them of eyesight. Then…”

Armin paused, looking up at his friends. He did not want to be the one to tell them these things, but somehow, he had ended up with the idea for this recovery plan, and the burden became his to bear.

“…The following moments will be decisive,” he admitted. “Seven people will have to remain up on the rafters to wait in ambush. They’ll jump in and cut into the Titans’ vitals during the gunfire…which means…this strategy relies on us giving it our all in this one offensive. Everybody’s lives will be hanging in the balance. This plan should allow us to use seven people to put down one Titan each simultaneously. The ones who’ll have to do it are those of us with the highest success rate when it comes to mobility.”

Armin paused for a moment, a genuinely apologetic frown appearing on his face. He lowered his gaze from his friends back to the map, as if to hide his downcast expression.

“I apologize for dumping the responsibility of everyone’s survival on your shoulders…” he murmured. “I’m…sorry…”

“No problem.” Reiner smiled down at Armin, as gentle as ever.

“Whoever does it, the risk is the same in the event that we fail: everyone dies,” Annie added; her usually angry face softened while speaking to Armin.

“But…is my plan really our best option? I mean…after all, it’s just me!”

“It’ll have to do,” Marco told him. “We’re running out of time. There’s no more time to come up with another plan. We’ll give this one our best shot. That’s all we can do now!”

“It’s going to be fine,” Mikasa reassured Armin quietly. “Have some confidence in yourself, Armin. If anyone can work out a solution to our problems, it’s you. That ability of yours has saved Eren and me in the past.”

Startled, Armin cocked his head, staring Mikasa down.

“It has…? When?”

But before Armin could get his answer, a loud clank echoed through the room.

“The lift is ready!!” one of their peers shouted. “So are the guns! Loaded and ready!”

“You’re not aware of it, but…” Mikasa stood, looking down at Armin, who was still looking unconvinced. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Okay…” Unsatisfied, but knowing he could do nothing about it, Armin grabbed his gun and followed his friends to the lift. The chosen seven who would wait in hiding--Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Sasha, Connie, and Jean--went a separate route.

“But...killing them without the gear?” Connie asked Reiner.

“Of course!” Reiner exclaimed. “They’re three to four meter classes. We’ll aim for their weak spots--no problems.”

“Yeah…forget about the size,” Jean added. “Just remember where to aim from the head to the neck…”

“Height--one meter, width--ten centimeters!” Sasha recited. It was _the_ one thing that had stuck with all of them from their training days.

“And if that doesn’t work, you can shove this up their asses, too!” Reiner held up one of his blades with a serious face. “That’s the second of the only two weaknesses they’ve got.”

“No way!” Connie gasped. “I never knew that was an option!”

“Never heard of it before, either,” Sasha murmured to herself.

“Reiner…” Jean muttered. “Those might be your last words, you know.”

 


	15. Rebirth

_“It’s over…” Armin whispered to himself as he watched Eren and Mikasa sprint away. They weren’t the only ones. Everyone around him was running like mad. He knew he should probably be doing the same, too. “This city…is going to be overrun by the Titans…!”_

_The thought hit Armin hard and almost sent him into full panic mode--Eren and Mikasa were running toward the danger. Eren and Mikasa…two of the people in this world he cared the most about. He wanted to be able to help them, but they were already long gone, and Armin knew there was simply no way he would be able to catch up with them._

_“What do I…?” He had to think fast. There wasn’t much time left. If they didn’t hurry, they wouldn’t make it to the evacuation boats in time. Armin knew that his grandfather, though kind he was, could not run fast enough to get to them, either._

_“Armin!? What’re you doin’ here?!”_

_Armin turned at the familiar voice; Hannes was standing there, looked panicked. His normally calm face was flushed and sweaty, but despite his appearance, his presence gave Armin a sense of direction and calmed him down._

_“Hannes!” Armin shouted, pointing in the direction that Eren and Mikasa ran off. “Please, you have to go after Eren and Mikasa!”_

_“Huh? Whaddya mean?!”_

_“They ran back toward Eren’s house!” Armin explained. “But if they stay there too long, they won’t make it in time! Please!”_

_“Don’t worry, Armin.” Hannes gently placed a hand on Armin’s head. “Leave it to me--I’ll get them to the boats in no time!”_

_“Th-thank you!” Armin gasped, feeling a wave of relief._

_“Now, get yourself back home and out of this city! Get goin’!”_

_“Yes, sir!”_

 

“Ready…”

Marco could feel sweat trickling down the back of his neck, and he had goosebumps all over his arms and legs, but he did not let his rifle tip waver from its target.

Though Armin had been the ultimate mastermind behind this plan, somehow or another, Marco had found himself in charge of the rifle unit. It had been at Armin’s request, and with their friendship being as strong as it was, there was no way Marco could refuse.

_Yas’d never let me live it down_ , he thought when accepting the order.

And so here he was, with his hazel eyes wide, staring into a Titan’s face. He had no means of defense save for the old rifle in his hands. His only hope was that everyone else would do their part and not duck out of their responsibilities.

Quietly, Marco released the catch on his rifle; he heard similar clicking sounds all around him. Slowly he moved his index finger to the trigger.

“Fire!” he screamed, pulling as hard as he could.

The next few seconds were deafening. All around were the sounds of gunshots, echoing against the cold brick walls of the supply room. There was no way to see if the seven waiting in the wings were at work through all of the smoke, and there was definitely no way to hear them.

The smoke soon cleared, and, looking out from over the side of the lift, Marco could see Mikasa’s Titan falling to the ground. She had, of course, cut it cleanly. Beside her were Connie and Sasha, though, and they were not so lucky.

“Sasha and Connie are in trouble!” Marco shouted down to the others. “Hurry! Back them up!!”

“I…um…I know I…jumped you from behind and all…” he could hear Sasha saying. She was looking right up at the Titan whose neck she had tried to slice. “Th-that was dreadfully impolite of me… I’m…really…”

Marco watched with his hands gripping the side of the lift in anticipation as Sasha dodged just in time; the Titan had attempted to dive for her.

“I’M REALLY SORRY!” Sasha shrieked, sliding across the floor just as the Titan smashed into the floor.

Luckily, before the Titan could get up again, Mikasa came flying in. Even without her gear, she was as agile as ever, and in the blink of an eye she had cut out the Titan’s nape. Annie had done the same for Connie’s Titan, though in a less dramatic fashion.

“MIKASAAAAA!” Sasha crawled on her hands and knees over to Mikasa, gripping her shirt.

“Are you hurt?” Mikasa asked.

“No, all thanks to you!!”

“Then hurry and get up!”

“I really owe you one,” Connie said to Annie, looking apologetic.

“Don’t mention it,” Annie told him.

“Whoa there! That was a close call, Annie…” Reiner told his tiny blonde friend. “I’m really glad to see you’re unharmed…”

“They’re down for the count!” Jean shouted up to the lift team. Marco heard a quiet laugh come from Armin, who was standing next to him. “Now to go restock on supplies!”

 

………

 

It was tempting to go and use gas for the 3D gear only just because it felt good to have it back, Mikasa realized as she locked her last belt into place. But she knew she had to be more careful, especially after the trouble she had caused earlier.

Still, Mikasa felt good when she was able to get up and out of the window of the HQ building again. Her elation, however, only lasted for a short while before it quickly dissipated.

Armin, who was standing with Reiner and Jean, noticed Mikasa take off toward the rooftop before anyone else did.

“Mikasa!?” he shouted after her. But she was already out of sight. Armin sighed and reluctantly followed after her. “Mikasa…we need to get away from here quickly…”

“The Titan, over there…”

Armin looked to where Mikasa was pointing, and he felt his stomach lurch. Just across the street, a group of regular Titans had gathered around the rogue Titan. To Armin’s disgust, they appeared to be feeding on its flesh. Rearing back its head, the rogue Titan let out a pained roar.

“Cannibalism...?!” Armin gasped.

_It ought to be able to regenerate, or am I missing something…?_

“If somehow we could figure out what was going on with that Titan,” Mikasa murmured, “we’d be able to work our way out of this hopeless situation. It was a good chance, but too bad…”

“I agree!” Reiner, Jean, Bertholdt, and Annie had joined them up on the rooftop. Reiner’s face was worried as he continued, “If we let it get completely devoured, we’ll end up none the wiser! Let’s go dispatch the Titans that are clinging to it. We need it alive!”

“Reiner, are you out of your mind?!” Jean shouted, turning to the blond. “We’ve just barely stuck our necks out of the water, and--“

“This Titan might turn out to be an ally,” Annie interrupted. “How about that? It’d be a much more powerful weapon than any cannon.”

“An ally…?!” Jean looked exasperated. It was obvious he was at his wit’s end. “Are you being serious?!”

Jean was interrupted yet again, this time by Armin’s loud gasp.

“I know that one…” the blond said; he was staring down at an approaching Titan that donned blond, wavy hair. “It’s the abnormal specimen that ate Thomas…!”

Startling all of them, the rogue Titan suddenly roared again. But this time, it did not sound pained. Quite the contrary, actually--it sounded as though new life had been breathed into it. Lunging forward, it pulled itself free of the other Titans, and began to make its way toward the Titan Armin had been looking at, even sacrificing its arms to do so.

To everyone’s amazement, the rogue Titan clamped its jaws right into the abnormal’s neck and lifted its body into the air. Next to them, another Titan was crawling toward them; it had been one of the ones that was feeding on the rogue. But this did not go unnoticed, and the rogue took the abnormal’s body and slammed it into the approaching Titan. As yet another Titan approached, the rogue kept its grip on the abnormal’s neck, growling with effort the entire time. With a loud grunt, the rogue then launched the abnormal into the other Titan, sending them both flying into a nearby building.

“…Hey,” Jean murmured to the group. “Who is it you wanted to save again?”

As if in reply to Jean’s sarcastic remark, the rogue Titan howled into the air, blood dripping from its missing arms and damaged chest. But then, to the group’s disappointment, the rogue Titan collapsed onto its knees, and then face-forward onto the ground.

“As expected,” Jean muttered. “It’s run out of juice, apparently. No big deal then, right? Let’s get going.” He turned to leave, yelling at the others over his shoulder, “There’s no way we can make an ally of such a freak. A Titan is a Titan.”

But Jean stopped in his tracks when noticed not a soul was paying any attention to him.

“..Hey there,” he said to his friends, but they were all staring at the decaying body of the rogue Titan. “Huh…?”

Jean turned his gaze to it, too, and even from up on the roof, he could see what had caught his comrades' attention: where the Titan’s weak spot normally was, was some sort of moving, living thing.

Out of the Titan’s nape, surrounded by the smoke of decaying Titan flesh, a human body threw itself into the open air He stayed kneeled in the crevice that he had come out from, with his back arched, his arms limp, and his face tilted to the sky.

Mikasa did not say a word. She did not have any to give. She could only act, and so she launched herself over to the Titan’s corpse, to where that human was waiting. Her heart thundering in her chest, she sprinted over to the human, where he remained motionless. But he did not disappear, like the simple apparition that Mikasa thought he might be.

The second Mikasa made contact with Eren’s body, she wrapped her arms around his chest tightly. He was a solid, physical thing. He existed.

Panting, Mikasa, put her head to Eren’s chest. When she quieted her breathing, she could hear the faint drum of a beating heart.

It was all she could do to pull him out of the Titan’s remains and up to the rooftop, to where the others were waiting, mouths agape. But the second they were both safe again, her emotions overwhelmed her, and she lost control of her sobs.

As she wailed into the air, Armin watched in silence with widened eyes.

_Eren…_ he thought, looking down at his childhood friend’s unconscious face. _The arm and leg that had been cut off…are back… At that time…that Titan had swallowed him whole. Back then…_

Unable to suppress his sobs any longer, Armin fell to his knees, tears pouring down his cheeks.

“What…” he breathed, taking Eren’s left hand in his own, “What the hell…happened to you…?”

Jean, who had long fallen silent, turned to look out at the buildings. He could barely see the full picture, though--the entire area was filled with the smoke of decaying Titans.

“That means everything…” he murmured, “…all of this, was Eren’s doing…right?”

 

………

 

“I’m going…to kill you all.”

Armin felt his body go rigid at Eren’s words. The vicious smile across the boy’s face, as well as the growling tone with which he had spoken, did not help matters any.

“Eren?” Armin said quietly.

Slowly, as if awakening from a trance, Eren’s face relaxed, and suddenly his eyes shot wide open. He gasped as his vision came into focus. Whatever it was that he had been expecting to see, it was definitely not this.

Armin was knelt next to Eren, and just a meter or so in front of them was Mikasa, standing there with her blades held out and ready. The trio was surrounded by members of the Garrison regiment; all of them, like Mikasa, had their blades at the ready.

“Eren!!” Mikasa exclaimed, looking over her shoulder at him.

“Eren! You can move around again, can’t you?” Armin asked, gently taking Eren by the shoulders. “Are you fully conscious? Tell me everything! Talk to me! We’ll sort this out!!”

“Armin…?” Eren blinked slowly, staring at his friend. He could hear everything that Armin was saying, but not one bit of it made sense.

“Hey…you heard that?”

“He said ‘I’m going to kill you all.’”

Frightened whispers were being thrown around the members of the Garrison. Many of them looked panicked and scared.

“Yeah, we heard him…he was talking about us.”

“He intends to kill us and eat us…”

“Wait…” Eren murmured, feeling shaky.

_What are they talking about…?_ he wondered, looking around at the line of soldiers. _Why are they surrounding us three…and pointing their swords at us? Last time I checked, those were meant to kill Titans… Why…are they looking at me like that…?!_

Slowly, Eren shifted his gaze from the soldiers’ faces to his left hand. He held it out in front of him, mouth agape.

_No way… what I just saw in my head, that…that was a dream, right? My arm is still attached…!!_

It was then that Eren noticed his sleeve--it was frayed, as if it had been ripped apart by some strong force. He gently pulled at it, his eyes growing wide.

_What the…?_

“Trainee Eren Jaeger!! You’ve come to your senses, I see!”

Eren perked up at the sound of Captain Woermann’s voice. The Garrison regiment elite was standing in the middle part of the arc of soldiers around the trio. His face had perhaps the most terrified expression of all those present.

“The behavior you three exhibit makes you look like traitors to humanity!!” he shouted. “Therefore, I’m going to have to decide how we should dispose of your lives!! Try to pull any trick, or to move from that spot, and you’ll be eating explosives! We’ll shoot without hesitation!!”

Truth be told, Eren had not noticed the cannons on the wall until Woermann’s threat. But, when he looked up, he could see quite clearly that all nearby cannons were aimed in their direction.

“I’ll get straight to the point. What are you really? Human? Or Titan?”

An eerie silence filled the air as the Garrison soldiers awaited Eren’s response. But the fifteen year old did not know what kind of response to give. He wasn’t even sure that he had heard the question correctly.

_What kind of question is that?_ he thought, feeling panicked. _Why are they glaring at me like that…? It’s as if…they were looking at some kind of freak. I’m a freak, then? Is that what you mean?!_

“I…I fail to understand the meaning of your question, Sir!” Eren shouted, his voice cracking.

“Are you playing dumb with me? You goddamn monster!!” Woermann screamed back. “Come on, just try it again!! We’ll fucking destroy you!! On the spot!! You won’t even have the time to assume your true form!! Lots of people saw what happened!! They were right there, watching you coming out of that Titan!! We humans are facing an invasion of your monstrous kind into Wall Rose!! It doesn’t matter if you number among the trainees sanctioned by the king himself!! It’s perfectly suitable to swiftly eliminate any threat! In this, I know I am not mistaken!! That freakishly strong Titan who destroyed Wall Maria five years ago might show up again any time now! Our very existence, that of the human race, is at stake!! We cannot afford to fail as we did back then!! Got it?! We have no more time or soldiers to spare on your account!! I’ll have you blown to kingdom come!!”

“Our defensive strategy is a clear one,” a girl standing beside Woermann said. She was fairly calm, despite the energy radiating from the Captain. “I strongly doubt we’ll get any worthwhile information out of him, Sir… As you said, it’s a waste of our time and forces.”

“If we attack now, we can take him down easily!” another soldier shouted.

“Let’s pulverize him while he’s still assuming a human form!”

“My specialty…” Mikasa suddenly brought her blades forward; her voice was as dark as her gesture. “…involves cutting flesh. You just draw close enough, and I’ll be happy to demonstrate. Should anyone wish to experience my technique, by all means, feel free to come this way.”

The outbursts quieted enough for a familiar face to speak up from the line.

“Captain,” Ian Dietrich said, “that’s Mikasa Ackermann. Assigned to the rear guard, with the rest of us elite soldiers. She’s as good by herself as a hundred ordinary soldiers… If we lose her, it will hurt the human forces greatly.”

“Hey…what are you guys doing…?” Eren asked his friends while the Garrison was distracted. “What are you doing here?!”

“Mikasa, what are you trying to accomplish, fighting humans?!” Armin said, talking over Eren.

“I don’t care whom I have to fight,” Mikasa replied. “I will not allow Eren to get killed. That’s all.”

“We can talk this over!” Armin insisted. “Anyone…anyone would get scared out of their wits when faced with a situation that they don’t understand…”

Eren, having been ignored by his friends, leaned forward and stared at the grass beneath him.

_So I’m the only one who doesn’t believe I’m a Titan, huh?_ he realized, looking once again at his left hand. _Dammit…I don’t have the faintest memory of how I ended up here… I feel so numb I can’t even stand…and if they don’t like what I have to say, I’m dead… Me? Dying by human hands? That’s ridiculous… But wait, what was it he said again…? That I came out from inside a Titan? What’s he talking about?! What the hell does that mean?!_

Eren recounted the scene that had just played through his mind minutes earlier one more time. Breathing hard, he slowly sat upright.

_…If all that stuff was more than just a dream…that means…the part of my arm where the clothing’s missing has grown back!? Just like…just like it would for a Titan…_

“I’ll ask again!” Woermann shouted. “What are you really?!”

_Okay…I can’t screw up on this answer… I’m not the only one who’d die…!!_ Practically panting, Eren looked up at his friends; they were staring back at him with worried, anxious faces. In his heart, he felt a connection to them, and in that connection was his answer. _…That’s right. I’m just like you, and I always have been…_

“I’m human!” Eren shouted.

 


	16. The Reluctant Heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> It's Bruno's birthday, so there's a double release this weekend!  
> If you'd like to learn more about the characters and the universe, be sure to check out the blog!  
> mirashinofficial.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, if you are looking for merchandise, I have a society6 account as CatherineBuntaichou...and I take requests, too!!

_There was hardly a soul left standing in the amphitheater’s yard after the commander finished his speech. Those who were left were resigned--they would join the Survey Corps and risk their lives for the benefit of humanity. They were possibly too brave for their own good, however. The survival rate of those in the Corps was low, and it only was going to get lower, now that Wall Maria had fallen._

_Still, Hanji Zoe stood tall, with her hands placed behind her back. She stared up at Commander Erwin Smith with shining eyes that were hidden behind her thick lenses. He was as new to the game as she was--having only just been named as Shardis’ successor and not having any real power yet--but she was not worried._

We both will do what we have to do _, she realized._ Even if that means we die. But…I don’t want to die. So I’ll fight to live as long as I can.

_“Offer up your hearts!”_

_Smacking her right fist to her chest, Hanji joined the other few soldiers brave enough to have stayed in place in a loud cry. There was a small smile on Erwin’s face; Hanji could see it even in the dim light of the torches._

Don’t worry, Commander, _she thought, matching his expression._ I’ll follow you to the bitter end.

 

It was a bright, sunny day when it came time for the Survey Corps to go out on their expedition to Wall Maria. The atmosphere seemed to match the weather; it had been a while since their last venture outside as a full force, and they were all a bit restless from being cooped up in the confines of their headquarters.

When the soldiers had finally geared up and were readied on horseback, Commander Erwin Smith was at the front. Behind him were the three most elite soldiers in the Corps--Mike Zakarius, Hanji Zoe, and humanity’s strongest soldier, Captain Levi. And behind them were many more remarkably talented soldiers.

Because of Erwin’s strong strategic skills, the survival rate of the Survey Corps had risen considerably, and they had learned more in the past five years than the previous few decades combined together. In short, just in five years, the entire way of life of the Corps had shifted and evolved into something new.

Much of it was thanks to Erwin’s academic capability, but another huge factor was the entrance of Captain Levi.

Erwin had brought Levi into the Corps soon after he took command--in other words, right after the horrible failure of the mission in early 846. Levi was an enigma of a man, but no one could deny his talent for the three-dimensional maneuver gear and for killing Titans. He fought with his own technique, and his kill record was off the charts. In no time, his name became known in every household, but it was just that--his name.

The real Captain Levi was quite a different man than most imagined. Standing tall at only 160 centimeters, he was rarely seen without an irritated look on his face. He spoke in a low voice and with a sharp tongue. His vocabulary was not meant for children’s ears, and it even turned some adults away. In short, he was not quite the admirable role model many imagined him to be.

Luckily for him, there were a chosen few in the Survey Corps that understood him well enough to know how to befriend him. One of those was the woman riding beside him, Hanji Zoe.

When the Survey Corps rode out into Trost toward the outer gate on their way to explore Wall Maria, they were greeted with quite an enthusiastic crowd. Shouts and cheers rang out from all over, giving Levi and Hanji enough of a cover to chat--though perhaps “chat” is not the right word to describe it.

“Tch, shut up,” Levi muttered to himself as yet another flock of just-graduated trainees stared him down with ogling eyes and sang their praises.

“Good thing those kids don’t know what a clean freak you are,” Hanji said, eyeing Levi with a good-natured smile. “They’d be in for a rude awakening.”

Just a few rows back, two more veteran Survey Corps members were having their own conversation.

“Feels like forever since we’ve gone outside, y’know?” Rowen Walsh stretched his arms out in front of him. Letting out a happy sigh, he turned to his friend, who had a distant look in her eyes. “Are you listening to me? Or have you tuned me out?”

“You answered your own question,” Catherine Müller, the brunette sitting next to him, replied.

“Oh, well, excuse me if I’m blocking your view of the more _attractive_ men in the Corps.” Rowen grinned, leaning in toward Catherine. But just as soon as he was close enough, Catherine threw her right fist into Rowen’s arm. Laughing, he winced, pulling away from her. “All right, fine, I’ll leave you alone. For now.”

Catherine opened her mouth to reply, but her response fell by the wayside when she felt the strange sensation that she was being watched. Turning to her left, she saw a young girl--a newly graduated trainee, it seemed--staring up at her and Rowen.

“But really, don’t you think it feels such a long time since we got to go on a big expedition like this?” Rowen continued, oblivious to the attention they were getting. “What took so long?”

“Didn’t you hear?” Catherine replied, turning her gaze back to the rows of blue-and-white wings in front of her.

“Hear about what?”

“About what happened the last time they brought a big group out.”

“Uhhhh…” Rowen sucked in air through his teeth as he paused in thought. “…Oh, that’s right. That girl’s journal.”

“It’s a pretty big fucking deal. I can’t believe you didn’t at least remember having that conversation with Hanji.” Catherine laughed through her nose as she pulled her horse to a stop. “Even Erwin couldn’t calm her down.”

Rowen laughed again.

“Now that you mention it, I do remember,” he admitted. “We didn’t sleep much that night.”

“Nope.”

“Open the gates!” Erwin’s cry bounced against the houses and through the Trost district. “The land past this gate is Titan territory!! Let us recapture the ground we lost to them five years ago!!”

 

………

 

Levi knew his role.

He had joined the Survey Corps about five years prior driven by selfish desires, but things were different now. Now, he fought for different reasons. He was a living symbol of the power of humanity, and as humanity’s strongest, he knew that the world was counting on him to fight until the very end. Though, in the beginning, he had not wanted to be saddled with this responsibility, he had since come to accept it.

Such a thing was a lucky break--there was no one else willing to accept that position.

From his perch on an old clock tower in a long-abandoned Wall Maria town, Levi could see a fellow Survey Corps member from afar, squirming in the grip of a Titan’s jaws. His job was obvious.

With a snap, Levi shot out his hooks from his 3D gear and blasted himself forward with a burst of gas. As soon as his hooks pierced into a building, he yielded his body to the strength of his momentum and pulled himself into a spin. His blades sliced deeply into the Titan’s neck, splashing a bit of blood onto Captain Levi’s hands. Before propelling himself to safety, he turned to look back at the soldier he had tried to save, then hopped onto a nearby rooftop with unusual grace for a full-grown man. Even after looking away, the sight of the man's wide-eyed stare stayed burned into Levi's mind for several seconds.

_A single one on the right_ … Levi shifted his gaze, blinking his eyes back into focus. _A couple on the left…_

“Captain!”

From behind him, Levi heard the sound of Petra’s voice, and he turned to face her.

Petra Ral was a young woman, not even twenty-five, but she held talent and skill greater than most of her peers. Her amber hair brushed her round face gently as she landed on the roof next to Levi.

“I’ve gathered reinforcements!” she told Captain Levi.

“Petra, you take care of the soldiers down there!” Levi ordered as two more members of his special squad appeared behind Petra. “Take all the remaining men and help them with the Titan on the right! I’ll handle the left myself.”

Petra let out a quiet gasp of surprise, but Levi didn’t bother to respond. He knew she would obey. After all, if anyone could take on two Titans alone, it was him.

“You look so fucking stupid,” Levi said to himself as he stared down the first of the two Titans awaiting him. “Every last one of you…”

Launching his left hook into a nearby building, Levi lunged forward, and with a small push from his gas cylinders, he managed to wrap his left line under the Titan’s chin and around its neck. Working with gravity, Levi whirled down, striking the nape cleanly. His foot was only on the rooftop for a split second before unhooking himself and starting in on the second Titan.

Jumping off of the ledge of the roof, Levi chucked his blades right at the Titan’s face; they lodged themselves in its eyes. As the Titan wailed in pain, the pint-sized soldier landed atop its head, teetering on one foot.

“Whoopsie,” he muttered, catching himself. “If only you’d quit moving around… How can I cut you cleanly if you don’t stay put?”

Locking a new pair of blades into his 3D gear’s grip handles, Levi jumped and pushed himself into the air with a small blast of gas. Then, just as he had done with the first Titan, he came spinning down and cut out a chunk from the nape of the Titan’s neck. As its body collapsed to the ground, Levi hopped back up onto the rooftop, his hooks zipping back into their gear casing.

“Ugh,” Levi grunted, looking at his hand; it was covered in steaming Titan blood. “Disgusting.”

Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, Levi began to wipe off the already half-evaporated blood from his hands and blades, surveying the scene below. It appeared that someone had managed to take down the other single Titan he had spotted earlier. Upon further observation, he could see Hanji with her squad nearby the decaying corpse.

As soon as he was cleaned up, Levi dropped down to find Petra; she had obediently followed Levi’s orders to help the injured soldiers, and though she was doing the best she could, for the man who had been clenched in a Titan’s jaw, it was not enough.

“Petra, what’s wrong with this one?” Levi called out as he walked over to the pair.

“Captain…” Petra’s amber eyes were glittering with tears. “I…I can’t stop the bleeding…”

Levi had no immediate reply for her, which in turn gave the fallen soldier a chance to speak.

“…Cap…tain…” he breathed.

“…What?” Levi replied, kneeling next to the man.

“Did I…contribute…to humanity?” the soldier asked, lifting his hand toward Levi. “Or did I…die a pointless death…without making…any difference…?”

Levi’s hand met the soldier’s bloodied one with a loud smack.

“You’ve done more than enough already,” Levi told him, gripping his hand. “For now…and for the future. I will take up your will. It will give me strength.” With each declaration, Levi’s voice grew louder and more confident. “I will eradicate the Titans! Even if it’s the last thing I do! You have my word!!”

“C-Captain…” Petra’s voice was shaking. “He’s…gone…”

At her words, Levi’s face fell, and his grip on the fallen soldier’s hand loosened a bit.

“Do you think he heard everything I had to say…?” he asked, gently placing the man’s hand across his chest.

“Yes…I’m sure he did, sir,” Petra replied, a small smile crossing her tear-stained face. “Look at him--he seems to be resting so peacefully.”

Despite the blood streaked across his face, the man seemed to indeed be at peace. The right hand that Levi had draped across his chest was balled into a loose fist, as if he was saluting for the last time.

“…Fine, then,” Levi murmured.

Interrupting the quiet scene was the sound of approaching horses; Erwin’s voice soon sounded from a few meters away.

“Levi!” he shouted. “We’re falling back!”

“Falling back…?!” Levi whirled around to face Erwin. His sharp gaze was even more irritated than usual. “Aren’t we going to see this to the end? Or did my men die for nothing? Give me one reason to go along with this.”

“The Titans have all started to move north, toward the city,” Erwin told them. He spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, but his blue eyes were stern. “The exact same thing happened five years ago. There must be something going on in town. The wall... Chances are, the Titans managed to destroy it.”

 

………

 

“Catherine! Rowen!”

Catherine looked up from her latest kill to see her squad leader headed her way.

“What’s up, Nanaba?” Rowen asked as the lean, muscular soldier landed in front of them.

“Don’t bother finishing up this area,” she declared. “We’re retreating.”

“Retreating?” Catherine echoed. “All of us?”

“Yes.” Nanaba glanced over her shoulder, back toward the north. “Erwin fears another wall may have fallen.”

Catherine gritted her teeth as Rowen gasped.

“But we haven’t even been gone that long--“

“Save it, Rowen,” Catherine interrupted, glancing at her childhood friend. “We need to trust Erwin on this.”

“I’m rounding up the others--you two move ahead with Erwin and his men,” Nanaba instructed. As Catherine and Rowen saluted, she shot off on her 3D gear toward the rest of her squad members.

“I can’t…believe it,” Rowen murmured as he followed Catherine toward their horses. “The second we’re gone…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Catherine sheathed her blades. “We can’t do anything about it now except try to do damage control.”

“If it only took five years to get to Wall Rose, how long will it take to get to Wall Sina, I wonder?”

“It won’t come to that.” Stopping in her tracks, Catherine faced Rowen, peering up into his concerned eyes. “Remember what Hanji told us.”

“…Yeah, I guess…”

Rowen fell silent, and so Catherine mounted her horse, keeping the rest of her thoughts to herself.

_This isn’t the end--I just know it,_ she told herself as she and Rowen rode off to join up with the rest of the Survey Corps. _I’ve always known this in the back of my mind, but what Hanji said the other day just reaffirmed it: we still have so much to learn. Something good will come out of this, an opportunity, even if we do lose Trost…_

The thought of losing yet more territory to Titans made Catherine cringe, but she kept her composure otherwise; her greatest immediate concern was Rowen, who was unusually sullen and did not speak any further on the situation at hand.

“Hanji!” Catherine called out when they caught up to the main group. The red-headed squad leader turned and tugged on her horse’s reigns to let Catherine and Rowen catch up. “Is it true? Nanaba said--“

“We don’t know for sure yet,” Hanji admitted, smiling sadly. “But we can’t risk leaving all those people defenseless for an expedition, even if it _is_ our first one in a while.”

“Suppose Trost did fall--how long do you think the Garrison can keep the Titans at bay?”

“Be realistic,” Levi, who was riding alongside Hanji, interjected. “Even if they _did_ finally get cannons on top of the walls, they’ll be lucky to last a few hours.”

“That’s still a few hours for _us_ to make our way back to the city,” Catherine insisted. “And it’s also a few hours more than anyone had when Shiganshina’s wall fell. You don’t know what could happen in that amount of time.”

“It doesn’t matter--whether we make it back in time or not, the Titans will get into Trost, and it’s just one step closer to losing humanity in its entirety,” Levi argued. “We don’t have any way to prevent more walls from falling immediately, so we shouldn’t expect this problem to solve itself. Things are going to fall to shit the second the Titans enter the city, and there’s going to be a hell of a lot more trouble to follow.”

“Hanji,” Catherine said, ignoring Levi’s pessimistic remarks and turning back to the squad leader, “now I’m positive: what you said about preventing the problem instead of just reacting to it has got to be the right way to handle the Titans. Those documents you told me about? Whenever you get the chance, please let me have a look at them--assuming we all survive that long, anyway.” The brunette paused, giving Levi a stern but confident look. “That ‘way to prevent the walls from falling’ might be in them.”

“By all means, help yourself!” Hanji exclaimed, grinning as Levi let a quiet “tch” slip out. “If anyone can handle them, it’s you. I’ll warn you, though, there’s quite a bit, and we keep finding more on various expeditions and what not.”

“Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

_It’s not an immediate fix, but Captain Levi is right--there isn’t one,_ Catherine realized, falling back beside Rowen. _So what we need to aim for now is prevention, so that nothing like this happens again._

 

 


	17. Standby

_“Well, there goes our squad leader,” Milena muttered as Connie took off after an emotionally wrecked Armin. “What do we do now, Yasmin?”_

_The brunette shook her head; Connie had been the only one to break off from the squad. It was, then, not imperative that they follow him._

_“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,” Ymir cut in, walking over to the pair. Krista was right behind her, peering up at them with her big blue eyes. “We’re going to forget that idiot and do what we can to survive.”_

_“That much I understand,” Milena retorted, furrowing her brow. She sounded far more irritable than her usual composed self. “What I’m asking is, what_ exactly _should we be doing now? Is following Connie our best chance of survival? Or do you know of another way?”_

_“We should just wait for orders,” Krista told her._

_“But it’s been hours,” Milena argued. “Standing around here is no different than lining up and filing into a Titan’s mouth.” The blonde placed her hands on her hips, looking up at Ymir’s sneering face. “I think we should follow Connie.”_

_“Go ahead, if you want,” Ymir said, waving Milena away. “Take your shitty attitude with you.”_

_“Look who’s talking!”_

_“Calm down,” Yasmin told Milena, grabbing her friend by the arm. “Krista is right. Waiting for orders and staying out of sight of the Titans is a safe bet.”_

_“Well, just look at you, Güven.” Ymir slapped Yasmin on the shoulder as if trying to be friendly or playful. “Cool as ice in the face of danger. Can’t believe they chose Connie as the squad leader over you.” Sighing, Ymir crossed her arms and tilted her head. “But hey, if you and Krista both think we should wait around, I’m cool with it.”_

_“It might be dangerous, though,” Krista admitted quietly._

_“Hey, Krista, just think for a second. Think about what you know.” Krista fell silent, and Ymir chuckled. “You get it, I know you do. Don’t worry. If push comes to shove, there’s always a back-up plan.”_

 

“…And that’s how we made it out,” Erin finished, sighing loudly. Milena and Yasmin exchanged glances, then looked back at the twins. “You guys got lucky. It was smart of you to wait on the rear guard for supplies.”

“Yeah, that never occurred to me, either,” Rosaleen admitted, hanging her head.

“It’s not what you were thinking about at the time,” Milena told her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “And besides, you made it back here, didn’t you?”

“Milena’s right,” Yasmin agreed. “Our paths were different, but we all made it out alive, and that’s what matters.”

“We lost so many of our friends…” Rosaleen murmured. “Even if we did manage to get resupplied, we--“

“Rosie,” Erin cut in, “think for a second, would you? You should have known not everyone would survive. These are Titans we’re talking about here, yeah? There’s just no way we could have advanced that wouldn’t have cost a few lives. You’re still alive, aren’t you? I’m here, Milena and Yasmin are here…be grateful.”

“How many people _did_ you lose?” Milena asked. “I see plenty of people I recognize.”

“I’m not sure,” Erin replied, frowning. “Mina and Hannah, though…”

“I don’t see Armin,” Yasmin realized. “I thought you said he was the one who came up with the big master plan?”

“Huh?” Rosaleen glanced around; most of their friends were there, but she couldn’t help but notice that they were a few heads short. “Mikasa isn’t here, either…”

“Nor is Eren,” Erin added. “Those three…that’s too big of a coincidence. Something must’ve happened.”

“Oh no,” Rosaleen breathed as she watched her sister walk over to Reiner and Bertholdt. “Even Mikasa was…?”

“Let’s follow Erin,” Milena said, grabbing Rosaleen and Yasmin’s arms. Rosaleen had no choice; soon she and her friends were standing behind Erin, listening to Reiner’s explanation.

“I’m sorry, Erin,” Reiner told the red-head. “I can’t really tell you details, but you should know that Mikasa and Armin are both fine.”

“What about Eren?” Yasmin asked. Reiner shook his head.

“Well…”

Before Reiner could finish his thought, he was interrupted by a loud explosion. The teens turned toward the source of the noise; from just a ways off, they could see smoke curling into the air.

“A cannon?!” Milena gasped.

“Why’re they firing only one shot?!” another of their peers shouted.

“Hey! That came from _inside_ the wall!” yet another exclaimed.

“Did they breach through the canal gate?!”

“They can’t have. It’s one of the sturdiest positions we’ve got…” Milena told the boys nearby. “Surely that was just a stray projectile.”

“Even then…what’s with all that smoke?!”

“Is that Titan vapor?! No way!”

Before Rosaleen could come up with anything to say herself, she was driven into further silence by Reiner; the blonde shot off from right in front of her on his three-dimensional maneuver gear. Right behind him were Jean, Annie, and Bertholdt.

“Guys!? Hey!!” Erin called after them, taking a few steps forward.

“Erin, don’t.” Rosaleen quickly reached out and grabbed her sister by the elbow. “They can handle themselves.”

Erin turned back to Rosaleen and stared her down; Rosaleen could see the anger burning in her sister’s eyes. Though she said nothing, her gaze seemed to say, “And you think I can’t handle myself?”

“They’ll be fine,” Rosaleen insisted, and slowly Erin lowered her arms from her 3D gear.

 

………

 

The last thing Eren remembered was his father shouting his name, and suddenly, he was surrounded by red. His body felt incredibly hot, as if he had a terrible fever, but in an odd sort of way, it felt good. It was satisfying in a way Eren could not explain.

When he came to his senses, Eren opened his eyes to find himself staring at what seemed to be raw flesh. But after a second, he realized what he was really looking at--the flesh of a Titan.

Upon trying to straighten his back, Eren realized his arms, torso, legs, and even the sides of his face were fused into this throbbing, steaming red flesh. Struggling with all his might, Eren pulled backward, ripping and tearing himself away from the muscles of the monster he had created.

_That’s right…_ Eren realized as he pulled his arms free. _I…did this…_

As he burst through the Titan’s flesh into fresh air again, Eren let out a small shout. Panting, he looked down at his left hand, where part of the Titan’s body was still fused to his own. With a loud grunt, Eren ripped his hand free and stared down at it.

Moments ago, he had been with Mikasa and Armin, under threat of the Garrison regiment. For some reason, his instinct had told him to bite his hand as hard as possible, and he had done so without hesitation. The result was this Titan.

Still struggling to calm his breathing, Eren squirmed and tugged on his legs.

“It’s so hot,” he gasped. “What the hell is this…?”

Just as he pulled one leg free, Eren heard a familiar voice coming from somewhere below him.

“…I remember hearing the cannon shot,” Armin murmured. “After that, there was that terrible noise, and that shock. It’s so hot…! And what are we doing inside this gigantic skeleton?!”

“It’s Eren…” Mikasa’s calm voice came as the reply to Armin’s panicked one. “He protected us… That’s all we need to know for now.”

“Hey!” Eren shouted, dropping down between the decaying bones of the Titan’s ribcage. “You guys all right?!”

“Eren?!” Armin gasped. “What is--“

“No idea!!” Eren exclaimed, exasperated. “But it’s gonna evaporate any minute! Just like a Titan corpse would! We need to step away!” Glancing over his shoulder, through the smoke he could make out the blurred outlines of the Garrison soldiers. “Maybe they’re still assessing the situation…or maybe they’re a bit less on edge… Those soldiers can’t see what it is we’re up to for now, but eventually, they’ll likely start attacking again… I seriously doubt they’ll be inclined to listen to me after what they just saw.”

Eren gritted his teeth and turned his back to the Garrison.

“I just remembered something, though,” he told his friends, who were wide-eyed and covered in sweat. “The basement! The basement back home! My old man told me everything would make sense once I went there…” Flashes of the memory replayed in Eren’s mind as he spoke: his father’s words, the syringe, the tears rolling from his father’s eyes. “…Whatever it is I’ve become, he’s also the one responsible for it… If I go, I’ll probably find out the truth about the Titans as well! Damn it!!”

In a burst of rage, Eren rammed his fist against the Titan’s evaporating ribs. He was shaking even more now, and his face was drenched in sweat.

“Eren?!” Mikasa gasped.

“If he knew such a thing, why hide it…?” Eren growled, his anger almost unbearable. He felt ashamed of himself, and of his father. What in the world was the meaning of all of this? “Thousands of men from the Survey Corps died for that information and the hope it represents for humanity… And it was stashed away in our basement all along?! …What was he thinking?!”

With a loud crack, the top part of the Titan’s remains came crashing down around the trio, kicking up more dust and covering them in even more smoke.

“I’m getting out of here,” Eren declared.

“Where to? And how?” Armin asked, his blue eyes worried.

“For now, anywhere will do,” Eren replied. “From there, I’ll just get past the wall and go for the basement… I just need to turn into a Titan again…”

“For real? Can you really manage that?!”

“I don’t know how I’m doing it myself,” Eren admitted, his breathing still erratic. “But I believe that I can. Just like I don’t know how I make my arm move, but can do so anyway… That skeleton thing came to me unconsciously--I just wanted to protect us against the cannon. Which must be why it was rather limited in what it could do, and decayed away so quickly.”

Eren paused, ignoring Armin’s stern gaze. The brunet looked at his hand; where he had bitten his thumb and drawn blood just minutes before was completely healed.

“This time, I’ll go for something with a lot more clout,” Eren said, a smile creeping onto his face. His eyes had a wild look in them, even more so than usual. “A fifteen meter class, just like the one I used to kick Titan ass before!”

“Eren!” Eren jumped, startled by Mikasa’s shout. “You’ve got a nosebleed…”

Quickly wiping at his nose, Eren looked down at his fingers. Sure enough, they were stained with blood.

“You look really sick, too,” Armin pointed out. “And your breathing is really ragged… You’re not at all healthy. That much is obvious!”

“It doesn’t matter how bad of shape I’m in right now,” Eren insisted, wiping at his nose again. “Anyway, I got a couple of ideas. If you quit trying to protect me, you two might be able to get away with your lives. I’ve caused you a ton of trouble already, so from now on I’ll be going on alone.”

“You can’t…!!” Armin gasped, his eyes wide in horror. Eren said nothing; he knew that to let Mikasa and Armin come along would only be a risk.

“Eren…I’m coming too,” Mikasa stated.

“No, you’re not,” Eren argued. “You’re staying behind.”

“If I can’t keep up, you needn’t worry about me,” Mikasa shot back.

“But I needn’t take orders from you, either.” Eren’s tone was irritated and a bit mocking. “I said cut the crap, you hear me? I’m not your little brother and I'm not your kid.”

“It doesn’t matter--running off on your own is reckless. Especially considering that what Armin said is right--you’re _not_ healthy.”

“And _that_ doesn’t matter, I said! I can handle myself, Mikasa! And even if I don’t make it, at least I won't end up bringing you two down with me!!”

“Eren! I--“

“Mikasa, wait a second.” Eren calmed his tone down, making a point to slow his breathing. “I said I had two ideas, remember…? I came up with this as a last resort, but I still wanted to let you know about it. What happens next is for Armin to decide.”

“Excuse me…?” The blonde popped his head up to look at Eren.

“Even I can tell how unrealistic my plan sounds,” Eren continued, smirking. “This Titan’s power I have would be a useful tool for the military. This is gonna sound crazy, but if you can convince the military that I’m not a threat to them, then I’ll trust you on this, and that’s what we’ll do. If you think you can’t pull it off, I’ll go with my initial plan. You’ve got fifteen seconds left to make up your mind. Can you do it? Or not? Whatever you decide, I’ll listen to your advice.”

There was a pause before Armin finally spoke.

“Eren,” he murmured, looking anxious, “why would you entrust me with such a crucial choice?”

“You’re good at making the right call when things go south, right?” Eren told his friend, grinning. “I thought I’d rely on that.”

But the look of disbelief written blatantly all over Armin’s face did not disappear. Eren watched as the blonde’s eyes fell a bit.

“When did I ever do such a thing?”

“It’s been a solid five years. So many things have happened since then, haven’t they…?” Eren softened his smile, keeping his eyes locked on Armin’s. “If you hadn’t told Hannes to help us, Mikasa and I would’ve been Titan food. We’d be dead.”

Armin lifted his gaze again, this time as if staring out into the distance.

“Armin,” Mikasa said, “if you have anything in mind, I’ll trust your judgment as well.”

 

………

 

“People keep saying it looks like the smoke from a Titan,” Yasmin said quietly. She heard from beside her Marco’s heavy sigh.

“If that’s so, we can only assume that the Titan was killed,” Marco pointed out. “There’s no use in panicking just yet. Besides, if the Titans _had_ gotten into Wall Rose, you’d think our superior officers would tell us to move out on a recovery mission, right?”

“I guess so.” Marco’s statement made perfect sense, and Yasmin figured that he was correct. But even these blatant facts could not calm her down. She thought of her brothers and mother back home. How much longer would they be safe there? Though they were tucked away in the middle of Wall Rose’s territory, would they even be notified in time to get away if the wall _did_ fall? As much as she hated thinking about it, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Interrupting her thoughts, Yasmin saw Marco stand up quickly and assume the at-ease position. She immediately followed suit.

“What’s going on?” she whispered to him. Marco jerked his head to the left, not saying a word. “Who…?”

From afar, Yasmin could see a few soldiers approaching on horseback. They were moving at a decent clip, though by no means recklessly fast. A bald man was leading them, and for a moment, Yasmin thought it might be Shardis.

However, as he got closer, she could see that it was someone else. On his jacket, instead of a trainee patch, there was a pair of red roses--the emblem of the Garrison regiment. Around his neck was a purple bolo tie. Yasmin had never seen this man before, but she could tell by looking at him that he was powerful.

As he rode by, the smell of strong liquor briefly filled the air; it faded out as they passed, along with the sound of the horses’ cantering steps.

“Who was that?” Yasmin asked, turning to Marco and relaxing her stance. He breathed a sigh of relief, sitting back down.

“Commander Dot Pyxis, of the Garrison regiment,” Marco told her. “I can’t believe you didn’t recognize him.”

“Sorry,” Yasmin said with a shrug. “I guess I wasn’t paying much attention at graduation. Still, what is he doing here, I wonder?”

“Someone must have summoned him here, I guess,” Marco suggested. “Or maybe he saw the smoke from someplace nearby and came hurrying over. Either way, you should feel better knowing that he’s around.”

“You guys!!”

Yasmin turned to see Milena bounding toward her, Rosaleen and Erin right behind.

“Did you just see that?!” she breathed, eyes glittering. “THE Commander Pyxis, like literally _right_ in front of our faces! The man himself! In real life!!”

“Calm down,” Marco said, laughing.

“How can I!?” Milena shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. “He is, like, GOD TIER of bad-assery! I mean, I figured we’d be seeing him around soon, once we join the Garrison and all, but like, not up close and personal, y’know?!”

“It’s not like he’s too good to talk to us soldiers, though,” Erin pointed out, smirking. “I'm pretty sure just about anyone who joins the Garrison gets to talk to Pyxis at some point or another.”

“Ugh, whatever! Stop ruining this for me.” Milena dropped her arms and lowered her voice, but her level of enthusiasm did not waver. “I know I won’t regret joining the Garrison--that man knows what he’s doing.”

Yasmin smiled, crossing her arms and looking at her friend.

“Let him hear you talking like this, and I’ll bet he lets you into his squad,” she told the blonde. In an instant, Milena was kneeling on the ground, hands in the air again.

“That would be an _honor_!” she shrieked excitedly, causing a few nearby heads to turn her way. “I would lick his boots clean if he asked!”

“Get up, get up,” Erin said, pulling on Milena’s arm. “You’re making people stare.”

“Let her have her moment,” Rosaleen told her sister with a good-natured laugh. “We all have dreams.”

“You never let me act like that about my dreams.”

“Because your dreams involve Bertholdt, wine, and never leaving home again,” Yasmin pointed out. Erin shrugged.

“I’m an honest guy,” she said, her voice obviously mocking a certain horse-faced peer of theirs. Yasmin let out a groan as Marco and the others laughed.

“You know, you guys would have never thought that the Jean in the headquarters was the same Jean we trained with for three years,” Marco told them with a smile.

“Why, because he actually was useful for something?” Erin retorted.

“No, it’s because he didn’t have Eren there to argue with,” Milena said.

“No, it’s because Eren wasn’t there to compete for Mikasa’s heart,” Rosaleen jumped in. The girls burst out laughing, with Yasmin nearly doubled over.

“You guys…” Marco sounded a little disappointed, but he was smiling, too, so Yasmin couldn’t bring herself to feel bad. “Well, I won’t deny what you’ve said is wrong, but he _did_ prove he’s capable of having a good side.”

“He should learn to use it more often,” Yasmin replied, pursing her lips.

Interrupting their Jean Kirschstein roast session, a tall Garrison soldier approached the trainees.

“You all are to line up and wait for further instructions!” he shouted. “File up in the adjacent street and do not leave without receiving orders! Any violation will result in declaration of treason, and consequently, execution!”

“Sir!” The trainees quickly saluted to the man, then burst into a lively panic all over again.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Milena said, and the five rushed over to the designated waiting area, the smiles gone from their faces.

 

 


	18. Last Resort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone!
> 
> Two new pillows are available on my Society6 store: Armin and Milena!  
> society6.com/catherinebuntaichou  
> Enjoy the new chapter!!

_Adjusting her shirt as she followed her friends out of the mess hall, Nikoleta shook her bangs out of her eyes. Had she not glanced up just then, she would have run right into Sophia and Luz._

_“Check it out, Nikki,” Sophia gasped, pointing across the training yard. “The class ahead of us is on their way to their graduation ceremony!”_

_“That’s already today?!” Nikoleta asked. “It went by fast… That’ll be us next year…”_

_“We should go check them out!” Luz said, and Nikoleta nodded. After all, she would need to know who the top ten were; those were the people who would help her get to where she needed to be: the Military Police. She would need to know their secrets to success to make it into the top ten of her own class, and by learning even just their names, she could dig up some information in no time._

_Nikoleta followed her friends over to the edge of the path, where some other people from their class had also gathered to gawk. As she watched them pass, she noticed how young they still looked, save for the hardened looks in their eyes. But, truth be told, there was really nothing else special about them. She wondered if she, too, had reached that point yet._

_Having scoped out the top ten, who were leading the pack in two rows of five, Nikoleta was just turning to leave when an upperclassman soldier passed by--one whose face alone caught her attention immediately._

_“Oh my gosh, he’s like a tiny angel,” she whispered quickly, watching the blond pass by. He was smiling at whatever the boy beside him was saying. “He’s literally the most darling human being I’ve ever seen. Holy shit.”_

_“Who are you talking about?” Sophia asked, turning to her friend. Nikoleta grabbed Sophia’s arm, nodding toward the boy. “Who, the blond? …He’s like, one of the scrawniest ones in the crowd.”_

_“I’m going to ignore your opinion because it is wrong,” Nikoleta declared. “Look at his nose--look at it! It’s a little, cute, squishy nose! Ugh!” The blond soon disappeared passed out of sight, and Nikoleta let out a disappointed sigh. “Good-bye, little blond angel. You’re off to do great things, I’m sure of it.”_

 

“Stop right there, scum!!”

Armin came to a halt a few meters in front of Woermann and his soldiers, but his determined gaze did not waver. He began his defense for Eren’s life before Woermann could say anything else to worsen the already bleak situation.

“Eren is not humanity’s enemy, Sir!” Armin shouted, standing strong. “We’re willing to yield all the information we’ve garnered regarding Titans!!”

“Quit pleading for your life!” Woermann cried. “We won’t hear of it! You’ve just revealed your true colors right in front of us, but you’re still talking? Now that’s rich! If you’re trying to say he’s not a Titan, show me the proof! Failing to do so will just reassure me that we must eliminate the threat that he represents!”

“There’s no need for proof!” Armin had exclaimed this in a brief moment of panic, but he then fell silent in realization.

_That’s right_ … he thought, ignoring his shaking hands. _Who needs proof?!_

“It was never about what we should acknowledge him as in the first place!” the blonde cried.

“Excuse me?!”

“Many people saw what happened, didn’t they?! Then they must have seen him fighting against the Titans as well! And they must have seen the Titans swarming around him! That means those Titans regarded him the same way they do humans: as food! No matter how you look at it, that much is undeniable!”

A stunned silence filled the air, and Armin took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He could hear Garrison soldiers murmuring statements of agreement, and his heart raced at the thought of having gotten his point across.

“We’re going to attack!” Woermann suddenly shouted, raising his hand in the air. “Get in position!! Don’t be ensnared by their traps, no matter how clever! Their ways are alien to us and always have been!” Armin felt himself go slack-jawed as Woermann continued to scream. “I wouldn’t put it past them to be able to turn into humans and slip in among our ranks! We won’t let them have their way with us any longer!!”

_No…he can’t think straight anymore_ , Armin realized. _He’s too scared to think…!_

With tear-filled eyes, Armin looked over his shoulder at his friends. He felt as though his knees might buckle any second.

“Eren…Mikasa…” he murmured, his own voice sounding distant.

But the look in his friends’ eyes was exactly what Armin needed to see: determination, confidence, and trust. Eren nodded his head, and Armin gritted his teeth, his confidence returning in a flash of adrenaline. Balling up his right fist, Armin brought his hand to his chest and pounded the spot over his heart with a loud thwack.

“I was, I am, and I will remain a soldier! Sworn to dedicate my heart and soul to the restoration of humankind!” he cried, not daring to slacken his salute. “I have no greater ambition than to give up my life should it help that cause!! I believe that we should add Eren’s ‘Titan power’ to our own remaining forces! We might even be able to reconquer the town that way!!”

Armin closed his eyes, tilting his chin up, as if to make sure his words reached not just the Garrison soldiers, but the entirety of humanity.

“For the sake of the human race’s greatest glory, I shall use what little time remains ‘til I go to my grave to advocate the strategic advantage that he represents!!”

Though he had been pleading with all of his heart, when Armin opened his eyes, he saw Woermann’s hand moving downward, and he realized that his words had only delayed the inevitable.

But then, from behind the terrified Garrison captain came another figure, also donning the Garrison emblem on his chest.

“That’s enough.” The man grabbed Woermann’s arm firmly, but with a gentle smile. “Brittle as a twig, just as always. Didn’t you see how beautiful of a salute that was?”

“Commander Pyxis…!!” Captain Woermann gasped.

“I’ve only just arrived here, but I believe I’m catching on to what’s happening anyway,” the Commander stated, lowering Woermann’s arm. “You take care of spear-heading the reinforcements. As for me…” Pyxis faced Armin, who finally dropped to his knees, shaking all over. His fist was still held in a salute against his chest. “Something tells me that I would do well to listen to what those three have to say.”

 

………

 

“A plan to recapture Trost?!”

“As in, right away!?”

Words like these, in all sorts of tones, filled the air around the remaining 104th graduates who had gathered to receive their next orders. Yasmin looked around her; many of her friends had survived, and she was grateful for this truth. However, every single person in the crowd had a look of distress etched on his or her face. There were some that were more severe, one of them being Daz’s.

“Again…? We’re going back to hell again?” he murmured from beside Marco. “…NO!! I don’t wanna die!! I wanna see my family, _please_!!”

“Daz!” Marco shouted, grabbing Daz’s shoulder. “Watch it, man!! You’re too loud!”

But it was too late; Daz’s outcry had caught the attention of a nearby Garrison soldier.

“You there! I heard that!” The soldier quickly stomped over to Daz. Yasmin could see that this soldier, despite his age and probable experience, wore the same look of distress as the younger soldiers around him. “You want to walk away from your given assignment, do you?!”

“Yes, sir! I do!” Daz exclaimed, tears in his eyes. “This is nothing short of mass suicide, and it’ll avail us nothing! There’s no point!”

“What do you make of humanity…? What do you make of the rules…?” The Garrison soldier placed his hand on the handle of his blade. “I’d be well within my rights to have you executed on the spot!”

“FINE!” Beating the soldier to the punch, Daz pulled out one of his own blades. “That’s a hundred times better than ending up as Titan food!”

As Marco again jumped in to try to rectify the situation, Yasmin angled her face toward Milena, who stood on the other side of her.

“I’m not bailing, don’t worry,” Milena told her, smirking. “You two better not, either.”

“That’s pretty low, to think I’d ever leave,” Rosaleen replied, frowning.

“We’ve made it this far, I guess,” Erin added. “Besides, I can’t retire early if I don’t make it to the Garrison in the first place.”

“Whatever works for you,” Yasmin said, grinning.

“SOLDIERS!! ATTENTION!!”

The girls--and Daz’s episode--were interrupted by a loud shout coming from on top of the wall. Squinting, Yasmin could see someone standing up there. She only wager a guess as to who it actually was, but it appeared to be a male, and he resembled Commander Pyxis, who had passed them earlier. There was someone else standing beside him, but Yasmin could not tell who it was at all.

“I am about to lay out our strategy for the reconnaissance of the Trost district!!” Pyxis shouted down to them; his booming voice confirmed his identity. “Our objective is the gate, which has been destroyed!! To succeed, we must do two things: reach the hole, and close it up!!”

Yasmin felt the atmosphere of the soldiers around her grow incredibly tense with disbelief. She, too, felt a twinge of doubt, but she didn’t dare question it yet. After all, there was likely going to be more explanation to follow.

“Close it up…?” Marco whispered from beside her. “But…how are we supposed to do such a thing…?!”

“As for the way we’ll proceed, let me start by introducing this young man: Eren Jaeger, from the trainees unit!”

The figure next to Pyxis stepped forward; Yasmin could see his salute even from afar. Upon the mention of his name, the atmosphere changed yet again--this time to one of shock and confusion.

“We’ve been carrying out secret experiments on Titan shape-shifting, and he is the successful result of that endeavor!! He has the ability to create the body of a Titan and control it at will!”

“There’s no way,” Milena gasped. “Controlling a Titan’s body? And of all people, _Eren_?! I thought he hated the Titans!”

“I don’t get it, either,” Yasmin admitted.

_It sounds too convenient,_ she realized. _There must be something else going on besides that. “Experiments”? …I don’t buy it._

“He will turn into a Titan, pick up that large rock nearby the front gate, and carry it to the destroyed gate to stopper the hole!” Pyxis cried, continuing his explanation. “Your role, ladies and gentlemen, is to protect him from the other Titans until such time as he’s done moving the boulder!”

“Pick up that enormous rock…? That’s just…” Yasmin was surprised to see that the one murmuring in disbelief was the Garrison soldier who had been threatening Daz just moments ago. “Is that it? Are the Titans finally controlling us humans now?!”

“Bullshit!” Daz cried, once again losing control of himself. “I’m not letting you throw away my life over that kind of nonsense!! What do you guys think we are, huh?! Disposable blades? Hell no!!”

Daz’s outburst sparked several more, and all of them were in concurrence with his opinion. Yasmin glanced around, noticing several soldiers, of both the trainees squad and the Garrison, that were turning to leave. Daz was, of course, among them.

“Hey! Wait!!” The Garrison soldier was on Daz’s tail, but his confidence had obviously waned. “Do you want a capital offense on your head?!”

“Humanity’s done for!” came Daz’s reply. “I’m spending what little time is left with my family!!”

A few moments later, Captain Woermann stepped out in front of the retreating crowd, brandishing his blades.

“Say your prayers, you traitors!!” he cried. “Try to leave, and I'll cut you down right where you stand!!”

“Here are my orders!!” Pyxis’ voice rang out loud and clear to the anxious crowd. “Those of you who leave the place now will all be pardoned!” Again, the soldiers fell into silence, stunned by Pyxis’ command. “Titans are horrifying creatures, and once someone gives in to that fear, they can never fight one of them again! Those of you who have already experienced that dread are free to leave! And also--those of you who would allow their own parents, siblings, and loved ones to experience such terror for themselves are all free to walk away!”

 

………

 

_I have no idea if I’ll be able to use that “Titan power” thing to pick up that rock,_ Eren realized as he stood with his fist clenched against his chest. _But my duty is clear enough… Yeah, the whole thing may well be just a sham, but still, I have to succeed nevertheless… This is something I must do… I just have to…for the sake of bringing hope_ …

“Let us talk about four years ago! About the operation for the recovery of Wall Maria!” Pyxis shouted down to the soldiers. Eren's face darkened at the thought of the event. He figured that, standing behind him, Armin was probably wearing a similar expression.

“I believe I needn’t bother with an explanation!” Pyxis continued. “You all understand where I’m going with this! A reconnaissance plan!! It had a nice ring to it! But essentially, it was just a culling of the unemployed masses the government could no longer afford to support! Everybody kept quiet about it, thus allowing them to be driven out to their collective doom! Thanks to their sacrifice, we have been able to survive within the confined space of these walls! It was a sin of which all of us humans are guilty, myself included!!

“Conflict with the inhabitants of Wall Maria never became a prominent issue, since they’ve always attacked in small groups! But what now?! If Wall Rose is breached, we won’t get away with a mere twenty percent less mouths to feed! With only Wall Sina left to live in, not even half of what remains of humanity would live on! If the human race dies out, it won’t be because the Titans devoured us all, but because we humans became our own bane!”

As he listened to Pyxis speak, Eren thought back to their earlier conversation, regarding a common enemy for humankind to unite against.

_There is no such thing_ , Eren told himself. _But in the midst of fear, people will believe anything. That’s part of how we got ourselves to this point_.

“We cannot allow death to proceed any further within our walls!” Pyxis shouted. “Therefore, I ask this of you--please die here today!”

Eren felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned to see Ian Dietrich, the soldier Commander Pyxis had designated as leader for the mission. Behind him stood the other Garrison elite soldiers, Mitabi Jarnich and Rico Brzenska, and their respective squads. Among them was Mikasa; her dark grey-blue eyes stared Eren down, as if telling him, ‘it’s time to go.’

_Yeah. I know._

Turning to face his fellow soldiers, Eren nodded, and together they began to run toward their starting location along Wall Rose.

“Eren…” Mikasa’s voice was loud and clear despite all of the background noise. “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah,” Eren grunted in response. “Much better than when we were surrounded, anyway…”

“They said you were a human weapon or whatever,” Ian said, looking at Eren over his shoulder. “So long as you’re able to close up that wall, I don’t care. We’ll make protecting you our highest priority. We’re counting on you!”

“Y-Yes, sir!”

“We’ll reach the shortest route to the rock soon,” the Garrison soldier continued. “As far as I can tell, there are no Titans in sight.” As Ian spoke, Eren looked at where they had come running from; there were already soldiers lining up and taking their spots as decoys to draw the Titans' attention, just like Armin had planned. As stunning as the sight was, he couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of guilt. How many of those people were his friends? How many of them would make it out alive?

Turning to face forward again, Eren replayed Pyxis’ words in his mind over and over again to distract himself from negativity. If he could manage to plug up that hole, it would be a victory for mankind--their first real victory against the Titans. And if they could just keep up that winning streak, they could go back to Shiganshina.

“I can’t believe this--our fate lies in the hands of this brat.”

From behind him, Eren could hear Mitabi muttering to himself. But before Eren could interrupt or retort, a blur of tan and white appeared beside him. Rico only looked at Eren for a split-second before redirecting her gaze back to the front.

“Just so you know, Jaeger,” she said, her voice low and serious. “More than just a few soldiers will die during this operation--all for you. Our colleagues, our seniors, and our juniors… They’re prepared to die, of course--they’re soldiers. But they aren’t faceless pawns.” Rico kept her eyes fixed on Ian’s back as she spoke; Eren watched her face closely, but her expression stayed stern.

“They have names, families, and hopes and dreams of their own,” she continued as they ran on. “Alyosha, Dominic, Fine, Isabel, Ludwig, Martina, Guido, Hannes. They’re all real people, flesh and blood. Some have been living under the same roof since their cadet days. And many of those people could end up dying for you today. It’s your duty to make sure their deaths aren’t in vain, regardless of what happens in the end.” At last, Rico flicked her eyes at Eren. “So fulfill your duty with absolute seriousness.”

“Understood,” Eren replied, nodding once. Despite her intimidating tone and serious expression, she was obviously speaking from her heart; Eren knew it would be foolish to dismiss her words.

“Over here!” Ian shouted, dragging Eren out of his thoughts. “Let’s go!!”

Without another word, Eren leaped off of the wall, launching himself forward with his 3D gear. He could see his target--the giant boulder--straight ahead of him. Again, Pyxis’ words rang out in his mind loud and clear.

_This is…one step forward for humanity!_ Eren thought, clamping his jaw down into his thumb.

 

………

 

_When you think about it on a human scale, there is simply no way someone could pick up that stone,_ Mikasa realized as she watched Eren step toward the rock in his full-bodied Titan form. Landing on a rooftop near him, she kept her gaze on her friend, blades at the ready to come to his defense. _But we can count on Eren’s power to show us the way. I’m sure of it_.

To her surprise, Eren stopped walking and slowly looked over his shoulder at her.

“Eren?” she murmured, raising her eyebrows.

In what felt like just a split second, Eren’s giant fist was coming right at her; she was able to dodge the blow, but she could not avoid the damage to the environment around her. Wincing as she fell onto the rooftop, she felt a shingle scrape across her right cheek.

But Mikasa had no time to worry about her face--Eren was already rearing back for another punch. This time, though, she was prepared. As Eren’s fist collided with the roof, she launched a hook from her 3D gear into Eren’s shoulder and pulled herself toward him.

“Hey!? Mikasa, stop it! Get away from that thing!!”

Ignoring Ian’s cries, Mikasa landed right on Eren’s face. She stared into his large eyes, which were fixed on her.

“Eren!” she shouted. “Don’t you recognize me?! It’s me, Mikasa! I’m your family!! You need to pick up that boulder and plug up the hole!!”

Mikasa was interrupted briefly by the sound of a gunshot. From out of the corner of her eye, she could see Rico shooting up a flare to alert the decoy troops of a failed mission. Quickly, she turned back to Eren.

“Eren!! You are human!!” she cried. “You are--“

“Mikasa, move!!”

Mikasa jumped out of the way just in time; Eren’s fist slammed into his face, knocking himself off balance in the process. She watched over her shoulder as he collapsed onto the ground, right up against the very rock he should have already been carrying away.

“What’s the deal…?” Rico muttered as Mikasa landed beside them.

“It’s just one of those brainless Titans…” Mitabi sighed.

“Eren!” Mikasa shouted. But there was no response.

“Squad Leader Ian!” a soldier from afar called out. “Titans approaching from the front gate--two of them, ten and six meter class!”

“There is one more behind us!” another soldier shouted. “Twelve meters! And it’s coming our way, sir!”

“Ian! I say we should retreat!!” Mitabi exclaimed. “Closing up the gate was never a job for some kid, anyway!”

“Yeah…it’s a kick to our asses, but we should get out of here,” Rico agreed.

Mikasa could not believe what she was hearing. Surely Ian would not agree with them. Surely he knew better than that.

Turning to face him, Mikasa gritted her teeth. She couldn’t put her thoughts into words that would be convincing enough to win him over, but she could tell by his expression when he looked back at her that he understood her point. No matter what they decided, she would not leave Eren behind, and there was no good reason as to why they, too, should give up now.

 


	19. Struggle

**Chapter 19: Struggle**

 

_Yasmin had not realized that her breathing had been so shallow until she was back up on top of the wall. Pressed up against the wall down below her were dozens upon dozens of Titans. So far, their attention had been drawn toward the wall, as Armin’s plan had predicted. But how long would they stay like this?_

_“You all right?” Yasmin looked up at the sound of the familiar voice. Reiner’s face looked worried. “Don’t worry--we’ll be safe up here.”_

_“Y-yeah, you’re right,” Yasmin agreed, nodding. “I’ll be fine, thanks.”_

_“Hey, look at that!”_

_Yasmin turned to look at Marco, who was pointing across the way toward a pillar of red smoke. It was coming from the direction that the elite team had gone off in; she assumed it must be a flare. But a red flare meant a failed mission--was this a mistake, or had things really gone to shit so quickly?_

_“Red smoke,” Armin murmured, his blue eyes wide with shock._

_“Does that mean they failed…?” Marco wondered, staring out at the signal._

_“Why…?”_

_Without any warning, Armin quickly unbuckled his spare gas tank pack and set it on the ground next to Marco. He then bolted off, not bothering to explain himself as he broke into a run along the wall._

_“Armin!” Reiner called out as the blond passed._

_“Armin!?” Marco shouted after him, but it was too late. Armin sprinted away from his squad and the rest of the soldiers on the wall._

_“What is he thinking?!” Sasha breathed, wide-eyed. “The mission failed, right?! Running off now is suicide!”_

_“No,” Yasmin said quickly, squinting as she tried to follow Armin’s path. “Armin’s plan got us this far--he must have something in mind.”_

_“This mission…can’t be over yet,” Marco agreed, nodding solemnly. “We just have to trust that the others will pull through for us.”_

 

 

_Huh? What the…? What am I doing here? Am I sitting…? I can’t see a thing… What day is it today? Where am I?_

Slowly, Eren opened his eyes, squinting as his vision adjusted to the sunlight pouring into the room.

_What…? Oh. I’m home…_

Though the people in front of Eren all had their backs to him, he could tell from their silhouettes alone who they were: his family. And this was most definitely his house. He was wrapped up in his blanket, curled up on the bench in their kitchen.

Yawning, Eren pulled the blanket tighter around his body and settled into the cushion behind him.

“Sleep…”

Just as Eren closed his eyes and was back to feeling relaxed, a loud noise jolted him awake again. His whole body trembled in shock.

“Eren!! Can you hear me!?”

Opening his eyes, Eren looked over his shoulder to see Armin standing outside the kitchen window. His voice was muffled, but he was making enough of a ruckus by smacking his fists on the window pane that Eren could not completely ignore him.

“Get a hold of yourself!!” Armin shouted. “Get out of here, or we’re all gonna die!! Don’t you give into some lame Titan’s body!! Now, quick!! Get the heck out of this lump of flesh!!”

Eren sighed through his nose, his eyelids feeling heavy.

“Get out of here? Why…?” Eren turned away from Armin. “I feel like…sleeping…”

There was a pause, and Eren started to drift off again, but Armin’s shouting interrupted him.

“Who’s gonna avenge your mother, then?!” he screamed, slamming his fist against the window over and over. “What happened to wiping out the Titans?! You hate them, don’t you? They killed your mother!!”

Eren looked back at the frantic Armin with a slightly agape mouth. Now Armin was just talking nonsense, and Eren had no idea why.

“What are you talking about, Armin?” Eren asked, turning his gaze from Armin to his mother, who was washing dishes at the sink with Mikasa. “My mom is standing right here.”

But Armin just kept screaming, as if he could not hear Eren at all.

“Wake up!” he shouted. “Eren!? Are you here?! Hey!? If I stay here any longer, I’m going to be killed by Titans! I’m going to die!!”

“So…what are you saying?” Eren asked. “I don’t understand, Armin… Why do you have to stay outside…? What’s the point…?” Turning away from Armin, Eren lowered his gaze. “Why even bother joining the Survey Corps…?”

When Armin spoke again, his voice was quieter and much gentler.

“Eren…weren’t we going to explore the outside world someday?” At Armin’s words, Eren felt his eyes widen, and he lifted his head again. “Outside these walls…the distant sea, and the vast land of ice, and the fields of snow… But I thought maybe you stopped talking about it to protect me, right? To stop me from joining the Survey Corps, right?”

“…The outside world…?” Eren whispered, and as if he had lost control of his body, he suddenly found himself standing up.

“Eren, answer me,” Armin continued. “If you take even one step outside the walls, you will enter a hellish world.” At this statement, Eren looked at Armin over his shoulder. “So why, Eren? Why do you want to go to the outside world?”

“…Why…?” Eren echoed, turning to face Armin. “Because…because I was born into this world!!”

 

………

 

“Five Titans are coming from the breach!” Ian’s voice echoed through the air. Mikasa turned to face the squad leader as he continued his orders. “Retreat for now! Because of the situation with Eren--“

It caught Mikasa’s attention just as it did Ian’s--a giant boulder moving through the air, supported by a hulking, moving mass of muscles. Though his footsteps were slow and heavy, Eren was pushing forward at last. The sight made Mikasa’s breath catch, and she felt tears come to her eyes in amazement and relief.

“A great number of Titans are closing in from behind!”

Mikasa turned at the sound of the familiar voice; she watched as Armin landed on the rooftop nearby, running over to her squad.

“Armin!” she gasped, running to meet him.

“Eren won!” Armin exclaimed, red in the face. “Now he can carry out this mission! If we cover Eren until he reaches the breach, it’ll be our victory!!”

Armin’s words were like a signal to the Garrison soldiers; they brought their blades up and at the ready, burning with determination.

“Defend Eren to the last!” Ian shouted as his men took off toward the Titans. “Protect him up to the breach, even if it costs us our lives!!”

Mikasa stared up at Ian as he turned toward her and Armin.

“You two, stay with Eren!” he told them. Mikasa felt a jolt of surprise, and she heard a quiet gasp of surprise from Armin beside her. “That’s an order! Got it?!”

“Understood!” Mikasa cried, saluting; Armin did the same in unison.

But before they could part ways, Ian came to a halt on the rooftop. It took Mikasa a moment to realize what the hold-up was.

“Mitabi’s squad…?!” Ian gasped. “What…?!”

Down below, Mitabi and his squad were running directly toward a group of Titans that was headed in Eren's direction. Though what they were doing was practically suicidal, Mikasa understood what they were thinking: there was no better way to get the attention of the Titans that providing live bait.

“The Titans might eat us!!” Mitabi shouted back up at Ian. “But we have no choice but to get closer and risk being eaten!”

“Look at us, you bastards!” a member of Mitabi’s squad shouted up at the Titans.

“If you don’t look over here, we’ll cut your asses to pieces!” Mitabi joined him, standing out in the open with his squad.

As if irritated by the jeers, a couple of the Titans from that group turned and began lumbering toward the squad.

“They’re coming! It's working!” one squad member shouted.

“Run!!” Mitabi screamed, now at a full sprint with his squad. “Run to the buildings!!”

“Going down there like that is suicide!” Armin exclaimed, his face now pale with fear. “With no horses no buildings, there’s no way to fight!!”

“No…” Ian murmured from beside Mikasa. “Now, that’s their only choice…” Taking a deep breath through his nose, the squad leader turned back to the other members of his squad. “Follow Mitabi’s team!! By luring them toward us, we’ll be free to protect Eren!!”

 

………

 

_My body…feels like it’s being crushed_ , Eren thought as he watched a squad of Garrison soldiers go running out toward the nearby Titans. Right behind them, two familiar faces appeared; they stared up at him, wide-eyed.

_Mikasa…Armin…what are you doing?_ Eren watched as they began running away, directly in front of him, as if to lead him down the path. _If you walk around down there, you’ll fall prey to the Titans…_

With one heavy step after another, Eren kept walking, the boulder hoisted above his head. Though his body felt pushed to its limits, his spirit felt stronger than ever.

“Why do you want to go to the outside world?”

Armin’s question echoed in Eren’s mind.

_From the moment we are all born, we are free,_ Eren realized, watching the chaos around him with a heavy heart. _It doesn’t matter how strong you are--even if you try to reject it…! The flaming water, the vast lands of ice--it doesn’t matter what it is! To see that would mean I have become the most free person in the world…_

With another step forward, Eren let out a deep breath. He was slowly but surely closing in on the breach.

_Fight!!_ he told himself, pushing forward. _I would willingly give my life for that freedom! It doesn’t matter how terrifying the world is. It doesn’t matter how cruel the world is!_

Below, he could see Mikasa and Armin staring up at one particular Titan; when Eren glanced in that direction, he noticed Ian in its jaws. A second later, and all but the squad leader’s head had been consumed.

_Fight!_

There was one last Titan between Eren and the hole. He watched as Mikasa and Armin ran forward toward it, preparing to engage in battle. But before they could reach it, another soldier swooped in, slicing the Titan in the eyes. Rico hopped down, having sufficiently blinded it, and so Mikasa took her turn to finish the job.

_Fight!!_

Eren was now just mere steps away from the breach. A few more steps, and humanity would have its first victory.

“GOOOOO, EREN!!”

Eren heard Armin’s cry loud and clear; it gave him the last bit of strength he needed to thrust the boulder down in its place.

_FIGHT!!_

 

………

 

_How did it come down to this_? Erin wondered, looking around at her fellow soldiers. From afar, she could barely make out her sister’s figure, as well as Milena’s, following after Reiner and Yasmin’s squad. _…No. Keep going._

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a pillar of smoke--but this time, it was yellow smoke shooting up in the air.

“Yellow?!” she breathed. “That means…”

“Mission success!?” another soldier gasped from beside her. He looked as skeptical as Erin felt. Still, she could only assume that the signal was correct; no other flares accompanied it, so it didn’t seem like a mistake. It instead felt more like a dream.

“What do we do now, Caprice?” she called out to their squad leader--a Garrison soldier just one year senior than her.

“Head toward the elite team’s location!” the girl shouted, pointing her blade in their direction. “Kill any Titans that get in your way! We have to back them up and get everyone back home!”

“Understood!”

_I can’t believe it_ , Erin thought, taking off into a sprint across the rooftop. _Eren did it. I can’t believe it. We’re going to be all right. We’re not doomed._

Glancing at the Garrison logo on her squad leader’s back, Erin felt her throat grow tight. It was all she could do to hold back her tears.

_Grandpa…you would be so proud,_ she realized, unable to hide a smile. _Look what Rosie and I helped do. Look what humanity did! And it’s not the last thing we’re going to do, either!_

Her heart beating in her throat, Erin shook her hair out of her eyes. She felt the most energetic that she had felt in years, and her grip on her blades tightened as she continued on after Caprice and the others.

_Yeah…even if I retire early, I helped do this_ , she told herself. _Bertholdt, Reiner, Annie…every single one of my friends contributed to humanity. We should be proud of ourselves, no matter what might happen after this._

A loud shriek sounded from just behind her, forcing Erin out of her thoughts. Turning, Erin could see that a Titan had snatched one of her squad mates. The sight made her stop in her tracks.

“Keep going!” Caprice shouted, but Erin could not force herself to run. It took another squad member’s tug on her arm to get her moving again. “Protect the elite squad at all costs! That’s an order! No exceptions!”

Though her feet were moving again, Erin had her head turned toward the Titan; she watched as it clumsily attempted to climb up on the roof to chase after them. When she took a closer look, she could see that what hindered it so was that it could only use one hand. The other hand held her squad member, who was still struggling in its grip.

_…She’s still alive?!_ Erin gasped, keeping an eye on the Titan. _…What do I do…? What would Rosie do? And Bertholdt? Reiner? Yasmin, and Milena--they all would do the same thing… They would fight. But I…_

“Watch out!!”

Erin turned just in time to avoid a giant hand coming in her direction. She quickly hopped out of the way; the boy who had been holding her arm was not so lucky.

“Harper!” she gasped. It was all she could do to keep after Caprice now, but with all of the distractions, she had fallen several more paces behind her squad leader. “Dammit…”

Erin’s steps were slower now, and filled with hesitation and regret.

_I should have helped her…_ she told herself, gritting her teeth. _But I’m…not cut out to be a soldier, am I…? Rosie, I’m so sorry, but you were wrong._

A loud crash from behind made Erin turn her head again. To her horror, the Titan who had killed Harper was closing in, smashing its hand onto the roof every chance it could in an effort to catch her.

“Don’t leave me behind--!!” Erin screamed, sprinting toward Caprice. Reacting instinctively, she pulled out the launchers on her gear and hooked herself into a nearby building to make up for the distance she had lost.

Just as she shot off, Erin felt a jerk on her line. Down below was yet another Titan, albeit small, and its hands had grabbed the wires of her 3D gear.

Before she could react, she felt her body fly forward. No longer in control of what direction she could move, Erin grasped at her gear, trying to regain control of her line. But before she could even think to correct her movements or brace herself for impact, her body crashed into the roof below, then tumbled down into an alleyway.

… _I can’t move_ , she realized, sprawled out on the stone pathway. _…It hurts… Rosie…it hurts… Please…_

 

………

 

It took every last bit of strength for Eren to push himself out from the nape of his Titan form’s neck. As he emerged, he was hit with a blast of steam from his decaying Titan body. Around him he could hear the sounds of screams and shouts, including those with voices familiar to him.

Though he was barely conscious, Eren felt someone grab his body, pulling on it.

“It’s hot!” It was Armin, and though he was putting up a good fight, Eren’s body was still tightly fused to his Titan.

“Armin! How’s Eren?!” The voice sounded distant, but it was definitely Mikasa’s.

“He’s got an incredibly high fever!” Armin shouted back, still tugging on Eren’s body. “He can’t climb the wall in this condition…!”

Even with his eyes closed, Eren could sense Mikasa’s presence draw near. Armin’s voice also quieted down, and so Eren could only assume that she had joined him in his efforts.

“Shit,” Armin muttered. “He’s still completely fused into this other body! We can’t pull it out or remove it!”

“There’s no way out but to cut it!” came a third voice. Eren assumed it to be Rico--or at least, he hoped it was. Anyone else trying to cut him out of his Titan might do more damage than necessary, after all.

“W-wait, please!” Mikasa cried, but she was too late. Eren felt himself go tumbling down, with Armin still hanging on to him. After feeling his body touch solid ground, Eren finally had the strength to open his eyes, but as he did, he was greeted by the sight of two Titans approaching.

“Eren! Armin!” Mikasa screamed from nearby.

In the blink of an eye, a figure appeared between the Titans. Two blades came slicing down into the first’s neck, then the second’s--and all in a matter of a few seconds.

“Mikasa!?” Armin gasped as he moved himself and Eren away from the chaos of the falling Titan bodies. But from what Eren could see, Mikasa was right beside them.

“That’s…” Mikasa’s voice trailed off, and Eren soon could see why.

_The wings…of freedom…_ he realized, staring at the green Survey Corps cloak.

From his perch on one of the decaying Titan corpses, Captain Levi slowly turned over his shoulder, staring down at the trio.

“Hey, you brats…” he said. Eren stared up at the man, whose visage was shadowed by his black hair. “…What’s the situation here?”

 

 


	20. Interruption

_“Ugh, I’m tired,” Jean groaned, his footsteps heavy with exhaustion. Beside him was Marco, as alert as ever; the brunet made no immediate reply to Jean’s complaint, and so Jean continued to follow his comrades back toward the supply wagons. It had been yet another long day of training, and with the evaluation on top of that, Jean felt so tired that, were he to lie down at that moment, he knew he would immediately fall asleep._

_“…I think you’d make a better leader, Jean,” Marco said, breaking the silence and pulling the conversation back toward their previous discussion._

_“Me?” Jean chuckled under his breath. “You can’t be serious. Courage isn’t really one of my best qualities.”_

_Jean paused, glancing at Marco. He didn’t seem as though he was joking around, or trying to make Jean feel better. His eyes looked honest._

_“What makes you think that?” Jean then asked._

_“Well…don’t get mad at me for saying this…” Marco prefaced, looking a little hesitant. “But you…you’re not a strong person, Jean. So that means you can really understand the feelings of weak people.”_

_“…What the hell?” Jean muttered, giving Marco an irritated look. Was he just messing around now?_

_“It makes you adept at judging any situation accurately,” Marco insisted. “So you know exactly what to do at all times.”_

_Though Marco’s words sounded like a joke, the smile on his freckled face told differently. It was one of admiration, which made Jean feel embarrassed enough to look away._

_“…That’s why,” Marco said. “Do you understand?”_

 

Wiping the sweat from her brow, Yasmin turned to face Sasha, who had dropped down onto one knee beside her.

“I can’t do this anymore,” the teen whispered, eyes wide. “I wanna go home…”

“Hang in there, Sasha,” Yasmin said, pulling the teen to her feet again. “We’re almost there.”

It had only been a few minutes since they had seen the yellow smoke flare, but already Yasmin and her squad members were retreating back toward Wall Rose. Still, it wasn’t without disruption, as there were still swarms of Titans everywhere they looked.

Luckily, Yasmin had Reiner Braun on her side.

“Keep pulling back!” the blond shouted as he finished off yet another Titan. His chiseled face was covered in sweat. There was no doubt in Yasmin’s mind that he must be exhausted, but he was still fighting, and she couldn’t help but admire him for that. “Don’t stop now!!”

“We’ll be fine,” Yasmin reassured Sasha, releasing her arm. Sighing, Sasha nodded, and the two followed after Reiner as he closed in on another Titan. It, too, came crashing down into the nearby rooftop without being able to put up much of a fight.

“How does he do it?” Sasha wondered out loud, staring at their comrade. “He’s so strong…”

“I won’t question it,” Yasmin admitted. “As long as he’s with us, we’ll be fine.”

A few moments later, another soldier came down on the rooftop beside them; it was Annie, and she wore an unusually distressed look on her face.

“Reiner!” she shouted, and the blond stopped, turning to face her. “We need your help! Now!”

“Annie, I can’t just leave,” Reiner called back, gesturing to the chaos around him.

“ _Now_!” Annie repeated, her voice cracking.

“What happened?” Yasmin asked, feeling a wave of panic. But Annie did not respond, and soon she and Reiner were rushing off on their 3D gear.

“Yasmin! You lead the squad!” Reiner shouted over his shoulder before disappearing behind a building.

“Me?!” Yasmin gasped.

“Oh no,” Sasha said quietly. “We can’t possibly keep up killing all these Titans without him…!!”

Again, Sasha dropped to her knees, holding her head in her hands.

“I want to go home!” she shrieked. This time, Yasmin could say nothing to console her. In fact, she thought about joining her.

“There’s just no way…”

It wasn’t just that she doubted her ability to lead--it was the fact that they were surrounded by Titans. Reiner had been working as their primary attacker, and he had been doing an excellent job of it. Yasmin knew she could not possibly keep up his pace.

_Dammit, we’re so close…!!_ she thought, looking back at Wall Rose.

“What do we do, Yasmin?” one of her squad members asked.

“We can’t just cut through them like he did!” another said.

“…But what other choice do we even have…?” Yasmin murmured, turning to her companions. “If we don’t fight--“

Yasmin’s words came to a screeching halt as she noticed one of the surrounding Titans quickly approaching them.

“Move!” she shouted, pulling Sasha to her feet again.

Just as the Titan started to reach for the group, a blur of green and brown came flying in from above. Down came the Titan, its upper body landing on the rooftop with a loud crash. Yasmin stumbled back, just inches away from where it landed.

Through the steam rising from the wound in the Titan’s neck, a figure straightened up; Yasmin could make out the Survey Corps crest on the back of the person’s cloak.

_The Survey Corps?! They're already back!?_ she thought, staring up the blue-and-white emblem in surprise.

Suddenly, another figure landed in front of them; he wore a stern expression and held two blood-covered blades in his hands. He, too, wore the symbol of the Survey Corps on his uniform.

“Get going!” he told them, wisps of his brown hair blowing in the wind. “We’ll clean up here! You guys retreat to the wall!”

“Th-thank you for saving us!!” Sasha cried, her voice squeaking.

“There’s no time for that,” the man said, but Yasmin could see a hint of a smile on his face. “Just get out of here!”

“Understood!” Yasmin exclaimed, saluting to the man. Her comrades did the same, and soon they had reassembled themselves into formation.

_Wait a minute_ , Yasmin thought as she began to run off. Quickly, she turned to look at the Survey Corps soldiers again. _…I know I’ve seen that guy before--he was in the procession earlier! And the woman that was with him…_

From the smoke of the Titan’s corpse, a female Survey Corps soldier hopped down next to her companion. When she glanced back at the group, Yasmin met her gaze; it was indeed the same woman from the Survey Corps procession.

“Yasmin, c’mon!”

At Sasha’s terrified voice, Yasmin looked away from the soldiers and back to her own squad. Together, they took off toward Wall Rose, leaving the Survey Corps elites to take care of the Titans.

 

………

 

Sighing, Jean felt a chill go down his spine as he turned down the street to find yet another collection of dead bodies waiting for him. It had been two days since their victory at Trost, and since then, all of the soldiers who had lived had but one task: to gather up the dead. For Jean, it meant seeing the same sight over and over--people crying and screaming over loved ones and friends who had passed--and the stench… Even through the cloth wrap across his nose and mouth, Jean could still smell the rotting flesh of his comrades.

As he slowly walked up to the next corpse, he glanced down at his blood-covered gloves. How much longer would this last? How much longer would he have to live in this hell?

Jean found the answer to his question when he looked up from his hands and down at the dead body in front of him. It took a few moments for him to register what he was looking at, but when he finally did, his eyes widened in shock.

“…Hey…” he murmured, staring down at the mutilated corpse. A large chunk of his head was missing, as well as his right arm and shoulder. The body was lying up against a wall, but when Jean took a closer look, it seemed as though his head had been smashed into the wood; the paneling was bent from impact, and there was broken glass all around him.

“…M-Marco…?” Jean whispered, staring down at what was left of his friend. “H-hey, Marco…? Is that…you…?”

Marco’s normally bright hazel eyes--or rather, what was left of them--were fixed straight ahead, and his skin was wrinkled and pale. The longer Jean stared, the less it looked like Marco. But the faded freckles dotted across the remainder of his face gave it away.

“Trainee.” Jean could not pull his gaze away from Marco, even at the sound of a nearby nurse’s voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the woman approach him. “Do you know his name?”

“…” Jean had to concentrate harder than usual just to speak, and when he finally did, he could only stammer out his disbelief. “I thought I hadn’t seen much of him lately…but…him, of all people… This is just insane… Marco…what happened?”

Slowly lowering his hands to his sides, Jean turned away from Marco’s corpse and looked around.

“Somebody…somebody…anybody…” he breathed. “Anyone who saw his last moments…” But Jean couldn’t think straight at all--he couldn’t even remember who else had been in Marco’s squad.

“Do you know his name? If so, I could use a prompt answer,” the nurse stated. Her voice startled Jean a bit; he had forgotten she was there. “…You need to understand, trainee. It’s been two days since the breach was sealed. Yet we still aren’t done retrieving all the corpses. At this rate, we’re facing a risk of widespread contamination. We have to prevent yet another catastrophe.”

Jean turned his gaze toward the woman; she met his stare with icy blue eyes, lined with wrinkles.

“You don’t have time for grieving over your friend at the moment,” she told him. “Understood?”

Any other day, at any other time, under any other circumstances, Jean would have had a comeback. He would have fought her on that, and he would have raised a little bit of hell. But he felt drained, and he had to force himself to look at Marco again.

“…104th trainees’ corps…leader of…the 19th squad…Marco Bodt…”

Saying it out loud sounded too official, too real. Jean couldn’t bring himself to say anything more.

“Marco, eh? It’s good that you know his name,” the nurse said, scribbling away on her notepad. “You may proceed.”

But Jean did not move from his spot even after the nurse had left. He kept staring down at Marco, unable to do anything more.

_How…?_ he wondered. _How in the world did this happen…to_ you _, of all people? Does anyone know…? Armin? Connie? Yasmin…?_

The thought struck Jean hard, so hard that he finally was able to look away from Marco again. Surely, if Yasmin had heard about this, she would have already been here, and Marco’s body would probably already be in the pile with the rest of the corpses. So then…

_Shit,_ Jean thought, sighing. _She already hates me. And now I… If I don’t tell her, who will…? I…don’t want to…_

 

………

 

“How…?”

Yasmin could barely hear herself over Rosaleen’s screams from beside her. It felt as if she was just in a bad dream, and that she would wake up any moment. But she could feel Milena’s hand release hers as she went to comfort the shrieking red-head, so she knew she must be conscious. That meant, of course, that this gut-wrenching scene before her was real.

“ERIN!” Rosaleen wailed, dropping down onto her hands and knees in front of her sister’s corpse. “ERIN, WAKE UP!”

But there was no waking up--not for Yasmin, and definitely not for Erin. The girl’s round green eyes were sunken into her skull and staring up at the sky. Her head rested in a pool of her own dried blood, and her limbs were bent at odd angles. Uniform in tatters, 3D gear busted--whatever end she had come to had not been a pleasant one.

_Erin…you never deserved this…_ Yasmin thought, gritting her teeth as tears spilled from her eyes.

“We were going to join the Garrison together!” Rosaleen screeched, her words mixing with her desperate sobs. “Why?! WHY?!” Wailing, she wrapped her arms around herself. “I couldn’t protect you--!!”

“It’s not your fault,” Milena said quietly, hugging Rosaleen around the shoulders. “It’s not your fault. Not one of us is to blame for this.”

“But I...!!” Rosaleen looked up at Milena, eyes wide and red-rimmed. “If I had never pressured her...!! If I had never dragged her into this...!! If I hadn’t…” Her words trailed off and were quickly replaced by sobs. “This is…my fault…”

Yasmin knew that Rosaleen was not at fault for this, but she couldn't find the right words to tell her so. She felt helpless, and so she simply kneeled down beside her friends, doing her best to keep her emotions in check.

_Please, wherever you are, be at peace_ , she prayed, looking at Erin’s lifeless face. She watched in silence as Milena draped Erin’s arm across her chest, as if she was saluting. … _You never really said it, but…you were always worrying about us, right? …We’ll be okay. I promise._

“Yasmin…?”

Of all the voices Yasmin knew, this was the last one she had expected--or wanted--to hear. Lifting her eyes, her gaze met Jean Kirschstein’s. Though she could only see his eyes due to the cloth tied around his face, he looked disturbingly somber.

“What?” Yasmin hissed, not moving from her spot beside Milena and Rosaleen. _Fuck you, Jean. Can’t you see what’s going on?!_

“…I…need you to come with me,” he said quietly. At his request, Yasmin stood up quickly.

“Why?” she asked, irritated. “What makes you think you can just come over here and--“

“Look, just shut up, all right?!” Jean snapped. “I’m not coming over here to be an asshole. I came over here because there’s something you need to see.”

“…” Hesitating, Yasmin looked down at Rosaleen and Milena; the latter’s attention had been drawn up to the conflict, and she furrowed her brows. Judging by the expression on her face, she seemed to be thinking the same thing: if Jean bothered coming over here, he must have a damn good reason.

“Fine,” Yasmin muttered, walking toward Jean with narrowed eyes. “What do you want?”

“…It’s just over here,” he told her. Yasmin was a bit surprised at his tone; even when he had snapped at her, he still seemed incredibly listless compared to his usual loud-mouthed self.

The two rounded the corner, and Yasmin could not immediately see anything unusual about the situation. This street was the same as all of them--littered with dead bodies and broken glass.

But as they continued down the street, Yasmin caught sight of their destination; she stopped in her tracks, despite still being several feet away from where she had to go.

“No,” she said, her entire body tensing up.

“Yasmin…” Jean’s voice sounded tired, and had she run off, he probably would not have chased her down. But she instead slowly pushed forward toward the corpse.

“…You…” Yasmin was now just inches away from him, staring down at what was once the face of her best friend. “…Jean…what am I looking at?”

“…Don’t make me say it,” Jean replied, his voice shaking.

“Jean,” Yasmin repeated, her eyes growing wide as she kneeled down and stared at the pale freckled face before her. “What am I looking at?! What is this!?”

“Goddammit, Yasmin…” Jean let out a laugh, but it was obvious that he was holding back tears. “…It’s Marco. He… Marco died…”

“Please, no,” Yasmin gasped, reaching out toward Marco’s face. As gently as she could, she ran her hand over his blood-stained hair. “This is…a joke…right?”

When Jean didn’t reply, Yasmin’s hand dropped to Marco’s chest, where his hand was resting.

“Mar…co…” His hand was cold in hers; it felt so insanely unnatural to her. “Marco…you can’t be…”

_Haven’t I held your hand like this before--and it fixed everything, right?_ she thought, her vision blurring with her tears. _Why isn’t it working…? Marco…?_

“Marco…” Yasmin lowered her head, gasping for breath as her body shook with sobs. “Please… Marco… I thought…that you…were…”

_What happened to our dreams…?_ she thought as she let her tears fall openly. _What happened to the things we promised each other?! What does that mean now?! Marco…you weren’t supposed to leave me like this…!_

Yasmin’s thoughts were interrupted by the sensation of warmth on her shoulder. Glancing up, she watched as Jean kneeled beside her; through her blurred vision she could see tears rolling from his eyes and into his face wrap. His hand gripped her shoulder tightly; the gesture was small, but it was enough to let her know that he understood.

“How…?!” Yasmin breathed, turning her gaze back to her childhood friend. Her hand stayed wrapped around his.

“…I don’t know,” Jean replied quietly.

“He…couldn’t have…” Again, Yasmin lowered her head, letting her tears fall to the stone path. Her own face wrap was already soaked with tears, and she could barely keep her breathing steady.

_What the hell happened to you…?!_ she wondered. _How did this happen?! …Marco… I’m so sorry. I…couldn’t do anything for you… I don’t even know what you died for… I’m so…useless…and weak…_

“…You’re really strong.”

Lifting her head, Yasmin stared at Marco’s lifeless face. She could hear his voice as clear as day, and yet…

“In fact, you’re probably the strongest person I know--but the problem is that you don’t believe that you’re strong. And so you end up just like everyone else.”

… _I’m not strong, Marco… Not at all…_

“…We should get going.” Jean’s voice sounded distant, but his hand was still on her shoulder. “Come on, Yasmin.”

Hesitantly, Yasmin glanced up at Jean, then back at Marco.

_…I’m so sorry, Marco. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for you._

Gently, Yasmin released Marco’s hand; gasping for breath, she pulled her hand close to her chest as she continued to sob.

_…Good-bye…_

Without another word, Yasmin slipped out from Jean’s grip and stood upright again. She lifted her eyes to the sky, tears rolling down her cheeks like rain.

_Please keep watching out for me_ , she thought, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Let’s go.”

Jean’s voice brought Yasmin back to the present; she opened her eyes to see him standing there with a tear-stained face.

Glancing back at Marco’s body one last time, Yasmin brought her hand to her heart in a salute. To her surprise, Jean stood beside her and did the same.

_For Erin, and for Marco…_

 


	21. Hostile Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is taken to trial; Mikasa and Armin meet a Military Police elite who has a different way of thinking than anyone else they've met so far.

_“You lose your memory, and your dad is MIA, huh? Now that’s a convenient story.”_

_Captain Levi’s words alone were harsh enough, but Eren could tell by his tone that he was irritated._

_“Levi…I thought we had already established that he has no reason to lie,” Commander Erwin replied, side-eying the cross soldier._

_Eren couldn’t say anything in his own defense. Rather, it wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to say; it was just that he was already in a bad position as it was. Despite having saved humanity by blockading the wall, he had still ended up in prison. He had no freedom to talk._

_“There are still a few things I’d like to know, but…as of now, I believe we should ask you what it is_ you _want,” Erwin then said, turning back to Eren. The teen raised his eyebrows._

_“What I want?” he echoed. Commander Erwin had presented a good enough idea as it was--Eren wasn’t sure why his opinion would make a difference._

_“To inspect your house, we’d have to recover Shiganshina in Wall Maria,” the Commander explained. “The gate there is broken--blockading it quickly would require us to resort to your Titan’s power. Like it or not, the Titans have a definite influence on our fates. The Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan are like you, presumably…” Holding up Eren’s key, Erwin stared Eren down and continued, “Your will is the key. The ‘key’ that can allow humanity to escape this hopeless situation.”_

_“I… I…” Trembling, Eren lowered his gaze. Was Commander Erwin really right? Could he really help humanity…? As Eren began to recall all of the horrible moments in his life that had been brought upon by Titans, he realized that it was just like Trost--it didn’t matter if he could or not. This was something he had to do._

_“Oi, hurry up and answer the question, you piece of shit,” Captain Levi said. “What is it you wanna do?”_

_His body shaking, Eren slowly looked back up at the Survey Corps elites, gritting his teeth. Yes…he had to take care of the Titans. Every last one…_

_“I want to join the Survey Corps…” Eren breathed. “…And I want to kill the Titans!”_

_“…Oh. Not bad.”_

 

Though it had only been a few days since Armin had sat down to talk to Mikasa, it felt like an eternity had passed between them. For the past week, it had been nothing but body collection and, even worse, passing along the news to their comrades’ families. Armin had not known the people he delivered cloaks for, but he knew he was lucky. There were several of his friends that had brought home the bad news to the parents of close friends. Jean had delivered to the Wagner’s, for example, and Yasmin had brought home Marco’s cloak to Mrs. Bodt.

The bright side of it all was that it was done, and they could properly grieve for their friends, then move on to whatever was next. However, what was next to come was what concerned Armin the most--especially since his best friend was now in a Military Police-controlled prison.

“I heard that Eren is having a hearing,” Mikasa said quietly, taking a small spoonful of gruel to her lips. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days.

“Yeah,” Armin murmured in reply.

“What kind of hearing?”

“I think…it’s to decide what to do with him.”

Mikasa flicked her dark grey eyes up at Armin for a moment.

“What to do with him…?”

Armin shifted his gaze away from his friend. He knew that she knew, and he didn’t want to say it, but there was no sense in running from the truth.

“…Whether to let him live, or to kill him,” he said quietly. In response, Mikasa slammed her hands on the table, standing straight up from the bench. She stared Armin down with wide, frightened eyes, as if waiting for more explanation. But Armin didn’t know much else, other than that the Military Police and the Survey Corps were the ones to battle it out.

“Mikasa Ackermann! Armin Arlert! Are you present?”

Standing at the sound of his name being called, Armin turned toward the door to see a man in a Military Police uniform standing there.

“Yes, that’s us,” Mikasa replied, pulling herself together.

“Your presence is required at a hearing,” the soldier told them. “Come with me.”

“Yes, sir!”

Armin glanced at Mikasa out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to be a little more relieved, and he couldn’t help but feel the same. Perhaps if they were there, they would be better able to help their friend.

 _Then again, what use does the Military Police really have for us?_ Armin thought, frowning as he followed the soldier outside.

When they stepped out into the street, there was a carriage waiting for them; a Military Police crest was on the side of it, and another officer was waiting by its door.

“We will escort you to the court house from here,” the first soldier said. “When you arrive, you will receive directions on where to go. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Armin said. “Thank you.”

Before Mikasa could ask any questions, Armin saluted, and so Mikasa did the same. As the officer walked away, Armin relaxed his arms and gently took Mikasa’s hand, leading her toward the carriage. He thanked the Military Police soldier standing there and stepped inside, sliding to the end of the bench. Mikasa sat next to him, and the soldier slid in across from them, shutting the door behind him.

With a slight lurch, the carriage slowly began to move forward, and Armin peered through a gap in the curtains out to the streets.

“You both are friends with Eren Jaeger, then?”

Armin looked away from the window and instead to the Military Police officer. He had a gentle smile on his face, and his amber eyes seemed surprisingly friendly for a complete stranger.

“Yes,” Armin replied hesitantly. “Why do you ask?”

“You might have already figured this bit out, but you’ve both been called in as witnesses for his hearing,” the soldier said. Sighing through his nose, he ran a hand through his curly blond hair. “The Military Police has declared Eren’s efforts to seal the wall as a moot point compared to the threat he poses to humanity.”

“He’s not a threat,” Mikasa said quickly, and Armin glanced at his friend. He could tell she was fuming.

The soldier said nothing in reply, but he shifted his gaze to Armin.

“You’re the soldier who came up with that plan at Trost, aren’t you? Armin, is it?” he asked, and when Armin nodded, he smirked. “Then you would probably argue that Eren’s powers can be of use to humanity?”

“Absolutely,” Armin replied, nodding again. “And there’s no doubt in my mind that Eren would willingly cooperate with everyone to help take back Wall Maria, or whatever else may be necessary to defeat the Titans and get our territory back.” Armin paused before adding, “I understand the thought of him being dangerous, but isn’t not having him on our side just as bad, or worse?”

The soldier didn’t say anything at first, and Armin could not read his expression. His face seemed relaxed enough, but his eyes had a distant look to them, and for a moment Armin wondered if he had even been listening.

“Armin, do not ever forget what you have just told me,” the man said at last. “There are going to be people who disagree with that opinion, but those are the same people who have let our world come crumbling down.”

Stunned, Armin sat alert, blue eyes wide as he listened to the Police soldier speak.

“I think you both know this well enough already, but in order to change humanity, we will need the help of people like your friend Eren,” he said, and though his tone was serious, he did not seem tense. Armin could feel a sense of resignation coming from the soldier. “However, we can’t forget that humans must also help themselves. Both sides are necessary in order to change this world. That being said, even if they are fighting for the same cause, the two sides won’t necessarily always understand each other or get along. Acting upon instinctive fear, there will come a time when one side resorts to bloodshed to make its point known. It’s already starting to happen, and it’s working.”

The soldier paused, closing his eyes slowly. Armin took the chance to look at Mikasa; she looked as startled as he felt.

“It’s inevitable that lives will be lost in all of this--that’s just the world we live in.” Continuing his thoughts, the Police soldier opened his eyes again. “Not that it makes it any easier. Still, change requires sacrifice.” Putting his elbows on his thighs, he leaned forward toward Mikasa and Armin. “But it wouldn’t be wise to let that sacrifice be Eren Jaeger.”

Armin stared at the man, shaken by his words. Though his speech had been a bit radical, he had spoken the truth, and his last proposition made Armin’s chest grow tight.

“We won’t let that happen,” he told the man. “If something must be sacrificed, it will be for good reason, not out of fear.”

“…I’m glad to hear it.” Smiling, the man leaned back in his seat. “…Seems like we’re almost there. Thank you for hearing me out.”

“Who are you?” Mikasa’s question seemed rude, but it wasn’t until she asked that Armin realized the man had not offered his name.

“My name is Bruno Sertoli. I am the head of an elite squad in the Military Police.” Bruno’s expression softened. “If you ever need my help, don’t hesitate to ask me. I’ll do what I can. We’re all on the same side, after all.”

 

………

 

Giving a small tug on the chains bound to his wrists, Eren sighed quietly. He could feel the sweat dripping down the back of his neck. Despite being below ground, it felt warm and clammy in his prison cell. But if was to be honest with himself, it was mostly mental; being cooped up made him feel anxious whatever the situation.

“Excuse me,” he said to one of the Military Police soldiers standing guard. “I need to use the bathroom…”

“You just went a little while ago,” the man replied, his tone flat and unforgiving. He seemed to understand that Eren was just wanting to get out of his cell, if only for a few minutes.

“…Can I have some water, please?”

“Hey, you.” Eren jumped at the sound of the other Police soldier’s voice. He glanced over at the man and received an icy glare. “Know your place, you monster.”

Falling silent, Eren lowered his gaze to his lap.

 _Monster, huh…? I can’t deny that,_ he thought, narrowing his eyes in frustration. _But still…do I really look that scary to them that they feel the need to restrict everything I do? …Well, I guess it’s only to be expected. After all, even I don’t understand anything that’s going on with me, either…_

Eren sighed through his nose, recalling the confrontation with Captain Woermann and his soldiers.

 _Maybe I should just be grateful that they didn’t kill me yet,_ he told himself. But upon recalling that moment, he remembered Mikasa and Armin’s reactions--or rather, the lack thereof. _Come to think of it…_ they _weren’t afraid of me at all, not even for a second…_ Sighing again, Eren rested his head on his knee. He hadn’t really felt lonely up until that moment, but now it was an overwhelming sensation.

_What are they doing right now, I wonder? And what happened to the others? I wonder what they think of me now that they saw me turn into a Titan…_

Lifting his head, Eren tried to push the thought of out his mind. Instead, he chose to divert his attention to leaving the cell--assuming that he _could_ leave. Commander Erwin had seemed to think so; he and Captain Levi had assured Eren that something would be done. But whatever it was, it seemed to be taking quite a while.

 _How many days has it been since then?_ Eren thought, recalling the last time he saw the Survey Corps soldiers. _What’s going on outside? Could it be that I’ll have to spend my whole life here, imprisoned…?_

The sudden sound of a door opening and footsteps jerked Eren out of his thoughts and back into the present reality. He looked up from his bed; the Military Police guards were gone. But in a split second, a new face appeared in front of Eren’s cell, hands gripping the metal bars. Startled, Eren jumped back, unsure of who was standing before him.

Slowly, the person backed away from the bars; her reddened face wore a bright smile.

“You’re Eren, then?” the woman said, releasing her grip on the bars. “How are you doing? Anything new?” Her questions were casual, as if she was greeting an old friend and not someone she had only just met. “Sorry to keep you waiting for so long, but it seems like you’ll be able to get out of here soon!”

Eren gasped quietly; it was then that he noticed the Survey Corps patch on her jacket. As she pulled something out of her back pocket, another soldier appeared behind her. He, too, donned a Survey Corps uniform, and he stood a full head taller.

“It’s just, you’ll have to wear these…” From her pocket the woman had pulled out a pair of silver handcuffs; she held them out to Eren, still smiling.

Even though he was immediately put into the cuffs after being unchained from his bed, Eren was still extremely grateful for the change of pace. The tall Survey Corps soldier gripped him by the chain on the cuffs and lead him out of the room; the woman followed them, and soon the trio were in the main hallway of the prison. Eren’s room guards had reappeared, and the five of them slowly walked down the hall, their footsteps echoing against the cold walls.

“My name is Hanji Zoe,” the woman said to Eren, walking alongside him. “I’m a Squad Leader in the Survey Corps.”

Eren wanted to ask all kinds of questions, but before he could properly collect his thoughts, he felt a strange sensation on his neck. When he glanced over, he could see that the other Survey Corps soldier was sniffing him.

“And he is…”

“E-Excuse me?!” Eren gasped, interrupting Hanji to address the other soldier.

“…He’s a Squad Leader as well--Mike Zakarius is his name,” Hanji told Eren. “And he tends to do this to everyone on the first encounter.”

To Eren’s relief, Mike straightened up without a word. As if satisfied with himself, he laughed through his nose, which was rather large.

“Sniffing people is his habit,” Hanji continued as Eren stared in confusion. “It probably doesn’t mean anything, so just don’t mind him. I assure you, he’s a capable leader, despite his strange habits.”

Suddenly, Hanji gasped, then let out a quiet chuckle. She stopped walking, and Eren found himself coming to a stop in front of a pair of large wooden doors.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away with my useless chatting and hardly noticed we’d arrived,” Hanji said, reaching toward the door handles. “But don’t worry! …It’s probably for the best that you don’t know anything beforehand, anyway!”

“Eh?” Eren gasped.

“Just tell them what’s on your mind, Eren,” she told him, opening the door. “It may be presumptuous of us, but…we have to put our faith in you now. Good luck.”

Without any further explanation, Hanji gestured to Mike, and Eren soon felt himself being shoved forward into another room. Soon the doors closed behind him, and Eren turned to get a good look at his destination.

… _The military courthouse?!_ _So I was in the court’s dungeon this whole time…_?

 

………

 

“Well then. Let us begin, shall we?”

Armin watched quietly as Darius Zackley, the head of the three military divisions, took his seat at the head of the courthouse’s main room. Other than his name and title, Armin did not know much about this man, and so Eren’s fate remained that much more of a mystery.

“You’re Eren Jaeger, correct?” Zackley said, looking down at some paperwork. “You’re a soldier sworn to sacrifice your life for the cause, if necessary… Is that right?”

“Yes, sir,” Eren replied. Even from his spot in the audience, Armin could see sweat rolling down Eren’s abnormally pallid face.

“The usual law practices are inapplicable to you, as your case is special,” Zackley continued. “The military council is now in order, and the sole right to pass judgment on you rests with me. I will be the one to decide your life and death, here and now. Do you have any objections?”

“None, sir.”

“It’s good that you understand.” Glancing down at his paperwork, Zackley continued to speak, his tone growing harsher with each sentence. “Your case is unprecedented--it stirred a clamor inside these walls and brought forth two clashing viewpoints. There are people who call you ‘a demon that will be our undoing’…but other people consider you our savior, our guide to hope.”

Zackley paused; the silence gave Armin a moment to recollect his thoughts and get a better look around the room. The two opinions Zackley had just stated were both well-represented in the courthouse. One side stood with the Military Police, and the other with the Survey Corps--but Armin knew there must surely be exceptions to each side.

As if to further validate this thought, Armin noticed a familiar face across the room; Bruno Sertoli was standing there, blended in perfectly amongst fellow Military Police soldiers. Beside him stood two younger soldiers--a red-headed male and a blonde female--who Armin assumed to be members of his squad. Indeed, there were exceptions to at least one side…

“As expected, it proved impossible to keep your existence completely under wraps from the general populace after all. When an official announcement about your existence is issued, it will signify the emergence of a possible new threat other than Titans. We are here today to decide which military division you will be entrusted to. Ways of further dealing with you will be determined depending on this outcome. The Military Police…or the Survey Corps… Let’s hear what the Military Police have to say first.”

“Third Commander of the Military Police, Nile Dawk, reporting.”

The man who had spoken up from the crowd of Military Police officers was a tall, lean man with a mop of messy dark brown hair atop his head. He had a thin beard and looked relatively well put-together, but his face looked stressed. A red bolo tie hung around his neck, just like the indigo one Commander Pyxis had worn.

“We of the Military Police believe that, once thorough research of Eren’s body is completed, his swift disposal is necessary,” Commander Dawk stated, his voice steady. “This was the conclusion we arrived to after carefully considering the scale of damage that would be inflicted upon society in the case his existence is publicly acknowledged. The people of importance regard him as a threat. Yet, in this situation, those people, including royalty, still stick to their noninterference policy in regards to matters that do not directly concern the innermost lands, just like they did five years ago.”

 _Why am I not surprised…?_ Armin thought, pursing his lips as he listened.

“However, that provokes arising discontent among the people who consider Eren a hero--primarily among the residents of Wall Rose’s settlements and those who have connections to business companies. As a result, we have a situation where a civil war might break out over the territories still left to us.” Commander Dawk paused for a moment before continuing, “I acknowledge it was his Titan power that was the deciding factor in restoring Wall Rose in the most recent conflict. However, I also have to acknowledge that his existence is far from harmless. The simple fact of his existence has gained too much political weight. That is why, after we have gleaned as much information as we can out of him, the least we can do for him is to posthumously name him a hero of war who sacrificed his life for humanity’s sake.”

“No need for that!”

The sudden outburst came from a man standing beside the Commander; he was dressed in robes and wore a large necklace with the three crests of the walls on it. Armin quickly came to the conclusion that the man was probably a priest of the Wall Church. But why would anyone from that group even come here?

“He’s a vermin who tricked the divine Wall, bestowed upon us by Lord’s wisdom, and invaded our land!” the priest declared, looking incredibly serious despite the nonsense of his words. “He must be executed without further ado!”

“Pastor Nick--to order, please,” Zackley cut in, his voice calm but stern. “Next, let’s hear the opinion of the Survey Corps.”

“Yes, sir.”

Glancing to his left, Armin noticed a tall blond man step forward. Assuming him to be the Commander of the Survey Corps, the teen held his breath. Surely, whomever was responsible for the amazing military strategies the Corps had executed as of late could talk Eren out of a death sentence.

“Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, reporting,” the Commander said in a confident, steady voice. “We officially ask Eren to join us as use his Titan power to help us return Wall Maria back to the human race. That is all.”

“Hm?” Zackley grunted, sounding surprised. Armin, too, felt not only shocked, but disappointed and worried. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, sir. With his Titan power, it is possible for us to reconquer Wall Maria. I would think that the preferable option in this situation is clear enough.”

“…I see. By the way, Erwin, from where do you plan to execute this mission? I believe, Pyxis, the gate in the Trost district is completely sealed, yes?”

“It is,” the Garrison Commander replied, a bit of humor to his voice. “I don’t think it will ever open or close again.”

Had Armin not been so heavily anticipating Commander Smith’s reply, he would have at least smiled. But something was not right--it would take more than just a confident reply to win this case. Surely Commander Smith knew that already.

“We hope to depart from the Karanese district this time,” Erwin told Zackley. “And then, we will have to carefully make our way to the Shiganshina district once again.”

“Just wait a second!” a civilian from the audience shouted. “Aren’t all gates in all districts supposed to be walled up?! That Colossal Titan can only destroy the part of the wall where the gates are! If we get rid of all gates, there won’t be weak spots in the wall to talk about anymore! His attacks will amount to nothing and we’ll be safe!”

The man leaned forward on the railing, looking right at Commander Smith. Armin glanced in that direction once again; the Commander seemed indifferent, but Captain Levi’s expression had turned even more sour than it had started at the beginning of the trial.

“Or are you so hungry for territory that you don’t give a damn about us common folk!?” the civilian continued. “All you do is spout unachievable, idealistic nonsense that will only lead us to our demise if we take it seriously! You have no right to be called heroes any longer!!”

“You sure do talk a lot, you pig.” Captain Levi’s voice was crisp and cool. “Tell me, where is the guarantee that Titans will quietly sit and wait for us to finish walling up all of the gates? You keep saying ‘us,’ but what you mean by ‘us’ is really your friends who rely on my men risking their lives in order to keep your kind fattened up. Some people are driven to starvation because of the lack of land, but that probably didn’t occur to you pigs, did it?”

“I-I just said that we’ll be safe if we wall up all the gates, that’s all…” the civilian murmured, looking aghast.

“I’ve had enough of this blasphemy!” Pastor Nick suddenly cried, turning on the man, who had already shrunken down after Levi’s scathing interjection. “The Wall of Rose is granted to us by the Lord, and it is not in human rights to maim it!!”

“So this is why it took so long to mount cannons on the walls,” Armin breathed.

“They have influence, so that makes them a pain in the ass,” Rico replied from beside Mikasa. “For now, that’s just how it is.”

 _For now, huh?_ Armin thought, staring at the conflict that had opened up before him. _So then, how long will it take for this all to change, I wonder?_

 


	22. What Must Be Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Milena and the others return cloaks to loved ones. Meanwhile, Eren's trial continues, and Jean's feelings about joining the Military Police waver.

_Though the task of returning cloaks of fallen comrades was a gesture meant to lighten their hearts and help them move on, Milena felt as though she weighed a hundred pounds heavier when she returned back to their headquarters within Wall Rose. She had not even delivered to anyone she knew well, but that did not change the fact that they were dead. And the same thing could happen to anyone at any time._

_However, as exhausted as she felt coming back from her duties, she knew she could not feel too sorry for herself. Seeing Rosaleen come back from her visit home was reminder enough to her of why she was fighting: to protect humanity and prevent any more of this unbearable sadness._

_“C’mon, Rosaleen,” Milena said, gently taking hold of the red-head’s wrist when she walked into the mess hall. “That face really doesn’t suit you, y’know?”_

_“I’m sorry…” Rosaleen whispered, lowering her head. “I just…”_

_“No, it’s all right. Don’t say anything.” Milena wrapped her arms around her friend, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m here.”_

_“…Thank you.” Rosaleen’s voice was faint, but Milena felt her hug back, and that gesture alone was reassuring; somehow or another, they’d pull through this._

_“…Hey.”_

_Releasing Rosaleen, Milena turned to see Yasmin standing there. Her normally tanned face was pale, and her eyes looked lifeless._

_“Yasmin…” Rosaleen murmured, taking a step toward the teen. Yasmin shook her head quickly, biting her lip._

_“Stop it,” she said. “I can’t stop doing this…”_

_“Oh, shut up.” Milena reached out and took Yasmin’s hand, pulling her toward them. “Don’t act like you’re not allowed to cry in front of us. Especially me. Right?”_

_With a slight laugh, Yasmin shrugged, but Milena could see tears gathered in her eyes._

_“C’mon,” she said, hugging Yasmin tightly. “Let it out.”_

 

“Let’s get back to the business at hand,” Zackley said calmly after quieting the argument between Pastor Nick and the merchant. Tensions were obviously still running high, but Eren felt that things were still relatively under control. As long as Zackley remained cool, any outbursts would come to be silenced in due time. “Eren, I have a question for you: it seems there is hope for you to join the Survey Corps, but do you really believe you can put that Titan power of yours to good use as a soldier?”

“Yes, I do, Sir!” Eren exclaimed, nodding once. Though his voice was a bit shaky, his answer was confident.

“Oh…?” Zackley filed through some papers on his desk, then held them up to his face; his sudden downcast expression made Eren’s heart race. “I have a report on the recent mission in Trost that reads, ‘Following his transformation into a Titan, Eren swung his fist three times, aiming for Mikasa Ackermann.’”

Stunned, Eren looked over at his friends; he could tell by the looks on their faces that they were not nearly as surprised by this as he was. Did this mean it was true? If so, why could he not remember?

“Is Mikasa Ackermann present?” Zackley called out.

“Yes, sir, I’m here,” Mikasa replied, looking slightly irritated.

“Ah, so you’re Mikasa. Is it true that Eren attacked you?”

“…” Mikasa hesitated for a moment; Eren noticed that Rico, who was standing beside her, whispered something, and whatever it was prompted Mikasa to answer at last. “Yes. It’s true.”

As the court room filled with surprised gasps and whispers, Eren looked away from his friends, heartbroken.

_I tried…to kill Mikasa? Me…?_ he thought, eyes wide. What _else_ had happened at Trost that he didn’t remember?

“However…” Mikasa’s voice was back to its strong self as it rang through the courtroom. “Before that, Eren saved my life twice while in his Titan form. The first time was when I was about to fall prey to a Titan--he knocked it away and saved me. The second time was when he protected Armin and me from being shot a few days earlier. I would like you to take these facts into consideration as well.”

Eren looked up at Mikasa, who seemed to have recovered her composure. He could remember doing both of those things, so he knew she was not just making up lies to protect him. Maybe, knowing these things, Zackley would realize his potential.

“I wouldn’t be so hasty as to consider that as valid testimony.” Nile Dawk’s voice came next, and Eren turned to look at the Military Police Commander. “While it is true that these instances are described in your reports, we have come to the conclusion that there is a significant amount of bias in them, thus they lack validity.” As Nile paused to pull out some documents, Eren glanced at Mikasa; her expression had once again darkened.

“In addition, when I was looking up Eren’s background, I came across a startling record from an event six years prior,” Nile continued, looking up at Zackley. “At only nine years of age, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackermann stabbed and killed three adult criminals. Though it can be said that these two acted out of self-defense, it does ultimately raise doubts in Eren’s basic human nature. Should we really trust him with our most talented people, our funds, and the destiny of all humankind?”

“He’s a Titan that took the shape of a child to slip in among us!” someone in the crowd shouted, further raising the level of panic Nile’s words had given birth to. Though people were now shouting and pointing at him from all directions, Eren did his best to remain calm.

“Who knows if we can trust him or not!!” another shouted.

“That goes for her, too.” Shocked, Eren followed the commentator’s gaze and outstretched pointer finger to Mikasa. “Who’s to say she’s human, too?!”

“I agree! She should be executed, too, just to be safe!”

“No!” Eren shouted, unable to contain his anger anymore. “I mean, please, don’t! I may be a monster, but Mikasa has nothing to do with it!”

“Can we really believe a word you say?”

“It’s the truth!” Eren insisted, his body shaking. How dare they accuse Mikasa, of all people? Mikasa, the one who had saved them from certain death multiple times? Mikasa, one of humanity’s strongest soldiers? Mikasa, the girl who was practically his sister, and who had never once done a thing to harm him? Eren would not stand for this.

“You’re just defending her because you're buddies!”

“You’re WRONG!” Eren’s scream brought the entire courtroom into an eerie silence. He had even surprised himself, and so he brought his voice down to a lower, quieter tone. “All you’ve done so far is speculate and one-sidedly make assumptions that are convenient for you. But if all you do is disregard how things really are, you won’t get anywhere closer to the truth.”

_Should I stop?_ Eren wondered as his eyes met the stares of several terrified townsfolk.

“And besides, what are you all so scared of, when you’ve never even seen a Titan in your whole life?” he continued.

_I should really stop…no. I’ll keep talking. I’m gonna say everything that’s on my mind!_

“What are you going to do if the strong stop fighting for you? If you say you’re scared to fight for your survival, then at least lend your support to those who will fight for you. You spineless cowards…” Gritting his teeth, Eren stared down the Military Police soldiers and cried, “Just shut up and _invest all you’ve got in me_!!”

 

…......

 

Even from her spot up in the balcony, Hanji could clearly hear the sound of Levi’s first kick into Eren’s face, as well as the unpleasant crunching sound that accompanied it. From afar, she could see a tooth go flying out of the boy’s mouth; Eren slowly looked up at Levi, as if he realized it, too. But Levi only gave him a second of relief before thrusting his foot into the boy’s stomach. He then pulled Eren up by the hair to straighten him up again, only to slam his knee into Eren’s face.

Hanji had known that this was coming, and she could see who else had been expecting it. Mikasa Ackermann was obviously not one of those people; the teen began to move forward, as if to intervene, but her friend Armin Arlert held her back.

Luckily for her, and for Eren, the beat-down did not last much longer. Smashing Eren’s face into the concrete floor with his foot, Levi stared down at the teen, poker-faced as per usual.

“This is just my opinion,” the Captain declared, “but when it comes teaching somebody discipline, I believe pain is the most effective method.” Though his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear, Levi seemed to be talking directly to Eren; his gaze did not waver. “What you need most at the moment is not a lecture, but a practical lesson. …You’re also a lot easier to kick when you’re crouched down like that.”

As Levi resumed kicking Eren, Hanji noticed the faces of the Military Police soldiers around her and Mike grow more and more pained.

_How funny that they’re empathizing with him now_ , she thought, pursing her lips as she watched Levi throw his foot into Eren’s face.

“Wait, Levi…” Nile said, his voice shaking.

“What?” Levi grunted, looking over at the Commander while lowering his foot.

“It’s dangerous… What if he gets angry and transforms into a Titan?”

“…What are you saying?” Levi replied, quickly pulling Eren upright again by the hair. “Weren’t you guys going to dissect him?” When there was no reply, Levi dropped Eren; Hanji felt herself smirk as she saw a matching one appear on the Captain’s face. “I heard that after he transformed, he killed off twenty Titans before he collapsed. The fact that he possesses intelligence along with that strength can spell serious trouble for you, if he were to consider the Police as his enemy. But that being said, he’s not _my_ enemy. So what are you going to do if that happens? You policemen and all of those who have been picking on him should really consider this: would you _really_ be able to kill him?”

“Your Honor, I have a proposition.” Erwin Smith’s hand was raised, and soon all eyes were on him. Hanji couldn’t help but smile.

“What is it?” Zackley replied.

“A lot of things are unclear about Eren’s ‘Titan powers,’ which is why he will always represent a certain potential threat,” Erwin explained, lowering his hand. “If Eren should be put under our watch, I would like to have Captain Levi be in charge of him and take counter-measures if necessary. With his help, we can learn to control Eren’s powers.”

“Control his powers?”

“Yes. I realize that our activities in the lands beyond the walls depend on the stability of our society. As such, I plan to calm the people’s worries by proving to the public that Eren can be a valuable asset to mankind in our next mission outside the walls. I would like to ask that you postpone your judgment of Eren’s fate until then.”

“…Can you do it, Levi?”

“If we’re talking about killing him, then there’s no problem,” Levi replied, looking up at the General. “The problem is that there’s no doing this kind of thing half-way…”

Zackley paused for a moment, looking down at Eren.

“…I’ve made my decision,” he declared, and at his words, Hanji turned to Mike.

“That’s our cue,” she said, and the tall blond nodded, leading the way back toward the exit. “Ah, but wait…” Turning to look over her shoulder, Hanji glanced down below at the spot where Eren’s tooth had landed. “…We have to make a pit stop first.

 

…......

 

Without the light of the sun, the nighttime air was cold, and so the fire before Jean should have presented a calming, warm presence. But the fire’s fuel smelled of death, and if he looked hard enough, Jean could see the outlines of corpses trapped within the flames. The cremation of his comrades was something he knew would one day happen, but it was the context surrounding this event that made it so horrible.

And yet, Jean could not cry like Connie or Rosaleen, nor could he stand motionless and stare, like Bertholdt and Krista. Instead, he let his gaze wander around the area; he felt humbled by the sight of his comrades, and for the first time he realized how truly fleeting his life was. He knew, too, that he could not be the only one who felt that way.

_Everybody’s having second thoughts_ , he realized as he knelt down beside a small pile of charred bones. _If we’d know what kind of hell was awaiting us, we wouldn’t have chosen to become soldiers. …That’s all anyone can think of at a time like this._

Glancing down at his hand, Jean sighed through his nose. He was holding a piece of someone’s bone--a piece of someone’s body, something that had once moved and lived just like him. But now it was burned and singed on its edges, and it showed no signs of life.

_Hey, Marco…I don’t even know which bones are yours anymore…_ Jean sighed again, blinking with heavy eyelids. _If only I hadn’t become a soldier…if only I hadn’t met any of you…I would have gotten away without having to worry about who would be next…_

For a moment, Jean recalled Eren’s words about fighting back, about having strength and willpower, about gaining the power to hold one’s own against the Titans.

_I have to fight--I know that much already,_ Jean thought, gritting his teeth. _There’s no way around that. But, even then, not everyone can be a suicidal bastard like you… Not everyone can be…strong like you…_

_“Don’t get mad at me for saying this…”_

Jean breathed in deeply as Marco’s words rang yet again in his head.

“ _But you…you’re not a strong person, Jean. So that means you can really understand the feelings of weak people. It makes you adept at judging any situation accurately. So you know exactly what to do at all times.”_

_…What…should I do now?_ Jean wondered, looking up at the fire. Through the burning red flames, he could see Yasmin standing there, staring at the makeshift crematorium. _What is it that we’re supposed to do now…?_

Clenching his fist, Jean gripped the tiny bone in his hand and stood to face his friends. His knees were shaking, but he walked over to them, eyes wide.

“Hey…guys…” he murmured. “We’re still supposed to choose which branch we’ll join… Have you picked one yet?”

Before anyone could respond, the words started to pour from Jean’s mouth, accompanied by tears from his eyes.

“I’ve made my decision. I…” Slowly, Jean brought his shaking fist to his face; that tiny part of a human was still there, and the more he thought about it, the more he understood what it was he had to do. “I will…join the Survey Corps.

The words had no sooner escaped Jean’s lips when he was finally overcome by his tears. To cry in front of his friends was usually something that would mortify him, but he was unaware of their stares. Instead, his focus was drawn to the small bone still clenched in his hand. In order to protect something so frail as a human life, he had to become strong--joining the Military Police was safe, but staying safe would not give him that strength. He understood this well now, but that did not mean it didn’t terrify him.

When Jean finally stood upright again, his friends’ faces had softened, and there was a wordless understanding amongst them. But there were still those left on the other side of the fire.

_What will you do now, Yasmin?_ Jean wondered as he approached the girl and her friends. _I can’t say that I know the answers. I can only decide for myself. But…_

“Hey,” Jean murmured when he reached the trio. His greeting was barely audible above Rosaleen’s loud sobs, but at the least, Milena turned to acknowledge him.

“What do you want?” Yasmin then mumbled, staring into the fire. The flames cast an orange glow on her face and lit up her eyes, but her expression seemed hollow and empty; Jean could not blame her.

“…Have you decided?”

“On what?”

“Are you talking about regiments?” Milena then asked, looking up at Jean with tear-stained cheeks.

“Yeah,” Jean replied, nodding. “But…I guess what I mean is…do you know what you should do?”

“What we _should_ do?” Yasmin echoed quietly. “We can’t join the Police like you, Jean.”

“…I’m not going to join the Military Police, Yasmin.”

There was a brief silence between the four; Yasmin continued to stare into the fire, and so Milena was the one to interject her opinion.

“You’re joining the Survey Corps, then?” she asked. “Are you crazy?”

“Maybe I am, a little,” Jean admitted. “It’s just that…I know what it is I have to do. In order to protect the people around me…in order to keep humanity going--“

“I’m sorry, Jean, but not all of us are like you.”

Yasmin’s words were crisp, but there was a sadness to her tone that made Jean feel guilty for ever having approached her. Slowly, she turned to face him, the glow of the fire disappearing from her eyes; it left them darkened and somber, lined with dark circles.

“Not all of us have that kind of strength,” she continued, her eyes locked with his. “And not all of us can play the hero--not everyone has that potential.”

_I’m not strong, either_ , Jean wanted to say, but he could tell that Yasmin was not done talking, and so he did not interrupt.

“I am weak, but…I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. Somehow, I’ll find a way to be strong, but it won’t necessarily be in the way everyone else does.” Sighing quietly, Yasmin turned back to the fire. “It wasn’t supposed to end up like this--that’s what I keep telling myself. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this has happened to reassure me that I should trust my intuitions after all, despite whatever Marco may have told me…” Jean watched as Yasmin bit her lip, then pressed a closed fist into her chest, as if willing herself not to cry. “…I’m going to join the Garrison, and Milena and Rosaleen are going to do the same. That is how we’ll find our strength, and we will be able to protect each other. But I… I’m not saying what you’ve decided is wrong.”

“…I understand,” Jean replied, shifting his gaze from Yasmin to the fire in front of them.

“If you really do join the Survey Corps, please just promise me one thing,” Yasmin whispered.

“What?”

“Don’t let anything like what happened to Marco happen to the others, too.”

 

…......

 

“I’m sorry about that, Eren…”

Lifting his head, Eren met the gaze of Commander Erwin Smith. His large blue eyes seemed gentle, and his face was genuinely apologetic.

“You spoke your mind in front of the General and all of those Military Police elites--that gave us the perfect chance to play the card we had prepared up our sleeve. The pain you’re in now was also necessary to achieve our goal.”

“Sir…” Eren murmured, but his words were cut short as the Commander extended his hand to the teen.

“You have my respect,” Erwin stated, smiling. “And it’s nice to meet you, Eren. I look forward to working with you from now on.”

“Y-yes, sir!” Eren gasped, reaching out to shake his hand. Five years ago, if anyone had told Eren that he would be shaking hands with the Commander of the Survey Corps, he would not have believed it. And yet here he was, staring up at the hero he had admired from afar for half of a decade. He wanted to say so many things, but all he could manage was, “I’ll do my best!”

Suddenly, on his right, Eren felt someone plop down onto the couch; at a glance, he could tell it was Captain Levi, and he instinctively drew away, flinching.

“Say, Eren,” Levi said, crossing his legs and settling back into his seat.

“Y-yes?”

“Do you resent me?”

Trying to relax himself, Eren replied, “No…I understand that the act you had to put up needed to be believable.”

“Good, then.”

“Still, there are limits to these kinds of things!” From across the room Hanji came rushing over, holding a white handkerchief in her hand. “You even knocked his tooth out! See, look!” Carefully, Hanji lowered her hand and showed the men the molar Levi’s initial kick had dislodged.

“Don’t keep it--that’s disgusting,” Levi muttered, screwing up his nose in repulsion.

“It’s an important sample!” Hanji argued.

“Eren, wouldn’t you rather have a tooth knocked out over being dissected by freaks like her?”

“Don’t lump me in with them! I would never kill Eren!” Frowning at Levi, Hanji rewrapped Eren’s tooth, then turned to the teen, who was gazing up at her in awe. She had seemed a little odd upon their first meeting, so he wasn’t too stunned by her actions now, but he was a little surprised at how well she treated not just him, but the foul-mouthed Captain Levi seated beside him.

“Hey, Eren, open your mouth and let me see,” Hanji then said, kneeling down in front of Eren with a smile. Hesitantly, Eren opened his mouth wide, looking up at the ceiling. After a few moments, he heard the Squad Leader gasp, and he looked down at Levi, then at Hanji. Both of them were staring at him.

“Your tooth…is already growing back,” she murmured.

Closing his mouth, Eren lowered his gaze to his lap. He had the feeling that she would want answers, but he had none to give to her.

 

 


	23. The Special Operations Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets the members of Levi's Special Operations Squad and learns more about Captain Levi's history with the Survey Corps. Hanji's test subjects are killed, and Rowen and Catherine are given a new assignment, directly from Erwin Smith himself.

**Chapter 23: The Special Operations Squad**

 

_“So when is your enlistment date again?”_

_At Heide's question, Milena lifted her eyes from her paperwork to meet her sister's gaze._

_“Two weeks from tomorrow,” she reminded her, her tone flat._

_“And then what?” Andrej, Heide’s husband, asked. “Do you already know what regiment you want to join?”_

_“Go for the Police,” Katja jumped in, her face reddening in excitement. “Imagine the pay you’ll get from that job, Millie.”_

_“I could care less about that,” Milena told her, sticking out her tongue. “I want to join the Garrison.”_

_“Ew, why?”_

_“Yeah, what’s so special about them?” Heide added. Her focus was mostly directed on the stew she was stirring, though, so Milena didn’t bother answering her question._

_“At least it’s not the Survey Corps,” Aaron, Katja’s husband, pointed out. “That’s pretty much a death sentence.”_

_“Yeah, she’s not that crazy after all,” Katja teased, grinning._

_“You don’t get it!” Milena exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table. “It’s not about staying safe! There’s no such thing anymore, anyway! I’m joining the Garrison because I want to help humanity get beyond the walls!”_

_At her outburst, Heide let out a shrill laugh._

_“You’re pretty funny, Millie,” she said. “But you don’t get the first thing about how this world works. People with dreams like you are destined to fall flat on their face.”_

_“That’s a little harsh, Heide,” Andrej cut in._

_“But hey, I guess you can always look for a nice guy in the Garrison, right?”_

_Clenching her jaw in anger, Milena stood up quickly, gathering her enlistment information into her hands. Without another word, she turned from the kitchen table and ran to her room, just in time to hide her tears._

 

It had been a couple of days since his trial, and already Eren felt quite a bit better about his situation. He had been taken in as a member of the Survey Corps, which had been his goal in the first place, and though he was the youngest member, he felt that people respected him more than he deserved.

The only thing that struck Eren as odd was that so far, the people in the Survey Corps had not been what Eren expected in the slightest. Captain Levi, the famed hero of mankind, was impatient and also much stricter than Eren had imagined. And the Captain’s squad was just as unusual, with a man named Auruo Bossard taking the prize for the most abnormal of the bunch.

On the day that the Survey Corps relocated to their new headquarters, Auruo had done nothing but run his mouth the entire way there; with Captain Levi staring him down and watching every movement, there was no way Eren could get out of it. Luckily, some kind of karma stepped in--Auruo was silenced after taking a large bite into his own tongue when his horse stumbled. Eren was grateful for the peace and quiet, and upon their arrival he managed to get away from Auruo and took his horse to the stable.

Still, the members of the Special Operations Squad were charged with watching Eren at all times, and so soon, Auruo and another one of those soldiers had joined Eren at the stable.

“Biting your tongue like that is exactly what you deserve after running your mouth like that,” Petra Ral told the miserable Auruo. Eren watched over his shoulder as she looked down at Auruo, brushing locks of her short, ginger hair out of her face.

“First impressions are everything, dear,” Auruo replied, crouched down by the well. He took a drink of water, then smirked. “That shitty brat got scared outta his pants with the talking to I gave him.”

“I think he was just shocked to see how much of a moron you are, Auruo.”

“Tch, whatever. It doesn’t change anything, anyway.”

“Hey…you didn’t used to talk like that in the past, did you?” Petra asked, her tone changing from one of frustration to one of disappointment. “If…if you’re talking like that to try to imitate Captain Levi, then please, stop it. You two have nothing in common…nothing at all.”

Taking another drink of water, Auruo let out a low laugh.

“Hmph! What, tryin’ to boss me around now, huh, Petra? That kind of behavior just won’t work if you’re going to be my wife.”

“I wish you had bitten off your tongue and bled to death…”

_So these are the people chosen by Levi to keep a watch on me...?_ Eren thought, watching as Gunther Schultz and Eld Jinn came into view. Between those four soldiers, plus himself, they made up Levi’s special squad, and they had certainly earned their spot. Eren could remember some of what Auruo had told him about their kill records--in just a few short years, they had survived more than enough fights with Titans to prove their strength. _The_ _se people are under orders to keep me in check when I use my Titan power…and to finish me off if I go berserk_. And there was no doubt in Eren’s mind that they were perfectly capable of doing so.

“This building is desolated,” Gunther said quietly, looking up at the old abandoned castle.

“And it’s covered in weeds,” Eld added, frowning.

“That sounds like a pretty big problem.”

From behind came Captain Levi, looking as irritated as ever. Eld and Gunther exchanged glances, as did Petra and Auruo, while Eren watched in silence.

“Time to get to work, then,” Levi told them, walking toward the front door.

“Oi, you heard the Captain!” Auruo shouted, addressing Eren. “Time to get to work!!”

Eren had no idea what Captain Levi had meant, but in order to stay out of trouble, Eren followed Auruo and the others inside. The castle was musty and filled with cobwebs; to Eren’s surprise and slight amusement, he noticed Captain Levi openly cringe in disgust. But there was no time to ask any questions--soon Eren found himself with a broom in his hand and a dustpan in the other. One white bandana covered his face, while the other covered his hair; both were meant to shield him from the dust and dirt he would be sure to encounter. It became the uniform of everyone in the squad, including the Captain. Yes, the work to be done was only cleaning.

However, it did not take Eren long to notice that the only people cleaning were the members of Squad Levi; other Survey Corps soldiers had entered the castle and were moving things in, such as supplies, but none of them had the cleaning rags or brooms Eren and his companions were holding. Was this all really because of Levi?

Regardless, Eren didn’t protest, and he soon finished off the upstairs bedrooms.

“Captain, I’m finished with cleaning the upper floor,” Eren told Levi when he came downstairs. The Captain was standing at an open window; the height of the window only further exaggerated his height (or lack thereof). “…May I ask where my room will be?”

“Your room is in the dungeon,” Levi replied, pulling down the bandana from his face.

“Another dungeon…”

“Of course. You can’t exactly control yourself, after all.” Levi’s tone was completely matter-of-fact, so Eren knew he meant nothing personal, but his words were still somewhat hurtful. “If you turn into a Titan in your sleep, we’ll be able to restrain you if you’re down there. That’s one of the conditions that we had to accept when you were released to us. There are rules that we have to abide by.”

Eren did not know what to say. The fact that there were rules, or that the rules involved him sleeping in a dungeon again, did not confuse him. Instead, it was Captain Levi’s attitude that left him speechless.

“I’ll go check the room you cleaned,” Levi then told Eren, walking away. “You start cleaning here.”

“Yes, sir…”

Just a moment later, Eren felt another presence in the room again.

“You look kind of disappointed, Eren,” Petra said with a kind smile.

“Huh?”

“It’s not rare for people to get upset after talking to him,” she continued, glancing back where Captain Levi had walked away. “After all, he’s not what people expect to see, you know? He doesn’t look like the flawless hero they imagine, starting with his short stature. He’s also unexpectedly tense, rude, and unapproachable.”

“What I guess really surprised me about him is that he obeys his superiors’ orders without objection,” Eren admitted as Petra began sweeping the room.

“You thought that since he’s strong and influential, he wouldn’t care much about things like ranks and the chain of command?”

“Yes… I didn’t expect him to submit to anyone’s orders.”

Petra paused her sweeping for a moment, her eyes wandering the room.

“Well, I don’t know the details, but I heard that in the past he _was_ very similar to what you described…” she said. “Supposedly, before joining the Survey Corps, he was a notorious thug in the underground circles of the capital. I don’t know what happened, but it seems like he joined the Corps after meeting Erwin.”

“The Commander?!” Eren gasped, intrigued. This was the first he had heard of any of this.

“Oi, Eren.”

Levi’s voice seemed even colder than usual, and his expression matched as he returned to the room. Petra immediately returned to sweeping as Eren stood alert once again.

“Y-yes, sir!” he stammered.

“That won’t do,” Levi stated. “Go redo all of it.”

 

………

 

“We’re under orders to stand by for a few more days, but I heard that a large-scale expedition to the outer lands is being prepared,” Eld told his comrades that evening as they were finishing their dinner off with tea. Eren had never tasted anything of this quality, and he was admittedly surprised that the Survey Corps owned such a delicacy. But he didn’t dare question it, especially after the incident that afternoon with Captain Levi. Truth be told, Eren was just glad that he was sitting as far away from Levi as possible--and also that the chores were done for the day.

“On top of that, newly graduated recruits will join us,” Eld continued, frowning. “Is that true, Eren?”

“That’s too soon. Not to mention that those new recruits have just survived the Titans’ attack from the other day,” Gunther cut in. Eren didn’t mind, though, because he did not have a good answer to Eld’s question anyway. Would people even join the Survey Corps after what happened in Trost?

“I bet they were shocked to tears over it,” Auruo added, chuckling under his breath.

“Is that true about the expedition, Captain?” Petra asked, looking to Levi for answers.

“Strategy doesn’t fall under my responsibilities,” Levi admitted, taking a sip of tea. “It’s up to Erwin to decide. He’s always thinking a few more steps ahead of us.”

“True…” Eld admitted, but he still looked worried. “The situation has changed. The route for Wall Maria’s recovery that we paid great sacrifices to establish is gone, just like that…but at the same time, a new hope unlike anything ever before has appeared out of the blue…”

Eld’s voice trailed off, and it was then that Eren realized that everyone in the room was staring at him, even Captain Levi.

“I still can’t believe it, but…how does it feel to become a Titan?” Eld then asked Eren, his expression softening.

“My memories of the times when I transformed aren’t exactly reliable…” Eren confessed. “Well, anyway, it’s something similar to being in a feverish state…and in order to transform I need to injure myself. So I bite my hand and…”

_Huh?_ Eren paused, looking down at his hand. _Why do I know for sure that I need to injure myself in order to transform? How…?_

“You should all be aware of this already,” Levi interrupted, drawing the focus away from Eren. (AN: ATTENTION WHORE FUCK U) “You won’t get anything out of him other than what’s already written in the reports.” Sighing, Levi sat back in his chair. “Well, I don’t suppose it’ll stop _that one_ from trying, though. One wrong prick and you might die, Eren.”

“Huh?” the teen gasped. “’That one’?”

Eren nearly jumped out of his seat as something heavy collided with the door behind Levi with a loud bang. A few seconds later, the door burst open, revealing a familiar face.

“Good evening, Squad Levi!” Hanji exclaimed, waving to the soldiers. “How is the castle life treating you?”

“Her,” Levi replied as Eren stared at the messy-haired Squad Leader. She was all smiles as she headed right over to him, sitting down across from him at the only empty chair at the table.

“Squad Leader Hanji...” Eren murmured as she met his gaze.

“Right now I'm in charge of researching a couple of Titans we capture alive in the city,” she told the teen, cutting right to the chase. “And I'd like to ask you to assist me in my experiments tomorrow, Eren. I'm here to get your approval.”

“Experiments?” Eren echoed. “But I don't see what role I have to play.”

“Oh, you...you'll have the most exciting role of all,” Hanji declared, her face covered in sweat. Her glasses were starting to fog up, and her cheeks were bright red. Although he was hesitant, Eren did not want to be rude and tell her no.

“Uh, well, you see...I'm not the one who can give you the OK you want...” Eren told her, glancing at Captain Levi. “I'm not exactly free to decide what I can and can't do, so...”

“Levi,” Hanji said, whipping her head to face the short-tempered Captain. “What plans do you have tomorrow in regards to Eren?”

“...Cleaning the yard,” Levi replied. Eren felt himself tense up; he had expected Levi to come up with a better explanation than that for why Eren would not be participating in Hanji's experiments.

“All right! That settles it, then!” Hanji grasped Eren's hand, shaking it firmly with a large grin on her face. “Eren, see you tomorrow!”

“Ah, OK...” Eren murmured, realizing that his fate was sealed. “I would like to ask you, though, what kind of experiments are you talking about?”

In response, Hanji released Eren's hand and stared at him; her expression was a mixture of surprise and delight. From beside him, Eren felt a jab to his side, and he glanced over to see Auruo's grimace.

“You moron!” the man hissed. “Shut it! Don't ask her that!”

“But--”

“Uh-huh, I thought so...” Hanji's voice was low, and her glasses had started fogging up again. “I thought it looked like you were curious to know...”

Just as Eren was about to ask Auruo what was going on, the man stood up and started to leave. And it was not just him--all of his squad mates were headed toward the door, with Captain Levi at the lead.

“Well, if that's the case, I guess it can't be helped,” Hanji said, staring at Eren with a bright smile. “I'll tell you all about it--what I want to try with the Titans we captured...”

 

…......

 

Moblit Berner knew his squad leader well.

They hadn't been friends as trainees, and their reasons for joining the Survey Corps were different as well. But Moblit knew Hanji and felt that he understood her well, so much so that when presented the opportunity to join her squad, he took it. Had he known he would end up constantly having to pull her away from the jaws of captured Titans, he might not have volunteered. But regardless, he knew his role, and his emotional investment in his squad was now too great to let go.

So, when Moblit awoke to find Sawney and Bean, Hanji's beloved Titans, reduced to steaming corpses, he was able to take immediate action.

“Nifa, have you seen Squad Leader Hanji?!” Moblit cried as he burst into the Survey Corps dining hall.

“Not since last night,” the tiny brunette replied, shaking her head. “Why? What happened?”

“Gather up the others,” Moblit told her. “Sawney and Bean were killed.”

Moblit didn't bother telling Nifa any more than that--being a member of Hanji's squad took a special type of person, and Nifa was one of them. She did not need to know any more details to understand what she needed to do.

Recalling that Hanji had left to talk to Eren the previous night, Moblit raced toward the stables and grabbed the reigns of his horse. The sun was just starting to rise as he sped off toward the new Survey Corps headquarters. He hoped Hanji would still be there--if not, finding her might prove more difficult than he imagined.

However, when he finally arrived, Moblit could see that his squad leader's horse was still in the stable next to Levi's, and so he raced inside and down the halls.

“Gunther!” he shouted at the first person he saw. The brunet stopped and turned; Eld stopped with him. “Where is Squad Leader Hanji?”

“Upstairs talking to Eren, last time I saw her,” Gunther replied. “Seems like they were there all night.”

“Thank you!” Moblit exclaimed, not bothering to comment on Gunther's remark. After all, if anyone knew Hanji's potential for chatting the night away, it was him.

When Moblit reached the second floor of the castle, he headed straight for the first door he saw. He could hear voices coming from inside the room, and so he threw open the door without a moment of hesitation.

“Is Squad Leader Hanji here?!” he shouted as he burst into the room. Sure enough, like Gunter had said, Hanji was sitting across from Eren; it was obvious neither had gotten any sleep that night, but Hanji's eyes still had a fiery glow to them. However, that glow changed upon seeing Moblit's panicked expression.

“Our test subjects...” Moblit breathed, and Hanji immediately jerked her body toward him. “Sawney and Bean...they were murdered!!”

 

…......

 

As much as it pained him to watch Hanji's mental breakdown, Erwin stood silently at the scene of the crime. After all, no amount of words would change their situation now--in fact, saying too much could cause more trouble. Erwin instead put his mind to work and began to arrange the situation in the most logical way possible.

Early that morning, before the sun had even risen, Sawney and Bean had been killed. It was said that whoever the culprit was, was wearing three-dimensional maneuvering gear. There was the possibility that the person acted alone, but it was equally possible that there were others involved.

_Why?_ Erwin asked himself, glancing around at the various members of the Garrison and Survey Corps around him. _What would make someone want to kill these Titans? They were valuable test subjects and would aid humanity in its struggle to understand the origins of the Titans. Therefore..._

The thoughts began to click and lock into place in his mind like gears and cogs would in any well-functioning machine.

_Therefore, the person or persons who would be interested in killing these Titans would not likely hold interest in helping humanity understand Titans,_ he concluded, pursing his lips. _It's as I thought. The Colossal Titan, and the Armored Titan...they are like Eren--humans who possess the ability to turn into a Titan. But their goal is not to help humanity--it is to destroy it. But why...?_

Erwin glanced around the area again, watching the soldiers carefully.

_Those people could be among us--no. They_ are _among us. It's just a matter of finding who they are and discovering their motives. Or, should I say, gaining clarity of their motives. One thing is for sure: Eren is a key component in all of this. There is no doubt that these other shifters realize this. That makes Eren quite the target..._

“Oi, Erwin.”

Levi's gruff voice sounded impatient.

“How much longer are we going to stand here?” the Captain asked. “The Military Police will clean up here--standing around is just a waste of time.”

“...Find Eren and your squad,” Erwin said quietly. “We'll leave soon.”

Without another word, Levi walked away, leaving Erwin to his devices.

_It's obvious now what the next step is,_ he thought as he made his way through the crowd. _I will have to choose carefully how to arrange these soldiers..._

“They're out there, that's for sure. It's just a matter of how many, and where they are.”

Upon hearing this statement, Erwin slowed to a stop and turned toward the sound of the voice. Beside him were two Survey Corps soldiers, speaking in rather low voices. Erwin had just barely heard that declaration, but it was enough for him to keep listening.

“You think it was one of them who did this?” asked Rowen, frowning as he looked out on the scene. “...I guess it really makes sense, though, doesn't it?”

“Killing those Titans is a blow to humanity,” Catherine said quietly, narrowing her eyes. “Whoever did this knows that. And it won't stop here--not as long as Eren Jaeger is within these walls.”

“Good thing you study a dead language or two, then, right?” Rowen laughed, elbowing his companion, then stopped upon noticing Erwin standing next to them. He fell silent, and his expression grew serious.

“Rowen, Catherine,” Erwin said, his tone steady. “Come with me. Your new assignments begin today.”

 


	24. The Choice is Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of the 104th join their respective squads, and despite his hesitation, Jean joins the Survey Corps along with Mikasa, Armin, and many of his other friends. That same night, Hanji passes on study materials to Catherine.

_“Do you realize what you're giving up by joining the Survey Corps?” Bruno asked, staring at his closest friends._

_“I'm don't care about living a plush life,” Gunther admitted, running a hand through his short, dark brown hair. “I just want to be able to use my skills.”_

_“I agree,” Eld said, nodding and crossing his arms. “I don't think that there are enough opportunities to grow as a soldier by joining the Military Police, Bruno.”_

_Bruno sighed through his nose and turned to Rowen and Catherine, who stared back at him with unwavering gazes. In the back of his mind, he knew he couldn't convince them to change their minds, but he felt that he had to try. They had made so many plans and had everything in place--why change any of that now?_

_“I just...wouldn't feel right about it,” Rowen admitted, as if reading Bruno's mind. “It's not that I think there's anything wrong with joining the Police, but...it's not what I want anymore.”_

_“Then what do you want? What can't you accomplish by joining the Police?”_

_“Bruno,” Catherine cut in, her sharp eyes catching Bruno's gaze. “This isn't an attack on your ideals or plans. This is a choice each of us made.”_

_Bruno laughed through his nose, staring down the brunette. “Good luck protecting humanity as a rotting corpse, then.” At his words, Catherine's eyes seemed to catch fire, and Bruno regretted having said such a thing._

_“I'd rather die knowing I made the right choice than live on with regrets and hide within these walls,” she said coolly. “I'm not afraid to die--you should know that by now.”_

_Bruno wanted to apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to do it; his pride was hurt, and the idea of losing his friends made him even more angry._

_“You still have a day left to decide for sure,” he told them._

_“We decided,” Catherine replied. “Back off.”_

 

With a quiet sigh, Connie watched as one by one, his comrades were interrogated by soldiers from the Military Police. It wasn't anything too intimidating; they were just answering questions about the last time they used their gear and the like. But it wasn't providing for a very good distraction from all the thoughts that were running through his mind in regards to the events of the previous night, and so Connie felt uneasy.

“The culprits couldn't help hating those Titans, I'm sure,” he mumbled, thinking out loud. He knew that the Titans that were killed were probably better off dead, and it was likely that whoever killed them had good reason.

“I guess,” Armin murmured in reply from beside him. “But still, killing them is the same as helping out the Titans in the long run. From the culprits' perspective, they've taken their revenge on those Titans, but they also dealt all of humanity a blow by doing so.”

Connie lowered his gaze. He knew Armin was right, which only made him feel even more like a dumbass.

“I'm an idiot, so I guess I understand their thinking,” he admitted. “It's become all I can think about. And you know, before I saw a Titan for the first time, I really wanted to join the Survey Corps. But now...I can only think about how I don't wanna see another Titan in my life ever again.” Connie's frown deepened as he added, “And we have to decide on the division we'll join today... Dammit. Even Jean said he would join the Survey Corps...”

“Eh?! Jean?!” Armin gasped. Connie nodded slightly, recalling Jean's words by the funeral pyre. He then turned his head, looking past Armin to Annie, who had not spoken a word since arriving.

“Hey, Annie...what do you think? About what Jean said?”

“I don't care,” she replied, her tone flat. “It doesn't change my decision.”

“I see... So you're going to the Military Police, then...” Connie looked away for a moment, hesitating. “Maybe that's what I should do, too. What do you think?”

Connie watched as Annie muttered something to herself, irritated. He almost regretted asking, but then her real reply came.

“Connie, if someone told you to go and die, would you do it?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Connie replied. “Of course I wouldn't.”

“Then you just have to decide on your own,” she told him. Before Connie could ask her to explain, Annie then said, “Armin, what would you do?”

“Well, I...” Armin paused, his face falling. “I would die, if I understand the reason behind it. I think that there might be cases when one must die. Even though I'd really rather not.”

“I see,” Annie murmured. “So you've made up your mind, then.”

“Yes.” At this single syllable, Connie looked at his friends.

“Seriously?! You're gonna join the Corps, too, Armin!?”

Armin didn't reply, but he had the same resigned look on his face that Annie did. Connie sighed as he turned away from his friends. Both seemed so sure of what they had to do. They really seemed to understand their duties as individuals, as well as a part of humanity.

_I don't know how they know_ , Connie thought, furrowing his brow.

“You're pretty weak, but you've definitely got guts,” Annie then said, making Armin chuckle nervously.

“Th-thanks, I guess,” he replied. “Annie...you're actually a kind person, aren't you?”

“Huh?”

“Well, it looks like you're not exactly happy about us choosing to join the Survey Corps. And I think you have your reasons for joining the Police, don't you?”

“...Not really,” Annie murmured. Connie glanced at the blonde; she was staring straight ahead again. “I just want to save myself.”

 

…......

 

Even though it had been over a week since Marco's death, Jean was still not used to him being gone. Jean had hardly ever been alone since he had started training, seeing as how Marco was almost always with him when it seemed like no one else wanted to be around him. This wasn't to say that they were always together--it was just that Marco had made sure Jean was never left on his own, or so it seemed to Jean.

When the day came that he would finally have to settle on his regiment, Jean found himself alone, and it was admittedly uncomfortable. But that was just how it played out, since most of his friends were still trying to decide, and the select few who had made up their minds were either joining the Garrison or the Military Police.

However, being alone also meant being allowed to think without any distractions, and that was something Jean knew he needed. The self-reflection had paid off by early that evening; he felt more sure than ever that joining the Survey Corps was what he had to do.

After dinner, Jean finally caught up with a few of his friends before their meeting with the recruiters. He found Annie, Armin, Sasha, and Connie standing together just outside of the amphitheater. Upon seeing him, Sasha perked up, looking up at him with wide hazel eyes.

“Jean!” she exclaimed, then lowered her voice. “Jean, why did you suddenly decide to join the Survey Corps? I mean, aren't you scared?”

“Hah?” Jean put his hands on his hips, raising an eyebrow at her remark. “Of course I don't wanna join the Survey Corps.”

“Eh?” Connie grunted, looking up. “Then why did you...?”

“It's not like I'm joining the Corps because I'm not afraid of Titans,” Jean told him, lowering his arms. “And you won't hear things like 'if you're a capable soldier, you have responsibility to join the Survey Corps' from me, either. Don't lump me together with people like that suicidal bastard, got it?”

“Eren...” Connie murmured, looking away.

Jean's remark had caught the attention of some of his other friends, but he kept his focus on what he wanted to say. He knew he only had a few more minutes before they would be summoned to the amphitheater.

“And it's not like I gave in to someone's persuasion to put my life on the line,” he told them. “In this kind of job, you can't get along without making decisions for yourself.”

“Trainees! Line up and proceed to the first recruitment area!” a voice called out, and Jean sighed through his nose.

“This is a decision I made for myself,” Jean reiterated. “This doesn't have anything to do with how afraid I might be.”

Turning on his heel, Jean practically marched away from them, holding his head as high as he could. Even now it was all he could do to convince himself not to give in to the horribly tempting idea of backing out and joining the Military Police.

_I can't do that_ , he told himself. _I couldn't live with myself if I did that now..._

Upon entering the amphitheater, Jean noticed Yasmin, Milena, and Rosaleen standing in the middle of the group. He knew all three would join the Garrison, and if that was the case, they may never meet again. Surely Yasmin knew this, too. Would she be willing to forgive him for the way he used to act? It was worth a shot.

_Not that her opinion particularly matters_ , Jean realized, but he was already headed in their direction. A few seconds later, and he was standing next to Yasmin.

“Hey,” he said softly. The three girls looked at him, and then one by one looked away again. “Look, I know you're all joining the Garrison, I get it. I won't ask you to change your minds now. I...just wanted to say, good luck. And...I'm sorry.” Jean lowered his head, feeling a little embarrassed. “It took my friend dying like that for me to realize...how stupid I've been...”

“It's all right.” Jean looked up quickly at the sound of Yasmin's voice. “We've all been a little stupid up until now. We joined the military not realizing the full extent of the consequences that come with joining.” Yasmin turned to Jean, but her eyes seemed somewhat distant. “It took my best friend dying for me to realize that, even if I have a goal, I have to have the skills and courage to get there. I don't have any of that yet, and so this is the result...”

Yasmin's last few words trailed off, and Jean watched in silence as she slowly turned her face away. He could see in the fading sunlight that she was fighting tears.

“You'll get there,” Jean said quickly. He didn't know what else to say, but he didn't feel right not saying anything. “I think Marco was right about you--you're strong. You _get_ it. And so you can get to where you want to go.”

Chuckling, Yasmin looked up at Jean again.

“Thanks,” she murmured, a faint smile on her face. “But I don't think so. And that's all right with me.”

Before Jean could come up with something else to say to prove her wrong, a figure appeared up on the slightly-raised platform in front of them. Behind the tall, muscular blond were several other people, probably his subordinates. He donned a Survey Corps uniform jacket and a serious expression that befit the occasion.

“I am the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith,” he said in a loud, clear voice. Jean faced forward, falling into the at-ease position. “The Survey Corps has an important objective behind its activities, entrusted to us by the king. The purpose of my speech to you on this day--the day you are to choose which division you will join--is to invite you to join the Survey Corps.

“However, because of the Titans' recent attack, all of you here have already had a taste of what surveying outside the walls may be like,” Erwin continued. “Despite the fact that you all are fresh out of training, you have already suffered casualties in your ranks, and that in itself is unprecedented. You have also already experienced the dread that Titans instill in humans, as well as the limit of your own power.”

Jean glanced at Yasmin; he could see the solemnity and resolve on her face even in the dim lighting. He, too, felt determined despite Erwin's grim words.

“However...we lost many lives in that attack, yes, but at the same time we've made progress never seen before--towards mankind's victory. As you all have already guessed, I am speaking of Eren Jaeger. Thanks to his efforts combined with yours, we've succeeded in preventing the advance of Titans, and we've acquired a means to uncover Titans' true nature. There is little in regards to him that I can tell you here, but I assure you, there is no doubt that he's on our side, risking his life for the common cause. We assume that the answers to the mystery surrounding him will be found in the basement of his house, in his hometown of Shiganshina.”

 

…......

 

Yasmin couldn't help but feel skeptical at Erwin's words. Eren's basement? It sounded like a hook to get people to join, but she had been surprised before with things in regards to Eren Jaeger. This wouldn't be the first time to hear some crazy declaration about him.

“If we manage to reach that basement,” Erwin continued, “it's likely that we'll be able to find a way to put a stop to the century of living in fears of Titans.”

“It's too good to be true,” Yasmin heard Milena whisper from beside her. As much as she wanted to agree with that, and as much as her logic said that she should, she was admittedly intrigued.

_Just who is he?_ Yasmin wondered. _Eren Jaeger...what does he know...?_

“In order to take our time to thoroughly investigate that one basement, we will need to get Wall Maria back under our control first,” Erwin declared. “Our objective is as I just stated, but now that we can't use the gate of the Trost district anymore, we only have the option of departing from Karanese and advancing to Shiganshina in a roundabout way.

“The path that would have been suitable for a large force took us four years to establish, but it is now lost. And in those four years, over three-fourths of the Survey Corps members died. That many in just four years. According to our most optimistic estimates, we'll have to sacrifice at least five times more soldiers and twenty more years before it will be possible to dispatch a large force to Wall Maria again. And even these figures aren't quite realistic.

“The Survey Corps is always in search of talented members. With great losses after every mission, we constantly suffer from personnel shortage.” Erwin paused, and the silence made Yasmin feel tense. Everyone around her seemed to be holding their breaths. “I'm not going to hide anything from you. Those of you who will choose to join the Corps will have to participate in a survey expedition outside the walls in one month from now. There's a pressing need to break a supply route. The probability of new recruits dying during an expedition to the outer lands is fifty percent. Those who survive, though, will become excellent soldiers with a generally high survival rate.

“Those of you who are still willing to put your life on the line, despite learning about the dreadful state of affairs, stay here,” Erwin then declared. “And let me reiterate this: most of those who will decide to stay here and enter the Survey Corps will probably be dead soon. Listen to your heart very closely and ask yourselves if you really have what it takes to sacrifice your life for mankind. That is all. Those wanting to join the other divisions are dismissed.”

On her left, Yasmin could see Rosaleen and Milena turn to leave without a second's hesitation. On her right stood Jean, gritting his teeth and trembling. The determined look that he'd had earlier was gone.

_Will you change your mind after all, I wonder?_ she thought, turning to follow Rosaleen and Milena. _I know that I can't join the Survey Corps. Commander Erwin asks for those willing to give their lives, but I can't do that. I want mine too much. I want to live so that I can find out the truth..._

As she began to walk toward the exit, Yasmin noticed familiar faces that seemed to be trying to decide for themselves what they should do. Among them were Sasha and Connie, and even Reiner and Bertholdt.

_You guys...you'll stay...?_ Yasmin paused a moment, looking back over her shoulder at Jean and the others. _...Am I wrong after all? Is this really what I should do...?_

In that moment, Yasmin recalled Marco's lifeless body, and she felt her body tremor in pain.

_No. That's enough,_ she told herself. _It's time to go._

Glancing back at her friends one last time, Yasmin sighed through her nose.

_Goodbye. We may never meet again._

With a heavy heart, Yasmin finally left the amphitheater; she found Milena and Rosaleen waiting for her. Annie was also standing there, leaning against a nearby wall.

“Annie...don't tell me you're joining the Garrison, too?” Rosaleen asked. The blonde made a face.

“No,” she responded. “I'm just waiting on the others.”

“If you mean Reiner and Bertholdt, they're still back there,” Yasmin told her quietly.

“...Is that so...”

Yasmin looked back toward those who were left; a few moments later, she saw them all collectively salute.

“That's it, then,” Milena murmured. “That many joined the Survey Corps. It's more than I thought.” She then turned to Annie, who was staring into the courtyard. “Looks like Reiner and Bertholdt had a change of heart.”

“...Whatever. That's fine.” Annie slowly turned away, looking at the girls. “It still doesn't change my decision.”

“I admire you for that,” Rosaleen admitted.

“I do, too,” Yasmin agreed.

“Tch.” Annie quickly looked away, her face hidden by the shadows of the night. “It doesn't mean anything, like I said. Anyway, good luck in the Garrison.”

“Thank you!” Rosaleen exclaimed, sounding bright like her usual self.

“Don't be afraid to say hi,” Milena added.

“Good luck to you, too,” Yasmin murmured.

Without another word, Annie turned and walked away from the trio; the air seemed to get colder as she did, and Yasmin felt a chill run down her spine.

“What's wrong?” Milena asked, but Yasmin only shook her head.

“I'm tired,” she replied. “Let's go back and get our things.”

“Yeah!” Rosaleen cheered. “Tomorrow, our lives in the Garrison can begin!”

 

…......

 

“There you are! I've been looking for you all over the place!”

At the sound of Hanji's voice, Catherine turned away from the sink and toward her fellow soldier. Sure enough, Hanji was headed her way, carrying a stack of books. Levi was right behind her, also carrying various books and papers.

“What...?!” In delight, Catherine dropped the dish she was cleaning into the sink. “H-Hanji, are those--?!”

“As promised!” Hanji laughed, plopping the books onto a nearby table. “You didn't think I forgot, did you?”

“No, I just, it's been busy lately...” Despite her best efforts to remain collected, Catherine couldn't help but beam in joy. Carefully, she removed her cleaning gloves and rushed over to Hanji's side. “But I would be lying if I said I hadn't been dying to get my hands on this shit.”

Throwing an arm around Catherine's shoulders, Hanji laughed.

“Well, we geniuses have to stick together, y'know!”

“Can I go now?” Levi interrupted, looking at Hanji.

“Don't be rude,” Hanji replied in a teasing manner. “Weren't you the one saying just a few minutes ago that you wanted to clean up the kitchen? Why do you take over for Cat here so she can go and read?” Releasing Catherine, Hanji gestured to the books. “Or, why don't you be an upstanding gentleman and help her take these upstairs?”

“You idiot,” Levi growled. “Why did we bring these all the way down here if we were just going to be bringing them back upstairs again? For someone who claims to be a genius, you really don't think things through, do you, four eyes?”

Again, Hanji laughed, and Catherine tried to hide her own smirk. One of her favorite things about being in the Survey Corps was the dynamic between the veterans. Levi and Hanji could not have been any more opposite, and so seeing them interact was always quite the show. Though she was closer to Hanji, she felt that she had gotten to know Captain Levi through the years as a sort of a bonus to that friendship, which made watching those two bicker even more entertaining.

“Well, I thought it wouldn't be very nice to keep her waiting any longer than she has already,” Hanji told the Captain, who looked irritated.

“It's fine--I can make two trips,” Catherine interjected, but Hanji held up a hand to silence her.

“Oh come on, Cat. Are you _really_ going to let him get away with his shitty attitude?”

“The only _shitty_ one here is _you_ , shitty glasses,” Levi snapped. “I'll help her carry them, so go bother someone else for a while.”

“Ugh, finally!” Hanji put her hands on her hips, giving Catherine a toothy grin. “Then I can finish up here! Enjoy!”

“Thank you so much, really,” Catherine said, feeling a bit at a loss for words.

“It's nothing, really!” Hanji waved her hands. “You'll be able to use these a lot more than I ever could, so it's not a problem. Just remember--”

“Yeah, I remember.” Catherine took the stack of books Hanji had been carrying off of the table and into her arms. “If I find anything worth telling you, I'll let you know right away.”

“Perfect!”

“Oi, make sure you actually get those dishes clean,” Levi said as Hanji headed over to the sink. Catherine waited for Hanji's reassuring thumbs up, then left the kitchen; Levi followed her out of the room, and soon the two were walking side-by-side down the hallway.

“You both are such nerds,” she heard him mutter under his breath.

“Captain Levi, why aren't you at the recruitment ceremony?” Catherine asked, changing the subject. After all, he was right, which meant she had no decent comeback.

“That brat Jaeger had to stay here, and since my squad went out, I'm stuck here. Besides, Erwin wanted me to keep an eye on Hanji,” Levi replied.

“What for?” Catherine glanced over at Levi. “...Well, I think I get it.”

“I'd like to think she knows better, but there's always the possibility that she'd snap over the whole Sawney and Bean incident,” Levi admitted. “That's not exactly the message we want to send the newest recruits.”

“They still never found out who did it, did they...?”

“No.”

Catherine fell silent as she walked up the stairs and toward her room.

_It's very possible that the things Hanji couldn't discover with Sawney and Bean are things that are written in some of these books_ , she realized, her heart beginning to pound. _If that's the case, then..._

All of the possibilities of what kind of information she might find in her newest reading material began to flood her mind, and without thinking, she stopped mid-step.

“Oi.” Levi stopped a few paces ahead, turning to face her. “What are you doing?”

“...Sorry,” Catherine murmured, and she began to walk again. “I was just thinking...”

“Can you not think and walk at the same time?”

“Hanji was right--you _are_ rude.”

Catherine stopped outside of her room, and Levi stopped beside her.

“Well?” he asked.

“My hands are full,” she told him.

“Not my problem. I'm _rude_ , remember?”

“For fuck's sake...” Catherine mumbled under her breath. Carefully, she set the stack of books on the floor, then pulled out the key to her room and unlocked the door. She threw it open, then picked up the books again and headed inside.

“What happened to your roommates?” Levi asked suddenly, and Catherine let out a quiet sigh. “...I don't need to ask, though, do I?”

The two fell silent for a moment; Catherine had admittedly gotten used to living on her own, so the reminder that there were once others with her here was bittersweet.

“Well, despite being _rude_ about it, thank you for helping,” Catherine said as Levi placed his stack of documents on her desk. “I guess we'd better check on Hanji...”

“I'll go,” he told her. “She wanted you to have these so that you could starting looking through them as soon as possible, didn't she?” Straightening out his sleeves, Levi headed toward the door. “Try not to have too much fun, though.”

“I can't promise you anything,” Catherine replied. In response, Levi let out a laugh through his nose. “Have a good night, Captain Levi. And thanks again.”

“You too. And it's nothing,”

Levi then walked out of Catherine's room, shutting the door behind him quietly.

Sighing, the brunette turned toward her desk, feeling content.

“Let's get to work, then,” she said to herself as she settled down into her desk chair.

 


	25. Johannes Biermann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasmin, Milena, and Rosaleen join the Garrison and end up under Hannes' command. The Survey Corps prepares for its upcoming expedition in the meantime.

_“So, in thirty days, we're to go outside the walls to build a stronghold for the supply chain?” Erwin glanced up from the map he had been examining; from the corner of his eye, he could see Mike with his back to him. Though he couldn't see his face, Erwin could tell by his tone that he was not satisfied. “Not to mention we'll be taking new recruits with us, too.”_

_“If we get any new recruits, that is,” Erwin told him._

_“In my opinion, this is far too hasty.”_

_“Eren's position here is a temporary thing. We must quickly and smoothly prove his usefulness to those in the central government.” Choosing his words carefully, Erwin tapped his pencil against the table quietly. “Otherwise, sooner or later, the Police will make another move to--”_

_“You're using the company line on even me, Erwin?”_

_Mike was now looking at Erwin, but his eyes were downcast; his disappointment was obvious, and so Erwin set his pencil down and turned his body to face his friend._

_“You're as sharp as ever, Mike,” the Commander said with a smile._

_Sniffing quietly, Mike replied, “But not as sharp as you.”_

_“I'll tell you everything when the time is right.”_

_A soft knock on the door brought the conversation to its close._

_“'Scuse us,” said Rowen as he opened the door. Catherine followed him inside, closing the door behind her._

_“You wanted us to meet you here, Sir?” she asked, obviously puzzled._

_Standing up from his desk, Erwin looked at the duo, then back at Mike. His smile faded into a smirk as he stated, “Mike, it looks like the time is right.”_

 

Her heart fluttering with excitement, Milena quickly brought her right fist to her chest as a man in a Garrison jacket walked into sight. Yasmin and Rosaleen, who were standing on either side of her, did the same, along with the other newly-graduated trainees. It seemed that everyone was holding their breath in anticipation--with it being their first day as full-fledged members of the Garrison, no one knew what to expect from this man.

“You can relax,” the Garrison soldier told them. Milena hesitated for a moment, then lowered her arm and stood at ease. “I can tell that you all are nervous, but don't worry. I don't bite.”

With a small smile, the man stood in front of the newly-inducted Garrison soldiers and put his hands on his hips.

“My name is Johannes Biermann, but you can just call me Hannes,” he told them. “I'm one of two Captains here in the Southern Division--you all should know Captain Woermann by now. His group mostly consists of veterans, with a few exceptional cases. But that's not to say that you all aren't excellent soldiers.”

Milena watched in solemn silence as Hannes' warm smile faded and his arms dropped to his sides. Before he even began to speak again, Milena knew what he was going to say. It was the same for everyone who had experienced the battle in Trost; though humanity had been victorious, much had been sacrificed in exchange.

“All of you standing here today have survived humanity's first victory against the Titans,” Hannes continued. “You all know how to win, but you also understand the sacrifices that must be made. Human lives...” His voice trailed off, and Milena heard Rosaleen let out a shaky breath from beside her.

“The fact that you already understand this sad truth makes you even stronger, despite being fresh out of training. You're aware of how terrifying it is to fight the Titans. And you should also be aware of the opposition within the walls. Our Commander, Dot Pyxis, is an eccentric man, and there are definitely those who don't agree with his methods. But he is also a man who understands what it means to be victorious. That's why I can stand here with you all today--because of people like him who are willing to toe the line and do what's necessary to win.”

Hannes' face seemed to brighten a bit, and Milena felt herself smile, too.

 _The Survey Corps is full of strong people, and I'm sure the Military Police has them, too,_ she thought, _but the Garrison Regiment soldiers are on a different level. They're still so in touch with humanity, but they're strong enough to understand what they should be doing with their lives. I made the right choice, definitely._

“So, I will tell you all this now, and maybe remind you of it from time to time: sometimes, the things we must do to win are not the things that are easy.” Hannes put a hand over his heart, his smile widening. “Trust me when I say that I didn't used to be a reliable soldier. We became pretty complacent hiding within the walls back in Wall Maria. My friends and I would drink all day, without having much to worry about. But now, those of us who are left have a job to do, and in order to do it, I had to give up the old times. ...It's likely that many of you will have to do the same. So, be brave.”

There was a brief moment of silence that hung in the air, and Milena couldn't help but feel a little emotional. Everything Captain Hannes had said was quite true, and it was also admittedly painful. Milena could still remember how she felt when she came across Erin's lifeless body, and she could still see the expressions on Mina's parents' faces when she had delivered Mina's gear. So many had died already, and she knew that it wouldn't end there.

 _But I can't stop here, either_ , she realized, pursing her lips. _If I do, I am betraying literally everyone who has died to keep humanity going._

“Now, for the time being, I have only two squads under my command,” Hannes explained. “Since there's quite a few of you that have joined, I may have to add a third person as a squad leader. So, if any of you are interested, let me know, and I'll put you under evaluation accordingly. But, we won't be dealing with any of that today. I'm sure you all are tired, so use today to rest and get settled into headquarters. If any of you get bored, you can help clean cannons. Tomorrow we'll start the real deal.”

With a toothy grin, Hannes saluted to the new recruits, and Milena immediately saluted back.

“Dismissed!” Hannes exclaimed.

“Sir!” came the collective reply.

“Hahhhhh...” Milena turned to Rosaleen upon hearing her loud sigh. “I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional, and here I am...” The red-head laughed with embarrassment as she wiped her eyes. “But I guess that means I'm in the right place.”

“I feel the same,” Milena told her with a confident nod.

“Captain Hannes seems like a respectable guy,” Rosaleen added. “I wonder what all he's been through in the past five years...”

“It's none of our business,” Yasmin finally said. “And it shouldn't matter. It's just like he said--we have a job to do.”

Milena turned to her friend, frowning. Yasmin's words were uncharacteristically cold; it was obviously just a face she was putting on to guard herself. In the three years they had lived together, Milena had seen her do this before, and it was only natural that she would do the same now, so as not to succumb to her emotions. Milena knew that Yasmin still felt a deep sense of regret over the events of Trost. She had lost her best friend, after all, and so Milena couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

“I guess you have a point,” Rosaleen admitted, sighing.

“Hey, why don't we do what Captain Hannes said and check out our headquarters?” Milena suggested quickly, before the mood could get any darker. “C'mon, we need to unpack anyway, right?”

 

…......

 

Yasmin was grateful that the day had passed quickly. She was still exhausted from cleaning up after Trost, and her emotions were still a mess. But there were several good things that had come out of their first day in the Garrison, including room assignments that had placed all three girls in the same room.

“And so our adventure as bunkmates continues!” Milena exclaimed, giving Yasmin an enthusiastic hug.

“You have no idea how relieved I am,” Yasmin admitted with a laugh.

And it was true--had Yasmin been bunkmates with anyone else, even Rosaleen, she would have felt much less at ease. Though it was true that they occasionally butted heads, Yasmin regarded Milena as a very important friend. Over the past three years, Milena had become Yasmin's emotional adviser, and she was always the first person to provide a shoulder to cry on. Yasmin loved Rosaleen, but the emotional support she received from Milena was something she could not get from Rosaleen.

After exploring their headquarters--an average-sized facility near Wall Rose--the girls headed to the cafeteria for dinner.

“I'm going to crash so early tonight,” Milena laughed as the trio sat down. Yasmin smiled, pushing down the feeling of awkwardness as Rosaleen sat across from her. There was an empty spot across from Milena now, where Erin always used to sit.

“Don't you want to at least meet our other roommates?” Rosaleen asked, grinning. “They might be nice.”

“We're roommates--we'll have time to get to know each other. Time to sleep is much more limited.”

“It's sad how true that is,” Yasmin muttered, letting out a dark laugh.

“Hey, it could be worse.” Rosaleen lowered her voice, leaning across the table toward Yasmin and Milena. “Y'know how the Survey Corps is planning to get to Shiganshina? Well, I heard they're planning to go out as soon as next month.”

“There's no way,” Milena said, shaking her head.

“Where did you hear that from?” Yasmin asked.

“I heard people talking about it in the hallways today.” Rosaleen sat back in her seat, shrugging. “I mean, I don't think they're going straight there just yet. But they're apparently going on a preliminary mission in just a few weeks.”

“That's so soon,” Yasmin murmured, looking down at her dinner. “I wonder why?”

“I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, right?” Rosaleen replied. “After all, it's the Survey Corps. They're pretty controversial these days. And going out on a mission like this will catch people's attention.”

“It's certainly caught mine.”

A fourth voice suddenly entered the conversation, and Yasmin whipped around to see none other than Captain Hannes standing there, looking right at Rosaleen. Yasmin turned to her friend, whose usually rosy face had gone white with fear.

“Don't make that face,” Hannes said with a laugh, sitting down next to Yasmin. “You're not in trouble. But I'm curious as to how you found out so much about their mission?”

“You mean you know about it?” Milena asked with a quiet gasp.

“I heard it from Commander Pyxis. He was kind enough to let me know since I used to live in that district.”

“I heard rumors circulating in headquarters today,” Rosaleen murmured, her face now flushed. “It caught my attention, so I tried to my best to hang around and find out all that I could... I know that's not very professional of me, but I didn't want to get my facts messed up and circulate any information that isn't true.”

The table fell silent, and Yasmin glanced at Hannes. She couldn't quite read the expression on his face, but he didn't seem angry, at least.

“I'm...admittedly kind of impressed by that,” he said at last.

“You mean you're not angry?!” Rosaleen gasped, her green eyes going wide.

“No, not at all.” Hannes paused for a moment. “On the surface, what you just told me only indicates that you pay close attention to gossip but make sure to not spread anything that's not true. Take that to another level: your ability to listen in and pick out the important details from someone's conversation is an important skill.”

“I-I just...” Rosaleen's voice trailed off, and her face grew even pinker.

“She's always been like this,” Milena said, looking past Yasmin at Hannes. “She's really good at picking up information and passing it on reliably.”

“I'll second that,” Yasmin jumped in.

“W-Well, it's better than just uselessly spreading rumors!” Rosaleen squeaked, taking a large gulp of tea. “It's like when they said Eren Jaeger was a scientific experiment of the government, or whatever! I mean, who'd believe that, really? When we had all trained alongside him for three years?”

“You three know Eren?” Hannes asked, and the girls all nodded. “How about Mikasa Ackermann? Or Armin Arlert?”

“Of course!” Milena exclaimed. “We were in the same class, after all!”

To Yasmin's surprise, Hannes leaned toward the girls in his seat, his face looking a bit worried.

“How are they doing? Where are Mikasa and Armin now? Do you know which regiment they ended up joining?”

“As far as we know, they joined the Survey Corps,” Rosaleen told him. Hannes let out a deep sigh.

“That...doesn't surprise me at all. I should have seen that coming.”

“Wait, so can we assume you know those three personally?” Milena asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

“I sure do.” Hannes smiled gently. “Those three were a hell of a lot of trouble as kids, and it seems they haven't changed much since then. But they're good people, and doubtless they'll be even better soldiers.”

“All right, I believe that Eren and Mikasa raised hell as kids,” Milena admitted. “But Armin Arlert?”

“I believe that,” Yasmin laughed, turning to Hannes with a wide grin on her face. “Don't they always say that you have to watch out for the quiet ones? My friend Marco told me that he was always talking about politics and all kinds of taboo theories.”

“That sounds about right,” Hannes chuckled. “Anyway, those kids are practically my family. Eren's father saved my wife's life back during the plague, and Armin's grandfather was always so kind to us.”

“What about Mikasa?” Rosaleen asked. “I was her roommate back during training, but she never really talked about her family, other than Eren.”

“They're not blood relatives, right?” Milena added.

“No--the Jaeger's adopted her after her parents died a few years ago. I heard something awful happened to them, and that there was a bit of trouble afterward, but they never told me in detail.” Hannes glanced up at Rosaleen. “Though I did hear some rumors concerning Eren's trial. Do you know about that?”

“I think I might,” Rosaleen admitted quietly. “About Eren and Mikasa?”

“It's not just a rumor--it's in Military Police official records that Eren and Mikasa killed three kidnappers when they were nine years old.” Hannes sat back in his seat, looking solemn. “It certainly explains a lot about their behavior now. I can only hope that Armin keeps an eye on them now.”

“I'm sure he will,” Yasmin said. “He's a really good friend, and he's also smart enough to know how to handle them.”

“You're right,” Hannes agreed, nodding. “He has the strength to protect his friends when it counts most.”

The table fell silent for a moment; Yasmin glanced at Rosaleen, who wore a distant expression on her face again.

 _She's thinking the same thing as me: she can't forgive herself yet, either_ , Yasmin realized, sighing through her nose.

“Say, Captain Hannes,” Milena said, breaking the silence with her cheerful voice. “You were talking about needing another squad leader, right? When and where can we sign up for the examination?”

“Oh, there's not a sign-up, per say. Just telling me is enough,” Hannes replied, smiling. “You up for the challenge, then?”

“You bet!” Yasmin could feel the energy radiating from Milena even more so than usual. “...I mean, I know it's no fun and games. But somebody has to do it.”

“I'll put you on my list, then. But I will warn you first: in the Military Police, if you join a higher rank, you are putting more distance between you and the Titans. But in the Garrison and in the Survey Corps, joining a higher rank means putting yourself _closer_ to the Titans.”

“I know,” Milena said quietly. “And it does scare me, honestly. But it's like you said earlier--we each have a job to do. I want to do my part to help humanity. And if that means I have to do something risky, then so be it.” Yasmin turned to look at Milena, but the girl she saw seemed like an altogether different person. She was suddenly not a perky, friendly teenager anymore. In her dark brown eyes was a look of fierce determination that Yasmin had never seen before.

“I may not be a leader, and that's fine--but I can't decide that for myself, so that's why I'm asking you,” Milena continued. “Either way, I'll work hard and continue to fight. That's why I joined the Garrison.”

“I wish everyone had that attitude,” Hannes said with a laugh. “What's your name?”

“I'm Milena Gessler,” the blonde replied, holding out her hand toward Hannes. The Captain gave her a firm handshake.

“What about you two?” he then asked, releasing Milena's hand.

“I'm Rosaleen Johnson!” Rosaleen said quickly, also holding out her hand to Hannes. “My grandfather was in the Garrison, and I hope to continue to do good in the Johnson family name, Sir!”

“Pleasure to meet you, Rosaleen,” Hannes replied, shaking her hand. “And you?”

Yasmin felt her throat go dry, but she managed to reply anyway.

“I'm Yasmin Güven,” she said, shaking Hannes' hand.

 _I have nothing special to say about myself_ , she then realized as Hannes released her hand and turned back to her friends. _What the hell can I contribute to humanity...? I joined for much more selfish reasons. ...Maybe I should have just joined the Survey Corps--then at least I could die for a more obvious cause._

 

…......

 

“Ugh, I'm beat.”

Armin watched in amused silence as Jean flopped onto his bunk next to Connie.

“Studying is _not_ what I expected to be doing in this regiment,” the teen groaned. “I thought we finished doing that in training?”

“Well, it's only natural, considering how soon we'll be going on out this mission,” Armin replied, slowly sitting on his bunk across from his friends. “I think you're stressing yourself out over other things, too, am I right?”

“If you mean your little shit of a best friend, then yes, I am.” Irritated, Jean quickly sat upright, staring Armin down. “I may have been rough on both him and Mikasa earlier, but they've got to realize what's at stake here. We're talking about human lives--no one deserves to die in vain.”

Jean's words hung in the air; Armin knew exactly what he was insinuating.

“Jean, this is different from when we were in training.” Reiner jumped into the conversation; he leaned on the railing of his bunk above Armin. “We aren't helpless anymore.”

“I still feel pretty useless,” Connie admitted. “So what if we graduated? We're up against Titans, man.”

“Let's just face it--we're going to die,” Jean told them. “So we might as well try to know what we're dying for, and we might as well go down fighting.”

“Marco wasn't the only one to die at Trost, Jean,” Bertholdt pointed out quietly. “We all lost people, but that's not an excuse to be reckless.”

“I'm not saying to be reckless, Bertholdt.” Jean folded his arms across his chest, looking up at the brunet. “I'm saying we should be aware of what we're fighting for. That's all.”

“Well...it's harder for some of us than others.” Bertholdt lowered his gaze for a moment. “We're not all strong like you.”

“Marco always said that Jean is weak,” Armin told Bertholdt with a kind smile.

“Thanks a lot, Armin.”

“No, wait, I have a point I'm trying to make!” Armin said quickly as Jean glared at him. “What I mean is, it's not just about being strong. Strength will only get you so far. We have to remember that we're _all_ weak. There are things we can't do, no matter what. So we have to try to do what we _can_. Right?”

“I agree, Armin,” Reiner declared. “You're absolutely right. It's our duty as soldiers.”

“Reiner...” Bertholdt murmured.

“Armin, you probably should have tried harder to rub off on that suicidal bastard friend of yours,” Jean muttered, flopping onto his back. Armin couldn't help but laugh.

“I tried, really!”

As he and his roommates got settled in for the night, Armin couldn't help but think further about their conversation.

 _Fighting with a purpose in mind doesn't guarantee my survival,_ he reminded himself. _But I refuse to let myself be useless. I think nearly everyone in our class feels that way now, especially after what happened in Trost._

For a moment, Armin thought back to Marco and all of the conversations they'd had about the future of humanity. At the time, their talks had seemed pretty innocent, but the more he thought about it, the more he began to realize that Marco was the perfect example of dying with a purpose.

 _Jean seems to think that Marco died quietly, but in reality, he really didn't_ , Armin realized. _He was fighting hard like all of us were, but he died anyway. He'll never get to pursue his goals or see any of them realized. There will probably be others like him. But his death taught us all something--we need to take action._

Lying down in his bunk, Armin stared at the wood panels above him.

_Commander Erwin is doing just that. He's taking action, which means he has a specific purpose in mind. But what...?_

 


	26. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannes decides the next Squad Leader who will be under his command, and the Garrison girls watch the Survey Corps leave on their expedition.

_It was odd--though Eren had seen Armin and Mikasa just a few days prior, it felt as though several years had passed between them. He ran up to them to greet them, but for some reason, he couldn't even bring himself to give them a hug or even touch them. Perhaps there was a part of his mind still thinking that it was all a dream._

_“It feels like it's been so long since I last saw you guys!” Eren exclaimed with a smile._

_“Eren, did they do anything to you?!” Before he could respond, Eren felt Mikasa's strong grip on his shoulders. “Did they subject you to any kind of physical or emotional torture?!”_

_“What?! No, not at all!”_

_“Tch.” Gritting her teeth, Mikasa released Eren and narrowed her eyes. “That short-ass old man went too far. One of these days, I'll teach him a lesson.”_

_“You can't mean Captain Levi...?” Eren asked quietly. Before Mikasa could reply, a familiar voice interrupted the conversation._

_“Hey, Eren!” Normally, Eren would have replied back right away, but seeing Connie and Sasha stunned him so much that he couldn't get words out. What were those two doing at the Survey Corps headquarters? Ymir, Krista, Reiner, and Bertholdt were not far behind them--but what was the occasion?_

_“Wait, don't tell me you all joined the Survey Corps, too?!” Eren gasped, eyes wide._

_“Why else would we be here?” Connie retorted, a hand on his hip._

_“So then, the only ones who joined the Police were Jean, Marco, and Annie--”_

_Eren stopped mid-sentence upon seeing the familiar figure of Jean Kirschstein standing before him. His face was sour as ever, but there seemed to be a different aura about him than before._

_“Jean, even you?!” Eren blurted out. “So then, Marco and Annie--”_

_“Marco died.” Jean's words were so blunt that Eren at first thought it might be a joke. But all it took was one look at Jean's face, and Eren knew he was serious._

_“H-how--”_

_“It seems like not everyone gets to die a fantastical death,” Jean continued, and Eren felt his heart sink to his stomach. “No one knows what happened.”_

 

It had only been one month since she joined the Garrison regiment, but Yasmin already felt quite at home with her fellow soldiers. Outside of Milena and Rosaleen, there were plenty of kind people that she already considered as friends. On top of that, Hannes had proved to be a great leader, as well as a sort of older brother figure. Yasmin never had to feel shy about approaching him for anything.

“Today's the day!” Yasmin looked up from the cannon she was cleaning to look at Milena's bright grin. “...You look half asleep. D'you even know what I'm talking about?”

“No,” Yasmin replied, looking back down; she could her own smirking face reflected on the cannon. “You've only been talking about it non-stop for the past three and a half weeks.”

“Shut up!” Milena stomped her foot as Yasmin let out a laugh through her nose. “You know this means a lot to me!”

“I know, I know, and trust me--I'm excited to find out, too.”

Yasmin glanced back up at Milena, who was a little red-faced now. She had every right to be excited--Captain Hannes' decision about the new squad leader didn't just affect Milena, after all. A squad leader would need members in that squad, and Yasmin had no idea where she or Rosaleen would end up--they could easily be split up into different squads, and that'd be the end of it.

“Look, there he is!” Milena gasped, pointing behind Yasmin. Turning around, she could see Hannes holding a piece of paper; other soldiers were starting to gather around him. “C'mon, let's go!”

Yasmin quickly stood up and followed Milena over to the gathering crowd. Rosaleen was already there; she waved at them to join her, and soon the trio was standing in front of Hannes with eager faces.

“I'm sorry this took so long,” Hannes apologized, looking embarrassed. “This was a difficult decision, and there were a lot of little details to consider. But anyway, as you've probably already figured out, the new squad leader and squad assignments are done. I'll go ahead and read out the names of the newest squad now, but if you have questions or forget, I'll be posting this around HQ, so you can check there. Starting tomorrow, you'll report to your respective squad leaders for instructions.”

Hannes paused, and Yasmin could feel a wild energy generating from Milena.

“Now then, here's the new squad--and starting tomorrow, you'll report to your new squad leader, Milena Gessler.”

Yasmin was incredibly proud of Milena for her completely collected reaction; the only thing the blonde did was let out a quiet breath of air through her nose, as if letting out weeks of tension. As Hannes read through the names of soldiers in Milena's squad, Yasmin glanced around to see their reactions. No one seemed opposed to the idea of having Milena as someone in charge.

“...Aria Gabit, Yasmin Güven...”

Upon hearing her name, Yasmin instinctively snapped to attention. But then it hit her--she would not be separated from her friend. The amount of relief that Yasmin felt with that one fact was unbelievable.

However, Hannes skipped right over where Rosaleen's name could have been, and Yasmin's optimism quickly dissipated. Did that mean Rosaleen would be in another squad? Why? What had prompted that decision?

Immediately after reading the names and dismissing the soldiers, Yasmin turned to her red-headed friend, but she was already on her way to talk to Hannes.

“I did it,” Yasmin heard Milena whisper from beside her. “I can't believe it.”

“Well, you should. It's real.” Yasmin ruffled Milena's hair a bit. “Congratulations, Squad Leader Gessler.”

“...Thank you so much, Yasmin...” Milena sounded as though she was ready to cry. “But...what's going to happen to Rosaleen...?”

“I don't know, but let's go find out.”

Milena nodded, then followed Yasmin obediently; Yasmin could tell she was still in a starry-eyed daze, and she didn't blame her. She was so proud of Milena, but there hadn't been a single doubt in her mind that Milena would get the position. Milena was a natural leader, just like Marco had been, and she was even more fearless.

“Ah, yes, Rosaleen,” Hannes was saying as Yasmin and Milena caught up to their friend. “Actually, I have something kind of different for you in mind.”

“Different?” Rosaleen echoed, sounding terrified.

“Milena, you don't mind if I take Rosaleen from your squad for something, do you?” Hannes asked the blonde, who raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Does this mean she was supposed to be in my squad after all?” Milena asked.

“Well, here's what happened...” Hannes turned back to Rosaleen, a small smile on his face. “Rosaleen, from the start you've shown excellent communication skills, and I had sort of hoped we could use those skills here in the Garrison. After consulting with the other Squad Leaders and Captain Woermann, we've determined that you would best be suited not necessarily out fighting on the field, but out using those skills you've honed.”

“...I'm not sure I understand completely,” Rosaleen admitted in a timid voice.

“Commander Pyxis has asked you to serve alongside him as one of his lead communication specialists,” Hannes explained. “Your job would basically be to collect and spread information--from the battlefield to the Commander, and then on to journalists and the like.”

Yasmin watched as Rosaleen's green eyes lit up like stars, while Milena's brown ones became dull as mud.

“You won't be excused from fighting altogether, but your main assignment will be to play messenger,” Hannes continued. “However, I guess if you're going to be fighting at all, you'll need a squad, so I don't see why you can't be under Miss Gessler's command, am I right?”

“...Are you...serious?” Rosaleen asked, her eyes wide. “This isn't a joke, right? You're not mocking me, right?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I'm serious!” Hannes let out a laugh. “You're too talented to waste. We're lucky to have found someone with your skill set, what with the way things are now!”

“I-I...I accept the assignment!” Rosaleen exclaimed, saluting. “I'll serve in Milena's squad and perform my duties as a communications specialist!”

“Good luck,” Hannes said with a grin. He then turned to Yasmin and Milena. “That goes for all of you. Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Milena said quietly, and Yasmin echoed her.

 _I can read you, Milena_ , Yasmin thought as the blonde bit her bottom lip. _Your jealousy couldn't be more obvious...or more unnecessary._

 

…......

 

“How's my lame-ass best friend doing today?”

Rowen grinned as he threw his arm around Catherine's shoulder; the impact made her stumble a bit, and she turned her green-grey eyes up to him.

“I was fine until you did that,” she muttered in reply. “You made me completely forget what I was thinking about.”

“That's what I do!” Rowen laughed, mussing the brunette's hair. “But come on, give your brain a break for a day. We go out on the mission tomorrow--are you really planning on studying all night again tonight?”

“Not all night, just for a bit more.” Catherine sighed through her nose. “There's so much I haven't even touched yet...”

“Hanji can't help you?”

“No one can,” Catherine replied quietly. “No one else besides me has studied this language.”

“Couldn't you teach someone else?” Rowen suggested. He then grinned and leaned in a little closer to Catherine. “You could teach Captain Levi.”

“Not in a million years,” she growled. “...But the idea of teaching someone else isn't a bad one, admittedly. If something were to happen to me, no one else would be able to carry on my work...”

“Aw, c'mon, don't talk like that.” Rowen removed his arm from around Catherine's shoulders. “Do you always have to be so morbid?”

“I'm just being realistic, Rowen,” Catherine told him. “Sometimes I wish you'd do the same.”

“Yeah, but then he wouldn't be Rowen.”

Rowen and Catherine stopped in their tracks to see Gunther and Eld standing in front of them, both with smirks on their faces.

“Hey, guys,” Rowen greeted them. “How's babysitting going?”

“Not bad,” Eld admitted.

“Eren's not a bad kid,” Gunther added.

“Probably more well-behaved than Rowen,” Catherine said with a sly grin, and the four laughed.

 _Man...it feels like ages since we've talked like this..._ Rowen realized as he looked as his old friends.

Eld and Gunther had been two of his roommates back during their trainee days, and he considered them to be great friends. Unfortunately, they had gone their separate ways after graduation--those two were busy with Captain Levi, while Rowen and Catherine had both ended up in Nanaba's squad. However, for the upcoming mission, Rowen and Catherine would be under Commander Erwin's direct command, which put them closer to the Special Operations Squad members.

The four of them had not had a lot of chances to talk up until this point, but now it seemed as though they were once again inseparable--and Rowen didn't want it to be any other way. He treasured his friendship with them, and he felt bad for letting so much distance come between them.

“Do you guys want to join us for lunch? We were just on our way,” Gunther offered, smiling at Rowen and Catherine. “The rest of our squad will be there, too.”

“I--”

“That'd be great!” Rowen exclaimed, interrupting what seemed to be Catherine's rejection. “Right, Cat? You need a break from work. Right?”

“...Yeah,” she murmured.

“Good, then it's decided!”

Rowen ignored Catherine's look of irritation as they followed Eld and Gunther to the dining hall. He knew that if she had it her way, she'd already be holed up in her room again. Though she had good reason to be so dedicated to studying, she was a total workaholic, and Rowen took every chance he could to make her socialize, especially with the Special Operations Squad members.

“Hey, you two!” Petra greeted them when they got to the table. Eren and Auruo smiled up at them, while Captain Levi only glanced up from his tea for a moment before returning his gaze to his squad members. “I'm glad we could hang out today!”

“Me too!” Rowen said with a smile. Before Catherine could make a move, he quickly sat down beside Petra; Gunther sat next to Eren, while Eld took an open seat next to Captain Levi, leaving only the seat across from said Captain open. Rowen watched in amusement as Catherine sat down next to Auruo with a displeased look on her face. He caught her gaze for a moment; the look he got in return was ice cold.

 _We're still pulling the same tricks, and she still falls for them,_ Rowen thought, trying to conceal his grin. But when he looked at Eld and Gunther, he could tell they were having a hard time keeping composure as well.

“How's the studying going, Catherine?” Petra asked cheerfully, talking over Auruo.

“Interesting and worthwhile, but slow,” Catherine replied with a sigh. “Are you guys ready for tomorrow?”

“Of course!” Petra replied, giving her a thumbs up.

“You two were assigned to the Commander's squad for mission, right?” Gunther asked. Rowen nodded, not wanting to say too much. There was only so much he was allowed to reveal in his position. “How are things on that end?”

“Gunther, it almost sounds like you doubt Erwin,” Levi said suddenly, taking a sip of his tea.

“Ah, no, that's not what I meant at all.”

“Then I suggest you hold off on the questions and do what you always do.”

“...Yes, sir.”

 

…......

 

Taking in a deep breath, Milena slowly made her way toward Yasmin and Rosaleen. They seemed to be hard at work moving the ammo crates, and Milena felt a bit relieved. After receiving her new position, she had been a little anxious to know how her friends would react--whether they would respect her as a leader or not, mostly. But they had been nothing but respectful, even more so than some of the other soldiers.

 _And that's how I know that they're really my friends_ , she thought, smiling to herself as she stopped and stood next to the girls.

“Ready for a break?” she asked them, and Rosaleen popped up to her feet immediately.

“Thank you!” she gasped, her cheeks pink. “That stuff is heavier than I remember!”

“You want to watch them leave, don't you?” Yasmin asked, slowly standing while dusting off her jacket.

“...Yeah,” Milena admitted.

Today was the day for the Survey Corps to leave on their mission, and they would be passing through the gate in Karanese, which is where Milena's squad was stationed for the day.

“I wonder if they'll be able to see us up here,” Rosaleen murmured as Milena unhooked a pair of binoculars from her belt.

“I can see them coming from their headquarters,” Yasmin said, pointing out to the large mass of people on horseback. “...I wonder if the whole Corps is going.”

“I'd assume so,” Milena replied, peering through the lenses. “I can see Reiner and Armin! And Jean is with them, too!”

“I still can't believe Armin joined the Corps,” Rosaleen admitted, laughing a bit. “I was hoping he'd join the Garrison with us.”

“Eren joined the Corps, though,” Yasmin said, sounding disappointed. “And so Armin went, too...”

“Hey, when they get closer, let's wave at them!” Rosaleen suggested. “At least one of them should be able to see us, right?”

“Mm, I dunno,” Yasmin replied; her response made Milena lower her binoculars.

“As your Squad Leader, I command you to wave,” she declared, grinning. “If you don't, you have to run laps around HQ when we get back tonight.”

“Don't have to tell me twice!” Yasmin laughed. Milena's smile grew wider. She always felt a little better when she could get Yasmin or Rosaleen to laugh. There was no doubt in her mind that the two were still struggling to get past the events of Trost, and Milena often felt helpless. She didn't know how else to help them besides making them smile, so she tried to do that as much as she possibly could.

“Ah, I can see Commander Erwin!” Rosaleen exclaimed.

“Hey, there they are,” Yasmin murmured, pointing down to a group of soldiers behind Erwin. “Milena, remember the two soldiers I told you about? The ones who saved Sasha and me? That's them, down there. The ponytail, and the girl next to him.”

“Oh, I see...” Milena said, looking down at the pair of brunettes. Through her binoculars, she could see that the woman had a very serious look on her face, while the man seemed happy to be there, despite the dangers they were likely about to face.

“There's the guys!” Rosaleen squeaked, and she began to wildly wave both arms in the direction of Armin, Reiner, and Jean.

“I wonder if they're in a squad together,” Yasmin said as she waved her arm slowly.

“I hope so!” Rosaleen replied. “Oh, hey, look! Reiner's waving back!”

Milena let out a laugh and began to wave as she watched Reiner through the binoculars. He was grinning ear to ear.

“You'd think the others would notice!” Rosaleen giggled.

“Reiner's telling them!” Milena told her as she watched Reiner nudge Armin with his elbow. The blond looked confused for a moment, and then his whole face brightened. With what appeared to be a little laugh, he gave them a small wave back, then turned to Jean.

“I miss Armin,” Yasmin admitted.

“Me too! I hope he's doing all right,” Milena agreed, noting the look of surprise on Jean's face as Armin and Reiner pointed out the girls to him. Lowering her binoculars, she gave them all a big wave again, grinning.

From the nearby tower, the sound of a bell's toll echoed through the air. Milena could feel the wall below her shaking as the gate slowly rose for the soldiers.

“Guess they're leaving now...” Yasmin said quietly, lowering her arm.

“Good luck!” Rosaleen shouted, pulling her arms into a salute. Milena did the same, and Yasmin soon followed suit.

The trio stood like that for several minutes as the Survey Corps soldiers charged through the open gate. Milena watched them all, friends and strangers, as they let out their battle cries and rode forward. She didn't need the binoculars to know that they were all terrified, but their determination was obvious, too, and at the end of the day that was all that mattered.

 _I wonder who will make it back,_ she thought as she finally lowered her arms. _No. Don't think like that. They'll come back. They've gotten stronger. They'll come back._

“Don't worry, you guys,” Milena said, looking down at the now empty street below them. “I know it's only been a month, but they've already come a long way. I don't have any doubt that they'll be coming back.”

“...I wish I could believe you,” Yasmin murmured, slowly turning away to return to her work.

“Thank you, Milena,” Rosaleen then said. “Really. Thank you.”

The red-head smiled weakly, then followed Yasmin, leaving Milena standing by herself on the edge of the wall.

She had admittedly wanted this challenge--she had wanted to test her strength, and to prove that she was worth something, and she did not mind becoming that strength for her friends. But she knew her power was limited.

 _Things in this world will change--they just have to,_ Milena thought as she walked away. Now facing the land within the broken Wall Maria, she felt nothing but determination in her heart. _And anyone who denies us this right to change will have to go through me._

 

 


	27. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps begins their expedition, but the Female Titan interrupts them. Luckily, Armin's quick thinking and Jean's blossoming leadership skills are there to save them, at least for a little while.

_Gunther's explanation of the plan for the operation was clear, and Eren understood what they were supposed to do, but only on the most basic level. He had yet to grasp the real meaning of why things had been arranged the way that they were, and why he would not be permitted to use his Titan power. Was that not the whole reason for this mission--to prove that he was capable of controlling himself as a Titan?_

_“Sir...” Eren murmured, glancing at Gunther. “I...wasn't told what to do with my Titan power... Will it really be all right for me to not use it on this mission?”_

_“...” Gunther's expression changed from a serious one as he hesitantly asked, “...Did you understand the meaning behind the question Commander Erwin asked you?”_

_Eren thought back to the day when Sawney and Bean were killed._

_“What do you see? Who is the real enemy here?” The Commander's words echoed in Eren's head for a moment before he finally replied._

_“Did you all understand?” he asked them._

_“Nope,” Eld replied._

_“No,” Petra admitted._

_“Don't look at me,” Auruo muttered over his shoulder._

_“I haven't the slightest clue, either,” Gunther answered. “But maybe, this time our sortie has an objective other than simply going to the outer lands and coming back alive... If so, then the Commander simply concluded that there's no need for us to know that. That being the case, we still have only one objective--to go outside the walls and come back alive.” Gunther looked right into Eren's wide eyes and added, “Trust in the Commander.”_

 

Armin was grateful that, if only for a little while, he was able to ride alongside Reiner and Jean at the beginning of their operation. Being near friends helped calmed his nerves, and it made the ride through the ruined city on the outskirts of Wall Rose go by much faster.

However, it didn't last for long; soon Commander Erwin gave the command to fall into formation, and the three split up according to the formation. Though the others were still in Armin's line of sight, they were now just blurred figures racing along with him.

 _Stay calm,_ Armin told himself as he rode through the open fields. _Focus_.

He knew the strategy like the back of his hand, and the most important part of it was paying attention to the signal flares. Just like back in Trost, the different colors indicated different tactics and circumstances. So far, everything had been going according to plan: upon a red signal flame, a green one would go up in reply, guiding the soldiers away from danger.

Armin watched out of the corner of his eye as a red signal flare appeared in the sky. He waited a few moments for a green one, but nothing ever appeared.

 _That's strange..._ he thought, glancing across the horizon for any sign of green smoke. _It's already been quite a while since the red signal was sent up, but the formation is still in disarray... Don't tell me--_

A split-second later, a black smoke signal appeared nearby.

_Black smoke?! He's going straight for the center of the formation, ignoring the nearby humans?! Then, without a doubt, it's a deviant class Titan!_

Sure enough, an abnormal class Titan of at least seven meters appeared out of the trees. Armin could see his squad leader, Ness, and his subordinate, Siss, following the Titan closely.

 _Surely they don't plan to fight it...?_ Armin wondered as he watched the duo from afar. _There are hardly enough trees around to use the gear...!_

To Armin's surprise, Ness suddenly hopped off of his horse and launched his 3D gear right into the back of the Titan's ankle. With the swiftness of a true Survey Corps soldier, he sliced his blades deep into the monster's skin, causing it to fall onto its hands and knees. Siss was up next; he jumped off of his horse and snagged his hooks into the back of the Titan's neck. In a matter of seconds, Siss had cut out its nape and was back on his horse again.

“You did it!” Armin cheered, grinning at the sight before him. He wasn't really surprised, though; Ness had proven his abilities more than once in the past month. Armin was well aware that he had heard his position as a Squad Leader fair and square.

Armin's eyes lingered on the decaying Titan body for a few moments, until something in the distance caught his attention.

“Eh?” he gasped, squinting. There appeared to be another Titan approaching, and judging by its impressive speed, it was probably another abnormal type.

But Armin knew that something was wrong when the Titan closed in on Ness and Siss in a matter of seconds. This Titan was almost as big as Eren in his Titan form, and it seemed to not just be running, but sprinting across the plains. It was headed right for the Survey Corps soldiers, as if it understood exactly who they were.

“What the...?!” Armin quickly reached into his jacket and pulled out his signal flare, shooting up a black smoke bomb. “It's way too fast!”

The deviant Titan was now only a few feet behind Ness and Siss, and at their current speed, there was no way they would be able to outrun this new threat.

_At this rate, Squad Leader Ness and Siss are going to--!!_

Armin gasped loudly as the Titan's foot came down right in between the two men. He could see some of its features more clearly now--it had a mop of short, blonde hair, and judging by its physique, it was female. And it was headed right for him.

Kicking his horse's sides, Armin urged his steed to speed up. From where he was, he could still see Ness and Siss; to his relief, the two soon had hooked into the Female Titan's back and were aiming directly for her neck.

But just as Siss reached the Titan's shoulder, her giant hand came up and snatched him right out of the air. Armin could see his blood spurt out from her fist; he knew there was no way he had survived her bone-crunching grasp.

To Armin's horror, she then grabbed hold of Ness' wire, and, with the fluid motion of a trained fighter, she slammed him into the ground, also releasing Siss' lifeless body in the process. The two men fell to the ground, their bodies obviously broken for good.

But Armin had no time to mourn them, or even to try to collect their corpses. The Female Titan had started running again, and she was headed straight for him.

“She's...” Armin breathed, trying to collect his thoughts. “She's not...she's not a deviant! Squad Leader Ness...please, tell me! What should I do about her?! She's not a normal type, nor is she abnormal--she's neither!! She has intelligence! Like the Colossal Titan, like the Armored Titan...!! She's the same as Eren: a human in a Titan's body!”

As this realization hit him, Armin felt his heart jump to his throat in fear.

“S-Somebody!!” he cried, his heart pounding in time with the Titan's approaching footsteps. They shook the earth beneath him; he could feel his horse slowing down in result. “Why!? Why is this happening?! I'm going to die!! What am I gonna do!? She'll kill me like she did them!!”

Turning to the extra horse on his left, Armin tossed the reigns aside.

“Go!” he screamed, letting the horse go free. There was no way he would survive this encounter; the least he could do was save a horse for someone who needed it.

The noise from the Female Titan's footsteps had grown so loud that it hurt Armin's ears. Glancing behind him at the other horse, he watched as it narrowly avoided being crushed by a giant, skinless foot. Seconds later, Armin saw the sky grow dark above him; looking up, he could see the Female Titan directly above him, staring down at him with menacing blue eyes.

 _What's her... No, what's_ their _objective?_ Armin wondered as the Titan's foot began to come down on top of him.

To Armin's surprise, her foot landed just behind him; however, the impact was great enough to knock his horse off-balance, and he soon was tumbling across the grass. Somehow, he was alive--dazed, probably heavily bruised, and scared to death, but alive.

How much longer that would last, though, he couldn't be sure. Just a moment later, he heard the giant Female kneel down beside him. Armin's hood had fallen over his head, so his peripheral vision was blocked, but he knew she was close.

The next few seconds seemed to be in slow-motion as Armin awaited his death. He had seen what she was capable of, and he knew there was no chance of escape. But what happened next even _he_ could not have predicted.

Armin felt the hood of his cloak move, and it took him a moment to realize that it was indeed the Female Titan who had grabbed hold of it. But her grip was gentle, and she was very careful as she slowly pulled back the hood, revealing Armin's face. Terrified, Armin looked up at the Female, his blue eyes wide with fear and confusion.

She was looking right at him. Her ice blue eyes pierced his, and her mouth opened a little, as if preparing to speak. Armin held her gaze for several more long seconds before she finally released him and looked away. Standing, she took off again, leaving Armin without a horse and completely stunned.

“...She didn't...kill me?” he breathed, still trembling in fear. “What happened just now...? She grabbed my hood and...my face...? She wanted to see my face...?”

Though Armin did not want to believe it, there had been an unmistakable familiarity in the Female Titan's gestures and appearance, but before he could think it over, he heard someone calling his name from behind. It was Reiner Braun, and he had an extra horse and a worried expression on his face.

 

…......

 

Jean had never been so scared for a friend in his entire life until that moment when he saw the deviant Titan kneel down beside Armin. And so, his relief when Armin escaped unscathed was immense, and it drove him to ride even faster toward his friend. He had already lost one friend to Titans, after all.

Digging his heels into his horse, Jean pulled out his signal flare gun and fired a black smoke bomb, keeping his sights on Armin and Reiner in front of him. They noticed him coming and slowed down to let him catch up.

Jean opened his mouth to speak when he was finally within earshot, but he was interrupted by the sound of quiet explosions. From his right came several pillars of yellow smoke.

“Signals from the right flank position!?” Armin gasped. “They suffered a severe enough blow to give up on the operation?!”

“It looks like we've lost some of the lookouts on the right flank!” Jean told him as he rode up next to Armin. The trio raced forward, attempting to rejoin the formation. “All of a sudden a lot of Titans showed up! I have no idea why, though! There were quite a few among them that could run pretty fast. They're being held back by the remaining soldiers as we speak, but enemy detection isn't possible anymore!” Jean gritted his teeth, looking Armin in the eye. “Chaos is spreading like wildfire, and if this keeps up, we're all gonna get wiped out!”

“The right flank is where she came from!” Armin exclaimed, his face pale and sweating. “As unbelievable as it sounds, could it have been her that gathered the other Titans and brought them here?!”

“'Her'?” Jean echoed. Armin did not reply with words, but instead faced forward again. Jean did the same, and when he did, he realized what Armin had meant. The same deviant that had almost killed Armin moments before was running right in front of them.

“What the hell is a Titan doing at this point in the formation...?” he wondered out loud, watching it as it sprinted across the fields. “That's a deviant class, right?”

“No...she's not an abormal,” Armin replied. “She's a human controlling a Titan's body--a human who has the same ability as Eren!”

“...What are you saying?” Jean asked, glancing at Armin incredulously.

“Armin, what makes you think that?” Reiner added.

“All Titans do is devour humans, and humans die as a result of that--not because killing humans in itself is the Titans' objective,” Armin explained. “But when that female type crushed Squad Leader Ness, she specifically aimed to damage his vital organs--she grabbed his wire and smashed him into the ground. She killed him not for the sake of eating him, but simply for the sake of killing him. The very nature of her behavior sets her apart from other Titans.”

Jean stared at Armin in disbelief as the blond continued. Could it really be that there was another person out there like Jaeger?

“I'm sure it was her who brought along those regular Titans back when the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan destroyed the wall. Her purpose is always the same--that is, attacking mankind... But now? No...I have a feeling she's looking for someone...and if I'm right, then the one she's been looking for is Eren.”

“Eren?” Reiner echoed. “But wasn't the squad Eren was supposed to be in a part of the right flank?”

“The right flank, you say?” Jean said, raising his eyebrows. “On the diagram of the formation I was given, Eren was stationed near the back of the left flank.”

Jean knew he could make dumb mistakes from time to time, so he knew it was totally in the realm of possibility that he had misread his map or misunderstood something in all the information that had come his way, but before he could offer this up, Armin cut in.

“Well, according to my copy of the formation, he's supposed to be on the front lines of the right flank,” the blond interjected. “But it's hardly believable that someone that important would be put on the front lines...”

“Then...where _is_ Eren?” Reiner asked, looking confused.

“If my guess is right, he should be in the safest spot of this formation, which is around the back of its center, I think...”

“Armin!” Jean interrupted, glancing at his friend. “We don't have time to mull things over right now! If we get the command to retreat, the formation might be able to avoid the Titans on our right flank, but if that female type is really as dangerous as the Colossal and Armored Titans, then we have no way to communicate that kind of complex information with just smoke.”

Jean avoided Reiner's worried gaze as he rode forward, but he could not ignore the blond's words.

“What are you getting at?” his friend asked quietly.

Jean gritted his teeth and replied, “To put it simply...at this distance, we still might be able to draw the Female Titan's attention to us. We can buy some time until the retreat signal...probably. Something like that, anyway...”

Jean couldn't look his friends in the eye; he could hardly believe what words had just come out of his mouth. What he had just suggested was basically suicide.

“She actually as intelligence, you know...” Armin told Jean. “From her point of view, we're nothing more than flies... She can crush us just by swatting...”

“Seriously..?” Jean let out a weak laugh. His jaw hurt from clenching his teeth. “Now that's just downright terrifying, isn't it...?”

“Hey...are you really Jean?” Reiner asked suddenly. “The Jean I know is the kind of guy who thinks only about himself, not others.”

“...That was rude, seriously.” Jean fixed his eyes on the Female Titan in front of them as he continued, “I just...really don't wanna meet a disappointing end, with someone burning my bones without even knowing that they were mine. I...! I know what I have to do now! It's the job we chose! So man up and _help me_!”

Once again, Jean's emotions had gotten the better of him, but to his relief, Armin and Reiner's gazes were steady and determined. He could tell that they were on his side, and he was grateful that, even if this was the end, he would not go down fighting alone.

“Pull on your hoods, as low as you can!” Armin then shouted, tugging his own green hood over his head. “This way, she can't see our faces! As long as she's not sure who we are, she'll be careful to not kill us!”

“I see...” Reiner murmured, pulling on his hood. “She'll have little choice, since one of us might be Eren, the one person she doesn't want to kill... Should at least help our peace of mind, eh? Let's hope that her eyesight is bad, too.”

“Armin, you know, I always thought that the way you're always hanging around Eren is gross, but at the same time I also considered you a capable guy,” Jean muttered, smirking as he pulled on his hood. Armin looked startled, as if he wasn't sure that Jean was serious.

“Eh...? Th-thanks...but 'gross' is a bit harsh, you know...”

Jean faced forward again, the smile disappearing from his lips.

“Now listen, guys,” he said, his voice low. “From now on you gotta listen to me and do what I say.”

 

…......

 

Reiner kept a firm grip on the handle of his blade as he rode alongside Armin and Jean. His amber eyes watched the Female Titan as she ran ahead of them with giant strides. She had slowed down a bit, though, and so it was time to put Jean's plan to work.

Nodding at his comrades, Reiner split apart from the group; from the corner of his eyes, he watched Armin and Jean spread out around the Female Titan's ankles. The three of them formed a triangle behind her. She wouldn't have any other option other than to keep going forward.

Or at least, that's what they had assumed.

All of a sudden, the Female Titan stopped in her tracks, and she brought her giant hand swooping down, right into Armin's horse. Her slap sent the blond and his horse flying; Reiner watched in horror as Armin went tumbling several yards, his gear flying off in a tangled mess behind him.

But even more terrifying was what happened next: the Female Titan crouched down next to the motionless teen and began to reach toward him. Reiner felt anxious watching the situation, but before he could react, Jean flew into action. Snagging his hooks into the Titan's lower shoulder blade, Jean shot forward. But the Female Titan was just as fast, and she whirled herself around to face him.

 _Shit..! He's gonna die at this rate!_ Reiner thought, his heart pounding as he watched Jean struggle to work his way around the Titan's body toward her neck. But even his quick and precise maneuvers were not enough; she brought her hand up to block the nape of her neck, keeping the other hand free to deal with Jean.

“Jean!” Reiner screamed, racing toward his friend as fast as he could. He knew he only had a few seconds before the decisive moment: she could easily grab Jean's wire and end it right there.

“JEAN! YOU GOTTA AVENGE HIM!”

Armin's shout surprised Reiner enough to make him slow down his horse. He had heard Armin shout before, to be sure, but the fierceness in his voice now made him sound like a totally different person.

“That suicidal bastard already died on the right flank!” Armin continued, his voice ringing out through the air like gunfire. “SHE KILLED HIM!”

Reiner watched in amazement as the Female Titan froze; her hesitation gave Jean a free moment to return to the ground and put distance between him and the Titan.

 _This is my chance_ , Reiner realized, and with a sharp kick, he pushed his horse forward again, riding at a full-out sprint.

“She stepped on my best friend and _crushed him!_ ” Armin wailed. “I saw him stuck to the bottom of her foot!!”

Pushing himself off of the back of his horse, Reiner shot his 3D gear forward, hooking himself right into the Titan's upper arm. He used the momentum coupled with his gas to push forward and hook his right side into the Titan's nape.

 _Fuck you for killing them!_ he thought, bringing his blades back in preparation to strike.

Upon moving toward her neck, Reiner passed the face of the Female Titan. He caught her gaze, and the moment he met her ice-blue eyes, he felt strange, as if he had just woken up from a dream.

_What...?_

Before he could clear his mind, Reiner felt his body collide into something solid and hot. It was the Female Titan's hand, and he had flown right into her grip.

 _What was I...?_ Reiner squirmed in her grasp for a moment, and his eyes met hers again. _...That's right_.

Wincing, Reiner let out a grunt as the Female Titan's thumb pushed him into her closed hand. The tip of his blade was pushed into her palm, and he stared at the blank space in front of him.

_All right. I get it. Just don't kill me._

 

…......

 

“Auruo, fire the signal.”

“Roger that, Sir!”

Eren watched in wide-eyed silence as Auruo shot off a green signal flare in reply to the smoke pillars from around them.

 _It's as if there are no Titans around at all, even though we're outside the wall..._ he thought, frowning a bit. _Is it because this is the safest spot in the formation? From here it feels as if everything is going smoothly...but how are things in reality, I wonder? There are bound to be victims among those on the front lines by now..._

“I've got a message!”

From the right came a Survey Corps soldier--to Eren's disappointment, it was no one that he recognized.

“The right flank lookouts suffered a crushing blow!” the soldier announced. “Enemy detection on the right is now almost entirely disabled! Please relay this message to the squads stationed to your left!”

As cool and collected as ever, Captain Levi turned to his left, where Petra was riding alongside him.

“You heard that Petra?” he said. “Go.”

“Yes, Sir!”

As Petra rode off, Eren pursed his lips. He could feel a cold sweat beading on his forehead.

 _The right flank?! Isn't that where Armin is supposed to be...?_ he wondered, trying to follow Captain Levi's lead and remain calm. _But Armin and the others from my class are stationed closer to the center. Titans could have hardly advanced that far._

As if to prove Eren wrong, a popping sound echoed from behind. Glancing over his shoulder, Eren felt his heart drop as he watched three pillars of black smoke rise into the air.

“A black signal?!” he gasped. “A deviant appeared?!”

“Eren, fire the signal,” Levi commanded.

“Yes, Sir!” Eren reached into his cloak and pulled out his firearm, loading in a black smoke bomb.

“What a mess...” he heard his Captain mutter. “Some Titan's already penetrated the formation that deep, huh...?”

Just as Eren raised his arm to fire, two more black smoke signals appeared behind him. He quickly shot off his own signal in reply, grimacing.

_For a Titan to have already advance that far... I wonder if the ones who fired that signal are fighting it right now...?_

 


	28. The Forest of Giant Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Female Titan attacks, and Levi asks Eren to make the choice with the least regrets.

_It wasn't necessarily unusual for Eren to feel intimidated when he was alone with Captain Levi, but after the day's events, he felt even more at a loss for words than normal._

_“I...I know that I'm still alive only because I'm in the Survey Corps under your command,” Eren admitted quietly from his seat on the bottom step. Captain Levi stood beside him, leaning against the wall with arms crossed, scowling as he usually did. “And I also know that I'm a potential enemy to humanity... It's just...”_

_Eren thought back to the reactions of his fellow squad members earlier that day--their reactions to his accidental Titan transformation. He had meant no harm, and yet they had threatened him with death multiple times. Their behavior was completely different from how the usual friendless they showed toward him, and it made Eren feel very alone._

_“...Until the moment I experienced their open hostility, I didn't realize that they don't trust me,” Eren confessed, staring at the floor in front of him._

_“Of course they don't. That's what I chose them in the first place.”_

_Startled by Captain Levi's response, Eren quickly looked up at the man's face. His sharp grey eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and his mouth was still drawn into a frown._

_“'You become a full-fledged member only after having returned alive for the first time'... That's a common saying here in the Survey Corps,” Levi told him. “But those guys managed to live through hell not once, but countless times, and the result is obvious. They've learned how to survive.” He paused, and Eren could swear that his face softened for a moment, as if recalling some specific memory._

_“When you're up against Titans, there's always a lack of information. No matter how thorough your planning is, situations you can't make heads or tails of will come up anyway. When that happens, your best chance is your ability to make quick, firm actions based on your predictions of the worst case scenario, given the situation. Still, it doesn't mean they're heartless. It's not like they didn't feel anything turning their blades against you.”_

_Eren felt a strange sense of guilt as Captain Levi looked down at him._

_“But...don't expect them to regret it,” he told the teen, who looked away without a word._

 

“I've got word from Erwin.”

Mike spoke in a loud voice so as to be heard over the sound of the approaching horses. His eyes met those of his comrades; they looked alert, and Mike was a bit relieved. Even if the new recruits were feeling clueless, the veterans still were focused enough to keep up morale. And if what they were up against was as bad as Mike assumed, they would need as much of that morale as possible.

“It's not a retreat order, is it?” Rowen asked, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

“No--we're continuing with the plan,” Mike answered. “The convoy groups need to meet up with Erwin in the forest. Everyone else will be positioned along the outside, as discussed.” Pointing over his shoulder, Mike motioned toward the forest pathway. Erwin and the others were already long gone into the shadows. “We'll wait here a few more moments for the remaining convoys squads, and then we'll get going.”

There was a pause before anyone spoke again. Mike had not noticed from far away, but his friends seemed somewhat restless. Were they worried about waiting out in broad daylight like this?

“It's worse than we thought, Mike,” Catherine then murmured. “I'm sure you saw the signals, but the entire right flank's been rendered useless.” She pursed her lips, glancing over her shoulder as another convoy squad arrived. “At this rate, Captain Levi and his squad will barely be able to outrun whatever's coming. Which means Eren will--”

“They'll outrun it,” Mike assured her. “Levi's squad might not understand what's going on, but Levi does. His trust in Erwin is absolute. We should make our trust in Levi and his men as such.”

It wasn't that Mike wasn't worried about the approaching threat, or the safety of the Special Operations Squad. He knew that Erwin's plan had accounted for every possible fall-out, and that even if they were so unlucky as to lose even Captain Levi, it would not spell out the end of humanity. Eren was not completely incapable of protecting himself, after all, and the veteran soldiers of that squad were only five of many left fighting in the Survey Corps.

“...I'll trust him,” Catherine said at last, tightening the grip on her horse's reins.

“Glad to hear it.” Mike glanced over the crowd of convoy squads that had now gathered at the edge of the forest. “Let's not waste any more time, then. They need us.” Turning his horse toward the forest, he cried, “All convoy troops--follow me!”

 

…......

 

“Captain! Captain Levi!”

“What?”

“Sir, now that we've entered this forest, there's no way we can detect the enemy!” Eren tried his best to keep his voice steady so as to match Captain Levi's nonchalance. But he couldn't help but feel a bit afraid, and his tone reflected this. They had been the only squad to enter the forest as far as he could see. “There was something approaching from the right, wasn't there? How are we supposed to avoid Titans and protect the carts under these circumstances?!”

“Stop whining about the obvious,” came the Captain's reply. “Of course we can't do that anymore.”

“Eh?! B-but, why?! Why did we--”

“Take a good look around, Eren. Look at all of these big-ass trees--they're the optimal surroundings for us to use our three-dimensional maneuvering gear.” Eren did as Captain Levi said and took a look around. There were trees as far as the eye could see, and all of them were very tall. The forest was thick, too; anyone wearing 3D gear would be able to easily navigate their way through it.

“Now, do me a favor and put that head of yours to use,” Captain Levi then added. “If you don't want to die, think.”

Eren blinked slowly in response to Captain Levi's harsh words. Had they been said by anyone else, he might have been insulted, but Eren could see the truth behind the Captain's statement.

 _I get it,_ he thought, glancing around the forest again. _They don't want me to know exactly what's going on because they feel that, as a newbie, I won't learn anything by getting all my questions answered right away. I need to learn how to understand these kinds of situations on my own. I'm sure that's the way all of the veterans learned what to do when it comes to fighting._

Eren then turned his gaze to Auruo; he had been expecting to see the usual smarmy look on the veteran's face, but instead Eren was greeted with a shock: pale and visibly sweaty, Auruo was muttering under his breath, looking nervous.

“The hell's this all about?” he growled through clenched teeth. “You've gotta be fucking with me...”

Auruo sounded irritated, but Eren could also see confusion written on his face. Turning to his other squad mates, Eren felt his heart sink as he noted similar expressions on Petra, Eld, and Gunther's faces.

 _Wait a minute...don't tell me that nobody knows anything about what's actually going on...?!_ Whipping his head to the front again, Eren fixed his eyes on the back of Captain Levi's head. _Could it be that even Captain Levi...?!_

Before Eren could ask for more explanation, a loud roar rang through the air, echoing in the dense forest.

“Wh-what's that sound?!” Petra gasped, looking over her shoulder.

“It's right behind us!” Eren shouted.

“Is it whatever was coming for us from the right...?” Eld wondered out loud.

“Everyone, draw your swords,” Captain Levi commanded them. He pulled out his own blades quickly. “That thing will be here any minute.”

 

…......

 

“This is insane...”

Armin glanced at Jean as he stared down at the ground. He didn't look afraid, just irritated.

“Abandoning the initial plan to establish a supply route--and then, instead of admitting defeat and retreating, we're recklessly going out of our way to drop by a place like this for some sight-seeing... And to top it all off, we've been ordered to dismount, draw our swords, and stand by here, stopping any Titan that tries to enter the forest...”

Armin didn't reply; he had nothing to say, and even if he had, Jean's attitude at that particular moment did not seem very receptive. Anything that Armin would try to add might only fan the flames of Jean's irritability.

“That guy...” Armin glanced to where Jean was looking--the veteran soldier who had given them orders. “He dishes out some really fucked up orders...”

“Jean, he might hear you...” Armin said quietly.

“What's really the worst is that we got no decent explanation whatsoever as to why we're doing this,” Jean continued, ignoring Armin's plea. “If only he wasn't our superior, we could've just ignored him with no consequences... You know, I've heard of cases in which an unpopular Commander, when judged incompetent in a critical situation by his subordinates, gets stabbed from behind and dies. And these cases aren't as uncommon as it might seem...”

“Jean...what are you getting at?” Armin asked, staring at his friend in concern. Jean turned to look over his shoulder at him, and they both fell silent.

“Relax,” Jean said at last, turning back around. “I'm just a little pissed off about this whole mess we're stuck in, that's all. You ask me what I'm gonna do about it? I'm gonna follow orders and prevent Titans from entering the forest, that's what. You think that's what we should be doing, too, don't you, Armin?”

“Huh?”

“You have that look that says you have a clue about what's going on, you know?”

Armin hesitated. “Well, I...”

Ever since his encounter with the Female Titan, Armin had been replaying the scene over and over again in his mind. He was admittedly disconcerted about several details in those moments, but the more he thought about it, the more their expedition started to make sense.

They had only been in the Survey Corps for a month, and yet here they were, already out on a mission. It was supposedly to establish a supply route and do some reconnaissance, but it had turned into a blood bath. Despite the countless deaths, however, they had still not been ordered to retreat. Why?

If he thought about it from a different perspective, those details could be written off as poor judgment calls, but there was one more thing that Armin was determined to wrap his mind around: nobody knew where Eren Jaeger was.

With that one detail, the other pieces of the puzzle started to lock into place, and the conclusion Armin had started to come to was one that shocked him. He didn't want to be correct, but the longer he mulled things over, the more he came to realize that there was no other possibility--save for complete insanity on Commander Erwin's part.

 _He had to have known_ , Armin thought as a Titan ran toward the edge of the forest. _Commander Erwin predicted this outcome a long time ago._

“Oi, Armin.”

Snapping back to reality, Armin again turned his eyes to Jean.

“We just have to keep the Titans out of the forest, right?” his friend said; his amber eyes were locked on the Titan, who had stopped just below them. Armin could hear its almost eager grunts as it reached up above its head, trying to reach where the soldiers stood. “So, in other words, we don't have to engage in combat, right?”

Armin didn't reply; his mind was already wandering again.

 

…......

 

Eren had known that something big was coming after them, and that it was probably a Titan, but nothing could have prepared him for the speed or the size that of the Female Titan.

“We'll never outrun that thing in this forest!” Gunther cried. Eren had never seen him show his emotions so openly before.

“It's so fast!” Eld gasped, his brown eyes wide with fear.

“Captain! Let's switch over to three-dimensional maneuvering gear!” Petra cried.

But Captain Levi did not respond; he just stared back at Petra, then shifted his gaze to the Female Titan. He did not seem surprised or afraid; however, the near-dead look in his eyes made Eren feel panicked.

From behind him, Eren heard the familiar popping and cracking sounds of 3D gear hooks at work. When he looked behind him, he could see that a squad of Survey Corps soldiers had caught up to them; they were closing in on the Titan, leaving little trails of steam behind them as they raced to stop her.

“The squad behind us is here for backup!” Petra announced to Captain Levi, who had turned to face forward again.

Eren, however, could not take his eyes off of the Titan and the soldiers attempting to fight her. They were incredibly fast, and their skills on the gear were admirable. However, the Female Titan was faster, and one by one, she picked off the soldiers, smashing them like insects. The distraction had caused her to slow down, but she had killed them quickly, and soon she was back on their trail.

“Captain!” Petra shrieked, turning forward toward Captain Levi. “Give us the order!”

“Let's do it, Captain!” Auruo shouted. It was the most polite speech Eren had ever heard him use. “She's really dangerous!”

“We have to do it now!” Gunther added.

“I'm gonna tear her to shreds,” Eren heard Eld growl from behind him. Glancing back at the Female Titan, Eren smirked to himself.

 _You idiot--you'll only be digging your own grave if you try to take us on!_ he thought. _This squad is comprised of soldiers whose specialty is killing Titans!_ Eren faced forward again, awaiting Captain Levi's orders.

But they never came. Captain Levi stayed silent, and slowly the smirk disappeared from Eren's face.

“Captain Levi!?” he shouted.

“Give us the order, please!” Auruo cried from beside him.

Finally, Captain Levi glanced over his shoulder. In his hand he held his signal gun; he had already sheathed his swords.

“Everyone, plug your ears,” he said, lifting the gun into the air.

To Eren's surprise, no flare shot up from the gun. Instead, a loud, high-pitched ringing sound filled the air. It echoed in Eren's head despite his attempts to cover his ears. When the sound faded and his hearing returned to normal, he could again hear the sound of the Female Titan's pounding footsteps as well as the sound of their horses' gallops. Nothing had changed.

“...A sound grenade...?!” Eren grunted through clenched teeth.

“Tell me, what is your mission?” Captain Levi's words were crisp and firm, and his eyes were nothing but serious. “Was it to lose yourselves to your raging emotions? That's not what your orders were, was it? The duty of this squad is to do our damnedest to make sure this brat doesn't get a single scratch on him. Even if it costs us our lives.”

 _They weren't assigned just to keep watch over me?_ Eren thought as his comrades fell silent.

“We're going to keep advancing on horseback,” Captain Levi continued. “Is that clear?”

“Roger that, Sir!” Petra cried.

Eren whipped his head toward Petra in surprise.

“Eh?!” he breathed. “On horseback?! But...just how long will we be able to keep going like this?! Not to mention that she'll catch up to us any minute now!”

Eren opened his mouth to say more, but he paused as the sounds of 3D gear filled the air yet again.

“More reinforcements...!” he gasped. “There's another group of backups! If we help them right now, we may stand a chance at winning!”

“Eren, keep your eyes straight ahead!” Gunther shouted.

“Gunther!?”

“Stop screwing up the formation!” Eld added from his left. “Maintain your fastest running speed!”

“Eld!”

Eren had never felt such a wild sense of panic before. Just moments ago, his squad mates had been right along with him, ready to fight. Were they really going to just keep running? Even if it _had_ been their order, was that really the right call?

“But why?!” Eren cried. “If the Special Operations Squad doesn't stop her, who will?!”

From behind came the sound of bones crunching; Eren glanced back just in time to see the Female Titan wipe the remains of a Survey Corps solder's body from her hands onto a tree.

“Another one has just lost his life!” he shouted. “There was a chance we could have saved him! The other soldier is still fighting! If we go right now, we can still make it in time!”

“Eren!” Petra shouted, interrupting Eren's pleading. “Just keep your eyes forward and keep moving!”

“Are you telling me to just ignore the desperate battle happening behind us?! To leave my comrades to their death and run for my life, is that it?!”

“Yes! That's precisely what I'm telling you to do! Obey the Captain's orders!”

“I don't get why I have to let my comrades die!! And I don't get why you're not telling me the reason behind your unwillingness to help them! Why?!”

“'Cause the Captain judged it's not something he has to explain, that's why!!” Auruo bellowed. “You don't get it 'cause you're still a greenhorn! Now, shut the hell up and follow the order!”

Eren fell silent, then glanced back at the lone soldier once again.

 _He's still fighting...all alone..._ A thought then struck Eren, and he sheathed his swords. _...I can fight alone, too, can't I...? Why should I depend solely on others? I can just go help him on my own, fighting alone._

Eren's thumb was between his teeth when Petra's shriek interrupted him.

“Eren!? What do you think you're doing?!” she cried, amber eyes wide. “You're only allowed to do that when your life is in danger! You promised us, didn't you?!”

Eren paused, keeping his hand in his mouth as he stared Petra down. Just as he was about to bite down, he heard another voice.

“Eren, you're not wrong about this,” Captain Levi stated. “If you want to do it, then do it.”

“Captain!?” Petra gasped.

“He's a real monster, and it has nothing to do with his powers as a Titan,” he continued. “No matter how much you try to restrain him with force, no matter how strong of a cage you place him in, no one will be able to make his spirit succumb to their will.”

Captain Levi paused for a moment, then addressed Eren again.

“Eren, the difference in judgment between you and the rest of us originates from different convictions derived from past experiences. But you don't have to rely on something like that. Choose--will you trust yourself, or will you trust me, your squad mates, and the Survey Corps as a whole?”

Eren had now locked eyes with Captain Levi; the expression on his face was somewhat familiar, but Eren could not remember when he had seen it before. There was a strange sort of softness to it, one that didn't suit a face like Levi's.

“I don't know what you should choose. I never have--whether I rely on my own strength, or on the strength of my companions, no one knows the outcome. The only thing you can do is choose for yourself whichever decision you'll regret the least.”

Eren continued to stare at Captain Levi for a moment before glancing back at the soldier. Captain Levi's words seemed genuine, and if it really didn't matter to him, Eren saw no reason as to why he shouldn't fight as a Titan.

But just as he brought his teeth to the skin of his hand, Eren was interrupted.

“Eren,” Petra breathed, eyes still wide. “Trust us.”

Her words were so simple, but the look on her face was enough to make Eren stop and think. To trust his squad members would be to put their lives on the line, which was something Eren wanted to avoid. It was bad enough watching other soldiers be killed; he didn't want to think about people he knew dying, too.

Eren then caught a glimpse of Petra's right hand; on her thumb was some slight bruising, and he recognized it right away. Just a few weeks before, Eren had accidentally shifted into a partial Titan, and his squad mates had been ready to kill him. But it wasn't out of malice--it was because that's how they were trained. As an apology, the veteran soldiers had all bitten down hard on their hands--an imitation of what Eren would do to transform into a Titan. It was a simple gesture, but it got the point across that they had not been thinking of things from Eren's point of view.

In a flash, Eren recalled Petra's words that evening.

“We're sorry, Eren. We got scared and did something stupid. You must be disappointed in us. But still...one person can't do much just on their own. That's why we take action as a group. We're relying on you, and we'd like you to rely on us. So please, _trust us._ ”

“Eren! You're taking too long!” Captain Levi suddenly shouted, tearing Eren out of his thoughts and back into reality. “Make up your mind already!”

Eren did not need a second longer to decide.

“I'll keep going with you!” he cried.

From behind, Eren heard the terrified screams of that last remaining soldier, and then, the sound of his body colliding with the Female Titan's hand.

“Forgive me...” Eren whispered, feeling tears in his eyes as he clenched his teeth in remorse.

The ground beneath them began to shake violently; Eren looked back to see the Female Titan picking up her pace to an all-out sprint towards them.

“The target is accelerating!” Gunther cried.

“Full speed ahead!” Levi shouted. “Keep running as fast as you can!!”

 _It's impossible to outrun her_ , Eren realized, trying to keep from staring at the Titan. _We won't be able to get away from her... If we just keep going like this, she's gonna overtake us and then crush us all...!_

Turning his gaze forward again, Eren caught sight of the cloak on Levi's back--the Wings of Freedom billowing behind him.

_But...! Everybody chose to keep going forward, even if it looks like suicide and means leaving their fellow soldiers to die... Captain Levi keeps looking straight ahead...and the others--they trust the Captain with their lives. Why...did I choose this...? I know...it's because I wanted..._

“Captain!” Petra shrieked as the Female Titan's shadow loomed over the squad.

“Keep going!” Captain Levi shouted.

... _New comrades to rely on...like when I was with my friends...and sincere support... I've had enough. I don't want to be treated like a monster...or to be left out... No more. That's why..._

Eren noticed the sky above him grow dark, and he lifted his head to see a giant hand just a few meters away.

_I just want to believe that trusting my comrades is the right thing to do..._

Eren braced himself as the Female Titan's hand closed in, but then something else caught his attention. Somehow or another, they had run right through a large group of stationary soldiers and several large weapons hidden in the trees on either side of the path.

“FIRE!!!”

At the sound of what was unmistakably Commander Erwin's voice, the area lit up with clouds of white smoke, and the air echoed with cannon fire. Eren watched in awe over his shoulder as hook after hook latched into and intertwined around the Female Titan's body.

“Huh!?” he gasped.

“Tether the horses up ahead, then switch to three-dimensional maneuvering gear,” Captain Levi commanded, his voice steady. “I'll be taking action separately from the rest of you for the time being. I'm leaving Eld in command. Keep a safe distance away from that Titan and keep Eren out of sight. And take care of my horse. Is that clear?”

Before anyone could reply, Captain Levi shot off on his gear, disappearing into the trees behind them.

“What?! Could it be...” Eren glanced behind him to see that the smoke had cleared, revealing the Female Titan trapped in a mess of wires, completely immobilized. “Could it be that the plan was to capture that Titan alive?!”

 

 


	29. Hope for Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the Survey Corps' best efforts, the Female Titan escapes capture and heads toward Eren and his squad mates.

_“Armin, we've gotta move further away” Jean called out to the blond, who nodded._

_“I know!” he shouted, already a branch above where he had been standing moments ago._

_“This fucker...” Jean looked down at the Titan below him with a sneer as it clumsily gripped the tree trunk. “Looks like he got the hang of climbing trees...” With a small hop off the branch, Jean shot his hooks into a nearby tree and pulled himself up a few meters. Armin was right behind him._

_“It means they can learn...” Armin said quietly. “That's a scary thought. Although, I would assume that, too, varies from individual to individual.”_

_“Hey, Armin...” Jean knew it was an abrupt change of subject, but it was honestly as good a time as any to address the questions that had been on his mind for the past half-hour. “There's something going on inside this forest right now, and I think I have a guess as to what that is now.”_

_The past thirty minutes had been mostly quiet, save for one instance of what sounded like cannon fire coming from deep within the forest. Jean had not remembered seeing any cannons go out with the convoys, but then again, he had not seen exactly what the convoy troops had taken. Though cannons were probably too heavy to be transported with carts, there were surely other things that could make that kind of noise._

_“We've lured that Female Titan all the way here to capture it, am I right?” he then asked. Armin did not reply, but from the look on his face, Jean could see he agreed. “I just can't think of any other reason as to why only a select few knew about the real plan. ...There are those who want to destroy the walls in his regiment, aren't there?”_

_Again, Armin hesitated, leaving Jean to watch the climbing Titan in silence._

_“Yes,” he finally replied. “I also think that it's true. And Commander Erwin has known for a while.”_

 

“If they had known in advance that they'd be dealing with an intelligent Titan, some of soldiers could have survived,” Eren said to his squad mates.

It had been a while since they captured the Female Titan, and since that time, Eren and the rest of the Special Operations Squad had been hiding up in the trees, just as Captain Levi had instructed. However, Eren did not feel satisfied. Even after hearing the explanations his comrades gave for why things had turned out this way, he still felt bitter about the amount of lives lost to the wrath of that Titan. He understood Commander Erwin's motivations--a spy infiltrating their regiment was nothing to sneeze at--but his actions were too extreme, even for Eren.

“I mean, forget about the new recruits--to think that even veteran soldiers like you guys, who have been with the Corps for a long time, were left out of the loop...”

“Oh, shut up already,” Auruo muttered.

“Are you saying that the Commander and Captain Levi don't trust us?! Is that it?!” Petra shouted, glaring at Eren.

“N-No, but... That's kind of what it looks like, y'know?”

“Petra!” Auruo quickly pulled out his blades, pointing at Eren. “Knock out a tooth or two for me, will ya! And replace his front teeth with his back ones!”

“Well, you can't effectively set a trap like that unless only a certain number of people are told in advance about it,” Eld said calmly. If he was upset about being left out, Eren could not tell. “So the soldiers who knew about the plan were probably just the survivors who have been in the Survey Corps since five years ago. Or, that's what I want to think, anyway.”

“Ah, I see,” Auruo agreed, sheathing his blades. “That makes sense. I'm sure that's how things really are. Got it, Eren?”

“Yeah! If that was the case, then there was nothing we could do about it,” Petra added. “They assume that the spy infiltrated our lands five years ago when the wall was breached. That must have been the condition the Commander used to screen suspects.”

“Five years ago...” Eren murmured, thinking back to the day his hometown was destroyed. “Could that spy really...”

“Could it be the same person who killed Sawney and Bean?” Eld interrupted.

“Ah...” Petra's eyes widened as she turned to Eld; she looked as if some detail had clicked in place for her. “At that time, the Commander asked me that question...”

“He asked me, too,” Eren said, recalling the Commander's words. He had not understood him at the time, but now everything was beginning to make sense. “So that's what that question was about...”

“Perhaps, if someone had been able to answer that question, they would've been let it on the real plan...” Eld suggested. “Though I seriously doubt there was anyone who could...”

“Well, I knew the answer,” Auruo declared. “But you know...I didn't dare say it there. You wanna know why?”

“Why?” Petra grunted, looking unamused.

“Huh...still don't get it?” Auruo shrugged, ignoring Petra's scornful gaze. “Ah, well, guess it's not surprising that people like you don't understand... Why don't you get it? Well, I'll tell you--it's 'cause you guys aren't even close to my level.”

“Hey...are you trying to copy the Captain again?” Petra narrowed her eyes. “Captain Levi would never say that, you know...”

 _If this plan succeeds, we'll learn a lot about Titans,_ Eren thought, his mind wandering away from Auruo and Petra's bickering. _But still, even for that kind of success...way too many people lost their lives._

 

…......

 

“Jean.”

Armin's voice was unusually serious, and the look in his eyes was so fierce that Jean was not even sure if he was looking at the same person anymore.

“Anyone can make a choice after they've learned what the result will be,” the blond told him, staring him down with a steady gaze. “It's so easy to say 'we should have done it this way' afterwards. But, you can't know what your choice will result in before actually choosing it. Can you tell that Titan's true identity? Or how many of them exist? What they can do? What they know? What they've learned? The thing is that you _don't_ know! You'll never know a thing! But time keeps moving--it won't stop just because you want it to! And there surely will come a time when you'll have to make a choice, even though you have no idea what the result will be!”

Armin's words resonated with Jean; he couldn't help but think back to Trost, when his decision led several of his comrades to their deaths. He spoke the truth, as usual.

“I know what the words 'taking responsibility for actions and accepting the consequences' mean,” Armin continued. “And I think these are true and honest words. No matter what result this plan will produce, it won't change the fact that a lot of soldiers have died for it. Commander Erwin may be a bad person, but that's just fine by me. Having considered every possible course of action, he had to choose between the lives of one hundred comrades or the lives of all humanity living inside the walls. And he made his choice--he chose to throw away the lives of a hundred of his comrades.”

Armin paused to catch his breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was quieter. Still, his tone was firm; Jean could tell he truly believed every word he spoke with all his heart.

“I haven't lived all that long yet, but there's something I firmly believe: the people who have the ability to change something in this world all, without exception, have the guts to abandon things that are important to them. They are those who can even abandon their humanity if they're hard pressed to win against monsters. People who can't throw anything away can never hope to change anything.”

 _...He's right,_ Jean realized, lowering his eyes to the climbing Titan, who had fallen to the ground with a thud. _You can't gain anything without losing something first. And sometimes losing that “something” is painful. But if you can give it up, you can win any fight. You can become stronger._

Jean thought of Marco's words, about how he was a “weak person,” and how that had bothered him so much at first. But now he knew that Marco was right.

 _I've been too weak to give anything up_ , he thought.

His mind then wandered to Yasmin. Marco had called her strong, but Yasmin had not thought of herself that way. Why? Would she be willing to throw away something to succeed? Jean wasn't sure.

Sighing through his nose, Jean made a mental note to himself--he wanted her to hear Armin's words and take them to heart.

_She's probably just as strong as Marco said but she doesn't realize what she's had to sacrifice to become strong... It's not that she's taken anything for granted--it's that she hasn't seen the value in what she's lost..._

Interrupting Jean's thoughts, a loud cry rang out through the air. Jean had never heard anything quite like it, but he could venture a guess as to the source.

_The Titan...?!_

The ghostly wail lasted for several seconds before it finally faded. Jean turned to ask Armin about it, but something else caught his attention first.

Below him, all hell had let loose. Every single Titan that had been waiting on the outskirts of the forest had suddenly stood alert, and they had begun to run into the trees.

“Eh?!” Armin gasped.

“What the?! They're...!! They're all rushing into the forest?!” Jean breathed, standing motionless up in the trees.

 

…......

 

“Hurry up with those bombs!”

Catherine turned to Rowen, who was loading in explosives as fast as he possibly could. But there was no way that they would be of any use now. Erwin had wanted the Female Titan's hands blown off, but judging by the way the ground was shaking, and the sound of rumbling footsteps approaching, there were likely dozens of other Titans on their way. She could already see at least seven closing in on their group.

“The fuck is going on...?” she wondered out loud, staring with wide eyes as Hanji's squad went to intercept the Titans, only to have them run right past. Captain Levi was the only one to take any down, while the remaining Titans closed in on their target: the Female Titan.

“They're eating her!?” Rowen gasped, getting to his feet. “Because she screamed?!” Catherine met eyes with her best friend as he pulled out his blades, flustered. “Do _you_ know what's going on? Don't you speak Titan?”

Before Catherine could reply, Commander Erwin's voice rang through the air.

“Men, engage them! Protect the Female Titan!” he shouted, and his words triggered Catherine to unsheathe her blades.

Without a second of hesitation, Catherine pushed off of the tree branch and launched herself forward toward the horde of Titans. She passed several of her comrades as she shot her hooks into the closest target; taking care not to cross her wires with anyone else's, or with the traps still lodged in the Female Titan's body, Catherine whipped herself around to face the back of a Titan's neck. With a burst of gas, she closed in and dug her blades right into its nape. She spun out of the attack and, as quickly as she could, found her next target.

All around her was chaos. As she and the others fought on, dozens of Titans had already swarmed and surrounded the Female Titan, ripping her to shreds. Between their feasting and the work of the Survey Corps soldiers, it seemed as thought it was raining blood. The only good thing was that, as far as she could tell, all of the blood was coming from the Titans. But everything else had gone to shit.

“MEN! WITHDRAW TEMPORARILY!”

Letting out a sharp breath, Catherine locked into a nearby tree and pulled herself above the Titans. The air had filled with smoke, and she could barely make out the soldier that had landed beside her.

“What a waste,” Hanji said quietly. Catherine could tell that she was disappointed; she had a tired look in her eyes that did not suit her normally bright personality.

“I had no idea Titans could do this,” Catherine admitted. She felt a bit guilty for not having known, despite all of the studying she had been doing.

“Nobody did.”

“All soldiers! Retreat!” Erwin's voice was loud enough to hear, but it seemed as though he had weakened since his last command. “While Titans are busy devouring the Female, get on your horses! We're leaving all the carts here! Head west, and once you're out of the forest, re-deploy the formation! We're returning to the Karanese district!”

“What a load of shit,” Catherine heard Hanji mutter from above her.

“Squad Leader, we ought to fill up on gas before departing,” Moblit said.

“If there's still enough, can I join you?” Catherine asked. She had used up so much getting up high into the trees with the traps in the first place, and even more in the fruitless assault that had followed.

“Come with us,” Hanji said, nodding once as Moblit fired a retreat signal into the air.

Without another word, the three shot off toward the gas supply cart.

 _Hanji was right--what a waste_ , Catherine thought as she quickly began to refill her tank. Leaving the carts behind meant leaving behind a good portion of their supplies, including some spare gas and blades.

“Hand it over.”

A pale hand appeared in front of Catherine's face; slowly, she looked up to see Captain Levi standing there. He looked even more irritated than usual.

“I'm almost done,” she told him. “Shouldn't you get going back to Eren and the others, anyway?”

“Erwin's orders,” Captain Levi stated.

“Hmm.” After clicking her gas tank shut, Catherine smacked the can into Levi's outstretched hand. “Then I guess I can give this to you. But next time, you should try saying please.”

“...” Any other time, Captain Levi would have come up with a smart-ass reply, but Catherine could see that he was still out of sorts from all that had just happened.

“Catherine, let's go!”

Turning at the sound of Rowen's voice, Catherine released her hold on the gas tank and left without another word.

 

…......

 

Eren should have felt relieved when he saw blue smoke signals appearing above the trees, but he instead felt a strange sense of concern. There were so many signals--was it so that everyone bordering the forest could see? The way that they all went off at once without any delay in between firing seemed a little suspicious.

“Looks like it's over.” Eren glanced at Gunther, who looked relieved. He did not seem to suspect anything abnormal.

“We're going back to where we left our horses!” Eld called out to the others. “Get ready to retreat!”

“You heard him,” Auruo said. “Let's go see for ourselves what kind of face the shithead that was controlling that Titan is making.”

“Let's go!” Eld called out, and Eren obediently took off on his 3D gear after his comrades. He made sure to stay in the center of their formation as they sped through the trees.

“Did they really manage to extract that person...?” he wondered out loud.

“Yes, they did,” Petra replied, “and it's thanks to you, Eren.”

“Huh? But I didn't do anything...”

“You put your trust in us, and that's plenty!” Eren glanced up at the young woman, who was beaming at him. “We've achieved this result because you chose to believe in us. Making the right choice is always really difficult, after all.”

“Stop coddling the brat, Petra,” Auruo said, turning to face the pair. Eren let out a grunt of irritation as he continued, “What'd he do to deserve all the praise? The only thing he was good for was squawking and panicking. He didn't do anything besides serve as bait, y'know...but, oh well... Maybe his survival in itself can be considered a 'good job,' but even that isn't certain until the operation is wrapped up. You hear that, brat? Until you're safely back behind the walls, the expedition isn't over.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it already,” Eren muttered, side-eyeing Auruo. He knew his attitude was mostly an act, but it was still irritating.

“Hey, you two...” Eld said, turning over his shoulder to look at Petra and Auruo. He had a serious look on his face, which only made his next words even more shocking. “I seem to recall that you guys cried and pissed your pants during your first expedition... Fine fearless soldiers, indeed.”

Eren gasped loudly as Petra let out a shriek. Her reaction only served as further confirmation.

“Don't tell him that!” Petra screamed. “What if he loses all respect for us?!”

“I only told him the truth,” Eld said calmly. “And just for the record, Eren: _I_ didn't wet myself.”

 _So it's true!_ Eren thought as Petra and Auruo's faces turned bright red.

“You ass!” Auruo yelled. “I'm the one who holds the highest kill record, you know?! I'm the top, I'm tellin' ya! Dumbass! Idiot!!”

“The value of a soldier isn't measured solely with his kill record,” Eld told them.

“Shut up, you idiot!”

“Wow!” Eren gasped, looking up at Petra. “So does this mean you sprayed in mid-air?!”

“ELD!” Gunther interrupted, looking at his friend with a frustrated expression. “What do you think this is, you guys?! A picnic or something? It's the outer lands, for crying out loud!”

The group fell silent for a moment, as if feeling guilty for having caused such a scene despite the circumstances, but then Gunther spoke again.

“By the way, Eren, I didn't piss myself either.”

Eren heard Petra and Auruo let out gasps from beside him, and he was just opening his mouth to speak when a green pillar of smoke appeared in the air nearby.

“Oh...it must be a signal from Captain Levi,” Gunther said, pulling out his signal gun. Firing a green round into the air, he turned to face the others and added, “We're gonna join up with him, so save your bickering for when we get back!”

The group fell silent once again, and Eren faced forward, watching Eld and Gunther as they took the lead. He couldn't help but take note of how Eld had let Gunther take the lead, despite having been named as the leader by Captain Levi. There was an obvious bond between them, probably from their days of training. Eren then thought of his own friends, and he wondered how many of them would be joining him back at the headquarters.

A few minutes passed without incident before Eren caught sight of a figure in the distance. The person was wearing a Survey Corps cloak with the hood up; Eren figured it to be Captain Levi, judging by the size of the person.

“Hm? Is that Captain Levi?” Gunther said, looking in the direction of the figure as they got closer. “...No, it's not him...”

Eren took a closer look at the soldier; indeed, if it had been Captain Levi, wouldn't he have acknowledged them by now? Something was different about the way the person used their gear, as well, but it was still not entirely unfamiliar.

“Who's there?!” Gunther shouted, pulling ahead toward the figure. Eren watched in silence as the person turned around to face the group, blades at the ready. Then, with a burst of speed, they went straight at Gunther. In the blink of an eye, Gunther had lost control and was hanging from a tree by one wire.

“Huh!?” Eren gasped, moving toward his squad member. “Gunther!?”

Eren lowered himself down a few meters to where Gunther was hanging. The man had not moved; Eren thought he might have been knocked unconscious.

“Hey! What's--?!”

Eren had seen plenty of corpses by this time in his life, but none so shocking as this. Gunther's body hung lifelessly from the tree, and in the back of his neck there was a large chunk of flesh missing. He had been killed just like a Titan, cut right in the nape of his neck.

Eren could not react, nor was he given proper time to. Soon he felt a hand grab the hood of his cloak and pull him away.

“Eren, don't stop!!” Auruo shouted, dragging him through the air and away from Gunther's body. “Keep moving!”

“Who did that!?” Petra screamed, flying through the trees alongside Eld.

“Protect Eren!” the blond commanded. “The attacker is using 3D gear!!”

“G-Gunther...” Eren breathed, watching as they moved further and further away from where Gunther was hanging. But his attention was forced away from his comrade's corpse as Auruo tossed Eren out in front of him; Eren had no choice but to use his gear and keep going forward. Otherwise, he would fall and be the next to die.

“Fuck it all!” Auruo shouted, obviously panicked. “What're we gonna do!? Eld! Where should we go now?!”

“Forget about the horses!” Eld told them. “The top priority is to reach our Commander and our comrades!”

“Don't tell me that person is whoever was inside the Female Titan...?!” Eren's eyes grew wide as Auruo spoke. “Or are there several of them?! Shit! The nerve of that fucker...!”

Eren hadn't considered the possibility of the other Titan shifter escaping, or of there being more than one person. But regardless of how they got there, they were in an incredibly dangerous situation, and if they lingered any longer, someone else might lose their life.

“Come out and fight me!” Petra roared, pulling out her blades and facing behind the group. “You don't deserve it, but I'll still give you a fair chance!!”

“How can this be..?!” Eren stammered. “Why?! Didn't they catch her?”

As if to prove Eren wrong, the person appeared behind the group again, only to fly backward and disappear into the foliage. A split-second later, a flash of light burst through the trees--Eren recognized the steam coming through the leaves as the same kind that always came from Titans.

“It's really her!” Eld cried. “She's coming!! The Female Titan's closing in!!”

 


	30. Without Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One by one, Levi's squad is wiped out, and the Survey Corps must admit defeat amongst a pile of corpses.

_“Erwin, why did you send Levi to refill? He should have been meeting up with his squad before messing with any of that...”_

_“Hanji...” Erwin murmured, keeping his eyes fixed forward as he rode through the forest. Beside him rode his squad, the convoy soldiers, and two of his most trusted comrades, Mike and Hanji. Being surrounded by so many elite soldiers made him feel relatively confident, but the thought of his plan having failed as it did took away that safety and replaced it with uncertainty._

_“I did it because I remembered one of your hypotheses,” Erwin told Hanji, glancing her way. Her brown eyes were wide behind her glasses. “You surmised that when the Colossal Titan disappeared, the reason why no one saw the person inside it was because that person had equipped themselves with the three-dimensional maneuvering gear beforehand and used it to make a quick escape under the cover of the vapor.”_

_“But I also concluded that it's hardly possible based on what happened when Eren emerged from his Titan,” Hanji said, raising an eyebrow. “His equipment was damaged and even his uniform jacket was gone. And above all of that, he was so exhausted that he couldn't even stand up without help.”_

_“That Female Titan had the ability to draw Titans to her by screaming. We didn't know she could do that, and thus the plan failed. We need to adapt our way of thinking if we want to outsmart the enemy.” Erwin paused a moment before continuing, “If that 'Titan power' can be trained, then basing our perceptions and conclusions on Eren's abilities--those of a novice--is wrong. It's as you said: if the enemy used vapor as a cover and escaped, with the same gear as ours put on in advance, they could easily infiltrate our ranks. And if the enemy has a way to preserve stamina, it's possible that they can transform into a Titan again.”_

_Hanji had no reply for Erwin; this only assured him that she agreed. Her silence spoke for itself as she faced forward, squinting into the forest ahead of them._

 

“I've had enough of this! This time I'm gonna do it! I'll fight her!”

Eren's screams echoed through the forest, his anger greater than his fear. At this point, what was the point of holding back? Gunther was dead, and Eren had no idea where the rest of the Survey Corps else might be, including Captain Levi. So what was the problem with fighting her as a Titan now?

“No, you won't!” Eld's shout took Eren by surprise. He had thought for sure that, at this point, the others would agree with his decision. “The three of us will deal with her! Eren, you go on ahead to where Commander Erwin is, as fast as you can!”

“I'm going to fight, too!” Eren insisted.

“Don't! Using your power is too risky!”

“What's the matter, you little bastard?!” Auruo yelled. “You dare doubt our abilities?!”

“Is it true, Eren?!” Petra added. “You still don't trust us?”

The look in Petra's eyes at that moment was the same as before, and Eren felt so overwhelmed with emotions that he couldn't say anything for a moment. But deep down, he _did_ trust them, and so he turned his back to his squad mates.

“I believe in my squad's victory!” he cried as they zoomed past him. “Good luck!”

Eren did not want to look back at first, but upon hearing a loud battle cry from Eld, his curiosity overwhelmed him--he had to know how the fight was going for them. He turned himself around, slowing the pace of his escape so he could watch his squad fight. His eyes locked onto Auruo and Petra as they sliced into the Titan's eyes, blinding her and causing her to lose her footing. The Titan stumbled, slamming her back into a tree, obviously exhausted, but one hand was over the nape of her neck the whole time. She was obviously determined to keep her identity a secret for as long as possible.

However, with the pace that Eld, Auruo, and Petra were slicing her up, it didn't seem like she would be able to last for long. Eren watched in silent awe as his squad mates executed completely coordinated slices around the Titan's shoulders. All of it happened without a spoken signal command; somehow, they just knew what to do. The effectiveness of their attacks was obvious, too, and soon the Female Titan's arms fell, hanging loosely at her sides.

_They're so strong, the fight looks one-sided_ , Eren thought as he watched the others back off of the Titan for a moment. _And they're fighting completely in sync without having to say a word to each other. I bet it's possible because of the absolute trust they have in each other. That's how they managed to pull through even the most dire situations, even right now... That's how they're so strong even after losing Gunther..._

Eren took one last look back at his comrades before facing forward again, pursing his lips.

_I need to go ahead... Going forward, without looking back, simply believing in them...is the right thing to do. I know it._

_“I don't know what you should choose.”_

Eren felt his heart pound in his ears as Captain Levi's words suddenly echoed in his head. In the heat of the moment, he had forgotten all about the Captain's statements, but now he could recall it all quite clearly.

_“I never have--no matter if I rely on my own strength, or on the strength of my companions, no one knows the outcome.”_

Something about those words, something about that recollection made Eren turn back around to watch his companions. He could hear Eld's battle cry yet again as he closed in on the Titan's neck.

In an instant, his cry was abruptly cut off as the Female Titan opened one eye and, with incredible speed, snatched Eld out of the air. Eren was several meters away, but he could still hear the sound of his bones crunching as she bit him cleanly in half, letting his torso fall to the ground.

“ELD!!” Petra screamed, but it was too late. The Female spat out Eld's head, then slowly pushed herself away from the tree. “Wh-what's going on!? She shouldn't be able to see yet!! Not even thirty seconds passed since we crushed her eyes!!”

Petra was right--it should not have been that easy to heal her eyes. But as the Female Titan started off in a sprint toward Petra, Eren understood how it happened.

“One eye?!” Petra gasped, speeding through the trees as she stared up at the Titan. Her body wobbled as she kept her head turned over her shoulder. “She prioritized regeneration of only one eye in order to heal faster?! How can she even do that?!”

“Petra!!” Auruo screamed, chasing after the others. “Fix your balance, quick!!”

But Petra seemed stunned, too stunned to do anything but stare up at the Female Titan with wide amber eyes.

“PETRA!! DO IT!!”

Eren felt the breath in his lungs leave in a loud gasp as he watched the Female Titan slam Petra's body into a nearby tree, smashing her under her foot. Petra's corpse slid down to the ground, chest against the trunk, her blood painted on the bark.

“Pe...” Eren could not even say her name; all he could manage was only a whimper.

“You bitch,” came Auruo's growl as he hooked into the Titan's shoulder. “ _Die_.”

Eren watched as Auruo closed in on her neck and swiped at her skin with his blades. He had expected to see blood spatter, but the sound he heard was not the sound of flesh being cleaved--it instead resembled the sound of metal scraping metal. Horrified, Eren caught sight of the skin on the Titan's neck--it had hardened into something like a crystal, and it rendered Auruo's blades useless. They shattered, and the pieces fell to the ground.

Auruo's last words were too quiet for Eren to hear. He was sent flying through the air with a powerful kick from the Female Titan in no time at all. A stream of blood trailed behind him, and Eren noted the sick irony of his death: Auruo's final action was biting his tongue.

Hands shaking, Eren gripped his blades tightly as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I'll...kill her...” he breathed.

_“The only thing you can do is choose for yourself whichever decision you'll regret the least.” ...I...made the wrong choice,_ Eren realized, bringing his trembling hand to his mouth as he stared down at what the Female Titan had done to his friends. _Because of my desire to believe in my comrades, all of them were killed... If only I had chosen to believe in myself from the start, and joined the fight..._

Eren sunk his teeth down into his hand, blinking back his tears as he focused his gaze on the Female Titan.

_If only I had chosen to kill her from the very beginning...!_

 

…......

 

Levi had told his squad to keep Eren well-hidden, and there was a part of him that hoped that he was having a hard time finding them because of this. But in the back of his mind, he knew that the more likely explanation was that the Female Titan had already found them. He knew that they could be fighting her at that very moment. If that was the case, he would have to join them and put an end to this before anything else went to shit.

Levi then heard a cry so fierce that it shook the forest with its fury, and his grip on his swords tightened.

_That roar... It's...!_ Levi knew it could not be human; he only knew one other thing capable of making that sound. But how had it come to that...? _...This way..._ Whipping himself around, Levi shot off in the direction of the bellow. It seemed that Eren, for some reason, had shifted into his Titan form.

The Captain continued straight ahead for quite some time without finding anything out of the ordinary, and for quite some time he could not hear anything out of the ordinary nearby. After several long, quiet minutes, something in his peripheral vision caught his eye. Something was hanging from a tree branch, and immediately he headed toward it, keeping in mind what he knew it could be.

Levi did not stop when he passed Gunther's dangling lifeless corpse. What was there left to do, besides continue forward?

Just meters ahead, he came across the two halves of Eld's body, which had soaked the surrounding grass with blood. Levi stared down at Eld's lifeless face as he passed by; Eld's empty eyes were staring straight up at the sky.

In another puddle of blood was Auruo's body, splayed out on the ground with limbs bent in ways that didn't make sense. From afar, he looked like a broken doll, and Levi had to come down quite close to him to see his face. Auruo's lips were caked in blood, as was his tongue. He was just as dead as the others.

There was only one person left for Levi to find, and there was a part of him thought that maybe, just maybe, she might have managed to hang on long enough to escape with Eren. It was possible that she could have gotten away, that the deaths of her friends served as distraction, a sacrifice, long enough for her to get away to safety.

Slowing to a stop, Levi stared down at Petra's lifeless face. Her head was tilted back, facing up toward the Captain, while her torso and legs were bent behind her. Strands of her ginger hair swayed in the breeze--it was the only sign of any life left in her.

All four of his squad members were dead. They had survived for over four years in the Survey Corps, and they had killed more Titans than anyone else besides Levi himself. But that era was now over. Those times would never come again, and all of them from now on would exist as nothing more than memories. There was no changing that fact. And yet, Levi felt a slight prick of hesitation as he finally flew away from the bodies of his men.

But why? It wasn't like this was the first time he had seen this kind of thing happen, and it was bound to happen again. That was their fate as soldiers--fight, then die. Even Levi knew he was just a cog in that machine. There was nothing he could do about it. Not anymore.

And so, there was no point in lingering there anymore. There was nothing he could do to change things, no words powerful enough. Even if such eloquent words existed, he would not have known how to say it. He never knew. That was always how it had been. Apologizing would do nothing, and grieving would change nothing. He just had to keep moving forward.

Levi's eyes narrowed as the sound of thundering footsteps filled his ears, and he shot himself forward with a blast of gas. Zipping past tree after tree, he found himself grateful to Erwin for having ordered him to refill his tank.

His increased speed was enough to let him catch up to Eren and the Female Titan just as she was tearing the teen out of the neck of his dismembered Titan body; she swallowed him whole, in one mouthful, then stood up and began to run away.

“Eren!” came a shriek. Levi turned his head to see a girl in the distance. He couldn't recognize her from so far away, but whoever she was, she seemed adamant on taking down the Titan. As the Female ran off deeper into the forest, the girl raced after her, and so Levi joined in on the chase.

This girl was one of the best fighters Levi had ever seen; she looked as though she was dancing through the air as she sliced into the Female Titan's body from every angle she could. Her technique was far different than his own, but was nearly as effective. Still, despite her skill, her blades were no match for the Titan's hardening ability. The girl was forced to stop on a nearby tree to replace her blades, which gave Levi enough time to finally start catching up to her.

Levi watched closely as the girl tumbled down from the tree, barely dodging a punch from the Female Titan.

“Wait!!” she cried, but Levi grabbed her before she could dart off again, snagging her with his outstretched arm. “Who--?!”

“Fall back for now,” he told the girl, looking down into her dark grey eyes. Something about them seemed familiar, but Levi did not dwell on it. Instead, he released the girl, letting her follow him on her own gear.

 

…......

 

“Keep this distance from her.”

Gasping as she felt Captain Levi's grip on her loosen, Mikasa caught herself with her wires. She then caught up to the Captain, speeding alongside him as they followed the Female Titan.

“Looks like she's pretty exhausted.” Captain Levi kept his gaze on the Titan as he spoke. His tone was flat and calm, so much that it irritated Mikasa. “The whole nape of Eren's Titan form was ripped out. Is he dead?”

Mikasa glared at Captain Levi. Was he trying to play the devil's advocate game with her? Or was he asking a genuine question? Either way, did it really matter? Being an experienced soldier, he should have known the answer.

“Eren is alive,” she declared. “The target seems to possess intelligence, and her objective is to kidnap Eren. If she had wanted to kill him, she could have simply crushed him. Instead the target intentionally took him into her mouth and is currently trying to escape with him.”

“Her goal may have been to eat Eren,” Captain Levi countered. “In that case, he's in her stomach right now. It's more logical to assume he's dead.”

“He's alive.”

“...That'd be nice.” Mikasa's frown deepened at the Captain's nonchalant reply.

“If you had just performed your duty of protecting Eren in the first place, this would not have happened,” she growled.

Captain Levi met her gaze again, and in that moment, a glimmer of recognition seemed to cross his face. He dropped down to her level, flying backwards so as to face her. Mikasa stared back at him.

“You're...Eren's childhood friend who was at his trial, aren't you?” the Captain asked. Mikasa did not respond; she was not sure why he was asking in the first place. But despite her silence, he seemed to know it just from looking at her. “...I see...”

Mikasa felt her own face soften as she looked into Captain Levi's eyes. It was strange--they seemed to bear a sadness that was unfitting for someone as cold and brutish as him, and his expression seemed to be one of understanding. But it only lasted a moment; Captain Levi then turned away, narrowing his grey eyes at the back of the Female Titan's head.

“We'll have only one objective,” he said as he whirled around to face front again. “Which means, we need to give up on taking this Female Titan down.”

“But...!” Mikasa gasped. “She's killed a lot of our comrades.”

“As long as she has that ability to harden her skin, slaying her is impossible. Follow my orders.”

Mikasa did not like Captain Levi, and she was not entirely sure that she respected him. But in this case, she knew he was right. She had already tried to cut into the Titan's neck, but her blades shattered into pieces. Normal swords would not be enough.

“We'll bet everything on the possibility that Eren is still alive,” Captain Levi continued. “And we'll rescue him before she has a chance to get out of the forest. I'll cut her up--you draw her attention.”

Mikasa did not protest; instead, she flew forward with a burst of gas. Lowering herself so that she was flying just a few feet above the ground, Mikasa dove in front of the Female Titan, darting back and forth across the path. She looked over her shoulder up at the Titan's face; a pair of icy blue eyes were staring down at her, as if she was considering her next move.

Behind the Titan's head, Mikasa saw Captain Levi swoop by, sword in hand. The Female Titan seemed to notice as well, and in the blink of an eye, she stopped in her tracks and swung her fist around at him, keeping her other hand over the nape of her neck again. She was undeniably fast, but Captain Levi was ready. Propelling himself forward, he pushed himself into a spin, his blades whirling around him. His swords carved right through the top of her arm, his momentum launching the soldier right toward the Titan's head.

A second later, Captain Levi was flying full-speed ahead at the Female Titan's face; spinning his blades again, he slammed them right into her eyes. From where she was flying around, Mikasa could see blood spatter all over the Captain as he dug the swords so deep, only his handles came back out. Leaving his blades embedded in the Titan's eyes, he jumped back and reloaded two new blades--perfect for tearing through the Titan's body from her shoulders to her ankles. But before the Titan could even think to strike him with her feet, he was already zooming back up toward her neck, and he again cut into her. The impact of his strikes was not great enough to cut off her hand, but it was enough to make her lose her footing. She fell to the ground with a thud, her back against a nearby tree trunk.

Amazed, Mikasa flew around the Female Titan's weakened body while keeping one eye on Captain Levi. He had become nothing more than a blur; the only reason Mikasa knew he could tell he was a human being was only from the guttural cries and grunts coming from each strike he took. He was almost too quick to keep track of.

_He's fast! Too fast! She has no time to defend by hardening her skin!_ Mikasa realized, her eyes wide as Captain Levi shot from tree to tree, slicing into the Titan's body. One particularly deep cut went right into her shoulder muscle, and Mikasa watched as the hand that the Titan had been using to protect her neck fell to her side.

_We can go for the nape..._ Mikasa thought, staring down at the exposed neck. _She's too tired to even move. I can kill her!”_

Shooting a hook of her gear into the Titan's shoulder, Mikasa readied her blades as she flew down toward the Titan.

“STOP!”

The next few seconds were a blur. Mikasa saw the Titan's hand coming toward her, but the thing collided into her was much smaller than that. She heard a distinct snap that sound like something snapping. Upon opening her eyes, Mikasa could see that Captain Levi's leg bent was bent at a strange angle.

Still, he kept his balance long enough to fly right at the Titan's jaw. His blades sliced into its hinges, and the bottom half dropped open, revealing a slime-covered mass.

“Eren!” Mikasa cried as Captain Levi snatched the boy out of the Titan's mouth.

“Hey! We're withdrawing now!” he shouted, speeding away from the Titan.

“Eren...” Mikasa breathed, staring at her childhood friend. He was unconscious, but otherwise he seemed to be relatively unharmed. With a deep breath, Mikasa followed after Captain Levi.

“He seems to be fine. Or at least, alive,” he told her. “Disgusting, too... Forget about the Female Titan. We're getting the hell out of here. Remember the plan. Or is satisfying your desire to kill more important than rescuing Eren? He's your precious friend, isn't he?”

“No...I...” Mikasa stammered, trying to find the right words. However, she was interrupted by a wide-eyed look from Captain Levi. It took Mikasa a moment to realize that he was looking past her; she, too, turned around to look back at the Female Titan. They were several meters away at this point, but even from afar, Mikasa could see tears rolling down the Titan's cheeks.

 

…......

 

Jean let out a heavy sigh as he picked up yet another corpse by the feet. Armin stood across from him, his hands gripping the blood-stained cloth covering the body's shoulders. They were finally out of the forest, and they were finally about to head home, but at what cost? Jean found himself thinking this exact thought every time he encountered a dead body.

“I'll never get used to this,” he admitted as he and Armin laid the body in a pile of wrapped-up corpses. The wagon shifted under their feet a bit, straining under the weight of the cadavers. “How am I going to die? Which of my friends is going to die next? It's all I can think about these days...”

“I try not to think about it,” Armin told him as they stepped over to the next body. “Because I know that if I _do_ think about it, I'll get scared and forget why I'm fighting.”

“...That's probably what I should do, too.”

Jean grunted a bit as he lifted the next corpse and moved it into the pile. Around him were his comrades, doing the same kind of dirty work. Even the veteran soldiers were working to collect the bodies and get a head count. Nobody seemed to be taking this lightly.

_Good_ , Jean thought, wiping sweat from his brow. _Everyone gets it. Everyone here gets what it means to be mortal. ...I guess that's what sets the Survey Corps soldiers apart, though._

With a small sigh, Jean recalled his days in training as well as his desire to join the Military Police. If Marco had not died, he may have gone on to join them. If Marco had not died, _Marco_ would have joined the Police. He would have never come to understand the full meaning of one's mortality.

_Then again, he never had the chance to understand it by dying so soon, either... Shit. That Colossal Titan...and now this Female Titan...those sons of bitches..._

“Hey, Armin.” Armin's head popped up at the sound of his name, and Jean glanced around the area. They were well out of earshot of any other people, save for the pile of corpses beside them. “You were able to understand Commander Erwin's plans. You both came to the same conclusion, more or less. So you can't fool me--you've gotta have some idea of who this Female Titan is, yeah?”

To Jean's surprise, Armin lowered his gaze, his blond bangs shading his face. He seemed hesitant to reply, and Jean couldn't help but feel worried.

“So do you know? That kind of reaction tells me you figured something out,” Jean said, keeping his voice low. “Armin...?”

“...I...” Armin's voice was barely at a whisper; it almost sounded as though he was holding back tears. “...I don't know if I can tell you.”

“...The hell? Why not?”

“I... If I say it out loud, that makes it true...and I don't want to believe it...” Slowly, Armin shook his head, then looked up at Jean. His large blue eyes looked helpless, as if he was holding back a scream. “...Annie.”

“...That's...” Jean paused, lowering his eyes as he thought back to their encounter with the Female Titan.

“It's Annie, Jean. It has to be.”

“But why...?” It was true that, if he thought about it, the Female Titan resembled Annie, but it didn't explain why she would try to kill Reiner, or why she would want to capture Eren. Weren't those two her friends? “What makes you think that...? I mean, even if they _did_ look alike, and even if she joined the Military Police--”

“Jean...” Armin's eyes were wide and red-rimmed. “Annie took Marco's gear.”

Armin's words felt like a punch to the gut, and Jean gripped his stomach, clenching his teeth.

“That can't...”

“When we had the inspection a month ago, she had his gear,” Armin told him. “I don't know how she got it, but...”

Jean wanted to speak, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He wanted to curse and scream, but he knew it wouldn't change anything. Annie had Marco's gear--Jean understood what that meant. It meant that Annie probably had a hand in Marco's death, or at least witnessed what happened to him. He didn't want that to be true, but the more he thought about the events of Trost, the more he realized that it made sense. She had left his squad about halfway through the mission for unknown reasons and didn't return. And Marco's body--the way it had rested against the wall, and the way the wood was broken behind his head, it was as if he had collided into it. As if someone had shoved him or thrown him into it...

Jean could feel every cell in his body burning with rage. He wanted to hop on his horse and beat the shit out of Annie. She had betrayed their trust. But why?

“Who else knows?” Jean asked quietly, shaking with anger.

“No one,” Armin said, shaking his head. “I plan to tell Commander Erwin as soon as we return.”

“Let's keep it that way,” Jean told him. But then a thought hit Jean hard, and he felt sick all over again.

_There's no way Yasmin would know any of this,_ he realized. _She and Annie were never that close--she would never have figured it out._

“...Jean, will you be all right?” Armin asked, and Jean glanced up at the blond. He clenched his fists, then relaxed his hands again.

“Maybe someday,” he said with a bitter laugh as he reached down for the next body. “Help me move him, c'mon.”

 


	31. The Smallest Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps returns from their expedition, beaten down--the common folk don't bother to welcome them home, either.

_“You know what will happen to you--it's the same thing that happens to every soldier in time...but you're still gonna join?”_

_Catherine looked up at her brother Christoph and smiled weakly. His icy blue eyes were boring into her, but she knew that no matter what she said, she would not be able to give him the answer he wanted to hear._

_“It won't be the same thing,” she assured him. “And besides, aren't I a bit old for you to be worrying about like this?”_

_“You'll never be too old--you're always going to be my kid sister.” Christoph smirked, crossing his arms. “But Catherine, you understand what you're doing, right? Even if you join the Military Police and stay within Wall Sina, you're not safe. They could pull you out into battle at any time. You never know when the tides will change.”_

_“That's exactly why I'm going to change them myself.” Catherine quickly stood from her seat, staring down her older brother. “I'm not going to run. Running doesn't change anything. Haven't you learned anything from Ernst?”_

_“That idiot brother of ours? Yeah, I learned that if you want to play with death, the Survey Corps is where you belong. It's more like the Survey 'Corpse' if you ask me.”_

_“You're unbearable,” Catherine muttered, lightly kicking the leg of her chair. “But it doesn't matter--I'm joining the military. What are_ you _doing with your life? Anything? You’re not, so you have no reason to be judging me. I may be younger than you, but I'm old enough to make my own decisions about what I do with my life.”_

_“Age doesn't matter,” Christoph said quietly as Catherine turned to walk away. “Death doesn't care what age you are. It'll come for you someday. You're not invincible.”_

_“I know, and I don't fucking care.” Gritting her teeth, Catherine marched away from her brother, his last words echoing in her head._

 

“Ah...” Rowen's breath felt as though it had been knocked out of him the moment he laid eyes on a familiar face among the numerous corpses. “...Gunther...”

“I heard that they died, but...” Catherine's voice trailed off as she stared down at their friend. “...It just seems like a dream to see him like this... Or I guess, more like a nightmare, huh?”

“I wish that's all that this was,” Rowen admitted under his breath, slowly pulling the cloth back over Gunther's face. He had hoped that he would not come across anyone that he knew while trying to identify bodies.

 _But that would be too easy, wouldn't it_? he thought as he walked over to the next body.

“Rowen...!”

Rowen quickly looked up to see Catherine staring down at another corpse. Her eyes were wide with shock. When Rowen looked down at the face of the soldier, he did not recognize the boy, but it was obvious that Catherine did.

“Was he...?”

“He was one of my students the last year I taught,” Catherine murmured, staring down at the teen's resting face. It looked as though his skull was cracked open--half of his head was covered in dried blood. He looked far too young to be able to be in the Survey Corps.

“Has it...really been that long since we left?”

“It's been almost five years,” Catherine replied. “...His name is...was Ciro... He was only ten... It didn't seem like he had any interest in joining the military back then...”

Catherine's voice trailed off, but Rowen could tell what she was thinking: leaving her position as a teacher for a position as a soldier may have had lasting impact on some of her students. How many of them had gone on to join the military? Rowen wondered if any of his students had done the same.

“Ciro... You little shit...” Rowen heard Catherine let out a quiet laugh. “I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You were always up to no good...”

“He must have just joined this year, with Eren Jaeger's group,” Rowen concluded. “I think we would have seen him around if he had joined earlier.”

“Whose squad was he in, I wonder? In the right flank, probably...?”

Again, Catherine's voice trailed off, but she did not seem to be crying. Kneeling down beside his best friend, Rowen looked her in the eyes, but she was not looking at him, or at Ciro. Her gaze was instead fixed on a figure kneeling next to a cadaver nearby.

Rowen watched in solemn silence as Captain Levi pulled the cloth off of a soldier's body; underneath was Auruo Bossard, his face smeared with blood. The Captain paused for a moment, looking down into the face of his former comrade, then his hands reached for Auruo's uniform jacket. He was several feet away, but Rowen could see quite clearly what he was doing: Levi's fingers pulled at the Survey Corps emblem on the jacket pocket, and with a quick jerk, the patch popped off. Carefully, he pulled a loose thread off of the patch, then placed it inside his own jacket, presumably into some kind of pouch.

Though Rowen had been out on expeditions before, he had never noticed Captain Levi do anything like this. He wondered if it was something he was doing for his squad, but as if to contradict this idea, Levi moved on to the next body. The soldier was no one Rowen recognized and appeared about as young as Ciro—he was most definitely not a veteran, but that did not stop the Captain. Again, he pulled the patch off of the jacket and tucked it away.

Suddenly, from beside him, Rowen saw Catherine's hand reach for the patch on Ciro's jacket. It was spattered with Ciro's blood; Rowen would have just left it, but Catherine did not hesitate. Her fingers pulled at the patch, and just like the others, it popped right off, the threads snapping under the strain of Catherine's pull.

“Catherine...” Rowen murmured as his friend clutched the patch in her hand. She stood silently, then faced Captain Levi. Rowen stood as well, and together they walked over to the Captain.

“Captain Levi,” Catherine said quietly. The man's head jerked up, as if he was being pulled out of his thoughts.

“...What?” he mumbled as he stood. Rowen noticed him wobble a bit; it seemed like he was putting all his weight on one foot. Had he been injured?

“...Can you...take this? Please?” Hesitantly, Catherine held out Ciro's patch for Levi to see. “He was one of my students... I know you're taking them anyway...so... He wasn't in the Corps for that long, but I...”

Rowen would have found her clumsy attempts at communication to be amusing if her sincerity hadn't been so beautiful. Captain Levi seemed a little taken aback as well; his gaze fell to the patch in her hands, then moved back up to her eyes.

Silently, Levi held out his hand, and Catherine smiled a bit.

“Thank you,” she said, gently placing the patch into his palm.

Captain Levi said nothing, and Catherine walked away without another word. Rowen, however, felt as though he should say something.

“...I'm sorry,” he finally sputtered. Before Captain Levi could respond, Rowen quickly turned away and followed after Catherine.

 _Ah...I guess I shouldn't make fun of Catherine's clumsiness too much_... Rowen realized, pursing his lips. _Who knows what you're supposed to say in times like these...?_

 

…......

 

Eren's memories were a blur when he finally woke up, and he might have been able to convince himself it was all a dream had he not been jolted awake by the loud creaking of a wooden cart. Slowly, the teen tried to sit upright, but his arms were pushed to his sides; his body was swaddled in a Survey Corps cloak.

“Eren.” Mikasa's voice was as calm as ever. Eren could see his childhood friend riding beside the cart on his right. “Don't try to get up yet. You should rest for now.”

“Mikasa?!” he gasped. In an instant, the thoughts in Eren's head came into order, and he finally recalled what he was doing outside in the first place. “What about the Female Titan?!”

“She got away...”

“Why...? Everybody...” Eren stumbled over his words, grasping for the correct way to iterate what he was feeling. “What...what about the plan...?”

“It failed,” Mikasa told him, and Eren felt a cold sweat drip down the back of his neck. “You need to rest...”

Eren shuffled inside the cocoon of the Survey Corps cloaked around him.

“This is...? Did you have to save me again...?”

Mikasa said nothing in reply; she simply gripped the scarf around her neck. Eren laid his head back down on the cart, only to find his own cloak folded up into a makeshift pillow. His eyes stayed fixed on Mikasa, who stared ahead with a distant look in her eyes. He understood her motivations for always wanting to protect him, and though he would have never admitted it out loud, he was grateful.

“We...are almost to the wall now...” she murmured.

“Huh...?”

As if on cue, the sound of ringing bells echoed through the air. Eren recognized them as the bells that always rang when the gates opened. Were they really already right back where they started? The mission had lasted less than a day--not even twenty-four hours, and they had failed.

Trying to push the thought out of his head, Eren watched the sky above him again, listening to the sound of the bells grow louder and louder, until suddenly the sky disappeared for a moment.

“The Survey Corps is back!” Eren could hear the cry throughout the Karanese district's main street as they slowly passed through. The echo of the bells died out and were replaced by the murmur of the crowd.

“Their numbers have dwindled by quite a bit compared to this morning...”

“And after being so energetic about it and shouting and causing a fuss this morning, these schleps are back by noon!”

“Why did they even bother going outside at all?”

“Judging by their gloomy faces, it was all in vain again...”

“Well, they've succeeded in wasting our taxes on their stupid stunts outside, if nothing else.”

Gritting his teeth, Eren wriggled out of the cloak and pushed himself up onto his elbows.

“Eren...” came Mikasa's warning. But before Eren could react, his eyes caught sight of two children nearby. They were standing on a ladder, staring down at the Survey Corps with wide, star-struck gazes. Upon locking eyes with Eren, the little boy let out a loud gasp.

“So COOL!” he cried, loud enough for Eren to hear him. “You see that? This is the famous Survey Corps!! Even after getting so beat up, they keep on fighting!”

Slowly, Eren lied back down onto the cart. He could feel every inch of his body trembling, and as much as he wanted to hide his emotions, before he could stop himself, tears started to fall from his wide eyes. Covering his mouth with his arm, he did his best to muffle his sobs as he yet again stared up at the sky. He had been that boy once—he had held that same kind of optimism about the Survey Corps, and about the fate of humanity. But now things had changed, and he had been exposed to the harsh reality of the life of a soldier. It was almost too much to bear.

Eren knew what this failure meant. It was beyond just letting the Female Titan get away with her sins, and beyond all of those soldiers dying. His freedom was about to be taken away from him. And on top of that, there was now a very real chance that his life would end soon.

 _I couldn't do it..._ he realized as he heaved with sobs. The consequences of his inability to defeat the Female Titan were now clear to him, and just like back in the forest--just like when he watched his squad mates get picked off one by one--he felt very, very helpless.

 

…......

 

“Captain Levi! Captain Levi!”

Levi had no idea who in their right mind would sound so cheerful despite the obviously dark atmosphere the defeated soldiers of Survey Corps was giving off, and he was even more confused as to why they would approach _him_. There was nothing for him to celebrate. There was nothing for him to feel _good_ about. Even Hanji and Rowen were keeping their mouths shut at this point. Who the hell would think this was a good idea? And what kind of person would be so bold as to run right up to a commanding officer in the military?

Before long, a sweaty, pink-cheeked man appeared beside Levi. He was grinning ear to ear and looked a bit nervous. Levi could see sweat beading on his wrinkled forehead, making his ginger hair stick to it in slick wisps.

“Thank you for taking care of my daughter!” the man exclaimed, and Levi glanced at him again. Before he could connect the dots, the man continued, “I'm Petra's father! I thought I'd stop and talk to you a little before going to find my daughter!”

Levi felt a jolt through his body that almost made him stop in his tracks, but he didn't let himself falter. He had gone through this before. He had lost people that he loved before. This was not going to be any different.

 _You're not going to find her here,_ Levi thought. _Please just go back home._

“My daughter sent me this letter, you see...” Petra's father held up an envelope--the stationery looked quite feminine, and the paper was wrinkled, as if he'd opened it a thousand times over. “She wrote that she got the high honor of being chosen for your squad and serving under you, Sir, and also that she was going to give it her all to live up to your expectations...”

_Don't worry about that--she did just fine. Now go back home already._

“You know, she was practically boasting about it, but she doesn't understand how worried that news could make a parent.”

Petra's father let out a laugh, his face reddening even more. He was still out of breath, as if it was some great honor or privilege to talk to Levi. Maybe, if things had ended differently, Levi would have felt flattered, or at least a little amused by the sight of Mr. Ral. But he couldn't even bring himself to look at the man. The burden of his grief was still too great, and on top of this, Mr. Ral's resemblance to Petra was most obvious in the way he smiled.

“Um, well....anyway...” Mr. Ral stammered, pocketing Petra's letter. “As her father, I, uh...”

_Go home. Go home. Go home._

“I was thinking it's probably to early for me to insist that she get married, you know... I mean, she's still so young and has her whole life ahead of her, so...”

At Mr. Ral's words, Levi felt his insides lock up. He felt inhuman as he walked beside his horse, staring straight ahead with pursed lips.

 _Do you know who you're talking to?_ Levi wanted to say as Petra's father continued to stumble over his words. _I am the man who is responsible for your daughter's death. If you knew that, you would not be standing here still. Go home. I can't do anything about this now._

Petra's father went on for several minutes, beating around the bush about the possibility of Petra's marriage.

“Anyway, I suppose I've taken enough of your time,” Mr. Ral chuckled. “I might have overwhelmed you a bit there... I'm sorry... But, anyway, Captain Levi, do you think you could point me in the direction of your squad?”

_I don't think you want to know. I don't think you want me to be the one to tell you._

But Petra's father stayed beside Levi at a quick trot.

_Don't make me have to tell you what happened._

“Captain, Sir?”

Levi kept his gaze straight ahead, concentrating on walking lightly on his bad leg. His right hand gripped the reins of his horse's bridle as Mr. Ral's gaze lingered upon him. It felt as though he was being examined from the inside out.

As much as he wanted to say something--to apologize, to comfort him, to even just tell him the truth, Levi could not bring himself to speak.

“...Sir... my daughter...”

Levi could tell by the shift in Mr. Ral's tone that he was starting to piece things together.

_Go home now. You won't find her here. You won't find her anywhere ever again. No one will._

“...My daughter... Petra...”

Levi could not bring himself to even glance in Mr. Ral's direction as the man slowed to a stop. Even after they had left him far behind, Levi's gaze stayed fixed straight ahead, as if his eyes were stuck that way.

 _It's always like this. It's always been like this. I'll never know the outcome_ , he told himself. _It's always like this. It'll always be like this._

In that moment, Levi became very aware of the pouch tied to the inside of his jacket. It bounced against his chest, like a small heartbeat.

_You're gone. I have proof that you lived, but does it matter...? All of you are gone..._

 

…......

 

Rosaleen was not entirely sure if this was a rule throughout the military or just for the Garrison, but unlike other working days spent out and about, every day spent on top of the wall was one spent from dawn until dusk.

 _It must be just the nature of this work,_ she determined as she brushed her bangs out of her face. _Being up here at night is a waste of time--it's too dark to see what the conditions of the cannons and ammunition are, for one..._

But she didn't mind the long days. She was in a squad with her friends, so the time passed quickly, and being busy helped keep her mind occupied and off of the memory of Erin's death.

Rosaleen still felt a sense of emptiness each morning when she woke, and at meal times, and whenever there was need for a sarcastic comment and no one else was willing to provide it, and when she tucked herself in for the night, and whenever she was by herself at all. Erin was not just her twin sister, but her best friend, and losing her did not change Rosaleen's need for that companionship. On top of this loneliness was a feeling of regret that she could not shake; she blamed herself for Erin's death, and nothing anyone said would change that.

And so, Rosaleen appreciated days full of things to do, with the occasional fun distraction from Yasmin and Milena. This day had been busy, and having seen her friends in the Survey Corps go out on their mission made Rosaleen want to work even harder.

The red head had just finished loading her last cannon for the day when the sudden clanging of bells filled the air. Her head whipped toward the bell tower, then to her Squad Leader. Milena was staring out at the horizon; Yasmin appeared beside her in a matter of seconds.

“What's going on? The gate is opening?” Rosaleen asked, rushing over to her friends.

“I don't like this,” Milena said quietly. “Why are they already coming back?”

“What?” Yasmin hissed, quickly grabbing the pair of binoculars hooked to her belt and putting them up to her eyes. “...What? _What_? _Why_?”

“You can't be talking about the Survey Corps, right?” Rosaleen murmured, squinting at the horizon. But she could see them already--the Survey Corps was fast approaching, and from the looks of things, there were far fewer people than there had been that morning.

“Rosaleen.” Milena's tone was very serious, and Rosaleen snapped to attention. “After they're all back inside and the gate has shut behind them, report to Captain Hannes immediately. Find out what happened, and find out how we can help.”

“Got it!” Rosaleen cried, saluting.

“But for now, stay up here with us,” the blonde added, walking over to the edge of the wall. Yasmin and Rosaleen followed her; all three wore grim looks on their faces.

Hesitantly, Rosaleen finally put her binoculars up to her eyes and scanned the Survey Corps for familiar faces. She didn't know any of the older soldiers personally, but it looked as though there were not nearly as many of them in particular, judging by the number of horses and carts they had brought back with them. Though she knew it was selfish to wish it, she hoped that they had died protecting her friends.

Just as it had been when they left Karanese, Rosaleen found Armin, Reiner, and Jean first. She had never felt so relieved to see them before, especially Jean.

“Where is Eren?” Yasmin asked. “I've found everyone but him.”

“Did you see Mikasa?” Rosaleen replied.

“Yeah, but I didn't see Eren...”

“There! In the cart Mikasa's riding next to...!”

Sure enough, Eren Jaeger was lying in the back of a cart, wrapped in what looked like a blanket. The way he was swaddled resembled the many corpses in the other carts around him, and Rosaleen swallowed back the sick feeling rising up within her.

 _Your friends are all right,_ she reminded herself, lowering her binoculars. _They came back just fine._

“Was he injured?” Yasmin murmured.

“If so, I wonder how it happened,” Milena said, shaking her head as she, too, lowered her binoculars. “Rosaleen, we're counting on you.”

“I won't let you down,” Rosaleen promised, nodding once as she stared into Milena's hardened brown eyes.

She knew that Milena was jealous of her position--and she knew this wasn't the only case in which there was a weird sort of rivalry between them. They had been friends right off the bat, but they were also very competitive with each other. Rosaleen never intentionally meant to be that way, but it had happened multiple times, to the point that sometimes she wondered if Milena held her in any kind of contempt.

But whether Milena hated her or not, she had a job to do. She had promised her friends and Captain Hannes that she would do her best. Nothing was going to change that.

“Excuse me? Are you Rosaleen Johnson?”

At the sound of her name, Rosaleen whirled around to see a girl standing there; she was dressed in a Garrison uniform, and her face seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place where she'd see her around before.

“I don't know if you really know me or not but...my name is Caprice Valois,” the blonde said, sounding a bit shy. “I graduated the year before you--”

“Oh!” Rosaleen gasped. “Yeah, I remember you...”

“...I don't know if you knew this or not, either, but your sister Erin was in my squad during the recovery of Trost.” As Caprice paused a moment, Rosaleen bit her bottom lip hard, shaking her head. “I should apologize for not having approached you sooner, but I just didn't know what to say, I guess. Anyway, I just...I thought you should know that Erin didn't suffer for very long. She died almost instantly. I think that...maybe she was thinking about saving one of her comrades, when things got messy... But, yeah, I... I wanted to give you that peace of mind. She didn't have to be in pain long.”

“...Thank you...” Rosaleen tried to smile, but she couldn't bring herself to force it. She felt that if she stopped biting her lip for even a moment, she would start screaming. There was so much pain and pressure built up inside of her, and though Caprice's story did put her somewhat at ease, it did not erase any of the guilt she felt.

Swallowing hard, Rosaleen finally nodded to herself.

“Thank you for...coming to find me...” she said. “...Coming all the way here just to...tell me that, it...means a lot. Thank you.”

“She was a good soldier,” Caprice said, smiling warmly. “I could tell she was afraid, but she kept going as long as she could, and that's what matters. She died honorably.”

“That's good.”

There was an awkward, long pause after that, until finally Caprice nodded once, as if confirming that was the end of what she had to say.

“Anyway, have a good night,” she told the girls. “Don't be strangers.”

“Yes, thank you,” Rosaleen said, but the words felt so empty. She felt like a robot, and her head was throbbing from the pressure that had suddenly welled up within her. But she didn't want to seem ungrateful, and even more importantly, she didn't want to seem like she was still mourning. So she smiled and once again said, “Thank you.”

 


	32. State of the Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Within the halls of the Military Police headquarters, Annie Leonhardt awakes and faces a new day. Meanwhile, an elite squad discusses the turn of events that have led Eren to be placed into their custody at last.

_“Papa, please don't go...” Gripping her father's hand, Serene let out a whimper through clenched teeth. “I'll change my mind--I'll stay here instead of joining the military, but only if you do the same! It'll be tough but we can manage!”_

_Her father squeezed her hand as he knelt down to meet her gaze._

_“Serene...tell me why you want to join the military?” he asked, his voice soft and gentle._

_“I want to join the Military Police and protect the people!” she exclaimed, her voice cracking with emotion. “I want to do something for the people who are left without hope!”_

_“If that's so, please try to understand...that I'm trying to do the same thing.” Serene looked away from her father, feeling a bit betrayed. As much as he claimed that he was doing the right thing, he had to have known that volunteering to go out on the mission to take back Wall Maria was suicide. Even she could understand that._

_“You'll be entering training in just a couple of weeks, which is something I know you've been wanting to do for a while,” her father continued. “You'll be with your brother, and together the two of you can make good in this world. Serene, you're young and full of life--I'm jealous of you. Joining this mission is the only thing I can do to help.”_

_“But we need you here, too!” Serene whispered, keeping her eyes locked on the wooden floor. “We have no house, and Mama will be alone--”_

_“Your uncle and your aunt will be here, and so will your cousins. You don't want to disappoint them, do you?”_

_Serene was not the type to start arguments, and whenever she did, she wasn't able to keep them going for very long. This was no exception, and soon she had met her father's knowing gaze again._

_“We both...have to do our best...” she murmured, tears falling from her wide eyes. “...To make everyone happy...”_

_“That's my girl.”_

 

“Oh, you're finally up...”

Hitch Dreiss' voice was barely above a whisper, but Annie could still hear her from the top of the stairs. She avoided the girl's gaze, keeping her own ice blue eyes fixed on the stairs as she walked down them one by one.

“Sorry, Annie, I didn't wanna wake you up because your face looked so scary while you were sleeping,” Hitch continued, a smile in her voice.

“You've been slacking off too much lately.”

Annie chose to ignore Marlowe Freudenberg's comment as well. She didn't have the energy for his holier-than-thou act, especially this early in the morning.

“Heyyyy?” Annie raised her eyebrows as Hitch peered into her face, her hazel eyes dancing. “You aren't mad at me, are you? Huh?”

“What an unsociable person,” Marlowe muttered.

“Leave her alone,” Boris Feulner mumbled. “She came back alive from Trost, after all. She's the only one at our station who has actual combat experience. There's no way she's recovered from that horror yet. She saw hell only just a month ago.”

 _Is that what it was…?_ Annie wondered as flashes of the events at Trost filled her head. _...I suppose so, since that's where sinners belong, or whatever..._

“Oh really?” Hitch giggled. “Seems to me that you're really interested in her.” Boris let out a laugh through his nose in reply. “Tell me--what's so good about her?”

“Hitch...there’s only one way a dim-wit like you could get into the MP.”

“Oh yeah?” Hitch's light-hearted tone had died off, and an irritated one replaced it. “Why don't you try telling me what way that is?”

“Knock it off, you two,” Marlowe whispered as a figure appeared from down the hall. “He's here.”

Following suit with the rest of her fellow Military Police soldiers, Annie brought her fist to her chest in a salute as their superior, Dennis Eibringer, walked in front of them. He ran a hand through his messy brown hair and sighed.

“At ease, geez,” he muttered, waving his papers at the soldiers. “No need to be so tense.”

Annie let her hand fall to her side without hesitation. It wasn't like she had any real respect for this guy, anyway. He didn't really matter--he just was there, doing what he wanted to do, and Annie had no control over that. That was just how things in the Military Police worked.

“Today your task will be different from the usual routine,” Dennis told them. “That's why I gathered you all here. Now, listen up: a party from the Survey Corps has been summoned to the Capital.”

Annie had only been listening halfway until that point, but at the mention of the Survey Corps, her head popped up in surprise. That “party” would likely consist of a few select people, and it was worth paying attention to what would happen to one in particular. After all, she had failed her mission to capture him in the forest; most of the Corps probably wanted her dead by this point. But she didn't care--she knew she had to do whatever she could to complete her task. Failure was not an option anymore.

“I don't need to go into the details of their misadventure, right?” Dennis went on. “So, anyway, their party's supposed to pass through town today. Convoying them is the job of those from the Military Police headquarters, so we are to escort them only during their passage through this town. We've been granted temporary permission to use the three-dimensional maneuvering gear within the town. You're to run parallel to the convoy squad and reinforce security to the best of your ability. That's all.”

Annie's thoughts were whizzing at a mile a minute, trying to organize this information, when Marlowe's sudden interjection threw her off.

“May I ask a question, Sir?” he said.

“Hn? Well, shoot,” Dennis replied, looking a bit confused.

“What are we to protect the convoy squad from?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“I haven’t heard of any groups within this wall opposing the king,” Marlowe continued. Annie could feel her palms sweating. “There are small-time criminals, but...it is hard to think that there might exist organized resistance factions, unless they are based outside the wall. Not to mention I cannot fathom what their motive would be.”

Glancing at Marlowe, Annie felt herself grimace at the irony of his comments. If only he knew who was standing in the room with him at that very moment...

“Wow, you're really serious about this, aren't you? Then I'll leave everything up to you.” Dennis smacked his papers against Marlowe's chest; the teen caught them before they could fall, his eyes wide in shock. “You'll find all the details in this.”

“Eh?” Marlowe gasped as Dennis began to walk away.

“We senior officers are really busy. Try to complete this mission on your own. Just don't fail, got it?”

Dennis opened a door across the hall, and the smell of liquor and cigars filled the hallway. She caught a glimpse of a group of senior officers sitting around a table playing a card game just before Dennis disappeared inside the room. He slammed the door behind him, and silence filled the hallway once again.

 

…......

 

“Dammit! What the hell does he think he's doing?!” Marlowe growled through clenched teeth. The warm rays of the afternoon sun beat down upon his black hair, making his head feel heavy with all that heat, plus his burning anger. “Passing the whole mission onto new recruits not even a month in the force, and not even bothering to give any proper instructions...!”

He couldn't believe the audacity of the senior officers in the Military Police--that they would openly slack off in front of new recruits, and that they would not even take this mission seriously.

“Yeah, the senior officers of this organization are rotten beyond imagination...” Hitch murmured, looking a little disappointed. “Oh well...that was the reason why I chose to join it in the first place... But they're dumping their work onto new recruits, and as long as you're still new, you'll get more than your fair share...” The blonde half-heartedly kicked a nearby wooden pail, sending it rolling down the sidewalk. “I didn't take that into account. Should've just stayed in the Garrison.”

Marlowe paused for a moment, letting Hitch's words resonate in him. The fact that she had chosen to leave the Garrison to move up into a spot in the Military Police, and _yet_ she was still being ripped off just like the others...it only furthered his anger toward the others.

“Worthless trash...! Scum who can only think about themselves!!” he hissed.

“Marlowe, you tryin' to say you're any different?” Boris asked, looking up at Marlowe from where he was seated on the sidewalk. “You're the same as them--you also chose to join the Police.”

“I'm _different_!” Marlowe shouted. “Don't lump me together with scum like you! I joined the Military Police to uphold justice and do what's right!”

There was a brief moment of silence that was soon interrupted by Hitch clapping her hands.

“Wow, Marlowe! So you're actually one of those righteous guys, huh?” she gasped, her voice laden with sarcasm.

“And how are you planning on doing that?” Boris asked, standing up with a skeptical look on his face.

“I need to stand at the top for that...and until I make it there...I'll do what I'm ordered to do, even if it means I'll have to act like scum in the process,” Marlowe admitted. “But once I'm at the top, I'll make them all earn their keep. And I'll make sure to repay them all in full for pilfering taxes and misappropriating the land.”

“Does that mean you or your relatives have been through the things you mentioned?”

Marlowe almost did not recognize Annie's voice when she finally spoke up; it was quiet, but not quite as dark as it usually sounded. She instead had a genuinely curious tone to her voice, and it caught him off-guard.

“...No, but...everybody knows those stories about their wrong-doings are true,” he replied. As Annie's face fell back into its usual scowl, Marlowe continued, “Anyway, I won't go as far as to have them die for their sins, but I'll make them taste humiliation. I'll change those mindless animals back into normal human beings...that's all I want. To return them to what humans are supposed to be in the first place...”

His voice trailed off as he clenched his fists, trying to keep his emotions in check.

Hitch, on the other hand, collapsed onto the sidewalk and was practically screaming with laughter.

“Oh man, I can't believe this!” she shrieked, holding her stomach with one hand as she slapped the ground with the other. “You're the real deal! And here I thought you were just another boring dude! My bad, I had you wrong!”

“...That's quite a high goal you have...” Boris mumbled. “Good luck achieving it.”

“You're wrong.”

Annie had spoken up again--she was being unusually talkative.

“If a good guy like you manages to take the helm, that's what will be our true undoing,” she told him.

“Huh? Since when do you talk this much?” Marlowe asked her. “If you have something to say, let's hear it.”

“...I think you're a righteous person who says righteous things. Such people do exist, and I'm well aware of that. Going against the tide requires extraordinary courage, and I respect that. Even if it's nothing but foolishness...well, anyway, what's clear is that such people are rare. They're not common, and they're not what you can call normal, either. People like you are special. ”

Marlowe could not tell if Annie was kidding around, but she was not smirking, and her voice was calm. He had never heard her say anything like this before; come to think of it, he’d never heard her say much of anything at all.

“On the other hand, how should people like the rest of us be referred to, I wonder?” she went on. “People who put their personal gain over others... If those around them act unjustly, they just go with the flow... You called those people scum, trash, and evil. Among the trainees I knew, the majority were this kind of 'scum,' aiming to join the Military Police.”

“You sure love beating around the bush, don't you?” Marlowe muttered. “What's your point? You want to say that people like you aren't that bad?”

“No...” she replied, looking up at Marlowe. “I, too, think those like me are scum...I can't consider them righteous at all...and that...is what normal people are, don't you think?”

Marlowe couldn't answer; it was the most loaded question he had ever heard in his life. He kept silent and waited for Annie to keep talking.

“You're saying that innately all people are good, and if they were to just assume their true nature, this organization wouldn't be so rotten, right?” she said, keeping her eyes locked with Marlowe's. “But in my opinion, the structure of this organization, the way it's set up is what provides insight into what true human nature really is... So even if I'm just a weakling who drifts with the stream, I'm still one of those 'normal' people you're talking about. ...That's all I have to say.”

 

…......

 

Armin admittedly felt like a bit of a creep spying on the new Military Police recruits. He was well aware of the importance of his role in this mission, but it still felt odd. Annie was supposed to be his friend. Granted, she was not exactly the friendliest person, and she hardly ever said more than what she had to to get her point across, but Armin had trusted her once.

But those days were long gone, and so he found himself standing around within the confines of Wall Sina, waiting for the opportune moment.

Not much time passed before Armin caught sight of his comrade. The second that he saw the blonde pass by him, he hissed her name.

“Annie.”

She came to a halt almost immediately, then slowly turned and walked into the alleyway where Armin was hiding.

“Armin...” she breathed, looking a little surprised.

“Hey...” he whispered. “You're really a full-fledged member of the Military Police now, aren't you?”

“What's going on...?” she asked, giving him a glance-over. “What's with this getup?”

“I'm posing as a porter,” he told her, pulling back the cloak of his rain gear to reveal his three-dimensional maneuvering gear underneath. “See? This raincoat is very handy for hiding the 3D gear.”

“...Armin...what happened?”

Armin paused, pulling back his hood at last. He could feel his neck starting to bead with sweat. Of all the things that could have happened to him, he hadn't even considered this betrayal as one of them.

“Annie...please, will you help us...could you help Eren escape...?”

Annie's reaction was very hard to read. She looked a little surprised, but she was staying calm, as usual.

“Escape?” she echoed. “To where? Is there really a place inside the walls where someone who disobeyed the king's order can escape to?”

“He'll only be in hiding for a little while,” Armin explained. “It's not like we plan to disobey the king, per se... Although I understand that it may appear like an act of rebellion of the Survey Corps, but we're just trying to buy some time to collect information that could change the opinion of the commission of inquiry--that's all!”

“Information that would change their opinion? Is there something that influential, really? What are you basing your claim on?”

“...” Armin hesitated; for a moment he wondered if he had said too much already, but he collected his wits as quickly as he could. “I'm sorry. I can't tell you...”

“...Then I'm sorry, too, but this isn't going anywhere. I won't tell anyone so good luck trying your best on your own.”

“Annie!” Armin gasped as Annie turned her back to him and began to walk away. “I'm begging you! At this rate, Eren is going to be killed!”

To his relief, Annie stopped. Armin stared at the Police emblem on her back as he spoke; by doing this, it felt less like he was lying to someone he once called his friend.

“It's those people who don't understand anything--they're just doing it for the sake of what they perceive as self-defense!” he exclaimed. Though he was speaking quickly, he was forming his sentences carefully, trying to press all of the right buttons. “They continue on the path leading to the destruction of humankind without even realizing where they're going! I know this doesn't sound convincing, but...but there's no other way left other than to resort to taking this gamble.”

Armin quieted his voice, trying to ignore the sweat that was now rolling down his back.

“It goes without saying that we'll try not to cause you too much trouble...but to pass the check inside Wall Sina, we need help from someone in the Military Police--there's no way around it. We...don't have anyone else but you...”

Armin met Annie's gaze as she looked at him from over her shoulder. She did not seem willing to help, and Armin felt disappointed in himself.

“Do I...really look like such a good person to you?” she asked him quietly. It had not been what he was expecting to hear, but he knew exactly how to respond. He could be honest with her about this.

“A good person, huh...?” he murmured, dropping his gaze to the stone-laid path beneath their feet. “Well, I...I don't really like that phrase. Because I feel like...those words are just what people like to call those who convenient to them, but nobody can be convenient to every single person. You may be useful to some people, but at the same time a bad person to others.”

Armin paused, glancing back up at Annie. Her face had softened, and he knew he had to take this chance to win her trust, or at least her cooperation.

“So...Annie, if you don't help us now, to me, you'll be a bad person.”

There was a long pause; Armin did not let his gaze waver. Finally, though, Annie turned her back to him again.

“All right,” she murmured, and Armin pursed his lips. He didn't like not being able to see the look on her face. “I'm in.”

 

…......

 

“Only a month before Eren Jaeger gets sent back our way, huh?”

Bianca Sertoli flicked her honey-gold eyes up at her red-headed friend, then at her brother. The latter’s arms were crossed and his lips pursed as he stared out of the the floor-length window of the Military Police library.

“How long do you think he'll stay?” Claus asked Bruno, who sighed in response.

“That's assuming he even makes it here,” he replied.

“Eh? What do you mean by that?” Claus' green eyes were wide with confusion. “Are you saying he'll escape?”

“I wouldn't use that word, necessarily...”

“Erwin Smith won't let Eren go that easily,” Bianca spoke at last. “That's what you're trying to say, right?” When Bruno didn't respond, she added, “Your level of admiration for him is borderline disgusting, Bruno.”

“You really think Commander Erwin can talk his way out of this?” Claus murmured, looking Bianca in the eyes. “The order was from the Commander-in-Chief himself. I get that all old people know each other or whatever, but--”

“Erwin and Nile have a history together,” Bruno interrupted. “All it takes is one wrong move on the latter's part, and Erwin has won.”

“It's that easy, huh?” Claus' voice was laden with sarcasm.

Bianca knew that Claus and Bruno did not always see eye to eye, especially when it came to politics regarding their regiment. She understood where they were both coming from, as usual, but she didn't bother trying to get them to agree to disagree this time around.

“We won't know until it happens,” she told them. “So we should just do as we're told for now and see what comes about.”

Would Eren get away from Military Police custody? Perhaps. Was it possible that Erwin could talk his way out of the trial? It was. But Bianca knew that whatever the outcome, it didn't change their roles for now. They were to keep the townspeople safe and out of the way as the convoy squad traveled through town. Anything beyond that would have to be decided at a later time.

“I guess you're right--as usual,” Claus said with a sigh, stretching his arms as he stood from the armchair. Bianca stood as well, straightening out the jacket of her Military Police uniform. She could see out of the corner of her eye that Bruno was still mulling something over.

“I don't think they'll be coming out for this,” she stated, staring at her brother as his eyes wandered the sky.

“Hm?” He turned toward her, raising an eyebrow. “...Meet me downstairs when you're ready.”

“What did you mean by that?” Claus asked when Bruno had left the room.

“Don't worry about it,” Bianca muttered, tightening the belts on her gear. “He's just a big baby sometimes.”

Before Claus could respond, the library door opened again, and for a split-second, Bianca thought Bruno had heard her. But to her relief, a different familiar face poked her head into the room.

“Hi, guys!” Serene chirped, pushing the door open with her elbow. She was carrying a stack of books and papers. “Edmund wanted me to put these away for him, but I don't think I have enough time...”

“I can help you,” Claus offered, walking over to her.

“He's too good to put them up himself?” Bianca asked as the two began sticking books back on the shelf. “Even though he knows you have to leave for a mission soon?”

“Well, I guess that's one way of putting it,” Serene laughed, looking a bit embarrassed.

“Bianca could teach you a thing or two about keeping big brothers in line,” Claus said with a grin.

“Thanks for the offer, but I'm all right,” Serene insisted, matching his grin. She turned to Bianca, her short white-blonde hair swishing around her face. “You guys are leaving soon, too, right? Wanna walk together?”

“...That's fine, I guess,” Bianca replied.

Bianca did not mind Serene; in fact, she welcomed her company. It was a change of pace from the usual suspects, but Serene was also admittedly just one of those people that Bianca never knew how to approach. She was so nice, to everyone all the time, and it made Bianca wonder if she even meant it, or if she was faking it.

If Serene was just putting on an act, Bianca did not want to risk the investment. She had no reason to take that kind of risk and add that stress into her life. Besides, she loved her brother, and Claus (as uptight and anal as he could sometimes be) was her best friend. She never had reason to question the bonds she had with either of them, and so she was never really in want of anything more.

“Bruno said to meet him downstairs,” Bianca added, and Serene nodded obediently.

“Our squad is meeting in the downstairs parlor anyway,” she said, still beaming. “Hopefully everything will go smoothly. I don't think the people in town will be too much of a hassle or anything.”

“They'll probably just be curious more than anything else,” Claus agreed.

“Either way, don't slack,” Bianca warned him. “If we fuck something up, Bruno is the one who gets blamed, and we all know that won't end well.”

Sometimes Bianca admittedly felt a little silly for defending her brother, who was several years older than her and entirely capable of handling himself. Still, she felt that she had to say it, not only speaking as his second in command, but as his only remaining family.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Claus waved his hand as if swatting Bianca's comment away. “It'll be fine. Let's just go and get this over with.”

“That poor Eren Jaeger...he's probably pretty scared right now,” Serene said quietly as the three left the library. “I can't imagine having my life threatened like that--and all because of a power he can't even control.”

Serene's comment left Claus and Bianca both speechless; the mood darkened considerably, and Bianca could sense Serene's regret for having said something so negative.

“I'm sure it'll work out, though!” she exclaimed. “I mean, he came from a nice family, and whatever happened on their last mission couldn't have been entirely his fault, right?”

“I always forget that you grew up in Shiganshina, too,” Claus said, smiling at Serene. But Bianca could tell that he was still thinking about her previous comment.

 _Trying to change the topic?_ she wondered. _...It's all right, Claus. Things will be fine._

“Yep! Born and raised. Not that there was anything too special about the place.” Serene sighed through her nose. “It's still just sad to think that it's gone, and that not everyone was as lucky as my family.”

“Didn't your cousins also manage to make it out?”

“Yeah, thankfully! Actually, my oldest cousin is in training right now and will be graduating next year.”

“Do you think they'll join the Police, too?” Bianca asked. She knew that Bruno had been considering adding more people to his squad, and if Serene's cousin wanted to join, Bruno would probably not protest.

“Who, Jay? Are you kidding? Nah, Jay is too energetic for the Police--the Survey Corps would be the best fit.”

“The Survey Corps, huh?” Claus sighed. “That's the place for stupidly brave people, you know.”

Serene let out a laugh. “Yes, and that's Jay.”

As Claus and Serene laughed together, Bianca gently ran her fingers over the cross around her neck. Whenever people started talking about their families, she always thought of her parents, and she wondered if she would even be in the Police if they were still alive.

 _I don't think I would be,_ she thought. _You only ever wanted to protect us, right, Mama?_

 


	33. Take a Gamble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Female Titan attacks Stohess, and Eren must gather the courage to take on one of his old friends.

_“This is taking too long.” Eren glanced at Captain Levi as the man took a loud sip of his tea. His arm was slung over the back of his chair, and he was not looking at Eren—his body not even facing him. For once, he was not in uniform, but in a simple off-white shirt and black pants. Even from a glance, Eren could tell how disheveled he was compared to his usual self. Was it because he was feeling impatient with Eren's trial? No, it was more likely the fact that the table at which they sat had four empty chairs--chairs that once belonged to members of the Special Operations Squad._

_“Erwin, that bastard...making us wait like this,” Captain Levi went on, scrunching his nose in disgust. At this rate, the Military Police will be here first. ...Maybe...he's trying to take a shit, but the shit just won't come out.”_

_Eren couldn't help but laugh at Levi's statement--it wasn't unusual for him to use those kinds of expressions in his speech, but the delivery was so clumsy and the atmosphere was so tense that Eren felt compelled to lighten the mood._

_“Captain...you...sure are talkative today,” the teen said, again glancing at his superior._

_“Yeah right,” he replied. “I've never known when to shut up.”_

_Eren knew what he meant--he had heard what happened in the forest when the Female Titan got away. But he did not blame Levi, not in the slightest._

_“I'm sorry,” he murmured. “If I...had not...made the wrong choice back then...things would not have gone so wrong... You wouldn't have gotten injured...”_

_Eren could feel Levi's eyes upon him now._

_“Didn't I already tell you? No one could have predicted this outcome,” the Captain mumbled, turning away from Eren again. The teen lowered his gaze; no matter how many times he heard those words, they were not enough to free him of his guilt, and he knew Captain Levi probably felt the same._

 

“Kind of shocking that they let us through just like that.”

“Shh.”

“The whole time I was in that carriage, they didn't even bother to check on me.”

“Don't be looking around so restlessly.”

Despite Mikasa's commands, Eren continued his rant, and so she could only sigh in defeat.

“That's the Military Police for you. Their infamous lack of diligence in performing their routine duties is pretty obvious,” Eren went on. “I only hope they don't discover Jean is posing as me. They're gonna find out soon enough, though. First of all, we don't look anything alike.”

“It'll be fine,” Armin cut in, smiling at Eren. “You two have a similar build and the same vicious look of a criminal in your eyes, so--”

“I don't have a horse-face like him!” Eren hissed.

“Say, if I hadn't agreed to help you, how did you plan to get past the wall?” Annie asked.

Mikasa was glad that she was in the back of their small group. She couldn't help but glare at Annie every time she looked at her now--even if she _was_ falling right into their trap.

“We were going to use the 3D gear to climb the wall,” Armin told her. Mikasa couldn't help but feel impressed. Armin was quite the actor and an eerily good liar to boot.

“That's so reckless,” Annie replied. “Why didn't you just organize the escape before entering the Stohess district? You could've gotten away fast and easy instead of going through all this trouble. Why does it have to be here and now?”

“I decided that we needed to make use of the complicated layout of this town in order to succeed with plan of switching Eren out for a double,” Armin explained, his words completely smooth in delivery. To Mikasa, he didn't sound like he was lying, but she also knew that Annie was smart. “I thought that instead of opposing the order head-on and escaping, we could buy more time to prepare Eren's escape if we obediently went along with it for a while, making them lower their guard. “

“...I see... Convincing enough.”

Annie's reply was just as smooth; Mikasa glanced at Eren, who met her gaze with a sour look. She could tell he was still hesitant about all of this. Mikasa understood what he was feeling--she did not want Armin to be right about any of this, either.

“Ah, here it is!” Armin exclaimed, running toward a small staircase; it descended into the darkness of a series of underground tunnels.

“Here?” Annie murmured.

“Yep. We'll take this passage.” Mikasa followed Armin and Eren as they went down a few steps. “Some ruins of an underground city planned long ago still remain. This passage connects to an exit close to the outer gate.”

“Really? That's amazing...” Eren murmured.

“Taking the underground pathway is much safer than the streets above,” Armin stated.

Mikasa stayed silent; as she listened to their footsteps, she sensed that they had grown one pair quieter, and when she turned over her shoulder, she could see Annie still standing at the top of the stairs.

“Hm? Annie?” Armin said, turning to look up at her as well.

“What's wrong with you?” Eren asked, grimacing. “Don't tell me you're scared of dark confined spaces!”

“Yes, I am,” Annie said. “I'm scared. I'm not like you--not a brave, reckless guy who's in a hurry to die... There's no way someone like you can understand the feelings of a frail, weak girl like me!”

Had the circumstances been different, Mikasa would have found Annie's claim to be funny, and she might have even joined in on the taunt to Eren. But as things were, it just made her angry.

“...A girl who can send burly men flying with a single kick isn't weak,” Eren growled, turning back around. “Cut the bullshit--let's get going!”

“No. I won't go.” Annie stared down at the trio with wide blue eyes. “It's scary down there... If you're not going to take the surface route, then I won't help you.”

There was a moment of heavy silence, but it was broken by Eren's shouts.

“What the hell are you saying?!” he cried. “Get down here now! Don't fuck around with me!”

“Eren, don't shout!” Mikasa told him.

“Why not, Mikasa?” At Annie's words, Mikasa felt her jaw snap shut. “There hasn’t been anyone around for a while now.”

Mikasa couldn't come up with a quick response like Armin, and she couldn't shout her way out of it in an argument like Eren. Instead she kept silent, her heart thudding in her chest as the reality of their situation sank in.

“Geez. I'm hurt, you know.” Annie's entire face darkened as she turned her gaze on Armin. “Since when did you start looking at me with those eyes, Armin?”

“Annie...” Armin's voice was shaking now; his calm demeanor had vanished. “Why did you have Marco's gear at the inspection?” When Annie did not immediately reply, Armin continued, “I remembered the little scratches and dents because we performed routine maintenance on our gear together... So I knew it was his.”

“I see...” Annie mumbled, looking away from them now. “I just...found it.”

“Then, the one who killed those two Titans the Survey Corps captured alive was you, Annie?”

“Maybe...maybe not...” Annie's voice grew so quiet that Mikasa could barely hear her. Or, perhaps, it was the last shred of lingering doubt she had left in her that made her not want to her Annie's reply.

“If you came to all these conclusions a month ago, why didn't you take action right then?” Annie then asked, still refusing to make eye contact.

“I still...can't believe it, even now...” Armin breathed, eyes wide. “I thought...there was a mistake somewhere in my train of thought... I wanted to believe there was...! That's why I didn't.... But...” Mikasa watched as Armin turned away from Annie; his face was pale and drenched in sweat. “It's because you didn't kill me when you had the chance...that things turned out the way they are now...!”

“...Yeah...I agree--from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't have ever imagined that you would track me down and corner me here like this. At that time...why didn't I kill you, I wonder...”

Annie's voice trailed off, and Eren cut in again.

“Hey! Annie, there's still a chance that you're just an unfortunate idiot who thoughtlessly backed up some asswipe's shitty joke by being in the wrong place at the wrong time...! So come down here!” Eren shouted, taking a few steps up toward Annie. If he took any more, Mikasa would have to pull him back. She could not trust Annie, not anymore.

“You can prove your innocence to us just by entering this passage!” Eren cried. “Come down here and prove it!”

“I can't go there... I...failed as a warrior.”

“I told you already--don't be a fool!” Eren screamed.

“Talk to us, Annie!” Armin joined him. “We still can settle this by talking to each other!”

“ _Enough_.”

Her blood boiling and her heart in her throat, Mikasa ripped off her rain gear and backpack. Of all of the people who could have betrayed them, Annie was the last person Mikasa would have guessed. They had been rivals, yes, but comrades. They had shared a room together, a bunk together. They had spent so many late nights talking and even enjoying each other's company. Mikasa had trusted Annie--but now that trust was broken. No, not just broken...it was smashed, demolished, and the pieces were being swept away by the wind. There was no turning back anymore.

“I can't stand listening to this anymore--talking isn't getting us anywhere,” Mikasa growled as she pulled out her blades. “I'll cut you to pieces once again, Female Titan.”

The air fell still, and Mikasa watched with narrowed, burning eyes as Annie's frown suddenly widened into a strange, toothy smile.

“Armin...” she murmured, her voice unusually light and airy. “Aren't you lucky that I was such a good person to you... For now, you won your gamble... But...my gamble is only just starting!”

Just as Annie raised a finger to her teeth, Armin raised his arm and fired a signal flare. In the blink of an eye, Annie was surrounded by Survey Corps soldiers; they seized her limbs and gagged her with lightning speed.

However, what happened next was something no one had anticipated--Mikasa watched in horror as Annie flicked at a ring on her index finger. Out popped a small, sharp hook, and as she stared down at the trio, she struck her finger against it.

“We were too late...”

Mikasa snatched Eren and Armin by their shirt collars and ran as fast as she could. She did not have to be looking at the scene behind her to know what would happen.

 

…......

 

Eren didn't have time to register the truth of what had just happened. Everything was a blur, and he felt helpless as Mikasa dragged him and Armin through the corridors of the underground. He could see the fleshless Titan hand reaching for him, but he could not bring himself to believe that it was someone he knew controlling it.

“Did she bite her tongue?” Armin gasped as Mikasa released them. The trio broke out into a sprint, their footsteps echoing in the tunnel. “How--how was she hurt?!”

“There was a blade in that ring,” Mikasa replied. “She cut her finger with it.”

“But...that's so simple... Dammit... As I thought...she knew I was lying from the start. She probably even knew about the others in hiding down here! I should have thought of a better plan...”

“You can reflect later,” Mikasa cut in as Armin's voice wavered. “Just tell me--what should we do from here?”

“...For now, let's meet up with Group Three and go to the surface. Then we'll follow plan B: a fight with Annie, the Female Titan! Eren, you'll turn into a Titan, as planned, and help us detain the target, all right?”

“Yeah!” Eren breathed, but he still felt uneasy. Mikasa and Armin had said it multiple times now, and he had seen it with his own two eyes: Annie was the Female Titan, the same monster who had killed so many of his companions, including Captain Levi's squad. But why? And how? Without knowing, Eren felt reluctant to believe the rest of it, despite how obvious the truth was.

“Group three!” Armin shouted as they neared a couple of Survey Corps soldiers standing nearby.

“Hey! What happened?!” one shouted. “Did plan A fail?!”

“It failed!” Armin cried. “Please move on to plan B!”

Armin's words did not even have time to echo through the brick tunnels before a giant foot came crashing down through the ceiling. Eren watched in horror as Annie slowly lifted her foot, revealing the crushed bodies of the Survey Corps soldiers.

“She stomped through?!” Armin gasped. Eren felt a surge of fear as he saw a leg sticking out of the bricks and rubble.

“We have to save him!” Eren screamed, rushing toward the body.

“Eren, get back!” Mikasa commanded, grabbing his shoulder before he could move any further away.

“But what about him?!”

“Do you want to die?”

“It was a gamble,” Armin murmured, interrupting the two. “She gambled whether or not you would die by her opening that hole. It's crazy, but now we're in serious danger. Annie is absolutely desperate to capture Eren.” As he spoke, a look of terror washed over Armin's face. “Wh-what should we do? She blocked our path... Even if we tried to rush out with our gear through that hole or the entrance, she'd find us... But on the other hand, we could be crushed at any minute if we stay here...”

“I--!” Almost impulsively, Eren lifted his hand to his lips, readying himself to bite down. “I'll take care of this somehow! Just like how I blocked that cannon...!” Reaching out to his friends, Eren grabbed Mikasa and Armin and pulled them close to him. “Come here! Okay, here I go!!”

Taking a deep breath, Eren shoved his hand into his mouth and bit down as hard as he could. He could taste his own blood, and he felt a sharp, stinging pain, but there was nothing else. No transformation, nothing.

“...Huh?” he gasped, pulling his bloodied hand out of his mouth. “Not again...come on...” Gritting his teeth, Eren collapsed onto his knees. The pain coming from his hand was already unbearable, but the frustration and fear welling up inside of him was making it all much worse.

“Why at a time like this?!” he shouted. “Dammit, this _hurts_!”

“You can't become a Titan if your goal isn't concrete, right?” Armin said. “Try imagining your goal harder, one more time!”

“I am...!” Eren insisted, biting down once again. Still, nothing. “But...why?”

“Really?” Mikasa's voice was low as she knelt down beside Eren. He could see out of the corner of his eye that she was staring right at him. “Are you sure you're not hesitating to fight Annie again?”

Mikasa's words pierced Eren harder than the pain from his hand.

“...Eren?” Armin murmured as Eren met Mikasa's gaze. Her normally cool grey eyes had a wild look in them.

“Don't tell me that a time like this you're thinking that maybe it was just your imagination that Annie was the Female Titan?” Mikasa continued. “You just saw her with your own eyes, didn't you? She's the one who killed your squad mates, remember? You really still don't think it's her?”

“Sh-shut up!” Eren whimpered, once again bringing his hand into his mouth. “I'm doing the best I can!!”

As he again bit into his hand, Eren thought back to their meeting with Commander Erwin and Captain Levi. Armin had said it then, and they all had agreed, and deep down, Eren knew that Annie was guilty. But he did not want to fight her. He had trusted her, and respected her. She had taught him so much, and he considered her a friend. Even if she had been a loner with an attitude problem, was she really such a horrible person? Was she really so cold-blooded that she could kill all those innocent soldiers without hesitation? Eren wanted to believe in her, but the truth was overwhelmingly obvious.

“You already know, don't you?” Mikasa murmured. “The Female Titan is Annie. So...you have to fight her, right? Or...maybe there's some sort of special feeling that's preventing you from doing so?”

“Huh...?” Eren gasped, pulling his hand out of his mouth.

“I've got a plan,” Armin interrupted, pulling his swords from their sheaths. “Mikasa and I will each go out of the hole and the entrance at the same time. That way, Annie will have to pick one of us. At that time, Eren, you need to run away from her! You can't be found unprepared like this. The other soldiers will serve as a distraction. Let's go!”

“Huh?! Wait, Armin!” Eren cried as the blond ran off, not giving Eren even a second to oppose to the plan. “If we do this, then one of you might die!”

“At least all three of us won't die,” Armin shouted back over his shoulder. “Get in position, Mikasa!”

“All right,” the girl said, getting to her feet and taking off, leaving Eren kneeling on the brick floor.

“Mikasa!” he shouted. “How...how can you two...fight like this?!”

Eren watched as Mikasas stopped and turned over her shoulder to look at him. In that moment, she seemed twice her age, and even stronger than usual.

“We don't have a choice, do we? The world is a cruel place.”

Without another word, Mikasa ran off toward the hole; Armin's footsteps echoed behind Eren. His two best friends were willing to sacrifice themselves for his sake. He did not deserve this kind of protection or love, especially now that he was letting them all down.

As Mikasa turned to glance at Eren one last time, Eren narrowed his eyes, bringing his hand back up to his lips. She could see the resignation in his expression even from where she stood.

“It really is,” he murmured just before sinking his teeth into his hand once again.

 

…......

 

“What the hell is going on?!” Commander Nile Dawk gasped. He could feel the sweat on his brow as the ground shook below him. He and the convoy troops had been minding their own business, as usual, and now all of a sudden this ruckus? “Back-up troops! Leave the convoy to us and go observe the scene!” Nile looked up at the young recruits scaling the rooftops around him as they shot off on their gear.

“This is odd...” he murmured. “That explosion and--”

“Nile!”

Nile would have known Erwin's voice anywhere, but he had not expected to hear it now. And yet, there stood the Survey Corps Commander; he and Captain Levi had stepped out of their carriage and were now staring Nile down.

“Dispatch all of your soldiers,” Erwin told him. “It's probably a Titan.”

“What are you saying?!” Nile gasped, turning to face the duo. “This is Wall Sina! There can't possibly be Titans in here!”

Before Erwin or Levi could reply, another familiar figured hopped out of a nearby carriage. Nile watched as Eren Jaeger jumped out onto the street, gritting his teeth with an irritated look on his face.

“Stop!” one of Nile's subordinates shouted. “Don't move, Jaeger!”

“I'm tired of playing dress-up!” the boy shouted, and to Nile's surprise, he reached up and yanked off what turned out to be a brown wig. The boy's real hair was a light tawny blonde undercut. “Never call me _that_ again, asshole!”

Stunned, Nile watched in silence as the teen rushed over to Erwin, cloak in hand.

“Commander, I'll go, too,” he said, standing up tall next to his superior officer.

“Get your gear from team four,” Erwin replied.

“Yes, sir!” the boy cried, whirling his cloak around and over his shoulders.

“Having a fiery spirit is good, but don't forget how to stay alive,” Captain Levi added, arms folded across his chest.

“Yes, sir.” With a nod, the teen dashed off, leaving Nile feeling even more nervous than he already was. The casual way Erwin was handling all of this was unbelievable, and to think that Eren Jaeger was not in their custody--where the hell could he be, and what kind of trouble was he causing? Nile did not want to be in the middle of it, but it was too late.

“Erwin, what--”

“Commander, here!”

Nile gasped as a Survey Corps soldier landed beside him, carrying a small briefcase. The soldier opened it in front of Erwin, revealing a full set of three-dimensional maneuvering gear.

“Good work, thank you,” Erwin said, and without hesitation the man began to put it all on.

“Hey, Erwin--” Nile began, his mouth dry and beads of sweat dripping down his face.

“All that can move, mobilize!” Erwin shouted to the surrounding soldiers as he began to walk away. “We must assist with the capture of the Female Titan!”

“Erwin, stop!” Nile shouted, sprinting up to the man. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed his rifle and took aim at Erwin's face; two cold blue eyes met his gaze in return. Nile could hear his subordinates take aim from behind, and so he spoke again. “What you're doing is a clear rebellion against the King!”

“Nile, is your head as hollow as that gun barrel?” Levi muttered from behind Erwin. “From the looks of it, you have no idea what's going on.”

“Dismantle your gear, Erwin!” Nile commanded, ignoring Levi's rude commentary.

Nile kept his eyes locked with Erwin's. He knew that he couldn't just back down now, not without a fight. Erwin had always been like this--he had always been stubborn and completely out of his mind. For someone so smart, he made more than his fair share of seemingly irrational decisions.

But Nile respected Erwin, now more than ever. Erwin was crazy, yes, but he had not yet given Nile a reason to distrust him. Despite how outrageous Erwin's plans always seemed, they also were more successful than anything Nile could have come up with himself. Still--admitting this to Erwin now did not feel like the right move. After all, Nile had his own reputation to keep, and now all eyes were on them.

“All of this was _my_ personal decision,” Erwin declared after several long minutes of silence between them. The only sounds Nile could hear were those of screams and explosions in the background. “I don't intend to make excuses.”

Clenching his teeth, Nile lowered his gun and instead grabbed Erwin by the collar, all the while keeping his eyes locked on his friend.

“You must have known what would happen if you executed a plan like this in the city,” Nile hissed at him. “How? How could you do this?!”

“To lead humanity to victory.”

“Bullshit!” Nile screamed, and again he pulled his rifle up, aiming right at Erwin's face. “You're a traitor! I could execute you right here and now, and none of the higher-ups would even care!”

“That's fine by me, but then you must assume command.” Nile let out a gasp, but Erwin kept talking. “You must not let the Female Titan escape. Paehl's in charge of formation. Vyler oversees supply. Work with them to drive her to the east wall at all costs...”

“W-wait!” Nile breathed, holding up a hand to silence Erwin. “Are you...are you really telling me that this will help humanity?”

“I believe that it is a step forward.”

Nile narrowed his eyes at Erwin.

 _You're always so hard-headed, dammit_ , he thought as he let out a quiet, shaky breath of air. Slowly, hesitantly, he lowered his rifle once more.

“Lower your guns, all of you,” he commanded. “Handcuff him!”

“Yes, sir!”

“Deploy all of our men,” Nile continued as he watched Erwin. “Your priority is civilian rescue and evacuation!”

“Yes, sir!”

As his troops ran off toward the sounds of the battle nearby, Nile stared Erwin down yet again.

“Erwin, I’ll leave it to the court to decide your punishment,” he murmured.

“Once this is over, I'll submit to one with pleasure,” Erwin replied, his face softening. Behind him, Levi took a few steps forward, as if to follow after Nile's troops. “Levi, you stay put. You dislike pointless deaths.”

“Yeah, you're right,” the Captain replied, glaring at Erwin. “Whether it's mine, or me causing someone else's.”

 

 


	34. Crushing Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Female Titan falls at last, but the world's problems are far from solved. A Titan's face appears from within the wall, and many Military Police soldiers were killed.

_“Annie...I was wrong...”_

_With wide blue eyes, Annie looked down at her father. His head was bowed as he knelt in front of her, and his strong hands clasped her shoulders. However, his grip was not possessive, but gentle and fragile. He hardly even seemed like her father--his usual demeanor was different, far more aggressive._

_“It's too late to ask you to forgive me now...” he went on, his voice shaking. “But...listen to this one thing...just one last thing I have to say...”_

_“One last thing” ? Annie was not sure what he meant, or why he sounded so solemn. What did he know? What had he not told her? There were a lot of things lately that she had learned about her father and their future, but what had changed to make him seem so hopeless?_

_“I want to ask you...to treat the whole world as your enemy.” That was not what she had been expecting to hear. Annie stared at her father as he continued, “Even if the whole world curses and resents you...remember that your father will always be on your side.”_

I know that much already _, she wanted to say._

_“So please, promise me something... Promise that you'll come back.”_

_For some reason, Annie felt as though she might cry. That wasn't a normal occurrence for her--usually she could take her father's scoldings and reprimands without batting an eye. But this heartfelt plea made her feel as though her insides were shattering. She didn't know what would happen to him, or to her, but the one thing that she did know was that he was her only family, and she loved him._

_“Papa...I'll come home,” she told him, a faint smile crossing her lips._

 

Annie knew that she was past the point of no return. Eren had now taken up the chase in his Titan form, and despite being surrounded by buildings and Survey Corps soldiers, she knew she had no choice but to fight back. It was either fight, or face the end.

She had wanted to die honorably, if possible. The world now regarded her as nothing more than a heartless monster, but at her core she was still very human, and she wanted to die as such. To be killed in her Titan form seemed like a curse; it was as if dying as a Titan meant that she would be forever bound to the one thing she hated about herself more than anything.

 _But do I really hate it_? she asked herself as she sprinted down the streets of Wall Sina, away from the screaming Eren behind her. _Is it really so bad? I can do so much as a Titan that I can't do as a human... I can get rid of the scum I despise much more easily._

Annie stopped for a moment to get her bearings and prepare her next move, when suddenly the impact of Eren's fist sent her flying. She crashed into something solid, but it crumbled beneath the weight of her body. Looking down at her hand she had thrown out to catch herself, she could see a pile of bricks and rubble under it, as well as the blood of a few unfortunate humans that had been crushed by her landing.

 _No...I hate this_ , she realized, looking up at Eren as he approached her. _Look at what you made me do, you asshole. I just killed innocent people._

Annie could practically hear Eren's reply as she dashed away from his manic attacks: “And the Survey Corps soldiers weren't innocent?”

 _No, they weren't,_ Annie thought as she stopped once again, taking up her signature fighting stance. _They don't understand, but they meddle anyway, despite their ignorance. I can't forgive that. None of those idiots understands a single thing... They don't get what Papa and I had to go through... Not even you get it, you suicidal bastard!_

Eren's barrage of punches were painful, but Annie knew that she had the upper hand. She possessed not only the better technique, but the stronger Titan abilities. Being able to harden her skin meant extra defense and offense--and Eren had no way to counter it. She snapped his arms off with ease, and soon she had kicked him to the ground. To her surprise, though, Eren lunged forward and bit down hard on her leg, like a rabid dog trying to put up a fight.

 _Let me go, Eren_ , Annie thought as she bashed her fist again and again into his Titan's face. _Someone like you will never be able to understand those like us..._

With a final cry, Annie wrenched herself free of Eren's slackened grip. She turned toward the wall nearby and took off as fast as her Titan form would let her. This was the only way out now--she would have to climb, or face the agony of her defeat.

Grimacing, Annie concentrated her hardening abilities on her fingertips and jumped onto the wall. Slowly, with her crystallized nails, she gripped the wall and pulled herself up. Her body was heavy, and she was so tired, but she knew she had to try.

_Papa...forgive me for looking like a fool... I've got nothing left to gamble on but this..._

 

…......

 

Mikasa felt as tired as if she had been fighting for hours when she landed next to Armin on a rooftop near Wall Sina. She had only been this far inside the walls once before, and normally she would have been excited to have the opportunity to come back, but the circumstances, just like the previous trip, could not have been worse.

Clenching her jaw, Mikasa watched as Annie ran toward Wall Sina, then jumped onto it like some sort of deformed primate.

“She's fast...” Armin breathed as Mikasa pulled out a fresh pair of blades. “At this rate, sh-she'll get away...!”

“I won't let her!” Mikasa cried. She could see Eren approaching from behind her out of the corner of her eye; if there was ever a chance to take Annie down for good, this was it. The entirety of the Survey Corps was backing her up, and so was Eren. She knew she could do anything with their support.

As she shot off toward Annie, Mikasa narrowed her grey eyes. The sense of betrayal was still fresh; she felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. All of this was ass-backwards. Annie was supposed to be their friend. Granted, she had also been Mikasa's rival, and she’d had plenty of attitude problems to work out, but she had never seemed like the type to murder in cold blood.

 _What were you thinking!?_ Mikasa wondered as she swooped in toward Annie. Hooking into Annie's hand, Mikasa glanced down at Annie's face. A pair of familiar ice-blue eyes met hers, but the expression was one she had never seen in them before: Annie was scared.

Still, Mikasa did not hesitate, and with a clean horizontal strike, she sliced through Annie's fingers—one hand and then the other, and sent the Titan down toward the ground.

Again, Mikasa looked into Annie's eyes--the fear in her eyes had developed into downright terror, and through wisps of light blonde hair, Mikasa could see Annie, the Annie _she_ knew. They had grown together over three years of training; it was too bad that all that time spent getting to know each other would all go to waste.

Gently, Mikasa dropped down and landed on Annie's brow, right between her eyes.

“Annie,” Mikasa murmured, looking into the girl's eyes one last time. “Fall.”

Pulling herself up to the wall again, Mikasa watched as Annie fell to the ground, crashing in a heap right in front of Eren and the Survey Corps soldiers under Hanji's command. She didn't have a chance to try to recover from the fall; Eren quickly grabbed her by the head and pushed her over onto her stomach.

 _He's going for the nape..._ Mikasa realized as she watched her childhood friend in his Titan form. A few Survey Corps soldiers were there to aid him; together they began to hack away at Annie's neck. More of them joined in, and soon Annie's Titan form was headless. Even from afar and through all of the smoke, Mikasa could make out Hanji's squad digging their weapons into the nape of Annie's neck.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light filled the area--it seemed to be coming from where Annie was hiding.

“What...?” Mikasa breathed, staring down at the scene. She could see that Eren had something in his hand now, and as the light faded, Mikasa could see what looked like a giant crystal. There seemed to be a figure inside of it; Mikasa knew that it had to be Annie.

Clenching her fists, Mikasa looked away quickly. Annie had escaped after all. They had made a mess of things in Wall Sina, and at this rate there was still no telling what would happen to Eren and the rest of the Survey Corps. Even if they had Annie's body, they still did not have answers.

“...Now what...?” Mikasa murmured, but her thoughts were interrupted by a crackling sound nearby. Glancing to her left, she watched as pieces of the damaged wall crumbled and fell to the ground. “This is bad... Pieces of the wall are falling off...” Annie's escape attempt had left some significant holes in the outer layers of the wall, and as the cracks grew, bigger and bigger chunks started to fall down.

Inside of any other wall, there might be either dark, hollow air, or more solid brick. Mikasa had never heard of a third alternative. But when she looked again at the large hole in the wall, she could quite clearly see the face of a Titan staring out from inside. It was motionless, and its heavy-lidded eyes made it look as if it was half-asleep, but the sight still made Mikasa's heart drop into her stomach.

All of this struggling for answers, and still only questions remained.

 

…......

 

Pushing a hand through her long, sweaty bangs, Hanji Zoe stared down at the crystallized Annie in front of her. She could hear one of her subordinates, Keiji, screaming and shouting as he smashed his blades against the crystal, but she did her best to ignore him. For the time being, she had to consider how they should proceed from here.

There was no doubt in Hanji's mind that Annie would have been more valuable conscious, or at least captured and secured in her Titan form. But now, there was no telling how long Annie would stay in that crystal, and there was no guarantee that she would be alive if she came out. Anyone with any common sense would declare the situation a waste of time and effort.

But, as always, Hanji wanted to think about things from a different angle. She did not want to think of this as a loss. No, she knew there had to be some use for Annie yet, even if she never came out of that crystal. They had to take advantage of the situation while they still could.

“Stop it, Keiji!” Hanji shouted at last, pushing her squad member away from Annie's crystal. “Now's not the time for this! Use the wires to make a net and tie up this crystal, hurry! She might wake up at any moment, and we'll be in trouble if she does! I need you to focus on moving this crystal someplace underground, and fast!”

“...Understood,” Keiji murmured, gingerly picking up a wire. Pursing her lips, Hanji watched her squad work in silence. They all looked frustrated, and she could understand why.

 _Just when I thought we finally had Annie cornered...she hid herself inside this strange crystal..._ Hanji thought, crossing her arms. _...Which, at the very least, is harder than iron... We don't even know if she's alive... At this rate, if we can't extract her from it, and make her tell us what she knows...what will happen to us...? The toll will be heavy...leaving a lot of unanswered mysteries in its wake... But is there even anything that we can do...?_

Hanji forced her thoughts away from the negativity of their situation and turned to the other solders.

“Are the horses ready yet?!” she cried. “Hurry up!”

A loud crash behind her made Hanji whirl around; she was a bit relieved to see that it was only a piece of the wall falling and not any other chaos letting loose.

“It's dangerous here with pieces of the wall falling off,” she said to herself. “...Hn? Mikasa?”

Hanji could see Mikasa's red scarf and black hair waving in the breeze as she stayed perched on the wall. She seemed to be quite focused on something, but so much smoke had now filled up the area that Hanji could not see clearly.

“What's she still doing up there...?” Hanji murmured, taking a few steps to the side, looking around the pillar of steam coming from Eren's decaying Titan body. What she saw left her uncharacteristically speechless.

“A Titan?!” one of her subordinates gasped. “Why's there a Titan inside the wall...?!”

“I-Is it moving?!”

“Squad Leader Hanji! Your orders?!” Moblit shouted, but Hanji stayed still, eyes fixed on the Titan.

 _Hold on a second here... Was a Titan in this part of the wall by accident...? Or...the inside of the whole wall is packed full of Titans?!_ Hanji concluded, sweat once again beading on her forehead. _Titans inside the wall...along the whole length of it...?_

Hanji's thoughts were brought to a screeching halt as a hand suddenly gripped her shoulder. She turned her head, expecting to see one of her squad members or a fellow Survey Corps soldier, but the man standing beside her was wearing a long black robe and was sweating like a pig.

“Pastor Nick?” Hanji murmured in surprise.

“Do not...” he breathed, panting for air. “Do not let...daylight shine...on that Titan...” Hanji eyes widened as he continued, “You must block light with something, anything...from shining on that Titan....”

“Eh...?”

“You've got to hurry...!”

 

…......

 

Bianca Sertoli knew more about Titans than most people; for instance, hearing that Eren Jaeger could transform into a Titan had not surprise her the same way that it surprised other people. As a result of her knowledge, the way that she saw the world was also very different than what would be considered the norm. Her seemingly oddball approach to life made it seem like she might fit into the Survey Corps’ ranks more than the Military Police at times, but she knew that being in the Police was the right decision. Though she was one of the strongest female soldiers in her age group, she did not want to use her power to kill Titans. In fact, one of the reasons she joined the Police was so that she would not have to fight them at all.

However, unlike many of her peers in the Police, the money or comfortable lifestyle meant nothing to her. It was because of what she knew that made her want to join the Military Police. It was because of her fear of the Titans, a fear that only two people in the world truly understood.

One of those people, Claus Rasmussen, was the one standing at her side atop a house in the Stohess district as they watched the chaotic battle between Eren Jaeger and Annie Leonhardt continue. She had not noticed Annie in the Police, but she had heard the name tossed around with the higher-ranked officers. She was the only person of the southern district’s 104th class to join the Police, and now it was a little clearer as to why.

However, Bianca understood little about Annie’s motivations, like why she was fighting Eren, and why she had killed so many of the Survey Corps soldiers. Why did she reveal herself now? Something about it just didn’t make sense. Her actions seemed almost desperate—she was throwing herself right at the enemy.

 _Maybe there’s some kind of fear driving you, too,_ Bianca thought as she watched Eren chase Annie down, knocking her into a building. Even from afar, Bianca could see the shadows of Survey Corps soldiers closing in on Annie in futile attempts to assist Eren.

“They’re gonna get themselves killed,” Claus muttered.

“Do you mean the shifters, or the soldiers?” Bianca asked him.

Claus did not answer, and so the pair continued to watch the ordeal.

“I just don’t understand it,” Claus murmured a bit later. “I thought things would change…”

“Things have changed,” Bianca replied. “Just not in the way we expected. There’s still hope.”

Bianca had more to say, but before she could finish her thought, she heard a familiar voice calling her name from afar.

“Bianca! Claus!!”

Turning toward the voice, Bianca watched as Serene Hastings hopped onto the roof, coming down on her feet with a shaky landing. Her white-blonde hair was wind-swept, save for her bangs, which were pasted to her forehead with sweat. She took a few steps toward them before tottering and, to Bianca’s surprise, collapsing onto her knees.

“Serene!?” Claus gasped, running over to her. Bianca followed behind him. “Are you all right?! What happened?”

Serene did not immediately reply, and above the background noise of the Titan clash, Bianca could hear the girl sobbing.

“M-my squad is—was--!!” Serene’s voice was shaky and broken; it was then that Bianca noticed the blood on her uniform. “Th-the Female Titan came running through and…!”

“…Dammit…” Claus mumbled, kneeling down in front of Serene. “Serene, did anyone else survive?”

Serene nodded, finally looking up at the pair. Her eyes were wide and wet with tears. Bianca had never seen her cry before, and it did not suit her usual spunk and her lively personality.

“But I’m the only one without injury…” she breathed, her gaze falling to their feet. “My squad leader was also…crushed… I got the two others who were injured inside a building and then I went to find help but—I don’t know, was that the right thing to do? Should I have stayed there?” Serene put a hand to her forehead and grabbed a fistful of her hair. “I was just so scared, I shouldn’t have acted out like this…!”

“Hey, it’s all right,” Claus reassured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You just did what you thought was right. They’re probably safer inside.” Bianca met Claus’ gaze as he turned to her. “What should we do?”

“…” Claus was right; the injured soldiers were probably better off inside a building, but someone would have to get to them eventually. She did not want to have to send Serene back there alone, but if she got too close to the action…

“…Bianca?” Serene whispered, looking up at her.

“…Serene, join our squad for now,” Bianca responded at last. “We’ll find Bruno and report to him; we can make a decision about the other soldiers from there.”

“Is that really okay?!” Serene asked, looking incredulous.

“Your brother is picky about squad members,” Claus warned her.

“I didn’t say that this was a permanent change,” Bianca replied calmly. “This is the best solution for the time being—my brother can handle what comes next.”

 


	35. Within the Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Titans are within the walls, and one man seems to know why. Now the Survey Corps must work to drag that information out of him.

_“Well, for now, we’re gonna have to make do with this,” Hanji sighed as she looked down at the giant sheet below her. It was more than conspicuous, but it was their only way of covering up the hole in Wall Sina--or, more importantly, the only way to cover up the giant Titan._

_Peeling her goggles off of her sweaty face, she pushed them back onto her forehead as she continued, “Real repairs will start after sunset. For the time being, the breach is going to be filled with quick-drying filler compound. We're also strengthening the weakened parts of the wall next to the breach.”_

_Pastor Nick nodded; Hanji was a bit surprised he had been listening at all. The whole time that she had been talking, he had just stared down at the sheet, not moving even an inch._

_They were on top of Wall Sina, and Hanji could see out for miles. Looking toward Wall Rose gave her a great view of the sunset, but looking within Wall Sina showed her the aftermath of the battle, decorated with ash and lingering flames._

_“Mm, that will do,” Nick said at last, glancing up at Hanji. “Do you think any of the citizens saw this?”_

_“The citizens in the vicinity were avoiding this area because of the fight, but I can't guarantee that nobody saw anything,” Hanji replied, staring down at the man._

_“I see...” He crouched down, kneeling with his hands gripping the edge of the wall. A hard kick would send him falling to his death, and the temptation was certainly strong._

People like this really still exist? _Hanji thought, scratching the back of her head in frustration._ Erwin, what the hell are we fighting for these days...?

 

“Well, that’s that!” Milena said cheerfully as Yasmin pushed the last cannon into place. “Good work today, everyone! We were about due for some nicer equipment, don’t you think?”

Yasmin could hear murmurs of agreement from around her as she stood upright, wiping the sweat from her brow. It had been another long day, but things had gone smoothly—they had reloaded all of the cannons in that district with new ammunition, as well as attached a new stabilizing rig to each. Now, any shots fired from these cannons would hit harder and more accurately.

 _Hopefully we won’t have to use them too much_ , Yasmin thought as she turned to her squad leader. Milena’s face was bright, matching the tone of her voice. She was obviously pleased with their progress today.

“All right, after you all put away your things, we can—“

“Squad Leader Gessler!”

A voice rang through the air, cutting Milena’s statement short. Yasmin turned over her shoulder to see another Garrison soldier running toward them. She had seen this girl before, but when and where she could not recall.

“I come with news from Wall Sina’s southern squad,” she said, saluting when she came to a stop right in front of Milena. “Two Titans have been reported in the Stohess district and have engaged in battle. One of them was identified as Eren Jaeger. We are still investigating the other, but it is allegedly the same Titan that decimated the Survey Corps in their latest mission.”

All around her, Yasmin could hear her squad mates whispering to one another, but instead of joining them, she looked for Rosaleen. The red-head’s eyes were wide, and she was staring at the messenger with a look of disbelief on her face. Yasmin could tell what she was thinking: Stohess was her hometown, and if Titan shifters were fighting there, it was very possible that a great portion of the area would be destroyed, and many lives would be lost.

“Commander Pyxis has ordered that this message be carried on to the western Rose squads that are under Captain Woermann’s command,” the soldier continued. “The Survey Corps and Military Police have sent their soldiers to do damage control and evacuate the citizens. We are to remain on standby until further notice. That’s all.”

“Thank you,” Milena said, her face now darkly serious. “Rosaleen, you heard Margaret—pass this on to Rico and William.”

“B-But I—they’re in the Stohess district!?” Rosaleen gasped, taking a few steps forward toward Margaret and Milena. “That’s my hometown! My parents, my grandfather—my family lives there! They could be in danger!”

“The Military Police and a small squad of Survey Corps soldiers have been charged with evacuating the citizens, as I said before,” Margaret replied, her voice calm despite the severity of the situation. Her no-nonsense attitude had not changed since the last time Yasmin saw her—two years ago when they were still in training. “You have to trust that they know how to do their jobs.”

“But I—“

“Rosaleen, this isn’t just about you!” Milena exclaimed, stepping in front of her friend, staring up at her friend with a fierce look in her dark brown eyes. The height difference between them was almost amusing, but Milena still somehow seemed intimidating and more powerful than the tall, lanky Rosaleen.

“Th-that’s not what I’m trying to say!”

“But it is! Rosaleen, an entire district could be under attack, and who knows what kind of destruction could happen because of this! But our job isn’t to worry about that, and it’s _definitely_ not to be selfish and only worry about our own problems—our job is to help each other! You’re not the only one with people you care about out there, so suck it up and perform your duties like the soldier you supposed to be!”

Milena’s words were harsh, but she was right, and Yasmin could see by the change of expression on Rosaleen’s face that she knew it, too.

“…Okay,” the teen whispered, lowering her bright green eyes to her feet. “…I’m sorry for behaving selfishly. I will report this to the western squads immediately.”

“…You’re dismissed—all of you,” Milena said gruffly, and Yasmin brought her fist to her chest in a salute along with everyone else. As everyone else began to run off, including Rosaleen and Margaret, Yasmin approached Milena, who ran a hand through her bangs.

“I hate being the bad guy,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“You’re not a bad guy,” Yasmin reassured her. “You did the right thing.”

“Is that so?” Milena let out a weak laugh. “…Thank you. Come on, let’s get going. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah.” Sighing through her nose, Yasmin glanced in the direction of Wall Sina; from where they were now, she couldn’t even see the innermost wall, but she could swear there was red on the horizon. She thought of her friends in the Survey Corps, and Annie, their lone friend in the Military Police. “…I hope they’re all okay.”

“Me, too,” Milena whispered, turning to face toward Stohess. “I don’t want another Johnson to die, whether they’re in the military or not.”

 

………

 

“So I think it's about time we had a talk, eh?”

Hanji glanced down at Pastor Nick, who was still staring at the cloth. However, she could tell that he was just using it as an excuse to avoid eye contact with her.

“...About what?” Nick responded. Hanji narrowed her eyes at his flippant reply.

“What is that Titan?” she asked. “Why is there a Titan inside the wall in the first place? And...why have you people kept quiet about it the whole time?” When Nick did not respond, Hanji added, “I'd like you to answer these questions.”

“I cannot do that,” Pastor Nick stated, standing at last. He brushed off his robes, glaring at Hanji over his shoulder. She could see beads of sweat on his brow in the glistening twilight sun. “I am a busy man. My church and my followers are in total disarray right now. And it is all your fault, you insolent fools. I shall make sure to demand indemnities for all the damage you have caused. Now, let me off the wall.”

“All right.”

In that moment Hanji didn't even feel like herself; she was in such a boiling rage because of this arrogant prick. She gripped Nick by the collar and swung him to the very edge of the wall, holding him out over the smoking remains of Annie and Eren's Titan forms. All that was keeping him from falling to his death was her right hand. Just one hand. That was all.

“Would you like me to let you off right here?” she asked in a low voice.

“Squad Leader!” Moblit cried.

“Stay back,” she warned him.

“What do you think you're doing?!” Pastor Nick gasped, sounding angry more than anything. His lack of fear made Hanji's frown deepen. “You're being ridiculous!”

“It's you who's being ridiculous here.” Hanji tightened her grip on Nick's collar as she continued, “You're committing a grave offense and a deadly sin against humanity by stepping on its right to life. The reason why your sect has been so vocal in your protests against the plans to reinforce the wall and build underground tunnels is what we now see in that hole, isn't it...? It was the monarchist government that granted you the right to decide matters concerning the wall, right? In other words, your little cult is not the only group of people who knows this secret... I can't even imagine how many people are in the know.

“Do you guys know the reason why we, the Survey Corps, shed our blood?” Hanji went on, her frustration only building the longer she looked into Pastor Nick's face. He showed no signs of remorse, and the temptation to just let him fall was growing. “It's to get back the freedom that Titans stole away from us. We're willing to pay for that with our lives. We've continuously put our lives on the line for a chance to make progress, however small, toward that goal--believing that someday it will pay off when humanity is finally released from the grip of its fear of the Titans! We've never managed to find any information as important as what we saw here, but even now...you're still trying to play dumb with us? Do you have any idea how many comrades we had to abandon to the fate of being devoured by Titans...? You don't, do you?”

Hanji paused a moment to catch her breath; her patience was all but extinguished. The resistance in Nick's face had not disappeared.

“And all this time, you guys have been keeping quiet about the truth... You had the nerve to keep quiet... ” she hissed, thinking of her fallen comrades as she stared the pastor down. “...Now listen up. I'm not asking you for a favor--I'm _ordering_ you. Start talking. If you don't, I'll go find another. And I will ask him what's more important to him: keeping his life, or keeping silent. In any case, I doubt that taking only _your_ life will be enough. Or--maybe money is the way to loosen your tongue? How much do you want?”

“Let go...of me...” Pastor Nick was now visibly sweating; Hanji glowered at him.

“Are you sure you want me to let go?” she said quietly.

“Yes...now! NOW! Let go of me!!”

The entire time Hanji had been talking, Nick had kept a death grip on her hand, but now he let go, throwing his hands out to the side and lifting his face to the sky. Though his pose looked fearless, he was shaking and whimpering, and his eyes were squeezed shut.

“Your fury is understandable,” he admitted, his voice shaking. “But it is not like we kept quiet about this out of malice! And it is not as if my life is precious enough to me to cave in. I shall prove it to you! I have already lost my family as a result of drowning myself in wine... I am but an unworthy sinner...a weak man who can only rely on god to keep living...

“But if a lowlife such as me does not talk, then you shall not get a word out of those whose faith is stronger than mine, no matter what torture you put them through! Kill me and learn this for yourself: we shall carry out our mission until the very end!”

“All right, fine,” Hanji growled. “I'll grant you the death you desire.”

“Hanji!?” Moblit screamed, sounding even more panicked than usual; Hanji ignored him and instead kept her focus on Nick. He had finally opened his eyes, and he had also begun to cry.

“Ahh...god...the blessed...” he breathed.

Without another second's delay, Hanji whirled around and slammed Pastor Nick on top of the brick behind them. He landed with a thud and a groan; she saw Moblit rush to his side as she sat down on the edge of the wall. She let out a quiet laugh as she pulled her goggles back down onto her face; the world certainly looked much different from behind them.

“Kidding, just kidding...” she chuckled as she stared out into Wall Sina. “...Say, Pastor Nick, is the whole length of the wall filled with Titans?”

Pastor Nick did not reply; he was still letting out pathetic whines from his spot on the wall. Hanji let out a small laugh through her nose; she hadn't noticed until that moment, but she had been shaking, too.

“Squad Leader?” Moblit said quietly, appearing beside Hanji.

“Mm... I just remembered something that I had long since forgot...the feeling that I stopped experiencing after my first expedition to the outside world...”

Hanji stared out at the Stohess district; memories of her days in training flooded her head, and a bitter smile appeared on her lips.

“How scary...”

 

…......

 

“So it's pretty safe to assume that Eren's summoning to the king is cancelled, right?”

“Yes...”

Armin was Eren's best friend; anyone who knew them could quickly figure this out. But he had grown close to Jean Kirschstein as well, and so when Jean asked that question--one that had such an obvious answer--Armin knew it was just a way to break the silence so that he could say what was on his mind.

Armin and Jean were with Mikasa and an unconscious Eren back in the basement of the Survey Corps headquarters, and though several hours had now passed since their homecoming, and though they had all finally gotten a decent night's sleep, Eren had not yet woken up. He had passed out soon after being pulled out of his Titan, and there was nothing left to do but wait for him to regain consciousness again.

Sure enough, Jean continued his voice his thoughts, despite the heavy atmosphere in the room already. But Armin knew that Jean despised awkward silences,

“But that... It pales in comparison to all the other things that happened,” he muttered. “Annie really turned out to be that Female Titan, going all Titan-mode in the middle of town, causing havoc like that--and then going into a deep sleep right after without a word of explanation...and then...you discovered...that there are Colossal Titans inside Wall Sina, right?”

“...Yes,” Armin murmured in reply. “They've been standing inside that wall for at least 100 years...and I think they're going to take a walk soon...all at once...”

Jean suddenly let out a loud laugh, and Armin felt a hand come down on top of his head.

“Armin, that was a joke, eh?” Jean said, mussing Armin's hair. “Good one! That's our Armin for ya!”

“Jean,” Mikasa said, interrupting the ruckus. She held a finger to her lips, glancing at Eren. “Not so loud.”

“Ah, s-sorry,” Jean stammered. Armin glanced up to see him red in the face. “I forgot...”

“You know, those walls... I could never figure out how they were built in the first place,” Armin admitted, sitting up in his seat on the end of Eren's bed. “There are no brick joints, or traces of peeling, or other things like that...”

It was true--the wall was a solid stone, as if it had come straight down from the sky, or up from the earth, already constructed into its perfectly circular shape. And from what Armin had witnessed, all of the walls were the same.

“But now I wonder--maybe it was made by using those Titans' hardening abilities... That power could have a lot of applications, just like with Annie crystallizing herself...” Armin's eyes widened as he reached his conclusion. “That means...that we've always been protected from Titans by Titans...”

The room fell into a heavy silence once again, and Armin felt his friends staring at him. But he didn't care--he knew he was on to something.

“Is that a joke, too?” Jean asked, any signs of humor in his voice now long gone. “'Cause it sure ain't funny.”

Before Armin could figure out how to respond, he was interrupted by the door opening. A veteran Survey Corps soldier stood in the doorway; it was someone Armin had never met before.

“Armin Arlert, come with me,” she said. “Commander Erwin asks that you attend the meeting.”

“Y-yes, understood,” Armin replied, quickly hopping off of Eren's bed and sliding on his shoes.

“Well...I think I'll be going up to the surface, too,” Jean announced, stretching his arms above his head. “Being in this damp basement can depress anyone... We'd better get out of here, huh?”

Jean's statement sounded as if he was talking to the group, but Armin knew the comment was meant for Mikasa. She was still sitting at Eren's side; she had not moved from that chair since coming back from Stohess.

“Mikasa?” the soldier said, peering into the room at the teen. “I think it might be best if you also attend the meeting.”

“No, I...” Mikasa glanced at the woman, then met eyes with Armin. He could tell that it would take more than a commanding officer's order to get her to leave now. “I'd better stay here.”

Luckily, the soldier did not push the issue.

“I see,” was all she said before slowly pulling the door closed. Armin glanced back at Mikasa, waving goodbye; in return she gave him a look that seemed a bit exasperated. But Armin could see right through her: she had appreciated having his company.

As Armin followed the soldier and Jean down the dark hallways of the castle basement, his thoughts shifted back to the information about the wall and the upcoming meeting with Commander Erwin. He knew that other people would be there, too--most likely angry citizens of Wall Sina coming to voice their various complaints--but Armin knew that the real reason for this meeting was something much different. He had been invited to join because this was simply a follow-up to the meeting they had had before trying to capture Annie. After all, Armin had since established a new ally.

 _I wonder what will come out of all of this--and if I made the right decision_ , Armin thought, lowering his gaze as he thought back to his first encounter with Bruno Sertoli.

That man had said some things that struck Armin, but most of all was the statement, “Change requires sacrifice.” It seemed to be a common theme with Commander Erwin as well, and if he was any kind of example of that ideology in action, Armin could only imagine what Bruno was capable of from his position in the Military Police.

 _Commander Erwin will definitely want to meet Bruno now--after all that's happened_ , Armin realized. The thought of them meeting admittedly scared him and excited him all at once. Both were incredibly intelligent men, and neither one was afraid of using that intellect to accomplish big things. Neither one was afraid of change--neither one feared sacrifice.

If this proved to be true, then together what would they accomplish? Would things in this world finally start to change for the better? It certainly seemed likely, especially with the newly added information about the truth of the construction of the walls.

Armin had never been particularly fond of the government; he was still quite bitter about the mission of 846 (if one could even call it a “mission”), and things had not changed much since then. But maybe, just maybe, if the military regiments could work together, they would be able to not only change the government, but also find a way to eliminate the threat of the Titans for good.

... _It's not going to be that easy_ , Armin told himself. _But still...Commander Erwin and Bruno Sertoli most likely know much more than they let on. If that knowledge can be used for something..._

“All right, Armin, I'll see you later,” Jean said, jerking Armin out of his thoughts.

“Y-Yeah, see you,” Armin replied, absentmindedly waving goodbye to Jean as he turned down a different hallway.

... _And if they can't do anything...what will become of the rest of us?_ Armin then wondered. _...That much I do know: this will all become our responsibility_.

 

 


	36. Each Tiny Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Catherine reflect on the loss of his squad while the newest recruits of the Survey Corps wait elsewhere. Before any other orders are given, though, news of Titans within Wall Rose reaches them, and they are thrown into battle yet again.

_“Armin, please answer this question as honestly as you can,” Erwin said quietly, staring at the young man sitting across from him. The only other person left in the room now was Hanji, but that was just fine--Erwin trusted her more than anyone. He knew she could take a secret to the grave if need be, and in this case, she might have to. “Do you think it's possible that Bruno Sertoli knew this would happen?”_

_“...I suppose it depends on what you mean by 'this,'” Armin replied after a brief pause. “I’ve only met him once, so I don't know much about him--only that he is an elite soldier in the Military Police, and that he seems to have a very similar way of thought as you, Sir. I can't say anything for sure, but if we were to assume that Bruno knew that Annie was a Titan shifter, then it is important that we understand why he decided to keep silent about it.”_

_Armin stopped speaking for a moment, crossing his arms as he collected his thoughts. Erwin watched him carefully; there was obviously a lot going through his mind, but Erwin needed to know--could Bruno Sertoli really be their ally?_

_He had heard the name once or twice in passing, and always from Nile, who seemed to think of the man as an eccentric. Never once had there been any comment about Bruno's attitude toward the structure of the Military Police or the government, but that did not necessarily mean anything._

_“But, I don't think it's likely that Bruno specifically knew about Annie specifically,” Armin finally continued. “It's very likely that he suspected something might happen involving Eren and another Titan shifter, though, considering our last mission...”_

_Erwin was about to cut in with another question, but the boy beat him to it._

_“And if that's the case, then that means Bruno Sertoli most likely knew that Titan shifters existed before the rest of us did,” Armin concluded. “In other words, he has access to information that others can't get to.”_

_“That could explain why he's so selective with his squad members,” Erwin murmured, thinking back to what little he did know about Bruno. “...Armin, thank you. You're dismissed.”_

_“...Commander? Do you really think he could become our ally?”_

_Erwin smiled, running a hand through his hair._

_“We'll see soon enough,” he replied, glancing at Hanji. She gave him a smile and a shrug, then turned back toward the window, not saying a single word._

 

“Oh?”

At the sound of the familiar voice, Levi glanced over his shoulder to see Catherine Müller standing in the doorway, peering into the empty mess hall. Well, technically, it wasn't completely empty, but aside from Levi, no one had been around in hours. But now, for whatever reason, Catherine had joined him.

“I see I'm not the only one pulling an all-nighter, huh?” Catherine said quietly, walking into the room. She pulled the door shut behind her with one hand; the other hand held a coffee-stained mug.

“What are you still up for?” Levi asked, taking a sip of his tea as he watched Catherine walk over to the sink. She was several meters away from him now, but her voice was still loud and clear.

“Studying--the usual,” she replied, grimacing. “Not that I'm not grateful for having something to do, but it _is_ a bit tiring to do everything on my own.”

“...Why don't you just teach someone else?” Levi muttered, trying not to wince as he sat up in his chair. It had been over a week now, but his leg was still not in the best shape, and using his gear before it was fully healed had probably not been the best decision. Still, he knew it could have been much worse.

“You know, Rowen said the same thing,” Catherine murmured as she began to wash out her cup. “It's scary that you two are thinking along the same lines.”

“What's scary is that you hadn't thought of it yourself yet. It's an obvious solution to your problem.”

“...This is true...” Catherine glanced at Levi. “But I don't know where I should start in the material, or even _who_ to start with.”

“That's _your_ problem,” Levi told her, taking another sip of tea.

Catherine said nothing in reply; Levi didn't mind. He didn't necessarily find her irritating, but he had intended to spend the night in silence. The isolation was something that he felt he needed desperately, but he had yet to spend any real time by himself since their mission in the forest. He suspected Erwin and Hanji were to blame.

The room fell silent once again as Catherine shut off the water at the sink.

“...I'm sorry...about your squad...”

Catherine's voice was barely above a whisper, but in that quiet room, Levi heard her loud and clear.

“Apologizing won't change anything,” he murmured, staring at the table in front of him.

“I'm not trying to change anything.” Catherine's no-nonsense tone startled Levi, enough to make him look at her. She was staring him down, and the expression on her face was complex. “I'm just saying that I'm sorry.” Turning away from him, Catherine put her mug on the drying rack next to the sink and grabbed a plate from the pile of dirty dishes leftover from dinner. “You're not the only one who knew them.”

 _...That's right_ , Levi thought, recalling the many times he had seen Catherine and Rowen interacting with members of his old squad. _They knew each other somehow_.

“...How _did_ you know them?” Levi asked. Catherine paused a moment, then glanced back at Levi. She seemed hesitant; her reaction made Levi even more curious.

“...Rowen shared a room with Eld and Gunther when we were in training,” Catherine told him at last. “Some nights, I would sneak in to hang out with Rowen, and they were always so nice about it. They didn't seem to care that we were breaking all kinds of rules...” Levi watched as Catherine's expression softened. “They were good people. We met Petra and Auruo through them, too, after we joined the Survey Corps. And...they were good people, too.”

 _I know. I know they were good people._ Levi wanted to say it, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything at all. He was still full of bitterness about their deaths, and as much as he insisted that the past was not worth dwelling on, he found himself wanting to hear their voices, or see their smiles--anything, even if it was only one more time. He had not even had a chance to say goodbye.

“...Well, I guess it could have been worse,” Catherine said suddenly, tearing Levi from his thoughts.

“What the hell do you mean, 'it could have been worse'?” Levi couldn't help but get angry at her comment. What was worse than dying, especially as horribly as they did? None of them had deserved that kind of end, not a single one of them.

“I mean, at least you know where they are, right? You know what happened to them, right?” As Catherine spoke, she kept her eyes locked on the dishes she was cleaning. “So you can have closure. That's a good thing.”

“...”

He hated to admit it, but she did have a point. Knowing almost exactly how his squad had died was horrible, yes, but at least he wouldn’t have to wonder where they were, and he would not have to worry about them anymore. Had he not found their bodies by chance, eventually he would have probably had to abandon them to whatever fate may have awaited them, and that did not seem like the right decision for a captain to make.

But her attitude about this--Levi sensed that it was a little different than his way of thinking. Granted, Catherine certainly _did_ have an unusual way of looking at things sometimes, but that was usually related to her intellect and studies. This was different.

“...So the fact that they're dead and gone doesn't bother you as much as not having closure?” Levi asked. Catherine tilted her head, humming a low note.

“...Mmm...that might be...what I mean...?”

 _You can be such a shit sometimes,_ Levi thought, turning away from Catherine and back to his tea. _You shouldn't have said anything at all._

“So is that why you chose to join the Survey Corps? Because even if your companions die, it's not so bad because ‘at least you know happened’?”

“That's not it at all,” Catherine said, shaking her head. “It still hurts when someone dies, whether they were in the Survey Corps or not. I knew that before I joined--my brother died in the 846 mission.”

 _Great. Now_ I _sound like an asshole_.

“I joined so that I could make a difference and learn more about the world--both what's inside the walls _and_ outside. I couldn't do that in the Military Police.”

“Is that what you originally planned to do?” Levi asked. “Join the Police?”

“Yes, both Rowen and I wanted to join the Military Police at first. But I think...we both learned a lot during training.” Catherine's voice grew quiet again, and Levi had to really pay attention to hear her above the running water. “We grew up in Wall Sina, where it's impossible to learn anything outside of the government-issued textbooks you get in school. Even after we became teachers, we were limited in what we could learn, and we were thus limited in what we could do to help humanity...”

Catherine let out a quiet laugh, turning off the water again. Levi raised an eyebrow; she had managed to clean the rest of the dishes in the span of their conversation.

“But anyway, that's enough of that,” she declared, wiping her hands on a nearby towel. “Sorry to disturb you, Captain Levi--”

“Just Levi,” Levi told her, taking another sip of his tea. As he watched Catherine slowly fold the towel, he added, “You've been in the Corps almost five years now, and we see each other almost every day. You don't have any reason to be so goddamn formal around me.”

“...All right.” Placing the towel to the side, Catherine took her mug off of the drying rack and sighed quietly. “Have it your way.”

“Of course I will--I outrank you.”

Levi smirked as Catherine's expression turned to one of frustration.

“...Have a good night, Levi,” she said at last, walking past him toward the door. “Try to get some sleep.”

“...Thank you.”

For some reason, the words just fell from Levi's lips without any warning. It felt a little odd to thank her; some of the things she had said made no sense, and he had not wanted to be bothered by anyone in the first place.

And yet, her company had somehow made him a bit more at ease. Perhaps it was what she had said--that there was a possibility for closure. Maybe she'd had a point, and maybe that was something that Levi had needed to hear.

“...” Levi could sense Catherine pause behind him, but soon she slipped out of the room, and again Levi was left alone, with only his thoughts for company.

 

…......

 

Heaving a loud sigh, Connie stared out of the window of the safe house, his head resting in his palm. He watched with heavy-lidded eyes as clouds rolled lazily through the bright blue sky; they looked as listless as he felt.

They had been hanging out for days in this safe house, but Connie had no idea why. Why wouldn't they be allowed to participate in Survey Corps activities as normal? What had they all done wrong? They didn't even have access to their three-dimensional maneuvering gear --not even their regiment jackets. It just didn't make any sense.

But he had since grown tired of thinking about it; every theory he had come up with led to a dead end. So instead, he just sat with his friends and stared up at the sky.

“...My village isn't far from this place,” Connie declared after a few more minutes of silence. He had to start conversation; he would go nuts if someone didn't talk soon. Reiner and Bertholdt were wrapped up in a chess game, and Sasha, like him, was staring out the window, half-asleep.

“My hometown is close by as well,” Sasha replied.

“We've come all the way to the southern district of Wall Rose, but we're not even allowed to go and visit our families...” Connie went on. “It's not like we have anything we have to do, anyway...”

“We just keep spending day after day lazing around like this...” Sasha agreed, her lackluster tone matching Connie's.

“Well, damn...maybe we should just slip out at night?” Connie suggested.

“Ehh?” He felt Sasha's gaze on him. “Do you want to go to your village that badly? _I_ was told not to come back until after I became a decent human being, you know...”

“And I was told that there was no way a midget like me could become a soldier,” Connie countered, smirking. “But I'm a genius--and I've become a real soldier, and I even managed to place in the top ten of our class. They all would look at me in awe if I went back to my village.” Connie's smile then faded as he added, “I'd like to go back, if just for a little more...while I'm still alive.

“Connie... If you're serious about all of that, I'll help you out.”

“Eh?” Connie turned toward Reiner, who was staring at him with a very intent and sincere gaze. “Why?”

“...Don't you find it odd that we were ordered to stand by in civilian clothes? They even specified that we aren’t allowed to wear our uniforms or train...” Reiner's gold eyes flicked away from Connie impatiently. “We're soldiers, for crying out loud! Why would they order us to do that? But even more than that is our superiors: unlike us, they're all fully equipped and ready for battle. But this place isn't the front lines--we're in the territory _inside_ the walls! Just what are they preparing to fight?!”

“Hnnn...” Connie glanced at Sasha, who looked at him with the same sort of bored expression; nothing had happened yet, so there was no point in making such a fuss. They were veterans for a reason--they knew what they were doing. Hopefully.

“Well, there are bears in this region,” Connie finally replied.

“Ah, yeah. Bears,” Sasha echoed.

“If they're going to fight bears, guns would be more than enough,” Reiner argued. “Nobody understands what's going on, and so everybody is anxious. You two are the only ones among us who are still so carefree. ...I wonder what reaction our superiors _would_ have if you did happen to slip out...”

“...” Connie didn’t know how to respond; luckily, Sasha chose that moment to draw attention to herself by plopping her head down on the table, sighing. She stayed like that for a moment before suddenly sitting up again, grabbing Reiner's arm.

“What the--?!” she gasped, eyes wide. “I hear rumbling…it sounds like heavy footsteps!!”

“Hah?” Connie grunted, staring at his friend. “What are you saying, Sasha?”

“If you're trying to say that there are Titans somewhere close by, then that means...Wall Rose has fallen...” Reiner murmured, causing Connie to break out in a cold sweat.

 

…......

 

Mike had never really thought of himself as special for being a veteran soldier in the Survey Corps, or for his heightened sense of smell. He had been the strongest soldier in the Corps until Levi came along, but being “replaced” or “outranked” didn't bother him at all. Actually, he had high respect and admiration for Captain Levi and wanted to be more like him out in the field.

There were two main reasons why Mike was satisfied with his position in the Corps, and the first of these was Erwin Smith. The Commander had always treated Mike with more respect that he thought he deserved, even when they had been trainees together. Mike had always found Erwin easy to get along with, and he trusted him with his life. In return, Erwin trusted Mike with information, and he also did his best to make use of Mike's sensitive nose. Mike had never been so grateful to someone before; it felt good to know that he was needed.

The other reason that Mike wanted nothing more for himself was his squad. They were a special squad, just like Levi's Special Operations Squad had been, and Mike had hand-picked all of them. Some of his subordinates even had squads of their own, like Gelgar and Nanaba. And every single one of them treated Mike with respect. They had survived a lot together, and Mike was glad that he had lived as long as he had; he had gotten to know some amazing people through the years.

The idea of this life being disrupted made Mike angry and also a little scared, but he never admitted this to anyone. He just did not see the use in doing so. Instead, he wanted to use his energy fighting to avoid losing anything or anyone else to the Titans.

On the day that Titans appeared within the confines of Wall Rose, Mike was the first to sense it. His nose picked up the scent of Titans from far off; he wished he was wrong, but there was no mistaking that odor.

“Mike?” Nanaba murmured as Mike quickly walked to the other side of the look-out tower.

“Toma!” he exclaimed as he turned toward the direction of the Titans. He couldn't see them yet, but he was certain that they were on their way.

“Yes?” Toma replied, sounding hesitant.

“Take the fastest horse we have and report this to the Commanders: there were no Titans among the 104th graduates! A large number of Titans are invading from the South! Wall Rose...has been breached!”

Mike turned to look at his squad members--these two had been with him from the beginning, and together they had been through so much, but he could tell by the looks on their faces that they had not expected this outcome, either.

“Go!” Mike commanded, and Toma quickly saluted before taking off on his gear. Nanaba stood motionless before Mike, her face pallid.

“Mike...” she mouthed.

“Don't just stand there,” he said, turning toward his most trusted soldier. “I thought you knew better than to freeze up in the face of danger.”

“...But Erwin said--”

“Erwin was wrong,” Mike murmured, and Nanaba hung her head. “...I know. I can't believe it, either. But I'm not wrong.”

Again, Mike glanced toward the horizon; the scent was slowly but surely growing stronger. He didn't know how it happened, or where the breach could be, but he knew the current situation was enough to warrant action.

“I'm entrusting the new recruits to you,” Mike declared, turning back to Nanaba. She nodded, a fierce look returning to her pale blue eyes. “They don't have gear or weapons to protect themselves, so it's going to be your job to take care of them.”

“I will,” Nanaba replied, saluting to Mike. “We'll begin evacuating them now.”

“Go,” Mike said with a nod. “I trust you.”

 

…......

 

 _If it's not one thing, it's another_ , Nanaba thought as she hopped off of the lookout tower. Gracefully, she swung herself onto the roof of the safe house with her gear, then jumped down to the nearest window. She threw it open to find the 104th kids staring at one of their peers as she shouted at them, “I'm sure! I heard it!”

“Is everybody here?” Nanaba interrupted; the girl whirled around, hazel eyes wide.

“Squad Leader Nanaba?!” one of the other girls gasped. They all look bewildered, and Nanaba knew she had to keep her cool, for their sake.

“There is a large number of Titans approaching from the south, about 500 meters out--and they're heading here. You don't have time to put on all of your gear. Instead, get on your horses, and go around the neighboring villages and evacuate the villagers, _now_. Is that clear?”

Nanaba did her best to try to ignore the stunned expressions of the new recruits. She knew how frightened they all must be. After all, she had faced that fear many times before, too. It was capable of paralyzing you, of _changing_ you. She knew what they were going through.

“F-from the South...?” one of the boys murmured.

“This means...the wall was destroyed...?” another said to a friend.

Nanaba had to raise her voice to be heard above the clamor.

“Unfortunately, you'll have to postpone your mid-afternoon snacks until you're finished with this job,” she told them, trying to stay as casual as possible. “Now, get a move on! You won't be able to laze around if you're dead!”

As the new recruits rushed away from their chairs, Nanaba turned and shot a hook up toward the roof. With her back now to the kids, she gritted her teeth, running a hand through her short, sweaty blonde hair. She pulled herself up on her wire and hopped back up onto the roof; Mike was already there, as if he had been waiting for her.

“Mike,” she called out, running toward him. “The Titans' current position...?”

“Right in front of us,” he answered. “At least, as far as my nose can tell...” Mike sniffed the air quietly, then added, “There are nine of them in the immediate vicinity.”

Nanaba pursed her lips; Mike's ability to sniff out Titans had always been such a mystery to her, but she never questioned him. He had yet to steer them in the wrong direction or lead them astray, and they had been fighting together for over five years.

“That means the wall was destroyed...again...” Nanaba concluded

“Yeah...” Mike replied, his voice quiet. There was a sadness to his voice that Nanaba had never heard before, and it made her nervous.

“Should we hunt them down...?” she asked hesitantly. “If the Trost district or the Nedlay district had been breached, we would have known... But if a part of the wall other than the gates has been destroyed, then the scale of the damage is basically unknown... And even if only the gate was destroyed, there are no boulders big enough around this area, so even if we could get him here, Eren couldn't plug up the gap...”

Nanaba paused a moment to catch her breath; Mike did not interrupt her.

“...In other words...the worst possible scenario that we could have imagined is taking place right now...as we speak... As it stands, Wall Rose will be lost...”

As the full weight of reality hit her at last, Nanaba sunk onto one knee, holding her hand over her mouth. She felt nauseous; this was not how she had imagined her last moments would be at all.

“We...failed to find out the true identity of the Colossal and Armored Titans...” she went on, dragging her hand down her face as she stared into the distance. “And we failed to learn what other fighting power the enemies have at their disposal... The day has come: we...no, the whole human race has...lost.”

Nanaba covered her mouth again, fighting tears as her gaze sank to the roof. Were they really so powerless? Were the past five years of rising success only a ruse?

“No...not yet.”

Nanaba glanced up at Mike; his light blue eyes were looking down past her. She turned to see the new recruits scrambling to saddle their horses, doing their best to keep collected despite the obvious dangers inevitably awaiting them.

“We will have lost only when humans give up and stop fighting,” Mike declared, his voice strong. “As long as they keep on fighting, our defeat is not certain.”

“...We really can't apologize enough to the 104th class...” Nanaba murmured, smiling bitterly as she watched the recruits pull their horses out of the stables. “Because of our doubts, they're left defenseless in this kind of situation...all because we failed to predict that things would turn out this way...”

Sighing loudly, Nanaba wiped the sweat from her face and pushed herself up to her feet again.

“...I can't let them see me like this,” she muttered, standing beside Mike.

“Well then...let's fight.”

 

…......

 

“Once that group of Titans reaches the forest, we'll split up! But before that, we need to divide into four squads so we can spread out and evacuate the surrounding villages!”

Sasha had to really concentrate to hear Mike's voice above the thundering hooves of the horses around her, as well as her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. Encountering Titans was bad enough, fighting them was even worse--but not having the gear to make a quick getaway was just downright _cruel_. What kind of sick karma was this, anyway?

“There will be squads composed of both 104th members and armed soldiers divvying up to the north, the east, the west, and the south,” Mike continued. “You all are to avoid engaging the Titans to the best of your ability and instead prioritize spreading the word about the breach. How you do it is up to each of you! Once you come across people or settlements, split up accordingly and keep moving! Furthermore, the southern squad will have an additional task of locating destroyed settlements! Therefore, we will need more people in that squad than the other three! Is there anyone who his familiar with this area?”

“Y-Yes!” Sasha exclaimed, hesitantly raising her hand. “I was born in a village in the forests just to the north of here! I know the terrain of the area well!”

 _What am I doing?!_ she asked herself. _Did I just volunteer myself--!?_

“Ah, and Connie, too...” she added quickly, turning to her friend. His normally tanned skin was pale and covered with sweat. “Connie?!”

“My village is located to the south of here...in the direction the Titans are coming from...” he murmured, eyes wide. Sasha could see the worry written all over his face, but before she could say anything to comfort him, he added, “I can guide you to the nearby villages. After I do, though...please let me go back to my village. The Titans have most likely passed through it...and there's probably nothing I can do anymore, but...I must...go back anyway...”

Sasha couldn't help but feel proud of Connie in that moment. She knew he could be even worse than him when it came to showing cowardice, but he had risen up to a challenge that _she_ had volunteered him for.

 _I should be more like him_ , she thought as she turned to face forward again.

“All right, I'll leave the south squad to you,” Mike said.

“Connie. I'm coming with you.” Sasha glanced over to see Reiner staring Connie down intently.

“But...the South is probably the most dangerous of all...” Connie warned him. “There are lots of Titans wandering around there...”

“What are you going on about? I already told you earlier that I'd help you if you wanted to go back to your village, remember?” Reiner turned to Bertholdt, who looked even more nervous than usual. “And what are you gonna do, Bertholdt? I'm not gonna force you or anything, but we do need more people on the south squad.”

Bertholdt hesitated, as usual. Sasha was glad to know she wasn't the only one feeling hesitant about all of this still.

“Of course,” Bertholdt finally replied, his gaze anxious. “I'll go with you, too.”

 


	37. Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike encounters the Beast Titan, the most dangerous foe yet, while Sasha races off toward her home village. As for the rest of the Corps, they've made a new friend in Pastor Nick, who holds the key to the secrets of the wall.

_“C'mon, stop it already,” Ymir said, a hand placed on her hip as she stared down Sasha._

_“Eh?”_

_“I mean that stupid overly-polite way of speaking. Why use it even when you're talking to your peers?”_

_“Umm...well...I...do not really...”_

_“Wait...lemme venture a guess: you're embarrassed of your home village's dialect, right?”_

_“...” Sasha couldn't lie; Ymir was right on the money. She had hoped to lose that unsophisticated way of speaking altogether once joining the military, but even using polite speech every day, it still didn't come to her naturally._

_“Bulls-eye, eh?” Ymir peered into her face, looking as smug as ever. “You're surprisingly sensitive--for a dumbass. You don't know anything besides how to hunt, and you're afraid of the world and the people in it, right? I bet your reason for becoming a soldier is just as pathetic and stupid. Like...your parents...?”_

_“You're taking this too far, Ymir,” Krista jumped in before Sasha could even try to defend herself._

_“Sasha!” Ymir exclaimed, playfully knocking Krista in the head with the side of her own. “Do you always wanna live hiding behind a mask you put on for the sake of others?! That's unbelievably stupid! You're you! And there's nothing wrong with that! Speak however you want, dammit!”_

_Of all the people to defend her, Ymir would have been Sasha's last guess. And yet here she was, listening to Ymir tell her that it was okay to be from a small place and live a simple life--as long as she was true to herself, none of that mattered._

_“I-I am...grateful...” Sasha murmured, lowering her gaze to the ground._

_“Huh?” Ymir grunted, glaring at Sasha._

_“I mean...thanks,” Sasha correct herself quickly, scratching the back of her head. “It will...It'll still take some time to get used to speaking simply...”_

 

Despite the strength of sense of smell and his ability to sense Titans, Mike did not always understand their actions, and he usually relied on Hanji for those kinds of explanations. Being out on the battlefield without her--or Erwin or Levi, for that matter--was a bit disconcerting.

Still, there was nothing he could do but keep pressing forward, even if he had to do it on his own. The moment the Titans reached the forest, Mike instructed his squads to split up; but at that same moment, the Titans broke out into a sprint toward them. Mike had never seen this kind of unusual behavior before, and the prognosis was not good. At the rate the Titans were coming at them, they would all soon be in great danger.

And so, Mike made the decision to fight the Titans on his own and act as bait so that the others could escape.

For most soldiers, that kind of action would be suicidal, but Mike was different. He was strong in both body and mind, and nine Titans was a welcome challenge for him. Granted, it would not be easy, but he knew that as long as he was careful, he could survive.

Mike led the Titans toward the now-empty safe house--a perfect area for utilizing his 3D gear. Making sure to preserve both his blades and his gas, he took down five of the nine Titans without causing too much damage to the area, or to himself.

 _Four more to go..._ Mike told himself as he looked down at the Titans from the roof of the safe house. He watched as the biggest of the remaining Titans stared him down; the others didn't seem nearly as concerned with him. _No...now's my chance... I bought enough time for all the squads to get pretty far away from here._

Leaving now would be the safest bet. The other Titans weren't posing any immediate threat now, and there was no point in hanging around when there were likely plenty of other more dangerous Titans running amok. Nodding to himself, Mike put his fingers to his lips and whistled.

 _Now I just need my horse to come back, and I can leave here_ , he thought, glancing to his left. There was one other Titan that didn't seem as interested in Mike as it should, but that was not the only odd thing about it. It was covered in hair, and it more closely resembled an ape rather than a human.

 _It's just...that deviant class really worries me... There's something strange about it.. It's at least seventeen meters tall...? Or maybe even taller... In any case, it's huge... This is the first time I've seen a Titan whose body is covered with hair like an animal..._ Mike stared at the Titan as it slowly lumbered around, swinging its long arms in stride.

_It's just strolling around, acting like he doesn't notice me... Yes, it's definitely a deviant class..._

Mike perked up at the sound of beating hooves, and when he shifted his gaze past the deviant Titan, he could see a horse running toward him.

“Oh!” he gasped. “All right, my horse is coming back... Good boy.”

 _Now I won't have to hold out here until nightfall,_ Mike thought, feeling relieved. By then, it would be quite difficult to track his squads.

But Mike's thoughts were interrupted abruptly; he watched in horror and amazement as the deviant Titan reached down and snatched his horse. He could hear the poor thing whinny as it struggled in the Titan's grip.

“Wha--?! He went after my horse!? No way! He can't be...?!”

It was for only a second, but Mike made eye contact with the deviant Titan; it almost seemed to be laughing at him, like this was all some sort of game. Luckily, Mike was sharp, and as the Titan chucked the horse in his direction, he jumped aside to dodge the blow.

However, the impact of the horse's body slamming into the roof forced Mike off of the roof altogether, and the next thing he knew, he was staring into the gigantic eyes of one of the smaller Titans he had yet to finish off. Before he could react, before he could even begin fight back, the Titan grabbed him and forced his leg into its mouth.

Still gripping the handles of his three-dimensional maneuvering gear's blades, Mike screamed as the Titan bit down into him. He could feel the bones in his leg crunching; the pain drained his strength and made him so light-headed that for a moment, he saw double and had to close his eyes. Was this really going to be his end? There was no way he could use his gear now, not with his leg so mangled--and that was assuming he could get out of this Titan's mouth before it ate him alive.

“Wait.”

Mike could hardly believe he heard another voice--but something about it sounded odd. It was definitely had a humanoid quality to it, but it sounded somewhat loud--and there was no way anyone else was hiding out around here.

When Mike opened his eyes again, he was shocked to see that the deviant Titan was crouching down next to him; he was staring right at him again. Before Mike could react, the smaller Titan bit down on his legs again, and he cried out in pain.

“Eh? Just now...I told you to wait, didn't I?”

Stunned, Mike watched as the deviant Titan reached down and grabbed the smaller Titan by its head. With a strong squeeze that Mike could practically _hear,_ the deviant Titan crushed the smaller Titan's skull in just a few seconds. Finally free from the Titan's grasp, Mike fell to the ground, covered in his own warm blood and shaking in terror. As the deviant made a noise of disgust, Mike watched the smaller Titan collapse to the ground, one of its giant eyeballs popping right out of its skull. In all his years as a soldier, Mike had never seen anything so revolting before.

“What is that weapon?” There was no doubt now--that deviant class could talk, and it was addressing _him_. “The one on your hips that allows you to jump around, I mean.”

Mike couldn't bring himself to speak. He was in so much pain that his mind felt numb, and now this giant deviant Titan was _talking_ to him in coherent sentences. His leg was definitely broken, so there was no running away now; the only thing left to do was to talk to this Titan and see what kind of information he could get.

But Mike was paralyzed, both physically and mentally. He could only continue to watch the deviant Titan as he quaked in terror; the Titan was waiting for his response, he could tell, but Mike's throat had gone dry.

“Hmmmm... I was pretty sure we both spoke the same language...or are you so frightened that you can't speak...? Oh?” The Titan leaned in closer, and Mike felt himself backing away. “I see you use something that looks like swords, huh? Then you must have some idea about what's in the nape of our necks? Oh well. It doesn't matter. If I just bring it back with me...”

Mike's body shook so hard that even his vision was blurring; the Titan was reaching down toward him. Abandoning his dignity, Mike curled up into a ball and held his hands over his head, fearing that these would be his last moments.

But to his surprise, the deviant Titan only wanted the little gas pack on his back. It plucked off the mechanism, not even bothering to take his blades, or _him_.

Panting, Mike stared up at the beast for a moment, then shifted his gaze back to the ground. There was really no way out of here now. He was going to be stuck here, and with the way his legs were mangled, even if he did escape, he would not be able to fight again.

_“We will have lost only when humans give up and stop fighting. As long as they keep on fighting, our defeat is not certain.”_

Those were _his own words_ , and now look--here he was, shaking like a coward. He had not joined the Survey Corps so he could give up and die. No, he joined so that he could _fight_.

Finding his strength again, Mike gripped the handles of his blades, pointing them toward the deviant Titan. He knew it was hopeless, but he _had_ to keep _fighting_.

“Ah, now you're free to do with him what you want.”

At these words, the remaining Titans in the area suddenly burst into action. They came thundering toward Mike, who was still holding his sword, dumbfounded.

“NOOOO!” he screamed as one of the Titans grabbed him by the arm. “STOOOP!”

Mike's feet left the ground again, and the last thing he saw was a red-orange twilit sky, blurred with his own cowardly tears.

 

…......

 

_It's been three years since I left my village, and I haven't been back since..._

As she rode her horse down the familiar trails toward her hometown, Sasha sighed through her nose and looked around. It seemed as though everything had been deserted--not a soul was in sight, not even anyone out for a hunt. She had gone off on her own in hopes of finding at least one person from her village around, but in the end, she had only forced herself into isolation. Everything around her was eerily quiet.

The reason why soon became quite clear; glancing down, Sasha could see a Titan's footprint on the dirt path. She slowed her horse, and her eyes followed the trail of footsteps into the forest.

 _No! Titans have already made it here!?_ she thought, her heart plummeting into her stomach. _Does this mean the Titans that appeared in the South weren't the vanguard...? I can't believe they've already made it so far into human territory... Was it an Abnormal...?_

Sasha knew this area quite well, and in her head she could clearly see where the Titan would have had to come from in order to make it this far so quickly. But it just didn't make sense.

But before she could continue to consider all of the possibilities, Sasha noticed something else quite odd. Just a few hundred meters away was a small village that she had never seen around here before.

_That is...a new village...? But if the wall has fallen...humans won't be able to live on this land any longer... And I...won't be able to return to my village anymore..._

Sasha did not consider herself brave or strong; however, she knew that the military-trained version of her was an improvement on her old self. Before entering training, she had been an immature, selfish child who knew nothing about any other way of life outside of her own. She had joined the military partially because her father had been frustrated with her and wanted her to grow up, but she also joined so that she could secure a good life for herself in the Military Police.

And yet here she was, riding around in the middle of a forest by herself, a full-fledged member of the Survey Corps. She was working in the regiment with the lowest salary and the highest death rate, and she had not been forced into it. Sasha had _chosen_ this life.

If she was entirely honest with herself, she would never have guessed that she would live this long. Even on this very day, she was surprised to make it all the way out to this tiny village all by herself, completely unarmed. Indeed, she had changed, and now, she could make things happen.

Sasha lost her breath at the sight that greeted her upon entering the village. It looked like most had run off before the Titans could come, but she could quite clearly see the Titan footprints leading up to a small house. The front door was open, and inside was that Titan, kneeling down on the floor. It held a human body in its hands, and its face and chin was smeared with blood.

She did not have a real weapon. She did not have a lot of courage. She didn't even know if it would be worth picking a fight with this Titan. But for some reason, she felt very compelled to try.

Conveniently, there was an ax resting in a tree stump just outside of the house; Sasha plucked it from the stump and held it in her shaking hands.

She didn't have a real plan; she just wasn't that kind of person. Sasha was a soldier who relied on her instincts, and she valued her ability to use them to her advantage.

With a great shout, Sasha ran into the house, the ax held high above her head. She swung the blade into the Titan's neck, then did it again and again. In a perfect world, she would have chopped its head off without any troubles. But to her dismay, every strike healed within just a few seconds; by the time she could strike again, the previous wound was already mostly healed.

 _It's not working!_ she realized. _Unless I cut the nape of its neck out cleanly, its wounds will just keep closing in an instant!_

Her head was pounding with panic, and she could feel her hands getting sweaty. The combination proved to be a dangerous one, and as Sasha attempted another strike at the Titan, the ax flew out of her hands and latched itself into the wall opposite her.

“Ahhh...!!” Sasha gasped, her voice so weak that her squeak of terror was barely even audible. She was just about to turn and make a run for it when she noticed a little girl kneeling in the corner, facing the wall.

“A child...” Sasha breathed, staring at the girl. She stared back with large, wide eyes.

Glancing down at the woman the Titan was eating, Sasha could see that she had, at the very least, lost consciousness. There was no saving her, but her daughter was a different story.

Rushing over to the girl, Sasha grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to her feet.

“Forgive me...please,” Sasha murmured as she dragged the girl out of the house. “What is your name, child?” The girl only stared up at Sasha with blank eyes; Sasha couldn't tell if she was scared or confused, or just plain expressionless. “It is...going to be fine now. Please trust me...”

“What is?” the girl asked as they reached Sasha's horse.

“Eh?” Her response was not what Sasha had expected, and as she typically did, she became flustered as she tried to manage a decent reply.

“Ah, um, well...” Just as Sasha started to form a string of coherent words, her horse began to whinny and grow restless, as if it sensed her inner chaos. “Wait...eh? Hey! Easy, easy!”

Sasha reached for the reins to untie them from the wooden fence, but as soon as she loosened the knot, her horse jerked its head back, and the reins slipped out of her grip.

“Wh-what?!” Sasha gasped as her horse began to run off. “Hey, wait! Please!! Oh please, you have got to be joking!! Not now...! Please wait, _please_!!”

But despite her desperate, tearful pleads, her horse kept on running. Even a whistle couldn't summon him back, it seemed.

“Why are you speaking so politely?” the girl asked suddenly, unfazed by all of the action.

“Eh!?” Sasha gasped, turning around to face her. As she did, she noticed in the background a terrifying sight: the Titan inside that house was now coming out. It had its eyes locked on them, and Sasha knew she had to act fast.

“That...that was a Survey Corps horse...” she muttered, looking around the area for anything she could use to protect them. “That Titan...looks like just a three meter class... Nothing to be afraid of...!”

Sasha felt a brief wave of relief wash over her when she caught sight of a nearby set of bow and arrows. They weren't much different than what people in her hometown had used to hunt with, and so without a second of hesitation, she snatched the weapon up and grabbed the girl's hand once again.

“Come on!” she cried, dashing off with the girl in tow. “Please run! It will be fine!”

“Why? Everybody's already run away,” the little girl stated. Her eyes were still blank; it was if she was already dead. “The villagers...they all knew my mother's legs were bad. But...no one came to help us. And even me--I didn't do anything but just watch...”

For some reason, the little girl's words resonated in Sasha. She couldn't help but think of her friends; before knowing them, she had been no different than this child. She had always been sure that no one was worth trusting, that no one would ever help her. But her friends had always wanted the best for her--whether that meant she changed, or stayed exactly the same. And she was so, so grateful.

 _Why...am I recalling these things at a time like this...?_ Sasha wondered as a brief memory of her trainee days flashed in her mind. _Such a trifle thing...my everyday life... My memories...are full of scenes like that..._

“Hey, listen to me for a bit,” Sasha said to the girl, remembering Ymir's words that had strengthened her so long ago. She slipped right into her dialect as if putting on a cozy pair of slippers and continued, “It's gonna be okay. Just run down this road. It doesn't matter that you're weak, because there'll be people who'll come to your rescue. Maybe you won't meet them right away, but don't give up, and keep running until you meet them! So...get goin'!”

Releasing the girl's wrist, Sasha about-faced, taking an arrow into her hand. Her eyes met those of the approaching Titan, but she could still sense the presence of the little girl standing behind her.

“RUN!!” Sasha screamed, taking aim at the Titan. As soon as she heard the footsteps of the little girl, she took her first shot, nailing the Titan right in its throat.

 _If I crush his eyes...I'll be able to buy enough time..._ she told herself, taking aim yet again. This time, though, the Titan was ready for her, and it moved its head just in time.

“Ugh!” Sasha grunted, growing nervous again. _Only...two arrows left... Calm down... This prey is big...but slow!_

Steadying her body and straightening her posture, Sasha sent another arrow flying, right into the Titan's left eye. She could hardly believe it, but she didn't have time to question it. Breathing hard, she scrambled up onto the small hill next to the trail, putting herself at almost the same level as the Titan's face.

_I hit it... Only one arrow... If I miss...I won't be able to escape from him. If I miss...both me and that kid will be..._

Sasha couldn't risk it; throwing the bow aside, she gripped her only remaining arrow in her hand. Letting out a scream, she ran toward the Titan's face and drove the arrow into its eye. She grunted as it tried to wrap its arms around her; she had blinded it, so there was just no way in _hell_ she could let it win now.

Gathering all of her strength, Sasha shoved her hand into the Titan's chin, and then pushed her way out of its grasp. Soon she was sprinting across the path again, away from the abandoned village and the injured Titan.

 _Good thing his blood was slippery,_ she thought as she brushed at her clothing. _That's really what saved me. Anyway, now I need to find my horse and that girl..._

The familiar sound of hoof beats filled the air, and Sasha turned toward the source of the noise. She felt her jaw drop as a group of familiar faces rode by her through the forest; one of them locked eyes with her and slowed his horse to a stop. His whole face seemed to light up with delight, and even from where she stood, the disbelief in his eyes was obvious. But she, too, felt as though she might be in a dream.

“Sasha?!” her father cried. Sasha stared up at the man, her heart feel light and happy--back to its usual self.

 

…......

 

“...What are we supposed to do now...?”

Eren didn't even glance in Armin's direction as his friend spoke, but he could hear the exasperation in the tone of his voice. It had been the longest twenty-four hours of their lives so far--and that was _really_ saying something.

But unfortunately, that was just how things had unfolded; a breach in Wall Rose meant that Eren would have to find a way to plug up the hole, just like with Trost, but so far there was no news of where the breach was located, and the Survey Corps soldiers were so spread out trying to locate it that there was no time to come up with a good battle formation.

“Wall Rose was breached all of a sudden, and now I...I don't know what we should do anymore,” Armin went on. “Even if we manage to transport Eren to the front line squads, I doubt it will change anything at this point. And...why...do we have a priest from the wall cult with us...?”

Eren looked up at Pastor Nick, who was sitting beside Squad Leader Hanji with tightly pursed lips. He could not have looked more uncomfortable--or at least, that's what Eren thought until Hanji wrapped an arm around Nick's shoulder.

“Ah, that... Well, we're friends with Nick now, you see,” Hanji said, grinning. “Right?”

“...” Pastor Nick only glanced at the soldier with disapproval written all over his face.

“He knew about the Titans in the wall, but until now he's been keeping silent about this amazing fact,” Hanji went on. “I have no idea why, but he seems quite adamant about keeping his mouth shut tight in regards to what he knows about the secrets of the walls, even if he has to die because of it... Apparently, the members of his sect know a lot more about the wall, too.”

Eren couldn't help himself; he sprung out of his seat on the wagon, wide-eyed in alarm and surprise. It wasn't just this one man who was hiding the truth--a whole group of people within the walls knew so much. These were the same people he had tried to protect only days before; he felt betrayed.

“Huh?!” he gasped. “What the hell!?”

Before he could continue his tirade, Eren suddenly felt dizzy and teetered a bit. The rumbling floor of the cart beneath his feet was not helping anything. He was still in a bit of a daze from his brief coma, after all.

“Stay put!” Mikasa scolded him, dragging him back down into his seat. “You haven't completely recovered from your Titan transformation yet.”

“I was going to ask some other sect members,” Hanji said, picking up right where she left off. “But he chose to come with us out of his own will. The situation has changed, so it seems--after he witnessed everything that happened, he's been having doubts if he should still follow the rules, so he wants to see the real state of affairs with his own eyes...”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Eren said, still wide-eyed. “It's just _weird_ to hide something like this _,_ y'know? If you know something, please just tell us...! What can be more important than preventing the total annihilation of the human race?!”

“I wonder about that...” Hanji glanced at the trio of teens, then back to Pastor Nick. “The pastor looks like an honest, upstanding person to me... That's why I think that maybe, just maybe, there might be a cause more important than preventing the downfall of humanity...”

Eren stared at the pastor, confused. He didn't understand at all what Hanji was getting at, because to him, there was not a single thing more important in this world than the freedom of humanity. Anyone or anything that opposed that right to life was an enemy in his mind--but was that way of thinking too stubborn? Was it childish to want something like that? He had never really questioned it before, but now, he felt lost, and he could only sit in stunned silence as they rode through the night.

 


	38. The Key to Wall Sina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji and the others try to obtain more information about the Titans within the walls. However, the key to their freedom might lie with one of the most unlikely people.

_“Hey, check it out…” Bruno turned his head in the direction that Rowen was pointing. They came to a half and watched in silence as a pair of Military Police officers dragged a woman and child through the front door of one of Sina’s many townhouses. It used to be odd to see such a ruckus in the confines of Wall Sina, but these days in the Hermiha district, it was not uncommon for refugees to take up hiding in people’s houses or stores._

_“Please, I’m begging you!” the woman cried, gripping one of the Police soldier’s arms as if trying to fight his hold on her. “We’ve come all the way from Shiganshina—my husband was killed in the military, and we have nothing right now! We never planned to stay long, please!”_

_“I’ve heard this story a hundred times,” the soldier declared, his voice cold and authoritative. “You’re not the only one struggling to survive in this world!”_

_“If you really cared about your child, you would not have broken the law!” the other soldier added, sneering at the woman. Bruno could see the tears streaming down her cheeks even from afar._

_“Harsh,” Rowen breathed._

_“This is disgusting,” Catherine muttered. “They’ll look for any excuse to execute someone these days—all to keep the population down.”_

_Bruno said nothing; both of his friends were right. Even in Wall Sina—arguably the safest place in the world—there was chaos, and the people were not governed by the king, but by their own terror. He had known this for a while now, and so his heart was heavy as he watched the woman and her child be dragged into a Police wagon and locked into a cage like wild animals._

_That was how it was, though; even within the wealthiest part of the world, people were still suffering. And it was only going to continue, so long as no one stepped up and tried to change it._

 

“Well, from where I stand, this guy seems to have some guts, but what about the other fanatics from his little sect? I highly doubt all of them can boast this kind of willpower...”

Mikasa stared at Captain Levi as he spoke; both Squad Leader Hanji and Pastor Nick were both side-eyeing the man, and the latter was drenched in sweat.

“Oh well. There are a lot of ways to make a person talk,” Levi went on, glaring at the priest. “I may be useless in combat right now, but I sure as hell am capable of keeping close tabs on some old man. So do us both a favor and don't try anything that might result in me opening up new holes in your body.”

When she started in the Survey Corps, Mikasa had heard rumors about Captain Levi: supposedly, when he was younger, he had been a notorious thug in the underground. He should have been arrested, but instead Commander Erwin pulled him into the Corps, and the rest was history. At the time she had thought it was a stupid story, but at that moment she wondered if she had been too quick to dismiss those claims. She could see a glint of metal coming from Levi's right hand--tucked away in his jacket was a revolver, and the muzzle was shoved into Pastor Nick's arm.

“On another note...” Captain Levi leaned forward and stared up at Hanji. “It seems to me that you have a new hobby of playing with rocks.”

“Ah, yeah, well...I do...” Hanji admitted; Mikasa hadn't even noticed until now, but in Hanji's left hand was a small oval rock. She held it up for the group to see. “Except...this is not your ordinary rock. It's a piece of the Female Titan's hardened skin that was left behind.”

Armin gasped, leaning forward in his seat toward the Squad Leader.

“It didn't disappear?!” he cried.

“Nope!” Hanji replied. She seemed to be feeding off of his energy. “It got cut off of Annie's Titan body when we tied her up with those ropes... Unbelievable, I know, but even after the rest of her body decayed, it didn't evaporate, and it didn't disappear.”

Hanji looked from Armin back to the rock in her hand with a distant look in her eyes. “And I had an epiphany... When I compared this piece to the broken fragments of the wall, the crystal composition and structure turned out to be really similar. In other words, the walls themselves were likely made by the Colossal Titans, who became its supporting pillars.”

Mikasa glanced at Pastor Nick; his head was hung low and his expression had darkened.

“So it's really...just like Armin said,” Mikasa murmured, turning and staring at her friend. She had always known he was bright, but this time, he was already several steps ahead of the game. Maybe things weren’t so hopeless after all.

“Ah...!!” Armin gasped, his eyes lighting up. Then...then--!!”

“Stop right there!” Before Armin could voice his conclusion, Hanji shoved her hand in Armin's face, covering his mouth. “Allow me the honor of saying it, Armin!” The Squad Leader eyed the group, looking at each of them in turn. Mikasa could see the fire in her eyes now more than ever. “The way things are now, it's gonna be difficult to plug Wall Rose, right? Because there just aren't any boulders big enough in that area... But what if the transformed Eren could plug the breach using that Titan ability to harden his body...?”

Mikasa felt Eren tense up beside her. She could hardly believe they were proposing this.

“Plugging the breach with...my body...?!” Eren echoed, his voice shaking.

“The material properties are identical...” Hanji told him. “So after you release yourself from your Titan body, you should be leaving behind a huge petrified statue that won't evaporate or disappear. What if you could actually do that...? That's what I've been mulling over, anyway...”

“I think it's well worth gambling on that possibility,” Armin said quietly. Mikasa glanced over to see a small but confident smile on his face. “And if we could use that tactic repeatedly, then our prospects of conquering Wall Maria back will look brighter, too! The standard approach in use today requires the Survey Corps soldiers to bring a lot of raw materials first, so there’s a need to have a lot of manpower and to plan and create supply routes, and any progress forward could be made only after establishing supply points along the way... That approach would take twenty years to come to fruition. But if the need to bring carts along is eliminated, then I believe it may be possible to make a beeline for the Shiganshina district.”

“I see...” Hanji murmured. “With a small group, we could make it all the way to Wall Maria in no time...”

As much as Mikasa hated the idea of putting Eren in any more danger than necessary, Armin's plan made perfect sense. She couldn't deny it, even though there was still a lot that could go wrong...

“What if we carry out that operation at night?” Armin then suggested, his eyes widening.

“At...night...?” Hanji echoed.

“Yes! Titans can't move at night! I'm aware that torches are enough of a light source to run at full speed at night, but even at a slower pace, a small group should be able to make it to Wall Maria before dawn.”

Mikasa watched as Hanji stared at Armin; her face seemed to soften as she looked down at the rock in her eyes, and Mikasa could swear there were tears in her bright brown eyes.

“Even though our situation is as desperate as ever, there's still hope...” she murmured.

“Yes...it's just that...everything rests on the gamble that Eren would be able to plug the wall,” Armin said, turning to Eren. Mikasa did not like his tone--did he doubt Eren's abilities that much? Was he really so afraid that Eren would not be able to pull through for them? Or was he just trying to err on the safe side?

“I doubt he can give us a definite answer right now even if we ask,” Hanji said cheerfully. “But still, do you think you could do it?”

“...Y-yeah...” Eren mumbled, but his voice held no confidence. Mikasa was not the only one to notice this, either.

“It's not about if he can do it or not,” Captain Levi declared, looking even more irritated than usual. He then turned his gaze on Eren. “Do it. You have to do it. You don't have a choice.” Leaning forward in his seat, he continued, “You're aware of the situation we're all in. At this point, the Survey Corps can't do anything other than try their damnedest. So make sure you succeed.”

“...Yes, Sir!” Eren exclaimed with more of his usual vigor as Levi sat back in his seat once again. “I will plug the breach, without fail!” Eren paused, gripping the key hanging around his neck. “I'm fed up with not knowing what the hell is going on. First, I'll plug Wall Rose... Then I'll plug Wall Maria, and after that...the basement. If what my old man said about the answers being in there is true, then there should also be some clue there as to his whereabouts... All the answers are there, I know it... When I reach it, I will finally learn...where I should direct this anger boiling in me...”

Mikasa glanced at Eren; his face was now shining with sweat, and there was a fierce, almost manic glow in his eyes. He had always been hot-headed, but lately it had gotten to the point that she worried about him. She didn't know if it was the influence of his Titan powers, or stress, or something else entirely. But whatever the source of his anger, Mikasa wanted to eliminate it. She hated seeing him like this. He deserved to be happy.

“The Hermiha district--we're almost there,” Hanji said suddenly.

“Our stop, then. This is as far as me and the pastor can go with you,” Levi said, finally tucking away his gun. “I'll leave everything to you--you're the members of the impromptu squad Erwin chose, after all. I trust you understand your role, Armin? Keep coming up with ideas together with Hanji like you did. Mikasa, use your strength to protect Eren.”

“Yes, Sir!” Mikasa answered without hesitation. “I will.”

“...I don't know why you're so attached to Eren, but remember to control yourself. Don't make another blunder.”

“Yes, Sir.” Mikasa narrowed her eyes as memories from the fight in the forest flashed in her mind. “I will make sure there won't be any this time.”

 

…......

 

One thing that Levi had always noticed about the districts within Wall Sina was how quiet they were at night. He had passed through various parts of the inner regions with Erwin during the evening hours before, and the streets had almost always been clear of people. Instead, everyone was inside, and soft glows of light emitted from the windows of houses. The atmosphere was always so gentle, and Levi had always found himself wondering how different his life might have been had he grown up in that kind of world.

But this time, things were very, very different. Even at this late hour, the streets of the Hermiha district were packed with people; the crowd was a mix of refugees from Wall Rose and residents of Hermiha making a run for it. However, despite the huge change in atmosphere, Levi was not all that surprised. It was only logical that people were panicking.

“Oi...keep walking,” he snapped at Pastor Nick, who had come to a standstill near the South gate. Levi thrust his right foot into the man's lower back, shoving him forward. “I don't need you getting lost and making extra work for me.”

“Wh-what is this...?” the old man breathed, and Levi narrowed his eyes.

“What did you expect? Of course things aren't gonna be pretty and bright. The wall has fallen, after all...”

Levi stood in silence as he watched a crowd of refugees pass by them. He could hear a child crying for his parents; had this been years ago, back before joining the Corps, he might have reacted differently. But now, Levi knew that there was nothing he could do. He was only good for one thing: eradicating the Titans. But now he couldn't even do that, what with a leg injury that limited his mobility. Now he was just dead weight.

Pastor Nick let out a gasp as he started to head toward the crying child.

“Hey.” Levi grabbed the man by the shoulder. “Where the hell d'you think you're going...? This reality looks somewhat different from the pretty illusions you dreamed up in your little sect, huh? These are the faces of the sinners you’re trying to cast away. Take a good look at the faces of people who lost their homes--they're feeling pretty shitty right now...”

Levi paused, once again scanning the crowd. He didn't know a single person in this district, but he knew what they must be going through. He knew what it was like to lose a family, or lose a home.

“But suppose your wishes come true and the lands within the wall are filled with Titans--the last expression people will wear on their faces won't be what you’re seeing now,” Levi went on. “The end will be the same for everybody. Everyone will lose their lives to the Titans' jaws, but not before suffering the worst experiences imaginable. All us humans, together, like best friends--no exceptions.”

Levi released Pastor Nick's shoulder at last; he could tell that the man wouldn't run off now. He seemed more somber than when they had started, and Levi wondered if maybe he had changed his mind.

 _If we can get this sect to cooperate, and if we can use Eren's powers to seal those gates, we can end this sooner than any of us thought,_ Levi thought, frowning as he watched the crowd. _If not, we've wasted our time here..._

“Let's go,” Levi grunted, walking past Nick toward the public stables. He had agreed to meet Hanji and the others there, assuming that Nick did not try anything funny. To Levi's relief, the man continued to trail behind him, keeping his eyes on the crowd as he walked. Levi, too, found himself scanning the faces of these people. No one he knew lived here, and yet he felt as though he was looking for someone.

Before long, they arrived at the stable. Hanji was already there with Moblit and the others.

“Did you...” Hanji murmured, walking toward Pastor Nick. “Did you, by chance, have a change of heart?”

Levi had no idea how Pastor Nick would answer, but he certainly had not expected him to stay completely silent. It was as if he was still trying to decide.

“There's no time for this anymore!” Hanji then shouted, marching up toward the man. “You realize that, right?! Decide if you're going to talk or not! I'm _begging_ you!”

“…I cannot tell you anything,” Nick stated at last. “I expect the other members will not talk nor change their minds.”

“Well, thanks a lot! Putting us through all this trouble just to tell me this in the end! That helped us tons!!”

“This was... This was a very grave decision for me,” Nick told her. “The burden we are saddled with is heavy... This ironclad pledge has been around for generations, and we can entrust the secrets of the wall only to a group of certain blood relatives. None of us can tell you anything--however...I shall tell you the name of the person who can reveal those secrets to you.”

“...Shifting the responsibility to someone else to protect yourselves and your organization, huh?” Hanji muttered.

 _Took the words right out of my mouth_ , Levi thought, glaring up at Pastor Nick.

“...Yes...” Pastor Nick paused, and for a moment Levi wondered if he would flake out and change his mind. “Five years ago...this person was dragged into a strife between her relatives, which caused her to go into hiding under an assumed name. The girl herself does not know anything yet, but...she has the right to choose to speak publicly about whatever wall secrets she wishes to share. I heard she joined the Survey Corps this year. Her name...is Krista Lenz.”

“Eh?!” Armin gasped.

“H-Her, of all people...?” Eren stammered.

“Huh? Who...?” Hanji breathed, looking at the boys. Levi sighed through his nose; he did not immediately recognize the name, but if she was in the Survey Corps, that meant that she was out in Wall Rose with no gear. By the time they could get to her, she might already be dead.

“Go find her,” Nick ordered them. “She might know truths unknown to even us... However, it is up to her to decide whether or not to tell you what she knows... Revealing her name to you is the only compromise I can afford to make. The rest shall depend on you.”

“That girl...” Hanji murmured. “If she's from the 104th trainee squad, that means...she's on the front lines right now...”

“Let's hurry!” Eren cried, turning to run toward the inner part of the stable. “We need to get to the breach as soon as possible anyway!”

“Hang on!” Hanji exclaimed. “I still don't know all the names of our new members from your class, so could you--”

“She's the petite girl!” Eren interrupted.

“She has long blonde hair...a-and she's pretty!” Armin added, following after Eren.

“She's the girl who always hangs around with Ymir,” Mikasa then said.

 _Hang on--”Ymir”?_ Levi thought, his eyes widening. It had been a while since he had heard that name, but he recognized it immediately.

“Eh?!” Hanji gasped. “ _Ymir?!”_

But the trio was already running off and did not reply. Levi sighed, walking up next to Hanji. The Squad Leader scratched the back of her neck, obviously flustered.

“Where the hell is Catherine when we need her?” she mumbled.

“You can bug her about it later--we need to find that girl _now_ ,” Levi told her.

“You're right. Let's go.”

 

…......

 

“All right... Now, let's head south.”

Ymir glanced up at Nanaba, their acting squad leader, with narrowed eyes.

“But why...?” she grunted. “No one lives to the south from here, anyway.”

“We need to determine what part of the wall was destroyed,” Nanaba replied. “We'll run along the wall and search for the breach from the west side. This way, we can help the south squad locate it faster.”

A feeling of panic began to well up within Ymir. She knew what could happen if they were ambushed out in the open. If anything was to happen, she knew what she would have to do, and it was a punishment worse than death.

“You didn't forget that me and Krista aren't equipped for battle at the moment, did you?” Ymir countered, getting defensive. “The lands to the south from here must be full of Titans... There's an awfully good chance we'll become their snacks. Please allow me and Krista to withdraw from the front lines.”

“Ymir?!” Krista gasped from beside her.

“I can't,” Nanaba replied. “Anything could happen. I want to have at least one member I can use as a messenger, just in case. I understand how you're feeling, but...you chose to be a soldier, so brace yourself. Everything depends on our performance during the initial stages of this plan.”

Ymir grimaced, staring daggers into Nanaba's back. She didn't hold any particular personal grudges against her, but she was ready to just turn around and call it quits. But Ymir knew that if she did, she'd be an open target for questioning, and her efforts to keep a low profile would go to waste.

“Ymir...I want to try my best in the situation we're in right now because...it was my choice to join the Survey Corps,” Krista then said. “But...in your case, it's different, isn't it? The one who chose to join the Corps was me, not you.”

“Huh?! _You_?!” Ymir shouted. “I'm only here for _your_ sake--is that what you're tryin' to say?!”

“Then why are you here right now?” Krista asked. Ymir could see tears in her eyes, and she almost felt bad for having yelled at her. “If you have no reason to stay here, you should escape...! I know that...my abilities are not nearly enough to have earned a place in the top ten of the training squad... And if you ask any of them, our classmates would answer that you should have been in the top ten instead of me.”

Krista's voice had grown quiet, and she had turned her face away from Ymir. The brunette pursed her lips, not daring to say a word unless she had to. As much as she hated to hide things from Krista, she knew that now was not the time to come clean.

“I don't know how it turned out like it did, but...you always urged me to join the Military Police...and you even made it so that I had the privilege to choose to join them...” Krista's voice trailed off; Ymir could feel the blonde's eyes on her again. “Why...why are you willing to go to such great lengths for me...?” When Ymir did not answer, Krista inquired further, “Is it because...of my family...?”

“Yeah. That's right,” Ymir replied, smirking. Krista has practically offered up that verbal scapegoat; Ymir would have been a fool not to take it. “But Krista, rest assured--I'm here for my own sake.”

“I see...” Krista murmured. Ymir watched as the blonde smiled brightly, looking genuinely relieved. “I'm so glad to hear that!”

The reply caught Ymir off-guard, and for a moment, it was all she could do to keep herself from staring at Krista as she continued to smile, her big blue eyes glittering in the setting sun.

 


	39. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whereabouts of Connie's family and friends are still unknown, but according to the Survey Corps veterans, the chances of their survival are still there. Or, at least, that's what they're going to tell Connie.

_“C'mon, Sunny!” Connie cried, barely able to form words through his laughter as he watched his little sister toddle across the floor. She had only just learned to walk, so with such a heavy coat and boots on, it was quite comical watching her attempt to cross the room._

_“Connie, play nicely with her,” his mother warned from the adjacent room._

_“Yeah, yeah, I am,” Connie replied, sighing. “But you're the one who dressed her up in this!”_

_“It's for her own good--she'll freeze out there otherwise!”_

_“It's a pretty cold winter...” Glancing out of the window in the front room of his house, he could see snow flurries fluttering in the frosty air._

_“Right--and so you had better take good care of your sister.” Connie's mother glanced up from her cooking, her large round eyes sparkling with mischief. “If you don't, your father and I will just give you more siblings to watch over.”_

_“I wouldn't complain,” Connie told her, grinning as Sunny finally collapsed into his lap, obviously exhausted. “I'm the coolest big brother there is!”_

_“That you are,” his mother said with a quiet laugh. “Well, then, I guess we should go ahead and tell you... You're going to have another little sibling soon--a brother this time.”_

_Connie gasped, whirling around to face his mother._

_“R-really?!” he breathed, his heart pounding with excitement. He could barely contain his joy, and so he scooped Sunny into his arms, squeezing her tightly. “I'll teach him everything he has to know! Everything!”_

 

“Connie, wait! Calm down!”

A deep frown creasing his face, Connie ignored Reiner's desperate shouts and continued on ahead at full speed. They were almost to his village; he could just see the outline of the houses on the horizon.

“We don't know where Titans might be!” Reiner called after him. “Fall back for now!!”

Again, Connie ignored him, only slowing down once he was finally on the main path that ran through his village. He looked around, scanning each and every broken house in sight for any sign of life, but no a soul was in sight. Panting, he could feel tears behind his eyes, and he gripped his horse's reins tightly as he willed himself to keep calm.

“You gotta be kidding me...” he breathed, slowly moving further into his hometown. “Somebody...?! Anybody! Isn't there anyone here?! It's me! Connie! I'm back!!!”

Connie's shouts disappeared into the quiet air, and not a single reply came his way. He could feel his heart throbbing in his chest, and his composure was completely ruined.

“I gotta check my place...!” he told himself, kicking his horse's sides as he rode further inward. “Dad...Mom...Sunny...Martin...”

He had passed several large footprints on the way to his house, but even that hint could not have prepared him for what was waiting for him. Lying on top of the ruins of his house was a Titan; it was like nothing Connie had ever seen before. Its head was huge, especially in comparison to its tiny body and limbs, which were as thin as twigs. Two large, round eyes gazed back at Connie, and it seemed to be smiling, as if happy to see him.

“Connie, fall back!” Reiner had caught up to him; he grabbed Connie's wrist, trying to pull him away, but Connie kept his horse still, his eyes locked with the Titan's.

“M-My home... It's my...”

Reiner then gave his arm a sharp tug, and Connie, with no energy to resist, followed him away; it was then that their squad leaders appeared, circling around his house with their blades drawn and at the ready.

“Fall back at once!” Gelgar cried.

“Check the surroundings!” Lynne added, waving her blade at them as if shooing them away.

“That Titan...” Connie murmured as he rode alongside Reiner, away from his house. “It's just lying on my house... It can't even move... Did you see its limbs? Like...like sticks... How the hell did it even get there...? And why _my_ house?”

“Connie, you can ask yourself those questions later,” Reiner told him, grimacing. “We need to look for survivors first! Let's split up, all right? Bertholdt and I will meet you back at your place!”

“...All right,” Connie murmured, lowering his gaze.

But Connie already knew that there would not be any survivors. This was the quietest he had ever seen his village, and the whole atmosphere just felt _wrong_. In fact, a small part of him wanted to believe that maybe this wasn't his hometown, that maybe they were in a neighboring village with similar housing and layout. But that would have been too easy. He knew they did not live in that kind of world.

Connie took a quick lap around his village, picking up firewood as he went along. It would be nightfall soon, and they would need torches. There was no sense in leaving any resources behind in this abandoned place; no one would ever be able to use them again.

 _Not even you_ , Connie thought as he finally returned back to his house, where the immobile Titan was still lying. _My hometown has...become a wasteland..._

“Connie!” It was Reiner again, but Connie did not turn to greet him. “Any survivors?!”

“...None,” Connie murmured, staring at the Titan. _No one but me._ “No one survived. It's...the end... There's no one here anymore... My home...doesn't exist anywhere anymore...”

Connie's voice trailed off. He didn't really have anything else to say--the situation was quite obvious, and there was nothing he could do to change it anymore.

Suddenly, Connie felt a hand grasp his shoulder; he glanced to his left, and through his tear-filled eyes he could see Reiner beside him. The young man was grimacing, his eyes closed and his head bowed. He looked sincerely upset, and though it made Connie sad to see his friend feeling so somber because of him, he was grateful for such a good friend.

 

…......

 

Bertholdt had always admired Reiner for not only his physical strength, but also his strong will and sense of duty. Even as a child he had tried to emulate those qualities, but the sad truth was that they were nothing alike. Still, Bertholdt had looked up to Reiner and respected him very much.

So, it was beyond sad for him to watch his best friend fall apart--it was unbearable. And Bertholdt knew it would only get worse as time went on, which left him silent as the grave, unable to come up with the right words to console his friends. Was that even the right thing to do, to console Connie and Reiner? Or would his attempt at kindness only push Reiner further into that other part of his mind? He had no idea anymore, so he kept quiet. After all, the less he said, the less he would have to worry about--or at least, that was what he had been telling himself for the past five years.

“Hey, there's something strange about this place,” Gelgar said suddenly, interrupting the moment. Bertholdt had never been so grateful for a distraction before. “Did any of you see dead bodies around?”

 _Never mind_ , Bertholdt thought as he stared at the Squad Leader. He could feel the sweat on his palms soaking the firewood he was holding.

“...No,” Reiner answered, and Connie shook his head.

“I didn't see any, either,” Bertholdt finally murmured, glancing away from Gelgar.

“Is it even possible? For Titans to destroy a whole village without leaving a single drop of blood behind?”

“I'd say that means they all managed to escape!” Lynne exclaimed, her eyes brightening. It was all Bertholdt could do not to sigh in relief. “Because if they really had been devoured, there would've been at least some traces left! But there's none at all, which means no one was eaten--I'm sure of it!”

“...! That...must be what really happened!” Connie cried. “There's no other explanation, right?!”

“They probably all escaped safely a few hours prior to us arriving,” Lynne agreed, “and they might have even already arrived at Wall Sina by now!”

Bertholdt kept his eyes fixed on the ground as he listened to Connie and Lynne go on. It was like listening to someone comforting a child, and a part of Bertholdt almost felt embarrassed for Connie. Who would really be so stupid as to believe such blatant lies?

 _But I suppose...if he's desperate, then he’ll probably accept whatever makes him feel better_ , Bertholdt realized, glancing up at Lynne, who had a kind smile on her face. Connie seemed to be feeling more at ease now, too, which meant that they would hopefully be leaving here soon. And the sooner they could leave, the sooner Bertholdt himself would feel at ease, too.

“Did you all gather enough wood for torches?” Gelgar then asked. “We're going to set out to locate the breach in the wall now. All hands, get ready to depart!”

“Yes, Sir!” Connie cried; Bertholdt had already turned to run for his horse.

“Bertholdt, what's wrong?” Reiner asked quietly as the brunet mounted his horse.

“...Reiner, doesn't this make you think of _our_ home?” Bertholdt replied. He watched as the expression on Reiner's face hardened.

“...Yeah. It does, actually,” he said in a low voice. “But our hometown had blood.”

“Yeah...it did.”

Just as Reiner opened his mouth to say more, a strange, quiet voice interrupted.

“Wel...om...back...”

Bertholdt glanced back at the Titan lying on Connie's house; it was staring right at Connie, still smiling brightly, and Connie was staring back. He had obviously heard it speak, and Bertholdt felt his hands start to sweat again.

_If he asks…there's just no way to explain that--_

“Hey! Connie!” Reiner's shouts pulled Bertholdt out of his thoughts. “Hurry up! Or you're gonna get left behind!”

Bertholdt could see what Reiner was up to; distracting him was the best move at that point, or perhaps the _only_ move.

“Reiner... Did you hear...? Just now, that Titan...”

“I didn't hear anything!” Reiner told him, narrowing his eyes. “Now's not the time to be talking! Focus on the mission!!”

“You know…somehow...that Titan...” Connie's voice was shaky, and his eyes were wide with confusion. “...I know this is crazy, but still...somehow it...it looks like Mom--”

“Connie!” Do you realize what kind of situation we're in?!” Reiner bellowed. “Do you understand how many _thousands_ of human lives are at stake here?! Or would you rather prioritize indulging your bizarre delusions--is that more important to you?!”

He knew better than to butt in, but Bertholdt couldn't help but notice the irony of Reiner's words. It made his heart sink; the ferocity with which he was scolding Connie was quite alarming, so how much harsher was he being with himself?

“If you're gonna let your imagination run wild, then at least use it to picture your family escaping!” Reiner went on, turning his back to Connie at last. “And if you're a soldier, then you'd better do your best right here, right now!”

“Y-you're...right... That's right!!” Connie cried.

Soon, the three of them were racing off, following Gelgar and Lynne away from Connie's hometown and toward Wall Rose. Connie seemed to have calmed down now, but Bertholdt still felt uneasy. He knew better than to bring it up again, but he couldn’t be so sure about Reiner.

 _Don't even think about it_ , Bertholdt thought as he watched Reiner glance at Connie over and over. _Remember why we're here. Remember how we got here, Reiner..._

 

…......

 

After hours of riding around in the dark and feeling nothing but mounting tension, when Nanaba and her group finally ran into Gelgar and the others, she felt almost disappointed. There had been all of this build-up, and yet there were no hints as to the status of the breach, nor to the location of any Titans.

“...You guys have been running along the wall as well?” Gelgar asked, casual as ever.

“Yeah,” Nanaba replied, nodding once. “So...where's the breach located?”

“Huh?”

“What do you mean, 'huh'? We've been running along the wall all the way from the west, but we've found no abnormalities,” Nanaba told him, raising an eyebrow. “So, since the breach wasn't on our end, it must be on yours.”

It was only logical--that was the only explanation as to why things had been so uneventful since breaking apart from the other squads. Nanaba knew that it was impossible to have missed a breach big enough to let Titans in, so this was the only other possibility.

“No...we didn't find any breaches, either,” Gelgar murmured.

Nanaba sat back in her saddle, pursing her lips as she stared at her comrade. Part of her wanted to just slap him across the face for saying something so ridiculous and illogical, but she could tell by his expression that he was not lying.

“Could you have overlooked it somehow?” Lynne suggested, her voice quivering.

“Impossible,” Henning replied, pulling his horse up next to Nanaba's. He had been so quiet all evening that she had almost forgotten he was with her. “We're talking about a hole huge enough for Titans to squeeze through, after all.”

“All right, so what now?” Gelgar asked, shifting his gaze to Henning. “Should we check one more time?”

“We should, but both we and the horses are pretty much at our limit,” Henning replied. “You can't expect much focus from us in this state.”

“If only there was some moonlight, at least...” Lynne sighed, glancing up at the cloudy night sky.

“Agreed...” Henning mumbled.

Nanaba sighed through her nose, turning her horse toward the open lands of Wall Rose. Gelgar did the same, then quietly gasped.

“What's that...?” he asked, staring out at the horizon. Nanaba turned toward where he was looking; to her surprise, there was some sort of building just a few hundred meters away. She could just barely make out its outline in the dim moonlight.

“Looks like ruins...of a castle,” she replied, feeling a bit relieved. Perhaps the night would not be so rough after all. If they could rest there for the night, they could return to work in the morning. She'd had enough of running around in the dark for now.

Everyone else seemed to have the same idea, and without another word, the group turned and headed toward the castle, keeping their pace slow and steady. It would have been a horrible irony to run into the Titans now that all of them were bunched up together. Then again, with four veterans in their ranks, their chances of survival actually would probably be higher, since they could execute group techniques.

Nanaba did not want to get too optimistic, though; they still knew nothing about the breach's location, and they had not heard from Mike since he went off on his own to deal with the Titans.

 _Don't even think about it_ , Nanaba told herself as she and her comrades reached the castle's stable. _We can look for him in broad daylight tomorrow. He'll be fine._

Soon the group had settled into the castle; their horses were safely unsaddled and tied up in the stable, and they had started a decent-sized fire. This castle made for the perfect hideout, and as they made themselves comfortable, it became obvious that someone else had thought the same thing.

“Wow, this castle is so close to the wall, and yet there are signs of someone living here until just recently,” Gelgar said as he stuck his torch in a holder on the wall. He crossed the small, circular room where they all had gathered, opening the door to an adjacent room. “Some hoodlum made this their hideout, I bet...”

“The doorplate said that these are the ruins of Castle Utgard,” Lynne told them, staring into the fire.

“I had no idea there was an old castle in this area,” Nanaba murmured.

“Hey, look what I found.” Gelgar appeared from out of the side room with a small bottle in his hand. He looked quite pleased with himself, and from just a glance, Nanaba could see why. “To think that there's even something like this here... Hn...what does this label say...?”

“Gelgar, is that wine?” Lynne asked, her eyes widening. “Don't tell me you're going to drink it!”

“...'Course not,” Gelgar mumbled, his face falling a bit as he avoided Lynne's watchful gaze. “Not at a time like this.”

“But still, who could've thought we'd have a nice little respite here, thanks to some bandits leaving behind their loot?” Henning chuckled, crossing his arms.

“It's kind of hard to tell who the real bandits are now,” Nanaba replied. Lynne let out a laugh, but she was the only one. The new recruits had not said a word since arriving, and many of them were sitting against the wall, away from the veterans. Nanaba couldn't help but wonder if they were angry about getting caught up in this mess; she couldn't blame them at all if they were.

“You rookies make sure you rest well,” Gelgar said, setting down the wine. “It's been dark for a while now, so I doubt there are Titans left that can still move. But to be on the safe side, we're going to take turns being on lookout. We'll set out four hours before dawn.”

“Excuse me...” The smallest of the group, Krista Lenz, spoke up, her large blue eyes lined with dark circles. “If the wall really isn't breached, then where could those Titans have possibly come from...?”

“We're going to look into that tomorrow,” Gelgar told her, smiling gently. “Right now, just worry about getting some rest.”

As he headed up the stairs toward the top of the tower, Krista spoke again, turning toward the group.

“Could it be that...the situation is very different from what we initially assumed? It's just...”

“Yes, far too few Titans have appeared,” Henning interrupted, narrowing his eyes. “I have to wonder if the wall has really been breached.”

“The only Titans we came across were the ones that we saw in the very beginning,” Nanaba added, staring into the fire. It was all so illogical and confusing, it almost seemed like a dream. Of everything she had experienced in the Corps so far, this was by far the strangest.

“Connie, what happened with your village?” Ymir asked the small boy sitting nearby. He had been with Gelgar and Lynne, and Nanaba had yet to hear any details of their experiences, so she too was interested to know what all had happened.

“It was destroyed,” Connie answered. “We arrived there after it'd been trampled over by Titans.”

Ymir and Krista stared at Connie, their eyes wide with shock. The former then lowered her gaze; it was the most emotion Nanaba had seen the girl show all day.

“I see...” she mumbled. “I'm sorry to he--”

“However, no one was eaten.” Connie stared into the fire as he spoke. “Seems like they all managed to escape safely. So...at least that’s something...”

“...But didn't you say the village was destroyed?” Ymir's face was now back to its usual detached and bored expression.

“Well, the buildings were destroyed, but there were no victims among the villagers. When people are devoured, you find blood and other traces at the scene, right? There was nothing like that there, so the only logical conclusion is that they all escaped in time.”

Nanaba watched as a disturbed look made its way onto Ymir's face. Narrowing her eyes, the veteran soldier then looked back at Connie. If anything could be gathered from Ymir's reaction, something about the situation at Connie's village was very abnormal—and it wasn’t just Nanaba’s imagination. No blood, but other traces of Titans having passed through...? Titans exist to kill, that much was certain--right? Suddenly Nanaba was not so sure.

“Only...there's something that's been bothering me ever since we left...” Connie murmured. “The Titan lying on my house--it couldn't move with its body like that, yet for some reason it was taking a nap right on top of my house. And the thing about it is...somehow...its appearance really reminded me of my mom... What the hell is that supposed to mean...?”

“Connie...you're still going on about that nonsense?” The muscular blond sitting next to Connie spoke up at last, narrowing his gold eyes at his comrade. “Are you really that fucking stupid?”

Just then, Ymir let out a loud laugh, slapping her thighs.

“You saying your mom is a Titan, Connie?!” she cackled. “Then how come you're such a midget?! Whatddya have to say about _that_ , huh?! The facts don't quite add up that way, you know! I've always known you were an idiot--or maybe you're the opposite! Maybe you're a genius? Well??”

“Ah, enough already...” Connie muttered as Ymir continued to howl with laughter. He scratched his head, grimacing. “Shut up already. You're making me sound ridiculous...”

“Hey, so...” Ymir leaned forward toward Connie, an uncharacteristically large grin on her freckled face. “If what you said is true, doesn't that make your dad a Titan, too? Cause if he wasn't, they, y'know...couldn't do it, y'know?”

“Shut the hell up, you shithead!! Go to sleep already!!”

Nanaba sighed through her nose, glancing at Lynne and Henning. They seemed to be on the same line of thought as her: the situation at Connie's village was probably something they should come back to at some point. After all, if there was an immobilized Titan still there, Hanji might be able to use it for research, and maybe they could find out why the hell Titans appeared out of nowhere inside Wall Rose.

But for the time being, there was nothing left to do but wait, and Nanaba's patience had worn thin.

“I'm going upstairs to find Gelgar,” she announced, standing from her spot by the fire. “You all need to get some rest. Good night.”

 


	40. Differing Resolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can't die here. Not all of us. Not yet.  
> Utgard has left us with too many questions and not enough answers.

_It had already been several hours since departing Wall Sina, and Hanji was starting to feel exhausted. But she knew they were on the right track--now that Pastor Nick had finally opened up to them. Even if it was just a small clue, it was still something to work with, and at this point, Hanji was more than willing to accept even the tiniest hint._

_Glancing up from her map, Hanji squinted through the darkness, then turned to Moblit. His face wore its usual worried frown; it was obvious even in the dim light of his torch that he was hesitant to be out in the open at night like this._

_“To the southwest, there's an old castle right next to Wall Rose,” Hanji told him, looking down at the map again. “There should be some sort of lookout tower, and from there we should be able to survey the wall. It's as good of a place to start as any.”_

_Taking a deep breath, Hanji pushed her goggles up her nose._

_“We're heading for Castle Utgard!” she cried, pushing her horse forward. Not a word of reply came from the soldiers behind her, including Eren and his friends. She glanced behind her, making sure that they were still there._

_The three members of the 104_ _th_ _graduating class were riding alongside one another with such determined faces that Hanji could barely believe they were new recruits. She didn't know any of them particularly well, but she felt respect for all of them. As Hanji turned around, she couldn't help but wonder if these three were the only ones with such amazing bravery and determination. Even if not, there was definitely something that set these three apart from the rest._

 

“Ymir...what're you doing?”

Glancing up from the box she was rummaging through, Ymir briefly locked eyes with Reiner. She smirked, then went back to her scavenging. It was obvious that he was not going to try to stop her, and considering that this was exactly how she had survived on her own for so long, she knew she had the upper hand anyway.

“Oh, it's you, Reiner,” she muttered. Her smirk widened a bit as she faced Reiner. “What, sneaking up on girls at night with some dirty intentions?”

“That's surprising--I didn't think I looked like the kind of guy with interest in women,” Reiner replied, raising his eyebrows at Ymir. A knowing smile crossed his face as he added, “But you really don't look like a girl who's interested in guys, either.”

“Hah...” Ymir grimaced as she turned back to the crate. “I've been searching for something to fill up my stomach... It does look like this may be our last dinner, so...”

“...About Connie's village...” Ymir paused, waiting for Reiner to finish his thoughts. He was so ridiculously unpredictable at times, Ymir had to really focus to figure out exactly what kind of mindset he was in. “...You did all you could to make him drop the subject, didn't you? I want you to keep it up...so that he doesn't worry unnecessarily about his family...”

“What the hell are you goin' on about? ...Oh! Found something!” Ymir tightened her grip on the small can as she pulled it out from the crate. “Looks like this'll do...though I can say I'm all that fond of herring.”

“Maybe there's more in there?” Reiner suggested, holding out his hand. “Lemme take a look.”

“...Sure.”

Ymir held out the can of herring and placed it into Reiner's palm; she was not nearly as nervous as she felt she probably should have been. There was no way he would be able to read that label--she was probably the only person in the entire group who could read it, and maybe one of the last people in the world who knew that set of characters. Normally, she would have been a little more discreet about that knowledge, but to be honest, the best person to relay that information to would probably be Reiner.

Ymir was not stupid--she could see that Reiner was like her, and she could also see that he was coming unhinged. It had been a slow but steady change over the years, and it was almost sad to watch him struggle. But she had learned how to take advantage of it, and she planned to continue to do so as long as she could.

“Canned food, eh...?” Reiner chuckled. Ymir kept rummaging through the crate as Reiner fell silent. “What...are these characters? I can't read them at all... Do they say 'herring'...? You...sure can read them with no problem, huh, Ymir...?”

Ymir watched with a strange sense of satisfaction as Reiner's expression became more and more horrified as he stared down at her. She knew he must be even more confused than the average dumbass, what with his frequent reality tune-outs and considering his own fucked-up background.

 _I'm exactly who you think I am_ , she thought, staring Reiner down. _I'm exactly what you think I am..._

“Everyone, wake up!!”

Lynne's shout came from the upper part of the tower and echoed down to the room they were in. “Get up to the roof! This instant!!”

Ymir watched in satisfaction as Reiner dropped the can of herring and bolted through the door. As she got up to follow him, she gave the can a sharp kick and sent it flying into the shadows on the other side of the room. With any luck, she would able to avoid questions for at least a little while, until whenever Reiner decided to remember that ordeal again.

However, what awaited them outside made Ymir's heart start pounding all over again. Down below them were several Titans, and a few were big enough to easily scale the outer walls of the castle. The only thing keeping them from becoming Titan fodder now was the sheer height of the lookout tower.

“The moon finally came out from behind the clouds...and that's when I saw...” Lynne breathed.

“Why?! How?!” Gelgar gasped, obviously panicked. “How can they still move?! It's been several hours since the sun went down!!”

“What is...going on...?” Krista murmured from Ymir's side.

“Hey, look! Over there!!” Connie shouted, pointing to the north. Ymir felt a chill run down her spine as she turned toward where Connie was gesturing; she had expected things to get messy, but never like this. “Just what is...that huge... _thing_?”

As they all watched the giant, ape-like Titan lumber away from the castle, Ymir glanced at Reiner and Bertholdt; the expressions on their faces were ones of shock and surprise, but there was a quality to them that differed from everyone else's.

 _Just as I thought..._ Ymir told herself, glaring at them for a moment before turning her eyes back to the ape Titan.

“A Titan...? But it looks more like a beast...right?” Connie asked, but no one could answer him. Even Ymir was at a loss; this was a catastrophe, to say the least. “Oh... He's...heading for the wall...!”

Suddenly, the ground beneath them shook, and Ymir looked down to see one of the bigger Titans ramming its shoulder into the tower.

“Huh?! Oh, come on!” Gelgar whined, his eyes wide as he peered down over the side of the tower. “Oi, oi, oi, oi! Just what's going on?! Why the hell are they entering through the door? You gotta be bullshitting me...” With surprisingly intense ferocity, Gelgar pulled his blades from their holders and screamed, “Don't you fuck with me!! I didn't even get to drink that wine!! All because of you freaks!!!”

Gelgar was up and over the side of the tower wall in no time, and soon Ymir felt someone else pushing past her.

“You rookies step back,” Nanaba said, looking as calm as ever. “It's the 3D maneuvering gear's turn to play.”

 

…......

 

As she watched her Squad Leaders and the other Survey Corps veterans take down a couple of Titans, Krista could not help but feel impressed. They were indeed the bravest of the brave, and their various skill sets seemed to balance one another perfectly. She admittedly felt safer with them around, but the second Lynne popped back up to the roof of the tower, all hope faded from her mind.

“Titans got inside the tower!” the woman reported. “You'll have to go inside and set up a barricade to defend against them--and hurry! Our 3D gear will be useless indoors. If your defenses are breached and you've no other choice, run back up here!”

Krista watched Lynne's face closely as she stared down at the others still fighting. Her light hazel eyes looked tired, and her wavy brown hair was dripping with sweat.

“We can't guarantee we'll be able to save you in time, though,” she warned them quietly. “We don't even know if we ourselves will be alive at that time. Too many of them are still left... I'm not sure our gas and blade supplies can last long enough...but that won't change the one thing you all must do: keep fighting as long as you're still breathing! Got it?!”

“Got it!” Connie and Reiner cried, leading the pack toward the stairwell again.

As usual, Ymir ended up running alongside Krista, but the blonde grimaced, forcing herself to speed up. She did not want to be seen as useless now, and besides, this would be the perfect opportunity for her to test her limits and really push herself.

But it was not just because she did not want to be seen as a burden--no, Krista had a much more definitive goal in mind. She had joined the Survey Corps not because she was brave, nor because she wanted to drive out the Titans. At the end of it all, Krista planned to die.

“I'll go check how deep Titans have already penetrated into the tower!” Reiner cried, snatching a torch off of the wall. “You guys go find planks, sticks--anything, and bring them to me!”

“Reiner!” Krista exclaimed as the blond rushed away.

“H-Hey!” Connie cried, picking up speed, but his small legs could not match Reiner's strides. There was only one other with any hope of catching up to the young man, and he was gaining speed with each step.

“Reiner, wait!” Bertholdt shouted. This was by far the most aggressive Krista had ever seen him be. “Wait, I said!”

But even Bertholdt could not catch up with him--Reiner disappeared through the door and down the next flight of stairs in an instant. The others slowed their pace, all in mutual understanding that there was no stopping Reiner now.

“Reiner...that guy...he never changes, huh?” Connie grunted. “Even when something is happening for real, not in training...he's always taking up the most dangerous assignments... We can't hold a candle to him...”

“Yes,” Bertholdt murmured. Krista could barely hear him above the clamor of their footsteps. “It's his bad habit...”

Upon hearing Bertholdt's reply, Krista began to wonder if perhaps she and Reiner had more in common than she realized. She did not know much about his background--only a rumor that his hometown had been demolished by the Titans, and only he and Bertholdt had survived. He seemed to possess an unusually strong will, and she had always interpreted that as the will to survive. But now she was not so sure; looking at it from a slightly different approach, it might also be a strong will to die.

 _Perhaps I am not the only one..._ she realized as she came to a halt near the door with Ymir. _We are all such ugly creatures..._

Krista knew that she did not belong in this world, but if she could maybe give herself purpose, or at least die trying, she might find some self-worth. The only other person in the world who seemed to give a damn about her was Ymir, and she had made it quite clear that the main reason that she was sticking around was because of Krista's heritage.

 _But it's not like I can even do anything about that_ , she thought as she peered down the dark stairwell. _Surely Ymir realizes this._

Krista was jerked out of her thoughts by a sudden shout from below.

“There's a Titan down here!!” Reiner cried. “Bring me something, anything to barricade the door with!!!”

 

…......

 

There were very few things that scared Reiner, and even fewer things that made him fear for his life. He had never considered the Titans to be much of a threat to him, because he had various ways of fighting them, and he knew he was strong enough to win.

But as he stood with his back against the thin wooden door, and as a Titan's arm broke through it right next to his head, Reiner thought it really might be his end.

“You're kidding me...” he breathed, dodging the Titan's desperate grasps.

 _He's gonna break through the door in no time...!_ he realized, his heart pounding in his ears as he saw the bottom part of the door start to bend. _At this rate...I'm gonna... Here...? Is this the place where I'm gonna die...?_

Reiner stared ahead of him as the door behind him rattled and trembled against his back. He had felt this desperation once before; he remembered it all too clearly. It had by far been the worst day of his life, and it still haunted him, even all of these years later.

A while ago, Reiner had been friends with another boy from his village--his name was Marcel Berrick, and he was the pride of their village. Reiner felt powerful from having such an amazing friend, as if he could do anything, and with Marcel and Bertholdt by his side, he feared nothing. But on the day his village was attacked, that feeling of invincibility was shattered as he felt Marcel's hands push him out of a Titan's grasp--only to be snatched up in exchange.

Reiner and Bertholdt both had been powerless; they could only watch as the Titan crushed Marcel's head between its jaws. That moment had changed Reiner's life: it was the day he decided he would never let himself feel so helpless ever again, no matter what.

 _No...not here_ , Reiner told himself as Marcel's face faded from his mind. _Not in this place._

Just as the Titan finally burst through the door, Reiner jumped away, whirling around to face it head-on. He had no plan of attack, but he would not go down without a fight.

“REINER!”

Reiner glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Bertholdt sprinting down the stairs, a pitchfork in his hands.

 _We're gonna return to our hometown...without fail..._ Reiner reminded himself as Bertholdt shoved the prongs into the Titan's eyes. The blond grabbed hold of the handle as well, and together they began to shove the Titan back down the stairs.

“Reiner, are you all right?!” Bertholdt gasped.

“Yeah...” Reiner replied. The young man glanced at his best friend, whose face was shiny with sweat. “Bertholdt...we are going to survive and return to our home, no matter what.”

“Y-yeah!” Bertholdt said, nodding once. “We will!”

“Reiner! Bertholdt!”

At the sound of Ymir's voice, Reiner turned around to see the rest of his friends standing at the top of the stairs. They were slowly pushing a large cannon, but Reiner could not quite understand what they had in mind.

“Hey...isn't that a...” he mumbled. Still keeping a firm grip on the handle of the pitchfork, he then shouted, “What about gunpowder?! And cannonballs?!”

“Don't have any!” Ymir cried. “That's why we're gonna give you this _whole damn thing_! Outta the way, you two!! Here goes!!!”

Reiner and Bertholdt leaped out of the way just as the others shoved the cannon down the stairs. It then smashed into the Titan, pinning it underneath its weight. Though it was still alive, it could no longer see, and between the cannon and the remnants of the wooden door, its limbs rendered useless.

“Well, looks like it worked...somehow...” Ymir muttered, hands on her hips as she stared down at the Titan. “By way of a miracle...”

“Yeah...” Bertholdt agreed. “This Titan probably can't get up now...”

“Dwarfed by that cannon, eh...?” Reiner chuckled as he turned around and headed for the stairs.

“But now what?” Connie asked. His eyes wide, he held up a small dagger and added, “All I found is this knife... Should I try to cut into the nap of its neck with this?”

“Don't,” Reiner replied. “Even if he's only trapped, he should already be wounded pretty severely.

“L-Let's all retreat to the upper floor for now,” Krista suggested, leading the way back up the stairs. “If one Titan found its way in, others will follow...!! CONNIE!!”

 

…......

 

Bertholdt had seen this scene played out once before. It was one of the worst memories of his already bleak childhood, and it was something that would always stick with him for the rest of his life.

But now, things were different--now Reiner was the one pushing Connie back, instead of the one falling to the ground in shock. Now Reiner was the one letting himself become a sacrifice, and there was no way to protect him. And Bertholdt did the same thing that he had done back then: he stood there slack-jawed, eyes wide in horror as the Titan clamped down onto Reiner's arm.

“Reiner!” he gasped. “Wha...?”

Bertholdt had always known that Reiner was strong, but he still could not help but be amazed as Reiner let out a loud battle cry and in one swift movement, lifted the Titan onto his back. He then began to slowly march up the stairs, heading toward the large window nearby.

“H-hey?!” Connie cried. “Reiner, you can't be planning to jump outta the window together with it?!”

“What other choice do I have?!” Reiner screamed, one knee already on the window's ledge. Bertholdt was still paralyzed with fear, but luckily, Connie sprang into action.

“No, wait!” he exclaimed, digging his knife into the Titan's jaw. “If I can just slice the muscles in his jaw...!!” Bertholdt watched in amazement as Connie quickly sawed at the Titan's mouth, and soon he was pulling Reiner away from the Titan. “Your arm's free!”

Though its jaw had been sliced up, the Titan was still moving just fine; it sat on the windowsill for a moment, as if trying to recover. But Bertholdt couldn't stand the sight of it anymore. He was not usually one to feel so aggressive toward a Titan, especially one as small as this one, but he was burning with anger at the thought of having almost lost his best friend to it, and soon he was lunging toward it.

To Bertholdt's surprise, Ymir appeared beside him just as he reached the Titan; she slammed her heel into its face, and as it began to teeter backward, Bertholdt pushed its legs up, forcing the beast backward out of the window. Panting for air, he watched as it plummeted to the ground, and as soon as he knew it wouldn't be coming back, he whirled around to Reiner. The blond looked more shocked than anything else; he did not say a single word even after they returned to the main room. As Connie and Ymir bolstered the door leading downstairs, Krista went to work on Reiner's wound. Bertholdt did not know what he could do to help her, so he instead opted to join Connie and Ymir. If they were going to be stuck in here together, he might as well put himself to use for once and help them in whatever way he could.

“What are we gonna do when they break through again?” Connie muttered as he hammered a wooden stake in place. “There's no way we'll get that lucky a second time...”

“Agreed,” Bertholdt said quickly. “My sentiments exactly...”

He glanced back at Reiner, who was sitting on the ground with Krista; she had recovered the wine Gelgar had found earlier, and she was pouring it over the gaping wound on Reiner's arm.

“Sorry! Sorry...” Krista whimpered as Reiner clenched his teeth. “The bone is fractured, I think...”

“Yeah, looks like it,” Reiner muttered in reply. Bertholdt looked away, pursing his lips. The sooner they could get out of this castle, the better; there was no point in Reiner having to suffer like this.

“Okay, we have a brace and now we need some kind of bandage... Ah, I know.”

Again Bertholdt looked over at the pair; Krista was now ripping off the bottom half of her long skirt. She wrapped it around Reiner's arm slowly, frowning.

“Um...I'm afraid this dirty cloth is all we have...” she mumbled. “I'm sorry...”

“Don't be,” Reiner grunted, the embarrassment written all over his face. “Thank you.”

“You all right, Reiner?” Connie asked.

“Yeah, more or less.”

“Hey, Krista, I cut my finger, too,” Ymir said suddenly, holding up her hand.

“Huh? That's barely a cut,” Connie told her. “Just spit on it and you'll be fine.” He then turned to Reiner, his face falling. “Reiner, I'm sorry for what happened earlier. Seems like all I do is get saved by you, huh? Come to think of it, you risked your life to save me from Annie, too, didn't you...? One of these days, I gotta return the favor...”

“...It's nothing. Just forget it,” Reiner replied, his voice low. Bertholdt could see the distant look in his eyes, and he knew exactly what he was thinking about. “I'm a soldier... I only do what I'm supposed to do.”

“Well, I wonder about that,” Connie chuckled. “You never hesitate to put your life on the line. I doubt my resolve can compare. Say, Bertholdt...has Reiner always been like this?”

Bertholdt glanced at Connie before looking back at Reiner. Connie's question was more complicated than he probably even realized, and that made Bertholdt feel incredibly sad. Their lives had not been easy in the past, but it was still better than the way things were now.

“No... In the past, Reiner was a warrior,” Bertholdt finally declared. “Different from how he is now...”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Reiner said, looking up at Bertholdt. “Warrior? What're you even talking about?”

Bertholdt sighed through his nose as he looked down at Reiner; there was still a distant look in his eyes, but it had changed since earlier. He had become detached again, Bertholdt could tell, and there was nothing he could do to control it.

“For the time being, let's scrape together everything that we can use as a weapon,” Ymir told them, heading toward the window, “so that we don't have any regrets when it's our time to die. ...Well, actually, part of our chance of survival--” Ymir grunted as she hopped up onto the windowsill. “...Is riding on our commanding officers' strength... Ooh...that's the Survey Corps for you, all right. They're on a whole different level than the soldiers from other divisions...”

Bertholdt and the others joined Ymir at the window, staring down at their Squad Leaders. They had already managed to kill off most of the Titans in the area, despite being clearly outnumbered.

“Eh? What's that noise?” Krista asked suddenly. Bertholdt squinted through the darkness; indeed, there was a strange noise coming from nearby, and it was getting louder by the second.

Before anyone could reply, the ground suddenly shook beneath them as the stable exploded into pieces. As the smoke began to clear, Bertholdt could see that it was not a mere explosion--a giant boulder had come flying into the castle grounds from afar.

 _Only a Titan could lift something that huge_ , Bertholdt realized, but before he could do or say anything, he heard the noise again.

“Get down!” Ymir shouted, and the five teens huddled down just in time as another boulder slammed into the castle--this time into the top of the tower.

“What was that?!” Connie cried, straightening up and bolting up the stairs. Bertholdt and the others followed him; luckily, the path up to the top of the tower was unaffected, and their signal fire was still burning brightly. However, the group came to a halt as they stared down at the fresh corpses of two of their Squad Leaders: Henning and Lynne.

“There's nothing we can do for them anymore...” Gelgar was saying as he smoothed Lynne's hair. Her right arm was completely gone, and Henning's head was smashed in from the left side. When he noticed the new recruits had joined them, he added, “They both died instantly. Be careful... A rock came flying from the direction of the wall--they were both crushed by it...”

“Oh no,” Krista whimpered.

“From the direction of the wall...?” Ymir echoed.

“It's him!” Connie broke away from the group, running toward the side of the tower closest to Wall Rose. Bertholdt turned to face where he was pointing, and sure enough, he could see that same Beast Titan sitting atop Wall Rose. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. “It's the one we saw headed for the wall earlier! That beast-like Titan!! It's his doing...!! Whoa!!”

Bertholdt knew what Connie was about to say before he could even turn around; he could feel the earth rumbling with Titans' footsteps, and it was obvious what was headed their way.

“A great number of Titans incoming...!! More than twice as many as before...” Connie gasped.

“What did you say...?!” Gelgar breathed, his tone as dark as his expression.

“The moment they chose to show up--all of this looks like they're acting according to some kind of actual plan...” Nanaba declared, getting to her feet. She grimaced as she looked at the oncoming Titans. “It almost feels like we're being toyed with...like we have been right from the start...”

 

 


	41. Judgment Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When there's no one left to fight, who will stand up against the enemy?   
> In this chapter, it's someone you might not expect.

_“Then it's you, ain't it...? The illegitimate child of a mistress driven out of the house.”_

_Ymir's tone was always somewhat unpleasant, but between her harsh words and the bitter cold, Krista felt ready to collapse into a heap in the snow. She had thought that she did a good job of hiding her true heritage--and her true nature--from everyone, but somehow, this girl..._

_“Why...? How do you...”_

_“Oh, I'm right on the mark, eh? It really is you.” Ymir gave Krista a small smirk as she went on, “I happened to accidentally overhear a certain conversation at a church in the innermost land back when I was going 'round ‘borrowing’ money to keep living. It was dangerous talk that no outsider was supposed to hear: there were an heiress to a certain important house, a direct descendant by blood but born out of wedlock, which made her unacceptable as a successor for many of them. They thought everything would be so much easier if she just dropped dead--or at least renounced her name and lived like an ordinary person... Only then would they be willing to overlook her existence. And the girl they were talking about did just that--she changed her name and joined the military trainees after having been driven out of the house, they said...”_

_Krista stared at Ymir with wide eyes. She wasn't entirely sure if she believed that Ymir had just overheard all of that information, but no matter how she had found out, the fact that she knew so much made Krista uneasy._

_“Don't worry...I've not intention to sell you out,” Ymir added after a brief pause._

_“Then...you joined the trainee squad just to find me?” Krista murmured, trembling as she stared into Ymir's narrow gold eyes. “Why would you go to such lengths...?”_

_“...Who knows...maybe because we're alike...?”_

 

Letting out a cry as she cut into a Titan's hand, Nanaba swerved just in time to avoid being snatched up. She hadn't touched solid ground for a while now; they had been fighting the Titans all night, and while her energy level was fine, her supply of gas and blades had seen better days.

 _This is bad,_ she thought as she swooped down and shot a hook into the Titan's neck. _I'm almost out of gas..._

Using her momentum, Nanaba launched herself above the Titan, then zoomed down and cut into his neck. Her slice took off the Titan's entire head, but she still looked back over her shoulder to confirm that she really had hit the nape.

 _Did I finish him off?_ she wondered as she shook her short, sweaty blonde locks from her eyes and focused on her prey.

Indeed, her strike had killed the Titan, but as it fell to the ground, it knocked into the smaller of the two towers--the same one that she and Gelgar had been using as a sort of base for the duration of the fight.

“Shit,” she hissed as she landed next to Gelgar on the side of the main tower.

“Guess that's it for our convenient hangout,” he murmured.

“I'm pretty much out of gas...and you?”

“Same--plus I used up all my blades. The dull ones in your hands are your last ones, too, right?”

“Yeah,” Nanaba grunted, looking down at her swords.

“I wonder how many of them just the four of us killed here...”

“Dunno... I had no time to count...”

“All things considered, I think I did pretty well here...” Nanaba smirked as she listened to Gelgar. He was as casual as ever; she was glad he was the one that had been able to stick with her until now. They worked well together, and she was proud to call him a team mate. She knew Mike would be proud of him now, too, if he could see all that he had done.

“It's just...before I'm gone...I wish I could have had a drink--wine or something...anything, really...”

“Gelgar...” Nanaba murmured, turning to face her partner. She was met with a sight that made her jump in shock; blood was dripping from Gelgar's head at an alarming rate. With so much blood lost, she was surprised he was even still conscious.

“Sorry, Nanaba...” he mumbled, staring down at the Titans with heavy-lidded eyes. “It hit my head...and I...have no strength left to...fight...anymore...”

To her horror, Gelgar clicked one of the triggers on his handles, and the single hook still holding him to the wall popped out from the old brick.

“GELGAR!!” she screamed as he began to fall face-first toward the Titans.

 _No_ , she told herself as she watched the tallest Titan snatch the man by his leg. _Not like this, not like this..._

Nanaba did not hesitate--this was one thing that she never hesitated about, after all. If she had learned one thing from Mike, it was that protecting her fellow soldiers was a top priority, even if it cost her own life in exchange.

In one swift motion, Nanaba pushed herself off of the wall and toward the Titan. She shot one of her hooks into its forehead, and with a quick burst of gas, she swung right over the top of its head, driving her blades into its nape. They cut through the Titan's skin, then shattered apart in Nanaba's hands--but her main concern was still Gelgar. As it died, the Titan had flung Gelgar through an open window and back into the castle.

“Gelgar!!” she cried, hooking herself back onto the tower wall once more and propelling herself toward the window.

Suddenly, she felt her gas pack shudder, and it began to sputter out bits of air at a time--nothing that she could get airborne on at all.

“Ugh?! Shit...” she whispered, gritting her teeth. “Now I'm really all out of fucking gas, huh...?” Her only option now was to try to scale the brick wall by hand and reach that window; if she could manage that, she might be able to escape safely and perhaps find another approach at fighting the Titans.

But by the time she had landed on the tower again, the Titans were already moving in, and they were head straight for her.

 _Oh god..._ she thought, her eyes widening. There was just no avoiding the reality of the situation: she was going to die. These pathetic gasps were going to be her last breaths. She should have anticipated this kind of ending, having joined the Corps and what not, but up until now, she had felt so full of power and life that it seemed impossible that she could really die.

_But at least...at least those kids and Gelgar..._

As a Titan reached out for her, Nanaba reached out with her stub of a blade to slash its fingers. But she was not fast enough--another Titan grabbed her arm, and in one strong tug, it pulled her off of the tower.

 _I don't want to die a coward..._!

But Nanaba could not help herself; the only thing she could hear above her own shrieks was the sound of Gelgar screaming alongside her. Her efforts to save him had proved to be useless, and so they would be dying together after all. She did not have time to feel remorse--the pain of the Titans ripping her apart was too much, and soon she lost consciousness, her dying breaths nothing but tiny whimpers of fear.

 

…......

 

“Aah...Titans got them...”

Ymir had seen a lot of gruesome deaths in her lifetime, but for some reason, seeing Nanaba and Gelgar be ripped to shreds affected her more than usual. Perhaps it was that these soldiers had tried so hard to protect them, despite knowing how futile it all was.

From beside her, Krista gripped a piece of the crumbling tower in her hands, and with a small grunt she threw the piece of brick down at the Titans.

“Stop it, Krista,” Ymir scolded her, grabbing her by the collar. “This tower is barely holding up as it is. Any more, and it'll come tumbling down.”

“B-But...in our place...Squad Leader Nanaba and Gelgar...have...”

“Ahh...shit...” Connie, who had been standing on the other side of Krista, plopped down against the wall, clutching his head in his hand. “At this rate, there is where all of us are gonna... I mean, all we can do now is sit and wait for the tower to collapse and for them to devour us next...? Is that it...? Is this really...it...?”

In a sudden fit of rage, Connie slammed his fist against the wall behind him.

“Isn't there something--anything we can still do?! Shit! SHIT! _SHIT_!!” No one else said a word--he was right after all, and Connie seemed to get what their silence meant, too. “I...wanted my death to at least have some meaning, some purpose... But we're all gonna be annihilated without even completing our mission...”

Ymir could already feel the sudden mood swing radiating from Krista before the blonde even said a word. She knew what was coming: her usual bullshit, the good girl act. Ymir was tired of it, especially now in what would probably be her last minutes alive.

“Me, too,” Krista agreed, staring down at the Titans. “I don't want to go down without a fight. I wish we had some sort of weapon...then we all could die fighting together...”

“Krista...how can you still be spouting that bullshit?” Ymir blurted out, staring at Krista with wide eyes.

“Eh?”

“Don't you dare look at our superiors' death that way,” Ymir went on, getting angrier with each word. This behavior had gone on far enough, but now, here, it was just down-right offensive. “They didn't die so that you could use their deaths as a convenient excuse to commit suicide.”

“Y-you're wrong... I never intended to...”

“You're not like Connie _or_ our commanding officers! I should know! It's not like you really want to _not die_ \--you're just always thinking about what way you could die so that you'll be praised for it. Am I wrong?”

“N-no... I-it's not like that...!”

Ymir could see that Krista was getting defensive, and she couldn’t help feeling a little bad for having been so harsh. But she had her reasons for being so blunt. She _gave a damn_ about Krista. She wanted _better_ for her than this life. Krista was the only person in the world Ymir cared about enough to take risks for, or to play the bad guy for...and that was never going to change. Ymir hated it, but she knew this was her role.

“Krista,” Ymir said, gripping the girl by the shoulders and staring her down. “You might have forgotten what I said to you long ago, but...since it's...probably the end...I want you to remember.” Krista's wide blue eyes began to blur as Ymir's own eyes filled with tears. “Try to remember what you promised me back when we were in training, in the snowy mountains...”

A small smile crossed Ymir's face as the memories flooded her head. She had taken a huge risk back then, not necessarily to save Daz's life, but to prove something to Krista. Ymir had just wanted to see Krista try to live for something for once--even if it made them into enemies. But even after revealing herself to Krista, the girl showed no malice, and she had never held it against her.

Slowly, Ymir straightened up and released Krista's shoulders, blinking back her tears. She could see the sun starting to rise, and she knew that if she didn't act now, they would all die miserable deaths, just like their Squad Leaders. Ymir didn't care so much about the others, but if Krista were to face that kind of end...well, it went against everything Ymir had been pushing for since the beginning.

“We got to see the dawn of our last day before dying, huh...?” Connie murmured as the sun began to peek over the horizon, lighting up their tired faces.

“Connie, gimme that knife for a sec,” Ymir said, holding out her hand.

“Here,” Connie grunted, handing her the dagger. She smiled, patting him on the head.

“Thanks.”

“What do you need it for...?”

“Well...” Ymir lowered her hand, turning back toward the Titans. “For fighting.”

“Oi, Ymir?” Reiner gasped. “What're you wanting to...?”

“Dunno. I'm really not sure myself.” Ymir glanced back at the boys, then turned again to Krista. “Krista...I have no right to tell you how to live your life. So just consider this my wish: live your life with your head held high.”

A confused smile crossed Krista's lips.

“Eh...?”

_Well...goodbye._

Bursting into a sprint, Ymir ran right past Krista, leaping from the tower's edge.

“Ymir?! Wait!!”

But Krista's cries were not enough to stop her now. She was already falling toward the Titans, still gripping the knife in her hand.

_Krista...I used to be like that, too...thinking that it'd have been better if I had never been born... I was hated for the simple fact of my existence in this world...and I died for the happiness of many people. But...there was one thing I wished for with all my heart: if I was ever given a second chance in life, my sincere wish was that...I wanna be able to live only for myself._

Without another second of hesitation, Ymir struck the blade of the knife against her palm and tightened her bloodied fist, ready to fight _._

 

…......

 

Resisting the temptation to lick her lips or fidget, or show any sign of her nerves, Serene stood tall in the at-ease position. She was naturally self-disciplined, but she had rarely been this nervous before.

 _Calm down_ , she told herself. _You know these three. It’s fine._

But Serene could not easily ignore the harsh stares coming from Bruno and Bianca Sertoli. She felt like she was on trial, what with the way they seemed to be judging her from head to toe. Both were sitting with their legs crossed and straight-backed in their chairs; they looked nothing short of royalty. Claus, who was sitting on the other side of Bruno, seemed out of place next to them, with his elbow resting on one arm of the chair, chin in his hand. He, too, was staring up at her, but his gaze was much more kind and forgiving.

“Serene…do you know why I keep my squad so small?” Bruno asked suddenly, his tone flat and completely unreadable.

“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “I mean, I’ve wondered about it before, but I never known the exact reason. Not that I think it particularly matters—as long as you have confidence in your decisions, then I think the rest of us will feel the same.”

 _I think I said too much_ , Serene realized as she watched Bruno narrow his eyes. He did not seem mad, but he could have been furious, and she never would have known. Both Bruno and Bianca excelled in keeping their emotions in check--to an almost alarming degree, really.

“What about your brother’s squad?” Bruno then asked. Serene let out a soft laugh.

“I wouldn’t necessarily refuse, but I don’t think that would end well,” she admitted. “I came into the Military Police to use my abilities to help the people in these walls, and I don’t want to limit that to just the rich, or just the people with power… I want to help anyone I can, but Ed has…a very different perspective than me.”

“I see.” Bruno then glanced at Bianca; she had not moved an inch since they had started, and her eyes were still fixed on Serene. “Bianca, what do you think?”

The blonde lowered her eyes, then looked back at her brother.

“It’s up to you,” she replied in a quiet voice. “I trust your judgment.”

Serene admittedly felt a little disappointed with Bianca’s reply. She had never quite been able to tell what the young woman was thinking, and she wondered if maybe Bianca just didn’t like her for some reason. The thought made Serene quite sad; they had a lot in common, and she wanted to be friends with her if possible. But that would require Bianca to open up to her, and for now, she was still her usual self: the unreadable, unpredictable ice queen of the Police.

“And you, Claus?” Bruno inquired, glancing at the red-head. He straightened up, shrugging a bit.

“I’m fine with it, but it’s your squad,” he replied casually. “It’s like Bianca said—it’s up to you.”

Bruno looked back up at Serene; his eyes were boring into her, and in that moment she found him almost frightening. But he was an elite soldier and had survived this long, so there was really no reason for her to not trust him. And whether she ended up in his squad or not, she was going to do her best, so there was no reason to be so nervous.

“…All right, Serene. I’ll welcome you into my squad,” Bruno declared at last. “Normally this kind of change would require permissions from your previous Squad Leader, but seeing as he is dead, this will be effective immediately. You’ll be moving to Bianca’s room, too. Please do so by the end of today.”

“Th-thank you!” Serene gasped, her eyes lighting up with delight. She was surprised that Bruno had let her into his elite team, yes, but she was even more stunned that Bianca would agree to let her be her roommate.

“Keep this in mind, though: our group recently lost two members to the disaster in Stohess,” Bruno continued, his voice low. “The Military Police is thought to be the safest place to be employed within these walls, but in this squad, there may come a time where you will have to put your life on the line. Do you still accept?”

“Yes,” Serene said, giving him a confident nod. “I have been prepared to die since I joined the military—but I don’t plan to let that happen anytime soon.”

“That’s good to hear.” Bruno gave her a small smile. “I look forward to seeing what your skills can offer us. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Serene brought her fist to her heart in a salute as Bruno stood from his seat; she watched him in silence as he left the conference room, and as soon as the door closed behind him, she dropped her pose, letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Welcome to the club!” Claus exclaimed, jumping up from his seat with a big grin on his face. “Finally, someone with a bit more sanity…”

“Thanks, but…” Serene let out a laugh as Bianca gave Claus a dirty look. “What d’you mean by that?”

“Shut up, Claus,” Bianca said quickly as Claus opened his mouth to speak again. “Let her make her own judgment calls.” The blonde stood from her chair, straightening up her uniform jacket. “Serene, we should get started on moving your things. We can save any conversation for later.”

“Right,” Serene murmured, lowering her gaze. Suddenly she was wondering if this had really been the right decision. She hadn’t even given it a thought until Claus spoke up, but as she followed Bianca out of the room, Serene realized that she did not know what Bruno’s goals or motivations were at all. In fact, she barely knew anything about the Sertoli siblings, and judging by Bianca’s cold silence as they walked down the hallway toward her room, she might not be able to get to know them well at all.

“This is it,” Bianca said as they rounded the corner. She unlocked the door and swung it open; it was a very spacious room, and there was an empty bed on the right side of the room. The left side obviously belonged to Bianca, and Serene couldn’t help but feel curious. This was the first time she had ever gotten a good look at this room.

“Here’s your key.” Bianca held out a brass key to Serene; she dropped it into her hand, then slipped off her shoes and walked inside. Serene quickly did the same, trying not to stare too much at Bianca’s belongings. “You can ignore my brother, by the way.”

“Eh?”

“Bruno often says things that scare people, but that’s not his intent,” Bianca explained, plopping down in an armchair next to a small round table near the room’s large window. “He’s not the most tactful person.”

“Oh,” Serene giggled. “It’s okay—my brother’s kind of an idiot, so I’m used to that kind of thing. But…still, it must be nice to be in a squad with your brother.”

“I guess.” Bianca shrugged a bit, glancing out of the window.

“Well, I mean, even if that isn’t so great, at least you have Claus, right? You guys are really close.” Serene let out a quiet laugh, her gaze falling to the rug beneath her feet. “I’m a little jealous. None of my close friends joined the Police.”

“Just because we’re close now doesn’t mean that we always have been or always will be,” Bianca said abruptly. “Claus and I used to hate each other.”

“What? Really?” Serene couldn’t help but feel shocked. Bianca and Claus were obviously close, so it was hard to imagine that they were ever _not_ friends, let alone hated each other.

“It’s true. When we were in training, we couldn’t stand each other.” A sly smile crossed Bianca’s lips. “He was a shitty little brat, to be honest… But I guess I was, too.” Her smile fading, Bianca looked up at Serene. “We’ve both changed, I think. Before I wouldn’t have been sorry to see him die, but now, I’d gladly give my life to protect him. I’d like to think that he feels the same way.”

“That’s so crazy!” Serene exclaimed, grinning. “I never would have guessed that you guys didn’t get along. What happened to bring about such a turn-around?”

Serene watched as Bianca shifted her gaze away from Serene, back towards the window.

“…Some things happened. Some things were said. That’s all you really need to know.”

Her face falling, Serene looked away from Bianca and toward the empty bed. For a moment, she had thought that maybe it _would_ be possible for her to become close to Bianca. But judging by Bianca’s statements about Claus and her attitude in general, Serene felt like an idiot for having assumed such a thing. It would not be that easy—it depended on Bianca as to how their relationship would change.

“…I’ll start packing up my things,” Serene murmured, pocketing the key and leaving the room.

 


	42. Ymir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is perhaps the strongest of them all, and the one who knows the answers to the many questions of this world.

_“Captain Hannes, wait!”_

_Upon hearing Milena cry out, Yasmin turned just in time to see Hannes take off on his gear, leaving the Squad Leader standing alone, her hand outstretched._

_“Milena?” Yasmin called out, jogging over to her friend. “Is everything all right?”_

_“…No,” Milena said in a firm tone. “Things are…the opposite of all right.” The blonde whirled around; Yasmin could see tears in her eyes. “They discovered that the person controlling the Female Titan…was Annie.”_

_“Annie?!” Yasmin gasped. “You can’t be serious. Our Annie? The one we trained with? There’s…no way…”_

_“That’s not all.” Milena lowered her gaze, her lips curling into a frustrated grimace. “Rosaleen hasn’t shown up today because Hannes sent her off on a job already—Titans have appeared in southern Wall Rose.”_

_It was all Yasmin could do to keep her knees from buckling._

_“No…that’s not possible…” Yasmin mumbled, her throat closing up. “We’re so close to Trost right now—if the gate had been destroyed, we would have seen it happen.”_

_“…It appears Wall Rose has been breached.” Milena looked out toward the territory of Rose—or could they even call it that anymore? At this rate, mankind would be pushed back behind Sina. “Captain Hannes is going out with a small squad to find the location. From there, it’s up to Eren and the Survey Corps to take care of sealing the hole… All we really can do now is keep doing what we’re doing and wait for further orders.”_

_Yasmin turned her face to the sky, holding back tears. She should have known better than to let herself become so optimistic. Their reality was a harsh one; never before had she been so desperate to be home._

_Facing the east, Yasmin squinted out at the horizon, sighing deeply. She was much too far away to see her hometown from here, but she wanted to believe that things would be all right for her family. At least now she had the power to do something—at least now, she knew how to fight back._

 

“Krista...did you know that Ymir was a Titan...?”

Connie looked up at Reiner; his normally calm and carefree expression was gone, and in its place was a dark and gloomy visage. Not that Connie could blame him--this was the last thing he had expected to see before he died. When Ymir had taken the knife from him and leaped over the edge of the castle tower, Connie did not think that she would survive. He thought she might be sacrificing herself for a distraction, or committing suicide, or something-- _anything_ but this. Anything but becoming a Titan.

“No, I didn't...” Krista finally answered, staring down at Ymir's Titan form. It was much smaller than Eren's, but fast and nimble, with a large head and skinny limbs. What she lacked in brute strength, she made up for in her agility. “We've been so close all this time, but I...I had no idea. I can't believe it. We've known each other for three whole years, and yet...what is... Is this...is this really Ymir?! It...can't be... I can't even... I refuse to believe it.”

Krista sounded as though she was in great denial, and again, Connie couldn't blame her. He felt the same, even more so than he had with Eren. He knew that there were Titan shifters out there now, but that _Ymir,_ of all people, was one of them...?

“In other words, she...knows some answers to the mysteries this world holds,” Reiner stated, his voice shaky. “Geez...I never would've imagined...”

“She should have revealed her true identity and contributed to the cause of the Survey Corps, like Eren,” Bertholdt added, sounding a little frustrated. “Does the fact that she didn't do it mean that she simply _couldn't_ for some reason...?”

“Hold on a sec!” Connie exclaimed, eyes widening as he continued to watch Ymir. She was tearing the Titans below apart as fast as she could, but she was still overwhelmingly outnumbered, and it was obvious that she understood this. Her movements were quite strategic, and her attacks were quick and to the point. “Eren didn't even know he could transform into a Titan, right? But in Ymir's case...it looks to me that she had some idea about her Titan powers, y'know?”

Connie paused, waiting for someone to interject or tell him he was wrong. But no such reply came, and his head began to throb.

“If that's the case, then...whose side is she on...?” he murmured.

“On whose side?” Krista echoed, looking at Connie with wide blue eyes. “You mean Ymir could be an enemy of mankind?”

“Yeah...” Connie admitted, the very thought sending a chill up his spine. “Now that I think about it, she always acted so disinterested no matter the situation, like it didn’t have anything to do with her at all. Was that because she possessed this kind of hidden power? And I could never tell what she was really thinking, y'know...?”

“Just what...is Ymir's objective, I wonder...?” Bertholdt added. Connie admittedly felt guilty for doubting one of his friends, but it made him feel better to know that he was not the only one who was confused and hesitant to trust her.

Krista did not reply, and so Connie continued to watch Ymir struggle. She was now perched on the side of the castle tower, swinging her arm down at the Titans as if to bat them away.

All of a sudden, one of the larger Titans snatched Ymir's wrist. Connie heard Krista gasp from beside him as Ymir's grip on the brick loosened, and she started to fall into the crowd of Titans below.

“YMIR!” Krista screamed as Ymir tumbled down from the tower. Despite the other Titans eagerly trying to get a bite out of her, Ymir was still fighting. With her razor-sharp teeth, she tore off the hand of the Titan that had grabbed her, and she ripped her other forearm out of another Titan's jaws. Digging the claws of her feet into the Titan's head, she leaped into the air, reaching out toward the tower's brick wall once again.

But before she could get a good grip on the wall, another Titan caught Ymir's leg; her nails were dug into the pieces of brick she was holding, but the Titan below was pulling so hard that the bricks were coming right out of the tower. Instead of trying to climb up the wall or swipe away the other Titans, though, Ymir just looked up at the four of them, and she released her hold on the wall.

“Wha--?!” Krista gasped.

“Sh-she...!! She let go of the tower?!” Connie cried as Ymir fell into the hands of the Titans once again. “Why?! Don't tell me it's because she doesn't want the tower to collapse?!”

“...Yes, precisely,” Krista replied, her voice low. “If she had wanted to, she could've easily escaped on her own by using that Titan power of hers... And her Titan form isn't big enough to stand a chance at defeating all of the Titans gathered here. But despite all of that, Ymir is fighting with her life on the line right now...because...she's desperately trying to protect us.”

 

…......

 

“Why...? Ymir...”

Despite her attempts to seem as sweet and kind as possible, deep down Krista hated most people. She knew more than most how fickle and disgusting people could be--like animals with no sense of values. So much had already been taken away from her in this life that the thought of losing the only person she _actually_ cared about scared her.

She had lied about not knowing Ymir's abilities--she had known since back when they were training in the snowy forest, when Ymir saved Daz by carrying him down a cliff. But she had lied to protect herself, like a selfish little child. Krista knew that she did not deserve to be treated with any real respect, since she was so miserably fake and just as disgusting as the rest of humanity.

And yet here was Ymir: she had revealed her darkest secret and was now sacrificing herself so that Krista could live. It was more than she could bear, and she no longer could make herself care about keeping up her good girl act. There was just no way she could live with herself if she let Ymir die for her sake.

“Don't die, Ymir!” Krista screamed, jumping on top of the edge of the tower. “Don't you die in a place like this!! Don't put on the good girl act, you hear?! Don't tell me you hold us so dear that you want to die for us, you idiot!!”

Krista felt Connie try to pull her back down from the wall, but she pushed him away and continued to shout.

“You're a person who values herself above all else, aren't you?! You're Ymir, the person with the worst personality imaginable--don't you forget that!!! Live for yourself!! If you're planning on dying while protecting this tower, then to hell with it! Just break it down already!!”

Krista was not even sure how much Ymir could hear of her words, but it was obvious that she had heard enough; Ymir started pulling bricks from the tower and flinging them behind her. They smashed into the Titans' faces and bodies, stunning them, and soon she was free of their grasp once again.

“H-hey!!” Connie cried.

“She's...really gonna destroy this tower?!” Reiner gasped, obviously panicked.

But Krista could have cared less. She was so proud that Ymir was still fighting. She was so, so glad that things were back to the way that they should be: a selfish Ymir trying only to save herself.

“WAY TO GO, YMIR!!” Krista shouted, raising her fists above her head in delight. She could feel the tower shuddering beneath her, and she knew it wouldn't be long until they all would fall to the ground, maybe even to their deaths--and all because of Ymir. But Krista didn't care. If she was going to die, this would be the best way to go.

But it seemed that Ymir had another plan in mind; she appeared before them, her beady eyes staring down at them as she perched herself on the edge of the crumbling tower.

“Wanna...live...grab...on...”

The voice that came from Ymir's Titan was growling and deep, and it barely sounded human at all, but Krista could still hear Ymir in there. There was no doubt in her mind that they could trust her--and if they wanted to live, they wouldn’t have a choice.

Leaping toward Ymir, Krista reached out and grabbed onto her hair. It felt just like human hair, but slightly thicker and much stronger. Once all four had grabbed a hold of her, Ymir jumped on top of the falling tower; Krista could feel gravity pulling them down, and when she glanced behind her, she could see Lynne and Henning's corpses sliding away. She could feel the bricks collapsing beneath them as they rode the tower down, and she could hear the groans and cries of the Titans as they became pinned beneath the rubble. Soon they were on the ground, and it was safe to let go of Ymir at last.

“I can't believe this...” Connie breathed, staring up at Ymir. “She made it so that the Titans were buried under the debris... One hell of an idea for _her_ to come up with...”

Glancing over her shoulder at the Titan shifter, Krista smiled, her heart swelling with pride and joy. They had survived, all because of Ymir, and if that didn't prove she was on humanity's side, Krista didn't know what would.

“Ymir...” she murmured. But before she could say anything else, Krista felt the bricks beneath her feet start to shift. The boys, too, seemed to notice movement, and there was only one possible explanation.

“The Titans are trying to get back up!!” Connie cried.

“No way...!” Krista gasped.

“Hey, fugly! Finish 'em off, c'mon! Hurry up!” Connie then shouted, turning to Ymir, who had already started toward the first Titan pushing its way out from under the brick. She dove straight for the nape of its neck, but just as she was tearing the flesh away, another Titan reached up and grabbed Ymir by the hair. This Titan was easily twice her size, and with hardly an ounce of effort, it swung her up into the air, then slammed her down head-first into the bricks.

“Oi, oi, oi...!” Connie breathed as more Titans began to pop up out of the rubble. “This is so not good... They're...eating Ymir...”

It was true—it seemed that Ymir was now too weak to fight back, and now the other Titans were tearing her apart. They had already pulled off her arms, and the smaller ones had closed in on her head. If they kept this up, they'd get to the human Ymir in no time.

“Ah...no way...” Krista whimpered. “This...can't be...”

Unable to stop herself, Krista sprang into action; she clambered over the bricks and toward the Titans, shouting Ymir's name. She could hear the boys calling after her, but she didn't care. There was something important that she had to take care of.

“Wait! Ymir!” Krista screamed, short of breath as she tried to hold back her tears. “There is still...still something I need to tell you...!! I have yet...!! I have yet to tell you my real name!!!”

Before Krista could reach Ymir, though, yet another Titan pushed its way up from the wreckage; it locked eyes with Krista, reaching toward her slowly.

“Wait!” she cried, freezing in place. “I still need--”

Krista was interrupted not by her impending death, but by a much more benevolent force. A blur of brown and green flew into sight and shot across the back of the Titan's neck.

“...Mikasa?!” Krista gasped as the soldier landed beside her. The teen's black hair waved around her face, and her eyes were narrow and serious as always.

“Y-you...! Why are you--”

“Krista,” Mikasa said, cutting Connie off. “All of you--stand back. We'll handle this from here.”

In the heat of the moment, Krista had not noticed, but the area was now filled with Survey Corps soldiers. She could see Armin and Eren among them; the latter landed near them, cheering triumphantly after striking down a Titan. As relieved as she was to see them all, she was still concerned for Ymir; she was now physically incapable of defending herself, and Krista did not want her to fall prey to people's fear and be judged before being given a chance to explain.

Krista lunged forward once again, crawling over bricks and Titan corpses alike. She could see that the Titans who had been eating Ymir had been cleared out, and so she scrambled over to the brunette, whose human form was visible once again. Clenching her teeth as she held back her tears, Krista knelt down beside her, gently pulling her into her arms. Squad Leader Hanji was already there; she was holding a rag to Ymir's gut, trying to slow the bleeding. Krista smiled as she took the rag from the Squad Leader without a word.

“Ymir...” she whispered, looking down into the teen's unconscious face. To her relief, Ymir slowly opened her eyes and looked at her, obviously still in a daze. “...My name is...Historia.”

A small smile appeared on Ymir's face, and slowly she closed her eyes again, looking the most content that Historia had ever seen her.

 

…......

 

Heaving a deep sigh, Rowen pushed open the door to the Survey Corps mess hall; he was not surprised to see Catherine sitting alone inside. After all, she was one of the few actually crazy enough to be up this early. The sun had not even risen yet, and breakfast wasn’t for hours; there was no good reason for anyone to get up at this hour.

“Couldn't sleep?” she asked him, glancing up from her cup of coffee. Rowen shrugged, walking over to her.

“I slept for a little while, somehow,” he answered, taking a seat across from her. “But I... I couldn't stop thinking about it...”  
“Me neither...” Catherine narrowed her eyes, staring at the wooden table. “I just feel useless, y'know? There's a breach in Wall Rose, and all of our peers are out looking for it, but we're stuck here? I just...can't figure out what Commander Erwin is planning.”

“Well, if everything goes to shit, we're going to be the ones to pick up the slack,” Rowen pointed out, giving his best friend a gentle smile. “After all, we've been around a while, Cat.”

“So have Mike and Nanaba--and yet they were instructed to take those new recruits out. I don't get it.” Catherine leaned back in her seat, lifting her gaze to the ceiling. “Even Levi went out with Hanji and the others--and he's injured. It just feels like a waste of time to be waiting around here.”

“I know...but I also trust Commander Erwin. He has yet to lead us astray, so he must have something in mind that we just don't understand.”

“...Maybe.”

Rowen could tell that Catherine was still frustrated; she drank down the last of her coffee in a single gulp, then swung her legs over the side of the bench.

“Well, if I'm going to be stuck here all day, I'm going to get some studying done,” she declared. “You're staying in here, right? I'll bring some stuff down. Maybe you can help me or something.”

“All right,” Rowen murmured, nodding as he rested his elbows on the table. Putting his chin in his hands, he watched Catherine as she walked toward the door. Her footsteps were quick and made her impatience even more obvious. Closing his eyes, Rowen listened as they got farther away, then suddenly stumbled to a stop. Upon hearing Catherine's startled gasp, his eyes flew open again, expecting the worst.

He immediately relaxed when he caught sight of what had started her--it was more amusing than it was frightening. Catherine was standing at the door, her hand on one of the handles, and on the other side of the door was Captain Levi with another man standing behind him.

“God, you scared me...” Catherine muttered, stepping out of the way as she pulled the door open. Levi said nothing, but Rowen could tell that he had been startled, too. Letting out a quiet laugh through his nose, Rowen then turned his attention on the other man. He was dressed in black robes and wore his hair short--even from where Rowen was sitting, he could tell the man was from the Wall Church.

“What's going on, Captain Levi?” Rowen asked, trying to hide a smirk as Catherine let out a quiet, exasperated sigh. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your company so bright and early?”

“First, drop the 'Captain' shit,” Levi replied, glancing over at Catherine before looking back at Rowen. “And I'm not here because I want to be. I don't have a choice, as long as Nick is here with us.”

“Nick?” Catherine echoed, stepping away from the door. “...I can tell he's from the Wall Church. Levi, why is he here?”

“He's going to be hanging out with us for a while,” Levi told her. “Actually, you'll probably enjoy chatting with him--he knows quite a bit about the Titans and the monarchy alike, including about the Titans in the walls.” Glaring up at Pastor Nick, he added, “The problem is getting the information out of him. He's only given us one little hint so far...”

“Wait, wait a minute.” Eyes wide, Catherine rushed over to the priest. “Why...? Why would you insist on hiding such important information? You know we might be able to use it to save humanity, right?”

“He doesn't seem to give a damn, unfortunately,” Levi muttered. “I even took him on a special tour of the Hermiha district, and despite seeing the sad reality of our world, he's only given us just one tidbit of--”

“Whoa, wait, what are you talking about?” Rowen interrupted, quickly standing from the table. “The Hermiha district? Sad reality? What's going on?”

“It should be obvious. The refugees from Wall Rose are filing in, and the residents of Hermiha are leaving for the inner wall in result.”

Rowen felt his throat close up, and he looked at Catherine. Her eyes were still wide, and her face was paler than usual. She was looking right at him, and he could tell she was thinking the same thing: Hermiha was their home, and they still had family there--and if the Titans continued to move north, it would be the next target.

“Are you sure?” she murmured, turning to Levi again.

“How could I not be sure?” Levi muttered.

“Rowen.” Catherine faced him again, taking a few steps toward him. “We should go. We aren't doing anything here anyway, and--”

“Cat, we can't just _leave_ ,” Rowen said, feeling his heart sink.

“Why the hell not?!” she cried. “We've been on standby for hours now--and who knows when we'll get another order?!”

“But what if Commander Erwin needs us?” Deep down, Rowen agreed with Catherine; he hated to think that his mother and fiancee might be in that crowd of fleeing citizens, but even if they were, what could he do about it? “There's nothing we can do, anyway! They're just doing what they think is best!”

“But what about Lucia? She's your fiancee, and--”

“Cat, _enough_!”

 

…......

 

Any time that Levi had ever seen Rowen, he was smiling or screwing around. Even out on the field, he seemed energetic and excited to be there. Levi did not expect him to be perfectly happy at all times, but it felt odd to see the man yelling at someone, especially the person he was closest to.

“Enough...” Rowen put a hand to his forehead, grimacing. “I know, okay? I know Lucia is still there. So is my mom, and so are your parents. But there's nothing we can do. We signed up to be in the Corps and use our skills that way—we got our orders, so we should leave the evacuating to the Police.”

Levi glanced at Catherine; she had looked away from Rowen and was now staring at the table beside her. He could see that she was still anxious, but it was obvious from her body language that she was not willing to pick a fight with him over it.

“So you two have family there, then?” Levi asked. Catherine turned toward him, nodding.

“That's our hometown,” she replied. “And...there are still people there waiting for us. Or at least, there were until now...”

“Your hometown...? You two are from Wall Sina?”

Both Catherine and Rowen nodded, somber looks on their face. Levi could hardly believe it.

“You mean you two left the interior to join the Survey Corps?” Nick asked suddenly. He seemed to be as surprised as Levi was.

“Yes,” Catherine replied, raising an eyebrow. “Why is that a big deal? It's not as though we're the only people to ever do this.”

“That's right,” Rowen then said, looking at Catherine. “We're not-- _there's Bruno_. He's in the Police, Cat. He'll be there to help them. Lucia will know to look for him.”

“...”

“Who?” Levi interjected, looking back and forth between the two. He knew he had heard the name at least once before, but he still felt as though he was being left out of some kind of inside information--which wasn't too far off, really.

“He's another one of our friends from Hermiha,” Rowen explained. “He joined the Military Police, and he's one of their most valuable men.” Rowen then turned back to Catherine. “Bruno won't let anything happen to them. He'll know to look for our families.”

“...You're right.” Catherine looked up at Rowen; she still looked a bit uneasy, but it was obvious that she believed what Rowen was saying. “I'd trust Bruno with my own life--I think I can trust him with the lives of our families, too.”

Levi watched in silence as Rowen nodded at Catherine, a small smile appearing on his face. He couldn't help but feel a little curious about this “Bruno”--this was not the first time he had heard the name mentioned, and if it was indeed the same person, he was quite a force to be reckoned with. The last time Levi had talked with Erwin, he had brought up using Bruno's influence in the Military Police to their advantage, but he had glossed over specifics, and at the time, Levi could have cared less. Now, however, he couldn't help but wonder what was so special about this Police soldier.

“...If Erwin has you both on standby, it probably won't be long until he comes back,” Levi finally said, crossing his arms. Catherine turned to face him as he added, “Is he still in a meeting with Pyxis?”

“As far as we know,” Rowen replied.

“...I still don't like that we're stuck here,” Catherine said quietly, glancing away from Levi. “We still haven't heard anything about the soldiers who went out to locate the breach.”

“Hanji went out to find them,” Levi told her. “She should have more information on the breach soon, too, and she's with Jaeger. That kid can use his Titan powers to do something or other, right?”

“Will Eren really be able to plug another breach?” Rowen wondered out loud, pushing his glasses up onto his face.

The room fell silent; Levi did not have an answer for Rowen. Like with most things these days, there was just no way of knowing for sure. But it would at least be worth trying. They didn't really have any other options at this point, anyway.

“So, wait...” Catherine turned her gaze on Pastor Nick once again, pursing her lips. “Levi, you said that Nick told us one thing--what was it?”

“The identity of our true queen,” Levi replied flatly. “Turns out the king we have right now is just a figurehead for the Police to play with. The real monarch is actually a kid from Jaeger's graduating class.”

Thinking back to the conversation, Levi suddenly remembered one other detail. He stared at Catherine; she would be able to use this information better than anyone else.

“Oh,” he murmured.

“Oh?”

“There's something else... Catherine, you remember Ilse's journal?” When Catherine nodded, he continued, “You got to read Hanji's notes about it, right?”

“Yes...why?”

“Do you remember the name 'Ymir' being mentioned?” Catherine nodded again. It was obvious he had her full attention now; her eyes were boring into him. “Apparently, our true monarch has a friend with that name. She's also in that same class...and she also joined the Corps.”

“...Which means she's one of the unarmed recruits...” Catherine's eyes grew wide in a mix of shock and wonder. “...Dammit. She had better make it back here alive.”

“Do you really think she'll talk?”

“She has to,” Catherine said quickly, her eyes glittering. “I'll do whatever it takes to _make_ her. If this isn't by coincidence--if she's _really_ the Ymir that Titan mentioned...then she knows more about this world than all of us in this room put together. She has the answer to how we can save humanity...!”

 


	43. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the identities of the Colossal and Armored Titans are revealed.   
> Perhaps we were better off never having known them...

_“Please believe me! It's true: Ymir revealed her secret and fought as a Titan to save us!”_

_Hanji looked down at the petite girl as she continued on about the circumstances of Ymir's Titan transformation. She could hardly believe that this tiny little girl was Historia Reiss, the true monarch of the people--but then again, she knew some other tiny little people who were capable of some pretty big things..._

_“She even disregarded her own life to save us!” she went on. “It clearly shows her loyalty to us as comrades! I know that her actions up to that point are inexcusable... She withheld information of vital importance to mankind. I suppose until then she was only concerned about herself...but she has changed.”_

_Hanji watched as the girl's expression grew serious; her large blue eyes were glowing with such ferocity that it made Hanji wonder if there was something more than camaraderie between these girls._

_“And now Ymir is mankind's ally! As someone who's known her for a long time, I assure you that she's a lot simpler than she might seem!”_

_“...I see...” Hanji murmured, putting her hands on her hips. “Well, don't get me wrong... I'd rather be friends with her if possible. Regardless of what she did up until now, the information she can provide is a treasure to humankind. Of_ course _I want to be on good terms with her.”_

_Hanji turned away from the teen, pursing her lips. She hated having to be a realist; it was against her very nature._

_“It's just that...while Ymir herself might be simple by nature, the state of affairs in our lands is very complicated.” She motioned for Historia to follow her, and as they began to walk back toward the unconscious Ymir, she added, “You said your real name was...Historia Reiss? Reiss, as in the famous nobles?”_

_“Yes...”_

_“Is that so... Well, nice to meet you, Historia!”_

 

Even as Mikasa pulled Connie up on top of Wall Rose, she kept part of her focus on Eren and Armin nearby. She did not like having to pretend like nothing was wrong--the last time they had tried this kind of plan, things had not ended well, and she had a hard time believing they would turn out any better this time, either. But for now, she would have to keep her distance from Eren so as not to seem too suspicious.

Still, she could hear bits and pieces of their conversation with Reiner and Bertholdt, and it was hard not to eavesdrop, and even harder not to just walk over there and end this with a single swipe of her blades.

“Is everyone here?” Hanji asked as Connie climbed up onto the wall. “We'll have to deal with Ymir later. First, we have to put a plan to restore the wall into action.” Mikasa watched as Hanji began to pace along the cannon railing, staring out into space. “I expected to see hordes of Titans around the breach, but...hm?”

Hanji fell silent quite abruptly, and her gaze dropped down toward the ground. Mikasa stood upright and began to walk over to the Survey Corps veteran. As she did, she turned toward where Hanji was staring and noticed a small group of soldiers riding toward them down below. However, instead of the blue-and-white wings of freedom on their cloaks, they donned red roses. As they grew closer, Mikasa recognized the man leading them.

“Hannes?” she murmured as the soldiers slowed to a stop just below them.

“It's the vanguard of the Garrison,” Hanji gasped. “They must have located the breach!”

Mikasa had known that Hannes had become a Captain in the Garrison, but she still had not expected to see him out here during a time like this. From her left, Mikasa could see Eren and Armin running toward her; it seemed that they, too, had noticed Hannes' arrival. At that moment that Mikasa couldn't help but think of their lives back in Shiganshina. They had run to greet Hannes back then, too. But now, the circumstances were entirely different.

Hannes reached the top of the wall using his gear to pull him up; it was obvious he'd had a lot of practice doing this before, and scaling the last bit of the wall did not seem to faze him. However, as he reached the top and locked eyes with the group, Mikasa noticed the dark expression on his face.

“There's no breach _anywhere_ ,” he announce, gritting his teeth as he pulled himself up.

“What...?” Eren gasped from beside her. He reached down toward Hannes, taking his hand and pulling the man to his feet.

“We've been searching all night, and I can guarantee you that at least between the Trost and Chlorba districts, there are no abnormalities in the wall,” he told them.

“What did you say!?” Hanji cried; her shrill exclamation rang in Mikasa's ears.

“We met up with the soldiers dispatched from the Chlorba district on the way and double-checked the wall, retracing each other's paths. And also, during all this time, we haven't come across even a single Titan.”

“But...we _saw_ Titans here inside the wall! There’s no doubt about that...!” Armin murmured, looking perplexed. Mikasa always hated when he made that face. If Armin had no idea what was going on, then there was likely no one else that would understand their circumstances, either.

“You're sure you searched the wall thoroughly?!” Eren asked. “Maybe you're still drunk or something?!”

“As if I'd drink in a situation like this!” Hannes exclaimed. “And come to think of it, why are you guys even here?”

Mikasa turned her gaze back to Hannes, a grim frown creasing her face. There was no way they could answer that question now. It was too much of a risk to even half-ass a response.

“Hmmmm...” Luckily, Hanji was quick to cut in and redirect the conversation back to its original topic. “Well, if there's no breach in the wall, we have no choice but to call the operation off.” She turned toward her squad and added, “For the time being, we'll be on standby in the Trost district.”

As Hanji and her squad began to walk away, Hannes turned toward the trio once again.

“In any case, don't let your guard down just yet,” he muttered. “My squad will take our leave ahead of you.”

“What the hell is going on here?” Eren mumbled as Hannes walked away, going to meet up with his squad members that had finally scaled the wall.

“What does this all mean, I wonder...?” Armin added, slowly turning to follow after Hanji. Eren and Mikasa did the same, the latter watching the former in her peripherals as much as possible.

“Eren.”

“Nothing happened for five years,” Armin continued, as if he had not heard Reiner's voice from behind them. Here he was again--his acting was worth envying. “But now all of these strange things keep happening, one after another...”

“I need to talk to you,” Reiner then said in a louder, clearer voice. There was no way any of them could have ignored it, but only Eren turned to respond. Mikasa kept following Armin, but she moved her hands to the handles of her gear, gently wrapping her fingers around the hilts.

 

…......

 

Eren knew he could be dense sometimes, but he wasn't a complete idiot--or at least, not anymore. He had made the mistake of trusting people in the past, but he knew he couldn't afford that luxury now. He knew too much now.

“What is it?” Eren asked as he stopped to face Reiner and Bertholdt. The latter looked even more flustered than usual, while the former had a resolved expression on his face. It made Eren a little sad, to be honest--he had truly wanted to believe in them.

“...Five years ago...we were the ones who destroyed the walls and launched the attack on humanity,” Reiner said. “I'm the Armored Titan, and he's the Colossal Titan.”

Reiner plopped a hand on Bertholdt's shoulder; the brunet was now sweating profusely, and he was staring wide-eyed at the blond. Eren's blood was boiling, but he knew he had to control himself. He had to keep calm. He had to play along.

“Huh?” he grunted, raising an eyebrow at the pair. “What are you even saying...?”

“Wh-what are you saying all of a sudden, Reiner?!” Bertholdt gasped, reaching for Reiner's arm.

“Our objective was to wipe out all of the humans within the walls,” Reiner continued. “But...we don't have to do that anymore. Eren, if you come with us, we won't touch the walls ever again. You...get what I mean, right?”

“Huh?!” Eren gasped. “No, wait! I don't get you at all!”

“I'm telling you to come with us. Sorry it's so sudden, but we've gotta leave right now.”

“Right now?! Where to, anyway?!”

“I can't tell you that...” Reiner clenched his teeth, looking away from Eren. “But...well... Think of it as our home village.” Eren couldn't help but stare at Reiner; what he was proposing was so ridiculous that it made Eren want to punch him right then and there. “So? What's your answer, Eren? The offer's really not so bad, considering any crisis will be averted with us leaving.”

“Mmm...what should I even answer...?” Eren mumbled, glancing at Mikasa. She was staring at them with an intense gaze; there was no doubt that she had heard at least part of the exchange, judging by the hatred in her eyes.

“Hey! Are you guys coming?” Armin shouted from afar, waving his hand.

“Mmmm...” Eren closed his eyes, lifting his face to the sky. As he folded his arms across his chest, he slowly opened his eyes, gazing up at the clouds slowly passing by.

 _Well, I'm in deep shit..._ Eren thought, pursing his lips. _And my brains has been fried since yesterday anyway..._

Eren knew that at this point, there was no avoiding a confrontation with Bertholdt and Reiner--Reiner's confession aside, they had found out too much about the duo already. There was now evidence to Squad Leader Hanji's initial theory, and as much as it bothered Eren to doubt people he once called his friends, he couldn't deny the truth. He had already tried that once before with Annie, and the results had been unfavorable, to say the least.

But it was still painful to face this kind of reality. Bertholdt had been a quiet, passive, nervous wreck the entire time Eren had known him, and Reiner had been like their playful but strong older brother. It was hard to imagine that either of them had any malice toward humanity. Hadn't they all been friends once...?

Armin's claim about Reiner's behavior during their encounter with the Female Titan was too perfect to write off as coincidence. And the more Eren thought about those two, the more he realized that there were all kinds of other things that were suspicious. But what probably made Eren the most upset was that neither of them seemed to show any remorse.

“Look, you're...you're just tired,” Eren said at last, placing his hand on Reiner's shoulder and shaking him gently. “Right, Bertholdt? You both just went through hell, so it's no wonder you're a little delirious.”

“...!? Y...yes!” Bertholdt stammered, his eyes wide. “He's right--you're just tired out, Reiner!”

“Besides, if you really _were_ the Armored Titan that's behind the mass murder of mankind, why would you wanna have this talk with me?” Eren continued, releasing Reiner and shrugging. “You can't expect me to simply agree and meekly follow you if you just ask me that out of the blue, right?”

“Ah...haha, yeah, that's right...” Eren watched as Reiner's expression changed completely. He hardly looked like the strong and steady person that they had trained and fought alongside for three years. Now, he looked more like a mad-man. “What was I thinking...? Have I really gone mad…?”

“Anyway, let's go back to town for now,” Eren told him, beginning to walk away. But before he could even take one step toward Mikasa and Armin, he heard Reiner speak again.

“I've been here for too long...” His voice was low and full of spite; when combined with his words, it made Eren uneasy. “I've spent three years of my life living here, surrounded by fools--that's why I said something so stupid.” Reiner's voice cracked with that last word, as if he was spitting it out. Eren turned to face him again, only to find him with sweat dripping down his face and tears in his eyes.

“Back then, we were just brats who didn't know anything...” Reiner went on. “If only I'd never learned about those fools...I'd have...never had to become the shitty, pathetic bastard I am now.” Eren's eyes widened as he watched Reiner pulled off the sling from around his neck. As he spoke, he slowly began to unwrap the bandages around his injured arm. “I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore... But what I _do_ know is that no matter what results came from my actions, no matter what consequences my choices brought about...as a warrior, I gotta take responsibility and fulfill my duty until the bitter end.”

Eren could feel his chest growing tighter and tighter with panic as he watched steam start to come off of Reiner's arm. He could see the broken skin pulling itself back together, just like a Titan.

“Reiner...you're gonna do it?!” Bertholdt cried, looking as frightened as Eren felt. “Right here?! Right now...?!”

“Yeah!” Reiner shouted, facing Eren. “We'll settle this here and now!!”

 

…......

 

Bertholdt had never been a quick thinker, but honestly, he had never _had_ to be. He spent most of his life exercising as much caution as possible, never rushing into action. Usually, he left that kind of thing to Reiner, and most of the time, he could deal with whatever consequences came along with his friend's decisions.

But this was the first time he had truly hated his passiveness.

Mikasa came in quickly, her blades at the ready. She was focused on her target, and with strength befitting of a valedictorian, she cut through Reiner's right wrist in one fell swoop. He had thrown up his left hand to try and block the blow, but her blade sliced straight through that arm as well, stopping midway through his left forearm, just barely slicing into the side of his head.

Bertholdt wanted to scream, to run--he wanted to do something, to actually take action for once. Yes, Reiner had spoken up too soon. Yes, Reiner had put them into a bad spot. Those once-sharp decision-making skills had gone downhill over the years, and this was the outcome. But that didn't mean that Reiner deserved any of this.

Before Bertholdt could even try to jump in and try to stop Mikasa, she whirled around, sending her other blade into Bertholdt's raised right wrist and deep into his neck.

Only now could he scream.

Everything hurt so much. His neck and wrist were gushing blood now. He could hear Reiner's terrified screams now, too. It had been a long time since he had heard that sound from his best friend. They had been living quite well these past few years, up until this point.

But the most painful thing was what Bertholdt realized as Mikasa knocked him down onto the top of the wall. The most horrible part of all of this was knowing what would have to come next if he wanted to survive. There was no more going back to that fake life, that fictitious play at being normal. He had never _been_ normal.

Bertholdt could hear Mikasa and Armin shouting at Eren to run, and he wanted to be able to do the same. That would have been so much easier. If only he could have just escaped without having to be faced with this kind of decision...

“Bertholdt!” Reiner cried, his voice cracking. Bertholdt choked back his screams, then shakily pushed himself up and looked toward Reiner. The blond was getting to his feet, staring down at the wide-eyed Eren, who was lying on the brick, obviously too stunned to get up. Bertholdt felt sorry for him at first, but then he caught sight of Mikasa's blade still stuck into Reiner's arm. It was clear what he had to do now.

Tears in his eyes, Bertholdt stared at Eren, his heart pounding in his throat. Neither of them had asked for this--they really weren't so different, actually. But talking this out was no longer an option.

In a burst of steam and light, Bertholdt felt the familiar warmth of his Titan form surround his body. From the corner of his eye, he could see Reiner transforming, too; his Titan arm was reaching toward Eren, who was struggling to get to his feet between his shock and the strong gusts of wind. Taking Eren with them was essential, but bringing along one more person might help. With his slow, giant, clumsy hand, Bertholdt reached out toward Ymir and gently grabbed ahold of her. Beside him, Reiner was already jumping down off of the top of the wall with Eren in tow.

Another bright light flashed, and a familiar roar filled Bertholdt's ears.

 _You shouldn't be surprised, Reiner_ , Bertholdt thought as he saw Eren's Titan form materialize. _You should have known he wouldn't go down without a fight..._

Below him, Bertholdt could see the Survey Corps soldiers under Hanji's command starting to get into a battle formation. With as much speed as he could muster, Bertholdt smashed his free hand into the wall. He could feel something moving right by his fingers; he gingerly closed his fist around a soldier's body.

 _We...are monsters..._ Bertholdt told himself as he brought the soldier and Ymir closer to his face. _There is nothing that will change that now... Now, we have to act._

Lifting his head toward the sky, Bertholdt then tossed the two into his mouth, and without another second of hesitation, he closed his jaws around them.

 

…......

 

It had been a long day, to say the least. Milena had never really realized it until today, but her work was really cut out for her as a Squad Leader. She had to play the role of both a leader and a subordinate, choosing when to wear which face. Up until now, nothing too serious had really happened--the worst thing had been the Titan fight in Stohess, but that had not directly affected her division.

But today was different, and the reality of their situation was frightening. Milena knew, however, that she had to keep her chin up. No matter how worried she was, she could not let herself show it in front of her squad.

“Rosaleen!”

Milena whirled around at one of her squad member's outcry; sure enough, the red-head was climbing atop the wall. Her face was flushed pink, and her eyes were wide. She looked as worried as Milena felt, but at least she had made it back from the inner walls safely.

 _...And at least she decided to actually come back_ , Milena realized as the red-head ran toward her, her long ponytail trailing behind.

“What's the news?” Milena asked when Rosaleen reached her. The teen was panting, clutching at her stomach.

“There...there's no breach,” she breathed, her eyes welling with tears.

“...What...did you say?”

“There's no breach,” Rosaleen repeated, wiping the sweat from her forehead and face. “I wish I was kidding, Milena, but that's the message that got passed on to me on my way back here. And that soldier--he was from Hannes' elite squad, so he would have known. There's no breach.”

“Where is Captain Hannes now?” Milena inquired, clenching her fists. This was not the kind of news she had been expecting.

“He should be back soon.” Rosaleen turned toward the south, in the direction of Trost. “I was told that he went to report directly to Squad Leader Hanji of the Survey Corps. And...this is just my assumption, but I think it's safe to say that he probably is checking in on Eren and the others.”

“Checking in...?”

“Many of the graduates from our class were outside unarmed,” Rosaleen then said, her voice growing quiet. “No gear, no weapons. I don't know why, but that's what I heard from Margaret.”

Folding her arms across her chest, Milena bit her bottom lip. Nothing Rosaleen had said made any sense. How could there be Titans within Wall Rose without there being a breach? It's not as if they dropped from the sky; that would be a little too conspicuous. And this thing about their comrades being sent out unarmed? Why in the world would Commander Erwin give such an order...?

“Rosaleen, you're back!”

Milena lifted her eyes to see Yasmin jogging toward them, a soft smile on her face.

“I'm glad you're all right,” she said, giving the red-head a quick hug. “So? What's our next step?”

“God only knows,” Milena muttered, looking away again. “Supposedly there's no breach after all.”

“Huh? No breach? But...how... That doesn't make any sense...”

“Everyone is confused,” Rosaleen assured them. “Hopefully when Captain Hannes gets back, we can figure out what happened.”

“The Survey Corps also sent out the new recruits unarmed,” Milena added, watching Yasmin's face as her eyes grew wide.

“...What...?” she gasped. “How is that even considered acceptable? Isn't that against the law? Like, I know the Survey Corps soldiers are supposed to be ready to become sacrifices at any second but--”

“The only thing I can even halfway consider is that...perhaps...Commander Erwin was testing them,” Rosaleen murmured.

“Testing them?”

“I mean...considering that Annie was a traitor--maybe he had reason to suspect that more traitors were among them.”

“...I can't think of anyone who fits that description,” Milena admitted.

“Me either. Unless it's Jean,” Yasmin added, laughing through her nose. “But all jokes aside, I don't think it could be him—if nothing else, I think Marco would have noticed something and would have stopped hanging around him.”

“But who knows, really,” Rosaleen said. “After all, I roomed with Annie for three years, and I never noticed anything about her that would have indicated she hated humanity enough to try to destroy it.”

Sighing loudly, Milena lifted her face to the sky, trying to think. Was there someone suspicious in their class that she had just never noticed before?

Suddenly, Milena was jerked out of her thoughts as the wall shook beneath them.

“Whoa!” Rosaleen exclaimed. “An earthquake?”

“Guys, look!” Milena turned toward where Yasmin was pointing; there was a massive cloud of smoke coming from the top of the wall. “An explosion!?”

“...Something about it...” Fighting against her shaking hands, Milena snatched the binoculars from her belt and lifted them to her eyes. After focusing the lenses, she could see the smoke beginning to clear. Then, out from the cloud of steam came something she never would have expected to see: the Armored Titan was jumping down from the wall.

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “This...can't be...!!”

The wall shook again, more gently this time, and a flash of light came from the same area. Milena could see Eren Jaeger's Titan form appear right next to the Armored Titan.

“What the hell is going on!?” she shouted, nearly tossing down her binoculars onto the brick.

“Let me see,” Yasmin insisted, yanking them out of Milena's grip. “...That's... Is that really...?”

“Oh god,” Rosaleen whimpered. Milena could see why; now that the steam was clearing, the Colossal Titan's figure was visible even from this distance. It was only half formed, its ribcage gripping the wall, like some sick, disfigured monster.

“How?!” Yasmin yelled, taking the binoculars down from her face and turning to her friends. “How is this possible?!”

“...Rosaleen, you were right,” Milena realized. “Commander Erwin must have suspected there were other traitors in the Corps, and it looks like he was correct. So...this means...two other soldiers are actually...Titans...”

Turning on her heel, Milena faced her other subordinates; they had gathered at the edge of the wall, all of them facing toward Trost.

“Maintain your positions here until we receive further instruction!” she shouted, causing the soldiers to whip their heads around toward her. “Do not panic! We'll be safe from this distance, and Captain Hannes should be back soon! In the meantime, do what you can to prepare yourself for the possibility of engaging in combat--and I don’t mean _just_ with our cannons!”

Milena paused, then looked toward Rosaleen again.

“Stay here for now,” she commanded her in a quiet voice. “I want you to stay for the full story before you report this. Understood?”

“Yes,” Rosaleen whispered, pursing her lips. “Don't worry--I want to know who did this, and I will stay until I find out.”

 


	44. Slam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos unfolds as the traitors reveal themselves. Eren is stronger now, though, and he can win with his strength.  
> But this time, he needs more than just brawn.

_“Annie...I give up... I give up, okay...?”_

_“Give up?” Eren could barely hear Annie above his own gasps for air. “I don't need you to give up--I need you to learn how to use your strength...and also how to talk to girls.”_

_“I-I get it!” Eren cried, his throat burning. Despite being so petite, Annie was strong, and the hold she had him in now was quickly draining his strength. “I've memorized the move, so let me go already!”_

_“Really...? Want to learn more of the same?”_

_Before Eren could answer, the air he had left in him was knocked out in a single blow. Something heavy had landed on top of him, and for a brief moment, he whited out. When he came to, he could see that the heavy mass was none other than Reiner; he looked just as stunned as Eren felt._

_“What the hell?!” Eren gasped, sitting upright as he looked at the blond, who had rolled off to the side. “You just came down from outta nowhere!?”_

_“Hey, Annie...” Eren would have recognized Mikasa's voice anywhere--sure enough, when he turned around, he could see his childhood friend walking toward them. “Why don't you teach me those moves, too?”_

_“Well, I don't know about that...” Annie replied, getting to her feet. “These moves are intended for humans to use, you know. I really don't think someone like you needs them at all. But...I'm a little curious to see if they'd work even on a beast.”_

_“I-Is this for real...?” Eren murmured as he watched Annie put up her fists. He could hear their comrades whispering all around him; it was obvious that these two had become the center of focus for everyone in the area._

_“Who do you think will win, Eren?” Reiner asked suddenly._

_“Huh? Well, I...” How was he supposed to answer that question? They were so evenly matched, despite being so different from each other. Even though Mikasa was his long-time friend, he wasn't entirely sure if she could beat Annie. “...Really, which one...?”_

 

_Huh...?_

The world around Eren was a blur, and he felt pain all throughout his body. The only thing that was clear was the image of Mikasa and Annie about to face off after months of building tension.

_So, in the end...who was it that won, again...?_

As if trying to interrupt his vision, a searing pain burst in Eren's head, and he opened his eyes to darkness. He was still inside of his Titan, but he felt weak, and everything was turned upside-down.

 _No, wait...why am I remembering this, especially now, of all times...?_ he wondered as he blinked slowly, trying to focus his efforts on healing himself and standing up again. _Is this that thing people talk about...? When your whole life flashes before your eyes as you're about to die...?_

Could that really happen...? Was he really going to die here and now? Would his cause of death really be one of his old friends, a person that he once looked up to and stood shoulder to shoulder with, someone he fought alongside...?

 _Oh well. Whatever, I guess. No point in dwelling on it,_ Eren told himself as he slowly stood up. His chest ached with horrible pain, but he knew he had to keep breathing. _I feel like shit anyway._

“Eren! Don't do it!!” Eren could hear Armin's voices ringing through the air; he sounded far away, but logic told Eren that his friend must still be on the wall somewhere. “Fighting him won't get you anywhere!! Retreat close to the wall! You must not fight!!”

Looking over his shoulder at Armin, he narrowed his eyes. Reiner was slowly approaching him, and Eren's body had yet to heal from the first barrage of attacks. Still, to give up, to run...was that _really_ the right choice?

Eren had tried that way of thinking before--the result had been the deaths of many Survey Corps soldiers and Captain Levi's injury, as well as the death of four of his comrades. His hesitation in Stohess had brought about even more death and destruction, and as much as he knew Annie held part of the blame, he also knew that, had he not been so hesitant to fight her, he could have prevented a lot of the damage done to that area.

Lifting his face to the sky, Eren let out a scream. He could hear his Titan's shouts echoing around him, and the inhuman sound only made his blood boil even more.

He knew what he had to do. He knew that he had to fight.

 _Sorry, Armin_ , he thought as he lunged toward Reiner. He could hear Mikasa shout his name, but he ignored her and pulled back his fist, as if aiming for Reiner's face.

But at this point, Eren knew better than to try to punch Reiner at all. With that hardening ability, he was nearly invincible in a simple fist-fight. Luckily, Eren knew some other tactics.

As Reiner rushed at him, Eren ducked down and dodged the punch, then grabbed Reiner around the neck. Just as Annie had done to him years ago, Eren trapped Reiner in a tight headlock, and with as much strength as he could muster, he threw the Armored Titan to the ground.

 _I have no idea...why you did what you did..._ Eren thought as he stared down at Reiner. He suddenly felt Reiner grab him by the waist, as if trying to lift him off, but Eren was ready. _...But now that I think about it, I realize that you guys made a lot of blunders in the process. And one of them is that you guys taught_ _ **me**_ _how to fight._

Just as Reiner flipped him onto his back, Eren grabbed Reiner's neck again--this time using his legs. Grabbing the Armored Titan's wrists, Eren pulled the traitor down, cracking a small part of Reiner's jaw in the process.

 _I did it...! I've got him in a submission hold!_ Eren thought, staring Reiner down. _I can still win!_

But it was obvious that Reiner was not going to go down so easily. He began to struggle hard against Eren's hold; Eren did his best to restrain one of Reiner's arms with his hands while keeping his legs locked around Reiner's neck.

 _Shit! No--I'm not done yet!_ Moving as swiftly as he could in his Titan form, Eren pushed his left leg under Reiner's chin and forced him face-first into the ground, pinning him by the neck. _Like hell I'll let you get away from me that easily!_

Now was his chance--Eren had the clear advantage over Reiner, and he could easily disable him like this. With a loud scream, Eren grabbed a hold of Reiner's right arm and jerked it up toward him. It snapped off in just a couple of seconds, and Eren threw it to the side, as if it was just garbage.

“Eren!!” It was Armin's voice again, sounding much closer this time. “Can you hear me?! You must escape for now! Head back to the wall!! Reiner's objective is to kidnap you! They have yet to succeed! We've got to prevent that from happening!!”

 _All right,_ Eren thought, getting to his feet as Reiner began to push himself up with his remaining arm. _I'll go for now._

“That's it, Eren! That's the right choice!” Armin cried, but Eren was still not so sure about that. All he really could say for sure was that this was his _only_ choice left.

 

…......

 

Up until this point in her career, Hanji had only ever had to outsmart regular Titans and the occasional abnormal type. Her opponent had never been so intelligent before, nor so dangerous. She knew they were lucky to have Eren around to help them fight; no mere human would be able to take down the Armored Titan, especially knowing that a trained soldier was sitting at the controls of that behemoth.

“Listen to me, Eren!” Hanji exclaimed as she hopped down onto Eren's shoulder. “We need to stop Reiner's movement and buy some time in order for you to escape. Do you think you could use that locking move on him again and break his legs? Our swords are pretty much useless, but if we use our heads, I'm sure we can figure out something even in these circumstances!”

To Hanji's surprise, Eren gave her a nod of the head, looking right at her. Had the situation not been so serious, she would have jumped for joy. After years of research and countless failures, she was finally communicating with a Titan.

“O-Okay, I see you get what I'm saying...” Hanji stammered, staring with wide eyes back at Eren. After taking a moment to collect herself, she nodded back, then shot one of her hooks up at the wall. “We're counting on you!” she shouted down to him as she joined the others above her.

Hanji turned around just in time to see the Armored Titan suddenly rushing at Eren; she had never expected him to be able to move this fast. The two collided into the wall, Eren pinned beneath Reiner's iron grip. Still, despite being at an obvious disadvantage, he was still putting up a fight, and soon he had grabbed onto one of Reiner's calves. There was no way he could take a Titan that size down in that position, though; all Eren could manage to do was get up on his feet again, his back resting against the wall.

But that lull in the action only lasted for a couple of seconds before Reiner came rushing toward him again. Gritting her teeth, Hanji shot after them, her squad right behind her and Mikasa right beside her. They kept close to the wall and high above the fight, but they were still close enough to see what was going on.

“He can't defend!” Kenji shouted. “Dammit! Why the hell is that armored bastard moving so fast all of a sudden?! We can't do jack shit like this!”

“...!! No, wait...!” Hanji said, her eyes narrowing as she watched the Titans struggle against one another. “With a body covered in hard skin, he ought to be as stiff as a statue... He shouldn't be able to move like that... But, if you think about a suit of armor, there are parts that, due to the human body's structure, couldn't be covered with metal...like the armpits, the crotch, and the back of the knees.”

Hanji did not have to explain any further--Mikasa took off toward Eren and Reiner, the former of which now holding the latter in a headlock position again. He let out a loud roar, and for a moment, Hanji wondered if he might lose control of himself. Luckily, there were still visible signs of human intelligence behind the power struggle; Eren was concentrating his energy on pulling on Reiner's neck.

In a blur of green, brown, and black, Mikasa swooped down toward the two, bringing her blades across the backs of Reiner's knees. A feeling of relief washing over her, Hanji came to a stop on the wall, Moblit landing beside her. She could see quite clearly that Reiner's calves were splitting away from his thighs.

“She cut through!!” Hanji cheered, unable to hide an excited smile.

“He's...going to win...!” Moblit breathed. Hanji glanced over at the young man; his eyes were wide with disbelief.

Hanji opened her mouth to reply, but her words died in her throat as she once again looked down at the Titans. She was not sure what Reiner had in mind, but he apparently would not go down so easily. With what little mobility he had left, he began to slowly crawl across the ground, dragging Eren, who still had the Titan in a headlock, along with him.

“What the hell?” Hanji breathed, her smile fading fast. It did not seem like Reiner was trying to get out of the headlock--there was no point, after all, because even if he could have escape, he physically would not be able to run. So what was the point of struggling like this? He was only prolonging the inevitable; Eren still had a firm grip on Reiner's head, and he was still pulling with all his might.

“Squad Leader...!!”

Moblit's voice was immediately overpowered by the sound of the Armored Titan's scream. It was nothing like the Female Titan's shrieks in the forest; there was far more hatred and anger in this cry, and for the first time in a long time, Hanji was afraid of a Titan. Still, she knew they had to act--if they had learned anything from Annie Leonhardt, it was that a Titan's scream could call other Titans into the area.

“Check the surroundings!!” Hanji shouted to her fellow soldiers. “He called Titans!!”

Hanji was just preparing to push herself off of the wall again when she heard a loud cracking noise, accompanied by a human voice.

“ABOVE YOUUUU!! _DOOOOOODGE_!!”

 

…......

 

Not much had changed in the Trost district since Erwin's last visit. The town was still mostly in ruins, and it was still what most might consider uninhabitable. All of the Titans had been eliminated, but that was only one step in restoring the area to its former glory.

Still, it was one step forward, and Erwin refused to see it as anything less than that. He knew that many lives had been lost trying to earn back even such a small piece of land as Trost, but that was the way their world worked. Sacrifice was a necessary evil.

That was what Erwin had told his subordinates time and time again, and it was also what he had been told by Commander Pyxis many years ago. He had tried his best to operate under that principle, and he knew Pyxis did the same. Although Erwin did not know much about Pyxis personally, they worked well together, and he respected the man's opinions more than most people.

“Commander Pyxis!” Erwin called out as he shot up the wall of Trost toward the man. He was facing out toward the lost territory of Wall Maria; one of his subordinates, Anka Reinberger, was standing beside him. She had a slightly irritated look on her face, and Erwin wondered if something else had happened.

“Hn? Oh, it's you, Erwin,” Pyxis mumbled. His voice sounded hoarse, as if he had just woken up. Still, as Erwin landed on top of the wall, he got to his feet, shaking the blond's hand. “I hear you managed to catch one of those little rats after all, eh?”

“Yes, we did...” Erwin replied. “But, unfortunately...we weren't able to make any further progress than that.”

“Still, all of that must have gotten the central government thinking...about whether or not they have the balls to commit suicide together with their trite customs.”

A glimmer of a smile crossed Erwin's face as he looked down into the Trost district.

“Indeed...” he murmured. “There is a testament to that right below us. As you can see, they finally ordered the Military Police to leave the safety of the inner walls and come all the way here to the area under immediate Titan threat.”

Pyxis did not say a word, but he let out a laugh through his nose; the smile on his face was a satisfied one.

“Shall we?” Erwin then said, and Pyxis nodded, his smile not wavering a bit.

The two Commanders, along with Anka, then made their way down towards the Military Police and Survey Corps soldiers waiting nearby. There were just as many Police members as Corps members, but there was hardly any mingling between the two groups. Most of the Police soldiers were keeping to themselves; Erwin could feel an aura of arrogance emanating from them. Though he normally did not care what the Police soldiers were up to, there was still a small part of him that felt a prick of guilt about their situation. It was very unlikely that many of them were truly prepared for what might await them, and Erwin knew that most of the casualties would probably be Police soldiers, not the Corps members.

But it was just part of the game. Sacrifice was necessary.

Erwin led the way toward the center of the group, where Captain Levi and Pastor Nick were sitting inside a wagon. The former had been charged with supervising the soldiers to make sure nothing got out of hand; Erwin was glad to see them all behaving so civilly, because he knew that Levi's patience was already worn quite thin with watching after Nick and being forced to sit on the sidelines.

“Oi, oi... We've come all the way here 'cause it was supposed to be some full-blown emergency, and look what we found! It couldn't be more peaceful!” Erwin heard a Police soldier declare as he passed by.

Just as he and the others reached the wagon Levi was sitting in, a young Police soldier ran up in front of them, staring at Levi with an annoyed expression.

“Hey, Levi! Where's the enemy?” he asked. Erwin could see Levi's eyes burning with rage, but the man kept his cool as usual.

“Oh?” Levi turned over his shoulder and look down at the young man. “You guys look like you regret that it's peaceful here, huh? Well, sorry for not providing you with a hot Titan date. You may be out of luck this time around, but you know...there's always plenty of opportunities to go outside the walls on a recon expedition.”

The crowd around Levi fell silent; he had caught the attention of several Police soldiers now, and none of them looked pleased with what they were hearing.

“So, how about it?” Levi continued, staring down at the Military Police members. “Why don't we all join forces and go fight Titans? You know, you and us, together, side by side?”

“W-Well...” As the Police soldiers continued to stammer, Erwin glanced at Commander Pyxis; he received a knowing gaze in reply.

“The vanguard squad is back!!” came a sudden shout. “Someone inform Commander Pyxis!!”

 

…......

 

As the soldiers around him began to gather around the Garrison messenger, Claus stayed where he was. The Sertolis stood with him, as still as statues and with hardened expressions. Only Serene seemed to want to follow the crowd; she hesitantly looked over at her fellow Police soldiers, then pursed her lips and lowered her gaze.

Claus could tell that she did not like the idea of hanging back and appearing detached. Based on what he knew of her, she was a gentle soul, but she was by no means the type to sit back and let things go to shit. He had been the same way before joining Bruno's squad, and to a certain degree, he _did_ still have that kind of spirit deep down. Unfortunately, this was just how Bruno did things; he observed from the sidelines and only acted after evolving a decent plan. Claus appreciated a good strategy as much as the next guy, but sometimes the level of detachment was just too much.

“W-We found no abnormalities or breaches in the wall...” the Garrison messenger said, still gasping for air. Claus had to really focus to be able to hear him clearly.

“I see...” Pyxis murmured, barely audible above the murmurs of the crowd.

“B-But the situation is still grave! On our way back to Trost to deliver our report, we encountered the Survey Corps forces lead by Hanji! They had several new recruits from the newly graduated trainee squad with them--and none of them were equipped with the three-dimensional maneuvering gear!”

Claus narrowed his eyes, a frown slowly appearing on his face. Something about this seemed very suspicious. Commander Erwin surely would not send any soldier out on standby unarmed unless he had a real reason for it. Though it was possible that the recruits had just not put their gear on for some other reason, it seemed odd that they would just _happen_ to be so vulnerable right when things went to shit. But if the Commander was trying to prove something, Claus was not sure what it was.

“Among those recruits...!” the soldier breathed. “There were three...! Who turned out to be Titans!!”

The crowd of soldiers fell eerily silent, and Claus glanced over at Bruno. He was looking at Bianca, whose eyes were narrowed and focused on the messenger. Her normally tanned face was pale; Claus could tell she felt uneasy about this. Annie Leonhardt had already come as such a surprise...

“What the hell are you saying?!” a voice cried out from the crowd. A young man stepped forward toward the messenger; he donned the telltale Wings of Freedom on the back of his cloak. “There were more Titans among them?! You said _three_?! Who?!”

“Jean, wait,” Commander Erwin said, holding out his arm as if to settle the soldier down. The man seemed relatively calm, and his attitude only convinced Claus further that the unarmed recruits were sent out like that on purpose. “What happened after their identities were exposed?”

“The Survey Corps engaged the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan in battle!” the messenger declared. “By the time we joined them, it was already too late--and in the end, Eren Jaeger was kidnapped!”

“Again?” Serene murmured from beside Claus. The red-head sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“...Well, that's our signal, everyone,” Erwin stated in a loud, clear voice. “Ready your horses and supplies--we depart immediately!”

“ _That_ escalated quickly,” said a voice from behind them. Claus turned his head to see Rowen and Catherine standing nearby; both had their arms crossed, and the latter had a particularly sour look on her face. “I mean, it's not that I didn't think we'd have to go out and fight--I just wasn't expecting the Colossal and Armored Titans to show up during all of this.” Rowen let out a loud sigh as he added, “And it turns out they're just kids, too. What a world...”

“Hush,” Catherine hissed. “Kids or not, they've committed horrible crimes to all of humanity. It's our job to fix the messes they've made.”

“I know, I know.” Rowen then turned to Bruno and the rest of them, flashing a bright smile. “I guess it's good that we're all in this together, huh? Just like old times?”

“...Just like old times,” Bruno murmured in reply, a soft smile appearing on his face.

“Ugh, please. You guys are such sentimental losers,” Catherine muttered, rolling her eyes--but Claus could tell that she was feigning her irritation, because there was a gentle glow to her eyes that had not been there just moments before.

Claus had only met Rowen and Catherine once before, but he knew that they were both very close to the Sertolis. They had graduated in the same class as Bruno, and they had met prior to training when they were teachers at the main school in the Hermiha district. But that was the extent of his knowledge about their history together.

Still, he was curious as to why they had chosen different regiments. After being in his squad, Claus could understand why Bruno chose the Police--but had he _always_ thought that? Had he ever had any intentions on joining the Corps? Or was it the other way around?

Claus was curious, but not curious enough to ask them, especially at a time like this. After all, Catherine was right: they had a job to do. They had sworn to help humanity. _Tha_ t was the priority, not some silly internal struggle between these three.

“Take care of yourselves,” Bruno told Rowen and Catherine. They nodded, then ran off after Commander Erwin. Bruno then faced Claus and the others and said, “Prepare your horses, and do not get separated in this mess. Let the others take the lead behind the Corps--we'll follow up in the rear guard. Avoid any unnecessary combat. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir!” Claus and his squad mates shouted, saluting to Bruno.

“I'll meet you three back here with my horse. Hurry!”

Without another word, Claus turned on his heel and began running toward the stable nearby. It was a total madhouse; he quickly linked arms with Bianca so as not to lose track of her, and he could feel Serene grab a hold of his jacket from behind.

“This is insane,” she whispered.

“Welcome to a day in the squad,” Claus said with a bitter laugh.

“Enough, both of you,” Bianca scolded them, her voice nearly lost in the racket around them. “Save your complaints for later-- _focus_.”

Claus pursed his lips to keep himself from saying anything else. He could tell that Bianca was on edge; the news of more Titan shifters had surely scared her, and he understood why she would be anxious.

 _It's fine,_ he wanted to say. _You'll be fine. Bruno is looking out for you, and so am I._

 


	45. Absent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is taken away, and once again, Mikasa and Armin are left behind.  
> Now that hours have passed, how will they bring him back?

_“...Hanji's coming. Behind us.”_

_Erwin glanced at Mike, absentmindedly straightening out his trainee jacket. He and Mike had been friends for a while now, but still he was still always so impressed with the young man's unique abilities. That skill would surely be put to good use in the Survey Corps._

_“YAHHH!”_

_At the sound of Hanji's yell, Erwin whirled around, intercepting the young woman before she could jump them. Her gasp was so boisterous and full of surprise that he couldn't help but laugh at her._

_“You should know better by now,” Erwin told her as he released his grip on her arms. “Mike can smell you coming from a mile away.”_

_“Aww...” Hanji pouted, looking up at Mike. “Say, Mike, if I took a bath with different soap or something, would that throw you off?”_

_“Not really.” Erwin watched as a small smirk appeared on Mike's face. Hanji let out a frustrated sigh, shaking her head._

_“I wish I could be angry with you, but you're so damn nice to me,” she admitted, giving them both a crooked grin. “Well, I just thought I'd say hi. Gotta go to training now. See you later, yeah?”_

_“See you,” Erwin said, waving as Hanji trotted off, her ponytail swinging behind her. “...You know, Mike, she's got a point. I don't think I've ever seen you be mean to anyone.”_

_“Probably because I've never met someone who deserved to be hated,” Mike replied, sniffing the air quietly._

_“You sure do put up with a lot, then, huh?”_

_“Hell yeah I do.” Mike chuckled as he shot a glance at Erwin, who furrowed his brows in response._

_“What's that supposed to mean?” Erwin laughed. He knew that Mike was only poking fun at him, but still, Erwin felt something prick at his conscience. While he would not call himself a bad person, he knew he was not as good of a person as Mike Zakarius. He did not know of anyone who could measure up to him, either. It was truly an honor to be able to call him a friend._

 

Though she had not known him very long and was not as attached to him as the rest of her friends, Yasmin was unbelievably relieved when Hannes appeared with the rest of the vanguard soldiers. He was obviously not in good spirits, though; his face was pale, and instead of his normally goofy smile, there was a deep frown. Wrinkles of worry creased his forehead, and Yasmin braced herself for the worst.

“Captain Hannes!” Milena cried, rushing over to him.

“Milena, gather your squad,” he commanded. “You all will be joining us as reinforcements. Understood?”

“Yes, but--”

“I'll explain on the way--just hurry!”

Yasmin pursed her lips as she watched Milena turn and face them. Her dark brown eyes were narrowed, and her frustration was written all over her face.

“Did you hear that?!” Milena shouted, waving her arms at the other members of their squad. “Grab your gear and get ready to head out! Now!”

 _What's going_ on? Yasmin wondered as she rushed after Rosaleen and the other members of her squad.

Yasmin was not sure why or how, but there had been another explosion along the wall, and when the smoke had cleared, Eren, the Armored Titan, and the Colossal Titan were all gone. There was no way that they could have just vanished, though--they had to have gone _some_ where.

 _I just hope everyone is alive_ , she thought as she pulled her gear from her storage locker. She could hear nervous murmurs all around her as her squad mates did the same. _I want an explanation. I hate not knowing what's going on...!_

“Hurry!” Milena cried, and Yasmin gritted her teeth as she checked the gas level on her tanks. This would be her first real expedition outside the walls, and she could not afford to make any blunders. After all, she was just getting started.

_Watch over us, Marco..._

Running over to Milena, Yasmin pushed her sweaty hair out of her face. Her emotions were a mess right now—she was worried for her friends, and she knew the others had to be the same. As exciting as it was to actually be put to work, the circumstances were bleak, and Yasmin could not help but fear for her life.

“Everyone here?” Milena asked, her voice strong and confident. “...Looks like it! All right, let's get going! Follow Captain Hannes!”

“Come on!” Hannes cried, taking off on a sprint toward where smoke was gently curling up into the sky. “Run!”

“What?” Rosaleen gasped. “We're running? Why?”

“To conserve gas,” Yasmin replied. “Don't you get what's happening? We're going to have to go outside of the walls and fight. There's no point in wasting gas here.”

Yasmin watched as Rosaleen's face turned a sick shade of pale grey.

“I...guess I didn't want to believe it,” she admitted.

 _None of us do_ , Yasmin thought as she followed closely behind Milena, who was just a few paces behind Hannes.

“You said you'd explain on the way, so let's hear it: what's going on?” Milena asked, not bothering to hide her irritation.

“...I'm sure you saw it, but...the Armored Titan and Colossal Titan appeared again,” Hannes began. “Eren tried to fight them, but the Colossal Titan fell down off of the wall on top of him and the Armored Titan, and it looks like they've succeeded in kidnapping him. Squad Leader Hanji and many of the other Survey Corps soldiers were injured, so we need to pick up their slack and go after them. I've asked Caprice's squad to join us as well.”

“Who was it?” Yasmin asked, unable to keep silent any longer. “Who did it?”

“Yeah, who are they?” Rosaleen jumped in. “The Armored and Colossal Titans?”

“...I'm not sure what their names are,” Hannes confessed. “There's one thing I did hear, though, about a third shifter…”

“A third!?” Milena gasped. “Who?!”

“Her name is Ymir. Supposedly, several of the newest recruits were sent out unarmed, and she revealed her Titan form to protect them.”

“ _Ymir_!?” Rosaleen squeaked. “ _Our_ Ymir?! Of the 104 th squad?! That Ymir?! Really?!”

“That certainly does explain a lot,” Milena said, letting out a bitter laugh. “She always kept to herself and never bothered to get involved in anything that didn't have some kind of merit for her. That must have been the reason why.”

“I can't say anything on that issue,” Hannes interjected, “but I should also mention that she was eaten by the Colossal Titan. He grabbed her and tossed her right into his mouth. She was unconscious at the time, and her injuries were so great that it's not likely she could have fought back, anyway.”

“Ymir...she can't be...” Rosaleen's voice faded away, and Yasmin bit her lip. Ymir just did not seem like the type to die that easily. Then again, she did not seem like the type to be a Titan shifter, either.

 _Hell, what do I know?_ Yasmin thought. _Nothing makes sense anymore. It's probably safer to assume that everyone can become a Titan at this point_.

“Anyway, as for the other two, ask Armin,” Hannes told them. “He and Eren were talking to them just as I arrived, right before everything went to hell. We'll be there in just a few minutes.”

“Good,” Milena grunted, nodding once. She then turned over her shoulder and began running backwards. “We'll arrive at our destination soon! Wait for further instructions before doing anything? Is that clear?!”

“Yes!” came the various voices of Milena's squad.

“We should find Armin right away,” Yasmin told Rosaleen, and the red-head nodded.

“If there's anyone we can trust, it's him,” she agreed.

 

…......

 

Feeling as if she was awakening from a deep sleep, Mikasa slowly opened her eyes to a beautiful sky above her; somehow, she was outside, and it took her a moment to recall the events that had unfolded before everything became a blur.

… _Eren!_

The recollection made the air from her lungs disappear in a single gasp, and she quickly sat upright. It seemed that she had indeed been unconscious for quite some time.

Looking over to her right, she could see several soldiers lying in a line along the wall; they all appeared to be either unconscious or too injured to move. Mikasa then looked to her left, only to see more of the same thing. She could also see that more Garrison soldiers had arrived, and she recognized many of them to be comrades from her graduating class.

Eren was not to be found.

Before she could push herself to her feet, a sharp pain shot through Mikasa's head. She winced, gripping the side of her head with a shaking, clammy hand. Those last few seconds of consciousness had been a blur, but it was obvious that she had been knocked out by the impact of the blast. Though it had hardly hurt when she first awoke, her chest was now throbbing with pain. But it was all nothing compared to the mental agony of seeing their obvious defeat.

“Mikasa!” Armin's voice rang clearly through the air. Mikasa look to her right again to see the blond headed her way. “Wait, don't move just yet--”

“ARMIN!” Mikasa cried, grabbing Armin by his cloak and pulling him down toward her as soon as he was in reach. “What happened to Eren!? Where is he?!”

“Mikasa, calm down! And stop moving around!” Armin shouted, looking alarmed. “We still don't know the extent of your injuries!”

Armin probably had a point, but the last thing Mikasa wanted to do was sit back and do nothing. Tossing her friend aside, Mikasa dragged herself over to the edge of the wall. Below her was a giant crater, as well as a couple of small Titans wandering around. There was no sign of Eren, Reiner, or Bertholdt.

“Where is he?!” Mikasa shouted again, turning back to Armin.

“Eren was kidnapped!” Armin replied. “Along with Ymir! By...Reiner and Bertholdt...”

Mikasa watched with wide, horrified eyes as Armin's face fell.

“The moment the Colossal Titan's body made contact with the ground, he suddenly vanished,” he explained. “At the same time, those of us who were on the lower part of the wall were hit with a heat wave as well as the wind pressure from his fall, and many of us took heavy damage and were injured. The attack was so intense that even those on top of the wall couldn't get close to us for a while.

“During that time...it was nearly impossible to see anything, but what I did manage to make out was...Eren's fallen form, after having suffered defeat at the hands of the Armored Titan,” Armin continued, his eyes narrowing. “Reiner was the only one who managed to withstand that attack. He bit out the nape of Eren's Titan. And then, when the heat and wind receded, Bertholdt appeared from the remains of the Colossal Titan, carrying Ymir in his arms. He was wearing the three-dimensional maneuvering gear of the soldier he swallowed earlier; he then jumped onto Reiner's back, still holding Ymir.

“After that, they made their escape, taking Eren and Ymir with them... It's been...five hours since then.”

This was so much information to process at once, and all of it was so bleak, that Mikasa felt sick to her stomach. She was silent for a few seconds before she could form even a simple question.

“Is anyone...chasing after them?” she asked.

“No.”

Again, Mikasa grabbed Armin by the cloak. She wasn't meaning to be so rough with him, and she could tell she was scaring him a bit. But it was really all she could do to not take off on her own after them.

“Why?!” she hissed.

“...Because we can't transport our horses to this side of the wall.” Gently, Armin put his hands on Mikasa's shoulders, looking her straight in the eye. “All we can do right now is wait for the elevator to arrive so that we can transport the horses and start a pursuit to rescue Eren. For now, please just prepare for that...and start by checking how bad your wounds are. Squad Leader Hanji and many of the other superior officers are heavily injured and can't move at the moment. In order to deploy a formation for enemy detection, even a small one, we'll need a lot of people--as many as possible, really. Especially skilled people. ...Do you understand?”

Mikasa entirely understood what Armin was saying, and it made perfect sense--but to wait even longer was to risk losing Eren forever. She had almost lost him several times before, but it never seemed to get any easier.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Mikasa's head hard; she leaned forward a bit, grimacing.

“Ah...this again...” she murmured, staring down at her knees. It had been a while since her head had hurt like this, and she had hoped that she'd never have one again.

“Are you hurt somewhere?” Armin asked, looking at her with nothing but concern in his large blue eyes.

“Nah, it's nothing,” she replied, slowly removing her hand from her head. “I just...hit my head pretty hard, it seems. I'm fine...but...” Mikasa's voice trailed off for a moment, and she was silent for several moments before finally speaking again. “When Annie kidnapped Eren in her Titan form, I started pursuit right away--I fought together with Captain Levi...and...somehow...we managed to recover Eren. But...this time, five hours have already passed...”

Mikasa could feel tears behind her eyes, and it then hit her that she was missing something. Slowly getting to her feet, she walked over to where she had been lying earlier. Gently, she picked up her worn red scarf, running her thumb over the faded knit.

“Hey, Armin...” she murmured, methodically wrapping the scarf around her neck again. “Why... Why does Eren always...end up going far away from us?”

“...Now that you mention it, I think you're right,” Armin admitted with a small laugh. “Even in the past, Eren always ran off on his own, leaving us behind... Whether he wants it himself or not, things always sort of end up this way. It's just the fate that was bestowed upon him, I suppose...”

Mikasa could not help but agree, but that did not make her feel any better. In fact, it really had the opposite effect--it made her feel powerless, and it also made the situation feel even more hopeless than it already did.

“All I want...” Mikasa murmured, wrapping the scarf over her nose and mouth as she tried to hold back her tears. “...Is just to be by his side... That's all I've ever wanted, and yet...”

 

…......

 

As much as Armin would have liked to have comfort Mikasa, he did not feel that he could. He was already feeling so hurt by everything that had happened on the wall that seeing her in so much pain only made him feel worse. Armin had known this for a while, but at that moment, he could see it quite clearly: Mikasa loved Eren more than anyone in the world. And now, he was gone, maybe for good.

“Hey, guys.” Armin glanced up to see Hannes standing beside them, a gentle smile on his face. “Are you hungry?”

“...Hannes...” Armin murmured, but Hannes interrupted him by holding out a small brown rectangle. Armin recognized it to be the hard loaves of bread they typically took on missions.

“Here, eat this. Field provisions are all we have, but hey,” Hannes told them with a shrug. “Here. And for you, Armin.” Plopping down beside them, Hannes took a bite of his own bread, grimacing a bit. “Yep...neither bad nor good...just normal, like always.”

Armin closed his eyes; he knew that Hannes was just trying to cheer them up, but nothing could erase the guilt he felt that easily.

“...It's always been this way, hasn't it?” Opening his eyes at the sound of Hannes' voice, Armin clenched his hands into fists, then released them again. “It's always been your job to take care of the trouble that willful brat lands himself into, right? They call that an inseparable bond, y'know? You can't escape even if you try.”

Hannes chuckled to himself, his face softening.

“Geez, seriously... The times and circumstances change, but you three don't. You're still up to the same old routine as when you were kids. Don't you think?”

Armin laughed quietly, shrugging a bit.

“The height difference between local bullies and Titans is a little conspicuous, though...”

“...Despite not being all that strong in a fist fight, that idiot always jumped right into the fray, never giving a damn how many guys he was up against,” Hannes went on. “And he always ended up beaten and bleeding by the time Mikasa came to his rescue, or us soldiers came and stopped the fight. But, you know...while I've never seen him win, I've also never seen him give up, even when he was losing.”

Armin looked up at Hannes; the man's expression was serious now, and he had obviously moved past just trying to make them feel better. His words were genuine.

“He had that irrepressible tenacity that scared even me from time to time,” Hannes told them. “He would get knocked down over and over, and he would get back up every single time. That's just how he is... So, do you _really_ think that a guy like that would obediently go along with his kidnappers and let them do as they please? No--he'll try to raise hell with everything he's got, all the more so if there are only two enemies. No matter who his opponents might be, he'll make sure to give them as much trouble as possible until you guys or I come to his rescue. That's always how it is with him, y'know?”

 _He's right_ , Armin realized, his eyes widening a bit as he stared at Hannes. _Eren Jaeger does not know how to give up. In all the years that I've known him, I've never seen it happen._

“I miss those days...” Hannes murmured. “Maybe they really were only days of false peace, just like Eren said...but still, I was content to just be a good-for-nothing drunkard soldier. I will do whatever it takes to get those ordinary days back, no matter how much time it takes...”

Armin watched as Hannes clenched his fist, a look of determination written on his face. It was an expression Armin had never seen him wear before.

“I'm going with you,” Hannes declared. “Those good old times just won't be the same for me without all three of you together.”

... _You said it, Hannes_.

Without a word, Armin unwrapped his bread and took a bite out of it. It was hard as a rock, and normally he would have been worried that he cracked his teeth. But there were far more important things to worry about than a pretty smile.

To Armin's relief, Mikasa did the same; the fierceness had returned to her eyes, and seeing her back to her usual self made Armin's spirits lift.

 _We can do this_ , he told himself. _Eren, just wait a little longer..._

 

…......

 

Despite being hard to surprise, Erwin could hardly believe they were running on horseback across the top of one of the walls. He had lost his fear of heights some time ago, but he still felt uneasy about it. It was obvious that the horses were not comfortable, either--the whole thing was dangerous, and he was well aware of the consequences of one wrong step.

But it did not matter, not right now. He knew he had to do whatever necessary to get to his soldiers and get Eren Jaeger back. They had worked so hard to keep him in the Corps; Erwin would not let those efforts go to waste just yet.

As they approached their destination, Erwin noticed the line of soldiers lying across the top of the wall. Whether they were fatalities or not, he could not tell, but he recognized several of them almost immediately. It appeared that Hanji and her squad had taken the brunt of the attack; they were all obviously too injured to move, but Erwin had a hard time believing they all would go down that easily.

“Commander Erwin!” a Survey Corps soldier shouted as his group slowed to a stop. Erwin jumped down off of his horse as the young man approached him. “Huh?! Even the Military Police tagged along?!”

“You arrived just in time, Sir!” another soldier said, an enthusiastic smile on his face.

“Has anything changed?” Erwin asked him.

“No, Sir!”

Erwin was just opening his mouth to ask another question when he noticed one of the injured soldiers roll over and grab the leg of a nearby Garrison soldier. It was Hanji, and her normally bright eyes were narrowed, as if someone had just woken her up in the middle of the night. Her glasses were nowhere in sight.

“S-Squad Leader Hanji?!” the Garrison soldier gasped, obviously startled. Hanji kept a firm grip on the man's ankle, staring straight ahead. Erwin wondered if she could even see that she was addressing someone outside of their regiment.

“G-give me...the map...” she muttered, clenching her teeth.

Sighing through his nose, Erwin walked over to Hanji as the Garrison soldier quickly pulled himself out of Hanji's grasp and ran over to one of his superior officers. While he was relieved to see that Hanji was still alive, he did not like the idea of having to go outside the walls without her. She was a welcome asset to their regiment, and she was often his backup for when things got shitty.

The Garrison soldier placed the map down in front of Hanji; the woman squinted, her nose just millimeters away from the faded parchment.

“...There's a forest of those giant trees here, but it's pretty small,” Hanji then told them, pointing to a spot on the map. Erwin knelt down beside her; her voice was weak and barely carried far enough to reach the soldiers that had gathered around. “That's where you should head to... I mean...I doubt the Armored Titan would bother to cover his tracks...but, still...there's a very good chance they're heading there.”

“What makes you think so?” Erwin asked.

“It's a gamble, but...” Hanji looked up at Erwin, her face covered in sweat. “Even if they have the power of their Titan form...they're still in danger from other Titans outside the wall... After all the fighting they had to do...they must be pretty exhausted--not as much as Eren gets, but...still... I heard that Annie slept a long time after her rampage in the forest.”

Hanji paused to catch her breath, and it was then that Erwin realized there was something missing from this scene--or rather, someone. While he was fully aware that Levi was stuck back at the headquarters, Mike was nowhere in sight. If he was around, he would have surely joined this little crowd around Hanji. But even after scanning the faces around him, Erwin did not see him, and he felt his heart sink.

 _Surely not..._ he thought, even though he knew how possible it was that Mike would not ever be coming back.

“Now, let's assume for a second that...their destination lies beyond Wall Maria...” Hanji continued, her voice gaining a bit of strength. “And let's also add the fact that they have no stamina left to cover such a long distance... With all of that taken into account, their immediate concern should be finding a place to rest where Titans won't reach them. So that way, they can rest there at least until nightfall, when Titans aren't able to move!”

Hanji stared up at Erwin; her eyes were still somewhat dull, but there was a spark of energy there that made Erwin feel hopeful again.

“You have time until nightfall!” she told them. “If you can make it to that forest before then, you just might be able to catch up with them!”

Erwin said nothing, only nodded at Hanji's declaration. As he got to his feet again, Hanji slowly lowered her head back onto the brick, closing her eyes. There was no way she would be able to join them, let alone make it back to headquarters for quite a while.

As much as Erwin hated the idea of leaving behind more of his soldiers, he knew it was a necessary evil.

“...Rowen, Catherine--you two stay here and get the injured back to headquarters,” Erwin commanded, turning to the veterans.

“Hah?” Rowen breathed, raising an eyebrow, but before he could say anything more, Catherine stepped in.

“Understood,” she grunted, nodding.

“The rest of you--prepare to depart!” Erwin shouted. “Group up into your squads and resupply if necessary! We leave immediately!”

“Yes, Sir!”

The cry of unified voices rang through the air, and Erwin felt a chill run down his spine. He had never seen humanity so united before, and while he knew it was only because the circumstances were just right, it also gave him hope that, perhaps, the world they were working to change was starting to improve.

 


	46. The Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four soldiers sit in the trees.  
> Once friends, now enemies...

_“Whoaaa, long time no see!” Connie exclaimed as Yasmin, Milena, and Rosaleen came running toward him and Krista. “What are you guys doing here?!”_

_“Captain Hannes ordered us to come along for the recovery mission,” Milena replied, putting her hands on her hips. “Just because we're in the Garrison doesn't mean we can't fight, too, y'know...”_

_“We're looking for Armin,” Yasmin said, taking a step forward. Though Connie had never considered himself close to her, he still could see how tired she looked now._

_“Ahaha, I thought_ you _were Armin--I mean, you look exactly the same from afar,” Rosaleen mumbled to Krista with an embarrassed laugh._

_“It happens,” the blonde replied. “Armin is over there with Mikasa. What do you need from him?”_

_“We wanna know what happened,” Milena said. “Or, I guess the better question is, who are the Titan shifters?”_

_“Beats me,” Connie answered, frowning. His heart was heavy with worry, and with a quiet murmur, he added, “Eren's gone, and I haven't seen Reiner or Bertholdt, either--”_

_“Don't you get it?” Krista interjected, her normally bright blue eyes dull. She hardly seemed like the same person. “It's them--Reiner and Bertholdt are the Armored and Colossal Titans.”_

_“...What?” Rosaleen breathed, her eyes wide. Connie felt his stomach clench; he did not want her words to be true. Of all people..._

_“Th'hell you sayin' that for?!” he shouted at Krista, but the blonde did not even flinch._

_“Connie, it's them. They transformed right in front of us.” Her face darkened. “There's no point in trying to deceive ourselves anymore.”_

 

Long before Eren had ever become a soldier, he had hated sleeping. It was such a long process to get ready for bed every night, and when he would finally wake up in the morning, instead of feeling rested, he would feel restless, as if sleeping had just made him lose time more than anything else. The same concept applied to the few times he had been knocked unconsciousness; on top of all of this, not being able to control when he was awake frustrated him. Therefore, he had never minded the long hours during training, or as a member of the Survey Corps, because at least he was _doing_ something. At least he didn't feel so goddamned helpless.

On top of all of this, Eren hated sleeping because he hated his dreams. He rarely ever enjoyed the pleasant escape of a good dream; anything else besides a nightmare was usually just blank space in his head. Surely, every once in a while he would have a good dream--but those were never the ones he remembered. Instead, the nightmares were vivid, and he gladly welcomed the sudden jolt of consciousness in the mornings.

This time, it was the smell of a forest and the sound of steam hissing brought Eren out of his empty sleep. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and as he regained consciousness, he sat upright. His entire body was sore, but before the pain could fully register, he was distracted by the sight right in front of him: Reiner and Bertholdt were just a few meters away from him, the former standing tall while the latter was crouched in the shadows of the tree leaves. Eren could only assume that he, too, was on a tree branch, and when he glanced to his right, he could see someone else sitting beside him. It was Ymir, and she was looking at Eren with raised eyebrows.

“Hey, Eren,” Reiner said, “you awake?”

“...” Eren stared at Reiner; just days ago, Eren would have been happy to see him. But now, things were different--now, they were enemies. “Oh...!”

Eren's instincts were telling him to fight, and so the teen wriggled his arms out of his cloak and started to reach toward his blades. But when he looked down at his hips, he noticed two things out of place: one was that his gear was gone, and the other (and more alarming) thing was that his forearms had been reduced to stubs.

“Wha...What is this...?!” Eren gasped. “My arms...”

“Eren, look,” Ymir said, and Eren glanced over at the girl. Both her right arm and right leg were the same as Eren's--stubs that appeared to be oozing steam. “I'm like that, too. Guess we're both having a shitty day, huh?”

“...Ymir...why...are my arms gone...?”

“I did that--sorry,” Reiner replied. Eren glared up at the blond as he added, “We were in too much of a hurry for me to bite you out of the nape cleanly, and your arms were in the way.”

As he lowered his gaze, Eren felt a bitter smile cross his lips. The last thing he could remember was having Reiner's Titan locked in a good hold, and then...it was a blur, but whatever Bertholdt had done after that, it had given Reiner the advantage again.

“I see...” Eren murmured. “I guess I lost, then...”

Eren paused for a moment, staring up at Reiner. He could still hardly believe that this person, who he had thought of as one of his greatest allies, was really a foe of all humanity. He had now won against Eren twice--and that was two times too many.

With a small sneer, Eren quickly brought his forearm up to his mouth.

“Eren!! Stop it!!” Bertholdt pleaded, jumping to his feet. Before Eren could sink his teeth into his skin, he felt his arm being jerked out of his mouth.

“Just wait a sec, Eren,” Ymir said, narrowing her eyes. “Take a good look around us. This is one of the giant forests inside Wall Maria. It seems we're quite a ways away from the wall. And so, of course, that means there are Titans all over the place--look.”

Eren looked down to where Ymir was staring; he could see several Titans at the base of the tree in which they were now sitting. There was even one lying on its back, staring up at them. It was definitely one of the most unusual things he had ever seen a Titan do.

“That one's probably an abnormal type,” Ymir muttered. “It looks like it's just lying there, but its eyes keep looking in our direction. There are a bunch of small ones under us, too--that's _also_ a threat. And over there's a huge one...” Ymir gestured off to her right; sure enough, there was a Titan hiding behind a nearby tree, staring at them with listless eyes. “...Though he's just watching us, not trying to approach us or anything. He's a subtle one, it seems. And then, there’s those guys.”

Releasing her grip on Eren's arm, Ymir put her elbow on Eren's shoulder and pointed up in the tree at Reiner and Bertholdt. Eren had never known Ymir well, but he was pleased that she, too, regarded Reiner and Bertholdt in the same class as the brutish, primitive Titans down below.

“Those bastards are wearing three-dimensional maneuvering gear. Reiner is wearing what you had on,” Ymir pointed out. Eren clenched his teeth as Ymir slid her elbow off and clapped her hand on Eren's shoulder, still glaring up at the duo. “I don't think it's a good idea to be so reckless as to transform into a Titan right now. Not only can they do the same thing, but they can easily escape up into the trees. And even if that wasn't the case, there are just too many other Titans here. It's hard to survive in Titan territory, even if you have Titan powers. Got it? You can't just lose it out here.”

“Actually, you guys can't turn into Titans now anyway,” Reiner interrupted, his arms crossed and his brows furrowed. “It's not that convenient. There's a limit to your physical strength. Right now, it looks like your bodies have their hands full just with trying to recover your limbs.”

“Fuck you,” Eren growled, glaring up at Reiner. “Who cares what you say?”

The air grew heavy as silence fell on the group. After several long seconds of silence, Ymir finally spoke up again.

“...Well, when it comes to Titan powers, I don't know a whole lot, either,” she admitted to Eren. “All I know is they function very differently from us...” She then turned toward the traitors, narrowing her gold eyes. “Hey, Reiner! Didn't you say that you'd talk after Eren woke up? Hurry up and say it: what are you guys gonna do with us now?”

 

…......

 

Bertholdt stared down at Ymir and Eren with pursed lips; as horrible as he felt about the circumstances in which had led them to become enemies, he was relieved to finally have things out in the open. Reiner seemed to be acting more like himself, too. Perhaps not having to keep up the act of a soldier would help him settle down again.

“We're taking you back to our hometown,” Reiner told the other shifters. “We already know that you're not just going to tag along obediently--but as Ymir just said, we're deep in Titan territory. If we try to kill each other now, when we're all weak, we'd just be eaten alive by other Titans. In other words, we have no choice but to stay here until nightfall, when the Titans stop moving. That will be the time when either you try to escape from us, or we take you with us quietly.”

 _I doubt it'll be that simple_ , Bertholdt thought as he caught Eren's spiteful gaze.

“What's your reason for staying here instead of just running back to your 'hometown' as the Armored Titan?” Ymir then asked. “Did you get tired and decide to take a break?”

“...I'll leave that to your imagination,” Reiner replied.

 _Good. Good answer, Reiner._ Bertholdt relaxed his shoulders; he hadn't even realized he had been tense. _There's no need to tell them anything extra. They already know too much_.

“The Titans back at the castle moved just fine in the middle of the night, didn't they?” Ymir countered. “So what about the ones here?”

“These Titans can't move at night,” Reiner answered. “You should have already known that, Ymir.”

 _So much has happened that I almost forgot...Ymir might know things that we don't_ , Bertholdt realized, squatting back down onto the tree branch.

Bertholdt could understand why Eren hated them now--they had affected Eren's life directly with their actions, and it was only fitting that he would be furious. But Ymir was another story entirely; she had hidden things from humanity, too, and even now she knew more about them than they knew about her. She was much more clever than Eren, and her motivations were harder to read. In fact, she really didn't seem too upset about being kidnapped--she instead was acting more like it was an inconvenience.

As much as Bertholdt wanted to turn around and drill Ymir for answers, he knew he could not outsmart her, and so he kept silent. Reiner seemed to be on the same page; he sat down quietly on a tree branch next to him and crossed his arms, a sour look on his face.

“Reiner...” Ymir called out a few minutes later. “We don't have any water, do we? At this rate we're gonna die of dehydration, you know...”

“I know, but...it's impossible to get any in this situation,” Reiner replied.

“You're right,” Ymir stated. “This really sucks...”

“...Now that you mention it...we've been working non-stop...ever since yesterday afternoon, when the Titans showed up.” Reiner's voice was quiet, and his tone seemed much gentler now. Berholdt glanced down at him; from afar, he could see Ymir watching with keen interest. “We've barely had anything to eat or drink, and we haven't even slept...” A small smile crossed the young man's face as he added, “Well, fortunately, the wall wasn't breached, so for now, I'd just like to get some sleep. We can talk about promotions later...”

 _Dammit_ , Bertholdt thought, staring at Reiner in concern. The transition had been so smooth that he hadn’t noticed the change until it was too late.

“...Reiner...” he murmured, but the blond kept on.

“I think...we definitely did enough to deserve it...” he chuckled. “We did quite well in a situation that we knew very little about. As soldiers, we ought to get some kind of consideration or appreciation... That'd be...nice...”

“...Reiner...what the hell are you talking about?” Ymir asked, a sly smile on her face. Bertholdt could tell that she knew what was happening, and he wasn't sure if he was relieved to have someone else know this burden or not.

“Eh? What?” Reiner glanced down at Ymir, looking a bit flustered. He jumped to his feet, laughing, “I'm not saying I should be promoted to Captain right away or anything.”

“That's not...”

“Ah, by the way...! That cannon came outta nowhere, right? You guys really helped out back there. And the whole thing with Krista was...really strange. The truth is, Krista was always especially nice to be but--”

“HEY!” For once, Bertholdt welcomed Eren's angry shouts. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“...Why are you so angry, Eren? Did I say something wrong...?”

“I'm gonna kill you if you keep on talking like everything's just fine!!” Eren screamed, getting to his feet.

“Wait a minute, Eren,” Ymir said cooly, reaching up to grab the teen's cloak. “No matter how you look at it, this just isn't normal... Right, Bertholdt? If you know something, you shouldn't just keep quiet. Tell him.”

 _It's better this way, anyway_ , Bertholdt thought as Reiner turned toward him with a confused look on his face. _Nobody else really gets it but me..._

“...Reiner...you are...not a soldier, remember?” Bertholdt murmured. “We're...warriors...”

“...Yeah...that's...right...” Reiner slowly replied, his voice low. Putting his hand over his eyes, he sat back down on the tree branch, and Bertholdt lowered his chin to his knees.

“Huh...? What's going on...?” Eren asked quietly.

“I think I might have an idea...” Ymir declared. “I thought it was strange that the guy who destroyed the wall would risk his own life to save Connie. But he didn't even realize that he had done something contradictory. I don't exactly know how it happened, but maybe...he was originally a warrior whose goal was to destroy the wall, but somehow, while he was leading a soldier's life, he lost track of his original identity and couldn't tell which was real anymore.”

Bertholdt sat back against the trunk of the tree as Ymir went on.

“Or maybe he couldn't stand the knowledge of what he had done, and to protect his sanity, he escaped to the belief that he really was one of the soldiers protecting the wall, and he submerged himself in that belief, resulting in his consciousness splitting and the creation of false memories. If you take a look at Bertholdt's expression, this must happen quite a bit...or something like that. Amazing--even with your naturally sincere personality, you became like this...”

“Shut up.” Reiner's voice was low but loud and clear. “Shut the fuck up.”

“...Oops. I guess I said too much,” Ymir chuckled.

 

…......

 

Ymir had made a point of not getting attached to her comrades (save for Historia), but she knew that Eren and Reiner had been close, so she wasn't so surprised to see Eren's shock written all over his face.

“St-stop fucking around...” he murmured, staring up at Reiner with wide eyes. “Why are you acting like _you're_ the victim here...? How can you...? What were you thinking when you asked me about that day...?! Huh, Bertholdt? You bastard!”

Ymir glanced up at Bertholdt; his face was solemn but unwavering, and she was surprised to see that he didn't look like his usual nervous wreck.

“I told you, didn't I?” Eren went on. “I told you about my mom getting eaten by a Titan, right? And that a piece of the gate that _you_ destroyed with _your_ kick landed on _my_ house--and my mom wasn't able to escape? You knew...didn't you? You knew what I was talking about... What were you thinking...? Tell me... _What were you thinking?!”_

“...At the time, I felt sorry for you,” Bertholdt answered.

“Ah...is that so...?” Eren breathed, his eyes wide. Ymir had seen him riled up before, but now he looked positively wild--especially in comparison to Bertholdt's solemnity and Reiner's angst. “You guys...you guys are neither soldiers nor warriors... You are just murderers. You killed so many innocent people... You are mass-murdering psychopaths...!!”

“I know that already!” Reiner suddenly shouted, bringing his hand away from his eyes at last. “I don't need _you_ to tell me!”

“Then don't go around grieving as if you actually give a fuck!!” Eren screamed. “You guys aren't human!! You're the ones who turned this world into a living hell!! D'you get that, you murderers?!”

“What the hell do you _want_ from us, then?! Do you want us to atone?! To apologize?! To tell you 'killing is bad'?! Will that satisfy you?!” This was the most eloquent Ymir had ever heard Reiner be, but she could tell by the look on Eren's face that he wasn’t moved by these words. “The people you knew don't exist anymore!! If screaming makes you feel better, then carry on!!”

Reiner's last words echoed in the forest for a moment, then faded into silence. For once, Ymir felt bad for them--all three of them. She had seen them together a lot during training, and even after they joined the Corps. They had obviously been close, but none of that mattered now. It had all been a giant waste of time, and now nobody was going to budge to do anything to help things get better.

“...You're right,” Eren murmured at last. “I'm being naive... There's nothing I can do...except to make sure...that you both die in the most excruciating way possible... I swear...I will...”

 _You're making the enemies of humanity look good, Eren_ , Ymir thought as she clicked her tongue in disgust.

“No, not like that...” she muttered.

“Huh?”

“Eren, c'mon... I can't expect anything of you if you keep saying childish shit like that...”

“What?”

“I'm saying that if you make such small fries your enemies, it's not much of a match.” Ymir turned her gaze back to Reiner; they had gotten far off-topic, and at this rate, she would not have enough information to make her getaway at sundown worth the effort. “Hey, Reiner. What was that monkey?”

“Monkey?” Reiner echoed. “What do you mean?”

“Hm? You don't know? I mean, considering that you two were gawking at it with twinkling eyes at the time...”

“...What's this about a monkey?” Eren asked.

“Well, listen: that monkey, the Beast Titan, was the main culprit behind the uproar this time around. It brought forth Titans inside the walls...maybe to measure our strength?”

“So these two are after that Titan's location?” Eren asked. Ymir shrugged, turning to Reiner and Bertholdt.

“If you find him, you'll be able to go back to your hometown, right?”

“Y-you...” Ymir glanced back up at Eren; to her surprise, he was staring down at her now. “Tell me everything you know!!”

“Wait a sec--our situation doesn't exactly allow for that right now.” Ymir narrowed her eyes, sighing. It was really too bad that Eren was the other person here with her right now. She had hoped for a more...intelligent ally. “But, well... Eren, if you think killing those two will put an end to all of our troubles, you're making a big mistake.”

“What is the enemy?!”

“Enemy?” Ymir scoffed. “If I say that, it--”

“YMIR!!”

Startled by Reiner's sudden shout, Ymir whirled her head around to face him. Despite the tone of his voice, though, his expression was surprisingly gentle.

“Do you think that this world has a future?” he asked her.

Ymir stayed silent, staring up at Reiner with wide eyes. It was a question she had never really given much thought before--or at least, not in this lifetime. After all, she had promised herself a long time ago that she would live only for herself, and she was still planning on doing just that. But it was worth thinking about, whether or not this world would last much longer...

The longer Ymir stayed silent, the more Reiner's face began to harden, and soon the intensity had returned to his eyes.

“If you know that much, think about the path you should take from here,” he told her. “It's still possible for you to come over to our side, isn't it?”

“Are you telling me to trust you?” Ymir chuckled darkly. “No way! There's no way you two'll trust me, either.”

“That isn't true. I can trust you. Your goal is to protect Krista, right?”

Again, Ymir fell silent. Here she was, having thought that she was the only invulnerable one in their current circumstances...but Reiner had read her like a book. Was it that obvious?

“That's the one instance in which we should be able to rely on each other,” Reiner continued. “It might seem like I'm joking but...don't you think we can agree that we both want to do something for Krista? And, do you really think that Eren's powers are more reliable than ours?”

“Huh?!” Eren gasped loudly, obviously insulted. Ymir looked up at him, her gaze steady and harsh. Reiner was right--Eren had heart, but he did not know how to control his powers like Reiner and Bertholdt did.

“It seems like you were planning on using Eren to get out of here. You're probably thinking that you have to save your own ass before we take you away.” Reiner's voice lowered as his expression darkened. “If I’m being honest with you, you're right. We can't really guarantee your safety, either. But when it comes to Krista, there might just be something we can do.”

 _How the hell do YOU know_? Ymir wanted to snap back, but she bit her tongue. Arguing with Reiner now was not going to help things--he was right, and the choice had been practically made for her. _...This isn't much different than how things were before, huh...?_

“Your own little life...or Krista's future...it's up to you.”

Lowering her gaze, Ymir pursed her lips. Reiner was making this seem like there were two options to choose between, but really, they were one and the same.

“HEY!” Eren shouted, and Ymir gave him a side-glance. “What about the identity of the enemy?!”

“...Who knows,” Ymir sighed before turning away from the teen.

Obviously frustrated, Eren growled under his breath and turned away from her; Reiner turned away as well, and soon he and Bertholdt started a private conversation.

 _I spent years eavesdropping,_ Ymir thought. _Time to get back into practice, I guess..._

But it was a fruitless effort--the only words she caught were names of familiar people and places, and the rest was just garbled nonsense. At this rate, she really would have to go with them. She didn't have any other choice.

Suddenly, interrupting Ymir's tumultuous thoughts, she heard the popping sound of the 3D gear in action, and in the blink of an eye, Reiner had jumped down in front of Eren.

“Wha!? What is it, Reiner?” It's not night yet,” Eren breathed, taking a step back away from the blond.

“Oh well. We're leaving,” he grunted in response. “Eren, don't put up unnecessary resistance, all right?”

Eren narrowed his eyes at Reiner for a moment, then let out a cold laugh.

“...Hey, no need to act so violent, yeah?” he said, holding up his arms. “Look at what kind of condition I'm in... I could hardly resist like this, right? C'mon now...”

As Bertholdt landed beside her, Ymir watched Eren swing his elbow at Reiner's face, smacking him in the teeth. The impact of the blow knocked him onto his back on the tree branch. “DIE! DIE!!”

Despite Eren's desperate struggling, he was still helpless without his hands, and soon Reiner had the teen in a choke-hold. It was almost a funny sight; Eren looked like a bird flailing under a predator's grasp.

“I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!” Eren screamed.

“...Hey, Bertl, why are we leaving already?” Ymir asked. The brunet turned to her, a sad expression on his face.

“Ymir...” he mumbled. “...After you went back to being human, were you still able to remember who you ate?”

That was not what she had been expecting at all. She could understand why he would ignore her question but...why would he ask _this_ so suddenly?

“...No?” she answered, raising an eyebrow. “I don't remember, but...that was about five years ago...” Suddenly, everything clicked. “Was it one of your comrades?”

Bertholdt's answer was written all over his face. There was a far-off look in his eyes, and Ymir could not help but feel a prick of guilt.

“I see... I'm sorry...I don't even remember...”

“It can't be helped if you don't remember,” Bertholdt said quietly, turning away from her to look down at Eren and Reiner, the former of which was now biting into his arm, trying to trigger a transformation. “...It was the same for us, too.”

“I see... Eren doesn't seem to remember, either...so it's that kind of thing, huh...? Do you hate me?”

“I don't...really know,” Bertholdt replied. “I'm sure you didn't want to eat anyone, either... Just how long were you wandering around outside the walls?”

Ymir paused; she wasn't sure if sharing this kind of information would come back to bite her in the ass later, but if she was going to tell anyone, she wouldn't find many better people to tell than the normally docile Bertholdt.

“About sixty years,” she finally told him. “It was like...I was having a never-ending nightmare...”

 


	47. For My Own Sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ymir knows that she is the key.  
> What will she do with her power?   
> Is there even a right choice?

_“How...did this happen...?”_ _Levi murmured as he gently placed a hand on Hanji's bruised forehead. Her eyelids fluttered a little in response; she was definitely still alive, but she seemed too weak to even open her eyes. Levi had never seen her like this before, and it was anything but a pleasant sight. He had always hated hospitals, anyway._

_“We don't know all the details,” Rowen replied, shrugging a bit, “but from what we were told, the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan appeared where Hanji and the others were.”_

_“That explains the sudden summons for you two to join Erwin,” Levi replied, “but that doesn't explain what happened to this one.”_

_“She and the others were injured in some kind of explosion,” Catherine murmured. “I heard that the Colossal Titan threw its body fall off of the top of the wall and down on top of the Armored Titan and Eren's Titan, who were fighting below. After that...they disappeared.”_

_“And?” Levi said impatiently, glancing up at Catherine and Rowen. He did not understand why they were being so hesitant to tell him everything. They shouldn't have had any reason to distrust him or withhold information from him._

_“Commander Erwin is leading a team out to chase them down,” Catherine finally replied. “But, Levi...it's been hours since Eren was kidnapped. The chance that they'll be able to bring him back is...not very high.”_

Damn that Erwin _, Levi thought, pursing his lips._ Always pulling the most dangerous stunts without us...

_“Anyway, I'm sure Hanji and the others will be able to tell us more when they wake up,” Rowen said with a gentle smile. “For now, we'll just have to wait.”_

 

“For now, we need to focus on finding a place without Titans around,” Reiner called back over his shoulder to Bertholdt. The brunet nodded, as did Ymir, who had her arms wrapped securely around Bertholdt's neck and shoulders. Though Eren had put up a struggle, Ymir seemed quite content, and Reiner realized that she had made her choice: she would be joining them, after all. With Ymir now compliant and Eren now unconscious, they would be able to make a relatively smooth getaway through the forest with their gear.

“First, we've gotta get away from those ones,” Reiner continued, glancing at the Titans chasing after them. “My Titan is slow-footed, so if we are surrounded, I won't be able to protect you guys very well.”

“So why didn't we wait until nighttime, then?!” Ymir snapped.

Before Reiner or Bertholdt could speak up, Reiner caught sight of a couple of pillars of green smoke on the horizon. They had lost precious time; the Survey Corps was already much closer to them than they had been only minutes before.

“...?! Signal flares?! The Survey Corps came to rescue us!” Ymir exclaimed in disbelief.

“Shit...” Reiner muttered, glancing back at Eren, who was tied securely onto his back. “All the way here already... This is all because Eren had to go nuts back there...”

Of course, none of this was really any surprise to Reiner. He had known from the start that Eren was going to put up a fight. That was just Eren's nature, and also the nature of the circumstances. But still, it was inconvenient, and because of the delay his struggling had caused, they might lose everything they had worked so hard to gain.

“REINER!! IT'S KRISTA!!”

“Wha!?” Reiner gasped, Ymir's sudden shout startling him out of his thoughts.

“Krista's come all the way here!” Ymir screamed at him. “If you're going to take her, now is the time!!”

“How do you know she’s there?!” Reiner shouted back. “You can't have possibly seen here from here!”

“She's definitely here!” Ymir argued. “She's a good person, to idiotic extremes! She came to save me!!”

Ymir was not wrong--Krista was definitely good-natured to an almost dangerous extreme, and considering her actions at Castle Utgard, she would definitely join the Survey Corps soldiers to find Ymir.

“Even if you're right, we can't now!” Reiner countered. “We'll have to wait for another opportunity!”

“Huh!?”

“The likelihood of success is low now, right? Just how to plan to take Krista out from the middle of their ranks!? Wait for your chance!!”

“ _Wait for my chance?!_ ” Ymir growled. “Like after I'm devoured by your warriors?! No way! I can't trust you!”

“TRUST US!” Reiner was getting frustrated now--there was just no way to plan for anything if Ymir was going to keep switching sides and changing her mind. “We need Krista as well!!”

“Then do it now! Prove it to me right now! I-it has to be _now_!!” Ymir's voice quieted, and when Reiner glanced back at her, he could see her eyes were wide. She was pleading with them now, something Reiner had never imagined Ymir would ever do. “I want to see her now... At this rate...I won't ever be able to see her again, right?”

“We can't,” Bertholdt interrupted, gritting his teeth. “I'm sorry, Ymir... I don't even know if _we_ get away as things are, under these circumstances...”

“I promise you, Ymir!” Reiner shouted. “We will make sure Krista remains unharmed during all of this! We will..!”

Despite saying this, Reiner still did not feel confident. After all, part of this also depended on Krista's will--if she decided not to cooperate with them, then they would have no other choice but to force her into it. Reiner did not want to hurt Krista, but if he had to choose between her and Bertholdt, the answer was clear.

 _I will not let anyone else die for my sake_ , Reiner told himself, narrowing his eyes as he zoomed through the trees.

“...When it comes to the geography here, I'm the strongest,” Ymir declared, breaking the silence once again.

“Ymir?” Reiner turned to look at the young woman; her arms were now wrapped around Bertholdt's neck and face, one hand covering his right eye.

“Eh!? Hey, l-let go!” Bertholdt stammered, wobbling on the wires of his gear. “Ymir...!?”

“That being said, don't you think _I'm_ in charge here?”

“Wha--? Ymir, let go!” Bertholdt exclaimed, clumsily shooting one of his hooks into a nearby tree to try to regain his balance. “We're gonna fall!”

“I'll be fine,” Ymir said, uncovering Bertholdt's eye. “If I turn into a Titan, I won't be as powerful as your Titans, but I can make use of these trees and move much more quickly. I can probably even take Eren from you and go right to where the Corps is... If you guys don't go get Krista right now, I'll fight you guys here and get in your way.”

“What'll happen to Krista?!” Reiner shouted, his anger at a boiling point. “We won't be able to help her because of _your_ selfishness!!”

“Yeah...but that's fine,” Ymir said, putting her hand over her heart and looking up at Reiner with tear-filled eyes. “Even if it means taking away Krista's future...I want to see her. Because...I really am a shitty human being. You guys don't understand, do you? She smiled at me, and she was kind to me, despite knowing what kind of person I am...”

“You...” Reiner brought himself down to her level, staring her down.

“Don't get angry,” she told him, mussing Bertholdt's hair. “I do have a plan. I'll fight as well, so it'll be easier to get away than it is now!”

Suddenly, Ymir grabbed a hold of Bertholdt's hair and pulled his head closer to hers. “OR SHOULD WE KILL EACH OTHER INSTEAD?! HUH?! YOU THINK I'M FUCKING WITH YOU?!”

 

…......

 

“I don't like the looks of this,” Milena murmured to herself as a bright flash of light appeared in the forest ahead of them. She could hear her comrades around her gasping and whispering. Everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing: that light was from someone transforming into a Titan. The question was, who?

“Everyone, split up!” Commander Erwin shouted, and Milena's grip on her horse's reins tightened. “Find Eren and take him back! We can assume that the enemies have already transformed into Titans! Battle is not the priority! No matter what, prioritize Eren's retrieval!!”

As the Commander called out his orders, several smaller Titans began to rush out from the forest, straight toward their forces.

“This way!” Hannes exclaimed, jerking his horse to the left.

“Follow Captain Hannes!” Milena cried back to her squad mates.

Milena did not consider herself the best strategist, and she knew that she was not as clever or smart as many of her friends. But at this point, even the most intelligent soldiers must have been at a loss of what to make of this situation.

They had been riding full speed toward this forest, soldiers from all three regiments working together as a single unit, and they had one target: Eren Jaeger. The objective was relatively straight-forward, and it was also quite clear who their enemies were. Still, Milena felt as though they were riding right into chaos. Splitting up did not seem like the logical choice; letting each regiment have complete control of their individual actions could end up a mess. After all, it was obvious that no one from the Military Police was happy to be there, and most of the Garrison soldiers that had come along were probably never expecting a mission like this.

 _We don't have a choice anymore_ , Milena told herself as she leaned forward on her horse. She could see many of her friends in the Survey Corps riding ahead of her, and Yasmin and Rosaleen rode beside her. _...But, even if other people bail out, at least Eren has us._

“Phil! Lead all the horses around the forest!” Hannes shouted to the Garrison soldier on his right.

“Got it!” the man cried as Hannes shot his hooks into a nearby tree.

“The enemies should be trying to exit the forest!” he called down to the others. “SCATTER!”

 _I see..._ Clenching her teeth, Milena turned toward her squad; they all looked terrified, but no one had run off, and her heart swelled with pride.

“Half of you, come with me!” she commanded. “The rest, follow Phil!”

“Milena!?” Rosaleen gasped, but Milena did not stop. Following after Hannes, she shot up toward the trees. She could see her Survey Corps comrades doing the same, and soon Yasmin and Rosaleen had joined her. If they could recover Eren here and now, then they would have a better chance of survival. There was no way that Reiner or Bertholdt could safely transform in this dense of a forest.

Just then, Milena heard a loud, shrill cry ring through the trees, startling her out of her thoughts.

“A Titan's cry!?” one of her squad members gasped. She could hear others shouting behind her, but Milena kept moving forward. All of them were now following Mikasa and Armin's lead.

 _It only makes sense that this falls to us,_ she realized, pursing her lips. _The 104_ _th_ _class of trainees...back together again..._!!

Once again, Milena was jolted back to reality, this time by a startling sight: a long-limbed, big-headed Titan was perched on a tree right in front of them. It looked as if it had been waiting for them to arrive.

“How it'd get in a place like this!?” a Survey Corps soldier cried, pulling out his blades.

“Please wait!” Connie exclaimed, his eyes wide. He landed on the tree right next to the Titan; to Milena's surprise, the Titan didn't even flinch. “It's Ymir! This is Ymir's Titan form!”

“No way...” Rosaleen breathed.

“It's really true,” Yasmin added. “And we never even knew...”

“Hey! Ymir!” Connie leaned down into the Titan's face. “What happened? Why are you alone?!”

As if trying to avoid Connie's gaze, Ymir quickly looked away. Milena could tell she was scanning their surroundings, looking at each of them in turn.

“Where's Eren?! What about Reiner...and Bertholdt?!”

“That's Ymir!?” Armin gasped from nearby.

“Did she transform into a Titan and fight with the others?” Mikasa suggested, her eyes wide.

“Ymir!?” Jean's shout was much harsher than Connie's had been. His impatience was rearing its ugly head. “Did you get away from Reiner and the others? Where did they go?!”

Still, Ymir had no other response than to continue to scan their faces. Her beady eyes were darting back and forth quickly through the trees.

“Hey, say something, you moron!” Connie cried, kicking Ymir in the head. “We're in a hurry!”

“Can she even talk?” Yasmin wondered out loud.

“Is she looking out for Reiner and the others!?” Armin gasped. “...Something's...not right. Why is she looking at us like that, one by one?”

“So it's not just me thinking that!” Milena whispered, whipping her head around toward Armin. But before she could say anything more, another voice echoed through the trees.

“Ymir!!” It was Krista; she was flying toward the group at full-speed, a bright smile on her face. “Thank goodness you're okay!”

Suddenly, Ymir sprang to life at last; she leaped from the tree trunk toward Krista, and in a single bite, she closed her mouth around the blonde. Then, with incredible agility that Ymir had never bothered displaying during training, she bounded against a nearby tree, and within a few seconds, she was making her getaway.

“...She...ate Krista...” Connie breathed. Milena could feel her throat closing up. She didn't want to think of any more of their comrades as monsters, but after seeing that...

“Don't just stand there!” Jean shouted. “After her!!”

“She so fast!” Armin exclaimed as they all began the chase. “She's getting away!”

“Why did she...”

“I never really thought she was on our side to begin with!” Jean interrupted Mikasa, his anger evident by his tone.

“Yeah, she's clearly against us!” Armin agreed. “She's working with Reiner and Bertholdt! We fell right into her trap!!”

 _Dammit...!!_ Milena then saw another bright light just ahead of them, and the forest seemed to tremble around her, as if being shaken by an earthquake. But she knew what it had to be--if Ymir was working with Reiner and Bertholdt, and if they still had Eren, now they could make a quick getaway since they were near the edge of the forest. And the safest, quickest way would be...

“They're using Reiner..!!” Rosaleen screamed as they reached the edge of the forest.

Sure enough, the setting sun was illuminating the massive silhouette of the Armored Titan. Milena could just barely make out something sitting on its shoulders; when she reached the very last row of trees, she could see Bertholdt, Eren, and Ymir in her Titan form there with him.

“Ah...” Mikasa breathed, tears audible in her voice.

“This is bad...! Eren's being taken away!” Armin cried.

“Don't stop!” Milena instinctively turned her head at the sound of Hannes’ voice. “Use the horses and go after them!”

“That's right!” Milena whispered, looking down. She could see Phil and the rest of her squad members just below them, the extra horses galloping alongside them. “Let's go!!”

Hopping down from the tree branch, Milena swung her way down to her horse, mounting it as quickly as she could. Eren and the others were still in sight--they had not lost yet.

 

…......

 

Historia had not lost consciousness after Ymir had snatched her up, but she really would have rather not felt the disgusting sensation of Ymir's spit encompassing her body, nor the sweltering heat. She could not see or hear anything, and she could barely even breathe through the strange stench of the inside of the Titan's mouth. Still, she had been through worse, and so she waited, knowing that if this was really Ymir, there would be an explanation to follow.

 _After all, she targeted me specifically_ , Historia told herself. _There must be...something..._

Finally, after what felt like hours, Historia felt something close around her body, and a few moments later, she was out in fresh air again. Panting, she slowly opened her eyes to see Ymir's Titan form staring down at her. She let out a quiet grunt as she writhed in the Titan's hand, but before she could free herself, Historia saw a spray of steam shoot up from the nape of its neck.

“Ymir!?” she called out. Sure enough, the brunette was emerging from her Titan. There were still strands of the Titan's muscle and flesh attached to her face, and the teen was gasping for breath as if she had just been running for miles.

“Kri--No, Historia...” Historia's heart fluttered as she heard Ymir say her real name at last. “I'm sorry. Suddenly swallowing you...like that...” Ymir's words were broken up by gasps and coughs. Historia couldn't help but wonder if this was a normal thing that Titan shifters could do. “Are you mad...at me?”

Before Historia could answer, she felt someone else's eyes on her, and she looked up just in time to catch Bertholdt's gaze. The young man looked like even more of a nervous wreck than usual; on his back was Eren, who was clearly unconscious and had been bound and tied securely to Bertholdt.

“Ah...! Ymir...what _is_ this!?” Historia cried. “What are you doing?! We cam to save you and Eren--”

“You didn't have to do that!” Ymir interrupted. “Just hush for a sec! I'm going along with Reiner and Bertholdt! You, too--come with me! There's no future inside these walls!”

“Wha...”

“Got it, Historia?! It's not so bad outside the walls,” Ymir went on as Historia stared at her, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. “There's nobody there who will say that things would be better off if you were never born.”

“Of course the Titans wouldn't say something like that!” Historia screeched. “Aren't they way too busy trying to eat us?!”

“E-Everyone has a fault or two, right?! If you can just ignore that bit, they aren't so bad!”

“Ymir!? I don't get what you're saying _or_ what you're doing...!!” Historia paused, glancing at Bertholdt again. Ymir's persuasive skills were usually much stronger than this; if anyone knew this, it was Historia. But now... “...As I thought...you're being threatened by Reiner and Bertholdt, right?”

“...It's the opposite...” Bertholdt mumbled, but Historia ignored him.

“That's what this is, right, Ymir?!” she screamed. “Let go of me--I'll fight with you!! Even if you have your own reasons, and even if there are things you can't tell me, no matter what, _I'm on your side_!!”

Historia stared down at Ymir; she could see that there were tears forming in her eyes, and the expression on Ymir's face was something that couldn't be expressed with words.

“YMIR!!” Bertholdt shouted suddenly, interrupting their moment. “Look...the Survey Corps has already caught up. If we had left right away, we would have been able to escape faster. It's because you just _had_ to bring Krista along... Now they'll definitely catch up...”

Historia glanced behind them to see a group of soldiers heading toward them. She could see Mikasa and Armin's faces in the crowd, as well as many of their other friends. Or were they friends now? Everything had become so confusing.

“Ah...Ymir...” Bertholdt whimpered. He then looked up at Ymir, desperation written all over his face. “Just what have we been doing all this up until now for?! Did you change your mind again? Are you planning to leave Krista inside the walls for your own sake this time? What, Ymir?!”

“Ymir, hurry!!” Historia shouted. “Let go of me!”

“I can't!” Ymir shrieked, and both Bertholdt and Historia fell silent. “...Historia...to be honest, the reason I grabbed you was...to save myself. Long ago, I stole the 'Titan's power' from a friend of these two. Their strength is absolute, and now there's no place for me to run, within the walls or beyond them. At this rate, I'll be killed. But...if I were to cooperate by handing you over to them, these guys said that in turn, they would overlook my offense. After all, you're an important person to the wall cult, and you know the secrets of the walls.”

Upon hearing her words, Historia suddenly recalled their training back in the snowy forest. At that time, Ymir had admitted that she knew the truth, and now...

“When this world finally changes, if I'm with you, then it'll serve as insurance for the future,” Ymir continued. “I was ready to die in that battle at the tower...from the bottom of my heart, I’ve hit my limit. I'm scared of dying... I want to be saved. Even though I told you that it was for your sake, or some shit like that, in reality, it's all for my own. Please...Historia... Please... _help me!!!_ ”

Historia looked down at Ymir; she had never seen her look so pathetic, and it didn't suit her one bit. The Ymir she knew was strong, stubborn, and fierce. Historia didn't know all the details of what had happened to her, but she knew she wanted to bring that part of Ymir back.

“I told you, didn't I, Ymir?” she laughed. “No matter what, I'm on your side!”

 

…......

 

_We're so close..._

Mikasa repeated this thought over and over in her head as she and the other soldiers slowly caught up to Reiner's giant strides. He wasn't moving very quickly, which meant his armor was fully intact, but even from down on her horse, Mikasa could see that Bertholdt was the one who had Eren tied to his back. Therefore, Bertholdt would be her first target.

She knew she could not mess up again. It didn't matter that Captain Levi or Commander Erwin, or even Hannes, was counting on her. This was personal. She was going to get Eren back, and she would not let herself fail again.

Once they were in close range, several Survey Corps soldiers took off on their gear toward the Titans, but Mikasa waited a moment. There was one factor left to weigh in before she could make her move: Ymir.

As a soldier shot past Mikasa on his gear, she again looked up at the small Titan perched on the Armored Titan's shoulder. Was Ymir their ally or not? She had eaten Krista, so it was safer to assume she was another enemy at this point.

Mikasa let out a quiet gasp as she watched Ymir grab the Survey Corps soldier's wire and toss him to the ground. She could see that Eren was awake now—it was time to make her move. Just as she always did, Mikasa moved swiftly and skillfully as she shot her hook into Ymir's leg, then swooped across her face, driving her blades into the Titan's left eye.

Ymir's scream was unsettling, no doubt, but Mikasa had more important matters to attend to. Snagging an unarmored spot on Reiner's shoulder, she kept her eyes locked on Eren and Bertholdt as she sped toward them. Bertholdt, however, scrambled off of Reiner's shoulder, a terrified look on his face. He jumped onto the Titan's chest, staring at Mikasa all the while.

“Reiner!” he shouted. “Protect us!!”

Mikasa could see what was happening; as quickly as she could, she rushed down toward Bertholdt, but before she could reach him, the Armored Titan's hands closed around them, sealing him and Eren away. Mikasa's blade shattered as it collided with the hard skin of the Titan--she had been so close, and even now, she could see Bertholdt's frightened gaze in the gaps of Reiner's fingers.

_Maybe..._

Before Mikasa could figure out a way to reach into Reiner's hands, she noticed a shadow closing in from above. She was able to dodge Ymir's grasp just in time, and she shot off on her gear again, swinging herself around toward Ymir's back.

 _As I thought..._ Mikasa realized, reloading her blades. _First, I have to kill Ymir!_

Her attempted strike was interrupted yet again, this time by a familiar face, and one of the last people Mikasa had expected to see.

“Mikasa, WAIT!!” Krista cried, appearing from Ymir's tangled hair.

“Krista?!” Mikasa gasped, landing on the back of the Armored Titan's head.

“Wait! Don't kill Ymir!”

“...That depends on Ymir, doesn't it?” Mikasa snapped. “What are you gonna do? I'm going to kill anyone who gets in my way, so choose!”

“WAIT!!” Krista screeched. “Ymir will be killed if she doesn't obey them! She has no choice!”

“...” Mikasa stared down at Krista, gritting her teeth. She could understand Krista's way of thought--it ran parallel to her own, after all, and in itself, there was really nothing wrong with that--but Ymir had clearly chosen to become their enemy, and there wasn't anything Mikasa could do about that.

“...There's a limit to the lives that I can care about,” Mikasa hissed. “And...that was already decided six years ago...so, asking me for compassion is a mistake. After all, I have no heart or time to spare.”

Mikasa could tell that Krista was scared, but she didn't care anymore.

“Krista... Eren, or Ymir--who will it be? Will you get in my way, too?”

Before Krista could respond, Ymir let out another scream; to Mikasa's surprise, Krista smacked the Titan on the head.

“Ymir, stop it!” she shouted. “Don't resist, or you'll die! Don't move!”

Narrowing her eyes, Mikasa tightened the grip on her blades and looked down toward Reiner's hands. They would end this here and now.

 


	48. Thrown Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no escape from this hell without sacrifices.   
> Who will be the one to make them?

_“Your turn again, Sasha!”_

_“Okay, here I go!!”_

_Rosaleen couldn't help but grin as Sasha grabbed the dice from the wooden floor of their dorm room and shook them in an over-exaggerated manner._

_“Oh my god, hurry up,” Erin laughed._

_“We have an hour until lights out,” Mikasa reminded her._

_“Ah, yeah...” Sighing, Sasha tossed the dice out in front of her. “...Five! That gets me two cards and a space, right?”_

_Rolling over onto her back, Rosaleen watched as a now upside-down Sasha moved her game piece a space forward. She could see Annie grimace and Mikasa smirk._

_“Your reign of terror is almost at an end there, dear Annie,” Ymir laughed._

_“Don't call me that.”_

_Despite Annie's deep frown, Rosaleen could swear that she saw a glimmer of amusement in the blonde's eyes. Or maybe it was just her imagination--but still, the atmosphere was bright, and it was hard not to feel giddy. Rosaleen had never expected to have this kind of fun in the military, but she could not complain. On the contrary, it was like her old life in Sina and her new life as a trainee had merged together for the better. She couldn't help feeling optimstic--if things were like this now, they would probably be even more fun in the Garrison. There would be even more friends to make and bonds to forge. She could turn to any of them at any time--she trusted them, and she hope they trusted her. It was a good feeling._

_Yes, the military had been the right choice._

 

 _Why the hell did I join the military, again..._? Jean wondered as he unsheathed his blades and followed after Armin and Connie. _Oh, yeah--to live in the interior. That went straight to shit. Not that I expected the Survey Corps to be a blast... I just never thought I'd be holding my blades at my old friends like this..._

If Jean had to choose who he liked better between Reiner and Bertholdt or Eren, he would have chosen the former two. Had someone asked him if he thought Reiner and Bertholdt were capable of this treachery, he would have laughed. He had never imagined that he would ever be trying to rescue his rival in love and the most annoying kid he knew from these two, but here they were. Now, Jean wanted to know _why_.

When Jean reached the Armored Titan's shoulder, he could hear Bertholdt's muffled voice shouting from inside the safety of Reiner's hands.

“Eren, stop it! Don't struggle!” came his desperate cries.

“Like that'll ever happen,” Jean laughed, kneeling down on the Titan's shoulder. “Carrying him like that was a mistake, huh? He's noisy, and to be honest, he's beyond help for it. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about--I hate him, too, after all!” Keeping his voice as amicable as possible, he then added, “Let's tie him up together. Well? Come on out!”

“Bertholdt...” Mikasa breathed. “Give him back!”

“You lied to us, Bertholdt?” Connie whimpered. “Reiner? Were you fooling us all along, up until now? That's...cruel...”

Jean felt his stomach clench as he stared down at Reiner's giant hands. Bertholdt was not answering them, and it made Jean want to scream. They had already lost Annie as a source of information--and now Bertholdt and Reiner were clamming up? What the hell had they done to deserve this kind of treatment?

“Oi, oi, oi, are you guys trying to get away like this?” Jean asked. “C'mon, you guys... Aren't we comrades that shared hardships under a single roof together for over three years? Bertholdt...” Jean let out a quiet laugh. “It was almost artistic, how terrible you looked when you were asleep! At some point, everybody started to look forward to your next masterpiece each morning! We'd even predict the weather for the day that way...but...you...”

Jean's voice trailed off for a moment as he recalled Marco's lifeless face again.

“...You sure slept quite soundly, didn't you...? Considering you were a perpetrator, together with your victims.”

He fell silent after that last statement; any more, and those haunting memories would take him over. What was their reasoning behind all of this? Why would they try to destroy all of humanity? Nothing made sense to Jean at that moment.

“Was it all a lie?!” Connie cried. “When we all pledge to survive...when we said that we'd all live to become old men, and drink away the days together...all of that...was it a lie? Well?! You...you guys... What have you been thinking up until now?!”

“There's no need to know that,” Mikasa cut in, her eyes narrowed. “Just concentrate on cutting their necks. If you hesitate for even a moment, we won't be able to get Eren back. They are a plague upon mankind--that's all you need to know.”

Jean stared at Mikasa in a mix of awe and fear. It was almost disconcerting how easily she could detach herself from these old friends of there's, just for Eren's sake. And the fact that she called Reiner and Bertholdt a plague? Was she forgetting that Eren, too, was a Titan shifter?

Before Jean or anyone else could call out Mikasa's bias, though, a muffle whimper came from inside the Armored Titan's hand.

“Who... WHO?!” Bertholdt's cry made Jean jump; he had never heard the young man raise his voice before. “WHO DO YOU THINK ACTUALLY _WANTS_ TO KILL PEOPLE?!”

Stunned, Jean sat back on his heels, staring down at the Titan's hand.

“Who likes doing something like this?! Who do you think _wants_ to do this!? Even if we were hated by everyone, even if we were to be killed...we did what was natural. What's done can't be undone. But...we...couldn't be forgiven. Only the time we were acting as soldiers was enjoyable. It _wasn't_ lie, Connie!! Jean!! It's true that we deceived everyone, but not everything was a lie!! I really did think of us as comrades! We...have no way to apologize...but...somebody, please...somebody...I'm begging you, somebody, please find us...”

Bertholdt's last few words faded out into desperate sobs and whimpers. He did not sound like a seventeen year old boy--he sounded like a lost child. Jean really was not sure of what to think anymore. There was just not enough information to make a good judgment call.

“Bertholdt, give Eren back,” Mikasa said firmly.

“I can't,” Bertholdt replied, and Jean watched Mikasa's face darken in an instant. “Somebody has to do it. Somebody...will have to stain their hands with blood.”

Before any of them could ask what Bertholdt meant, they were interrupted by Captain Hannes' shout.

“Get away from there, guys!!” he cried. Jean lifted his head and faced forward; he had almost forgotten where they were or what they were doing, but now reality was back and hitting him hard. No more than a few hundred meters away, a few dozen Titans were running their way--Commander Erwin was leading them, his face hardened with determination.

“Jump off--NOW!” Hannes commanded them, and without a moment of hesitation, Jean swung down toward the horses, leaving Eren behind.

 

…......

 

_Fuck...my strength can only get us so far...!_

Cringing as he felt yet another Titan attempt to sink its jaws into his Titan's skin, Reiner rammed his shoulder into another Titan nearby. He knew he was the strongest out of all the Titan surrounding him, but he was still at a clear disadvantage. Not only was he outnumbered, but he wasn't just protecting himself. Bertholt, Eren, and Krista were all still in human form, and at this point he could not afford to lose any of them.

 _Commander Erwin...that crazy bastard..._ Reiner thought as he struggled against the frenzied Titans. _It's almost impressive how insane he is--he's probably even worse than me!_

Had the situation not been so bleak, Reiner would have laughed at this thought, but he had bigger problems to take care of, and having a sense of humor would not help any of them.

Through the chaos of the hungry Titans, he could see the soldiers lined up on the horizon, staring up at him with wide eyes. It was surely quite the spectacle; after all, it wasn't every day that they would see Titan cannibalism at work like this. Or were they more horrified that _Eren_ might be hurt?

 _That's probably it..._ Reiner realized as he shook a smaller Titan off of his leg. _They don't give a damn about me or Bertholdt anymore. I can't blame them--we're traitors, after all. But if they'd just...let us be..._

Deep down, Reiner knew he was isolated. He knew that those friends he had made in the military were people who had befriended another side of him--a fake side of him, no less. They were all but concerned with the _real_ him; instead, their thoughts and affections rested with a lie. But it still hurt. If the world was not so fucked up, if only they were on the same side...he would have so many wonderful people to turn to in times of need, and he would never have to worry about pretending again.

Suddenly, Commander Erwin's voice rang out through the air.

“ALL UNITS, CHARGE!”

 _Dammit!_ Gritting his teeth, Reiner slammed his elbow into yet another mindless Titan. _They're gonna rush us...!_

Things had gone from bad to worse in a flash; Reiner was now immobilized by the Titans, and he still had to protect Bertholdt and Eren. He had left Ymir to protect Krista, and he could feel her moving around while guarding the nape of his neck, but she was smaller than most of these Titans, and it was only a matter of time before one of the bigger ones would snatch both her and Krista away.

 _I can't move...but I have to shake off these Titans, otherwise things are just going to get worse and worse,_ Reiner told himself. He had to fight somehow, or this would be their end. And it wouldn't be just him, either--all five of them could die. This was not how Reiner wanted to go down, and he would rather face an eternity in hell than let the one true friend he had meet this kind of ending.

Still, there was hope--Reiner could feel the hooks from Bertholdt's gear in his Titan's collarbone, and he knew that if he acted quickly, he could still get them out of this.

 _Hang in there, Bertholdt!_ he thought as he brought one hand away from his throat to knock away a small Titan. _Just a bit longer! Just a little bit longer!!_

Taking his other hand down from his neck, Reiner slammed his left fist into a Titan's face and rammed his right fist into another's jaw.

 _If I can just keep this up..._ Reiner was swinging his fists with all the strength he could possibly muster, and one by one, the Titans had begun to back off. The ones he had knocked away were now redirecting their focus at the incoming squads of soldiers; despite being unintelligent and blood-thirsty, these Titans still seemed to recognize that the more rewarding prey was not Reiner, but these tiny humans.

 _Good--keep them busy_ , Reiner thought as continued to fight off the Titans. _If we can just get out of here before nightfall..._

 

…......

 

While keeping a watch on Commander Erwin from the corner of his eye, Armin focused on the Armored Titan; he was thrashing about, trying to shake off the numerous Titans that had surrounded him. It would only be a matter of time before he had to choose: either he would have to let go of Eren and Bertholdt, or he would be consumed. The latter choice did not seem so likely, considering the trouble they had gone to in order to kidnap Eren in the first place.

“There!” Jean gasped as Reiner brought his hands away from his neck at last. “He released his hands!”

“Now's our chance...!” Mikasa breathed, but Jean was quick to interrupt her.

“Oi, Mikasa!? Can't you see all the Titans? Would anyone even be able to get over there? Slipping through all of those damn things...”

Pursing his lips, Armin squinted up at the barely-visible Bertholdt and Eren. Jean was right--going in alone to try to recover Eren would likely not end well. It did not have anything to do with strength or cunning; there were simply too many Titans around, and now that Reiner could fight back, many of them were instead turning to face the soldiers. Humans were smaller and posed less of a threat, and so they were the main targets again.

“ADVANCE!!”

Yet, Commander Erwin's cry was loud and clear, and Armin knew that, despite the risks, they had to recover Eren now, or they would lose their chance altogether. Something would have to be thrown away in order to succeed. They would have to keep pushing forward.

Just as this familiar thought crossed Armin's mind again, the sound of bone and flesh being crunched filled the air. Armin whipped his head toward the noise, and his blue eyes widened as he fixed his gaze on Commander Erwin, who was dangling out of a Titan's mouth. It hardly seemed like real life; the Commander's right arm was tearing right off, just below the shoulder.

“COMMANDER ERWIN!!” shouted one of the Survey Corps veterans as Erwin dangled helplessly from the Titan's jaws. Armin could see many of his superiors rushing toward the Titan to slay it, but he could tell that at the very least, Erwin's arm was done for.

“ _ADVANCE_!!!” Erwin suddenly bellowed. “Eren is right before your eyes! ADVANCE!!”

 _...That's right_ , Armin thought as he heard the Commander's shout above the panicked shrieks of the soldiers around him. _I had almost forgotten...that...we must be ready to throw something away--even if that means our lives..._

Armin would not have called himself a seasoned veteran at that point by any means, but he understood that fearing the inevitable would not change his destiny. If this was where he was going to die, he would die fighting, just like everyone else. Besides, Eren was his best friend, as well as the hope of humanity. Armin would not just leave him behind.

Clenching his teeth as he leaned forward, Armin stayed close to Jean as he followed his comrades straight into the chaos of the Titans. He could hear the screams of soldiers all around him as they were picked off one by one, but he kept pushing forward. In just a matter of meters, the Armored Titan would be in range to use their gear, and with Reiner still in a desperate struggle, Bertholdt would not be able to protect Eren.

When they reached the Armored Titan, Mikasa was the first to take action; she shot her hook into Reiner's left shoulder and sped toward his throat, where Bertholdt and Eren were hiding. Armin watched as she swung her blades at the former, but he was ready for her. Using the gear he had stolen back at the wall, Bertholdt swung down and out of Mikasa's line of attack. Obviously stunned, Mikasa whirled around to face them, but before she could line herself up for another strike, a hand came up out of the crowd of Titans and grabbed her torso.

“...!” Eyes wide, Armin brought his blades up and prepared to attack, but Jean was a step ahead of him.

“Mikasa!!” he yelled, shooting a hook into the Titan's face. “Dammit! You bastard!! LET GO OF HER!!”

Armin had always been impressed by Jean's skills on the 3D gear, and this served as a good reminder as to why--Jean swooped up to the Titan's face, driving one of his blades into its eye. With a loud groan, it released Mikasa, and she caught herself on her gear.

While he was relieved to know that both Jean and Mikasa had survived the ordeal, there was still the issue of Bertholdt. He had gotten away from Mikasa once--and now that he knew what they were planning, he would likely be paying close attention to every soldier's actions. That was just how Bertholdt was.

 _That was...one of the reasons we got along,_ Armin realized as he shot a hook into the Armored Titan's collarbone.

Avoiding Reiner's swing--which knocked two soldiers back to the ground--Armin pulled himself up onto the side of Reiner's head near Bertholdt. He knew that in a battle of strength, Bertholdt would beat him, and he still was carrying Eren on his back, so there was only so much Armin could do in a way of stealth.

“Bertholdt!” Armin called out, and the brunet whipped his head toward him. Both his and Eren's eyes were wide, but Bertholdt's gaze had a much more menacing feel to it, one that Armin had never seen before. It was obvious now that even a gentle coaxing would not convince the young man to let Eren go.

 _What...just what needs to be thrown away?_ Armin asked himself. Picturing their Commander, he narrowed his eyes at Bertholdt. _Besides my life, just what needs to be thrown aside in order to change this? What else is there...?_

The idea hit Armin like a slap in the face: Reiner and Bertholdt had only one other companion they valued at this point, and they had not seen her for some time now. Armin knew that Annie Leonhardt was still frozen in her crystal, guarded by Survey Corps soldiers, but there was no way that Reiner and Bertholdt could know the same.

“Is it really all right for the two of you to leave your comrade behind and return to your hometown like this...?” Armin asked, staring down at Bertholdt. The young man's face softened, and his eyes widened even more. With such an immediate and obvious reaction, Armin knew he had made the right choice.

“You're going to leave Annie behind?” the blond continued. “Annie is deep underground now, in the utopian district of the extreme north...being tortured. If you could hear her screams, you'd understand immediately that...even if the physical wounds heal, there's no way to erase the pain... They're taking great care to make sure she doesn't die, but...even now, Annie's body...hasn't had any time to rest. She's undergoing all sorts of ingenious methods of torture--”

“You sons of bitches!!” Bertholdt screamed, cracking at last. “I swear, I'll wipe all of you out!!”

Even Armin was startled to see a blade come swooping across Bertholdt's chest. The strike cut Eren right out of the binding and even cut through Bertholdt's clothing. Armin had expected to see Mikasa's glowering face when he looked down, but instead, he witnessed one of the most powerful things he would ever see in his life: Commander Erwin was there, with his right arm still bleeding and an almost inhuman look of ferocity in his eyes.

Mikasa was instead the one to catch Eren as he fell from Reiner's body; she grabbed him and took off on her gear down toward the horses without a moment of hesitation. Not even giving a single glance back at Bertholdt or any of the others, Armin followed her, feeling a small bit of relief. They were not out of the woods yet, but they had still gained something from their sacrifices.

 

…......

 

“All units, pull back!!”

 _Just one more thing..._ Connie thought as he rushed toward Ymir's Titan. He had no intention of ignoring the Commander's order, but he knew that Eren was not the only person they needed to recover.

As he rode toward Krista, he reached out his left arm, and in one quick movement, he scooped her up onto his horse.

“Krista!!” he cried.

“Wha--?!” She was obviously startled, but Connie kept a firm grip on her waist.

“What are you doing?! We're going back!”

“Connie, I'm fine!” she shouted. “Leave me!”

“Huh!?” Connie's gasp was not only a reaction to Krista's declaration--it was also an exclamation of shock to seeing Ymir's Titan form closing in him. Her dark, beady eyes were focused on Krista, and she seemed quite determined to catch up to them.

“Ymir said that she'll be killed by Reiner and the others if she doesn't bring me along!” Krista cried. “We're going along with them!”

“What? Ymir said that?!”

“Yes--so let me go!”

“This is coming from the same Ymir that fought with her life in order to save yours?”

Krista fell silent, and Connie narrowed his eyes. He knew he was not the most intelligent person, nor was he particularly clever or strong, but he had heard enough bullshit lately to be able to tell what was for real and what was not. It seemed like everyone around him was losing their shit over one thing or another, and in result, nobody was looking at the reality of their situation. Apparently, Ymir and Krista were included in this bunch.

“Ymir only tries hard when it comes to saving you,” Connie stated. “I mean, I guess I don't know how exactly Ymir is gonna be killed, but you guys need to calm down a bit. No matter how you think about it, the chances of the both of you dying are higher if you stay here now, right? Even an idiot like me can understand that much...”

Connie was just catching his breath to say something else when he suddenly noticed a large shadow above him. Looking up over his shoulder, he could see a full-grown Titan of at least six meters flying through the air, and it was coming down right on top of their group.

“What?!”

The Titan landed with a crash right in front of the head of their squad; Connie pulled back the reins on his horse and stopped just in time. He could see Jean turning his horse around to avoid colliding into the Titan, who was lying on the ground as if it had just been kicked over. Connie then noticed that Jean's gaze was fixed on something behind them, and so he once again turned around to see what was going on. His heart clenched as he laid eyes upon the Armored Titan; he was picking up the smaller Titans around his legs and throwing them toward the groups of soldiers.

 _Reiner...it's over, isn't it...?_ Connie thought as he watched his former friend pick up a three-meter class in one hand. _You guys...really are the enemies now, huh..._?

As he steered his horse away from yet another falling Titan, Connie could hear panicked screams arising from his comrades once again. He watched in silence as Mikasa's horse took a hit, sending both her and Eren to the ground.

 _This is...a nightmare..._ Connie realized as Krista struggled in his grip. _And I can't even go home anymore...there's...literally no escape..._

The temptation to just keep riding back toward the wall and leave his companions behind was admittedly stronger than he would have liked. He was tired, the feeling of betrayal was still fresh, and the one person he thought he could actually save was doing everything in her power to fight against him.

What the hell were they working for, really? Not just the Survey Corps--the Garrison, the Military Police, everyone in this world...what were they trying to accomplish? Wasn't it all ultimately the same thing? Why were things so ridiculously complicated, then?

_It just doesn't make sense... My head hurts..._

The only thing that seemed to make any sense at that point was to just give up and give in to the inevitable death awaiting him. After all, he was just one person, and he was no Captain Levi or Mikasa Ackermann--he was a small, stupid country boy whose ignorance had finally caught up to him. He had lived in a fog for far too long, and now it was over.

 _I don't know anything about anything... I never really have...but...still..._!

As he turned over various thoughts in his head, Connie recalled the incident at his village, and the way Reiner and Ymir had tried to cover everything up.

_Yeah, that's right--I_ _**don't** _ _know anything. But_ _**they** _ _do!_

Glancing over his shoulder at Reiner's Titan, Connie gritted his teeth.

_I... I can't give up here. I have to know the truth._

Tightening the grip on his reins, Connie faced forward, his eyes narrowed and focused. Even if it meant he would be the only one standing in the end, he had to know the truth about the fate of his village. He did not care what would happen to him--he could not stand the idea of letting the issue go as if those people meant nothing. They were his friends and family, and even if they could never come back, he still wanted closure for them.

_...Mom, you're still here waiting, right? Hang on...I'll be back soon..._

 


	49. Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He who waits is lost.  
> Or at least, that's what they say.  
> But sometimes, quick thinking will save a life.

_“Eren!!” At the sound of his mother's accusatory tone, Eren cringed, taking a step back as she leaned down toward him. He would have known she was angry even if she had not spoken at all, just from the way her gold eyes were glinting in the later afternoon sun. “Did you get in a fight again!?”_

_“Those idiots started it,” Eren told her, trying to wipe the dirt and blood from his face. “As if I could just let them look down on me like that...”_

_“And then what? Mikasa had to save you again, right?”_

_Eren did not bother answering; if she had already jumped to that conclusion, then there was no reason to further embarrass himself by admitting she was correct._

_“Eren...” Karla sighed, taking a handkerchief and wiping Eren's chin. “No matter how nasty or hateful your opponents might be, that doesn't mean it's all right to just go charging in at them! You're a man, aren't you? Just bear with it once in a while! Show Mikasa you can protect her.”_

_Cringing again, Eren glanced back at Mikasa, who was staring at him with wide, concerned eyes. She looked so innocent at that moment, but Eren knew better. He was quite aware of what she was capable of, and he knew that if it came down to it, she could fight off whatever opponent came her way._

_But, that did not make his will to protect her any weaker--she was his family now, too, and even if he had to make a fool of himself, he would never let the enemy get the best of him, or Mikasa, or Armin, for that matter. They were his best friends, and no matter the number or size of the enemies, he would always jump at the chance to defend them._

 

“Is this...really happening...?”

Serene's voice had been reduced to nothing more than a pathetic squeak, and her hands were shaking and sweaty. The sight of the Titans themselves was really not so terrifying, but the chaos that was unfolding around her made her feel as if this was the end of the world. And, honestly, for all she knew, it very well could be.

She saw Commander Erwin's arm rip right off of his body, she saw soldiers be crushed by the Titans that the Armored Titan had thrown, and she even saw Eren and Mikasa be protected by one of the Garrison veterans as a Titan with a grotesque smile reached down toward them. There was so much action going on around her, yet she was standing still. Bruno had yet to give them any sort of order to combat the Titans, or to save their comrades, or even to aid Commander Erwin.

“We...we have to do something, right?!” she cried, turning to Claus and Bianca. The former had a grimace on his face, while the latter's eyes stayed emotionless and unresponsive. Neither of them did a thing; they were all still hanging at the back of the pack. If they wanted to, they could retreat to the forest in just a matter of minutes and survive, but they weren't even doing that. They were just...watching.

“Why aren't we doing anything!?” Serene then screamed at Bruno. “Give us orders!”

To her disappointment, Bruno only glanced over his shoulder at her. His expression was eerily calm, as if he was not even paying attention to the horrible events unfolding around them.

“Bruno!?”

“Serene, calm down,” Bianca said at last. “It's fine.”

“It's fine?! Fine?!” Serene sputtered, completely taken aback by her comrade's response. “You can't be serious!? This is the furthest thing from 'fine'! Can't you see what's going on around you? Doesn't it affect you?! Doesn't it bother you to just sit here and let it all happen?! Or are you all immune to it, since you grew up in Wall Sina?! It doesn't matter, because these are just some poor countrymen whose deaths will decrease the population!?”

“Serene, stop,” Claus cut in, giving her a stern look. “Look, I don't like this, either--”

“Then _do_ something about it!”

“There's a lot you just don't understand!” Claus shouted back. “You might get it someday, but right now, just deal with it and follow Bruno's lead!”

“What lead?! He's not doing anything!!”

“I'm standing here because there is no merit in jumping into this fight right now,” Bruno declared at last, his voice firm. “Serene, I know this must seem strange. After all, we're probably the only Military Police soldiers here who could really hold our own against the Titans. But there is a reason for what we're doing right now.” As he turned to look over his shoulder at her once again, a dark look crossed his face for a moment. “It's as Claus said: there is a lot you just don't understand yet. You don't have to trust me, and if you want to turn around and leave, or if you want to disobey my orders and fight, that's fine. But if you choose to trust me, I will not let you down.”

Serene could feel the ground trembling beneath her, and her hands were shaking with nerves and rage. Leaving her comrades on their own to fight was the last thing she wanted to do--she had just lost her first squad not that long ago, and at this rate, countless more would be dead before they could make their escape. Eren and Mikasa and Armin--these children she had seen around town almost every day back when they all lived peacefully in Shiganshina--they might all die because of her passiveness.

Still, Bruno had not given her a reason to distrust him yet, and she knew that he would be better off as her ally than as her enemy.

“...All right,” Serene finally hissed, narrowing her eyes as she continued to watch the Survey Corps and Garrison soldiers struggle. “I'll trust you.”

 

…......

 

_It's all your fault that our plans got fucked up, isn't it?!_

Racing across the open landscape, Ymir locked eyes with Commander Erwin, who had once again mounted his horse and was trying to make his escape. As a human, she knew she did not stand a chance in a match against him; even without one arm, he was still bigger and stronger than her. But she was in her Titan form now, and if she wanted to rend him even more useless than he was at that moment, she could do it.

_Commander Erwin, you bastard!!_

But what would killing this man accomplish now? If anything, it would only hinder the Survey Corps. He did not love Historia, but he was still fighting to protect her, and anyone who was willing to risk their life for that young woman could be seen as an ally for at least a little while.

 _Still, this is bad_ , Ymir thought as she clawed away a Titan that was headed for the Commander. She pulled its head off in one sharp tug and spat it away.

“Ymir!” At the sound of Historia's voice, Ymir turned around. The blonde was still with Connie; she was seated behind him on his horse, staring up at her with those large blue eyes.

_What should I do? If Reiner's done for, then...shouldn't I help the Survey Corps and cut out of here?! But then...what would I do after that? Even if I survive this, there's no avoiding the hell that the inside of those walls will become..._

Ymir knew that there were going to be consequences awaiting her on either side. If she went with Reiner and Bertholdt, she would have to face their warriors; if she went back to the world inside the walls, she would most likely be imprisoned and interrogated, and there was no guarantee that she would survive there, either. But the same could be said for Historia—just because Reiner and Bertholdt had said they would take care of her, their words alone did not guarantee her safety.

_Now's the only time to send Historia over to their side, but I can't imagine that I'll be able to fully protect her with my powers...!_

Jerking her out of her thoughts, Ymir winced as she felt a sharp prick on the side of her head. She could see Historia zooming toward her, and the girl landed on top of her head.

“Krista?!” Connie shouted.

“No, Connie,” Historia called out. “My name is Historia.” The girl's voice softened as she went on, “Hey, Ymir...if what Connie was saying just now about you is true, then the reason you gave for wanting to save yourself wasn't the real reason, right? It was a lie, wasn't it? But why? What purpose does lying about that serve? Was it...for me? Are you...protecting me again?”

As much as Ymir wished she could emerge from her Titan and explain things to Historia, they were still in too much danger for standing around. They were surrounded by Titans, and Reiner was still lobbing more their way, one by one.

“Ymir!” Historia shouted as Ymir faced her next opponent. “Just like you told me before: let's stop living for the sake of other people... From now on, let's live for ourselves!! It's...kind of weird, but if I'm with you, then no matter what kind of world I'm in, I'm not afraid!!”

Gritting her teeth, Ymir could feel tears pushing behind her eyes. Those were the most honest words anyone had ever spoken to her. She envied Historia in that moment. Ymir had never been able to be honest with people--hell, she could barely be honest with herself. But something about Historia...something about her energy was so pure that Ymir could not help but feel inspired. She felt alive again.

With a great shout, Ymir lunged toward the Titan. Historia was right beside her, hooking onto its shoulder and holding her blades at the ready. They were a team, and Ymir did not want this to ever change.

Finally, she had something in this world to hold on to.

And, it scared her.

 

…......

 

Erwin's head was already spinning as he rode across the open plains of Wall Maria, and the moment his horse lost its footing and tumbled to the ground, he felt as though he had been thrown halfway across the world. His body rolled off of the saddle and across the dirt, and he came to a half under the shade of some stray fir trees. For a few minutes, everything felt numb, and he wondered if he would be able to move at all.

... _This is it_ , he realized as he slowly lifted his head at the sound of someone shouting his name. With his remaining arm, he pushed his body upright, kneeling on the ground. His right shoulder was throbbing in rhythm with his aching head, and he wanted nothing more than to just close his eyes and rest.

 _This was...not what I had expected..._ he thought as he stared at the sparse tufts of grass beneath him. _I should be grateful for such an exciting denouement..._

“COMMANDER!!”

Lifting his head, Erwin glanced up to see Vyler, one of his most trusted veterans, sprinting toward him. The man had a desperate look on his face, and his blades were covered in evaporating blood. He had obviously been hard at work--Erwin expected nothing less of him.

“There's a replacement for me!” Erwin breathed, wincing as he tried to catch his breath. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate on breathing so that he could give proper orders. “But, more importantly...take Eren and escape from here! There isn't a moment to lose...!”

Erwin opened his eyes, expecting to see Vyler's face in front of him; instead, he was greeted with the smug gaze of a Titan. Vyler's lower half was still struggling in the Titan's jaws, but the monster slurped him up and swallowed him in a single gulp. Before the monster could turn on him next, though, a Garrison soldier swooped in and took the Titan down, its body collapsing in front of Erwin in a steaming heap of flesh.

He had witnessed the scene quite clearly, but it had hardly seemed real. Perhaps it was the agonizing pain coursing throughout his body, or the lack of sleep, or the general feeling of his fight-or-flight instinct kicking in... Whatever it was, it made everything feel like a dream. He could hear screams all around him, and the earth was shaking beneath him, but Erwin still felt so detached from it all.

“Commander!! The Armored Titan...!”

Hearing someone scream his title helped him snap back to reality, if only for a moment; it reminded him of his responsibility as a leader, despite his circumstances.

“The Armored Titan is coming!!”

Whirling his head around, Erwin look toward where the Armored Titan had been struggling; now he was pushing forward, several Titans still clinging to his massive body.

 _...This is really it, then..._ Erwin thought, lowering his blade.

Erwin had not expected to live this long, anyway. He was grateful for having made it through training, despite having been such a wild brat at the time, and he knew that the last five years would not have been so successful had it not been for his friends, many of whom were already dead, and the rest of whom would most likely join him soon.

 _Mike...I'm sorry...that you have to welcome me back as such a coward..._ A gentle smile crossed Erwin's face for a moment as he recalled his trainee days with Mike, Nile, and Hanji. They had been so carefree back then, and even though he knew he could never return to that life, the memories were still so beautiful. _You worked hard until the end... I'm sorry that...I couldn't do the same... Hanji, forgive me... The Corps is in your hands now..._

Taking a deep breath, Erwin lifted his head again, looking around at the horrors that surrounded him. As much as he hated the idea of dying alone like this, he was glad that none of the people he valued most would have to see this. Even if he was to survive this, they would never have to know this nightmare of a battle.

“Commander!” Erwin glanced behind him as another one of his elites, Paehl, stood behind him, getting into a defensive stance. “Hang on... I won't let it end like this...!”

“...Yes, you're...right...”

 _...I really am a coward,_ Erwin thought, bringing his blade up again. _You all would be ashamed of me if I gave up here, wouldn't you? Well, too bad--I don't plan on embarrassing myself like that--not yet._

He did not know how they would get out of this situation; people were dying left and right, and without a horse, he was ultimately stuck here. But everyone in his line of sight was fighting--everyone else was refusing to accept this as the end.

_Eren's strength is ours again... That...has to mean something. I believe in him._

 

…......

 

Rosaleen could feel her insides churning, and her teeth were chattering, and she knew that if this kept up, she would be puking her guts out in no time. She had never been this scared before, not even during Trost, because with Trost there was at least a sense of hope lingering in the back of her mind. But out here, in the middle of what had become Titan territory, there was nowhere to run but back to where they came from, and if they did that, then nothing would ever change. They would lose Eren and Krista to these traitors, and Rosaleen could not bear the thought.

 _Erin...for once, I'm so glad you don't have to be here for this_ , Rosaleen thought, a white-knuckled grip on her blades as she followed Milena through the mess of Titans. _...I still just...can't believe it. Reiner, you were our friend. Bertholdt, we trusted you... Why are you doing this? What could possibly be so important that it's worth throwing away all of these lives?!_

“Keep your distance from the Titans!” Milena shouted. “And don't stop moving!”

“Milena, to our right!” Yasmin called out.

“Yeah, yeah, I know!”

Rosaleen watched in suspense as Milena shot a hook into an approaching Titan on their right. Yasmin followed after her, swiftly cutting off its hand before it could grab Milena. The blonde then drove her blades into the Titan's neck, and it fell with a loud crash.

 _We're actually...fighting Titans..._ Rosaleen realized, pursing her lips. _It feels so weird to see this...but why? This is what we trained for, right?_

“Squad Leader, your kill count is--”

“I don't care about my kill count!!” Milena interrupted one of their fellow Garrison soldiers. “Stay focused! We can talk statistics after we're home!”

_You're a great leader, Milena. I'm so lucky to be with you._

Rosaleen could see what Milena was up to--she was trying to move their group to the outside of the fight. That way, they could still exterminate Titans without being in the range of the ones that Reiner was tossing at them. If they could focus on killing Titans, they might be able to buy enough time for the Survey Corps squads to get Eren home safely.

She was also well aware what kind of end this might mean for them: they might turn into sacrifices and fall victim to either the mindless Titans' appetites, or the hands of their former friends. But she understood why things had to be this way. Eren Jaeger possessed power to change the world that nobody else could. Or at least, no one else that they were aware of. So far, every other Titan shifter had been against humanity.

A shriek then pierced the air, rattling in Rosaleen's ears and forcing her to turn toward the noise. She recognized the voice, though she wasn't sure from where until she locked eyes with the soldier. Caprice was just meters away from them, her lower half trapped in a Titan's jaws, and she was looking right at their squad. Her arms were outstretched, as if she expected one of them to pull her out.

“Caprice!” Yasmin cried, her eyes wide.

“It's too late--!!”

Sure enough, just as Milena had said, Caprice's upper half soon fell to the ground, a shower of blood spraying through the air, drenching the Titan's chin and chest.

“CAPRICE!” Rosaleen screamed, turning her horse toward the soldier's remains.

“Rosaleen, don't!” Milena shouted, and the red-head held herself back, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“If we had seen her just a few seconds earlier!” she wailed. “We might have been able to do something!”

 _This is...surely what you felt, right, Caprice?!_ Rosaleen thought as she stared at the girl's torso. _This must have been what you thought in Trost, with my sister, right?!_

“Keep your distance!” Milena commanded, pulling her horse to a stop. “We'll report to the Captain as soon as a path clears for us--”

Milena's words came to a screeching halt, and her grip on her horse's reins went limp. Rosaleen stared at her friend; she had never seen a look in her eyes like this before. With a throbbing head and tightened throat, she followed the Squad Leader's gaze up toward a large Titan with bobbed hair. It was holding someone in its fist, stuffing the man's lower body into its mouth with a greedy smile.

“...Hannes...” Yasmin breathed. “It...can't...”

As much as she, too, wanted to deny the truth, it was clearly their Captain--Rosaleen would have recognized his face anywhere. But instead of his signature toothy grin, there was a look of terror so pitiful that he hardly seemed like a grown man.

With a snap of its jaws, the Titan tore off Hannes' lower body, leaving his intestines dangling from his upper half. It was just like with Caprice--had they noticed sooner, they might have been able to prevent this from happening. But now, it was too late; the Titan was already devouring the rest of his body. They would not have a trace of the man to bring back with them, not even his patch.

“Ahh...” Rosaleen squeaked as her body broke down with sobs. “Why...?”

“That bastard Titan...” a squad mate growled from beside her. “I'll rend it--”

“You'll stay here, and that's final!”

Milena's voice was strong and firm, and when Rosaleen looked back at the girl's face, she could see a fierce look in her dark brown eyes.

“Stay in this formation! We'll follow the Survey Corps' lead!” Milena pointed toward the cluster of Titans in front of them. “Kill off as many Titans as you can! Don't let them near Eren Jaeger! Remember why we're here! We all knew we could die here, even the Captain! So don't wuss out on me now! FIGHT!”

 

…......

 

“Well, look who finally decided to join us!”

As Rowen let out a gentle chuckle, Catherine stared down at Hanji, who was obviously still too dazed to find humor in Rowen’s comment. Her normally bright eyes were watery and red-rimmed, and she had a small grimace on her face. She did not even seem like the same person.

“…Who is that?” she mumbled, blinking slowly.

“Here, four-eyes.” Levi reached toward her glasses on the nightstand beside her and gently slipped them onto her face. “You’re useless without these.”

“…Hi, guys,” Hanji said, a small smile appearing on her face.

“How are you feeling?” Catherine asked, kneeling down next to the Squad Leader’s bed.

“You ought to be well-rested, considering how long you’ve been out,” Levi muttered, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall.

“I still feel like I could sleep a little longer,” Hanji chuckled, then winced. “Ow. Shit. That explosion really messed us up, didn’t it…? Where is Moblit, and Nifa—my squad was—“

“They’re fine,” Rowen reassured her, smiling. “Almost everyone is up and about. You’re the one who’s in the worst shape.”

“Good.”

“…Hanji,” Catherine murmured, pursing her lips. “I hate to be so direct, but can you tell us what happened?”

“Even that old man Nick wants to know,” Levi added.

As Hanji’s eyes slowly wandered the room, Catherine sat back on her heels, waiting for a response. Moblit and the others had given their accounts of the story, but Catherine wanted to hear Hanji’s perspective the most. Depending on what she had to say, the rest of them could plan their next move, even if Commander Erwin was not back yet.

“…Two of the kids from Eren’s graduating class were the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan,” Hanji said at last. “I’m sure you heard that already, but…for whatever reason, they decided it would be in their best interests to kidnap Eren sooner rather than later. Maybe it was because Historia was with them.”

“Historia—you mean the girl from the true royal family?” Levi asked.

“Yes… But in the end, Historia stayed with the Survey Corps, and Ymir was the one they took away instead.”

“Ymir,” Catherine echoed, leaning forward and resting her arms on Hanji’s bed.

“Bertholdt—the Colossal Titan tossed her into his mouth, but he didn’t eat her,” Hanji explained. “Instead, he just took her along with them. She was confirmed as a Titan shifter, too, so I guess I understand why, but…”

Hanji placed a hand to her head, wincing.

“…We’re still missing so many pieces of this puzzle…”

“Hanji, worry about it later,” Levi told her. “These two told me the military regiments went out to chase them down, but we haven’t received any word on when they’ll be back.”

“…No messengers have come?”

“No.”

Catherine watched with a heavy heart as Hanji’s face went pale. She squinted up at the ceiling, her eyes glassy.

“I…may have lead them to their deaths after all…” she whispered. “All of those soldiers…”

“You don’t have any proof of that,” Rowen reassured her. “They could be back any minute, or maybe their messengers are tied up in the fight, too.”

“Erwin knows what he’s doing,” Levi murmured. “He’s not gonna die that easily.”

“…No…I…should have thought about what I was telling them,” Hanji said, turning to face them. “I wasn’t thinking about what could happen to them—I was only thinking about getting Eren and Ymir back. But at this rate, we’re still going to lose them both.”

“Hanji, there were soldiers from all three regiments in that group,” Catherine told her, staring the Squad Leader down. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the military factions so unified. The fact that the Survey Corps did not have to do this alone increases our chances of success. You have to trust that they did their jobs and retrieved Eren.”

“But Ymir…”

“I heard Ymir’s intentions were pretty ambiguous,” Levi interrupted. “We don’t know whose side she’s on.”

“She’d admittedly be a great asset, but…” Catherine narrowed her eyes, searching for the right words. “…If her intent is to destroy mankind, then she won’t cooperate with us, and bringing her back here would be a waste of time.”

“They’re right—she’d end up being a threat like that Annie girl was,” Rowen added.

“An optimist is agreeing with us, four-eyes. You know that means we’re right,” Levi said.

“…I know you’re right,” Hanji finally confessed. “I just…don’t like the idea that I might have… Never mind. There’s…no use worrying about this. It won’t change anything.”

“That’s better,” Rowen laughed. “We’ll leave you alone now, so get some rest, all right?”

“We can talk more later,” Levi agreed, running a hand through his hair as he stepped away from the wall. “Let’s go, you two.”

“See you later, Hanji,” Catherine murmured, slowly getting to her feet. She felt hesitant to leave the Squad Leader alone; the look on her face was disconcerting, and it was obvious that she was still worried.

“Come on.” Catherine felt a sharp tug on her wrist. “Don’t you have some work to get done?”

“…Yeah, okay,” she mumbled, turning to face Levi and Rowen. Levi released his grip on her and sighed through his nose.

“We don’t have a choice,” he told her quietly. “We have to wait.”

 


	50. The Coordinate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Eren taps into a power he never knew he had--and, was never supposed to have obtained in the first place.

 

_Letting out a shaky sigh of relief, Armin watched as Hannes swooped in to protect Eren and Mikasa. He struck the Titan's bony hand with his blade, letting out a fierce yell._

_“Follow his lead!” Jean shouted from beside him. Armin gripped the reins of his horse; he was not sure that he could be of much use in combat, but he could not abandon his comrades. He had to at least try to keep up with them._

_Armin had not had his back turned for more than a minute when he suddenly heard a scream sound out through the chaos. The voice belonged to Eren, there was no mistaking it, and quickly Armin whipped his head back toward his friends. Hannes had obviously tried to ftake on the Titan by himself, but it seemed it had grabbed him out of the air--now, he could only kick and squirm in what was only a futile struggle for his life._

_“Hurry!” Jean cried, turning his horse toward the disaster. “Mikasa and Eren are...”_

_The sky suddenly grew dark above them, and Armin glanced up just in time to see a Titan falling, right in their direction. Yanking his horse's reins, he pulled his steed to a stop, but Jean had not noticed the threat, and he was still in danger._

_“JEAN!” Armin screamed, reaching out his hand. But it was too late--there was no way that Jean would be able to escape the Titan's body now. Armin was going to lose yet another one of his friends._

 

More than anything, Mikasa loved Eren's laugh. She had heard it less and less as the years had gone on, but the rarity only made it more precious to her. Unfortunately, she was never skilled at making Eren laugh--it was usually Armin or another one of their friends who could conjure it up, but even then, it never lasted long. Or, at least, not as long as Mikasa had wanted it to last.

But the noise Eren was making now was not his usual cheerful laugh. In fact, Mikasa could hardly call it a laugh; it was much closer to a scream, and it made her insides twist and churn. The hysterically mad laugh served as background noise as the same Titan that had ruined their childhood placed the rest of Hannes' body into its mouth. Its greedy smile matched Eren's howls, and Mikasa could only stare blankly at the scene, sitting motionlessly in the grass next to her childhood friend.

“Nothing has changed at all!!” Eren screamed. “You can't do anything!! _Nothing at all!!_ Mother!! I couldn't...I still can't do anything...!!”

As Eren let out an almost inhuman scream, Mikasa's gaze fell down to him. He was double-over, his face nearly touching the ground, with his hands pulling at his brown locks. She could see that he was shaking, and she knew it must feel awful to feel so powerless. After all, she too had felt this feeling in regards to him more than once before. She could tell that his anger at Hannes was a poorly worn mask that was trying to hide the self-hatred building up in him. But he was anything but useless--she was living proof of how important of a person Eren Jaeger was to this world.

 _Had he not come for me that day, I would have died..._ Mikasa thought as she lowered her gaze from the Titan. _He insists it's always me protecting him, but he's done so much for me, too... Does he even realize...how much I need him...?_

“Eren...” Mikasa murmured, her eyes filling with tears. Eren sat upright quickly; it was as if he had forgotten that Mikasa was with him at all. “...That isn't true.”

Eren stared at her with wide eyes as she gave him a small smile. There were tears streaming down his cheeks, and it made him look like a little kid again. That feeling of nostalgia was more than welcome. It had been far too long since she had actually felt her real age, instead of pretending to be an adult. They were just kids, really, still just as reckless as they had always been.

“Eren, listen,” Mikasa said, turning toward Eren. “There's something I want to tell you...” Eren's eyes searched Mikasa's face, awaiting her declaration. “...Thank you...for always being by my side. Thank you...for teaching me how to live.” Mikasa pulled at the worn red scarf around her neck; she could still remember the day they met so vividly--she never wanted to forget. Maybe, just maybe, it would be her last thought before they inevitably died together here, as one last happy moment together.

_Because...we'll always have this connection..._

“Thank you...for wrapping this scarf around me,” Mikasa whispered, unable to hold back her tears anymore. Slowly, she leaned toward Eren, but before anything could happen, Eren quickly turned away, getting to his feet.

“...I'll wrap that around you as many times as I need to,” Eren said, looking over his shoulder at her. “From now on--as many times as I have to...”

Mikasa could now see what made Eren turn around--that smiling Titan was reaching down toward them, its teeth still slick and bloodied from feasting on their old friend. Eren's hands were still emitting steam; he had not full healed yet, but he still stood strong between the Titan and Mikasa. With a tightly clenched fist, he swung back his arm and let out a loud scream. Just as the Titan's hand was in range, Eren threw his fist into its palm; to Mikasa's surprise and relief, he knocked the Titan's hand away, but that was all he could do, and Mikasa knew that one action would not really change their fate.

Regaining his balance, Eren pulled back his fist again and let out another shout--this time, however, another voice joined his. Mikasa quickly turned her head just in time to see a large Titan lunge at the smiling Titan, knocking it to the ground with a full-blown tackle.

... _What...just happened_? Mikasa thought as she sat back on her heels, her eyes wide in shock. Eren did not seem to understand what was going on, either; he whirled around to face Mikasa, his eyes shimmering. _It...attacked the other Titan...!?_

 

…......

 

 _It really is like watching the end of the world_ , Bianca thought as she sat on her horse, staring out at the epic battle that had unfolded in front of them. She could sense Claus and Serene's restlessness from beside her, and she could not blame them. Still, she trusted her brother, and she knew that they had to wait until an opportune moment presented itself to them.

 _Of course, sitting still like this would probably be harder for you if the others had come out to fight with us, huh_? Bianca glanced at Bruno; he was staring straight ahead, poker-faced as usual. _They got lucky. Veterans of the Survey Corps or not, I'm not sure if even they could have survived all of this..._

Bianca's thoughts came to a screeching halt as a sudden jolt of pain hit her head hard. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before, but despite that, for some reason, she understood what it meant. With wild, frightened eyes, she whirled toward where Eren Jaeger was standing; she could see a large mindless Titan with its hand reaching down toward the teen.

 _...There's no way_.

“Bianca! What the hell are you doing!?”

Jolted out of her thoughts, Bianca turned to Claus; she had not even realized that she was moving forward until he had called out to her. Tugging her horse's reins, Bianca turned to face them again.

“...Don't you think we should...” Bianca's voice trailed off as she then looked at Bruno. His lips were tightly pursed, and she could tell by the look on his face that he understood what was going on in her head. “Eren is...an important asset to us--”

“Oh my god!” Serene shrieked, interrupting Bianca as she pointed back to where Eren was. Again, Bianca turned toward the young man, only to see a ten meter class Titan tackle the other Titan to the ground.

“What the hell is going on?!” Claus exclaimed, his green eyes wide with shock.

“Now!” Bruno pulled out his blades, pointing toward Eren. “Split up and guide as many of those soldiers back to safety as you can! Avoid engaging in any unnecessary combat! And leave retrieving the Commander to me!”

“...Understood!”

“...Bruno!” Bianca called out as soon as Claus and Serene had taken off. “...Is it really...?”

“I don't see any other viable explanation,” Bruno admitted, glancing at Eren again, who was scooping Mikasa up onto his back. “It has to be him.”

“But there's no way he knows it himself.”

“No...I highly doubt it.”

Bianca let out an anxious sigh.

“It'll be fine,” Bruno assured her. “Round up as many soldiers as you can. And make sure we don't lose the rest of this squad.”

“I know,” Bianca muttered, whipping her horse around and away from her brother. She kicked into the mare's sides and shot off across the grassy plains. The sun was just beginning to set, but if they hurried, they would make it back by nightfall.

A group of Garrison soldiers caught Bianca's eye; she rushed toward them, drawing her blades, she prepared herself just in case she would have to do any kind of strategic fighting. Of course, she knew not to recklessly throw herself into battle, and she did not want to kill any of these Titans if she could help it.

Again, a sharp pain coursed through Bianca's head; dropping one of her blades, she gripped her head with her free hand, gritting her teeth. She could feel the pull of the call, and it took all of her self-control to keep herself from heading toward the Armored Titan. Despite being able to keep control of herself, it had nevertheless startled her, and her horse must have sensed it--it threw back its head, whinnying loudly. With a loud shout, Bianca tumbled off of her horse onto her back.

“Shit...” she hissed, still gripping her head. The fall had not caused her any injury, but it had definitely caught her off-guard. She felt dizzy, and it took a few seconds for her vision to focus again.

“Are you all right?!”

Bianca winced as she lifted her head toward the sound of an unfamiliar voice. A pair of bright blue eyes stared down at her; she recognized the soldier right away as Armin Arlert, one of Eren's childhood friends.

_Bruno's golden boy, huh...?_

“...You...” Bianca whispered, pushing herself up on her feet again. “...I'm fine. Get out of here, quickly.”

“...” Armin's wide eyes looked concerned, but he gave her a sharp nod and obeyed her request. Grimacing, Bianca sheathed her remaining blade and reached out to her horse, grabbing its reins. “Shhh...it's fine, it's fine...”

“What d'you think you're doing?!”

Bianca hoisted herself up onto her horse as Claus rushed over, looking both irritated and worried.

“I'm all right,” Bianca told him.

“Before, you--”

“Claus, it's fine.”

“You use that word a lot, but I don't think you know what it means,” Claus said quickly, pulling his horse up beside hers. “Something happened back there, with Eren--but it's not anything I would understand, is it?”

“Exactly--so don't worry about it.” Bianca started to move away, but Claus reached out and grabbed her arm.

“I told Bruno I would make sure nothing happened to you,” Claus murmured, his voice barely audible above the mayhem around them. “And I promised you the same thing, so don't be so hesitant with asking things from me. You can trust me, Bianca.”

“...” Gently, Bianca pushed Claus' hand off of her. “I know. I trust you. But I can't explain it here. We'll talk later.”

“All right. I'm holding you to that.”

“Okay.”

 

…......

 

“Wh-what is this?!” Rosaleen gasped, and Yasmin turned toward the red-head, her hands shaking. Whatever Eren had done had been nothing short of a miracle, but it was still the most unusual thing she had ever experienced in her life. He could call Titans to his command? She was not sure how that was supposed to work, but whatever it was, it seemed to have affected even other humans. Everyone seemed anxious and upset; even Yasmin felt uneasy, despite watching the Titans ignore all humans and dive after one of their own.

“It's our chance, that's what!” Milena shouted, raising her bloodied blade above her head. “All Garrison troops!! Retreat! Gather any extra horses that you can and follow Commander Erwin! RETREAT!”

Yasmin could see the Armored Titan--Reiner rushing toward them still, but suddenly Eren's voice rang through the air.

“DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING OVER HERE, YOU FUCKERS!” he screamed. “I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

All of the air seemed to escape her lungs at once as Yasmin turned to Eren and Mikasa. She could see the Titans had reacted to Eren's call again--they were now heading for Reiner and Bertholdt, completely ignoring all of the other soldiers.

“Don't let this chance get away!” Commander Erwin cried above the stampede. His voice seemed oddly distant. “Retreat!”

“RETREAT!” Milena echoed.

“I-I should!!” Tearing her eyes away from Eren and Mikasa at last, Yasmin turned to Rosaleen, whose green eyes were wide with obvious fear. “I should report to--”

“No!” Milena shouted, whipping her head around to the pair. “You're gonna stay with us until we reach the wall again! Is that clear?!”

“But my job is to--”

“I know what your job is! And this is mine! I'm giving you an order as your Squad Leader--stay with us until we reach the wall! We can't afford to lose anyone else!”

“Milena...” Yasmin murmured as she watched her friend's face. The teen's dark brown eyes were glowing in the twilight sun, and her face was flushed. She was obviously doing her damnedest to put on a strong face for their sakes, but Yasmin could see that she was fighting tears. It only made sense--out of everyone that Yasmin knew well in the Garrison, Milena was the one who admired Captain Hannes the most. To see him die like that and be helpless to stop it was a horrible feeling, and for Milena, that emotion would only be heightened.

“Well!?” Milena shouted, sitting up straight on her horse, her eyes still wild. “Are you coming or not?!”

“...I'm coming!” Rosaleen exclaimed, her voice no more than a squeak.

“Then let's go!”

Tossing her messy short hair out of her face, Yasmin raced across the grassy field after Milena and the others. Her senses felt incredibly awakened; she was not sure if it was just the general adrenaline rush, or if it was because they had survived such an incredible ordeal. It was most likely a combination of things, and it was giving her the strength to keep moving forward, despite the images flashing across her mind over and over again--they had just escaped hell on earth.

 _If we can just make it to the wall..._ Yasmin thought, tightening the grip on her horse's reins. _Everyone riding with us now should survive...!_

Yasmin had seen Mikasa's close call with the Titan earlier, but the teen seemed fine now; she was sitting behind Eren on his horse, clinging to the teen's waist as they raced alongside Commander Erwin. Armin was just behind them, and he too was riding doubled, but it took Yasmin a moment to realize who was with him. The soldier was obviously unconscious, with the way his arms were loosely draped over Armin's shoulders, and his head was facing away from her, but the haircut was enough to give it away.

“Jean!?” she breathed, staring at their comrade.

“Yasmin!?”

“...! Sorry!” Yasmin exclaimed, whipping her head back to Milena. She had not even realized how much she had slowed down. “It's fine, keep going!”

“He got hit with one of those Titans the Armored Titan threw,” Rosaleen murmured when Yasmin caught back up to the front of the group. “I'm surprised he didn't take more of a beating that that, really.”

“...It would've been nice if he did. He needs someone or something to knock some sense into that head of his,” Yasmin muttered, keeping her eyes locked on Milena's back. “But...it's good he survived.”

“Yes...it's...good he's not a traitor,” Rosaleen mumbled, her voice wavering. “Maybe...this will sound stupid, but...I'm glad, for once, that Erin isn't here with me. I wouldn't want her to see this.”

“No, it doesn't sound stupid,” Yasmin assured her. “I feel the same. She trusted them...”

Rosaleen let out a quiet laugh.

“And she said _my_ judgment calls were bad...”

 

…......

 

As Eren's scream echoed through the air, Historia heard Connie let out a breathy laugh, one that was mixed with both relief and amazement.

“I...don't really understand what just happened, but...now's our chance! Let's get out of here!”

“Yeah!” Historia breathed, watching with wide eyes as the Titans dove on top of the Titan that had tried to attack Eren and Mikasa. She had heard of Titans eating Titan shifters, but not one another. What did this mean? Historia could not help but wonder if Ymir had any idea.

If she did, though, she was not talking. Ymir had been fighting alongside them this whole time, but she had not had the chance to come out and talk yet. This was the first quiet moment they'd had this whole time, but even now, Ymir stood motionless in her Titan form, watching the massacre with dark, shimmering eyes.

Sighing through her nose, Historia mounted her horse; Connie did the same, but both of them seemed hesitant to move at first.

 _We're so used to things going straight to hell that we can't enjoy even the little victories,_ she realized, letting out a quiet laugh through her nose.

“Let's go!” Connie exclaimed, his gold eyes wide.

“Okay!” Historia said, nodding.

Just as she was about to kick her horse's sides and take off toward the other soldiers, she heard Eren screaming something again. Whatever it was, it again affected Ymir; the Titan whirled her head in the direction of Reiner and Bertholdt, and Historia could sense her hesitation.

She could not lie to herself--Historia, too, felt guilty for leaving Reiner and Bertholdt behind. After all, even if they were traitors, they were just as human as Eren or Ymir. It seemed like a waste to leave them to their deaths. If they all just calmed down, they might be able to work something out. Historia knew that Reiner was strong-willed and stubborn, but it still seemed as though both of them were not acting on their own accord.

All of the things that Bertholdt had said...about someone needing to 'find them,' about nobody wanting to kill people... They were most likely victims as well, just of a different breed.

“Don't let this chance get away!” Commander Erwin shouted, his voice loud and clear. “Retreat!”

They had been given the official order now--there was no reason for hesitation anymore. Still, Connie and Historia's face was slower than the rest, and she knew that Ymir was the one slowing them down. She kept glancing back at Reiner and Bertholdt.

Suddenly, shattering the air, Historia heard Bertholdt's terrified screams, and this time, Ymir came to a full stop, her head facing the two.

“Ymir?” Historia murmured.

“Hey, you ugly hag!” Connie shouted, slowing his horse to a stop a few meters in front of her and Ymir. “What are you doing?! Let's hurry back!”

But Ymir was still staring up at the boys.

 _What is it? What do you know that we don't_?

Historia wished that Connie would run off--maybe _that_ was the reason Ymir was not explaining herself. But still, Connie had proven to be too nice to fight against them. He would be one of few people who would be willing to talk this out.

After a few moments, Historia watched with wide eyes as Ymir turned to her again at last. This would be it--the explanation she had been waiting for.

 _Say something, anything_ , Historia pleaded with her as the Titan reached down and gently stroked her hair.

“...So...rry...”

“...Eh?” Historia gasped, staring up at Ymir. She was not entirely sure if Titan's faces could show emotions, but Ymir seemed to have a remorseful gaze, and she was staring down into Historia's eyes with such intensity that for a moment, Historia did not see the Titan, but the human Ymir's face.

Suddenly, without another word, Ymir sprinted off, leaving Historia and Connie behind.

“Ymir?!” Historia breathed. “Wait! What--?!”

Historia did not waste her breath any further; she could now see what Ymir was doing. She had chosen to protect Bertholdt and Reiner over going back with them to the walls. She had chosen them over her.

_Why...?! What did I...do...?! Why won't you come with us? Why isn't everything that we did here enough to convince you that you'll be safe with us?! Ymir, why are you--_

“C'mon, let's GO!” Connie shouted, tearing Historia out of her thoughts.

“But! Ymir is--”

“She's not coming! Isn't that obvious?!”

“No, she must be--”

“Come ON, Kri--Historia!”

As Historia watched Ymir tear her way through the attacking Titans, she felt her horse start galloping forward on its own. Glancing back, she could see Connie pulling on the reins of her horse, leading it along. She quickly turned back to Ymir; part of her wanted to jump off of her horse and stay behind, too.

 _But...I'm of no use to you...is that it?_ Historia wondered as she reached out her hand toward the shifters. _I'm not like you guys... I don't have anywhere to belong..._

 


	51. Weakened Soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is finally over, but as always, it has left them with many, many scars.

_“Shit...I really did it...” Ymir gasped, panting as she flopped onto her back against the cool brick of Wall Maria. “...Why...?”_

_As she stared up at the starry night sky, Ymir tried to will her tears not to flow, but she could still picture the confused look on Historia's face too vividly, and she could not help but feel guilty._

_“Ymir...” Bertholdt's voice was back to its usual quiet, timid self. “...Why did you save me?”_

_Glancing at Bertholdt, she met his eyes for a brief moment. Disbelief was clearly written all over his face. She was tired of causing people to make that face._

_“Probably because I heard you screaming,” Ymir admitted, looking up at the sky again. “...If you guys hadn't come and destroyed the walls, I would have been trapped in a living nightmare forever. I'm only just...returning what I took back then. I mean, I'm the only one who gets what you're going through... It's the same for me. I can't do anything on my own...”_

_Ymir then heard a stifled sob come from Bertholdt, but she kept her gaze skyward. Historia had said to live for her own sake, but it was as if she had forgotten how. Now, here she was, pitying these boys and trying to help them? She couldn't explain it even if she tried._

_“Thank you, Ymir...” Bertholdt whispered. “I'm sorry...”_

_“Nah...it's...not such a bad feeling to play the goddess...”_

 

“The 104th class of trainees has the luck of the devil, getting back alive from something like this.”

Though he had clearly heard every word Jean said, it felt as though this was all still a dream for Armin; he blinked slowly, trying to keep his eyes open. He was exhausted, and he knew that if he was to stop moving now, he would probably pass out. It was well past when he usually went to sleep anyway. Glancing down at Jean, he cringed as he watched his friend dab at his bloodied nose. He had gotten lucky--he had somehow survived being nearly crushed by that Titan.

“Well...” Jean's face darkened. “I can't say the same for those Titan shifters, though...”

Armin had no reply. Whether Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir would survive all of those Titans, he had no idea, but either way, nobody really won. Yes, they had gotten Eren back, but they had lost their friends in the process, and the feeling of betrayal was so horribly bitter that Armin almost regretted using such a reactive strategy.

 _I should have done something else to keep Eren safe from them_ , he thought, grimacing again as he pulled on his harness absentmindedly. _Why didn't I listen to my instincts..._?

It was too late now--they would have no choice but to leave those three behind for the time being. Their task was now to help the injured soldiers they had brought back with them.

“That's it, lay her down slowly...”

Armin could see Eren and a Garrison soldier laying down someone; atop that stretcher was Mikasa, looking unusually frail and tired. Sighing through his nose, Armin walked over to his friends, then kneeled next to Eren.

“Her ribs must have broken from the long time she spent on horseback,” the Garrison soldier told them. “We need to get her to a doctor quickly.”

“Eren, I'm all right,” Mikasa said, holding up her hand as if to quiet the grief-stricken, wide-eyed Eren. He was obviously quite worried; in the many years he had known him, Armin had hardly ever seen him look so nervous.

“...I'm sorry,” Eren murmured, hanging his head. Gently, Armin placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder. The brunet glanced back at him, and Armin gave him a reassuring smile. Mikasa would be fine; nothing as insignificant as some broken ribs was going to stop her.

“Commander?!”

Armin's head snapped up at the sound of frantic voices nearby. He could see Commander Erwin on his knees, his head drooping. With his right arm completely removed, it was a miracle he had already survived up to this point, and Armin could not help but feel anxious--would the Commander even make it back to headquarters?

“Can you hear me, Commander?!” a Garrison soldier cried. “...This is bad--he's lost consciousness!! Transport him to the hospital, quickly!!”

“Commander!!” Eren shouted, jumping to his feet. Armin glanced up at Eren--he could tell how worried he was, but he knew that it went beyond just that.

 _I can tell that you feel guilty_ , Armin thought, pursing his lips. _But this wasn't your fault, you did everything you could..._

As several veterans from each of the regiments hoisted Commander Erwin's limp body onto a cart to push him toward the lift, Armin slowly got to his feet. The soldier that had been with Mikasa handed him a torch, and Armin gripped the piece of wood tightly as he glanced at Eren again.

“C'mon, Connie, take a deep breath,” Armin heard Jean say from his right. He was kneeling next to Connie, who was sobbing loudly and groaning, despite being safe and sound on top of the wall again. “Stand up.”

“I can't believe it...” Connie whimpered. “I'm...alive...”

Armin could see the look on Eren's face; it was a complicated expression, full of emotions. The most obvious one, though, was guilt.

 _Don't blame yourself_ , Armin thought as Eren turned toward Jean.

“How many people died...just so that...I could be brought back?” Eren asked the others, his voice quiet and solemn.

Armin could not bring himself to answer Eren's question--he was not sure he could be tactful with his answer. It was obvious that Connie was also too afraid to speak up.

“I believe one hundred people died in total, if you include the Military Police soldiers from when we set off,” Jean replied, honest as ever with no embellishment or attempts at sugar-coating things. “Well, most of the deaths came from Police soldiers that didn't have any experience. I feel sorry for them...going out there just to get eaten. Anyway, I don't really remember the exact number, but there were around forty people on top of that wall. Among all of them, only around half can...walk and run. The Survey Corps lost the majority of its skilled fighters. How will we manage from now on, I wonder...?”

“Jean, there's no need to be so harsh.”

 

…......

 

With pursed lips and tired eyes, Yasmin stared at Jean. She could see his mouth turn down in a frown, but he did not seem at all upset for having been interrupted or reprimanded. It seemed that maybe he had really started to change, which only made sense--she had, too.

“...Eren, there weren't any casualties going back, though, since the Titans ignored us and went after Reiner instead,” Armin said, redirecting the conversation. “With that shout of hers, the Female Titan could make herself the target of Titan attacks. Back there, the one that made the Titan that ate Hannes and the Armored Titan the target...was you, right?”

Yasmin crossed her arms, glancing at Milena next to her. Armin had to be right--it only made sense. His call obviously held great power—it had seemed to have an effect even on humans.

“I...I...” Eren stammered, eyes wide as he stared down at the brick below them. “I don't really...get...what happened back there...not at all...”

“...Are you saying you manipulated the Titans?!” Jean cried.

“No...I still don't...”

“You know...if it was confirmed that you really...can do something like that...” For once, Jean sounded impressed by Eren’s abilities.

“Is...it true, Eren?” Connie murmured. When Eren did not reply, he added, “That's it...! So that's why the Titans went in that direction... Back there, if we had kept fighting with the Titans, we all would have died...”

 _It's true..._ Yasmin thought. _So many of the soldiers out there were people with little to no experience in combat..._

“Eren, you...saved us all, whether you meant to or not,” Yasmin told him. Eren, however, stared down at his hand, as if by doing so he might find answers.

“Still, this isn't all so great,” Jean muttered. “Just so you could be brought back, one of the Commander's arms was eaten, Mikasa's ribs were broken, that friend of yours and nearly sixty percent of our soldiers died. All of this shows how valuable you are...”

Jean paused a moment, and Yasmin wondered if he was going to be harsh with Eren again, but he seemed less wound up now. He was just trying to be rational at this point.

“I still don't understand it, but...weren't you the one who really decided who would live and who died for the sake of bringing you back?”

“...” Eren let out a quiet laugh before finally responding, “Since joining the Corps, you've developed a preachy attitude.”

“Hah?! Fuck off, man--it's only because you're being so half-baked about this...”

“No, it's pretty creepy, Jean,” Connie jumped in. “You're suddenly all serious...”

“You look like a villain right now,” Armin added.

“He's always had the face of a criminal,” Yasmin murmured.

“Listen, you guys--aren't I the one who saved your dear Mikasa? Aren't I?” Jean snapped, putting his hands on his hips.

“Thank you, Jean,” Eren said suddenly, dampening the playful mood that had started to emerge.

“Wha?”

“Thanks to you, I won't be indecisive anymore,” Eren growled, clenching his fist. Yasmin stared at him; it seemed the memory of Mikasa's close call had triggered this reaction. It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that the two cared about each other very much, so it came as no surprise to her that Eren would get so worked up about her.

“It's just like you said,” Eren went on. “I have to do it--I have to manipulate the Titans and take back Wall Maria. To make up for not being able to capture Reiner and the others, I'll contribute to mankind's opposition in memory of everyone who died, like Hannes... This will be my retribution.”

“Eren...” Milena murmured. Yasmin could sense her friend's sudden change in mood; they had yet to take the time to grieve Hannes' death.

Out of the corner of her eye, Yasmin then noticed Krista getting to her feet, her large blue eyes red-rimmed. She was staring right at Eren with an expression Yasmin had never seen on her face before. It hardly seemed like the same girl.

“Krista?!” Armin gasped, holding out his hand. “You shouldn't--”

“No,” Krista interrupted, still staring at Eren. “My name is Historia.”

 _Historia...?_ Yasmin glanced at the boys; they looked as clueless as she felt.

“Eren, let's go back over the wall.”

“You shouldn't be trying to stand yet--”

As if to defy Eren's attempt to change the subject, Historia grabbed the young man's shirt. Her expression became more desperate as she pulled herself closer to him.

“I'm _fine_!” she shouted. “We have to get Ymir back, quickly, or else she's going to be too far away to help!! You're strong, aren't you, Eren?! Use your Titan strength and do something!!”

“H-hang on!” Eren stammered, obviously taken aback.

“Whoa, calm down!” Rico shouted, appearing behind Historia. Another soldier, presumably a member in her squad, followed behind her. Yasmin recognized her almost immediately, but before she could say anything, Historia collapsed onto her knees.

“Ah...!?” she gasped, panting. Rico quickly knelt beside her.

“Calm down,” she repeated. “Both your heart and your body are trying to recover.”

 

…......

 

Eren stared down at Historia as she gritted her teeth. She was obviously still waiting for him to reply, but he could not think of anything tactful to say. He had no choice but to be honest with her. Slowly, he knelt down to her level; one glance at her face made him want to keep quiet, but he knew he had to say what was on his mind.

“...After Reiner and Bertholdt kidnapped Ymir and I, that whole time...she was worried about you,” Eren admitted. “She was only thinking of you, and how to keep you alive during all of this, I think. But...well, I don't really understand why, but in the end, didn't Ymir go with those two by her own will?”

“It seemed like that to me, too,” Connie added in a quiet voice. “Like she was going to help Reiner and Bertholdt, or something.”

“Turns out we never really did learn who the hell she really is,” Jean muttered, kneeling down to Historia's level.

“...I won't forgive her...” Historia whispered. “Why...would she choose them...over me...? Even though...we said...we would live for our own sakes...to leave me behind like this...” Her face was almost terrifying; her blue eyes were wild-looking and welling up with tears, and a wide frown had appeared. “That traitor...I won't ever forgive her...”

“Krista...?” Jean murmured. “What's wrong? This isn't like you...”

“Ahahaha...! _Krista_?!” Historia laughed, her voice shrill. “Krista is done for. She doesn't exist anywhere anymore. Krista was just a role I played in order to survive in this world... She was just like the girls in the books I used to read as a child...or at least...she was supposed to be...”

“And?”

Eren turned to see a Garrison soldier standing next to Yasmin and Milena. She seemed vaguely familiar, and judging by the look in her eyes, she had likely been in their graduating class. Her white-blonde hair was pushed back out of her face and draped over her shoulders, and her lips were drawn into a frown.

“You said you and Ymir promised to live for your own sakes?” she said, her tone flat. “Then it doesn't matter if you're Krista or Historia--be who you want.”

“Do you really think it's that easy, Olivia?!” Historia shouted back at the girl, who shrugged.

“I didn't say it was. I just said it because I'm trying to help you out. From one roommate to another, yeah?”

“...”

“...Look, I think there are other people besides just me willing to help you,” Olivia went on. “But you have to be willing to let them. Otherwise, shut up and stop complaining.”

“Oi, have a little tact,” Jean cut in.

“Please. Look who's talking,” Yasmin muttered.

“Anyway, Historia, it's your choice,” Olivia sighed.

“Olivia,” Rico said suddenly. “Go help the others load the injured onto carts.”

“Ah? Seriously? Just because I said one little thing?”

“Go.”

Letting out a defeated sigh, Olivia whirled around and marched away from them, an energetic bounce to her step that Eren could not help but envy. He knew that every single person that had come out on this mission was exhausted, and he felt responsible for all of them.

“Let's go back to headquarters,” Eren told them. “Let's...rest...”

 

…......

 

Even though she had spent less than a full day lying in her hospital bed, Hanji felt as restless as if she had been stuck there for weeks. The first few hours had been spent in blissful unconsciousness, but since she had awoken, she had felt nothing but anxiety and pain. Part of the pain was definitely physical—she had been bruised up and also burned, and a couple of her ribs were broken. But none of this was new; she had been injured worse than this before.

What hurt the most was knowing that her actions had caused the imminent deaths of dozens of soldiers, and among those soldiers was the one person on this earth that she did not want to lose.

“Are you even gonna try to sleep, four-eyes?”

Hanji glanced over at Levi, who was still leaning against the wall next to her bed. He had been there all day, keeping an eye on her.

“Are you?” she asked.

“I would be up anyway,” he replied. “The one you should be asking is _this_ one.”

Levi gave a sharp kick to the leg of Catherine’s chair. She glared up at him, absentmindedly tugging at the sleeve of her shirt.

“Even _you_ probably get more sleep than me,” she muttered. “Don’t be rude.”

“If you both are staying up because of me, please don't,” Hanji cut in, turning her head to face the pair. “I'll fall asleep eventually.”

“I'd rather stay up and make sure you're okay,” Catherine told her. “It's nothing, really.”

Hanji opened her mouth to say a few words of gratitude, when the sound of frantic footsteps and raised voices filled the air. The door on the opposite end of the room suddenly flew open, and Rowen was the first person through the doorway. He looked as if he had just rolled out of bed, and even in the dim lighting, Hanji could see the worried expression on his face.

 _Don't make that face_ , she wanted to say as she slowly sat upright in bed. Seeing Rowen in such distress was not a good sign.

“Call a doctor, quickly!” he hissed to one of the nearby night-staff nurses.

Before any of them could ask what was going on, several more Survey Corps soldiers rushed into the room, all of them gripping a bloodied stretcher. Hanji was sitting straight up in bed now, and she could see by the light of the candles and kerosene lanterns that whoever was on that stretcher was missing an arm. The wounded soldier's face was mostly hidden by the other soldiers crowded around him, but Hanji only needed a glimpse of his face to know who it was. His blond hair was pasted to his forehead with sweat, and his face was pale as death, but it was unmistakably Erwin Smith.

For a few long seconds, Hanji felt as though the world had stopped around her, as if she was paralyzed. She could only stare with mouth agape at Erwin's lifeless body as they carried him away. His right arm was nothing more than a bloody stump; she could only imagine how it had happened, but in the end, the details did not matter. It had been her order to go after those kids--it had been her order that caused this horrible accident. She was directly responsible for hurting the person she cared about most, the person she had promised to help and protect no matter what stood in their way.

When she finally regained feeling in her limbs, Hanji swung her legs over the mattress and planted her feet firmly on the floor. She was still in much more pain than she had realized, but that was not her focus now--she had to know if Erwin was alive.

“Hanji, don't!” Catherine shouted as Hanji dashed off after the soldiers.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Levi hissed.

Hanji was not going to waste her breath on answering them; she had to save her energy for following the others.

“Rowen,” Hanji whispered as she reached him. She grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, taking a moment to catch her breath. “...Is he alive?”

“Hanji, you shouldn't be--”

“Is he alive?!”

“...Yeah, but...he's not doing well.” Rowen's voice was quiet and hesitant. “The other soldiers know more--they were there when it happened.”

“Where is he?”

“Come on.”

Still clinging to Rowen's arm, Hanji followed him into a nearby room down the hall. She had never been this deep in the hospital wing before, and this was obviously reserved for severe injuries, which only made her heart pound harder. Her chest felt as though it would burst, and each breath she took rattled her bones. But she knew _she_ would be fine—seeing Erwin was more important.

“Squad Leader Hanji!” one of the soldiers gasped as she staggered into the room. “What are you—“

“Just let us through,” Rowen told the young man, his voice calm but firm.

As Hanji looked down into Erwin’s pallid face, she dug her nails into Rowen’s arm, her legs shaking. They had known each other for years, and she had seen him at his best and at his worst, but she had never seen him look like this before. His eyes were sunken in and lined with dark circles, and his entire face was covered with a thin film of cold sweat.

“…Dammit, Erwin…” Hanji whispered, slowly kneeling beside his bunk as the nurses and doctors continued to scramble around. Though she was all too aware of who she was staring it, it was almost as if he was a different person altogether. He had always seemed so invincible, and now…

“Oh my god.” Hanji could clearly hear Catherine’s murmur of surprise, but she did not take her eyes off of Erwin.

“What happened?” Levi asked. She could hear fear hidden behind the mask of rage in his tone.

“A Titan came up and just…grabbed him,” one of the nearby soldiers said. “He managed to hang in there until we reached Wall Rose—he’s been unresponsive ever since.”

“He’s in a coma,” a nurse told them. “You should have brought him here sooner.”

“I’m glad we didn’t,” another soldier jumped in. “In the end, Commander Erwin was the one who got Eren back from those shifters, even after losing his arm.”

Pursing her lips, Hanji finally tore her gaze away from Erwin to glance up at the soldiers around them.

 _…Somehow, I’m not surprised to hear that you kept fighting_ , she thought as her eyes dropped down to Erwin’s face once more. _But please don’t let that be the last thing you’ll ever do. Please…come back to us…_

 

………

 

Despite that she should have felt grateful for making it back in one piece, Milena could not help but feel a deep bitterness in her heart as she sat on her bunk, slowly unbraiding her hair. They had been back at headquarters for a couple of hours now, but neither she nor Yasmin was asleep yet. Rosaleen was still out passing the message along to other Garrison troops--it would not be long before they all knew the fate of their comrades and Captain Hannes.

But the ordeal was over, and they had won again. Milena knew they had gotten lucky, and she also knew that she could start to grieve for those lost and could start to heal.

 _But, really, there's no such thing--not in this world_ , she realized as she ran her fingers through her long locks.

It was true—the usual “process” was just to simply move on. The same thing had happened with Marco and with Erin, and it would only continue to happen as long as their world stayed this way.

Milena could not help feeling angry, especially over losing Hannes. She had wanted the chance to be a leader, and in that crisis, she knew that she had stepped up and fit into the role. But she had never wanted that chance to be at the cost of Hannes--or any of her friends, for that matter. It felt as though she had been tricked.

“Should I go ahead and lock the door for the night?” Yasmin asked, glancing over her shoulder at Milena as she ran a comb through her short locks. “Or do you think Rosaleen will be back soon?”

“Don't bother,” Milena muttered, sighing. “I won't be falling asleep anytime soon.”

“Yeah...me either.” Yasmin turned around and sat down on the bunk next to Milena. “I...didn't even realize how many people we lost until coming back tonight.”

“It was too many people.” Milena's grip on her hair tightened.

“What's worse is that we not only lost all of them, but we also lost Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir.” Yasmin's throat was hoarse as she added, “I feel like an idiot. We trusted them. We fell right into their trap.”

“I hope they rot out there,” Milena hissed.

“...I can't...really say I disagree, but... I don't know.” Yasmin flopped back onto her pillow, looking up at Milena. “I'd like to know more about why things turned out this way.”

“Why?” Milena paused, then pursed her lips. Yasmin’s motives were pretty cut and dry; after all these years, she should have known better than to question her. “Because of your dad?”

“...Maybe that's...why...”

“Yasmin...” Milena tossed her hair over her shoulder and laid herself down in her bunk. “There's probably a better way to find out information than to track those three down. If they had been willing to share something with us, they would have done it already.”

“...Yeah, you're right.” Yasmin pursed her lips. “...Milena, are you...okay?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You just...seem really upset.”

“Are you not?” Milena snapped, then quickly recoiled. She had not meant to lash out at Yasmin, but just thinking about what had transpired out there made her blood boil. So many lives lost...

“...Sorry for asking.

“No, no. I...I just...” Milena hesitated, trying to choose her words carefully. “...Dammit, Yasmin, I wanted to have a chance to lead, but not at the cost of Hannes' life!”

Milena could hardly help herself; she burst into tears, and she could feel her ears getting hot. She was so angry, not with anyone in particular, but with the way everything had turned out. Why could things never go smoothly? What would their efforts even mean in the end?

“No, don't cry,” Yasmin said quickly. “Milena, you're a great leader.”

“Sh-shut up, you don't have--”

“I'm not saying it to make you feel better. I mean it. You kept us alive out there.”

Milena wiped the tears from her cheeks, sitting upright to catch her breath.

“Really, you saved us,” Yasmin told her. “Without you, I don't know if I would have had the strength to go through with everything, or to even kill a Titan. And I know Rosaleen feels the same way.”

“But I'm not worth another human’s life,” Milena told her, gritting her teeth. “It's not fair. He was only trying to protect them...but in the end, he didn't even get to die with any dignity...”

Yasmin did not reply, and Milena let out a weak sob. She was not trying to be so negative--she was just looking at the facts, and they were gruesome ones. Feeling this way made her whole body ache.

“...He's at peace now, at least,” Yasmin murmured, putting her hand on Milena's.

“...” Milena lowered her gaze, still sobbing quietly. Yasmin was right, but the whole thing still felt so wrong. Nobody deserved an end quite like that, especially their Captain.

 


	52. Duty Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is over, and now the Survey Corps must decide how to proceed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so incredibly sorry for the delay in updating! Life has been crazy this past month, but now things are going back to normal. c:

_“Damn that Erwin Smith...”_

_Bruno glanced over at Bianca as Nile growled under his breath, leaning over his desk. He was not sure exactly what kind of reaction their Commander would have upon their return, but he was admittedly a bit surprised to hear Nile put all the blame on Erwin. Erwin had saved their lives and sacrificed his own well-being to get Eren Jaeger back._

_They stood in silence for several long seconds before Nile spoke again._

_“...Thank you for your honest report,” he said at last, straightening up and looking Bruno in the eye. “It's...unfortunate that so few returned, but I guess it can't be helped. Even the Police was dragged into this one. I should have seen it coming.”_

_Nile paused again, lowering his gaze to his desk once more. Bruno knew it was a good chance to speak up again; he had not come to report to Nile expecting nothing in return._

_“Still, we did not lose anyone who has involvement with the Central Military Police, correct?” he asked, his voice steady and his gaze unwavering. Nile glanced up at him, a slight grimace on his face. “So I guess we should be…grateful.”_

_“We didn’t lose anyone, or at least, no one of any influence.” Nile let out a deep sigh. “For now, our plans here remain unchanged. But...”_

_Bruno watched as Nile's face slowly softened. His voice trailed off not in a hesitant manner, but instead in a rather sad one. Bruno was sure that Erwin was to blame for this change in his tone--he knew that the two had been close friends once, and he also was aware that whatever the central government had planned, it would not be good for the Survey Corps Commander._

_Nile let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head a little._

_“...Damn that Erwin Smith...”_

 

“...Well, to be honest with you, we had no choice but to declare Wall Rose safe within the week,” Pyxis declared. “The refugees are currently returning to their own lands, and perhaps I should say it's fortunate that even amidst all the chaos, only one incident required military intervention.”

As the Commander spoke, Levi kept his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him. He could see both Pyxis and Erwin out of the corner of his eyes; neither of them looked pleased, but Levi had not expected anything less. Despite successfully returning Eren and Historia, they had lost a great number of soldiers--they had almost lost Erwin, too.

Luckily, after taking his sweet time coming out of his coma, Erwin had woken up, and he was now strong enough to even sit up in bed and participate in these god-awful conversations about the state of the world and how disgusting and messy it still was.

“When we tried to evict the illegal residents squatting in the city underground, there was a conflict with the Police in that area,” Pyxis continued. “There weren't any casualties, but this incident had an impact all over the walls... It was as if the doors to hell were open for an instant. After seeing it for ourselves, we can be certain that one week after Wall Rose falls, people will begin to destroy one another.”

Pyxis paused, and Levi glanced up at Erwin once more.

“Sorry, Erwin,” he murmured. “Dropping this news on you as soon as you’ve woken up. I'm sure just hearing about this week is enough to make you wanna go back to sleep.”

“No, it's fine--I was getting tired of sleeping anyway,” Erwin replied. His voice was alert, but his eyes were dull and lined with dark circles. “Go on.”

“...It's too bad about your arm,” Levi then said.

To Levi's surprise, Erwin smiled slightly as he looked down at his stump of a right arm.

“How many hundreds of soldiers do you think I've fed to the Titans by now?” he asked. “One arm's hardly enough to make up for that. I'll pay off my debts in hell one day.”

“Well said, Erwin,” Pyxis chuckled. “Will you let me join you in hell when that day comes?”

“What are you talking about, old man?” Levi muttered. “You've had enough, too? I doubt you've drank enough alcohol to get to that point yet, though.”

“Indeed, I'd like a drink right now, too,” Pyxis replied, grimacing. Levi noticed Pyxis’ assistant, Anka, standing nearby, her watchful gaze fixed on the Garrison Commander. “But my alcohol's been confiscated. Somebody is determined to keep an eye on me until the bitter end.”

Erwin let out a quiet laugh as Anka cleared her throat indignantly.

“Looks like you have quite an exceptional subordinate,” he said, a bit of life returning to his eyes as he gave Anka a knowing smile.

Before anyone could reply, a loud knock came from the other side of the door to Erwin's hospital room. Levi knew it had to be Hanji, despite the unusually quiet way she had rapped her knuckles. Normally, she would have been pounding on the door, and she definitely would not have waited for anyone to invite her in.

“It's Hanji,” Levi announced. Then, in a louder voice, he added, “Come in.”

“Hey, Erwin,” Hanji said as she opened the door. Levi noticed someone standing behind her; it was Connie Springer, one of the newest members of the Survey Corps. He looked quite out of place and very intimidated.

Hanji took a step into the room, opening her mouth to say something else, but when her eyes fell upon Pyxis, her casual demeanor seemed to change in an instant.

 _Acting the role for a change, are you?_ Levi thought as Hanji saluted to the Garrison Commander. Connie quickly followed suit.

“So, you’re here as well, Commander Pyxis,” Hanji murmured. “Perfect timing. I'm here in regards to the investigative report from...our most recent incident. This is...”

“Connie Springer, of the 104th class,” the teen said, his gold eyes wide but serious. Levi had heard a few things about him--that he was playful, energetic, and a bit of a dimwit. But he had survived the ordeal out in Wall Maria's lands, and he had been willing to cooperate with Hanji. To Levi, that proved that he deserved to wear those wings of freedom.

“His hometown is Ragako Village,” Hanji explained. “He joined my investigative squad due to his unique knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the incident.”

“Connie...you've worked hard,” Levi told the young man. Connie stared back, but his expression was not one of fright, nor did he seemed flattered. He only acted as if he did not believe Levi's words; his eyes fell to the floor, and his gaze lost its vigor.

“...Yes, Sir...” Connie mumbled. Confused and a bit disappointed, Levi turned away, facing Hanji once more for explanation. If anyone could illuminate why someone was acting odd, or why a situation was not as they expected, it was her.

 

…......

 

Hanji could feel that all eyes were on her now, and before she spoke again, she caught Erwin's gaze for an instant. He looked exhausted, and he hardly looked like the same man with an unshaven face and unkempt hair. She could not help but wonder if he even should hear this explanation yet or not--even someone completely healthy and sane would be baffled by what she had to say now.

But their eyes were demanding answers, and Hanji was the only one who could give them.

“...Allow me to explain--in regards to the source of the Titans from the time of the supposed breach, we have collected a lot of evidence increasing the likelihood of our original theory,” Hanji began. “It seems that all of the residences in Connie's village were destroyed by explosions from within. But, despite such obvious evidence of destruction, we didn't find even a trace of blood. And the key is that, even up until now, we still haven't found a single resident of Ragako Village. Furthermore...the total number of Titans that appeared and were suppressed within the wall is exactly equal to the population of that village. So, there is a high probability that the true forms of the Titans that appeared around that time...were the residents of Ragako Village.”

A heavy silence filled the room as Hanji paused to catch her breath. Anka was the only one who seemed to be in complete disbelief--the others were calm, as if they understood that this was the most logical conclusion they could possibly come to.

“In other words, the true form of a Titan...is actually a human,” Erwin stated, and Hanji gave him a nod. She could tell what he was thinking: all of those soldiers they had lost, all of their friends--Henning, Nanaba, Mike...they had all been consumed by creatures that were once humans. It was a horrible theory, and Hanji almost hated herself for having come to it. But now that she had started to consider this as a possibility, it was starting to make more and more sense as she recalled past events.

“At present, we don't have evidence to prove that _all_ Titans are like that...” she said at last, glancing away from the others. “However, if this supposition is correct, then perhaps that explains why the Titans' weak point is at the back of the neck, and why--despite the huge differences in their overall sizes--the weak points of all Titans are exactly the same size. 'One meter tall and ten centimeters wide' ...Just what sort of condition does this meet? If we were to apply something of this size to the human body, in the end we would find that it corresponds to the dimensions of the brain and spinal cord. If this portion were to be cut, regeneration would be impossible, and all function would be lost. This must be a system separate from the rest of the Titans' composition.”

“But before, when you captured Titans alive and cut open the back of their necks, you never saw anything like that, right?” Levi asked, glancing up at Hanji.

“Right...” Hanji replied. “I never saw anything that looked like human organs. Then again, it's not likely that complete human brain would be in a spot where the wound will seal up immediately upon being cut upon. Within those dimensions, though, there were definitely some structures there... They must have melded with the Titan bodies already...so it's not entirely clear, but...”

“I don't get what you're saying, four-eyes,” Levi interrupted. He did not look angry with her, just frustrated.

“Ah, I'm sorry,” Hanji apologized quickly, preparing to reword her explanation. But before she could continue, Levi spoke again.

“Then...what of it?” he asked quietly, staring at Hanji. She could tell that, more than not understanding her explanation, he was just reluctant to believe it. “So all that flesh I've risked everything to slice is actually human flesh. And up until now, I've just been flying around killing people, right...?”

Levi did not outwardly show emotion very often, but the look of disappointment and guilt on his face was so obvious that Hanji had to look away. She had no way to make him feel better--after all, he was probably right. All of those Titans that they had hurt or killed were once humans, just like them.

“...I said there was no absolute proof, right?” Hanji told him quietly, glancing back at Connie. He, too, looked remorseful, and the sight made Hanji let out a deep, shaky sigh.

“But if this is truly the case, then what is the difference between ordinary Titans and the Titans of people like Eren Jaeger?” Pyxis inquired, scratching his chin. “Does it depend on whether the physical bodies have completely melded or not?”

“Hey, Erwin,” Levi grunted, turning to the Commander. “Erwin--”

Hanji, too, looked over at him again, only to find him sitting there, staring at his bed with wide eyes. An eerie smile was fixed on his face, unlike anything Hanji had ever seen there before. He looked as if he had lost his mind.

“What...are you smiling about...?” Levi murmured, his normally narrowed eyes wide with concern. Slowly, Erwin's smile faded, and he turned his head toward Levi.

“Ah...it's nothing,” he replied at last. Hanji pursed her lips--it was never just “nothing” with Erwin Smith, especially after a show like what he just gave them. He was up to something, and she could only imagine what.

“...You're a creep,” Levi muttered.

Erwin smiled again, this time a much more natural one.

“People have said that about me since I was young,” he admitted.

“Is that the real reason you joined the Survey Corps?” Levi asked.

“Huh?” Hanji breathed, looking down at her friends. When they had been in training together, Erwin had confided in her his reasons for joining the Corps, but now that she thought about it, she didn’t know if his reasons now were the same as they had been all those years ago. Or, it was also possible that he had not told the full truth to his reasoning back when they had been trainees. They had been occupied with other things; they did not pry too much into each other's lives.

“Give me a break, Levi,” Erwin chuckled. “Don't you feel at all sorry for me, seeing as one of my arms was eaten?”

Levi let out a quiet laugh; Hanji could see a rare smile on his face.

“Perhaps...”

“In any case...” Hanji met Erwin's gaze; he was back to business now, she could tell, and she understood. After all, he had been in a coma for almost two weeks. He had missed a lot. “Where are Eren and Historia Reiss right now?”

“Well...we've handled that as well,” Hanji replied. “For now, we've hidden them in a safe place. They'll stay there until after this chaos has passed.”

“We must not be impatient,” Pyxis told Erwin. “The world within the walls at present is like a hornet's nest that's been struck with a stick. This is not yet the time to reveal the hypothesis of the Titans' true identity.”

“Indeed...we cannot make any further errors,” Erwin declared, his voice quiet but firm. “With Krista, we will be able to root out the organizations that have more information about the Titans. And if we can use Eren's abilities, we can retake Wall Maria. Right now, those two are the key. So, where are they?”

“Well, I felt sorry for you, seeing as one of your arms was eaten, so I made some decisions on my own,” Levi responded, leaning forward on his elbows. “One being the new composition of my squad. And as for Eren...he's best suited to an environment that will keep him in desperation...”

As a small smirk crossed Levi's face, and as Erwin raised an eyebrow at him, Hanji gave her friends a soft smile. Even though things were chaotic once again, the fact that they could still manage to joke around with each other boded well for them. As long as they could keep relying on one another, they would be able to fight through anything that stood in their way. This was not just something she told herself to make herself feel better--she truly believed it, from the bottom of her heart.

 

…......

 

“We're finally here...” Jean sighed loudly as Armin hopped down from their horse. It had been a long journey indeed. Armin had known they would be far away from Survey Corps headquarters, but he had not expected to be living in this kind of isolated area. “No matter how you look at it, this is just too far away from civilization...”

It seemed that Jean, too, was a bit concerned about why they were here. Granted, Eren and Historia needed to be kept far away from any danger, but they were almost alarmingly far away from the nearest town. If there was any need to get outside help, it would be impossible to find anyone in time.

“C'mon, Sasha, you take this one,” Jean said, handing Sasha a large wooden box of provisions.

“What is this?” she asked, grunting as she took the crate. “It's so heavy!”

“It's potatoes--they're your good friends, right?”

“...You... What are you talking about?” Sasha let out a bitter laugh, quickly turning away from the boys. “I'd forgotten all about that...”

“Don't worry, nobody else in our class could possibly forget that.”

“There really is inflation all over,” Armin cut in, changing the subject after catching a glimpse of Sasha's disgruntled face. “If we lost these provisions, we'd probably starve to death.”

“That's right, Sasha,” Jean muttered. “Just _try_ stealing one. Captain Levi would slice you into bite-size pieces.”

“Ugh...I won't,” Sasha sighed. “...Probably.”

“Huh? Did you just say something?”

“I mean...we really didn't _need_ to buy this much food, did we? It'd be enough just to hunt in the mountains!”

“We can't, Sasha,” Armin told her as they stepped inside the small house--their new headquarters. “Hunting is prohibited in this area. If we were discovered, it would cause a disturbance, and then the fact that we're hiding out here would be meaningless.”

“I...I get it. I won't go hunting, okay?” Sasha laughed. “...Probably.”

“I heard that, potato girl!” Jean snapped.

“You guys...”

Armin turned at the sound of Eren's voice to find his best friend standing in the doorway with a broom in his hands. His hair was covered with a bandanna, and another was tied around his neck. He looked like a servant more than a soldier, and Armin would have been more openly amused were it not for the frightened look in Eren's eyes.

“Did you clean off your shoes properly before coming in?” he asked, staring at the three of them.

“Huh?” Jean grunted. “Of course not. Can't you see what we have our hands full with now? Who cares about all that?”

“You still don't get it!?” Eren gasped, stepping closer to Jean with wide eyes. “Do you think that kind of attitude will satisfy Captain Levi?! If I hadn't made your bed for you this morning--”

“SHUT UP!” Jean shouted. “What are you, my mother?!”

Before anyone could jump in and break up the spat, Mikasa and Historia appeared in the doorway, both carrying several logs of wood in their arms. Their presence alone was enough to settle the boys down.

“Welcome back,” Mikasa said to Armin.

“Huh!? You went to chop wood!?” Armin gasped. It had only been a couple of weeks since Mikasa had been injured--the last thing she should have been doing was hacking up trees.

“My body's getting dull,” she responded, as matter-of-fact as ever.

“You're not a wild animal--you shouldn't be moving around like that yet!!” Armin cried, reaching out to take away the ax she was carrying. Mikasa stepped out of his reach and hurried off with Historia.

“I've tried to stop her, but she just won't listen,” Eren mumbled. “She said she's fully recovered. She's even been doing sit-ups.”

“HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON MIKASA?!” Jean screamed, whirling around to face Eren again.

“Huh?!”

“Somehow...it's like we're back to being trainees,” Sasha said quietly. The room fell quiet again, and Armin turned toward his friend, nodding. Those days had seemed like they were part of a distant past for a long time, and now here they were, as lively as any of them had been in months.

“Yeah, but...protecting Eren and Historia is an important task. Even if we've lost a lot of veterans, surely there are still many experienced and exceptional soldiers left. So, why were _we_ the ones selected for Levi's squad...?”

“Perhaps because we're also quite exceptional?” Sasha suggested. Armin raised an eyebrow at the teen as she slowly pulled her hand out of her satchel; he had been distracted so he had not noticed her trying to swipe anything...yet.

“Hm? Sasha, did you put something in your bag just now?” he asked her.

“No, nothing like a loaf of bread or anything.”

“Let's finish cleaning before Captain Levi and Connie get back,” Eren declared, but nobody seemed to be listening. Jean had reached into Sasha's bag--sure enough, she had already taken some bread and was now trying to deny she had even touched it.

“How much else have you taken already?!” Armin cried, holding up the bread in Sasha's face. She shrugged, holding out her hands as if to prove she was innocent.

As Jean began to lecture Sasha, Armin glanced back at Eren. He had his back to them, and though he was still holding the broom, he was standing motionlessly, as if he had fallen asleep on his feet.

 _He must feel so much pressure_ , Armin realized, pursing his lips. _And probably...some guilt, too. But I don't think any of us would have come out here if we didn't believe helping Eren would be the right choice in the end. ...We believe in you, Eren._

 

…......

 

“We shall now begin the meeting. As previously discussed, due to the heavy losses in the most recent recovery mission on top of our high fatality count from Trost, it is necessary to discuss how we should proceed with the arrangement of our squads from this point on...”

As Gustav droned on, Milena stared at her hands, folded and still on top of the Garrison headquarters' conference table. It had been three weeks since returning from that hell, and their activities as a squad had come to almost a complete halt with anyone to lead them. Commander Pyxis had called a meeting for any surviving squad leaders or soldiers of any higher rank to assemble and discuss how the Southern Garrison should go on. In other words, people were going to get rearranged, squads were going to be combined, and it was more likely than not that Milena would lose her title as Squad Leader altogether.

 _I wish Yasmin was here..._ she thought as she scanned the faces around her. She was one of the youngest people there, and it reminded her of home. It made her feel like a helpless child again.

On the other side of the room stood Rosaleen, along with the other messengers in the Southern division. They were quietly guarding the door, save for one young man, who was writing down meeting minutes into his notebook, hastily scribbling across the page.

“The losses from the Southwest were mostly new recruits,” a man with a scruffy beard spoke up. “Of all of our superior officers, we only lost two Squad Leaders--the rest survived.”

“It's true--the losses in the Southeast were far worse,” Rico declared. “Dominic and Ludwig both were killed in the latest expedition. On top of the number of soldiers lost at Trost... Well, as you can imagine, our losses have been consistently heavy.”

Milena stared at Rico; the young woman's eyes were lined with dark circles, and her mouth was drawn into a line. Thinking back to Trost, Milena could remember that Rico was the only Garrison veteran to have survived the front lines. If anyone knew what a heavy loss was, it was her.

“Captain Hannes was also killed,” Captain Woermann added, and Milena clenched her jaw as the memory replayed itself yet again in her mind. “As were several other Squad Leaders.”

“I believe Captain Hannes was the only Captain to have died,” another soldier spoke up.

“Is that so...” Commander Pyxis folded his arms across his chest, staring down at the table. Milena could practically see the wheels in his brain spinning. “...Now that you mention it, I believe one of our messengers was under his command. Could you repeat to the others what your message was then, Miss Johnson?”

Milena flicked her eyes over to Rosaleen, whose already pale face was white as snow.

“Yes, Sir,” she said in a timid voice. “...Just as we were attempting to retreat from the traitors, the Armored Titan began a counterattack by throwing Titans at our troops. Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackermann were thrown from their horse, and it was Captain Hannes who came to their rescue. However...he could not defeat the Titan, and he was eaten alive...”

“Go on,” Pyxis urged her. Milena could sense Rosaleen's hesitation; it seemed that she, too, had not had a real chance to heal. But suddenly a determined look appeared in the red-head's eyes, and she straightened up and faced the Commander, looking him in the eye.

“At that point, we had already lost several other commanding officers, and most squads were left without any guidance,” she continued. “However, our Squad Leader, Milena Gessler, was willing to step up into a role of leadership, and she took command of the remaining Garrison soldiers. It was she who led us back to the wall. Because of her quick thinking, we were able to escape without incurring any further losses.”

Milena could feel her heart thudding in her throat as all eyes turned on her. Was this _really_ what Rosaleen had reported to the other officers? Or was this a spur of the moment attempt to make Milena look good?

 _Why are you doing this?_ Milena wondered, staring up at her friend.

“Is this true?” Captain Woermann asked, glancing from Rosaleen to Milena and back again.

“It is,” Rosaleen replied, chin held high. “Without Milena's direction, I would have run ahead to the wall, and with the way Rei--the Armored Titan was tossing those Titans, I probably would have died. She is also one of the few Garrison soldiers I have seen that is willing to actually fight the Titans head on.”

“Milena Gessler--”

“She's exaggerating,” Milena said quickly as Pyxis addressed her. “I only fought them because that was our highest chance for survival. I was just making things up as I went along. It was luck that kept us safe.”

“I heard quite a bit about you from Captain Hannes,” Pyxis went on, ignoring Milena's frantic denial. “Enough that, no matter how much you try to deny Miss Johnson's testimony, I will believe every word she has said. You are an excellent soldier, and you will no doubt make an excellent Captain.”

All of the words Milena had planned to fight back with died at the instant Pyxis finished his statement. Her, a Captain? It seemed too good to be true. But nobody was fighting it--in fact, there were people nodding in agreement. Agreeing that she, a rookie in the military and an inexperienced soldier, could lead hundreds of soldiers to victory.

“Well? What do you think, Miss Gessler?” Pyxis then asked, a gentle smile crossing his wrinkled face. “Do you accept the offer?”

“...I... Are you really, seriously offering this to me...?” Milena murmured, sitting upright in her chair.

“I am.”

“Then...I accept, Sir.”

“Good, glad to hear it. Now we can leave settling Squad Leaders up to our Captains, as it should be,” Pyxis declared, leaning back in his chair. Milena glanced up at Rosaleen once more; the teen was smiling down at her, a gentle look of gratitude in her eyes.

“...Thank you,” Milena mouthed to her, and Rosaleen nodded once in reply, then faced forward again as if nothing had happened, as if she had not spoken a word the whole time.

 


	53. Let's Hear It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can we learn from those who have left us?  
> Both Historia and Hanji have their own ideas.

_“Squad Leader Hanji! Are you awake?!”_

_At the sound of Moblit's voice, Hanji lifted her head from her pillow, stifling a yawn as he burst into her room. He seemed more frantic than usual, and immediately Hanji sat upright._

_“What's wrong?” she asked, quickly rubbing the sleep from her eyes._

_“Pastor Nick is dead!”_

_Tossing aside the sheets, Hanji sprang up from her bed, grabbing her robe and sliding on a pair of slippers. As she headed toward the door, she grabbed her Survey Corps jacket as well, then slammed the door behind her._

_“How did he die?!” Hanji cried as she pulled her robe on. Moblit shook his head. Struggling with the sleeve of her uniform jacket, Hanji then asked, “How did they find him?!”_

_“We don't know yet,” Moblit replied, sweat beading on his face. They were practically running through headquarters now. “The Police is conducting a survey right now.”_

_Though the idea of people investigating this unusual occurrence should have put her at ease, something about the scene Hanji came upon at Nick's hiding place made her stomach churn. There were indeed Military Police soldiers present, but they did not seem too alarmed by the idea of a man having been murdered in a military branch's headquarters._

_“Nick!” Hanji screamed as she rushed over to the open door. Ignoring the shouts of one of the Police soldiers, she pushed her way through them to the doorway; sure enough, Nick's lifeless body was lying motionless on the wooden floor. His face had been beaten in, and someone had gone to the trouble of ripping off his nails. He had not simply died--someone had killed him, and unfortunately, Hanji could take a guess as to why._

 

“I was born on a small farm in the northern part of Wall Sina.”

Sasha froze at the sound of Historia's voice, her tongue almost touching her bowl. Slowly, she set it down on her tray, turning toward the blonde. They had been friends for years now, but there was so much about her that Sasha still did not know.

“That farm was within the territory of the nobleman Lord Reiss. As far back as I could remember, I worked there,” Historia continued. “Mother was always reading books. I never saw her doing any work around the house. She was a very beautiful woman. At night, someone would come by with a horse-drawn carriage, and my mother would be taken to the city, all dressed up. It seemed that Mother had some source of income other than the family business. But for me, that was how life always was...

“Then, once I learned how to read and write, and started reading books like Mother, I realized that I was lonely. No matter what book I read...parents showed affection for their children. They spoke with them, held them, scolded them--that's how it was in the books. I had not experienced any of that. Grandfather and Grandmother spoke with me when they had to, but I had never had even a single conversation with Mother.

“When I saw other children walking around nearby and playing together, I realized it as well. I was on my own, so for me, other children were just dangerous things that would throw stones at you. Even if I been allowed to, I didn't dare go outside the farm territory.”

Sasha would have never guessed that Historia was such a lonely child. In training, she had made friends very easily. But...she had to remind herself that the girl she had known back then was Krista, not Historia. That was just a persona.

“One day, out of curiosity, I wanted to embrace my mother,” Historia went on. “I wanted to know how she would react. The result was, I was sent flying...but, since it was the first time that Mother had ever done anything to me, even that made me happy. But then, she looked at me, and she said, 'I wish I had the courage to kill her.' Those were the first words that Mother said to me.”

Despite the severity of the content of Historia's story, the girl's face was expressionless. She seemed so mechanical, especially compared to everyone around her, who was watching with wide eyes. Sasha had to bite her lip to keep from interrupting. Why were they hearing this now?

“After that, Mother left the house and started living somewhere else. Finally, I understood. To my grandparents, and to everyone living and working on the farm, and to everyone living there... To all those people, the fact that I was alive wasn't something to be celebrated. But as to what I had done, or why things were that way, there was no one I could ask. That land was my whole world. Only the animals were my friends. Though I spent almost the entire day on farm work, there were times when I forgot my loneliness as well.

“But then, that day five years ago, several nights after Wall Maria had fallen...” Historia's voice trailed off for a moment, and her gaze fell to the table. “I met my father for the first time. This man introduced himself with the name of the lord who governed this land. Mother, who I hadn't seen in several years, was there as well, but she seemed incredibly frightened. My father told me that from now on, I'd be living with him. As soon as he said this, Father took me toward the carriage outside.

“At that moment--when my mother cried out, I noticed that we were surrounded by many adults. One of them grabbed my mother, but when I cried out to her, she screamed back, 'No! I'm not this child's mother! She has nothing to do with me!'”

Again, Historia paused, her gaze wandering the table. Sasha stared at her friend, concerned. She was not sure what she had expected to hear from Historia about her real family history, but this certainly was not it. It was a far cry from the little white lies Krista had told them back then, and Sasha could not blame her for concealing all of this. It was brutal, to say the least.

“When the man asked my father if my mother was telling the truth or not, my father did not answer him right away,” Historia said quietly. “He stared at me a while before saying, 'These two have no relation to me.' Mother was thrown to her knees on the ground, and the man pulled out a large knife. She screamed at Father, saying, 'This isn't what you promised me!' Even though she had been so horrible to me, she was still my mother, and I felt sorry for her. But...when I approached her, she said, 'If only you hadn't been born.' Those were Mother's last words.

“The man who killed Mother came to me next. I remember...his knife was shining with my mother's blood. But before he could do anything, Father stopped him. Right before I was to be killed as well, Father made a proposal. If I was to live quietly in some far-off place from then on, he would let me live. 'Your name is Krista Lenz.' That's what he told me. After that, I left and lived on reclaimed land for two years. When I turned twelve, I entered the trainee squad, and I met all of you.”

 _For that, I'm grateful_ , Sasha thought, smiling to herself. Sure, Historia and her alter ego, Krista, were not the same. But Sasha liked them both. She considered both to be her friends, and she hoped Historia felt the same. If not, then...as long as they were not enemies, it was still all right by her.

 

…......

 

“A lot has happened during this short time, but our original objective hasn't changed,” Captain Levi told them after they had all settled back at the table after cleaning up dishes. Jean was glad he had dropped the subject of the piss-poor cleaning job. The last thing he wanted was to hear from Eren later about how he had been right all along. Besides, the atmosphere was still heavy from Historia's story, and nobody had had anything good to say since then, which was sure to prove for a dull afternoon.

“In other words, we're still aiming to plug up the hole in Wall Maria. If we could do that, then most other things wouldn't matter--even if the guy sitting next to you was to turn into a Titan, even if a fur-covered Titan was to come at you throwing rocks, even if the insides of the walls were filled with Titans...”

Noting Sasha's suspecting gaze upon him, Jean turned to her and raised an eyebrow. She quickly looked away, glancing back at him only once.

 _Why the hell were all of us chosen for this, anyway...?_ Jean asked himself, sighing through his nose as Captain Levi turned to Armin.

“Oi, Armin. You were saying if things went well, the wall could be plugged up pretty quickly...” Levi murmured. “Tell us about that idea again.”

“Yes...” Armin nodded obediently. “The plan was to use Eren's Titan abilities to plug up the hole in the wall. That wall appears to be made from the hardened bodies of Titans somehow, so if the mass of bodies--or in this case, if the one body necessary to plug the hole could be produced right at the scene...”

Armin's voice trailed off, and his gaze dropped to the table. Usually he had more confidence in his ideas than this, but now he was acting as if they were back in training. Why was he being so hesitant? Even Captain Levi trusted him.

“If...such a thing were possible, then...there would be no need to continuously transport in large amounts of material by wagon like in previous plans. In other words, we could create a strategy to aim for the actual location, on a night on which Titans would be inactive because of the weather or whatnot. If we go by horseback, the road from the Trost district to Shiganshina could be traversed in a single night... If this plan could be executed successfully, then the time needed for a mission to take back Wall Maria would be less than a day.”

The room fell silent at Armin's statement, and Jean sat back in his chair. After all the soldiers they had lost trying to take back Maria again and again, now there was a chance of taking it back in less than a full day? He could hardly believe it--he could now understand Armin's hesitance to present the proposal. It not only relied on everyone's cooperation, but it also relied on Eren's abilities. But as things were, Eren did not have good control of his Titan abilities, and there was no guarantee he could even use these powers.

“...As expected, now that I say it out loud again, it...sounds about as likely as catching a cloud,” Armin admitted, eyes still downcast as if ashamed of himself.

“Whether or not those clouds can become something else depends on this one,” Captain Levi declared, staring at Eren.

“Yes, Sir,” Eren said in a clear voice. “Understood.”

“You heard him, Hanji. He wants to do it.” Captain Levi leaned back in his chair, facing their guests for the day. Squad Leader Hanji and her subordinates had been asked to join them to discuss future plans, but so far not one of them had said a word. Jean did not know the others well at all, but Hanji was usually a ball of energy, and he had never seen her stay quiet for this long before.

“So then, it falls to you to choose a suitable place to run experiments,” Levi told her.

Hanji paused before replying, “Yes...of course. So long as I live, that is...my responsibility.”

 _Those are some pretty serious words coming from someone like her..._ Jean thought, glancing over his shoulder at the Squad Leader.

“Huh?” Levi grunted.

“Currently, the Garrison is patrolling the wall with general mobilization,” Hanji went on. “That requires an absurd amount of effort and personnel. Security is loosening in the cities, and at this rate they won't be able to maintain peace. The cities are currently getting more dangerous because of this. We must take back Wall Maria... I believe this now more than ever before.”

Jean was now turned around in his seat toward Hanji, but she was staring very deliberately at the coffee table in front of her, hands balled up into fists in her lap.

“I want to let everyone be at peace as soon as possible. I want to create a world where people can live without fighting among one another. So, I don't want to lose any time in testing Eren's power--without any reservations this time. Of course, we have to experiment with the hardening ability, as well as the specifics of Titan transformation.”

As Hanji spoke, her words became quicker, and her voice became louder.

“There's also the amazing possibility that he might have been able to control other Titans...” Hanji continued. “If that's really possible, then humanity just might be able to turn its current situation around! So...! We can't just sit around like this! We have to move quickly...! But...I want Eren to keep a low profile for a little while longer...”

 

…......

 

Upon hearing his Squad Leader's request, Moblit pursed his lips. Being so hesitant was not like her, but he understood her reasoning. She was still grieving; she had been through a lot in the past couple of weeks. All of them had, really, but Hanji in particular had run into quite a bit of trouble, which was quite the understatement. Moblit hated seeing her like this, controlled by her emotions--it was so different than the person she _truly_ was.

The members of Levi's new squad seemed to notice this change in Hanji's behavior, too. At her words, Eren nearly jumped up from his chair in surprise, as did Armin.

“Huh?!” Eren gasped.

“But what for?!” Armin asked, leaning forward across the table.

“Well...the situation is more complicated than we thought,” Hanji replied, still keeping her gaze fixed on the table. Moblit could see that her eyes were lined with dark circles and appeared almost sunken in. It was unlike her.

“C'mon now,” Levi sighed. “I'm sure that since you guys got here, waiting to talk about this has been like struggling not to shit yourselves when its on the verge of leaking out. You're even making that kind of face now, too. So, as to _why_ you guys need to keep waiting to take a shit--Hanji, tell us why.”

“Pastor Nick is dead.”

At Hanji's words, the entire atmosphere changed. The room filled with quiet, surprised gasps, and Moblit could sense Hanji tensing up.

“This morning, within the grounds of the Trost district military barracks, Pastor Nick was found dead,” Hanji declared. “The cause of death is still unknown, but...he was _killed_.”

Moblit sat back in his chair as he listened to Hanji recount the morning's events. Their run-in with the belligerent Military Police soldiers had been less than pleasant, but as he took in Hanji's perspective, he realized there were several things he had not taken into account at the time. Luckily, Hanji was observant--she had noticed taken note of the name of the soldier that had manhandled her as well as what squad he belonged to, which had not meant much to Moblit at the time. He had only thought it was odd that members of the Central Police would come all the way south for this. Hanji, however, had suspected them from the start.

But, hearing Hanji retell the tale brought up an important point: those members of the Central Police seemed to be quite aware of the wall cult. They were not like the normal members of the rest of the regiment, who mostly just ignored the goings-on of the cult. Instead, those soldiers seemed to regard the cult as a group of high importance. Moblit had not thought about that detail at the time of the confrontation--he had only taken into account the obvious signs of their involvement, like the torn skin on Djel Sannes' knuckles, or the missing nails on Nick's fingers.

“I thought that the wall cult would come after Nick, seeing as he cooperated with the Survey Corps and all,” Hanji sighed. “That's why I had concealed his true identity and had him placed within the military barracks. To think...that they'd kill him by using the Military Police... I was...too naive. I have responsibility in his death.”

As much as Moblit wanted to assure Hanji she was wrong, he could not deny that she had a point. They had acted too quickly, and they did not take the proper measures to protect Nick to the best of their abilities. Those mistakes had cost them a valuable resource of information, but more importantly, a human life.

“Torture... The Military Police tortured Pastor Nick...” Armin said quietly. “Were they trying to find out how much he's told us?”

“Probably,” Levi mumbled, taking a sip of tea and once again leaning back in his chair. “They likely asked whether he had revealed the connection between the wall cult and the Reiss family, as well as the whereabouts of Eren and Historia.”

“Of course, after this morning's events, we've made the situation known to Commander Erwin, as well as the rest of the Survey Corps and Commander Pyxis,” Moblit told them. “So, now that we're monitoring the Central Military Police, they shouldn't be able to move too recklessly. But...looking at it another way, now they have a number of ways to find this place out, right? Now we don't know who is friend or foe anymore... When we came here today, we split up and made sure we weren't being followed, so I think they shouldn't have been able to discover this place yet...”

“So...have you been thinking about the preparations for experimenting with Eren, Hanji?” Levi asked. It was almost as if he had not heard any of Moblit's remarks, but he didn't question it. After all, he did not understand Levi's actions most of the time, but they tended to work out in the end anyway. He had an odd sort of trust for this man, and he knew Hanji was the same way.

“Yeah...” Hanji murmured. “As soon as Eren's Titan powers were made known, for whatever reason, the Central has been moving desperately in order to get its hands on Eren. However, after this most recent disturbance, their sense of urgency has clearly changed. They've come into territory that's new for them and still thought nothing of letting the members of Central split off from the rest of the regiment--all while the world within the walls is so unsettled... If you think about it, the comrades of 'enemies from the outside' like Reiner and his friends were really always in the Central this whole time. In other words, what we should really fear is a fatal stab in the back while we're busy looking beyond the wall.”

“So? Are you trying to say that we should just wait quietly and have a tea party or something?” Levi retorted, a look of disgust on his face.

“There are still a lot of things you can do inside...sewing and what not...” Hanji mumbled. “Please...just for now.”

“'Just for now'? Wrong--it's the opposite.” Levi leaned toward them, narrowing his eyes. “Do you really think they'll just give up as time passes? They'll find this place eventually. If we're just running away, the more time passes, the more we'll be driven into a corner. Hanji...you're usually a little brighter than this. But after feeling responsible for Nick's death, you've become a defeatist.”

Moblit sighed through his nose, glancing at Hanji. He was glad Levi had been the one to say it and not him--tact would not have helped the situation. Hanji needed someone to be brutally honest with her.

 

…......

 

“How many of Nick's fingernails were torn off?” Levi asked suddenly, making Historia look up from her hands.

“Huh?” Hanji gasped.

“You saw, didn't you? How many?”

“I don't know,” she replied quickly. “I could only see for a moment, but...as far as I saw, all of his fingernails were torn out.”

“Oh...” Levi turned back toward Eren and the others. “A guy that'll talk will talk after losing just one. A guy that won't talk will be the same no mater how many are pulled out. Pastor Nick...I thought he was just an idiot, but...it seems that he didn't deviate from what he believed in, even until the very end of his life...” He paused before adding, “If chances are high that Nick didn't spill, then perhaps the guys in the Central haven't taken notice that the Survey Corps is monitoring the Reiss family.”

Historia resisted flinching as Levi's harsh gaze met hers. She knew he was not trying to be an asshole; this was all just part of his reputation. Honestly, she could relate to him in that regard. Still, he was intimidating, and Historia was not sure if she should speak up or stay silent.

“Well...as I see it, there are two ways to go about this now,” Levi said before Historia could decide. Glancing up at the Captain, she watched the man's face as he glanced at all of them. She had never expected him to get this talkative--Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Hanji were usually the ones throwing out orders. “We go out before we get stabbed in the back, or we go after eliminating those who plan to stab us. What do you choose, Hanji? Go out before getting stabbed?”

The room fell eerily silent as Squad Leader Hanji continued to stare at the table. Historia almost felt sorry for her--she understood the feeling of having nowhere to run. But Hanji was powerful, smart, and perfectly capable of making the correct decision. That was where they differed from one another.

“Both,” Hanji finally replied. “Let's do both at the same time.”

Everyone in the room was staring at Hanji now; her demeanor had changed, and instead of a downcast face, her eyes were glinting with determination and aggression.

“Well...that's what Erwin would say, I guess...” Levi murmured. “We'll talk more tomorrow. It's getting late. Jean, Sasha--take your positions on watch. The rest of you, clean up for dinner.”

A chorus of “yes, sir” filled the room as each of the teens rose from the table. Captain Levi stayed put in his chair, staring down at his cup of tea. Historia could not read his expression, and it made her uneasy.

It was clear now that she was one of two key players in whatever plans the Survey Corps wanted to take. She should have known this day would come, and in the back of her mind, she _had_ known, but she had been running from everything for so long that, now that it was catching up to her, she felt more like an empty shell than a person.

The one thing that would have made all of this easier was if Ymir had just stayed with them. Being able to know she was okay, even if they couldn't talk every day, would have been enough. But now she was gone, and Historia was alone again.

“To tell the truth...I feel like I didn't understand even half of that conversation,” Connie admitted quietly as he brought out a sack of potatoes from underneath the sink. With tightly pursed lips, Historia lit a flame on the small stove in the kitchen and grabbed a pot from the counter.

“What?” Eren grunted, beginning to peel a potato. “Basically...we have to carry out experiments as discreetly as possible. And we have to also eliminate people who would get in our way. As for the details, well...we'll have Armin explain later.”

“Yeah... In any case, I have to kill that 'Beast Titan.' Ymir was saying that it was that monkey that turned my whole village into Titans, right?”

At the mention of Ymir's name, Historia listened more closely to the boys' conversation as she waited on the water to boil.

“Yeah...?”

“That bitch, Ymir...” Connie mumbled in a low voice. “Just taking me as a joke this whole time, despite knowing so much. To think she could be that cruel...”

“You're wrong.” Historia could hardly help herself. She had been coming to Ymir's defense for years now, it was like a reflex. “Connie, she thought you would be hurt by knowing the truth about your village back then, so she tried her best to hide it.”

“Huh? She wouldn't do something like that, would she?”

“I know her,” Historia insisted, keeping her eyes locked on the pot of boiling water in front of her. _Or at least, I thought I did._

 


	54. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Eren tries to improve his Titan abilities, Erwin works on things from the political side.   
> It seems that Historia is the key after all.

_“What's wrong, Eren!? Are you done already?!”_

_As he listened to Hanji's shouts, Levi stared down at Eren's Titan body. He was lying face flat on the ground, and a large cloud of steam was slowly curling up into the air with a loud hiss._

_“Stand up!” Hanji cried. “Humanity's future depends on you! Stand up!”_

_“Four-eyes,” Levi muttered, interrupting her frantic shouting. “He looks different this time, yeah? He's not even ten meters tall, and he's missing flesh here and there. Plus Eren's ass is sticking out.”_

_“I know that already!!” Hanji snapped, glancing over her should at him before turning back to Eren. “Eren! Can you still move your Titan? Give us some sort of answer! If you don't, we're going to get you out of there!”_

_Before Eren could even have a chance to answer, though, Levi caught sight of Mikasa racing across the open field, headed straight toward the deformed Titan. Grimacing, Levi looked back at Hanji._

_“That gloomy brat is acting on her own again,” he grumbled. “Should we punish her?”_

_“He hasn't answered--we're done here!”_

_Levi did not have time to object any further--Hanji jumped down from their observation point and sprinted toward Eren's motionless body. Heaving a sigh, Levi sheathed his blades and followed after her, Moblit right alongside him. Even with a set plan in place, things were still as chaotic as ever, and they were forced to take bigger risks in result. These rigorous experiments were admittedly cruel, but Levi knew they had no choice now. They were all going to have to suffer a little in order to achieve results._

 

“I can't believe...that I was asleep for a whole day...”

As she watched Eren wipe down his sweaty face, Mikasa let out a quiet sigh through her nose. Even though his face was completely healed, she could not get the image of his deformed, flesh-less face out of her head. He probably had not felt a thing, which was for the best, but it still bothered _her_.

“Thank goodness he's back to normal,” Hanji laughed. “Looks like I'll get by without Mikasa dicing me up. More importantly, do you remember what kind of experiment we did?”

“No...I have no memories from after the experiment started. What happened with my hardening ability..?”

“...Unfortunately, no such phenomenon occurred after you changed into a Titan, Eren,” Hanji replied. Mikasa watched with a heavy heart as Eren's face fell. She could only imagine how exhausted he was, and to hear that the experiment was a failure...

“There really wasn't anything at all?”

“Nothing... After the experiment was over, we checked to see whether or not there were any remains from your Titan body, but there was nothing.” Hanji sighed, leaning forward toward Eren. “The experiment went like this: Eren, you became a Titan with the aim of using your hardened body to fill up a big cave that simulated the hole in Wall Maria. However, nothing happened, so in accordance to our plans, we moved on to endurance and intelligence tests.”

“I remember the plan for the experiments,” Eren admitted, holding his forehead in his hand, “but nothing of the results...”

“That's right. The first transformation resulted in a fifteen meter class Titan--the same size as the Titans you've made appear in the past,” Hanji explained. “First, I had you listen to simple commands: standing on one foot, waving your hand, and so on. You responded to anyone's commands, since your consciousness was clearly still there. I tried to have you speak, but that didn't go so well. Maybe your mouth structure isn't made for speech.

“Then I had you construct things using rope and logs. You were able to do quite detailed work. You could probably easily construct a castle if you were in Titan form. Then, after an hour passed, a clear change took place; it was when I was having you write on the ground, since you couldn't talk. Until then, you had been writing, 'I don't know what I can do in order to harden my body.' And then, all of a sudden, without any logical connection, you wrote 'father' and 'had me.' Afterwards, whatever you were writing was so jumbled that it couldn't be read...but you seemed pained...do you remember anything?”

Mikasa locked eyes with Eren; even though he did not seem to recall these events, she remembered them most clearly of all. Eren had not spoken about his father much recently, but usually whenever he did, it was in past-tense and with more than a hint of anger and bitterness. But, as to what had happened to Grisha Jaeger, neither Eren nor Mikasa knew. Nobody they had asked seemed to know, either, not even Hannes. However, with this experiment, Mikasa began to wonder that perhaps it was not in what they did not know, but in what they did not remember that held the answers of Doctor Jaeger's whereabouts.

“...I don't remember anything...” Eren finally replied.

“...After struggling for about thirty minutes, you exited the Titan, probably of your own volition,” Hanji went on. “We could tell that your memory was fuzzy, and you were barely conscious. You rested for thirty minutes, and then we had you try to take Titan form a second time. This time, you were only what appeared to be a thirteen meter class, and you still were not able to harden. We tried repeating the intelligence tests like the first round, but that didn't work, either. You weren't able to follow any commands, and you seemed incredibly hungry... you even ended up eating the house you had previously built. For a little while you kept rampaging like that, then once you ran out of energy, you again came out of your Titan form. This time, though, some assistance was required to retrieve you.”

 

…......

 

“And then, after resting thirty minutes again, you tried taking Titan form for a third time,” Hanji continued. Eren stared at the Squad Leader, narrowing his eyes. He had no memory of _anything_ from that point on, not even a hazy blur. “That last time, it was a Titan that didn't even reach ten meters in height... It was incomplete, unable to support itself, and you had melded to it much more strongly than before. Pulling you out from that was quite a task.”

“So then...that means...the plan to retake Wall Maria is...impossible for now, isn't it...? And all because...I couldn't harden my Titan body...” Eren mumbled, staring at the sheets on his bed. Armin's idea had been nearly flawless, save for one thing: this inability to harden his Titan body. That was the worst thing that could have gone wrong, and it did. Everyone was relying on him, but he was just letting them down again. That seemed to be the only thing he could do well these days.

“Yep, that's right,” Captain Levi said, leaning forward toward Eren. The teen tensed up, glancing down into the man's narrow eyes. “We were pretty disappointed, and thanks to you, today's atmosphere is in the gutter. As it is, time is just passing us by without a single good thing for us. What's going to happen next? Titans might rise up from the ground, or fall from the skies...while humans remain like toothless prey. It's a shitty situation, in any case.”

“Eren tried his best,” Mikasa interjected, and Eren felt his ears get hot. He knew Mikasa meant well, but the fact that she was always trying to stand up for him was a hit to his pride.

“I know. What of it? What does it matter that he tried? He still can't plug up the hole right now.”

“But...blaming Eren for it--”

“Oi...I'm just no good with words--I'm not blaming him.”

Eren watched as Captain Levi and Mikasa glared at each other; the tension in the room was growing stronger by the minute, but the hostility seemed to be coming from mostly the latter.

“Identifying deficiencies and complaining about the situation is an important ritual,” Levi went on. “Listen--the stink of the gutters is always within the walls. It fills the air. It's been like that for over one hundred years. It's always been shit inside these walls. That's the present situation.”

Turning to Eren again, Levi continued, “I've only come to realize this in the past few years. After all, I've been breathing this shitty air since I was born--I thought it was _normal_. But the air I breathed outside the walls was different. Outside, it's a world like hell, but freedom that can't be found within these walls is out there. It was there that I realized for the first time just how much I didn't know.”

“In other words,” Hanji quickly interrupted, “what Levi is saying is this: in this experiment, we succeeded in finding out that you can't harden your Titan, Eren. And of course, that's not all! We were also able to find out the amount of time you can last when you consecutively transform into a Titan, as well as your versatility and limitations. Everything from this experiment is useful information! We may be paying the price for not better concealing all that steam, but now we'll also see how we can make use of the experiment's results. In other words...let's keep trying our best. That's what Levi is saying.”

Eren appreciated Hanji's explanation; he knew she was just trying to make him feel better. The look on Captain Levi's face was a disgruntled one, and it made Eren realize that he probably had _not_ meant what Hanji had said, but he was not going to push his point.

“Yeah...thanks...” Levi muttered, looking away from Hanji and the others.

Sighing through his nose, Eren clenched his fist and stared down at his hand. Whether it had been what Levi meant to say or not, Hanji's statement about continuing to try their best was something Eren agreed with. That was all he could do--he did not know how to give up, anyway.

 _Why am I the one to carry this responsibility?_ he wondered. _The way things are going, saving humanity, as well as taking revenge for Hannes and the others... I...won't be able to do it. But...because I know this...is this where things will begin to change? For now, I'm ignorant and powerless... For now... But...why did I remember something about my father in the middle of an experiment? If it weren't for that, would I have been able to control the Titan longer? Father...where are you right now...? Are you alive somewhere...? Or are you..._

It had been a while since Eren had really given any real thought to his father's whereabouts. He could only ever remember bits and pieces of their last encounter, but the memories all felt so dreamlike at he was not even sure that event actually happened. Narrowing his eyes, he concentrated on trying to recall the last time he had spoken with his father, if there were any other clues...

Suddenly, the image of a young woman with long, dark brown hair appeared in Eren's mind. But she was not just appearing there--it was as if Eren was seeing things through her eyes. She was sitting in front of a mirror, brushing her hair; he had never seen her before, but something about her was undeniably familiar.

_Historia? No... Is this a memory? From when?_

 

…......

 

As he sat in silence inside the carriage to the capital building, Erwin stared out the window at the town as they passed through. In this tiny carriage, the world around him seemed quite big, but he knew better. He had come from one of Sina's inner towns, after all; he knew how small and quaint life there could be. That was not why he had left, however, and he did not condemn those who stayed.

Still, it was obvious that things had started to go downhill over the past few years. Even since he had been in training, there had been many changes. It only made sense, what with the fall of Wall Maria. The trickle effect worked both ways in their tiny society.

“A young band of thieves?” Erwin murmured to himself as he watched a couple of young boys run past, followed by Military Police soldiers. “Even the capital is in this kind of shape...”

“It's the same anywhere,” Nile told him. He had stayed silent for the entire ride up until this point, with his arms crossed indignantly and a grimace on his face. “Even if you try to bring criminals in, the holding facilities are already filled to capacity.”

Erwin could feel Nile's gaze upon him, and he glanced back at his old friend.

“What are you hoping to accomplish, bringing a member of the Military Police like myself out like this?” Nile asked, side-eyeing Erwin. “Can't handle a royal summons on your own? ...I'm not in the mood to reminisce about our trainee days, either.”

“...That's cold, Nile,” Erwin said with a small smile.

“I'd figured that you'd surely be long dead by now,” Nile went on, his face softening a bit. “Seems that you've already stuck that right arm into the next world. Was it because you still believe those delusions you spouted off when we were kids?”

“Yeah...” Erwin mumbled, narrowing his eyes. “Those delusions are becoming reality.”

“...That's good to hear.”

Erwin briefly closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the creaking carriage and the muffled hoof beats of the horses outside. He could not help thinking that if Nile had stayed with them and joined the Corps, all of this could have been accomplished more quickly. But perhaps it was for the best in the end, because now he had an ally on the inside. Besides, if he had joined the Survey Corps, there was no guarantee he would have even lived long enough to accomplish anything at all.

“By the way, Nile,” Erwin then said, “Pastor Nick was killed after being tortured by the First Central Military Police Brigade. Did you know about that?”

Erwin watched Nile's face carefully; there was a brief flash of surprise, soon replaced by a horrified expression. Slowly, the man turned to Erwin, his normally narrow eyes wide with genuine shock.

“...No?” Nile finally replied, nearly breathless.

“...I see.” Erwin shifted in his seat to get a better look at Nile's face. “It seems they wanted to find out about Eren's whereabouts. Why do you all want Eren so badly? Going so far as to dirty your hands with murder...”

“We...merely obey orders from up on high,” Nile answered. “I don't know their reasons for doing these things. If' we're the outward face of the Military Police, the Central Military Police is the opposite. Their chain of command is different, and we have no links to them... Even we have no idea what they're thinking.”

Whether or not Nile knew about Pastor Nick dying, Erwin could not be sure, but he could definitely believe that Nile was unaware of the Central's motives. They seemed to act as if they were a separate regiment altogether, and if that proved to be true, then Nile's role in the Police would become even more valuable to Erwin and the other leaders in both the Corps and the Garrison.

“There's no one officially in charge of them,” Nile went on. “No matter what they do, there's no reprisal. ...Were you _trying_ to ask something so obvious? You're not getting anything out of me, you know.”

“What do you think?”

“...About...?”

“Do you think handing Eren over to them will protect these walls from danger?” Erwin asked. “What do you think?”

He knew that Nile was not playing dumb on purpose; this was just his usual cautious nature. Nile had always been like this, even as a child. Perhaps that was the first sign Erwin should have seen to warn him that, eventually, they would take different paths in life.

“That's not something for me to think about,” Nile responded, looking away from Erwin with a dull gaze. “I just do the work given to me.”

The atmosphere in the carriage had changed; Erwin did not want to make this any more unpleasant than it had to be, and he knew Nile was much more clever than he let on. If he was going to get Nile to agree with him, he would have to put on a face.

“Is Marie well?” Erwin asked, giving Nile a gentle smile. “I heard your third is on the way.”

“...Can you try focusing your questions?” Nile returned, once again side-eyeing Erwin.

“Now that I think back, you wanted to enter the Survey Corps with me...but you fell in love with a woman at our favorite drinking spot and chose the path of protecting a single person.”

“Yeah, that's right,” Nile said quietly. “I betrayed you guys and shamelessly lived on to this day. But I don't regret it. Making a family is my pride.”

“I respect you,” Erwin admitted; in return, he got a knowing glance from Nile. “Our colleagues that died would feel the same. You managed to live a way of life that the rest of us were incapable of doing.”

Again, a knowing stare from Nile--he did not have to say a word for Erwin to know what he was thinking. Back then, things had been complicated, but in an entirely different sense of the word. Erwin would have given his other arm to return to those simple days.

But, that was not why he was telling Nile these things.

“However...obeying a system and protecting your position won't necessarily result in protecting your family,” Erwin told him. “This tiny world of ours is trying to change. Hope, or despair--who will be the one to choose? Who do you believe in?”

As he stared Nile down, Erwin clenched his fist. He knew that this was a lot of pressure to put on Nile, and he had not meant any of this as a threat, but he needed as many allies as he could get.

“Erwin...what are you trying to do?” Nile asked quietly.

“A gamble, as usual,” Erwin replied. “That's all I _can_ do.” Reaching across with his left arm, he patted Nile on the shoulder. “You do your job... I just wanted to give you a warning.”

Erwin felt the carriage roll to a stop, and he removed his hand to open the door.

“I'll be getting off here,” he announced, taking one step out onto the brick path. “And...one more thing... I was in love with Marie as well.

“Ha!” Nile laughed, sounding almost scornful. “I knew that much! But you chose the Titans, didn't you?! Taking the Titans over Marie--there's something wrong with you!”

 _...It's all a matter of perspective_ , Erwin told himself as he walked away from the carriage, letting the door shut quietly behind him.

 

…......

 

“That guy...doesn't look a bit like me...!” As Eren continued to mutter under his breath, Historia stared straight down at the small table in front of her. “His horse-face and all... Will they be all right...?”

At Eren's question, Historia turned to look at him, blinking slowly. She could barely keep her eyes open; she was not sure why she felt so tired in the first place. Maybe it was from the emotional turmoil she had undergone over the past few weeks, but it was just as likely that she was trying to distract herself from worrying about the others.

“If they get found out too quickly, something terrible will definitely happen to them,” Eren murmured, his fists pressed against his lips.

Slowly, Historia turned away from Eren and stretched out on the table. She did not have an answer for him--their plan was full of flaws, and it was mostly counting on their enemies to be as unintelligent as they seemed. Sending Armin and Jean out dressed like her and Eren was a crazy idea in the first place, and the fact that it was their only option was just as absurd. But what other choice did they have? If they wanted to gain allies, they would have to take risks.

Still, Historia hated all of this so much. She was tired of living like this--alone, empty, a purposeless human being, a waste of space. At least as a child, she had had a house and guaranteed food, and she could read and have fun, even if it was on her own.

 _...No..._ Historia thought, closing her eyes. ... _I wasn't...always alone, was I...? Who...? There was someone...there with me... But...who?_

There was indeed someone there, just beyond her memory's reach. Someone had once been kind to her, had treated her like a human being. It was before her comrades in the Corps, before Ymir--it had happened so long ago that she was not sure that it ever happened at all. But the memories seemed so vivid, it was as if she was really sitting there with her, smiling at her. Historia could tell even from a glance that this person, whoever she was, loved her.

At the sound of a clock's chime, Historia jolted awake, letting out a quiet, startled gasp. She did not realize that she had fallen asleep, it had happened so quickly.

Stretching her arm, she reached out across the table toward the empty chair across from her. It had all been but a dream; it was very possible that the girl had been just an illusion, too. But, something about her had been so real that Historia had a hard time accepting that.

“Eh? What's wrong?” Eren asked from his seat nearby. He looked a little drowsy as well.

“Nothing. I was just asleep...” Historia mumbled, staring at the wooden table. “...It's no use... I feel like I just had a really important dream, but I can't seem to remember any of it.”

“Ah...that happens to me all the time,” Eren admitted, rubbing his forehead. Historia looked over at the teen; she was surprised at fragile he appeared now. She had mostly just seen him in the middle of the action, full of courage and always living up to his nickname of “suicidal bastard” quite well--but he was just as troubled as the rest of them.

“Anyway, when did it get so late?” Eren then murmured, staring past Historia at the window to her left. “The sun is about to go down...” He slowly got up from the bed, then walked over to the table, leaning toward the window pane. “I'd like to think that with the captain there, they'll manage, but...is our opponent really the Reeves corporation?” Eren glanced down at her, obviously expecting a solid response. “Well?”

Historia had no reply; she just stared back up at him. How was she supposed to know? That thought must have been written all over her face, because Eren gave her a small grimace and sat down in the chair across from her.

“I'm sorry,” he sighed. “...This is all because I wasn't able to harden my Titan--now we have to do things in this roundabout way.”

“...Why are you apologizing to me?” Historia asked, lifting her head from the table at last.

“Huh? You...want to hurry and help Ymir, right?”

“'Help'...” Historia laid her head back down on her arms, averting her gaze. “Maybe not 'help'... I think my feelings have changed. You were right: Ymir made her own choices and lived by them back there. I didn't have any right to do anything. There wasn't any need for me. All I've got left...is this family I barely know anything about... I don't think someone like me is even cut out for such huge responsibilities.”

“Then...what do you want to do?”

“...I don't know.”

Historia slowly sat upright in her chair, keeping her eyes locked on the table. Back when she had assumed a fake name and personality, it was all right if she did not know what she wanted to do--because she was so sweet and innocent, people were willing to help her decide, or even make decisions for her. She had never _really_ known what it was like to live by her own will.

“I envy you, Eren,” she then confessed. “It may be really hard, but...you always do exactly what you want to do. And not just you--everyone is that way. They all seem to have something important they can put their lives on the line for. Ymir looked after me, the real me that chose the Survey Corps, the me that I don't even know. But...now that she's gone, I don't know who I am anymore, or what I want. Eren, I bet you didn't even think that someone like me could exist.”

“Yeah. I didn't have a clue.” Eren was staring at her now, eyes lit ablaze with his typical ferocity. “I mean, look around at the world you're living in. If you didn't do anything, everyone would be eaten and it'd all be over. Everything would be lost. There's no time for worrying. Right now, Armin is off on a dangerous mission in your place--shouldn't you be more concerned about _him_?”

“...Sorry,” Historia muttered. “I don't even know what I honestly feel right now.” She could feel Eren staring at her from his seat. “Krista always worries and thinks of everyone else, right? Because Krista Lenz is a good girl. But Historia Reiss...wasn't loved by her parents, or anyone for that matter... She didn't wish to be born into this kind of life--though that's a pretty normal story in this world of ours, especially down under the capital... So? Everyone's pretty disappointed, right? That the real me is empty, and that there's no such thing as the good girl, Krista Lenz...”

“I don't know about that,” Eren replied. “I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, I already disliked you plenty the way you were before.”

“...Huh?”

“You always looked like you were being forced to do something you didn't want to do...strained and artificial, and terrible at having any honest feelings...”

Hearing these brutally honest words out of anyone else's mouth (besides perhaps Ymir's) would have resulted in a much different reaction for Historia. But she could tell Eren was being honest--he was like this, saying exactly what was on his mind, despite any consequences.

“...Yeah...” she murmured, narrowing her eyes. Now she really felt disgusted with herself--or rather, her old self.

“...But...now there's something kind of nice about you,” Eren added. When Historia gave him a small gasp and an incredulous look, he went on, “I guess you seem normal now. Just a stupidly honest regular person.”

 


	55. Terms and Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a successful strategic move, the Survey Corps has obtained a new ally--thanks to Captain Levi's negotiation skills.  
> Meanwhile, the rotten core of the Military Police is revealed...

_Jean could feel sweat creeping down his neck, soaking his shirt and making the fabric cling uncomfortably to his skin. Wearing the wig the second time was not any easier than the first; combined with the fact that his waist and arms were currently tied up, he was not exactly having a good time._

_But the thing that was really making him sweat was not his own physical condition--it was watching Armin sitting across from him as he struggled against the invasive grip of one of the Reeves Corporation underlings_. _Jean could hear the man panting loudly, and even from a few feet away it made him feel sick, so he could only imagine what Armin was going through._

_“Hey, what's the matter?” the man breathed into Armin's ear. “Let me hear your voice!”_

_As his grip on Armin's torso tightened, he leaned down next to Armin's head, rubbing his sweaty, face face against the wig on Armin's head._

_“Oh? What's the matter? Enjoying it?” Armin had leaned away from him, tears in his wide blue eyes. “I really wanna hear that pretty little voice of yours...”_

_“Nngh...” Armin whimpered, glancing at Jean._

_“...Fuck...” Jean muttered, turning away. He could not do anything to help Armin now; everything was up to their comrades._

I already said I wasn't going to do this shit again... _Jean thought, gritting his teeth._ Why am I here...?

 

Though by this point he knew their plan was more likely to succeed than to fail, Armin could not stop himself from shaking. He had agreed to dress and act as Historia, yes--he was willing to risk his life for the betterment of humanity. But, he had completely underestimated the risks involved with wearing this disguise. He had not expected to be treated like this, so violated and disrespected.

Armin was glad that at least Jean was with him; had he been alone, his cover would have been blown long before, and he would have probably been killed. With Jean here, however, he had extra motivation to keep his cool and play along for as long as the others needed in order to execute the plan properly. He hated this, it made him feel sick, and he wondered if the results would even be worth it in the end, but it was their only option.

At the sound of approaching voices, Armin tensed up in his chair. His hands kept a firm grip on the ropes around his wrists as he pulled them against his body. From this angle, there was no way for the Reeves Corporation members to know that both he and Jean had cut themselves free, nor would they be able to see Mikasa and Captain Levi hiding in the shadows, waiting for just the right moment to strike.

“Hm?” one of the lackeys grunted. “Where's the guard...?”

Armin stared up at the men with pursed lips. They would have to act soon if they wanted everyone to live.

“...Well then,” their boss said, pulling back his sleeves. “So that's how it is... Let's start by stripping them of every last thing they have...”

As the man walked toward Armin and Jean, he consequently walked right past the crates where Mikasa was hiding. Just as the boss noticed her, the soldier leaped forward from her hiding spot; she slammed her knee into one of the underling's heads, knocking him to the ground. Captain Levi was right behind her--he grabbed the other man by the throat, and, despite the height difference, managed to throw him over his shoulder and onto the hard floor.

Having weakened her first target, Mikasa moved on to the boss, tackling him to the ground. The moment all three moment were down, Armin jumped up from his chair, grapping his ropes and sprinting toward them. Jean ran beside him, taking long strides to reach Mikasa first.

“Hurry!” Captain Levi shouted at Armin as he quickly knelt beside the underling he had knocked out. His hands were still trembling, but he did not hesitate; using the knowledge he had gained in his three years of military training, Armin secured the man's hands in a tight knot.   
“Connie!” Mikasa cried. “Are you sure there are only three of them?!”  
“Yeah, that's it!!” came Connie's reply from above. Armin glanced up to see his friend peering down at them from a little windowed nook in the ceiling. “No one else is around!”

Armin jumped at the sound of a pistol's catch being released; he whirled around to look at Mikasa, just in time to catch sight of an arrow soaring down and landing near the boss' head.

“W-Whoa!” Jean gasped, standing over Mikasa. He then looked up at Sasha, who was pulling out another arrow. “You could have hit Mikasa!”

“It's not _my_ fault that she took her eyes off our target!” she snapped, giving Jean a slight pout.

For the first time in hours, Armin felt free to smile. They had secured the base and its leader--now they could begin their counterattack, just as Squad Leader Hanji had proposed.

 

…......

 

“What are you planning, bringing me all the way up here?”

In response to the merchant's question, Levi took a deep breath through his nose, staring out over the Trost district. He could smell the odor of tobacco; glancing down, he could see that their hostage, Mr. Edward “Dimo” Reeves, was holding a lit cigarette between his fingers. A curling trail of smoke lifted into the air, and Levi faced forward again.

“Do you know where we are right now, Mr. Chairman?” Levi asked. Dimo let out a laugh through his nose.

“This is _my_ town,” the man replied. “We're above the front gate of Trost...well, the _former_ front gate. Humanity's southernmost and final line of defense between our world and theirs. It's dangerous and scary, but profitable...a fine ol' town...”

Levi could not understand Dimo's attachment to this town; he had never felt attached to much before, let alone a huge town. He did not understand it, but he did not condemn it. On the contrary, it would be quite useful for their endeavors if Dimo was really as in love with Trost as he seemed to be.

“This is what we call it: the place of humanity's first victory over the Titans, and the place that proved humanity's helplessness,” Levi told him, his hands resting on his three-dimensional maneuvering gear. “We used the power of a Titan to plug up a hole opened by a Titan. We've tried a lot of things, but...this proved humanity just can't compete with them.”

Levi let out a sigh as his narrow eyes searched the town. There was still plenty of damage left to be repaired, but soon this place would return to normal--whatever that was.

“Well, of course, it wasn't just by the power of a Titan that we closed up the hole,” he then added. “Countless soldiers gave up their lives to make it possible. That fact, on top of miracle after miracle, has kept your town alive like it is today. One of those miracles is Eren, who you tried to take away.”

“Hmph,” grunted Dimo. Levi once again glanced down at him; his expression was somewhere between a grimace and a smile. “Looks like you brought me all this way just to lecture me. Gimme a break, will ya? I'm way too old for this.”

“...You're right. Let's stop there. Seeing an old man be treated like shit's no fun.”

Levi glanced back at his new squad, scanning their faces. It was obvious they were all intently listening in, so foul play of any sort would be out of the question for now. But, really, that was not really something he wanted to resort to, anyway, if possible. Dimo seemed willing to cooperate and did not pose any real threats at the moment. Talking this out was their best option, and though Levi knew he was not the smartest or most clever person in the Corps, he knew how to make good deals, and he knew how to think ahead.

Slowly, Levi took a seat next to Dimo, legs hanging over the side of the wall.

“What I really want to know...are the details of your negotiations with the Central Police Brigade, and what you're trying to do,” Levi murmured.

“Negotiations? We've never had anything like that.” Dimo took another puff on his cigarette, staring out at Trost. “We're just following orders--and we're following those orders in order to make sure we don't lose everything we have. But, both our night raid and abduction failed. Our company will have all of their property seized by the government, and their families will get thrown out onto the streets. And then, in order to silence me and my men...we'll all end up dying in some 'accident' or something.”

Dimo let out a loud sigh, his shoulders drooping. If Levi had really wanted to, he could have easily pushed the man off of the wall at any time. But he was obviously docile, and now he had caught Levi's attention. He was, after all, their only real source of information regarding the Central Police.

“Let me give you a good piece of information: the guys at Central are total morons,” Dimo laughed. “They think we could actually do something to stop a brigade who's used to fighting against the Titans, those idiots!” He gestured back to Mikasa, his words mingled with raspy guffaws. “In the end, that girl alone was more than enough to take us all down. It's practically laughable!”

Levi sat in silence as he listened to Dimo's laughter die off; the man's expression was soon filled with bitterness, and he put his cigarette up to his lips again, narrowing his eyes.

“Well, then...you get it?” he muttered.

“Yeah,” Levi replied. “They're a bunch of morons--I get that...” As he turned to face Dimo, a light breeze blew through the air, blowing the smoke away from Dimo's face. “But are you really gonna just sit back and let a bunch of idiots kill you, Mr. Chairman?”

“Huh?! They may be idiots, but they've got absolute authority. You guys get gobbled up by idiots who run around naked, don't you?”

“...I suppose that's true, but the thing is, we can kill those Titans.” Levi faced forward again, narrowing his eyes. If Dimo was going to act as a coward, then talking like this would be a waste of time after all. “It's just like with Titans--if you're gonna die no matter what, at least go down fighting.”

“I can't.”

“Why?”

“I'll just fail, and then more of my men will die.” Dimo's voice was uncharacteristically quiet--Levi could not help but wonder if this was not the first time he had been faced with this decision.

“Don't worry about that,” Levi said. “One way or another, they're gonna die.”

“What did you say?” Dimo hissed, the fire returning to his eyes.

“Your town, Trost, is on the verge of collapsing,” the poker-faced Captain told him. “It was occupied by Titans for a little while, and half of it was destroyed. But, there are still people here. It's because there are people working to fill up the hole in the wall, and there are soldiers standing guard in case Titans attack...and another big reason is because the Reeves Corporation is creating jobs for people. If the Reeves Corporation was to vanish, that would be the final nail in this town's coffin. When that happens, it won't be just your employees that will end up on the streets--it'll be every single person in this town.”

Levi paused, glancing at Dimo--the man was staring down at the town remorsefully. If this was the result of attachment, or the result of fear, he did not care, just as long as this stab in the dark _worked._ After all, Levi would have never willingly chosen himself to deliver any kind of tug-on-the-heartstrings speech.

“I wonder how many of them would survive through the winter?” Levi went on. “I guess maybe getting killed by the Central Police would be easier.”

“Yeah...” Dimo murmured. “That'll probably happen...because you won't hand over Eren and Krista. Countless people are gonna die...” The Chairman lowered his cigarette, glaring at Levi. “What's your point with all this? It's not like you're just going to hand over humanity's 'miracle' just to save my men and the people of this town!”

“But I will. I'm going to give you Eren and Krista.”

Levi could hear gasps from his subordinates, and Dimo was now looking at him with large, wild eyes.

“Captain Levi!?” Mikasa shouted, her anger obvious. Levi ignored her, keeping his eyes locked on Chairman Reeves. He was closing in on the deal--he would not let the entire Corps down now.

“However, I have three conditions,” Levi said. “First, from now on, the Reeves Corporation will join the Survey Corps against the Central Police and the government.”

“What...?!” Dimo gasped, leaning toward Levi. “Are you trying to start a war here?!”

If Dimo's shouts were in attempt to sway Levi, he was going to have to try harder than that. Levi's comrades in the Corps were more threatening than five of Dimo put together.

“Second, the Reeves Corporation will put all of their trust in the Survey Corps.”

“...Trust?” scoffed Reeves. “That's a word we only use as a joke in the merchants' world.”

“Merchants?” Levi echoed, raising an eyebrow. “Right now, I'm talking to _you_ , Dimo Reeves. I'm asking _you_ about _your_ way of life. What kind of guy are you? Are you going to let your men and the people of this town face defeat and die off? Or are you going to face those with that 'absolute authority' over humanity and fight? Neither is necessarily the right choice. Right now, it's up to you to choose want you want to do.”

“Hah. Only an amateur would sign a contract before hearing all the conditions,” Dimo muttered, staring down Levi.

“Ah, excuse me,” the Captain murmured, straightening his back. He had gotten carried away already--and this is why he was never the one doing these things. “Third, from now on, whenever the Reeves Corporation acquires rare foods or luxury items, they will give the Survey Corps first dibs on them. Like, for instance, black tea.”

“Yes, wonderful!” Sasha shouted from behind them. “Those are wonderful conditions, aren't they, Chairman?!”

“...Your greed runs even deeper than a merchant's...” Dimo replied at last, chuckling quietly under his breath. He then extended his hand toward Levi. “I like that.”

“You're a smart man,” Levi countered, taking hold of the Chairman's hand. He could barely hide a smirk; it felt good to be of use again.

“I accept your proposal.”

 

…......

 

“Well then, let's get started, shall we?”

Closing the doors to the Military Police conference room, Bruno turned toward the members of his squad, scanning each face. They were all acting like their usual selves: Serene with her attentive and bright gaze, Claus with his chin in his hand and half-lidded eyes, and Bianca staring at the table in front of her, fiddling with the short braid in her yellow-blonde hair.

“...I think it goes without saying that I owe you all some explanation,” Bruno told them, slowly taking a seat in his chair. “But, that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you everything. That's just how the military works. Do you trust me?”

Again, Bruno scanned their faces--Serene looked reluctant, but she was nodding, and her gaze was steady. He understood her hesitation; she was new to the squad, unaccustomed to the way they did things, and probably full of unanswered questions. Still, she had agreed to join, and now that she was here, she would have to make herself useful or leave now before she knew too much.

“I don't know how many rumors you three really pay attention to in this regiment, but I'm sure you're all at least somewhat aware of the Central Military Police brigade, correct?” he then asked, sitting back his seat.

“They're awful,” Serene said quietly, her eyes narrowing. “They push around the citizens and do whatever they want. I've heard horrible things about them from my brother.”

“Please don't tell me we're teaming up with them,” Claus muttered.

“No, the opposite.” Bruno glanced at his sister before continuing, “From here on out, the focus of this squad will be to dismantle the Central Military Police...by whatever means necessary.”

“What?!” Serene gasped, leaning toward Bruno. “What are you saying, _by whatever means necessary_!?”

“Calm down, Serene,” Bianca cut in, releasing the tiny braid and dropping her hands to her lap. “We're not going to just rush in and destroy people's lives. Bruno's just saying that if we run out of options, that's what we'll have to do. You have to be prepared to act when the time comes.”

“...” Obviously dejected, Serene sat back in her chair with a loud thump.

“Nile's knowledge of the Central Military Police is limited,” Bruno then told them. “He seems to be working on a plan with Erwin Smith to do something about them. What the details are, I've yet to find out myself, but I strongly believe it would benefit us if we cooperated with them.”

“So what's our next objective?” Claus asked. “To dig for information?”

“That, and to be ready for things to get crazy,” Bianca replied. “The Survey Corps has discovered that the heir to...a very important family is among their ranks. But the information wasn't well-concealed, and somehow the Central found out, too.”

“As of earlier this week, she and Eren Jaeger are now in hiding somewhere while the Corps plans their counterattack,” Bruno added, thinking back to the council meeting he had attended just a few days prior. Erwin Smith had lost his arm, but his mind seemed to be in top condition as always. It was obvious that the Commander had something big planned, and whatever it was, it was bound to include annihilating the Central.

“Commander-in-chief Zackley plans to support Commander Erwin,” Bianca murmured. “But as far as leads go...”

“There...aren't any?” Claus finished.

“Not quite--a few names were mentioned,” Bruno corrected him. Claus sat up straight in his chair in response. “But judging by the circumstances, they seem to just be peons. Whoever is controlling them is the real threat; the rest of those soldiers are just wasted time and resources walking around and waving their guns.”

“But how does that make them any different from us?!”

Bruno turned to look at Serene, whose eyes were wide.

“If we go after those soldiers, if we try to hurt them or kill them, or even _threaten_ them, how does that make us any better than them?” she argued. “We're not bounty hunters--we're soldiers. We took an oath to protect the people.”

“If we get rid of the Central Military Police, we _will_ be,” Bianca countered. “But as things are right now? If we let them run around and keep causing trouble, there might not _be_ people to protect anymore.”

“Serene.” Bruno stared at the young woman, whose gaze shifted from Bianca to him. “I can't force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. But I _am_ asking you to trust me, and to understand that I will do whatever it takes to change this world. Even if I have to become its enemy...”

Bruno paused, collecting his thoughts. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to her, but there were even more reasons why he knew he should stay quiet. He trusted Serene, yes, but just because he trusted her did not mean he was ready to tell her everything.

“You're a smart young woman--you have a strong sense of justice, and you're a wonderful soldier. I don't regret the decision to bring you into my squad. However, if you try to disrupt us, or you refuse to cooperate with us, I can't guarantee your safety anymore.”

“Bruno, are you threatening her?” Claus asked, his green eyes wide.

“No,” Bruno replied. “I'm simply stating a fact. It's the same for everyone.”

 _That's right--it was the same for you two as well,_ Bruno thought as Serene's gaze lowered to the table. The faces of his friends flashed in his mind--and then, their backs as they walked away from him that fated night. _That was why I said we should all join the Police together, but you two left, and now there's no way for me to protect you anymore._

“I...understand,” Serene murmured, nodding once.

“That's good, because I just realized something that will help us,” Bruno declared. “We have people in the Survey Corps to help us with this.”

“Your old friends, right?” Claus said.

“Rowen and Catherine,” Bianca mumbled. “Do you really think they know anything?”

Bruno pursed his lips; he was not sure how involved Rowen or Catherine was in the counterattack plans, but if they were not involved yet, they were bound to be dragged into it one way or another. Though he did not want to endanger their lives, he knew that asking them to join him would be far safer than letting them possibly fall prey to the Central Police.

“They might not know much right now, but if they're still taking orders directly from Erwin, they'll find out in just a matter of time,” he replied. His heart was swelling with confidence; he knew that they would cooperate, given the proper motivation. “So, let's proceed with those allies in mind as well. From this point on, we should focus on collecting information. Any names or locations will be reported to myself, as well as the other members of this squad, as soon as possible.”

“Will you hand off that information to Nile afterwards?” Serene asked.

“If it will help him, then yes,” Bruno told her.

If he had to be honest with himself, Bruno did not entirely trust Nile. It was not that he thought the man was a bad person, or that he was against the Police. The problem was that Nile had no backbone; he was flaky, and while Bruno understood his reasons for it, it was still troublesome. It resulted in him being unreliable, and now, their plans hinged on Nile following through and trusting Erwin's and Pyxis' judgment calls.

_Though, I guess, I understand why he's so hesitant. He has a lot to lose..._

Bruno did not have any family besides Bianca left to lose. His parents had both died years ago, and his best friends were far away from him now and had to protect themselves. While he was great at pretending to be engaged with others, he hated socialization, and he considered himself a loner. There were not that many things left in this world that he had to lose, save for his sister, his squad, his identity, and his freedom.

But even that last thing was waning. He had survived this long without any incident, but there was no guarantee that he would live in safety for forever. The world had to change, or he would be swallowed by it.

The last thing Bruno Sertoli wanted was to lose his life before getting his chance to live.

“Are there any further questions?” Bruno asked his squad. “...Then that's all for today. If any of us find any information of note, we meet here as soon as possible. Dismissed.”

Once again sitting back in his chair, Bruno closed his eyes for a moment. He could still see his father's face etched in his mind, and a small smile crept onto his face.

_It's begun... Our hope for a future is no longer just a dream..._

 


	56. The Good Guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just like their leader, the rest of the Survey Corps must sacrifice their humanity to make progress.  
> But it's harder for some than others.

_“Have a seat, son.”_

_Hesitantly, Erwin sat down at the kitchen table. He had not meant to upset his father with his question in class, but he could not ignore the lack of logic behind their lesson that day. Pieces of the puzzle did not fit together, and Erwin was sure that he was not the only one who noticed it--just the only one willing to question it._

_“Erwin...” As his father sat down across from him, the boy watched his face. “There are...still many things that you are too young to understand. One day, you might be able to pull apart those mysteries for yourself. But for now, I can only tell you so much.”_

_His father paused, and Erwin narrowed his eyes. Why was he being so serious? Why was his father treating this like such a big secret?_

_“...The textbooks we use in our schools--all of them...are inaccurate,” he said at last. “Some things are contradictory, and others are just plain vague. Now, you could blame lazy authors or something like that, but...what makes this so alarming is that nobody seems to be able to explain it, regardless of their will to do so. Do you understand? That shouldn't be the case--there ought to be at least one person with answers... Logically, it is impossible for everyone to have forgotten crucial details of our history.”_

_Erwin understood what his father was implying, but the thought of the memories of their past being lost sounded more at home in a children's fairytale storybook than in real life. Still, he believed his father--he had no real reason to distrust him, anyway. Erwin knew that his father loved him and was always honest with him, just as he was acting now. He was also the smartest man Erwin knew, and he loved him more than anyone else in the world. There was no reason not to believe him._

 

“I thought this day would come.”

Erwin kept his eyes locked on Commander Pyxis; the seasoned soldier was holding his head in one hand, brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut.

“One hundred and seven years have passed since the king made interest in the world beyond the walls taboo. The day that restricting people to this tiny world reaches its breaking point will surely come soon. And when that time comes, then I, too, must aim my gun against the king.”

As Pyxis finally lowered his hand and opened his eyes, Erwin watched the man's face carefully. Though he had been acquainted with Pyxis for many years, there were still a lot of things he did not know about him. The one thing that was for certain, though, was that his true intention was to serve humanity, and he was just as willing as Erwin to sacrifice anything for that cause.

“I am...indeed the kind of many you took me for,” Pyxis went on. “However, I am but an old soldier, and I haven't the right to lead my subordinates into battle with one another.”

 _As if being younger makes me more qualified,_ Erwin thought, a bitter smile curling his lips.

“Yes, you're right,” Erwin admitted. “However, you _do_ have the right to judge me.”

“Oh? Is that your reason for speaking with me today?” Pyxis sat back in his armchair, staring Erwin down. “Very well. If I can be convinced, I'll resign my current position and serve under you as a new recruit of the Survey Corps. I'll do whatever it takes, dirty jobs and all. But, if what you are trying to do is wrong, I will not pardon you. As Commander of the Garrison, I will oppose you...and deliver you personally to your execution.”

“I am prepared,” Erwin stated.

And, he was prepared, really. He had been prepared for it for a long time.

Erwin Smith had been preparing for his death for years.

It was not something that had started with these recent events, really--he had started these preparations long before any of this. Upon joining the military, he had understood immediately that he would have to give up his desires, his hopes, and his dreams in order to survive. He would have to accept death before it came.

“What do you intend to do, Erwin?” Pyxis asked, lowering his voice. “Do you really plan to take the capital by force? Your soldiers _are_ the best of the best, despite being small in number... Perhaps you could indeed pass over the walls, take control of the key administrative buildings, and take the king's head. But then what? By taking down the ruler of this walled world, killing him and parading around with his head... Do you think the citizenry and government officials will approve of your actions?

“It's hard to believe that plan will go well. There are probably very few members of the populace who have been discontent with the current ruler. Not only is our land small with little room to move about, but the burden of taxes has been increasing. Four years ago, in a flagrant attempt to reduce our numbers, the lowest class residents were forced outside the walls, and twenty percent of the population was lost. And yet, even despite such extreme circumstances, violence has not erupted. This is because the king, the officials, and all the citizenry share the same fate within these walls. Internal conflict would mean the destruction of this world.”

Erwin sighed through his nose, lowering his gaze. Pyxis had valid points; Erwin was more than aware of the risks at stake.   
“The bloodline of the royal family, which has continued for over 2000 years, represents the prosperity of mankind,” Pyxis continued. “The throne has governed the world even before mankind was forced within these walls. That reverence sustains people's hearts. If that emblem of prosperity was killed, and the parties responsible for the conflict appeared at the height of the crisis, how do you think the populace would react? At the very least, there's no way that the nobles who govern various outlying lands would follow you. The armed nobles, the remaining Military Police troops, and the royalist amongst the citizenry would surely fly the flag of rebellion. If revolution is achieved by force, all of this is unavoidable--forget about reclaiming Wall Maria. Erwin, can you present any other sort of future to me?”

“We'll replace the king,” Erwin replied, his voice steady. He could do exactly what Pyxis asked of him--he could present another sort of future. However, he could not yet guarantee it.

“I see...” Pyxis murmured, sounding disappointed. “How unfortunate.”

“However, I don't intend to use martial force, nor will anyone have to be killed.”

“Oh? Tell me--how would such a revolution be possible...?”

“Well, as of right now, we still don't have the most critical key to making that happen,” Erwin admitted. “If things go wrong with this crucial factor, we'll probably all lose our heads.”

Pyxis let out a loud sigh.

“What, you're going to bet it all again?”

“Yeah...” Erwin chuckled. “It seems I really am a gambler. I'm waiting for news as we speak.”

Pausing, Erwin glanced toward the window--the curtains were drawn, and the only light in the room was coming from the lit fire of the fireplace. He had no real sense of what time of day it was, or what was going on around them.

“Until the messenger arrives, would you like to hear a story from my childhood?” Erwin offered, a gentle smile crossing his lips.

 

…......

 

“It finally started, huh...?”

Mikasa glanced over at Jean, who was glowering and holding his head in his hand. Her gaze soon returned to Eren, who was sitting with his back to her; he was sitting still for once, as if the muffled screams coming from the dungeon below had paralyzed him.

“Geez...I got over the idea of fighting Titans,” Jean went on, “but...we don't even know who the enemy is anymore. Why do we have to stain our hands with something like this?”

“It can't be helped,” Eren replied. “If we mess up here, all of humanity will be devoured by Titans and that'll be the end of it. We're trying to pull off a coup de tat--according to what we saw of the Commander's strategy...this is probably just the beginning.”

“We're...all rebels now,” Sasha whimpered, sitting up straight in her chair, her arms rigid and pinned at her sides. “What will happen if we fail?”

“We'll probably be hanged...in front of everyone in the town plaza...” Jean replied, dragging his hand down his face.

“We _are_ trying to change a system that's been in place for over one hundred years,” Armin murmured, his round blue eyes staring at the table. “There's no precedent to this, but...shouldn't we put our efforts into something that will bring the populace to our side? We need to take advantage of the chaotic situation created by the Titans' incursions.”

Mikasa leaned back against the wall, staring down at Armin now. He seemed to be talking more to himself than to the rest of them, but she did not mind. This was, after all, usually when he said the most insightful things and presented the best strategies.

“If we shifted responsibility to the royal government and then incited the populace against them, we might be able to do it,” Armin continued. “But in that case, arms will be directed against the citizenry and a number of tragedies will undoubtedly occur... Though, when you consider the fate of the entirety of humanity, then there's no helping it. If only we could shift responsibility for some significant event onto the royal government or the Military Police...then we, the Survey Corps, could enter the stage like heroes. We need to give the impression that the Corps is absolutely necessary... Then, the populace _should_ be easier to fool.”

These were, by far, the most heartless words Mikasa had ever heard come out of Armin's mouth. He had never presented this ruthless side of himself before; everyone else seemed to recognize this change, too, judging by their wide-eyed stares. Armin soon became aware of them--slowly, he sat upright, and a nervous, awkward, almost creepy smile appeared on his face.

“J-Just kidding...” he mumbled, letting out a quiet laugh.

“Oi, did you get corrupted after your run-in with that pervert?” Jean asked in a low voice.

“No, no,” Eren jumped in, waving his hand as if to swat Jean's words away. “Armin's been the dark, devious sort all along.”

“I certainly didn't raise him like that,” Mikasa said, staring at Armin as his cheeks flushed pink. No, she had always known Armin to be a sweet, gentle, understanding friend. This “dark” side of him was something new to her, and it made her wonder how much else she did not know about him.

“But...we're all already criminals,” Armin said quietly, the light in his eyes disappearing with his statement. “Our enemies now aren't ones we have to kill because they're trying to eat us--we're enemies because our ways of thought are different. From now on, just because our allegiances differ...we might have to take the lives of others. We're not good guys anymore.”

The room fell silent after Armin's final words; Mikasa pulled her cardigan closer around her body. Armin was right, and it had all happened before she had even realized things had changed. Things had become so complicated that now, they were living day to day with plans that changed in the blink of an eye.

 _It doesn't matter, though_ , she told herself, her gaze wandering back over to Eren. _If it's to protect you, I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes._

 

…......

 

 _It's been a while_ , Levi realized as his knuckles met Sannes' face with a loud crack. _I...can barely remember the last time I had to focus my strength on a human like this..._

Levi's left fist collided hard with the Police soldier's jaw; Sannes spat out a tooth, blood dripping from his chin. Though the mess was the least of their concerns in the big picture, Levi was grateful that he was wearing thick gloves and an apron.

“...Was the menu for Nick something like that?” Levi asked quietly after Sannes faced forward again. He grabbed a nearby towel and began to wipe the blood from his gloves. It was odd to not see steam coming from it, but this was not from a Titan. This was from a human being.

 _No, barely a human,_ Levi thought as Hanji walked over, holding a tray of something spattered with blood. _We're alike in that way, I guess..._

“Look, Sannes,” Hanji said, her voice light-hearted but trembling. She held out the tray of Sannes fingernails toward the man, an awkward smile on her face. “It was pretty tough, but I got the hang of it as I went on...” Sannes was silent, and Hanji added, “Sorry--I can't pull them off quite as well as you, Sannes. How many did you have to pull out to become so skilled?”

“...A countless number. People have a lot of nails, after all,” Sannes croaked at last. Levi glanced at Moblit, who was standing behind Sannes' chair. Judging by the tense look on Moblit's face, such an answer would probably not sit well with Hanji. Sannes continued, “Who knows how many fingernails I've pulled or how much skin I've peeled off. Even if they have a wife, or a newborn child...it doesn't matter. It's all for the sake of protecting the peace within these walls.”

Levi stared down at the man, raising an eyebrow. Sannes hardly seemed like the type to be concerned with the state of the world, or at least, the world he was not actively involved in. It would be easy to say that protecting the world is worth the pain when that “world” is full of luxuries and safe within the inner walls.

 _But plenty of people have given that up for “protecting the peace,”_ Levi reminded himself. _...I don't buy this bullshit._

“Do you understand why conflict has yet to arise within these narrow walls up until now?” Sannes asked. “This peace...that you guys enjoy and take for granted...do you know who built it? We, the Central Military Police Brigade, built it. We protected it with these dirty hands. And every time a flame burned somewhere, we extinguished it, one by one. From a teacher who let his tongue slip, to an old man who made guns that might have threatened the king...a stupid couple that tried to fly off in the sky...even a whore on a farm out in the countryside...!”

Sannes lifted his head, his eyes as wide as they could be through his swollen face.

“It's because _we_ eliminated them all that humanity has been able to make it until now!” he shouted, blood spraying from his nose and mouth as he spat out his declaration. “It's all thanks to us, in the Central Police! Be grateful!!”

“Thank you.” At Hanji's crisp tone, Levi glanced over at his comrade. Her eyes were like daggers, and Levi could tell that Sannes was one wrong word away from pushing Hanji to worse torture than pulling skin or nails. “You've protected this world from the development of technology. Really, thank you.”

“You guys should have been eliminated from the very beginning,” Sannes then said. “We figured you'd just go out and die on your own, but...now you've become the plague that threatens the peace of these walls more than anything else.”

“Is that so? How terrible,” Levi grunted. Grabbing Sannes' face, he pulled the skin around his left eye open even more, so taut that he could feel it beginning to tear beneath his fingers. “You guys really did work hard, in your own way. I understand that well.”

Pinching the bridge of Sannes' already broken nose, Levi jerked the cartilage off to the side. He could hear a pained shout escape Sannes' lips.

“Shall we get started with the interrogation?” Levi asked as he released Sannes' nose, putting a hand on the man's head as he coughed out more blood. “Listen up--if you don't answer the questions truthfully, there will be a penalty...”

Levi leaned down into Sannes' face, feeling collected despite Hanji's radiating energy from beside him.

“What is the Reiss family?” Levi murmured. Sannes stared up at him, one eye now completely swollen shut. “Officially, it has some distant ties with the royal family--as just one of the noble families you can find anywhere in the countryside. So why would a family line like that have the power to make known the Titans within the walls? Is it also the will of the Reiss family to use the wall cult to keep the populace at a distance from the walls? Why is it the Reiss family that's doing this, rather than the royal family? Tell us everything you know.”

To Levi's disappointment and frustration, Sannes' only response was a small laugh.

“The likes of you...” he growled, but before he could finish his sentence, Hanji was right up in his face, jamming her pliers right into his mouth.

“Wait--you were too slow to answer,” she said. “Time for punishment. I want to pull one that doesn't have cavities...this one?”

Before Levi could stop her, Hanji ripped the pliers out of Sannes' mouth, pulling a large molar out in the process. Sannes let out a scream, and Hanji laughed nervously.

“Sorry, I don't really know--”

“Oi, he won't be able to talk anymore,” Levi muttered, glaring at Hanji. “Don't pull too many.”

“There are plenty left, aren't there?” Hanji hissed. Even in the dim lighting of the dungeon, Levi could clearly see that her face was covered in sweat.

“I've never seen people like you!!” Sannes screamed through his tears. “People who enjoy inflicting pain on others like this! Do it, then--more! Go on with this torture you love so much!! You love violence, right?! I'm like that, too!! Tormenting people that can't resist turns me on!! Have some more fun with me! You're on the side of justice, so there's no need to hesitate, right?!”

Sannes had become borderline hysterical now; he was undeniably their enemy, but Levi could not help pitying him at least somewhat.

“It's like you said, Hanji!” he shouted. “It can't be helped! It's for the sake of justice! If you think of it that way, everything is fun!! Doesn't it feel like you've become some amazing person?! You guys are _monsters_! Titans are compared to you! But I'm not afraid! I...I have the king. I've protected the king, with my comrades, for many years now. I believe in the security of these walls...and in the king. What we did was not wrong... I want to believe that...but...it was so painful... So...go ahead and torture me to death. That is...all that's left to this blood-stained life of mine.”

Levi stood in silence as Hanji set down the bloodied pliers. Sannes jumped at the noise, and his eyes were closed, as if he was awaiting his final moments. But they would not be coming anytime soon, and not at their hands, if Levi could help it.

“We're taking a break,” he stated, following Hanji and Moblit out of the room. As he caught up to his companions, Hanji let out a quiet, frustrated sigh.

“What a pain,” she mumbled. “Now I kind of feel sorry for him...”

Levi kept quiet as he shut the door behind them. Somehow, he could not bring himself to openly agreeing with Hanji's statement. There was something in him that stopped him, that driving force that kept him from folding under pressure.

 _It's always been like this_ , Levi realized, blinking slowly as he paused by the door. _Even since I was a child..._

 

…......

 

_Thank god we don't have to do that anymore..._

Pulling the jail cell keys out of her back pocket, Hanji nudged Sannes forward through the dark hallway of the dungeon. She could see Ralph, one of his comrades, sitting on his cot in the cell with wide, nervous eyes. He was probably pretty confused, and Hanji could not blame him. After all, he had been used as a tool to get Sannes to talk, but there was no way for _him_ to know that--not yet.

“Sannes!” he exclaimed, his tone full of surprise. “Why are you here?! You...are you all right?!”

Hanji shut the cell door behind Sannes with a clang, quickly locking the door behind him. Sannes said nothing, only walked over to Ralph and stood in front of the man. Perhaps he was too worn down to say anything more. After all, he had finally revealed the truth to them--his body had taken a pretty decent beating, and his conscience was even worse.

“You...you didn't... _tell_ them anything, did you?” Ralph asked hesitantly. “Our loyalty to the king shouldn't yield to people like them...”

Startling all of them, Sannes suddenly reached out and grabbed Ralph by the neck.

“Oi!? Sannes?!” Ralph gasped through the chokehold.

“I don't want to hear your voice ever again!” Sannes screamed, his grip tightening. “You've already done enough to betray me!”

“Wha--?!”

“I trusted you!!” There were tears streaming down Sannes' cheeks now, but Hanji could not bring herself to pity either of them anymore. She no longer had a real reason to pity them, not after finding out how valuable the information they had been concealing was.

As Erwin had suspected, their current king was not the rightful ruler of the land. Instead, the Reiss family was the true royal family, making Historia Reiss the true heir to the throne. She was young, yes, but she was also aware of the true state of their world. They could use her as an ally, so long as she agreed to fulfill her role.

It was wonderful to know all of this now, but there were still plenty of questions left to be answered--and if the Central Police had not meddled like this, those answers probably would have been found a long time ago.

“Sannes! He didn't say anything!” Hanji shouted, gripping the bars of the cell and glaring at Sannes. “Or, rather, we didn't do anything to him, or ask him any questions.”

Sannes turned toward her, his eyes wide. Hanji held up a small sheet of parchment.

“We told Ralph that you were far away, and then put a knife to his throat to make him read out a script that we wrote,” Hanji explained. “That's all.”

Hanji lowered her arm, handing off the paper to Moblit, who had been quietly standing behind her this whole time, as per usual. Sannes, obviously both physically and mentally exhausted, collapsed onto the jail cell's floor. Ralph was already back on his cot, coughing and sobbing like a small child recovering from a tantrum.

“Then...I...betrayed the king...” Sannes breathed, covering his mouth as more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“...You demons,” Ralph grunted, coughing as he sat upright.

“I won't deny that,” Hanji admitted, pushing her goggles up off of her sweaty face. “But...Nick must have thought the same about you, right?”

Leaning forward, Hanji again gripped the metal rods of the cell.

“I told you back there, didn't I? That you guys were pitiful...” she growled. “And you really are a mess...old men like you, crying and carrying on like this... LOOK AT YOU NOW! FUCKING IDIOTS!!”

Pushing herself away from the bars, Hanji clenched jaw. She had not felt this angry in a long time, and it was really a horrible feeling. Honestly, she should have felt good about being able to let it all out on these pathetic men, but just thinking about them made her even more enraged. These soldiers were barely even fit to be _called_ soldiers--they were closer to vermin, to monsters. People like this were the reason that she kept losing things, and as long as they were around, they would continue to take things from her.

Still, they were human beings.

“Try to find some meaning in whatever life you have left here, when shitting's the only thing you can do!” Hanji snapped, heading for the staircase. “Good riddance!”

“This is how things are.”

At Sannes' quiet declaration, Hanji paused, turning around. He was nothing but a blurred blob of color without her glasses or goggles on, but he had most definitely spoken up.

“This kind of role is taken in turns,” he said. “And once it's done with you, someone else will be right there to take it from you. Why is why, in this world, it will never just disappear... Good luck, Hanji...”

Seething with fury, Hanji clenched her fists, marching up the rest of the stairs toward the door.

“Squad Leader!” Moblit exclaimed, but she tried to ignore him, as she normally did.

Hanji closed the door behind her with a slam, then leaned against it, the extent of her exhaustion finally setting in.

_...I don't...want to lose anything else...to people like that..._

Letting out a small sigh, Hanji stood upright again. Upon doing so, a burst of pure rage shot through her so quickly that she could not even stop herself; she rammed her foot into a nearby set of table and chairs, knocking the entire thing over with a loud crash.

“Squad Leader...Hanji...?” Recognizing Eren's voice, Hanji glanced over her shoulder to see the blurry outline of the teen peering around the corner. “What...happened...?”

Her mouth drawn into a frown, Hanji pulled her goggles back down over her eyes. Eren's eyes were wide with concern; in response, she gave him a small, reassuring smile.

“There were cockroaches,” Hanji told him, gesturing to the furniture. “But I guess that's not so unusual, in an old place like this. I obliterated them just now, without a trace of them left to be seen. What a refreshing morning... It's still early, though. Why are you up, Eren?” Hanji glanced down at Eren's hand; he had a few small pieces of paper in it. “That paper...?”

“I'm sorry this took so long, but...I've been thinking back to that conversation with Bertholdt and Ymir, and I started writing everything down on here,” Eren replied, holding out the papers to Hanji. She snatched them out of his hand, scanning through the hastily written text. There were words she was looking for, signs that would point them in the right direction.

Hanji found hints in Eren's memories, but rather than further proving their future success, they highlighted horrible dangers.

“I...! I'm taking these, okay?!” Hanji stammered, tucking the notes into her back pocket. “Eren, look, I know Levi said we're meeting with the Reeves Corporation today, but I...I've got something I need to discuss with Er--the Commander! Okay?!”

“Uh, a-all right. But--”

Before Eren could ask any questions, Hanji dashed off toward the stairs, taking them two at a time.

 _There's no point in explaining that you're in danger, Eren,_ she thought as she grabbed her jacket and cloak. _That's nothing new, really. But this...could destroy us all in the end...!_

 

 


	57. Daggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Historia agrees to step up to take her role as Queen.  
> However, there was one enemy nobody expected to appear.   
> A man by the name of Ackermann...

_“Cheers!”_

_Yasmin could hardly believe how upbeat the Garrison dining room had become over the past hour. Sure, Milena's promotion was a cheerful event, but this was all so soon after losing Hannes and so many other friends that it seemed like almost...too much._

_But she did not want to question it. After all, Milena was her best friend and deserved to be celebrated._

_“To Captain Milena!” Rosaleen shouted, raising her glass of wine high up above her head. The room burst into applause, many echoing her words as they clinked their glasses together._

_“I'm really proud of you,” Yasmin said, smiling at Milena, whose face was flushed pink with delight. “And I hope you're proud of yourself, honestly.”_

_“I...guess I am, yeah!” Milena's grin spread across her face so wide that her eyes were practically slits. “Things worked out for the best in the end! Even though...there was a lot that was lost along the way, wasn't there...?” Her smile softened, a hint of bitterness visible._

_“That's just the way our world is,” Yasmin reminded her, reaching across the table to take Milena's hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze._

_“Yeah, I know. But I still don't like it.” Milena set down her glass and grabbed Yasmin's hand. “But! Now I'm in a place that I can DO something about the things I don't like! I can change things--I'm not so powerless anymore. And, what makes it even better is that I have people like you to back me up.”_

_“Yeah.” Yasmin nodded, smiling at her friend. “I'll help you in whatever way I can. Never forget that.”_

_“Don't worry, I won't!”_

 

“What happened with Hanji?” Levi asked, glancing around the room. Armin stared at the Captain's face; he seemed irritated, but there was a hint of worry in his eyes.

“She said she had something urgent to discuss with Commander Erwin and left in a big hurry,” Eren replied, scratching the back of his neck. Armin raised his eyebrows as the look in Levi's eyes changed to one of understanding.

“That four-eyes...” he muttered, glancing at the door before turning back toward the others who had gathered with them. Despite their Squad Leader's absence, all of Hanji's squad members were present, as were all of the members of Levi's squad. In addition, several men from the Reeves Corporation were sitting in the front of the room; they seemed out of place and appeared detached from the situation.

“Nifa. Thank you for working through the night relaying messages,” Levi then said, addressing a short, brunette young woman standing nearby. Armin recognized her not only as a member of Hanji's squad, but also as the girl everyone insisted that he resembled.

“...No problem,” Nifa said quietly, her cheeks pink with obvious joy at having been praised by the Captain.

“I know this is sudden, but I need you to tell everyone what Erwin told you.”

“But...what about them?” Nifa was looking at the Reeves Corporation members; Dimo Reeves caught on to her stare and sat upright, grunting in disapproval.

“They're from the Reeves Corporation,” Levi told Nifa. “It's fine. Speak.”

“Ah...yes...”

“It's no problem if you insist I leave, Sir,” Reeves said, smiling as he stood from the bench.

“No, stay and listen. That's what we agreed--there's nothing to hide. I'm going to trust you.”

“Huh? You're even trusting in my brat here, even though you've only just met him today?” Reeves slapped his hand upon a chubby young man sitting beside him. They barely even looked related at a glance, but their eyes had the same mischievous light of life in them that Armin knew he must be telling the truth.

“If it's someone from the Reeves Corporation, then of course I will.” Captain Levi started down at the young man. “Flegel, was it? Welcome.”

“You're...Levi, was it?” Flegel said, glancing up at the Captain. “If you'd really like to make me feel welcome, shouldn't you be putting out some tea?”

Armin watched as Levi's face darkened in an instant. Had that statement come from a member of the Corps, they would have been assigned with cleaning duties for a month.

“I'm sorry,” Reeves said quickly, grabbing Flegel's head and shoving it down into an apologetic bow. “I've been taking him around to meetings with the intent of having him take over for me someday... He's always been spoiled, so he still acts like a kid. We'll leave--you can just tell us what we need to do afterwards.”

“No,” Levi insisted. “We'll listen together here. This concerns not just the Reeves Corporation, but the fate of this world, which is why your power, and your trust, is important.”

Armin stared at Captain Levi; the man's face was serious as always, with an unwavering gaze. But, despite his poker face, his sincerity was clear.

“Understood,” Reeves grunted, releasing Flegel's head. “We'll stay, so please, continue.”

“...Well, then...” Nifa said, her voice louder but still wavering a bit. “This is in regards to Historia ascending the throne as queen...”

“Queen?” Armin sputtered. He could hear his friends around him gasping, as well as a small exclamation from Historia herself. What in the world was Nifa talking about? What kind of information had they extracted from the Central Police soldiers to let them come to this conclusion?

Armin looked to Captain Levi, who had a slight frown on his face, different from his usual indifference.

“Captain Levi?” Nifa murmured.

“... … I...forgot to tell my squad,” Levi then admitted, leaving Armin speechless. Granted, it had been a chaotic couple of days, but to forget to pass on information of such importance...

Still, Captain Levi's expression was apologetic; he quickly regained composure, locking eyes with Historia.

“It appears that the current royal family is just standing in for the real royal line,” Levi announced. “The true royal family is the Reiss family.”

Armin could not help himself; he whipped his head to his left, staring down at Historia. She was frozen in shock, her eyes wide. This was obviously news to her as well.

“...We just heard something about allowing Historia to ascend to the throne as queen,” Armin finally said, raising his hand and staring at Levi, “but...is that the main objective of this mission?”

“It is,” Levi replied. “Historia, your thoughts.”

“...Ah...” Historia was trembling now, and her voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. “...I... It's impossible. I can't.”

“Makes sense,” Levi grunted, stepping toward Historia. “Suddenly being told that you have to become the most authoritative figure amongst the people of this world--there aren't very many people who would answer, 'Yes, that's fine.' right away.”

Armin watched as Captain Levi leaned down into Historia's face. He had never really realized it before, how threatening this man really could be. The world's strongest soldier staring down the world's topmost authority was really just a worn down man staring down a child.

“...But...none of that matters,” Levi hissed through clenched teeth. “Do it.”

 

…......

 

Connie could hardly believe what was happening right before his eyes. Their true ruler was Historia, a girl they had trained alongside all these years. Nobody had known, not even _her_. The whole situation was a mess; Connie could not blame her for rejecting the role, even with Captain Levi right at her throat.

“...I couldn't possibly...do it,” Historia whispered.

“You won't do it?” Captain Levi murmured, his eyes like daggers.

“I couldn't...possibly...”

“All right.”

What happened in the next few moments occurred so quickly that Connie could barely believe that it was happening at all. Levi had suddenly grabbed Historia by the collar of her shirt, lifting her off of the ground. She let out a frightened whimper, gripping Levi's wrists as an effort to keep herself from choking.

“Then run away,” Levi told her, his voice cold.

“Captain Levi!?” Sasha gasped. Connie glanced at her; she seemed conflicted as to whether or not she should try to intervene, and she was not the only one. All of his comrades wore horrified expressions on their faces, and even Hanji's squad members seemed alarmed.

“Run away from us with all the power you have,” Levi went on, ignoring Sasha's exclamation. “But if you do, we, too, will use all the power _we_ have to capture you, and we'll use whatever means necessary to make you obey. This is your fate, it seems.”

“Captain, what are you--!?”

“If you dislike it, then fight,” Levi commanded.

“Please let go!” Sasha pleaded, but Captain Levi was ignoring her completely. Gritting his teeth, Connie reached behind Jean and tugged on Sasha's shoulder, pulling her attention away from the showdown. She stared at him with wide eyes.

 _I don't believe it, either_ , Connie thought, turning his gaze back to Captain Levi and Historia. _I don't want to believe he would..._

“Try to defeat me,” Levi then said, finally releasing his grip on Historia. She fell to her knees, coughing and gasping for air.

“Historia...” Sasha murmured, kneeling beside their friend. Armin joined her, a concerned look on his face as Historia continued to cough and pant.

“You didn't have to do that!” Jean cried, obviously too frustrated to say anything beyond that. Connie wished he was more eloquent, too--he had a lot of things he would have liked to have said to Captain Levi.

However, before he could think of anything to say, Captain Levi spoke again.

“What do you guys think you'll be doing tomorrow?” he asked, the malice now gone from his eyes. “Do you think that you're going to be able to eat tomorrow? Do you think that you'll be able to get enough sleep again tomorrow? Do you think that the person next to you will still be there tomorrow?”

The room fell silent for a moment; Connie watched as Captain Levi's expression softened, his gaze becoming distant.

“I don't think those things,” he told them. “And normal people... _don't_ think about these things every day. In other words, I'm not a normal person. I'm abnormal--probably because I've seen too many abnormal things. But, if tomorrow Wall Rose was to fall...in such abnormal circumstances, I'll be able to respond faster than anyone else--and _fight_.

“Even if that hell was to begin again tomorrow, I could fight. You all have seen it unfold plenty of times--who's to say that it won't be tomorrow? However, as much as we want to prevent this from happening, there are people that want to get in our way. I'm fine with playing the role of the abnormal person who would murder all of those people, or beating them until they're unrecognizable...because I would choose the hell of people killing one another rather than the hell of being devoured by the Titans. Because, if I do it, then at the very least...all of humanity won't have to take part in it.”

This was by far the most Connie had heard Captain Levi say all at once, but every word of it resonated in his being. Captain Levi was right--and if these words did not convince Historia, nothing probably ever would.

“However...if there was a true authority in this world, then perhaps those who would have died can instead survive...” Levi murmured. “That's a good thing, isn't it? It's all up to you, Historia. Will you join us? Will you fight us? They're both fine, so pick one. But...”

Suddenly, Levi dropped down to Historia's level, grabbing the top of her head.

“There's no time, so decide now!” he bellowed.

“I'LL DO IT!”

Connie could hear Historia breathing heavily; she had probably startled even herself.

“My...my next role is to be queen, right?” she murmured. “I'll do it. Please leave it to me.”

Whether she had decided on her own, or whether Levi had scared her into it, Connie was not sure. But she had made her decision, and Levi seemed satisfied. He stood upright, holding out his hand to Historia.

“All right,” he mumbled. “Stand.”

Connie watched as Historia placed her trembling hand in Levi's. He pulled her to her feet, but she kept her eyes locked on the floor.

“I'm counting on you, Historia,” Levi murmured.

“Yes.”

For a brief moment, Connie met eyes with Captain Levi, and he felt a shiver run up his spine. Granted, the Captain's speech had been touching, but Connie still felt hesitant to trust him entirely.

“Nifa, continue,” Levi commanded, leaning back against the wall.

“Yes...I will now communicate the Commander's orders,” Nifa said, nodding obediently as she held up her notes. “The plan begins today, when Eren and Historia are to be handed over by the Reeves Corporation to the Central Military Police Brigade. They have left everything, from the route to the rest stops, up to the discretion of the Reeves Corporation--we will take advantage of that. We will thus hand Eren and Historia over to the Central Police, and then, using the Reeves Corporation's members, we will track them to their final destination, which refers to this man: Rod Reiss.”

Nifa placed a drawing on the wall, of a well-dressed man with large, deeply set eyes.

“Historia's biological father, and the actual highest authority within these walls.”

 _Even if she hadn't said that out loud, I would have known_ , Connie realized as he stared at the picture. Historia and this man looked so much alike, even just judging based on an illustration.

According to the Central Police soldiers we captured, everyone, from the upper level officials to the Fritz royal family, is under his command. And...as for him, we, the Survey Corps, will secure his person.”

 

…......

 

Though it had been hours since her confrontation with Captain Levi, Historia was still shaky, not to mention hungry and anxious on top of that. The plan was clear: they were going to trick the Police into leading them right to the heart of their brigade, and Historia and Eren were going to act as bait. She did not mind so much, because she was not alone, and she knew that the Reeves Corporation members had too much on the line to turn against the Survey Corps now.

What made Historia anxious was that in just mere hours, she would meet her father again. She had no idea what to make of this. He had never really been a part of her life, and the one memory of him was not one she cared to revisit--how was she supposed to react?

“I'd do anything to be able to do business out in Wall Maria again,” Mister Reeves said, interrupting Historia's thoughts. She glanced up at the man, shifting in her chair. Her hands were bound behind her back, and her legs were secured to the legs of the chair. Likewise, Eren was tied to the wall with even more restraints, as if he was considered too dangerous to be treated like a normal human being. “I'll even go along with all of this, like a fool.”

“Wah!?” Eren gasped as Reeves smacked a handful of dirt against Eren's cheek. “What are you doing?!”

“You guys are supposed to have been kept here for two days,” the merchant replied, smearing mud across Eren's shirt. “It'll be suspicious for there not to be a bit of filth on you at all.”

“Oi, Pops,” Flegel said. “Why are we going along with what that midget said? After all, he's such trash that he'd even raise a hand against a little girl like this, ain't he? That Levi guy... If he had gone on for one second longer, I woulda sent him flying!”

Flegel punched the air, as if delivering an uppercut strike to an invisible Captain Levi. Historia frowned--had he attempted that, Flegel probably would not be standing there with them at this moment.

“Listen, Flegel,” Reeves said, getting to his feet and dusting off his hands. “I hope you'll understand this someday, but...the way you look at people is key to being a businessman. Levi is clumsy, and soft-hearted... To be honest, given that our business in the Trost district just hanging on by a thread, there are a number of ways he could have gone about doing this... He's definitely someone that clawed his way up.”

Historia looked up at Reeves as he stared down at her, a small smile on his face.

“But, Miss--oh, I mean, Your Majesty...” Hearing that title was so odd, but Reeves was being sincere and was obviously trying to be respectful. That was a first. “Your boss is a scary man, but...well, he's not a bad guy. Once you become Queen, give him a good whack, and just dare him to hit you back!”

Eren let out a laugh, a delighted look on his face.

“That'd be great!” he exclaimed, his eyes bright and mischievous. “Right? Do it, Historia. I wonder what kind of face he'd make.”

“Where are you going, Flegel?” Reeves asked suddenly as the young man walked past her, heading out of the shack.

“To take a piss,” the young man grunted. Historia heard the door open and close behind her.

Reeves looked ready to say something else, but suddenly his eyes lit up.

“Oh! Can't forget these,” he said, reaching into his pocket. He held out a pile of tiny blades. “These were custom-made--they had to be small, in order for you to hide them. In both hands, both feet...under the tongue, as well.” Eren opened his mouth, letting Reeves stick one of the knives below his tongue. “When I was told to capture you before, I was told to do so without causing you any harm, so be careful.”

Historia jumped as she felt Reeves stick one of the knives in her hand.

“For the lady, too--so they won't be seen.”

After placing all of the knives, Reeves stood up, a serious expression on his wrinkled face.

“When the necessity arises, someone will have to injure Eren. It doesn't matter who,” he told them. “Whether that's when we see this plan through, or when we reach Lord Reiss--that will be the time to take charge of the situation.”

Historia understood the order: using that injury, Eren could transform into a Titan and take care of whatever threat there might be. Still, this was extremely risky, and there were so many factors outside of their control, that even if Eren _was_ to become his usual fifteen meter powerhouse Titan, he might not be able to protect them against everything.

“Sir, the Police have arrived!” came a voice from the entrance of their tiny hideout.

“What? That's much earlier than expected,” Reeves said, looking surprised. Historia's stomach sank, and she kept her eyes locked on the dirt floor. “Good thing we prepared early, you brats.” As he tied a gag cloth around Eren's mouth, he added, “From now on, we hate each other.”

Reeves had just finished tying Eren up and was getting to his feet when Historia heard slow footsteps coming from behind her.

“Well done, Reeves,” said a voice. Historia froze in her seat; she was sure she had heard this voice at least once before.

Suddenly, she felt a hand touch the back of her chair. The stranger was right beside her now, but she kept her eyes averted.

“Yo...do you remember me?” he asked. It was not clear if he was addressing her, but Historia looked up at him anyway, just to confirm that this was not simply a figment of her imagination. Sure enough, the man standing above her was staring down at her with sharp, narrow eyes--the same eyes that she had seen over five years ago.

“Krista Lenz,” the man said, staring down at her. “I was there when you took on a new name. It's been about five years, huh, Krista? You've grown...but, no, you haven't changed _that_ much.”

 

…......

 

“...This carriage is...”

Hands shoved deep into the pockets of his trenchcoat, Kenny Ackermann turned his back to Dimo Reeves, who was pointing at the hearse parked in front of their shack. The vehicle was beautifully designed, obviously a product straight from the inner walls of Sina--yet, it was not overly conspicuous, and it would serve them well in this operation.

“Hm?” Kenny grunted, walking toward the forest. “We rode it here, of course.”

“What about the one _we_ prepared, to transport those kids?” Reeves then asked, hurrying after Kenny.

“We're taking mountains roads. This is better.” Kenny let out a chuckle--Reeves was a true merchant, and he almost admired him for that. Almost. “You just wanted us to buy yours all along, eh, Reeves? Geez, you can't trust businessmen...”

They were not so far into the forest, but the surroundings were quiet. Kenny gently wrapped his long, slender fingers around the hilt of the knife in his pocket. It was time to execute their plan--and it would start with an execution, ironically.

 _Nothing personal, though_ , Kenny thought as he slowed his footsteps to a stop. _You're just in the way, that's all._

“By the way, Reeves,” Kenny said, “do you know a man by the name of Levi Ackermann?”

Reeves paused for a moment; Kenny still had his back turned to the merchant, but the silence was heavily leaded with hesitation.

“Levi Ackermann?” Reeves echoed at last. “That's...the first time I've heard the full name, but you mean Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, right? Everybody knows him. Plus, he's probably after my life. They're all probably searching like mad for these two kids we captured... Isn't there something you can do about them?”

“I taught Levi quite a bit,” Kenny admitted, closing his eyes for a moment as images of the past filled his head.

“Eh?”

“That runt is my pride,” he added, turning back toward Reeves. The merchant had his back to him.

 _How foolish,_ Kenny thought as he pulled out his knife.

The blade cut deeply into Reeves' throat, and soon Kenny could feel the warmth of the man's blood on his coat's sleeve.

“But now, it's my responsibility that this has happened,” Kenny hissed through gritted teeth. Reeves' body became limp in his arms, and he let the man fall to the ground, his blood staining the grass.

“Captain Ackermann.” Kenny glanced over his shoulder to see his second-in-command, Vaska, standing there. Her face was gravely serious, as always. “As expected, both of them had numerous blades hidden on their person.”

“I thought so! Geez...” Kenny turned to face her, grimacing. This job sure was a hell of a lot of trouble. “Is everyone from the Corporation dead?”

“Yes,” Vaska replied, nodding. “Three people...that seems to be it.”

“Reeves...” Kenny murmured, looking down at the man, who was still alive but completely muted. “How sad. Looks like he was killed by the Survey Corps, huh?”

“Yes...pitiful, indeed.”

Kenny whirled away from Reeves, marching himself back toward the hearse and the rest of his squad.

“Along the way, prepare the anti-human three-dimensional maneuvering gear,” Kenny ordered, pocketing his bloodied knife at last.

“Understood,” Vaska grunted, walking in stride with him.

Letting out a loud sigh, Kenny narrowed his eyes.

“It's always been a problem letting a group with that kind of martial power run around like that,” he said, “but it's finally time for us, the Anti-Human Suppression Squad, to show our stuff, ain't it?”

 


	58. Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the enemy descends upon the Survey Corps, and they are left with no choice but to fight back.  
> Right now, they have no allies but themselves.

_“Run, Bertholdt--RUN!!”_

_His heart pounding in his ears, Bertholdt stumbled to his feet. He could hear Reiner and Marcel's shouts behind him, and their terror-filled voices made him drag his feet. There was no way he could fight a Titan of this size, not yet; running was his best chance of survival._

_But there was also no way he could leave his friends behind. He did not have anyone else. They were his only family now._

_Skidding to a halt in the mud, Bertholdt whirled around just in time to see the Titan's bony hand reaching down for Reiner._

_“REINER!” Bertholdt screamed, his ears ringing. For a split second, their eyes locked, and Bertholdt wondered if this would be the end for Reiner after all. Being killed by a Titan--it was an ironic finale, to be sure, one that he had done nothing to deserve._

_Just as Reiner turned around, bracing himself for the seemingly inevitable, a blur of brown and green appeared in his place. It was Marcel--he threw Reiner out of the way. Bertholdt was speechless; it was not Marcel's selflessness that put him at a loss for words, but instead the realization of what fate awaited his friend._

_Marcel, however, seemed to understand what the consequences of his actions were._

_As much as Bertholdt wanted to look away and keep running, his legs were frozen in place. Horrified, he watched as the Titan placed Marcel into its mouth. He was struggling, but he did not scream, and he was not crying. This came as no real surprise to Bertholdt--Marcel had always been the brave one._

_Still, Marcel was a kid, just like the rest of them, and now his life was going to end._

_Gasping for air, Bertholdt finally pulled his eyes away from the scene as the Titan bit down into Marcel's body. He did not want to see his friend being consumed. His legs finally were moving again, and with Reiner trailing behind him, Bertholdt raced back toward their village, tears caught in his throat._

 

“ERWIN!! ARE YOU HERE?!”

Shoving her hand into the wooden door, Hanji pushed it wide open to reveal Erwin standing alone in the middle of the parlor with his back to her.

“There you are!” she shouted, rushing toward him as he turned toward her. “Eren remembered important details regarding the Titans! _Very_ crucial ones! We have to reconsider our plans!!”

Hanji was gasping for breath, and her legs were wobbly, but she knew that she could not waste any time.

“Eren says it might just be sleeptalking and told me not to take it too seriously, but I don't think that at all!! If everything is true, our heads might be taken off of our necks sooner rather than later! We must take action--!”

Hanji's vision whited out for a moment, and soon she found herself collapsed onto the wooden floor. Blinking slowly, she forced herself to calm down and breath again.

“Let's hear your conclusion first,” Erwin said, handing her a glass of water. “What's wrong?”

“Reiss...plans to eat Eren,” Hanji sputtered, putting the glass of water to her lips.

Erwin said nothing, only held out his hand to Hanji. He pulled her to her feet, then helped her into a chair by the small table nearby.

“Eat,” he told her, handing her a small loaf of bread. Hanji's response was only to slide him the notes Eren had given her. She was still out of breath, and until he read those notes, nothing she said would be worth hearing, anyway. As much as she wanted to talk about it, she also wanted Erwin to draw his own conclusions first. Otherwise, there would not be much to discuss--she would only be relaying information, and that was not how Erwin's mind worked at all.

“This is the conversation between Bertholdt and Ymir?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Seems to be,” Hanji replied, finally taking a bite of bread.

“'You never wanted to eat humans in the first place, right?' Bertholdt asks her. And Ymir answers with, 'I wandered outside the walls for sixty years.'”

“This probably means that Ymir used to be one of the Titans who wandered outside the walls, too...” Hanji murmured. “...Could she have been like those villagers in Ragako who were forced to become Titans? We don't know the specific process for that, though... Still, she says those sixty years were absolute hell for her... With this information, it seems that other Titans are not wandering naked and gathering people for food of their own volition. Even so, they still threaten the safety of humanity. Their pitiful existence is yet another one of the tragedies of this world...”

“According to Eren's memories, these were Ymir's first words?” Erwin then asked. Hanji nodded, pushing her own attachment to the Titans to the back of her mind.

“Yes...for now, Eren's recollections start at the question, 'Do you guys hate me?' In my own analysis, I came to believe that Ymir must have been the one who ate the childhood friend of Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie. They're already used to all the imagery of Titans consuming humans, and they also know that Titans cannot return to permanent human form by doing so.”

Hanji lowered her voice. This new information might change everything for them, and if her conclusions were correct, Eren would be in even greater danger than before.

“But, if Ymir ate their comrade...that indicates that said person possessed shifter abilities,” she said. “That means that, for any human that was turned into a Titan, so long as they consume someone who is a shifter, they _can_ return to human form. More accurately, they gain the capabilities to 'control Titan shifting' from whomever they devour.”

Hanji narrowed her eyes as she studied Erwin's face; it was expressionless, and Hanji hated not being able to read him. What was he trying to hide from her? Why was he choosing to push her away now? Was it because he did not feel that he had enough evidence to take her seriously yet?

“If that's the case, I'll be digressing a bit, but...I suddenly remembered the report from when Eren was retrieved from Reiner and the others. Didn't Reiner toss Titans at Eren?” Hanji asked, leaning toward Erwin from across the table. “They were ready to sacrifice everything, including their own lives, to get Eren in their hands. I wondered what in the world they wanted to do, but now I wonder, could it be that they wanted the other Titans to eat Eren?”

Erwin was staring at her now, his eyes almost icy in their severity.

“If all shifter abilities can be acquired by this consumption method, then the precious 'coordinate' skill could be the same way,” Hanji told him. “If this theory turns out to be true, Eren is a container, and the container's contents can be transferred. If the monarchy wants to use his 'coordinate' ability, they can't leave it in Eren's own body, as he is considered a rebel. They will want to pass it along to someone more willing to aid their cause, if possible. Just like what Reiner was attempting before... That means, if the king's faction--that has an existing knowledge of Titans--actually _have_ Titans in their possession, Eren will be eaten by one of them.”

Hanji's voice trailed off, and she leaned back in her chair. Erwin was still staring at her, but the look in his eyes had changed. The coldness was gone, and in its place was concern clouded with disappointment.

“These are my thoughts...” Hanji murmured. “What are we going to do...? Our plan this time was based around the idea that the monarchy did not want to hurt Eren due to his unique factors. If we lose Eren, all of our efforts to take back Wall Maria will become worthless. We might still be on track if we have the Reeves Corporation's help getting him back.”

Hanji fell silent as Erwin stood from his seat, walking over toward the small desk nearby. He held up a letter; it had obviously already been opened.

“What's that...?” Hanji asked.

“I received this yesterday,” Erwin replied. “It's the report on the Reiss faction's undercover team. In regards to the wall cult, other than what we learned from Pastor Nick, no other intelligence is reliable. However, the result of this investigation seems to be related to the 'binding vows' system of beliefs he mentioned while he was still alive--as does what you've just told me. I can't help but feel that everything is connected.”

Hanji took the envelope from Erwin as he spoke, pulling out several pieces of neatly folded parchment.

“If this 'binding vows' system,” Erwin went on, “and their way of keeping secrets about the Titans well-hidden was constructed by the trust within a bloodline, then that child who was not conceived within a proper marriage and did not even receive credence from the Reiss family, that child of the woman who lost her life due to failed attempts at flattery... Historia Reiss... Why is she still considered someone with rights to the throne, and why is she valued by the monarchy as much as they regard Eren?”

“Mmm...” Hanji stared down at the first piece of parchment in her hands, her mind trying to process this new information as quickly as possible. “That is rather strange. If we study this, will we find answers to all of these riddles?”

Before Erwin could answer her, the door burst open behind her.

“Commander Erwin!” Hanji turned to see a fellow Survey Corps soldier standing there. “The Central Brigade of the Military Police wants to meet with you. They say that they suspect someone in our ranks has committed murder out in the town.”

“...Murder?” Hanji echoed. Immediately, she started trying to think of who could have been killed--after all, with Pastor Nick gone, their allies outside the Corps were few.

“Hanji, you have to leave here,” Erwin said, grabbing his uniform jacket.

“Huh?” she gasped. “What are you planning to do? What about Levi's squad?”

“I'll let Levi handle it himself. Hanji, the same goes for you--operate according to your own instincts.”

Quickly, Hanji stood from her seat, opening her mouth to object, but Erwin cut her off.

“As Commander, I must confront this situation,” he said sternly. “When the enemy gets aggressive, we cannot run everything exactly as planned. Everyone must be ready for any changes. But...more importantly, you, Hanji Zoë, will be the next Commander of the Survey Corps.”

Frozen in place, Hanji stared at Erwin. His gaze was as unwavering and determined as usual, and while that look normally gave Hanji a sense of comfort, now it scared her. Surely... _surely_ it had not come to this.

“I'm leaving the Survey Corps in your hands,” he said, turning his back to her.

“Erwin!” Hanji shouted, and Erwin stopped. Her gaze lingered on the back of his head for a few seconds as she tried to decide what to say. There were countless thoughts circulating through her head; if it had been just the two of them there, the decision would have been far easier.

But instead of saying all of the things she was wanting to say, in place of a proper farewell, she simply asked, “What about your discussions with Commander Pyxis?”

“...There was a breakdown in those negotiations,” he replied, looking over his shoulder at her. Hanji's heart sank as she heard him say, “Don't rely on him.”

 _I don't believe this..._ Hanji thought as Erwin and the messenger walked out of the parlor. Her heart was beating so hard that she could feel the pulses in her ears, and on the inside, she was screaming. She did not want to hear that he was giving up-- _not yet_.

 

…......

 

Though Erwin went out to meet the Military Police soldiers knowing full well there would be a crowd, he was shocked at the number of people who had turned up at the scene of the crime. He was not even sure who had been murdered yet, since the entire way to his destination had been spent in an awkward, tense silence. As the sea of people parted in front of him, though, the corpse came into view; it was a familiar face, and Erwin felt his heart sink. Now the enormous amount of people around made sense.

“Erwin Smith,” a soldier said, hands on his hips. Judging by his tone and his waistline, he was undoubtedly a member of the Central Brigade. “Do you know who he is?” He nodded toward the body.

“The Reeves Corporation's head, Mister Edward Reeves,” Erwin replied, staring down at the man's still face. It greatly contrasted the giant gash across his neck.

“We discovered that he and two members of his staff were murdered in the mountains,” the soldier went on. “All of their throats were sliced with a sharp knife. No freight was missing, so it does not appear to be a robbery. It's clear that this was conducted by someone with ample training. Any ideas, Erwin?”

Erwin turned toward the soldier, frowning.

“From what I can infer, the Survey Corps is already being suspected of this crime,” he stated. “There is no need to beat around the bush--just give me your evidence.”

The soldier seemed almost hesitant to continue, but Erwin did not take his eyes off of the man. It was obvious that the Police was being controlled by an outside source, and that no matter what Erwin said here, he would not win this battle. But while he was still here, he needed to collect information, including the evidence that the Police had decided to use against them.

“...Two days ago, the residents here witnessed two members of the Survey Corps being attacked... That..checks out with the Military Police's report and the search warrant,” the man said, his gaze wandering. It was as if he was reciting well-rehearsed lines. “After our examination, we discovered that the incident was connected to the Reeves Corporation. We then deduced that your organization wanted to rescue the kidnapped Eren Jaeger, so you carried out these deeds against Reeves and his men... The criminals would be on the run with Eren right now.”

Erwin's eyes widened at this last statement. He knew that the soldier was insinuating that Levi was the prime suspect, and that Eren was with him and his squad now. But Erwin knew better--he knew that Levi had no motives to kill these men. Therefore, if Eren was with the culprit, he had yet again fallen into enemy hands.

“Thus, I must order for all Survey Corps operations to cease immediately,” the soldier declared, “ and all members must undergo investigation. If our assumptions are incorrect, that's fine--only as long as your entire regiment appears to prove your innocence. If it wasn't anyone in the Corps who committed the crime, then there should be no problem gathering everyone here tomorrow. How ironic...soldiers who risked their own lives for the people... How can they draw arms against those same people now?”

There was no point in answering. Erwin knew that he could not talk his way out of this now. The Survey Corps was already in so much danger--for him to refuse to cooperate would only ruin things for the rest.

“Get in the carriage, Erwin,” the soldier ordered. “The Survey Corps is now under our command.”

 

…......

 

“...They're loading coffins into the carriage...two of them...”

Levi glanced at Nifa, then sat back further into the crook of the rooftop. The warm autumn sun mixed with a cool, gentle breeze made him wish he was anywhere but here. But it was always work before play for him--that was the same for anyone else in the Corps, because “work” for them meant saving a life, a town, or their world.

“There's no mistaking it, then,” he muttered, pulling his hood over his head as Nifa lowered her small telescope for a moment. “Assuming this isn't a group of necrophiliacs, they must be the Central Police...meaning Eren and Historia must be in the coffins.”

“We almost lost track of them before,” Nifa murmured, putting the eyepiece back up to her eye. “It's a good thing you were a step ahead finding this spot, Captain.”

Levi was silent for a moment, peering down at the carriage. He had only been a step ahead at the cost of three men's lives. He might have been able to stop the Police back there, before Reeves and his men were killed. But something had stopped him--or rather, someone.

“It's odd,” he grunted. “This seems pretty different from what that brigade is usually up to. They knew right away that Reeves would be working with us... This enemy's way of thought is very similar to mine... ...Is it him...?”

“Him?” Nifa echoed, not taking her eyes off of the carriage.

Again, Levi paused. He had not seen the faces of the people in the woods, but he had recognized one voice. It belonged to someone who Levi had locked away in the back of his mind for years now, with no intention of ever thinking of him again. There had been no point to trying to come to terms with it--the past was just that, and it would never change. What good was it to dwell on it?

“...Do you know of 'Kenny the Ripper'?” Levi asked.

“Eh?” Nifa looked over at him, her large eyes shining with curiosity. “That serial killer from the city? I heard that at least one hundred members of the Police had their throats slashed trying to capture him...but that was only a legend passed around for a few decades.”

“He exists. It's all true.”

“Eh!?”

“I lived with him when I was young,” Levi murmured. It felt odd to admit that out loud, as if by just mentioning the name, he was being dragged back into that life.

“Huh?! Wh-what's wrong with you...?” Nifa giggled, turning back to the carriage. “Captain, you're something else, joking around at a time like this...”

Levi did not bother pushing it anymore. At least now someone knew, just in case.

But still, something about all of this made him nervous. It was unsettling knowing how close his past had come to catching up with him. For most people, the past was not such a big deal--most people healed from such things.

However, Levi was not like most people.

 _His influence on my way of thinking is pretty strong,_ Levi realized as he watched the Police soldiers shut the back doors to the carriage. _When pursuing a group of targets, you have to position yourself diagonally to the right...at a high point where you can have a clear view..._

The sudden sound of something hitting the roof nearby tore Levi from his thoughts. He quickly whipped his head around, and the moment he caught sight of the man standing on the roof with them, he flew into action.

“Nifa--!” he shouted, but his voice was cut off by the sound of gunfire. Levi felt part of the brick chimney behind him, where his head had been just seconds earlier, explode as he dodged the shot.

 _Where my head was..._!!

Looking to his right, Levi hoped to meet Nifa's eyes, but he was instead greeted with a bloody skull that did not even _have_ eyes, or a nose, or an upper lip. She had been alive just moments before, speaking with him as if nothing was wrong. But now, she was dead.

It was a sight Levi was all too familiar with, and he had grown tired of it.

As quickly as he could, Levi jumped over the peak of the rooftop, grabbing the handles of his 3D gear to join the others in action. His fingers had just closed around them when the air filled with the sound of gunshots once again. Levi collapsed back against the chimney, his chest tight. He had been too slow once again. In the blink of an eye, he had lost all three of the soldiers assigned to him from Hanji's squad. He was powerless to stop it.

 _...Nothing has changed_ , he thought as he stared down at the bloody remains of his fallen comrades.

To Levi, it seemed that, whether it was by a human or a Titan, he would never be able to stop these tragedies.

“Yo, Levi. You've grown up, haven't ya?”

That voice was as clear as day, but for Levi, it felt more like being trapped in a nightmare. He then heard the sound of something metal shoot into the chimney; he recognized the whizzing sound of 3D gear wires, but the face that met his gaze seconds later was not one of his allies--it was Kenny Ackermann.

“Oh? You haven't really changed that much, huh?” he shouted, aiming his guns right at Levi's head.

“ _Kenny_!” Levi roared, his heart pounding in his chest.

The man fired at Levi, launching himself up into the air above him; the soldier pulled out a blade from his gear, blocking the shot and sending the blade flying at Kenny. Despite being upside-down and in mid-air, Kenny managed to avoid the blade, and he retaliated with more gunfire.

Ripping off his cloak, Levi threw the thick green cloth in front of him, blocking Kenny's shots just in time. His arm draped over the peak of the roof, he turned to look at Nifa's corpse once more. Her face was destroyed, and the top half of her head was completely gone. Bright red blood decorated the shingles like paint. There was no way she was coming back.

There was a part of Levi that wanted to bring Nifa's body back, or at least do something to try to preserve it until her corpse could be collected. He felt the same for all of Hanji's squad--they had all been working their asses off lately to help the Corps bring peace to humanity within the walls, and this was their reward? It did not seem fair.

But then Levi was reminded of his own squad, just a few weeks prior, and the way their lives had ended. They did not die gracefully. Yes, they had been killed by a Titan, but that Titan was a human, too. This situation really was not any different.

And, if that was the case, Levi had a job to do--the same one as before: to fight back.

 _I'm sorry_... Levi thought as he pushed himself to his feet. There was a knot in his stomach; he recognized it as fear, a genuine terror he had not felt since he was a child.

“Ran away after all, eh?” he heard Kenny shout from behind. He ignored the taunt, focusing on the hearse.

 _Shit...they're tracking my movements,_ Levi realized as he finally caught sight of the carriage again. _At this rate, I'll lose the two in the caskets again, along with my squad. But more importantly...why is_ _ **he**_ _with the Military Police?!_

As Levi soared above the streets, he noticed three more people on gear coming toward him. For a moment, he wondered if it was his squad, but he did not recognize any of their faces, and there was something different about their gear's structure, too. He unhooked himself just in time to avoid an avalanche of bullets.

_An ambush..!! That bastard..._

Levi could feel himself losing his balance in the air, but with all the gunfire, there was no way he could keep himself above the rooftops. He sped down into an alleyway, hoping to shake them, but the situation only worsened--shards of glass and pieces of brick had now joined the bullets in the assault.

“Shit!” he hissed as something sharp cut across his cheek. There was no other choice: he would have to find a place to hide.

His eye caught sight of a bar nearby, and without a second thought, Levi shot a hook right above the doorway, launching himself inside and out of sight.

 


	59. Gunfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With two of the strongest soldiers in the world in peril, who will step up to save them?  
> Hanji is already at work to save Erwin, but Levi's newest ally is an unlikely one.

_As Jean listened to Armin's attempt at a reassuring speech, he leaned against the public stable's wooden wall, arms folded across his chest. He knew that Armin was probably right, but his conscience could not quite accept what he was hearing. He did not want to have to lose control of himself enough to purposefully harm another human._

_“Even if it means everything goes well, I still...don't want to have to kill a human being,” Jean then admitted. It was something that had crossed his mind several times that day. Before, it had seemed more like a slight possibility, but now their lives were in danger, the chance of human-to-human combat had risen, and Jean did not like it one bit. Gritting his teeth, he added, “Even if Captain Levi orders me to...I won't be able to do it.”_

_“Same here,” Connie jumped in. “Captain Levi is probably going to use physical force toward anyone in order to get them to do things his way--just like what he did to Historia!”_

_“Even though he was so accommodating toward the Reeves Corporation, what he did scared the life out of Historia!” Sasha agreed. “He'll probably do the same once she becomes Queen so that she still obeys his every command!”_

_“Really, in the end, I...don't want to be part of any group that acts violently like this. Back then, I was willing to sacrifice myself because I wanted to save humanity.”_

_“Don't...” Armin said, turning to face him. “Don't talk like that. If we start to have second thoughts at a time like this...” He then turned his head toward Mikasa, who had been standing in silence the whole time. “Don't you agree, Mikasa?”_

_“...I've known that little man was odd since the beginning, but...I think that, in order to overcome this, following the Captain's lead is the best decision,” she replied. “I'd like to hope that the rest of you feel the same.”_

_Jean said nothing in reply; he admired Mikasa, no doubt, but even his admiration for her could not make him change his mind now. There was just no way he could kill someone with his own hands._

 

It had been a long day, and Bruno was returning to headquarters after running errands when the afternoon took an interesting turn.

“Excuse me! Excuse me!!”

At the sound of a man's voice, Bruno turned around and met the eyes with a portly, middle-aged man with a wrinkled brow and short, messy hair hurrying toward him down the alleyway. He looked like any other person he might run into here in the Stohess district, but there was an intensity to his gaze that caught Bruno's attention and stopped him from turning back around and walking away.

“You... You're with the Military Police,” the man said, panting as he tried to catch his breath. “Please, I need your help. You've got to do something!”

“What's the matter?” Bruno asked, raising an eyebrow. Dealing with small mishaps in the populace was usually not what he did on a daily basis, but he did not mind helping someone if need be.

“...You...may not believe what I have to say, and that's all right.” The man lowered his voice, glancing around the alleyway in which they were standing. “Someone must know. Erwin Smith is no longer able to help me, so I must turn to you instead.”

The man paused, and Bruno nodded, silently urging him to continue.

“My name is Rod Reiss, and I am a noble within these walls. However, that part of my identity is a farce. My family is the true royal family.”

Bruno stood upright, narrowing his eyes. He had no reason to believe this man yet, but if his claims proved true, this was indeed a fated encounter. Perhaps he would be able to finish what Erwin and the Survey Corps had started.

“My daughter, Historia, was kidnapped by members of the Central Police,” Rod went on, staring up at Bruno with wide blue eyes. “I know that Eren Jaeger was also kidnapped. I tried to reason with them, but they're ruthless. They refused to stick to our agreement, and now they plan to kill them both. Those monsters...”

“Agreement?” Bruno could not help but feel a little nervous. From what he and his squad had uncovered during their investigation, the Central Police had some kind of plan in mind to kidnap Eren and Historia, but to think that Historia's father would be involved, too...

“The Central Police agreed to return Historia to me so that I may pass on her proper inheritance before she takes the throne,” Rod told Bruno. “But they've refused to hand her over now. I suppose they think that she's valuable...”

“I don't intend to sound heartless asking this, but why does it matter to you if your daughter is alive?” Bruno inquired, running a hand through his thick curls. “Your family may be the true royal family, but as it stands right now, you have yet to reclaim that title. Why does _she_ have to be the one to do it?”

Rod paused again, but he did not seem nervous. Much to Bruno's surprise, he seemed to be telling the truth.

“It's true...everything you've said is true... But it is time to return the rightful heir to the throne. Our world is falling apart as it is--we never should have let things become this unbearable.” Rod lowered his gaze and added, “I have no other living children. Historia is not fully royal by blood, yes, but she is the most anyone has right now.”

“What about you?”

“I...am not fit to rule. It has to be her.”

Letting out a loud sigh, Bruno crossed his arms. Rod Reiss' story seemed to check out with what his squad had already learned, and if he _was_ lying, he was very skilled at it. Still, the risk was huge. For Bruno to infiltrate the Central's base by himself was basically a suicide mission--unless...

“Please, you're the only one I can turn to,” Rod pleaded. “I've heard of you, Bruno Sertoli--you're an excellent soldier, a true example of what the Military Police should be.”

“...You've heard of me, have you?” Bruno murmured, once again narrowing his eyes. “I am...admittedly a little surprised.”

“...”

Bruno was not sure how to interpret that silence, and suddenly his trust for Rod Reiss had begun to wane. While it was true that Bruno was a long-time elite soldier in the Police, there were still not many townsfolk--or even nobles--that knew him by his full name. If they did, it was by just “Bruno”; very few people outside of the Police and his close group of friends ever learned his surname. While it was possible Rod learned it from an acquaintanceship with Bruno's father, it was still suspicious.

However, whether Rod was worth trusting or not, Bruno knew that Eren and Historia had to be recovered. They were necessary for rebuilding this world. Bruno, however, could still be considered disposable.

“What do you want me to do?” Bruno asked at last.

“The leader of the Central Police right now is a man by the name of Kenny Ackermann,” Rod explained. “If you find him, you'll find Historia and Eren. His squad delivered the two to the other soldiers, so they won't be together--but, Kenny will have the full information on their whereabouts.”

“...Understood,” Bruno grunted, nodding. “I'll find them.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Rod said, looking up at Bruno once again. It took some self-control not to grimace at the look in Rod's eyes--they were wide and empty, soulless like a dead fish.

“...Don't thank me just yet.”

 

…......

 

Levi could feel shards of glass and rubble in his shoes and mixed in with the fibers of his clothing. He was doing his best to keep his breathing steady, but his head was throbbing, and the wound on his cheek stung horribly. By all accounts, he probably should not have been conscious at all, but despite the trauma so far, his vision was focused straight ahead on the bottles of alcohol lined up on the shelves of this tiny bar. His fingers were wrapped around the handle of a rifle, courtesy of the terrified bar owner.

From his hiding place behind the bar counter, Levi could not see any incoming attackers, but he could still hear the unmistakable clunk of Kenny's boots against the wooden front steps. They became louder, and suddenly he heard the sound of the front gate slam open so hard that the hinges let out an alarmingly loud squeak.

“FOUND YOU!” Kenny bellowed, causing Levi to jump a bit. “The great Military Policeman has come to kill the evil villain!! BANG! BANG!”

The bar became silent, save for a quiet whimper from the old bartender. Levi narrowed his eyes, waiting for Kenny's next move.

“What?!” Kenny gasped. “He's not here?”

“I'm here, Kenny,” Levi said. “It's been a while.”

“Ohh...how nostalgic. Why don't you show me your face?”

“Don't fuck around with me.” Levi leaned back against the wood and added, “You've been spraying bullets at my face this whole time, haven't you?”

“Eh, well, today I came to look at the color of your brains,” Kenny replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I didn't think you were still alive, Kenny,” Levi admitted. “You, the man who massacred the Military Police, are now a Military Policeman yourself?” He let out a quiet laugh. “This is the first time I've ever laughed at one of your jokes.”

“Brats don't understand adult matters,” Kenny told him. “Oh, my bad--you may still be a runt, but you've gotten older, huh? I was looking forward to seeing what you're capable of, but to think that the strategies I taught you would be put to use like this... Still, I would _never_ have hidden out in a bar like this...”

As quietly as he could, Levi lifted the safety catch on the rifle in his hands, summoning another whimper from the bartender. He had never shot a human being with a rifle before, and he had never expected to be aiming at Kenny, either. But, despite how brutal this all seemed, Kenny was not leaving him with any alternative.

“Didn't I tech you the term, 'rat in a bag'?” Kenny went on. “You know that however you try to escape from here, you'll just be shot down from above, right? Eh, Levi?”

Levi did not have time to respond; a dining chair came flying into the wall of booze, shattering the glass bottles and filling the air with the strong scent of alcohol.

“Why did you become a member of the Survey Corps?” Kenny growled. “...I think I have some idea. We lived in scum our whole lives. It took everything just to survive. And, the day we learned just how big the world was...it hurt pretty fucking bad. Our shitty selves, our shitty lives...in the grand scheme of things, none of it had any meaning at all.”

As Kenny spoke, Levi could hear soft footsteps against the wooden floor. Reaching out toward an unbroken bottle of wine, Levi gently turned the glass so that the label was facing away from him. The glass acted as a mirror, and now he could see how close Kenny really was.

“However, there _was_ salvation,” Kenny went on. “We found things we liked to do. Simple, right? It's simple, but what really gives life meaning are 'hobbies.;”

“Hobbies, huh...?” Levi murmured. Nifa's disfigured face flashed in his mind, and he grimaced. “Blowing away the heads of my subordinates...is that also one of your hobbies?”

“Yeah...and I'll kill as many as it takes from the sake of a bigger goal.” Kenny's reflection showed a raised pistol, and Levi slipped his finger around the trigger of his rifle. “You're killing for your own sake, too, aren't ya?”

“...Yeah.”

Heaving the rifle over his shoulder and on top of the bar counter, watching Kenny's reflection closely, Levi pulled the trigger. The man let out a cry of surprise as he went flying backward out of the bar. As soon as he was out of sight, Levi jumped up onto the counter, tossing the rifle at the bartender.

“You saved me, old man,” he grunted as the elderly man let out a shrill scream.

Kenny was hit, but Levi had no time to calm him down, though--if he was going to make it out alive, he would have to leave now. He reached for one of the empty bar stools and chucked it through the nearest window. As he suspected, Kenny's men immediately opened fire; while the air was thick with smoke, Levi slipped out of the broken window and began his escape.

It would not be easy--he was greatly outnumbered, and their weaponry was far superior for taking down humans. Levi had never even seen such horrible devices before, but it did not matter. He had to try to get away and get to his squad before anyone else lost their life.

Besides, he had his own way of fighting back. Kenny _had_ taught him quite a bit as a child--how to kill, and how to run. Levi would have to do both in order to survive this.

Aiming for one of Kenny's subordinates up on the roof, Levi shot a hook into the man's neck. It was an awful way to take a life, but it was now a necessary evil. If he could continue to cut down their numbers like this, he could get away.

 

…......

 

As he rode through the streets of Stohess toward the capital, Rowen glanced up at the sky. Clouds were rolling in, breaking up the sunlight; it should have been just another typical autumn day. But his life had been anything but typical as of late. The world within the walls was beginning to collapse in on itself, and it was up to him and the rest of the Survey Corps to fix it.

That was exactly why he and Catherine were running around in Stohess like this. A messenger had come to headquarters, ordering them to meet up with Hanji and aid her in her attempt to prevent Erwin from being jailed for life, or worse. It was not yet clear what Hanji had in mind, but judging by her location and the most recent activities of the Survey Corps, her direction was pretty obvious.

“We should walk now,” Catherine said suddenly, pulling on her reins and bringing her horse to a halt. “Running through town would be reckless, and we'd be drawing too much attention to ourselves.”

“Right,” Rowen agreed, bringing his horse to a stop and hopping down. “Maybe we should have changed into civilian clothes...”

“...” Catherine grimaced, tugging on the sleeve of her uniform jacket. “You're right. I didn't even think about that. We're really conspicuous with our uniforms on.”

“It's all right,” Rowen assured her. “We just need to focus on getting to Hanji and getting the job done. Besides, if the Central Police are focused on locking up Erwin, they probably won't be wandering around here. Any regular Policemen should leave us alone for now.”

“Right.”

Still, despite spewing out words of reassurance, Rowen kept his pace quick, taking long strides and pulling his horse along. He had an idea of where they were going--he had heard the name of this place once before, and though he did not know its exact location, he knew what kind of business establishment it was.

 _I hope you're there, too, Lucia..._ he thought, pursing his lips.

Though the situation with the supposed breach of Wall Rose had been resolved, there were still citizens who had yet to migrate back to Hermiha, and Rowen's fiancé, Lucia Edwards, was one of them. He had not heard anything from Lucia or any of her family members since the forced evacuation, so he could only assume that she was still in Stohess. Rowen knew that it could have been much worse--Lucia's place of employment was in Stohess, so she still had a job and could just work on site instead of at home. Still, Rowen hoped that she was safe and living as comfortably as she had been.

Hanji would be waiting for them at Lucia's place of employment, a modest publishing company that distributed news to the southernmost territories. What Hanji had in mind, Rowen did not know for sure, but if her intention was to gain the mass media as an ally, she was on the right track.

“Did you hear that?” Catherine asked suddenly, dragging Rowen out of his thoughts. He shook his head, glancing around the streets. It seemed to have grown quieter, as if everyone was holding their breath, waiting for something.

“What did it sound like?” Rowen murmured, tightening his hold on the leather reins.

“Gunfire,” Catherine replied quietly. Rowen stopped mid-step, letting Catherine walk past him. The only noise he could hear was the rhythmic clopping of her horse's hooves.

Suddenly, loud pops filled the air, breaking the near silence. Rowen felt his horse shift restlessly, whinnying softly behind him.

“What's going on?!” he gasped, but Catherine had already broken into a sprint toward the sound of the gunshots. “Wait, Catherine!”

“No, _you_ hurry up!” she shouted over her shoulder. Rowen sighed loudly, running after her. Her green cloak billowing behind her, she disappeared around the corner, and he quickly followed; whatever this was, he hoped Lucia was not involved.

“Oh my god...!”

Catherine's exclamation of surprise was so quiet that Rowen thought he might have imagined it. At first, he was not even sure what had triggered it--it was not until he looked up above the rooftops that he saw the source of the gunfire. Soaring through the air was none other than Captain Levi; he was being pursued by several people on what looked like three-dimensional maneuvering gear, and all of them were holding pistols.

“What the hell is going on!?” Rowen gasped, but Catherine had already started to run off again. “Catherine!!”

Rowen had no choice but to follow her. Luckily, he recognized this area of town--not far from here was their favorite hangout: a small bar they had been frequenting for the last decade. If they were going to have to engage in combat, they did have the advantage of their familiarity of the area.

The moment he caught up to Catherine, he grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to a stop. Both she and her horse stumbled backward, obviously caught off guard.

“What are you doing?!” Rowen hissed. “If you go any further, you're going to get caught up in this mess!”

“What else are we supposed to do!?” she shouted, attempting to push Rowen's hand off of her. “We can't just leave him to die!”

“Think for a second!” he urged her, tightening his grip on her arm. “C'mon, you're not the type to run head-first into things--that's _my_ job!”

It was true--Catherine was usually the one pulling him out of stupid situations. She was almost always calculative and decisive, and he had always admired that about her. But right now, for whatever reason, she had driven herself into panic mode, and when that happened, her ability to remain logical and unbiased severely compromised. This was not the first time he had seen this happen to her, but it had been a while, and he was not sure why she was acting like this now.

“Rowen...”

“Catherine--

“I just--!!”

Suddenly, a loud crash echoed through the air, and both Rowen and Catherine whipped their heads toward the noise. Rowen could see a dust cloud of debris rising into the air; someone, or something, had crashed into a roof.

“...!” Rowen felt Catherine tense up in his grip as a figure jumped into the air from the cloud of dust, speeding away on his gear. He was holding someone else, and it was not until the stranger stopped to regain his balance that Rowen realized the prone figure was Levi, who had apparently been knocked unconscious.

“Dammit,” Rowen murmured, gritting his teeth. “What are we gonna do...?!”

Not realizing his grip on Catherine had loosened, Rowen jumped as Catherine squirmed free, running out into the main street. She had left her horse behind this time, and if he wanted to catch her before she could get into any trouble, Rowen had no choice but to do the same.

“Wait!!”

Rowen had opened his mouth to shout, but his voice was not the one he heard. It was a familiar one, though, and it caused both him and Catherine to come to a halt in the street. From the corner of his eye, Rowen could see someone riding toward them, and he turned toward the figure. His sky-blue eyes met a pair of honey-gold ones, and his grimace broke into a smile.

“Bruno,” Catherine breathed, running toward their long-time friend.

 

…......

 

Despite the rough patches they had had over the years, and despite the awkward tension leftover from their trainee days, Catherine was overjoyed to run into Bruno at a time like this. She and Rowen had often said that, in a time of need, they would turn to him, and this was indeed the most dire of circumstances.

“What's going on?” Bruno asked, hopping down from his horse.

“You tell us,” Rowen replied. “Who are those guys on the gear? They didn't have any regiment designations on their clothes.”

“They're a squad working with the Central Police,” Bruno explained. “Their leader's name is Kenny Ackermann, and--”

“That part doesn't matter,” Catherine interrupted. “Bruno, we need your help.”

“ _My_ help?” Bruno sounded hesitant, and Catherine clenched her fists.

“Didn't you see what just happened?” Rowen cut in. “They just kidnapped Captain Levi. Do you have any idea why?”

Bruno paused, folding his arms across his chest and staring at the ground. Catherine could feel her fingers tingling, and she shook out her hands. She was already feeling so antsy and impatient that watching him stand idly like that made her feel frustrated.

 _Calm down_ , she told herself. _Panicking isn't going to help anything right now._

“It's possible they're taking him as a hostage,” Bruno finally suggested. “Or, they might be taking him for questioning. But...”

“But?” Catherine said, raising an eyebrow.

“...Well, it doesn't matter. The point is, it's not like they just happened to find him wandering down the street. He was probably being targeted from the start.”

“Great, okay, then that should make it easier for us, since this is all calculated.” Catherine stared up at Bruno with narrowed eyes. “We need to get him back--and we can't do it without you.”

Catherine did not doubt her own abilities; she had earned her spot in the top ten fair and square, and she and Rowen both were skilled soldiers who had fought off and killed plenty of Titans. Taking down a few humans would be difficult, but not impossible.

Still, she knew they would need Bruno's help. Now that Erwin was in prison, the Survey Corps was in danger, and she and Rowen were now being targeted, along with all of their comrades in the regiment. Bruno, however, was in the Police, which left him free to move about without having to worry about a gun to his back.

“Why should I?” Bruno asked, and Catherine let out a laugh through her nose.

“Why should you?” she echoed. “What a stupid question--because Levi is essential to humanity's survival. If your intention is still to change the world, then you're going to need his help. He's the strongest soldier in the world, Bruno. You can't have your revolution without him.”

Bruno was just opening his mouth to reply when Rowen cut him off.

“She's right, Bruno,” he said quickly. “If we lose Captain Levi, we lose a valuable asset to humanity--as well as another one of our friends.”

“Friends...?” Bruno hissed, glancing back and forth between Rowen and Catherine.

“Yeah--that's the thing _we_ are, remember? Friends do shit for each other,” Catherine told him, trying to keep her voice steady. She hated arguing with him like this, not only because they were such close friends, but also because it was wasting valuable time. If they could not reach Levi in time...

“...I'll help you,” Bruno declared at last. “I was already asked to trail Kenny Ackermann as it is, so I'll see if I can recover your Captain as well.”

“Bruno...” Catherine murmured, a lump forming in her throat.

“If Captain Levi was hanging around here, his squad might still be in town,” Rowen pointed out. “What do you suggest, Bruno?”

“...Two members of that squad have been kidnapped by Kenny and his men,” Bruno explained, “but as for the rest, I'm not sure.”

“Then let's split up,” Catherine suggested. “Rowen can find Levi's squad, and we can go after Kenny.”

“No,” Bruno said quickly. “You stay with Rowen. After you find the rest of that squad, you can meet me near the empty warehouse toward the southern part of this district.”

“Let me come with you,” Catherine insisted. “I won't get in your way, Bruno. You trust me, right?”

“...I do,” Bruno replied.

“Then let me help you for once. You're working against the Central Police, which means you've got a target on your back now, too.”

“I don't need your help, not this time.” Bruno placed a hand on her shoulder, and Catherine lowered her gaze. “Stay with Rowen.”

 _Why are you always like this?_ Catherine wondered, once again clenching her fists. _You always try to do everything on your own. Let us help you. We can't afford to lose you, either..._

“I'll lead Kenny to the warehouse,” Bruno told them. “You guys find his squad--finding them should lead you to finding Eren and Historia.”

“Okay,” Rowen replied before Catherine could protest. He turned to her, his blue eyes glittering in the fading sunlight. “Come on, Cat--we have to hurry.”

“Wait.” Bruno released Catherine's shoulder suddenly, turning back toward his horse. “If you go running around out here with those uniforms, you'll be targeted for sure. Take these.”

Bruno held out a Military Police cloak toward Rowen, then unhooked his own and shoved it into Catherine's hands.

“...Don't do anything stupid,” Catherine murmured, her fingers closing around the green cloth. “We'll find you as soon as we can.”

“I won't,” Bruno assured her, releasing the cloak and placing a hand on her head. The gesture was a familiar one--it made her think of their trainee days, of simpler times when they were together every single day, before everything had fallen apart. Now, they were running to meet death and fight against it, with no guarantee that they would win.

But still, they had to try.

“Stay safe,” Bruno murmured, jumping back on to his horse.

“You too,” Rowen replied, nodding once as he pulled the cloak around his shoulders and fastened it. “We'll see you there.”

Catherine could not bring herself to say anything; instead, she silently watched Bruno ride away. Pursing her lips, she threw the cloak around her shoulders, then dashed back over to her horse. They had already wasted enough time--she did not want to risk losing any more.

 


	60. Rendezvous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight for survival continues, and yet more is sacrificed to save their comrades.

_“Gunfire!”_

_Sasha's shout startled Connie so much that he jolted his head right back into the wall of the wooden stable behind him, knocking his hat off of his head. Picking up his straw hat, he glanced around the area. He trusted Sasha's instincts--they were by far the most reliable in their graduating class. Even if he could not hear the shots himself, he knew that she would not lie about hearing them._

_“Listen! There's numerous shots!!” she cried, pointing south. Narrowing his eyes a bit, Connie held his hands up to his ears, listening hard. Sure enough, he could hear a faint but distinct echo of gunshots off in the distance._

_“Captain Levi and the others must have been discovered,” Armin murmured, calm as ever. “Let's change strategies as instructed.”_

_Connie nodded once, running toward his horse. As quickly as he could, he hopped into the saddle. The others did the same, with the exception of Armin, who was manning their supply wagon. His instincts told him to hurry, but he knew that making a scene now would only hurt their cause. If Captain Levi and Hanji's squad had been discovered, that did not bode well for the rest of them._

_“Let's go,” Mikasa said, following Armin's lead away from the stables. Tightly gripping his reins, Connie again glanced around the area. They were supposed to receive information from the Captain about the Central Police Brigade's location, which would enable them to track down Eren and Historia. However, at this rate, they would not only lose track of that target, but they would not be able to reach the Captain and the others in time to help._

_In other words, their carefully laid plan had been rendered useless._

 

 _So..._ _ **this**_ _is the Central Police's headquarters...?_ Rowen wondered as he stared at the ornate building just a few hundred meters ahead of them.

“You guys ready?”

At the sound of Catherine's voice, Rowen turned back to his childhood friend. Bruno's cloak was still draped around her shoulders, and there was a fire in her eyes that Rowen had not seen in a long time. It was as if that little bit of Bruno had rubbed off on her.

“Ready,” a short blond young man replied. Rowen figured that this must be Armin Arlert, judging by the serious expression on his face. He had yet to talk to the teen, but he had heard plenty about his intelligence and strategic abilities from various fellow soldiers. There was no doubt in Rowen's mind that Armin would be able to help lead them to victory--not just now, but in the future as well.

Pursing his lips, Rowen glanced around at the rest of Levi's squad. They had found the group on their way to the headquarters--the squad had been in pursuit of Eren and Historia, and they had tracked their location to this very building. It was just as Bruno had told them, and now, they had strength in numbers. With this large of a group, and with all of their talents combined, in theory, they should have no problem taking down headquarters.

“...Remember what I told you,” Catherine murmured, keeping her voice low. “Don't shout unless you need help, and don't kill unless they try to kill you. We need them to tell us where Eren and Historia are--they'll be useless as corpses. Dead bodies can't talk.”

“This is a hell of a lot different than teaching was,” Rowen mumbled to himself, but Catherine had obviously heard him; she let out a small laugh.

“It's too late to go back to that world,” she told him. “All the more reason to take care of this one now.” Catherine glanced at Levi's squad members once more. “All right. Let's go.”

Their strategy was simple: break into the headquarters and find Eren and Historia, and of course, _survive_. After recovering the two, Levi's squad would be charged with getting them back to Survey Corps headquarters safely, while he and Catherine went after Bruno, Kenny, and hopefully, Levi. Their goal was to pull this off with the smallest amount of casualties possible, seeing as how murdering a bunch of soldiers would not make the Survey Corps look very good to the public, considering its already tarnished reputation.

 _But it's like Cat said--if it's necessary, we have to do it_ , Rowen told himself as he followed after Catherine. He could hear the grass rustling as the others trailed behind him. They were still too far away from any buildings or trees to make good use of their gear for the time being, but if they moved quickly, they would reach the headquarters in no time. The grass was tall enough that most everyone was completely hidden; Rowen, being the tallest, had to crouch as he walked, but he was still hardly visible in the very little daylight that was left.

“Now--split up!” Catherine hissed when they finally reached the outer wall of the headquarters. Rowen nodded, taking off toward the right; Sasha Braus was right behind him. She had agreed to partner up with him, though she had seemed reluctant to leave her friend Connie behind as the watch. But he was grateful that she was cooperative--he would not have known how to convince her to join him, seeing as how they had never interacted before this.

Shooting his hooks into the side of the building, Rowen propelled himself forward and up, swinging high above the headquarters. He could hear a few shouts of surprise coming from below; having been ambushed without their gear, the Police were definitely at a disadvantage, meaning Catherine's plan had been a success.

 _Not that I'm surprised,_ Rowen thought, smirking to himself as he landed on the roof. Sasha landed beside him; he motioned for her to follow him, and without a word, they ran across the roof toward the main part of headquarters. Getting up high would allow them to keep watch on the others, and also, Sasha was an archer--the higher territory made her skills more useful.

Rowen could see Catherine and Mikasa below them; the two were taking down the Police soldiers one by one, using their blades to render the Police's weapons useless and cut up the legs of anyone who fought back too hard, incapacitating them. They were effectively clearing the way for Armin and Jean, who were speeding through the middle of the grounds.

“They've moved inside!” Sasha exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air as Armin, Jean, Mikasa, and Catherine disappeared into the main building.

“Let's go do our job and back them up!” Rowen said, and Sasha nodded cheerfully.

Suddenly, the optimism and rejoicing was interrupted by voices shouting, then the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. For a moment, Rowen stopped dead in his tracks, fearing the worst.

 _Please don't let it be you...!_ Rowen thought, jumping down from his spot on the roof and swinging himself toward the main building.

He landed in front of the entryway, which was settled beneath a large balcony, and in front of him he could see five people--three on the ground, and two standing. Catherine and Mikasa were on their feet, and Rowen recognized one of the figures on the ground as Jean. He was holding his arm up to his face, as if he had been trying to shield himself from something, but he was lowering his arm now. Armin was on his hands and knees in front of him, a rifle by his hands. The fifth person was one Rowen did not recognize--and she was lying in a pool of her own blood.

 

…......

 

Armin's head was throbbing, and despite having been kneeling on the hard brick floor for several minutes now, he felt short of breath as if he had just finished running a mile. His chest was tight, his eyes were watering, and he was shaking all over. A cold chill ran through his body as he tried to focus on the quiet voices beside him, but they sounded so distant that he could not make himself do it.

Glancing at the rifle in front of him, Armin cringed. He had not been expecting to use that weapon, but he had acted so quickly that there had not been any time to consider an alternative.

“Armin.”

Mikasa appeared in front of him; she looked openly concerned, and he clamped his mouth shut, trying to control his breathing through his nose. It was not working very well, and soon he opened his mouth again, letting out a shaky, exasperated sigh.

“...Let's go find Eren and Historia,” Mikasa urged him, taking him by the arm and pulling him to his feet. He was shocked that he even had the strength to stand, but somehow, he got up, leaving the rifle behind with the others, and ran beside Mikasa deeper into Central's headquarters. While he knew that the others would be following them for back-up soon, he wanted to wait for everyone else, to make sure no one else was hurt and to give himself more time to recover.

Armin knew that joining the military had changed him. He had seen so many awful things: Eren being eaten by a Titan, Marco's rotting corpse, Hannes being devoured alive... The list went on and on, and he knew he was not alone. Still, even after all of that, he had never expected that he, of all people, would have the strength to kill someone.

 _Is that really something that I can call “strength”?_ Armin asked himself. The moment that he realized he did not know the answer, his knees buckled, and he found himself kneeling on the ground again. His stomach churning, he grabbed at his abdomen, and after a few seconds, he heaved forward, vomiting onto the floor.

“Armin!?” Mikasa gasped. He was panting again, and he glanced up at his friend.

“...Was it...like this for you, too?” he asked through tears. Catching himself, he quickly added, “I'm sorry, Mikasa. I'm sorry. I didn't mean--”

“It's all right.” Armin blinked back his tears as Mikasa ran a hand over his head. “We're almost there, Armin. Just hang in there.”

“...Okay. I'm sorry.”

“No. Don't apologize.”

Letting out a shaky sigh, Armin slowly got to his feet. He still felt queasy, but he did his best to push the feeling away. Eren and Historia were counting on them, and he did not want to lose them, especially after everything that had already sacrificed for their sake.

There was something that bothered Armin about all of this, though--besides just the idea of how disreputable his actions had been, it was how he had proved his earlier point about not being the “good guys” anymore. That moment should not have happened at all, not to him. Not yet.

No, in reality, it should have been Jean pulling the trigger.

 _But he couldn't do it,_ Armin realized, pursing his lips as he followed Mikasa through the headquarters foyer and toward a flight of stairs. They led down, presumably into some sort of dungeon or storage room; it was the most likely place that they would find Eren and Historia.

“What if they're not here?” Armin asked quietly as he rushed down the stairs.

“Then we turn around and start asking questions,” Mikasa murmured, her tone dark.

“...I don't want to have to kill someone again,” he admitted.

“You might have to, Armin.” Mikasa stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “In that case, what will you do?”

“...If...it's something I have to do, I'll do it.”

Earlier, when they had been approached by those Survey Corps veterans, Rowen and Catherine, Armin had not even considered that he would have to harm another human to save his friends, and _especially_ for the sake of Captain Levi. After all, if anyone was capable of protecting himself, it was humanity's strongest soldier. In reality, though, he was just as vulnerable as the rest of them--and, alternately, _they_ had the capability to be just as ruthless as him. However, Captain Levi had chosen to hide that weakness, just like they had chosen to hide that aggression.

Something that Catherine said back there had struck Armin--perhaps it was what influenced his decision to pull the trigger to save Jean's life.

“The last thing I want to do is stand by and watch a good leader be taken down, all the while knowing I had the power in me to prevent it in the first place.”

 _I agree_ , Armin realized as he and Mikasa carefully made their way through the dimly lit basement. Mikasa stopped suddenly, throwing out her arm to stop Armin, too. Without the sound of their footsteps, he could hear faint voices, one of which was definitely female.

“Let's go,” Mikasa whispered, taking off down the dark hallway.

Armin sprinted after her, and together they raced through the darkness, finally reaching a door at the end of the passage. Without a moment's hesitation, Mikasa ripped it open, immediately reaching for her sword with her free hand.

“Mikasa!?” Eren gasped, his grey eyes startled. “Armin!! You guys--”

“Who the hell are you?” Mikasa growled, pointing a sword at a middle-aged man standing next to Historia. It was only then that Armin noticed that Eren was chained to the wall, while Historia was standing in a new change of clothing with her hands and feet free.

“Historia, this is...?” Armin breathed, staring at the man's face. He had the same cold, dead look in his eyes as Historia.

“...My father,” Historia replied, pursing her lips. “...You guys...always have the best timing.”

To Armin's surprise, Historia suddenly grabbed her father's arm and spun him around, throwing him onto the ground. As she pinned him down, she looked up at Mikasa, her eyes wild.

“Help me!” she shouted. “Armin, untie Eren, quickly! Before this man tries to hurt anyone else!!”

 _...What in the world is going on...?_ Armin asked himself. However, he did not dare question it--it seemed that Historia had chosen her allies, and Armin did not want to waste the opportunity. He would save his questions for later.

 

…......

 

“Ah, you're finally awake! Welcome back!!”

The second Levi finally had the strength to open his eyes, he felt a hand strike him across the face. His cheek throbbing, he slowly lifted his head, and his eyes met the light hazel ones of none other than the face of nightmares himself: Kenny Ackermann.

“You haven't changed since you were a kid,” the man scoffed, grabbing Levi's face roughly and holding it up toward him. “Never slept when I told you to. Always did your own damn thing. It was annoying, 'specially since I never _asked_ to have you around...”

Levi ripped his face out of Kenny's grip, in an effort to attempt some kind of counterattack. But he could not move from the old wooden chair--his hands were twisted behind his back and bound to the chair. Likewise, his ankles were tied to the legs of the chair; the only thing he could still move freely was his head, and it was likely that he would not be able to do that for much longer, either.

 _What happened...?_ Levi tried to recall what he had been doing before this. He could barely think straight, though; it took several long seconds for him to notice that his gear was now gone, leaving him defenseless. Then, the memories started to come back in flashes: the fight with Kenny's men, losing Hanji's squad...

Levi had no idea where his own squad was now, and he had completely lost track of Eren and Historia. Glancing around the room, Levi could tell that they were somewhere far off the beaten path, and it did not seem likely that he would find them here. Even if they were here, though, there was nothing he could do right now to save them. He, too, was helpless--and he _hated it_.

“I'll admit it, though--you did me proud, Levi,” Kenny went on, chuckling. “You put up quite a fight out there. How many of my men did you kill...?” Crossing his thin, muscular arms, Kenny sighed through his nose. “...I'd say about half. At least. And you did it all by yourself. Congratulations.”

Levi let out a shaky sigh, not knowing what to say. Would it even be worth it to speak up at all? He knew what kind of horrible things Kenny was capable of, and being on his own like this definitely put him at a disadvantage.

“I think it goes without saying that this is gonna be your last night alive, boy,” Kenny then stated, his face stern. “I guess I shoulda raised you better.”

“Odd,” Levi grunted, glaring up at Kenny. “I'm pretty sure you're the one who taught me how to kill, so if you're mad that I took down your squad, you've got no one to blame but yourself.”

Kenny's response was like lightning--he shoved his fist into Levi's stomach, causing the man to double over. He should have known better than to say anything. After all, if there was anyone who could come close to matching his strength, it was Kenny.

“...Well, I mean, you're not entirely _wrong_ ,” Kenny muttered, removing his fist from Levi's abdomen. “But I'm going to right my wrongs to this world, Levi. I'll start by giving you the punishment you deserve for running off on your own.”

Levi jumped a bit as Kenny's face appeared in front of his own. His eyes seemed to be glowing.

“I should have been stricter with you from the beginning,” he continued. “...Maybe it was because you look so much like my sister that I just couldn't help but go a little easy on me.”

“...Your sister?” Levi murmured, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Your mother.”

The room fell silent, and Levi felt oddly weak, as if the mere mention of his mother had turned him back into a helpless child again.

Levi had not known his mother, or his father, or any of his family--or so he thought. His childhood had consisted of rigorous training with Kenny and his gang of thugs; he had learned to hold and use a knife before learning to read or write, and when he performed poorly or misbehaved, the punishment was severe. He had always hated Kenny, but that was because he had seen the man as an outsider, not as someone he would ever consider “family.”

Now, the truth was out: Kenny was his uncle. They were blood relatives. Whether Levi wanted it to be true or not, Kenny was mostly likely his last living family.

“...What...happened to her?” Levi asked quietly as Kenny stood upright.

“What, to Kuchel?” Kenny chuckled. “You really wanna know? Well, it'll probably kill you to hear this, but I can live with that. She's dead. She's been dead for a while. Died right after giving birth to you, actually. You're a true Ackermann, Levi--your first deed in this world was to kill. That's why I took you in.”

The sinking feeling in Levi's stomach had grown worse now, and he lowered his head, unable to escape the feelings of shame and remorse welling up in him. He had never known any of this--this was even the first time he had heard his surname. There were probably all kinds of other things that Kenny knew, but it did not matter anymore. Levi did not want to hear another word come out of Kenny's filthy mouth.

“I don't mean to interrupt, but if we linger here too long, we might be discovered.”

Levi went rigid at the sound of another man's voice in the room. He did not recognize it, and for a moment, he thought it might be a member of the Central Police, or one of Kenny's surviving squad members. But, when Levi looked over his shoulder, he saw someone quite different than who he had expected.

The man was a Military Police soldier, but something about his expression was much more serious and disciplined than a member of Central. Still, he was no doubt intimidating; he was tall and muscular with broad shoulders. Even from several meters away, Levi could see his glowing gold eyes staring Kenny down.

 _Who the hell is this guy...?_ Levi wondered, narrowing his eyes.

“Ah, you're right.” Kenny let out a laugh. “Thanks for the heads up there, Bruno.”

_...It can't be. Bruno--as in, Bruno Sertoli...?_

Levi continued to stare at the soldier, and for a moment, their eyes met. The man's gaze seemed to harden, and Levi felt his skin crawl. If this was really Bruno Sertoli--the close friend of Rowen and Catherine and elite Military Police soldier--then he ought to feel relief. After all, Bruno was supposed to be his ally.

However, the look in Bruno's eyes was anything but reassuring, and the fact that he was standing idly by as Kenny continued to beat him down did not lend itself to the idea that Bruno was here to help him. Were they really on the same side? What were Bruno's intentions? And why was he even here in the first place...?

“We should be moving on to your long-overdue punishment,” Kenny said, tearing Levi from his thoughts. “We've got several years to make up for in very little time!”

 

…......

 

Hanji would be the first to admit that she loved the adrenaline rush of incoming danger. She was quick on her feet and managed to be prepared for just about anything. She only planned things out when she had nobody else to tell her what to do or when to do it--that was why she was in Stohess on this fated day, and also why she had broken into the Belk Newspaper Company building after hours. It had been an easy task, especially with Moblit's help, but she was well aware that the _real_ challenge would be convincing these people to join her side and save an innocent man: Erwin Smith.

She had been listening to the chairman and his assistant's conversation for a little while from her hiding spot in the hallway, but it was long enough to know how hesitant Roy, said chairman, really was. His assistant, Beaure, seemed much more eager to pursue the truth, rather than hide it in a web of lies. It was not much, but she could work with it.

With silent footsteps, Hanji crouched down and snuck behind an empty desk, then straightened up and took a seat on top of it. Roy had not noticed a thing, but Beaure had caught sight of her, and his eyes widened behind his thick glasses.

“Hey, Beaure...!” Roy murmured, turning in his chair to see what his assistant was reacting to. She sat motionless on the desk, shoulders slouched and feet dangling off the edge.

“Pardon the intrusion,” she murmured, looking at Roy. “My name is Hanji Zoë, Squad Leader in the Survey Corps. And, according to that report of yours, I also happen to be a wanted fugitive...” Hanji paused as the door on the opposite side of the room opened; Moblit entered the room, his face gravely serious. She could see the fear in their eyes and could see it in their stances. “...More importantly, though, I heard that my subordinates were killed after attempting to harm civilians... I knew it was a sham...” She gritted her teeth before adding, “It wasn't enough just to kill them--now they wanna shit on them, too?”

Hanji pursed her lips, pausing as she recollected herself. There was anger threatening to boil over, but she made herself stay calm. Rage was not going to help her accomplish anything right now.

“I was going to play with your hands and make it so that you could never hold a pen again, but...you seem to be having a hard time, too.” Hanji stared down at Roy's sweating face; she could not help feeling a bit sorry for them both, considering their circumstances. Their hands were bound by the government and by their own fear, just like many others in this world. “I'll let you be for today.”

“...I apologize for what happened to your squad,” he then murmured. “I understand that the Survey Corps is being treated unfairly right now...but...”

“Since we revolted against the monarchy, we can't complain about the way we're being treated,” Hanji cut in, sighing. “If I was in your place, I'd stay on the monarchy's side, too. I don't think that what you did is wrong, but...”

Suddenly, interrupting the conversation, Beaure let out a small cry of fear. Hanji glanced behind her to see Moblit twisting the journalist's arm behind him. In his left hand was a notebook; he had probably been taking notes.

“Wait, don't be violent!” Roy exclaimed, leaning forward in his chair toward Beaure and Moblit. Hanji let out a puff of air as she squatted down to grab the pen Beaure had dropped.

“You're too rough on him, Moblit,” she said, smiling. “He was just trying to take notes. That's fine, isn't it?” Her smile fading, Hanji then turned back to Roy, still holding the pen in her hand. “Mister Roy, if you keep on siding with the monarchy...you won't be able to protect your friends and family.”

Roy narrowed his eyes, looking confused.

“What...do you mean by that?” he murmured.

“Interview us,” Hanji declared, staring him down. “Just one day will be enough.”

Roy paused, obviously hesitant, and for a moment Hanji thought she might have to resort to violence after all. But suddenly the door on the other side of the room opened again, and a thin blonde woman appeared, holding a notebook to her chest. Her round green eyes were full of worry, but there was also a gleam of curiosity.

“Please do it, Sir,” she said, taking quick steps toward the group. “The Survey Corps has done nothing to deserve this treatment.”

“You speak from bias, Lucia,” Roy mumbled.

“That might be so, but...we all have our biases. Please, give them a chance.”

“...Wait a minute,” Hanji breathed, turning toward Lucia. She studied the woman's face for a moment before asking, “You seem familiar, but I know we haven't met before. But...you indicated you have affiliation with the Corps? ...You must be--”

“Lucia Edwards,” the blonde said, giving Hanji a warm, confident smile. She held out her hand toward the Squad Leader. “Rowen Walsh is my fiancé.”

 


	61. With Destruction Comes Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justice is served.  
> Once again, humanity is victorious.  
> Now, the weary must rest.

_Flegel's heart was beating in his throat as he stared at the messy-haired soldier sitting beside him on the rooftops. Hanji did not seem to be a bad person, despite first impressions, but the last thing Flegel wanted to do at that moment was to further associate himself with a military regiment. With his father dead, he now held the fate of the Reeves Corporation in his hands, and hundreds of people were counting on him._

_But what did it matter? He would surely be swept away into the same madness he had lost his father to. Not even running away could guarantee his life anymore._

_“...It's a good thing you're still alive,” Hanji then said, a determined look on her face. “This way, you can reveal the truth to everyone.”_

_“How can I do that?!” Flegel cried, jumping to his feet. His whole body was shaking, and had Hanji no jumped up and grabbed him by the jacket, he might have fallen off of the roof._

_“Who's up on the rooftops?!” a voice shouted from down below. “Who's yelling up there!?”_

_“It doesn't matter!” Hanji hissed, grabbing him by the wrist. “Just come with me, Flegel!”_

_“No!” Flegel protested, trying to wrench his arm out of Hanji's firm grip. “I'm not going! Let me go!” He knew that her intentions were good, but there was no way he could handle this kind of responsibility--and besides, what was the point? “You've already lost! You've been defeated!!”_

_“What are you talking about?” Hanji asked, letting out a crazy laugh. “The Survey Corps has always had a losing track record!”_

 

As Flegel threw himself against the old brick wall at the dead end of a narrow alley, he closed his eyes, trying to ignore the sweat rolling down his face. Had he not had back-up, had he _really_ been running for his life, he never would have survived. He was embarrassingly out of shape--which was another thing he knew he needed to change.

“How stupid...” Flegel glanced over his shoulder to see the three Military Policemen that had chased him down standing there. “Running into a dead end like this... But I've gotta thank you, Flegel Reeves.” As the other two soldiers raised their weapons, the leader of the group added, “Where have you been all this time?”

“Shit,” Flegel breathed, still trying to catch his breath.

“Well...anyway, you helped us out.” To Flegel's surprise, the leader dropped down to his knees, tears in his eyes. “When I realized that I'd let you escape from that place....I thought...it was the end for me...”

Suddenly, the man dropped to the ground face-first, letting out a remorseful wail. As he sobbed into his arms, Flegel felt a mix of pity and disgust. Hanji had been right after all, it seemed.

“I thought...I'd be killed...” the man sobbed, sitting up and wiping his eyes. “...Heh...well, then...see ya, Flegel. Thanks.”

The demeanor of the Police soldier changed in an instant, and before Flegel could react, the man was holding a rifle to his face.

“Ahh!” Flegel screamed, holding out his hands. “Ah...?! A... I have a question! Why was my father killed?! Was it the Central Police!?”

“Huh? Why bother asking that?” the soldier replied. “All we care about is your dead body.”

“I-I want to know before I die!” Flegel cried. “I want to know what my father did to deserve that!! Please, tell me!!”

“Hm? You don't know? He betrayed us and sided with the Survey Corps, for some reason.”

Flegel gritted his teeth--it was just as Hanji had said. So far, everything was going according to plan.

“B-Betrayed you!?” Flegel gasped. “Did the Central Police order him to kidnap someone from the Survey Corps?”

“Yeah...I guess he didn't tell anything to his stupid son.”

“...!” Flegel narrowed his eyes at the soldier. “What if...he had refused?”

“Well, considering everything we told him, he would've been killed,” the soldier replied, lowering his rifle and shrugging. “Same had he failed. But this is the result... It's easy to hire subcontractors, but they're useless--it just made things more complex. You got your stupidity from your father. Reeves should've taken his family and run away north, without clinging to his employees...”

“...Someone like you...can't understand, I guess...” Flegel hissed, his whole body shaking with anger. He knew the truth--that his father's love for his workers was what made their business so successful. Someone as poisonous as this soldier would never be able to understand the importance of mutual trust. “Don't act like you know everything. My father taught me that, in order to be a merchant, it's important to be a good judge of people. That's why I chose those people--I chose the ones my father trusted.”

“What's gotten into you, Flegel!?” the soldier screamed, raising his rifle again. “Die wailing like a pig!!”

Flegel was no longer shaking, and he felt in control of the situation at last. Their victory was drawing near.

“You're not needed anymore!!” Flegel shouted back, pointing to the balconies above his head. “Look up, you dumbasses!!”

Hanji and Moblit did not give the soldier the chance to look up, though. They came flying down, each one landing squarely onto one of the lead soldier's subordinates, knocking them to the ground. As soon as her feet hit the ground, Hanji turned on the leader; the look in her eyes was unlike anything Flegel had ever seen.

The Policeman seemed to notice it, too--he let out a terrified scream, aiming his rifle at Hanji's face. But the Survey Corps soldier was too quick for him; dodging his shot, she pulled her fist back, then sent the bastard flying backward with a punch so loud, Flegel cringed.

“It...HUUUUUURTS!!” Hanji howled, holding her bloodied fist with her other hand.

“Squad Leader!! You're too wild!” Moblit shouted, still pinning down one of the Police soldiers.

Ignoring him, Hanji lifted her face to the balconies again.

“We did it!!” she shouted. “Did you all hear that?!”

“What...?” the lead police soldier croaked. “...S-Survey Corps...? But why...?”

Stepping away from the wall at last, Flegel looked up at the citizens of Trost up above; a small smile crossed his face as a few more townspeople came out from their ground-level hiding places, approaching the Police soldiers with grim expressions.

“Did you think these were abandoned houses?” one of the onlookers said--Flegel recognized him to be one of the butchers in Trost. “It might look like that to you, but you know, we citizens of Trost actually still live in places as run down as this... We heard everything. We heard that the Central Police killed Mister Reeves, that the Survey Corps tried to protect the Reeves Corporation...and that Mister Reeves tried to protect our town by risking his own life. Everyone here is a witness.”

“...Wh-what does that change?!” the Police soldier cried, blood still gushing from his split lips. He looked more like a wounded animal on the ground than a human being. “Even if you weak people come together and cause a ruckus, the best you'll be able to do is spread a rumor that lasts a few days!! The monarchy decides what the truth is!! Do you know what'll happen to you for doing this to me?! No one will care if a bunch of people disappear from this desolate town!! It's already over for you!!”

 _I've had enough_ , Flegel realized, stepping toward the soldier. With a small sigh through his nose, he sat down right on top of the soldier's head, picking up the man's rifle. He had been running from his destiny for long enough. There was no reason to be afraid anymore, though--he had allies, and his town had been released from the tyranny of the Police's lies. Now, it was time for him to act.

“Don't worry--the Reeves Corporation will protect this town,” Flegel declared, scanning the faces of the townsfolk. “Starting today, I, Flegel Reeves, am the new president! So...please... believe in me.”

As he looked into the eyes of each citizen standing before him, his heart became light with hope. Despite the circumstances, he had won, and the world was one step closer to becoming a better place.

 

…......

 

As Erwin glanced at the faces of the monarchy and lead officers of the Military Police, he realized that this scene was one he had already seen a dozen times before. He had witnessed it in his dreams, he had rehearsed it in his mind during times of quiet. It was so familiar that it hardly seemed like reality at all.

The only things that kept him grounded were the pain in his knees, which were aching from kneeling on the hard marble floor, and the absence of his right arm. His left arm was chained up, and his left eye was nearly swollen shut. They had not been kind to him--but even _that_ had been something that he had expected. So were their reactions to his pleas to spare the Survey Corps; they were all corrupt, and his only allies in the room--Pyxis and Nile--had yet to come to his defense.

Or, rather, it was not yet time for them to come to his defense.

“Your position is clear,” one of the district chiefs said, staring down at Erwin with narrowed eyes. “After all, you've maintained your stance despite interrogation by the Central Military Police. The people from the Reeves Corporation were killed by an unknown party intending to kidnap Eren Jaeger and Krista Lenz. The Survey Corps didn't intend to go against the royal government. Disbanding the Survey Corps will provide no benefit to humanity, only harm... Those statements have been your position, which we've heard these past few days--but a lot has happened outside in the meantime. Yesterday, your right hand man, Levi, killed numerous Military Policemen in Stohess and fled.”

Startled by this news, Erwin stared at the man with wide eyes. If this was true, there was certainly some kind of reason behind it--Levi was hardly the type to act without thinking of the consequences ahead of him. But what would cause him to do that...?

“He has refused to turn himself in, wielding his blades in place of dialogue,” another man continued, looking disgusted. “And in the opinion of we who represent the people within these walls, this is nothing less than challenging the peace. Unlike your mouth, his blades have spoken honestly of your animosity against our royal government. There is no reason for mankind to permit such an organization to exist within these walls.”

The room fell silent, and Erwin pursed his lips. He could not be sure of Levi's motives, but judging by their current situation, those Police soldiers had likely been members of the Central Brigade. Had they threatened Levi or his squad--or Hanji and her squad--he would most definitely jump to their defense.

“...Commander Pyxis,” one of the military officials said, sitting up straight in his chair. “The Garrison and the Survey Corps both place their lives on the line--it seems they have developed a very close relationship. Is it possible that you've even come to share the same aspirations?”

Erwin glanced up at Pyxis, who made brief eye contact with him before turning his gaze back to the council. He was not sure how the Commander would answer, but whatever his response was, it would surely indicate his willingness to follow through with the plan they had come up with.

“That's nonsense,” Pyxis replied. “Something as absurd as people killing one another... Once a blaze is set in this tiny human world, it's only a matter of time before everything is incinerated, right? In the defense of Trost, I said these things to my soldiers, and many of them died... If hardly any humans are left when the Titans breach the wall, all we'll be able to do is sit back and watch.”

Erwin watched as the official sat back in his chair, letting out a loud laugh.

“Sorry to ask you such a rude question, Commander Pyxis,” he chuckled. “That's exactly what we'd like to avoid, too.”

Again, Erwin glanced up at Pyxis; he was disappointed to see a concerned expression on the man's face. Had he already given up on their plan that easily? He had said all of the right things--did he really think that the government would dismiss them this quickly?

“Is that all you have to say?” one of the council members asked, looking back down at Erwin. His hand closed into a fist; perhaps Pyxis was right after all. “...Take him to the gallows.”

Erwin felt a Military Police soldier pull him up by the arm; he stumbled to his feet, staring down at the marble tiles in front of him.

 _...I thought you had more faith in us that that, Pyxis,_ Erwin thought, a small, sad smile crossing his face.

Suddenly, the doors behind Erwin flew open, and Anka Rheinberger, Pyxis' assistant, was standing there. Normally, she wore a very calm expression, but now her eyes had a fierce glow to them. He met her gaze for a split-second, then she brought her right fist against her chest in a salute.

“WALL ROSE HAS BEEN BREACHED!” she cried, her voice echoing in the open throne room. No one dared to respond, so Anka continued, “With the sudden appearance of the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan, both gates in the Karanese district have been destroyed!! Residents fleeing from the eastern districts are currently en route!!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Erwin could see the startled, disturbed expression on Nile's face; he turned to his childhood friend, staring him down. As much as he hated to deceive his ally, he had to put Nile through this test, too.

 _You know what you have to do_ , Erwin thought as Nile's expression changed into one of disbelief and amazement. _I've been dropping as many hints as I can for you._

“Secure the escape routes!” Pyxis commanded. “The Garrison front line squad will gather with full manpower in the eastern districts to support the evacuation!! Everyone, to your stations! The evacuation of the citizens is the highest priority!!”

“ _NO!_ ”

Erwin was not the least bit surprised to see one of the council members jump up from his chair, his stance defiant, but he was admittedly disappointed. He had hoped that people were, perhaps, not as rotten as he assumed, but it seemed his theories had been correct.

“Seal all the gates of Wall Sina!” he shouted. “Not a single evacuee is to be allowed in!!”

“...But...that's...” Nile's voice was shaking, but it was obvious he had now joined Erwin's side, even if he did not yet realize it. “The citizens of Wall Rose... You're going to stand by and watch as half of mankind is killed?”

“It's like we just said--that will just result in a civil war!! We can't just stand by and let the number of our foes increase!!”

“But...but...” Nile stammered, taking a step forward toward the council. “That was just a hypothetical scenario...”

“There's a great possibility of that coming true!” the council member shouted. “This decree comes from us, the highest authorities within the walls. Now get moving!”

Erwin watched as Pyxis gave Anka a small nod; she ran out of the room, her footsteps disappearing down the hall. The council members then turned to one another, speaking too quietly for Erwin to hear.

“In any case, we have our orders!” one of the Military Police soldiers beside Erwin exclaimed.

“We have to hurry and get on with it!” another agreed, talking over one of the more hesitant soldiers.

“To seal the gates?” Nile asked.

“Yeah, that's all we _can_ do.”

“Then I'll stand with the people of Wall Rose and stop the gate closure.”

Erwin smiled to himself upon hearing Nile's declaration. It had been quite a few years since he had seen his friend with such a confident stance. Even if something went wrong now, and Erwin would really go on to be executed, at least he would die knowing that Nile was his ally again.

“Do you intend to betray the king?!” a soldier cried.

“Yeah,” Nile replied.

“Count me in, too.”

Commander-in-chief Zackley's voice rang out through the room, reducing the din to a quiet murmur.

“Did their response surprise you?” Pyxis asked the man as he walked into the room. A large brigade of armed soldiers followed him.

“Hmm? Not at all.” Zackley walked into the center of the room, ignoring the council members as they stammered out exclamations of surprise. “The report just now was misinformation. Please relax. No Titan advance has been confirmed.”

 _And so it begins,_ Erwin thought, narrowing his eyes. _This foolish monarchy has done enough to damage this world. Your tyranny is over._

 

…......

 

Every breath Levi took was ragged and left his chest tight with searing pain. He had never been in this much physical agony in his life, and paired with the emotional exhaustion he was facing now, it did not seem like something he would survive. Perhaps Kenny Ackermann would be the end of him after all.  
_I'm sorry..._ he thought, closing his eyes and lowering his head as Kenny continued to berate him about his poor behavior as a child, his back turned to him. _Erwin...Hanji... Catherine...Rowen... My squad...the entire Survey Corps... I've failed you all... In the end, I couldn't protect any of you...not a single one of you...because...all I know how to do...is destroy..._

As disgusting as these thoughts were, they were also completely true. Just as Kenny had told him, the first thing he had done in his life was kill someone--his own mother, no less. And throughout his life, he had hurt countless people, he had physically and emotionally destroyed people's lives. Even as a soldier, he had fought the Titans with all his strength, but in the end, he was just fighting people again.

_Maybe...I'm not supposed to exist in this world... People like me are only good for destroying..._

Letting out another shaky sigh, Levi kept his eyes closed as memories of his past activities in the Corps flashed in his mind. He could not help but wonder if this was that thing people talked about--how before you die, you see your life flash before your eyes. It had always sounded like something that would happen quickly, but for him, it was probably more appropriate that these memories came about slowly. He could not die without proper punishment. And, in the end, he would die alone. No matter what anyone said, no matter what things Kenny tried to insinuate about Levi's personal life, Levi was going to die alone.

“I won't tell you what to do with this.”

Startled, Levi jumped in his seat as he felt something be pressed into his hands. He recognized the shape to be the hilt of a knife, and the voice could only be one other person: Bruno Sertoli.

 _...Are you my ally after all...?_ Levi wondered as he closed his fingers around the weapon's shaft. _...Well, it doesn't matter right now--you're not the one I'm worried about..._

As he began to saw away at the ropes binding his hands, Levi kept glancing up at Kenny. If he was caught in the act of trying to escape, then there would be no second chances. It was enough of a miracle that he had not caught Bruno in the act of trying to help him. Then again, Bruno had approached Levi so quietly and had spoken so low that it was obvious to Levi that the man had rightfully earned his spot in the Military Police.

“I think the reason you were always such a brat is because your mom wasn't around to teach you any better,” Kenny went on, turning back toward Levi. He put his hands on his thin hips, saying, “But actually, she probably still managed to spoil you before you were even born. She used up the last bit of her money to make sure she could keep you--but your way of thanking her was to kill her before she could even hold you!”

Listening to Kenny's laughter made Levi's stomach churn, and he tightly gripped the knife in his hands. His ropes had been cut away, but his time to strike back had not yet arrived.

“'Oh, the life of a prostitute is never kind!'--or that's what they _say_ , at least!” Kenny cried, spinning around on his heel. He was obviously enjoying himself; had he been saving this rant for their reunion the whole time?

Kenny then turned to look at Bruno, who had returned to his spot in the corner of the old warehouse. He smirked, his eyes sparkling with a mix of mischief and spite.

“But you guys in the Military Police know all about that, right, Bruno?” he asked.

“...Unfortunately,” Bruno replied quietly.

... _Why do I get the feeling he had more to say...?_ Levi thought as Kenny laughed in response. He did not get a chance to look over at Bruno's face, though; Kenny soon appeared before him, crouching down to his eye level.

“Y'hear that, Levi?” Kenny murmured, grabbing a handful of Levi's hair and pulling his head up. Levi openly cringed; it hurt just as much as it had when he was a kid. “Things in this shitty world haven't changed a bit. Even now--you thought you could run forever, but now we're right back to where we started. And now, I'm finally getting to make up for all those years of not being able to beat your punk ass.”

Levi clenched his jaw, staring Kenny down. His hands were shaking, and his palms were sweating, but the knife stayed tight in his grasp, as if it had melded into his hand. If Kenny was going to ask for a fight, Levi would gladly give him one with whatever strength he had left.

 _That's right,_ Levi realized, his heart thudding in his chest. _I can still fight. I have to keep fighting--it's the only thing I_ _ **can**_ _do now... Not just for me, but for the others..._

“And if you somehow survive all of this,” Kenny went on, “I'll make sure you see what I do to your lovely little--”

Levi did not let Kenny finish his sentence; letting him do so would bring up a whole new set of problems for him, ones that Levi was not sure how to approach at all yet.

It was as if some other force was controlling him, Levi's movements were so quick and precise. He had driven the knife into Kenny's shoulder, and his free hand was gripping Kenny's thin, muscular neck. If he had wanted to, he could have killed him right then and there.

 _But I'm not like you_.

Tearing the knife from Kenny's shoulder, Levi tossed his uncle to the floor and, cutting his ankles free, stood up from his chair.

“You little shit!” Kenny roared. “You worthless piece of shit!”

 _I've heard worse_.

But it still stung. He knew that family was supposed to look out for one another, to love each other. Kenny was supposed to be his family, but they had somehow become mortal enemies, and now, there was simply no turning back.

“You ain't gonna kill me?” Kenny asked, stumbling to his feet.

“Not yet,” Levi replied, his throat burning. “I won't run from you.”

Kenny sneered. “Boy, I already kicked your punk ass once, you know...”

As Kenny lunged right at him, Levi lifted his knife and drove it right into Kenny's hand. His intentions were not to kill the man, but to break him down. He would prove as a useful witness to Erwin's cause, after all. Levi could not let personal grudges get in the way of saving humanity.

If this was a battle based simply on technique, Levi knew he could win. He was faster, younger, and probably had a more balanced strength. Even without weapons, he could probably take Kenny down. And if it was a battle of will-power and motivation...well, he could probably win that fight, too.

But Levi was exhausted. The strength he normally held had been beaten out of him over the past few hours, and it was hard to be as mobile as he normally was.

Still, he managed to knock away one of Kenny's guns, and for a moment, he thought that maybe he could beat him down after all.

Suddenly, Kenny's elbow rammed hard into Levi's upper chest, knocking him off-balance and sending him stumbling to the ground and onto his back. His muscles aching, Levi tried to recover, to push himself up and keep fighting, but two hands closed around his neck before he could even sit upright. Kenny lifted him up off of the ground, up to his eye level, and soon Levi could feel his heart kick into overdrive.

Despite what Levi's mind was telling him, his body would not let him die this easily. If what Kenny had said was true, it was because he was an Ackermann--that was his fate.

Still, Levi knew that his body could only take so much, and he could feel his consciousness starting to slip away. Would these be his last thoughts?

Then, a loud pop startled Levi back into the present, and a split-second later, Kenny's head exploded in a spray of blood and brains right before his eyes. The grip on Levi's neck slackened, and soon both men had fallen to the floor. Levi closed his eyes, the image replaying in his head over and over. He could feel the warmth of fresh human blood on his face, and it made his stomach churn. But whose blood was it? Was it really Kenny's? Had he dreamed this all up? Was he still alive? Would Kenny's hands close around his neck again in just a few seconds?

Levi could hear the sound of footsteps, but they sounded so far away that he was not sure if they really existed, or if he had slipped into a dream. Or, perhaps, someone was coming to welcome him to the land of the dead, to an eternal slumber...

But Levi was brought back to reality once again--he felt someone's foot on top of his head, and he felt them push his head to the side. He had not even realized that he had been holding his breath, and he tried to regulate his breathing, each exhale coming out in gasps.

“Oh, so you _are_ alive.”

Slowly opening his eyes, Levi glanced up at the foot on his head. His gaze followed it up to a pair of gold eyes staring down at him; they belonged to Bruno Sertoli.

“For a second there, I thought I had shot you, too,” he murmured. Levi let out a slow, shaky sigh, his heart finally starting to calm down.

 _I can't even tell whose side you're on..._ he thought, grimacing as Bruno finally removed his foot. _...You're Catherine's friend, all right._

 


	62. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is now safe and sound, but the consequences of this night have yet to be fully realized.

_“Hey there!”_

_As Rowen slapped him on the back, Bruno did his best to hide a grimace._

_“Survived another day of teaching, I see!” Rowen exclaimed. “You ready for dinner?”_

_“Yeah, I guess,” Bruno replied, shrugging. Rowen grinned at him, then turned away, his eyes searching the hallway. He was presumably looking for this other friend that was supposed to join them for dinner--Bruno hoped that they would not come, forcing Rowen to rescind his offer._

_“Well, as soon as--ah, speak of the devil!”_

_Bruno turned to where Rowen was looking and soon caught sight of a short young woman heading toward them. She rolled her eyes at Rowen, but it seemed to be more of a gesture of affection than actual annoyance._

_“Sorry I'm late,” she muttered when she reached them. “The teacher in the room next to mine doesn't understand that small talk is supposed to be just that--small.”_

_Now that he was seeing her up close, Bruno could not help but feel taken aback by this person. Not only was she not at all what he had been expecting, but she was also unlike anyone he had ever met. Most of the girls living in Wall Sina were pretentious and artificial, but this one did not seem to care what anyone thought of her--including him._

_“Sounds like you're making lots of new friends!” Rowen teased her, giving her a warm, one-armed hug. “Speaking of, this is Bruno Sertoli! He's going to be joining us for dinner tonight.” Rowen then gestured to Bruno, then back to his friend. “Bruno, this is Catherine M_ _ü_ _ller. She's my best friend, so it's only natural she comes with us!”_

_“Nice to meet you,” Catherine said, holding out her hand. “...Though I think I've seen you around.”_

_Bruno hesitated, but his curiosity was stronger than his reluctance._

_“The pleasure's all mine,” he replied, taking her hand at last. It seemed that, finally, he had met someone worth his time._

 

Rowen knew he was not a patient person, nor was he particularly calm under pressure, but if someone was counting on him to be the strong one, he could play that role well. It was not one that he played often, but when he did, it was usually for Catherine's sake.

Though she appeared to most to be a steady, unfaltering person with incredible strength, Rowen knew Catherine better than that. Sure, those things were true to some extent--but, she was also surprisingly fragile, especially if something or someone she really loved was threatened and she was powerless to stop it. It was on those occasions that she would shut down; she had been like this for as long as Rowen had known her.

“They'll be fine,” Rowen reassured Catherine, pulling one of her hands into his. She had been wringing her fingers and fiddling with her leg belts for the last few minutes of them kneeling out here. “You and I both know that Bruno is a force to be reckoned with.”

“I know...” Catherine murmured, glancing at Rowen. With her free hand, she rubbed the side of her neck, and Rowen frowned. She was shaking now, and fear was clearly written all over her face. “Sorry. I can't help it.”

“It's okay.” Rowen forced himself to smile. “Look on the bright side--we rescued Eren and Historia, right? That's a good thing. Once we get Levi back, we'll be in the clear!”

“...” Catherine pursed her lips, staring straight ahead. Rowen sighed to himself, finally sitting down in the tall grass. He could barely see the roof of the warehouse, but he knew Catherine was paying close attention. If something happened, she would not be able to help reacting, and he would be able to see that much. Besides, it was dark out now, and someone needed to keep an eye on their surroundings; if they could hide themselves in these fields, someone else could easily do the same.

“...They've been in there a while,” Catherine finally mumbled. “If something happened that we don't know about--”

“We've got no choice but to wait this out,” Rowen told her. “Look, Catherine--I know this is awful to think about, but Bruno knew he was putting his life on the line for our sakes. He was prepared, and he would want _us_ to be the same way.”

“I know, but--”

Before Rowen could interrupt her again, the sound of a single gunshot echoed through the quiet night air. Catherine's grip on his hands tightened, and he could practically see her collapsing in on herself.

“That was a gunshot,” she breathed, her eyes wide. “Bruno didn't have his rifle on him, did he?”

“I...don't think so,” Rowen answered, pursing his lips as he sat up straight, peering over at the warehouse.

“...Levi didn't have any guns, either.”

“That would be...unlikely...”

A frown crossed Rowen's face as he heard a quiet whimper come from his best friend. Despite her obvious dismay, though, her eyes were still locked on the warehouse.

 _Yeah...I can't give up on you yet, either,_ Rowen told himself, pushing himself up onto his knees again. _The Bruno I know would never die in a place like this..._

Rowen had not known Bruno for nearly as long as he had known Catherine, but he understood him well enough to know that he was very similar to Catherine--despite being faced with contradictions and obstacles, they both tried to keep moving forward, no matter what. However, while Catherine's strong will was impressive, it still did not even compare to Bruno. In a time of crisis, he was like a wildfire, consuming all in his path. He could be brutal and do horrible things if he needed to.

Suddenly, Catherine let out a gasp, and she pulled her hand out of Rowen's grasp, her eyes still focused forward.

“What's--!?” Rowen whipped his head back toward the warehouse; he could see a figure in the distance, outlined by the ample moonlight.

“It's Bruno,” Catherine breathed, pushing the tall grass in front of her out of her way.

“Wait, wait,” Rowen urged her as she started to run off.

“...It's him, Rowen--Levi is with him,” Catherine called back over her shoulder.

“Catherine, I said _wait_!” Rowen shouted, but Catherine ignored him, her cloak and long hair billowing behind her as she ran through the tall grass toward the figure. “...You'd better be right about this...”

Having been cursed with poor eyesight even _with_ his glasses on, Rowen had no choice but to trust Catherine's judgment and follow her toward the slowly approaching figures. If she was mistaken, he would have to be ready to jump to her defense; he moved his left hand up toward the handle on the right side of his chest, just in case.

But she had been correct--it was indeed Bruno walking toward them, and he had none other than a bloody and beaten-down Captain Levi on his back. Rowen would have found the sight amusing had the latter not been in such bad shape.

“Thank god,” Catherine murmured, slowing to a stop in front of the men. “Bruno, what happened? Is he alive?”

“Yeah,” Bruno grunted as he slowly lowered Levi to the ground. For a moment, the man was able to hold himself upright, but after a few seconds, he slowly sank to his knees, his breathing ragged. “...Kenny is dead. We won't have to worry about him coming after us.”

Bruno opened his mouth to say something else to Catherine, but her attention had already shifted to Levi, who looked as if he might pass out at any second.

“Levi...?” she murmured, kneeling in front of him. “Hey, it's fine. You're fine. It's over.”

“Thank you,” Rowen said, turning to Bruno. “Without you, I don't think he would have made it.”

“...You think so?” Bruno mumbled, glancing down at the Captain. “...Regardless, you two should get him back to your headquarters as soon as you can.”

“Come with us,” Catherine insisted, looking up at Bruno.

“I can't,” Bruno replied, shaking his head. “Kenny's body can't just sit in there. I have to do something about it.”

“So...you were the one who...?” Rowen could not finish his sentence, but the look in Bruno's eyes answered his question anyway. “...Do what you need to do.”

“I'll wait for you here,” Catherine stated.

“Don't bother. I'll be fine,” Bruno told her.

“Look, I won't feel better about this until I know you're safe, too,” she said quickly. “You've got a target on your back, too, Bruno.”

“Which is exactly why you should go home,” Bruno argued. Kneeling down next to Catherine, he sighed. “Keep the cloaks. You can return them to me tomorrow--that way, you have an excuse to check in on me then instead of waiting here now. Is that fair?”

“Bruno...”

Ignoring Catherine's concerned stare, Bruno nodded toward Levi.

“You asked me to save his life. Do you really want that to go to waste?”

To Rowen's surprise, Catherine's gaze softened; she turned to Levi, who was still kneeling in the grass in front of her but was not moving, his head and arms limp as if he was a lifeless doll.

“...Just...promise to come back,” Catherine said.

“I will,” Bruno told her, a small smile crossing his lips. Rowen noted the bitterness in his expression, and he sighed quietly.

 _Nothing ever changes with these two_ , he thought, grimacing.

“...How are we going to get Levi back?” Catherine asked, standing upright.

“One of you will have to ride double,” Bruno answered, standing with her.

“Catherine, you're smaller and can fit another person in your saddle,” Rowen said quickly. “I can carry your stuff--you take Levi with you.”

Rowen could see the hesitation in Catherine's posture for a split-second before she nodded in agreement.

“...Levi, we're leaving,” Catherine murmured. Her voice was gentle, as if she was speaking to a child. “Come on, can you stand?”

“...” Without a word, Levi pushed himself up; Catherine pulled one of his arms around her shoulders.

“...Bruno, thank you.” Catherine gave him a soft smile, and Rowen could not help but smile as well. Considering the hell they had woken up to this morning, things seemed like they were going to be okay after all. The recruits would be back soon, Eren and Historia were safe, and now they would be heading home with Levi still breathing, instead of as a bloodied corpse. Had it not been for Bruno, things could have been much worse.

“Yeah...well, you owe me,” Bruno replied. “But don't worry about that right now--just get home, and stay safe.”

 

…......

 

Catherine's heart was pounding in time with her horse's hooves as she raced back to headquarters, Rowen right behind her. Even compared to all the times she had gone soaring through forests filled with Titans, nothing had ever felt quite as scary as this.

 _...Is it because we almost lost you...?_ Catherine thought as she glanced at Levi in front of her. He was still conscious somehow, and he was obviously doing his best not to become dead weight on the saddle. Still, her left arm was wrapped around his waist in a protective grip--but she worried that if she held onto him any tighter, it might hurt him even more. _...Everyone's counting on you to make it through this..._

“We're getting close!” Rowen shouted, and Catherine nodded.

“Hang in there,” she murmured, gritting her teeth. She could barely see, even with the light of Rowen's torch behind her, but she recognized this area. Rowen was right--they were less than an hour away from headquarters now.

“Hey!! Catherine! Rowen, is that you!?”

Startled by the sound of familiar voices, Catherine pulled her horse's reins, bringing the beast to a sudden stop. She heard a quiet gasp of pain come from Levi.

“Sorry, I'm sorry,” she said quickly.

“So it IS you!” Moblit cried. Catherine turned her horse toward his voice, feeling a wave of relief wash over her. “What are you guys--!? Captain Levi!? What happened?!”

“It's a long story,” Rowen told him. “You headed back to headquarters? Where have you been?”

“I was in Trost--Squad Leader Hanji and I had some business to take care of there,” Moblit explained. He then trotted closer to them, pulling his horse up next to Catherine's. “Captain Levi, I'm not sure what all happened with Mister Reeves, but...I know he's dead. But it's okay now--Flegel has taken back the Corporation, and Trost is back under their control, just as we had hoped.”

Catherine felt Levi let out a loud sigh through his nose, as if relieved. She was not entirely sure what Moblit was referring to, but she did not feel like pestering either of them for answers now.

“...Sir, do you know what happened to the rest of our squad?” Moblit then asked, and Catherine felt Levi's body tense up in her grip. “...I'm sorry. I shouldn't be slowing you down. We should hurry back to headquarters.”

“Wait, what about Hanji?” Rowen cut in. “You said she was with you?”

“She stayed behind in Stohess,” Moblit replied. “She'll most likely be back tomorrow, along with Commander Erwin.”

“...I feel like we're missing some pieces to this story,” Rowen then said, scratching the back of his neck.

“We'll discuss it back at headquarters,” Catherine interrupted. “Moblit, come with us! We could use your torchlight, too!”

“Got it!” Moblit exclaimed, nodding obediently.

With Moblit in the lead and Rowen trailing behind her again, Catherine knew they would make it back to headquarters in no time, but she still felt uneasy. Rowen was right--they were missing some pieces of the puzzle, and she hated feeling clueless. Levi's reaction to Moblit's question also bothered her; something terrible must have transpired before they all reached this point, and whatever it was, Levi did not seem to want to hear more about it.

“...Everything is so out of control...” Catherine whispered to herself, staring at the Wings of Freedom on Moblit's back. “...Why is this happening to us...?

“...I...don't know...” Levi's voice was hoarse and barely audible above the thundering of their horses' hooves.

“Shhh, don't waste your strength,” Catherine scolded him. “That question wasn't meant for you to answer, anyway.”

In response, she heard a quiet “tsk” come from Levi, and a small smile crept onto her face. Even through all of this chaos, there were a few good things. She was able to be useful for once, and she _liked_ this feeling. It was why she had entered the Corps in the first place.

Suddenly, Catherine was struck with the realization of what she must do next.

 _I can't avoid it any longer,_ she thought, pursing her lips. _I can't do this on my own._

 

…......

 

The next twelve hours were a blur for Levi. Some of what he had thought had happened probably was just a dream, but certain moments stood out to him. He could remember being helped into headquarters by Catherine and Moblit, but he was not sure how they got there. Pockets of time seemed to be missing from his memory, and the pain was not helping him remember one bit.

When he finally opened his eyes, he could see that it was daytime, and he recognized the room to be the Survey Corps' hospital ward. They had not placed him in one of the private rooms, but in the main area; he could see nurses bustling about, carrying trays of tools with them. He had been here before a few times, but he had never had to stay more than a few hours.

“How do you feel?”

Levi had not even noticed Catherine sitting next to his bed; her voice startled him a bit, and he quickly looked over at her.

“...Still tired?” she murmured, looking a bit concerned.

“I'm fine,” Levi muttered, sitting upright. A sharp pain shot through his chest, and he instinctively clutched his right side, wincing.

“Some of your ribs were broken--lie back down,” Catherine told him.

“It's not like this hasn't happened to me before,” Levi grumbled.

“If it's happened to you before, then you should _know_ better than to move around like that,” she argued.

“She's right--you need your rest.”

Levi looked away from Catherine and into the eyes of one of the nurses. There was a trainee nurse standing just behind her; she looked young, and Levi had never seen her around headquarters before.

“Well, now that you're awake, we have some wounds to clean up,” the nurse said, pulling up a stool beside the bed. “You don't need to have many stitches, but several of your ribs are broken, and your body is pretty horribly bruised, so you need to take it easy for at least a week.”

“A week?” Levi echoed, incredulous and irritated by the mere proposition of being stuck in a bed for that long. “I don't have that kind of time.”

“Make time,” the nurse replied, smiling at him. “You won't be of any use if you're not at your best.”

“She has a point,” Catherine jumped in. “If you're too weak to fight, you'll just become a target again. Don't be selfish.”

Levi opened his mouth to retaliate, but he could not come up with a better excuse. He would have to get Erwin to back him up on this one; trying to fight it now by himself would be a waste of energy.

“Fine,” Levi grunted. “Just get this over with.”

“Now, since we have a trainee here today, I'm going to let her suture your wounds,” the nurse then said, motioning for the other nurse to come forward. The girl's large blue eyes were calm, as if she had done this a thousand times before. Still, it made Levi uneasy that someone who was not fully qualified would be the one stitching him up.

“It'll be fine,” the nurse reassured him. “Michelle is the best nurse-in-training I've seen in years.”

“...Whatever.”

Levi turned back to Catherine, who gave him a sympathetic smile.

“...What are you doing here, anyway?” Levi asked her. She sat up straight in her chair again, pursing her lips.

“I...want your opinion on something,” she replied. Levi raised an eyebrow; he was hardly the right person to give advice to anyone about anything, so the idea of her coming to him seemed odd. “...But, I guess it can wait. I can tell you're still tired, so I won't bother you with it.”

“...Well, while you're still here...thank you.” Levi sighed, glancing down at his left arm as Michelle wiped the wound clean.

“Bruno did all the work,” Catherine said with a quiet laugh.

“...How long have you known him?”

“Who, you mean Bruno?” Levi nodded, so Catherine answered, “Since we were teachers, so...almost ten years. Why do you ask?”

“...I guess it's nothing.”

Levi knew that, if Bruno Sertoli had not been there last night, Kenny would have killed him. He owed Bruno his life, but something about that entire event seemed...odd.

“Did he...say anything to you, or something?” Catherine asked suddenly, hesitance in her tone.

“...No, nothing,” Levi said, shaking his head.

“Please don't move,” Michelle interrupted, glancing up at Levi. Her eyes were cold and serious, hardly fitting for someone her age. Levi glared back at the girl; her attitude was almost as bad as his.

“...Anyway, Bruno aside--if you and Rowen hadn't been there waiting, it probably would have taken us a lot longer to get back to headquarters,” Levi went on. “And...it's not like Bruno came to find me on his own, right?

“Everything worked out,” Catherine said, nodding. “Rowen and I just happened to be around when we saw you fighting with Kenny, and we ran into Bruno there, too. We all got lucky, I guess. But...how did it even get to that point?”

Levi hesitated, narrowing his eyes. He had never wanted anyone to know the details of his past, and he had not expected to come up against Kenny like that. While it was true that he did not have give the particulars of the ordeal, he would no longer be able to run from telling people the circumstances under which it happened.

“I grew up with Kenny,” Levi admitted quietly. “He was my uncle, apparently. I...didn't even know that much until last night, but...he raised me. I managed to get away from him eventually, and then...I joined the Corps. To be honest, I thought he had died a while ago. Who knew he'd side with the Police...”

“...This sounds awful, but I'm glad he's dead, then,” Catherine said, grimacing. “Even if he _was_ your relative--if living with him was really that awful, then I'm glad you were able to get out of that situation.”

“...Aren't you contradicting yourself?” Levi asked suddenly, raising an eyebrow at Catherine.

“Huh?”

“Aren't you the one who said that abandoning someone is worse than dying on them? Are you saying you side with the fact that I abandoned my only living family?”

“That's not--it's not the same,” Catherine insisted, obviously a little flustered.

“Sounds the same to me--ow!” Levi hissed as the nurse gave a particularly painful tug on his stitches.

“That wouldn't have happened if you would stop moving,” Michelle said flatly as Levi glared down at her. “I can do this without leaving any scars, but you have to do your part, too.”

“...What a little shit,” Levi muttered under his breath, turning back to Catherine.

“It's not the same,” Catherine repeated, shaking her head. “You didn't abandon him, you just _left_. It's different.”

“What about from Kenny's perspective, then?” Levi asked.

“Levi, if he did all of this to you, I don't think he really _wanted_ to have you back.”

“Is that the catch?”

“Yes,” Catherine said firmly. “If you leave someone who doesn't care about you, it's not abandonment--it's doing what's right for yourself. But if you make the conscious choice to leave behind someone who genuinely cares about you, _that's_ abandonment.”

“And that's worse than death.”

“Now you're mocking me.”

“I have been for the past five minutes,” Levi told her, and Catherine glared at him.

“...Death is permanent, and there's no questioning that fact,” she murmured. Her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap. “But if someone abandons you, your life begins to run on the false hope that they'll come back. You might end up spending your whole life waiting on someone, never knowing for sure if and when they'll return. It's different.”

Without another word, and without giving him a chance to respond, Catherine stood from her chair and turned her back to him. She walked out of the room at a brisk pace, head slightly bowed and fists clenched. Levi sighed through his nose, closing his eyes.

 _I'm still not sure I understand that way of thinking_ , he realized, trying to ignore the stings of the surgical needle. _But she was right about one thing: at least Kenny is gone._

 


	63. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who are the enemies of this world? How must we approach them?  
> Now that the Central Police has been dismantled, those in the military must ask themselves these questions.

_Kenny knew that he was not father material. Even if he had not been caught up in the dark business of the underground slums, he never would have been the type to settle down with a family,. Still, he felt that it was his duty to take care of his nephew; he would teach him to survive, and he would train him to become a man who could carry on the work of the Ackermann family._

_“Look, like this,” Kenny said, wrapping Levi's small, bony fingers around the handle of the knife. “You gotta grip it tighter than that, kid, or else it'll fall right outta your hand.”_

_“Why?” Levi asked, looking up at Kenny. He resembled his mother so much that it made Kenny almost angry. If he had been able to choose between the two, he would have chosen his sister. But, that was not how things worked, and he would have to make do with her son._

_“Whaddya mean, 'why'? It's so you don't die,” Kenny scoffed, releasing Levi's hand. “You wanna live, right? Well, livin' down here ain't so easy. You gotta learn to fight on your own if you wanna be able to eat every day. Understand?”_

_“Why do we live down here, then?” Levi then asked, his small lips drawn into a frown. “Why don't we live somewhere better?”_

_“...Be grateful,” Kenny grunted, giving Levi's bony shoulder a gentle shove with a closed fist. “At least you're alive. Up there, they'll eat you alive in a whole different sense of the world. If you learn to survive down here, you can do anything.”_

_Levi did not reply; his eyes were now resting on the knife in his hand._

_“...We'll start with holding knives,” Kenny told him, and Levi nodded obediently, but his eyes seemed distant and sad. It was obvious that he was longing for something more._

 

Historia still had many questions about her past, but some of them had been answered at last; she had thought that, perhaps, this would give her some sort of peace of mind. She had thought that, maybe, if she knew the truth about her identity, she would be able to somehow make up for all of the years she spent hiding behind a false name and personality. If she could claim the name “Historia” as her own, she maybe could become the person she was meant to be.

Meeting her father again was supposed to have helped her realize this. He was supposed to have answered her questions and told her truth--this would allow her to face forward and move on at last.

However, the reunion had just made things more complicated.

“Father,” Historia murmured as she stared into the Military Police's jail cell. A few nights in prison had not seemed to faze him too badly.

“Historia,” he breathed, staring up at her with his large blue eyes, the same ones she had inherited. “Thank goodness you've come back. This is all a terrible misunderstanding.”

“Is it really?” Historia knelt down onto the cold stone floor.

“Your Majesty.” Historia glanced behind her, looking up at the Military Police soldier who had escorted her. “Would it be best if I stepped outside?”

“No, you can stay, Mister Sertoli,” she replied, turning back around. “I owe you for working so hard to set things straight. Besides, my father betrayed you, too--you deserve to hear the truth of what's going on.”

“...If you insist,” Bruno mumbled.

“Historia, if you'd just give me the chance to explain--”

“I think you did a fine job of explaining yourself earlier,” Historia interrupted, glaring at her father. “Your intentions are quite clear--you need an heir, a proper heir to not only rule the world within these walls, but also one who can harness the power of a Titan in order to do so. All of your children are dead, except for me, so I served as your last resort. Isn't that right?”

“There's more to it than just that,” Rod insisted, but Historia slowly shook her head. “Please, you must believe me, Historia. The future within these walls is bleak, but only because a proper ruler has not been in place for far too long.”

“The future within these walls is bleak because the people have let it become that way,” Historia argued. “We've all become complacent, and obsessed with things that no longer matter. Maybe that's why this has happened, maybe this was all because we _needed_ things to change.”

Historia narrowed her eyes for a moment, thinking back to what her father had said back in the Central Police headquarters. He had almost convinced her that becoming a Titan shifter would be enough for her to find purpose and happiness, but now that she had had time to think about it, there were obvious flaws in his plans--the biggest one was her own personality.

“You told me Eren's father was the one who killed my brothers and sisters, and that Eren has inherited the power of our family line,” Historia went on. “His father destroyed our legacy...but I don't think it's a bad thing at all--Eren has the determination and focus to use his power to save us. I...could never do what he's done.”

“You could _learn_ to use it,” Rod told her. “Eren's powers did not start out so strong, did they? And if you were to consume him and take his powers, you would inherit some of that self-control. You can even ask the man with you right now if you don't believe me.”

Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Historia turned over her shoulder to look at Bruno; he was wearing the same blank expression on his face as he had been all day.

“He's not wrong,” the soldier admitted. “Shifters can pass down their abilities through consumption.”

 _How on earth would you know that?_ Historia wanted to ask. For a moment, Bruno made eye contact with her, but his expression did not falter.

“I've learned many things about Titans over the years,” he said quietly. “We'll leave it at that.”

“...Even if that's true, that doesn't mean you've convinced me to agree to your plan,” Historia murmured, turning back to her father.

“Historia...” Rod's eyes were begging her to listen, but Historia's heart had hardened long ago. She was tired of hearing excuses from people, especially pathetic people like him. He was her blood father, one of the people in this world who was supposed to love her and accept her. But he had cast her aside--now she was just a convenience.

“I have to live for myself,” she reminded herself, lowering her gaze as Ymir's words echoed in her head.

Historia could not deny that she missed Ymir, but there was also a part of her that felt contempt toward her. Ymir had left her behind, abandoning her to the loneliness of a life within the walls. She had never loved someone the way she had loved Ymir; in result, the pain she felt because of her was sometimes unbearable.

“...I'm tired of just being thrown around,” Historia then declared, pushing herself to her feet. “I'm not a doll, I'm not a toy, I'm not a pawn...and I will most certainly not become a Titan--not like this. I am not a 'god' of the people, but I can become their queen and leader...and my first act as that leader will be to make sure you face the consequences of your actions, Rod Reiss.”

“Historia, wait--”

Just as Rod's hands reached toward her, Historia felt someone pull her out of her father's range. She glanced behind her to see Bruno standing there, his eyes locked on Rod.

“Your Majesty, you should go,” he said in a low voice.

“...Yes, you're right.” Historia turned to her father one last time, grimacing. “Goodbye, Father. I'm going to disappoint you one more time.”

 

…......

 

Erwin was grateful to have been released from prison, but as he walked out from the Military Police headquarters to the carriage awaiting him, it felt as though he had traversed through an entirely different world. So much had changed in just a few short hours, and so many things had fallen into apparent chaos that he was no longer sure that tearing down the government like this was the best solution after all. Still, it was done, and there was nothing he could do to undo the actions of the past couple of days.

 _Maybe this is all just part of it_ , he thought as he boarded the carriage behind Commander-in-chief Zackley. _Maybe doubting the results of my choices is just part of “doing the right thing.” Still...I wonder..._

Erwin valued Zackley's opinion, but he did not feel as though he could ask him outright whether their actions had been correct or not. If he wanted to know, he would have to go about it in a much less direct way.

“When I think about the good of humanity...” Erwin murmured. “...I realize everything should have been entrusted to the previous royal government. Despite how shallow and corrupt it was, it _did_ have the ability to keep humanity alive and safe from Titans up until now. Even though they made a decision to let half of humanity die like that without giving it a second thought, that's still better than letting mankind go extinct. The plan to take back Wall Maria...Eren's Titan power...even Eren's life--maybe it all should have been entrusted to them.”

Erwin paused for a moment, reflecting on the events of the past few days. Was this really all he could do as Commander anymore? His value as a soldier had greatly diminished in the past few months, dramatically so, to the point that these days, Erwin hardly felt like himself.

“These past few days...my thoughts have been in a different place than those of my comrades,” he continued quietly. “...When thinking about the good of humanity, maybe I should have just abandoned Eren and Levi...and Hanji...all of them, just like how I let my so many of my comrades die on a daily basis. Maybe I should have given up my own life and these responsibilities, and instead entrusted everything to the royal government. If I valued mankind over men...”

“Your sense of duty is severe, as usual,” Zackley said abruptly, his tone flat. “It seems death would have been a much more comfortable option for you.”

“...Commander-in-chief, why did you choose this perilous path?” Erwin asked.

“Well, why did you make that proposal to Pyxis?” Zackley countered. “If you had wanted to hand Eren over to the royal government and escape these circumstances, you could have done without that entreaty to Pyxis and simply ordered your subordinates not to make any moves on their own.”

“...That's...” Erwin's words got lost somewhere along the way from his brain to his lips, and he could not come up with a decent response for Zackley.

“Shall I answer your question?” Zackley then said. “About why I turned against the king? It's because...I've hated them for a long time now.

“Huh?” Erwin gasped, lifting his head.

“They piss me off, acting all high and mighty, though to be honest, I probably act like that now, too.” Zackley chuckled to himself, putting a hand to his chin as he gazed out of the carriage window. “I've been waiting for this day for a long time. I reached this position by devoting my life to serving as their loyal dog. You could say that planning this coup de tat has been my lifelong hobby.”

With a loud laugh, Zackley turned to Erwin, his eyes sparkling and an eerie grin on his wrinkled face.

“You saw, right?! Their crying faces! Those hypocrites at the end of their rope!” he exclaimed. “That performance was more than I could have hoped for--but the best has yet to come! I've been thinking of ways to humiliate them for more than a decade now!”

Zackley's laughter settled down after a few moments, and he continued, “In other words, even if you hadn't done it, I was planning to give it a try anyway before I croaked, and I had no intention of surrendering halfway through like Pyxis. Their shamelessness would have been my guarantee of success. I have no interest in whether this revolution bodes well for humanity or not.”

Erwin felt his stomach tighten upon hearing those words. Had he sided with the wrong people after all? Perhaps there really was no one he could call his ally outside of the Survey Corps in reality...

“I'm quite a villain, too, aren't I?” Zackley murmured. “However, aren't you the same?”

Unsure of how to answer that question, Erwin looked out of the window to his left, clenching his jaw.

“...Yeah...you're right,” he replied at last. On some level, at least, Zackley had a point. He cared about the success of the revolution, but why? Was it really because he cared about humanity, or was it because he cared about being successful? Or, perhaps, was it because he did not care about the consequences that awaited him? Either way, success or failure, Erwin knew his days were numbered. He could afford to throw his life around, and he had taken the chance and run with it. People like that were often called “reckless,” but in this scenario, they might also be called “villains.”

If that was the role Erwin had to play for things to keep moving forward, then he would do it as long as it took to fix the world.

 

…......

 

“You look like you're feeling better today.”

Glancing up from his meal, Levi met Catherine's eyes, then rolled his own.

“Don't you know it's rude to interrupt someone while they're eating?” Levi muttered, but Catherine just let out a laugh.

“Yeah, right, like you're the epitome of manners,” she replied, pulling a chair from the wall over to Levi's bedside. “I came to talk to you about something.”

“Can't it wait?”

“No--the last time I checked in on you, you were out cold. I'm not going to waste any more of my time.” Catherine leaned forward in her chair, narrowing her eyes as she stared at the edge of Levi's bed. “I came for your advice, actually.”

“You must be desperate,” Levi mumbled under his breath, taking a bite of bread.

“I'm thinking of starting a special squad.”

Swallowing hard, Levi stared at Catherine, who was looking up at him now. The softness in her gaze was gone now; it had been replaced by a look of pure determination. Levi recognized it as the same one Erwin and Hanji wore from time to time.

“...You mean, for teaching people that language, or whatever?” Levi asked before taking another bite of bread.

“Yes,” Catherine murmured. “And I know that takes Erwin's approval, but other than that, I don't know where to begin, besides gathering members and paperwork.”

“...Sorry--I don't know how much help I'll really be,” Levi admitted. “My first squad was formed under special circumstances, and the squad I have right now is just...to replace that, I guess. But I don't know the details--you'd be better off asking Hanji about that. Though you're right about the paperwork part. I don't see the point of doing it, but...”

Levi's voice trailed off as he waited for Catherine's response; she was staring at the side of his bed again, and her look of determination had not changed even one bit.

“I want to do something a little unconventional, too,” she told him. “But before I get my hopes up, I wanted to see if it's even a possibility... Levi, I think you get that what I'm going to be using my squad for is mostly educational. I'm not too concerned with combat abilities. So, I think it would be a huge mistake for me to choose soldiers from just the Survey Corps.”

“What other options are there?” Levi asked, taking a sip of tea, glancing over at Catherine every once in a while, just to show he was still paying attention.

“I want to pull in members from other regiments as well,” she said, sitting back in her chair. “If I gather the most intelligent members of each regiment, it'll make things easier for me, and that way the knowledge is passed around to a wide variety of people. In other words, I'm aiming to have a mix of backgrounds, schools of thought, and types of learners in this squad.”

“...Is that even possible?” Levi murmured, speaking more to himself than to Catherine. “I guess, in theory, it would require you getting permission from Nile and Pyxis, as well as the Squad Leaders those soldiers report to... And I'm sure Erwin would have to approve the choice of members, too. But, Catherine, I...really don't know.”

“Do you think it's a good idea?” she then asked, looking up at Levi.

“...Yeah,” he admitted, shrugging a bit. “I think it's a good plan. Erwin would probably support it, too.”

“Then...that's good enough for me. For now, at least.” Catherine grimaced, crossing her arms. “I hope you're right--I hope Commander Erwin approves this. It goes beyond me just really wanting to do this... I genuinely think it will benefit humanity...”

“If he says no, then just do what Hanji did,” Levi told her, setting down his cup of tea.

“...What did Hanji do?”

“She rewrote her proposal and bugged the hell out of Erwin for approval,” he said. “It worked, probably because he got sick of her.”

“...I...feel like there was probably more to it than that,” Catherine chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” Catherine stood from her chair, straightening out her jacket. “Thank you, Levi. At least I know that if my proposal is rejected, I'm not entirely crazy for thinking it was a good idea.”

“No, it just makes you as crazy as me,” Levi said, smirking. “Don't know how you feel about that.”

“Sad to say it, but it's probably a bit of an improvement.”

Raising an eyebrow, Levi looked up at Catherine, but by the time his eyes reached her, her back was to him, and she was walking out of the hospital wing with long, confident strides.

 

…......

 

“Any more gossip on the happenings in Stohess?” Yasmin asked, taking a sip of water as she glanced back and forth between Milena and Rosaleen. The latter let out a loud sigh, propping her elbows up on their table in the mess hall. This had become their routine: listening to the latest news over dinner and unwinding from a hard day's work. Lately, though, the news had gotten much more exciting, making it much more difficult to actually “unwind” at all.

“Not really, no,” she replied, running a hand through her long bangs. “I've only just heard confirmation of the rumors that were already circulating--the Central Military Police branch has basically unraveled over the past few days, and Krista--um, I mean, Historia will be crowned as Queen.

“I can't believe that she was from the royal family all along,” Milena murmured, stirring her soup halfheartedly. “I wonder how she's taking it.”

“She's a pretty genuinely cheerful person, right?” Rosaleen said, tilting her head. “I'm sure she'll be fine.”

“I don't know,” Yasmin interjected, staring down at her dinner. “After we came back from rescuing Eren, she was like a totally different person. I mean, the person we knew before, Krista--she was so loving and sweet, and also her feelings for Ymir was really obvious. But the girl I saw after that battle, Historia... She was so sad and confused, and it was the first time I had ever seen her hold contempt for someone before.”

“Yasmin's right,” Milena agreed, nodding. “Who knows what kind of leader she'll be...”

“Well, we won't know until it happens,” Rosaleen sighed. “The Survey Corps is backing her up, so if they have influence on her, I think she'll become a good leader. They'll make sure nothing crazy happens.”

“And with the Central Police gone, maybe the Military Police will change, too,” Yasmin mumbled, poking her steamed potato with a fork.

“Armin and the others sure are keeping busy,” Milena laughed, and a small smile crept onto Yasmin's face.

Several weeks had passed since the 104th had graduated and parted ways, but it felt much longer. So far, Yasmin did not regret her choice to join the Garrison. It was a strenuous job, but she enjoyed the challenges it had presented. Milena was the best leader she could have asked for, and being able to spend time with her and Rosaleen every day was nothing short of a blessing. She had made plenty of other friends, too, and her lifestyle was pretty comfortable, all things considered.

However, despite all of these positive experiences, Yasmin was not sure that she was really any closer to reaching her goal and realizing her dream. Was she any stronger? Maybe, but the changes were not that noticeable. The day-to-day work was challenging, but something was lacking. She could not quite pinpoint what it was, though, so she did not bother complaining.

“I wonder how they're all holding up,” Rosaleen said cheerfully. “I'm sure it's been crazy for them lately, but they're all alive. After surviving that much, I'm kind of curious to see how they've changed.”

“I'm sure we've changed, too,” Milena told her, a hint of sadness to her tone. “That's just how life works.”

“Oh! I just had an idea!” Rosaleen exclaimed, abruptly sitting upright. “The holidays are coming up! What if we had some kind of reunion party?”

“Can we even do that?” Yasmin asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I have nooooo idea!” Rosaleen giggled. “But don't you think it's a good idea? And, Milena, you're a Captain--can't you throw your power around a little bit?”

“I-I'm not sure,” Milena said quickly. “I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea but--”

“We should do it,” Yasmin interrupted. “I think it would do us all a lot of good.”

“But, guys, what if people want to use that time to be with their families?” Milena gave them a gentle smile. “I don't think we can force them to choose us over that. And we all have family left, too. Wouldn't it make your parents sad if you didn't go home to see them?”

“...Yeah,” Rosaleen whispered, lowering her gaze. “Grandpa would be disappointed.”

“We'll find some other excuse,” Milena reassured her.

Yasmin sighed heavily, placing her chin in her hand. She had not been home since returning Marco's cloak, and while she was not entirely sure of Esra's plans, she figured that she would probably go home for Christmas, too. Yasmin was not completely opposed to going home for the holidays, but she had also really wanted to see her other friends.

 _Maybe that's it,_ she realized, pursing her lips as she listened to Milena and Rosaleen bounce ideas off of one another. _Maybe I just miss them. I miss all of them._

Yasmin knew that if she had joined the Survey Corps, she would probably be dead. Still, there was no denying that some of the opportunities in the Corps would fall into her field of interest.

 _But it's too late now,_ Yasmin told herself. _I have to find another way using the resources I have now._

“Maybe the three of us can just go drop in on them sometime,” Rosaleen suggested at last. “We don't even have to stay a full day--we could just go there and come back, right? They're not _that_ far away, right?”

“If any of them ever become Squad Leaders, I could always call for a meeting,” Milena offered. “Or, Rosie, you could probably run into one of them while you're out reporting, right? Do you ever get chances to go there?”

“No, I wish...”

 _At least it's not just me_ , Yasmin thought, sighing quietly. _We're all kind of doubting our choices, I guess... Nobody really knew anything about themselves back then...and even now, we're still learning... There's nothing we can do now but be patient..._

 


	64. Makings of Leaders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps takes a step forward in a new direction, with new leaders rising to meet the challenge.

_“...Bianca, let's go home.”_

_Bruno's voice sounded so distant that Bianca could hardly hear him. In fact, for a moment, she wondered if she had only imagined him calling out to her. But then she felt a warm hand on her shoulder; she jumped, lifting her eyes at last from their father's grave._

_“Bianca?” Bruno murmured as she turned to face him._

_“...It...just doesn't feel like this is real,” she admitted, pushing a strand of her yellow-blonde hair out of her face. “Bruno, what are we going to do?”_

_“...The same thing we've_ _**been** _ _doing, I guess--we have to survive,” he replied, sighing. “I'll get a job as soon as I can, and until then, we can live on inheritance.”_

_Bianca knew that Bruno was right, and that they would be able to survive, but his reassuring words did not completely extinguish the fear in her heart. She was an outcast, and the only thing that had kept her from being a total recluse was the support of her family._

_Now, their parents were both gone, and soon Bruno would be old enough to search out his own path in life. Bianca would have to learn to fend for herself or give up on living. The latter seemed more likely. After all, there were things about herself that she would never be able to change._

_But, deep down, there was a small part of her that wanted something more. She did not want to give up just yet. Even if it eventually destroyed her, she had to try to live just like everyone else._

 

“You're still asleep?”

Bruno's eyes fluttered open at the sound of Bianca's voice; he jumped, startled by her eyes staring down at him in his bed.

“God, you're just like Mom,” Bruno muttered, stifling a yawn. “Always waking me up.”

“Yeah, good thing I am.” Bianca knelt beside his bed, resting her arms on the mattress. “What's the matter with you? You've been acting off the past few days.”

“Off, how?” he asked, rolling over to face his sister. His eyelids still felt heavy--it was as if he had not slept at all, even though it was late morning, judging by the way the light was pouring into his room.

“Something happened.” Bianca narrowed her eyes, staring at Bruno's bed. “I know you aren't obligated to tell me everything, even if we _are_ family. But...it'd be nice if you could let me know how you were involved in Central's undoing, at least for the sake of your squad. I _am_ your Assistant Squad Leader, you know.”

“...” Bruno closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He had been doing his best to keep quiet about what had transpired with the Ackermanns, not only to protect himself, but to protect his friends. If rumors spread that the Survey Corps had sent him out to get rid of Kenny, then their reputations would be ruined. Catherine and Rowen would likely be brought in for questioning by Nile, and Bruno would probably be stripped of his title--maybe even more.

He had worked too hard to mess up now, but he also knew that Bianca had a point. Her intuition was right on point; while he could evade the Police or the government, he could not shake off his sister.

“You can't tell Claus or Serene,” Bruno insisted, his voice low. “Or anyone else, for that matter.”

“I won't,” Bianca replied, giving him a nod. “You know me--I know how to keep secrets.”

“...The truth is, Historia Reiss' father asked me to go after the Central Police's leader,” he told her. “As I was beginning to trail him, I ran into Catherine and Rowen, who witnessed Captain Levi's kidnapping. The three of us went after the Police--they went for Eren and Historia, and I went after Kenny and Levi. Bianca...I shot Kenny. If I hadn't, Levi would have died, and Kenny might have come after me and the other two next.”

“...You killed him?” Bianca murmured, raising her eyebrows. When Bruno nodded, she added, “And his body?”

“Disposed of,” he assured her.

“...Is that the fire people were talking about? The one that happened in the Police's warehouse?”

“Yes. I had to make sure there wouldn't be any evidence.”

“...Did you have to...?” Bianca's voice trailed off.

“...? Did I have to, what?” Bruno stared at Bianca for a moment before her intended question became clear. “No, no. I didn't do it. You know I would only do that if it was absolutely necessary.”

Bianca let out a loud sigh, sitting back on her heels.

“You've become a worrier lately,” Bruno chuckled.

“It's your fault--you've rubbed off on me,” Bianca muttered. “All you do is worry about those two, but they can handle themselves, and if they need your help, they'll come to you. The situation you just explained to me makes that even more obvious.”

“...Maybe so...”

There was still a lot that Bianca did not understand, and they were mostly things that Bruno could not explain to her. That night, if Bruno had refused to cooperate with Rod Reiss...how different would things be? He did not really care about Historia, only enough to accept her as a temporary ruler. Had she died, he would not have felt bad. As for Kenny, if the opportunity had arisen, Bruno probably would have taken care of him anyway.

The one thing Bruno _did_ care about was the way Rowen and Catherine viewed him. Especially Catherine. He worried about her, so much so that it had become a bad habit, and he wanted her to be happy. She had stopped believing in her own happiness years ago; instead, Bruno and Rowen did it for her.

But one way Bruno and Rowen differed was in their love for her. Rowen was practically her brother, they were best friends and probably always would be. Bruno had been the outsider, but he had been willing to open up to her, and eventually she had done the same. The person that he came to know was also one that he came to love. It was selfish, but it was true: one of his motives that night had been Catherine's approval.

“You should get up,” Bianca said, interrupting his thoughts. “Staying in bed like this all morning isn't good for anyone.” She stood up, tossing her hair over her shoulders. “I'll see you this afternoon. And don't think you can get away with playing hooky for that staff meeting.”

“I would never,” Bruno reassured her, smiling. “See you later.”

 

…......

 

Hanji had just been finishing up her notes for their weekly personnel meeting when she heard a knock on her door. It startled her--she had not realized how deep in thought she had been. Since this was going to be their first meeting in several weeks, she wanted to make sure she brought everyone up to speed on what had happened on her end of things.

“Come in!” she called out, finishing up the last sentence in her notes with hastened scrawls. She heard the door knob turn and the door creak open, and she turned around to see who it was. “...!”

With a delighted gasp, Hanji jumped up from her desk chair and bolted over to the man in the doorway.

“Hey, hey...” Erwin chuckled as she embraced him tightly. “It's not like it's been _that_ long, has it?”

“Don't care,” Hanji said, her face buried in his shoulder. “Doesn't matter.”

Erwin did not reply, only hugged her back. It had been the first time she had been held by him since he lost his arm, but it did not really seem like that much had changed. He still held her with the same intensity as he always had.

“You had us all worried,” she murmured after a few long minutes of silence. “You and Levi both. Stupid boys.”

“Levi?” Erwin echoed.

“Didn't you hear?” Hanji let go of Erwin at last, looking up into his concerned blue eyes. She could see some bruising around his left eye; the very thought of anyone having laid their hands on him made her heart burn with fury.

“I've been caught up in so much with the Police,” Erwin told her. “I only heard rumors, nothing concrete about his involvement with all of this.”

“Kenny Ackermann kidnapped him,” Hanji explained. “Levi got the shit beaten out of him. I don't know the details, but Rowen and Catherine tracked him down and got him out of there before anything else could happen. Kenny's been missing ever since--Rowen assured me that we wouldn't see him ever again, so I can only imagine...”

“...Ackermann?” Erwin echoed quietly. “If memory serves, that's Mikasa's surname, too, is it not?”

“And Levi's,” Hanji added. Erwin looked shocked, but why would he not be? They were finally learning more about Levi, the most private person that they had ever met, someone they had know for over five years. “It seems that Kenny was his uncle and raised him in the underground.”

“But...when we captured him down there, I don't remember there being anyone named 'Kenny' involved,” Erwin murmured. Hanji shrugged.

“Like I said, I don't know the details,” she said. “You'd have to ask him. He's in the hospital wing for the time being.”

“ _Levi_ , in the _hospital_?”

Erwin's exasperation was amusing, to be sure, but Hanji could not bring herself to laugh at him. The expression on his face was so forlorn that she pitied him; despite all of his efforts, he was not able to protect everyone.

“...I feel like I was gone a lot longer than I really was,” he mumbled, looking away from Hanji at last.

“Didn't I already say that it doesn't matter?” Hanji dropped her arms, taking his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You came back. That's what matters.”

“...Hanji, we--”

“Commander Erwin?”

Hanji quickly released Erwin's hand at the sound of another person's voice. She had almost forgotten that they were still in the public domain.

“Welcome back,” Catherine said, stepping into view. “It's good to see you again.”

“I'm glad to be back,” Erwin admitted with a laugh. “What can I do for you?”

“...Do you by chance have time this afternoon for a meeting?” she asked.

“Meeting?”

“I have a proposal I'd like to submit to you, and I figure that it would be best to have a meeting to answer any of your preliminary questions and work out any necessary negotiations.”

“I have time,” Erwin replied, nodding. To Hanji's surprise, Catherine's face brightened.

“Thank you so much,” she said. “Is three o'clock all right?”

“That's fine. Just meet me in my office.”

“Understood. Thank you.”

As Catherine walked away, Hanji raised an eyebrow.

“A proposal...?” she murmured.

“Do you know anything about it?” Erwin asked her. Hanji shook her head. “...Regardless, I'd like you present at the meeting.”

“What? Why? ...Not that I'm opposed.”

“It's best that you start learning some of my duties as a Commander,” Erwin told her, and Hanji's heart sank.

 _I thought we were past this_ , she thought, biting her bottom lip. _**Now**_ _I'm opposed._

“I meant what I said before: you're going to be the next Commander. It just may not be as soon as we thought.” Erwin put his hand on Hanji's shoulder, giving her a soft smile. “And besides, this could be pretty interesting. Aren't you curious?”

Hanji let out a loud, defeated sigh. Gently, she punched Erwin's side, a grin spreading across her face.

“I guess so,” she replied. “Someone has to keep an eye on you, anyway.”

“Exactly,” Erwin laughed. Hanji soon joined him, her stomach tight. She had just been put through a whirlwind of emotions, and deep down, she knew this was only the beginning. But, for the time being, she would enjoy her time spent in relative normalcy.

 

…......

 

 _I feel like a little kid who's in trouble at the schoolmaster's office_ , Catherine thought as she sat down across from Erwin and Hanji. The former was sitting straight-backed in his chair, looking attentive despite having obviously suffered from a lack of sleep recently, and the latter was standing behind him, hands clasped behind her back. ... _No, no, I'm not in trouble. I'm the one who called for this meeting. Calm down, Catherine. You're fine._

Still, despite these attempts to reassure herself, she felt jittery; the carefully compiled documents in her hands suddenly seemed as if they had doubled in weight.

“So, what's this proposal you mentioned, Catherine?” Erwin asked. “Is it something to do with recent events?”

“No, not really,” Catherine replied, shaking her head. “Actually, it's something I've been thinking about for a while, but I just...haven't had the opportunity to collect my thoughts and present them to you. I...”

It was odd--even though she was so sure of what she had to do, even though she _knew_ this was the right decision, she felt hesitant. Why? What was stopping her now?

“...Commander, it will probably seem very bold of me to request this so plainly, but I would like to start a special squad,” she finally declared. “My goal is not to train them physically, but academically--I want to teach some of the younger soldiers what I've learned about the language I've been studying from the books that Squad Leader Hanji gave me.”

“That's definitely an interesting request,” Erwin told her. “What's so important about this language that makes you think that you need to start a squad to pass on that information? Why can you not just teach select people in your spare time? ...I'm not asking these questions because I think your request is trivial, Catherine. I'd just like to hear you explain your reasoning behind this. I know you as a soldier--you're intelligent and always have a plan. What are you thinking now?”

“'...At the time I started to study this language more deeply, I approached it as just that: a language, one that nobody uses anymore,” Catherine explained, choosing her words carefully. She knew that, even if she _was_ passionate about her work, she would not win Erwin's approval with passion alone; logic was also necessary. “However, as time has passed, I realized that there may be a connection between this language and the Titan civilization we have come to discover as of late. When I stopped to consider why this language is not used anymore, I noticed the connection between its disuse and the construction of our current society as we know it--in other words, the construction of the walls.

“Now that we know more about the walls and the Titan shifters, I feel that it is also necessary to make this language known. There are bound to be important clues and facts in many of these books, and while I would love to find them all, I can't do it by myself.” Catherine paused, lowering her gaze. “...The reason I request a squad instead of just teaching some of my comrades has to do with the nature of our jobs. I'm one of the oldest veterans in this Corps, and I've managed to survive through a lot, but I know that I won't last forever. Nobody does. Therefore, passing this information on to a younger generation further guarantees that any information obtained will not be so easily lost just because someone passes away.”

“But this is the Survey Corps,” Hanji jumped in, her tone gentle. “It doesn't matter how old or young you are--your chance of survival is the same.”

“That's why I'd like to bring in members from other regiments,” Catherine replied. She felt the hesitation come back as both Erwin and Hanji raised an eyebrow at her. “...Well, I guess I should say, if possible, I'd like to make this a mixed group. If these books hold information about our world's history, I believe that it's our obligation to share that information. That's why I would like to have representatives from each regiment--they all will be able to use the information differently. It also gives me a chance to utilize soldiers with different perspectives and ways of thinking. There are some excellent academics in the Corps, don't get me wrong, but they will have different experiences than their comrades from the Police and Garrison.”

Catherine stopped to catch her breath, her grip on her proposal tightening. She hated how unreadable Erwin's expression was; he was even worse than Levi.

 _...Even worse than Bruno,_ she realized, pursing her lips. _Maybe that's how I should handle this--like I'm talking to Bruno_.

“I know it all seems really outrageous,” Catherine continued, “but I think that it's our best opportunity to discover the truth about those shifters. Eren only knows so much, and his father is not around to answer our questions. We don't have any better options--if we want to get to the Jaegers' basement, if we want to actually _make use_ of what we might find there, we have to do this. The Survey Corps can't do everything on its own. It's not the fastest way, but I'm confident that it will work. I've compiled some of my notes to show you that--”

“Catherine,” Erwin said at last, his voice quiet. “Have you found solid evidence that this language is connected to the Titan civilization, or to our lost history at all?”

“...Only a little,” Catherine admitted, her heart sinking. “The rest is just my theories and musings. Not a lot you can do with that, I guess.”

Erwin paused, then leaned back in his chair, all the while keeping his eyes on Catherine.

“You know, the Survey Corps has survived so far because of theories and musings,” he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “We've been on a losing streak for a long, long time--only recently have things started to turn around. This idea sounds like a huge risk, but that's what people in the Survey Corps do. That's our job, to take risks.”

“I trust you,” Hanji said, nodding. A small smile crept onto her face as she added, “You didn't make it this far to let all that talent go to waste, did you?”

“Hanji has a point,” Erwin agreed. “I trust you, Catherine. I know that you're capable of doing anything I ask of you. But, I have to ask--do you realize how difficult this is going to be? You'll have to get approval from not only me, but from all of the regiment Commanders, as well as their respective Squad Leaders and other superior officers. You'll have to find someone to work with you as your assistant, too. It's going to take several months just for all of that to run its course, and that doesn't even include the time you'll spend trying to teach these soldiers what you've been studying for years. There's no escaping the fact that this will take a lot of time and commitment on not only your part, but from your entire squad.”

“I know--and I'm ready,” Catherine declared, sitting up straight in her chair. “I dedicated my life to the military and to my work. This is my duty as a scholar and as a soldier.”

“Glad to hear it.” Finally, a smile appeared on Erwin's face, and he held out his hand. “Give me your proposal--the sooner I sign it, the sooner you can move forward picking an assistant and members. If you have any problems, come straight to me.”

“Yes, Sir.” Catherine could hardly siy still, her heart was pounding so hard. She had not expected it to be this easy to get Erwin's approval, and even though she knew how much more work was ahead of her, she felt unusually optimistic. “Thank you for hearing me out on this. I won't let you down.”

“Don't worry about me,” Erwin said with a laugh as his left hand shakily moved across Catherine's proposal. “You've already impressed me--it's the rest of the military that you have to deal with now.”

“I guess so,” Catherine chuckled quietly.

“Have you given any thought to who you'll chose for an assistant, or for your members?”

“...A little. We'll see what happens, though.”

Erwin nodded, holding out the paper toward Catherine. As she stood from her seat, she noticed how badly her legs were shaking. Still smiling, he said, “Good luck, Squad Leader Catherine.”

 

…......

 

“Is there anything else I need to know about what happened while I was gone?” Levi asked, leaning forward in bed as he scanned across the faces of his squad, along with Catherine and Rowen. Jean could tell that sitting in bed all day was not doing him much good spiritually; he was more irritable than usual, and he seemed bitter about having been left behind during all of the action. Captain Levi was not an easy man to understand, but Jean knew that he hated feeling useless, and this entire situation probably made him very frustrated. “You guys aren't saying much. I trust Catherine and Rowen, but I know it couldn't have gone _that_ smoothly.”

Jean glanced at Armin, who was staring at the corner of the room. He had yet to mention anything about his run-in with the Police soldier to Captain Levi; Jean was not even sure if he had told anyone outside of who had witnessed the event.

 _I wonder if he told Eren,_ Jean thought. _Now there's someone who could relate to him._

“Armin,” Levi said, his tone stern. “I can tell by the constipated look on your face that you're holding something back. What do you have to say?”

“...Our objective was to rescue Eren and Historia without any casualties,” Armin murmured, “but there was one death. I...I had to shoot a Police soldier. She died instantly.”

“He did it to save me,” Jean said quickly, jumping to Armin's defense. He did not want Armin to be blamed for having been too rash and disobeying orders. “If Armin hadn't killed her, I would have died.”

“Is that so?” Levi grunted, looking back and forth between the boys.

“...It is,” Armin replied, turning to look at Jean. “There's just...something I still don't understand, though, Jean--you had plenty of time to defend yourself from her, didn't you? She had her gun pointed at you for several seconds before I shot her. So...why...?”

Jean looked away, lowering his gaze. He knew the answer, but he was too proud to put it into words: where Armin had been bold and had taken initiative, Jean had hesitated and nearly lost his own life because of it.

“Because you felt sorry for her,” Levi stated, his narrow eyes staring up at Jean. “Isn't that right?”

“...Armin...” Jean let out a sigh, gritting his teeth. “I'm sorry--I should have been the one to do it.”

“Is that...really...?” Armin's voice sounded faint; it trailed off before he could finish his thought. “...She was...probably a very nice person, and much more human than me... I was so quick to fire--”

“Armin,” Levi interrupted, a deep frown on his face. “You've dirtied your hands--you can't go back to your old self.”

“Why would you say something like that?!” Mikasa exclaimed, speaking up for the first time.

“Accept your new self,” Levi continued, ignoring Mikasa's shout. “If you had kept your hands clean, Jean would not be sitting with us right now. The reason you were able to react so quickly was because you did not want to see your comrade killed.”

Levi paused, and Jean glanced at Armin. The young man's blue eyes were wide with shock, but the fog of regret that had clouded them earlier was gone. Jean knew Armin pretty well--he was a good person deep down, but he was willing to do anything in order to achieve his goals. He knew that their Captain was right, that if Armin had not acted, Jean would have died.

“You're smart--you recognized that you couldn't make a half-assed effort in that kind of situation. You understood that if you lost your comrade, you would also begin to lose hope. Armin, because you were willing to dirty your hands, you saved us. Thank you.”

Jean pursed his lips, feeling mixed emotions. He was incredibly proud of Armin and honored to have him as a close friend, and he was happy to be alive, to be sure. However, Jean also knew that he had not performed his role as a soldier very admirably; he needed to learn to take Captain Levi's words to heart...all of them would need to, someday.

 


	65. Compliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catherine's idea for a new squad slowly begins to take shape.   
> Meanwhile, Eren comes to terms with his father's death, in the hope that they all can learn something from it.

_“Dad, no!” Eren screamed, stepping away from his father. He had never seen him act like this before. “Mom's death made you go crazy!!”_

_“Eren! This is for your own good!” Grisha cried, grabbing Eren's arm before he could run away. “You mustn't lose this--do you understand?! You must go back to the basement!”_

_Eren watched with wide eyes as his father wrapped their home's basement key around his wrist tightly, taking care to weave it around his fingers so that he would not easily drop it. He was not sure what good it would do them now--their home was destroyed, and Shiganshina had been overrun by Titans. There was no way they could return._

_As Eren stared at the key, Grisha released him, opening his briefcase and pulling out a large syringe._

_“You'll lose some of your memories with this injection, so it won't do any good to explain this to you now,” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. “But someday, when you get to the basement, you'll discover the truth... It will be a difficult journey...but you must go!”_

_Once again, Grisha grabbed Eren's arm; the little boy squirmed in his father's grip, whimpering in fear._

_“No, Dad!” he shrieked, desperately trying to push his father's hand away. “Dad, I'm scared!!”_

_“EREN!” Grisha bellowed, tears streaming down his face. “If you want to save Armin and Mikasa, you must learn to control this power! Their memories will teach you how to use it!”_

_As the needle of the syringe pricked his skin, Eren let out a terrified scream, only to have it choked by his tears. He could see his father pushing the plunger, inserting the liquid into him, and whatever it was, it was making his blood boil. More tears welled up in his eyes, and as his vision blurred, his father's figure seemed to vanish before him._

 

After dismissing his squad, Rowen, and Catherine from their meeting, Levi had planned on taking a well-deserved nap and--if he could convince the doctor--a walk around the grounds. It had been several long days that he had been forced to spend in this hospital; he was ready to get out and back to his normal routine.

Or, at least, that had been his plan.

“You're still here?” Levi muttered as Catherine sat back in the chair next to his bed. She was staring at him quite intently; he could tell she had something to say. “What?”

“...I'm going to ask you to do me a favor,” Catherine murmured slowly. “And before you say no, I want you to actually consider this offer.”

“...What is it?” Levi sat up straight in his bed, narrowing his eyes.

“I need an Assistant Squad Lead--”

“No.” Levi folded his arms across his chest, slouching back into his pillow. He should have seen this coming a while ago.

“Levi, please,” Catherine said, leaning toward him. “I'm not just asking this of you because I think it's convenient--I really think you'd be the best fit.”

“Go ask Rowen.”

“I don't want to.”

“You're not going to ask your best friend to fulfill the role meant for best friends?” Levi asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

“He's not a good fit,” Catherine insisted. “Rowen and I are too different--I trust him with my life, yes, but I don't think he would be good for this position at all. If something was to happen to me, that would mean Rowen would be left in charge. His decisions would be so clouded by emotions that I don't know if I could trust him with the safety of my squad. He wouldn't be thinking about them--he would be thinking about me.”

“So you're saying I'm a good fit because I don't care about people?”

“Oh, for fuck's sake, don't put words into my mouth, Levi.” Catherine narrowed her eyes, staring Levi down. “I'm saying you would be a good fit because you have the ability to make logical decisions even in times of emotional crisis. You also know how to stick to a plan, and your knowledge of the inner workings of the Survey Corps would really come in handy.”

“Catherine, look, this isn't gonna work,” Levi told her, shaking his head. “For a lot of reasons.”

“What can I possibly do to convince you?” Catherine asked. “I'm serious about this, Levi, _please_. I trust you, I know you would do a good job. You're a good leader, and I know that if there were any problems, you'd be able to handle them.”

“You are starting an _academic squad_ \--I'm not going to be of any use to you in that kind of environment,” Levi retorted.

“Are you trying to call yourself stupid? Because you're not. Hell, the way that you're trying to talk your way out of this right now is proof of that.” Catherine sighed heavily, putting a hand to her forehead and slamming her back against her chair. “...I don't know who else to ask. I was thinking of asking Armin and Jean to join this squad--since you're already their Captain, I thought it would be really convenient for both of us...”

“You want to have Armin and Jean in your squad?” Levi echoed, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. Armin is one of the most intelligent soldiers in the Survey Corps, if not the entire military--it would be a huge mistake for me to not ask him. As for Jean, he may not be as book-smart as Armin, but he has the makings of a leader, and I'm going to need someone like him in this group.”

“What about their responsibilities in my squad?”

“It's not like they'd quit your squad,” Catherine explained. “It's an academic group--their level of dedication to my squad wouldn't be _that_ heavy of a burden. We probably won't even need to meet but a couple of times a week. They would still fall under your command.”

Levi sighed through his nose, glancing over at Catherine. She was staring up at the ceiling with narrow eyes, probably still trying to come up with a way to convince him to accept the position. While he did not know her all _that_ well, one thing he _did_ know about Catherine was that she was ridiculously determined; she was also far more well-educated than him, and if they were going to keep up this argument, he was going to lose in the end anyway.

“...If I agree to do this, I have some conditions,” Levi muttered, staring at the end of his bed. He saw Catherine's head snap toward him out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay--what?”

“Leave me out of the academic stuff. I'll supervise them, but I'm not gonna teach them. That's your job,” Levi told her. “Also, any of the paperwork or that kind of shit is on _your_ shoulders. I'm not going to help you with that unless it's absolutely required of me.”

“That's fine,” Catherine said, shaking her head. “I can handle all of that on my own.”

“One more thing: I am not their babysitter, I'm their superior officer. If I have to take disciplinary measures, I'm gonna do it my way.”

“Okay.” Catherine's eyes seemed to brighten. “Is there anything else?”

Levi thought for a moment, searching Catherine's face.

“...It's not like it matters if I request anything else,” he said at last, sighing. “You'll just find a way to argue around it.”

Catherine let out a quiet laugh, shrugging.

“Thank you,” she said, a genuinely happy smile appearing on her face. “I'll keep you updated on the member selection and meetings and what not. It's going to take some time, but...I've got Commander Erwin's approval, and you've agreed to help me, so...”

“Good luck,” Levi told her. Catherine nodded, standing from her chair at last.

“Thank you again, Levi,” she murmured.

“Just don't do anything to fuck it up.”

“Don't worry, I won't.”

 

…......

 

Eren had been preparing himself ever since he got back to headquarters to have an unpleasant discussion with his friends about what had transpired in the Central Police headquarters. He was terrible at this kind of thing anyway, but even if he _had_ been good with words, he was not so sure he could have explained himself well. It did not help that Armin was looking at him with a stressed, worried gaze.

“...Eren, can I...ask you something?” he murmured, lowering his gaze. Eren nodded, sitting on his bunk. Armin sat beside him, sighing. “Do you think it's stupid for me to feel bad for killing that Police soldier?”

“What? No, of course not,” Eren answered, shocked by Armin's question. “There's nothing wrong with feeling bad about it. It's not like killing people is a _good_ thing...”

Eren's voice trailed off; the words he had spoken could not have been more true, and he hated it. He had killed people, too, and while it was true that some of them had deserved it, one had not.

“I did it to save Jean,” Armin mumbled, “and when I think about what would've happened had I not shot her, I realize that I probably made the better choice. But...even knowing that doesn't make me feel any better... ...How did you do it?”

“What...?”

“How did you handle it?” Armin asked, staring up at Eren. “You and Mikasa killed those kidnappers, right? It was in self-defense, right? Really, it wasn't so different from what I experienced, but you both don't seem to be nearly as bothered by it. How did you get over it?”

“...I can't speak for Mikasa,” Eren admitted with a sigh, slouching. “We're very different, pretty much the opposite of each other. She's an Ackermann--I think that must have some kind of significance for her, based on what I've heard from Captain Levi. But for me...I... I don't know, Armin... It might just be in my blood.”

“In your blood? What is?”

“Killing.”

“...Eren, I know I might make a lot of jokes about you having the look of a criminal, but I never meant any of that,” Armin told him with a gentle smile. Eren chuckled, shaking his head.

“No, this doesn't have anything to do with those jokes. I know you're only messing with me.” Running a hand through his messy brown hair, Eren dropped his gaze to the basement's wooden floor. His heart sank as he realized he would be spending the night all alone, stuck in this whirlwind of dark thoughts. “...I don't think I'm a good person, Armin.”

“Huh?”

“It's like what you were saying back when we brought the Central Police soldiers in--we're not good people anymore. You've come to that realization, as has Jean. But for me, I don't think I've ever been one of the 'good guys.'”

“Eren, why are you saying all of this?” Armin asked quietly. “Nobody I know wants to defeat the Titans and save humanity more than you.”

“That doesn't matter.”

The two boys sat in silence for a while; Eren could feel his pulse throbbing in his neck.

 _Maybe it's better to just say it,_ he thought, squeezing his eyes shut. _There's no good way to do this, anyway._

“My dad is dead,” Eren murmured, lowering his head so that Armin could not see his face.

“Wait--what?!” Armin gasped. “How do you know?! Did someone--”

“When I was with Rod and Historia down in that dungeon, Rod revealed that the royal family is actually a line of Titan shifters. He was going to make Historia turn into a Titan and eat me to gain the special power I have.”

“Eren, what does this have to do with--”

“Because the power I have is the power my dad stole from their family!” Eren shouted. “He was a Titan shifter, too, and he ate one of Rod's daughters and stole that power from them! And then...he gave me the power to become a Titan...and I...”

“...Eren...”

“I ate him. I turned into a Titan and ate him. And that's why I have the power now.” Eren buried his face in his hands, holding back sobs as the painful memories once again flashed through his head.

“But...how do you know that's what happened?” Armin asked.

“My father...gave me an injection...and it made me lose my memories when it happened, so that I wouldn't have to remember killing him... But because of my connection to their family, Rod and Historia were able to bring those memories back...”

That experience had proved to be a powerful one for Eren. It made him realize how much he still had to learn, and also how powerful their opponents really were. Thankfully, Historia had joined their side, so the power of the royal line would not go to waste on someone like Rod Reiss.

Eren's heart had never known torment quite like this before, though. It was enough to make him want to rip his hair out--and Armin was the only person he had told so far. He was not yet ready to face Mikasa, who had considered his father to be her own, or Captain Levi, who would probably put even more pressure on him to perform well, or especially Commander Erwin, who might question having brought someone like Eren into the ranks of the Survey Corps at all.

 _I wasn't worth saving after all_ , Eren realized, his hands wet with tears. _All this power--and I can't use any of it. What am I supposed to do...?_

Eren then felt a hand gently grip his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.

“You're still my best friend, Eren,” Armin murmured. “Even if you _are_ a bad person.”

“...Armin...”

“We can be bad guys together, I guess.” Armin chuckled quietly. “Mikasa probably won't like that so much, but...oh well. She's one of us, too, right?”

“...Y-yeah...”

At last, Eren lifted his face from his hands, glancing up at Armin.

“...Your dad's not around to forgive you, so I think that means you have to do it yourself, Eren,” Armin said, releasing Eren's shoulder.

“I don't think--”

“It's not like it has to be tonight, either. Just...eventually, okay?”

“...Yeah...” Eren forced a smile, looking at his best friend as he stood from Eren's bunk. “Thanks, Armin.”

“I didn't do much,” Armin laughed. “But let me know if there's anything I _can_ do, all right?”

“I will--thank you.”

 

…......

 

“Hey, hey--how's my favorite small adult doing today?” Rowen let out a laugh as he set his dinner tray down next to Catherine's. “I've hardly seen you all day. Don't tell me you were holed up in your room studying...”

“No, actually, I've hardly had time for that today,” Catherine told him, not looking up from her food as he sat beside her. “I was in meetings all afternoon.”

“Meetings?” Rowen nudged her arm with his elbow, raising his eyebrows. “Is that what they're calling it these days?”

“I'm not sure what you mean by that.”

“Oh, come on. You're not dumb--just emotionally stunted. You know what I mean.” Rowen lowered his voice, leaning in toward Catherine. “How's Levi doing?”

“He's fine,” Catherine answered flatly, ignoring Rowen's obvious attempts to tease her.

“Aw, you're no fun,” Rowen sighed, resting his elbows on the table.

“Hey, you two! Mind if I join you?”

At the sound of Hanji's voice, Rowen immediately perked up, a smile spreading across his face. He loved Catherine, and they were always going to be best friends, but he really needed Hanji's positive energy right now. That was one thing he could never count on Catherine for.

“Like we'd ever say no!” Rowen exclaimed, and Hanji grinned, setting down her tray across from them. “How's your day been?”

“Pretty busy,” Hanji said with a shrug. “Good, though! Just that meeting this afternoon.”

“Wait, a meeting? The same one as...?”

Rowen glanced back and forth between his friends, confused. He was obviously missing out on something, but he could not venture a guess as to what exactly.

“You haven't told him yet?” Hanji then asked Catherine, who let out an irritated sigh.

“I was going to, as soon as he stopped teasing me about irrelevant things,” she muttered in reply, glancing up at Rowen. “...I got Commander Erwin's approval to start a squad.”

“What?! Really!? Catherine, that's great!!”

Unable to help himself, Rowen threw his arms around Catherine; once again she let out a sigh, and she gave him a few gentle pats on the head.

“So that's what you were tied up with today!” Rowen laughed, finally releasing his hold on Catherine. She nodded, but he could still see that there was something else that she wanted to say. He had not heard the whole truth yet, it seemed.

“I'm so, _so_ glad you're gonna make good use of those books I gave you,” Hanji said, her eyes glittering behind her glasses. “This is going to be an amazing step forward for humanity.”

“I really hope so,” Catherine murmured, lowering her gaze.

“Hey, if it's you, it'll happen.” Rowen gave Catherine a warm smile. “You don't respond very well to the word 'no,' after all.”

“Have you thought any more about your personnel?” Hanji asked, and Catherine nodded. Again, she glanced at Rowen, looking hesitant.

“Personnel? Oh, you mean like, her assistant?” Rowen inquired.

“Yeah--I thought she might choose you,” Hanji admitted with a chuckle.

“Me?” Rowen waved his hand in front of his face, as if trying to swat away a bug. “She knows better. I have terrible focus and never meet deadlines--I was barely cut out to be a teacher in the first place, you know.”

“I asked Levi to be my assistant,” Catherine told them, her voice quiet.

“Oooh.” A wide grin spread across Rowen's face as Hanji leaned toward Catherine, eyes wide. “He probably said no, right?”

“Initially, he did refuse, but I convinced him.”

Rowen exchanged glances with Hanji; a small chuckle escaped his lips.

“See, this is why I didn't want to say anything--I knew you wouldn't take me seriously,” Catherine said quickly, reaching for her tray as if to get up from the table.

“No, no, I'm sorry,” Rowen apologized, grabbing Catherine's wrist. “I'm just a little curious to know how the hell you convinced someone even more stubborn than you to do something against his will.”

“Words are a mighty weapon,” Catherine mumbled, shrugging. “I plan to ask Armin and Jean to join my squad, and I thought he would be a convenient person for the role. He's no academic, and he flat-out refused to join the actual studying, but I know that if something was to happen to me, he'd lead the squad down the right path. Besides, he knows a lot of the senior officers of other regiments, which works well for me, too.”

“Wait, of other regiments? Meaning, you're going to recruit from the Police and Garrison, too?” Rowen asked, stunned. When Catherine nodded, he added, “Well, I guess if anyone could... Good thing he met Bruno, then.”

“Bruno?” Hanji echoed. “This is the same Bruno from--”

“The same guy,” Catherine and Rowen said in unison.

“Ah, I see...” Hanji let out a laugh. “I feel like I'm getting to know your entire social circle or something--Rowen, I just met Lucia last week.”

“...Wait, what?” Rowen breathed. He could feel his palms start to sweat, and his heart was pounding in his chest.

“Lucia Edwards? Your fianceé, right?”

“How?” Catherine asked, glancing back and forth between Rowen and Hanji.

“She works for the publishing company that helped us win back the support of Trost,” Hanji explained. “They're back in control of the media now. Lucia was in their headquarters in Stohess when I got there with Moblit.”

“...Lu...” Rowen murmured, holding his head in his hands. He could hardly believe it--Lucia had been by his side all along, and he had not even realized it. After the evacuation of Hermiha, Rowen had lost track of her, so to hear that she was not only all right, but actively participating in their revolution...

“She seemed to be doing just fine!” Hanji went on, a peaceful smile on her face. “...It was pretty obvious that she missed you, though.”

“Rowen...” He felt a hand gently touch his arm; he knew it must be Catherine. “It's okay--Lucia is fine. She's safe. Worrying about her isn't going to change anything.”

“Lucia seemed to be satisfied helping out at the press,” Hanji added. “In fact, she said something that kind of made me laugh--something about not letting you guys get all the glory.”

Rowen could not help himself--he let out a quiet laugh. Rubbing at the tears that had started to form in his eyes, he shrugged a little, nodding.

“She's probably right,” he murmured, chuckling to himself. “As always.”

“She was doing fine.” Hanji grinned, her eyes widening with delight. “Hey, why don't you bring her by sometime? I'd love the chance to talk to her outside of overthrowing the monarchy, y'know?”

“I... I don't know,” Rowen whispered.

It was no lie that Rowen missed Lucia very much, and that there was not a day that went by that he did not think of her. He had known that joining the military would be very difficult for them; being separated for years would cause them to miss out on a lot. If Lucia wanted to give up on their relationship, Rowen would not be able to stop her.

However, over the years, he had gotten used to being away from her. They kept their meetings down to once a year, on or around Christmas day, and Rowen always went to see her. The rest of the year, he tried to forget about her. Thinking of her, and of not being able to be with her, hurt too much otherwise. He knew it must hurt her, too.

They had promised each other that, instead of meeting all the time, they would work hard to bring an end to this living hell. Rowen was doing the best that he could, but lately, it had been tougher than usual to focus. With everything that had been happening with Bruno and Catherine--the rest of his family--it made him more and more tempted to go back to Lucia. There had been more than one occasion in which he had seriously considered quitting.

But, he knew that quitting would disappoint Lucia, and he did not want to claim something he did not deserve. Rowen was playful, sometimes lacked focus, and probably could stand to try harder at most things, but he did not want to become a quitter. Lucia deserved better.

“What's going on?”

Rowen lifted his head to see Levi standing beside Hanji, staring down at them. His gaze was harsh, to be sure, but it looked a bit less judgmental than usual.

“Oh, hey there, Levi!” Hanji exclaimed, clapping the soldier on the shoulder. “I heard you have a new title!”

Levi let out a loud sigh and started to walk away, but Hanji dragged him back, forcing him to sit down. Rowen smiled to himself, grateful for the distraction.

 _I'll see you before long, Lucia,_ he thought, closing his eyes.

 


	66. All Hail the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new monarch takes her place, and the world heads down a new road.

_“But, Marco,” Yasmin said, running her fingers lightly across the side of a nearby house as she walked down the quiet street, “even if we join the military, we might not be safe. I mean, the Survey Corps soldiers die all the time.”_

_“Yeah, I know,” Marco replied, smiling at Yasmin. He gently swung her hand, which was tightly gripping his. “Remember, though--if you join the Military Police, you get to live in the inner walls!”_

_“Is that why you're so eager to join?” Yasmin teased him. Marco laughed, his cheeks flushing pink. She knew he must have other reasons for wanting to join so badly._

_“No, no,” Marco reassured her, shaking his head. “The Military Police is the regiment that gets to work closely with the king!”_

_“Yeah? So what?” Yasmin kicked a nearby pebble, sending it flying down the street. “What's so special about working with some old guy who sits around all day?”_

_“He does more than that, I'm sure.”_

_“You think so?”_

_“He has to,” Marco insisted, his face becoming more serious. “He runs the government, which means he runs our whole world. I'm sure he knows all kinds of things...”_

_Marco's voice trailed off, but Yasmin did not have to hear one more word to understand his motivations. Their society had cut off access to any knowledge of the outside world; this bothered Yasmin for several reasons, but the biggest was the fact that her father had been very determined to make sure that humanity escaped these walls. Marco's father had been the same, and now, they were gone. The details in all of this bothered her, and apparently Marco, too._

_“Well, if that's what you're after, then I'm sure you can make it,” Yasmin assured her best friend, giving him a confident nod. “The king could use someone like you on his side!”_

 

“Serene! Serene?!”

Her eyes fluttering open at the sound of her name, Serene slowly lifted her head from her pillow. As her vision came into focus, she could see Bianca's bed on the other side of the room; it was empty, and her shoes also were gone from their usual spot next to the footboard.

“...What time is it?” she mumbled to herself, glancing at the clock hanging over their window. “...Oh god!”

“Serene, are you up?!” Claus shouted, his voice muffled through the wooden door.

“Yeah--sorry!” she exclaimed, throwing off her comforter and sheets. “I'm so sorry! I'll be out in a few minutes!”

“We'll be waiting downstairs,” he said. “You'd better hurry, or--”

“I know, I know! I'm sorry!”

 _What a day to have slept in_ , Serene thought, quickly brushing her short bob while grimacing at her reflection in the mirror. _I wish Bianca would have woken me up... No, no, I shouldn't blame this on her..._

Serene's hands were shaking with nerves, but she managed to quickly put on a fresh shirt and pair of uniform pants in just a couple of minutes. She hated not having the time to take a bath, but it was too late now. Of all days to keep Bruno and the others waiting any longer than she already had, the official coronation day of Queen Historia would be the absolute worst.

“Good enough,” she told herself as she quickly pulled on her harness. She was not even sure if she would really need it, but it was better to be safe than sorry in this case.

A few minutes later, Serene burst out of her bedroom, startled to see Claus still waiting there for her.

“Ahh!” she gasped, clutching at her heart. “Oh god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry--I just, I didn't think you'd still--”

“Hurry up!” he hissed, and Serene nodded, quickly turning back toward the door and locking it behind her. “...A minute longer and we'd both be late.”

“Sorry,” Serene murmured, pocketing the key as she followed Claus down the hall toward the stairs. “I feel like such an idiot.”

“Because you are--but only a little.” Claus sighed, rolling his eyes. “I told Bianca she should have thought to wake you up, but she insisted that you were sound asleep.”

“I didn't fall asleep until pretty late last night,” Serene admitted. “I kept thinking about today.”

“Are you really that excited to see Historia become the Queen?”

“Yes!”

Serene could not help but smile at the thought of the upcoming ceremony, and what it would mean for humanity. Finally, someone who would be willing to work peacefully with all of the military regiments was taking the throne. Serene did not know Historia well at all--they had only met a couple of times now, and only ever in formal meetings. She did not seem like a particularly friendly person, but she seemed fit to rule. Even Bruno seemed willing to work with her.

“And you also get to see your cousin today, too, right?” Claus asked.

“YES!” Serene shouted, then quickly covered her mouth. “Yes. Sorry. I'm just really excited to see Jay again. It's been a few years now!”

Claus gave her an amused but genuine smile, and Serene felt her ears grow hot. She felt like an idiot for having overslept and for being so uncharacteristically rambunctious now, but it felt like Christmas. Everyone was full of hope and ready to start afresh with a new ruler--their _true_ ruler.

 _Perhaps we'll even be able to help the Survey Corps learn more about the Titans, now that we'll have a ruler who considers them an ally,_ Serene thought, a smile spreading across her face.

“You'll have to cut your daydreaming short,” Claus told her, giving her a knowing smirk. “The ceremony will start soon, and we'll have to be on our best behavior.”

“Of course,” she said, nodding. “We were selected as the squad to protect the Queen, so we need to act professional. Don't worry--I know I'm off to a terrible start this morning, but I won't let any of you down!”

“I know.”

Putting a finger to his lips as he walked up to the royal conference room's door, Claus gently knocked on the door twice. Serene could hear Bruno's voice on the other side of the door, and her heart clenched with nerves.

 _I know he still doesn't like me, but I won't let that stop me from doing my job_ , she told herself as she followed Claus into the room. _We have to help the Queen in whatever way we can._

 

…......

 

Without her blades and gear, Sasha felt light as air as she walked through the hallways of the Survey Corps headquarters toward the front door. She knew that part of it could just be because of the general good vibes being passed around these days; with Historia taking the throne, the Survey Corps would be able to rest easier, and perhaps they could even start making some real progress towards getting their land back.

 _I'd love to start a farm..._ Sasha thought, hopping down the stairs.

She knew that would not be possible for a while, though. There were still so many other things they had to do first, and Sasha did not want to get her hopes up too high. Still, it was a nice thought, and she could not help thinking about it as she raced over to her friends, who were crowded around Captain Levi.

“Braus, you're late,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“I'm so sorry!” she exclaimed. “I just--”

“I don't have time for excuses now. We need to get going.”

“Sir, are we traveling by horseback or carriage?” Eren asked, raising his hand.

“Carriages. You'll be with me. Jean, Armin, you come as well. The rest of you can take the carriage behind us.”

Sasha noticed Mikasa open her mouth to protest, but Eren quickly shot her a dirty look, and she clamped her jaw shut again. Shaking her head, she looked back at Captain Levi, who was now talking to Catherine, one of the other veterans. Sasha did not know her very well, other than their mission at the Central Police headquarters, but she and Captain Levi were obviously good friends, or at least, got along well.

“Do you think Captain Levi has friends?” she whispered to Connie, who shrugged.

“What kind of question is that?” Jean hissed over his shoulder.

“Well? Does he?” Connie asked, and Jean narrowed his eyes, his cheeks reddening a bit.

“That is the face you always make when you have no idea what is going on,” Sasha pointed out, poking Jean in the back with her index finger.

“Shut it, you two!” Jean snapped

Snickering into her hand, Sasha glanced at Connie, who was also concealing a grin.

“All right--we're leaving,” Captain Levi announced, pushing the front door open. The weather was perfect--a clear blue sky was there to greet them, along with changing leaves and a cool breeze. Autumn was in full swing, and the harvest season had begun. Sasha loved this time of year, and with Historia's coronation, she knew the season would only become even more sentimental.

Following a reluctant Mikasa, Sasha climbed into the carriage, sliding in next to Connie.

“Wonder why we got split up like this,” she wondered out loud.

“Captain Levi has to always keep an eye on Eren,” Connie reminded her. “Especially since we're going to the royal capital and all.”

“Hey there! Mind if I join you?”

Sasha glanced toward the door to see Rowen, another veteran of the Corps, standing there, poking his head into the carriage.

“Yeah!” Connie exclaimed, pointing to the seat across from him. Mikasa looked openly disappointed. “Come on, we've got room!”

“Catherine had other business to attend to,” Rowen said with a sigh as he sat next to Mikasa. “But hey, at least I can actually talk to you guys now, without having to worry about anyone getting their head shot off!”

“We're going to the capital--do you really think anyone there will be happy to see us?” Mikasa asked incredulously.

“Nah, but...well, I feel safe.” Rowen smiled brightly at her, but Mikasa's gloomy expression did not waver. Instead, she turned toward the window and stared out at the grounds. Connie chuckled quietly, shutting the door to their carriage.

“What is the business Catherine has to attend to?” Sasha asked as the carriage lurched into motion. She had noticed Catherine get into the same carriage as Eren, Armin, Jean, and Captain Levi; perhaps that had something to do with the very specific seating arrangement.

“She's starting a new squad,” Rowen told them. “I think she and Levi are talking to Jean and Armin about it.”

“Ahhh, that makes sense,” Connie sighed, nodding. “But does that mean they'll leave our squad?”

“Armin won't do that,” Mikasa interjected, keeping her eyes locked on the passing trees.

“No, it's a little more complicated than that,” Rowen replied. “Y'see, Catherine's aiming to put together an academic squad...”

Sasha lost interest after hearing the word “academic”--that was one thing that had _not_ changed from their training days.

However, there were plenty of other things that had changed. Annie was still trapped in her crystal, Reiner and Bertholdt were traitors, and Ymir was on the run with them. Today, Historia would be crowned Queen and would never join them for a fun night in the dorms again. Things were changing so fast, and although Sasha knew it was for the best, she still felt hesitant. Everything was going so well right now that it made her nervous. They had lost track of Reiner and Bertholdt, and Ymir, too.

 _Ymir... Poor Historia...I can't even imagine how much she misses her,_ Sasha thought as Rowen and Connie chatted on.

A sudden thought struck Sasha, and she almost interrupted the conversation to vocalize her realization, but instead she just glanced out the window, fidgeting in her seat.

 _Under the old king, if Ymir had tried to come back, she would probably have been arrested and maybe even executed,_ she thought, pursing her lips. _But now, if she comes back, Historia will want to keep her around, right...? ...Is that really a good thing?_

Despite Ymir's nasty attitude, Sasha had considered her to be a great friend. She had spent a lot of time with Ymir and Historia in training, and despite the revelation of Ymir's Titan powers and Historia's family history, she did not think any less of either of them.

_Then again...bias is bias... ...But surely Historia won't let her feelings cloud her judgment. If Ymir has done something wrong, she has to be punished for it--even Historia will understand that, right?_

Sasha hated to doubt her friends, and the thought of two of her closest ones coming into further conflict with one another made her stomach hurt. Sighing, she turned back to Rowen and Connie and reengaged herself in their conversation.

“Sounds like the Survey Corps is going to be rearranged quite a bit,” Connie said, crossing his arms.

“It's just one small hurdle we have to jump,” Rowen told him, shrugging. “We've been needing to do this for a while, what with the rate of casualties suddenly jumping so suddenly ever since the expedition to the forest of giant trees.”

“What will happen to you?” Sasha asked.

“Who knows.” Rowen gave her a grin; he seemed so relaxed that Sasha could not help but feel better. “I'm sure things will work themselves out.”

“Yeah, like they always do!” Connie agreed, giving Sasha a confident nod.

“You're right!” Sasha let out a laugh, gently punching Connie's arm. “When the dust settles, everything will make sense, right?”

“Definitely.” Connie nodded again, and Sasha's smile brightened. She was never the one put in charge of anything, but she did mind being a follower. Supporting her friends was the most important role she could possibly play.

 

…......

 

“All rise for the official coronation of our new Queen, Historia Reiss!”

Quickly getting to her feet, Esra Güven straightened out her jacket and pursed her lips. Her fellow trainees around her stood as well, and soon she was surrounded by a sea of people of all shapes and sizes, all in the tell-tale tan jacket and white pants. The trainee classes took up the majority of the seating, but even in this massive crowd, she was able to find the section with the Garrison soldiers without too much trouble.

 _...I don't want to look like I'm staring_ , she told herself, glancing back and forth between the Garrison and the stage where Historia stood. The small young woman was surrounded by high-ranking officers--some of them Esra recognized. Among them was her own Commander, Keith Shardis, as well as the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith. Commanders Pyxis and Dawk were also conspicuous up on stage.

The rest of the soldiers all wore Military Police uniforms and were standing at attention, hands behind their backs. Esra could see that each of them had rifles strapped to their chests. They were no doubt intimidating, and she assumed that they were there specifically to protect the Queen.

 _So...where is Marco?_ Esra wondered, searching the stage carefully. _Working alongside the royal family was something he said he wanted to do...oh. That's right..._

Perhaps it was because she had not seen it happen, but Esra often forgot that Marco had died. Even though it had been several months, she still thought of him often and wondered how he was doing, how his life as a graduated soldier was. That life had ended, though, and while she did not know the details of his passing, she was sure that it was something he had not deserved in the slightest. Marco had practically been her brother; she would never be able to forgive whatever killed him.

Sighing through her nose, Esra's gaze wandered back over to the Garrison soldiers. She knew Yasmin had to be among them, but her sister blended into the crowd, as usual. Still, Esra kept searching--she wanted to be able to find her right after the ceremony and at least say hi. It had been too long since they had last talked, but she could imagine how busy the Garrison had been with all that had been happening. Living as a trainee was like living in a bubble.

At last, Esra caught sight of her sister in the crowd; she was standing next to her friends, Rosaleen and Milena, as expected.

 _...Huh? Wasn't there one more of them?_ Esra thought, staring at the back of Rosaleen's bright red ponytail. _...Maybe I just imagined that_.

Her gaze snapped back to the stage just as Historia knelt down to receive her crown. Again, Esra found herself staring at the Police soldiers on stage. They looked so impressive, so dignified. There was no way that they were like the other people who joined the Police--cowardly freeloaders with no work ethic. No, there was definitely something special about them. She could see it in the way they held themselves.

“We present to you, Queen Historia!” one of the officials said, and the audience burst into applause, Esra included. “We pledge our loyalty to you, we will honor your judgment, and we will seek your guidance! Offer up your hearts!”

Without hesitation, Esra brought her fist to her chest in a salute. She could sense the audience starting to grow restless, and she wiggled her knees, keeping an eye on Yasmin in her peripherals.

“We all stand as witnesses here today to this momentous occasion,” the official went on. “Let this be a new stepping stone for mankind!”

Again, applause filled the hall, but this time, Esra found herself enamored with who she assumed to be the leader of the elite Police soldiers. The man's eyes were staring straight ahead, as if he did not even see Queen Historia right in front of him. Something about his posture, his entire demeanor, spoke of confidence and courage. The young woman standing next to him was similar in her posture, but there was an unspoken air of fragility to her that Esra could see even from afar. They were different from the others on that stage, she could tell.

“Please file out of the hall in an orderly manner,” a man then said, gesturing to the doors placed around the room. Esra could not hear what he said next; the entire hall was quickly filled with murmurs of conversation, growing to a loud hum.

“I'll be back!” Esra exclaimed to her friend in the row in front of her. “I have to find my sister!”

 

…......

 

“Those Military Police aren't fuckin' around,” Milena murmured as the elites guided Historia off-stage. Yasmin pursed her lips, shrugging.

“She's the Queen now,” she said. “What did you expect?”

“They looked so strict,” Rosaleen added, grimacing. “I'm so glad I like my job. There's literally no pressure to take a promotion into the Police.”

Yasmin nodded, glancing around the room. She had already lost track of the Survey Corps soldiers; Armin had been the first one she noticed, followed by Jean, Eren, and Captain Levi. All of them had disappeared in the crowd now, though, and she could not help but feel disappointed. They had _just_ been talking about a reunion, and this would have been a great chance.

 _They're probably busy_ , Yasmin told herself as she stood still next to her friends.

“Yasmin!?”

At the sound of a familiar voice, Yasmin whirled around, her eyes widening. One of the trainees was running toward her--it was Esra, her beloved sister.

“Esra!!” Yasmin cried, running to meet her little sister. Before she could stop herself, she grabbed the girl and hugged her tightly. It had only been a few months, but so much had happened since then. The last time they had met, Marco was still alive.

“I'm so glad you're okay!” Esra exclaimed, sounding cheerful as ever. “It feels like it's been so long since I last saw you...”

“Because so much...has happened...” Yasmin pushed Esra away, looking into her sister's bright, light-brown eyes. “...Do you know about Marco?”

“Yes,” Esra said, nodding. “I heard from Mom.”

Yasmin opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, hoarse sobs escaped her throat. She felt embarrassed--she thought she had mastered the art of holding these feelings back by now. Maybe it was because this was Esra, her sister, someone who knew her better than most people. It would have been pointless to pretend things were fine.

“We lost...so many of our friends,” Milena murmured, and Yasmin nodded.

“...My sister...” Rosaleen whispered, and Esra's eyes widened.

“I noticed she was gone!” Esra breathed. “But I never thought... I'm so sorry.”

Esra reached out and took Rosaleen's hand in hers, giving her a gentle smile, one that Yasmin had seen a thousand times before. Rosaleen's eyes grew watery, and she pursed her lips, her chin trembling.

“...I'm sorry things have been so rough,” Esra went on, slowly releasing Rosaleen's hand and sighing. “But just think--with our new Queen, things will improve, won't they?”

“I hope so,” Yasmin murmured. “God, do I hope so, Esra...”

Wiping her eyes, Yasmin looked away from her sister, glancing aimlessly around the room. It felt as though someone was watching her, and instinctively she started to search the crowd for familiar faces again. She did not find any of her friends, but one face did stand out from the others--a woman in a Survey Corps jacket was looking her way, eyes slightly narrowed in a mix of concern and curiosity. Yasmin recognized her right away.

Before she could even react, though, the woman quickly turned away; she followed another Survey Corps soldier out of the room and soon disappeared.

“Yasmin, are you okay?” Esra asked, gently rubbing her hand on Yasmin's forearm.

“I'm fine,” she replied, nodding. “Just thinking about my friends, I guess.”

“You should rest. Oh, and...for the holidays, I'll see you at home, right?” Esra beamed at Yasmin. She hardly looked her age with such an innocent smile. “We can catch up then. I'm sure you have some funny stories, too!”

“I do,” Yasmin laughed, blinking back tears. Pulling her sister close again, she hugged her tightly, running a hand over her hair. “Take care of yourself, okay? Work hard.”

“Don't worry, I will! I have to make it into the Military Police, after all!”

“Ah...” Raising her eyebrows, Yasmin stared down at her sister. The bright smile was gone, and there was a look of determination unlike she had ever seen before. In that moment, she resembled their father more than she ever had before.

“Good luck!” Milena exclaimed, giving Esra a thumbs up.

“You'll be fine!” Rosaleen agreed, nodding. “But even if you don't make it, you're always welcome here!”

“I can do it,” Esra told them, nodding. “I have to. It's...my duty.”

To Yasmin's surprise, Esra then quickly walked away without another word.

“...Esra...” she murmured, tilting her head as the girl blended into the crowd of trainees. “...What are you thinking?”

 


	67. Think It Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to the Military Police headquarters reveals more allies for the Survey Corps, just in time for the holidays.

_“Aw, she's so cute!”_

_“She looks just like you, Bruno.”_

_Bruno could feel Bianca shying away from Rowen and Catherine as they gazed down at her. He had not really wanted to introduce her just yet, but his friends had been insistent, and Bianca had agreed to it. It was obvious that she was having second thoughts now, but Bruno was proud of her for trying anyway._

_“...I'm Bianca,” Bianca murmured, sticking close to Bruno's side. Rowen smiled at her brightly, then looked back at Bruno._

_“Catherine's right--you two look a lot alike,” he laughed._

_“My name is Catherine,” Catherine said, holding out her hand to Bianca. This was by far the most gentle Bruno had ever seen her act or heard her talk. “It's nice to meet you. Thank you for coming out here to see us.”_

_Hesitantly, Bianca took Catherine's hand; Bruno understood her reluctance, but to his pleasant surprise, Catherine had no reaction to Bianca's small, cold hand._

_“Order whatever you want tonight,” Rowen told her. “Dinner is on us!”_

_Bruno smiled in appreciation, and he glanced at Bianca to see if she might thank him. She was still staring up at Catherine, the fear in her gaze starting to fade._

_“...Is that true?” she asked, and Catherine smiled, nodding. “...Thank you.”_

 

“So what is it you're doing today, again?”

Turning to give Levi a frustrated glare, Catherine pulled the fastener of her cloak around her neck. She could feel the cold winter air on the other side of the stable door, and it made her heart jump with excitement. Winter had come a little late this year, but now it was in full swing, and it was hard not to hope for a good snowfall.

“I'm going to talk to a couple of members of Bruno's unit about joining my squad,” she reminded him, and he grimaced in response. “Sure you don't want to come with me?”

“I'll pass,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “It's too cold out.”

Catherine let out a laugh, shaking her head.

“For someone who was born in winter, you sure have a hard time dealing with this weather, don't you?” she teased him, reaching out to open the door. To her amusement, Levi took a large step backward.

“Sue me.” He rolled his eyes, then sighed. “You'll be back by dinner tonight?”

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna miss your birthday party,” Catherine assured him, smirking. “I'll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

Pulling open the stable door, Catherine was greeted with a blast of wintry air and the smell of a barn. She was so glad she had the opportunity to enjoy this weather, especially on a ride all the way out to the Military Police headquarters.

“C'mon, you ready?” Catherine murmured, walking toward her horse. “It's a long trip today.”

Before long, Catherine was seated on top of her saddle and speeding toward Hermiha's front gate. If she kept up a good pace, she would be at headquarters by lunchtime.

Time had passed rather quickly since the events of Erwin's near execution and their operation to recover Levi. Historia had been the Queen for two months now, and so far the transition had been going smoothly. The Central Military Police had been fully dismantled, and Bruno and his squad had been put in charge of several smaller squads that had lost their leaders during the events of Female Titan's appearance in Stohess. She seemed to really be working hard to clean up the corruption within Military Police and take away their excess power.

 _All the more reason to do this now_ , Catherine told herself. _While things are peaceful, we have to prepare ourselves._

Although she was a bit discouraged by how long things were taking, she knew that today would be a huge step forward. She had already met with Nile, and with both his and Bruno's approval, she would be free to choose her members from the Military Police ranks. It was not anything that she had had to mull over, though--she had known from the start who she wanted in her squad. All she needed was for them to agree.

Her trip to the Police headquarters passed quickly and quietly; when she arrived, Bruno was waiting for her at the front door.

“How are you?” he asked as she brought her horse to a stop in front of him.

“Fine, I guess.” She hopped down from the saddle, then shrugged. “It's just another day in the Corps.”

“You'd never guess it was Christmas Eve,” Bruno agreed, nodding. He let out a quiet sigh; Catherine could see his breath. “Well, let me show you to the visitor's stable, then we can head inside. It's freezing out here.”

Catherine chuckled darkly, taking her horse's reins in her hand.

“You've always been a sissy when it comes to the cold, haven't you?” she mumbled.

“What about it?” Bruno muttered in reply, quickly walking toward the large building adjacent to their headquarters. “If memory serves, you were never one to do well in summer.”

“Touché.”

No matter how much Bruno teased her or frustrated her, Catherine was still grateful for his loyalty as a friend. He had seen her at her worst, yet he had remained a faithful friend to her all these years. Spending time with him always reminded of her of why she had joined the military--it renewed her fighting spirit.

“Have you chosen anyone else for your squad yet?” Bruno asked her as they headed inside. Catherine had been inside their headquarters before, but the ornate marble ceilings and clean floors always stunned her.

“I've asked Jean Kirschtein and Armin Arlert to think it over,” Catherine replied, glancing around as Bruno led her toward the conference. “Armin seemed interested, but Jean was much more hesitant.”

“What will you do if he says no?”

“Come up with someone else, of course.” As they reached the room, Catherine jerked her head toward the door. “Same thing goes for them, too.”

“...Understood.”

Bruno pulled open the door, revealing two familiar faces sitting at the table inside.

“It's been a while, Bianca, Claus...” Catherine murmured, smiling at the pair. They exchanged confused glances, then looked back up at her. “I need your help.”

 

…......

 

It had been a few months since Claus had last seen Catherine, and even longer since they had actually held a conversation. He was by no means unhappy to see her, but he was a bit confused as to why. If she wanted the help of the Police, why was she coming to them? Would Bruno not be enough help?

 _If not, then what could she possibly want..._? Claus wondered as Catherine sat down across from them. Bruno sat next to Bianca, not bothering to offer a word of explanation.

“...I know the two of you are busier than ever right now,” Catherine began, lacing her fingers together and setting her hands on the table. “Queen Historia has given you extra responsibilities in these past two months, and I figure that must be something you both are still trying to adjust to... Still, I wanted to speak with you about this...”

Catherine paused, glancing down at the table, then back up at them.

“You may or may not have heard this already, but I'm starting a special squad,” she continued. “That may seem like it doesn't involve you, but actually, I'm going to bring in members from all three regiments to help me.”

 _I didn't even know that was something you could do_ , Claus thought, sitting upright in surprise.

“It's an academic squad--basically, I'm going to teach the members a dead language that appears to be connected to what might be a link to a Titan civilization. If you're interested, I'd like to have you two join me.” Catherine smiled at them, her expression gentle. “You both are excellent soldiers, and your scores in the classroom were very high. Both of you have qualities I know I'll need in this squad.”

“...I...still have a lot of questions for you before I agree to anything,” Claus told her, glancing at Bianca. “You said you're bringing in members from all three regiments? So this isn't a squad of the Survey Corps?”

“That's right,” Catherine replied, nodding. “If you _do_ choose to join, it won't change your allegiance to the Police. You'll still prioritize your activities in this regiment. I can't force you to do anything beyond that, really--unless it has direct involvement to my squad's goals.”

“Where would we meet?” Bianca asked.

“The Survey Corps headquarters is the most convenient place. I know it's far for you guys, but if we met anywhere else, I would be forced to transport all of our study materials to every meeting.”

“..Fair enough,” Bianca murmured, sitting back in her chair.

 _“Fair enough”?!_ Claus wanted to shout, looking at his best friend incredulously. _For someone with so many secrets, you sure are acting calm about this. Don't you realize what could happen...?_

“W-Well, I still have some doubts,” Claus said quickly, and Catherine nodded.

“Sure, I understand,” she replied. “I'm willing to make changes, if necessary.”

“How often will we meet?” he asked. “Because if we have to go out there every day, that's just unrealistic.”

“Oh, no, of course not. I'd never make anyone put up with that. I'm thinking that Tuesdays and Thursdays would be enough, maybe starting around one o'clock and lasting until dinnertime.”

“Do you really think that'd be enough time, though?” Claus crossed his arms. “Only twice a week for a few hours--how are we expected to learn a language with such little exposure?”

“Well, I suppose I could change to a different schedule, but I don't want to overwhelm you all, especially at first,” Catherine explained. “Of course, this being said, I do expect you to study on your own, especially if you're struggling with anything in particular.”

“But--”

“Claus.” Bianca's voice was crisp and stern; her eyes were narrowed and piercing his. “Stop being belligerent. If you don't want to do it, then just say so. If you have any actual concerns, then tell her. This isn't a game--it might seem peaceful right now, but we're still in a fight for our lives. Never forget what we've sacrificed to get to this point. We have to keep sacrificing in order to continue on.”

Biting his lip, Claus faced Catherine again, whose face was calm and did not have the slightest trace of anger upon it. He had expected to see her characteristic scowl, but instead there was a trace of understanding in her eyes.

 _...Is it the same way for you...?_ he wondered, frowning as he stared down at the polished wooden table. _Are you afraid of losing someone, too? Is that why you have that look on your face?_

“...I'm sorry,” Claus murmured, shaking his head. “...Bianca, what will you do?”

“It's going to be a lot of responsibility,” Bruno told her. “I think you can handle it, but I don't want you to wear yourself out. I need you here, too.”

Claus noticed a small smile cross Bianca's lips, and he felt his heart clench.

“I'm going to do it,” she announced. “If it proves to be too much for me to handle, then I... will accept the consequences of my actions.”

“Are you sure?” Bruno asked quietly.

“I'm sure,” Bianca replied, staring at her brother. Claus could see his face soften.

“I'll do it, too,” Claus declared. “I don't want to lose sight of the future we've been working for this whole time. If I can be of use in your squad, then I'll do my best to fulfill that role.”

“Glad to hear it,” Catherine said with a small smile. “Both of you will be great assets to the squad. I have yet to decide the other members, and it may take some time, but I'll be sure to keep you updated as more members are added--and when the schedule is finalized, too.”

Reaching out toward the two of them, Catherine put one of her hands on each of theirs. A serious expression appeared on her face, and Claus felt her hand tighten around his.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “I'm counting on you two.”

 

…......

 

Sighing through his nose as he followed Catherine out of the conference room, Bruno ran a hand through his curly hair. He had not expected Bianca to actually agree to join this squad, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he should have known from the beginning that she would. Bianca had always respected Catherine, and she trusted her.

 _I can understand that_ , he thought as Catherine let out a loud sigh.

“There's two down,” she murmured, putting a hand to her forehead. “This is taking forever, Bruno.”

“Be patient,” he told her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Ugh, no. You know I'm terrible at that.” Catherine shrugged his hand off, turning to face him. “...Was it like this for you?”

“What, when I started a squad, you mean?” Bruno shook his head. “You can't even compare the two. What you're trying to do is kind of...”

“Crazy?” Catherine let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I know. But being crazy is what gets shit done.”

Bruno let out a sigh, muttering, “You're not wrong.”

“...You seem to be doing better now,” Catherine then said quietly, walking down the hallway. “You were exhausted when I came to see you last time.”

“I'm fine,” Bruno reassured her. He had so much more that he wanted to say, but he did not know how to tell her about the nightmares that had lasted for weeks after his showdown with Kenny, or the burning jealousy in his heart every time he thought back to the way she had looked at Levi.

“Uh-huh, sure you are.” Catherine gave him a smirk that bordered on a grimace. “Don't act like you don't have your weaknesses, too.”

“I'm changing the subject--about your squad, do you really think studying this language is going to lead to something?”

“All signs point to a connection to the Titans. It's too coincidental to ignore it.”

“...If so, be careful.” Bruno pursed his lips as Catherine flicked her eyes up at him.

“Of what, exactly?” she muttered, raising an eyebrow.

“You surely know by now that the royal family's history is linked with the Titans.” Bruno lowered his voice. “The Queen is cooperative and focused on keeping the peace, but she was once allies with Titan shifters, too. If something was to sway her toward their side, this era of peace will come to an abrupt halt.”

“Is that so?” Catherine murmured. She paused for a moment, folding her arms across her chest. Bruno smiled to himself; she always stopped walking whenever she was deep in thought, and it was apparent that her habit had stuck with her even after ten years.

“Unfortunately,” Bruno replied.

“...Well, if that's the case, then we'll work our asses off to prevent that from affecting our studies,” she declared. “Besides, I don't think a man like Bruno Sertoli is really all that thrilled about having a monarchy, no matter how 'good' it seems to be.”

“We're not going to talk about that here,” he hissed, and Catherine chuckled.

“Sorry, sorry.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “No matter what happens, though, I know you'll be working your ass off, too. I trust you.”

Catherine reached out and took Bruno's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I should get going,” she murmured. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Hopefully things will go smoothly for you,” he sighed, giving her a small smile.

“With you around, I'm sure they will.” Catherine's smile brightened as she released his hand. “Merry Christmas, Bruno.”

“Merry Christmas. Have a safe trip back.”

Catherine gave him a cheerful nod, then turned and walked toward the stables, disappearing around a corner. Bruno felt a knot rise up in his throat; for some reason, it felt as though this would be their last meeting.

 _I'll see her again_ , he reassured himself. _She promised to keep living._

 

…......

 

“Yeesh...what a day...” Narrowing his eyes, Jean glanced down the table at Eren, who was in deep conversation with Mikasa. In a slightly louder voice, he added, “Good thing tomorrow is Christmas! I know how _I'm_ going to spend my day!”

“Asleep?” Armin asked, smirking.

“Hell yeah. What of it?”

“Nothing, nothing...”

Jean let out a loud sigh, stretching his arms out over the table. If the room had not been so noisy, he could have fallen asleep right then and there. Of course, it was not that he _wanted_ to fall asleep right at that moment anyway--not in the middle of a public function. He had to at least pretend to be having a good time at this Christmas party.

“Say, Armin, have you given any more thought to that special squad?” Jean asked, sitting upright and taking a sip of cider.

“A little bit,” he replied, shrugging. “I think I'm going to do it. It sounds like a great opportunity.”

“I can't decide.” Jean let out a frustrated sigh. “I mean, I don't think it's a _bad_ idea. In fact, it's kind of convenient for us, being in Captain Levi's squad and all that... I just don't know why I'm being offered to join in the first place.”  
“You're not dumb, Jean,” Armin laughed. “Your test scores were higher than most in our class, right?”

“Yeah, but not _that_ high. And I just got lucky most of the time. I'm a good guesser.”

Armin chuckled again, slowly shaking his head. Jean could tell he was preparing a sarcastic remark, but before either of them could say a word, he heard a familiar voice call out his name.

“Jean!? Is that you?”

“No way...” Jean groaned, turning toward the sound of his mother's voice. Sure enough, his mother was hurrying over to him, a huge smile on her face.

“Oh, Mrs. Kirschstein!” Sasha exclaimed, waving to the woman as she passed by.

“Hello again, you sweeties!”

Jean resisted sticking out his tongue in disgust. He did not hate his mother, but she was by far one of the most annoying people he knew. Why she had decided to show up now, he could only imagine.

“Jeanbo, my boy!” Before Jean could protest, his mother scooped him into her arms, squeezing him tightly.

“Ma, stop!” he hissed, pushing her hands off of him. “What do you think you're doing!? Didn't we _talk_ about this?”

“We did, but I have a real reason for coming this time!”

It was then that Jean noticed the large sacks hanging from his mother's arms. They were full of plainly wrapped boxes.

“Ma--”

“They're from me and the Wagners,” she told him gently, and Jean's heart sank. “I told them I wanted to bring you and your friends something, and they insisted that they do the same. They're such good people...”

Without another word of protest, Jean slowly sat down, turning away from his mother as she bustled about, handing out gifts to his friends.

“It's nothing much, just trinkets to keep your spirits up!” she exclaimed, handing presents to Eren and Mikasa.

“Thank you,” Mikasa murmured, her eyes glittering with genuine gratitude.

“You didn't have to go to all this trouble for us,” Eren said.

“Nonsense-- _someone_ has to make sure you're all taken care of!”

Jean placed his chin in his hand as he watched Armin take a gift from his mother's hands.

“You're too kind,” Armin told her, beaming. “Just like Jean.”

“Oi,” Jean growled, glaring at his friend.

“Now, aren't you the sweetest thing?” Jean felt his mother clamp her hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “I wish I could say that I agreed.”

“Ma!”

But his mother ignored him, moving on to Connie and Sasha.

“You should come every year!” Connie exclaimed, giving Jean a knowing side-glance.

“Yes! Next year, we will prepare something nice for you!” Sasha added.

“That would be lovely!”

Jean turned away from the scene, trying to tune his mother out. He knew her intentions were good, but her presence made him feel like a child again; mentioning the Wagner family made him even more sullen.

When was the last time he had thought about Thomas? Mina? His friends who died in Trost, all of them...they died too soon, without knowing how wonderful the world could really be.

 _Marco..._ Jean clenched his fist, narrowing his eyes. _You wanted to make this world better. I should learn from you._

“...I think...” Jean paused, glancing up at Armin, who was staring at him now. “...I think I'm gonna join that squad.”

“Really?” Armin asked.

“Well...I'm not sure yet, and this might just be my emotions getting the better of me, but...maybe this is part of something I have to do to make this world less shitty.” Jean let out a quiet laugh. “It's not really my cup of tea, but if it has to be done, I'll do my best to do it.”

“I'm glad to hear you say that, Jean.”

Glancing to his left, Jean watched as his mother sat down beside him, giving him a gentle smile. He was not sure how long she had been listening, but it was obvious that she had at least heard his last statement loud and clear.

“Don't eavesdrop,” he mumbled.

“Jean, I'm proud of you.” His mother held out a small box; he could see a tag with his name on it. “I know you'll do the right thing--you've grown up a lot since you left home, and you're becoming a leader. Please, whatever you do, don't give up yourself.”

“...I won't,” Jean assured her, gently hugging his mother. “I...just have to give this particular decision some extra thought.”

“Take your time, dear. Don't do anything you'll regret.”

“I've been hearing that one a lot lately...”

Armin let out a laugh, nodding in agreement.

“Armin, take care of Jean.” As she placed a hand on Jean's head, he side-eyed his mother, his irritation returning. “He can be a bit dim, but he's a good boy. Keep an eye on him.”

“I won't let you down,” Armin said with a grin.

“Merry Christmas, Jeanbo.” Jean flinched as he felt his mother kiss his head. “Enjoy your day off!”

“Yeah, yeah... Merry Christmas...”

Sighing heavily, Jean slouched, resting his elbows on the table.

 _What am I gonna do...?_ Jean asked himself, closing his eyes as he tried to envision himself making the choice. His mind was a blur, though, and instead of dwelling on it, he pushed it to the back of his mind, letting the noise of the dining hall fill his head instead.

 

 


	68. The Families They Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas day, the one day of the year where the military can relax and live as if they were normal people, too.

_“Hanji, do you have any ideas for what you want to do for your birthday?” Moblit asked, grinning at his friend. She shrugged, sighing loudly._

_“Not anything good,” she replied, swinging her legs over the side of the bench and facing him. She then glanced at Levi, who was sitting by himself nearby. “Oi, Levi! You can sit with us, you know! C'mon, we don't bite!”_

_“No,” Levi muttered, but Hanji had already scooted over to him, giving him a playful grin. Moblit could not believe that Levi had not beaten up Hanji yet; he was an impatient man, and dealing with Hanji required a lot of patience._

_“Gimme some ideas, Levi,” she said. “What do you do for your birthday?”_

_Not surprisingly, Levi did not reply, but his expression visibly softened, and he lowered his gaze. Moblit knew that he had grown up in the underground, but...surely he knew his own birthday._

_“What's that face for?” Hanji also had noticed his expression, and she peered into his face. “Don't you celebrate your birthday?”_

_“...I don't have one,” Levi murmured, glaring at her. “I don't know when it is.”_

_“You mean, you don't know when you were born?” Hanji gasped. “Levi, you know what that means, right? We're just going to have to choose a date for you!”_

_“Don't,” Levi hissed, but Hanji was already rattling off different days. Sighing through his nose, Moblit gave Levi a sympathetic smile. As annoying as she could sometimes be, Hanji meant well. Normally, Moblit would have tried to stop her, but she was genuinely trying to be nice, and it seemed like Levi needed more kindness in his life._

 

Armin woke up Christmas morning before anyone else in his dorm room; Connie was still snoring, Jean was curled up under several layers of blankets, and their other roommates had left long ago. The room seemed empty, and it gave him a sense of loneliness that did not seem to fit the mood of this special day.

Regardless, Armin slipped his feet into a pair of slippers and stood from his bunk. He grabbed his robe and threw it on, then quietly closed his hand around his key on the desk. Soon he was out of the room, gently closing the door behind him.

The hallway was cold, and as Armin descended the stairs to the girls' floor, where Mikasa was waiting for him.

“Oh good, you're awake,” Armin whispered, smiling. Mikasa gave him a small nod, glancing at the stairs. “All right, let's go.”

Mikasa quickly walked toward the stairs, and Armin trailed behind, following her down to the first floor, then down one more flight to the basement level. It was cool and damp, as usual, and Armin pulled the sleeves of his robe over his hands to keep them warm.

 _I can't believe he has to sleep down here_ , he thought, biting his lip as they rounded the corner. _How does he not freeze to death?_

Mikasa did not even bother to knock on Eren's door; she pushed it open and disappeared into the dark room. Armin followed after her, quietly shutting the door behind him. The only light in Eren's room was coming from a small window at the very top corner of the wall opposite his bed. Armin could not see anything out of it; it appeared to be frosted over.

Eren had been in the Corps for about three months now, and Armin assumed that he had gotten used to this environment, but it was still somewhat unbelievable. Was Eren really that much of a threat? Now that the old government was gone, there was really no reason to keep those stupid promises and compromises they had made back then. Surely Eren could be moved to a more suitable living space soon.

“Merry Christmas,” Mikasa murmured, kneeling next to Eren on his bed. Slowly, Eren opened his eyes, then his body jolted in shock.

“M-Mikasa!” Eren shouted, sounding more embarrassed than angry. “What the hell are you doing down here?!”

“It's a holiday--I have to spend time with my family.”

Armin laughed quietly as Eren let out a frustrated sigh. Mikasa ignored him, curling up next to him in bed.

“Merry Christmas, Eren,” Armin said, walking over to the bed and sitting down. “If you want, I can make us all something for breakfast.”

“Yeah, as soon as Mikasa lets go of my arm,” Eren replied, pushing on Mikasa's back in a futile attempt to pry her off of him.

“I'm not moving,” she murmured, her eyes closed.

Armin exchanged glances with Eren; there was a spark of mischief in the latter's eyes, and a wry grin appeared on his face. Slowly, Eren reached around Mikasa and poked her in the side with two fingers. She let out a quiet scream, releasing Eren's arm instinctively.

“Oh, _sorry_ , Mikasa,” Eren said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Are you ticklish? I guess I never realized...”

“...Now I really won't leave,” she grumbled.

“Come on, Mikasa.” Armin reached down and gently pulled on her arm. “Let's go upstairs. It's cold down here.”

Reluctantly, Mikasa sat upright, and Eren did the same, shaking out his hair.

“It's going to take more than that to fix your bedhead,” Armin teased him. Eren glared at him as he slipped on some shoes and followed him toward the door.

“Sorry I don't wake up looking as beautiful as you,” he muttered.

“You have a bad attitude, so that's why you don't wake up looking good,” Mikasa told him, running a hand over Armin's hair. “See? Look at Armin. He's a good kid.”

As Eren and Mikasa bickered, Armin smiled to himself. Despite having lost his parents and grandfather to the wrath of the Titans, he was grateful to have Eren and Mikasa with him. He had lost many of his friends over the past year, but those two had survived--he still had a family to turn to, and to celebrate things with, to love and be loved in return. Not everyone was so lucky.

“What do you guys want to eat?” Armin asked them. “I think there's enough stock left for me to make pancakes with eggs!”

“That sounds great,” Mikasa replied, giving him a sincere smile.

“Thanks, Armin,” Eren added, grinning. Armin smiled back at them, feeling warmth rising up in him despite the cold.

“It's nothing.”

 

…......

 

Christmas day was just like any other day for Levi. He did not change his routine--he did not sleep in or take a chance to relax. With the way things were, he knew that he could not afford to slack off, despite his comrades insisting that having a day off was a necessity. However, if other people wanted to take the day to rest, he could not judge them for it.

After all, Levi did not have a home to visit, nor did he have a family to return to. As far as he knew, his relatives were all dead now, and he was not close enough with anyone to be invited to someone's house for family dinner. He did not mind, though--alone time was something he enjoyed, or at least, he enjoyed the feeling of productivity he received from it.

Levi typically ate breakfast earlier than most people, but one person he usually found in the dining hall at the oddest hours of the morning was Catherine. Usually they did not speak to each other much, other than an initial greeting; she typically studied while eating breakfast, and Levi despised small talk anyway. Therefore, he was only a little surprised to see her up and in her usual spot in the cafeteria that morning, too.

“You're not going home for the holidays?” he asked, and Catherine glanced up at him, her eyes lined with dark circles.

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” she muttered, her chin resting in her hand. “ _No_ , I'm not going home. Why do you ask?”

“No reason--I was just surprised to see you here.”

“Aren't we all.”

Levi raised his eyebrow at Catherine, frowning. She was acting like more of a brat than usual.

“Did the meeting yesterday not go well?” he asked.

“Ohhh my god, please stop talking to me,” she murmured, holding her head in her hands.

“What the hell?” Levi glared at her. “I didn't even do anything worth getting shitty over. What's your problem?”

To Levi's surprise, Catherine collapsed onto the table, nearly landing face-first in her breakfast.

“...Sorry,” she mumbled, her voice muffled. “I have a hangover.”

That blunt explanation was absurd enough to cause Levi to let out a quiet laugh through his nose. In response, Catherine turned her head to look at him, her eyes widening.

“Did you just _laugh_?” she asked. “Oh my god. So you _do_ have a sense of humor.”

“Any particular reason you drank so much last night?” Levi replied, quickly changing the subject. He took a seat next to her, glancing at the open book beside her food.

“Rowen.” Catherine yawned, stretching her arms out over the table. “I should've known better than to try to keep up with him.”

“Where is Rowen now?”

“Visiting Lucia and her family.”

“You didn't go with him?”

“God, Levi, give me some credit. I have more tact than that,” Catherine said, lifting her head. “I make good judgment calls.”

“Right--which is exactly why you have a hangover this morning.”

Catherine pointed at him lazily.

“You got me there,” she told him, sitting upright at last. “By the way--happy birthday. ...See what I just did? I changed the subject on you.”

“It's not my birthday,” Levi murmured, watching as Catherine's face fell.

“Huh? Then why did we have a party?”

“Because of that shitty four-eyes.” Levi narrowed his eyes, looking away from Catherine.

“Then...when _is_ your birthday?” Catherine reached out toward Levi, gently grabbing his arm. “We should celebrate it then instead.”

“I...”

This was a story Levi had told a thousand times by now, but for some reason, he was having a harder time than usual choosing the words he wanted to say. Perhaps it was because of how genuine Catherine's response had been. Maybe it was because he was tired of people asking him about it. Either way, he was silent for almost a full minute before he finally spoke again.

“I don't know my real birthday,” he admitted. “Hanji is the one who started celebrating my birthday on Christmas, since all I know is that I was born in the winter.”

Catherine let out a low hum in response, releasing Levi's arm.

“...Well, now you'll never be able to forget your birthday again, right?” she said, resting her elbows on the table. “Birthdays are a little overrated, in my opinion. It's like, wow! You were forced into the world on this day! Happy anniversary of struggling to survive!”

“...Are you being serious right now?” Levi asked her slowly. She nodded.

“You bet I am. The world doesn't care as much about you any more than on the other days of the year, while you're just doing your damnedest to keep living. Am I wrong?”

Levi sighed, shaking his head.

“Go back to bed,” he muttered, standing and walking over toward his cabinet of tea. He heard Catherine let out a laugh behind him.

“I think...I'm just going to sleep right here,” she said, once again resting her head on the table.

By the time Levi returned to the table, she was fast asleep, her head resting on her open book as if it was a pillow. She stayed asleep as he sat there in silence, her quiet breathing the only noise in the room. For the first time in a while, headquarters felt peaceful to him.

 

…......

 

Despite winter being her favorite season, Bianca had never been a huge fan of Christmas. It was probably linked to the fact that she had not spent many Christmases like a normal person--celebrating with her family and spending the day relaxing. Still, she did not have a problem with other people celebrating it. She knew she was in the minority, and also that Bruno felt the same way.

However, for the past few years, she had been participating in a new Christmas tradition that made her actually enjoy the day.

Claus was her best friend, and he was also an only child. His parents were wealthy and owned a house larger than they really needed, but it was perfect for hosting small parties. He had made the comment more than once that his house was never empty, and judging by how friendly his mother was and how well-known his father was, Bianca believed it.

She had never thought that she would become one of those guests, but in their first year in the Police, Claus had invited her to Christmas dinner at his house. At Bruno's insistence, she had accepted, and it was then that she realized not only how lucky Claus was to have a family waiting on him, but also how grateful she was for his friendship. He made her feel included.

The next year, the invitation was extended to Bruno as well, and ever since, the three of them had visited Claus' parents on Christmas day, exchanging gifts and preparing dinner, as if they had been a family from the very beginning. This year was really no different.

“I'm surprised you didn't invite Serene,” Bianca told Claus as they arrived at the house. The red-head let out a sigh, shrugging.

“I did--but she and her brother had a get-together with their cousins,” he explained. “They have a pretty big family, from what she's told me.”

“I'm glad I don't have that,” Bruno murmured. “One sibling is enough.”

As she approached the front door to the Rasmussen's house, Bianca kicked Bruno in the shin, just enough to make him regret that sarcastic remark.

“See what I mean?” Bruno chuckled. “You're lucky, Claus.”

Claus only let out a weak laugh; Bianca side-eyed him, smirking. She knew he would not say anything more--she had not lost an argument to him yet, and she was not planning on breaking that streak anytime soon.

Claus' mother, Ira, answered the door after only two knocks.

“I thought I heard you outside!” she cried, pulling Claus in for a tight hug.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, patting her on the head. He stood several inches taller than her; she looked like a child standing next to him. The only clues that they were related were their bright red hair and energetic green eyes.

“Ohhh, and Bianca!” Ira grabbed Bianca next, holding her tightly. “I hope Claus hasn't given you too much trouble lately.”

“He hasn't been so bad this year,” Bianca joked, glancing at Claus, who playfully stuck out his tongue at her.

“And, of course, Bruno.”

“Hello,” Bruno said quietly as Ira hugged him. Bianca let out a quiet laugh; he looked like a Titan standing next to her.

“Aha! I wondered what all the ruckus was!”

Svend Rasmussen, sharply dressed as always, poked his head out of a room and headed toward them down the hallway.

“Hey, kids,” he said, pulling both Claus and Bianca in for a hug. “You two don't look any worse for wear, eh?”

“No--Bianca takes good care of Claus,” Ira teased, and Claus let out a groan.

Bianca's mother had died when she was still young, and her father had not lived much longer. She had spent most of her life in almost total isolation with Bruno; some of that was just the nature of their lives, but some of that had been her choice. Her definition of family was so different than this--Rowen, Lucia, and Catherine had been the closest thing to siblings she had ever had besides Bruno, but she did not write them letters, or go out of her way to visit them, or insist on reunions on certain days of the year to celebrate this or that.

However, Bianca did not mind Claus' family. In fact, it felt good to be around them. She was not an outgoing person, but she did not _have_ to be in order to get along with the Rasmussens. Whether or not she could call them “family,” she was still not sure, but she had people to turn to, and people who loved her, so that was enough--their bond did not necessarily need a title, it just _was_.

 

…......

 

Yasmin could not help cringing as the outline of her childhood came into her line of vision. The last time she had come home, she had been holding Marco's cloak and belongings, and she had cried until it hurt. Would that ever be something that would fade from her memories?

 _Stop it,_ she told herself, clenching her fists. _There's nothing I can do about that anymore. Today is supposed to be a happy day._

But for Yasmin, there were so many memories tied to Marco because of this place, she could not help but shed a few tears walking toward her house. She could remember running up and down this street as a child, climbing across rooftops and kicking rocks along the beaten path. The alleyways they used to hide in had not changed; the same people probably still lived in these houses.

Pulling her cloak tighter around her body, Yasmin let out a sigh. Her breath appeared in a white cloud in front of her face--a reminder that she still lived, that she should not take that gift for granted.

“Yasmin!”

Esra's voice rang clearly through the quiet winter air, and Yasmin lifted her head in response. She could see Esra coming down the street from the opposite way, waving excitedly.

“Hi!” she exclaimed when they reached each other, pulling Yasmin into a tight hug. “Merry Christmas, Yasmin!”

“Merry Christmas,” Yasmin replied, burying her head into Esra's shoulder. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too! I wish we got more free time to visit!” Esra let out a cheerful laugh, pushing Yasmin away. “C'mon, let's go inside! I'm tired of hauling this bag around.”

Esra gestured to her backpack, presumably filled with gifts for their family. Yasmin was surprised at its size; her own satchel was barely even full. She could not remember her income back in training, but she knew it could not have been that much.

“You went all out, I see,” she commented as Esra knocked on the front door.

“Eh? What do you mean?”

Before Yasmin could ask her more about it, the door opened. Pelin was standing there; even in the few months since Yasmin had last seen her, she looked as if she had aged ten years. Yasmin noted the grey streaks in her hair and felt a prick of guilt.

“Merry Christmas,” Pelin breathed, pulling the girls into her arms. “You girls have no idea how happy I am to see you.”

“We missed you!” Esra laughed. Yasmin said nothing--she could not even bring herself to agree with Esra's statement.

Had she missed home? The more she thought about it, the more she realized how much happier she was living her own life. Yes, she had lost Marco and Erin, and many of her other friends, but those things did not happen just because she joined the military. Staying behind might not have made a difference.

It was not that she hated her family, or her life in Jinae--Yasmin just did not have any lingering attachments to this world anymore.

 _This...might be my last Christmas home_ , she realized, biting her lip as her mother finally released them. She could hear her brothers' thudding footsteps on the staircase as they hurried down. Normally, it would have a been nostalgic sensation, but Yasmin felt nothing.

“You girls wash up--supper is almost ready,” Pelin told them, beaming at them.

Yasmin nodded obediently, taking off her cloak and hanging it on a small hook on the wall. She then removed her jacket, setting it down along with her bag next to the front door. Esra did the same, then the two walked over to the sink.

“You okay?” Esra whispered, peering up into Yasmin's face as she rolled up her sleeves.

“It's fine,” Yasmin murmured, pumping the handle on the sink.

“...Are you thinking of Marco?”

“Yeah...” Yasmin bit her lip; she hated to use her grief as an excuse to hide her real feelings, but she did not want to hurt anyone.

“I'm sorry, Yasmin.” Esra frowned, staring at the water as it trickled from the faucet. “When I heard about him, I knew you'd be so upset. I wanted to go and visit you, but I was afraid that... I don't know. I was afraid I'd make it worse.”

“No, you would have been a good distraction,” Yasmin admitted, laughing quietly to herself.

“A...distraction...?”

“You know what I mean--I don't mean you would have just been convenient.” She smiled at her little sister. “I'm always happy to see you. Being around you puts me in a good mood, and you're a very good listener. You've always been like that, really... I hope the military doesn't change that about you.”

“I...” Esra paused, her eyes wandering the kitchen. “Do you really think I'm such a good person?”

“Of course I do,” Yasmin said quickly. “Unless you've done something unspeakably horrible in the past few months to make me think otherwise?”

“No...I just...” Esra let out a small, sad laugh. “Sometimes I feel bad for having left here.”

“Then why did you?”

“...To be honest, I'm not entirely sure...?” Esra looked up at Yasmin as she turned off the faucet. “...I guess after hearing you and Marco talk about it, I wanted to do something useful, too. Staying here would have just held me back, I think. It would have confined me to this tiny place, where I can only do so much for people. But by joining the military--by joining the Military Police, I can be of use to the world. I can do good things for everyone.”

A feeling of pride welling up in her chest, Yasmin gently knocked her head against Esra's, giggling quietly. Esra let out a laugh as well.

“You're a good kid,” Yasmin told her. “Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And, if you ever start doubting that about yourself, come talk to me, and I'll remind you.”

“...Th-thank you,” Esra murmured. “I love you, Yasmin.”

“I love you, too, Esra.”

 


	69. Dutiful Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the tides have turned, the veterans must pass on their skills to the younger soldiers.   
> The most pressure, however, will be on the Ackermann legacy.

_“Mrs. Jaeger, may I please be done?” Mikasa murmured, glancing up from her almost untouched dinner plate. She had not really felt like eating; the events of her parents' murder was still so fresh in her mind._

_“Are you sure you're finished?” Eren's mother asked, giving Mikasa a concerned but gentle smile._

_“Yes.”_

_“Well, all right.”_

_Mikasa reached for her plate and glass when suddenly Mrs. Jaeger spoke again._

_“But you know, Mikasa, you don't have to call me 'Mrs. Jaeger'--'Karla' is just fine.”_

_Karla's bright gold eyes were kind, but Mikasa still felt hesitant._

_“There's no need for any formalities,” Grisha added. “As long as you're living with us, you're part of this family.”_

_“And even after that,” Karla said. She then leaned over to Eren, who was prodding his food with his fork. It seemed that he, too, had lost his appetite. “What's wrong? Are you jealous that we'll love Mikasa more than you?”_

_“No,” Eren said quickly, his cheeks flushing pink. “...Just because she's my sister doesn't mean I'm jealous of her.”_

_“Your...sister?” Mikasa mouthed, glancing back and forth between the members of the Jaeger family. Was she really part of them now? Could she really consider herself a Jaeger, too? Even if it was not by blood, but by circumstance, she was one of them, right?_

_“Looks like you're one of us now, Mikasa,” Karla laughed, patting both her and Eren on the head. “Welcome to the family.”_

_“...Thank you...Mom...”_

 

Christmas passed without much ado, but Mikasa did not mind the quiet day. She had spent it with Eren and Armin--her family--and that was all she could really ask for. The only bad part was that it was just one day; she was back to her regular routine the next morning.

A new year dawned, the year 851, and Mikasa welcomed it warmly. During this time of relative peace, she had realized just how grateful she was to be alive. So many of their comrades had died, and she too had had many close calls, so she did not want to waste any time, because she knew how quickly that time could be taken away from her now.

Mikasa was just finishing up her workout routine when she heard a knock on the door of the small training room. Wiping her sweating face down with a towel, she glanced up, expecting it to be Sasha or Jean, hoping for it to be Eren.

Instead, it was Captain Levi who showed up in the doorway.

Mikasa immediately froze; usually, whenever Captain Levi showed up unannounced, something serious either had just transpired or was about to unfold. However, the look on his perpetually grumpy face was a relatively calm one.

“Captain?” Mikasa mumbled, wrapping the towel around her shoulders. She felt very bare without Eren's scarf.

“When you're done, I need to talk to you,” he said. He was not in uniform, and she did not sense any urgency in his tone--there was no way to tell what he was up to. “Take your time--I'll be in the southern conference room.”

“...Understood.”

Mikasa did not want to keep Captain Levi waiting long--she knew that he was even more unpleasant when he was feeling impatient--so she hurried over to the changing room and jumped into the shower. Once she was sure the smell of sweat had faded, she quickly wrapped a towel around her body and ducked back into the changing room. She was startled to see someone else in there--it was Squad Leader Hanji.

“Didn't mean to scare you!” Hanji laughed, peeling off her pants and balling them up in her hands. “Oh, that reminds me--Levi was looking for you!”

“I saw him,” Mikasa said, quickly grabbing her clothes. “He wants some kind of meeting.”

Again, Hanji let out a laugh, and Mikasa felt uneasy. Was this some kind of joke? Then again, Hanji _had_ been in a particularly good mood these days--it was entirely possible that she was just laughing more than usual in result.

“Oh, that Levi...” Hanji shook her head. “He doesn't know how to have a normal conversation with someone.”

“Wait,” Mikasa breathed, pulling her shirt over her head. “Are you saying you know what he wants to talk to me about?”

“I have my suspicions,” Hanji admitted. “But hey, if you hurry up, you'll find out soon enough, right? Better not keep that pipsqueak waiting--he's got another meeting later today.”

“All right.”

Sighing through her nose, Mikasa finished getting dressed, quickly gathered her things, and dashed out of the changing room. She didn't bother dropping her stuff off at her room, for fear of making Levi wait even longer.

When she arrived at the conference room, Mikasa knocked on the door gently.

“Come in,” Levi said, his voice muffled through the wood.

Though she was positive that she had done nothing wrong, Mikasa still felt as if she was getting in trouble for something when she walked in. Why were they meeting alone? Had something happened?

 _If this has to do with me visiting Eren in the basement, I'm going to be furious_ , she thought, gripping the handle of her bag tightly.

“Sit down,” Levi commanded, and Mikasa slowly sat across from the man. He looked tired, and even though it had been months since his run-in with the Central Police, there were still faint scars on his face.

 _Wait a minute--the Police_ , Mikasa thought, pursing her lips. Having been caught off-guard by his request, she had forgotten a vital piece of relevant information. There was indeed a reason for Levi to want to meet with her. _The man who captured him, the leader of the Central Police Brigade--his surname was Ackermann...!_

 

…......

 

“...I don't want this to take long, so I'm not gonna bother beating around the bush,” Levi said, looking at Mikasa across the table. She nodded once, her dark eyes staring down at the table. It had never occurred to him before how much they looked alike, but he could see it in her eyes, in her pursed lips--traces of the family lineage.

“I might...already know what this is about,” Mikasa confessed, glancing up at him. “I don't know anything about Kenny Ackermann. We shared the same surname, but I don't know anything about him.”

“That's all right--the same goes for me.” Levi noted Mikasa's confused expression, so he reiterated, “I don't know much about Kenny, but we shared the same surname. I lived with him for some time when I was younger, but the only thing I really know is that he was my uncle, and the leader of the Central Military Police.”

“Your...uncle?” Mikasa echoed.

“I didn't know until his most recent attack. When I was a kid, Kenny didn't even bother to tell me my surname, or what his goal was. He only taught me how to fight, and how to survive.” Levi leaned forward in his seat, staring at Mikasa. “Tell me, Mikasa--have you ever had a moment where you felt overwhelming strength, like you could do anything? Like you were in complete control of yourself?”

“Yes.” Mikasa's eyes lit up in recognition. “I have, several years ago.”

“I've had that moment, too,” Levi murmured. “It's likely that Kenny did as well. From what little I know, it's a trait shared by our family line. Unfortunately, neither your father nor my mother is around to tell us anything more about it, and we won't be seeing Kenny anytime soon, either.”

“You're saying this strength is inherited?” Mikasa asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I guess? I don't really know.” Levi shrugged, sitting back in his chair. “I'm only making guesses based on what I know. It sounds like you know even less than me, so I guess we can only assume this shit.”

The room fell silent, and Levi crossed his arms, sighing through his nose. Talking about family was awkward for him. He could hardly even define what family was, anyway, and talking to someone else about it felt unnatural. Mikasa was probably one of his cousins or something, so they were related, but whether or not that really made them “family,” Levi could not be sure.

Still, he had to try to relate to her; regardless of whether or not they considered each other as family, she was an invaluable asset to humanity, and she had the potential to become even stronger than she already was.

“The point is, you are always going to be one of the strongest people in this world,” Levi finally declared. “We need you to use that strength. I've already spoken to Erwin about this, and now I'm going to tell you: in order to really make use of that strength, you're going to need special training. I want to train you.”

“...Is that really necessary?” Mikasa asked, raising her eyebrows. Levi sighed through his nose; he should have known that she would be resistant.

“I've been using this strength to the best of my abilities over the past five years to protect humanity and make sure things don't get any shittier than they already are,” Levi replied, his right hand curling into a fist. “It's not a matter of choice. Just like Historia, just like Eren--you have a role to play in all of this, too. You have to learn how to use your strength. You don't have a choice, especially if you want to protect Eren.”

Levi watched in silence as Mikasa pursed her lips, her fingers absentmindedly brushing over her worn scarf. He knew that he was being manipulative, but he did not care. The world needed their unnatural strength. Kenny had not tried to protect the world, and Levi knew that he himself had not been able to protect nearly as much as he had in turn destroyed, but Mikasa was different. Her motivations allowed her to become a strong guardian, rather than a chaotic powerhouse.

“...I'm only going to do this if you promise me to do something in return,” Mikasa murmured at last, and Levi narrowed his eyes. He was getting tired of being tossed around by other people's wills.

“I'm not doing this for my sake,” Levi grunted. “This is for the sake of all humanity. Don't be so selfish.”

“I'm not going to do it unless you start treating Eren better,” Mikasa declared before Levi could continue his argument.

“What?”

“It's been six months since he joined the Survey Corps now, and he hasn't done anything to betray anyone's trust,” she told him, her words crisp. “He's done nothing but help the cause and do everything he can to improve his own abilities as both a human soldier and as a Titan shifter.”

“I didn't make those rules,” Levi told her.

“I know--they were rules set in place by a government that was full of corruption,” Mikasa argued. “That government isn't even in place anymore, and the person who replaced our old king is _friends_ with Eren. Let him at least stay upstairs with the others.”

“Even if what you've said is true, it's still not my call,” Levi muttered. “That's something you'd have to propose to Erwin, at the least.”

“Then you do it.” Mikasa's eyes were like daggers, and Levi sighed through his nose. “Support me in a proposal to Erwin, or I won't train with you.”

Running a hand through his hair, Levi sat back in his chair again, sighing heavily. He knew a lot of stubborn people, and he knew he could be hard to deal with, too, but he had never met anyone quite this headstrong before. However, she had made good points--there really _was_ no reason to keep Eren down in the basement anymore.

“...We'll talk to him tomorrow,” Levi told her at last. “I don't have time today. I have another meeting.”

To his relief, Mikasa's face softened, and her eyes seemed to glitter.

 _What a spoiled kid_ , Levi thought, grimacing a bit as he stood from his chair.

“I'll meet you around noon tomorrow,” he said, and she nodded obediently, not saying a word.

 

…......

 

“I know it's not been that long since we last talked, but have either of you come to a decision yet?”

Jean glanced up from the table at Catherine, who was looking back and forth between him and Armin. The west conference room's window let in the bright winter sunlight, and it allowed him to clearly see the look of anticipation on the woman's face.

 _I'm going to let Armin talk first_ , Jean told himself, shifting his gaze from Catherine to Armin, who was sitting straight up in his chair, attentive as ever. _I still...don't know quite what to say..._

“I'll join,” Armin stated, giving Catherine a nod. He then looked at Captain Levi, who was sitting next to Catherine with his arms crossed and eyes glazed over. The disinterested expression on his face seemed to give way to a look of pride as Armin added, “I decided a long time ago that I would give everything that I can to help humanity, even my own life. Joining an academic squad is definitely something I can handle.”

“Good. Glad to hear it.” The relief in Catherine's voice was obvious, but her expression remained calm and controlled. “Though I'll admit, this will be rigorous even for you, Armin.”

“She's right,” Levi said, glancing at Catherine before staring Armin down. “You'll have duties in two squads, as well as whatever Erwin and Hanji have up their sleeves for us. No one is going to baby you anymore--that goes for all of you new recruits, but especially you two.”

“Us?” Jean echoed, unable to keep quiet. “...Sorry, I guess I just don't understand why I'm here.”

“What do you mean?” Catherine asked, turning her gaze on him. Her eyes were calm, which somehow just made him more nervous. “Jean, your academic scores were quite high in your trainee years, and you graduated in the top ten. Your combat skills are also excellent, and you've played a vital role in--”

“Not really,” Jean interrupted. “See, I...guess that's what I don't understand.” He gestured to Armin, shrugging. “Armin is a genius, and he's a perfect fit for your squad. I'm sure the people you chose from the Military Police are also really intelligent. Sure, I passed all of my classes, but book smarts only mean so much. So, I don't know, I guess I just don't know what it is that you're expecting from me. I don't have the strategic abilities that I think you're looking for, and I'm not sure that I have the talent to develop them, either.”

“...I suppose you're right.”

Jean felt his jaw drop a bit at Catherine's statement, and he heard Armin gasp from beside him. Even Captain Levi was giving her a nearly bewildered look, as if to say, “Then why are you wasting our time?”

“Jean, you're an average person,” Catherine told him. “You don't have super strength, nor are you a shifter. You're smart, but as you said, even your intelligence is limited. However, those aren't the reasons I asked you to join this squad.”

Catherine paused, and Jean could feel himself squirming under her stern gaze.

“Despite being so 'average,' you have incredible leadership skills. Both Levi and I have seen them at work--that's not something that can be taught, Jean.” Catherine's expression softened a bit as she added, “That's why I chose you. Your ability to work as a leader is indispensable.”

“Kirschstein,” Levi grunted, and Jean tensed up as he quickly turned his head toward the Captain. “You've already proven yourself enough in this last year. You have our trust.”

It was the strangest thing that Jean had ever heard Captain Levi say. What basis did he have for such a declaration? Jean had not done anything that special.

“Jean...” Glancing to his right, Jean met Armin's eyes for a moment, then looked away. “...You saved us during Trost. You kept so many of us alive. You were willing to sacrifice your life to stop Annie. You saved Mikasa when Reiner and Bertholdt betrayed us. No one ever told you to do any of those things--they were your instincts, your own decisions, your own plans. If anything was to ever go awry and we were left to fend for ourselves, I'd turn to you as our leader without a second thought. I trust you.”

Jean was still not convinced that his abilities as a leader were really anything worth paying attention to--Marco had been far more capable, and Armin was also someone who held the potential to lead.

Still, he could not ignore the statements of his fellow soldiers; even if he did not really agree with them, he did not feel right refusing them hope. He did not want to let anyone else down. If there was even a small chance that he could help humanity last a little longer, even if the chance of success was a fraction of a percent, he wanted to at least try. More than anything, he did not want to give up. He was not ready for that just yet.

“...All right,” Jean murmured, looking Catherine in the eye. “I'll do it. I still don't agree with you, but I'll do what I can.”

“That's all I'm asking,” Catherine replied, nodding. “Thank you, Jean. And you too, Armin. When the rest of the details are taken care of, and after I've decided on members from the Garrison, I'll let you know. Until then, please focus on taking care of yourselves and the duties you have in Levi's squad.”

Jean pursed his lips, nodding. He was not sure if he had made the best decision, but he knew that he had done what was right.

 

…......

 

Despite having spent the day wanting to curl up in bed with a book because of the biting cold, Catherine had managed to have a relatively productive day. Her meeting with Jean and Armin had gone as well as she could have hoped, and now all that was left was scouting the Garrison troops for members, as well as getting some signatures. She had scheduled a meeting with Commander Pyxis already, and if she could not find members in the Southern Troops, she would move up to the Northern brigade and continue her search there.

Still, that was not for a couple of weeks, so in the meantime, she would have to focus on keeping herself caught up on paperwork as well as her usual routine of personal training and studying. Luckily, time management was one of her strong points, and she kept her things relatively organized. The only things out of her control were what she needed from other people, be it signatures, meetings, or just a chance to ask a question.

To her surprise, Levi was the worst one about getting things done on time. She knew he was busy, having a lot of responsibilities saddled on him and all, but he had seemed like a more punctual person.

 _He's probably really sick of me dropping in on him_ , she realized as she knocked on Levi's door.

“Come in,” she heard him grunt from inside. Sighing through her nose, she pushed open the door with one hand, keeping a firm grip on her paperwork with the other. “...What?”

“What do you want first--bad news or good news?” she asked him as she entered the room.

“What are you talking about?” Levi muttered, turning around in his chair. The moment his eyes caught sight of the paperwork in her hand, his scowl deepened. “No.”

“It's just for signatures,” she reassured him. “Just read through them and sign. I promise, that's all. No decision-making involved.”

“I said no.”

“Look, it's not like this was my idea,” Catherine argued, walking over to his desk.

“I'm already behind,” Levi snapped, gesturing to a stack of papers several centimeters high on the upper corner of his desk.

“Can't you prioritize this?”

“That's exactly what Erwin and Hanji said.”

Letting out a loud sigh, Catherine ran a hand through her hair. This was not supposed to be so stressful--her job had not even really begun yet, but everything was already such a mess.

“Put it on top,” Levi said suddenly.

“What?”

“Put it on top. The paperwork.” He glanced up at her, then stared back down at the document he was working on. “I'll get to it eventually.”

“One week?”

“Huh?”

“Can you have this done in one week?” Catherine asked. Levi's response was just an incredulous stare. “Okay, fine. Two weeks, tops. But I really need this stuff done, Levi.”

“I know.”

“...For fuck's sake,” Catherine muttered under her breath, putting a hand to her forehead. She could feel a migraine coming, and for a brief moment she closed her eyes.

“Does it really stress you out that much?”

“What?”

“The fact that I'm making you wait on the paperwork,” Levi murmured, raising an eyebrow. Catherine quickly shook her head; even though she was lying a bit, she could not afford to lose him as her assistant, not after getting this far.

“It's not you,” she assured him. “The whole thing is just stressful. And...I don't know.”

“If you don't know what's stressing you out, then I can't help you,” he sighed.

“I know. I'm not asking for your help on that, though. Just the signatures.”

“I get it.” Grimacing again, Levi turned away from Catherine. “They'll get done. Just be patient.”

“...Thank you,” Catherine mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. “If you have any questions--”

“Are you going to leave me alone so I can get this done, or not?”

“...You're even more irritable than usual.” Catherine sighed through her nose. “Did something happen with Mikasa, or--”

“She just...made more work for me, that's all,” Levi replied gruffly. “Don't worry about it--it's not your problem.”

“If it affects my squad's progress, then yes, it is.”

There was a pause, then Levi murmured, “She won't let me train her unless I get the higher-ups to approve Eren living in regular quarters.”

“You don't think that they will?”

“I don't know. It's out of my control.”

“Levi...things are different now,” Catherine said quietly. “The fears that we had about Eren's existence have faded, significantly so, and the powers that put him in that position in the first place are gone. Right now, I think it's safe to say that the powers opposing his 'release' are fewer than those standing with him.”

“...That's what I think, too,” Levi admitted. “But...I don't know. It's just annoying. Why can't these kids just do as they're told?”

“These kids?” Catherine echoed, letting out a quiet laugh. “You sound like an angry father or something.”

“...Get out.”

“Okay, fine,” Catherine chuckled. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah, I got it. Thanks.”

 


	70. Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spoken words between a few will spark many actions--even for those who have yet to graduate military training.

_Nikoleta was only ten years old and most definitely still a child, but she knew what the Survey Corps soldier at the door meant. She knew what he was handing her mother, and she did not have to see her mother's face to know that she was crying. Even from her hiding spot in the kitchen, she could hear those desperate sobs, and her own throat closed up in a mix of anger and despair._

_“...Nikki...”_

_Nikoleta heard her mother's voice call out to her and the click of their front door closing, and she crawled out from under her kitchen chair. Her mother's face was flushed and wet with tears, and Nikoleta could feel tears pushing at her own eyes now, too._

_“He didn't come back,” Nikoleta murmured, clenching her fists._

_“...Oh, sweetie...”_

_As her mother rushed over and pulled her into a tight hug, Nikoleta let out a wail. Her blood was boiling, and her head was throbbing in time with her pulse. She had told her father not to go, she had written him letter after letter in attempts to warn him of the problems that the Survey Corps might face, but it did not matter now. He was gone, never to return. She could not even remember the last words she had spoken to him in person._

_“...The world will get better someday,” her mother whispered through her sobs, and Nikoleta gritted her teeth in response._

_“It will,” she hissed. “Because I'm gonna be the one to make it better.”_

 

Though it had been months since he lost his right arm, Erwin was still not entirely used to living as an amputee. His right hand had been the dominant one, so re-learning how to write with his left had been quite a task. Not being able to do things the way he used to was irritating and frustrating--even the littlest things, like shaving or cutting his hair, or taking a shower or putting on his clothes and shoes. It was impossible to get used to it, though seeing as how he had lived over thirty years of his life with two hands, this should have come as no real surprise.

So why had it been so easy to get used to Hanji?

Erwin had promised himself--and her--that he was done messing around, that he could not afford to waste time prioritizing guilty pleasures over the well-being of his soldiers, as well as the entirety of humanity. He had done well--he had lasted many years without giving into the temptation of his personal desires.

Something had been different on Christmas Eve, though. Something about that night had made him break, and while he was not sure why, he did not entirely regret it. He had woken up on Christmas morning, and he had seen her lying next to him, still asleep, but he had questioned nothing. It just seemed...normal.

Still, Erwin knew he could not let himself prioritize one person over many others, so their intimate moments were limited and kept quiet. No one knew anything about what had happened that night, and they had agreed to keep it that way. However, despite forcing himself to keep those memories locked away, whenever he looked at Hanji, he could see that warm glow in her eyes, and it served as a reminder.

“So? Are you going to talk to Armin about it today?” Hanji asked, her chin resting on her arms. Even now, though they were not doing anything but lying around in bed, her eyes were shining with her usual energy.

“Tomorrow,” Erwin replied, leaning back against the headboard of his bed. “He just agreed to join Catherine's squad--I don't want to overwhelm him with too many responsibilities all at once.”

“To be honest, he's probably one of few who could handle it,” Hanji pointed out.

“Still...we're asking a lot of him.” Erwin blinked slowly, looking away from Hanji and toward the other side of his room. “Armin is a member of the Survey Corps first and foremost. I don't want to cause him to relinquish that loyalty and the time and energy he's put into the Corps for this.”

“Yeah, I get what you're saying.” Hanji let out a sigh. “Still, it's something we really need to do, now that the new monarch is settled in.”

Erwin nodded, clenching his fist as he thought back to Historia's coronation. So far she was cooperative and seemed completely docile, but he still did not entirely trust her; he only trusted her as much as was necessary to move forward without any further conflict.

That was why he had decided to try to reach out to Bruno Sertoli at last.

Bruno had proved to be a valuable ally--had it not been for him, Levi would probably have died, along with Eren and Historia, and the true monarch never would have been able to take the crown. On top of that, he had been promoted to a special rank, one that brought him even closer to Queen Historia, making him the man in the Military Police with the most influence over the royal government's safety. Erwin had not yet spoken to Nile about this change, but he did not feel it was necessary; the reasoning behind it was obvious enough to understand without asking.

“...Maybe you should wait a little longer,” Hanji said suddenly, lifting her head from her arms and staring up at Erwin.

“Why?” Erwin asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Catherine is planning on pulling a couple of Military Police members into her squad, right? It might be better to use one of them instead. Why don't you wait to see what happens with her squad first, then choose who you want to serve as an ambassador?”

Erwin pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes as he considered this option. His plan had been to use Armin as the bridge of communication between Bruno's squad and the Survey Corps--that way, if there was any sign of danger to Historia, or any sign of betrayal from her, they would know right away and be able to aid the Police. In the end, Erwin's goal was to unite the three regiments as much as possible, and he knew it would be in their best interests if they started with the Military Police.

Armin was the best candidate because of his exceptional intelligence, as well as his ability to see through a situation logically while maintaining excellent rapport with those involved. Despite his closeness with Eren, he did not show unreasonable bias, and in times of crisis he was able to act accordingly; there was no doubt in Erwin's mind that Armin would make a great leader someday. In addition to all of this, Armin had spoken with Bruno before, and judging by how openly he had spoken with him, Bruno obviously had some level of respect for Armin already.

Erwin was sure of his choice, but he was not as confident about the timing of this decision.

“...You might be right,” Erwin said at last. “It's probably in our best interests to lay low for the time being. We have plenty of other things we can focus on in the meantime.”

“Like what?”

“Your squad, for instance.”

 

…......

 

Grimacing, Hanji pushed herself up and sat back on her heels, looking at Erwin. She knew what he was thinking: if she could gather new members for her squad, they would be able to pick up where the others left off and work together with Catherine's squad. Hanji was all for the idea, but she had yet to completely heal from losing the others. She knew that Moblit probably felt similarly, and she could not force herself to push past these feelings just yet.

“Well...” Hanji paused, searching for the right words. “...I don't know what to do about that just yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have no one who can replace them yet,” she admitted. “And...I'm not sure that I'm ready to... I know it's been months, but...I don't know.” Hanji let out a weak laugh. “You'd think I'd get used to seeing my friends die, after all this time...”

“...I don't know what to tell you,” Erwin murmured.

“It seems like...we lost everyone all at once,” Hanji then said, her frown deepening. “Levi's squad, then Mike, and Nanaba, and Henning...Gelgar and Lynne...then my squad... And even Nick. ...What happened?”

“The world was ready for change.” Erwin's expression was gravely serious as he spoke, and Hanji pursed her lips. “In order to go through those changes, some people had to disappear, I guess.”

“...Then...I hope it was worth it. I hope the world changed for the better.”

Looking away from Erwin, Hanji's eyes wandered his room. It was so different from the tiny dorm they had hung out in back in their trainee days. There was no real sense of nostalgia when she looked around; it was more proof that Erwin was right, that things had indeed changed.

“I think that it has,” Erwin told her. Her eyes met his for a brief moment, and a small smile crossed her face. There were certainly some good things that had come out of those changes.

“...I'm beginning to think so, too,” she murmured.

 _Everything around me is changing,_ she then realized. _It's not just us. Erwin is right--it's our entire world._

Hanji thought about her remaining friends: Levi, Rowen, Catherine, Moblit... They had all grown so much, even just over the past couple of months. The same could be said for the newest recruits; it was hard to believe that they had been in the Corps for over six months now, and yet, it seemed as if they had always been there.

A thought struck Hanji suddenly, and she lowered her gaze again, staring at her hands, which were folded in her lap.

“...I should wait, too,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“I should wait to reform my squad. The next graduating class might have people I can use,” Hanji explained. “I won't rush into my choice of members. I'll work with Moblit and find them, even if it's one by one.”

“The 105th class...” Erwin murmured, his voice trailing off.

“Does it make you feel old?” she asked, laughing. “It's been a while since we graduated.”

“Don't remind me.”

“Do you have grey hairs yet?”

“No, but Nile does.” A small, wry smile appeared on Erwin's face; Hanji had not seen that playful expression in a long time. “Commander with a wife and three young kids...”

As much as Hanji wanted to laugh at the idea of Nile with grey hairs growing in, Erwin's last statement made her heart ache, and so she stayed silent. She knew that Nile was living the life Erwin had wanted, the one he had given up.

 _And he'll never have that chance again_ , Hanji thought, biting her lip to keep herself from saying anything. The last thing she wanted to do was cause conflict between them, especially now that they were together again.

“...Well, that's just how thing are, I guess,” Erwin said. “It's already time for lunch--we should go.”

“Yeah,” Hanji agreed, nodding quickly. She did not want to overstep her boundaries, and for the time being, there was no reason to. They were together again, and that was all she really wanted.

 

…......

 

“Oi, oi, oi--haven't you spend enough time in the library this week?”

Ignoring Luz's comment, Nikoleta Kyrgiakos grabbed yet another file from the bookshelf and plopped it onto her stack.

“Luz is right, Nikki,” Sophia said, tugging on the sleeve of Nikoleta's shirt. “Enjoy your weekend for once.”

“You guys might feel satisfied with your rank, but I'm not,” Nikoleta told them, whirling around to face her friends. Luz's dark brown eyes narrowed as he shook his head.

“...I don't get you,” he muttered. “You're taking this way too seriously.”

“Well, I don't know about that--you never take anything seriously at all,” Sophia teased. “But really, Nikki, it's important that you allow yourself to rest every once in a while, both physically and mentally.”

“Trust me, Sophia, this isn't as strenuous as it looks.” Nikoleta patted the stack of files sitting on the table next to her, giving them a confident smile. “I'll catch up with you guys eventually--is that all right?”

“...Whatever,” Luz sighed, running a hand through his black, curly locks. “I still don't really get you, but I can tell you won't change your mind for us.”

“You're right about that much.”

Nikoleta watched her friends walk away in silence, and as soon as they were out of sight, her smile faded.

 _Pathetic,_ she thought, shaking her head. _I can't believe they think that they'll make it into the top ten with that kind of attitude..._

When she had first entered military training, Nikoleta had befriended Luz and Sophia without giving it much thought; after all, at the time, their interests overlapped, as did their end goals for which regiment they planned to join. Nikoleta knew from the very beginning that she would have to do everything in her power to make it into the top ten so that she could join the Military Police. She had joined the military with the hope of bringing some real change to the world--the changes her father died before being able to see through.

Luz and Sophia had started out the same way, but over the past few years, they had become extraordinarily complacent, to the point that Nikoleta had to force herself to pretend to get along with them. There was no point in shunning them completely--she did not want to waste the energy she had spent into developing relationships with them, and besides, they might be of use to her later.

So, these days, Nikoleta did most things on her own. She knew that she could only really rely on her own knowledge and skills to reach her goals.

At this point in their training, since they were nearing the end of their last term, Nikoleta knew that she was going to be in the top ten; therefore, her dream of entering the Military Police would be realized. However, what she should do from there was a mystery.

Or, at least, it had been until Queen Historia's coronation.

Nikoleta had seen the special squad that worked with the Queen that day, and she had noticed something different about them. They did not seem like the other people who joined the Police to live an easy life--they were disciplined, judging by appearances alone. If they were really as special as they seemed, Nikoleta wanted to become part of that group. They were people who could bring about change--that was who she wanted to become.

Of course, there was no way she could let herself make a decision this important based on appearances alone. She would have to be careful about it, but she knew that she could find information on these soldiers. The library on their small campus had various records about the soldiers in previous graduating classes, probably for instructor use, but Nikoleta was taking advantage of them.

She had already managed to gather quite a bit of information about the man named Bruno Sertoli, who was easily one of the best soldiers the Police had had in recent years, as well as his younger sister, Bianca. Their performance records were incredible, and Nikoleta knew that they must be the ones that stood next to the Queen on the stage that day.

 _But how do I convinced them to let me in..._? Nikoleta asked herself, slowly taking a seat at the table. _There has to be something...something I can use..._

“Oh, hey!”

Nikoleta glanced up to see one of her classmates, Justina Small, standing at the end of the aisle. Her friend, Michelle Hugo, was standing off to the side of her, as if she was the girl's shadow. It seemed like they were always together, and Nikoleta could never really understand why. Justina was extremely outgoing and kind of obnoxious, and Michelle seemed more like a doll than a human being at times. It was hard to take them very seriously, especially when they were together. On her own, Michelle was quite intimidating; she was very intelligent, and she was the top student in the medical program.

“What're you up to?” Justina asked, grinning as she approached Nikoleta.

“Research,” Nikoleta answered curtly, subtly resting her arms on top of the file so as to hide its details from view. “Why?”

“Well, it's almost dinnertime, right?” Justina shrugged, still smiling. Nikoleta could see the gap where her teeth had been knocked out. “You comin' or what?”

“Eventually.” Nikoleta sighed through her nose. “It's essential that I get through this tonight.”

“Profiles?” Michelle asked quietly, her large blue eyes staring at the stack of booklets on the table. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Nikoleta huffed. “How do you even know what they are in the first place?”

“We have to refer to them from time to time,” Michelle replied. “They include medical information as well as other statistics. It's not normally something other trainees would need, so I'm surprised you even know they exist.”

“Oooh, who are you looking up?” Justina asked, peering down at the profile underneath Nikoleta's arms.

“Stop it!” she exclaimed, and Justina jumped back, still grinning. “It's none of your business, okay?!”

“I saw the name--Serene Hastings, right?” Justina let out a small laugh.

“So? What about it?”

“That's my cousin.”

Nikoleta felt her stomach clench; of all people to have an inside connection with an elite squad of the Military Police, she had never expected it to be Justina, the person she had been trying to push away for the past three years.

“...Are you serious?” she whispered.

“Why wouldn't I be?” Justina laughed again, putting her hands on her hips. “Why are you looking at--”

“She's part of an elite squad, right?” Nikoleta interrupted. When Justina nodded, she continued, “Please, I need you to tell me whatever you know, anything Serene has told you about them. About any of them. I need to join this squad.”

“Sure.”

Nikoleta gasped quietly, jumping up from her chair. She had never expected it to be this easy.

“You... You're serious!?”

“She keeps asking me that,” Justina whispered over her shoulder to Michelle. “It's insulting.”

“No, no, I just...” Nikoleta clenched her fists. “This is...really important to me.”

“I can understand that much,” Justina told her, nodding. “Come to dinner with us--we can talk more about it then!”

“...Okay. If you're lying...”

“Don't worry--I know better than to lie to you!” Justina's grin became a bit more mischievous as she added, “You're pretty scary when you're angry.”

 

…......

 

Despite being in comfortable living conditions and having plenty of freedom over her work pace, Bianca did not usually sleep in, even on her “days off,” because she was not a person who found a lot of comfort by falling asleep. Her dreams were often vivid, and she had to rely on an alarm to pull her out of those nightmares. If there was no alarm, there was no escape.

That morning, though, Bianca was pulled out of her dreams gently by the feeling of a warm hand running over her hair.

_...Papa...?_

“Happy birthday, Bianca.”

At the sound of her brother's voice, Bianca's eyes fluttered open, and her father's face disappeared from her mind. He had felt so real, but she knew it was only a dream.

Slowly sitting upright in her bed, Bianca looked up to see not just Bruno, but Claus and Serene standing there. The latter two had large smiles on their faces; their expressions were warm and inviting.

“Happy birthday!” they exclaimed in unison. Bianca blinked slowly, then reached up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“...Thank you,” she murmured at last. Even though she knew that she had gotten plenty sleep, for some reason, she still felt very tired, and it was tempting to just lay her head back on her pillow.

“Do you want breakfast?” Serene asked, a gentle smile on her face. “We can make you something special, if you want!”

“...Okay,” Bianca replied, nodding once.

“Let's go!” Claus said, and he ran off toward the bedroom door, Serene right on his heels. Bianca smiled to herself; she was glad they were getting along so well. Claus needed more friends, and Serene was definitely a good one for him--and for her, too.

Once the door shut behind them, Bianca looked at Bruno, who gave her a small smile.

“You look exhausted,” he said quietly.

“I feel really tired,” she admitted. “I don't know why.”

“You're getting old.”

“If that's the case, then you must be ancient.”

Bruno sucked in air through his teeth, and Bianca let out a quiet laugh.

“You'll get there someday,” he told her. “But...anyway, if you want to take it easy today--”

“I'm all right,” she insisted. “I was just in a really deep sleep when you guys came in.”

“Are you sure?” Bruno frowned, and Bianca sighed through her nose.

“I'm sure.”

“I don't want you to overwhelm yourself.”

“Does this have anything to do with the fact that I'm joining Catherine's squad?”

Bianca watched as her brother pursed his lips, then stared down at the rug by his feet.

“I trust her,” Bianca told him. “If I thought I would be in any kind of danger, I would have said no.”

“I trust her, too, but it's not really about that, Bianca,” Bruno murmured. “I trust both Rowen and Catherine with my life, but...there's still a boundary between us, one that we can't break down very easily. You have to be careful.”

“I will,” Bianca reassured him. “Claus will be there, too. I'll be fine.”

Bruno's eyes met hers for a moment, then he looked away again.

 _I know,_ she wanted to say. _I know that you think I'm all you have. I know..._

Gently, Bianca leaned forward and rested her forehead on Bruno's shoulder.

“Now go make sure they don't set anything on fire, please,” she whispered, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Thank you, Bruno.”

 


	71. The Look in Her Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catherine begins her search for Garrison members, and at last, Yasmin can meet the woman she has been admiring from afar all this time.

_“I know this must seem incredibly sudden, but I would be eternally grateful for your cooperation.”_

_Sitting back in her chair in the conference room, Milena contemplated the Survey Corps soldier's words, glancing at Rico and Captain Woermann. The latter looked hesitant, but she expected nothing else. He was an incredibly cautious man to begin with; hearing this kind of proposal probably sent him into a mild cardiac arrest._

_Rico's expression, however, was one of determination. She nodded at Milena, who pursed her lips in response. Rico was always so confident and in control--how had Commander Pyxis not chosen_ her _for the next Captain? Regardless, it seemed that Rico was thinking the same thing that she was: this was a good idea, and if they could be of any help, they should try their hardest to be of use._

_“...Feel free to pull members from my units,” Milena said at last, turning back to Squad Leader M_ _ü_ _ller, who was sitting up straight in her chair. At those words, her sharp eyes locked with Milena's round ones._

_“Thank you, Captain Gessler,” Catherine murmured, her expression softening a bit. She then glanced at Captain Woermann, who was gently stroking his chin in thought._

_“...I'll leave it up to my Squad Leaders to decide,” he declared, looking around the room at his elites._

_“I have no problems with it,” Rico stated. “I think that what you're trying to accomplish is crazy, but so far nothing conventional has worked against our enemies.”_

_Folding her arms across her chest, Milena stared down at the wooden table. Rico was right--in order to push forward, they would have to start thinking outside of the box. Still, trying anything too rash might end up putting people in even more danger. The world was finally becoming stable again, but she knew that would only last so long._

Who? _Milena asked herself, frowning a bit._ Who is it in my ranks that has the ability to change the world for the better..?

 

Yasmin was surprised at how quickly winter had come and was now going. By the end of the second month of the year, the biting winds had died down, and the sun came out from behind the clouds. Soon, it would be spring, the season of rebirth, but for Yasmin, it would just be another few months she spent in the Garrison.

 _I can't believe...we're coming up on a year..._ she thought as she pulled on her uniform jacket. It was going to be another long day ahead of her, but Rosaleen would be with her today, so it was bound to be more fun than usual.

These days, Rosaleen was called out for her messenger job more often than not, leaving Yasmin on her own while Milena ran things from the top. Yasmin had other friends besides them, of course, but the bond she shared with those two was not something she could easily replace, and so she looked forward to the days where they could all be together more than anything.

“All right, listen up!”

As Yasmin reached the top of Wall Rose, where her unit was meeting that day, she was surprised to see Milena already there. Usually, she was one of the last to arrive, often being slowed down by someone's questions or some other distraction.

“Later today, we're going to have a visitor from the Survey Corps!” Milena called out to the soldiers. At her words, the small crowd broke out into a quiet but energetic hum of murmurs. “She's going to be scouting out members for a special squad, so be on your best behavior--that goes for _all_ of you! Just focus on your duties today and carry on as usual! Dismissed!”

As soon as Milena was done talking, Yasmin pushed her way through the assemblage toward her friend.

“What's going on?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder as Rosaleen appeared beside her. “Someone from the Survey Corps?”

“It's exactly like I said--she's just here to survey.” Milena let out a loud laugh. “Get it? Hahaha! ...Anyway, she won't be here all day, so I doubt you guys will get a chance to talk to her, but I'll try to ask her about our friends if I can!”

“Please do!” Rosaleen breathed, clasping her hands together like a beggar. “If she's a Survey Corps soldier, she _must_ know Mikasa and the others.”

“I'll do my best!” Milena exclaimed, nodding at the girls reassuringly. “Now, get to work, you two! I can't have anyone slacking off, especially if we're gonna have a guest!”

“It's just cleaning the cannons...” Rosaleen mumbled, but Yasmin grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away before she could say anything else.

“C'mon, let's go,” Yasmin said. “The sooner we get our work done, the more time we'll have later to talk to this woman later!”

“Fine, fine...”

As a gentle breeze tousled her short locks, Yasmin grinned. It had been several weeks since the three of them had last discussed the possibility of meeting up with their old friends again, but it seemed more likely than ever that they would get their reunion sooner rather than later.

 _It's long overdue_ , Yasmin thought, trying to remember the last time she had _really_ talked to Armin or Eren. _Who was the last one of them I even talked to? Jean, or maybe Armin? Sasha? Rein--..._

A sinking feeling suddenly brought Yasmin's quick footsteps to a halt, and she gritted her teeth.

_Dammit... They...were a waste of time in the end... Even Ymir is gone now..._

“...I know what you're thinking about,” Rosaleen said suddenly in a quiet voice. “I can tell by the look on your face. Reiner and the others... Ahh...I wish...we hadn't wasted so much time hanging out with them back then... We should have spent more time with...”

Rosaleen's voice trailed off, and Yasmin released her grip on her arm at last.

“It's too late for that now,” Yasmin murmured, narrowing her eyes. “Let's not waste any more of our time on them. We have to move on.”

“...Yeah...I know.”

Pursing her lips, Yasmin walked over to the cart of cleaning supplies and starting taking pieces of equipment, handing them to Rosaleen. She was tired of having these mental roadblocks; she did not want to live in the past any more than she already did. Still, she knew that all of those events had shaped her and would continue to do so.

 _But it doesn't matter--I can't change it now_ , she told herself. _I have to keep moving forward, along with everyone else..._

 

…......

 

“I should apologize again for how long it took me to arrange for you to come out and do a proper scouting.” Crossing her arms, Rico sighed through her nose as she added, “The weather's been far from cooperative, too.”

“It's nothing,” Catherine said, shaking her head. “Trust me when I say that this is the quickest anything has gone for me while trying to put this squad together. Thank you.”

“It's nothing.”

As Rico walked along the top of Wall Rose, she listened closely to the conversations around her, trying to pick out someone for Catherine to talk to. She was not entirely sure that she could hasten this process, but she did not want this to end up being a waste of Catherine's time--or her own.

“You guys are always busy,” Catherine said quietly.

“I don't mind it,” Rico admitted, glancing up at the Squad Leader. “Having so much to do is good for our soldiers. It allows them to focus on the work, rather than becoming engrossed in their thoughts... Many of us have lost a lot to the Titans, but it's hard to take the time to really think about it if you're constantly busy.”

“That's a good point,” Catherine replied. “I think Commander Erwin does his best to keep us busy, too, but there's only so many times that we can go on an expedition outside the walls...”

“It's been quite a while, hasn't it? Several months?”

“Yes.” Catherine pursed her lips, running a hand through her long brown hair. “It just hasn't been necessary... We have ways of testing Eren's strength at our headquarters now, and we still don't have any leads on those Titan shifters.”

“I see...”

Rico's arms dropped to her side as she came to a halt beside a couple of older soldiers in her squad. She was not sure if age would make much of a difference to Catherine, but she knew that their performance had been excellent and they were loyal and dedicated people. Those qualities were important--they brought people together.

Even now, Rico was talking to Catherine as if they had known each other for longer than a month. Because they were both veterans who had survived so many hardships, despite being in different regiments, there was undeniably an unspoken bond between them.

 _She's survived even longer than me_ , Rico realized, feeling humbled by Catherine's presence. _This is...an odd feeling..._

These days, Rico was surrounded mostly by younger soldiers. Very few of her friends from her graduating class were still alive; among them, there were a few who had dropped out of the military. She could not entirely blame them. After all, it was as Commander Pyxis had said before the Trost recovery mission: those who had faced a fearsome encounter with a Titan would likely never be able to do so again.

The people who _had_ been brave enough to stay--her closest companions--were dead now. Ian and Mitabi and their entire squads had died during Trost, and Hannes soon after. Rico knew that she had become isolated over the last year.

Surprisingly, she did not feel so bad about being alone anymore. She had gotten used to it out of necessity--there were more important things to worry about, anyway. No one really cared about her little heartaches. Everyone goes through the same thing--that was what she told herself.

“O-i! Ri-co-!”

At the sound of her name, Rico whirled around instinctively, but the moment she laid eyes on the soldier approaching her, a frown creased her lips, and she let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

“It's just you,” she muttered as the soldier reached her.

“Just me!” Olivia exclaimed, giving her a toothy grin. “...Ah? Who's this?”

“Weren't you listening to the announcement I made earlier?” Rico asked, feeling embarrassed that Catherine would have to meet one of her most mischievous subordinates. “She's here scouting for a squad.”

“Hi!” Olivia had already moved on to Catherine; she held out her hand, tossing her long bangs out of her face. “I'm Olivia Gautier.”

“Catherine Müller,” Catherine replied, shaking Olivia's hand. There was hesitation in her movements, but her expression had a spark of curiosity to it. “You're one of Rico's soldiers?”

“Yep!” As Olivia threw an arm around Rico's shoulders, she let out a giggle. “She's the best Squad Leader a kid could ever ask for.”

“You really are a kid,” Rico muttered, cringing as she wriggled her way out of Olivia's grasp. “I know why you came over here--quit slacking and go help your group.”

“Hahhh...you saw right through me.”

Olivia took a few steps backward away from them, glancing back and forth between Rico and Catherine. Her grey eyes were glittering; Rico knew she was up to something, but she could not tell what.

“Nice to meet you, Catherine!” she then said, grinning. “I guess I'd better go!”

“...She's a child,” Rico mumbled as Olivia dashed off toward her unit. “It's a shame, really--she had great performance as a trainee, but she avoids any kind of responsibility whenever she can.”

“What do you usually have her doing?” Catherine asked. She was still staring after Olivia.

“I make her clean most of the time--otherwise, she pokes around and gets herself and others into all kinds of trouble.”

“I see...”

“...Anyway, I thought you might like to talk to Hector--”

“That won't be necessary.”

“Eh?” Rico stared up at Catherine, her eyes widening. “...Don't tell me you want to recruit _that one_ for your squad!?”

“Absolutely,” Catherine replied, finally turning back to Rico. A confident expression appeared on her face as she added, “She has potential, and I know I can use someone like her with the mix I already have.”

Slack-jawed in disbelief, Rico stood motionless as Catherine walked back toward the elevators.

“Thank you for having me today,” she called over her shoulder. “I'll be moving on to Captain Gessler's squads now.”

 

…......

 

“Pleasure to see you again, Miss Müller!” Milena exclaimed, holding out her hand to the Survey Corps veteran. The woman grasped it; her grip was strong, and Milena could sense her confidence through her handshake. “How was your visit with Captain Woermann?”

“Productive,” Catherine answered, a small smile on her face. It was the first time Milena had seen her look genuinely happy. During their first meeting, she wore a frown nearly the entire time. “I'm looking forward to meeting the people in your units, too.”

“I hope this is just as productive, then.” Milena gave the woman a warm smile. She did not know her well at all, but the fact that she was a long-time veteran of the Survey Corps made it easy to respect her. Though it was impossible to know exactly what she had been through without asking her directly, the years of hardship were written quite clearly on her face, especially in her eyes.

“I'm sure that it will be.”

When the two reached the top of Wall Rose, Milena clapped her hands as loudly as she could, then cupped them to her mouth.

“ATTENTION!” she shouted, her voice ringing through the clear late-winter air. Once the soldiers had turned toward her, she gestured toward Catherine. “This is our guest for today--Miss Catherine Müller, from the Survey Corps! You all just carry on business as usual, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask! That's all!”

Milena turned back to Catherine; the woman's eyes were already searching the soldiers' faces. Could she already tell just by looking who would be a good fit for her squad?

“You don't have to call me 'Miss,'” Catherine said, and Milena let out a quiet gasp.

“S-Sorry!” she exclaimed. “I guess you're right--I should be calling you 'Squad Leader' instead, right?”

Catherine let out a quiet chuckle.

“It doesn't matter about that--I just don't like it when people call me 'Miss.' It makes me feel old.”

Milena could not help herself; she let out a loud laugh. This woman hardly seemed old at all--she was probably the same age as Milena's oldest brother-in-law, at the most.

But, as Milena started to think more about it, it made perfect sense that Catherine would consider herself old. Most people in the military did not live as long as she had, especially in the Survey Corps.

“So, is there any kind of skill set you're looking for in particular?” Milena asked, taking a step toward the first unit of soldiers. Catherine stood still, folding her arms across her chest.

“Mmm...I think...I'll know it when I see it,” she murmured, staring at the brick beneath her feet.

“Well then, let me show you around!”

Nodding, Catherine followed Milena towards her soldiers without another word.

Milena could tell that Catherine was a quiet person, which Milena was admittedly unaccustomed to, considering that her closest friends were all sociable. She desperately wanted to fill the silence with conversation, but she did not want to ruin the woman's concentration. After all, if she was in Catherine's position, she would probably want to be able to think things through as much as possible without interruptions.

Still, Milena could not help greeting her subordinates as she normally did.

“Hey, Frances,” she said, giving the soldier a wide grin. “How're things going today?”

“All right,” the young man replied, glancing at Catherine before looking back at Milena. He stood up a little straighter, then said, “Uh, I mean, there's nothing to report.”

“I...see.”

 _Are they tense because of her?_ Milena wondered, looking up at Catherine. She had expected to see a harsh gaze, but, to her surprise, Catherine was not even looking at them. Instead, she was staring off toward another group of soldiers.

“Is something wrong?” Milena asked.

“...No,” Catherine murmured. Raising her eyebrows, Milena followed her gaze and was surprised to see Yasmin on the receiving end.

“Ah, do you know Yasmin?” Milena gasped. “She's one of my best friends--and one of my best soldiers, too!”

“...Is that so...?”

 

…......

 

“Yasmin, don't look now, but that Catherine lady is definitely looking this way,” Rosaleen whispered, peering through the open spot in the cannon's base. Pursing her lips, she watched in silence as Yasmin narrowed her eyes and looked away.

“...Why?” she murmured.

“Do you know her or something?” Rosaleen asked, rubbing her polishing cloth along the side of the cannon. She did not want to look like she was slacking off, especially in front of a guest, but her concentration was already shot for the day. The fact that she was kneeling down made it all the more tempting to take a quick nap.

“We've run into each other a few times,” Yasmin admitted. “...Do you remember when we watched the Survey Corps pass through Trost to go on their expedition before the wall fell? She was there with them, with her friend.”

“Mmm...” Rosaleen closed her eyes, trying to recall her face. The only memories she had of that day, though, were the unpleasant ones, and she shuddered, quickly forcing her eyes open again.

“She and her friend saved me and Sasha when Reiner left our squad after Eren closed up the hole,” Yasmin went on. “I've seen her around a few times since then.”

“...I feel like her face is familiar, but I can't place where I've seen her before,” Rosaleen said. “...She's looking this way again.”

To her surprise, Rosaleen saw Yasmin stand up.

“Yasmin!!” she hissed. “That's a little direct, don't you think?!”

“If she has something to say to me, I'd rather her just say it,” Yasmin said. “Besides...I should thank her for saving us in Trost. It's long overdue, don't you think?”

Stunned, Rosaleen watched as Yasmin stood tall.

 _...You've changed,_ she realized, her gaze dropping down to the cannon. _You're getting stronger. Good for you._

It had been over half a year since Trost--in other words, half a year without Erin by her side. There was just no getting used to it; even though her friends insisted that it would just take more time, Rosaleen knew in her heart that things would just never be the same.

Rosaleen and Erin had been born into the world as two halves of a whole. From the beginning of their existences, they were destined to be together. Being along was something Rosaleen was just not naturally programmed to handle well.

Though she loved being in the Garrison and working as a messenger, Rosaleen was unsure of how she should move forward in her life. She did not have any idea of what she wanted to accomplish in the end, only that she wanted to make use of whatever talents she had in order to help humanity defeat its enemies. As for anything specific, she was not sure.

As much as she hated to admit it, she envied both Milena and Yasmin. She looked up to both of them, too, though, and she hoped that their determination and self-assurance would rub off of her and help her gain the wisdom to make better decisions for her future.

“So, your name is Yasmin?”

Rosaleen had been so lost in thought that she had not heard Milena and Catherine come up behind her. She whirled around to look up at them; it was the first time that she had seen Catherine up close, and she was far more intimidating from this angle. Quickly, she got to her feet, and despite Rosaleen being several inches taller, Catherine still seemed inapproachable.

“...Yes, I'm Yasmin Güven.” Yasmin held out her hand toward Catherine. “...I know I've seen you around since then, but I never got the chance to...thank you for saving us during Trost.”

“Hnn?” Catherine raised an eyebrow as she shook Yasmin's hand.

“You and your friend--you saved us from a Titan while we were trying to retreat back to Wall Rose. We would have died had it not been for you.”

“...I'm not so sure about that, but...you're welcome.”

The conversation ended there, to Rosaleen's disappointment; Catherine then released Yasmin's hand and walked away, and Milena rushed after her. Yasmin stood in silence, still holding out her hand. Slowly, her fingers balled into a fist.

“There was...something about her...” Yasmin murmured, lowering her arm at last.

“What? What do you mean?” Rosaleen whispered.

“...I don't really know... ...C'mon, let's just get back to work.”

Yasmin's voice was quiet, but when Rosaleen got a look at her friend's face, she could see that her eyes were lit up with burning energy, something she had not seen in many months. For the first time in a while, she looked her age, and written in her expression was fierce determination.

 

 


	72. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before the new squad's first meeting--the only thing left to prepare is their mentality.

_Though she knew not everyone was like her, Milena loved surprises and loved even more to share them with others. The happier the news, the more fun she had presenting it to whomever. She was not always the best at keeping secrets, but she would always try her hardest to do so in order to get the best reaction out of her friend._

_“Soooo...I may or may not have a letter for you,” Milena said to Yasmin, resting her arms on the mess hall table. Rosaleen gave her a small, knowing smile, but Yasmin's expression was not one of joy, but of worry._

_“From who?” Yasmin murmured, reaching out toward Milena._

_“Whoa now, what fun is it if I just hand it over? Don't you want to guess?” Milena teased her, but her words made Yasmin's eyes harden._

_“No, I don't,” Yasmin snapped. “If someone wrote me a letter, then they must have something important to say. Please give it to me.”_

_“Geez, Yasmin,” Rosaleen giggled, but there was a hint of nervousness to her tone. “You don't have to get all worked up over it. It's nothing bad.”_

_“Yeah, calm down,” Milena laughed, pulling the envelope out of her back pocket and holding it out to Yasmin. “It's not from your family--it's from Catherine.”_

_“...What?” Yasmin slowly took the letter from Milena, opening the envelope carefully._

_“She wants you in her squad,” Milena went on, watching in delight as Yasmin's face brightened as her eyes scanned the letter. “Congratulations!”_

 

Rolling up her sleeves, Catherine tapped her pen on the piece of parchment in front of her. The midday sun coming through her window felt nice, but it also made her realize how quickly time had passed. Spring had come quietly but beautifully, and now they were already approaching the end of the fourth month. In that time, Catherine had finally completed the last steps of forming her squad. She had received approval from all six of the members, as well as their respective superiors.

Now, all that was left was to meet.

“...I can't believe it's tomorrow,” Catherine murmured, sitting back in her desk chair.

“You've come a long way.”

Jumping at the sound of Levi's voice, Catherine quickly glanced over at the man, who was still sitting in a chair near her desk. She had almost forgotten that he was there.

“...I couldn't have done it without your help,” she told him, giving him a small smile. “Now if I could just get my brain working to write up lesson plans...”

“You're already starting on that?” he asked, leaning toward the desk and glancing down at her list. “Isn't it a bit early?”

“Well, I'd rather have it done in advance. I can always change plans if necessary.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Unless you think you can do better?”

“Don't make me laugh.”

“I thought so.” Catherine let out a quiet laugh. “Don't worry--I used to do this for a living.”

“...That's right. You and Rowen both used to be teachers...” Levi murmured, seemingly more to himself than to Catherine.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding as her gaze returned to her paper. “So?”

“So I'm still trying to figure out why you dragged _me_ into this.”

“Too late to back out now.” Catherine smirked to herself. “You've already signed everything, and besides, how would it look if the world's strongest soldier backed out of an _academic_ squad?”

“I don't really give a damn about how other people see me.” Levi sighed heavily, crossing his arms. “But I know it'd be a pain to turn back now, and you'd never let me live that down, so I guess you're stuck with me.”

“Uh-huh.”

Despite his attempts at sounding detached, Catherine knew that Levi was committed to following through on his duties as her Assistant Squad Leader. Like her, he did not like to leave things unfinished, and he had proved himself to be loyal to her as well as her ideals for the squad. It was surprising, but he followed through on nearly every order she gave him, even if it was not always as quickly as she would have liked.

“What'll you do if one of them decides not to stay?” Levi asked her suddenly.

“I'll replace them,” she replied, shrugging.

“But what'll happen to your plans, then? Won't it mess things up for you?”

“I'll change them. ...What're you so worried about?”

“...Jean still seems hesitant,” Levi finally admitted. “I overheard Armin talking to him about it earlier this week.”

“...There's not really anything I can do about that,” Catherine sighed, setting down her pen and running a hand through her hair. “If he quits, he quits. I'll be disappointed, but...”

“...I'll trust your judgment.”

“Good.”

Truth be told, Catherine _did_ feel a little worried about losing a member early on. She wanted them all to at least give it a chance, to give themselves time to adapt to what would surely be a new environment for them. But, she also knew that she could not make decisions for them, and if one of them, two of them...if all of them quit, there was nothing she could really do to stop them. She would just have to try again.

 _...Let's hope that doesn't happen_ , she thought, grimacing.

“I think he'll stay,” Levi then said.

“Hn?”

“I don't know why, but Jean is hesitant about putting himself in positions of leadership,” he explained. “Once he gets settled, though, he's fine. As long as he can get through this trial period, he'll make it.”

“I hope so...”

Letting out a sigh, Catherine pushed back her chair, stretching her arms over her legs.

“I need a break,” she muttered, reaching for her coffee mug. “Come on, let's go.”

Levi said nothing, but he stood from his chair and obediently followed her out of her room.

“Oh, so _that's_ where you two have been!”

 

…......

 

Unlike most people in the Survey Corps, Levi found Hanji to be an easy person to understand. She was not really that complicated of a person, especially in comparison to the other people he was familiar with, like Erwin and Catherine. It was easy to tell what she was thinking most of the time, too, and he could also tell when she was up to something--one of the biggest signs was whether or not Rowen was with her. Sure enough, he was trailing behind her with the usual stupid grin on his face.

“What do you want?” Catherine asked him. “Or are you just coming to bother me?”

“That's what friends are for!” he replied, laughing. Hanji nodded, crossing her arms.

“We haven't seen either of you all day--who'd have thought we'd find you together,” she said, giving Levi a crooked smile. He was not entirely sure what she was insinuating, but whatever it was, it was probably a figment of her over-active imagination.

“The squad's first meeting is tomorrow,” Levi told her. “We have to attempt to not make a mess of things in front of people like _you_.”

“Aww, you know I'll be a good audience for you guys!” Hanji threw an arm around Levi's shoulder, but he quickly shrugged her off.

“I'm sure you will be,” Catherine said with a small sigh. “It's the others I'm worried about.”

“Oh, hey! That reminds me!” Rowen gasped, grabbing a hold of Catherine's shoulder. “Bruno is coming to the meeting tomorrow, isn't he? We should go out for dinner!”

 _Don't you dare invite me_ , Levi thought, locking eyes with Catherine for a moment.

“...I would love to, but I don't know if I'll have time, or if I'll even feel like it,” she admitted. “Bruno will be leaving after the first part of the meeting is over, anyway. I don't know if he'll stick around after that or not.”

“I can convince him.”

“I want to meet him!” Hanji jumped in. “He's been our ally all this time but I've yet to actually _talk_ to the guy.”

“He doesn't say much,” Catherine told her, pushing Rowen's hand away.

“He's a lot like Catherine,” Rowen hissed to Hanji.

Levi kept his mouth shut, but part of him did want to reply to that statement. He had encountered Bruno only once before, but once was enough to learn that he and Catherine were really not all that alike. Bruno was supposedly their ally, but it was obvious that he had some kind of ulterior motive, too--Levi did not sense that with Catherine. She was stubborn and could also be a total asshole, but he never questioned what it was that she was working for. He felt safer around her than he had around Bruno; though Bruno had been the one to kill Kenny and ultimately save him from what could have been his end, Levi knew that Catherine was really the one to thank for all of that. It had not been Bruno's idea to find Levi and help him--it had been hers.

“Look, if you guys wanna hang out, that's fine,” Catherine sighed. “I don't care. I'm just saying, I might not have time to join you--and even if I have time, I might not have the energy.”

“Ohhhh, fine,” Rowen whined. “Though I guess you _did_ get to see him pretty recently, so I guess I can't call you too bad of a person after all.”

“No, not for that, at least.”

“So, you two headed downstairs?” Hanji asked, redirecting the subject away from Bruno at last. “It's almost dinner--why don't you guys hang out with us for a little while?”

“Why?” Levi replied, raising an eyebrow. “What is it that you want?”

“Nothing--it was just an offer. Geez, why are you getting so defensive, Levi? Something on your mind?”

“Look, shitty glasses, I don't have time for your antics--”

“Hey, Catherine, let me give you some advice about leading a squad!” Hanji interrupted, turning her attention to Catherine. “C'mon, let's go downstairs!”

Hanji grabbed Catherine's arm, pulling her away before she could protest. Levi sighed through his nose; he was not sure why, but Hanji had been even more trouble than usual lately. While he was genuinely glad that she was back to her energetic self after all the shit that had gone down months prior, the timing could not have been worse. Things were relatively calm right now--her energy had no outlet.

“Well, shall we join them?” Rowen asked. Levi sighed.

“We don't have much a choice,” he muttered. “Let's go.”

 

…......

 

“...You're still awake, aren't you?”

At the sound of Milena's voice, Yasmin rolled over in bed to face her, gritting her teeth.

“I can't fall asleep,” she admitted. “I keep thinking about tomorrow.”

“You'll be fine.” Yasmin could hear the smile in Milena's voice. “I wouldn't have given my approval on this if I thought otherwise. You know how selfish I am--I want you to stay here with the rest of us as much as possible, but I could never let you miss out on an opportunity like this.”

Yasmin rubbed her eyes, trying to find the right words to voice what she was feeling. It felt almost unreal that she, of all people, had been asked to join this special squad. There was nothing spectacular about her--there was no reason Catherine should have chosen her out of the hundreds of other Garrison soldiers around her. She could not think of any good reason why she deserved a spot in this squad.

“I guess I...just don't understand why _I_ was chosen,” Yasmin finally murmured, resting her hands on her stomach. “I'm sure that the people she chose from the other regiments are really great people, and they probably have proven themselves worthy of joining her. But...I haven't done anything great.”

“That's why I think you should go,” Milena said. “You haven't done anything 'worthy' yet because you haven't had the chance. Or, maybe, you haven't allowed yourself the chance to do something great. I know you're a capable person, and I'm sure Catherine saw that in you, too. She didn't strike me as the type to make a decision lightly.”

“...I wonder if she has any bias against me because of what happened in Trost?” Yasmin wondered out loud.

“It seemed to me like she didn't really remember it,” Milena pointed out, and Yasmin nodded to herself.

“Yeah, I guess that's true.” Pulling her blanket up to her chin, Yasmin squeezed her eyes shut. “I still can't calm down... Did she tell you anything more about the squad than what was in her letter?”

“No, sorry...” Milena let out a quiet giggle, then added, “Does working alongside Captain Levi make you nervous, too?”

“Yes,” Yasmin answered without hesitation. “He's the strongest soldier in the world--he's bound to have even higher expectations for me than Catherine does.”

“I wonder why he's her assistant in the first place,” Milena then said. “I mean, it doesn't seem like something that someone of his rank would do.”

“Who knows--that's the least of my worries.”

“Yasmin...”

 _Why do all of my friends like to think that I'm so great?_ Yasmin thought, pursing her lips. _I'm just an average person--isn't that good enough? Can't people just accept me for who I am?_

For a moment, Yasmin pictured Erin and remembered what she had said: “Average people have purpose in life, too.” Those words had stuck with her all this time; she had used them to reassure herself that even if she never accomplished anything amazing, she could still live a fulfilling life.

_All I really want to do is become the person I'm meant to be..._

“...I feel like...I'm being pulled along,” Yasmin finally confessed, her voice no louder than a whisper.

“What do you mean?”

“I'm not the special person that people seem to think that I am. I'm just a normal person with no special qualities, and that's all right with me. The only strength I really want is whatever I'm supposed to have.”

“...What about your dreams?”

“Huh...?”

“What about those dreams you told us about, back in training?” Milena asked. “You and Marco used to always talk about how badly you wanted to go outside the walls, and how you wanted humanity to be free. He talked more than you do about how much you miss your father... Don't tell me...you're trying to hold yourself back...? Are you afraid to try now...?”

Yasmin could not hold it in anymore; she quickly sat up from her bunk and got to her feet. By the time she reached their bedroom door, there were tears streaming down her face.

The cool air in the hallway was refreshing; Yasmin hoped it would be enough to clear her mind. Putting her hands on either side of her head, she willed herself to stop crying, but the tears fell anyway.

“Yasmin, hey...”

Milena had followed her outside, and soon she felt her friend's arms around her.

“I know it's hard,” she murmured. “I know it's scary. It's really scary. You have every right to feel intimidated. But, Yasmin, you can't just let all your hard work go to waste now. Don't hold yourself back. I don't want that for you--and I know Marco wouldn't, either.”

“...I'm...sorry,” Yasmin breathed through her sobs. She knew that Milena was right. At some point after Trost, she had started to give up on her dreams, but even though she had realized this long ago, it was too terrifying to face the facts, to admit that she had been wrong to give up on herself so easily.

“Don't give up just yet,” Milena said, pulling Yasmin's hands into hers. “Your journey has just begun, Yasmin. You've gotta keep going.”

 

…......

 

“Are you sure you've got everything that you need for today?”

“Geeeez, Rico,” Olivia laughed, tossing her long hair over her shoulder. A few strands of it escaped her fingers; the gentle morning breeze pushed them out of her face. “Have a little faith. I'm not completely incapable.”

“Right--just lazy.”

“Whatever you say, _Mom_.”

Olivia let out a loud snicker as Rico's face flushed pink with anger. It was so easy to get her worked up over nothing. What made it even more fun was that no one ever came to her defense--not even Captain Woermann, who knew better than to get involved in their bickering by now.

“Well, Captain Milena and her soldier should be showing up at any minute, so if you forgot anything...”

“It's too late for that,” Captain Woermann interrupted Rico, pointing out on the horizon. “There, they're coming.”

Olivia smiled to herself, then hopped into her saddle, taking a hold of her horse's reins. She was more than ready to get out--a small part of her felt pity for her comrades who would be left behind to do the menial work, but the amount of relief that she felt was stronger, so she was able to forget about them rather quickly.

If she was honest with herself, Olivia was not entirely sure why Catherine had chosen her to join this squad. She knew Rico had probably not given her a very good review, but there was always the off chance that Rico had used this as an opportunity to get Olivia out of her hair.

 _Whatever_ , Olivia thought, shrugging. She did not really care what anyone else thought of her. As long as she could preserve her own happiness, that was good enough.

“Good morning!” Milena's voice was loud and clear, as usual. Olivia could tell that she had not changed much since their trainee days. “Yasmin and I are ready when you are!”

_Yasmin...!?_

Olivia glanced over at the girl who pulled her horse up beside Milena and felt her heart skip a beat. It seemed too good to be true, but it was most definitely Yasmin Güven. She would have recognized that face anywhere.

“Let's be on our way, then,” Captain Woermann said. “Commander Pyxis will meet us there.”

As their superior officers rode in front of them, Olivia trailed behind, riding up next to Yasmin.

“Long time no see,” she said, giving Yasmin a small smile.

“Ah, yeah,” Yasmin replied, nodding. She looked incredibly tired, as if she had not slept much the night before. “How are you?”

“Please, you don't have to put up an act with me.” Olivia's smile broadened into a smirk. “Do you even remember my name?”

“It's...Olivia, right?” Yasmin asked.

“Oooh, well, look at you. I'm flattered, really.”

“Do you remember mine?”

“Of course I do, Yasmin.”

A smile crossed Yasmin's face at last; Olivia felt a sense of victory.

“So, you got dragged into this squad, too?” she went on. “To tell you the truth, I'm really not so sure what to think of it. It seems kind of weird, right?”

“That's...maybe not the word I would use,” Yasmin said quietly, her smile disappearing. “It's definitely novel. Who knows if it'll even amount to anything.”

“That Catherine seems pretty sure that it will.” Olivia let out a laugh. “I don't mind her. She seems like a pretty cool person--more than Rico, at least.”

“I heard that,” Rico grunted, glancing over her shoulder at them. Olivia waved, grinning at the woman.

“Anyway, what did you make of her, Yasmin?”

“Actually, I've seen her around before,” Yasmin answered, and Olivia raised an eyebrow, straightening out her glasses. “She saved my life in Trost. I trust her.”

“Whoa, really? Well...if that's the case, I guess I can trust her, too.”

Olivia let go of her horse's reins for a moment to stretch her arms, then picked them back up again, sighing to herself.

“Wonder if we'll get to see any of the others...” she heard Yasmin say in a quiet voice.

“The others?” Olivia echoed. “Do you mean, like, people from our graduating class?”

“Yeah,” Yasmin replied, nodding. “It's been so long since we got to just hang out, you know?”

“Yeah, I hear you.” Olivia let out an exasperated sigh. “Not that many of my friends are left.”

“Oh...sorry. I didn't mean to--”

“Nahhhh, don't worry about it,” Olivia said, waving her hand. “It's not such a big deal. It's not like they're _all_ dead.”

“Oh... _oh_.”

Olivia had been close with very few people during their trainee days--but that had not been an accident. Back then, she had tried to keep herself as aloof as possible. In result, she had ended up making friends with people who were a lot like her, as well as the people they were friends with. Ymir had been a close companion, as had Krista, but those two had changed so much that she was not sure that she could still even call them friends. They were hardly even the same people.

“...I wouldn't mind seeing Sasha,” Olivia admitted with a quiet laugh.

“Same here!” Yasmin exclaimed, suddenly springing to life. “It's been so long since I talked to her!”

“Yeah, I miss her!” Olivia grinned brightly, her heart thudding in her chest. “We should try to find her today after the meeting, okay? We can go together.”

“Okay!” Yasmin nodded, giving Olivia a thumbs up. “You've got a deal.”

 


	73. The Special Linguistics Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new squad, one unlike any other, has assembled.  
> The Special Linguistics Squad's first meeting will now commence.

_As she slammed her suitcase shut, Catherine swallowed back the bile in her throat, pursing her lips. It took nearly all of her willpower to drown out her mother's angry cries from the first floor, where she had been wailing for the past hour._

_But, even if she had wanted to do something to change her mind, Catherine could not turn back. Her decision to join the military was final; her mother's desperate rage was not going to stop her this time._

_The last thing she would have to do to make all of this final was just to take her suitcase and go downstairs, where Rowen would be waiting for her. Then, they could meet up with Bruno and move on with their lives. This was, however, easier said than done; the moment she reached the bottom step, her mother's screams escalated._

_“WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS WILL DO FOR YOU?!” she shrieked. Catherine paused, glancing down the hallway toward her parents. She could see that her dad still had a tight grip on her mother's arms. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE?!”_

_“...I don't know,” Catherine replied quietly, looking toward the front door. “But I can't just sit around and do nothing. So...I guess I'll figure that out later.”_

_“IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR--”_

_“Goodbye.”_

_Again, Catherine quieted the sounds of her mother's screams, drowned them with her own thoughts until they were just white noise. She had other things to worry about now, things beyond her trivial little life in Wall Sina. It was time to move forward._

 

Jean hated being the first person to arrive at events, but Armin had insisted that they needed to show up early to their first meeting, since they were representing Levi's squad as well as the entirety of the Survey Corps.

 _No one cares_ , Jean thought for the umpteenth time as he sat at his desk, his chin resting in his hand. Armin was seated beside him, sitting straight-backed in his chair. He looked almost amusingly over-eager, and Jean let out a quiet laugh through his nose. The only other people in the room were Captain Levi and Squad Leader Catherine; a few minutes later, Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Hanji walked in, engaged in what seemed to be a cheerful banter.

“Hello!” Hanji greeted them, waving excitedly. Jean could not help feeling embarrassed; it felt like his first day of school all over again.

 _At least my mom won't be showing up_ , he assured himself with a small grimace. _That would be the worst possible thing to happen to me now._

Even without her there, it was admittedly an uncomfortable atmosphere. Right now, four of the highest-ranking soldiers in the Survey Corps--hell, the entire military at this point--were keeping an eye on him and Armin. Jean could not help but feel impatient for the other members to show up.

 _Come to think of it, we don't know anything about them,_ he realized. _Except that there's going to be two from the Garrison and two from the Police... I wonder why she chose them._

The conference room door was propped open, which was probably a good thing in the end, since just a few minutes after Erwin and Hanji had arrived, someone burst into the room, her long hair flowing behind her.

“I'm here!” the girl announced to Catherine, who just nodded.

“Have a seat,” she told the soldier. Jean recognized her; she had definitely been in their graduating class, and he also remembered seeing her when they came back from chasing down Reiner and Bertholdt. He could not recall her name, though, and he was not sure if he had ever had any kind of real conversation with her. Regardless, she was here now, and judging by the patches on her uniform, she was one of the Garrison members.

Rico came into the room just moments later, an irritated look on her face. She did not seem to have changed much since Jean last saw her.

“I apologize for making you wait,” she told Catherine, who shook her head.

“No, it's fine,” she replied. “There are far worse things, and besides, we're still waiting on the others. Please, feel free to take a seat with the others.” Catherine gestured toward Erwin and Hanji, who smiled up at Rico. “You and Captain Woermann can sit together over there.”

“Thank you.”

It had been even longer since Jean saw Captain Woermann--the skittish man had the same wide eyes, lined with dark circles. However, his demeanor was calmer than Jean had ever seen him.

 _What_ _ **has**_ _the Garrison been up to these days, anyway_? Jean wondered, blinking slowly as he stared at the doorway, waiting for the next Garrison members to come in. To his surprise, none other than Milena Gessler entered the room next, and behind her was Yasmin.

_...No way._

“Yasmin! Milena!” Armin hissed, waving to the girls. Jean sat upright in his seat, staring the pair down. Which one of them was joining? It did not seem like it was Milena; she was the one giving a formal greeting to Catherine, not Yasmin.

“ _She's_ joining?” Jean whispered to Armin, shifting his gaze to Yasmin. She was staring right back at them, a genuinely startled look in her eyes.

Despite how horribly they had gotten along in their trainee days, Jean did not hate Yasmin. However, he did not exactly consider her a friend, either, and he was pretty sure that the feeling was mutual. Their relationship had gotten more complex after Marco's death; it seemed as though neither of them had it in them to actively dislike the other anymore.

“...Shit,” Jean hissed to himself as Yasmin walked over toward the other Garrison soldier and sat beside her.

“What's wrong?” Armin asked, turning to Jean. “You guys are going to have to learn to get along _some_ time.”

“No, Armin--it's about _Marco_.” Jean grimaced, lowering his gaze. “There's...no way she knows about what Annie did yet.”

“...Maybe it's better if she _doesn't_ know,” Armin murmured.

“No...I think she would want to know. I think she still wants closure.”

Armin opened his mouth to say something in reply, but he was interrupted by the entrance of Commander Pyxis, who greeted them all warmly and took a seat next to Commander Erwin. A few seconds later, four more people entered the room--Jean recognized one of them as Commander Dawk of the Military Police. The others were people he only recognized because of Historia's coronation; they had been on the stage with her that day, so he figured they must be from an elite squad in the Police. Their leader was a tall, muscular man who was undeniably intimidating, but his greeting to Catherine was surprisingly gentle, and she seemed happy to see him, too.

“Those two must be the members from the Police,” Armin said quietly, and Jean nodded, looking over at the two younger soldiers. Just by a glance he could they were older than the other members of this new squad, and considering that they were elite Police soldiers, they were probably very intelligent people.

“Sorry we're late,” the girl said to Catherine, a small frown on her face.

“It's my fault,” the guy beside her said with an embarrassed smile.

“He's always late to things.”

“Don't worry about it,” Catherine said, smiling. “Have a seat.”

Jean felt himself tense up as the pair sat beside him. They both had such a strong presence that he could not help but feel intimidated by them.

“Everyone's here now, so let's get this meeting underway, shall we?” Catherine then said, walking over to the door and pulling it closed.

 

…......

 

“First, let me thank everyone for their patience and cooperation,” Catherine said, addressing the room at large. Sighing through his nose, Levi leaned his head back against the brick wall behind him. His narrow eyes scanned the faces in front of him; one half of the room was made up of the superior officers, while the other was the new squad's members. All eyes were on Catherine, save for Erwin's; he was looking at Bruno, who was sitting a few seats away.

“It's taken a lot of time and preparation, but now we can finally get this squad underway,” Catherine went on. “I'd like to take the first part of this meeting to address the officers that have come today. I don't particularly have anything new to say, but I feel that it's my duty to remind you of what this squad will be used for, and how it will affect your regiment.”

Pausing, Catherine ran a hand through her hair; even without seeing her face, Levi could tell that she was nervous. He could understand why; the most powerful people in the military were now gathered together and listening to her every word. If one of them was to protest, things could get hairy very quickly.

“...The goal of this squad is to uncover information left behind in various books and documents collected by the Survey Corps that were recorded in a language that has since become obsolete. I have been studying this language for years treating it as just another dead language, but as of late, I have come to discover the likelihood of its connections to what appears to be a Titan civilization--in other words, the place from which Annie Leonhardt and her allies must have come from. Seeing as how we have no way to gather information from any of those Titan shifters, it is now a necessity to study this language further. By doing so, we may be able to uncover the true history of the Titans, as well as a way to defeat them.”

 _Yeah...that Titan bitch been in that crystal for months now,_ Levi thought, frowning. _Who knows if she's even still alive..._

“As for the structure of this squad, think of it as if this was a classroom,” Catherine explained, gesturing toward her squad members. “It will admittedly be similar to being back in school again for them, but instead of aiming for a passing grade, the goal is to aid humanity in its struggle to survive and prosper. This is, after all, the duty of all three regiments. It's important that we take advantage of this time of peace to work together.

“That being said, this squad is made up of people from all three regiments, and it is therefore _not_ affiliated with the Survey Corps alone. The members I chose are first and foremost soldiers to their own respective regiments. I have no power to change what is a personal choice, nor do I have authority over any of the officers in this room. In the event that the member must choose between their regiment and this squad, I would advise that the former is prioritized. However, I cannot make that decision for anyone, either.”

 _I highly doubt it'll ever come to that,_ Levi thought, closing his eyes. _This is basically like a tiny school. In the military world, schooling is the last priority._

“Finally, in the event that a member leaves the squad, I would like to request permission from each of the Commanders to recruit a replacement, if necessary,” Catherine said. “...I have nothing further to say to any of the commanding officers. Are there any questions or concerns? If you have any at all, please feel free to ask them, especially while we're all gathered here together like this.”

The room was silent, and Levi finally opened his eyes again; he could not find a dissatisfied expression among the faces of the superiors. Even Nile and Woermann seemed content for once, and if they were quiet, it would be unlikely for anyone else to speak up.

“...Then, that concludes the first part of our meeting,” Catherine declared, a hint of relief to her tone. “I ask that my new squad would remain, but everyone else is dismissed. Thank you for your time today.”

Pushing himself off of the wall, Levi walked over to Catherine. She still seemed a little shaky, but she looked far more confident than she had earlier that morning.

“I'm sorry--I should have asked if you had anything to say, too,” she murmured, giving him an apologetic look.

“It wouldn't have been anything they wanted to hear,” Levi replied, shaking his head. “It's fine. Focus your attention on those kids instead.”

“Yeah...you're right.”

 

…......

 

“Well, even if this squad is a bust, at least our Squad Leader is well-spoken enough to defend it,” Claus whispered to Bianca, glancing over at Catherine.

“It won't be a bust,” Bianca replied, narrowing her eyes. “Catherine won't let it be.”

“It might not be up to her.”

“You don't know her like I do, Claus. She won't let it fail.”

Sighing heavily, Claus sat back in his seat, looking toward the other members. He could not place a name to either of the Survey Corps soldiers, but he had definitely seen them around before. As for the girls from the Garrison, they were complete strangers.

“...Well then...”

Claus looked back at Catherine, who had closed the door to the classroom behind the other officers. She walked toward the six of them, then pulled off her jacket and slung it over the back of a chair. Sitting down across from them, she gave them a small smile.

“Thank you, first of all,” she said. “I know this is an incredible amount of responsibility for all of you, but I know you can handle it. You all are very capable soldiers. I've seen some of you in action, and I've heard good things from your superior officers, too. I don't have any regrets to my choice of members.”

 _Not yet, you don't..._ Claus thought, resting his chin in his hand.

“From now on, we'll meet in the western conference room. This room is a little too big for us--I only needed it today for our guests. We'll meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays to start; depending on our progress, that schedule might change.”

Catherine leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees.

“Today, however, we won't be starting on any study materials,” she declared. “Instead, I'd like you all to introduce yourselves. I know some of you might know each other already, but all six of you are going to be working together, so you need to get to know _everyone_. I'll start--you already know my name and regiment, but I've been in the Survey Corps for almost five years. Before joining, I was a teacher in the Hermiha district in Wall Sina.”

Sitting back in her chair, Catherine glanced to her right at Levi, who was standing beside her with his arms crossed.

“Levi, you're next,” she told him. He flicked his narrow eyes over at her, as if to say, “Are you kidding me?” Catherine's gaze, however, did not waver, and the man let out a small sigh in response.

“I'm Levi,” he said. “I've been in the Corps for six years.”

Claus could not help but smirk at the short introduction Captain Levi gave. Anyone who did not know who he was probably did not deserve to sit in this room, anyway.

“Bianca, you go next,” Catherine then said. “We'll work our way down a line.”

Claus glanced to his left as Bianca stood from her seat, saluting to Catherine and Levi.

 _As always, she effortlessly steals the show_ , he thought, a small smile on his face.

“My name is Bianca Sertoli, and I've been a member of the Military Police for almost four years,” Bianca said. “Currently, I am employed in the special squad that works directly with Her Majesty Queen Historia. I come from the Hermiha district.”

As Bianca sat down, Claus then slowly got to his feet, saluting to Catherine.

“My name is Claus Rasmussen, and I've been a member of the Police as long as Bianca,” he said. “I'm also in the same squad, and my hometown is the Yalkell district.”

Claus sank back down into his seat as the soldier on his right stood up. He seemed young--in fact, all of the other members appeared to be a couple of years younger.

“I'm Jean Kirschstein, and I've almost completed my first year in the Survey Corps,” Jean said, saluting to Catherine and Levi. “I am a member of Captain Levi's special squad, and my hometown is the Trost district.”

 _They're so young_ , Claus thought, staring at the short, blond young man who stood up after Jean.

“My name is Armin Arlert, and I have also almost completed my first year in the Survey Corps,” Armin said. Claus raised an eyebrow; so _this_ was the kid Bruno had had his eye on all this time. “I, too, am a member of Captain Levi's special squad, and my hometown is Shiganshina.”

Armin then slowly sat down, and Claus glanced down the line. The two girls from the Garrison were seated a little farther away from the group, as if they felt they did not really belong.

“...My name is Yasmin Güven, and I have been in the Garrison regiment for almost a year,” Yasmin said, bringing her fist to her chest in a firm salute. Though having appeared to be shy at first, she also seemed like a bright person. “I am currently working under Captain Gessler, and my hometown is Jinae in Wall Rose.”

Before Yasmin had even sat down, the girl beside her sprang to her feet, quickly saluting to their superior officers.

“I'm Olivia Gautier, and I've also been in the Garrison for about a year,” she said, her arm slowly falling to her side as she spoke. “Rico is my Squad Leader, so we're working under Captain Woermann...unfortunately. Oh, and my hometown is Stuttgart, a city in Wall Maria.”

Olivia plopped back down in her chair, fiddling with strands of her long, white-blonde hair. Claus felt a frown crease onto his face. It was disappointing how unprofessional she was, especially in comparison to everyone else. Why was she chosen for the squad?

 _Maybe she's a mad genius,_ Claus thought, sighing through his nose as he turned his attention back to Catherine.

 

…......

 

“Thank you all again,” Catherine said, giving them each a smile. Yasmin felt her heart flutter a bit. This woman, who had seemed so intimidating at first, was actually quite nice. She carried herself well, and her confidence was obvious.

 _That's the kind of person I want to become_ , Yasmin realized as she stared at her new Squad Leader.

“We'll end things there for today,” she stated. “You are all more than welcome to join us for dinner before you head back. Be ready on Thursday to start learning, though--bring something to take notes on and something to take notes with. Sleep well, take care of yourselves... If you have any questions, you can ask me at any time. You're all dismissed for today.”

Yasmin was a bit disappointed that introductions would be their only activity for the day, but she was also quite anxious to speak with Armin and Jean. She had not expected to see either of them at this meeting; it was even more unbelievable that she would now get to see them on a regular basis.

“I can't believe you're here, too!” Armin exclaimed the moment he reached Yasmin. She pulled him into a tight hug, laughing.

“I'm so happy to see you're doing well!” she cried. “We've been talking about how much we miss you guys and how we should get together or something!”

“Yeah, us too!” Armin smiled brightly as Yasmin released him. “Actually, Mikasa and I were thinking it might not be a bad idea to hold some kind of event for the one year anniversary of...”

“That would be...really nice,” Yasmin said, her throat growing dry as she nodded in agreement. “I know Rosaleen would really appreciate that, too.”

“Hey...Yasmin...” Jean's voice was quiet and hesitant, unlike anything she had ever heard from him before. Was he going to apologize for acting like a shit? Or was this the beginning of some kind of joke?

“Jean, it's--”

“Are you okay?” he asked suddenly, and Yasmin blinked, a bit taken aback.

“I'm...fine?” she replied, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I mean...are you _okay_?”

Yasmin could tell by the look in Jean's eyes what he was trying to say--he was asking about how life was without Marco, how she was dealing with the grief and the guilt.

“...I'm all right,” she murmured.

“...Look, I...we...have to tell you something.” Jean's eyes were wide, and his lips were drawn tight. “...It...was Annie.”

“...What...?”

“Yasmin...Annie might have been the one who killed Marco.”

“What the hell are you saying?” Yasmin hissed. “Look, I know Annie betrayed us and all, but that doesn't mean she killed one of our _friends_. And what makes you think that Marco was killed by a human? Couldn't it have been a Titan?!”

“The reason Annie got away with killing Squad Leader Hanji's test subjects was because she submitted Marco's gear for the inspection,” Armin said quietly. “She was standing right next to me. I know it was his.”

“Yeah, so what? That doesn't mean--”

“When we asked her why she had his gear, she couldn't answer the question. She just said that she 'found it' somewhere.”

Yasmin had never been particularly close to Annie, but she knew her well enough to know that killing someone, especially someone like Marco, was just not something she would do. Then again, she had not known Annie that well, so who was to say that she was not capable of such a horrible crime?

“It..explains everything,” Jean admitted. “Whether or not she actually killed him, she was at least involved with it--”

“Stop it,” Yasmin snapped through gritted teeth. “Enough. Just shut up!”

“Yasmin--”

Quickly turning away from them, Yasmin covered her mouth with her hand, willing herself to swallow the tears that were now threatening to fall. She had been doing well handling these feelings; it had been a while since she had felt the burning anger and regret over Marco's death.

But now, on top of those horrible feelings, she could not help but suspect that Jean and Armin's statements were true--that Annie _was_ the one who killed Marco. It made her feel sick, sick enough to want to find Annie's crystal and bust her out of it and interrogate her herself. If she was going to be teased with this notion, she wanted confirmation that it was true.

“Yasmin...”

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she knew it must be Jean's, but the thought of him even being near her made her furious. As if _he_ could _really_ understand what she was going through. He had known Marco for three years, but so what? Marco had been _her_ best friend, her _family_. Someone as spoiled as Jean would never understand these feelings.

“Leave me alone,” Yasmin growled, walking away from the boys. She marched past her other new squad members, including Olivia, who pranced after her, out of the room and down the hallway.

“Oi, oi! Aren't you going to stay?” she cried, taking Yasmin's wrist gently.

“No,” Yasmin grunted. “I can't stand him.”

“Who?”

“Jean.”

“Ah. That one.” Olivia giggled softly. “Well, okay, that's fine. If you don't mind, I'll go home with you.”

“...Thank you. I'd appreciate that.”

 

 


	74. Quiet Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words they have heard spoken may only be scratching the surface of something deeper.   
> In it all, several have turned to Armin for help.

_“No! Not good enough!”_

_Stamping her foot, Olivia glared down at her younger brother, Quentin, his small hands still gripping the laundry basket. As soon as his gaze met hers, he burst into tears, and Olivia let out a loud sigh in response._

_“Quen, how're you_ _**ever** _ _going to learn to be the man of the house if you can't even handle criticism?” she said in a soft voice, kneeling down next to her kid brother._

_“Olivia!? What're you up to in there?!”_

_At the sound of her father's voice, the eight-year-old whirled around and jumped to her feet._

_“Nothing!” she shouted back, but Felix Gautier had already entered the room. He was obviously not happy, and Olivia's heart sank. “It's nothing, Daddy! I'm just trying to teach Quen how to be an adult!”_

_“Quentin is five--he doesn't need to know how to be an adult yet,” Felix said with a heavy sigh. “Neither do you, for that matter.”_

_“But you can't do everything by yourself, right?” Olivia countered, her throat tightening. “Why can't I help you?”_

_Felix's face softened, and he squatted down to meet Olivia's gaze._

_“Because I want you to enjoy your life more than I want to enjoy mine,” he replied quietly. Holding out his arms, he then said, “Come here--while you're still young enough to let me hug you.”_

 

“We've been waiting here for _hours_ \--when are they gonna be done?”

Sasha glanced over at Connie; he was lying on his back on the floor outside of the conference room door, staring up at the ceiling. His hands were resting on his stomach, and he looked as though he might fall asleep at any moment.

“It will be worth it to see her,” Sasha reassured him, knocking her feet together as she leaned back against the brick wall behind her. “We have been missing her after every meeting for weeks, so this is the only way to guarantee she will not leave before we run into her, right?”

“...I guess so...”

“If you were in her shoes, you would want this, too.”

“I know.” Connie sat upright, sighing. “I can't believe it's been almost a year...”

Sasha could hardly believe it, either. It seemed like just yesterday that they had all been in training together, and that everyone was alive and relatively happy. Nobody had been betrayed at that point--everyone pretty much got along.

 _Well, except for a few people_ , Sasha thought, smiling to herself. She knew that Jean had changed a lot since Marco's death, but she did not know about Yasmin--which was precisely why she and Connie were waiting outside of the conference room for the end of their meeting.

They had heard from Jean and Armin that Yasmin was also in this special squad, but she never stayed later than she had to, so there had not yet been a chance for any kind of reunion. Tonight, Sasha hoped to convince her to at least stay for dinner. She and Connie and the others from their graduating class had been discussing some kind of one-year anniversary event for those lost in Trost, and since Yasmin had been Marco's best friend, and since Marco had been friends with nearly everyone, Sasha thought it was only appropriate that she had a say in deciding what they would do.

“I'm hungry,” Connie mumbled.

“I am, too,” Sasha sighed.

“You're always hungry, though.” Connie grinned at her, then leaned backward, as if to lay down again. But before he could get there, the door to the conference room opened at last.

“...Uh, hello?” a red-headed soldier said, staring down at Connie. “Was there something you needed?”

“Is your meeting over?” Connie asked quickly, pushing himself to his feet. Sasha did the same, walking over to the young man.

“Yeah, why?” he replied.

“Is Yasmin there?” Sasha asked.

“Yeah, she'll be out in--”

Sasha did not bother listening to the rest of that statement; she had her answer, so there was no reason to hesitate now. She pushed her way past the soldier, Connie trailing behind her, and entered the conference room. Sure enough, Yasmin was packing up her things, talking to Armin, just like the good old days.

“Oi, what are you two doing in here?” Captain Levi suddenly interjected, his harsh gaze falling on the pair.

“We're just going to talk to a friend!” Connie replied.

“Yasmin!” Sasha called out. At the sound of her name, Yasmin turned her head, and a bright smile appeared on her face.

“Sasha! Connie!” she exclaimed, sounding almost relieved.

Sasha ran over to Yasmin and threw her arms around her shoulders. For some reason, it felt so good to see one of their friends from another regiment. It made it seem like they were not so distant from one another after all.

“I was hoping I'd see you guys soon,” Yasmin laughed.

“Hey, do you have time to stay for dinner?” Connie asked, getting right to the point. “We have some stuff we wanna talk to you about!”

“Ah, is it...?” Yasmin's face fell, and her eyes grew dull. Sasha could tell that she already knew what they were up to--Armin had probably already brought it up to her.

“We wanted to brainstorm with you,” Sasha told her, pushing her back and giving her a warm smile. “You should stay.”

“...” Yasmin glanced over at Armin, then at Jean, who was not even looking at them and seemed to be too preoccupied with packing up his stuff.

 _They still don't get along?_ Sasha thought, her smile fading. She could not help feeling disappointed, but then again, she could not speak for either of them. Perhaps there was more to the situation than she could see.

“...Maybe next week,” Yasmin finally replied. “Next Thursday? Is that all right?”

“Yeah, but we're holding you to it!” Connie laughed, with a good show of his usual enthusiasm. Sasha felt proud of him--she knew he had not had the easiest time lately, either. “We'll let Eren and Mikasa know, too.”

“Okay,” Yasmin said, giving them a nod. Sasha finally released her grip on her shoulders, smiling once again.

“Then we will see you next week!” she exclaimed. “Have a good night!”

“You, too--both of you.”

 

…......

 

Narrowing her eyes, Catherine glanced at Yasmin and Olivia as they left the room, then at Jean, who slowly followed after them. She had noticed this pattern for the past couple of weeks, and she knew that something must be going on. Jean and Yasmin had seemed to be fine at the very first meeting, but after that, they had avoided eye contact and barely spoke to one another.

“...Armin,” Catherine said to the young man, who was just about to leave. “Wait here a moment. There's something I need to discuss with you.”

“Ah...yes, Squad Leader,” he replied, obviously a bit startled.

“Can I go now?” Levi muttered from behind her. “This doesn't involve me, does it?”

“No, not really,” she murmured. “Thank you--I'll see you at dinner.”

Levi strode past her without another word, just a glance back and an affirmative nod in her direction. He closed the door behind him, leaving her and Armin alone.

“Armin, be honest with me--do they hate each other?” Catherine asked, slowly stacking up her books.

“...You mean Jean and Yasmin, don't you?” Armin replied, chuckling softly. Catherine nodded.

“I've noticed that they avoid each other, and they all but refuse to talk to each other, or even share the same space for any longer than needed.”

“They...don't exactly hate each other. It's just...complicated.”

“Then explain it to me in terms I'd understand,” Catherine commanded him. “The last thing I need to be worrying about with this squad is some quarrel or disagreement that can easily be fixed.”

“Well...Yasmin's best friend, Marco, was a _really_ nice guy, and he befriended everyone in our class--including Jean,” Armin explained. “Jean and Marco became really close, but Jean and Yasmin hated each other. Anyway, Marco died in the battle for Trost, and...Jean and I found out that Annie Leonhardt was likely involved.”

Armin paused, pursing his lips. Catherine felt a little sorry for him--the 104th class of trainees seemed to be cursed with horrible luck. So many of the soldiers in that class were either already dead, or they had turned out to be traitors. Catherine knew how it felt to lose a comrade, but she was not sure how that kind of betrayal really affected a person.

“Yasmin didn't know about what Annie did until we saw her at the first squad meeting,” Armin continued after a few moments of silence. “Jean and I told her, and ever since then, she's been pushing him away, kind of like when they were in training. There's less malice this time, though. I think...she might just be sad. She probably can't help but associate Jean with Marco, and thinking about how he died--and now knowing one of our friends was involved--has to be really hard.”

“Has Jean tried to talk her out of it?” Catherine asked.

“I think he's afraid to,” Armin laughed. “They're both really proud people.”

Catherine let out a laugh through her nose; she had heard that exact phrase used to describe her and Bruno, too.

 _What made us stop hating each other back then, I wonder?_ Catherine thought, running a hand through her hair.

“Squad Leader? Are you all right?” Armin asked suddenly, and Catherine glanced up at him.

“Hm? Yes, I'm fine,” she answered. “Why do you ask?”

“It's just that...you had a sad look on your face.”

Catherine smile weakly, shrugging.

“...I guess I'm just disappointed,” she admitted. It was not entirely a lie to say this--she had hoped that there would be an easy solution to solving this conflict. “I had hoped that in choosing my squad's members I would choose people who could get along, even if only for the sake of just getting along.”

“Do _you_ think letting them talk it out would help them?” Armin inquired.

“You would know that better than me,” Catherine replied. “You've known them for years, haven't you? What do you think?”

A small smile appeared on Armin's face in response.

“...I might have an idea,” he said.

“I trust you.” Catherine nodded, smiling at the young soldier. “Tell me what I can do to help.”

Armin laughed, scratching the back of his neck.

“I-I feel a little odd, telling my superior officer what to do,” he stammered.

“I don't care--I'll do whatever needs to be done.” Catherine gripped the back of her chair, squeezing it tightly. “This may sound selfish, but I've come so far that...for my efforts to go to waste because of a little conflict is out of the question. I'll follow your lead, Armin.”

 

…......

 

“And then he ran right into the front door! I laughed until I cried, but my dad was _so_ mad at me...”

Yasmin laughed along with Olivia as she continued her story. It felt so nice to be out of that stuffy room and out in the fresh air again; having good company to pass the time with felt even better.

Though, if she was being honest with herself, Yasmin did not entirely mind being cooped up in the conference room all day. In fact, she really loved being able to spend part of her week studying. The material was by no means easy, but she was keeping up with Catherine's lessons, and it was a huge boost of confidence. She was finally able to make use of herself.

The problem was Jean--actually, no, Jean himself was not the problem. It was everything that Yasmin associated with Jean that complicated her feelings toward squad meetings. Even just knowing he was in the same room as her made her heart hurt--she could not look at him without seeing Marco and wishing they had traded places.

“Hey, what's that face for?” Olivia asked, jerking Yasmin out of her thoughts. “You spaced out again, didn't you?”

Yasmin looked over at Olivia and received a sympathetic smile in return.

“...Sorry, I promise I was listening,” Yasmin told her quietly, barely able to hear her own voice over their horses' thundering hooves.

“It's okay--I know you've got a lot on your mind.”

“Yeah...thank you.”

“No need to thank me! That's what friends are for!”

Yasmin had only really known Olivia well for a couple of weeks, but in that short amount of time, they had become quite close. Olivia was easy to talk to--even though they did not have that much in common, she was easy to relate to, and she was an interesting person, to say the least. Having another friend, a fresh set of ears, to talk to about Marco with was helpful, too.

“And who knows--maybe Jean will just quit that squad anyway,” Olivia went on.

“What makes you think he'd do that?” Yasmin asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I heard that he didn't even want to join in the first place,” she answered, her grey eyes gleaming behind her thick lenses. “It seems like he was kinda pressured into it. So, y'know, maybe he'll quit.”

“I'd feel bad,” Yasmin admitted, to which Olivia clicked her tongue in disapproval.

“Why? You've done nothing wrong,” she grunted.

“No, I mean, for Miss Catherine. She worked really hard to organize this group. If someone left, it might take her several months to find a replacement. That would be a huge pain in the ass for her.”

“Yeah, that's true. I'd hate for her to have to deal with that... She's too nice.”

Yasmin was not sure that “nice” was the right word to describe Catherine, but she was definitely a good person--hard-working, determined, intelligent, and strong. She embodied the things Yasmin wanted to become, and by spending time around her, she hoped that the Squad Leader would rub off on her, that maybe somehow she would pick up some of the tricks to life from this learned veteran soldier.

“I think she'd rather be doing other things, anyway,” Olivia continued. “She's a busy person, right? Both her and Levi have lives outside of this squad.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Yasmin agreed, nodding.

“I wonder how long they've been together?”

“Eh?” Yasmin turned to look at Olivia, assuming she would see the teen's signature playful grin, but her face was entirely serious. “What're you talking about?”

“Levi and Catherine, silly,” Olivia replied, looking at Yasmin and raising an eyebrow. “They're married, right?”

Yasmin let out a loud laugh, then quickly slapped her hand over her mouth.

“I don't think so,” she said, unable to hide her smile. “They're just comrades--and he's _way_ too involved as a soldier to even think about that kind of thing.”

“Are you sure?” Olivia looked genuinely confused, and it made Yasmin start to doubt what she knew.

“I mean, I don't _think_ so. Otherwise, wouldn't they have mentioned it?”

“Eh. They don't strike me as that kind of couple.”

“I don't think that they _are_ a couple.”

“Really?” Olivia scrunched up her nose, staring at the path toward headquarters. “They certainly act like it.”

“What makes you say that?”

“They bicker like it, first of all.”

“That's just how some people communicate,” Yasmin laughed, thinking of Mikasa and Eren.

 _Then again, Mikasa definitely has feelings for Eren,_ she thought, biting her lip.

“I...I mean, think of...think of you and Rico!” she said quickly. “You guys argue like it's your second job.”

“Hmm...I guess so, but that's not quite the same thing,” Olivia replied, shrugging. “Well, I guess we can ask Armin if he knows anything next Tuesday.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

The girls fell quiet, with nothing but the sound of their galloping horses to keep them company. Their shadows were getting taller and were starting to fade, a sure sign of the coming nightfall.

“Well, we're almost home,” Olivia sighed. “Back to the old grind, huh? Of course, you've got the sweetest Captain the Garrison has ever seen--not some old geezer who jumps at his own shadow.”

“Milena's not always sweet,” Yasmin chuckled. “She can be a hard-ass when she wants to be.”

“Yeah...I suppose that's why she's a Captain, huh...?”

Olivia snickered quietly, slouching in her saddle.

“Sorry, but you could never pay me enough to be in that position,” she muttered.

“What? Why?” Yasmin asked.

“Are you kidding me? Being a Captain in the Garrison is like putting yourself just out of a Titan's reach all day and all night. You're in constant danger. It's not worth it.”

Yasmin could not come up with a good response; she had never thought of Milena as being in constant peril. They were quite safe at their headquarters, and even when they were up on the wall, it was not as if they were unarmed. Milena had her gear on her all day, as did everyone under her command, and they were surrounded by weapons. In fact, out of all three regiments, they were probably the safest in the threat of a Titan attack.

 _...That attitude is probably what got humanity to this point, though,_ Yasmin realized, gritting her teeth.

“Looks like it's time for us to split up,” Olivia stated. “Have a good night, Yasmin! I'll see you Tuesday!”

“Good night, Olivia! And thanks again.”

In the fading sunlight, Yasmin could clearly see Olivia's cheeks flush pink in delight.

“Don't worry about it!” she called out as she rode off. “I'll come up with a form of payment later!”

 

…......

 

Levi had just settled in for the night with some tea and a stack of documents when there was a knock on his door. He knew exactly who it was; she always knocked the same way, with the same amount of beats.

“Come in,” he grunted, taking a sip of tea. Sure enough, Catherine appeared on the other side of his door; she had a stack of papers in one hand. “...No.”

“These aren't from me,” she said quickly, slipping off her shoes and entering his room. “I passed Hanji in the hallway and she told me to hand these off to you.”

Levi sighed heavily, rolling his eyes.

“What now?” he grumbled. “I'm already busy enough as it is, no thanks to either of you.”

“...Levi, did you know about this?” Catherine asked, holding up the top sheet of paper.

“Do I know about _what_? You couldn't be more cryptic if you tried, Catherine.”

“Erwin and Hanji are planning to use Armin as some kind of an ambassador,” she explained, walking over to him and holding out the stack of papers. Levi glanced down at the front page, but he knew trying to skim through it would not do him much good; listening to Catherine's explanation would be far more useful. “They want to use him as a liaison to the Military Police. Did you know anything about this?”

“Only that the idea was in Erwin's head,” Levi replied, sighing as he leaned back in his chair. “I didn't know if it was gonna happen or not, but I should've known better. Once Erwin gets an idea into his head, he doesn't stop until he's done it.”

“...I don't think the idea itself is bad, but...I'm afraid it'll overwhelm Armin,” Catherine admitted. Levi slowly and reluctantly took the papers out of her hands at last. “He's already in your squad, and now in mine, and now they want him to do this, too? Does it _have_ to be Armin?”

“We can't make the decision for him--if he says yes, it means he thinks he can handle it, and knowing that kid, he probably can,” Levi told her. “I get what you're saying, but I don't really see a way out of this.”

“What if we try to withhold our permission for letting Armin do it?” she suggested. “I mean, they're asking for our signatures in these documents--after you're done with them, I get them next. If we refuse to sign it, they can't do anything, right?”

“Erwin doesn't have to have our signatures--this is just a formality.” Setting the papers on his desk, Levi then folded his arms across his chest. “He and Hanji can pretty much do whatever they want. In the end, it's up to Armin.”

Not to Levi's surprise, Catherine let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

“I can't wait until the next class graduates and we have more people,” she muttered, her hand on her forehead. “We're being stretched too thin as it is, and...just, this is all terrible timing.”

“What are you talking about?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. “Did something happen after I left?”

“Not exactly,” Catherine replied, dropping her hand and shaking her head. “Jean and Yasmin apparently don't get along, and from what Armin said, it sounds like they just need to both swallow their pride and talk it out. We're trying to create that kind of environment for them, but with them not being in the same regiment, it's kind of hard to do.” Levi had not noticed that Catherine's voice was trembling, but he could see that her hands were shaking. “I'm afraid one of them will quit if we don't do something.”

“If it happens, it happens. You can't just give up everything because two little brats can't get their shit together.”

Catherine let out a quiet laugh, shrugging.

“Yeah...I guess that's true. If I gave up now, that would make _me_ the brat who can't get her shit together,” she joked.

“Did you come up with any ideas?” Levi then asked.

“Mm...not really...” Catherine smiled sadly. “I don't suppose you have anything in mind?”

“...Give me some time to think about it. I might be able to come up with something.”

 


	75. Glimpses of Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two victims of tragedy finally come together and make peace with one another.  
> May the future be nothing but bright for them.

_“Hey.”_

_Yasmin hesitated before glancing over at Jean. She could barely make out his frown in the dim light of the funeral pyres._

_“Look, I know you're all joining the Garrison, I get it. I won't ask you to change your minds now. I...just wanted to say, good luck. And...I'm sorry... It took my friend dying like that for me to realize...how stupid I've been...”_

_“It's all right,” Yasmin interjected, staring into the smoke as it curled up into the night air. “We've all been a little stupid up until now. We joined the military not realizing the full extent of the consequences that come with joining.” Pursing her lips, she turned to face Jean before continuing, “It took my best friend dying for me to realize that, even if I have a goal, I have to have the skills and courage to get there. I don't have any of that yet, and so this is the result...”_

_She knew that plenty of people would be quick to reassure her that Marco's death was not her fault, but she could not help feeling guilty over it. Surely, there was something that she could have done to prevent this._

_“You'll get there,” Jean then told her. “I think Marco was right about you--you're strong. You get it. And so you can get to where you want to go.”_

_Yasmin could not help but let out a quiet laugh. She did not know if Jean was being sincere or not, but either way, she knew better than to believe him. The proof was right in front of them._

_“Thanks,” she mumbled. “But I don't think so. And that's all right with me.”_

 

Even though Levi and Catherine's squads could not have been any more different, Jean could not helping comparing the two, and so far, he liked Levi's better.

It was true that he had done well on the exams as a trainee, and he knew that he was not an unintelligent person. He was also not naturally lazy; he hated being unoccupied, and it took a conscious effort for him to slack off at something. Captain Levi was also a total hard-ass--he had high expectations for all of them, and it was intimidating to even think about what might happen if any one of them failed. Indeed, the consequences of failure in Levi's squad were much more obvious and immediate than in Catherine's squad.

However, Jean found himself struggling to keep up after just three weeks in this new academic squad. Armin could only help him so much during their meetings, and taking the time to study in his spare time was admittedly on the bottom of his priority list. Plus, there was the fact that Jean did not talk to any of the other members, so there was no one else he could ask for help.

Bianca was totally unapproachable--she barely spoke, and whenever she did, the things that came out of her mouth were intelligent and concise. Just looking her in the eyes made Jean feel stupid (looking at Squad Leader Catherine gave him a similar feeling). Claus was always with her, and while he was far more outgoing and friendly, he seemed to be too preoccupied with keeping up with Bianca than taking time to help Jean.

Then there was Olivia, who was, by all accounts, the worst student in the class. Though he did not agree with them, Jean at least knew why he had been recruited for this squad. As for why Olivia was in the squad, he could not figure out any good reason. She was lazy and often served as a distraction during each lesson.

The only other person left was Yasmin, and after what had happened at the end of the first meeting, Jean knew better than to try talking to her. To his disappointment, it seemed that she had not changed one bit since the last time they had talked after all; she was still on the defensive toward him, and bringing up Marco had not helped his case. Luckily, she and Olivia usually left immediately after lessons ended, so they did not have any additional opportunities for conflict outside of that period of time.

Or at least, most days she left immediately after lessons.

“Do you think more people would participate if we held the reunion in one place, or if we went with Armin's idea?” Sasha asked Yasmin, quickly taking a bite of bread. Her voice was loud and clear despite the din in the Survey Corps mess hall.

“I think Armin's idea is more personal, so I think that might encourage more people to join us,” Yasmin replied, absentmindedly stirring her soup with one hand while taking down notes with the other.

“My one concern is if the people living in Trost will be all right with a bunch of strangers walking around their town and mourning,” Armin murmured. He briefly glanced over at Jean, who quickly looked away. “Say, Jean, what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?” Jean snapped, staring down at the remains of his meal. He did not want to involve himself in the plans for a class reunion too deeply. Sure, he had lost friends, but he knew people who had suffered much more, and _they_ were the ones that needed to plan the details.

“Haven't you been listening, man?” Connie laughed. “We're talking about the class reunion.”

“Do you think it would be all right if we laid flowers and other gifts throughout Trost?” Armin asked. “That's your hometown--do you think that people would mind?”

“I'm not the person to ask about that kind of stuff,” Jean muttered in reply. “That place has changed a lot in one year--you're better off to get permission from the Reeves Corporation or something.”

“That's a great idea!” Connie exclaimed.

“Yes, Mister Flegel would surely be willing to help us!” Sasha agreed.

“Thanks, Jean,” Armin said with a smile, but Yasmin said nothing. She did not even look over at him.

“...Whatever.”

 

…......

 

“It's good that we're getting more concrete plans settled for the reunion,” Armin said, trying to keep his tone cheerful as he pulled on the pair of rubber gloves sitting next to the giant sink. One of his duties as a soldier in Levi's squad was to keep the peace--another was to keep headquarters clean. Tonight was his turn to do the dishes, but he was not alone; Jean was there to help him, and with the rest of the regular kitchen staff, they would be done in no time.

But, tonight, Armin would not be the one helping out--Yasmin would.

“Yeah, whatever,” Jean mumbled. Armin could tell that he was in a terrible mood, but he could not wait around for him to be more optimistic--those days hardly even existed in the first place.

“I'm sure Mister Flegel will help us out,” Armin went on, stalling for time. “I mean, he can be a bit of a coward, but he's a good person.”

“There's no way to be sure,” Jean responded, but before Armin could reply, there was a sharp knock on the door, and Armin turned to see Squad Leader Catherine standing in the doorway. Beside her was Yasmin, who looked a little confused; Armin almost felt sorry for deceiving her, but he knew that it was for her own good.

“Armin, Levi needs to see you immediately,” Catherine said, her tone crisp. “He said it won't take long, but he didn't want to leave Jean alone on cleaning duty, so Yasmin will be standing in for you until you get back.”

“She's not even a part of this regiment,” Jean interjected. “That's hardly fair.”

“She ate here with us tonight--I'd say that's fair enough,” Catherine replied gruffly, giving Yasmin a slight shove forward.

“...Sorry, Yasmin,” Armin murmured, giving her a sympathetic smile as he handed his gloves off to her.

“Just...hurry back, okay?” she told him quietly, and Armin nodded.

The moment the door closed behind them, Catherine let out a sigh.

“You realize that if this doesn't work, they're both going to hate me _and_ you, right?” she murmured as they started toward Captain Levi's room.

“For all they know, it's Captain Levi's fault for calling me out,” Armin snickered. “So, what will we do while we wait?”

“I don't know--maybe Levi will have something for you to do.”

Armin noticed a slight grimace on Catherine's face, and he frowned, confused as to why she still looked so upset.

“Is there something else going on or something?” he asked. “You look upset, Squad Lead--”

“You don't have to use my title,” Catherine interrupted. “Just 'Catherine' is fine.”

“Ah, well...” Armin scratched the back of his neck. “I was only trying to--”

“I shouldn't tell you this yet, but there _is_ something we need to talk to you about,” she then said, her voice quiet.

“...Really?”

“Yes...let's discuss it with Levi. This change will affect us all in the end, after all.”

“I...see...” Armin replied quietly, stunned. “Can you give me the gist of it now, please? If that's okay with you...”

“No, of course. That's only fair.” Catherine ran a hand through her hair, sighing. “Erwin and Hanji are looking to name a member of the Survey Corps as an ambassador of sorts to the Military Police, and they've chosen you.”

“...I guess I see the reasoning behind that...” Armin murmured. “But--”

“I don't know the details yet--Levi has the paperwork, so we can ask him about what he's read so far,” Catherine said quickly. “Let's just leave it at that for now.”

 

…......

 

 _This is totally unfair_ , Yasmin thought as she pulled on the cleaning gloves. A small grimace crossed her face as she glanced at the giant sink, which was now filled with suds. Jean was already getting to work.

“You gonna help me or what?” he said, glancing over his shoulder at her.

“Yeah, I'm coming,” she muttered in reply. “...You guys have to do this as a job?”

“It's not our idea, trust me,” Jean replied as he grabbed a plate. “Captain Levi insists it's part of our duty as soldiers. We don't get paid extra for this--he probably thinks it'll help us build character or something.”

“Isn't he a clean freak? I heard that rumor a while ago.”

“It's no rumor--it's the truth.”

“Why?”

“No idea.”

Yasmin hummed a low note to herself in response; she did not know much about Squad Leader Catherine, but she knew even less about Captain Levi, which was odd considering his fame. She _did_ know he could be quite harsh, but she had never expected him to be such an eccentric.

She opened her mouth to say something else on the matter, but she then recalled why she and Jean had not been talking in the first place, and she clenched her jaw shut, pursing her lips.

“...I know you've been avoiding me since our first squad meeting, but I wanted to tell you that...I'm sorry.”

Jean's words hardly seemed real, and Yasmin had to turn to look at him to make sure he had actually spoken.

“Oh, yeah?” she scoffed. “Sorry for what?”

“For being a miserable piece of shit during training, and for not recognizing how much pain Marco's death caused you.” Jean kept his eyes focused on the dishes as he spoke, as if he was rehearsing lines rather than carrying on a conversation. “I...guess I shouldn't say that in past-tense. You're still suffering a lot. I'm sorry.”

“It's...it's not like it's your fault that he died, right?” Yasmin said quietly, letting out a dark chuckle. “I mean, we know who did it now. That should give us some peace of mind, right? Now we can move on.”

“Yasmin.” Jean's eyes were on her now, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. “You and I both know it's not that easy.”

“Yeah...I wish it was,” she mumbled, doing her best to keep her vision focused through the tears that were attempting to blur her vision.

“But...that's why it's a important that we do some kind of memorial,” Jean said, giving her a small smile. “It'll help us all move on, or at least take a step forward in doing so.”

 _...How? How can you push through the pain?_ Yasmin wondered, gritting her teeth. _I know you must feel something, too. What is it that makes you different?_

As they continued to work on the dishes in silence, Yasmin thought back to their trainee days and the things Marco had told her. She knew that she was not strong--there was no evidence to the contrary. However, she now understood what Marco had said about Jean, about how he was just an average person, which made him a natural leader.

“...Marco was right about you,” Yasmin murmured, a grin spreading across her face.

“Huh?” Jean quickly looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. “What're you talking about?”

“You're just like me--you're weak, but your weakness has become your strength. You're just like everyone else, so you can relate to people and lead them.”

“Hahn?” Jean sneered at her, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that there was no malice intended by his expression. “Oi, oi...don't you start on that shit, too...”

“Haha, I'm sorry...” She gave him a sympathetic smile, then added, “For everything. I'm sorry.”

“...It's all right. We can put that behind us now. We've got other things to focus on now, anyway.”

“...You realize you're proving my point by responding like that, right?”

“Shut up!”

Yasmin let out a laugh as Jean splashed her with a handful of soapy water. It was odd--by looking at things through Marco's eyes, she was finally beginning to understand why he had befriended Jean in the first place.

 _You admired him_ , she realized, smiling to herself. _You saw this odd simplicity in him from the beginning, didn't you? You saw it, and you wanted to understand him. ...I wonder, were you also...jealous?_ _...That much I can understand, I guess._

“Do you even forgive me for the time I kicked your ass during hand-to-hand combat?” Jean teased her.

“Only if you forgive me for leaving you in the dust on the final exam,” she countered, and Jean let out a laugh.

“I'll forgive you, but only if you do me a favor,” he said. “You've gotta help me with this squad.”

“What?”

“I can barely keep up with the lessons,” he admitted. “I know you're doing fine, so I figure if you and Armin help me--”

“Is that why you're being so nice to me now?” Yasmin asked, giving Jean a sly grin.

“N-no! This is a totally different--”

“It's fine. I'm just messing with you.” Yasmin let out a sigh. “...Can't believe I'm saying this, but yes. I'll help you. Next week I'll stay late, and the three of us can work on it. Deal?”

Jean smiled brightly in response, and Yasmin could not help but smile back.

“Sorry, Yasmin!”

At the sound of Armin's voice, Yasmin whirled around, smiling at her friend.

“It's okay!” she assured him, peeling off the rubber gloves. “We're almost done, so you shouldn't have to do too much more.”

“Great! Captain Levi would be proud of you!” Armin laughed.

“Say, Armin--do you mind staying late after next week's lesson?” Jean asked. “Yasmin and I are gonna work on the material some more. Care to join us?”

“Actually, it's more like a tutoring session,” Yasmin cut in, snickering. “Wanna help me try to get Jean up to speed?”

“Sure, that works for me!”

“Great, then it's a plan!”

 

…......

 

“Welcome back.”

Bianca had not meant to stop at her brother's room on the way back to her own--she had only been passing through. But, now that her presence had been acknowledged, she felt it would be rude to ignore him. So, with Claus tagging along behind her, Bianca stepped into the large room. It was the same size as her room now, but it belonged to one person, which gave Bruno plenty of space.

“Thanks, Bruno,” Claus said as he plopped into one of the armchairs in Bruno's room. “Man, I'm beat. I can't believe Catherine taught herself all of that stuff.”

“She's always been like that,” Bruno told him. Bianca slipped off her shoes and set down her bag by the door, then sat in the chair beside Claus. She was not sure why, but they always ended up sitting in the same chairs.

 _Humans are all such creatures of habit_ , she thought, glancing outside. The sun had finally set, and she could see their faces reflected on the clean glass window.

“You mean, a genius?” Claus asked. “Or just really meticulous?”

“Both, I guess.”

“She works very hard,” Bianca agreed.

“Huh...I guess that's what happens when you focus your energy on something specific,” Claus murmured. “...Anyway, how were things today? Did anything of note happen?”

“No, it's been quiet here,” Bruno replied. “Serene spent the whole day on duty with the Queen, so I'm sure she'll have more to tell you than me.”

“All right! I'll go find her, then.”

Bianca smiled to herself as she watched Claus stand from the chair; any sluggishness that he had displayed just minutes ago was now gone.

“Bianca, are you coming?” he asked.

“No, I'll see her later,” she replied, glancing at Bruno.

“Ah, yeah, roommates. That's convenient.” Claus shrugged, smiling at her. “Well, I'll see you in the morning, then! Good night!”

“Good night, Claus,” Bruno said.

The moment the door closed behind Claus, Bianca sat back in her chair and stared at Bruno.

“...What?” he grunted. “What's that look for?”

“...Nothing,” she murmured. “...I just worry about you.”

“There's nothing to worry about. For once.”

“I worry about you being here by yourself all day.” Bianca smiled at her brother. “I know you were the one who told me to make more friends, but you need to do the same.”

“...Maybe someday I will,” Bruno muttered, leaning back in his chair. “But...as for the ones I do have--how are they?”

“I don't see much of Rowen,” Bianca admitted. “I'm sure he's fine, though.”

“And Catherine?”

“Fine.” Bianca noted the disgruntled look on Bruno's face, so she added, “She's a good leader.”

“...I'm glad things are going well.”

“...Bruno...”

Bianca understood her brother's feelings for Catherine. She knew how much he cared about her, and she could see why--Bianca, too, admired Catherine greatly and looked up to her. Still, she knew that Bruno was still enamored with her, with the idea of her, and while she understood his feelings and felt bad for him, she knew it was dangerous to let those feelings fester.

Things were changing--and all of them were changing, too. Bianca could see it day by day, how the world was moving forward. There was real progress happening, but there was still not a place for Bruno and Catherine together in this world.

 _I know he sees it, too_ , Bianca thought, sighing through her nose. _He's just...stubborn._

“...She's devoted herself to her work,” Bianca said at last, her voice gentle. “Just like you have. It's only natural.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

 _He's lonely,_ Bianca thought, frowning. _That much I know. I understand that more than anyone else. Is it...always going to be this way for us...?_

Bianca was impressed with the idea of Catherine's squad, and she was honored to be a part of it, but she was concerned that it was not moving forward fast enough. She knew that she was at an advantage over most of the others, but it was still a little frustrating to see how far behind they were.

 _It can't be helped,_ she told herself, lowering her gaze to the rug beneath her feet.

“...Have you gotten a chance to speak to that girl?” Bruno suddenly asked, and Bianca glanced up at him.

“...No, not yet,” Bianca murmured. “I don't know how to approach her.”

“Approach her like you want to be her friend. You want to be her friend, right?”

“...I guess so.”

Bruno let out a quiet, frustrated laugh.

“You never change,” he sighed.

“You don't, either.”

“...Maybe someday we can.”

 _God, I hate it when you talk like that,_ Bianca thought, biting her tongue to keep from saying anything. _We can't change_ _ **that**_ _much. You shouldn't even joke about it..._

“...You should get some rest,” Bruno told her. “I can tell you're tired.”

“I'm all right,” she assured him. “But if you want me to leave, I'll go.”

“...Before you go, I... Is she happy?”

“Who, Catherine?” Bianca shrugged. “I don't know. I'm sorry.”

 _I'm not even sure I understand what happiness is, either, Bruno_ , she thought as she stood from the chair. Her legs felt heavy, and suddenly she felt very tired. _I'm not sure anyone like us can understand it._

 


	76. Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji turns to the 105th class for a new squad.  
> Meanwhile, Yasmin looks to Catherine for guidance and reassurance.

_“I am so glad we got to talk to Yasmin!” Sasha exclaimed, swinging her arms as she walked alongside Connie. Every once in a while, he could feel her hand accidentally bump against him, and normally it would have annoyed him, but he was in a pretty good mood today, too._

_“Yeah, we definitely got some good ideas going,” he agreed, smiling to himself. “Plus, it was good to see an old friend of ours...”_

_“Yes!” Sasha's eyes were sparkling with delight. “And soon we will get to see even more of them! ...Though, I guess it is not all for good reasons, is it?”_

_Connie's smile faded, and he nodded, staring down the hallway. He knew that what they were planning would be a good thing for all of them in the end, but it would no doubt be painful, and he was not sure if he was ever going to be ready for that part._

_On top of this, there was no way to acknowledge the friends they had lost after that battle--even the ones who betrayed them had been beloved comrades, and it felt odd to leave them out of it. Connie knew, though, that there was no way they could include them. They were traitors--that was the path they had chosen. He was not sure he could ever forgive them for what they had done, especially to the people in his village._

_“...Say, Sasha,” Connie said suddenly, and Sasha stopped swinging her arms, staring at Connie. “I was thinking I might visit my home soon. Do you wanna come with me?”_

_“I would love to!” she exclaimed. “But, it is dangerous, right? Maybe our entire squad can go. That would be the safest route, right?”_

_“...We can talk to Captain Levi, I guess,” Connie mumbled. Sasha nodded in response._

_“He will surely take your request seriously--I know it!”_

 

Moblit had lost the ability to sleep in ever since he joined the Survey Corps. He knew that it was mostly Hanji's fault, but he did not blame her for it; because of her, he saw beautiful sunrises and had great conversations over breakfast, which were things that he had never really tried to enjoy before.

These days, it was even harder for him to sleep in. Though it had been months, he still could not help thinking about what had happened to his fellow squad members. The image of Nifa's faceless corpse sprawled out on the rooftop haunted him, and he knew it still affected Hanji, too, so he did not bother saying anything.

“O-i, Moblit!”

Moblit had already been lying wide awake in his bed by the time Hanji knocked on his door.

“I'll meet you downstairs!” she called out through his door. She sounded cheerful, and Moblit could not help but smile. “We can grab breakfast before we go!”

“All right, I'll be down soon!” Moblit shouted, sitting upright in his bed at last. The sudden movement made him feel a bit dizzy, and he briefly closed his eyes.

“Don't fall back asleep!” Hanji warned him with a laugh, and Moblit's eyes shot open again.

“I won't!”

Sighing, Moblit threw his sheets off of himself; he could see the sun trying to peek through the curtains on his window, and he smiled to himself. The days were getting longer, and soon it would be summertime. Though he hated the heat, he loved the long-lasting daylight. Everyone was far more productive, and most people were in a better mood as a result.

 _...It's already the middle of the fifth month..._ he thought as he got out of bed and opened up the curtains. _This year is already flying by...and nothing bad has happened yet. Maybe things really have changed for the better. ...Even if not, the Survey Corps is safe again._

Despite all of the horrible things that had happened to them the previous year, Moblit had never been prouder to be a member of the Survey Corps. They had accomplished so much, and their reputation had greatly improved. He hoped that this would result in more new recruits joining their ranks; today would give him an idea of just that.

Moblit finished getting ready and headed downstairs, and soon he reached the mess hall, where Hanji was waiting for him. She was seated across from Commander Erwin, and Captain Levi was sitting beside her. Catherine and Rowen were there, too, and Moblit smiled to himself. Even though he had lost so many of his friends, he still had a lot of them left, and he knew that the future would only bring him even more memorable encounters.

“I'm just saying--if we get more recruits than we did last year, you'll need to find a better way to organize them,” Levi was saying as Moblit sat down. Hanji smiled at him, but she was the only one who acknowledged his presence.

“We'll find places for them,” Erwin replied. “Hanji will be expanding her squad soon, and you have my permission to do the same with yours. Catherine, the same goes for yours, too. There are plenty of things we can do with more people.”

“What's going on?” Moblit whispered to Rowen, who was sitting across from him.

“Levi wants Erwin to employ people to clean headquarters on a regular basis,” Rowen snickered. “Nothing new.”

Moblit smiled, but he did not dare reply; Rowen was not afraid of Levi, but that was only because he had never made him angry before. That was one mistake Moblit would never make twice.

“You ready to go? Or do you wanna eat something?” Hanji asked Moblit, and he shrugged.

“I'm not really hungry,” he admitted. Hanji gave him a sympathetic smile, then she pushed away her own tray of half-eaten food and stood from her seat.

“Well, you kids have fun today--we're off to see the trainees!” Hanji announced.

“Have fun!” Rowen told them.

“See you later,” Catherine said, taking a sip of coffee.

“I look forward to hearing how it goes,” Erwin murmured, smiling up at them.

“You'll get a full report tonight,” Hanji assured him, returning the warm smile with one of her own. Moblit could see, though, that there was something extra to her gaze. In fact, he had been noticing it for a while now, but while he had his suspicions, he did not dare bring it up--it was not his business, anyway.

 

…......

 

“Do you really think that there will be many trainees who will want to join the Corps this year?” Moblit asked quietly as he followed Hanji into the training campground. Hanji smiled and shrugged.

“Only one way to find out,” she whispered over her shoulder as she approached the front door of the main office building.

Hanji did not want to get her hopes up, but she had been giving the idea of reforming her squad a lot of thought lately, and if she could not find members in the younger ranks, she was not sure where else she could look. Weeks prior, she had visited with the Garrison patrols that had aided her squad during Trost--she thought that, because they had had experience working with the Titans up close, at least one of them might be interested. However, it was a complete waste of time--most of the soldiers she had worked with had been decimated in the battle against Bertholdt, Reiner, and Ymir months ago, and the remaining soldiers valued their own lives far too much to risk them for this cause.

She did not blame them, of course, but she was most definitely disappointed. Finding new squad members was proving much harder than she thought, and it was by far more difficult than the first time.

Then again, back then, she had not done everything on her own. Erwin had helped her quite a bit, and a couple of Moblit's closest friends had also been dragged into the mix.

 _Sorry, Moblit,_ Hanji thought as they entered Commander Shardis' office. _Looks like we're on our own now._

“You're late,” Commander Shardis said, raising his eyebrows at them. Hanji rolled her eyes a bit, but she could not help smiling. “Not that I expected you to be on time, Hanji.”

“Yeah, well, some things change, but others don't,” she told him, shrugging. “So, is the deal still on? We can still observe them today?”

“They're working on physical combat right now. Professor Reilly will be in the classroom after lunch--their lesson starts at one, so don't be late.”

“We're in!” Hanji cried, turning and grabbing Moblit by the shoulders. “C'mon, let's go watch them!”

She was about to run out of the office, but she stopped herself and turned to face her former Commander. It was odd--saluting to him meant nothing these days.

“Thank you, Sir,” she said quietly, giving him a crooked grin.

“...Get going,” he told them, his expression softening.

The moment the office door closed behind them, Hanji heard Moblit let out a quiet sigh.

“What's wrong?” she asked him, slowing her pace to walk beside him.

“Oh, nothing,” he murmured. “Just...he looks really tired. I can barely tell it's the same person.”

“...Yeah...”

Pursing her lips, Hanji thought back to her early days in the Survey Corps. She had been placed into an elite squad with Erwin, Mike, Moblit, and several others at the beginning. That was back when her malice toward the Titans had been at its peak, before she had settled into her current role in the Corps. It was also before Erwin had become Commander--but it was well after everything that had happened between them in her trainee days.

 _...I hadn't even given it a thought, but...this is nostalgic_ , Hanji realized as she crossed the grounds toward the combat training area.

She could practically hear the dinner bell sounding off, she could picture herself walking out of the grounds and toward the city with her friends--had it really been that long ago since she was here as a trainee herself?

_God, I miss those days more than I even realized..._

Back then, being involved with Erwin had just been fun. Hanji did not have to worry about anything, really. Their closest friends knew about them and did not care, because they also had understood that it was non-committal and innocent. Neither of them had any obligations to the rest of the world yet.

Now, both she and Erwin had pledged their lives not to one another, not even to other people--they had given their lives to saving humanity. That was what they lived for now, it was their priority, their duty, their job. Hanji did not mind it so much, because she _enjoyed_ her work, and she knew that she wanted to continue studying the Titans for the rest of her life. However, she could sense Erwin's regret every time she spoke with him, and it made her heart burn, because she knew he always tried his best to hide his weaknesses from the world.

That was perhaps why they had been brought together again. She had become his place to hide, and she did not mind being used again. The simplicity was gone now, though, and Hanji could not help feeling the attachment she promised herself she would never feel, even though she knew it would never amount to anything.

“...There are so many of them,” Moblit said as they reached the training area. Hanji nodded, scanning the recruits. Watching them during this particular exercise would not do them much good--it would only serve as a way to get to know faces and maybe a few names.

“That means there has to be at least one who will be willing to join us,” Hanji murmured, clenching her fists. “We'll find them, Moblit. We have to.”

“I know.”

 

…......

 

“Oh? You're here a little early today.”

Levi watched as, in response to Catherine's words, Jean stood from his seat and walked over to Yasmin, who had just walked through the door. Olivia usually was right alongside her, but she did not appear to be accompanying her today.

“Yes, I...” Yasmin hesitated, and she glanced at Jean. “We wanted to apologize to both of you.”

“So that's why you were here so goddamned early, Kirschstein,” Levi muttered, and the teen nodded, his expression serious for once.

“We're sorry for causing problems,” Jean told them, lowering his gaze. “We were acting like little kids, when really all we needed to do was settle things like adults.”

“You _are_ still just kids,” Catherine pointed out, a wry smile on her face. Levi could tell she was pleased, though; their plan had worked, miraculously.

“It was immature of us to prioritize our personal matters over our duties in this squad,” Yasmin stated, her voice firm. “...I suppose we should also thank you, too.”

“Eh?”

“It was your idea to do that for us, right?” Yasmin continued. Levi watched as the smile on Catherine's face slowly disappeared. “Thank you. That was exactly what we needed.”

It was obvious that Catherine had been caught off-guard, and for a moment, she remained silent, staring down at the table.

“...You were really able to work things out, then?” she asked after a few seconds.

“Yeah,” Jean murmured, nodding.

“How did you know to do that?” Yasmin asked.

“Was it Armin?” Jean added.

Levi caught Catherine's gaze for a moment, and he pursed his lips, looking away from her. There was no use in trying to hide anything from them--though he was not so sure about Jean, Yasmin was obviously quite intelligent and perceptive. It was not at all a surprise that she figured out what had happened.

“...I wanted to keep you both in this squad,” Catherine admitted at last. “It would've been a waste to lose you over some dispute that you could have worked out on your own.”

“I would never quit,” Yasmin said quickly.

“Well, still, it would have affected your performance over time, and then I would have _wanted_ you to quit.” Catherine sighed through her nose. “I'm sorry about what happened to your friend. I can't even imagine.”

The pair stayed silent; they were both staring off in different directions, and Levi could tell that just the mention of their fallen comrade was enough to trigger something in both of them. He understood what that was like, but if they stayed in the military long enough, they would learn how to hide it in due time.

“But, I guess it's not all bad,” Catherine continued, giving the teens a gentle smile. “At least now you have some idea of what happened. It's important that you have that closure.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jean murmured.

“I would have just kept coming up with explanations,” Yasmin confessed with a quiet, bitter laugh. “I'm glad I know at least this much now, even though it's painful.”

Catherine smiled at them again, nodding.

“That _is_ the one good thing about death,” she told them. “It's final, so you can move on. Once you understand that, you'll be able to set your sights on what's ahead, instead of always looking back.”

Jean and Yasmin nodded, but Levi narrowed his eyes, staring up at Catherine from his seat. This conversation sounded all too familiar--he recognized her words from when they had spoken last year about his squad's death. Why was she so insistent about this? Why was she so willing to look straight into the face of death, but the thought of being left behind terrified her?

 _They're the same thing_ , Levi thought, glancing at the door as Armin came in. The moment he saw Jean and Yasmin, a guilty expression appeared on his face.

“...Thank you, Armin,” Yasmin said, letting out a quiet laugh.

“Ah...you...it's...” Armin sighed heavily, giving them a bright smile. “I guess it was obvious, huh?”

“Yeah, a bit,” Jean replied. “But helpful.”

“Good, glad to hear it.”

As the teens walked over to their seats, striking up a new conversation, Levi glanced back at Catherine, who had a satisfied, almost proud look on her face.

 _...You're full of bullshit_ , he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. _For someone who's so smart, your logic is pretty fucked up sometimes._

Catherine's insistence that abandonment was worse was not what bothered him--it was that she did not recognize death was the same thing. Perhaps, for the average citizen within the walls, they _were_ very different, but for a Survey Corps soldier, they meant the same thing.

 _That's right...you're wrong_.

Levi admittedly felt good about having found this flaw in her logic, but as much as he wanted to point it out to her, he kept quiet. He would have time to talk about it later; for the time being, he would have to focus his energy elsewhere.

 

…......

 

“DID YOU SEE THEM!?”

Michelle always returned back to the dorm earlier than her roommates, due to her focus on medical training instead of physical endurance and the like. It was not unusual, then, for Justina to come bursting into the room like she was now.

“Are you referring to Squad Leader Hanji?” Michelle asked, not taking her eyes off of her book.

“OF COURSE I AM!”

Before Michelle could even blink, Justina bounded over to her bunk and leaped on top of it; the impact jerked Michelle out of her thoughts and startled her enough to cause her to smack the back of her head against the bed post she had been leaning against.

“...Sorry,” Justina said, giving Michelle an apologetic smile. Reaching out toward Michelle, she gently rubbed the back of her head. “I'm just really happy right now.”

“Never would have guessed,” Michelle muttered, sighing as she looked at her book, which was now on the floor. She would have to find her spot again later.

“Well, okay, let me put this in perspective for you...” Justina sat back on her heels, sighing. “Imagine that the best doctor in the world--whoever you think of as your idol or mentor or whatever--imagine that they came to watch you perform a surgery. Wouldn't you be excited?”

“...I guess, maybe...” Michelle murmured.

“...So, okay, now multiply that feeling by one hundred, and that's how I feel right now.” Justina wrapped her arms around herself, grinning.

“You didn't get to talk to them, though, did you?”

“No...” Justina replied, her smile fading. “That would've been too good to be true, I guess.”

“Well, we graduate before long anyway. You'll see them again.”

“Yeah!”

Even though Michelle could not exactly relate to what Justina was feeling, she was glad that her friend was happy to have just seen Squad Leader Hanji. Michelle knew how much Justina looked up to the veterans of the Survey Corps, particularly Hanji; that was part of what had fueled Justina's determination to join the Corps in the first place.

“Oh, by the way, did I tell you?” Justina flopped onto the other side of Michelle, lying back on the bunk. “Pretty sure that last exam score is gonna land me in the top ten.”

“I'm glad,” Michelle told her, placing a hand on top of her friend's head. “You've worked hard.”

Justina let out a sheepish laugh.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, looking up at Michelle with wide brown eyes. “I still can't believe that we're graduating in just a couple of months.”

“Yeah, it's weird,” Michelle agreed, ruffling Justina's hair.

“Somehow, it feels like things just...are always going to be like this.”

 _It's true_ , Michelle thought, smiling to herself as she closed her eyes.

“But it's not a bad feeling!” Justina exclaimed, laughing. “I'm really happy I met you! And I'll still get to see you every day in the Corps! I'll come visit you at the hospital!”

“Make sure those visits are of your own accord, please,” Michelle said, opening her eyes and looking down at her friend. She moved her hand from Justina's hair to her lips, then pulled on the side of her mouth, revealing the gap in her teeth. “Losing a couple of teeth is bad enough.”

“It's not so bad,” Justina laughed, poking her tongue through the gap. “Less teeth to floss between!”

“...At least you're flossing.”

Michelle let go of Justina's mouth, then reached over the side of her bed for her book again.

“Well, I kind of have to--otherwise my doctor would _freak out_ ,” Justina said, her voice heavy with sarcasm. “She's really strict--it's annoying, actually.”

Ignoring Justina's comments, Michelle flipped through her book, searching for where she had left off. She knew it was all a joke, and even if it had not been, she did not plan on changing anyway.

Michelle considered Justina her close friend, and she was grateful that they had become so close friends during training. Though she was not always very reliable, she was a good person, and Michelle enjoyed being around her. She never had to pretend to be happy or act like someone else around Justina--and it definitely worked both ways, considering how weird Justina could be sometimes.

However, Michelle had a duty more important than being a friend, as did Justina, as did everyone who joined the military. It was just part of the world they lived in--each of them had their own paths that they had to follow. Some would intertwine and some would not--that was just the way of their world.

“Are you going to dinner?” Justina asked just as Michelle tucked a bookmark into her book. “Or do you have any hands-on stuff you have to do tonight?”

“I'm free tonight,” Michelle answered. “Tomorrow we're being taken to the Survey Corps headquarters again.”

“That's awesome that you guys get so much hands-on practice!” Justina climbed over Michelle and rolled onto the floor. Michelle cringed; even though she knew that Justina was sturdy enough not to even feel pain tumbling across their wooden floor, it sounded painful.

“...It's nice.” Michelle stood from the bunk and followed Justina out of the room.

“Maybe you'll run into another celebrity while you're there.”

“If you're referring to Captain Levi, I would hardly call him a celebrity,” Michelle muttered, and Justina snickered in response. “He's just like everyone else, really.”  
“Eh, I guess.” Justina shrugged. “Everybody kind of becomes the same way once you put them in a hospital bed.”

Michelle nodded, pulling open the door to their room and walking out into the hallway. Justina was probably the only one among their fellow trainees who really understood what being a doctor was like for her. After all, they were both aspiring scientists in their own right; trying to explain their experiences to other people was a waste of energy.

That being said, Michelle was used to being misunderstood, as was Justina.

 _That's probably what really brought us together in the end_ , Michelle thought as they walked toward the dining hall. _We're just a couple of misfits._

 


	77. Escapism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running away, avoiding the issue--these seem like such childish things.  
> However, even adults have their ways of playing the game of escapism...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has smut.   
> DID YOU HEAR ME??! IT'S NSFW.  
> Don't read it in the fucking middle of the open world.  
> Unless you have no shame.  
> Then, go you.  
> Like damn.

_“So, it didn't work out, then, huh...?”_

_Lucia's tone was gentle and understanding, and it made Rowen feel less disappointed. He let out a loud sigh, putting his hands behind his head as he sat back in his chair._

_“No, of course not,” he replied as Lucia poured him another glass of wine. “Catherine's just never been that kind of person, and I don't think Bruno is, either.”_

_“They're both very headstrong,” Lucia agreed, nodding as she sat back down next to Rowen. “But it takes different types to make the world run, doesn't it?”_

_“Yeah, I guess, but...I dunno, Lu. I just want them to be happy.”_

_“They will be someday. It just might not be in the way you or I expect.”_

_Rowen pursed his lips, staring out through the Edwards' kitchen window. He knew that Lucia was right, but he still hated the way that those two would isolate themselves, when they would clearly benefit from being with each other._

_“...I'm afraid of what will happen if Catherine is alone forever,” he admitted at last. Lucia sighed quietly. “I don't know Bruno as well, but he seems to have his sights set on the military for personal reasons, and he's using that as an excuse. Catherine's reason for being so stubborn is different; she just relies on herself far too much for her own good.”_

_“Well...it's like you said, she's just that kind of person, right?” Lucia shrugged. “Maybe she needs to be left alone to figure herself out. If it happens, it happens.”_

_“...How are you so patient?” Rowen laughed, throwing an arm around Lucia's shoulders. She chuckled darkly._

_“I deal with you, don't I?”_

 

Closing her eyes and tilting her head back, Catherine let the shower head spray her with nearly-scalding hot water. It felt good, as if she could literally wash away all of the shit she had been dealing with over the past few days.

 _If only_ , she thought, running her hands over her long hair.

Though the rest of the world was finally at relative peace, Catherine found herself more stressed than usual. She knew the reasons why: disruptions with her squad, never being able to get things done on time, planning lessons, worrying about when Commander Erwin would spring a mission on them... There was only so much she could do to control this stress, though she knew some of it would disappear over time. For now, all she could do was try everything in her power to relax and let productivity come to her naturally.

She took a little bit longer in the shower than usual; it helped soothe her headache, and by the time she was done, she felt tired enough to sleep through the night for what would be the first time in almost a week. Once her hair dried, she would try to get some rest and start another day fresh, and hopefully more well-rested.

Catherine was glad that at least Jean and Yasmin had worked everything out--or at the very least, that they were being cordial to one another now. They both seemed willing to stay in her squad, so that was definitely reassuring.

_But Armin..._

Throwing a towel around her body, Catherine ran a comb through her hair; the tiny drops of water hitting the floor of the women's locker room seemed to echo in the silence of the night. It was well past midnight--in other words, well past the normal times people took showers or baths. She liked to come at this time, when no one would bother her and she could think in peace. No one was out in the halls as she returned to her room, either. It seemed like everyone else was tired, too. Perhaps it was just that time of year, with the seasons starting to change again. She knew it probably had some kind of impact; for whatever reason, spring and summer always seemed to cause people to be more adventurous than usual.

She knew, however, that Armin's decision to accept the ambassador position was not a result of any kind of spring fever--he was just that kind of person. Erwin and Hanji had not even officially offered him the job yet, but he seemed ready to take on the responsibility anyway.

 _He's almost too hard-working for his own good_ , Catherine thought as she slipped on a thin nightgown and robe. She sat down at her desk, patting her hair dry with her towel. _That's probably exactly why they asked him--they knew he would say yes._

Truth be told, Catherine did not know for sure why she was so worried about Armin. He was intellectually capable and a good decision maker in general, and he had accepted, so that meant he felt he was prepared for whatever they were going to throw his way.

Still, now that he was a part of her squad, she could not help feeling a bit protective of him--the same was true for the others, too.

 _I barely know them_ , she told herself, fluffing her bangs with the towel. _I can't tell them what to do beyond their duties in my squad. I should stop worrying about them and--_

A sudden knock on her door jerked Catherine out of her thoughts and nearly out of her chair. She had hardly expected anyone to be up at this hour, much less needing to talk to her.

“Come in,” she said hesitantly. At first, she thought it might be Rowen, but to her surprise, it was Levi who opened the door.

“...Sorry,” he muttered, slipping off his shoes as he shut the door behind him. “I've got some bad news for you.”

Lowering her arms, Catherine looked up at Levi, feeling exasperated. She was not sure what he could possibly have to say to her after everything that had been going on, but she did not really want to imagine the possibilities of what could have gone wrong in a single evening.

“...Don't give me that look,” Levi snapped. “I just came to tell you that your logic is flawed.”

“...There have been far worse things,” Catherine sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Don't scare me like that.”

“What made you spout all of that bullshit to Jean and Yasmin earlier today?” he asked, ignoring her reply. “Their friend was killed--even _I_ would've had more tact than _that_. You can't act like people dying doesn't bother you.”

“I never said that it didn't.” Catherine watched as Levi paced to the other side of her room, arms crossed. She stood from her chair and sat on the edge of her bed; the only light in her room was the lantern on her desk, so it was hard to read his expression, but she could tell he was genuinely frustrated. “I meant just what I said--it's good to have closure, which is what death can give you. It's impossible to feel that when someone leaves you behind.”

“But what if their friend dying was like being left behind to them?” Levi argued. “That's how our world works, right?”

“It's different,” Catherine insisted, tossing her towel onto her desk chair. “It's not like we choose to die.”

“No, you're wrong--what about us, in the Survey Corps? Aren't we choosing to die just by joining?”

“Just because we join doesn't mean we'll die,” Catherine told Levi, who she could see, even in the darkness, was staring her down now. She was not sure why he was so worked up over this issue, but whatever it was, it was probably as deeply rooted as the pain that caused Catherine to see things the way that she did. “Even if that _was_ the case, everyone would understand that joining is a death sentence--even the people who don't join--so it's still final. Whatever way you want to look at it, though, joining the Survey Corps doesn't leave anyone waiting with false hope.”

“That's not true,” Levi said. “What about the families people leave behind? Think about people like Rowen.”

“Rowen's family knows where he is. They all know where we are. They'll know when we die or are classified as 'MIA;' they'll know what that means, despite the attempts to sound gentle and hopeful. It's _not_ the same as when someone just _leaves_.”

Catherine looked away from Levi, back toward her desk. She could clearly see the faces of her brothers there, and it made her chest tight.

“My oldest brother died in combat in the Survey Corps,” she continued. “I know he's dead, and it makes me sad because I miss him, but I _know_ , I have a sense of peace in that knowledge. But, my other brother ran away years ago--I don't know what happened to him, and I might not ever find out. Not knowing is torture. I could never do that to someone in good conscience.”

“So you'd rather see someone die than run away in an attempt to survive?” Levi muttered incredulously. “You're selfish.”

“Everyone is,” Catherine mumbled, tearing her eyes away from the wall, trying to erase the painful memories that were starting to surface.

“So you're all right with people dying, then?”

“Don't misunderstand me--of course I'm not all right with it,” Catherine said quickly, glancing over her shoulder at Levi. “I don't want _anyone_ to die. I'm just saying that it's better than being abandoned.”  
“Then why would you bother to let yourself get attached to anyone, even if you know they're going to die?”

Catherine smiled to herself; the faces of her friends and her squad members flashed in her mind. He had a point, but it was something she did not regret.

“Wouldn't you?” she asked him quietly.

“I'm serious,” he grumbled.

“So am I. Everyone dies, after all. Not everyone leaves.”

“If you say it like that, it sounds like you think that people who die never leave,” Levi sighed. “But they do. It's inevitable, especially in the world we're in now.”

“Your definition of leaving isn't the same as mine. Death isn't always abandonment, Levi. Just...think about what _you_ would rather do. For me, I... I can't avoid death, but I can avoid abandoning someone. I can die without regrets--I can't _leave_ in that same way.”

 

…......

 

Levi had not expected the conversation to end like this. He had not thought any of this through--only that he wanted to call Catherine out on her extremely obvious contradictions and general bullshit. Her explanation had surprised him in more ways than one, and by the time she was done speaking, he had all but lost track of why he had come to talk to her in the first place.

Despite having several veteran comrades still left in the Survey Corps, Levi had not felt a sense of mutual understanding with any of them like the one he felt now. The others could settle for making the occasional mistake and living with a few regrets, but Catherine was more like him than he had realized: a horrible perfectionist with a knack for overthinking every action.

He wanted to say something to her to express this, maybe even to thank her, because for the first time in years, he felt that he had found someone who understood what it was like to fear fucking things up the same way that he did. None of this had been a part of his plan, so when he sat down on the edge of Catherine's bed opposite from her, no words came to him, and his mind went blank.

Levi was not sure what had made him kiss her, but the moment his lips met Catherine's, he knew that it had been the right decision. Being this close to her, even for just a few seconds, was surprisingly but undeniably comforting.

“...What the hell?” Catherine muttered as he pulled away from her. He could see in the dim light of her room that she was just as confused as he was, but she did not seem mad.

“Shut up,” Levi told her quietly, looking away for a moment as he attempted to recollect his thoughts. “This is your fault.”

“I didn't do anything,” Catherine insisted, her voice shaking. “I was just being _honest_.”

“...Whatever.”

 _You just made this all a hell of a lot worse by saying that_ , Levi thought as he kissed her again. To his surprise, there was no resistance whatsoever; the deeper the kiss, the more Catherine seemed to accept him. He kept waiting for her to stop him, but that moment never came, and before he could do anything himself, he felt her bite his bottom lip, gently pulling on the skin, like she was telling him to stay, to keep going.

Placing a hand on her neck, Levi moved his lips from her mouth to her jaw; the taste of her skin was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, and it was so soft that he almost felt bad for biting her. He could not stop himself, though--and the way that she had relaxed into his grip did not help, either.

 _...What are we doing?_ Levi asked himself as he continued to kiss Catherine's jaw, slowly moving down her neck. It was so odd, so unlike anything he had ever felt before--even though she did not mean anything to him, even though she was not anything special, he felt strangely possessive of her. He _wanted_ her; he had never felt that way about anyone before, and he did not entirely understand why it was happening now, with her, at this point in his life.

Catherine was not saying anything, and Levi did not want her to now--he brought his lips back to hers, just in case she was going to try. But she still seemed comfortable, perfectly fine with the mess that they were getting themselves into. How many times would he have to kiss her before she said no? Before she started to get tired of him? Would she ever?

To be honest, he did not care if she hated him. She would not have been the first, after all. If she wanted to hate him for this, that was fine. That was not such a big deal.

What was scary was how natural this turn of events seemed to be, as if both of them had just been waiting for it to happen. Neither of them was trying to stop the other now.

 _I don't want to stop_ , Levi thought, leaning in closer to Catherine. He grabbed her waist gently with his free hand; the sensation of her silk robe against his fingers made his desire worsen, and it was then that he realized how warm he felt--and how warm _she_ felt, too. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer, her chest now pressed against his. He could feel her fingers running through his hair, practically in a casual manner, as if this was something she had done every day of her life. Part of him wished that that was true; it provided a sensation that was both comforting and stimulating.

Levi moved his lips away from Catherine's and down to the crook of her neck. Kissing her there provided him with more of a reaction--her fingers tightened around strands of his hair. Still, she made no effort to stop him; instead she stayed in his arms, her body trembling as he bit into the thin skin of her neck. He heard her let out a quiet moan--another reaction--and he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. There was nothing particularly special about her voice, but hearing her respond was almost better than feeling it in her body, in those small shudders and grasping fingers.

And Levi wanted more.

Moving his hand from her neck to her shoulder, he gave her a gentle push; that was all it took to get her on her back. She did not put up any kind of a fight, and Levi took a deep breath with the intention of steadying himself, to jump start his logic and stop himself from doing anything stupid, because it was obvious that Catherine was not going to do so.

But it was harder than he expected, and instead of pulling himself away from her, he pressed his lips against her collarbone, tracing the grooves and bumps with his lips and tongue. He had never known a person this intimately before, and she was making it easy for him to enjoy it. Being involved with someone--especially sexually--had always been low on his priority list, and he had never felt pressured nor encouraged to engage in that kind of lifestyle.

With Catherine, however, it did not seem like such a bad thing. She did not seem to be taking it too seriously; it was obvious that she was just enjoying the sensations, like he was. It was something different, something that could distract them from the hellhole they lived in, even if only for a little while. Things had been rough lately for both of them, but this provided the perfect escape from all of that shit.

Levi pulled back from Catherine's collarbone to look at her; his hand had traced down her skin and had reached a soft pair of briefs, and he thought that maybe _this_ would be the thing that would push her over the edge and tell him to stop. He stared down at her, studying her expression. For once, it was not complex; her eyes were locked on to his, gazing up at him with a startling amount of indifference.

 _It doesn't matter_ , Levi realized as he held her gaze. She blinked slowly, and he could see that she felt the same: they had already come this far, and they had nothing to lose. What was the point in holding anything back? It was obvious that neither of them needed it to _mean_ anything.

Giving her briefs a sharp tug, Levi pulled them down quickly, past her knees and over her calves, then tossed them aside. His hand then met the soft, warm skin of her inner thigh, and he slowly moved his hand upward. Again, a reaction--as he pushed his index finger up into her, pressing against the softest, warmest part of her yet, she let out a whimper. She sounded helpless, and he could not help looking down at her. Was this even the same person he had just been talking to a while before? Had _he_ reduced her to this, this woman clinging to him, weak to his touch, his every movement within her?

Levi could see her reactions, he could hear her, and he could feel it now, too. It was far too late to stop, and he no longer wanted to.

 

…......

 

Catherine was not sure what she thought of Levi. He could be frustrating, and irritating, and sometimes he made her want to rip her hair out. She was feeling something similar to that now, but it was different--she _wanted_ him to tease her. Of all the things that had ever driven her crazy, this was the worst, and somehow also the best.

She hated how easily she gave into him, but she did not know how to stop it. That very first kiss had sealed her fate, at least for tonight. As for what happened afterward, Catherine was not sure, and if she had to be honest with herself, she did not care. He did not mean anything to her--he was just convenient.

So what if they were messing around? So what?

 _It doesn't have to affect anyone else_ , she thought as she struggled to keep her breathing steady. _We're not bothering anyone. This is just between us. It's nobody else's business. It's not that complicated..._

Before she could stop herself, Catherine let out a gasp, and she glanced up to see Levi staring down at her. His face was blank, save for his eyes; she could almost see a smug smirk in them. He knew what he was doing to her, and that was fine. She did not want him to stop, anyway.

Still, she knew better than to make too much noise; this was nice and all, but it was not worth risking her job, and while she was not entirely sure if Erwin would really care, if rumors got out, _she_ would care. More important than feeling good right now was laying out a future for herself and the rest of the world, and she was sure that Levi probably felt the same.

Then again, there was no shame in enjoying themselves for now.

Levi pulled out of her just early enough to leave her on the edge; frustrated, she quickly slid her hands across his back toward the buttons of his shirt. They were shaking, making what should have been an easy task take far too long for her liking, but once she finally unbuttoned his shirt, she kept moving down, her hands taking a hold of his belt buckle. The leather was warm, and she fumbled with the clasp for a few moments before finally undoing it. At the same time, she could feel Levi's rough, warm hands pushing her robe off of her shoulders.

 _I don't care_ , she thought, quickly sitting upright and giving his belt a sharp tug. It slid off with a flick of her wrist, and she tossed it onto the floor, somewhere in the darkness of her room. Her robe followed it, and before she could reach for anything else, Levi had grabbed the hem of her chemise. He pulled it over her head, and as soon as she could move again, she reached for Levi, running her hands roughly through his hair and kissing him deeply.

She did not love him, but she loved the way his skin felt against hers. Had she known earlier that it could make her feel so good, she would have started doing this kind of shit a long time ago.

Levi's hands were gripping her waist now, and Catherine pushed her own down his body, toward the clasp of his pants. It was the last thing left from keeping things decent--but they were past worrying about that now.

 _...You're just as bad as me_ , Catherine thought, staring at Levi as she slowly slipped her fingers into the space between the fabric of his briefs and his hot skin, watching his expression take on an element of desperation as she lingered there. _That's good to know_.

She could have toyed with him more, as he had so eagerly done with her, but she was tired of waiting, so instead, she pulled his pants and briefs down; Levi finished the job and threw them aside, knocking Catherine onto her back again. His fingers were digging into her skin so roughly that she could feel herself starting to bruise. She knew he had already left marks all over her neck and chest, too, and he was at it again even now.

 _Just get on with it already_ , she wanted to say, but she could only dig her nails into his back and hope that her stifled gasps communicated the idea instead.

It seemed to work--Levi grabbed her hip with one hand, and a moment later, she could feel him slip inside of her. The friction, both inside and out, was disgustingly natural, and she could feel herself giving into his lead. He could control her--it did not matter anymore. At least he was doing a good job of it.

Catherine kept one arm wrapped around Levi's neck, but she kept the other hand next to her mouth, biting her fingers to keep herself from getting too loud and blowing their cover. He was figuring her out, he could read her--he was using it all to his advantage, too, and soon she could barely keep her cries stifled. It all felt so good, and she had lost control of herself long before, anyway. Now, she was beyond that, and the only help anyone could give her had to come from Levi, from his body, from how he could please her with it.

_Fuck...I..._

Catherine squeezed her eyes shut, feeling dizzy with ecstasy. She could feel her stomach tighten as the rest of her seemed to relax, and for a few seconds, she could only comprehend that she felt good, the best she had felt in weeks.

“Fuck...” she gasped, coming to her senses. “...Fuck...” Suddenly, she felt a surge of alarm run through her. Now that it was over, the weight of what they had done hit her hard, and she put a hand to her forehead. “...Am I going to get in trouble for sleeping with a superior officer?”

“...You're a shit,” Levi hissed, kissing her jaw.

 _Don't start again_ , she thought, her heart still racing.

“Hah...” Catherine blinked slowly, trying to calm herself down. “It was just...a thought...”

Sighing, she looked up at Levi, who was staring down at her with his usual grumpy, indifferent expression.

“...This doesn't have to mean anything, you know,” she told him quietly.

“I know,” he replied.

“Good.”

Sitting upright, Catherine ran a hand through her hair.

 _Shit--I'm going to have to clean up_ , she thought, sighing through her nose.

“I still don't agree with you,” Levi said suddenly, getting off of her bed and grabbing the closest article of clothing.

“That's fine,” Catherine murmured, suddenly aware of what a waste her shower had been. “I don't really care.” She then let out a quiet laugh, adding, “Was that supposed to convince me to change my mind or something?”

“...No,” Levi muttered, pulling on his clothes bit by bit. “Did you think it would?”

“I knew it wouldn't.”

“Hmph.”

Catherine did not bother asking him why he had kissed her--she understood it now. During that time, she had forgotten all about her stress, and she had felt good both physically and mentally. She was sure he felt the same, or at least close to it.

“Good night,” Levi then said, heading toward the door. “Get some rest.”

“Yeah, you too,” Catherine murmured, sighing. Just as quickly as he had come, Levi left, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click. As Catherine walked over to lock her door, she gently ran her fingers over her collarbone; she could feel pricks of pain here and there, and she grimaced, narrowing her eyes.

 _That bastard_ , she thought. _If that happens again, I'll--_

Catherine stopped herself, feeling her ears grow hot. The idea of all of that happening a second time was not frightening--it was the fact that she _wanted_ it to happen again that scared her.

 _Enough_ , she told herself, shaking her head. _It's late. I'll clean up, then go to bed. And as for what happened tonight, it never happened._

 


	78. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are we here? What's brought us here?  
> It's a question everyone must consider when thinking about their role as a soldier.

**Chapter 78: Understanding**

 

_Levi scanned the invitations on Catherine's desk before glancing up at the woman, who had already started addressing the envelopes._

_“Are you sure you're satisfied with this many members?” he asked her._

_“I am,” she replied, nodding. “Are you not?”_

_“...I can't tell you what to do,” he muttered in response, folding his arms across his chest. He looked away from her, narrowing his eyes. “From the way you talked about this, though, it sounded like you were looking for people with something...special about them.”_

_“I was, and I found them.” As Catherine let out a quiet sigh, Levi looked back over at her. She had a small smile on her face._

_“It doesn't seem like it,” Levi told her, but Catherine shook her head slowly._

_“You sure are taking your role as assistant pretty seriously, Levi,” she teased him._

_“I just want to make sure this isn't a waste of anyone's time.”_

_“It won't be. I'm taking a few risks, but...I think that, even if things seem dysfunctional at first, this group will pay off with time.”_

_“...You're not gonna add anyone else?”_

_“I don't have any reason to right now.”_

_Levi pursed his lips, then sighed through his nose._

_“Whatever you say, Catherine.”_

 

Yasmin knew that time would pass by more quickly after joining the Special Linguistic Squad--it was only natural, since now she was busier than ever. She did not have as much free time to spend hanging around the Garrison headquarters; instead, she spent that time at meetings or studying. It felt good to be busy again, and for the first time in a while, she felt useful.

Her first two months in the squad passed quickly, especially after making up with Jean. She still did not talk to Claus or Bianca much, but she hoped that eventually they would become friends. They did not seem like bad people, nor were they stuck up--they just kept to themselves.

More importantly than just making friends, though, there were a lot of opportunities for Yasmin to grow in this squad. It was not that she thought her career in the Garrison was pointless, but this...this all felt so much more...important. Worthwhile. It felt like real progress.

As she headed to their meeting, Yasmin turned these thoughts over in her brain again and again, and she felt a firm sense of gratitude toward Squad Leader Catherine. She was still not sure why she had been chosen out of all of the fantastic soldiers in the Garrison, let alone in the whole military, but she was very glad that that she had been invited to join this group. Despite her initial hesitation, she felt that she fit into the group.

Yasmin had arrived early to the Survey Corps headquarters that day with the intention of talking to Connie and Sasha, but they were nowhere to be found, and she was left with no choice but to head to their meeting room. To her surprise, Catherine was already there, writing on the board with quick, sharp strokes. She seemed so strict and intimidating, but Yasmin could see that there was some sort of odd, clumsy gentleness to her, so she did not seem completely unapproachable.

“...You're early,” Catherine murmured, glancing over at Yasmin.

“I was looking for my friends, but they're not around,” she replied, heading to her seat.

“If they're part of Levi's squad, they're busy.”

“A meeting?”

“Yes.”

“Is...everything okay?”

Catherine pursed her lips, sighing through her nose.

“I have my suspicions that things might get a little rough for us soon,” she admitted, and Yasmin paused, watching as Catherine's hand slowly fell to her side. “...I should apologize. I never meant to drag any of you into the messes that the Survey Corps makes.”

“I don't mind,” Yasmin said quickly. “Really, I don't. I mean, it's scary, but...I'm just really glad I can be of use. I'm glad that you chose me for this squad. I just...I don't understand _why_ you did, I guess.”

The words slipped out of Yasmin's mouth before she could even stop herself. To her surprise, though, Catherine let out a laugh, setting the chalk down in its tray and facing her at last.

“I've heard that a lot, actually,” she chuckled. “I suppose it's something each one of you is going to ask me at some point, isn't it?”

Yasmin wanted to ask who else had expressed this sense of doubt, but she want to hear what Squad Leader Catherine had to say. This woman was a veteran soldier of the Survey Corps and had survived countless encounters with the Titans. Surely there was something, however small, that Yasmin could learn from her, something that she had not already heard before.

“You're my wild card, I guess,” Catherine finally said, and Yasmin raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You're intelligent, but you're not helpless in combat. Most of the time, you end up doing background work, following another's orders--but I think that, if I needed you to, you could be a leader, too.”

“I...” Yasmin looked away, feeling herself blush. “Th-thank you, Squad Leader.”

“Please--”

“No one has ever said anything quite like that to me before,” Yasmin said quickly. “My friends always say that I'm better than I think I am, but...they...they're just as naive as me. So, to hear it coming from you...”

Yasmin glanced back over at Catherine to see her smiling gently.

“It's vital that you know your strengths and your weaknesses as a soldier--and as a human being. That's how you survive.” Catherine crossed her arms, her smile fading. “It's not something that happens overnight. Even Levi and I learn new things about ourselves, despite how long we've been in the Corps. That's just...part of life, I guess.”

“...Thank you, Squad Leader,” Yasmin murmured. “You've given me the chance to discover these things about myself.”

“You don't have to use my title all the time,” Catherine sighed. “I'm not like Levi. You can just call me Catherine.”

Yasmin nodded, smiling at the woman. Her face seemed to soften, but she did not say anything else. Instead, she just turned back to the board and continued writing their lesson for the day.

It was odd--this woman that she known for barely two months seemed like such a huge part of her life already. Catherine was irritable, intimidating, and almost amusingly small for someone her age. Still, Yasmin felt humbled by her presence. Looking at the Wings of Freedom on Catherine's back, Yasmin smiled to herself--it would be the Survey Corps that gave her guidance after all.

 

…......

 

“That's all for today. Have a nice weekend.”

At Catherine's words, Olivia slumped onto the table, letting out a loud sigh.

“Ugh...” she groaned quietly. “...My brain hurts...”

“So I guess you won't be joining our study session tonight?” Armin asked, chuckling quietly.

“Uh, no.” Olivia lifted her head to see Jean, Armin, and Yasmin staring at her. “But I'll walk with you guys to the mess hall.”

“Good,” Yasmin said, smiling brightly at her. Olivia felt her ears get hot, and she quickly looked away, turning her attention to Levi and Catherine, who were quietly talking as Bianca and Claus gathered up their things.

“Have you heard anything else from Erwin?” Olivia heard Catherine murmur.

“Nothing,” Levi muttered in reply, sounding more irritated than usual. “You'd probably hear before me.”

“Not necessarily.” Catherine paused, glancing away from him for a moment. She then asked, “What about the documents he gave you to sign?”

“I'm still not done. Be patient.”

“You've had them for a week. How much longer is it going to take?”

“I'm busy.”

To Olivia's amusement, Catherine flicked her eyes to the ceiling in frustration.

“You need to start coming up with better excuses,” she huffed.

“Olivia? Are you coming?”

“Ah...” Olivia looked back over at Yasmin, then nodded. “Yeah, I'm coming.”

Grabbing her notebook, Olivia quickly stood from her chair and followed her friends out of the room.

“So...do you guys know if Levi and Catherine are, like, secretly married or something?” she asked the moment the door closed behind them. To her surprise, Jean let out a loud laugh.

“There's no way,” he replied, shaking his head. “I'm not even sure that they're friends.”

“If they weren't friends, why would Captain Levi agree to help her, though?” Armin pointed out. “I mean, I don't think they're anything more than friends, either, but I do know that they respect each other. The bickering is just how they communicate.”

“Okay, but none of you know for sure,” Olivia said.

“What makes you think that they are?” Yasmin countered.

“Don't any of you see the way they look at each other? Or how they talk to each other? And I never see them apart.” Olivia ran out in front of her friends, walking backwards in front of them. “Jean, Armin, tell me--how often do you see them together?”

“...A lot,” Jean admitted quietly.

“But that doesn't necessarily mean anything,” Armin jumped in. “They work together, so of course they're going to be spending a lot of time around each other.”

“...Maybe they're not married--but they've got to be seeing each other, at the very least.”

“Look, I don't know Squad Leader Catherine all that well, but I really doubt Captain Levi would waste his time on something like that,” Jean said, crossing his arms. “He's got so many other things to do, I really don't think he has time, even if he _wanted_ to be in a relationship with someone.”

“Neither of them really strike me as the type,” Armin agreed, nodding slowly.

“Ugh, I swear.” Olivia came to a halt, causing her friends to stumble to a stop. “Well, you non-believers can think what you want, but I know better. I can see it there. It's so obvious.”

“Whatever,” Jean huffed, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, I'm going now. I'll see you later, Yasmin.”

“See you!” Yasmin exclaimed, beaming at her.

“Have a good night, Olivia,” Armin said, waving a little as Olivia walked past them.

“Yeah, you too.”

Even though she had no real reason to feel defensive over a topic that did not personally affect her, Olivia could not help feeling frustrated over her friends' reactions to her proposition. Balling her hands up into fists, she marched down the Survey Corps hallway toward the stairs, taking the longest strides her small legs would let her.

 _I know I'm right_ , she thought, pushing her glasses up on her face. _They're just stupid._

Then again, why did it even matter?

Olivia barely knew Catherine and Levi. She had only been in this squad for a couple of months, and since she was coming from another regiment, the time that she spent with them had been limited to just those meetings. Jean and Armin could be right--they were perhaps just close friends with terrible communication skills. It was entirely possible that she was reading too much into their interactions, considering how little she actually knew about them.

Still, even though her judgment skills were usually not the best, Olivia knew that she could at least rely on her own instincts, and in this case, those instincts were telling her something that Jean and Armin were not. She wanted to believe that she was right, not only because it was great fun to watch Levi and Catherine and how they acted around each other, but also because she did not want to be wrong. Olivia took pride in her skills of observation and perception, and if they were to fail her now, she would really be useless--the lazy asshole people liked to make her out to be.

 _I know what I'm seeing_ , she told herself as she mounted her horse. _I'm not stupid. I know I'm right._

 

…......

 

“All right,” Jean grunted, slamming his notes on top of the table in the mess hall. “You guys have thirty minutes to help me figure out what the hell is going on here.”

Armin let out a laugh and glanced at Yasmin, who looked less than amused.

“Jean, it’s going to take you more than thirty minutes to master a new language,” he said gently.

“I’m not looking to master it. I just wanna not look like a fool in front of everyone.”

Yasmin crossed her arms, and Armin could sense her irritation.

“That’s gonna be tough,” she muttered under her breath. “We’ll have to change your whole personality if that’s really what you’re after…”

“Hah? …You shit,” Jean huffed.

Armin could not hide his amused smirk as Yasmin shrugged, then sat beside Jean without another word. He took a seat across from them, his own notes stacked in front of him. He was not sure how much good they would do for Jean, but it was worth a shot. The three of them were a squad now, which meant they would have to work together. If one of them was behind, the rest of them were obligated to help that person catch up.

“For the record, I’m totally serious on this—help me,” Jean insisted, the anger disappearing from his gaze. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Armin said with a smile.

“I’m serious. I don’t even know why she chose me for this squad in the first place. You guys have brains, but that’s not _my_ specialty.”

“…Well…let’s not worry about that for now.” Armin pursed his lips. He was a bit disappointed that Jean was still doubting his place in this squad, even after Squad Leader Catherine and Captain Levi had clearly laid it out for him.

“Armin’s right—let’s focus on getting you caught up first,” Yasmin said, her eyes scanning Jean's notes. They looked more like absent-minded scribbles. “And honestly, Jean, you could probably start with learning how to take better notes.”

Armin could see Jean opening his mouth, probably for a nasty comeback; Jean had always been the type to get defensive easily, especially around Yasmin.

“She’s right. That’ll make your life a lot easier!” Armin cut in, trying keep things positive.

“So how should I do it, then?” Jean asked, sounding exasperated. Armin hesitated, but Yasmin pulled out a piece of paper from her own notebook and placed it between her and Jean.

“Like this,” she told him, picking up Jean's pencil and quickly writing across the page. “I know this will probably seem pretty anal, but if you categorize your notes like this, it’ll make information easier to find. See?” Yasmin lifted her pencil, showing the organizational system to Jean. Armin nodded slowly to himself; organization was probably something Jean would really benefit from. “You just use a numbering system like this, then letters, and then numbers again.”

“…That’s…easy enough, I guess,” Jean mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “But, okay, let’s move on to the actual content, yeah?”

“Okay, well…” Armin murmured, flipping through his own notes. “Why don’t we start with the book Miss Catherine showed us at the first meeting?”

“Fine.”

“So, if memory serves, the first thing she taught us about were the particles in this language, because they're different from ours, right?” Armin explained, pointing to the first section of his notes. Jean nodded, but he still seemed very hesitant. “I just sorted my notes according to her explanation of what particles go with what things. And then I put the irregular ones over here, see?”

“Yeah, okay...” Jean rubbed the back of his neck. “What were the irregular ones, again? I don't remember.”

“Hmm...” Armin turned his notes back toward him, scanning through them. “The first one is possessive for adjectival clauses. She gave us the example, 'the man who climbed a tree'--you can see here that the particle is right before 'man.' Then...there was this particle, which...”

Armin paused, his mind suddenly going blank.

“What's wrong?” Jean asked.

“...I don't remember her explanation for this one,” he admitted, feeling himself blush. He knew a lot of people thought of him as a star student, and he took pride in that. But, truth be told, he had been pretty distracted during their first lesson; the negative energy radiating from Jean and Yasmin on either side of him had been overwhelming at that time.

“Well, Yasmin? What about you?” Jean grunted, turning to their friend. She did not respond immediately, however; she was staring at the table, her eyes glazed over.

 _Thank god it's not just me_ , Armin thought, trying to hide his smile.

 

…......

 

“Oi, you awake?” Jean snapped at Yasmin, causing her to jump in her seat. “You gonna help me or not?”

“Sorry,” she murmured. “What was it you asked me?”

 _Good thing we're friends now_ , Jean thought, rolling his eyes. _Otherwise I'd have a lot more to say._..

“This particle in front makes this noun into a verb, right?” Armin asked her, pointing to the example in his notes with the end of Jean's pencil. “I wasn’t sure when I read it the first time.”

“Eh?” Yasmin sounded confused; she leaned forward, scanning the page in silence for a few seconds. “…What are you talking about…? Oh, I see… That’s not a particle here—that’s part of the word itself. See? It’s a prefix for ‘exterior,’ remember?”

“Damn,” Jean mumbled. “How do you catch on to this stuff so fast?”

“Huh?” Yasmin turned toward him, the confused expression returning to her face.

“Jean’s right—you and Bianca both have a real knack for this language,” Armin agreed. “It’s your niche, for sure.”

“My…niche?” Yasmin echoed. Jean watched as she slowly tilted her head to one side, then sat back on the bench. She still looked doubtful, and Jean felt a little disappointed in her. “Are you sure you can really call it that?”

Jean placed his chin in his hand, pursing his lips. It had been almost a year since their graduation, since Trost, since Yasmin's declaration that she would find a way to make herself stronger. Apparently, she had not quite reached that point yet; she was still openly doubting herself, despite obvious evidence that she had a brilliant mind.

“Besides, other than this one mistake, I don’t exactly see you tripping over stuff, either, Armin,” she then said.

“…You got me there,” Armin admitted, chuckling. “Well, either way—if we work together, we can help Jean catch up in no time!”

“The rest is up to you,” Yasmin stated, turning to Jean. “Either you put the effort into this, or you don’t. Choose.”

“And make the choice with no regrets,” Armin added, giving Jean a knowing smile.

Jean could not help but smile back. Every time one of them referred to Captain Levi's adage, it was as a joke, but all of the members of his squad still took it seriously. It was hard not to--there was hardly better advice for people like them.

“…Like I could live with myself for giving up this early on…” Jean sighed. “C’mon, teach me.”

“I'll pay more attention now,” Yasmin said with a quiet laugh. “Were you just going over particles, Armin?”

“Yeah--might as well start simple, right?” Armin gave Jean a sympathetic smile. “Not that I'm implying you're unintelligent or anything--”

“No, I get it,” Jean said, waving his hand as if to dismiss Armin's statement. “I'm behind. It's not clicking. I can admit that.”

“You know, it might be a good idea to get Bianca or Claus in on this next time,” Yasmin suggested. “Or, if she's free, maybe even Catherine herself.”

“I wonder if they'd stay,” Armin murmured.

“Who, the Police soldiers?” Jean shrugged. “They seem like they're too busy to help out with something so menial. The second Squad Leader Catherine ends a meeting, they're gone.”

“Yeah...”

“I don't know,” Yasmin interjected, furrowing her brow. “There's no harm in asking. We're squad mates now, after all. We have to help each other out. Just like now--if there's any kind of misunderstanding with the material and we don't communicate about it, we're all screwed.”

“That's true, I guess...”

“What--are you intimidated by them?” Yasmin asked, raising an eyebrow at Jean. “Don't tell me Jean Kirschstein, of all people, is afraid to talk to a couple of perfectly harmless Police soldiers.”

“I'm not afraid of them,” Jean muttered, crossing his arms. “I just don't want to waste my time. Which is what you're doing right now, actually.”

“...Touche.”

Jean smiled to himself as he looked back down at Armin's notes and began to copy them into his own, using the organizational technique Yasmin had showed him. It was nice to be able to hang out with Yasmin and not worry about getting into a stupid fight over nothing. Now they could be friends and put all of that shit behind them.

 _Never thought we'd be working together_ , he realized as Yasmin and Armin coached him through the rest of the notes. _… This is probably giving Marco a pretty good laugh, too..._

 

 


	79. Not So Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When was the last time Eren has ever felt so human?  
> Mikasa, along with many others, must gain strength to protect his freedom.

_“What's the matter? You scared?”_

_Squeezing his eyes shut to block out the sneering faces of his bullies, Armin put a hand over his mouth. He could taste blood, but none of his teeth seemed loose. Still, this was one of the worst encounters with these nasty kids that he had ever had._

_“Aw, shit! Look out!”_

_Armin's eyes popped open at the bully's exclamation, just in time to see Mikasa come flying in seemingly out of nowhere; her foot landed right in the head honcho's gut. Eren was right behind her, grabbing one of the others by the wrist and attempting to wrestle him to the ground._

_If he had to be honest with himself, Armin did not find this outcome surprising. In fact, he had pretty much expected his friends to come to his rescue. He was not entirely sure why they did, but they always would come rushing to his defense. Always._

_Mikasa surprised him; they had not even known each other a year, but she was always right alongside Eren, fighting off the bullies like it was her job. Did Mikasa really care about him that much? Or was it because of Eren? She was very attached to him, after all--if Eren had come up with the idea to fight off the bullies, Mikasa probably would have agreed simply because of her loyalty to him._

_Still, Armin was grateful. Even if Mikasa was doing this more for Eren's sake, she at least cared enough to try to help him, and that was enough._

 

As she watched Eren toss a few more of his shirts into a box, Mikasa pursed her lips, glancing at the box, then back to him.

“Do you want me to help you carry anything else?” she asked quietly. Eren gave her an irritated look in response. “Okay, I get it.”

Eren let out a loud sigh, walking over to the box and closing it.

“...Sorry. I know you're the one who did this,” he murmured. Mikasa raised her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“You're the one who convinced them to let me move me out of here, right?” Eren slowly sat down on his bunk, his eyes fixed on the dark floor beneath them. “Don't try to deny it. I know it was you. I'm not completely stupid. You're always doing stuff like this for me.”

“Because it's not fair,” Mikasa said, crossing her arms. “It's time they treated you like everyone else...”

“Mikasa, stop,” Eren cut in, looking up at her again. “I know you made Captain Levi a deal over this. You manipulated him into talking to the Commander.”

“So what if I did?” Mikasa replied.

“Look, Captain Levi wouldn't have asked anything of you if he didn't think you'd be of use. He's not training you for your sake--he's doing it for the sake of everyone who's still fighting in this world. You shouldn't have used that against him.”

Mikasa pursed her lips again, looking away from Eren. She wanted to be angry; she had done this for him and more, but he was still completely unaware of how much she really cared about him. She had taken risks for him, she had opposed a commanding officer for him, but he did not seem to care.

 _Don't you get it yet_...? she wondered, wringing her hands. _You matter to me more than anyone. You always have._

“We're not fighting just for our own sakes anymore, Mikasa,” Eren then murmured. “Every move we make has to be one that will benefit humanity. We can't afford to be selfish.”

“...I know,” Mikasa whispered, feeling tears behind her eyes.

 _But that doesn't mean I won't be,_ she thought. _I'm always going to be fighting for you._

“...Thank you, though.”

Mikasa perked up at these words, lifting her gaze to meet Eren's. He had a small smile on his face, a look of understanding.

“I'm glad someone cares enough about me to treat me like everyone else,” he then mumbled. Mikasa noted a hint of pink on his cheeks. “...Even if you _do_ act like my mom sometimes.”

“...Hah...” Mikasa could not bring herself to say anything, but she could feel a smile spreading across her lips. Eren did not smile much anymore, but whenever he did, she could not help feeling overjoyed, as well as a bit triumphant.

“...Anyway, let's go upstairs.” Eren got to his feet, picking up a couple of boxes. Apparently, everything he owned could fit into just those two crates. With a smirk, he added, “Can't wait to see the look on Jean's face.”

“He'll be happy to see you,” Mikasa assured him, opening the door. “Even if he doesn't admit it.”

“I'm not so sure about that.”

“He's not so complicated. Just like you.”

“Huh?” Eren shot Mikasa an angry look. “What's _that_ supposed to mean?”

Mikasa only chuckled to herself, hiding her mouth in the tattered red scarf around her neck.

“Tch...I can't believe you still have that thing...”

“I'm never getting rid of it,” Mikasa said curtly, at which Eren flicked his eyes up toward the ceiling in what appeared to be feigned irritation. “It's your own fault.”

“Yeah...I know.”

To her pleasant surprise, Eren gave her another small smile. He seemed so genuinely happy to be moving in with the others, and it seemed like years since she had seen him that joyful.

 _I want this to last_ , she realized, biting her lip. _I want things to stay like this._

 

…......

 

Armin could feel himself about to fall asleep in his bunk as he glanced through his notes from last week's squad meeting, but a sudden knock on the door jolted him awake.

“Come in,” Connie shouted from his bunk.

“It's me.” Mikasa's voice came from the other side of the door; Jean noticeably perked up, staring at the handle. “Can you open the door? My hands are full.”

“Coming!” Jean exclaimed, jumping to his feet. Armin glanced up at Connie, who gave him a knowing smirk. Jean's crush on Mikasa had certainly lasted quite a while.

“Wha--?! What the hell's goin' on?!”

“...Hey, guys,” Eren said, appearing in the doorway. He was holding a couple of crates and wore a small, satisfied smile on his face.

“No way!” Connie shouted, hurrying down the ladder from his bunk.

“Eren!?” Armin gasped, rushing over to his best friend. “You're moving in with us?!”

“Is that really so unbelievable?” Eren teased him. “Did you really think they'd keep me in the dungeon forever?”

“They didn't put you down there for a time-out, Jaeger,” Jean cut in. “You were staying down there because of safety.”

“Jean, things are different now,” Armin insisted, not wanting to let a fight ruin what should have been a happy moment. “That order was given to the Survey Corps by the royal government--the one that we overthrew.”

“Armin,” Eren said suddenly. “You don't have to defend me.”

Slowly, Eren set down his boxes, then turned to Jean. Armin was shocked to see how calm he was acting, especially around his self-proclaimed rival. Usually, if there was one person that could push Eren over the edge, it was Jean.

“Jean, you're right. It _was_ for the concern of everyone's safety,” Eren said, his words crisp. “But I've been training, just like the rest of you. I know that I can control myself now. They wouldn't have let me move up here if they thought otherwise.”

“I hardly believe that,” Jean hissed, glancing at Mikasa. “...I think I know what happened here. Fine, whatever. I don't care if you sleep downstairs or here, or wherever. The point is, you can't just be thinking of yourself here. Even if you _are_ some special hero, the rest of our lives matter, too.”

“Jean, there's no need to be that harsh,” Mikasa murmured. “Captain Levi and I spoke with Commander Erwin about this at length. He approved the change--he even consulted Squad Leader Hanji about Eren's progress to be sure it was safe.”

“I don't doubt the decisions of our superiors, Mikasa,” Jean argued. “What I doubt is that Jaeger here really gives a damn about what _we_ think, or how _we're_ affected by all this. What if there's some kind of accident? Eren, are you willing to take responsibility for the damage you might cause?”

“There won't be any accidents,” Eren declared, narrowing his eyes. Armin could see that he was serious. “I won't let anything happen. I know what kind of terrible things I'm capable of, Jean--way better than you could ever know. Trust me, I'm aware of what could go wrong. But how would _you_ like living down there? Why don't you try it for a week?”

“I wouldn't complain if I knew it was to protect everyone,” Jean snapped.

“Yeah, you would,” Connie muttered.

“Shuddup, Springer,” Jean hissed back.

“I'm not here to mess around,” Eren murmured, his voice low. “I didn't think that you were, either.”

“...Do what you want,” Jean finally sighed. “I'm over this. Just don't fuck up what we've worked so hard to accomplish.”

“I won't.”

To Armin's slight disappointment, Jean stormed out of the room without another word.

“Wow, some welcome,” Connie sighed. “...Well, anyway, glad to have you back, man.”

“Thanks, Connie,” Eren said, smiling again. Armin could see how worn-out he looked now, though.

 _You were probably really looking forward to this_ , Armin thought as Eren chatted on with Connie.

“Eren, I have to get going soon,” Mikasa said suddenly, interrupting the conversation.

“Oh yeah, you have to train with Captain Levi, right?” Connie asked. “I heard about that. Sounds like _fun_.”

“He's not so bad,” Armin laughed. “He's just...not very articulate, that's all.”

“Be careful,” Eren said. “And be sure to pay attention. He's probably got a lot to teach you, so you'd better be ready to learn.”

“...Yeah.” Mikasa lowered her gaze for a moment, then nodded. “I'll see you at dinner.”

Armin watched as Mikasa walked out of the room, tugging on her scarf.

“Well, I've got nothing to do,” Connie said, smiling. “What do you guys say we play a game of cards? Just like back in the day?”

“Sounds good,” Eren replied, giving him a grin.

 _I'm glad we're all back together again,_ Armin thought, sighing through his nose in relief. _Lately it feels like we've been losing all of our allies..._

The boys' room had been rather lonely since Reiner and Bertholdt had left--though, “left” was probably not quite the right term. Still, Armin hated to have to think of them as traitors any more than necessary. After all, they had once been friends, and although nobody really knew what their motivations were, it did not seem like they had wanted to cause as much hurt and chaos as they had.

Having Eren back in their room would help ease some of that pain; Eren was still his best friend, and he felt horrible that Eren had to spend so much time living in the basement. Now, maybe things could start to return to normal.

 

…......

 

“Are you ready?” Levi asked Mikasa, who was standing in front of him with a slight hint of defiance to her stance. “Don't answer--I can already tell you're not prepared.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, staring at him with her harsh grey eyes.

“You couldn't look more bored if you tried,” he stated. “Stay alert. We might be training in the safety of the Survey Corps headquarters, but these are real world skills. None of us can afford to slack.”

“I'm not slacking,” Mikasa insisted, but Levi shook his head slowly. He hardly had the patience to deal with Catherine's brats as it was--but Mikasa was somehow even worse. She was a real handful, defiant and headstrong. This was only their first training session, but he could tell she was already disinterested.

“Your grip on that knife is weak,” Levi grunted, snatching Mikasa's wrist. Her fingers fumbled with the handle for a moment before closing around it tightly again. “I told you already--your weapons are extensions of yourself. You have to treat them like that, or someone will take advantage of you the first chance they get.”

“...Yes, Sir,” Mikasa muttered, and Levi slowly released her wrist. The girl lowered her arm to her side, narrowing her eyes.

“While we're at it, lose the scarf,” Levi then said. Mikasa quickly reached up and touched the muffler in response. “If someone reached out and grabbed you by that thing, it'd be the end. They could break your neck with ease.”

“I'm keeping it,” she hissed, her voice barely audible in the small training room.

“Why?”

“It's none of your business.”

Levi let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“It has to do with Jaeger, doesn't it?” he asked. When Mikasa stayed silent, he rolled his eyes, turning away from her. “...I can't say I understand your attachment to that kid, but whatever. Take the risk, I don't care--just don't let it slow you down here. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Now, let's see an actual stance from you,” Levi said, pulling another knife out of the small holster strapped to his thigh. “I held up my end of the bargain, so now it's your turn.”

 _Of course, this is all gonna be easier said than done_ , he thought as he watched Mikasa's arm muscles tighten.

“Let's see if you can beat me. In order to do that, though, you're going to have to know how to use your strength.” Levi narrowed his eyes. “We're not like other people, Mikasa--we have a special kind of power that makes us stronger than anyone else. You have to learn to control it.”

“Understood,” Mikasa murmured, her eyes locking with his.

“Forget that I'm your Captain, or that we're related. What do you care most about? Right now, think of me like I just tried to destroy that thing. Fight me.”

Mikasa immediately sprang into action at his words, but Levi was ready for her. As he had suspected, her moves were predictable. She came right at him, her eyes burning, but Levi blocked her attempt at a stab with ease. Pushing her forearms away with his own, he stepped off to the side, and Mikasa whirled to face him.

“You're making this too easy,” he muttered, preparing his strike. Mikasa grabbed his wrist just before he could reach her, a startled look in her eyes. “C'mon, Mikasa. You can't afford to hold back.”

Her arm was shaking in an effort to hold him back, and he could see the ferocity in her expression was starting to intensify.

“Would you give up this easily if I was after Eren?” Levi prodded her, and Mikasa clenched her teeth. “Do you expect me to just struggle here with you forever?”

Mikasa's only reply was a low growl; before Levi could say anything else, Mikasa reached out with one leg and planted her foot into Levi's chest, pushing him back with a sharp kick.

“...Better,” Levi grunted, catching himself before he could lose his balance completely. “But did you forget? You're holding a knife, too.”

“...You don't expect me to use it in these fights, do you?” Mikasa asked incredulously.

“If you feel like you have to, I can handle it. You don't really scare me.” Levi crossed his arms. “You're not a complicated person. I can tell you're motivated by protecting Eren.” Sighing, Levi slipped his knife back into its holster. “I can't say I understand that kind of motivation myself, but if it works for you, fine. ...Anyway, I need you to pretend that these fights are for real. You need to get used to feeling that sense of danger.”

“...You don't really scare me, either,” Mikasa admitted, and Levi raised an eyebrow.

“The fuck did you just say?”

“You're not that complicated of a person, either,” Mikasa told him, a serious and surprisingly mature expression on her face. “You don't scare me. I don't get a 'sense of danger' when I fight you.”

Speechless, Levi gritted his teeth, glancing away from Mikasa. Truth be told, he could not say that he was entirely surprised by her statement. Out of all of the newer members of the Corps, if there was anyone who he might believe when they said they were not afraid of him, it would be her.

“Then what are you afraid of?” Levi asked. “Who or what scares you? Because that's what you should be facing. The point of this is to have you call upon your instincts and learn to control them. If I'm not enough, then we need to find out what is.”

“...Nobody really scares me,” Mikasa mumbled, and Levi sighed once again. “Nobody that I know.”

“...I'll come up with someone,” Levi muttered. “Go finish your endurance exercises. I'm done with you for today.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Leaning against the wall behind him, Levi closed his eyes. This was only their first day of training, and from what he could tell, it seemed like this would end up being more long-term than he had ever intended. On top of everything else he had to deal with, the last thing he wanted to add to that mix was yet another bratty, ungrateful child who was even more stubborn than him.

“Captain Levi.”

Levi opened his eyes to see Mikasa staring at him.

“What?” he grunted.

“...Thank you for helping Eren,” she murmured. “He moved in with Armin and the others today. It's...the happiest I've seen him in a while.”

“...It's nothing,” Levi mumbled, closing his eyes again. “Now get back to work.”

“Yes, Sir.”

 

…......

 

“Sorry we're late,” Claus said as he entered the classroom; Bianca closed the door behind him, sighing through her nose.

“It's become a habit,” Captain Levi muttered under his breath, but Bianca ignored the comment. After all, she agreed with him.

“Well...we _are_ the farthest away, right?” Claus joked, sitting down across from the man with a slightly dejected look on his face. “Haha...”

 _You shouldn't have said anything_ , Bianca thought as she noted the icy stare from Captain Levi next to her.

“Well, now that everyone's here, we'll get started,” Catherine said, ignoring the exchange completely. “But, actually, before we dive into the material for today, there's something I'd like to talk about. It's something...that's come to my attention recently, and it's also something I feel should be addressed now, while we're all gathered together.”

Bianca noted Olivia lean forward in her seat, her grey eyes glittering with expectation behind her glasses. The others just seemed confused; Bianca, too, was not entirely sure what it was that Catherine had to say.

 _Is she angry with us for not talking to the others more?_ she wondered, raising her eyebrows.

But, Catherine did not seem angry. In fact, she seemed rather calm, and there was a softness to her expression that Bianca did not see very often.

“It's come to my attention over the past couple of months that you, perhaps, don't entirely understand why you were asked to join this squad,” she then stated. “You were not just chosen at random, nor did I choose any of you on any personal biases. Each of you have skill sets that I believe are essential to this squad's success.”

Catherine paused, scanning their faces; she then met Claus' gaze, gesturing toward the young man.

“Take Claus, for example--despite his inability to estimate the time it takes to reach our headquarters from Stohess, he's the type of person to appreciate things that are well-planned. He's also very level-headed, which makes him a natural leader,” Catherine explained. Bianca noticed Claus' face redden with pride.

 _Don't feed his ego_ , Bianca thought, rolling her eyes.

“Bianca, on the other hand, is quick on her feet and instinctive--she operates differently than Claus, but she balances him out.” Bianca glanced up at Catherine, who gave her a knowing smile. “I suppose that's why they're such good friends--they make up for the other's weaknesses with their own strengths.”

“ _You_ have weaknesses?” Claus teased her quietly.

“Hush,” Bianca hissed, keeping her eyes on Catherine.

“Olivia, you're restless and have trouble paying attention to these lectures, but you have a lot going on in that head of yours,” Catherine went on. “You're intelligent, energetic, and not afraid of taking opportunities that you think are right for you.” Her gaze moved down the line to Armin next. “Armin, you're not very strong, and sometimes you can have a one-track-mind, but you're incredibly smart and a skilled strategist.

“What I'm trying to say is...” Catherine paused, looking around the room to make sure everyone was paying attention. “...You're each your own, individual person with special traits that make you unique. I know that in this squad, you'll learn how to use those traits to the best of your abilities. Levi and I are the same way--we know our strengths and our weaknesses. I think it's important we all learn who we are and what we're capable of...but that doesn't mean I want you to ignore the person sitting beside you right now. Sometimes we have to rely on our own abilities to accomplish things--and sometimes, we have to learn to take on each other's traits. It's about balance.”

Bianca glanced at Claus, who was staring down at the table. He seemed to be taking in what Catherine was saying.

 _She's right_ , Bianca thought, scanning the faces of her comrades. _We're going to have to work together if we want to really accomplish anything of note. ...Maybe today we should stay late._

 


	80. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps' new target: Ragako Village.   
> Connie hopes to find the truth of what happened to his hometown.

_“So, potato girl, how was your run yesterday?”_

_Pursing her lips, Sasha glanced over at the trainee on her right. She did not even know this kid's name, but he was being so rude that she did not care to learn it._

_“It was quite fun, actually!” she replied, crossing her arms. “In fact, it was so enjoyable that I might do it again! Would you like to join me?”_

_“Uh...n-no thanks.”_

_A triumphant smile on her face, Sasha quickly turned her back to the boy and instead faced the shorter boy on her left. She immediately recognized him as the boy who had been called out by Shardis just before her the previous day._

_“...Are you really going to go running again?” he asked slowly, raising an eyebrow._

_“H-huh?” Sasha dropped her arms to her sides, shrugging. “I-I mean, it is not like we have time for that kind of thing anyway, right?”_

_“Well, if you don't have anything to do during your free time, you can always hang out with me and Jean.” The boy grinned. “My name's Connie Springer. Your name was...Sasha, right?”_

_“Y-yes! Thank you!”_

_“What are you thanking me for?”_

_Sasha dropped her gaze, feeling her ears grow hot. She was so happy that she had made a new friend, someone who would not call her by that embarrassing nickname, that she had blurted out something awkward on their first meeting._

_Still, Connie did not seem to mind; his grin just widened, and he quietly turned away from her, his eyes on the line of trainees in front of them._

 

“Thank you all for arriving promptly. We'll go ahead and begin the meeting.”

Erwin paused, glancing at the faces of his subordinates, who were all seated around the conference room table. Hanji was the only one who looked at ease, and the most nervous was by far Connie Springer, who was seated next to her. His golden eyes were wide, and he kept glancing at Levi; it was obvious that he felt out of place, but Erwin felt that it was important for him to be here for this meeting.

“I'm sure most of you have heard about Ragako Village by now, but I'll go ahead and explain the situation so that we're all on the same page,” Erwin continued. “You might have noticed that a member of Levi's special squad has joined us today. For those who don't already know, his name is Connie Springer, and he is perhaps the sole survivor of Ragako Village. During the search for a breach in Wall Rose, Connie and several other members of the Corps arrived at his village to discover that it had been partially destroyed.

“However, there are some important details to consider: there were no traces of blood or signs of any kind of struggle at all. The buildings and houses in the village were mostly demolished, but the damage appeared to have come from inside the homes. Perhaps the most important part of all is the single Titan remaining in that area. According to Connie, the Titan's limbs were too small to support itself, and it was lying on top of his house. This Titan also said something to him in our language--'welcome home.'

“There has been a lot going on lately, but I think it's time we arrange a brigade to investigate Ragako further,” Erwin declared. “As far as we know, that Titan should still be alive, since Titans don't seem to die of starvation. There are already a few volunteers from the Garrison who are keeping watch over it right now, but I think it's time we send some other people out.”

As the room fell silent, Erwin glanced around the table once again. Hanji looked confident, but the others all looked quite hesitant, and he could not help feeling a little disappointed by their reaction.

“Catherine, I know your squad has not been together for very long yet, but it might be beneficial for them to go out to Ragako,” he then stated, locking eyes with the woman. Her sharp eyes seemed to soften a bit as a worried expression made its way onto her face.

“...Do you really think we'll be of any use?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Maybe not right now, but at the time of the expedition, I'm sure they'll be much more comfortably settled into their roles.”

“We're not planning on going right away,” Hanji jumped in, her tone as cheerful as ever. “I'd like to go, too, but just going with Moblit won't do us much good.” She then turned to Moblit, adding, “No offense.”

“None taken,” he murmured, a sheepish grin appearing on his face.

“Anyway, I'm going to get a new squad together,” Hanji went on, “but my plan is to get some new members from the newest graduating class next month. In other words, you and your squad will still have a couple of months to prepare. It's entirely possible that we'll find evidence left behind in Ragako that connects that village to the Titans.”

“You mean, written evidence?”

“Yep.” Hanji nodded, her smile fading. “We can't say for sure if we'd need on-site, immediate translations, but we might, so it's worth your time to come along.”

“Levi, I think this should go without saying, but your squad will also be going,” Erwin said, meeting Levi's icy gaze. “Your attendance would be required anyway, what with your role in Catherine's squad. Both of you will need to relay this information to your members as soon as possible.”

“...Understood,” Catherine murmured.

“I don't,” Levi snapped, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward toward Erwin. “I get why _my_ squad might be required to come, but you seem to have conveniently forgotten that Catherine's squad isn't made up of all Survey Corps members. When they joined the squad, it was under the assumption that they would never be forced into combat--it was if they _wanted_ to come, _and_ if they had the permission of their direct superior officer in their main regiment, _then_ they would be allowed to join. But what you're asking for right now goes against that agreement--you don't have control over their choices.”

“I'm not asking either of you to force them to come,” Erwin said calmly, ignoring the obvious anger radiating from Levi's direction. “I'm asking you to convince them in whatever way you see necessary. If, for whatever reason, that proves to be impossible, then so be it. But you won't know without trying.”

Levi's response was only a quiet growl of frustration; he sat back in his chair, his eyes boring into a spot on the wall opposite him.

“So...why am I here, then?”

Rowen's interjection was sudden; Erwin had almost forgotten he was in the room at all.

“From now on, I want you to handle the cargo crews,” Erwin declared. “We won't need a full caravan to go out for this upcoming expedition, but we'll need at least a couple of carts, just in case there's anything that can be taken back.”

“My squad will work with yours on that,” Hanji added. “It shouldn't be too big of a deal. It'll be a good practice run for all of us, really.”

“I agree,” Rowen said, nodding. “We won't know until we try, right?”

“Exactly!”

“Now, Connie,” Erwin murmured, turning his gaze to the young man.

“S-Sir?” he sputtered, obviously nervous.

“If there are any details from your previous trip to your village that you would like to share with us, now would be the most opportune time,” Erwin replied. “From what you told me, you went to that village with Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, didn't you?”

“Y-Yes...” Connie lowered his gaze to the table. “Squad Leaders Gelgar and Lynne were with us as well...”

 

…......

 

Connie balled his hands into fists on his thighs as he stared at the table in front of him. A lump had formed in his throat, and for a moment, he felt so nervous that he might throw up.

 _I have no problems talking to Sasha or Jean about this_ , he thought, unfurling his fingers.

“...Take your time,” Captain Levi murmured, and Connie glanced up at the man. His face did not look gentle or kind, but there was most definitely a hint of understanding in his gaze, and Connie nodded, looking back at the table.

“...I knew that my village was in the path of the Titans that had appeared within Wall Rose, so I hurried ahead, and the others followed my lead,” he told them. “When we arrived, we found that...my village was empty. It had also been damaged, but compared to what the Titans are normally capable of, it was kind of...calm, I guess. We looked for survivors, but we couldn't find anybody. I went to my house after that, and Reiner and Bertholdt came with me. ...That's when...”

“That Titan...” Hanji mumbled. “...It spoke to you...”

“Yeah...”

“Ilse's journal spoke of something similar,” Squad Leader Catherine said suddenly. “A Titan approached her in the forest, then bowed to her and addressed her as 'Ymir's people.'”

“Ymir!?” Connie breathed. “You can't mean--”

“The same Ymir in your graduating class,” Hanji said slowly. “At least, that's how it seems. We have evidence that she's been alive far longer than the rest of us.”

“She holds the key to a lot of the secrets about the Titans,” Catherine added, sounding a bit disappointed.

“But she's not here right now,” Captain Levi said firmly. “If we're going to make solid plans to go to this village, we can't base them on the off chance that Ymir decides to come wandering back here.”

“She definitely knows something,” Connie stated, gritting his teeth. “That night, after coming back from my village, I told her about the Titan, and how it resembled my mom. Her reaction was hysterical laughter, and she made jokes and called me an idiot, just like Reiner did. They both turned out to be Titan shifters...and traitors... So now, that...just confirms what I already knew--that Titan is connected to my mom somehow.”

“There was no blood at the scene, either,” Hanji added. “And when we arrived back with the Garrison soldiers, there were several horses in the stables that had recently died of starvation, and a few were still barely alive.”

“That means that the villagers couldn't have left on horseback,” Rowen murmured. “They would either have had to run, or...”

The room fell silent, and Connie shook his head quickly, blinking back the tears that had formed in his eyes. He did not want any of this to be true, but there was just too much proof.

 _None of them...deserved this..._ he thought, letting out a shaky sigh. _Now...they're probably all dead..._

“Oi, Hanji--didn't you say before that the number of Titans in Wall Rose was about the same as the number of villagers in Ragako?” Levi asked, and Hanji nodded. “We killed all of them?”

“We did,” Hanji mumbled. “We didn't have a choice.”

“But my mom is still there,” Connie said quickly. “I...I hate to think that...everyone is gone now, but...maybe we can figure out a way for this to never happen to anyone else again. We can take her back, and maybe she'll talk to us more.”

“There might be other clues around the village, too,” Catherine added, nodding. “Things that you may not have known to look for, since at the time your main concern was finding survivors. If those people _were_ transformed into Titans, _someone_ there would have had to have known what was going on--even if it was an outsider, they could have left some kind of trail, right?”

“...Then I guess we don't have a choice but to go,” Levi muttered.

“I'm glad we were all able to reach the same conclusion,” Commander Erwin said quietly. “Connie, you are dismissed from the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to join us.”

“Y-Yes, Sir. Thank you.”

His limbs shaking, Connie stood from his seat and saluted to the senior officers. He did not know any of them particularly well, but he trusted them. They all seemed to understand how important this was, and it was reassuring to see how seriously they were taking this mission.

 _We're going to save you, Mom_ , Connie told himself, quickly walking out of the conference room and shutting the door quietly behind him. _I promise._

 

…......

 

“Sorry we're late,” Claus said as he rushed through the door to his squad meeting. Bianca followed behind him silently, as cool as ever.

“It's all right,” Catherine murmured, not even glancing up from her notes. Captain Levi did not even look at them.

“Yikes,” Claus mouthed, quietly taking his seat. “What's going on?” he then whispered to Jean.

“No idea,” he muttered, shaking his head. “They haven't told us anything yet.”

Claus glanced at Bianca, who did not seem to even notice the dark atmosphere of the room.

 _I envy you_ , he thought, flicking his green eyes up to the ceiling in defeat.

“Now that everyone's here, I have something serious that we need to discuss,” Catherine announced. Levi walked over to the door and pulled it shut without a word.

“What's going on?” Armin asked.

“Yeah, who fucked up? Olivia chimed up.

“No one fucked up,” Catherine said, sighing. “Armin, Jean--this concerns you two, but I'm not really going to be addressing you. This is in regards to an upcoming expedition with the Survey Corps.”

“I can see where this is going...” Claus murmured, leaning back in his chair.

“Commander Erwin has requested that you join us,” Catherine went on. “Now, I can't _force_ you to come with me, considering you aren't an actual member of the Corps. This isn't technically required--you won't be kicked out of the squad or anything if you choose not to come. Likewise, if you want to come, but your Squad Leader says no, then none of us will hold it against you. It can't really be helped. But... Well, if there's anything we can do to convince you that coming along will be worth your while, let me know.”

“What's the expedition for?” Yasmin asked, raising her hand.

“We'll be joining Hanji and Levi's squads on an expedition to Ragako village,” Catherine explained. “One of the members of Levi's squad is from there, and the last time he was there, he discovered some startling evidence that supports the theory that Titans came from humans. One Titan is being kept there now, and our goal is to not only bring it back here for research, but to also investigate the remains of the village for clues as to its history and fate.”

“Its fate?” Claus echoed.

“From what we've put together...it seems that the villagers all were transformed into Titans somehow.”

The room was then filled with an eerie silence, and Claus glanced around at his squad mates. They all seemed stunned, save for Bianca, who had a small frown on her face.

“...Will we really be of any use there?” Yasmin asked quietly. “I mean, do we really have the skills to contribute to the cause?”

“Erwin seems to think so,” Levi replied. “But if you don't want to go, don't. You'll only weigh us down.”

“I want to go,” Yasmin said quickly. “If I can be of use, then of course I want to go.”

“I'll go as well,” Bianca spoke up, and Claus whipped his head toward her.

“You don't have to make this decision right now,” Catherine said, holding up her hands to stop them. “Talk to your Squad Leaders first. The operation is scheduled for the end of next month, after the next class of trainees has graduated. Make sure that you don't have any other responsibilities that might interfere.”

“We have to go, don't we?” Jean asked, sounding reluctant.

“Did you really think you had a choice, Kirschstein?” Levi retorted.

“...No,” Jean muttered under his breath, sinking into his chair.

 

…......

 

Taking a deep breath of fresh air, Milena closed her eyes for a moment, letting the breeze toss her hair out of her face. She had never been a huge fan of summer, but it was much more pleasant up on top of the wall, where the wind was cool and refreshing, and there was no heat from the crowds of people.

However, this summer had proved to be a lonely one.

Milena was a bright person who made friends very easily. She considered everyone she interacted with to be a comrade, and she knew she could trust them all. They were kind to her, and she rarely had any problems with anyone being outrageously disrespectful.

Still, days like this, where both Yasmin and Rosaleen were gone all day, were somehow very melancholy. Milena's other friends were great, kind people, but they simply did not share the same kind of bond with them that she did with those two. Nobody knew her quite as well as they did, and she knew that they probably felt the same way.

On top of that, Milena also saw them as a distraction--a good one, of course. When she looked at their smiles, when she heard their voices, it was somehow easier to remember all of the happy memories they shared and forget all of the pain. On her own, though, it was impossible to block out the horrible images and sounds that criss-crossed through her mind: Erin's lifeless eyes, Marco's body being burned away, Hannes being devoured...

 _Who's going to be next_? she wondered, biting her bottom lip. _Who are we going to lose next...?_

Milena had joined the military to prove something--to herself more than anyone else. She had wanted to prove that she could be useful, that people would need her and could rely on her, that she was capable and could truly aid humanity in building a better life for itself. Milena wanted a happy future, but not just for herself; that hardly seemed fair, considering that she was not the only person to be working her ass off to improve their world. She wanted to protect her friends and family, too. If she could become someone worthwhile...

By all accounts, she had pretty much accomplished this goal. She was now a Captain in the Garrison, which was a higher rank than anyone in her family had ever achieved. In addition, she had great friends, and she was lucky enough to be stationed in a relatively safe location during a time of peace.

What bothered her was how much she had had to lose in order to get this far. Had it really been worth it? Or was her success just the result of her selfishness?

Being on her own like this gave Milena a chance to question herself, along with every decision she had ever made over the past four years.

 _...Has it really been four years since I left home?_ she thought, pursing her lips. _My nephew... I still haven't met him yet. He's almost two years old._

“I'm back!”

Torn out of her thoughts by the sound of Rosaleen's cheerful voice, Milena whirled around to meet her friend's gaze.

“No bad news today!” Rosaleen announced, giving her friend an energetic salute.

 _...We've all had to be a little selfish_ , Milena realized as she stared up at Rosaleen. _We've all had to sacrifice things to get where we want to be...whether we meant to or not...whether we wanted to or not..._

“...Did something happen while I was gone?” Rosaleen asked quietly.

“Huh?”

“You look a little bit angry.”

Milena quickly looked away, shaking her head.

“No, nothing's happened,” Milena assured her. She slapped her hands against her thighs, trying to perk herself back up. “It's been pretty boring.”

“Hey, that's a good thing, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so!” Milena smiled, then added, “I'm glad. I hope things continue to improve like this.”

“I think that they will,” Rosaleen said, grinning. There was, however, no confidence in her smile at all. “They have to. Things can only go up from here!”

 _I want that to be true_ , Milena thought, sighing through her nose.

“Okay, is there anything you need me to work on?” Rosaleen asked, rocking back and forth on her heels. “We've got another hour until dinner, right? I can jump into a group and help them or something.”

“I think Josef's group is running behind on maintenance,” Milena told her. “They ran into a snag with one of the bigger cannons--apparently a bird flew into it and got stuck in the interior, and it died in there.”

“Ew, oh no!” Rosaleen gasped.

“Yeah, it was sad. Aaaaand it also put us behind.”

“Okay, I'll go help them out, then!”

“I'll walk with you.”

Rosaleen beamed at Milena, and the two of them began to walk over to Josef's unit. Milena kept her steps slow; she was in no hurry for Rosaleen to leave again.

 _Pathetic,_ Milena scolded herself.

Before joining the military, Milena had been annoyingly independent, much to her family's dismay. While her sisters chose much more domestic lives for themselves, she had wanted to go out and do something, be it for herself or for someone else. She wanted to prove that she was worth something, both to herself and to those who doubted her.

That was, of course, before her friends had been killed in Trost, and before her Captain had been brutally mutilated and eaten alive, right before her very eyes.

Now, the few things and people that she had were things that she knew she could never stand to lose. She did not want to be alone. Loneliness frightened her now more than it ever had before in her life.

 _Surely I'm not the only one_ , she told herself, smiling up at Rosaleen as she chattered on about her day.

Milena knew that Yasmin and Rosaleen were suffering, too, and she also knew that just being their friend was the best way for her to help them endure that pain. But it also helped _her_ , too; she was being a bit parasitic, admittedly. She was doing the same things with her subordinates, too. The things she said to them were also messages to herself, reminders to keep fighting for her right to live.

“Okay, I'll see you at dinner!” Rosaleen exclaimed, shooting Milena a bright smile before she trotted over to her group.

“Good luck!” Milena called over to them. “Do your best!”

 


	81. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a break is important every once in a while.  
> Some people handle it a bit differently than others, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW WARNING.  
> This chapter has smut so don't read it at work unless you're pretty ballsy like that.

_“So...you haven't told us much about your special position, Rosie.”_

_“Ah...” Rosaleen paused, her fork hovering above her dinner plate as she tried to think of what to say. So far, this Christmas had been spent avoiding her parents' gazes and trying not to bring up the empty chair beside her at the table. Holding an actual conversation would probably do them all quite a bit of good._

_“Well, it keeps me busy,” she answered her grandfather at last. “I spend most days running back and forth between headquarters. I really like it, actually.”_

_“That's good to hear,” her father, Seamus, replied. He gave her a gentle smile, and Rosaleen nodded, smiling back with a bit more enthusiasm._

_“Yeah! I mean, you know me--I'm really nosy, and I like to know what's going on, so this is pretty much the perfect job for me. And I've met so many new people, too, from all of the regiments.”_

_“Anyone interesting?” Seamus asked._

_“Well...not really. Nobody is, like, out of the ordinary or anything.” Rosaleen lowered her gaze once again, prodding her chicken with her fork. “But I know the Survey Corps will be replacing one of their messengers. She was killed in that uprising with the Central Police.”_

_“I see...”_

_The atmosphere had become dark again, and Rosaleen sighed through her nose. It was getting harder and harder to stay distracted these days, and a day off with her family was not much help._

 

“Oh, about time you got this back to me.”

“Shut up.” Levi grimaced as he handed a stack of papers to Catherine. “I got it done earlier than I said I would. I don't need your sass.”

“I was only being a _little_ mean,” Catherine told him, a small smirk pushing its way onto her face as she looked up at him from her desk chair. “But I appreciate you getting it done on time, for once.”

“Tch.” Levi crossed his arms impatiently. “Do you have anything else you need done today? If so, tell me now--I have to train Mikasa later.”

“No, not anything urgent,” Catherine replied, shaking her head. “But I _did_ want to thank you for yesterday.”

“What're you talking about?” Levi huffed. It was an abrupt change of subject and tone, and he had no idea why she thought thanking him was even necessary.

“You didn't have to stand up for them at the meeting.” Catherine put her pen down and sat back in her chair. “About going to Ragako and everything.”

“...It's my job,” Levi muttered. “You expect me to give a damn, right?”

“Well...” Catherine's voice trailed off, and after a few seconds of silence, she shrugged. “Not really, I guess--which is why I was surprised.”

“You really think that little of me?”

“No, that's not what I meant,” Catherine said quickly, and Levi let out a quiet laugh through his nose. She looked genuinely concerned, and for some reason, it amused him.

“Relax,” he told her. Catherine responded with a bitter laugh. “What's that for?”

“Sorry--you're just asking me to do something that's kind of impossible right now. How can I possibly relax with all that's going on right now?” Catherine sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I know Bianca and Yasmin agreed to participate, but Olivia and Claus didn't say anything.”

“You don't think they'll come?”

“I...can't say for sure.”

“Well, that's not your fault.” Levi gritted his teeth as he added, “Erwin should have given some more thought to this, anyway.”

“No, his plan is logical,” Catherine argued. “I can tell he's thought things through. I know what he expects from me--he wants me to convince them to come along by whatever means I can. But...”

“You can't do it?”

“How am I supposed to? I can't make them risk their lives.”

“It's not really much of a risk,” Levi pointed out. “Wall Rose should be safe, right?”

“...We can't be sure. If something like that happened once, who's to say it won't happen again?”

“...Shit's been quiet lately...”

“Yeah...”

Levi stared at the floor, narrowing his eyes. Catherine had a good point, and it was one that nobody had really brought up yet: they did not know how or why the villagers in Connie's hometown had turned into Titans, which meant that they did not have a way to prevent it from happening again. In theory, their journey out to Ragako should be safe, seeing as how they would still be in humanity's claimed territory. However, there was no proof that such a disaster would not happen again.

“And...so many people died last time, Levi,” Catherine added quietly. “It would be irresponsible of me to drag my squad out into that and not have them prepared for the worst. Don't you think?”

“...That's your role as a Squad Leader,” Levi agreed reluctantly. Catherine let out a loud sigh in response, putting a hand on her forehead. He could practically feel the stress radiating from her, but there was nothing he could do to help her with that. After all, he was just as stressed as she was.

Catherine's room fell silent as their conversation came to a close, but Levi did not feel ready to leave just yet. He knew that as far as the Ragako mission went, there was not much he could do to help. But, though he knew it would not solve their problems, he knew there was one thing he could do to at least make things easier for them, if only for a day.

“...Will you be up late tonight?” Levi asked quietly. Catherine removed her hand from her head and placed it in her lap, staring up at him.

“Probably,” she replied with a small shrug. “Why?”

Levi did not answer right away, and soon he could see a look of understanding appear in Catherine's tired eyes. She had felt it, too, then--the sense that, during the time they had spent together, all of those other problems did not seem to matter anymore. What they both needed now was a distraction; it was the only thing that would help them now.

“...I'll come by after midnight,” Levi murmured, and Catherine nodded. Her lips were softly parted, as if she wanted to say something in reply, but she stayed silent.

Without another word, Levi turned and walked out of Catherine's room, gently shutting the door behind him. He let out a sigh; it felt as though he had been holding his breath for a very long time.

 

…......

 

Lucia liked to think that she knew herself pretty well. She knew that she was a workaholic, and she also knew that even when she had hit her limit for the day, some tiny part of her mind would almost always keep her focused on working, and she was still capable of being incredibly productive.

On this day, though, she could not keep her focus. It was not for the usual reasons, either, which made it even harder for her to get back on track.

“You seem off today,” Beaure told her at their lunch break.

“I am,” she laughed quietly.

“I guess everyone needs a break now and then!”

Lucia grimaced; she thought of having to take a break made her uneasy. She needed distractions now more than ever in her life, and for the time being, her work was the only thing that would even come close to helping her.

“Oh, did you hear?” Beaure then asked, his dark brown eyes sparkling with energy that Lucia envied. “There's someone else coming from the Garrison today. The usual messenger is out sick--I guess there's a really bad case of influenza going around.”

“Is that so?” Lucia replied, raising her eyebrows. “Do you know when they'll be here?”

“Sometime this afternoon. They sure do work hard.”

“They really do.”

Lucia smile to herself as she stared down at her modest, half-eaten lunch.

 _We're not the only ones working overtime_ , she reminded herself, taking a spoonful of soup up to her lips. _Being in one of the military regiments is even tougher than being a journalist. I keep letting myself forget that..._

Lucia would not have a job were it not for the military. Each of the regiments had assigned messengers, and four of those messengers would report to her every other day or so with updates and news from their respective affiliation. Her job was really not so hard--she just had to sit and wait for them. _They_ were the ones required to run around at all hours of the day to pass information along.

 _I feel like all I ever do is wait these days, though..._ she thought, sighing through her nose.

Lucia returned to her work desk at one o'clock and began to pull together parts of a story she had been working on for a while; it was nothing too exciting, just a report on the profits and losses of the merchants in Wall Rose over the past year. She knew it would keep her occupied for a while, if not for the rest of the day.

However, a knock on her office door cut her off before she could even begin to gather her thoughts.

“Yes? Come in,” she called out over her shoulder.

“Um, yes, hello?”

Slowly, the door to Lucia's tiny office opened, and a girl with scarlet red hair peered into the room.

“You're...Lucia Edwards, right?” she asked in a hesitant voice.

“That's me,” Lucia replied with a nod. She then noticed the red roses on the girl's jacket and added, “You're the replacement I was told about?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, perking up immediately. “I-I'm sorry--I just have never had to come here before. I didn't want to mess anything up.”

The girl let out a cheerful, relieved laugh, which brought a smile to Lucia's face. It was so rare for her to see people from the military be so full of joy that she had thought that Rowen might be the only one who ever smiled in uniform.

“I'm Rosaleen Johnson,” the girl then said. “It's nice to finally meet you! I've heard a lot about you!”

“...You have?” Lucia murmured, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah, I mean, Margaret mentions you from time to time. All good things, I promise!”

“Ah...well, Margaret is a good person, too.” Lucia smiled at Rosaleen, then gestured to the chair on the other side of the room. “Have a seat--and if you don't mind, could you shut the door behind you?”

“Yes, ma'am!”

Gently pulling the door shut behind her, Rosaleen walked over to her seat with a pleasantly cheerful gait.

“How long have you been a messenger, Rosaleen?” Lucia asked, pulling out a blank sheet of parchment to take notes on.

“Almost a year now,” she replied, smiling. “I...I can't believe it's been that long, though...”

To Lucia's surprise, Rosaleen's smile faded, and her large green eyes seemed to lose all of the light in them as her gaze dropped to the floor.

“Wait, so, did you graduate last year?”

“...Yes.”

Lucia did not have to ask Rosaleen anything more to understand what kind of hell she had probably been through. The 104th class had been plagued with one catastrophe after another; surely those events had shaped Rosaleen in the person she was now.

“I know we've only just met, but you don't have to put on a face for me,” Lucia told her. “I understand--my fiancé is in the Survey Corps. I know it must be hard for you. You don't have to pretend to love your job or love being in the military.”

“But...I _do_ love it,” Rosaleen said, looking back up at Lucia with shining eyes. “Really, I do. I feel so lucky to have this opportunity. I just...I lost some things along the way. That's all.”

Rosaleen cringed, and Lucia grabbed her pen from her desk, turning her chair toward the girl.

“Well, why don't we just talk about the news you brought, then? So that you can focus on what you love instead of what you've lost?”

“Ah...you're right.” Rosaleen's face brightened again, and she nodded. “Okay, are you ready? It's not a lot, and it's not very exciting, but...”

“I'm ready,” Lucia assured her, giving her a gentle smile. “What have you got?”

 

…......

 

_God, it feels like my head is going to burst..._

Setting down her pen at last, Catherine slammed her back against her chair, letting out a loud, frustrated sigh. She flipped her book closed, then ran a hand through her hair and stared at the wall in front of her.

_I wonder, was he serious earlier?_

Biting her lip, Catherine glanced toward the door. It was still shut, and no matter how long she stared at it, she could not will it to open all on her own.

_...This is driving me insane. I'm already stressed enough as it is..._

Sitting upright, Catherine stood from her chair, slipping off her uniform jacket and placing it on one of the hooks on her wall. She had not realized how warm it had gotten in her room, since she had been relatively distracted with her studies. Now, though, she could feel the effects of the heat and humidity on her skin and in her hair, and she cringed, walking over to her vanity and sitting down.

 _This year is already halfway over_ , she realized as she ran her brush through her hair. _How did time go by so quickly? Even quicker than usual...?_

A knock on her door startled Catherine out of her thoughts, and she suddenly became very aware of how hard her heart was pounding in her chest.

“Come in,” she said quietly. At first, there was no response, and Catherine wondered if she had just imagined the whole thing. A few seconds later, though, the door opened, and Levi walked in. He quietly shut the door behind him, and Catherine stood from her stool. She could feel her legs trembling, but somehow, she managed to take a few small, hesitant steps toward him.

 _What am I doing_? she asked herself, clenching her fists.

Levi stood still for a moment, then slipped off his shoes and walked over to her with deliberate strides. Catherine could feel her pulse throbbing in her neck, but she did not really feel afraid or nervous.

_Why am I..._

Levi's lips met hers in a surprisingly gentle manner; she felt almost disappointed at first, and they soon pulled apart. She narrowed her eyes a bit, glancing at his lips before looking him in the eyes. Before she could register the emotions there, though, he kissed her again, deeper this time, and Catherine slowly closed her eyes. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling them closer together.

All of those same sensations Catherine had experienced the first time were coming back to her, like a breath of fresh air, but now, there was something different. She could not ignore the desperation with which Levi seemed to be kissing her now; in fact, she wanted more of it. Somehow, it made her feel better about everything, like he was trying to tell her that she was not the only one feeling this way.

_Fuck. What have we gotten ourselves into...?_

She had not been paying much attention to Levi's hands up until that point, so she had failed to notice them wander down to the clasp on her pants; it was only when he pulled away from her and focused his gaze downward that she realized what was about to happen all over again.

But what was the point of stopping him? She had _agreed_ to this, and truth be told, she _still_ wanted it. She _needed_ the distraction, and from what she could tell, Levi did, too.

Levi's left hand wandered around to the small of her back as his right roughly unhooked and pulled down her pants. His fingers traced over her underwear for a moment, but Catherine quickly grabbed his wrist.

 _Please don't tease me like this_ , she thought, pressing his fingers against her skin, forcing them underneath the cotton of her briefs and further down. _I've been waiting all day_.

His touch felt just as good as it had the first time, and a soft moan escaped her lips. It felt as though her legs would give out on her at any moment, and she tightened her grip on Levi, pressing her forehead into his shoulder. She could feel herself sweating now, a sensation she normally despised. Catherine hated summer, and she hated feeling hot and dirty and disgusting every day.

This was different. She had chosen this for herself.

 _What would he have done if I said no_? she wondered.

But she did not have enough time to really think about it; she was already using most of her concentration to stay standing, and somehow, she had managed to keep herself upright, despite Levi's slow, steady rhythm coming from underneath. She grabbed a handful of his hair, her fingers tangling with the fine strands, in an attempt to keep herself from giving in to the dizziness.

Catherine wondered if Levi could feel her body about to collapse; he finally pulled free of her, then grabbed her jaw, forcing her to face him. Her eyes met his briefly, just long enough to be able to tell that he was not done with her yet, and for some odd reason, she felt a sense of relief knowing that.

Untangling her hands from his hair, Catherine grabbed Levi's arms, stepping backward toward her bed, stumbling as she stepped out of her discarded trousers. He followed her without hesitation, and the moment her legs hit the side of her mattress, they finally gave out, and she landed on her back, Levi catching himself right above her.

 _Really, what_ _ **would**_ _he have done if I had said no?_ Catherine thought as Levi pressed his lips against her neck. _I'm not stupid--I know he wants this just as much as I do._

Letting out a heavy, shaky sigh, she reached for Levi's belt; she felt him jump a bit at her touch, and she could not help but smirk.

 _Yeah, I thought so_ , she thought as he relaxed. _You're not stupid, either_.

 

…......

 

 _God, I needed this_.

Levi almost hated himself for letting himself rely on another person this much, but the way he felt inside of Catherine was unlike anything else he had ever experienced before, and it was the only way he really knew to push everything else out of his head for a while. Feeling her trembling underneath of him, hearing her stifled gasps and whines--he could not get this from anyone else. And the best part of this was that she did not care, either; she was just as bad as him.

The only downside was that it did not last forever, and once the ecstasy was over, Levi could no longer run from the stress and pain in his life.

“...Don't...leave yet,” Catherine whispered, looking away from Levi as he sat back on his heels, still trying to catch his breath.

 _I get it,_ he thought, pursing his lips.

“...If you want...to stay a little longer...”

“What are you saying?” Levi asked her, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at her.

“...There's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight,” she told him in a quiet voice. He could hear how tired she was, how worn out she sounded.

_I get it. You're like me._

Catherine let out a quiet laugh, but her lips were turned down in a small frown.

“I don't know any other way to make myself feel better,” she then admitted. “Sorry.”

“I don't care,” Levi said at last. “I wouldn't stay if I didn't think it'd be worth my time.”

“So are you saying you'll fuck me again?”

Levi stared down at Catherine. She was staring up at him with an expectant, impatient gaze, and he narrowed his eyes.

“...Only because I still feel like shit, too,” he muttered, leaning down toward her. “This isn't all about you. Don't be selfish.”

“I never said that it was, asshole.” Catherine grabbed his shoulder with one hand, pulling him closer. “The first time just went by too quickly.”

“Fine.”

Reaching down toward her thighs, Levi ran his hand across her smooth skin, across her ass and down her leg to her knee. He pushed her leg up onto his shoulder, then leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, pulling at the soft skin with his teeth.

 _This is stupid_ , Levi told himself as he moved his mouth to her neck, sucking on the thin, moist skin right under her jaw. _Is this really the only way to make us feel better about all the shit we're being put through? Desperately fucking in the middle of the night? ...This is stupid._

Levi was not even that fond of Catherine. She had good qualities, sure, but he was not attached to her in any way--except, apparently, sexually.

 _You have no excuses, either_ , Levi thought as he felt her nails scrape across his back. _I thought people raised in wealthy households knew better than this._

Despite these feelings of irritation, though, he could not deny that he reveled in these moments, that he fed off of these purely carnal interactions. Whether she was just messing with him, or if she was really as desperate as him, it benefited him, too, so he had no room to complain. She was letting him use her, and there were no strings attached.

 _...I can live with that_.

Pushing into her, Levi's fingers brushed down Catherine's thigh; his grip then tightened on it, his fingertips pressing into her skin.

“Ah...ah, fuck...!” Catherine breathed, her hands moving up to his hair.

“Shh,” Levi hushed her; it seemed to take all of the air out of him to do so.

“Ah...L-Le...ahh...!”

“You...asked for this...”

 

 


	82. Out On The Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catherine and her squad takes a break to experience fresh air.   
> They're just kids, y'know?

_“Well, I guess if everyone else is going, then I'll go, too,” Olivia sighed, crossing her arms as she glanced over at Yasmin, Armin, and Jean._

_“I'm glad to hear it,” Catherine replied, sounding relieved. For a moment, Olivia felt a bit guilty to have kept her waiting in the first place. But, if she had immediately committed to this optional mission, she would have been giving Catherine and the rest of the squad the wrong impression._

_“If you don't want to go, then why bother?” Claus asked suddenly, looking over at her with raised eyebrows. Olivia was not sure if he had meant to be condescending, but just by the way he was sitting in his chair, as well as the tone of his voice, she could not help getting defensive._

_“Because it's my job,” she said quickly. “Why are my reasons any of your business, anyway? You took your time deciding, too.”_

_“I--”_

_“Claus, enough,” Bianca cut in. Olivia watched in stunned silence as Claus glanced over at Bianca, obviously taken aback by her reaction. “What's done is done.”_

_“...If you all will be coming with us, then we really need to work hard the next few weeks,” Catherine said slowly, glancing back and forth between Olivia and Claus. “I'll need you all to stay focused.”_

_Olivia said nothing, but she could not help giving Claus a harsh glare before taking her seat at last. What did he know about her? Why did he bother to butt in? She wanted to confront him, but she did not want to cause trouble for Catherine, so she kept silent, and her rage fizzled out as the squad meeting continued._

 

“We got really lucky,” Armin said, hopping off of his horse. Jean looked over at his friend; there was a cheerful smile on his face. “It's a nice day.”

“It's been a mild summer,” Jean pointed out, lifting his face to the sky. The sun was pleasantly warm, and there was a cool breeze blowing through the Hermiha district.

“Squad Leader, does it feel weird to be back home?” Armin asked Catherine, who was leading her horse by the reins toward the stable; Captain Levi was a few meters ahead of them.

“...A bit,” she admittedly quietly, glancing down the street. “I'll feel better when everyone else is here. I hope they don't run too late.”

Jean sighed through his nose, following his Squad Leader to the stable. It had been a while since any of them had been within the confines of Wall Sina, and this was the first time Jean had come here without his gear and swords in tow. Today, he would be able to get a taste of what he might be missing in the Police.

Their objective today was simple: they were just shopping for supplies for their squad. As it was, they were already sharing paper and writing utensils with Hanji and Moblit, and since Hanji's squad would soon be reformed, Catherine had taken it upon herself to bring them all out to get their own things.

 _I guess you can afford to pay for all of this when you're rich_ , Jean thought, tying up his horse.

“Hey, sorry we're late!”

Olivia's voice was unmistakable; even from several meters away, it was loud and abrasive and caught everyone's attention.

“It's fine!” Catherine called back. “Come on, tie up your horses near ours.”

“Hey, guys!” Olivia greeted them a few moments later. Jean gave her a small smile in return as she walked past him, her long hair flowing behind her.

 _It's weirdly natural to see her out of uniform_ , he then realized, laughing through his nose. _Probably because she's so casual as it is..._

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Yasmin said, walking into the stable. She, too, looked very natural out of uniform, but unlike Olivia, she had obviously put a little bit more effort into her clothing choices; she was wearing a long skirt, and her short bob was neatly combed.

“We're still waiting on the others,” Armin told her.

“Claus probably overslept,” Catherine murmured, crossing her arms.

“They live the closest,” Captain Levi muttered, glancing around the stable. “They should have been the first ones here.”

“We're not leaving until they get here,” Catherine told him. “...I hear horses coming. That should be them.”

Sure enough, just a moment later, Jean could hear Claus' voice ring through the air.

“Dammit, I knew we were gonna be the last ones here...”

“It's your own fault,” Bianca told him, hopping down from her horse.

It was odd seeing everyone dressed so casually; Jean had never seen Claus or Bianca out of uniform before, but he could tell by looking at their clothes that they were both from well-off families. Both Bianca and Squad Leader Catherine were wearing knee-length skirts with ruffled blouses--the detailing in their clothes was intricate and obviously fashionable. Olivia, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of knickers and a vest, which was not much different from what Armin had on.

Jean had never really thought about it before, but without uniforms on, the class differences between them all were glaringly obvious.

“It's all right,” Catherine assured them. “I'm just glad you're here. We can split up now--but be careful. Don't get into any trouble.”

“It's Hermiha,” Olivia said. “What trouble is there to be had?”

“You're representing the squad,” Claus told her. “Just behave yourself for once.”

“Claus, there's no need to be harsh,” Bianca said calmly. She then turned to Olivia and added, “Hermiha has its problems, just like the rest of the world. Just trust your instincts and you'll be fine.”

“Thank you, Bianca,” Olivia giggled. “You're the best!”

“I'm giving you each a small allowance,” Catherine went on, pulling out a handful of small money pouches from her bag. “I don't care what you spend it on--as long as it's something you need. And don't worry about dinner this evening--I have that taken care of.”

“Are you really sure...?” Armin asked as she handed him a bag.

“You guys all study differently--there's no point in buying you all a bunch of the same thing,” Catherine replied. “We'll meet back here at four. Try not to be late.”

“We won't,” Olivia laughed, glancing at Claus, who rolled his eyes.

“Thank you so much,” Yasmin murmured as she took one of the bags.

“We'll give you back the change,” Jean told her, but Catherine just shook her head, smiling.

“...Well, shall we go?” Armin asked, glancing over at Yasmin and Olivia.

“Let's all go together!” the latter exclaimed.

“Yeah, that's for the best, so we don't get lost,” Yasmin agreed, smiling at the boys.

“That's fine with me,” Jean said, nodding.

 _We've...never been able to really enjoy ourselves like this,_ he then realized as the four of them started to walk off. _For once, we get to hang out together and not worry about anything else. I've never been able to just talk to Yasmin before--not even in training...because back then...Marco was there..._

Shaking his head, Jean followed Armin into the city, keeping a tight hold on his money.

_Things are...really different now..._

 

…......

 

“...You...really don't have to give us anything...”

“Oh, hush.”

Despite his protests, Catherine shoved a bag of money into Claus' hands, then held one out to Bianca.

“You're part of this squad--I'm not making any exceptions,” she told them, but it was obvious that Bianca was still hesitant.

“We can pay for our own things,” Bianca murmured.

“Take it. I wouldn't do this if I couldn't afford it.”

Feeling victorious, Catherine watched as Bianca slowly took the bag, giving her a small smile.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, thanks,” Claus chimed in.

“Keep an eye on the others,” Catherine told them. “And...try to get along, okay?”

“...Yeah...” Claus sighed. “C'mon, Bianca, let's go.”

Catherine watched the pair disappear into the streets of Hermiha, and she let out a loud sigh. She could tell that tensions between Claus and Olivia were high, but she was not yet sure how to solve things. For now, all she could do was hope that neither of them acted out out of spite.

“Well? Don't _I_ get anything?”

Catherine jumped at the sound of Levi's voice from behind her. He had been so quiet that she had almost forgotten he come with them.

“What?” she breathed, whirling around to look at him. “...Why do _you_ need money? You already said you weren't going to study with us.”

“Fair is fair,” he told her, and Catherine smirked, reaching into her bag to pull out the last ration.

“...I suppose so,” she murmured. “...I guess I just thought you'd want another form of payment instead.”

The words had barely left Catherine's lips when Levi snatched the money pouch out of her hand.

“...You shit,” he hissed, quickly turning and storming out of the stable. Catherine was not sure whether she should laugh or be appalled at herself.

 _I can't believe I just said that_ , she thought, running a hand through her hair. _...Well, whatever. I have things I need to do, too._

It had been several months since Catherine had last passed through Hermiha, and it had been even longer since she had really explored the streets. A lot had changed, probably as a result of the flood of refugees arriving late last year. The shopping district seemed more crowded than ever, and new shops had opened up, too.

 _I think the last time I was here, the others came with me_ , Catherine realized, Rowen and Bruno's faces flashing in her mind. _...Maybe I should have invited them... No. This isn't all fun and games. This is business. I have things I have to do..._

Still, Catherine could not help feeling nostalgic as she walked through the streets. The din of the crowd was so loud that she could hardly hear herself think, and being surrounded by so many people at once was draining, but her mind had wandered, back into memories of the past. She had grown up here, and she had walked these same streets a thousand times with all kinds of people: her parents, her brothers, Rowen, Bruno, Bianca, Lucia...

“You're not gonna visit your parents?”

Levi had asked her that the day before--she could only give him a vague answer. She did not want to bring up the problems of her past with anyone, especially someone like him. Though she did not know the details, she knew that Levi had grown up as an orphan under Kenny Ackermann's care; she did not want to come across as spoiled to him.

 _Then again, who knows--maybe he would have agreed with me_ , she thought, heading toward a small stationery store she had once frequented on a regular basis. _...I really don't know him very well._

“Well, hello there!” the vendor exclaimed, and Catherine glanced up at him. He was a large, middle-aged gentleman, and she did not recognize him; the old owner had probably passed away by now. “Is there anything you're interested in, _young lady_?”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Catherine told him coolly, and without another word, she turned on her heel and walked away with large strides. She hated when the shopkeepers tried to sweet talk her. It made her feel like they took her for a fool.

 _...I don't even know what I need..._ she thought as she wandered down the streets. At last, after several more minutes of walking around, Catherine found another shop of interest: a small stand selling pens and ink.

 _I'll just get something here and then find someplace quiet to sit down for a while_ , she told herself. The sun had already risen high up into the sky, and being in the packed marketplace was taking a toll on her, both physically and mentally.

The ink stand was crowded, too; Catherine could hear small children laughing loudly nearby, and the grating noise was destroying her focus bit by bit. Still, she found something of use: small glass bottles of ink.

Without warning, Catherine suddenly felt something knock into the back of her legs. The glass inkwell slipped out of her hands, and before she could catch it, the neck of the container shattered against the top ledge of the stall. The vile fell onto its side, and blue ink began to pour out onto the other inkwells.

“Whoa, whaddya think you're doing?!” the shopkeeper shouted, hurriedly pulling the broken inkwell away of the other merchandise.

“I'm sorry,” Catherine said quickly. “I think that kid over there bumped into me, and it just fell out of my hands. I'll pay for it.”

“It's going to take a lot more than that to cover this damage!” the man yelled. Catherine raised an eyebrow.

“Damage?” she echoed. “Sir, the only things affected were the other inkwells and the wood--which is already stained, by the way.”

“You think you can just come in here and do whatever you want, eh?!”

“No, I don't, but you can't scam me, either.”

“You think this is a scam, you little bitch?!”

“Yes, I do,” Catherine said crisply. “I'll pay you for what I broke, and I'll buy what I wanted to buy from your shop, but the rest isn't my problem.”

“You little--!”

Catherine let out a quiet gasp as the shopkeeper raised his hand. She could not believe someone would be so outrageous as to try to physically attack her, but she was ready to stop him. However, before his hand could even reach completely over the stall toward her, another hand appeared and grabbed the man's wrist.

“Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing?”

Catherine looked over at Levi with startled eyes.

“You! Y-You're, you're Captain Levi!” the shopkeeper exclaimed, his eyes wide. “I-I just--she broke--”

“We'll give you the money. Take it and shut up.”

To Catherine's surprise, Levi tossed his money pouch at the shopkeeper, then released his wrist; she could see red marks where he had dug his fingertips into the man's skin.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed as Levi dragged her away.

“Keeping you out of trouble,” he muttered. “You're worse than those kids.”

 

…......

 

“Whoaaaaa, did anyone else just SEE that?!”

“What?” Yasmin asked, turning around to see Olivia staring at something in the distance. Her grey eyes were wide behind her glasses.

“Catherine almost got into a fight!” she exclaimed, facing Yasmin.

“Wait, what?” Armin gasped. “Really?”

“Yeah! But Levi just jumped in and grabbed this guy before he could do anything!”

“...I think you're seeing things,” Jean muttered, and Yasmin turned around to see him rolling his eyes. “You probably need to get some more sleep.”

“Ugh...never mind,” Olivia sighed.

“...I can't see Squad Leader Catherine getting into a fight,” Yasmin admitted, turning her attention back on the stack of journals on the shelf in front of her.

“I can't, either,” Armin agreed. “I mean, she's definitely not helpless, but that seems a bit reckless. I don't think she's that type of person.”

“That's where you're wrong,” a female's voice chimed in behind them.

“Ah, hey,” Jean greeted Bianca and Claus.

“You caught up to us!” Yasmin exclaimed, unable to hide a smile. She had been hoping that they would eventually join them. They had not been able to talk much at all, and Yasmin felt bad; they were supposed to get along as a squad, yet there was hardly any communication between them. That would need to change before their mission, without question.

“Wait, okay, what were you saying about Catherine?” Olivia asked, trotting over to Bianca.

“She's absolutely the type of person to get into a fight,” Bianca replied. Her tone was completely nonchalant, so much so that Yasmin wondered if she was being sarcastic.

“How do you know?”

“I've known her for a long time. She can be pretty aggressive when she wants to be.”

“Her judgment can also be pretty bad,” Claus added. “Including whatever lapse of judgment she had taking _you_ into this squad.”

“You wanna say that again?” Olivia hissed.

“Ignore him.” Bianca gave Olivia a soft smile. “He was afraid to even join this squad in the first place--he has no room to talk.”

“Hey!”

“Have I ever mentioned how wonderful you are?” Olivia grinned, looping her arm with Bianca's. “Like the big sister I never had! You're a natural!”

“Which is ironic, considering I'm the youngest in my family.”

“Your squad leader is your older brother, right?” Yasmin asked, smiling. “He came to the squad's first meeting. I remember him because you look so much alike.”

Yasmin felt a small tingle of delight as Bianca smiled at her. This was by far the most friendly and open she had ever been with any of them. Perhaps she had felt the same way about becoming their friend, but was too shy to take initiative.

“Yes, that's Bruno,” Bianca replied, nodding. “He and Catherine have been friends for a long time, and they were in training together. That's how I know her.”

“So that's why she came to you for her squad,” Armin concluded. “Not to say you're not a talented soldier, because it's already obvious that you are...”

“Having the connection helped,” Bianca affirmed, nodding again.

“Hmm.”

Yasmin glanced over at Jean, who was not the least bit engaged in the conversation. Instead, he was staring at some wreaths made of dried flowers and twigs.

“Planning on doing some home décor?” Yasmin teased, stepping over to him.

“Huh? Oh, no...” Jean gave her a sad smile. “Just...thinking of what I might buy to put out for the memorial.”

“Oh...yeah...” Yasmin felt a prick of guilt in her heart as she stared up at the wall of floral arrangements. “...Marco's birthday was just last week.”

“Yeah, it was...”

Wrapping her arms around herself, Yasmin glanced over at their friends. They were cheerfully talking with Bianca and Claus; the atmosphere around them seemed to radiate joy.

“I think Marco would have liked being in this squad, too,” Yasmin admitted, turning back to Jean. A gentle smile crossed his lips.

“Yeah, I think so, too,” he agreed quietly. “When we go to the memorial, you can tell him all about it.”

“You'll have to help me!” Yasmin laughed, punching Jean's arm gently. “Armin, too. We'll all go together.”

“I don't have much to say about it, other than that I suck at it.”

Yasmin let out a low chuckle.

“Well, that's true, I guess...”

“Oi, you're not supposed to agree with me...”

“Keep studying,” Yasmin told him, and Jean let out a laugh. “I'm serious. You're already doing so much better.”

“...Well, I figure that as long as I'm ahead of Olivia, I'll be fine, right?” Jean joked, but Yasmin shook her head, a wry smile pushing its way onto her lips.

“She's pretty smart, Jean--she can play catch up whenever she feels like it.”

“Hey! What do you think you're doing!?”

At Claus' shout, Yasmin quickly looked over at her friends. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but she could see that he was glaring at Olivia.

“I'm buying something I need, that's what!” Olivia snapped.

“Catherine gave us the money for _supplies_ ,” Claus said, putting his hands on his hips.

“I don't need any--it's not like I study much anyway.” Yasmin watched as Olivia gently took one of the small leather bangles off of the wall rack. “It's none of your business what I spend my money on, but since you seem desperate to know, it's a present for my little brother. Satisfied?”

“...She's odd,” Jean whispered as Olivia headed toward the front of the store, purchase in hand. “I really _don't_ know why Catherine chose her.”

“She's smart when she tries,” Yasmin insisted. “She's just aloof.”

“Why?”

“...I don't know.”

Yasmin watched as Olivia handed the shopkeeper her money; she glanced over at Claus, who was shaking his head slowly.

“...But she's not a bad person,” Yasmin murmured at last. “I trust Catherine--she must have some reason for choosing her. Don't you?”

“Don't I, what?”

“Don't you trust Squad Leader Catherine?”

“...It's too early to tell,” Jean sighed. “I don't have anything against her, really, but...”

“...I think I get it now.”

“Huh?”

Yasmin sighed through her nose, smiling as she watched Olivia cheerfully return to the group.

“I think Squad Leader Catherine wanted us to go on this mission because she wants us all to learn to work together better,” she said. “Just like with today--she gave us her own money and let us go off on our own. Had this been an order from Commander Erwin, we would have received military funds, or we would have been required to pay on our own.”

“...You've got a point there,” Jean admitted. “She's really trying, isn't she...?”

“She cares about us, but even more than that, she cares about what we're trying to accomplish.”

“...All right. You convinced me.”

“Eh?”

Jean gave Yasmin a small smirk.

“I'll start working harder,” he told her. “We can't let this all go to waste before it's even begun, right?”

“Right!” Yasmin exclaimed, grinning.

 


	83. Determination of a Few

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 105th class graduates.  
> All of them have very big, but very different, plans for their military careers.  
> Can they take that first step and make it happen?

_“Wow, you look even more exhausted than usual!” Hanji laughed as she took a seat next to Catherine in the mess hall._

_“...Good morning,” she murmured, glancing up at Hanji with narrowed eyes._

_“Did you have a good time yesterday?” Hanji asked before taking a swig of milk._

_“Huh?” To Hanji's surprise, Catherine looked a little flustered._

_“Y'know, out with your squad.”_

_“Oh, well, I guess so...”_

_Hanji chuckled as she watched Catherine take a sip of coffee._

_“Too much excitement?” Hanji teased. “You look like you hardly slept. Did they wear you out?”_

_“...I guess you could say that,” Catherine muttered, narrowing her eyes again. “One of them in particular.”_

_“Well, you'll get used to it.” Hanji smiled to herself as she grabbed her fork and knife. “It hasn't been all that long since you started your squad anyway, so just give it some time.”_

_“...Mm...”_

_Hanji glanced over at Catherine, who was staring down into her cup of coffee with a distant look in her eyes. She did not want to pry, but it seemed like something--perhaps something_ _**bad** _ _\--had happened yesterday._

_Before she could say anything, though, Hanji was distracted by another person sitting across from her; it was Levi, and he had the same exhausted look on his face._

 

“You, the 105th class of trainees, will continue to fight on, just as the previous graduates have, until the day you give up on yourself, or until the day you die!”

Michelle could not help but roll her eyes, and the urge to let out a loud sigh was becoming overwhelming. She knew that it was mandatory for all of the members of her graduating class to listen to this speech, but she did not understand _why_ , especially when it was so cheesy and repetitive.

 _At least let_ _ **us**_ _go,_ she thought, glancing at one of her fellow doctors-in-training, Tessa. She looked just as bored; her eyes were half-lidded and her lips drawn tight. _We're not going to be fighting. This speech is useless to us._

The one benefit of being forced to stick around for all of this grandeur, though, was that Michelle would be able to watch her best friend be named as one of the top ten. She had known for a while that Justina would probably make it in--her test scores were impressive, and she was more than capable on the field. There were plenty of talented people in their class, but very few of them seemed to have the same drive that Justina did.

Of course, that being said, there were probably not as many people that had the same motivations as her, either.

“Now, as you know, upon graduating, you will have three regiments to choose from!” the former Commander Kent Reilly declared. “First is the Survey Corps, which focuses on going beyond the walls and fighting the Titans. Second, the Garrison, which monitors the walls and the security of our borders. And, third, the Military Police, which guards the citizens within the walls and maintains peace. The final option is available only to the top ten graduates of this class, who are as follows!”

Michelle glanced to her left at Justina, who was radiating nervous energy from her body without even needing to move a muscle.

“Please step forward when your name is called!” Kent Reilly cleared his throat, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands. “...Number one, Nikoleta Kyrgiakos!”

 _No surprise there_ , Michelle thought as the confident young woman walked past her with large, self-assured strides. Nikoleta was notorious for being a workaholic and a perfectionist; her spot as valedictorian was well-earned, though it was not as if she had had much competition in the first place.

“Number two, Luz Abaroa! Number three, Sophia Cloutier! Number four...”

Michelle pursed her lips, looking back and forth between Justina and the other trainees as the presenter continued his list of names. Had they been wrong in assuming Justina would be in the top ten after all? Who had beaten her out of it? And how?

“...Number seven, Justina Small!”

 _Finally_ , Michelle thought as Justina shot her a confident yet relieved smile. _You deserve this._

Justina had her head held high as she walked up and stood next to their number six. The nervous energy seemed to have finally disappeared, and glowing pride had replaced it.

 _...Even if you hadn't made it, you still would have been able to join the Corps_ , Michelle thought, a wry smile tugging at her lips. _I'm not sure why we were so worried, really..._

 

…......

 

“Waaahaha, I feel so relieved,” Justina sighed, stretching out her arms.

“Are you really so surprised?” Michelle asked quietly. Justina shook her head, grinning.

“Nah, not really--but I was still nervous. Can't be helped, I guess.” Shrugging, Justina glanced around the small arena. Now that their graduation ceremony was over, everyone had broken out of their lines and grouped up with their friends. She could see Nikoleta with Sophia and Luz; the three of them appeared to be having a very heated discussion.

“I wonder what's going on with them?” Justina mumbled to herself.

“Hm?” Michelle grunted, and Justina nodded in the direction of the trio.

“Looks like something's wrong, or is it just me?”

“...I can't tell.”

Justina could not help but let out a loud laugh.

“Yeah, I should have known better than to ask you.” Gently, Justina nudged Michelle's side with her elbow. “Y'know, you ought to work on your people skills now that you're going to be a doctor.”

“That's not my job,” Michelle said curtly, and Justina slowly shook her head. “...Anyway, I'm glad we're getting our induction into the Corps over with.”

“Yeah, especially considering all the shit that went down last year.”

“They had just graduated...”

Justina and Michelle fell quiet as they thought back to the events of the previous year: the fall of Trost, and the threat of losing Wall Rose. Everything seemed hopeless, and even the government had started to fall apart. Things seemed far less bleak now, though, and the Survey Corps had gotten far stronger, too--which made Justina even more excited to get involved.

“Oi, here they come!”

Justina whirled around toward the stage at the sound of one of her classmate's exclamation to see a group of soldiers walking up onto the stage. All of them donned the Wings of Freedom emblem on their uniform jackets; just seeing that simple emblem made Justina's heart start to pound.

“Attention, 105th Regiment!” Commander Shardis shouted. “Turn your attention to the stage once again for the representatives of the Survey Corps!”

“Look, there's Squad Leader Hanji!” Justina hissed, pointing to the tall, slender soldier standing next to Commander Erwin as she and Michelle fell back into their files. “That guy next to her--who is he?”

“That's Commander Erwin, duh,” Michelle whispered.

“No, no, the other guy. He was there scouting us with Squad Leader Hanji. I don't remember his name...”

“Oh... I think it started with an M?”

“Moblit!” Justina gasped, snapping her fingers. A couple of her classmates turned and looked at her. “...Sorry.”

Justina remembered his name from when he and Hanji had come to scout members for their squad; he was apparently her Assistant Squad Leader, but she did not know anything more about him beyond that. Next to Hanji and Erwin, he kind of blended into the background. Even now, as more of the Survey Corps soldiers stood up on stage, he seemed more like part of the background than anything else.

“I recognize Captain Levi,” Justina murmured, staring up at the sharp-eyed man. Standing beside him was a woman with narrow eyes and a stern face. “Who is she?”

“I'm not sure, but she must be a relatively high-ranking officer,” Michelle replied. “I remember the day I had to suture Levi's arm--she was there, and they spoke to each other casually.”

“Oh, see? You _do_ have people skills!”

“Hush.”

“First, let me say to you all, congratulations.”

Commander Erwin Smith's voice rang out loud and clear through the arena, and all of the newly graduated trainees fell silent in response. Even with only one arm, just by hearing his voice, Justina could tell he was still a force to be reckoned with.

“You've survived through a lot, and so far, you've been much more fortunate of a class than the last one,” Commander Erwin continued. “Some of you who made it into the top ten had some of the highest test scores we've since in a while, and I'm sure there are many other talented people in this class who were just fractions of points behind them. You seem to be a diverse group of soldiers--however, the one thing you all have in common is the inevitability of your death.”

Justina could hear a few murmurs from around her, but Commander Erwin ignored them and continued his speech as if nothing had happened.

“Some believe that our deaths are predetermined, but I don't believe that's the case. I believe that we control it to some degree; we, as humans, have the ability to fight for our survival in many different ways.” Erwin went on. “Over the past year, this fact has become even more obvious to me. Those who do not want to die will live longer--they will have the motivation to keep going.

“As you already know, the Survey Corps has the highest rate of deaths out of the three military branches. If you join, the chances of your survival are inevitably smaller, since one of our jobs is to explore the territory beyond our borders. However, in recent times, we have begun to shift our focus.”

Commander Erwin paused, glancing back over his shoulder at Squad Leader Hanji; she gave him a small nod, a small, determined smile on her face.

“Thanks to the information gathered during the events of this past year,” Erwin continued, “we have come to learn many new things about the Titans and their possible origins. As you all know by now, there are humans who have the ability to transform into Titans. One of them is in our ranks, but the others have unfortunately turned out to be traitors. However, we still were able to learn new things from these experiences, the most important of which being that Titans seem to have originated from human beings.”

 _I knew it_ , Justina thought, looking at Michelle. _It's just like we've talked about before. It only makes sense._

“Currently, we have a squad working on learning more about the physicality of Titans, and we have another studying their history through a dead language discovered in documents that were recovered on various expeditions,” Erwin told them. “The need for combat is still there, but first, we must learn to understand our enemy. If we don't do prioritize that, then we will never be able to move forward.

“So, I ask you all now--who is willing to give everything up when the time comes? Things are calm now, but even one hundred years of peace was destroyed in a single day. When the storm hits us again, who among you will be willing to lift their blades and fight? If you are not one of those people, you may leave the arena now.

“However, if you _do_ have that strength and that determination, we will all welcome each of you into the Survey Corps with open arms. There is a role for each of you--assuming that you are willing to pursue it.”

As the people around her began to file toward the back of the arena, toward the exit, Justina shut her eyes. She knew the risks of joining the Survey Corps, and she knew there would be even more added on if she pursued entrance into Hanji's squad. This would probably be the group she would die with.

But, it would also be the group she would _live_ with.

She knew that this was the role she had to take. If she turned back now, there would be nothing left for her. There was no place to go back to, only a place to move toward.

Startled, Justina felt a hand grab one of hers and squeeze it gently. She knew it was Michelle without even opening her eyes, but she opened them anyway; she was curious as to what _she_ was feeling now. Was it the same for her?

But Michelle seemed as calm as always. Her large blue eyes had a warm glow to them in the dim lighting, and Justina could see a small smile on her face. Michelle did not smile very often, so Justina knew that when she did, it was genuine.

 _We'll do this together_ , Justina thought, nodding at her best friend. Michelle nodded back, then faced forward again. _...We'll be fine. I can't afford to die--if I do, she'll kill me a hundred times more..._

 

…......

 

His head throbbing on one side, Erwin slowly opened his eyes to see the sun peeking through the curtains on the other side of his room. Immediately he squeezed his eyes shut again, letting out a quiet sigh of frustration. There was no doubt in his mind that he had had too much to drink last night after the induction ceremony, and he was paying for it now.

“...Erwin? Are you awake?”

Erwin let out a gasp in response to the quiet voice from behind him. Slowly, he rolled over to see none other than Hanji lying there next to him. She was squinting up at him, still curled up in his sheets.

“...” Erwin found himself at a loss for words; though it was not necessarily a _surprise_ to see Hanji in his bed, he could not remember inviting her over.

“...Is something wrong?” Hanji murmured, rolling over and fumbling around for her glasses on the nightstand. “I can't see your face...”

“I just... What...happened last night...?”

To Erwin's surprise, Hanji let out a laugh.

“You really _were_ drunk last night, then...” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes before she put on her glasses.

“I don't remember anything,” Erwin admitted, sitting up at last.

“That.” Hanji gestured to the two empty bottles of liquor sitting on top of his dresser. “...Are you mad at me? I should have left.”

“No,” Erwin said quickly, shaking his head. His headache only worsened, though, and he put his hand on his head, massaging his scalp. “I just shouldn't have gotten drunk.”

“Well, I don't think it was entirely wrong of you to celebrate.” Hanji propped her chin up on her elbows, smiling up at him. “I mean, did you _see_ how many new recruits are joining us? It's triple the number from last year.”

Erwin returned the smile, lowering his hand.

“Looks like you'll have a lot of people to choose from for your squad, then,” he told her, and Hanji's smile brightened in response.

“I think nearly all of the recruits I looked into bringing in are joining us,” she replied. “It's exciting to actually be able to get things done again.”

“Yeah, I can tell you've been bored lately.”

Hanji's smile faded, and she raised an eyebrow at Erwin.

“It's that obvious?”

“Well, I've been a little bored, too, to be honest.”

Erwin paused, watching as Hanji's expression seemed to become cloudy and doubtful.

“...I'm sorry.” Erwin quickly looked away from her, once again massaging his head. “...I--”

“No, it's okay.” Hanji pushed herself upright, sitting back on her heels. “I know. You don't have to say anything.”

 _It's still not fair to you_ , Erwin wanted to say, but Hanji was already getting out of bed, gathering her clothes.

“Anyway, I'm going to go find Moblit and discuss plans for my squad members,” she said, pulling on her shirt. “They're supposed to be here around noon, and we'll pull aside the ones on the top of the list first.”

“Okay,” Erwin murmured, leaning back against the headboard of his bed.

“I'll find you later to introduce them all to you, and then we can start talking about the expedition, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I'm counting on you.”

Hanji gave him a small smile, then leaned over the bed and placed her lips on his cheek. Erwin lowered his gaze to his lap.

“...See you later,” he mumbled, closing his eyes once more.

 

…......

 

“Uh, excuse me? You're Moblit, right?”

Moblit glanced over his shoulder just as he was leaving the mess hall to see a young man standing behind him. He did not have a jacket on, but his face looked vaguely familiar; he concluded that this must be one of the new recruits from the 105th class. Though he was not sure why any of them would personally approach him, he would have felt bad being rude to him.

“I am,” Moblit replied, nodding as he turned to face the young soldier. “Did you need me for something?”

“Uh...yeah, kind of.”

To Moblit's surprise, the young man's face flushed pink, and he scratched the mop of auburn hair on top of his head.

“So, you're Assistant Squad Leader to Squad Leader Hanji, right?” he then asked.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I-I wanna join your squad!”

“Eh?” Moblit could not help but smile. “I mean, sure! That's not a problem with me.”

“Great! Then--”

“Whoa, whoa.” Moblit held out his hands, calming the boy down. “It's not quite that easy. We would have to get Squad Leader Hanji's approval, and I think she's got a group of people in mind already.”

Moblit watched as the young man's face fell, and his gaze dropped to the floor.

“B-But I mean, it'd be worth a shot just to talk to her, right?”

“...I...” The boy hesitated for a moment, then looked up at Moblit with an intense ferocity in his eyes. Somehow, it reminded him of someone. “...I have a better idea.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I want to speak to Commander Erwin.”

Unable to help himself, Moblit let out a small chuckle; in response, the soldier's eyes narrowed, and a chill of fear ran up Moblit's spine.

“I mean...that's not impossible, but it's going to be a few days,” Moblit said gently. “He _is_ the Commander, after all, and with all of the new recruits--”

“But you don't know for sure that he's too busy, do you?” the soldier replied, catching Moblit off-guard. “From what you're saying, Squad Leader Hanji will have decided her squad members really soon. If I meet with Commander Erwin before that and convince him I'm worth being in the squad, then Squad Leader Hanji will have to at least consider me.”

“You know, there are plenty of other really great squads you could join, too,” Moblit suggested. “Squad Leader Catherine has an academic squad that studies--”

“I don't care. That's not why I'm here.”

Moblit could not help but go a bit slack-jawed at this response.

“...Why do you want to join?” he asked once he had recollected himself.

“Because I want to be useful, and this is what I'm good at. Give me a chance here, Moblit.”

Putting his hands on his hips, Moblit lifted his face to the ceiling and let out a sigh. The spontaneity of all of this was tiring, and even though it was only one in the afternoon, he felt as though he could already call it a day.

_...I see... He reminds me of..._

“...Here's what we can do,” Moblit said at last, dropping his arms to his sides. “I can try to get you in to see Commander Erwin, but you have to act as innocent as you can. Don't make it sound like you told me all this beforehand. If the Commander figures out why you're trying to talk to him, he won't see it as a priority. But, if this seems like an emergency to him, he won't have any choice but to let you in to talk to him. And, if he doesn't give you approval, you're going to have to find another squad, at least for the time being.”

Moblit paused to catch his breath; the boy's eyes were shining with interest. The sadness had altogether disappeared from his expression, and Moblit felt relieved.

“You can do all of that, right?”

“Absolutely!” the soldier exclaimed, obviously unable to contain his excitement.

“Great! Then let's both do our best.” Moblit let out a sheepish laugh. “I do feel a little bad duping the Commander, though.”

“It'll be worth your while, I promise!” The young man took a step toward Moblit. “You have no idea how badly I want to do this. When I'm in your squad, I'll work my ass off. I'm willing to do whatever it takes.”

... _You remind me so much of Hanji..._

“All right, I'm going to hold you to that,” Moblit laughed, holding out his hand. “By the way, you haven't mentioned your name yet...”

“Ah, sorry! You can call me Jay. I mean, we're friends now, right? So that's cool with me!”

Jay firmly grasped Moblit's hand and shook it hard; Moblit could practically feel the excitement radiating out of him.

“Jay, huh? Nice to meet you.” Moblit released his hand and gave the new recruit a grin. “Now, shall we go drop in on the Commander?”

“Let's do it!”

 

 


	84. Face Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no use dwelling on the past.  
> Not when there's a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.

_“You all probably know why you've been called to this little meeting, but just in case any of you are confused, I'll go ahead and get to explaining myself.”_

_A wide grin spread onto Hanji's face as she put her hands on her hips._

_“I'm Hanji Zo_ _ë_ _, a Squad Leader here in the Corps,” she said. “Normally, I'd be joined by my Assistant Squad Leader, Moblit, but he seems to be running late. But anyway, you three showed great progress and have become excellent soldiers, and I've decided to extend an offer to you: please, join my squad.”_

_Hanji paused and watched the faces of the three new recruits standing in front of her. They all looked a bit shy and uncomfortable--but that did not really concern her. After all, that was how Moblit had started off, too; Hanji had confidence that these new members would be like him and warm up to the idea quickly, too._

_“You don't have to decide right now,” Hanji then told them. “But, I would like you to come to a decision within the next week. Report to me anytime. If you have any questions, or you need a reminder as to what my squad does--”_

_“I have a question,” one young man said, raising his hand._

_“Yes! Of course!”_

_“...Why did you choose_ _**us** _ _?”_

 

Justina knew that she was easily excitable, that it was just part of her personality, but sometimes she felt overwhelmed by her own emotions. They usually came in bursts like this, especially whenever she had to wait for something. She was impatient, more than anyone else she had ever met, and today was no exception.

But, even though Justina knew she had been really pushy with Moblit earlier, she was glad she had done it. Without that, she would not be standing outside of Commander Erwin's office, waiting to go inside. She would not have even gotten a chance.

 _I gotta calm down_ , she told herself, wringing her hands. _Gotta collect my thoughts. Gotta prove myself._

This spontaneity would either lead to something new, or be the death of her.

“You ready?”

At Moblit's words, Justina nodded, straightening up her back and widening her eyes. She could feel her face growing warm; it was the first time all day that she had noticed the late-summer heat.

“Let's go,” she mumbled. Moblit gave her a gentle smile, then turned back around and entered the Commander's office once again. Justina followed him, nervous energy buzzing through her body and causing her hands to shake.

Commander Erwin was actually far less intimidating than Justina expected. Up on the stage, or seated on his horse, he looked like such a powerful person; here in his office, which was surprisingly cozy and appropriately messy, he seemed like a perfectly normal soldier--minus an arm, of course.

“Moblit, thank you,” he said. “You may leave.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Moblit murmured, nodding. As he left the room, Justina let out a quiet sigh through her nose. She had hoped he might stick around to watch things unfold, but it would have been odd for her to ask him to stay. Then again, having him stay might have helped her case somewhat.

 _Guess we'll never know_ , she thought, shifting her gaze back to Commander Erwin.

“So? You say you have urgent business with me?” he said, his tone almost flat.

“Yes, Sir,” Justina replied, saluting quickly. She noticed Erwin raise his eyebrows. “My name is Justina Small, of the Shiganshina District. I know this is probably completely out of line, but I want to specifically request to join a squad.”

“...Go on.” Commander Erwin was staring intently at her; she was not exactly sure what she had said or done, but she had gotten his attention somehow.

“...Sir, I want to be honest with you: I'm not like most people.” Justina felt her chest tighten, and she grimaced a bit before continuing, “I joined the Survey Corps, which is a group that goes out and kills Titans, but to be honest, I don't really want to fight them. I don't see the point. But, recently, the Survey Corps has also started expanding into other things than just reconnaissance, right? There's...a group of people here who study the Titans, isn't there?”

Commander Erwin said nothing; feeling fidgety, Justina glanced over her shoulder at the door.

“That guy, Moblit--he's one of them, right?” she asked. “That's why I asked him to talk to you for me. I knew who he was--he's in Squad Leader Hanji's group, right?”

Erwin nodded slowly, still staring her down. If it was his way of intimidating her, it was not going to work--not when she was this desperate.

“Please let me join that squad,” she declared.

“It's not that easy,” Erwin told her; Justina immediately felt defensive and wanted to argue, but she held her tongue. “Hanji would have to approve it first, and you've only just joined the Corps.”

“Then I'll do what it takes to prove that I'm serious,” Justina insisted. She could feel her heart beating underneath her fist, which was still pressed to her chest in a salute. “At first I thought it was crazy to try to study the Titans, but when I _really_ started to think about it...it makes perfect sense. And, I know I have what it takes to do whatever job Squad Leader Hanji needs me to do. I'll do anything that has to be done, because this isn't just about me, or the Corps--it's humanity's problems that we're trying to solve.”

Justina finally fell silent--she had no idea what to say or do now. All she could do was wait for a response from Commander Erwin. So far, he just looked surprised, and he had dropped his gaze to his desk, narrowing his eyes as if searching for an answer to a question there.

“...How many years ago was it...?” he mumbled.

“Sir?” Justina murmured, lowering her arm at last. She was not sure if he was speaking to her or not, but she did not want to seem like she was not paying attention.

“I can't promise you entry into Hanji's squad, Justina,” he stated at last. He seemed rather casual about it all, though, what with the way he rested his chin in his hand, as if he was talking to an old friend. “But somehow, I can't imagine you'll be rejected.”

“Eh?” Justina breathed, and Commander Erwin laughed in response.

“A few years ago, one of my subordinates came to me with a proposal to capture Titans and study them as test subjects,” he said, smiling softly. “That was Hanji, and I had never seen someone as adamant as her. She almost got one of her comrades killed that day, and when I heard that, I couldn't find it in me to let her get away with having her way. But, she persevered, and she proved me wrong, and in the end, she was right.”

Commander Erwin let out a sigh and sat back in his chair; he seemed like a totally different person than he had when she had first entered the room, more relaxed and with a strangely nostalgic aura around him.

“I can tell right now that you're the same type of person--you know what you want and how to get it, and you're going to keep fighting until you have it. So, go ahead. Join Hanji's squad. But, I have one condition.”

“Sir?” Justina gasped, hesitantly taking a step toward him.

“...Do not betray the passion you have to save humanity for anything else,” he said quietly, almost gently. “There are less and less people like you and Hanji these days, but you are the type of people to accomplish great things in ways the rest of us will never understand. Work hard.”

“Sir!” Justina exclaimed, saluting once again. She could feel herself shaking again, but this time the energy was coming from pure joy, rather than nerves. “I won't let either of you down! I swear my life on it! Thank you!”

“You're welcome, but...don't tell Hanji I said any of this,” Commander Erwin murmured, a small smile on his face.

Justina let out a laugh.

“I won't,” she assured him, giving him a slightly coy smile. She could see quite clearly that he was rather fond of Hanji.

“You're dismissed.”

“Yes, Sir!”

Turning on her heel, Justina practically floated out of the room, her smile so wide that her cheeks hurt. Finally, a step forward--she felt unstoppable.

 

…......

 

Sasha's feet were throbbing by the time she and her friends reached headquarters that evening. The day had been well spent--though perhaps that was not the best way to describe it.

This day marked the one year anniversary of the fall and subsequent recovery of Trost, and, as they had planned, they arranged a small gathering of the alumni of the 104th class to honor and remember their fallen comrades. Sasha had spent the day walking around the district, leaving flowers and small gifts in the places where her friends had been slain. She had not really realized until today just how many of them had died: Mina, Hannah, Franz, Marco, Erin, Thomas... The list of names went on, and it was hard to believe they had all been dead for a year.

However, on the ride back to headquarters, as she had been chatting with her friends, she also realized how many of them had survived--and, how _grateful_ she was to have them still there with her. Their next task--their mission to Ragako--was going to be a difficult one, but with all of these wonderful friends by her side, she knew that somehow, they would pull through. That was just how it always was.

Sasha knew that they all must have felt the same kind of emotional pull; after arriving back at headquarters, they all ate dinner together, and now they were lounging in the boys' room, stretched out on the beds and all huddled together.

“So...it's two weeks from today.” Armin's voice was quieter and gentler than usual as he looked over at Connie. Sasha noticed Jean, Eren, and even Mikasa looked sympathetic. “That gives us plenty of time to prepare.”

“For what?” Connie asked. “We don't know what's gonna be out there.”

“Connie...”

“He has a point,” Jean jumped in, cutting Armin off. “We've got to be realistic--there's a good chance that Beast Titan will show up again.”

“He's probably already destroyed the place,” Connie muttered.

“Well, I'm not sure about that,” Eren murmured, crossing his arms. “We still don't know who the Beast Titan is, or what their motivations might be...”

“Yes!” Sasha exclaimed, leaning toward Connie and giving him a bright smile. “Eren is right! We do not know what that Titan wanted, so maybe it has nothing to do with your village!”

“I think it's more likely the Beast Titan is connected to wherever Reiner and Bertholdt came from,” Armin added.

“I agree,” Mikasa said quietly. “We still don't know anything about where they came from, so it's likely that any outsiders all came from the same place.”

“What I don't get is how they're surviving on their own in a civilization outside of the walls,” Jean murmured, shaking his head slowly.

“If they are allies of Titans, perhaps it is easier for them to navigate the land,” Sasha suggested. “This is only speaking from my own experiences, but once a person becomes adapted to living from the lands they tend to, it is hard to adjust into 'normal' society. Our village was very isolated, so we had to rely on ourselves for a very long time. They must be the same, no?”

“It's also possible that they send in spies to transport food and supplies to and from their settlement,” Armin said. “I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Reiner and the others did that while they were in training.”

“But how?” Jean asked. “It's not like leaving through the front gates is easy to do, unless they're on a mission in the Corps.”

“...I wonder,” Eren mumbled.

“...What?” Connie asked, raising an eyebrow. “If you know something, just say it. We don't have time to keep secrets anymore.”

Eren definitely seemed hesitant, and Sasha felt as though she should intervene. If anyone had suffered enough over the past year, it was him, and if he wanted to hide something from them, she could not blame him. After all, she still was too ashamed to speak much in detail about her family, and she still did not feel comfortable using her dialect around her close friends.

Still, she wanted to know, and as a part of the squad that was assigned to work alongside him, she felt that she also had a right to know.

“...I still have no idea what's in my basement back home,” Eren admitted, “but...I have my suspicions that it may be connected to the outside world.”

“What?” Connie gasped.

“What makes you say that, Jaeger?” Jean asked gruffly. “You can't just throw that kind of crazy guess around. You'll get people's hopes up for nothing.”

“I never questioned it before, but...my father never let me go down there... And...now that we know how Titan powers are transferred...”

“Oi, try finishing your sentences for once.”

“Yeah, man, what're you trying to say?” Connie asked.

Sasha added, “Eren, if you are not comfortable with saying it--”

“No, you guys should know this, too,” Eren interrupted, looking up at them.

“Eren...” Mikasa murmured.

“Look, after Wall Maria fell, my father found me and took me out into the woods,” Eren explained. “He injected me with some kind of serum, and then...I... I don't remember the details, but that...was actually the first time I turned into a Titan.”

“What?!” Jean gasped. “So you DID know--”

“No,” Eren said quickly. “Whatever my old man gave me, it erased my memories. I didn't remember any of this until Historia and I were kidnapped. But now I know--that was the first time. And, the reason I became a more powerful Titan is because...I ate my dad.”

“...You...ate him?” Connie echoed, sounding just as confused as Sasha felt. It sounded like such a far-fetched explanation, but she could tell by the strained look on Eren's face that he was telling them the truth.

“I get it,” Jean said quietly, his normally narrow eyes wide. “Titan powers can be passed on from one user to another through consumption. So, in other words--”

“Your father was a Titan shifter, too!?” Sasha gasped.

“Whoa, are you serious?!” Connie shouted.

“Yeah. And...my father was the one who killed Historia's family.” Eren slowly shook his head. “I can only guess that he knew something about the outside world that the rest of them didn't...”

“And you think the basement is the key,” Armin finished. “That makes sense. It's entirely possible that it could lead to the outside world.”

“What makes you say that, Armin?” Mikasa asked.

“Think about it--there was once a huge part of the population that lived underground. Who's to say that someone didn't build a tunnel or something leading to the outside world?”

“...Shit,” Connie hissed, lowering his gaze. “Then that asshole controlling the Beast Titan could be running around in the inner walls right now if he wanted to...”

“But, if Mikasa is right and he is with Reiner and Bertholdt, then he is probably outside of the walls at this point,” Sasha pointed out, doing her best to comfort Connie. She did not want him to lose hope before they had even arrived at Ragako.

“Yeah, you shouldn't give up on your village,” Eren reassured him. “There are probably some helpful clues lying around that will help us all out.”

“And now that there's a squad dedicated to translating stuff, we'll be able to decode anything that comes our way,” Jean added.

“Oh, really?” Sasha watched as Eren raised an eyebrow at Jean. “Last time I checked, Jean, you were pretty far behind on the material.”

“Mind your own business, Jaeger,” Jean growled, then side-eyed Armin.

“Don't look at me!” Armin exclaimed, laughing.

“I heard it from Yasmin,” Eren said with a smirk.

“...Dammit...”

The room soon filled with laughter, and Sasha glanced around at the smiling faces of her friends. After such a hard day, it felt so good to see them all looking so hopeful.

 _We...have all changed so much in just one year,_ she realized, hugging her knees to her chest. _Since when did we become so brave? Is this just part of being in the Survey Corps now?_

 

…......

 

“So...I need to ask you something.”

Hanji looked up from her book to see Erwin standing in her doorway. She raised an eyebrow, lowering the book.

“Come in,” she said, trying to hide the smirk on her face. She had left her door cracked open to keep her room cool; she had not expected any visitors, but if she was going to have one, she would not have chosen anyone else.

Slowly, Erwin stepped into her room and closed the door behind him.

“...What's wrong?” Hanji asked, noting the troubled look on his face.

“...Are you absolutely _sure_ you can't have kids?” he murmured, staring at the floor by his feet. Hanji could not help but let out a laugh in response.

“Why are you asking me that?” she chuckled. “Did one of the new recruits accidentally call you 'dad' or something?”

“...Not exactly.”

“Well, what is it, then? What happened?” Hanji set down her book, crossing her arms. “You're kind of scaring me.”

“...I met a new recruit who reminded me so much of you,” Erwin finally said, letting out a quiet, almost embarrassed laugh.

“Really? Why?”

“...Well, first, I thought she was a boy.”

Once again, Hanji let out a loud laugh, slapping her knee. Erwin joined her, albeit much more sheepishly.

“This sounds like a good time,” Hanji snickered, standing from her seat. “I'm gonna need a drink for this one.”

“Pour me one, too, while you're at it,” Erwin muttered, walking over to Hanji's bed and sitting down on the edge.

“That bad of a day?”

“No, I'm...just tired.”

Hanji pursed her lips as she popped open the bottle of wine sitting on the corner of her desk. Even during this peaceful time, she knew that Erwin had to be stressed, and with their upcoming mission, they both would be busy preparing.

 _We should be safe, but...you never know_ , she thought as the heady scent of red wine filled her nostrils.

“This new recruit, Justina... She asked me to join your squad,” Erwin said at last. “She went so far as to track down Moblit and asked him to arrange a meeting with me, and that was all that she wanted. I would say you wouldn't believe how determined she was, but...she sounded just like you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Remarkably so.” Erwin paused as Hanji handed him a glass of wine. “...When you first proposed the idea for a squad, you wouldn't let it go.”

“No, because it was a good idea,” Hanji told him, grinning.

“See? That's exactly what I'm talking about,” Erwin sighed. He took a sip of wine before continuing, “But...your squad has accomplished a lot over the years because of that attitude problem of yours. So...I think you should take her into your squad.”

“Sure,” Hanji said, shrugging. “If she was serious enough to come to you about it, why wouldn't I?”

“I don't know. I didn't know how many of the people you asked were going to stay.”

“I don't know yet, either.” Hanji smiled gently at Erwin. “That's why I'm willing to take volunteers. And, to be honest, if you hadn't given Rowen the convoy squads, I would have taken him into my squad, too. At this point, I'll take who I can get.”

“...I'm sorry.”

“What are you apologizing now for?” Hanji asked, setting down her glass.

“Because of the plans I made, you lost your squad. There was no way to protect them, and I--”

“Erwin--”

“No, let me say this.”

Erwin's eyes seemed bluer than usual, as if reflecting the regret in his tone.

“I was selfish. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to fail--and because of that, I was more than willing to sacrifice perfectly capable soldiers for causes that I'm not sure did us much good in the end anyway.”

“Erwin...”

Hanji let out a deep sigh, leaning back in her chair.

“...It's over now,” she murmured, choosing her words carefully. “You can look back on those decisions and regret them all you want, but nothing's going to change any of that. And, you know, maybe it all happened this way for a reason. We can use this time of peace to get things done, things we might not have been able to accomplish with my last squad.”

“Hanji, people died because of me,” Erwin said.

“They've died because of me, too,” Hanji argued. “ _Now_ you're being selfish. But, the desire to live? The will to keep fighting? That's not selfish, Erwin--that's just being human.”

“...” Erwin opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, looking away from Hanji with gritted teeth.

“They'd forgive you, too, I think,” Hanji murmured, giving Erwin a small smile. “Do you really think someone like Nifa would hold a grudge? None of them would hate you for it, Erwin. I wish I had a way to prove that to you now, but...”

Hanji smiled to herself, resting her elbows on her thighs.

“...Maybe someday I'll find a way.”

“...Hanji...I'm sorry...” Erwin glanced up at her, the sheepish smile returning to his face. “I just wanted to talk to you about Justina, but it seems I've gone and ruined the mood.”

Sighing through her nose, Hanji stood from her seat and walked over to Erwin. Gently, she placed her hands on his head, running her fingers through strands of his blond hair.

“It's all right... But you've gotta break this habit,” she told him, a small smile on her face. “You're starting to go grey.”

“...Am I really?”

“...If I said yes, would you stop doing this to yourself?”

Erwin stayed silent for a few moments, then finally let out a laugh through his nose.

“If I _am_ going grey, then you can't be far behind,” he whispered.

Hanji snickered as Erwin pressed his face into her torso.

“That's fair,” she mumbled, patting his head gently. “I'm okay with that.”

 


	85. Aggression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't be afraid. Remember why you're here.  
> Nikoleta marches forward and takes hold of her destiny.

_“Ah, Ed, it's so good to see you again!” Serene cried, throwing herself into her brother's arms. “It feels like it's been forever!”_

_“It hasn't been_ _**that** _ _long,” Edmund laughed, gently patting his younger sister's back. “How are you doing?”_

_“Good,” Serene giggled, releasing her brother and stepping back to look at him. He had shaved his head since the last time she had seen him, but other than that, he had not changed much at all. “How is military training?”_

_“Awesome,” Edmund replied, rolling his eyes. “...Not really. I'm being sarcastic. But I know it'll pay off. Being in the Police will be worth all this shit now.”_

_Serene rocked back and forth on her heels, staring up at her brother as he walked past her into the house. Though he had not gone through too many physical changes in the past few months since she had seen him, he seemed much older to her now. His mindset seemed far more cynical, and Serene could not help but wonder what it was that had brought about this change in him._

_“...I'm gonna join the military, too,” she told him, and Edmund glanced over his shoulder at her as he kicked off his shoes. “Do you think that I can?”_

_“Sure, why not?” Edmund shrugged. “Anybody can do it, if they put their minds to it. If you know what you want, go for it.”_

 

_Remember why you're here. Remember why you worked so hard to get here._

Taking a deep breath through her nose, Nikoleta marched down the main hallway of the first floor of the Military Police headquarters. She was finally here, officially a Police soldier, but she would not settle for that alone. How could she, knowing the state of the world right now? She had joined the Police to change things, and being in one of the squads involved in the most elementary of affairs was not the way to do it. So, she had worked hard the past three years to make sure this would not be a waste of her time; she knew she would be better suited to a different kind of squad.

Still, as she walked down the hallway, Nikoleta could not helping feeling lonely. She had not expected to be making this journey alone. Her friends...

 _...How disappointing,_ she thought, clenching her jaw.

Luz and Sophia had, in short, used her. Nikoleta had made the mistake of wasting energy on them--at the beginning of training, their goals had essentially been the same: to join the Police and bring their world into order. But, over time, they had strayed from the plan and given up on the Police.

“ _If we join the Military Police, you'll drag us into whatever you're planning_ ,” Luz had said. “ _We're not gonna mess with your plans, so do whatever you want. Just leave us out of it_.”

As much as it hurt, and as much as it drove Nikoleta crazy to think she had wasted her energy on such half-baked people, she also knew she could use even this experience to her advantage. She had done her research, and she had asked around--now, she knew exactly how to get where she wanted to be.

_I'm not the only one who's gone through this. How convenient. I'll have to thank them someday, I guess..._

For now, though, she had to keep her focus on someone else--and luckily for her, he was walking down the hallway in front of her right now.

“Excuse me, Sir!” Nikoleta called out when she was a bit closer. The moment he stopped walking, she started running toward him, biting her bottom lip.

Nikoleta had been studying Bruno Sertoli for months now, and she knew what he was capable of. Conveniently enough, there was also an elite squad under his control, and she knew she could find her place among them.

“What is it?” Bruno said as Nikoleta reached him. She stared up at him, right into his judgmental gaze. He did not frighten her; he was an opportunity.

“You're Bruno Sertoli?” she asked.

“I am. Why?”

“I know who you are,” Nikoleta said quietly, keeping her voice low.

“Do you?” Bruno's stare seemed almost accusatory now, but Nikoleta did not back down. She did not expect this to be easy, but she would not give up now. She could not afford to, so she put on a brave face and a confident smile.

“I do--you're the leader of the elite squad here in the Military Police, but I think in this case, your idea of 'elite' is a little different than the usual definition, yeah?”

Nikoleta smirked as Bruno crossed his arms, staring down at her.

“What do you mean by that?” he grunted, narrowing his eyes.

“I'll cut to the chase--let me into your squad.” Nikoleta's smile faded as she added, “Please.”

“...Do you really think it's that easy?” Bruno asked. The way he had paused before speaking seemed like he had been waiting for her to deliver the punchline to a joke.

“No, but I can prove myself to you,” she replied, clenching her fists. “My name is Nikoleta Kyrgiakos. I was first in my class, and I come from a family with military background. My father was in the Survey Corps, and my grandmother served as a nurse in the Garrison for some time. But to be quite honest with you, I want to do more than them.”

“What makes you think you can do so in my squad? What makes you think you have to join _us_ to get anything done?” Bruno's tone was incredulous, and it made Nikoleta's throat tighten with rage. She knew he was just testing her, but she did not like being toyed with, especially after how hard she had worked to get to this point.

“Because this world is fucked up, and you all seem to be the only people in this regiment that give a damn,” she replied, her words as sharp as daggers.

Bruno did not respond immediately, but he held her gaze, as if waiting for her to break down and leave.

 _I'm not giving up_ , Nikoleta thought, clenching her jaw. _I'll do whatever it takes. Don't fucking test me--I'll break you down, too, if I have to._

“...Even if what you're saying is true, why should I let you into my squad?” Bruno murmured at last. “You have no experience, and therefore you don't have a developed skill set. I don't even know if I can really trust you. How do I know you're not just fishing for information to use against us?”

“Because I'm better than that,” Nikoleta spat out in reply. Glaring up at Bruno, she continued, “I joined the military to change this world, and I _know_ that eliminating the Titans is _not_ where the change needs to start.” Lowering her gaze, she pursed her lips; if she was going to appeal to Bruno, she would have to be pretty convincing. “Honestly, it wasn't my plan to ask you this. I aimed for the Police thinking that I would have comrades right beside me to support these ideas. But they...apparently decided that other things are more important.”

“What are you saying?”

“My friends abandoned me, _that's_ what!” she shouted, stomping her heel onto the clean tile floor. “I worked my ass off so that the three of us could all get into the Police and _do_ something to _fix_ this world, and they chickened out, turned around and joined the Garrison, without a single world of gratitude!”

Nikoleta could feel her eyes burning with unshed tears now; for some reason, it felt good to shout and scream about her problems to this stranger. Perhaps it was because she knew that Bruno understood her feelings. She knew enough about him to know his experiences had been similar, so she knew her words were not falling on deaf ears.

“I'm tired of the world being ruled by lies! I'm tired of my _life_ being dictated by the bullshit of the masses! So, please!” Dropping to her knees, Nikoleta clasped her hands together, holding them to her stomach. “I'll grovel and beg as much as I have to--just _please_ let me in your squad! I have skills! I can _prove_ myself to you! Hell, aren't you curious as to how I know so much about you? D'you think I got that information from the daily paper? No! I listened, and I watched and waited, and now I'm here, and I'm _begging_ you.”

 _If this doesn't work, I don't know what will,_ she thought as Bruno stared down at her.

“...Get up,” he grunted at last. “You look like a child.”

Slowly, Nikoleta rose to her feet, keeping her head low.

“And don't look so ashamed of yourself, either. If you're as good of a soldier as you say you are, you should hold yourself accordingly. Stand up straight, hold your head high--I don't let just anyone into this squad, Nikoleta.”

_Got you._

Nikoleta lifted her eyes to meet Bruno's, and it took all of her self-control to swallow down the triumphant laugh rising up in her.

“Report to the first floor conference room at ten tomorrow morning. We'll discuss it further then,” Bruno told her.

Nikoleta quickly brought her fist to her chest in a salute.

“Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir!”

“Drop the 'sir' stuff, too. It's Bruno.”

Her smile softening, Nikoleta lowered her arm.

“...Thank you, Bruno,” she murmured. The man said nothing in reply--he just nodded, then walked away, disappearing around the corner.

 

…......

 

Though Serene admittedly felt bad for the two potential recruits to Bruno's squad standing in front of her, she also felt a sense of relief in knowing that it was not just her that had gone through this trial, and that she would no longer be the newest member of their squad. Still, even knowing this, she felt a bit intimidated by the sharp eyes and stiff posture of the female recruit; her carriage was nothing but confident, and Serene could not help but wonder what kept the girl so fearless.

The other recruit, a tall, muscular young man, seemed much more normal in comparison. His eyes darted back and forth between the squad members, as if he did not know where to look.

... _Sorry_ , Serene thought as the boy made eye contact with her. _I don't know how to help you..._

“Now that everyone is here, let's begin,” Bruno said, sounding almost bored. “The two soldiers you see standing before you are Marlowe Freudenberg and Nikoleta Kyrgiakos. Both of them are interested in joining this squad, but as always, I would like to consult the rest of you on this matter.”

 _Why?_ Serene wondered, glancing down the line of seats toward Bruno. He was so calm that it almost disturbed her. _Why do you feel this is necessary?_

“You both told me very similar things--this world is rotten. And I won't lie to you: I agree with that statement,” he continued. “But, you both came to _me_ about it--why? That's quite specific.”

“You were the one who dismantled the Central Police, right?” Marlowe replied. “Your squad also survived the operation to retrieve Eren from the traitorous shifters. It's only logical that we would come to you.”

“You're not afraid to get things done,” Nikoleta added. “Everyone else in this regiment is disgustingly passive.”

“Then why did you join it?” Claus asked. Serene glanced to her right, startled by his voice. She had not expected him to speak up without any prompting from Bruno or Bianca. “It's a little suspicious that you both are coming to this squad, rather than just changing regiments.”

“I care about the fate of the Police,” Marlowe answered. “I want things to go back to how they used to be.”

“Are you satisfied with the monarchy?” Nikoleta asked Claus, narrowing her eyes. “Really, are you?”

“Queen Historia hasn't done anything wrong,” Serene said quietly. She could feel Bruno staring at her, but she did not care. If Claus could speak up, so could she.

“It doesn't matter,” Nikoleta countered. “Do you really expect someone like her to make decisions for the good of humanity? Sure, she might be trustworthy right now, but she didn't even want to be queen in the first place. If she changes her attitude, someone will have to pick up the slack--and it'll end up being this squad.”

“...Bianca? You haven't said anything yet,” Bruno said, and Serene turned toward Bianca, who was sitting in her chair with her arms crossed.

“...I'm not sure if I have anything to say,” she admitted after a brief pause. “If they want to join, then let them.”

Serene could not help but feel surprised upon hearing this. Last year, when she had tried to join, Bianca had been much more hesitant to let her in. Now, she acted as if she did not care.

 _...She must be tired out from being in two squads at once_ , Serene concluded. _Having more members would help her out, I think..._

“...Claus, Serene? What about you two?”

“...It's up to you,” Claus murmured. “ _You're_ the one they approached.”

“I don't see why not,” Serene agreed, nodding. “If they're willing to work hard to improve the Military Police, I think they should join. But...”

“But?” Bruno echoed. Serene sighed through her nose, glancing up at the recruits before speaking again.

“...Our plan isn't really to overthrow Queen Historia, is it?” she asked hesitantly. The thought had been nagging at her for weeks now, and after hearing what Nikoleta had to say, she could not help but ask.

“If it becomes necessary, we will,” Bruno replied calmly. “Why are you asking? Are you against it?”

“Not exactly,” Serene told him. “But I think we should prioritize working _with_ her instead of finding ways to replace her. She's willing to help now--shouldn't we take advantage of that? Isn't that the point of the Military Police--to help the government do what's best for the people? If we destroy the monarchy, people will not know what to do or who to trust anymore.”

“...Serene, I appreciate your concern more than you know,” Bruno stated, staring at her. Even from a few seats away, Serene could not help feeling uncomfortable. “You have a good heart, and you truly want to do good for the people of this world. But, we have to do what's best for _everyone_ , and in the end--if we succeed in expanding outside the walls--we will not need a monarchy. There won't be any merit in having it.”

There was a long silence after Bruno finished speaking, and Serene sat back in her seat, feeling defeated.

 _Maybe I never should have joined this squad..._ she thought, staring at the floor.

“...If there are no further comments, then I welcome you both into this squad,” Bruno finally declared. “I'll speak to Nile about your new duties this afternoon--meet me after lunch outside of this room. As for the rest of you, you're dismissed for the day. Thank you for coming.”

 _What for?_ Serene wanted to say, but instead she kept silent as she stood from her chair, following Bianca and Claus out of the room.

 

…......

 

“Hello, hello, my tiny friend!”

“Don't call me that,” Catherine muttered as Rowen sat down next to her in the Survey Corps mess hall.

“Sorry, it's just a habit now,” he laughed, cheerful as ever. Catherine could not help but envy his energy. “Whatcha up to? That doesn't look like dinner to me--unless you've changed your diet.”

“I already ate,” Catherine told him as she looked back down at the notes spread out in front of her. “I thought I might get some decent studying done down here, what with a change of atmosphere, but...”

“Anything I can help with?”

“No, unfortunately...” Catherine sighed, glancing at Rowen as he took a bite of bread. “I've been trying to skim through as many of my notes and books as possible, looking for any kind of connection to Ragako, but...”

“Nothing, huh?”

“Nothing.”

“So, does that mean the attack on that village was at random?” Rowen asked. “That doesn't seem right to me.”

“If there _was_ a reason, there's no way for me to figure it out right now. I can only hope that we'll find something in the village's remains.”

“Yeah...” Rowen sighed quietly, then Catherine felt him place a hand on her shoulder. “Don't work yourself too hard over this, okay? You've done everything you can do. Focus on your squad, instead.”

“...I know,” Catherine mumbled. Placing her chin in her hand and setting her elbow on the wooden table, she stared down at the open book in front of her, but the words seemed to blur on the page, and nothing made any sense. “... _Do_ I work too hard?”

Rowen let out a loud laugh in response.

“Oh, Cat, that's an understatement,” he then chuckled. “You work harder than anyone I know. I'm kinda jealous, to be honest. But, you know, you're not invincible. You have to take care of yourself, too.”

Catherine huffed a sigh, keeping her eyes locked on her book--but, she could not hide the small smile that pushed its way onto her face. Even after twenty years of friendship, it still felt good to hear how appreciated she was, even if it was only one person saying so.

“...I really hope this is worth our time,” she murmured.

“Do you think it'll be a waste or something?” Rowen asked.

“No, not necessarily.” Catherine shook her head, finally lifting her head. “I'm mostly talking about my squad when I say that.”

“What--are they not ready for this or something?”

“No, no, it's not that. They just... They haven't clicked yet. I want them to learn how to work together--all of them. I don't expect it to be _perfect_ , but there's a lot of room for improvement.”

“So you think this operation will help them learn how to be a team?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh, Catherine...” Rowen chuckled quietly, slowly shaking his head. “It'd be nice if it worked out like that, but that's not how people work...”

“What the hell?” Catherine grumbled, raising an eyebrow at her friend. “I thought you were supposed to be the optimist--why are you acting like it's pointless?”

“Things aren't going to just fall into place in one day. You should know better.”

“...I know. But I can dream, right?”

Catherine knew that there were problems within her squad. She had not really expected them all to get along fabulously from the start or anything like that, but she had assumed that they would prioritize their work over their petty differences.

“I'd say to ask Levi to help, but he'd be even worse than you,” Rowen joked.

“...Maybe. Maybe not.” Catherine shrugged. “I don't know--maybe they _need_ to be threatened into taking this seriously. Maybe they don't respect me.”

“Cat, I don't think that has anything to do with it,” Rowen said quickly. “Look--some people, they just don't get along. And some people get along, but they still butt heads a lot and are bad at expressing that they get along. Think of you and Bruno--he's your friend, right?”

“Yeah. But that's different.”

“No, not really. You guys bicker and argue with each other all the time, but that's just part of how you communicate. Deep down, you both care about each other.”

“...I wonder.”

“Trust me--I don't think Bruno would have saved Levi on his own if you hadn't asked him,” Rowen pointed out, and Catherine bit her lip.

“Okay, fine, that might be true,” Catherine admitted softly. “But still--I'm not asking them to all be friends. All I want is for them to work together. I don't know how to get them to do it. I don't know how to even approach the subject.”

“You were able to help Jean and Yasmin, weren't you?”

“With Armin's help.”

“Ask him again,” Rowen suggested.

“That's not his job--it's mine.” Catherine frowned, adding, “And that conflict had a specific root cause. The others... They either just don't get along, or they simply don't attempt to talk to one another. I know Bianca is shy, but...I'm a little disappointed with how aloof she's been with the others in this squad. They look up to her--she's the quickest learner and, academically speaking, is probably one of the best soldiers in the military overall. But she won't take any initiative. And Claus, he spends half of his time following Bianca's lead, and the other half arguing with Olivia. Sometimes it's not his fault, but sometimes it is, and even then he won't own up to it. And--”

“Catherine.” Rowen held up a hand to stop her, and Catherine snapped her mouth closed. She had not meant to rant to him--she was just genuinely concerned about all of them.

“...Sorry,” she whispered.

“It's okay,” Rowen told her. “I can tell you really care about them.”

“...Unfortunately,” Catherine muttered, running a hand through her hair.

“What, you don't like it?”

“It's...just frustrating.”

“Well, look--why don't you start with talking to Bianca? Since she seems to be your strongest person, she should hold a decent influence over the others. Besides, you've known her for years.”

“Yeah, but--”

“Are you scared?” Rowen smirked at her. “...Sharing your feelings always _was_ one of your weak points, I guess.”

“...Shut up. I'm doing the best that I can. It's just...it's hard, okay? I have a lot going on.”

“Study a little less, then.”

“...” Catherine once again bit her lip. There were other things that Rowen still did not know, and though she felt bad for keeping it all a secret from him, it was for the best that no one else knew. It was already a distraction for her--she did not want it to become one for anyone else.

“How 'bout it, hm?” Rowen said, nudging Catherine with his elbow. “If nothing really happens on this mission, try talking to Bianca. I'm sure she'll listen to you.”

“...Fine,” Catherine sighed, turning back to her book. “I don't know what else to do, anyway...”

 


	86. Hard Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Corps prepares to return to Ragako, a feeling of dread washes over Connie.  
> Some others, however, see this as an opportunity.

_“Yo, Connie--snap out of it!”_

_Nearly dropping his spoon right into his bowl of gruel, Connie whipped his head up to face Reiner, Jean, and Bertholdt._

_“Have you been listening at all?” Jean asked, flicking his eyes up at the mess hall's cobweb-littered wooden ceiling._

_“Y-Yeah, of course!” Connie stammered. “What kind of idiot do you take me for?”_

_“...It's all right if you weren't, you know,” Bertholdt murmured, giving Connie a kind smile. “I don't mine repeating myself.”_

_“...Sorry,” Connie mumbled. “It was just a long day, and I didn't sleep much...”_

_“It's okay.”_

_Smiling to himself, Connie glanced down at his dinner again. He felt so lucky to have made so many good friends in training, especially such kind ones like Reiner and Bertholdt. Though he was not sure what regiment they were planning on joining, he knew that, even if all of them did not enter the Military Police, they would still remain close friends, no matter what._

_“...Besides, I don't think Reiner was really listening to me, either,” Bertholdt added, glancing at Reiner on his right._

_“Huh? O-Of course I was!” Reiner gasped, looking genuinely offended, to which Connie let out a laugh. “...Shuddup, Connie...”_

 

“Hey, Jay--can you hold this for me for a second, please?”

“Sure!”

Smiling, Justina held out her hands to take Moblit's stack of notes as he lifted a large, wooden crate of paperwork on top of the desk. A month ago, she would have been astonished at the amount of documentation Hanji's squad had collected over the years. Now, though, it all seemed so normal. She had gotten used to her new squad--which was good, since tomorrow, they would be setting out on their first expedition together as a group.

Shortly after her meeting with Commander Erwin, Justina had been approached by Squad Leader Hanji and was immediately brought into the squad. Everyone besides Hanji and Moblit were people from her graduating class, people she had never really talked to, but had no trouble becoming friends with. One was a boy with strawberry blond hair and a lightly freckled face, Liam Henry, and the other was a girl with skin the color of sand and dark brown hair pulled up into a tight bun on the top of her head, Meryem Kartal.

“Thanks,” Moblit said, smiling brightly at Justina as he took back his notes. “I think after this, it's about time to be calling it a day.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Justina shrugged. “There's really only so much we can prepare for this mission, right?”

“Unfortunately...”

Even though they had only been together as a squad for a few weeks, Justina felt relatively settled. Hanji was, as expected, a great leader and a blast to work with, and they had a great amount of balance of skills in their group. Liam was well-organized and also very well-spoken, but he sometimes was the most lackadaisical of them all. Meryem, on the other hand, was by far the strictest, and when no one else wanted to work, she would encourage them to keep going by whatever means she could.

In an attempt to get caught up on Hanji and Moblit's research from the past few years, their squad had been meeting every day, but Justina did not mind.

“...By the way, I should apologize,” Moblit said suddenly, letting out a nervous, almost embarrassed laugh.

“Hm? What for?” Justina asked, tilting her head.

“...I definitely thought you were a boy,” he admitted, to which Justina let out a loud laugh.

“I could care less!” she exclaimed, slapping Moblit's arm. “It happens all the time--and it's kind of fun to watch people struggle, so I just let it be!”

“...I see why Squad Leader Hanji likes you...”

Justina grinned triumphantly, crossing her arms. She did not want to outright say that she was the favorite of the three new members, but it was incredibly obvious that Squad Leader Hanji had taken to her. Why, she did not know for sure, but she did not dare question it. She was just grateful that everyone was getting along and that she could do what she loved.

“C'mon, let's go get dinner!” Justina said as Moblit lowered the crate back down underneath one of the desks in their lab. “I'm sure everyone else is there already.” Turning over her shoulder, Justina looked back at Meryem, who was still diligently looking over her notes. “Yo, Meryem, it's time for dinner! We need to rest up for tomorrow, anyway!”

“...Fine...” Meryem said with a reluctant sigh. She flipped her notebook shut, then placed it in her desk drawer and shut it. “But just this once.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Justina snickered.

“You're a bad influence,” Moblit told her, laughing quietly as he shook his head. Justina just laughed louder in response.

It was odd--even these people she had not known for very long felt like family. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Or were they just special somehow...?

“...You're running late,” a crisp voice said as Justina exited the lab. It was Michelle; her arms were crossed and her normally round eyes were narrowed.

“Ahh, sorry.” Justina trotted over to her friend, patting her on the head. “We got distracted. I'm surprised you _actually_ are able to join us for dinner, though.”

“We're not busy right now. Not yet.” Michelle tossed her auburn hair over her shoulder as she walked beside Justina. “It'll be after you come back from your mission that we'll be busy again.”

“If we do our jobs right, hopefully you won't be,” Moblit said gently, to which Michelle nodded.

“Right. If that's the case, then it's only annual physicals you'll have to worry about.”

“Do I have to pee in a cup?” Justina asked with a grimace.

“Probably.”

“Aw...”

 

…......

 

Eren usually felt a pretty significant amount of pressure on him before heading out on a mission, but on this night, he felt quite calm. For once, he was not the person with the greatest burden placed on his shoulders--instead, it was Connie.

As a result, he and all of his friends had spent a lot of time over the past month trying to keep Connie's spirits up. It was surprisingly more natural than Eren had thought it would be; normally, he struggled with relating to people, and considering he had spent most of the past year living in the basement, he felt like a bit of an outsider at times.

However, one thing he _could_ relate to was that pressure Connie was feeling, and he was the only one, really. Eren knew that Connie felt that only _he_ could save his mother--that was an all-too familiar feeling, and Eren also knew what failing would feel like.

 _We won't fail,_ Eren assured himself. _We're going into this prepared--Mikasa's been training with Captain Levi, and I've been working with Squad Leader Hanji's new squad. Squad Leader Catherine's squad has been studying hard, too..._

“Eren, you okay?” Armin asked, pulling Eren out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine,” Eren replied, staring down at his dinner. “...Lost in thought, I guess...”

“That's understandable,” Yasmin said, giving Eren a sympathetic smile. “We're all tired.”

“Yeah, I'll be glad when this is over.”

“Me, too,” Mikasa murmured, giving them a slight nod.

“Hey--mind if we join you guys?”

Eren lifted his head to face the person who had spoken up--his eyes met one of the members of Hanji's squad, Justina, who was accompanied by Moblit and one of the Survey Corps nurses.

“Sure, why not?” Armin replied before anyone could object.

“I feel like I never talk to you guys outside of a serious atmosphere,” Justina laughed, setting down a tray next to Mikasa. Moblit sat beside Eren and gave him his usual gentle smile. Eren smiled back before staring down at his dinner; normally he would have welcomed the company, but tonight, he did not feel like talking much.

“That is very true!” Sasha exclaimed, waving at the newcomers from her spot next to Jean. “Hello!”

“Hi!” Justina waved back. “...Sasha, right? Did I get it?”

“Yes!” Reaching around the back of Mikasa and Jean, Sasha outstretched her hand, and Justina high-fived her.

“You two are new to the Survey Corps, right?” Olivia asked, practically having to shout from her seat.

“Yeah!” Justina called back. “And you're Garrison, right? Are you guys staying the night or something?”

“Yep!”

“It'd be a waste to go all the way back just to have to come here again in the morning,” Yasmin added, laughing.

“You should stay over more often,” Sasha said, sighing. “I am sure Milena would not care...”

“Rico would, though,” Yasmin snickered, glancing down the table at Olivia.

Eren smiled to himself as he watched his friends interacting. Things had settled down a lot more over the past few months, and this castle felt like home now. He was a hell of a lot more confident than he had been at this time last year, when all of that horrible stuff had happened...

 _It's been...almost a year since Reiner and Bertholdt left..._ Eren realized suddenly, and his stomach churned at the thought. _...Good riddance. I hope they're dead. I...don't wanna have to be the one to kill them, but...I will if I have to..._

“Hey, Connie!” Justina called out, waving to the young man. “Don't look so down, man! You ready for tomorrow?”

“Hardly,” Connie muttered, poking at his dinner with a single prong of his fork.

“It will be all right,” Sasha assured him, nodding confidently.

“Yeah, don't worry!” Justina exclaimed. “We'll handle everything tomorrow! We can't wait to meet your mom! I'm sure she's super nice!”

Eren watched as the tense expression on Connie's face softened, and his eyes widened; Justina's words had obviously touched him, and he hesitated for a moment before finally smiling and nodding.

“Okay, I'm counting on you guys,” Connie said, giving a thumbs up in response.

 

…......

 

Sighing through his nose, Claus lugged his overnight bag up the stairs of the Survey Corps headquarters.

“Maybe if you didn't pack so much, it wouldn't be so heavy,” Bianca murmured.

“Shut up. I didn't pack anything I wasn't going to need,” he snapped.

“I'm just teasing you. Cranky.”

Ignoring Bianca's remark, Claus walked down the hallway toward one of the men's dorm rooms. He would be sharing a room with Moblit and some others tonight, which could have been worse, but he would much rather have slept in his own bed.

“Who are you bunking with, again?” Claus asked.

“Some of the new recruits.” Bianca shrugged. “Catherine offered for me to share her room, but I didn't think it'd be fair if I got to share with just her and the other two were crammed into another room.”

“Yeah, that's a good point.”

“Hey, you're Claus, right?”

At the sound of his name, Claus turned around, stopping right outside his room for the night. Coming down the hallway was one of the new recruits in Hanji's squad; his short, light brown hair was messy and gave him the appearance of an eccentric.

“Yeah, why?” Claus returned, raising an eyebrow.

“I haven't been able to talk to you yet! I'm Justina Small--you're in a squad with my cousin, Serene!”

“Oh... _oh_!” Claus exclaimed, extending a hand toward Justina. “I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner! It's nice to meet you--Serene has said a lot about you! ...You just, I don't know, you don't look anything like what I thought you would.”

“I can see how you're related, though, somehow...” Bianca murmured, and Claus nodded in agreement as Justina shook his hand.

“You must be Bianca,” Justina said, grinning. She began to extend her hand to Bianca, but she seemed to notice the latter's hesitation, and she instead just waved. “It's nice to finally meet you, too.”

“Yeah,” Bianca mumbled, looking away.

“So, you joined the Corps after all--Serene always said that you would,” Claus chuckled. Justina put her hands on her hips, nodding.

“Of course! Got into the top ten and everything!” Justina let out a hearty laugh. “I don't need the Police! ...Just kidding. You guys are fine.”

“Serene would cry if she heard you say that,” Claus warned her. He was surprised at how different Justina was from how he had pictured her--from what Serene had said, she seemed much more...normal. And feminine, too.

“I know, I know. I miss her.” Justina smiled up at Claus with pursed lips. “But...she gets it. She gets me. Thankfully.”

“Justina? Are you up here?”

Claus glanced down the hallway, past Justina, to see a girl in a light pink shirt and white pants walking their way.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to ditch you!” Justina said quickly as the girl reached them. “These are my cousin Serene's best friends! I hadn't gotten to talk to them yet!” Turning back to them, Justina gestured to the girl. “This is Michelle Hugo--she's one of the nurses here!”

“Nice to meet you,” Michelle said, nodding. Claus could not help thinking it was odd that such a pretty, soft-spoken girl was friends with someone like Justina.

“I'm Claus, and this is Bianca,” Claus said, smiling at Michelle, but she had already lost interest.

“Anyway, yeah!” Justina clapped her hands together, turning back to Claus and Bianca. “I'll leave you guys to settling in--ah, but, now that I think of it, Bianca, you're staying in our room tonight! Want us to take your stuff?”

“That's not necessary,” Bianca murmured. “But thank you, anyway.”

 _Poor thing_ , Claus thought as he looked at his best friend. _She's so uncomfortable._

Claus knew that Bianca and Serene were friends and got along well enough, but there was still a bit of a wall between them, and while he understood exactly why, he knew it bothered Serene a lot. It was likely, then, that Justina knew about that, at least a little bit.

“Have a good night,” Bianca told Claus. “I'll go downstairs with them now, I suppose.”

“Yeah!” Justina exclaimed, giving Claus a thumbs up. He could not help envying her energy. “Don't worry--we'll take good care of her!”

“You'd better, or we'll tell Serene,” Claus teased her, and Justina laughed, her grin spreading so wide that he could see that she was missing a molar.

“No sweat! G'night!”

“Good night, you guys. See you in the morning.”

 

…......

 

“I've scouted out the area--there are six guards in total. Most of them are concentrated by that Titan.”

“I see...”

Tightening her grip on the tree trunk, Ymir glanced at Bertholdt, gritting her teeth.

“You see?” she hissed. “That's all you gotta say?”

“...Thank you,” Bertholdt mumbled.

“That's more like it. If I'm gonna be prowling around like this, I expect you guys to appreciate me a little more than that.”

Ymir was only half-serious; had she really wanted to cause a ruckus, she would have hopped down from her spot up in the tree and rushed toward the Garrison soldiers on guard at Ragako. She knew, however, that she was lucky to be alive.

Ymir was no fool--she knew that her time on this earth was limited, so she had to take advantage of whatever opportunities presented themselves to her. Though it would have been the much easier (and probably smarter) choice to have let Bertholdt and Reiner's village execute her, she had agreed to work with them instead.

After all, she had been roaming in her Titan form for sixty years, and the world had changed without waiting for her. There was so much that she did not know about this settlement of Titan shifters; they were not like _her_ people, naturally cursed with their powers. No, these people had learned to manufacture and harness the power, and Ymir did not yet know how or why, so she had joined them to learn more.

She also had joined to protect Historia.

Ymir knew what Historia's fate should have been: she should have become a Titan shifter and taken complete control of the walled world. But she had defied this fate and taken her role as Queen as a human. Ymir was proud of her for that, definitely, but what Historia did not realize was what dangers now awaited her.

 _They'll kill you any day now, at this rate..._ Ymir thought, biting her lip as she stared out toward Ragako. She could barely make out the dim light of torches from the guards' posts. _I can't let that happen... There's no way I can let you go before me..._

“So? How do you propose we handle this?” Reiner whispered, pulling Ymir out of her thoughts.

“...They seem pretty spread out,” Bertholdt said, and Ymir nodded to confirm. “Do you think all of them will notice if we take out one guard?”

“No, but the neighboring guys will hear it,” Ymir replied. “And the village isn't _that_ big--if someone shouts for help, they'll all hear.”

“...Then, I think the best bet would be to have someone act as bait,” Bertholdt declared. “One of us can lure them all into the center of the village, and the other two will take the torches and burn it down.”

“Ymir, I think it's obvious, but you're going to be the bait,” Reiner added.

“Fine,” Ymir grunted, narrowing her eyes. “I'm the strongest one of the three of us, anyway. And the fastest. I'll get their attention--just don't fuck up the rest of the plan.”

Before either Reiner or Bertholdt could reply, Ymir swung down to the next lowest branch, then hopped down into the tall field grass.

 _I would have volunteered, anyway,_ Ymir thought as she crouched down, quietly pushing her way through the grass and back toward Ragako. _I supposed I COULD have told you about that book I found...but it's not like you guys could read it, so there's no point in anyone else having it, I guess..._

Grimacing as she pulled herself atop a stack of logs and onto a roof, Ymir glanced across the village. She could see Connie's mother, reduced to a scraggly weakling of a Titan, still lying on top of his house's remains.

 _Sorry, Connie,_ Ymir thought, carefully lowering herself into the house through the gaping hole in the roof. _It's nothing personal. I'm sorry your place ended up like this. I know what it's like to lose everything. But this...is just something I have to do. I wanna live, too, y'know..._

Pursing her lips, Ymir searched the bookshelf of the house for the one book no longer caked in dust--the same one she had opened just an hour earlier. She had no idea what it was doing in Connie's village, of all places, but she was sure that whatever it was, it held some kind of clue of what happened to her people.

Stuffing the book into the small knapsack on her back, Ymir tip-toed out of the house and into the quiet, empty Ragako village streets.

_Sorry, Mrs. Springer. But...this'll be better than being poked and prodded by those Survey Corps loons, right?_

Picking up a long tree branch, Ymir took a deep breath, then scraped the stick against the sides of the houses, running down the main street, screaming as loud as should could.

Moments later, Ymir could see a pair of Garrison soldiers appear at the other end of the street, startled expressions on their faces.

“You, there! What are you doing!?” one of them shouted.

“FUCK OFF!” Ymir screamed, throwing the branch their way.

“Hey! Get back here! Why do you have our gear?!”

Turning around Ymir started running back toward the rear of the village; out of the corner of her eyes, she saw two more guards join in on the chase.

 _C'mon, you useless lumps of flesh--now's your chance!_ Ymir thought, her heart pounding in her throat as she ran through the village.

She smelled wood burning before she saw the fire start. Terrified screams and shouts filled the air; Ymir watched as the Garrison soldiers began to panic, obviously unsure of whether to chase down Ymir or to tend to the quickly-growing flames.

“Secure the Titan!” one finally shouted, and the others scattered, leaving Ymir standing alone on the outskirts of the village. Smirking to herself, she turned and sprinted away from the chaos, back toward the large tree they had been using as their base.

“Oi, let's go!” Reiner shouted, and Ymir turned to look over her shoulder at him. He was running toward her, with Bertholdt trailing behind him.

“You sure they're not gonna follow us?” Ymir called out, coming to a stop.

“At this rate, we'll outnumber them in no time,” Reiner replied, and Ymir glanced back at the village. It was clearly ablaze now, as if it had just been waiting to spring into flames all this time. Had it not been in part her doing, and had it not been the result of a treacherous act, it would have been a beautiful sight, the bright orange flames clashing against the dark navy night sky.

“Zeke told us not to leave any evidence,” Reiner then said, putting a hand on Bertholdt's shoulder. “Don't look so down.”

“That's not why I'm...” Bertholdt's voice trailed off, and Ymir let out a laugh through her nose, glancing at Reiner before looking at Bertholdt again.

“Did _someone_ almost forget why we came here?” she asked, snickering. “Well, if he ever _does_ forget, don't _you_ forget what else Zeke told you, eh?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Bertholdt hissed. “We're leaving. Come on.”

Looking back at the golden-orange and red flames one last time, Ymir's smile faded, and she nodded, watching as the houses turned to ash, bit by bit.

 


	87. Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Corps makes it to Ragako, only to discover it's gone up in flames.  
> Are there any clues left for them...?

_“So, today's your first real day in the squad!” Serene exclaimed, smiling at Nikoleta, who just stared back with her sharp hazel eyes. “How do you feel? Are you nervous?”_

_“...Is there anything to be nervous about?” she asked, raising an eyebrow._

_“Well, I... I suppose not. Not right now.”_

_Serene sighed through her nose as she continued to walk toward the Queen's chambers. Nikoleta seemed so at home in the Police already that Serene could not help but feel the tiniest bit jealous. However, she also knew that Nikoleta was an incredibly talented soldier, so she knew she should not be surprised by her professional attitude._

_“There are a lot of problems in the Police,” Nikoleta said suddenly. “Bruno has already spoken to me about some of them. But we're not addressing any of them today, so there's no need for me to be nervous.”_

_“...Problems?” Serene echoed._

_“Are you not aware of them?”_

_“No, no, of course I am...” Serene pursed her lips. “Trust me, I am. But the worst of it seems to be over.”_

_Nikoleta let out a sigh through her nose; Serene could sense her dissatisfaction._

_“...Try not to worry about it for now,” Serene told her quietly, not knowing what else to say. “The rest will change in time.”_

 

Absentmindedly tugging at her scarf, Mikasa watched as Armin and Eren mounted their horses, continuing their conversation from earlier that morning. She was glad to see them both in such good spirits, but it was unusual. Normally, before a mission, Armin was a nervous wreck, and Eren was tense and antsy.

This operation, though, did not put any particular pressure on either of them. Knowing this, Mikasa could not help but smile to herself, for she felt at ease, too.

“Were you two the last ones?” Captain Levi asked, and the boys nodded as they rode out of the stable and joined the rest of the group.

“You weren't late for once,” Olivia muttered to the red-headed Police soldier on the horse in front of hers. “Good job.”

Mikasa did not know Claus well at all--she really just knew his name--but she could tell that he and Olivia did not get along. Olivia had always been somewhat of an odd person, so it was not necessarily a _surprise_ , but Mikasa could not help but wonder what had transpired between them to make them dislike each other so much.

“Where is Commander Erwin?” Squad Leader Catherine asked, turning to Squad Leader Hanji. “He's the only one we're missing.”

“Not here,” Hanji replied.

“Why not?” Levi responded. “He should have been the first one here.”

“He's...not going to be joining us on this mission.”

“What?!”

Mikasa stared at Squad Leader Hanji, her sense of ease quickly fading. She could not remember anything unusual happening last night--nobody had come in and told her that something had transpired, either.

“Erwin put me in charge of the expedition,” Hanji told them.

“But...why?” Catherine gasped. “Not that I don't think you're capable, but...”

“He's the Commander, not you,” Levi finished for her.

“And his order was for me to lead in his stead,” Hanji argued. “Trust me--I'm not completely taken with the idea, either, but he must have some kind of reason.”

Mikasa sighed through her nose, glancing over at Armin. As if he knew she was looking at him, he met her gaze, frowning. They had discussed this once before--about if Commander Erwin had not come back from prison. Mikasa had heard from Armin that Hanji was the next in line to lead, which she had no problem with, but if Erwin was still alive, why was he putting Hanji in his place already?

 _Could he be planning to retire soon?_ Mikasa wondered, pursing her lips as she looked back at Captain Levi.

“...Let's just get going already,” he muttered, and Hanji nodded.

“Let us begin the fifty-ninth expedition!” she shouted, raising her hand into the air. “I want you all to listen carefully: logic tells us that we should be safe within the confines of Wall Rose--however, the tragedy that befell Ragako could just as easily occur again anywhere else, which means that the possibility of Titans within the walls is once again very real! When we arrive in the village, stick with your squad! The front entrance of the village will be our designated meeting area! It may take some time for my team to secure the Titan there, but once we do, we will need to leave as soon as possible!”

Mikasa glanced at Connie; he was already sweating, and his lips formed a straight line across his face. Part of her wished she knew what to say to him, because she understood what he was feeling.

 _We can save her_ , Mikasa thought, facing forward again. _There's still hope._

“ADVANCE!”

Hanji's shout echoed against the surrounding trees and nearby castle walls, but it was soon drowned out by the sound of hoofbeats.

“Our goal is to return by nightfall!” Hanji shouted back to them. “Let's hurry!”

 

…......

 

“Yo, what's that face for?” Olivia asked. Yasmin could feel her staring, and she glanced over briefly to confirm it.

“...Am I making a face?” she replied, trying to keep her focus on the fluttering Survey Corps emblem on the back of Armin's cloak.

“Yeah, you look upset. Are you worried?”

“...What is there to be worried about?”

Yasmin was, of course, asking that question to herself more than to Olivia. She knew she should not be worried, but she could not help feeling a bit anxious. The soldiers stationed out at Ragako were Garrison soldiers, but Yasmin had never heard Rosaleen talk about communicating with them much at all, especially recently.

 _Plus, we still don't know where Reiner and the others are, or what they're up to now_ , she thought, once again glancing at Olivia, who gave her a soft smile. _...It's not like I can say that out loud, though. I don't want to be negative, especially with Connie here. But I doubt I'm the only one thinking about it..._

They had been riding through Wall Rose for a couple of hours now; Yasmin could see that their shadows had grown smaller, though the sun was barely shining at all. It would not be long before they arrived--and then what? Would they really _find_ anything?

 _At the very least, maybe we'll at least be able to bring back Connie's mother,_ she told herself, glancing up at the horizon. The sky was cloudy and becoming more and more grey as they rode west toward the village. With the way the wind was blowing, it seemed that a rainy night would be inevitable.

“...Looks like rain,” she heard Claus say.

“...Those aren't clouds,” Jean murmured.

_Oh no..._

As they continued to ride forward, the sky became even more grey, and as a strong wind blew Yasmin's hair out of her face, she caught the faint whiff of burning wood.

“We're almost there!” Squad Leader Hanji shouted. “Hurry!”

“I don't like this,” Armin said quietly, his voice barely audible above the sound of galloping horses.

“Connie!?”

Yasmin whipped her head around at the sound of Sasha's panicked voice to see Connie pushing ahead of the others, driving his heels into his horse's sides.

“Springer!” Levi bellowed. “Get back in the--”

“It's on fire!” Connie screamed, ignoring Captain Levi's obvious anger.

“Connie, don't!” Eren shouted. “It's too dangerous!”

But Connie did not seem to care; he continued ahead, racing past even Moblit and Hanji toward his village. Moments later, Yasmin heard him let out a terrified, panicked shout--and she could clearly see why.

Ragako was engulfed in flames.

“Split up!” Hanji commanded. “Break off into your squads and search the area for any survivors--and for Connie!”

“Let's go!” Catherine shouted, racing off toward the left side of the village.

As they drew closer, Yasmin could feel the heat radiating from the burning houses. Most of them were just charred ruins now.

“These have been burning for a while,” Olivia said, and Yasmin nodded in agreement. “The fire must have started hours ago!”

“We need to split up,” Catherine declared suddenly, bring her horse to an abrupt stop. “Levi, take your squad and look for survivors--we'll look for any clues to how this got started.”

Captain Levi hesitated, slowing his horse as he walked in front of Catherine, glancing between the burning houses and her, then back again.

“...Fine,” he grunted. “Jean, Armin, you two come with me!”

“Yes, Sir!” the boys shouted in unison, riding off with Eren, Mikasa, and Sasha.

“Come on,” Catherine murmured, turning to the rest of them. “We need to see if there's anything we can take back with us.”

Before any of them could respond, Bianca suddenly jumped down off of her horse.

“Bianca!?” Claus gasped, but she did not respond--she just kept running toward the village.

“Bianca!!” Catherine screamed, hopping down off of her horse. Yasmin did the same, breaking into a sprint as she chased after Bianca. “Yasmin?!”

_I don't know what she's doing, but I..._

Yasmin finally caught up to Bianca, who was now standing on the very outskirts of the village, staring into one of the houses.

“...I used to know someone who lived here,” she murmured as Yasmin stood beside her.

“...I'm...so sorry,” Yasmin whispered, turning to Bianca.

“I'm all right. It's just...disappointing...” Bianca faced Yasmin, her face as emotionless as ever. “...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry.”

“Hey!”

Yasmin glanced to her left to see Catherine running toward them. She could see how worried the woman was even from several meters away.

“Don't you run off like that!” she shouted, gasping for breath. “You both should know better!”

“Catherine, I don't think it's going to be worth our time to stay here,” Bianca said calmly.

“What?” Catherine gave Bianca a bewildered look. “What are you talking about?”

“This village has been burning for a while--anything that _we_ would find useful will have been reduced to ashes by now. And, when I say that...I'm also including Connie's mother, unfortunately.”

Yasmin watched as Catherine's face softened, and after a few seconds of silence, she nodded.

“All right, Bianca,” Catherine murmured, nodding. “I'll trust your judgment on this. We'll rejoin with Levi's squad, then.”

 _Why?_ Yasmin wondered, staring at Bianca. _Why did you_ _ **really**_ _run over here...?_

 

…......

 

“Don't you ever do that again,” Claus hissed as Bianca hopped back up onto her horse, as if nothing had happened. Her poker face was incredible, as usual, but that did not make Claus feel any better. It really only made him worry more; he hated when she kept secrets from him.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “...It's like what happened before.”

“Before?” Claus echoed, but Bianca shook her head.

“We can talk later.”

Still feeling rather uneasy, Claus sighed, then turned to Catherine, who was staring at the flames with narrowed eyes.

“We should keep our distance,” she told them. “There could be stoves or other flammable substances in the houses that could explode and spread the flames further. Our job now is to meet up with the others--we'll see what Hanji has to say and go from there.”

“Understood!” Claus said, but he was the only one to speak up. Even Olivia had fallen silent now, her gaze lowered down to her horse's mane.

... _That's right--the guards that were stationed here were from the Garrison_ , Claus realized as their squad started its way around the village again. _I wonder if she knew any of them... There's no way any of them survived this..._

Though he hated to be so negative, this trip was turning out to be somewhat of a waste. There were clearly no survivors, and the chance of that Titan living through all of this was also unlikely. Anything that they could have collected and brought back to study was now damaged beyond repair.

It was very clear that someone had not wanted them here.

Logically, the only people that it could have been were people who knew why the villagers had been transformed in the first place. Nobody else would think to burn this place down, not with the Garrison guards on patrol.

 _I guess it's pointless to think about that now_ , he thought.

Slowly, as if coming from the flames themselves, a haunting wail filled the air.

“Connie...” Yasmin murmured.

“They must have found his mom,” Olivia said softly.

A few moments later, Claus and the others rounded the corner to find the rest of their group gathered together in a cluster of onlookers. Connie was the only one no longer on horseback; he was kneeling down in front of what Claus could only assume to be the ruins of his house, holding his head in his hands. He was the source of the screaming, and now that they were closer, Claus could hear that they were not just shouts of sadness or fury, but one word: “mom.”

Looking into the flames, Claus could see what little of the Titan's skeleton remained. There was probably nothing worth salvaging anymore, and even if they tried, it seemed almost inhumane. It was probably better to just let her body decompose, to just let her go.

“...Those shifters...” Catherine murmured, and Claus turned to look at her. She was sitting on her horse next to Rowen, who had a mournful expression on his normally cheerful face. “I can only assume it was them--which means they're still alive and running around out there, and they know what we're trying to do.”

“...There's...nothing we can do now,” Rowen mumbled. “We just have to keep doing what we've been doing, I guess...”

“...I know, but...fuck...”

“Did you guys manage to find anything?” Claus whispered to Justina, who was behind Rowen.

“Nothing--maybe if we had brought something to extinguish the flames with, we'd be in better shape, but...”

Justina's words came to a screeching halt, and her eyes widened as she lifted her head.

“What?”

“Out there, on the horizon--are those...?”

Justina was pointing straight ahead of them, past the flames, toward the looming shadows in the distance.

“It can't be--!” Claus gasped.

“Squad Leader!” Justina shouted, turning to Hanji. “Two Titans are approaching from the southwest!”

“What?!” Hanji breathed, turning to where Justina was pointing.

“You can't be serious,” Captain Levi muttered. He then turned to Connie, who seemed completely unaware of the chaos that was beginning to unfold. “Springer! Get up! We've gotta get out of here!”

“Connie!” Sasha exclaimed, riding over to the teen. He lifted his head, looking startled. “We must go, now! Please, get on your horse!”

“What's the point?!” he shouted, jumping to his feet.

“Your mother wouldn't want you to go out like this, you moron!” Jean cried. “Get on your horse and come on!”

“We need to avoid combat with them if possible!” Hanji breathed. “But... at this rate, we won't have a choice. We'll have to fight them!”

“Squad Leader, we can go,” Moblit said.

“My squad can handle this,” Levi interjected. “Catherine, stay with the others--and keep Springer with you, too. I don't want him fighting like he is now.”

“All right,” Catherine murmured, nodding.

 

…......

 

 _It's been so long since we've had to actually take on Titans,_ Jean thought as he raced forward on his horse, following Captain Levi closely. _I almost forgot what I've been keeping up my physical training for..._

“Captain!” Eren shouted. Jean glanced over at his comrade; his teeth were gritted and his eyes narrowed.

“What?” Levi grunted.

“If there are Titans in Wall Rose, then that means--”

“I know what it means,” Levi interrupted. “But we don't know where these came from, and trying to chase down the source now would be reckless.”

“Shit,” Armin hissed. “Another village ended up like Ragako...”

“We can't assume that,” Mikasa said quickly. “It might not have been an entire village--it might have only been a few people.”

“That's pretty optimistic,” Levi muttered, unsheathing his swords. “But we need to assume that this is a worst-case scenario.”

“If that's the case, then even headquarters will be in danger,” Jean pointed out. “What are we supposed to do about that?”

“...I don't know.” Levi glanced over his shoulder, his eyes full of bitterness. “This is why Erwin should have come with us, too--that bastard...”

Sighing sharply through his nose, Jean pulled out a pair of fresh blades. He hated to think that, just hours ago, these Titans were once human beings just like him, but he could not let himself get caught up with that detail now. They had to be eliminated, whether it was a “good” thing to do or not.

_Otherwise, everyone will be in danger... We can't possibly let it all end here._

Pushing himself off of his horse's back, Jean jumped into the air, shooting his hooks out toward the Titan closest to him. It seemed unperturbed by the fact that it now had hooks buried in its shoulder; instead, it was staring down at their group with wide, curious eyes.

 _This had to have happened recently..._ Jean thought, trying to concentrate.

His cut into the Titan's nape was barely deep enough to bring it down; he had obviously hesitated even after trying to convince himself that this was the correct action.

“Does anyone see any more of them on the horizon?” Mikasa asked, peering out toward the west and shading her eyes.

“Nothing,” Eren replied, shaking his head.

“Braus--your instincts are reliable,” Captain Levi said suddenly, sheathing his blades after wiping them clean of the steaming blood. “Do you sense anything?”

“...” Sasha lowered her gaze, and Jean frowned. She was obviously still distracted by what had happened with Connie at Ragako, and he did not entirely blame her. After all, Connie was one of his close friends, too, and it was obvious that he was in terrible shape right now.

“Well?” Levi snapped, growing impatient.

“N-nothing, Sir!” she stammered. “I...do not feel anything. Perhaps Mikasa was correct in saying that it was only...a...small group of people.”

 _Wait a minute...wasn't Sasha's family from Wall Rose, too?_ Jean thought, staring at his hands.

“Isn't that the direction of Castle Utgard?” Eren asked.

“It is--but that place is in ruins,” Armin replied. “Though I suppose it's always possible that the bandits staying there could have come back.”

“Wait,” Sasha gasped, holding out her hand. “I remember Connie telling me something about Castle Utgard--about the wine there!”

“Wine?”

“Yes!” Sasha nodded, her eyes wide. “Squad Leader Gelgar could not read the label--it was only by the scent that he recognized it to be alcohol! The label had to have been in another language! Connie also mentioned that the provisions in Castle Utgard were similarly labeled, and no one could read them!”

“You can't be serious...!” Jean murmured. “Another language--!”

“It could be the same language as the one we're studying!” Armin cried. “So whoever is doing this...is purposefully targeting places with clues to the Titan civilization. They're trying to cover it up!”

“That would explain why only a few people have been transformed this time,” Jean agreed. “If they were hiding out in Utgard and were discovered there, they'd immediately be under suspicion of digging for information--just like us...”

“Shit,” Levi hissed. “At this rate, we won't have any clues left.”

As the squad fell silent, Jean suddenly became aware of his pounding heart. He had not realized the danger they had put themselves in by joining Catherine's squad.

 _Is_ _ **she**_ _even aware of it?_ he wondered. _Shit...Captain Levi is right... This is a race against time now..._

“We need to rejoin with the others,” Levi declared. “Hurry!”

Knocking his ankles against his horse's sides, Jean quickly followed after Captain Levi, Armin riding beside him.

“This is a disaster,” Armin murmured.

“I guess it had been too quiet for too long,” Jean chuckled darkly. A bitter smile crossed Armin's lips before falling into a deep frown again.

“We have no time to lose. We have to work harder.”

“Yeah...I know...”

 


	88. Don't Let Yourself Be Crippled With Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey to Ragako is a productive one, but not in the way anyone expected.  
> But, growth by facing one's worst fears is still growth. It is still valid. It is still progress.

_“Well? Did you see any others?” Hanji asked Levi when he and his squad were in earshot._

_“Not yet,” he replied gruffly, a grim look upon his already sour face._

_“Another village was destroyed--” Catherine began, but Levi cut her off._

_“Maybe not this time.”_

_“What do you mean?” Hanji gasped._

_“We can talk about it on the way back.”_

_“Squad Leader!” Moblit cried suddenly, pointing toward the west. He had his binoculars up against his eyes, and Hanji grimaced. It was not that she was not prepared to deal with this kind of disaster--she just had hoped it would not come to this._

_“More of them?!” Eren cried._

_“Yes!” Sasha exclaimed. “They are moving very quickly!”_

_“All right, let's go!” Hanji shouted, pulling on her horse's reins. “See if we can run them close to the wall and let the Garrison take care of them!”_

_When Erwin had asked her to lead the mission, she had accepted without a second thought. But now, in the face of even more turmoil, she regretted not trying harder to talk him into coming. She was not sure what to do now--she only knew that she had to keep them all safe. They could not afford to lose anyone else._

 

“They’ve spotted us, Squad Leader!”

Yasmin glanced over to her left to see the group of Titans headed their way. She could clearly see four of them now, and though they were far from the biggest ones she had ever seen, she knew that in numbers, they could cause some pretty big damage.

“Keep going!” Hanji commanded them.

“We can’t outrun them,” Armin murmured from behind Yasmin. “At this rate--“

“Hanji, they’re too close,” Captain Levi said, his words crisp.

“I’ll go.”

Yasmin could not help but feel shocked to hear Bianca, of all people, volunteering herself to go into combat. She was a Police soldier--naturally she did not have as much combat experience as the others. Why would she want to do this?

“I can handle it,” Bianca added as Squad Leader Catherine stared at her.

“Then go,” Catherine stated after a brief pause.

“Not on your own, you won’t!” Claus pulled his horse up beside Bianca's, blocking her path to the Titans. “I’ll go, too!”

“Great idea,” Catherine said, a wry smile appearing on her face. “You Military Police kids can show the others how you earned your spots into the top ten.”

Claus laughed, genuinely amused, then replied, “Squad Leader, weren’t you in the top ten as well? Why don’t you come with us?”

“She was in the top ten?” Armin murmured. Yasmin glanced over her shoulder to see Jean shake his head. Was Claus telling the truth? Then again, he and Bianca both knew Catherine far better than anyone else in the squad. He had no real reason to lie about this.

“I guess I can’t refuse,” Catherine muttered, letting out a quiet laugh. “Come on, Levi.”

“What? Why me?” Captain Levi was obviously annoyed, but Catherine did not seem to care. In fact, the smirk on her face only broadened in response.

“Because this was all your suggestion in the first place.”

“…Tch.”

Yasmin watched in silence as Captain Levi glanced at the Titans, then looked back at Catherine; to her surprise, his gaze seemed to lose its harshness, and he finally let out a deep sigh in response.

“Let’s go.”

The four of them broke off from the group and headed straight for the oncoming Titans. Yasmin could not help but admire how heroic they all looked in that moment, with their cloaks flapping in the breeze and their swords in hand.

Bianca was the first to act--she jumped off of her horse and shot her hooks right into one Titan's shoulder, as if she had done it a million times. Yasmin was shocked to see her move with such agility, since she normally was such a quiet person. But Bianca did not hesitate to attack; she drove her blades into its eyes, blinding it and allowing Claus to move in for the kill. He, too, moved with such precision and control that Yasmin wondered if their squad was the exception to the Police. Did they train to fight Titans even in the regiment so far removed from them?

Either way, Claus clearly had what it took to kill a Titan; he brought down his prey with a strong slice to its nape, and a spray of blood followed. Bianca seemed to know exactly how to support Claus, and Claus knew how to follow-through. They were incredibly in-synch with each others' actions--but, Captain Levi and Squad Leader Catherine were even more incredible.

To be honest, Yasmin had expected nothing less of two veteran soldiers in the Survey Corps, but she still felt awestruck watching them in action, _this close to her_. They fought with their own styles, styles that happened to complement each other quite well, since both of them were about the same size and could use their bodies in similar ways on their gear. Both of them were also incredibly fast, and they demolished one Titan in just a matter of seconds, with Levi striking the final blow.

Catherine had moved on to the other Titan, dodging its hasty attempts to grab her. The Titan reached out one time too many, and its hand met Captain Levi's blades in a glorious display of crimson blood. Now completely distracted, the Titan was vulnerable to a fatal attack, and Catherine did not hesitate to take the chance. Moments later, bright red blood sprayed out of the Titan's nape, and a steaming chunk of its flesh flew from its body and onto the ground.

Yasmin almost gave in to her impulse to applaud their work, it had been so spectacular, but Levi and Catherine obviously had thought nothing of it. Instead, they simply called over their horses and mounted them, keeping an eye on Bianca and Claus all the while.

The Police duo was still struggling against the last Titan. It was obviously the most intelligent--probably the most human--and that posed a great threat for them, since it was not as easily distracted as the others had been. To Yasmin's surprise, neither Levi nor Catherine jumped in to help; they simply watched from the sidelines, as if they too were trying to figure out when would be the best time to strike.

The Titan then made a move toward Claus, but he had been waiting for it and responded with a quick sweep of his blade, slicing off all of its fingers. Bianca then moved in toward the Titan's nape, but despite having an open shot, she passed right by it and swung to the front of the Titan again.

“What’s she doing?” Olivia cried, obviously frustrated. “She had a clear shot!”

“Maybe she’s letting Claus finish it off,” Yasmin suggested.

“What for?”

“Kill counts matter to some people more than others,” Armin replied, to which Jean let out a sigh. Yasmin was not sure that was _quite_ what Bianca had in mind. She just did not seem like that type of person.

 _Does she recognize how human this Titan is...?_ Yasmin wondered. _Does that...bother her...or something...?_

Still, why Bianca would let her emotions get the better of her _now_ was beyond Yasmin's understanding. Claus was in obvious danger, but nobody was in a better position to help him than Bianca. Yasmin noticed Captain Levi start to head forward toward them, but Catherine held out an arm to stop him, shaking her head.

_Does she know what's going on? Or is she just waiting to see what happens?_

Finally, Bianca took her chance and shot down to the Titan's nape. Again, a spray of blood shot out from its body, and it collapsed to the ground, letting Claus make his getaway at last. Catherine and Levi met him on the ground, but Bianca was still somewhere near the Titan, and for a moment, Yasmin wondered if she had been hurt on the way down.

But, seconds later, Bianca came walking out of the steam, and the only blood on her body was evaporating away. The only kind of injury she appeared to have suffered was a mental one.

 _She must feel guilty,_ Yasmin concluded as the quartet rode back their way. She could clearly see the distant look in Bianca eyes, and she frowned in response. This was not the Bianca she had come to know thus far in their squad meetings--this was someone else, who was much weaker, and much more vulnerable.

 

…......

 

After the Titans were defeated, the expedition group's trip back toward headquarters was a quiet one. Connie was grateful for it; the last thing he wanted was for someone to try to talk to him, to assure him that things would be all right--because now, he knew better.

He had had a bad feeling about going back to his village all week, and his intuition had been spot on. He _knew_ who had done this, he knew even without concrete evidence that Reiner, Berholdt, and Ymir had had a hand in the total obliteration of his village.

 _Was it not enough to kill all of my family? To damn them to that hell?_ Connie thought, his frown deepening. _Did they really have to destroy the place like that? Those assholes...they knew the whole time... But none of 'em had the guts to tell me to my face what was going on. Those traitors..._

Connie could not cry now; he had shed all of his tears back at the ruins of his village, and now all that was left in his heart was a foul, unpleasant feeling, somewhere between disappointment, rage, and disgust. He could still clearly remember the jokes Ymir had made about his family to cover things up, and how Reiner had said that he was acting crazy.

_Traitors..._

Clicking his tongue in disgust, Connie stared straight ahead. He had no idea why he was still riding forward. What point was there in returning? What was he fighting for now?

“Stop it, Connie,” Sasha said suddenly, tearing Connie out of his thoughts. “Getting mad at them is not worth it anymore.”

“Easy for you to say,” Connie snapped. “They didn’t kill your family or anyone in your village. You weren’t as close to them as I was. I should be allowed to be angry.”

Sasha's only response was a sigh, and for a moment, Connie felt guilty for having lashed out at the one friend who had been with him through everything. Had she not pulled him to his feet, he might have stayed in Ragako, crying like a child until he too burned to the ground.

“Hey, look,” Sasha murmured, and Connie glanced over to see her pointing to the sky. “It’s going to rain tonight.”

“Yeah? So what?”

“Well, I mean…” Sasha lowered her arm and scratched her cheek. “If it rains hard enough, the fire in your village will go out. Maybe we can go back sometime and—“

“Sasha, just _stop_.”

Connie turned to look at Sasha, searching for the right words to shut her down without being a total asshole.

“Look, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better, but can you just shut up? I’m not in the mood to deal with—“

“You are not in the mood to deal with anything, yes?” Sasha finished for him. “Does that not just mean, ‘I do not want to face my problems’?”

“N-no, that’s not—“

“Connie, I am…a little disappointed in you.” Sasha grimaced, and Connie quickly looked away. “Things have been very hard for you lately, but I think you have also just made things harder on yourself.”

“Huh?!” he gasped, whipping his head back toward her.

“You have tried to deny the truth about our comrades for a long time, but there is too much evidence now to ignore the facts,” Sasha said, giving him a bitter smile. “I did not believe it, either, nor did I want to… But…if I did not accept the truth, my heart would have grown heavy, and my will to change this world would have faded. The same thing is happening to you—but only you have the power to change your way of thought, no?”

“…” Connie could not come up with a good enough excuse to escape her accusations. She was, of course, right on the money.

“I think, maybe, you have forgotten what kind of world we live in,” she then said softly, looking up toward their superior officers.

“It’s rotten,” Connie hissed. “This world is rotten, and just about everybody who lives in it is rotten, too.”

“Connie…” Sasha glanced back at him, the sad smile reappearing on her face. “That…is not wrong. But Mikasa once told us something—do you remember? This world is very cruel…but also, very beautiful.”

Connie fell silent as he tried to think of a good reply to counter this piece of wisdom, but he was soon distracted by the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance.

“Pick up the pace!” Squad Leader Hanji shouted back at them. “Let’s get inside before this storm gets to us!”

“You are not wrong—there are so many rotten things in this world,” Sasha declared firmly. “But there are also things worth fighting for.” A wide grin spread onto her face, and Connie suddenly felt more at ease seeing it. “Besides, we promised each other that when this is all over, we will take back the land and raise livestock and eat meat every day for a week!”

Connie could not help himself--he let out a quiet laugh, nodding a bit.

“Yeah, I did agree to that, didn’t I?” he muttered, trying to hide the grin that was pushing at his lips.

“More than once! And there is no way I can do all that work on my own, you know!” Sasha went on, giggling. She was always so cheerful, Connie envied her for it--but she was right. _He_ was the only one keeping himself from moving on and being happy. Granted, it was not going to happen overnight, but he had not even given himself the chance yet. He deserved at least that much.

“All right,” Connie laughed, “I’ll keep my end of the bargain…for now.”

 

…......

 

Olivia knew that Bianca was a naturally withdrawn person; she was rarely ever the first person to speak up in any situation, and she did not usually give out any kind of personal information without a great deal of prompting from someone else. She was also the type to act before explaining herself, whatever the situation might be, and usually, in the end, she would have a perfectly logical explanation for them. It did not take a genius to figure out all of these things, so Olivia also knew that Bianca must have had a good reason for volunteering to take down the Titans--and then being so unwilling to follow through on that task.

It was no secret to any of the members of the Special Linguistics Squad that most, if not all, Titans had once been humans and, by some horrible process, had been transformed. Olivia could not help but wonder if _that_ was what had caused Bianca to hesitate so much that she put her best friend in horrible danger.

By the time the group arrived back at Survey Corps headquarters, it had just started to rain, and a gentle mist covered the surrounding area.

“We need to get a group on watch,” Captain Levi told Hanji, who nodded.

“Moblit, come with me to report back to Erwin,” she said, hopping down off of her horse.

“We'll take care of your horses,” Catherine offered.

“Thank you,” Moblit murmured, hopping down and quickly following after Hanji, who was already headed toward the interior stable door.

Olivia slid down off of her own horse and peered out into the distance. The world around them seemed quiet now; they had not run into any more Titans after that small group, which only seemed to confirm Levi's theory that they were _not_ from a village.

 _Somehow, that makes it even worse,_ she thought, grimacing. _What if they were Wall Maria refugees? That's...sick..._

“Talk to me, Bianca...”

Lifting her head at the sound of Claus' voice, Olivia glanced around to find the pair. They were still seated on their horses, but they were straying from the group.

“Olivia? What are you doing?” Yasmin asked quietly.

“Shh,” Olivia hushed her as she followed after Bianca and Claus. “Stay there--I'll be right back.”

Slipping past the Survey Corps soldiers taking in their horses, Olivia pressed her back against the cool stone wall of the castle. Claus and Bianca were just around the corner, and if she listened hard enough, she could make out parts of their conversation over the background noise.

“...That was dangerous and you know it,” Claus hissed. “Why did you volunteer if you didn't want to fight them in the first place?”

“...I don't know,” Bianca murmured in reply. “I... I guess I just...wanted to prove something to myself.”

“Prove something...?”

“Yeah.” There was a pause, and then Bianca added, “I don't want to be afraid anymore, Claus. But I guess I still am.”

“...It's not your fault,” Claus said quietly, and again, they fell silent.

 _Is she afraid of the Titans?_ Olivia wondered. _Is that why she joined this squad in the first place? To learn more about them so that she wouldn't have to be scared anymore...?_

“...Things will change,” Claus murmured. “I mean, they've already started to.”

“I know, but...it's not going to be in our lifetime,” Bianca replied.

“Don't say that.”

“But it's the truth. I've known that from the beginning--what we're working for is going to benefit the future generations, but not us. Not yet.”

_“Not us”? What is she talking about?_

“Bianca...”

“After seeing what happened to Ragako...I don't know, I just felt...”

Bianca's words trailed off, and Claus sighed in response.

“I get it. I mean, I don't completely understand it, but, y'know, I get what you're trying to say,” he told her.

 _Yeah, but I don't_ , Olivia thought, crossing her arms and sliding down against the wall. _She chose to be in the Military Police--was it because of her fear? Or was it because...of something else...?_

Olivia did not know enough about Bianca yet to form any kind of real conclusion. For all she knew, the Sertolis might be connected to the royal family, or to the former Central Police--or maybe even to the religious cult.

 _...If_ _ **that's**_ _the case, then she's not alone,_ Olivia realized, reaching down into her right boot. Her fingertips met the cold metal of the silver anklet hooked around her leg. She ran her fingers over the small cross charm and pursed her lips. _Come to think of it, Bianca has a similar charm around her neck. I wonder..._

“Hey, we should get going.”

Olivia lifted her head at the sound of Yasmin's voice; she was still seated on her horse and was holding the reins of Olivia's mare, staring down at her with a concerned gaze. Flashing her a grin, Olivia took her hand out of her boot and pushed herself to her feet. As she dusted off her butt skirt, she narrowed her eyes and again listened for any further conversation from Claus or Bianca. But, they had fallen silent, leaving Olivia somewhat dissatisfied with the conclusion.

“What were you doing?” Yasmin asked as Olivia mounted her horse again.

“Trying to figure out the mysteries of this world,” Olivia replied, winking.

“...You were eavesdropping on them, weren't you?” Yasmin murmured, and Olivia let out a laugh in response.

“Was it that obvious?”

“No, but I know you. Nosy.”

“She worries me,” Olivia admitted, ignoring Yasmin's tease.

“Who, Bianca?” Yasmin paused before adding, “Yeah, I feel the same. She just...seems so sad.”

“Did you see her face after she killed that Titan?”

“Yeah. She looked like a ghost.”

“I just heard her say she's scared,” Olivia told her, lowering her voice.

“Of the Titans?”

“Yeah, seems like it.”

“...Well...I guess that _would_ explain why she joined the Police. You can't get much farther away from them than that...”

“My question is, why did she join the military in the first place?”

“Her parents are dead, right?” Yasmin pointed out. “I think she mentioned that once before.”

“Oh, yeah, that's true...” Olivia grimaced. “Maybe she felt like she didn't have a choice.”

“How sad...”

Pushing her hair over her shoulders, Olivia turned toward Catherine.

“We should start heading back,” she said. “Let's let Catherine know that we're leaving.”

“Yeah, good idea.”

 _I wish I knew what to say to her.._. Olivia thought as Bianca and Claus appeared around the corner again at last. _Bianca seems so lonely... If that were me, I wouldn't want to live that way... What...should I do...?_

 

 


	89. Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Armin prepares for added responsibility, he reunites with an old friend that he never knew he had.

_Slowly sitting upright in her bed, Catherine rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She had hoped that, after their trip to Ragako, she would be able to get some rest, but that had hardly been the case at all. In fact, she had been sleeping just as poorly--the images of the burning village haunted her mind._

_It had all been a glaringly obvious failure, and Catherine_ _**hated** _ _failing._

_The sun was not quite up yet, but she could not sleep any longer anyway, so with a reluctant sigh, Catherine pushed the sheets off of her legs and forced herself to stand from her bed. Just as she reached for the knob on her dresser, there was a knock on her door._

_“Who is it?” she asked groggily._

_“Me!” Hanji's voice was disgustingly energetic for this time of morning. “I knew you'd be awake already! Damn, I'm good!”_

_“What is it?” Catherine pulled a pair of pants from her drawer and pulled them on as she awaited Hanji's reply._

_“Well, now that the mission to Ragako is done and over with, I was wondering if I could talk to you and Levi about Armin's role...”_

_“Ah, as an ambassador...” Catherine murmured. In a louder voice this time, she added, “Yeah, I'll be right out!”_

 

_This has got to be the most uncomfortable moment of my life._

Sitting down further into his seat, Levi glanced out of the carriage window for the umpteenth time, trying to avoid anyone's gaze. It was one thing to be trapped in with Erwin, who would sometimes get bored and pry, or try to drag him into an unwanted conversation. Levi did not mind Armin being with them, either; the young man was quite calm and patient.

What made it so uncomfortable was that Bruno Sertoli was sitting across from him with an almost expectant gaze, as if waiting for him to speak up.

 _I have nothing to say to you,_ Levi thought, keeping his narrow eyes fixed on the people walking around within Sina. _Not yet, at least._

Levi was, of course, incredibly grateful to Bruno for having saved his life and taken down Kenny, who had haunted him for many years of his life. Bruno had also done his part in dismantling the Central Police and restoring order to the Military Police again, and because of his efforts, the Survey Corps was relatively safe again. Levi was sure that, whatever was to come, Bruno would be able to handle it with ease.

But, Levi did not want to talk about that night, especially not with Erwin and Armin here. He did not want any of it brought up, because he _knew_ what direction that conversation would go in.

_We're_ _**not** _ _going to bring that up here._

“I think after dinner we'll head back to our headquarters,” Erwin said, a smile in his voice.

“I'm sure Nile will be happy to see you,” Bruno replied.

“Well, we'll see, I suppose... We certainly have a lot to talk about.”

_Yeah, you might--but I sure as hell don't._

“Looks like we're almost there,” Bruno then said, pushing the curtain aside to look outside. “...Thank you again for agreeing to this. I really do think it will help with the communication between the regiments. I have my own messenger in mind as well.”

“It's nothing,” Erwin said with a laugh. “I'm glad we've gotten things to this point.”

“...It's nothing,” Levi echoed, arms still folded across his chest.

“...Please, thank Catherine for me, too,” Bruno murmured. Levi glanced up at Bruno to see the man staring down at him, a hint of gentleness to his face.

“...I will.”

 _Dammit, she should have just come with us_ , Levi thought, balling his hand up into a fist. _She's better at talking than me--she could have kept this from getting awkward._

Still, Levi knew why he was here--Armin was his responsibility. He not only had Armin in _his_ squad, but in Catherine's as well. Whether he liked it or not, Levi was one of the few people Armin could consider as his guardian.

 _...But Erwin practically raised him_ , he realized, looking over at Armin again. His wide blue eyes were calm as he looked up at Bruno. He seemed so incredibly young in that moment, but as he began to think about it, Levi realized that this was the beginning of Armin's second year in the Corps.

A full year...

It had gone by fast. There was not a day that passed where Levi did not think of his previous squad. He missed them, but there was no way for him to tell them that now. Just like everyone else, he had to move on.

 _...There are too many other things to worry about, anyway_ , Levi told himself as they pulled up to the Military Police headquarters at last.

 

…......

 

“God, this whole thing is just insulting,” Nikoleta grumbled as she walked down the hall next to Bianca.

“Insulting?” Bianca echoed.

“Don't you think so, too?” Nikoleta balled her hands up into fists, narrowing her eyes. She was not entirely sure why Bruno had agreed to this proposal, but she knew he _had_ to have _some_ kind of plan up his sleeve. If he did not, their organization was probably fucked.

“Not really.” Bianca gave Nikoleta a calm smile. “It's important that all the regiments work together.”

“Yeah, but come on--Commander Erwin _hand-picked_ this kid to basically _supervise us,_ ” Nikoleta complained. “Does he think we're incompetent? Does he not trust us? We're on their side, for god's sake!”

“Armin isn't so bad,” Bianca insisted. “He's a pretty nice kid.”

“That's even worse! The _last_ thing this organization needs is a half-baked wimp who can't even keep up with us but tries to boss us around anyway!”

To her surprise, Bianca let out a laugh.

“What's so funny?” Nikoleta huffed.

“You just remind me so much of Bruno,” she chuckled. “But don't worry. This is a good thing. I would have tried to stop him if I thought it wouldn't be worth our time.”

“...Fine... I guess I trust you...”

Nikoleta crossed her arms, trying to control her seething anger. She had not meant to lash out at Bianca, who had obviously done nothing wrong. Still, the whole thing just felt wrong.

After everything that had happened to the Police in the last year, Nikoleta could understand why there was distrust. If she had to be honest with herself, Nile was not a very good leader--he was skittish and motivated by his feelings. He was not nearly as reliable as Bruno, and Nikoleta was kind of surprised Bruno had not replaced him as the Commander after replacing their phony king with Queen Historia.

But, after spending several weeks working alongside him, Nikoleta realized he did not _need_ to be replaced. People respected Bruno, or they feared him--the dynamic within their organization was very clear.

So, with the Survey Corps sending an “ambassador” to “help” them, it seemed more like their way of telling Bruno to reel himself and his squad in.

“He'd better not be bossy,” Nikoleta muttered as she and Bianca headed down the stairs toward the conference room.

“He's not at all,” Bianca assured her. “He reminds me a lot of Commander Erwin...but maybe not quite as ruthless.”

“Hmph.”

Nikoleta pulled open the door to the conference room with a sharp tug, then held the door open.

“Hey, Armin,” Bianca greeted.

“Hi, Bianca! I see Claus isn't here yet...”

Bianca let out a dark chuckle in response as Nikoleta shut the door behind them.

 _She's already being so nice to him_ , Nikoleta thought, pursing her lips as she turned around. _But I don't--!_

It was as if someone had doused her in cold water the moment Nikoleta met Armin's gaze. She knew exactly who he was, even with just once glance at his face. He had not changed that much in a year--his hair was only a little longer, and he was perhaps a little taller.

“You...!” Nikoleta breathed, her hand dropping to her side.

“Ah, you two haven't met yet, either,” Bruno said, gesturing to her. Nikoleta felt her entire body freeze up as Armin started to walk around the table toward her. “Nikoleta, this is Armin Arlert. Starting today, he'll be working alongside us very closely.”

 _...I'm dreaming_ , Nikoleta thought as Armin reached her and held out his hand. He had a disgustingly beautiful smile on his face, totally genuine and friendly, but it almost seemed like a sick joke. _There's just...no way..._

Nikoleta had almost forgotten about that beautiful boy she had seen walk out with the 104th graduating class. She had unintentionally ignored him because, as it turned out, he had not graduated in the top ten of his class. The first time she had seen him, she had not known his name, but now that she thought about it, it had been plastered at the top of all of that class' academic records.

“It's nice to meet you,” Armin said in a cheerful, pleasant voice. His boyish charm had only developed over the past year.

“I... It's...” Nikoleta stammered, trying to find the right words. “You... Your name is...Armin?”

“Yes,” Armin replied, laughing a bit. This all seemed to good to be true.

“Wow, Nikoleta _can_ be shy!” Serene exclaimed, giggling.

“I'm not shy!” Nikoleta insisted, feeling her ears grow hot.

 _I'm just trying to figure out if this is real or not_ , she thought, finally taking Armin's hand in his. It was pleasantly warm, and Nikoleta felt disgusted with her own clammy one touching something so ridiculously pure.

“...I ...Thank...you,” Nikoleta finally sputtered, and Armin released her hand, nodding. The smile faded from his face.

“No need to thank me,” he told her. “I know this is something we've all needed to do for a while now.”

“Well, we can't do too much today,” Bruno spoke up. “Our only item on the agenda for this afternoon is to meet with Queen Historia.”

“Commander Erwin also mentioned having dinner afterward,” Bianca reminded him.

“Great! That's probably for the best,” Armin said with a smile, his eyes lighting up. Nikoleta squeezed her hand into a fist again, trying to keep herself from shaking.

_...This is...a sick joke..._

 

…......

 

“I'm kind of nervous,” Armin admitted, laughing quietly as he followed Bruno and Bianca through the palace. “I haven't spoken with Historia for a while now.”

“I'm sure she'll still consider you as a friend!” Serene reassured him.

“She'll at least like you more than she likes us, I think,” Claus added with a quiet chuckle.

“That'd be nice,” Armin murmured.

Still, he was not so sure--after all, seeing him might cause unpleasant memories to resurface. He still considered her a friend, so the last thing he wanted to do was bring back the pain she had been working hard to push past.

“Nikoleta, you've been quiet today,” Bruno said suddenly. “What happened?”

“...Nothing's wrong,” she murmured. Armin glanced over at her; her eyes were glued to the back of Bianca's boots. “I'm fine. I just don't have anything to contribute to this conversation.”

Armin smiled as Bruno flicked his eyes up at the ceiling; he could see the similarities in personality between Catherine and Bruno quite easily now. He was curious to see who had learned what from whom--and, on top of that, how Rowen had ended up befriending both of them, too.

Unfortunately, he would have to wait to get the answers to his questions; Bruno rapped his knuckles against the door of Historia's meeting room sharply, with an authority that felt familiar to Armin.

“Your Majesty, our guest has arrived,” he announced.

“Come in.” Historia's voice was muffled through the door, but she sounded about the same as ever.

Bruno pushed open the door, leading them all inside. The moment Armin laid eyes on Historia, her face lit up with genuine happiness and relief.

“Armin!?” she cried, pushing her long hair over her shoulder. “Really?! You're the one--?!”

“Yes, it's me,” Armin laughed as Historia jumped up from her seat.

“It feels like it's been forever!” she exclaimed, giving him a hug. Armin was admittedly caught off-guard by this gesture; this seemed something that _Krista_ might have done more than _Historia_ \--but perhaps this was proof that she had come to accept herself and was happy in her new life.

“So, you're working with the Police now, too?” she then asked, looking up at Armin with wide blue eyes.

“I am,” Armin chuckled.

“Wow...you must be busy. Aren't you also with a new squad in the Corps?”

“Guilty.”

“You should make time to rest, too, you know...”

“Your Majesty,” Bruno interjected, “I don't mean to interrupt or be rude in saying this, but we'll have plenty of time for socialization and catching up at dinner.”

“Ah, I'm sorry. You're right.” Sighing through her nose, Historia returned to her seat, her gown flowing behind her. Armin could hardly believe it was the same person he had spent three years in training with. “We have a lot to talk about, don't we? I heard about what happened at Ragako, too...”

 _So she_ _ **has**_ _been thinking about it,_ Armin thought as Historia's face fell. She lowered her gaze to her hands, which were daintily placed in her lap.

“...I hate to think about it like this, but I suppose we shouldn't be surprised,” Bruno admitted. “But, this is precisely why Commander Erwin has proposed that Armin works with us.”

“I think it's a good idea,” Historia agreed, nodding. “...I know my family history, and I know that we used to be a people who worshiped the Titans, but that age is over now. What they're trying to do is traitorous and vicious. I hate to speak ill of people I once called my friends, but I...must think of the good of all people now. That is my role.”

Giving Historia a gentle smile, Armin nodded in agreement. He could not help feeling relieved to hear her speaking about the world's problems from such an objective perspective.

 _Commander Erwin will be relieved_ , he thought as Bruno continued the conversation and the gloomy look disappeared from Historia's face. He and Captain Levi had started their meeting with Commander Nile by now, which meant that they probably had not yet had the chance to speak with Historia directly. But, luckily, she had grown into her role as Queen; they would all be able to rest a little easier knowing that.

 

…......

 

As weird as it was to see Armin, Captain Levi, and Commander Erwin again, Historia felt at ease seeing them and talking to them, more than she would have ever expected.

In her role as the Queen, Historia did not get a lot of time for personal socialization. The only one who ever really listened to her or talked with her (not at her) was Serene, who was admittedly too nice for her own good and often indulged in Historia's whims to slack off and act her age. But the others--Bruno, Claus, Bianca, Marlowe, and especially Nikoleta, were incredibly strict and very task-driven. Bianca and Marlowe barely even talked to her at all beyond what was necessary, and Claus was usually all business. Bruno and Nikoleta did not seem to _mind_ her, but it was not like they really listened to her. They were obviously just doing their jobs.

She could not blame them, either. If she was in their place, she would probably do the same. None of them had any real connection to her, and it was not as if they had _chosen_ this specific job.

Still, Historia could not help feeling lonely, and seeing Armin was surprisingly helpful.

“I heard that there was a reunion for our class,” Historia murmured, keeping her voice low so as not to distract the others in their own various conversations at the dinner table.

“There was,” Armin replied, confirming it with a nod.

“I see... I wish I could have gone...”

“It was...nice.” Armin gave her a sad smile. “There were a lot of tears, but I think it was good for all of us. We all needed to heal.”

“That sounds nice...”

“I think we'll do the same kind of thing next year,” Armin then said. “We didn't all meet up in one place or anything--we were spread out all over Trost. Everyone just...went to the spots where people had died, and they put down gifts and flowers next to the houses and what not.”

“I'm sure Marco's had a pretty large pile of stuff,” Historia said with a gentle laugh.

“It did. Maybe the biggest. I don't think anyone disliked--”

Armin's words seemed to catch in his throat, and Historia raised her eyebrows, setting her fork down.

“...Armin? What's wrong?” she asked.

“...I... Historia...how close were you with Annie?” Armin inquired, sounding almost hesitant.

“Annie?” Historia echoed. “I...I'm not sure if I could say that we were close, but she was my friend. She _was_. If she came out of that crystal today, though, I'm not sure what I would feel.”

“We think that...Annie may have killed Marco--or at least, she was involved in his death.”

Historia sat back in her chair, sighing through her nose.

“...I wish I could say I was surprised,” she muttered. “But after what happened last year... So, does that mean Reiner and Bertholdt were also involved?”

“...Unfortunately.”

“I see...” Historia narrowed her eyes, staring at the polished wood table. “...I still don't understand it.”

“What?”

“I don't understand why Ymir went with them,” she admitted, gritting her teeth.

“Maybe she didn't have a choice,” Armin murmured. “It's just like with Ragako--we're not sure who did what, but it's entirely possible that Ymir was just being strung along.”

“No--I wish you were right about that, but you're wrong. Ymir...is selfish. Just like me, I suppose, but it's true.” Historia glanced at Armin before lowering her gaze again. “If she had wanted to fight off Bertholdt and Reiner, she would have done it.”

“...I guess that's also a possibility.” Armin gave her a sad smile, then added, “Hopefully someday she'll come back so we can ask her.”

“She can't come back--she'll be executed.”

“You're the Queen, aren't you? You could save her if you wanted to.”

Historia pursed her lips, her eyes widening as she let Armin's words sink in. He was right--she _did_ have the power to save Ymir if it came down to that.

But, right now, she did not really _want_ to.

Historia wanted answers, she wanted an explanation for why Ymir had betrayed her feelings and everyone's trust to help a couple of traitorous murderers. Until she got that information, though, she had no real reason for helping Ymir with anything. If she _wanted_ to, she could probably command a squad, or even an entire regiment, to go out and find her--but what was the point? It would probably just result in more wasted lives and resources lost.

“...I have other things I have to do now,” Historia muttered.

“I know. I'm proud of you.”

“Huh?”

Armin chuckled as he said, “I'm proud of you, really. We all are. You were thrown into this position, but you've done a good job so far. We're enjoying an era of peace--it's been a long time since we've been able to do that.”

“I haven't done anything,” Historia insisted. “You guys in the Corps are the ones who did everything--you and Bruno's squad.”

“Yeah, but you didn't _have_ to become Queen.”

“Oh yes I did. Captain Levi would have killed me.”

“No, he wouldn't have.” Armin laughed, glancing over at the sour-faced Captain. “I know he seems like a heartless jerk, but he's not such a bad person. He's just like the rest of us--he just wants our world to become better.”

Historia sighed, slowly shaking her head. She would not deny Armin's claim entirely, because she was sure that to some extent, he was telling the truth. But that did not change her opinion of him altogether--he was still a terrifying force to be reckoned with.

“Anyway, how well do you know the members of Bruno's squad?” Historia asked. “You've met a couple of them before, right?”

“Yeah, I know Claus and Bianca from my linguistic squad,” Armin replied, nodding. “But they all seem like great people. I look forward to getting to know them all better.”

“Hopefully it'll all work out,” Historia said with a quiet sigh. “I think if anyone can handle it, it's you, Armin.”

Armin laughed, scratching the back of his neck.

“Ah, well, I'm not so sure about that...”

“You've had plenty of practice by being friends with Eren and Jean...”

“...That's true...”

As they both laughed, Historia felt her throat start to close up. This was the first time she had _really_ been able to laugh in a long time.

 _It can't be helped_ , she told herself. _This is just how things are now. It can't be like this all the time. I have to enjoy these moments as they come..._

 


	90. Things To Be Said

_“...I should have known I'd find you in here...” Bruno muttered as he stared down at Catherine, who was stretched out across one of the benches in the library. If he had not already known her for a couple of years now, he would not have assumed that she had grown up in Sina, with the way she was sprawled out, her legs propped up over the back of the bench._

_“What's_ _**that** _ _supposed to mean?” Catherine grumbled, peering over the top of her book. Bruno could see the title: “A History of the Evolution of Military Weaponry.”_

_“Are you studying?” he asked, ignoring her question._

_“No, it just caught my eye. If we're going to join the military, we might as well know what we're getting into, right?”_

_Bruno let out a sigh, shaking his head._

_“...You can't use that as a cover-up to hide the fact that you like reading boring books,” he told her, to which Catherine chuckled._

_“I know I've told you this before, but I don't mind repeating myself: even if the book is boring, reading is fun. It's important to expand your mind.”_

_“...Your poor students,” Bruno laughed. Catherine rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Rowen wanted me to ask you if you wanted to join us for dinner at our usual place.”_

_“Mmhmm,” Catherine grunted, her eyes back down on her book. “Whatever.”_

_“All right. If you ever manage to pull yourself out of that book, we'll be waiting for you.”_

_“Uh-huh.”_

_Sighing once more, Bruno walked away, a smile crossing his lips. She had always been like this, according to Rowen, and a part of him could not help but admire for it. It was obvious that she had worked hard to become so educated--she had used her status to her advantage._

 

Normally, Catherine did not have to struggle to find things to do. Being in the Survey Corps was, of course, a job; she was being paid to do all of these things, but even if she had been doing this on a volunteer basis, she hated not being busy, so it was all a sort of blessing in disguise.

 _...It's all done...?_ Catherine thought as she thumbed through her stack of documents. She had been waiting on a few signatures from Levi for a while, and he had taken his sweet time getting them to her. But now, as she filed through her paperwork, she found that, for the first time, they were caught up.

“Finally...” Catherine muttered under her breath, sitting back in her chair.

Glancing at her clock, Catherine pursed her lips; it was late, but usually the only people who stayed up this late were her and Levi. If she was going to drop in on him, he would probably still be awake.

The halls of the Survey Corps headquarters were eerily silent, but Catherine was accustomed to it by now. Nobody else in their right mind would willingly be up at this hour; besides, the less people with insomnia, the better.

“Levi?” Catherine murmured as she quietly knocked on the wooden door. There was no immediate response, but she knew that her call had been quiet, so she waited a moment longer. Then, her hand fell down to the door knob, and--not to her surprise--she found that the door was indeed unlocked, meaning that Levi was still awake and had just not heard her.

“...Levi?”

Slowly pushing the door open, Catherine peered into the quiet, dim-lit room. Levi was indeed there, sitting at his desk, but he was sitting completely still, and it took Catherine a moment to realize that he had apparently fallen asleep in his chair.

Letting out a quiet laugh through her nose, Catherine gently shut the door behind her and tip-toed over to Levi. Sure enough, he was sound asleep in his chair, a blanket draped over his legs.

 _I didn't even know that he slept_ , Catherine thought, smirking to herself. _This must be how it happens, huh...?_

Glancing to her left, Catherine noticed how immaculate Levi's bed was.

 _...Does he ever even sleep in his bed?_ she wondered, her smile fading. _...I wonder if I should wake him up and make him move over there...?_

Before Catherine could reach a decision, an open book on Levi's desk caught her eye, and she leaned down to investigate it.

... _This is...a dictionary..._ she thought, peering down at the small text. _What was he wanting to look up?_

Catherine looked over at the paperwork on Levi's desk, and her eyes widened as she scanned over the text. She recognized this document--she had seen it on his desk almost two weeks prior, when she had been hounding him to finish up the stuff he owed her first.

 _Why is this taking him so long?_ she wondered. _It's not_ _ **that**_ _complicated, is it?_

Levi's dictionary was open to a page in the “p's,” so Catherine scanned the document for any word complicated enough to look up in a dictionary.

 _...All I see is “parole”... Why would he need to look that up?_ Flipping through the previous few pages, she could see little notes written in small, messy, all-caps handwriting. _...He's written notes all over it? He spelled “inquiry” wrong, too..._

As if she had been splashed with cold water, the realization of what she had stumbled upon made Catherine straighten up quickly. Slowly, she put a hand to her forehead as she tried to take it all in.

 _Levi grew up in the underground--did he ever even go to school?!_ she wondered, her thoughts racing in time with her heartbeat. _Can he even read? I mean, like the rest of us? I...don't think that he can... He's looking up words any adult his age should_ _ **know**_ _... And he's always late with getting paperwork to me and the others... This is why? Because he's illiterate? How...?_

There was just no getting around it, though--the more Catherine thought about it, the more everything began to make sense.

_He never sleeps because he's always trying to work on this shit, because it takes him so much longer than everyone else, because he has to look up so many words... And that's why he refused to help my squad with their studies--because he can't even fully understand his first language..._

For a few moments, all Catherine could do was stare down at the sleeping Levi; suddenly the bags under his eyes made more sense, as did his immaculately-made bed.

“Oh my god...” Catherine breathed, lowering her hand to her mouth.

 _I wish he had told me,_ she thought, unable to tear her eyes away from him. _If he had just told me from the beginning, I could have helped him. I mean, I guess I still can, if he wants me to, but I... I don't know what to do... I don't know what I should say to him..._

Catherine did not normally pity people, but looking at the peaceful look on Levi's sleeping face seemed to break down her defenses.

_I feel so bad for him...living this kind of life, all this time... He must be so unhappy... Is that why he keeps me around? Because sleeping with me makes him feel better...? But it still doesn't make him happy, does it...? Is that something I can't do? But I want to..._

Catherine had not even realized that there were tears rolling down her cheeks until she tasted them on her lips. Startled, she inhaled quickly, putting her hands on either side of her face.

 _Calm down,_ she told herself, but she could not stop staring down at Levi. Her chest felt tight, and it was getting hard to breathe. _Stop it._

Her hands shaking, Catherine closed her eyes for a moment, but when she did, she could still see his face, and her eyes popped open again.

_Why is this affecting me so much? It shouldn't matter! I shouldn't have to care!_

Lowering her hands, she gulped down the whimper that had been building up in her throat.

Catherine _did_ care, more than she was willing to admit even to herself. She cared a lot about Levi, but she was not sure what to say beyond that. It was just that...the thought of him being happy, not having to live like this, meant more to her than she had realized.

As gently she could, Catherine reached down to the blanket in Levi's lap; she slowly pulled it up to his chin, tucking it behind his shoulders.

 _...This is...terrifying,_ she thought, lowering her head so that it was right next to Levi's. _I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know what to do..._

Before she could start crying again, Catherine straightened herself up and turned toward the door. Her heart was throbbing in her neck, and she felt like she might pass out at any second.

_Rowen..._

Hurrying quietly out of Levi's room, the second the door closed behind her, Catherine ran to the next door down, where Rowen's room was.

“Rowen!” she hissed, quietly but quickly knocking on his door. “It's me, Rowen! Get up! Please!”

There was no response, and Catherine let out a frustrated whimper.

“ _Rowen!_ ” she cried, her knocking growing more desperate. “Get _up_!”

 

…......

 

Rowen had been sound asleep when he awoke to someone pounding on his door. He immediately assumed the worst--that the Titans they had encountered within Wall Rose were greater in number than they had assumed, and their headquarters was under attack.

He had just started to grab his harness when he heard Catherine's unmistakable voice come from the other side of the door.

“Rowen!? Please!” she cried. “I really need to talk to you!”

“...Huh...?” Rowen grunted, walking over to his door and pulling it open to reveal a sobbing Catherine. “...What happened?! What's wrong?!”

“I...I just...” Catherine stammered, her eyes wild and red-rimmed.

“Get inside,” Rowen said quickly, pulling her into his room and closing the door. “What happened to you?! Did somebody hurt you or--”

“No! No!” Catherine shook her head. “No, not that. It's not that.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Rowen released Catherine's arm and sat down on the edge of his bed. Catherine immediately started pacing back and forth across his room, her hands on either side of her head. She looked completely manic, but Rowen knew he could not always drag information out of her when she was in a state of panic like this. He had to wait for her to calm down first.

“...Rowen, what...” Catherine suddenly stopped pacing, slowly lowering her arms. “...What do you feel when you look at Lucia?”

“When I look at Lucia?” Rowen echoed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Mm, like rainbows are gonna shoot out of my ass.”

“I'm being serious!” Catherine shouted, whipping her head around to face him. Startled, Rowen sat upright.

“Geez, okay, I'm sorry!” Rowen let out a quiet laugh. “You just asked me an odd question, that's all!” Sighing through his nose, he crossed his arms. “Mm...when I look at Lucia, I feel...happy? I dunno, it's hard to describe, but...she's precious to me, in a different way than my friends are, and I want her to be happy. I want to be able to be the one to _make_ her happy.”

To his surprise, Catherine let out a groan; she placed her hands over her face, lowering her head.

“What, was that not a good enough response for you?” Rowen asked, laughing. “Why are you asking me something like that, anyway? At this hour?”

Catherine did not laugh--in fact, she seemed almost irritated with him for being so amused. Gritting her teeth, she folded her arms across her chest.

“...I...think I might be in love with someone,” she finally admitted in an uncharacteristically timid voice.

“Wait, what? _What_?!” Rowen gasped, and Catherine started pacing again. “With who!? Since when!? Why am I just now finding out about this?!”

“...I... I just...ugh.” Catherine stopped again, lowering her head so that her hair hid her face. “I didn't think it would come to this, Rowen. I didn't think it would evolve into this...”

“Evolve?”

“...I've been sleeping with Levi.”

Rowen had heard Catherine's words, and it _sounded_ like Catherine's voice, but it did not sound like something she would ever admit to, and he had not seen her mouth moving, so there was definitely part of him that could not believe it.

“...What?” he sputtered in disbelief, and Catherine lifted her tear-stained face, grimacing.

“I've been sleeping with Levi,” she repeated. “Don't make me say it again.”

“... _What_?!”

“Rowen--”

“No, no, I'm not _mad_ or anything! You've just gotta understand--I didn't think you would _ever_ be the type--I mean, Lucia and I haven't even--”

“ _Rowen_ , hush.” Catherine let out a sigh. “It's true, okay? And at first, that's all it was. But now, I... Rowen, I think he's illiterate.”

“Wait, who is? Levi?” When Catherine nodded, Rowen reiterated, “ _Our_ Levi? _The_ Captain Levi?”

“Yes, Rowen. I just found out. I mean, he didn't come out and _tell_ me that, but...I figured it out. It explains so much about him.”

“...Damn...” Rowen murmured, lowering his gaze for a moment. He had never even considered that _anyone_ in the Survey Corps could not read and write properly, but it did make sense, considering Levi's background. “But...what does that have to do with your feelings? Can you not love a person who--”

“No, that's not it,” Catherine interrupted, shaking her head. Rowen could hear the tears coming back to her voice. “Rowen, when this all started, we--we agreed it didn't mean anything. And it didn't. It really didn't--it just felt good. But tonight, when I went in to talk to him, and I saw him sitting there asleep, and I realized everything he's been through--everything _I've_ been putting him through... I just...”

A sob escaped Catherine's throat, and she quickly covered her mouth. Rowen sighed through his nose, giving his friend a small smile.

 _Some things don't change_ , he thought. _You're still as guarded as ever_.

“...I want him to be happy,” she finally murmured. “I want to be able to make him happy. I don't really know why, or what that means, but...it just makes my chest hurt...”

“Does he make _you_ happy?” Rowen asked gently, and Catherine hesitated, wiping tears from her eyes.

“I don't know,” she admitted. “I don't know if I can tell you what happiness is.”

“Well, does it feel _good_ to be around him?”

“...Yes...” Catherine mumbled.

“That's good--now you just need to figure out if he has any of those kinds of feelings, too. Even if it's not what either of you think 'love' is, if you both really care about each other, and if being around each other feels good, then there's no need to change anything right now.”

Catherine sighed, and Rowen chuckled.

“And your chest will eventually stop hurting,” he added, to which Catherine rolled her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself.

“...I hope so.” She grimaced as she continued, “I mean, at the very least, I need to find out if he really is illiterate. If so, he needs to try harder. Not just for my squad, but for his own sake.”

“Then it's a good thing he's your Assistant Squad Leader, right?” Rowen laughed, and Catherine nodded, her face softening.

“...Thank you, Rowen,” she murmured. “I'm sorry I barged in on you like this.”

“It's nothing--that's what friends are for.” He then stood from his bed, opening his arms. “Come here--let me give you a hug. It's been rough. You need it.”

Sighing loudly, Catherine dropped her arms to her sides and walked over to Rowen. He squeezed her tightly against him, smiling to himself. Though this all was the last thing he had expected to hear, he was glad she had come to him, even about this kind of thing. He trusted Catherine explicitly, and he wanted to her to feel the same. She was part of his family, after all.

“...When you guys eventually get married, I want to do a speech,” he whispered.

Catherine immediately shoved her fist into his gut, knocking Rowen back.

“We're _not_ getting married,” she hissed, but through her anger, Rowen could see a smile trying to push its way on to her face.

“G'night, Catherine,” he laughed, and her face softened again. “Get some sleep.”

“Good night, Rowen. I will.”

 

…......

 

Nikoleta had only ever ridden in a carriage once before, when she was young, and it had been to her father's funeral. She had cried the whole way there and back, and the bumps and lurches had made her stomach churn.

Now, though, she could not have felt more in control. She sat up straight in her seat, glancing out of the small window to her left, watching the world of Stohess go through its motions. Bruno was seated across from her, his hands in his lap. Any normal person probably would have felt intimidated riding alone with their superior officer, but Nikoleta knew too much about Bruno to fear him. She also knew that he respected her--otherwise, he would not have chosen her for this task.

Nikoleta thanked the driver as she and Bruno exited the carriage in front of the small but beautiful building--a branch of the most popular newspaper publishing company in their world. They were the same company that had turned around Trost last year, and the Stohess branch was responsible for obtaining and organizing news from the innermost walls, as well as the Military Police and royal family.

“Your friend--Lucia, was it? She must really trust you if she's letting you choose a total stranger to work with her,” Nikoleta chuckled as they walked up the front steps.

“Lucia has good judgment,” Bruno replied. “If she doesn't trust someone, you'll be able to tell.”

“The real question is, is _she_ trustworthy?”

“Incredibly.”

Nikoleta noted the small smile on Bruno's face as he opened the front door for her.

“She's managed to put up with my friend Rowen for this long _and_ maintain a steady and successful career,” he went on, gesturing for Nikoleta to go ahead. “I trust her.”

 _If he does, then I do, too_ , Nikoleta thought as she walked inside.

The inside of the building was not as well-kept as the outside, but it still gave off a pleasant atmosphere. It was cozy and nicely decorated, but it was definitely an older building. Nikoleta felt as if she was in an old cottage rather than a business establishment.

“Bruno?”

Nikoleta turned her head at the sound of a female's voice. A woman was peering out from a room further down the main hallway.

“Hello, Lucia,” Bruno said, and the young woman stepped out into the hallway, walking quickly toward them.

Lucia was not what Nikoleta had expected at all--she looked more like a young housewife than a journalist. Her blonde hair was swept back into a ponytail, and she had round, alert green eyes. She was attractive, no doubt, but as she approached, Nikoleta could also tell that she was intelligent; it was obvious in the way that she carried herself.

“It's so good to see you again,” Lucia said as she reached Bruno and gave him a hug. “It's been too long.”

“That's my fault,” Bruno admitted with a quiet laugh.

“I know.” Lucia pushed him back, smirking. “You and Catherine never write anymore. I have to ask Rowen for everything now.”

“Sorry...”

Lucia shook her head, smiling.

“I'm just teasing. I know you've both been busy.”

Lucia then turned to Nikoleta, holding out her hand. Nikoleta immediately grasped it firmly and shook it--she was surprised to feel that Lucia's handshake was just as strong.

“Lucia Edwards,” she said. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Nikoleta Kyrgiakos,” Nikoleta returned, nodding. “Thank you for agreeing to meet us today.”

“Not a problem. Never will be.” Lucia released Nikoleta's hand, then put her hands on her hips. “Well, let's get back to my office.”

“You've got your own room now?” Bruno asked, following Lucia down the hallway.

“Finally. It's thanks to Squad Leader Hanji and Moblit. Had I not run into them during the uprising in Trost, I don't think I would have gotten this far so quickly.”

“I'm glad. You seem happy.”

To Nikoleta's surprise, Lucia gave Bruno a sad smile as she pulled open the door.

 _Oh, that's right--Bruno mentioned that her fiance was in the Survey Corps..._ Nikoleta thought, frowning slightly at the thought of what Lucia must be going through.

“So, Nikoleta, you're going to working as the messenger for Bruno's squad, right?” Lucia asked as they entered Lucia's office.

“Yes,” Nikoleta answered, nodding as she looked around the room. It was quite small, and there were newspaper articles pinned all over the place. There were also small portraits and pieces of art here and there--hardly a blank space was left on the walls.

“This is something we've been needing to do for a while,” Bruno said, sitting down in a chair as Lucia took a seat on her stool. “Now that my squad is directly connected to the Queen, it's important that we keep any reports that come from the monarchy as clear and concise as humanly possible. I think that Nikoleta is well-suited for this position.”

Nikoleta could feel her ears turning hot with pride as Lucia looked at her and smiled.

“I trust you,” Lucia replied, nodding. “What do you expect from me? And what should I be expecting?”

“Well, obviously, I expect you to accurately report the information we bring you, but I want you to use your judgment on what you focus on in those reports. I trust that you can do that?”

“Of course.”

“When are you at work?” Nikoleta asked. “What I mean is, when can I expect you to be here? I can't guarantee that we won't need you in the middle of the night.”

“It depends on the day,” Lucia murmured, shrugging. “But...I pretty much live here now. This is my life.”

“I see...” Bruno mumbled, crossing his arms.

 _I wonder--if her fianc_ _é_ _had joined the Police, would Lucia even be working here?_ Nikoleta thought as she saw the melancholy expression on Bruno and Lucia's faces. _But, isn't it a good thing that she's here? We know that we can trust her because she and Bruno have been friends for a while--if someone else was in her place, we might not be able to do this._

“Anyway, I can make myself available to you whenever,” Lucia continued. “I have keys to the building, so I can come and go as I please, and we never leave this place unattended. Someone is almost always here, even on holidays.”

“That's good,” Bruno said, nodding.

“But, I have to ask...” Lucia dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap. “...I mean, I get that you know me, so you're asking this favor of me, right? But why? What's the urgency?”

The room fell silent, and Nikoleta glanced at Bruno. She knew what he wanted to accomplish in the end, but she was still not entirely sure how he was planning to get them to that point.

“...There's no urgency, not yet,” Bruno murmured at last. “I just need to know that there's someone available to us when the time comes.”

“When the time comes?” Lucia echoed, lifting her head and raising an eyebrow at Bruno.

“You can expect big changes in the future,” Nikoleta said. She looked at Bruno, then added, “That's what you're trying to say, right? To be prepared for whatever might result of our efforts?”

“...Yes,” Bruno replied quietly. Lucia let out a quiet laugh.

“I can see why you chose her to help you,” she chuckled. “You've got great ideas up in that head of yours, Bruno--but you're terrible at communicating them. Nikoleta is like you, I can tell, but she's articulate. I think having her around will really help you.”

Nikoleta felt herself blush.

“Th-thank you,” she stammered, feeling her chest swell with pride once again.

“So, in other words, I'm relying on you to take care of him,” Lucia laughed. Nikoleta grinned, nodding.

“Don't worry--I won't let anything happen to him,” Nikoleta snickered. “I've got his back, no matter what.”

 


	91. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, the biggest obstacles are the ones we have given ourselves.   
> But, the focus in the Corps has never been on the individual.

_“Come on! Come on! You promised!” the four-year old Catherine cried as she scrambled into her brother's lap. “Please read to me!”_

_“Oof, okay, okay.” Ernst let out a laugh as Catherine squirmed around, trying to get comfortable. “But just for a little while. Then I have to do homework.”_

_“Okay,” Catherine mumbled, nodding. This was always her favorite time of day--when she could spend time with her brother and escape to another world with him._

_She loved reading, and she loved being read to, even if she could not always understand everything that was happening in the story. The parts that she did not understand, she made up in her head._

_“Wait, didn't I just read you this story last week?” Ernst asked, looking down at his little sister. Catherine narrowed her eyes and peered up at him._

_“Yeah. So what?” she replied, pouting._

_“You want to read it_ _**again** _ _?”_

_“I like it!” Catherine exclaimed, and Ernst laughed, slowly shaking his head._

_“All right, I get it. But we should go shopping for new books soon, too.”_

_“Okay!” Grinning, Catherine snuggled into her brother's chest as he began to read aloud from the storybook._

 

Catherine knew that if her assumptions were correct and Levi was truly illiterate, she needed to address the problem as soon as possible. This affected not only the two of them and their squads, but also the entirety of the Survey Corps. There was a very real ripple effect to his inability to read, and Catherine knew that she might be able to help change it.

However, doing that would require her to be tricky. Normally she would not have been the type to come up with pranks or things like that, but in this case, she would have to catch Levi off-guard in order to get him to admit the truth. She knew he would not just say out-right that he could not read and write like the rest of them. Who in their right mind _would_?

“Okay...” Catherine muttered to herself, taking the stack of papers in her arms. It had taken her a full day to create a fake manuscript that would be complicated enough to confuse and intimidate Levi into confessing, but she had somehow managed to pull something together. “...Let's get this over with.”

Taking a deep breath, Catherine walked out of her room and quietly shut the door behind her. It was starting to get late, and she could see that most people were starting to get ready for bed and call it a night.

“Good night, Squad Leader Catherine!” Sasha called out from across the hall as Catherine neared the stairs.

“Good night, Sasha,” Catherine murmured, giving the girl a small smile before disappearing into the stairwell.

The men's hallway was much quieter; Catherine wondered if they were all still up somewhere, hanging out in someone's room. When she had been younger, she often spent nights hanging out in the mess hall with Rowen, Eld, and Gunther, or Nanaba and Hanji. But now, she was too busy to “hang out”--becoming a Squad Leader was submitting oneself to an endless amount of work, especially in a time of peace where they could actually get things done.

When she reached Levi's door, Catherine knocked loudly.

“It's me,” she said. “I have to talk to you about something.”

“Come in,” Levi's voice replied from the other side.

Catherine opened the door slowly, peering into the room. She could not help but feel hesitant; she knew that her intentions were good, but she could not be sure how Levi would react.

“What?” he grunted, looking up from his work as Catherine closed the door behind her.

“...I've got some bad news for you,” she murmured. Glancing down at the stack of papers in her arms, she looked back up at Levi, whose expression had darkened. “This is for you.”

“Okay,” he muttered. “Give it to me, then. I'll get to it eventually.”

“But, see, here's the thing--Erwin just caught me in the hallway on his way to give this to you...and he said he wants it done by next Monday, at the latest.”

“...No, he didn't.”

“Yes, he did,” Catherine insisted, handing Levi the stack of papers. “The Military Police requested a full report of what happened at Ragako. I'm not really sure why it's so urgent, but...anyway, Erwin wants you to read through this and turn it into him as soon as possible.”

Catherine watched as Levi's eyes skimmed back and forth across the first page. She could see the combination of irritation, frustration, and disappointment in his expression. He was obviously struggling to make sense of everything.

“You can take care of it, right?” she asked, but Levi did not respond. His eyes were glued to the first page; he must have been stuck on one of the convoluted sentences Catherine had come up with.

 _I owe Rowen for this_ , she thought. _He had to write a lot of random bullshit..._

“You can, right?” Catherine repeated, but again, Levi had no response. Grimacing, Catherine then added, “You can't, can you...?”

Levi glanced up at her, then back down at the paperwork.

“...You can't do it, can you?” she asked, more quietly this time. “You always take forever reading through stuff like this, right? ...It's because you can't read and write like the rest of us...right...?”

Levi's mouth formed a small frown, and he furrowed his brow, but he stayed silent, so Catherine had no choice but to continue.

“That's why you didn't want to become my Assistant, and it's why you refuse to help with my squad's studies. Because you can't, right? You never really learned how, did you...?”

“What of it?” Levi asked at last, sounding a bit irritated.

“Who else knows?” Catherine responded, ignoring his question.

“...Erwin and Hanji.” Levi narrowed his eyes and looked up at Catherine at last. “Who told you?”

“Nobody did. I figured it out on my own.”

Levi sighed through his nose, holding the papers out to Catherine. She took them, frowning.

“So, you gonna fire me?” Levi asked, and Catherine let out a laugh through her nose.

“No. But I'm mad at you,” she admitted.

“For not telling you in the beginning?”

“If you had told me, I could have helped you.” Sighing, Catherine continued, “Levi, our squad has been together for five months now. I could have helped you catch up a _lot_ in that time.”

“It's too late now,” Levi muttered.

“I know. But we could start now.” Catherine gave Levi a small smile. “You seem to forget that I used to be a teacher--I had middle school kids to deal with. Teaching a single grown adult how to read will be a challenge, but compared to what I've dealt with in the past, it'll be manageable. And if you want, I can give you whatever you want in exchange. You don't have to pay me or anything like that.”

 

…......

 

Levi wanted to hate Catherine in that moment--she had humiliated him, and now she was treating him like a child. He did not mind the idea of someone trying to help him learn how to read all that much, but...something about this whole thing rubbed him the wrong way. It was embarrassing, probably the most embarrassing moment he had had in a long time.

“So...do we have a deal, or what?” Catherine asked, smirking down at him. Levi glared up at her, unsure of how to respond. “If not, just tell me, and I'll adjust my schedule accordingly.”

“...You're saying you'll teach me how to read, but do you even realize how hard this is gonna be?” Levi muttered. Catherine's only response was a shrug. “And I don't mean for me, you shit. I mean for you.”

“I don't care,” she replied. “I told you already, I used to be a teacher of several brats at once. I think I can handle you. And if you can't keep up with regular reading, then how can I expect you to be of any use to me in this squad?”

 _You've managed this long_ , Levi wanted to say, but he knew she would probably find a counter-argument to that statement, too. She was too smart for him.

“...I don't have a choice, do I?” Levi sighed.

“No, you don't,” Catherine told him in a matter-of-fact tone.

“...Fine.”

“Good.” Catherine smiled, her expression triumphant. “We'll start tomorrow. I'll give you a night to rest easy before I put you to work.”

“Wow, thanks. I don't have nearly enough to do already,” Levi snapped. He knew he was just being a sore loser, but he could not help it. This was all a major hit to his pride--it had been the same with Erwin and Hanji, too.

“Uh-huh.” Catherine held the stack of papers in her arms and added, “Well, I'll see you, then.”

Levi watched as Catherine slowly took a few steps back away from him, her gaze on him the whole time. Her smile faded, and an almost pained expression replaced it.

 _Don't pity me_ , Levi thought, narrowing his eyes as she finally started to turn toward the door.

“Oi,” he grunted, and Catherine stopped in her tracks. “You have something else you wanna say?”

“Eh?” she gasped, glancing back at him, looking a bit startled. She had probably not expected him to call her out.

“I can tell by your expression that you wanted to say something,” Levi stated.

Catherine hesitated, then slowly turned back toward him. She pursed her lips, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

“...What...do you think of me...?” she murmured at last.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Levi replied, raising an eyebrow. This had not at all been what he expected her to say. With the way she was hesitating, he knew she was being genuine, too.

“...Do I _mean_ anything to you?” she asked in a quiet, almost timid voice.

 _...You're kidding me_ , Levi thought, lowering his gaze. _You come in here and make me look like an idiot, and now...you're asking a question like this... What's wrong with you...?_

“...I...don't know,” he told her after a few moments of silence. Keeping his eyes locked on the wooden floor at her feet, he added, “If you want me to be honest, I never really gave it a thought.”

“Oh, good,” Catherine said, sounding relieved. “I...don't really know, either.”

Levi pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes. He was not sure what she was trying to gain out of asking him this. They had agreed from the beginning that sleeping together did not have to mean anything. Both of them had needed the mental and physical release of being with one another like that. Levi still saw it as nothing more than that--an escape.

But now, Catherine...

“...But...you asked,” Levi pointed out, looking back up at Catherine. He watched as her fingers clenched the stack of papers in her arms. “So you must have _some_ idea of what you feel, or at least of what you want to hear?”

“...I...don't know,” she admitted softly, her voice shaking. “I don't know. I just...know that...”

Her voice trailed off, and Levi could feel himself starting to grow frustrated with her. He was not sure what she wanted from him--or if it was something he could even give her at that point. Still, he hated to see her like this; he could tell that she was at a loss for words and that she was beginning to panic. Seeing her like that made him feel just as restless.

“Are you going to say something or not?” Levi asked after a few moments of silence.

“...Please...just...”

Levi could hear tears in Catherine's voice; he could also see them starting to form in her eyes, and he could see her struggling to force them back.

 _...Things just got complicated_ , Levi realized, sitting up straighter in his chair. _...I never meant to do this to her..._

“...Come here,” Levi murmured, staring up at Catherine. She looked hesitant at first, but after a few seconds, she set down her paperwork on the end of his bed. As she approached him, he could see just how complex her feelings were--they were written all over her face. Gently, Levi took her hands in his and pulled her onto his lap.

Catherine's kiss was far more timid and soft than usual, and she pulled away more quickly than usual, too. Levi could see tears reappearing in her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip.

“...Please...” she whispered. “...Don't abandon me...”

Levi was taken aback; he knew enough about Catherine to know that she meant something beyond the face value of those words. But, even knowing that, Levi could not reply. How could he promise her something that was out of his control?

Pressing her forehead against his, Catherine squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth. Levi watched in silence as tears began to fall down her flushed cheeks.

 _...I'm sorry_ , Levi thought as he kissed her cheek. _I don't know how to help you. I don't know...if you mean anything to me yet, either..._

 

…......

 

Even over Justina's excited chattering, Michelle could hear the sound of rain hitting the windows, and for some reason, she felt unusually calm. Normally, this early in the morning, she would already be feeling rushed with all of the things she needed to get done that day. But, sitting here in the mess hall with the fall shower serving as background noise, she was more at ease, and Justina's high energy did not bother her as much as it normally did at this hour.

“So, anyway, Meryem and I decided that if we can't get any more results from the test strips that we have, we're gonna put together a proposal to Commander Erwin asking for special permission to capture another Titan!” Justina exclaimed, grinning brightly. “Squad Leader Hanji already said she'd back us up! She's so cool. We have so much freedom to study in her squad.”

“That's nice,” Michelle murmured, taking a sip of tea as she glanced down at her breakfast.

“And she also even said that she'd let me look over Ilse's journal--you know, the one who--oh, hey!”

Michelle smiled to herself as Justina interrupted herself to greet Rowen as he walked past their table. Whenever Justina got excited like this, the only person who could stop her was her, and considering how easily distracted of a person she was, it was not all that hard to do.

“G'morning,” Rowen said, smiling down at them as he lingered by them. “...Say, you two haven't seen Catherine around here this morning, have you?”

“Nope,” Justina replied, shaking her head.

“We've been down here about an hour,” Michelle added. “She hasn't been by.”

“...Huh. Okay.”

“Did something happen?” Justina asked.

“Well...kind of. But it'll be fine,” Rowen assured them.

“You can sit with us, if you want!”

“Okay, I'll take you up on that offer.”

As Rowen walked away to get his breakfast, Michelle sighed through her nose. She did not mind the extra company, necessarily, but having two high-energy people around wore her out.

Still, she knew that if she came up with an excuse to leave now, she might end up being rude, which was not her intent. Justina probably would not care, but she was not sure about Rowen, and the last thing she wanted to do was insult a veteran soldier.

“Anyway, what was I saying?” Justina mumbled, tilting her head.

“Ilse's journal?” Michelle offered, and Justina gasped.

“Right!” she exclaimed. “Yeah, so, apparently that girl left some kind of memoir after her squad was decimated, and she encountered a Titan that talked to her. And that's pretty much a single case, 'cause the only other Titans who can speak our language are the shifters.”

“What if that Titan was also a shifter, but she just didn't know it?” Michelle asked.

“Okay, I thought about that, but like, if it _had_ been a shifter, why didn't the person just say so?”

“Because our world hates all Titans--even the ones who try to help us.”

“...That's true...” Justina murmured.

Michelle opened her mouth to say something more, but at that moment, Rowen sat down, and she closed it again, staring down at her tray. She did not dislike Rowen--it was just that she always had a hard time talking to people who she did not know well.

“So, what are you two doing up this early?” Rowen asked, smiling at them.

“I couldn't sleep!” Justina exclaimed, laughing. “Normally I would never do this to myself. But, y'know, Michelle is always up early, so I knew if I got up, I'd find her down here.”

“Does your work start early?” Rowen inquired, glancing from Michelle to Justina and back again.

“...Not really,” Michelle replied quietly.

“She just always gets up early,” Justina laughed. “But, hey, look at you! You're up early, too!”

“I'm like you,” Rowen admitted with a grin. “Catherine is usually up early, so if I wake up too early or can't sleep, I can find her down here and hang out. But she must have had to deal with something else last night...”

“Is everything all right?” Michelle asked, raising an eyebrow. “If she's sick, she should get it taken care of before physicals.”

“No, no. She's okay. Just dealing with some personal stuff, I think.”

Michelle did not know how to respond other than just nodding. But, really, she did not completely understand what he meant.

 _I suppose I'm just spoiled,_ she thought. _I never really had to deal with anything that tough growing up._

“Is there anything we can do?” Justina offered. “I mean, we don't really know her that well or anything, but if there's anything we can do to make her life easier...”

“Nah, she'll be fine.” Rowen chuckled. “I'm sure she'll be up and about later today like nothing happened. That's how she usually is.”

“That sounds like someone else I know,” Justina snickered, elbowing Michelle's side.

“...Wait, do you mean me?” Michelle murmured, narrowing her eyes. “I don't do that. I've never had a reason to.”

“D'you see what I'm working with here?”

Justina and Rowen laughed, but Michelle only frowned and stared at the wooden table.

“Anyway, you've been in the Corps for a long time, right?” Justina asked, drumming her fingers against her coffee mug. “Were you friends with the former members of Hanji's squad?”

“Well, we didn't really talk all that much,” Rowen admitted, his smile softening. “But I knew them all, and they were all really nice people. Super smart, too. Moblit was always the one I talked to the most, and he's still around, so I'm glad for that.”

“I heard they died pretty horribly,” Justina went on.

“I didn't see it happen.”

“Do you know _what_ happened, though?”

“Not all the details.” Rowen shrugged, frowning. “Just that they were killed by some of Kenny Ackermann's squad members.”

“Huh.” Justina propped her elbows up on the table. “I wish I could have met them all.”

“If they were still around, you might not be in Hanji's squad,” Michelle pointed out.

“Pshaw, yeah, I would,” Justina laughed. “I would have done the same thing, no matter what. This is what I worked for.”

“Why?” Rowen asked. “Are you saying you wouldn't have settled for any other squad?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because Justina is the most stubborn person you'll ever meet,” Michelle muttered, taking a sip of tea.

“Speak for yourself,” Justina mumbled, pouting a bit. “Anyway, I don't really know why, but I just always wanted to study the Titans. It makes more sense than to be fighting them, right? Like, you're literally just destroying evidence that's right there for the taking. And considering that now we know the walls are made of a substance that comes from Titans, killing Titans now isn't even productive.”

“...I can see why Hanji likes you,” Rowen sighed. “You sound just like her.”

“Because she's _right_. I can't believe we didn't start doing all of this a long time ago.”

“People were afraid,” Michelle said, shrugging. “What else would you expect from a group of people who have basically been brainwashed, due to the lack of information about the outside world and the nature of the Titans? The 'safe' thing to do would be to assume the Titans are nothing but dangerous and continue living within the walls.”

“That's why the Survey Corps exists--because people were tired of being safe, I guess,” Justina murmured.

“Yeah, we can't really afford to play it safe anymore,” Rowen agreed. “If humanity continues to live behind the walls forever, we'll all eventually just die out one way or another, so it's better to try to go forward and attempt to make progress, even if we lose our lives in the process.”

“Yeah!”

Michelle nodded, smiling to herself. She was glad to hear her own sentiments echoed in the words of a Survey Corps veteran; it made her feel more secure in her decision to join this regiment--one where she would have plenty of opportunities to improve her skills and make herself useful.

“But if we get beaten up, Michelle can fix us!” Justina added with a laugh, putting a hand on Michelle's head. “She's already the best nursing student of the 105th class--she'll be a fully-certified doctor in no time!”

“Let's hope so,” Michelle said flatly.

“I'll be counting on you, then!” Rowen joked, and Michelle nodded.

“All in a day's work.”

 


	92. The Weight We Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joining the Survey Corps means sacrifice.   
> Personal sacrifice, to be more specific.   
> Anything and everything you value is vulnerable, so perhaps...it's best to stay distant.

_“Huh?” Hanji gasped as she walked into the mess hall with the members of the Special Operations Squad. It was pretty early, earlier than she usually got up, and Levi was the only one there, sitting alone at a table with a teacup in his hand. “Levi, you're still here?”_

_“Captain Levi never sleeps,” Eld laughed._

_Levi said nothing, only glanced over at them and rolled his eyes._

_“Is that true, Captain?” Petra asked, sounding concerned._

_“Of course not,” Levi muttered, but it was not a very convincing reply._

_“Have you been sitting down here all this time?” Hanji teased, walking over to him. “You know that's not good for your back--there's no lumbar support!”_

_“Hush.”_

_“He really doesn't sleep much, does he?” Petra whispered, and Hanji shook her head._

_“Nah, he's too stubborn for that,” she chuckled._

_“Captain, you really should rest more often,” Gunther added, crossing his arms. Brow furrowed, he continued, “We're counting on you.”_

_“I'm fine--worry about yourselves,” Levi told them, narrowing his eyes. “My sleep habits are none of your concern.”_

_Sighing, Hanji shook her head slowly._

_“When will you learn?” she muttered under her breath, walking away._

 

Oddly, despite knowing full well that he had slept more than usual, when Levi awoke the next morning, he felt exhausted. His body felt sore, and he had a slight headache, as if his body was telling him that this was all long overdue.

 _I don't even remember the last time I slept that long,_ he thought, slowly opening his eyes and looking up at the ceiling.

Lifting his head from his pillow, Levi glanced to his right at the person curled up under his sheets beside him. Catherine's eyes were still gently closed; she had obviously been even more tired than him.

_...What am I gonna do..?_

Closing his eyes, Levi cycled the events of the previous evening through his head once again. It seemed like everything had just kind of come crashing down on him at once, and he was not sure where to begin with approaching the situation.

 _...I agreed to let her help me_ , Levi told himself, forcing his eyes open. _Now that I've said it, she's not gonna let it go. I know her._

Levi pursed his lips, staring up at the ceiling.

... _Or at least, I thought I knew her. After last night, now...I'm not sure what to think._

“ _Don't abandon me._ ”

Catherine's words echoed in Levi's head, and again he glanced over at her sleeping face. Was she really so terrified of being abandoned? Well, yes--Levi knew that much already.

But of all the people to ask not to leave her behind, she should have known better than to ask him. He was a soldier, and that was really his only job. Although he had lasted this long, he consistently was fighting on the front lines, and he knew that one day, his life would come to an end, probably a brutal one.

 _You might not think that death is the same thing as abandonment yet, but that's what you're gonna think if someone you give a shit about dies on you,_ Levi thought, sighing through his nose. _You can't rely on me for that. Sorry._

Still, Levi could not help but feel bad about it. She was obviously attached to him now, and though he did not really understand why, now that it was out in the open, he could not simply ignore it.

Turning on his side to face her, Levi propped himself up on one arm, staring down at Catherine's face.

 _...What do you want from me?_ Levi wanted to ask. _...Probably something that I can't give you. Idiot._

Was he attached to Catherine? No, not really. If she was to die at this very moment, would he be sad? Yes, probably, but those feelings would come to pass. Would he miss her if she left? Maybe.

_...I'm not in love with her, but I spend a hell of a lot of time around her, and I don't know why._

Laying his head back on his pillow, Levi observed Catherine's sleeping face more closely. Her eyes were gently closed, but her eyebrows were slightly knotted, as if her stress was plaguing her even in her sleep. Her lips were softly parted, but she was completely silent; if Levi could not see her body moving, he might have thought she was dead, or had at least stopped breathing. But, her body was warm next to his, her arms pulled in toward her chest.

 _Do you mean anything to me...?_ Levi asked himself. Catherine had asked him the same thing just last night, but he was still not sure what his answer might be.

As he took a deep breath in through his nose, Levi realized that this was the first time he had really looked at her in broad daylight--this was the first time he had ever been intimately close enough to her to do so. He had never really paid any attention to the details of her face until now.

Of course, he had noticed the dark circles under her eyes (most veterans had them), but he had not noticed how long her eyelashes were, gently curling up at the ends. He had noticed it by sense of touch, but he had never been able to see how visibly soft and untainted her skin was--a sign of many of the wealthy people of Sina.

As gently as he could manage, Levi reached out and pushed a few strands of Catherine's hair out of her face. It was soft, too, but wavy and messy, draped across her pillow and over her neck.

Pursing his lips again, Levi pulled his hand away, staring at Catherine.

_...You're...beautiful..._

“Nn...”

Catherine's whimper was quiet, but it was enough to tear Levi out of his thoughts and cause him to squeeze his eyes shut. A few moments later, he felt the bed shift, and he slowly opened his eyes to see Catherine pushing herself up, a dazed expression on her face.

“...Sorry,” she murmured, her voice hoarse. “I woke you up...”

Levi did not respond right away; he was not sure what to say, so he decided to redirect the conversation a bit.

“Are you all right?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah...” Catherine grimaced, her cheeks turning red. “...Sorry.”

“The hell are you apologizing for?”

“...A lot of things,” she laughed, rubbing her eyes. “...Did I keep you up?”

“No, I slept okay,” Levi admitted.

“That's what happens when you sleep in a bed.”

“...I'm kicking you out now.”

“That's fair,” Catherine chuckled. “I've overstayed my welcome, anyway, I think.”

“...We still have a few hours before the meeting,” Levi said, glancing at the clock on his nightstand.

“Is that your way of telling me to stay?” Catherine looked over her shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow. “You don't hate me for figuring you out?”

“...Not as much as yesterday.”

Sighing, Catherine laid herself back down next to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Levi pulled her a little closer, closing his eyes. He knew that he could not feel how she felt, but if this was one thing they could still agree on, he did not want to give it up just yet.

“...Are you using me for my body heat?” she mumbled. Levi smirked in response.

“...Yeah.”

 

…......

 

“Okay, Eren! That's enough!”

Squad Leader Hanji's voice was distant, but Eren could somehow hear her through the fog in his head. It was always sort of like this when he became a Titan; it was as if his human senses were dulled to give him his incredible strength.

Still, for whatever reason, he was still not quite detached enough from his human self to fully take advantage of his powers as a Titan. Learning the hardening technique was going very slowly--the most he had been able to produce was a small stone, about the size of the rock Hanji had found after capturing Annie.

“You can come out of your Titan now!” Hanji called out. “Can you hear me? You can do it on your own, right?”

Eren nodded, then began to pull his arms out of their places within his Titan's nape. Soon he could feel a cool breeze hit his back, and he yanked his upper body out of the hot tissue and into the fresh autumn air.

“You did it!” Hanji cheered. Eren took a deep breath in through his nose as he tried to slow his pounding heart. He knew that she was just trying to make him feel good about being able to better control his Titan self, but the fact of the matter was that he still had failed to produce a decent amount of hardening.

“Eren!”

Blinking slowly, Eren looked to his right to see Mikasa zooming toward him on her 3D gear. He pursed his lips, then shook his head.

“I...couldn't do it...” he mumbled, the exhaustion finally setting in.

“It's all right,” Mikasa assured him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She gave his body a sharp tug, and soon his lower half was out of his Titan form, too. “You need to rest now.”

“...But...”

“Pushing yourself now won't do you any good,” Mikasa interrupted him, and Eren hung his head. He knew that Mikasa was right, but he was still disappointed in himself.

Eren stayed silent as Mikasa carried him back over to Squad Leader Hanji and Captain Levi. He could not bear to look at his squadmates, who were standing off to the side watching everything unfold.

“Not bad, Eren!” Hanji told him, offering her hand. Eren took it and shook it lightly. “We've just _got_ to find a way to help you produce that substance in a greater quantity before it wears you down. Once we figure _that_ out, you'll be patching up walls in no time!”

“Don't get so optimistic,” Levi murmured. “We have no idea where to even begin with that kind of research.”

“I'm sure Catherine will stumble across something eventually,” Hanji chuckled. “Maybe if you actually helped that squad study, they might find out things a little faster.”

Levi did not reply, but his frown deepened. Eren raised his eyebrows at the Captain; what had Hanji meant by that comment? Was he not fully participating in his other squad's activities? Why? Captain Levi was not the type of person to neglect things, especially things that were worthwhile investments.

Then again, he _had_ been acting a bit differently over the past month or so. Eren felt as though he saw less and less of him around, as if he had become even busier. Whether or not it had to do with the things that had transpired during the Ragako mission, Eren could not be sure, but if that was the case, he could not help feeling guilty. He had been utterly useless during that expedition; not even his Titan powers could have been put to good use. The enemy had been one step ahead of them, as usual, and they had not prepared a counterattack.

“We'll get there,” Armin said at last, jumping in to the conversation. “We just have a lot of material to cover, and we're still learning the basics of the language. Squad Leader Catherine can only teach us so much at one time.”

“Hm, I suppose that's true,” Hanji mumbled, turning back to Eren and tilting her head. Placing her hands on her hips, she added, “Maybe we should take a break from these experiments, too, then.”

“No,” Eren replied quickly, shaking his head.

“No?”

“Eren,” Mikasa murmured, but Eren cut her off before she could continue.

“You said it yourself, Squad Leader Hanji--I have to be confident in my skills as a Titan before we can hope to accomplish anything further,” he insisted. “I'm not there yet. I have to keep improving myself. I can't...just sit around and wait.”

“Well, neither can the rest of us,” Jean suddenly interjected. “But that's our only choice right now. I don't like being patient any more than you do, but I know it's what I have to do, so I'm gonna do it. You've got to do the same.”

 

…......

 

Jean could feel Mikasa's harsh gaze on him as he stared down at Eren, but for once, he did not care. He knew he could not let her bother him; she, too, would eventually have to realize that this was just something else that they could not control.

“This is different,” Eren insisted, but Jean shook his head.

“No, it's really not.” Jean clenched his fists, trying not to let anger fuel his words. “You want to be useful, right? I get it, really, I do. But you're not gonna be any use to anyone if you just continue to wear yourself out like this. If you're trying the same damn things over and over again and they're not working, then it's time to move on to something else.”

Eren's eyes were filled with rage, but Jean knew that it was because he had struck the nail right on the head. He understand why Eren would feel useless--they had not had much use for his powers at all lately, so Jean was sure that Eren was bored and restless as a result.

“Jean, I don't see you trying to do anything like this,” Mikasa said suddenly, and Jean whipped his head toward her. Her eyes were narrowed, and she was standing close to Eren, in that protective stance she always had around him.

“What do you mean?” Jean hissed, feeling his ears turn hot.

“Mikasa, don't,” Eren muttered, but Mikasa's lips seemed to curl into a snarl before she spoke again.

“I don't see you risking your life to improve the state of our world--or at least to improve yourself as a soldier,” she stated, her voice low. “He's pulling his weight and giving it his all, so until you're doing the same, you have no right to--”

“Enough.”

Captain Levi's voice cut through Mikasa's words, and all eyes turned toward him. Jean had not noticed it until now, but he looked thoroughly exhausted, more than usual. It seemed that spending all his energy working with two separate squads, training Mikasa, and supervising these experiments was starting to take a toll on him physically.

“If you want to fight like little brats, that's fine--but don't do it here,” Levi declared. “Don't waste everyone else's time; if you're going to act like kids, then do it somewhere else. We don't have any room for that kind of bullshit here in the Corps anymore.”

“But, Captain--” Mikasa began.

“Nobody standing here is useless,” Levi snapped, interrupting her. “Not a single one of you. In fact, there's not a soul in the Corps I would label as a waste of space. But if you keep up this childish fuckery, you'll be the first.”

The air seemed to turn cold at Levi's words, and Mikasa hung her head.

“...I don't think Eren is useless,” Jean said at last. “That's not what I'm trying to say.”

“You're telling him to relax,” Armin murmured, giving Jean a small smile. “There's nothing we can do about it right now, so he should focus on something else--right?”

“Yeah,” Jean mumbled, glancing down at Eren.

“...Yeah...maybe you're right,” Eren sighed quietly.

“Well, okay...” Hanji chuckled, scratching the back of her neck. “Then I guess we'll take a break from these experiments for a while. Let me know if you get any other ideas, though--okay, Eren?”

“Yeah...I definitely will.”

Sighing through his nose, Jean turned away from the group back toward Connie and Sasha, who were standing off to the side on their own. They had apparently managed to separate themselves from the drama, and Jean could not help but feel a little jealous.

 _...Jaeger doesn't realize how lucky he is_ , he thought as he walked toward his other friends, hands shoved into his pockets.

 

…......

 

“...So now, I get a break from that, at least...”

As Levi let out a sigh, Catherine set down her pen and turned toward him.

“Jean's performance in this squad isn't exactly spectacular, either,” she admitted, frowning. “But...really, I think that's just because he hasn't had any chances to really show his skills yet. Which is a good thing, I guess, considering that he'll be the one I expect they'll turn to if things get hairy...”

“That doesn't help with what's happening now,” Levi muttered as he glanced around her room. “Like I said, Jean wasn't wrong, but he was tactless, and now Mikasa is acting like a spoiled brat because of it.”

“That's not your fault,” Catherine told him. “She needs to get over it.”

“It affects the rest of my squad-- _and_ training lessons with her.”

“Then take a break from those.”

“I can't.”

“Yeah, you can, actually. You're her superior officer--if you tell her to take a break, then she has to listen.”

“But if I do that, and then try to start them up again, she'll just be even more uncooperative,” Levi argued. “This is turning out to be a huge waste of time.”

“It's not,” Catherine insisted. “Really, Levi. It's not.”

The room fell silent, and Catherine lowered her gaze. She was not entirely sure why Levi was coming to _her_ for advice on the matter; she barely knew Mikasa, and she did not interact with her outside of full-fledged Survey Corps missions. The only things she really knew about Mikasa were things from hearsay.

Still, she was glad he came to her, because it meant he trusted her to some extent, and that was all that she really wanted, anyway.

Maybe.

A month had passed since Catherine had come to Levi about defining their relationship and their feelings for one another, but nothing felt horribly different between them. That was probably for the best, because Catherine had not necessarily _wanted_ things to change. She did not mind being used, as long as she got to use him, too. However, she was not going to push away any attempts he might make at becoming closer to her.

 _One way or another, we have to get along_ , she told herself, sighing through her nose.

“...I'm sorry--I don't know what to do,” Catherine admitted after a while.

“...It's fine,” Levi mumbled, shaking his head. “Never mind. ...Let's just get this over with.”

A small smile spread across Catherine's lips as she pulled out another pen and a small notebook.

“Did you do your homework?” she asked as Levi pulled her vanity's stool over to her desk.

“No,” he answered.

“Well, I can't say I'm surprised. You _are_ my worst student.”

“Because I'm here by force.”

“By force?” Catherine echoed, raising an eyebrow at him. “Please. I'm not making you stay here.”

“You guilted me into this.”

“No, it's for your own good--and it'll help everyone else, too.”

“See? That's what I mean.” Resting his elbow on her desk and his chin in his hand, Levi narrowed his eyes as he looked down at the small notebook.

“But you've already improved,” Catherine told him, the smile reappearing on her face. “Your handwriting is nearly legible now.”

“Hilarious.”

“It's true.”

“Whatever.”

 _You don't fool me_ , Catherine thought as she watched Levi's face soften as he glanced through the pages of his notebook. _I know you care more than you want to admit. I get it._

Catherine could not even imagine how embarrassed Levi must have felt when she had called him out on his illiteracy, and she had probably made him feel even worse by offering to help him, but she did not regret it. Even if he did not want to admit it, over the past month, he had already started to improve. He was not a stupid person, just uneducated--and very, very stubborn.

“We've been working on writing a lot lately,” Catherine said as she pulled out one of the novels she had been using to teach him. “Today, let's work on reading.”

“You mean, out loud?” Levi asked. When Catherine nodded, he narrowed his eyes. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Why do I need to know that? It's not important.”

“Learning to do it will help you learn how to read faster and skim things for information,” Catherine explained. “And if you're ever at a meeting and someone asks you to read something out loud, well...”

“Erwin and Hanji won't,” Levi mumbled. “They know better.”

“Yeah, that might be true--but what if it was Nile? Or Pyxis?”

“I'll have them pass it off to someone else.”

“Levi...” Catherine let out a sigh, shaking her head. “You know, you were _just_ telling me about how those kids were arguing about who was pulling their own weight...”

“Are you trying to say I'm not?”

“If they knew this, they might say that you aren't.”

“...Fine. Give it to me.” Levi held out his hand, and Catherine laughed, still holding on to the book.

“You care more about their opinions of you than mine?” she teased him, holding the book just out of his reach.

“I don't give half a damn about what you think about me,” he mumbled, reaching out for the book. “Give it.”

Rolling her eyes, Catherine finally placed the book in Levi's hand.

“Open to page 118,” she told him. “That should be where we left off with writing. This time, you're going to read that first paragraph out loud.”

Catherine could see how hesitant Levi was, and the expression on his face made her chest feel tight.

 _Stop it_ , she told herself, clenching her fists.

“...Don't look at me like that,” Levi murmured suddenly, glancing up at her over the top of the book in his hands.

“Sorry,” she whispered, quickly looking away from him.

“...I don't feel like dealing with this today,” he then said, setting the book down gently on her desk. He did not seem like he was giving up--he seemed genuinely tired, and Catherine nodded.

“It's okay,” she told him in a quiet voice. “...You need a break, too.”

“...Maybe.”

Catherine felt Levi's lips gently press against her cheek, and the pain in her chest seemed to dissipate in a burst of warmth.

“...I should go,” Levi murmured.

“...You don't have to, though,” Catherine mumbled, trying to will away the heat rising to her face.

 _It's happening again_ , she thought, glancing at Levi. He seemed as indifferent as ever, but she knew that he was more complicated than that. Everyone was. _...I'm sorry..._

“...All right,” Levi said at last, reaching out toward her waist. “For a little while.”

 


	93. Motivations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Military Police, too, needs progress.   
> However, there are those who welcome it, and those who turn away from it.

_“Well, look who it is--I thought you were too good to sit down here for breakfast with the general public.”_

_Marlowe glanced up from his breakfast tray at Hitch and Boris, the former with a large scowl on her face._

_“Just because I joined a special squad doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore,” Marlowe said calmly._

_“C'mon, Hitch, don't be so bitter,” Boris chuckled, sitting in the chair next to Marlowe and setting down his tray. “You should have seen this coming a long time ago.”_

_“Yeah, well...” Hitch narrowed her eyes, then let out a frustrated sigh. “...Whatever. At least you're not like_ _**her** _ _.”_

_Frowning, Marlowe turned back to his breakfast as Hitch sat down beside Boris. He knew that even now, over a year after the attack on Stohess, Hitch still felt betrayed by Annie. How could he blame her, though? He felt the same--he never would have guessed that she was capable of such horrible acts._

_“In some ways, he's worse,” Boris joked, giving Marlowe a wry smile._

_“What's that supposed to mean?” Marlowe scoffed. “I'm doing exactly what I said I'd do--I'm going to work hard to bring this regiment back into line. You two had better watch it--I don't want to have to come down hard on you guys, too.”_

 

“All right. That's all for today's meeting,” Bruno said, nodding to himself. Nikoleta watched as he began to gather up his notes. “Unless there are any questions, you're dismissed.”

“What is there to question?” Claus sighed. “Your mind's already made up, isn't it?”

“I have a question,” Marlowe spoke up. “Do you really suppose that Commander Nile will cooperate with you about this?”

“One can only hope,” Nikoleta muttered under her breath. Tapping her the tip of her pen against her notes, she glanced over at Armin, who was sitting upright and alert, staring at Bruno.

“Darius Zackley does not just pose a threat to our regiment,” Bruno replied. “He's really no better than the former monarchy. We've been ignoring him for far too long.”

“It's not that we were ignoring him, really,” Bianca interjected. “Nobody knew what he was up to until just recently.”

“He didn't even have to go into hiding,” Bruno continued. “He just kept everything quiet. But, in the end, he managed to get away with torturing the members of the Central Police to death.”

“Even _they_ didn't deserve that,” Serene agreed, nodding.

 _I'm not so sure about that,_ Nikoleta thought, pursing her lips.

Still, Zackley was definitely a problem. Bruno was absolutely right--they had been ignoring him for far too long. He might not have killed anyone innocent, but there had not been any real merit to killing those soldiers, either.

“I'll tell Commander Erwin about what's going on,” Armin said, furrowing his brow. “Would you like him to participate in the meeting, too?”

“If he wants to join us, I won't stop him,” Bruno answered. “That's enough for today. I'll see you all on Monday.”

“Hey, Armin, wanna join us for a walk around the grounds?” Claus asked as he stood from his chair, stretching his arms.

“You'll be staying for dinner, right?” Serene added.

“I think so,” Armin replied, smiling. Nikoleta quickly looked away, narrowing her eyes as she stared down at the polished wooden table.

 _It's not fair_ , she thought, trying to keep herself from pouting. _He talks to everyone but me. But, I guess that's what I get for making such a shitty first impression._

Nikoleta did not want to admit that Serene had been right--that she was being shy around Armin, but it was the only other conclusion she could come to besides the idea that Armin hated her for some unknown reason.

 _I don't want anyone to hate me_ , she realized, standing from her seat at last. _I can't afford to have anyone hate me._

“Wait, Armin,” Nikoleta said, looking over at him. “Before you go, there's something I need to talk to you about.”

“Huh?” Armin looked surprised, but he quickly nodded, his bright blue eyes wide. “Okay, sure.”

“C'mon, Serene,” Claus said with a laugh. “Let's get going. Armin can catch up.”

“If you say so...” Serene seemed hesitant, but soon Claus was pulling on her arm, tugging her out of the room. Bianca had followed Bruno and Marlowe out of the room a few minutes earlier, leaving just her and Armin alone in the conference room.

“What's wrong?” Armin asked, concerned. “Did I...say something bad?”

“No, it's not like that,” Nikoleta said quickly. “I... Look, I...was just really surprised to see that you were the person chosen for our ambassador, and I made a terrible first impression. I won't lie to you--I looked into the top ten members of your class, and I made a poor judgment call when I realized that you weren't among them, yet you were still given this position, and... Anyway, let's just start over, okay?”

Nikoleta stuck out her hand.

“I'm Nikoleta Kyrgiakos,” she declared.

“...Armin Arlert,” Armin said with a laugh, taking her hand and shaking it. Nikoleta felt goosebumps run up her arm. “Um...I guess it's my turn to make a bad impression, but...can you say your name again?”

“Nikki or Nik is fine,” Nikoleta snickered. “Geez, for someone who was at the top of his class in academics _and_ participates in a linguistics squad, I would expect a little better from you, Arlert...”

“I have no excuse,” Armin admitted, giving her a sheepish grin. He finally released her hand, running a hand through his hair. “All right, Nik. I'll be counting on you.”

“Same goes for you, Armin,” Nikoleta said, feeling her face grow hot. “Now, get going, before Claus just ditches you completely.”

“Wanna come with us?” Armin offered. “I'm sure they won't mind the extra company.”

“...Okay, sure.” Smiling, Nikoleta shrugged. “I won't say no to some good company.”

 

…......

 

Despite the heavy topic they had covered in their meeting earlier that day, Armin was in a very good mood, and he was not entirely sure why. Normally, being around people for this long wore him out, and usually by now he would be ready to hole up in his bunk with a book for a few hours.

But, the walk he took with Claus, Serene, and Nikoleta had been quite an enjoyable one, and by the time they were done, it was almost dinnertime, so they headed into the dining hall, still chatting away. It was by far the most he had ever talked to any of the three of them, which was odd, especially considering how long he had been working with Claus.

 _He's a completely different person around Bianca and Bruno_ , Armin realized as he watched the Sertoli siblings enter the mess hall. Bianca headed right for them, sitting down on the other side of Claus. _I wonder why..._

Of all of the people he had ever worked with in a squad, Bianca was by far the least open and friendly person to deal with. It was not that she was unfriendly, but she was definitely not outgoing, and she seemed to be uncomfortable in most social situations. The only people she seemed to seem comfortable around were her brother and Claus, and Armin was not sure why.

“You should have come with us on our walk!” Serene exclaimed, leaning forward to look around Claus at Bianca. “We had a lot of fun.”

“I had other things to do,” Bianca murmured. “Sorry.”

“She's lazy,” Claus teased, and Serene laughed quietly.

“You're the last person who should be calling her that,” she countered, and to Armin's surprise, Bianca let out a low laugh. That did not happen very often.

“He's gotten much better over the years,” Bianca told her, glancing at Claus, whose face was pink with embarrassment.

“Hey now, this is not the time to be bringing up my younger years,” he said quickly. “Let's change the subject.”

“No, no,” Nikoleta laughed. “Now you've got my attention. Bianca, tell us more about Mister Rasmussen.”

“I want to know, too!” Serene exclaimed.

“Tell us!”

“Armin, c'mon,” Claus pleaded, but Armin only let out a chuckle in response.

“You act like I have the power to stop her,” he replied, raising his eyebrows. Claus let out a frustrated sigh in response, and Serene and Nikoleta clapped their hands, applauding his defeat.

“He had longer hair back then,” Bianca said as Claus slowly lowered his forehead onto the table. “And he hadn't grown into his ears yet. Or his arms. Or legs.”

“Stop,” Claus moaned, his voice muffled.

“That's so precious,” Nikoleta laughed.

“Oh, no, it wasn't.” Bianca gently put her hand on Claus' head, then continued, “He was a total shit.”

“So were you!” Claus shouted, lifting his head.

“I never said that I wasn't.”

“Sounds like he hasn't entirely grown out of it,” Armin joked, and Bianca laughed in response. It was by far the most energetic laugh he had ever heard from her, so much so that he almost wondered if it had really been her laughter that he had just heard.

“Armin, you traitor...” Claus mumbled, laying his head back down.

“You were just a twiggier punk back then?” Nikoleta snickered.

“It wasn't all bad things,” he insisted.

“No, it wasn't,” Bianca agreed, giving Claus a soft smile. “I did manage to find a music partner out of it, I guess.”

“Oh, yeah! Claus, you play cello, right?” Serene gasped. “I've only ever heard Bianca play piano before--you should play with her sometime for us, too!”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Bianca said as Claus looked up at Bianca.

“I can do that,” Claus murmured. “It's been a while, hasn't it...?”

“Well, what other kinds of stuff happened back then?” Nikoleta asked. “If Claus was such a little shit, how the hell did he make it into the Police?”

“...Things changed, I guess,” Claus replied, but Armin could see that there was more that he wanted to say.

 _Odd,_ he thought as he watched Bianca's enthusiasm fade. _Something must have happened between them back then--whatever it was, it made them really, really close..._

Smiling to himself, Armin looked down at the wooden table.

_I guess I understand that. Eren, Mikasa, and I... We've been through a lot together, and I know that anything could happen to tear us apart, but...that doesn't stop us from being close. That must be how Bianca and Claus are, too._

“Next week we should play something,” Claus told Bianca, and Armin lifted his head to see Bianca nod. “I've not been practicing much lately.”

“We can practice this weekend,” Bianca replied.

“That's so amazing that you were both able to learn how to play an instrument,” Serene said, placing her chin in her hand. “I'm so jealous! I've always wanted to learn how to play the guitar or something like that.”

“It's never too late to learn!” Claus exclaimed. “You can afford it now, right?”

“Mm, maybe if I save for it,” Serene laughed, her cheeks turning red.

“You're still sending money home?” Bianca murmured.

“There are still two cousins at home with my parents.”

“Oh, that's right!” Armin gasped. “You have a cousin in the Corps, don't you?”

“Yes, I do!” Serene replied with a grin. “And another in training right now! I think Ephraim will join the military eventually, too, but Hektor...”

Serene fell silent, her grin fading into a sad smile.

“Hektor...is the youngest, right?” Claus asked, his voice gentle.

“Yeah.” Serene sighed quietly, then continued, “They still can't afford surgery for him. It'd take the best doctors in Sina to help him.”

“...If you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with him?” Armin asked.

“Hektor was born with deformities in his feet, so he can't walk on his own,” Serene replied. “He doesn't have any way to get to school, and he can't run around outside, either. I've been trying to help my uncle save up, but--”

“Why don't you consult one of the military doctors?” Nikoleta suggested. “It would probably be cheaper going through them, and their technology would be just as advanced as any other hospital in Sina.”

“That's a good point,” Claus agreed. “Jay's friend is a nurse in the Survey Corps--I'm sure she'd be willing to help you.”

“...You think so?” Serene murmured, the joy returning to her eyes.

Armin smiled to himself as Claus and Nikoleta began to brainstorm with Serene; Bianca watched on in silence, a small smile on her face.

 _They're like a little family_ , Armin thought, crossing his arms. ... _It must be because I'm an outsider--that makes it easier for me to see how close they all are with one another. I can't help but wonder...are the other squads I'm in like that...?_

“Oh, dinner's ready!” Claus exclaimed.

“Finally!” Nikoleta said, quickly standing up. “I'm so hungry.”

“Let's eat, then!” Serene cried, grinning.

 

…......

 

_This had better not end up as a waste of our time..._

Bruno narrowed his eyes as he knocked on Nile's office door. He did not take Nile's willingness to meet with them as a good sign--it was too early to tell how cooperative Nile was really willing to be, after all.

“Come in,” Nile called from the other side of the door.

“Good afternoon,” Bruno greeted as he opened the door. He stood aside to let Bianca in first, and she slowly walked in, not saying a word to either of them.

“How are you, Bianca?” Nile asked, giving her a small smile.

“I'm doing well,” she replied stiffly. Bruno closed the door behind him, trying not to laugh. He knew that Bianca disliked Nile as much as he did, if not more, but she was much worse at hiding it.

“Will there be anyone else joining us?” Bruno asked, standing beside his sister.

“No,” Nile replied, sighing. “I asked Erwin if he'd come, but he declined the offer, and Commander Pyxis is busy today.”

“I see...”

“Well, have a seat, you two. You know the drill.”

Exchanging looks with Bianca, Bruno slowly sat down in one of the chairs across from Nile's desk. Bianca did the same, pulling out a notebook and a pen for note-taking.

“...This is a sorry topic of discussion, isn't it?” Nile murmured, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his desk. “I never would have thought that Zackley, of all people, would end up becoming a threat.”

“It's definitely unfortunate,” Bruno agreed. “We never really knew his motivations from the beginning, though.”

“I thought I did,” Nile admitted. “Erwin did, too--we thought he genuinely cared about humanity. That's why he was appointed to his position in the first place. He always excelled at making unbiased, objective decisions. But, I guess that wasn't the case after all...”

“What's done is done,” Bruno said. “The problem now is how to approach his role going forward.”

“Is there even a way to approach it? It's not as if either of us have the authority to have him fired.”

“No--but Queen Historia does. Or at least, she could have him arrested if we had the authorization from _you_ to tell her what he's done.”

“What do you suppose putting him in jail will solve?”

“It'll at least get him out of his position of influence.”

“And then what?” Nile asked. “Who will take his place?”

“Is the position even necessary?” Bruno argued.

“What are you saying? Of course it is. We need an authority figure to make decisions regarding conflict points between regiments.”

“Or, we could work them out ourselves like civilized human beings.”

Nile narrowed his eyes, and Bruno held his gaze.

 _You must be a fool to think I'm afraid of you,_ he thought, his blood boiling with anger. _You're just a coward. Handle this like a man._

Bruno did not dare say these things to Nile's face; after all, Bruno understood why Nile was so cautious. Nile had things to lose: a wife, three children, his status, his wealth, his friends, his pride. He had every reason to approach each situation thrown at him with extra delicacy and care.

However, Bruno could not help thinking that it was selfish. How on earth did Nile expect to keep this up while refusing to sacrifice anything? At this rate, nothing was going to change.

“...I can tell you've been talking to Erwin,” Nile said at last, sighing as he sat back in his chair. “You two are alike--headstrong and calculative. I'm not like that, so I have to rely on people like you to get things done.”

“The only person stopping you from being like that is you,” Bruno told him.

“...Maybe you're right.”

The room fell silent again, and Bruno could not help feeling impatient. He hated to waste time, and he hated to lose even more, so if this meeting was going to result in a combination of both things, it would be a complete waste of energy.

“If what you say is true, then how about this: the Commanders of the branches sit down with Zackley and talk about this,” Nile suggested.

“...Go on,” Bruno mumbled.

“We're not entirely sure what his motivation was to torture those men, and we're not even sure if he did it entirely on his own, right?” When Bruno did not respond, Nile continued, “So, let's handle things like civilized human beings--we'll call a meeting to discuss it with him.”

Bruno narrowed his eyes, glancing at Bianca. She was absent-mindedly tracing over her writing over and over again, as if she was not even paying attention, but Bruno knew her better than that. It meant that she was thinking, and also trying not to react.

“Bianca,” he murmured. “What do you think about this?”

“...Perhaps it would be best to include Queen Historia in the meeting you're proposing,” Bianca said, looking up at Nile with an intense gaze. “If leaders of great authority are gathering to discuss this man's fate, then it only seems natural that she, too, should join you.”

Nile opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again, furrowing his brow. He was obviously trying to come up with a counter-argument.

“I agree,” Bruno declared. “Having her there with us could prevent Zackley from trying to manipulate her as a last resort.”

“...That's a good point...”

“Commander, do you not think he should be imprisoned?” Bianca asked suddenly, staring up at Nile.

Nile did not immediately respond, and Bruno pursed his lips.

“...Imprisoning him now would frighten the public,” Nile said after a few moments of silence. “Whether or not we make public the deeds he has done, there will be upheaval. Many people trust his opinion explicitly, and--”

“He's abusing his authority,” Bianca interrupted. “Those men were criminals, but they didn't deserve to die like that.”

“Bianca,” Bruno said firmly, and Bianca fell silent. He then turned to Nile and said, “Commander, I don't think that's a wrong opinion. However, to base all of our decisions on the opinions of the public would be a huge mistake. Go through with the meeting, and have the Queen join you. Surely the four of you together can come up with some kind of compromise.”

“...Yes. I suppose that's our only choice for the time being,” Nile murmured.

With this response, Bruno did not feel convinced. Nile still seemed hesitant, and Bruno could not help wondering if he would even call the meeting at all in the end.

 _I may have to go to Erwin about this_ , Bruno realized. _If Nile won't take action, I will._

“Is there anything else you wish to discuss while we're here, Sir?” Bruno asked, sitting up straight in his chair.

“No, nothing urgent,” Nile replied. “If I think of anything, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I'll see you at our next staff meeting.”

“Thank you.”

“You're dismissed.”

Bruno tried to take his time getting up out of his chair and leaving the room, but the moment he entered the hallway, he stormed away, Bianca right behind him.

“He's a coward,” she muttered.

“I know,” Bruno hissed.

“...I guess...he just doesn't have the same motivations as us.”

At Bianca's words, Bruno slowed his pace, his face softening.

“...Still,” he mumbled.

 _Are we really that different?_ Bruno asked himself as he glanced at Bianca, who was now walking beside him. _...No one should have to damn himself just to feel motivated to change something..._

“I'm going to go practice the piano for a while,” Bianca said, holding out her notebook. Bruno took it, nodding.

“I'll see you later,” he said, coming to a halt as Bianca kept walking. She soon disappeared around the corner, and Bruno let out a loud sigh.

_How much longer are we going to have to fight...?_

 


	94. Enveloped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter brings about its harshness; humanity responds with gentleness.

_“Ugh. I hate winter.”_

_Serene let out a laugh as Claus rubbed his nose; it was flushed pink just like his cheeks. They had only been outside for a few minutes, but the biting wind had already taken a toll on him, apparently._

_“It's not even really winter yet,” she told him. “We've still got another month of fall left!”_

_“Then why won't the weather act like it?” Claus muttered, shoving his hands further into his coat pockets. “I shouldn't have to be wearing this coat yet.”_

_“Sometimes I wonder how you and Bianca ever get along,” Serene giggled. “She loves the cold.”_

_“Yeah, well, she's weird.”_

_“That's not weird!”_

_“No, it's not. I didn't say that. I said_ _**she's** _ _weird.”_

_Serene laughed again, but when she glanced back at Claus, he had a distant look in his eyes, and the irritated scowl was gone from his face._

_“Ask Bruno if you don't believe me,” Claus added, glancing at Serene before facing forward again. “...C'mon, let's hurry. I don't want to have to be out here any longer than I need to be.”_

_Serene frowned, nodding. Again, she had the feeling that there was a blockade, a wall that she could not get past, with Claus and Bianca--even after all these years..._

 

“So, as you can see by the grammar pattern in this sentence--”

Yasmin flinched as, once again, a harsh gust of wind rattled the window of their classroom and cut off Catherine's explanation.

“...It's getting worse,” Armin murmured, staring out of the window. Yasmin did the same; she could see leaves and branches blowing by them, and the bare trees were bending in the wind.

“...Maybe we should just call it for today,” Catherine said, setting down the piece of chalk she had been holding. “I'm afraid that if we wait any longer, the weather is just going to get worse.”

Yasmin nodded in agreement, her eyes still locked on the window. Though she did particularly enjoy winter or its harsh weather, she could not help but hope that the wind would keep up for a couple more days. She did not want to have to go home for Christmas this year, but she could not come up with a good enough excuse to get out of it.

She had spent all autumn focusing on her duties as both a soldier and a scholar. Ever since the incident at Ragako, Catherine had been pushing them harder during lessons and urging them to study outside of the classroom. Yasmin did not need her to ask twice--she _enjoyed_ studying, and she looked forward to their meetings for various reasons. She loved being able to see her friends in other regiments on a regular basis, even Bianca, who was still as quiet as ever.

“All right, let's stop,” Catherine declared, wiping the dust from her hands onto a small handkerchief on the table. “We'll pick up again after the holidays are over. I'd tell you all to study, but...well, you deserve a break. Enjoy it.”

“Thank you!” Olivia exclaimed, quickly gathering her things.

“Just don't use it as an excuse to get into trouble,” Captain Levi muttered, narrowing his eyes as he stared Olivia down.

“I won't, I promise!” Olivia put her hands on her hips, adding, “Do you _really_ think I'm _that_ reckless?”

The only response Olivia received was a harsh gaze from Levi and an eye roll from Claus.

“...That's fair. But, I promise, I'm not doing anything but visiting my family! What's everyone else got planned?”

Before anyone could reply, there came a knock on the door.

“Squad Leader Catherine, are you there?”

“Yes,” Catherine answered, walking over to the door. She opened it to reveal Liam, a member of Hanji's squad; his cheeks and nose were bright red, and his eyes were watering. “...Are you all right?”

“Y-Yes,” he stammered. “I was just outside, is all. Anyway, I've come to pass on a message--because of the harsh weather conditions, the government is limiting travel to emergencies only until tomorrow morning at the earliest. The winds are only supposed to get worse as the evening goes on, and the windchill is already dangerously low.”

“What does that mean for us?” Claus asked, frowning.

“You're being advised to stay here for the night,” Liam said. Yasmin could see that he was still shivering. “The messenger who came here to report from the Garrison squad said that she had to walk her horse for the last part of her journey over here--there's no way you would make it safely back to Police headquarters from here like it is.”

“Is there anything else we should know, kid?” Levi asked, walking over to Liam.

“That's all I know for now,” he replied, shaking his head. “I think Commander Erwin might be planning for some people to bring the horses inside tonight, but you would have to ask him directly. Nothing else has been reported to me yet.”

“I'll talk to him now, then.” Levi turned to Catherine, his frown deepening. “You can take care of them. I'll find you later.”

“Go,” Catherine told him. “We can't afford to buy a new team of horses.”

“I know.”

Without another word, Levi slipped past Liam and out of the room.

“Thank you, Liam,” Catherine then said. “I'll take care of my squad.”

“Got it.”

Quickly saluting to her, Liam then dashed off out of sight.

“Well, you heard him--gather up your things,” Catherine told them. “We've got to figure out where to put all of you.”

“Claus can stay in our room,” Armin said, raising his hand. “We still have a couple of empty bunks.”

“All right, there's one down.”

“We could always ask Sasha and Mikasa if they have any room,” Olivia suggested.

“I hate to be a pain...” Yasmin murmured, frowning.

“It can't be helped.” Catherine crossed her arms, mirroring Yasmin's expression. “Don't worry, though. We'll find someplace for you all to stay...”

Catherine's voice trailed off, her gaze dropping to the floor.

“...Actually, one of you can use my bed,” she said. “I'll just stay down in the mess hall, and if I get desperate, I'll stay with Rowen.”

“Ooooh,” Olivia giggled. “The plot thickens.”

“It's not like we haven't done it before,” Catherine replied, shrugging.

“Bianca has a hard time sharing beds, right?” Yasmin asked Claus, who quickly nodded, glancing at Bianca. She, too, nodded--Yasmin could see how hesitant she was about the whole thing. “Then she can have your room, Catherine. Olivia and I can share a bunk if need be, really.”

“That sounds nice,” Olivia whispered, grinning at her.

“Then let's go ask Sasha and Mikasa,” Catherine told them, nodding. “I'm sure they still have at least one bunk open.”

“What a crazy night _this_ is gonna be,” Jean muttered. “How much you wanna bet Captain Levi is gonna drag us into helping with the horses?”

“It's just like Squad Leader Catherine said--it can't be helped,” Armin said gently. “And the more people who help out, the faster we can all get it done.”

“I'll help out, too, if I'm allowed,” Yasmin added, smiling at Jean. “Armin is right. And besides, we're capable soldiers, too. We'll do what we can.”

 

…......

 

“Geez, that was terrifying!”

“Yeah, it felt like the wind was gonna blow me right off the wall!”

Rosaleen glanced over her shoulder as she listened to the newer recruits chatter on about the terrible weather.

“I can't believe we had to even _be_ up there today...”

“Hey...” Rosaleen stopped and turned around to face the recruits. They stopped in their tracks, staring up at her. “...You know, being in this regiment? It's a job. If we hadn't secured those cannons, they could have been blown off of the wall and hurt someone--or at the very least, we would have lost money.”

“So it's about money to you?” one of the recruits countered.

“No, not at all. If it had been, I never would have bothered joining the military in the first place.” Rosaleen bit her lip. “I'm just saying, be aware of your duties and obligations in this regiment.”

“...Whatever.”

“Oi. You'd better listen to her.”

Rosaleen turned at the sound of Milena's voice; the Captain had her hands on her hips and was staring the younger teens down.

“I wasn't going to have anyone stand guard tonight, but if you're going to be acting like spoiled brats, you both can take turns,” she stated, walking over to the boys. “Whaddya say? Sound like fun?”

“No, ma'am,” the recruits replied in unison, shaking their heads.

“Thought so. Now, get out of here before I change my mind.”

“...I need to learn to be scarier,” Rosaleen giggled as the boys trudged past them.

“You're just fine the way you are,” Milena assured her, grinning. “...So, no word on Yasmin yet?”

“I don't think she's coming back until tomorrow,” Rosaleen replied, her smile fading. “They gave out an order to stay inside tonight--I barely missed the cut-off for when they started keeping even the messengers in. Apparently the weather is too dangerous even for our horses.”

“I can believe it,” Milena muttered. “The wind is so wild right now.”

“There's also a chance of snow...”

Rosaleen's frown deepened as Milena let out a disappointed sigh.

“Who knew I would worry about her this much after joining what's supposed to be just an academic squad,” Milena chuckled. Rosaleen let out a laugh through her nose in response.

It was true--at first, when Yasmin had joined the special squad and started traveling to the Survey Corps headquarters on a regular basis, Rosaleen had thought nothing of it. After all, her job required her to travel, too, and Yasmin had a consistent arrival time back at Garrison headquarters, so there had been no reason to really worry about her.

But, over the past few months, Rosaleen and Milena were starting to see less and less of Yasmin. They knew that she was keeping busy and was happy about it, but Rosaleen missed seeing her at dinner and hanging out with her on days she actually spent time at HQ.

“At least we know she's safe,” Rosaleen murmured.

“That's true. She's holed up with most of the strongest soldiers in the military.” Milena let out a laugh, then shook her head. “Good thing she and Jean are getting along now, otherwise there might be bloodshed.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Rosaleen felt a smile creep onto her face. “Sometimes I forget about how much they used to hate each other.”

“I can't,” Milena admitted, snickering into her hand. “When she couldn't complain to Marco, she'd complain to me. But things sure are different now, aren't they?”

“Yeah...”

Rosaleen shrugged a bit, then thought back to the new recruits she had spoken to just a few minutes earlier.

 _We aren't kids anymore,_ she realized, her smile disappearing again. _I'm not sure when it happened...but at some point, we grew up._

“The good news is, Yasmin can definitely handle herself,” Milena stated, interrupting Rosaleen's thoughts. She put her hands on her hips and added, “She's smart. She knows better than to put herself in unnecessary danger.”

“Yeah, she's not reckless--I can't ever imagine her that way,” Rosaleen agreed, nodding. Milena gave her a confident smile in response.

“Well, we've got nothing to do tonight--might as well catch up on some sleep,” she said, lowering her arms.

“...You go ahead,” Rosaleen replied. “I'll be there soon.”

“...All right. If you say so...”

Rosaleen could see the hesitation in Milena's expression, but she began to walk forward toward the main hallway of headquarters.

 _...This is some kind of sick irony,_ Rosaleen thought, scuffing the toe of her shoe against the brick floor. _When I was a kid, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do... I knew exactly how to be happy... I thought that I did..._

Rosaleen had joined the military with knowledge that it would be difficult, that people would die, and that even her own life was at stake. However, she had always assumed that through all of that, Erin would be with her. It had only seemed natural, after all--they had been born together and raised together, and it only made sense that they would live on together, then eventually die together.

It had been over a year, almost a year and a half, since Erin's death, and Rosaleen still could not help feeling angry with herself. Not for letting Erin die--no, that was another struggle entirely. She was angry with herself for not being able to find something to distract herself from her guilt. Yasmin had lost Marco, but now she was moving forward with this new squad, and more often than not, she came home with a smile on her face. Milena had lost Captain Hannes, but she had stepped into his role without hesitation, and she had become the leader that they never knew they needed in just a year's time.

Rosaleen had received special notice from Captain Hannes and Commander Pyxis; she had been chosen for an important role, too, hand-picked from plenty of other candidates. She had been happy about it at first, and she still loved her job, but it was not fulfilling. Or, rather, it was not the kind of fulfillment she wanted or needed.

 _...Stop,_ she told herself, shaking her head. _I can't keep thinking like this._

Sighing sharply through her nose, Rosaleen began to walk toward their room, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

 

…......

 

Gently massaging his sore, wind-chapped hands, Levi let out a heavy sigh as he walked down the hallway toward his room. It was late, and though he was used to staying up until the wee hours of the morning, he was exhausted. It was one thing to struggle against his own restlessness--fighting against the weather was another battle entirely.

Still shivering from the cold, Levi reached out and pushed open his door.

“...It's late.”

Catherine's voice startled Levi so badly that his entire body jolted in shock.

“...Fuck you,” he muttered, shutting the door behind him. He glanced up to see Catherine's calm gaze staring back at him; she was seated on the edge of his bed, a towel in her arms.

“You left your door unlocked,” she told him, giving him a slightly irritated look.

“I was in a hurry,” he replied, pulling off his boots. They were coated in a thin layer of ice, which was now starting to melt off, splattering onto the floor.

“It's still bad out?”

“It's rough,” Levi breathed as he unbuttoned his coat and hung it up on the wall. “The wind's pretty strong. I'm sure if we had left the horses out, most of them would have died overnight because it's so cold. They were scared shitless, too. It didn't help that it started to snow, either.”

Levi glanced up at Catherine as she sat up a little straighter on his bed. Her expression had significantly brightened, and Levi rolled his eyes in response.

“Don't get too worked up,” he told her, tugging off his thin, weather-worn gloves. They clung to his hands, damp with his sweat and the melting ice. “It's not sticking--it's just blowing around and making a mess. It had already stopped by the time we finished up.”

“...” Catherine glanced down at the floor, obviously trying to hide her disappointment.

“...Your squad is all settled?”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “I let Bianca have my room.”

Once again, Levi rolled his eyes, but Catherine just gave him a knowing look in response.

“So where are _you_ gonna stay?” Levi asked, walking over to her.

“I dunno. I could always pull an all-nighter downstairs in the mess hall.” Catherine smirked up at him. “Or I could bunk with Rowen. Wouldn't be the first time.”

“...You're full of shit,” Levi muttered, stopping in front of her. He stared her down, narrowing his eyes; however, before he could do or say anything else, Catherine took the towel in her arms and threw it over Levi's damp, messy hair.

“You hate the cold,” she murmured, staring up at him.

 _Why're you like this?_ Levi wanted to ask her as she held the towel in place on Levi's head. _Just fucking say what you want from me..._

Though he had been working closely with Catherine for a while now, both with their squad and reading lessons, Levi did not always understand her. He knew that things now were not the same as when this whole mess started--she was more invested in it than he was, and they both knew that.

 _I don't want to string you along_ , Levi thought, sighing through his nose as Catherine gazed up at him. _I can't be like you..._

But, he did not have any desire to push her away, either.

“...Were you trying to make a point?” he asked at last, and Catherine narrowed her eyes.

“...Dunno,” she mumbled, finally looking away from him.

_I don't get you._

“I'll see you tomorrow, I guess,” she added, releasing her hold on the towel.

“You're not gonna stay?” Levi grunted. “Wasn't that the point of you coming here?”

“...” Catherine's eyes stayed locked on the floor at Levi's feet; Levi crouched down quickly, the towel still lying atop his head. He stared at her, remaining at her eye level despite her resistance to his gaze.

“Use your words, you shit. If I have to, you do, too.”

“I... Never mind.”

Catherine placed her hands on Levi's bed, as if getting ready to push herself up and walk away. Levi got to her hands first, though, and he stood upright, staring her down.

“Too late. You're staying. Now you don't have a choice.” Levi grimaced as he released her hands and added, “Just don't stick your cold feet on me.”

Catherine let out a laugh through her nose, then reached up for the towel on Levi's head. At first, Levi thought she might just be taking it back, but to his surprise, she instead fluffed his hair with it, squeezing out the last bits of water onto the floor.

“I won't,” she told him quietly. “Your nose is still red--I won't be mean when you're _actually_ freezing your ass off.”

Levi quickly looked away, his ears hot.

 _Why are you like this?_ he thought, narrowing his eyes.

“...If it snows, I'm going out tomorrow,” Catherine then said, her face lighting up again.

“Not if it's still this cold,” Levi retorted as she continued to massage his head. “No one's gonna let you.”

“I don't care. I'll sneak out if I have to.”

“No, you won't.”

Catherine stared up at Levi, pausing her hands' movements.

“...Never mind. Knowing how reckless you are, you probably would,” Levi muttered. Catherine patted Levi's head, then pulled the towel off of his head.

“If you weren't such a big baby, I'd take you with me,” she told him.

“I'm not a big baby.”

“Yeah, you are,” Catherine laughed.

Frowning, Levi snatched the towel out of Catherine's hands.

“I'm not,” he hissed, snapping the towel at her.

“Ow! What the hell!”

Catherine grabbed the other end of the towel, tugging on it and pulling Levi closer to her.

“...” Staring up at him, Catherine placed her hand on Levi's face. He narrowed his eyes, staring back at her. “...Your face is like ice.”

Pursing his lips, Levi sighed through his nose.

“I told you it was cold,” he mumbled. “...I'm tired.”

“Then let's just call it a night.”

“...Yeah.”

Pulling off his sweater and pants as Catherine went to blow out his lantern, Levi tugged at the long underwear bunched at his ankles and wrists. If he had not been exhausted and soaked to the bone, he would have kept his other clothes on longer--his room was cold, and his body was beginning to ache.

But, the moment he curled up next to Catherine, Levi felt warm, and his shivering finally stopped. He closed his eyes, sighing quietly; he felt her slip her arm around his waist, pressing her chest against his.

Levi almost hated how good all of this felt. Why did he feel so comfortable around her? Why did he let her get away with all of this? The thought of sharing a bed this small and sleeping next to any other person this closely made him feel irritated, so why was Catherine an exception?

Normally, he would have thought about it quite a bit more before falling asleep, but tonight he was too tired, and soon he drifted off, his arms wrapped around Catherine's warm, soft body.

 


	95. Never Saw Her Smile Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While most would rather stay as far away from the snow as possible, there are some who delight in it.  
> Its purity brings out smiles from unexpected places.

_“Bruno, don't let her touch the glass--she'll smudge it.”_

_“Sorry,” Bruno mumbled, pulling his little sister away from the window. Bianca squirmed in his arms for a moment, then turned her gaze back to the winter scenery outside._

_“...She really likes watching the snow, doesn't she?” Noemi, his mother, then said, looking up from the book she was reading._

_“Yeah.”_

_For being just a year old, Bianca was already very intelligent and full of personality. Bruno could tell that she was taking in her surroundings with her full attention; she seemed enamored by the snowflakes fluttering down to earth._

_“Maybe later we can go outside for a bit,” Noemi suggested, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear._

_“Won't she be cold?” Bruno asked, glancing at Bianca. “She's so small...”_

_“She'll be all right.”_

_Bruno looked back at his mother, who had a gentle smile on her face. But, behind it he could see an odd sort of sadness there._

_“She's very strong and healthy for a baby her age,” she went on. “You don't have to worry about her, Bruno.”_

 

Catherine could feel the warmth of the sun pouring down on her even in her sleep, and she awoke that next morning to bright rays of light shining in her face. It seemed odd, considering the previous day's adverse weather, and for a moment she wondered if she had overslept.

Slowly, Catherine sat upright, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the lighting. Levi was curled up under the blankets, still sound asleep beside her.

“...What...?” she mouthed, staring at the window in Levi's room.

The explanation for all of this hit her suddenly, and she threw the covers off of her legs and bolted around the bed and over to the window.

“...Ah...” she gasped, her heart pounding in her chest as she peered through the large pane of glass. “...It...snowed...”

As far as the eye could see, their tiny world was covered in a thick blanket of snow.

“It snowed,” she repeated, louder this time. “Levi. Levi, it snowed. It snowed!”

Running over to Levi, Catherine ripped the blankets off of Levi; he jolted awake, his eyes wide with alarm.

“What the hell!?” he shouted, his voice cracking.

“Look!” she shouted, pointing to the window. “Levi--”

 

…......

 

“It snowed,” Bianca murmured to herself. Pressing her nose against the glass, she gazed out at the glittering white landscape. She knew that she would probably be the only one who wanted to go outside, but she was all right with that. Being alone did not bother her.

Suddenly, a loud knock startled Bianca out of her thoughts.

“Biancaaaa!” Olivia shouted from the other side of the door. “Caaaatheriiiiine!”

“It's unlocked,” Bianca replied, and soon the door burst open. Olivia hurried in, and Yasmin slowly followed her.

“It snowed!” Olivia cried.

“So I see,” Bianca mumbled, smiling.

“Let's go outside!”

“Hang on, hang on,” Yasmin laughed, grabbing Olivia's shoulder as she bounced on her toes. “We have to figure out if we're allowed. The travel advisory might still be up.”

“It'll be _fine_ , it's just snow!” Olivia insisted. “I mean, even if the travel advisory is up, it's only because the horses can't travel. But that doesn't mean we can't go out in it!”

“...I guess that's true,” Yasmin admitted.

“Hey, where's Catherine?” Olivia then asked, and Bianca shrugged.

“She gave me her room,” she told them. “I would assume that she spent the night with Rowen, like she said she would, remember?”

“She wasn't in the mess hall this morning,” Yasmin said. “That was the first place we checked.”

Bianca sighed through her nose, once again gazing out at the snow.

“...We should find her,” she concluded. “I'm sure she'll want to be outside, too.”

“You think so?” Yasmin asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Bianca gave Yasmin a small smile and added, “We've both always loved snow.”

 

…......

 

“Wow, I can't even remember the last time it snowed this much!” Armin exclaimed, staring out of the window in the boys' room. Claus nodded, smiling to himself.

“At least now there's a good reason for it to be so cold,” he mumbled.

“Actually, it shouldn't be as cold today--it's sunny and the wind doesn't seem as strong as before,” Armin replied, and Claus rolled his eyes.

“If you want to go out in it, be my guest,” he told him. “I'm going to get dragged out into it anyway.”

“Why's that?” Jean mumbled, still lying in his bunk. Armin was the only one who was really awake; all of the others in the room were either still asleep or were barely conscious.

“Bianca. She loves the snow.”

“Really? That kind of surprises me,” Armin admitted.

“What makes you say that?”

“I dunno.” Armin shrugged. “She just doesn't strike me as the type of person to get excited over something so insignificant.”

Claus slowly shook his head, chuckling.

“You think too much, Armin,” he said. “Bianca's not that complicated of a person.”

Armin turned toward Claus again, but just as he opened his mouth to reply, there came a knock on the door.

“Jean, Armin, Claus! Are you guys awake?”

It was Squad Leader Catherine's voice, but she sounded much more energetic than usual, to the point that if Claus had not already known her for as long as he had, he might not have recognized her.

“Yes, we are!” Armin said, hurrying over to the door. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Catherine replied; she was dressed in her winter clothes, and her eyes were sparkling. “Meet us outside in fifteen minutes.”

“...What?” Armin murmured, obviously confused.

“Okay, we'll be there,” Claus sighed, and Catherine nodded, closing the door behind her.

“What's going on?” Jean asked, sitting upright at last.

“...She...is like Bianca,” Claus said at last, letting out a laugh. “...Should have seen this one coming.”

 

…......

 

“You probably don't know why I called you all out here this morning, but I promise, it goes beyond my own selfishness.”

As Catherine paced back and forth in front of them, Yasmin fiddled with her coat's buttons. It was cold, though not nearly as bad as yesterday, and it was obvious that only Catherine and Bianca were really excited about being out here. Olivia's initial enthusiasm had disappeared the moment she stepped outside, and Jean appeared as if he had just woken up. The most sour of them all, though, was easily Captain Levi; his hands were shoved deeply into his pockets, and his mouth was drawn into a tight scowl, bordering on a sneer of disgust.

“We've been together as a squad for a while now, but you all are up to your same old habits--you only interact with the people you're comfortable with,” Catherine told them, a disappointed expression on her face.

 _It's like she's scolding her children_ , Yasmin thought, trying to hide her amusement.

“So, today, I want you all to spend some time out here--and with the people you _don't_ normally talk to. Jean and Armin, I had better not see you two together alone for more than two minutes. Claus and Bianca, Yasmin and Olivia, the same goes for you. Get to know each other.”

Catherine paused, coming to a halt and shoving her hands in her pockets.

“Things haven't been that difficult for our squad so far, but the world is changing. You're going to have to learn to rely on one another to make this work,” she murmured. “Today is your opportunity. I'll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Yes, _Mom_ ,” Olivia snickered, and Catherine paused, narrowing her eyes.

“...You're dismissed,” she muttered, walking over to Levi. Yasmin could not hear what she said to him, but he nodded, and the two walked away, back toward headquarters.

“...That's it?” Jean mumbled, cringing. “Geez.”

It was odd, Yasmin could agree with that. But, on some level, she understood what Catherine was trying to do. They were a team, but even after all this time, they still did not really act like it. None of them had really tried to break out of their comfort zones.

“So...now what do we do?” Claus mumbled, hands shoved into his coat pockets. Nobody replied; the only sound Yasmin heard was Bianca take a deep breath.

“Let's build snowmen!” Olivia cried at last, clapping her hands together. She then reached out toward Yasmin. “Yasmin--”

“Ah, remember Catherine's rule,” Claus interrupted, crossing his arms. Olivia lowered her arm as he continued, “We have to spend time with people outside of our regiments.”

A sour look replaced the smile on Olivia's face, and Yasmin gave her a small shrug. Claus was right--they would have to find other people to spend time with today.

“C'mon, Olivia,” Armin said, smiling. “I'll go with you.”

Olivia grinned at him, her eyes lighting up. She motioned for him to follow her, and together they jogged off through the snow. Yasmin could not help smiling as she noticed Olivia struggling to keep him; the snow easily came up to about halfway up her shins.

“That leaves the four of us,” Jean sighed. “We could always go sledding?”

“That sounds fun,” Yasmin said, nodding. She then turned to Bianca and added, “Bianca, let's be partners!”

“...Okay,” Bianca replied softly, nodding.

 _This worked out well_ , Yasmin thought as she followed Bianca over to the toboggans that Catherine had dragged outside for them. _I want to get to know her better...but I still don't really know what to say..._

Yasmin sighed through her nose as she followed Bianca up the hill.

“...Y'know, I thought it'd be super miserable outside, but with the sun and everything, it's actually kinda nice,” Yasmin said at last, taking larger strides so she could walk side by side with Bianca.

“Yeah,” Bianca replied, nodding. “I love the snow.”

“Really? Hah, somehow that doesn't really surprise me...”

Yasmin glanced at Bianca; she could see a faint smile appear for a moment on her normally expressionless face.

 _I wonder what makes her so cautious_ , Yasmin thought as they continued up the hill. _I won't pry, but...I really do worry about her..._

A few minutes later, they reached the top of the hill. Following Jean and Claus' lead, Yasmin and Bianca placed their sled at the edge of the hill. Yasmin then took a seat at the front, digging her heels into the snow.

“C'mon,” she said, looking up at Bianca. “I'll steer this time.”

 _It's less awkward for you this way, right?_ Yasmin thought as Bianca slowly sat down and wrapped her body around Yasmin.

“We're gonna beat you to the bottom,” Jean declared, sitting down at the front of the sled. Claus sat down behind him, a smug look on his face.

“Since when is this a race?” Yasmin laughed, raising an eyebrow. Jean gave her an incredulous look in reply.

“Why _wouldn't_ it be?”

“Then I hope you're ready to lose,” Bianca said suddenly. It was so out of nowhere, so unexpected, that Yasmin could not stop herself from bursting into laughter. Even Jean looked surprised to hear such snark come out of Bianca, who was normally so quiet and composed.

“See ya!” Yasmin shouted, kicking off and sending them flying down the hill.

She could hear Claus and Jean shouting after them, but she did not care. They were here to get to know each other, yes, but they were also out here to have fun.

Yasmin opened her mouth to say something to Bianca, when suddenly she heard an unfamiliar noise behind her. It was a laugh--Bianca's laugh, and it was not just a typical laugh-through-the-nose sort of noise. This was a real laughter, and it was the first time Yasmin had ever heard her truly laugh.

Hearing it made Yasmin laugh, too, until her stomach started to hurt and tears began to push at her eyes. She had not expected this, and it should not have been such a big deal, but for whatever reason, it moved her greatly.

Of course, being this happy also made Yasmin distracted, and when she focused her gaze back on the path ahead of them again, she noticed that they had begun to drift off to the side and were now headed toward a bump.

“Shit...!” Yasmin screamed through her laughter. But it was too late to stop--the impact sent them flying through the air, then gravity brought them right back down again. They slammed into the snow, and the force of that hit knocked both her and Bianca off of the toboggan and into the snow.

Despite the chaos and the sudden burst of cold that the snow brought to her skin, Yasmin could not stop laughing. Bianca, too, was still cackling, as if some power had possessed her and would not let her stop.

“Haha...are...are you okay?” Yasmin shouted through her laughter. Bianca did not reply, but her laughter intensified, puffs of white air coming out of her mouth like tiny clouds.

“You two deserved that,” came Claus' voice from afar. Bianca sat upright at last, and Yasmin let out a relieved giggle. It was a good thing neither of them were hurt, otherwise Levi and Catherine probably would have been furious with them.

Claus put his hands on his hips and continued, “You're both lucky you didn't get hurt or any--AHH!”

He was interrupted by a snowball landing squarely in the center of his chest. Yasmin let out a shocked laugh, then looked over at Bianca, who was grinning broadly.

“You asshole!” Claus cried, obviously trying to hide his laughter. Bianca let out a snicker, then pushed herself to her feet and took off. “Get back here!”

“Not unless you catch me!” she shouted over her shoulder.

“Bianca, wait!” Yasmin shouted after her, laughing as she pushed herself to her feet. Claus had already started sprinting after her, but Jean was standing still, watching them run. “...What's your problem?”

“Nothing,” he murmured, shrugging. “...Guess I'm just shocked to see Bianca like that.”

“Yeah, me too...”

Yasmin paused for a moment, watching her friends. Bianca had certainly seemed to come alive out in the snow, unlike anything Yasmin had ever seen before. She and Claus were headed toward Armin and Olivia now, and Yasmin smiled to herself.

Suddenly, a blast of icy cold hit the side of her face, and she gasped, whipping her head toward Jean. He had already started running off.

“You're dead, Jean!” Yasmin shouted, her threat weakened by her laughter. “ _Dead_!”

 

…......

 

It was possibly one of the most unusual things that Levi had witnessed--he knew that they were just kids, he knew that they were still young and full of life, but he had not expected them to run around as if they had not even a single care in the world. He was not really sure what to think of it. This was, after all, the military, where they were expected to be functional adults like everyone else. There was not anything _wrong_ with them acting their age, not at all--it was just odd.

After all, Levi had never experienced any of that kind of thing for himself. He did not even see snow until he was in his twenties. As a child, he had not had any friends, and he certainly did not run around outside. When he got to leave the house, he was going out either to train, or to carry out one of the many crimes Kenny had made him commit.

But, even more oddly, seeing them like this gave him an inexplicable sense of peace. Seeing them acting their age was somehow very satisfying.

“You've left yourself wide open.”

At the sound of Catherine's voice, Levi turned around to see her standing there, a snowball in her right hand.

“Don't you dare,” he growled, narrowing his eyes.

“Dare? You're daring me?” Catherine asked, smirking as she glanced down at the snowball. “I don't care--I'll throw it.”

“I don't even wanna be out here,” Levi grumbled, and Catherine let out a laugh.

“You really are a big baby,” she snickered.

Gritting his teeth, Levi quickly scooped a handful of snow into his hand and, before Catherine could properly react, he launched it at her.

“What the hell!?” she cried as the snowball collided with her coat. “Now I'm really gonna throw it!”

“I'd love to see you try,” Levi said, crossing his arms. To his surprise, Catherine flung the snowball at him; he dodged it just in time.

“Oh, fuck you!” she shouted as he took off running past her. “Fight me like a man!”

Levi let out a quiet laugh; it caught him off-guard, and his body seemed to slow down in shock. Catherine, however, was still running after him, and she had another snowball in her hands.

“Don't do it,” he warned her, turning around and stopping at the edge of a small hill. “Don't--”

Catching him completely off-guard, Catherine did not throw the snowball--instead, she slammed it into the side of his head.

“Fuck!” Levi hissed as Catherine let out a laugh. He could feel himself losing his footing, and soon he was stumbling down the hill, dragging Catherine with him.

“Did I get you that badly?!” she cried in disbelief as she clung to his arm. Levi's boots had lost all traction; apparently, this side of the hill had frozen over, and it was still covered in a thin sheet of ice. He soon realized why: ahead, at the bottom of this hill, was a small pond, frozen solid.

“Oh, god!” Catherine shrieked as they went sliding down the hill across the ice. Levi had no way to stop them--they had built up too much speed going down the hill that the only choice was to just keep going across the pond and hope for the best.

A few moments later, the toe of Levi's boots collided with snow again, and he stumbled forward, Catherine still holding onto his arm. Losing his balance, he fell face-first into the snow, bringing her down with him. His breath was knocked out of him on impact, but he could hear Catherine laughing beside him.

Slowly, Levi pushed himself up, wiping the snow from his face.

“...I hate you,” he muttered, looking over at Catherine and glaring at her. His hate dissipated almost the instant he saw her face. Her cheeks were bright pink, and she was still laughing, eyes closed, as if she was not even aware of her snow-soaked hair and clothes. It was by far the happiest he had ever seen her; he did not even _know_ she was capable of laughing this much or this hard.

“...Oi, calm down,” Levi told her, wiping a piece of snow from her cheek. Catherine opened her eyes, still grinning.

“Don't tell me what to do,” she whispered, reaching up toward his hair. He felt her brush off some snow, and she then sat upright. “...What are you looking at me like that for?”

“Like what?” Levi echoed, narrowing his eyes.

“...Never mind.”

“...You're just weird,” Levi told her, and Catherine's smile faded at last. “This whole thing is weird. This doesn't even feel like the same world.”

“What do you mean?”

“People are acting like nothing's wrong, like we aren't in the middle of a struggle for our lives,” Levi explained. “It's not wrong, it's just fucking weird. Even you...”

“...No, you're not wrong.” Catherine pursed her lips. “I haven't seen Bianca that happy in a long time. And...this is the first day I've had in a while that I don't really have to worry about anything. No work, no studying, nothing. So...I don't know, it's...weird, definitely, but it's nice.”

Immediately, Levi felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach.

“...Sorry I ruined it,” he mumbled. Catherine shook her head, pushing herself up. Levi did the same, avoiding her gaze.

“...I'm glad you're here,” she murmured, giving him a small smile. “Sorry I slammed snow into your head.”

“No, you're not, you shit.”

“...You got me there.”

Still smiling at him, Catherine leaned toward him and kissed him on the cheek gently. Her lips were surprisingly warm, and Levi felt his ears get hot.

“...You owe me again,” he mumbled, and Catherine laughed quietly, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink.

“...Only because it's your birthday.”

“No, that's a totally different issue.”

“If anything, you should owe _me_ for slacking on your lessons,” Catherine whispered.

“We'll take care of that another time.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Catherine shook her head, once again pursing her lips.

... _What are we doing?_ Levi asked himself as he kissed Catherine on the jaw. _...Fuck her. Smiling like that. It's contagious._

“...We should probably make sure those kids haven't gotten into any trouble,” Catherine murmured. Levi rolled his eyes before kissing her once again.

“In a minute,” he told her, and she let out another sigh in response, wrapping her arms around his torso.

 _I kind of hate this_ , Levi realized as he pressed his lips into Catherine's. _I don't know why, but...something about it..._

 

 


	96. Shot in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Eve, 851.  
> A night full of regrets.

_“Kenny, this isn't a joke. I'm pregnant.”_

_Narrowing his eyes at his sister, Kenny opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again._

_“I'm having the baby,” Kuchel stated, staring down at her hands folded in her lap._

_“You're an idiot,” Kenny hissed. “Do you even know what you're gettin' yourself into? You can't even afford to take of yourself. D'you really think you can make it like this?”_

_“I'm not changing my mind,” Kuchel murmured, looking up at Kenny. Her grey eyes were unusually fierce; she seemed years older than she really was._

_“...You're gonna let that thing destroy what little life you have left,” Kenny growled. “The offer still stands--you can join us and get yourself outta this shithole--”_

_“I can't do what you do, Kenny,” Kuchel interrupted, tears appearing in her eyes. “And, yeah, I know what you're gonna say, that I'm too nice. But...”_

_“I'm tryin' to do something good for you, Kuchel,” Kenny said, his throat closing up as a tear rolled down his little sister's face. “I'm tryin' to help you.”_

_“Then be good to me by being good to my child.”_

_Gritting his teeth, Kenny turned away from Kuchel, shoving his hands into his pockets._

_“...You know me,” Kenny murmured, heading toward the door. “I'm...just not that kind of guy.”_

 

Olivia had spent plenty of evenings in the Survey Corps mess hall, but the atmosphere on Christmas Eve was something she had never experienced before--and she loved it.

The Survey Corps soldiers differed greatly from those in the Garrison, and one of the most obvious differences was in the look in their eyes; the members of the Corps always had a certain expression written on their faces, one of resolution but also resignation. They were obviously prepared to die, and many, if not all, did not believe in the future. How could they afford to when they were constantly putting their lives on the line?

But tonight, they had all come alive.

Olivia was already a bundle of excitement and energy after their day out in the snow, so being around so many happy people made her excitable and left her feeling even more mischievous than usual.

“I love being right,” she said as she sat down at a table with Yasmin and Bianca.

“Obviously,” Yasmin laughed, and Bianca slowly shook her head.

“The guys are still trying to deny it, though,” Olivia sighed. “But you guys saw it, too, right? I'm not crazy--he kissed her.”

She had known it for months now, that Levi and Catherine were in love, or at the very least, were some kind of item. It had been bothering her for a while, how easily everyone seemed to deny the possibility, but now there was solid proof, and on top of that, eyewitnesses besides herself.

“I'm still really surprised, though,” Yasmin admitted. “Neither of them seem like the type.”

“That's just how it is,” Bianca said quietly. “People in the military have their own lives, too. You learn to keep out of other people's business.”

“I keep out of their business!” Olivia exclaimed. “I'm just curious, that's all!”

“I wasn't scolding you or anything...”

“Oh.”

Grinning to herself, Olivia glanced across the room to where Levi and Catherine were standing together. Judging by the uncharacteristically dumb smile on the latter's face, she had already been drinking, but Levi looked as stern and bored as ever. Olivia had heard rumors that Captain Levi could not get drunk, and it was obvious that he did not care for the party atmosphere, either.

 _If this wasn't partially a party for his birthday, I doubt he'd even come,_ she thought, smirking as she saw Jean, Armin, and Claus sit down with them.

“I see that your hair finally dried out, Claus,” Olivia snickered.

“Yeah, no thanks to _any_ of you,” he sighed, resting his chin in his hand.

“Should we tell them?” Olivia then asked Yasmin, who raised her eyebrows.

“Huh?” she gasped. “Oh, you mean, about--”

“I was right,” Olivia declared, turning back to the boys. “Levi and Catherine are a thing. I knew it.”

“A thing?” Armin echoed, looking puzzled.

“We saw them kissing earlier.”

“Really?” Jean asked, and Olivia nodded, giggling at the near-disgusted look on his face. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Me, too,” Claus agreed.

“I saw them, too,” Bianca murmured. “It shouldn't be that surprising.”

“What are you guys talking about?”

Olivia whipped her head around at the sound of Catherine's voice.

“Nothing, really,” Yasmin answered calmly as Catherine sat down across from her. “Just talking about today.”

“Oh, did you have fun?” Catherine asked, smiling at them. Her cheeks were flushed the slightest shade of pink, and a nearly empty glass of some kind of alcohol was in her hand.

“Yeah, did you?” Olivia replied, unable to stop herself.

“I guess,” Catherine laughed, shrugging.

“So, when you and Levi get married, are you going to take his name?”

Catherine, who had just started to take a drink, let out a startled gasp mid-sip, choking on the booze and quickly wiping her mouth.

“I... What...? I'm... No...” she stammered, coughing as her eyes widened.

“I mean, it's associated with a criminal, but Mikasa doesn't seem to mind, so--”

“Hush,” Bianca whispered as the color drained from Catherine's face.

“I-I...I have no idea what... I mean, no, it doesn't matter--I d-don't... No...ah...”

Coughing, Catherine slowly put a hand on her forehead.

“You're so mean,” Yasmin hissed, but Olivia just laughed.

“It's cute,” she replied, shrugging.

“W-Well, have fun tonight,” Catherine mumbled, quickly standing and walking away into the crowd, leaving her unfinished glass behind.

“There you have it, my friends,” Olivia declared, gesturing to where Catherine had been sitting as she turned toward the boys. “I don't know of any better proof in the world.”

 

…......

 

“This year's gonna be the year, Erwin.”

Glancing at Hanji, who was staring at him anxiously, Erwin let out a small sigh.

“I really doubt it,” he said as she swirled the remaining wine in her glass around and around. “Levi isn't like us.”

“I know. That's why I have a secret weapon this time.”

Rolling his eyes, Erwin ignored Hanji's insistent gaze and turned back to Moblit.

“...I suppose there's no chance you'd be willing to try to talk her out of whatever she's got planned?” he asked; Moblit quickly shook his head, an almost frightened look appearing in his eyes.

“What kind of fool do you take me for?” he whispered, glancing over at Hanji, who had stepped up onto the bench across from Levi's.

“I've been trying for years, Levi!” Hanji cried, pointing down at the man, who stared back up at her with an irritated expression on his face. Catherine was sitting beside him, her brows furrowed as she looked up at Hanji as well.

“Oh no...” Erwin muttered under his breath, pushing himself up from his seat.

“But this year, I have something special! Behold!”

Hanji hopped down from the bench, reaching down for a sizable bottle by her feet, then held it out to Levi with both hands.

“Do you know who this belonged to, Levi!?” she shouted. Nearly the entire mess hall had their eyes on her now.

“No,” Levi grunted.

“How terrible of you! Horrible! You've already forgotten! This--!” Hanji pulled the bottle against her chest, then closed her eyes. “This...belonged to Mike.”

The crowd of veteran soldiers surrounding Hanji fell silent, and Erwin pursed his lips. How Hanji had obtained this, or if she was even telling the truth, he was not sure.

“Mike had this for _years_ , and it's been around for _years_ , and yet, no one has opened it,” Hanji went on. “Do you remember why?”

“He said he'd drink from it when the world was safe again,” Erwin said, and Hanji turned to him.

“Shhh, Levi was supposed to guess it!” she exclaimed.

“Hanji--”

“The world is safe!” Hanji smiled. “It's not perfect, but if we wait around for that, we'll be waiting around for forever!”

“...That's... ...Does that say 192 Proof?” Catherine murmured, her eyes widening. “...Hanji, that's insane.”

“But, remember, Levi can't get drunk!” Hanji argued, holding out the bottle to Levi. “Isn't that right?”

“That doesn't mean I want to try,” Levi muttered.

“Levi, don't drink that,” Catherine hissed.

“If you don't, who will?” Hanji asked.

“...I kind of want to try it...” Moblit said quietly, his chin resting in his hand.

“Higher proof drinks are supposed to, y'know, taste better,” Rowen chimed in, and Erwin sighed loudly.

“See? Everyone wants to try some, but we'll never know how strong it really is until _you_ try it, Levi,” Hanji said, sitting down across from Levi. She slowly slid the bottle across the table toward him. “How 'bout it? If you do, I won't ever bother you at parties ever again.”

Erwin watched as Levi stared at the bottle, then glanced at Hanji.

“...Get these kids out of here,” he replied at last. “If we open this, the smell will knock them all out.”

“Levi,” Erwin said in a warning tone, but Levi ignored him.

“Let's just get this over with.”

“You heard the man!” Hanji shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Anyone under eighteen years old, get outta here!”

“For fuck's sake, Levi, if you die because of _alcohol poisoning_ \--”

“It's not a big deal,” Levi interrupted Catherine's chiding. “I'm not like the rest of you.”

 

…......

 

Once the younger members of the Corps (plus the few others from her own squad) had finally filtered out of the room, Catherine could feel a distinct change in atmosphere, as if they all were waiting with bated breath. She knew that she had not drunk even close to enough to make herself sick, but her stomach was churning.

 _This is not a good idea_ , she thought as Levi finally took the vodka bottle in his hands. _What do I do...?_

“...Let's get this over with,” Levi muttered, and Hanji cheered, as did several of the other veterans.

“All right! That's the spirit!” Hanji cried, taking the bottle out of Levi's hands and grabbing the bottle opener off of the table.

“Please don't do this,” Catherine whispered, and Levi glanced at her, then rolled his eyes.

“I'm not like the rest of you,” he murmured. “This isn't a big deal. And she said she'd leave me alone.”

“Yeah, but--”

Catherine was interrupted by the sound of a cork being popped out, and the horrific smell of the alcohol hit her hard. She quickly slapped her hands over her nose and mouth, glancing around the room as her fellow soldiers did the same, the excited look in their eyes fading as Hanji poured a sizable shot for Levi.

“This smells awful,” he hissed, glaring up at Hanji, who was pinching the bridge of her nose as she slid the glass to Levi. “You owe me for this.”

“Fair enough,” Hanji snickered. “On the count of three, ready? One...two...”

Before Catherine could stop him, Levi tilted his head back and, in one swift gulp, swallowed the shot of vodka. He immediately cringed, hastily setting down the empty glass.

“...Disgusting,” he croaked.

“YEAH! You did it!” Hanji cheered as the others, save for Erwin and Catherine, applauded.

“Nobody else is drinking that,” Erwin said, snatching the bottle away from Hanji.

“I can't believe you just did that,” Catherine sighed, putting a hand on her forehead.

“Yeah, well, it's over now.” Levi crossed his arms, making a face. “...I can't get the taste out of my mouth.”

“Here,” Moblit said, sliding a glass of wine toward the Captain. “The flavor in this might help.”

“Don't give him more!” Catherine snapped, slapping Moblit's hand as he pulled it away from the stem.

Still, Levi seemed unaffected. He only appeared to be disgusted by the taste and smell, which still lingered in the air. There was no way to know how long Mike had been hanging on to that bottle--and in a few more years, it would probably be far more deadly.

“You're hilarious, Cat.”

At Rowen's words, Catherine turned around to see her friend standing there, one hand on his hip and a beer in his other.

“What,” she growled, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I haven't done anything.”

“You're so protective,” he snickered, and Catherine gritted her teeth.

“Shut up.” She narrowed her eyes, and Rowen simply shook his head. “Don't--”

“I won't,” he assured her. “I'm not a total asshole. Have some faith in me, yeah?”

Running a hand through her hair, Catherine nodded, feeling her face getting hotter by the second. She turned away from Rowen, afraid that if they said anything more, someone would pick up on the subtle hints.

No one else knew about her and Levi yet--just Rowen. Yes, Rowen was a loudmouth and sometimes an agent of chaos, but he was also a good friend. He obviously knew how important this was to her, so it was not worth losing her trust.

 _The last thing we need are circulating rumors_ , she thought, glancing at Levi.

“...You okay?” she asked quietly. Levi nodded slowly, putting his chin in his hand.

“Just...tired,” he replied. “Like, _really_ tired.”

“...Well, I mean, it _is_ getting late. Do you wanna leave?”

“Mmmm...”

 _Oh my god_ , Catherine thought as Levi stared straight ahead with heavy-lidded eyes. _She did it. Hanji really did it._

“...C'mon, let's go,” she said, pushing herself up from her seat. Levi looked over at her, staring at her with such a relaxed expression that it almost seemed like she was looking at a different person. “...Are you sure you're okay?”

“...I dunno,” he mumbled, and Catherine let out a frustrated sigh.

“Okay, we're leaving now. Come on.” Pulling Levi to his feet, she noticed how limp his arm was in her arms. Between that shot, the glass of wine, and whatever Hanji had slipped to him when she was not looking, Levi seemed to be struggling to function. “Let's go.”

“I'm fine,” he said, lifting his legs over the bench onto the other side. “Good night.”

“No, I'm going with you,” Catherine insisted. She was surprised at how quickly Levi was walking, but once they reached the hallway and everything was quiet, he leaned against the wall, the blank expression reappearing on his face.

“I'm fine,” he repeated, sounding almost frustrated with her.

“No, you're not,” Catherine murmured.

“...I'm not. I don't like this.”

“I tried to warn you...”

“I don't like it. I just want to sleep.”

To Catherine's amusement, Levi slowly began to sink down onto the floor.

“You're not sleeping here,” she told him, trying to hold back her laughter. Grabbing his arms, she pulled him back up to his feet. “C'mon, up. We're going back to your room.”

Levi let out an exasperated sigh in response, but he stood up, once again leaning against the wall.

“Can you walk?” Catherine asked.

“I'm... _fine_...”

“Okay, no, we already established that you're not. Come on.” Catherine held out her hand to Levi, who stared at it. “Walk with me. I'm not gonna carry you.”

“...I don't _want_ you to carry me,” Levi mumbled. Hesitantly, he took hold of Catherine's hand, and slowly but surely she began to guide him toward the stairs, back to his room.

“I can't believe I'm leading a grown-ass man to bed,” Catherine muttered under her breath.

“You don't _have_ to,” Levi pointed out.

“If I let go of you now, you're going to fall down the stairs.”

“No, I won't.”

“Oh yeah?”

To her surprise, Levi suddenly let go of her hand, and she felt a brief moment of sheer panic. But, nothing that exciting happened; Levi simply leaned against the wall again, and after a few moments of silence, he slowly slid down and sat on the stairs, then sprawled out over them, as if they were his bed.

“...You can't sleep here, either,” she told him.

“You can't tell me what to do,” he mumbled.

“How much did Hanji make you drink, anyway?”

“Hella.”

Letting out a laugh through her nose, Catherine shook her head, then pulled Levi up again.

“We're almost there,” she assured him.

“Where?”

“To your room, dumbass.”

“You're coming, too?”

“You sure as hell weren't gonna get there on your own.”

As they slowly walked down the hallway, Catherine could feel Levi staring at her.

“...What?” she murmured, glancing at him as they finally reached his door.

“...If you're gonna be here, I wanna fuck you,” he replied, and Catherine sighed.

“No. You couldn't even climb the stairs without needing to sit down. And I saw you dry-heave twice.” Catherine held out her hand. “Now give me your key so I can let you in.”

Levi glared at her, but Catherine ignored him, wiggling her fingers until he finally reached into his pocket and pulled out the small brass key. The door unlocked with a soft click, and Catherine stepped inside, pulling Levi along with her.

“Go to bed,” she commanded him as she shut the door behind him and slid off her shoes. “Lie on your side.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so. Do it.”

“...I don't like this,” Levi mumbled as he stumbled over to his bed, then slowly laid himself down onto it.

“Well, that was _your_ stupid decision, so let's hope you don't ever make it again,” Catherine muttered in reply, walking over to his bed. “Do you have water?”

“No, why?”

“You need to stay hydrated,” she told him as she glanced around his room. “Do you have a glass? I'll go get you some.”

“Stay here,” Levi said, and Catherine turned to face him.

“What?”

“Stay here,” he repeated.

“I'm going to come back--what do you want?”

“Kiss me.”

“Why?”

“I want to kiss you.”

“Why?”

“Because you're pretty.”

Levi's responses had been stupidly simple and childish and, up until this point, Catherine had been amused by them, but this one took her by surprise.

“...What?” she murmured, staring down at Levi. He pushed himself up onto his elbows.

“Because I think you're pretty,” he mumbled. “You're really, really pretty.”

Catherine stared down at Levi, who looked as if he might pass out at any second.

“...I'm going to get water,” she told him slowly. “I'll be right back, okay? Don't lie on your back, lie on your side. And don't go anywhere. Okay?”

Levi did not respond, but she could tell by the way he was looking at her that he was too tired to disobey her any more. Slowly, he slid back down under his covers, still fully clothed, and he closed his eyes.

Still gripping the key to his room, Catherine quietly walked over to the door, then opened and stepped out into the hallway.

... _What just happened_? she asked herself, running a hand through her hair. Despite the winter cold, she could feel herself sweating from her nerves. ... _It's just because he's drunk. That's why he said that... But I..._

Her hands shaking, Catherine hurried down the hallway, back toward the mess hall. Though she was trying her best to focus on the task at hand, Levi's words continued to echo in her mind.

 _But it doesn't mean anything_ , she reminded herself. _Stop thinking about it. It doesn't matter._

The mess hall had mostly cleared out by the time she arrived again; only a few stragglers were left, and half of them had passed out on the benches.

“Merry Christmas,” one of them murmured to Catherine, and she nodded, hurrying past him.

 _That's right--it's Christmas_ , she realized, gripping the handle of the water pump tightly. _It's his birthday..._

Swallowing hard, Catherine stared at the water that trickled into the glass in her left hand. She could see that she was shaking still, and she gritted her teeth once again.

_It doesn't matter. Forget it happened. Forget._

 


	97. A New Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the year brings about a new dawn, new plans, and new feelings.

_“Oh, Captain! You're still here?”_

_Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, Milena turned to face the soldier standing next to her seat in the mess hall._

_“...Yes, I'm here,” she replied, pursing her lips. She was not sure what else to say, especially since she could not even remember this girl's name. Milena knew she was in one of her squads, but she was one of the new recruits, and as a result, they had not really had a chance to interact one on one much. “Is something wrong?”_

_“No, no, I'm just surprised.” The girl laughed, shrugging. “Most people go home or something for Christmas.”_

_“Well, why are you here?” Milena countered, and the girl laughed again._

_“I don't have anywhere to go back to,” she replied. “...Do you mind if I sit with you?”_

_“No, not at all.” Milena watched as the girl's face brightened._

_“Thank you. My name's Tereza Belmonte. I'm in your squad.”_

_“I know,” Milena said with a quiet laugh as the girl sat down next to her. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she added, “I've just never had a chance to talk to you.”_

_“I've been wanting to talk to you for a while!” Tereza admitted, her cheeks flushing pink. “I really look up to you, um, and...”_

_As Tereza's voice trailed off, Milena looked away, focusing her gaze down at her breakfast again. Somehow, there was a sense of familiarity to all of this, but the nostalgia made Milena feel sad and brought back memories she would have rather kept buried in her heart._

 

For the first time in her entire life, Yasmin awoke on Christmas morning to find herself not in her bed at home, or in Garrison headquarters, but in the Survey Corps headquarters. Olivia was still sound asleep next to her, but Yasmin was wide awake, and as quietly as she could, she got up from the bunk and walked over to the window. Peering through the gap in the curtains, she could see that the ground was still covered in snow, but there were small tufts of grass and patches of dirt where people had walked over it again and again.

 _...I don't want to go home_ , Yasmin thought, grimacing as she walked toward the door. Grabbing her jacket, she slipped on her shoes and stepped out into the hallway, softly shutting the door behind her.

The hallway was quiet and peaceful, and Yasmin felt oddly at ease being alone in what was not entirely familiar territory to her. It was still relatively early; the sun was just beginning to peer over the horizon, casting a soft, warm glow on the old castle. It filled the hallways with a pleasant orange light, and Yasmin pulled her jacket in tighter around her body.

She was not sure who would be up, but heading to the mess hell seemed like the right idea. Surely there would be someone to talk to, someone who could keep her company and distract her from the slight twinge of guilt she felt for not being en route to her hometown.

Yasmin opened the door to the mess hall to find Jean, Connie, and Sasha already up, cheerfully carrying on with each other. There was one other person seated with them, someone that Yasmin did not recognize at all. It was an older woman, and she did not bear the physical traits of someone who belonged to a military regiment.

“Oh, Yasmin!” Sasha cried upon seeing her. “Come here! You have to meet her!”

“Huh?” Yasmin breathed, raising her eyebrows. To her surprise, Jean quickly turned around, his eyes wide.

“No, she doesn't!” he shouted, his cheeks reddening. “Ma--”

“Oh, and who is this?”

 _No way_ , Yasmin thought, a small smile appearing on her face as the woman turned around and stood up from the bench. But there was no denying the resemblance. _This is Jean's mom...?_

“I'm Yasmin Güven,” Yasmin replied, holding out her hand to the woman.

“Oh! _You're_ Yasmin!?” she gasped, her eyes lighting up with a hint of mischief. “Well, bless your heart. You've had to put up with my boy through his worst years.”

Yasmin could not stop the low laugh that escaped her throat; she could see Jean staring up at her with narrowed eyes.

“But I promise, he's a good boy deep down--oh, I should introduce myself! I'm Anna Kirschstein, and that Jeanbo is my son.”

“It's nice to meet you,” Yasmin said, smiling as she released Mrs. Kirschstein's hand. “Don't worry--Jean's not so bad. He's nothing I can't handle.”

To her surprise, Jean's mother let out a hearty laugh, then pulled her into a tight, warm embrace.

“You sweet girl!” she cried. “You've put up with so much! Please, take care of him. He needs a good friend like you! Someone to whip him into shape!”

Yasmin laughed, then caught Jean's gaze; he glared at her, but her grin just turned into a wide smirk.

“Oh, that's right! Would you like a present? It's nothing much, but...”

“Ah...that's--” Yasmin gasped as Mrs. Kirschstein released her and hurried over to the table again.

“Of course you do! What a silly question. You deserve something nice. Between you and Marco...”

Yasmin's smile faded at the sound of his name, and her gaze fell to the floor.

“Ma,” Jean said sharply. “Show some respect.”

“...Oh, I'm so sorry, dear.”

Yasmin glanced up to see Mrs. Kirschstein giving her a gentle but concerned look, the same one her own mother and Freya had given her from time to time.

“Here, take this,” she said, holding out a small, neatly-wrapped box. “Yasmin, I hope you have a wonderful day, and please, if you ever need anything...”

“...You're too kind,” Yasmin said, letting out an awkward laugh as she took the box. “...But, thank you. Really.”

Mrs. Kirschstein gave her a sweet smile before turning back to Jean and the others.

“Now, Jeanbo, you promise to hand out the rest of those gifts to your friends, all right?” she said sternly. “I've got to hurry on home. Mrs. Wagner and I have plans for the day.”

“I will,” Jean replied, sighing. “Merry Christmas, Ma.”

Yasmin watched as Jean gave his mother a hug, and a small smile appeared on her face.

“I love you,” she murmured. “I'm so proud of you.”

“...Thank you.”

It was odd--Yasmin had never expected to see this side of Jean. He was cynical and hardly ever sentimental--and whenever he _was_ , it was in no way controlled. She had never seen him be so gentle before, and to be honest, she had not even known he was capable of it. Normally, he was far too clumsy with his emotions to show this side of himself, but at that moment, he seemed like a totally different person.

“Have a Merry Christmas, everyone!” Mrs. Kirschstein exclaimed, waving to each of them.

“Thank you!” Connie and Sasha shouted in unison, grinning at her.

“Thank you,” Yasmin murmured, smiling. “I hope we can see you again.”

“Of course, dear!”

As the woman walked out of the room, the atmosphere seemed to change, and the mess hall became quiet.

“...You're lucky, Jean,” Yasmin heard Connie murmur, and Jean hung his head in response.

“...I know,” he replied softly. “I know I am.”

Yasmin pursed her lips, still holding the wrapped present in her hands. Jean was one of the few people that she knew with both parents still alive and healthy; Claus and Rosaleen were the only others that she knew of, and part of that was surely due to their social statuses. But Jean was a relatively “normal” person in this world, and she had never really realized that until now.

“Well, which color did you get?” Connie asked, pointing at the present.

“Huh?” Yasmin gasped, and Connie and Sasha held up crocheted hats and glove sets in response. “Oh, I see.”

“I want to see!” Sasha exclaimed, and Yasmin let out a laugh, nodding.

“Okay, okay...”

Sitting down next to Jean, Yasmin pulled the ribbon off of the box.

 _I wonder, is this the only Christmas present I'll get this year?_ she thought. ... _It's...weird... For some reason, that doesn't bother me one bit..._

“Ooooh!” Sasha gasped as Yasmin held up a red hat and pair of gloves. They were both dotted with gold fabric accents and lined with a soft fabric. “Yours are so pretty! They suit you very well!”

“They match your uniform,” Connie added with a laugh.

“It's like she knew,” Yasmin joked. She then turned to Jean and added, “Next time you see her, thank her for me?”

“...Yeah, I will,” he mumbled.

“She does this every year,” Sasha explained. “It is very cute, but Jeanbo does not like it.”

“Because you guys call me that for weeks on end afterward!” Jean shouted.

“It's cute,” Connie snickered.

“It's better than 'horse-face,'” Yasmin added, laughing.

“Don't even _start_ with that one...”

As she laughed with Connie and Sasha, Yasmin was surprised at how quickly her guilt had dissipated. What good would it have done her to go home and keep reopening the same wounds? At some point, she would have to stop living in the past.

 _There's no better time to start than now_ , she told herself.

 

…......

 

Levi awoke Christmas morning to a dry mouth and a terrible headache; his entire body felt heavy, and he was also hungry. The night before was a blur and offered only one possible explanation: Hanji's attempt to intoxicate him had been successful.

Opening his eyes, Levi blinked slowly, then wiped the sleep from his eyes. He could see a figure sitting next to him on the bed, her chin tilted down toward her chest. It was Catherine, and she appeared to have fallen asleep at some point during the night, but Levi could not even remember her coming to his room.

Slowly, Levi pushed himself up, his head throbbing. He could see the sun's rays trying to push through the curtains on his window, and he sighed through his nose. He had no idea how late it was, but regardless, he felt as though he could still sleep for another few hours.

“...Oh...? You're awake.”

Catherine's voice was hoarse but obviously full of relief. She lifted her head, staring at him with eyes lined with dark circles.

“How do you feel?” she asked him, and he narrowed his eyes, sitting upright.

“...Not great,” he mumbled in reply, and Catherine let out a quiet laugh.

“Do you regret it?”

“At least she'll leave me alone now.”

Catherine's smile faded, and she faced forward, pulling the sheets further up her body, toward her chin.

“...Do you even remember anything from last night?” she murmured.

“Not really,” Levi admitted. “...Is there something I should have remembered?”

“...Nothing that important,” Catherine replied, closing her eyes.

Levi let out a heavy sigh, then laid his head back down on his pillow.

“...Happy birthday, by the way,” she then said, giving him a small smile. “Maybe now you'll actually use this day to rest.”

Levi stared up at Catherine; she pulled her knees up toward her chest, resting her head on them as she stared back down at him.

“...I'll think about it,” Levi told her, closing his eyes. He felt as though at any moment, he might fall back asleep, when suddenly, he felt a hand brush over his hair.

“Sorry,” Catherine whispered, pulling her hand away. “I didn't mean to startle you.”

“...Don't stop,” Levi mumbled. “It felt good.”

“...”

Again, the sensation of her hand stroking his hair--her fingers parted the strands like tiny, gentle gusts of wind, cool and refreshing.

“...You should drink some water,” Catherine told him in a soft voice. “You were really sick last night.”

“Is that why you stayed?”

“Yeah...”

Levi's eyes fluttered open, and he looked up at Catherine; she was no longer looking at him, but instead was staring straight ahead, her lips pursed.

 _...You always do this_ , he thought, reaching out toward the blankets covering her. _You never say anything and I always just have to guess._

“...What are you doing?” Catherine asked as Levi pulled the sheets off of her legs.

“You owe me, if memory serves,” he replied, to which Catherine's face flushed bright pink.

“Not right now,” she hissed, obviously flustered. “You need to rest.”

“I will. Later.”

“Levi...”

Despite her vocal protests, Catherine did not resist Levi's grip on her waist as he pulled her down toward him; when his lips met hers, she melted into him, her arms slipping around his neck. Her fingers once again slid through his hair, and for a moment, she paused, looking Levi in the eyes.

“What?” he muttered, and Catherine paused. He felt her thumbs stroke the hair right behind his ears.

“...You need a hair cut,” she mumbled.

 _I know that's not all that you wanted to say,_ Levi thought, clenching his jaw as he stared Catherine down.

“...Please don't look at me like that,” she then said; he could hear her voice shaking.

Levi said nothing in reply, and a few moments of complete silence passed, until finally, Levi sighed and pulled Catherine closer to him. He felt her lips graze his chest, her eyelashes brushing against his collarbone.

If he had to be honest with himself, there was no way for him to completely express what he wanted out of her, either. They were both stuck in this loop, which had been fine before, but now that things were changing, Levi was not sure what to think anymore.

 _...It doesn't matter right now_ , he told himself as he pulled at Catherine's shirt. _I don't want to worry about it right now..._

“You really...should rest...” Catherine whispered between kisses.

“Later,” he murmured in reply, his fingers pressing into the warm skin on her lower back, pushing her pelvis closer to him.

“Levi...”

“Do you really worry that much about me?”

Catherine did not answer him with words, but he could tell by the look in her eyes what the answer was. She looked startled, frightened, vulnerable, and her lips parted ever so slightly, as if the words _wanted_ to come out, but she, for whatever reason, would not let them.

 _Maybe it's better if you don't answer_ , Levi thought as he ran his thumb along her bottom lip gently. _If it's just going to make this more complicated, then...I don't want to know..._

As Levi placed his hand on Catherine's neck, he could feel her pulse throbbing under his fingertips. It matched her earlier expression--nearly frantic, desperate.

“...I don't like to,” she said suddenly.

“What?”

“To worry about you. I don't like to worry about you. Because...the more that I do...I just... Never mind.”

“Catherine--”

Levi's words were cut short by Catherine's lips; she kissed him deeply, as if to swallow any intentions he had of speaking.

_...What am I...supposed to do...?_

Levi's head was still hazy; he was exhausted, and she was not helping. But, at the same time, he knew that if she left now, he would remain unsatisfied.

_Stay here..._

Wrapping his arms around Catherine's waist, Levi pushed her onto her back, burying his lips into the crook of her neck. He heard her let out an exasperated sigh, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

 _We won't talk about it,_ he thought. _The last thing I want to do is hurt you..._

 

…......

 

The Christmas holiday always passed by quickly for Moblit. He usually spent most of the day recovering from the night before, and any extra time he had, he simply kept to himself. For him, it was important to take a break from socialization every now and then, since the people he spent most of his time around were very highly social people.

Luckily, a single day to relax was really all he needed--the day after Christmas, he was back to work with Hanji and the others, and before he knew it, the year was over, and 852 began.

It began quietly, without much ado, but not even a month into the new year, Commander Erwin called them all together for a meeting, and the moment Moblit stepped into the conference room, he could tell by the look on the man's face that this was not going to be good news.

“...You don't know why we're in this meeting, do you?” he asked Hanji, but she only shook her head in response. Whether that was to signify that she knew and could not tell him, or that she did not know, he was not sure. Sighing through his nose, Moblit shrugged, then took a seat next to her.

“...Now that everyone is here, let's go ahead and get started,” Erwin stated. “This meeting will be brief--it's simply a status update from the Garrison soldiers. We owe them our thanks for endlessly patrolling Wall Rose these past few months.”

 _Wall Rose...?_ Moblit thought, glancing around the room. Everyone was wearing a grim expression, and suddenly it him: this was surely related to the Titans they had encountered in their mission to Ragako.

“According to the reports we've received from them, there are no other Titans in the vicinity of Wall Rose,” Erwin continued. “In addition, the Garrison has conducted several censuses, and one of them indicated a small decrease in its population. Apparently, several people went missing around the same time, and none of them have been seen since then. That number of people matches the number of Titans that were spotted within Wall Rose.”

Erwin paused for a moment, and the room was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Moblit, personally, was not at all surprised by these findings, but it was still unsettling. They had no idea how it was happening, or who was doing it, or why--and he was not sure which of those questions should be answered first.

“In other words, those missing people were mostly likely the true identities of the Titans that you saw,” Erwin said quietly. “I know many of us had already come to that conclusion, but with this report, I don't see how it could be anything else. If it's simply a coincidence, it's quite a bizarre one.”

“What's the point?” Levi asked suddenly, narrowing his eyes. “Why did you call this meeting to state the obvious?”

“I want us all to start taking advantage of how quiet things are right now,” Erwin replied calmly. “We all--and by all, I mean all of the military--need to work on improving our squads. In order to prevent this from happening again, we need to find out how it happens, and _why_. Hanji, Catherine--I expect you both to push your squads.”

“Understood,” Catherine murmured.

“Do we have your permission to take another Titan into custody?” Hanji asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We'll discuss the plans for that later,” Erwin replied. “But yes, if it's necessary, I'll allow it.”

 _That was much easier than last time_ , Moblit thought, glancing at Hanji with a small smile. _You didn't have to argue with him._

“We have full cooperation from the Garrison, and while most of the Military Police will be focusing on its civilian-based duties, the special squad with connections to Queen Historia will also be aiding us in whatever ways they can,” Erwin went on. “I'm open to any ideas on how to make this all go more smoothly or quickly.”

“What about the hardening experiments?” Rowen asked. “I mean, I know it'll take time for Eren to perfect those skills, but isn't there anything we can do on our end in the meantime?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we've been spending all of our time trying to recreate the hardening that Annie created for herself, but what about trying to create something to destroy it?”

“If we did that, we could get Annie out of her crystal,” Hanji added, nodding in agreement. “You're right, Rowen--improving our weapon technology is something we've been neglecting.”

“I agree,” Erwin said, giving Rowen a small smile. “That's a good point. How about I put you in charge of trying to collect some information on that?”

“Yes, Sir.” Rowen looked a bit nervous, but Moblit knew it was only because this was one of the few times that he had ever really spoken up in a meeting. Usually, Rowen was relaxed and kept up that behavior even in the most serious of meetings; today, however, he had really brought up a good point. They had only been approaching the Titans' ability to harden from the creation side--not its destruction. Since it was unlikely that they would be able to make it to Shiganshina, or even Wall Maria, anytime soon, focusing a bit more on something else would probably be more advantageous.

“Unless anyone else has something to say, I'm going to go ahead and end the meeting here, but remember--if you have any ideas, please share them with me,” Erwin said. “I'll be passing this information on to Commanders Pyxis and Dawk as well. Thank you for your attention.”

“Looks like things are going to get interesting again, Moblit,” Hanji told him with a chuckle. Moblit let out a quiet laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

“I'm sure they are,” he murmured. “This will be quite a year, won't it?”

 


	98. Kindred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family comes in many forms. Bound by blood, by experiences, by love.

_“Oi, Armin! Ar-mi-n!”_

_As he waved his arms in the air, Eren called out to his best friend, who was walking toward him at a slow, almost hesitant pace. Normally, Armin always arrived at the Jaegers' house at the same time, but today, he was quite late._

_“Hey, are you okay?” Eren asked as he ran down the front steps toward Armin. The boy's face was pale, almost grey, and for a moment, Eren wondered if he was sick. “If you don't feel good, then you should...”_

_To Eren's surprise, Armin began to tremble, and he hid his face, staring down at his feet._

_“What happened?!” Eren exclaimed, grabbing Armin by the shoulders. “Armin...?”_

_“...Today...I...” Armin wiped his eyes quickly, then looked up at Eren. “...My mom and dad... They're dead. Someone...came and told us today...”_

_“...Armin...”_

_Eren was at a loss; he could not understand these feelings, and he did not know how to comfort his friend. Armin's parents had been loving, brilliant people, just like their son._

_“...I don't...know exactly what happened, but...” Armin pursed his lips, tears forming in his wide blue eyes. “I'm just...I'll miss them...”_

 

 

“...So, changing this character and adding this suffix makes the present form into future form. Do you understand?”

As Catherine continued to explain verb conjugations to them, Armin glanced down at his notebook.

 _I think this might be the most notes I've ever had to take during a lesson_ , he realized, raising his eyebrows as he flipped through the last two pages. _She's definitely made it a point to push us now..._

Ever since the new year had started, lessons with Special Linguistics Squad had become even more fast-paced, and Catherine's expectations were obviously higher. Had it not been for the time he spent studying with Claus and Bianca, Armin probably would have been overwhelmed by this increased workload.

 _...I don't know how they do it..._ he thought as he glanced over at Bianca and Yasmin, who were both staring at the board and quickly writing down notes. Jean and Olivia, however, had exasperated looks on their faces; Armin could even see beads of sweat on Jean's forehead.

“You guys are quiet today,” Catherine said, setting the piece of chalk down and putting a hand on her hip. “Fine--then that means I'll just have to test you. Armin--what's the correct conjugation for this verb?”

Armin looked back at the board to where Catherine was pointing, but for some reason, it just looked like meaningless squiggles.

“I...can't read it,” he admitted, feeling his ears grow hot. Catherine raised an eyebrow at him. “I mean, maybe, could you rewrite it bigger, or maybe...more neatly?”

“...You can't read what's on the board?” Catherine asked, and Armin shook his head. He could feel his palms becoming clammy; he could not help feeling embarrassed, seeing as how he was not even able to answer this simple question. “...All right, I'll rewrite it bigger this time.”

“Thank you.”

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Catherine quickly turned back to the board and picked up the chalk again. Biting his bottom lip, Armin glanced down at his notes.

 _...I must be tired,_ he told himself. _This is usually what happens when I've been staring at the board for too long..._

“All right--now can you see it?”

Armin looked back up at the board; her writing was a bit clearer, but the characters were still a bit blurry.

“...Sorry, I...I think I just have eye strain,” he mumbled. “...That says 'kines,' right? So the present tense is...'kanes.'”

“...That's correct,” Catherine murmured, setting down the chalk and dusting off her hands. “...It's about time to finish up for the day. I expect all of you to study this on your own until you feel comfortable with it. We'll work on translations next time. And, Armin, you stay here for a minute. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Armin felt his heart sink into his stomach, and he slowly closed his notebook, taking a deep breath.

“You okay?” Jean murmured, standing from his seat.

“I don't know...?” Armin mumbled, his hands trembling.

“...I seriously doubt you're in trouble,” Jean told him.

“But--”

“Catherine's talking to Captain Levi right now, but they don't look angry or anything. It'll be fine.”

Still, Armin could not help feeling a bit of pressure. He had made a pretty obvious blunder, and at the very least, Catherine was probably going to ask him what he had been up to, how his studies were going, and so on. The last thing he wanted was for either of his squad leaders to think ill of him.

Once the others had left the room, Captain Levi stood from his seat.

“Get up, Arlert,” he commanded, and Armin quickly stood up, gathering his notes and supplies. “She's taking you to the clinic.”

“...Huh?” Armin gasped, looking up at both of them.

“Your eyesight is poor,” he replied. “We can't afford to have anyone going blind on us now. Go.”

“Y-Yes, Sir.”

His hands still shaking, Armin shoved his supplies into his bag and followed Catherine out of their meeting room.

“...How long have you been struggling to read?” she asked him as they walked down the hallway toward the clinic.

“I don't know--usually after a while of staring at my notes or the board, things get kind of blurry, but...it's...not usually that bad,” Armin explained. Catherine let out a laugh through her nose.

“That's good to hear. But you don't have to be so nervous--Levi was just being dramatic.”

Armin let out a quiet chuckle in response. It was odd to hear someone refer to Captain Levi that way, especially someone who was so similar to him.

“Still, you probably need glasses, at the least,” Catherine went on. “Next time, speak up sooner, okay? I appreciate your dedication, but you have to take of yourself physically, too.”

“I...I'm sorry...”

“There's nothing to be sorry about, Armin.” As they arrived in front of the main door to the clinic, Catherine gave him a small smile, then pushed open the door. “Go on.”

Hesitantly, Armin walked inside and was greeted with the smell of strong medicines and rubber gloves. Nurses were hurrying back and forth, some of them carrying trays with various things on them, including both food and bloodied operating tools.

“Is it possible to have him take an eye exam today?” Catherine asked the older woman sitting at a large wooden desk. She appeared to be some sort of secretary. “I think he may need glasses.”

“Yes, if you wait just a moment, one of our junior doctors will be ready,” the woman replied, nodding.

“Thank you.”

“I can take him now, Diana.”

Armin glanced over to see a girl with long, light auburn hair pulled half-back with a ribbon tied into a little bow. She wore a clean white coat over her uniform jacket, and she was holding a clipboard with a stack of papers on it.

“Oh, Michelle, you're open? Go right ahead, then.”

“Right this way,” Michelle said, gesturing for Catherine and Armin to follow her. She led them into a small examination room, then shut the door behind her with a soft click. “Armin, was it? Sit.”

“I--uh, yes,” Armin stammered, sitting on the examination table. He had seen this girl around a few times before; he knew that she had to be a newer recruit, but he had had no idea that she was in the medical division and, apparently, already a higher rank than most of the older staff working with her.

“What's the problem?” Michelle asked as she removed her gloves and walked over to the small sink in the corner.

“His eyesight seems to be getting worse,” Catherine told her.

“Are you his guardian?”

“No, just his Squad Leader.”

“Armin, are your parents still alive?” Michelle then asked as she grabbed a bar of soap.

“No.”

“Other relatives?”

“...Not that I know of, no.”

“Then that makes you his guardian,” Michelle stated, now addressing Catherine. Armin glanced over at his Squad Leader, whose cheeks had flushed pink; her eyes were narrowed and staring daggers at the floor. He almost wanted to laugh, but before he could come up with anything witty to say, Michelle appeared before him with a few medical devices in her hand.

“You're his Squad Leader? Then you're responsible for his well-being,” Michelle continued. “Armin, look up. Now left. Now right. Now down...”

As he followed Michelle's instructions, Armin pursed his lips, letting his mind wander. Truly, Michelle _did_ have a valid point. Whether they realized it or not, both Levi and Catherine had effectively taken on the roles of their guardians now, especially to those who did not have any family left. That had probably not been their intention, but it was the inevitable result.

 _They take care of us_ , Armin thought. _And they probably would never admit this, but...they also genuinely care about us. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here right now..._

 

…......

 

 

Sasha could feel Connie's insistent, concerned gaze upon her as she walked toward the stables, but she ignored him, smiling to herself as she pulled her cloak closed around her neck.

“...You're really gonna go by yourself?” he asked, obviously disappointed.

“Yes, this is something I think I should do by myself,” she replied, glancing over her shoulder at him. “Come with me next time, though!”

“...Promise?”

“Yes, of course!” Sasha gave him a wide smile. “I will be back tomorrow!”

“...Be careful.”

“I will, do not worry!”

As she stepped out of Survey Corps headquarters and into the stable, the reality of what she was about to do hit her; it had been over a year since she had last seen her father, and after all that had happened, she felt horribly guilty about neglecting him. After all, Connie had lost his only remaining family--she ought to show some gratitude for the one family member she had left. Or, at least, that was how she felt.

The crisp February morning air made Sasha shiver as she led her horse outside, but she knew that it would be worth the journey. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to sit in front of the fire with her father and their friends and eat a good meal.

That was, of course, assuming that their village still existed.

Sasha knew her father well, so she knew that if something had happened to their village, he would have found some way to contact her. He knew how much it all meant to her, so if he could, he would have delivered that news to her somehow, even if it had to be posthumously. However, she had not heard from any of the people from Dauper, so she could only assume that either their society was still safe, or that everyone had been killed by those roaming Titans.

 _Still, I think I would have heard by now_ , she thought as she raced north toward her home. _Even news of Connie's village spread quickly, so I would have heard if something had happened to my hometown..._

By the time Sasha reached the outskirts of her village, the sun was already high in the sky, and her stomach was tight with hunger. She immediately recognized the lookout to be one of her father's old friends, Poldi.

“If that ain't Sasha!” he shouted, waving at her from his post. She waved back, grinning.

“Sorry it's been so long!” she cried, bringing her horse to a stop.

“You've been gone a while, Miss Braus!” Poldi laughed, leaning on the wooden railing. “Your pa is at home--he picked up a nasty cold, so he's restin' up. He'll be glad to see ya!”

Sasha bit her lip, unable to speak. Slowly, she got down from her horse, then walked through the gate to her village.

A lot had changed since she last came home. Dauper now resembled the outer towns of Sina more than its old rustic self. She knew that there had been plans to trade with merchants in Hermiha, but she had not expected such drastic changes in such a short amount of time.

 _Everyone still sounds the same, though..._ she thought as she walked through the village toward her house. Still, she could not help feeling a little odd as she watched one of her neighbors pumping water into a bucket. Just a few years ago, they had all used water from the river nearby.

“Oh, Sasha, is that you?”

At the sound of her name, Sasha turned to see Poldi's wife, Lea, standing outside of her house.

“Lea!” Sasha exclaimed, smiling brightly. “Yeah, it's me!”

“My, how you've grown!” Lea beamed at her, giving her a tight, warm hug. “Your papa is gonna be so proud of you. You're goin' to see him now, right?”

“Of course!” Sasha replied, nodding. “But...I heard he's sick?”

“There's been a nasty sickness goin' around this winter,” Lea explained, walking alongside Sasha as she continued toward her house. “Your pa was one of the last to catch it, poor thing. He'll be fine, don't worry--he's on the mend already. Just needs some rest, but you know how he is. He don't know what rest is.”

Even though Lea's tone was optimistic and cheerful, Sasha could not help feeling a little uneasy hearing that her father was sick.

“Well, I'll leave you alone, now, but stop by before you leave--I'll make you some food to take back with you!”

“Oh, you don't have to--”

“See you tomorrow!” Lea said, waving goodbye as she walked back toward her house. Sasha sighed through her nose, smiling to herself. Slowly, she tied up her horse to the pole next to her house, then walked over to the front door.

 _Why...am I so nervous?_ she wondered, pursing her lips as she pushed open the door.

“Pa?” she called out, and a cough came in reply.

“...Sasha? Is that you?”

Her father's voice sounded weak, and Sasha quickly ran inside, slamming the door behind her. Rushing into her father's room, she found him sitting up in bed, reading a book. He looked odd without his hat on, but it was most definitely him.

“Pa!” she cried, running over to him. He chuckled, then coughed again.

“I didn't expect to see you here!” he laughed as Sasha threw her arms around him. “Careful, now--I don't want you gettin' sick, too, all right?”

“Are you okay...?” Sasha asked, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“I'll be fine. It's been goin' around, but it's just more of a nuisance than anything.” Her father smiled, then rolled his eyes. “Just one more thing to keep me from goin' out and huntin'.”

“Ah, yes, the snow was very rough this winter...”

Sasha paused, then looked away from her father. She had not realized it at first, but it had become somewhat unnatural to use her dialect now.

“...You've been tryin' hard, I can tell,” her father said quietly, giving her a small smile. “You're growin' up. I can't hardly believe it.”

Sasha gave her father a small smile, but deep down, she felt ashamed. _She_ had been the one to make a big deal out of preserving their way of life, but now _she_ was the one conforming, all because she was a coward.

“I...wanna try harder,” she admitted, and her father laughed, then let out a cough.

“That's good to hear, I guess,” he chuckled, clearing his throat. “Sasha, I know it must be hard. Just do what I taught you--follow your instincts. Do that, and you'll figure out what's next. Whether that means forgettin' about this lonely place, or comin' back and stayin' for good, only you can decide that.”

“...I know,” Sasha murmured, hanging her head.

“Now, now--don't make such a sad face. C'mon, I bet you've got loads of stories to tell me! Tell me 'bout your friends, eh?”

Sasha laughed, then shrugged.

“If you say so...”

“Oh, you've got some troublemakers? Tell your pa all about 'em!”

“Well...”

 

…......

 

Though Olivia could not remember the exact address of her father's small apartment, her muscle memory led her to the second floor of the old brick building. Standing outside one of the doors was a boy with white-blond hair; his face lit up when he caught sight of Olivia, and he ran over to her, grinning.

“Quen!” Olivia cried, opening her arms to catch her little brother. She pulled him close, squeezing him tightly. He felt as small and skinny as ever, and she let out a laugh. “Quentin, I thought you said that you'd be able to beat me in a fight by the next time I saw you!”

“But I _am_ stronger, Liv!” he insisted, peering up at his sister through his glasses.

“Are you _really_?” she teased, brushing his hair out of his face. “...Well, I'll test you later. C'mon, I brought stuff for you and Dad!”

“Really?!” Quentin released Olivia, then gestured for her to follow him. “Dad'll be home any minute!”

“Okay!”

Following her brother into the apartment, Olivia inhaled deeply. Though it was not her childhood home, it still had the familiar smell of metal and wood--evidence that her father was keeping himself busy as ever.

“Oh, you're cooking?” Olivia asked, noting the small pot of boiling water on the small stove. Quentin gave her a proud smile in response.

“I'm doing everything you taught me!” he exclaimed. Olivia laughed, setting her backpack down on the kitchen table and kicking off her shoes.

“Everything?”

“...Well, anyway, you shouldn't have to cook on your birthday!”

“That's fair, I guess.” Olivia smirked as she opened up her backpack and began rummaging around. “So, I brought you some stuff you can use for school! Oh, and look at this neat thing I found!” She pulled out a carefully woven ornament. “It matches that bracelet I got you back in Hermiha!”

“Yeah! It's so cool!” Quentin exclaimed, sitting down across from his sister. “What is it for?”

“They said it's supposed to catch bad dreams or something.” Olivia shrugged, passing the trinket to her brother. “Who knows if it works, though. I didn't test it or anything. So here, take it.”

“Thanks--oh, I have something for you, too!”

Olivia watched as Quentin ran out of the kitchen, then reappeared just a few moments later with a box wrapped in tissue paper.

“Quentin, you--”

“I know you say to save my money, but if you can buy me gifts for no reason, then I can buy you something on your birthday,” Quentin insisted, shoving the small box into Olivia's hands. Sighing, Olivia reluctantly pulled off the paper and opened the box. Inside, there were several braids of leather and ribbon. “They're ties for your hair, so that it'll stay out of your way while you're in the air.”

“Did you make these?” Olivia asked, pulling out one of them.

“Yeah! I bought the materials at a market further north.” Quentin looked proud of himself, and Olivia could not help but laugh.

“They're cute! Thank you.”

Before Quentin could respond, the front door opened, and Felix Gautier appeared in the doorway.

“I thought I heard your voice,” he laughed, shutting the door behind him. Olivia jumped out of her chair, running over to him. Even though she was now seventeen, she still greeted her father the same way--with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She loved him, and Quentin, too, and she knew that they loved her just as much. Still, she did not want them to ever doubt her feelings for them. Leaving home to join the military had not changed her all that much.

“Happy birthday, Olivia,” Felix murmured as Olivia sank back on her heels. “...Can't believe you're seventeen...”

“I don't feel like it,” she giggled, shrugging. “C'mon, sit down! I have so many stories to tell you!”

Pulling on her father's arm, Olivia walked back into the kitchen, sitting back down. Quentin was tending to their lunch, a small smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, but first, try these on,” Felix said, pulling a pair of glasses out of his tattered bag. “I've been working on these for a while, and I was wondering if they'd be useful.”

“What are they?” Olivia asked as she took off her glasses and put the new pair on. “...Whoa! There's another lens there!?”

“There's a little lever on the side, see? Try messing with it. Does it help your vision?”

“...Yeah! I can see really far away!” Olivia snickered as she fiddled with the switch. “There's a pretty gross knothole in the woodwork on the wall.”

“Glad to know that they work,” Felix laughed, pulling the glasses off of his daughter's face. “They're still a prototype, but who knows--you might be seeing these in the military someday.”

“That's so cool,” Olivia said, putting her glasses back on. “You're a genius.”

“Hardly.” Felix sat down in the chair next to Olivia, crossing his arms across his chest. He stroked his beard for a moment before saying, “So, you said you had stories? Are these different than what you wrote to us about?”

“Oh, god, yes,” Olivia breathed, slapping her hands on her father's knees. “D'you remember that cute girl I told you about? I still haven't asked her on a date yet, but I'm gonna try to. Soon.”

“Oh yeah? What was her name, Yasmin?”

“Yeah.” Olivia grinned, patting her hands excitedly. “And guess what else--I was right about my squad leaders.”

“What do you mean?”

“Wait, wasn't that the part of the letter you wouldn't let me read?” Quentin asked, peering over at Felix.

“Oh, _that_ ,” Felix murmured.

“They're practically like our parents,” Olivia laughed. “It's so weird. I feel more at home with them than in the Garrison, to be honest. But that's not to say I don't like the Garrison! It's easy.”

Leaning back in her chair, Olivia glanced over at her brother, who was staring down in the steam rising from the pot. She knew that he must be feeling pressure to join the military now, too, having turned twelve last year and being one of the few boys his age to choose a civilian lifestyle.

“It's fun, too,” she added, “but, y'know, it's not for everyone. And that's okay.”

Quentin glanced her way, and Olivia gave him a small smile.

 _Sorry for always being so hard on you before_ , she wanted to say. _In the end, it's better this way. You can stay with Dad and learn useful things, and I'll keep doing this. If you joined the military, you wouldn't even last a week in training. So...I'll do the dirty work. I don't mind, as long as it helps you..._

“I'm glad you're enjoying yourself,” Felix said, smiling. Olivia grinned at him in response, resting her chin in her hands.

“I am, really,” she murmured, closing her eyes. “Really.”

 


	99. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are on the move in the Survey Corps.  
> Hearts are, too.

_“Whoa, Armin, you look_ _**really** _ _different!”_

_“Really?” Armin asked as Connie peered up into his face. He had only just entered his dorm room, and already he was being bombarded with attention._

_“No, not really,” Jean muttered, glancing up from his notes to roll his eyes. “You act like you've never seen someone with glasses before, Connie.”_

_“I have! But, like, I dunno--it's different when someone you know suddenly just_ _**gets** _ _them,” Connie insisted._

_“They look good on you,” Eren chuckled._

_“Thanks,” Armin laughed, scratching the back of his head. He had genuinely not expected his glasses to get him this much attention. After all, he was not the first person in the Corps to have glasses; even Commander Erwin had a pair of reading glasses._

_“The bad news is that now you're condemned to a lifetime of vision check-ups,” Jean sighed, drumming his fingers on the wooden desk._

_“Ignore him--Jean's just jealous,” Eren murmured, giving Armin a sly smile._

_“I am not! Shut it, Jaeger!”_

_As Eren snickered, Armin smiled to himself. He was not used to getting this much positive attention from people, and it was admittedly a bit overwhelming, but he could not really complain. It felt good to feel special, for once._

 

“You're early,” Bruno murmured as Nikoleta walked into the conference room. Raising an eyebrow, she took a seat across from him.

“Because I refuse to be late,” she replied, dropping her bag onto the table with a loud thump. “Unlike _some_ people in this squad.”

Bruno chuckled, shaking his head.

“Claus has a warped sense of time,” he agreed. “But he's a great soldier. You'll understand in time.”

“...Like I've said before, I trust your judgment,” Nikoleta muttered, plopping down into her seat.

Truth be told, Nikoleta did not understand why Claus was in Bruno's squad, other than that he seemed to be close to the Sertoli siblings. From what she knew, his class rank was relatively high, but if she had not done research, she never would have guessed.

“After all, Armin seems to be helpful,” she went on. “Or at least, he will be eventually, right? That's the plan, isn't it?”

Bruno did not respond, but Nikoleta could tell by the look on his face that her assumptions were correct. Eventually, they would no longer need the monarchy, and somehow, Armin was going to be a large part of what would come next.

Before Nikoleta could say anything else, there was a soft knock on the door.

“Hello!” Serene greeted as she opened the door. “Look, I found a stranger!”

“Quit saying that...”

Nikoleta turned around to see Serene walk into the room, followed by Armin, who was, for some reason, wearing glasses.

“They suit you,” Bruno chuckled. Nikoleta could feel her ears getting hot, and she stared down at her notebook in an attempt to _not_ stare at Armin.

“He looks really different!” Serene giggled. “Glasses really change a person's whole face, don't they?”

“Is it really that different?” Armin asked in a soft voice. Nikoleta could not help herself; she looked up at him, biting her tongue.

 _It's like he fucking aged overnight_ , she thought, fiddling with her pen.

“Well, part of the problem is that it hides so much of your face,” Serene told him.

“...If you're going to be wearing those all the time, you really need to do something to get your hair out of your face,” Nikoleta blurted out at last.

“Eh?” Armin gasped, pulling on his blond locks.

“Your hair is too long to wear down like that with glasses,” she insisted, setting down her pen. She could feel Bruno and Serene watching her, but she did her best to block them out. “It looks like you're trying to hide your face, and you're going to lose all of your peripheral vision if you don't tie your hair back somehow.”

“...I didn't even think about that,” Armin admitted with a quiet laugh.

“She's right,” Bruno said with a small shrug. “It'll interfere with your vision on your 3D gear, too.”

“Come here,” Nikoleta said, waving Armin over before she could even stop herself. “I'll fix it.”

“...All right...”

Nikoleta could not explain her sudden bravery, but she was proud of herself for working through her nerves.

“Turn around,” she said when Armin reached her, pushing on his shoulders as she stood from her seat. “This'll only take a minute.”

Reaching into one of the breast pockets of her jacket, she pulled out a small piece of twine--the same kind that she used on her own hair. Holding it between her teeth, she reached out toward Armin's hair, pulling it back out of his face.

 _I can't believe I am doing this right now_ , she thought, her pulse throbbing in her neck as she ran her fingers through Armin's hair. She then took a hold of it, forming a small ponytail.

“Ooooh, it looks better already!” Serene exclaimed, giving them a thumbs up. “You look so grown up!”

As she tied the twine around Armin's hair, Nikoleta felt sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. She knew it was far too late to let her nerves get the best of her now, though; ignoring her clammy hands, she tied off the string into a knot, letting out a sharp sigh.

“Done,” she announced. “...Your hair is a lot easier to work with than mine.”

“...Whoa, this is kind of nice,” Armin admitted, adjusting his glasses. “I can lean over without my hair getting in the way.”

Armin turned around, and Nikoleta quickly wiped her hands on the back of her butt skirt.

“It looks good,” she told him, her ears now burning. Armin smiled, letting out a small laugh.

“Thanks,” he said. “Teach me how to do that, okay?”

“Yeah, later,” Nikoleta replied, nodding.

 _What have I done...?_ she asked herself, staring at Armin's face. _I just created a huge distraction for myself..._

 

…......

 

The moment Esra stepped out of the examination room, she let out a huge sigh of relief. She had studied hard and knew that she had done well, but the atmosphere was still stressful, and even the best test-takers inevitably struggled under Commander Shardis' watchful gaze.

“I'm so hungry...”

Esra glanced to her right to see Petr, one of her close friends, rubbing his stomach.

“Dinner isn't for another hour,” she told him gently, and he chuckled, nodding.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he replied, giving her a bright smile, revealing the gap between his two front teeth. “That's exactly why I keep snacks in my room.”

“You're a bottomless pit, Petr.”

Vanessa, another one of their close friends, walked up to the other side of Petr, rolling her eyes. Pushing some of her curly, strawberry blonde hair over her shoulders, she narrowed her hazel eyes up at Petr, who only snickered.

“You're lucky we haven't snitched on you yet,” she added. “You know it's against the rules.”

“It seems like a silly rule to me,” he replied, shrugging.

“I can't help but agree,” Esra admitted, nodding. “B-but still! It's a rule, and you should follow it! It's only for a few more months, anyway, right?”

“Yeah, you can handle five months of no snacks,” Vanessa agreed, jabbing her finger into Petr's side.

“Ow!” he cried, grabbing her hand and pushing her away. “Geez, all right, this'll be the last time. I don't get why you guys are so worried, though--the Survey Corps'll accept just about anybody at this point.”

“That might be true, but the Police won't, and if you get us in trouble, we're never gonna let you hear the end of it,” Vanessa snapped, and Esra smile, slowly shaking her head.

 _Sometimes I think she's too serious about the Police,_ she thought, glancing at Vanessa to see her scowling up at Petr. _Then again, maybe I'm not taking it seriously enough..._

“Hey, Esra, do you wanna study for our final tomorrow?” Vanessa asked, her face softening as she peered up into Esra's eyes. “Mister O'Reilly writes too fast and I never get all of the notes...”

“Yeah, that's fine!” Esra exclaimed, smiling. “I'll meet you in the library after lunch, like usual?”

“Sounds good to me! Thank you so much--you're so sweet.”

Vanessa gave Esra a bright smile, and Esra felt her face grow warm.

“A-Anyway, I'm going to go back to our room for now,” Esra told her friends. “I want to finish that letter...”

“Then we'll see you in the mess hall,” Petr told her, giving her a crooked grin and a wink. “See ya 'round, Güven!”

“See you!”

Esra gave her friends a little wave goodbye, then split off from them, heading back toward the dormitories.

 _I'm almost there_ , she thought as her comrades passed by, some of them giving her a small smile of acknowledgment. _Almost to where I have to be..._

Originally, when Esra had joined the military, she had not had any real idea of what she wanted to accomplish--she only had the sense that it was something she needed to do. That strong sense of duty was different from anything else she had ever felt, even as an older sister to her brothers.

She had, of course, considered joining the Garrison. After all, she knew people there, and it would be not only a relatively safe career, but also a well-paying one. Working closely with her sister probably would have been fun, too, and good for their relationship. Esra trusted Yasmin more than anyone else, and she probably always would feel that way.

However, not long after joining, Esra realized what she wanted to do: she wanted to keep protecting people. That had been her role through her entire life--breaking up fights, standing up for what was right, doing good things for others, practicing selflessness. It did not wear her down, either; in fact, it felt good to know that she was being helpful and useful.

Esra knew that joining the Military Police would take a lot of hard work, but she knew that once she joined, she would not regret it. In the Police, she would be able to actively work to protect the people of this world as a whole. She was not like Petr, who expressed interest in learning more about the Titans and facing them head-on; instead, she believed it was in humanity's best interest to keep the Titans as far away as possible.

 _It's not about me or what I want_ , she reminded herself as she entered her dorm room and walked over to her bunk. _I have to do what's best for others first. I don't want to be selfish..._

Esra had not yet been able to admit this to Yasmin, but she had thought from the beginning that Yasmin's decision to join the military had been a selfish one. She knew that there had probably been some good intentions there, but some were also just self-indulgent.

_I want to know what happened to Dad, too, but there's more to it than that..._

Pulling an unfinished letter out of her folder, Esra slowly sat down on her bunk and glanced over it once again.

 _I hope I don't seem too harsh,_ she thought. _I'm not angry with her..._

Esra had not seen her sister in over a year now; Yasmin had not come home for the holidays, and through an exchange of letters, it was revealed that she had not ever intended to in the first place. Though Esra understood why, she still could not help but think of it as selfish.

_I don't want to be like that... I don't want to be selfish... If I hurt someone, I..._

Letting out a deep sigh, Esra slouched over, pressing her face into her knees and letting her arms droop to the floor.

“Why is this so hard...?” she mumbled, her voice muffled. “I don't want to be anyone's enemy...”

 

…......

 

Peering down into the eyehole of her microscope, Justina closed her left eye and pursed her lips.

“...Nope, not a match...” she muttered to herself, leaning away.

Her days were filled with things like this now. Ever since joining Hanji's squad, Justina spent nearly every day doing some kind of research. It was tiring, but she loved it; it was exactly what she had wanted to do, so she was glad that pushing to join this squad had paid off.

“IT'S NOON!” Liam shouted suddenly, and Justina whipped her head around.

“IT'S NOON!” she echoed, standing up from her stool.

“LUNCH BREAK!”

“LUNCH BREAK!”

“Be back here in an hour,” Hanji told them with a small chuckle, not looking up from her notes. Moblit was standing beside her, separating the stack of papers in his hands into two piles.

“You're not gonna come?” Justina asked, putting her hands on her hips. Hanji glanced up at her, giving her a small smile.

“I've got some catching up to do,” she replied. “I slacked off yesterday and the day before.”

“Taking a break is important, too!” Liam pointed out, standing next to Justina.

“...We'll see,” Hanji said. “Go on, you've been working all morning.”

Spinning around on her heel, Justina headed toward where Meryem was sitting; she was still hunched over the samples Hanji had given her that morning. All three of them had been working hard to try to match the flakes of hardened Titan skin to an elemental composition, but nobody was having any luck.

“C'mon, lady,” Justina said, clapping her hand on Meryem's shoulder. “Time to take a break.”

“I'll catch up,” she mumbled.

“Meryem, c'mon, it's not gonna do you any good to stress about it,” Liam insisted. “We've got time.”

“Yeah, that's what scares me,” she admitted, finally turning around to look at them.

Removing her head from Meryem's shoulder, Justina let out a sigh through her nose.

“Which is why we should take the opportunity to rest,” Liam argued, but Justina shook her head.

“If you wanna stay, I won't stop you,” Justina declared. “I understand. Just don't overwork yourself.”

“I won't.” Meryem gave them a small smile, then turned back to her work. “I'll catch up with you later.”

Justina understood why Meryem was so insistent on working her ass off while she had the chance--in this world, their lives could change in an instant.

After all, that was how it had been for Justina herself not all that long ago.

The day that Shiganshina and Wall Maria fell had changed many lives, including hers. It had happened so quickly that even now she was still trying to process everything that had happened that day. She knew that she had been lucky to make it out alive with her entire family; there were far too many people who had not been so fortunate.

On that day, their home was destroyed, many of their friends had died, and their lives had changed forever. All of that happened in just one day, one afternoon--one that should have been just like any other.

Ever since then, Justina had wanted to know why. Why were the Titans after them? Why was that Titan special? Why were the Titans their enemies in the first place? Something about all of that did not make sense, and she wanted to know what that was.

“C'mon, Liam, let's go to lunch,” Justina said, grinning at her friend. He nodded, his eyes sparkling with delight.

 

…......

 

“...Squad Leader, you really should take at least a few minutes to eat,” Moblit said softly. Hanji looked up from her notes and gave him a small smile.

“I'll be fine,” she insisted. “You go ahead.”

“...I'll bring you back something.”

“Thank you.”

Hanji watched Moblit walk over to Meryem, who looked up from her work, then glanced over at her.

“Go on,” Hanji mouthed, smiling, and Meryem nodded obediently. She stood from her seat and, along with Moblit, walked out of the room, leaving Hanji to herself.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Hanji tapped her pen on her notes. She did not have any focus today, either; she had been working on the same thing for several days now, and it was frustrating to get nothing but negative results. Still, she knew she had to compile this data--if she did not, then the hard work the rest of her squad had done this week would go to waste.

 _Compared to what Annie produced, Eren isn't even close yet_ , Hanji thought, frowning. _He still can't make a shell hard enough to patch up a wall... What he's producing now is more like glass... It seems he's going to need some kind of power boost after all..._

Hanji knew what they would eventually have to do--Annie was still confined to her crystal in the basement of the Survey Corps, and if they could find a way to break her out of it, Eren could obtain her hardening skill by eating her.

 _But I don't want things to end like that,_ Hanji thought, pursing her lips. _There's still so much that we don't know, and I'm sure that Annie could tell us something useful..._

In regards to Eren's powers, they were at a roadblock. Until either her squad or Catherine's squad could uncover new information, they would just have to wait and see.

A sudden knock on the door interrupted Hanji's thoughts, and she lifted her head from her hand.

“Come in,” she called out, and the door opened to reveal Levi. “Hey. What's going on?”

“I'm supposed to pass this on to you,” he replied, holding out a small stack of papers. “It's just for a budget raise. Catherine and I have already signed it.”

“A budget raise?” Hanji echoed, taking the papers. “What for?”

“Read it and you'll find out,” Levi muttered, turning away from her.

“Well, I mean, did _you_ even read it?” she joked.

“Yes. I did.”

The room fell silent, and Hanji stared at the back of Levi's head.

“...If you're lying to me, you're doing a decent job,” she admitted.

“I'm not lying,” he said quietly. “I've been...studying.”

“Studying?”

“Catherine has been helping me.”

“Oohhhh,” Hanji breathed, a small smirk curling onto her face. “Does Erwin know?”

“I don't know. It's really not his business, or yours.”

“...I see.” Smiling to herself, Hanji set down the budget proposal and added, “Well, either way, thank you. I'll pass this on to Rowen when I'm done with it.”

“Yeah.”

Without another word, Levi left the room, and Hanji hummed a low note to herself.

 _He's never tried to learn to read before, not since I've known him_ , she thought, pursing her lips in thought. _Interesting..._

Hanji had had her suspicions about Levi and Catherine for a while; the way they interacted reminded her too much of her own relationship with Erwin.

_Levi's right--it's none of my business...but..._

Resting her chin in her hand, Hanji stared down at her desk.

_I hope that they can keep themselves detached..._

Hanji did not believe in new year's resolutions, but this year, she had promised herself that she would not let herself be sucked into something that she could not handle. She knew that, in order to keep herself devoted to her work, she had to distance herself from Erwin.

 _It's been fun, but we have to focus while we still have this lull,_ she told herself, her eyes coming back into focus. _It's not about us. We're here because we have a job to do. There are things only I can do...and the same goes for him._

Nodding to herself, Hanji looked down at the proposal, narrowing her eyes.

“...This is...?”

Quickly flipping through the papers, Hanji swallowed hard, her heart pounding in excitement.

“Squad Leader Hanji?” Moblit's voice called out suddenly.

“Yes?” Hanji replied, and the door opened.

“I brought some food, and--what's wrong? Did something happen?”

“Moblit,” Hanji breathed, unable to hold herself back anymore. She quickly stood up from her desk and held out the proposal to him. “Erwin approved a budget increase for our squad.”

“He did? For what?” Moblit asked, slowly walking over to her.

“To capture Titans again,” she replied, grinning. “If Zackley approves this, we can finally do field research again.”

“...” Moblit's face went pale, and he let out a small, nervous chuckle. “...Well, I guess things are about to get exciting around here again...”

 

 


	100. Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having someone who understands your personal pain can be a godsend.  
> However, knowing that someone else knows...can sometimes be just as bad.

_“Erwin, don't!”_

_Cutting off Hanji's laughter, Erwin pressed his lips into hers. Sometimes he hated how easily he could talk and laugh with her; it made him feel inexplicably possessive, and even now, his hands gripped her body tightly. He did not want to have to end this, to end them, but this was just how it had to be._

_“...Don't make jokes about that,” Hanji muttered at last, her hand pressing on Erwin's forehead, pushing him away. She had a slight scowl on her face, but she did not seem angry, just stubborn. “I'm not changing my mind--I'm joining the Corps, too. I'm serious.”_

_“...Hanji...” Erwin mumbled before kissing her again. Why was it always like this? Why did he always want what he knew he could not have?_

_“...What?” Hanji asked, her arms slung around his neck. She was staring up at him with such bright eyes, Erwin almost considered staying quiet._

_“...I think this is the last time I can let this happen,” he finally replied, pulling himself away from her. He could feel Hanji's eyes on him, but he could not bring himself to meet her gaze._

_“You mean, ever? Or just for now?” Hanji murmured, sitting upright._

_“...I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to get distracted--or I guess, I can't afford to anymore.”_

_Letting go of Hanji at last, Erwin sat back on his heels, still avoiding eye contact with her. If he faltered now, he knew he would never be able to let her go--and it was time for them both to focus. This was just another sacrifice that would be necessary to bring about change._

 

“Is everything all right, Commander?”

“Yes...” Erwin mumbled in reply to Sean, one of his new assistants. He had just dismissed the young man, but not seconds after did he find one more thing that needed taken care of. “...Thank you for your work today--enjoy your evening. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir!” Sean exclaimed, saluting.

Sighing through his nose as the door closed, Erwin glanced down at the paper in his hand. It was part of the budget proposal that he had already passed around to the other superior officers, and although everyone had already signed it, Erwin wanted to make sure that this addendum did not change anyone's opinion.

Placing it on top of the rest of the proposal, Erwin stood up from his desk and walked out of his office. Levi's room was just a few doors down, luckily, so there would not have to be a lot of extra work involved in passing this along.

However, when Erwin knocked on the door, there came no reply.

“Levi?” Erwin called out, but again, silence.

 _Is he already at dinner_? Erwin wondered, then shook his head. _Well, it doesn't matter. I'll see if Rowen is in._

But, just like Levi, Rowen was absent as well.

 _...Catherine should be in, at least_ , he thought, nodding to himself. _And if not, I'll just pass this on to Hanji._

The moment Erwin set foot into the women's dorm hall, a strange atmosphere seemed to surround him. It felt as though he was out of place, that nobody wanted him there. No one was walking around, though; in fact, the hall was nearly silent.

To Erwin's relief, the only source of noise was coming from Catherine's room. It almost sounded as if she was having a muffled conversation with someone.

 _Good, she's there_ , he thought, smiling to himself.

“Catherine?” Erwin called out, knocking on the door with his wrist. He then reached for the doorknob and added, “This will only take a moment to explain, but--”

Erwin's mistake had been to open the door without waiting for a response. The sight that met his eyes was not one he had been expecting at all, and he was so shocked that he could not help but stare with wide, startled eyes at Levi and Catherine before him, their bare limbs tangled. Catherine's mouth was agape in obvious horror, but Levi's lips curled into a scowl.

“Get out,” he hissed in a low voice, a threatening one that Erwin had not heard him use since his days as a convict, fresh from the underground.

Slowly, Erwin pulled the door shut; he then heard Catherine let out a sob from the other side of the door.

“I hate you!” she cried, her voice muffled. “God, I hate you! You didn't lock the door?!”

Completely dumbfounded, Erwin stood frozen for a moment, staring at the closed wooden door in front of him; it took him a full minute to remember what he had been doing before the mishap, and without another second of hesitation, he hurried down the hall to Hanji's room.

“Hanji,” he breathed, quickly knocking on her door. “Hanji, it's me.”

“Coming,” Hanji's voice called out from the other side of the door, and Erwin let out a sigh of relief. A moment later, she appeared in front of him. “...Erwin, what's wrong? You're pale--”

“Let me in,” he hissed, and Hanji stepped out of the way. “Close the door.”

“What's going on?” Hanji asked, obviously worried. “Did something happen? Erwin--”

“You...would not believe what just happened,” Erwin finally choked out, letting out a dark chuckle. He slapped the proposal onto Hanji's desk, then leaned against it. “Or, well, maybe you would. Who knows.”

 

…......

 

Hanji had only seen Erwin flustered a few times in her life, but never anything quite like this--usually, _she_ would have been the one to cause it in the first place.

“Have you been drinking?” she asked, and Erwin shook his head.

“God, I might have to after that,” he muttered. He gestured to the small stack of papers he had plopped onto her desk, then ran his hand through his hair. “All I wanted to do was pass off this--it's that budget proposal, but I forgot a supplemental page the first time through, so I went to drop it off at Levi's room, and he wasn't there, and neither was Rowen, so I came here to see if Catherine would be in, and she was, but--Hanji, you can't tell anyone else about this.”

“I won't,” Hanji said quickly. “Is she okay? Calm down, Erwin.”

“They were having sex.”

“What? Who? Oh my god, wait--”

“Levi and Catherine. I didn't know this was going on. Did you?”

“I didn't know for sure,” Hanji told him. “Though I did have my suspicions, since she's also teaching him how to read.”

“W-Wait, what?” Erwin stammered.

“Levi told me the other day when he passed on that proposal. I don't know any details, like for how long this has been going on or anything, but...I mean, I didn't ask. It's not my business, I guess...”

Hanji fell silent, pursing her lips.

 _I know what that's like_ , she thought, glancing at Erwin, who still looked a bit disheveled but had calmed down considerably. _I wonder if anyone else knows. Hopefully not._

“...I should probably say something to them, or at least, to Levi,” Erwin mumbled at last.

“You mean, like, apologize?” Hanji asked.

“Well, that--but...I mean, their business is their business, but they need to make sure that it doesn't become a distraction.”

_Like how we were? Yeah, I get it..._

“Yeah, well... Maybe _start_ with the apology part, okay?” Hanji told him, letting out a quiet laugh. “...Now, you said there's a change to the budget proposal...?”

 

…......

 

Straightening out his uniform jacket, Levi took a deep breath and knocked on Erwin's office door.

“Come in,” he heard Erwin reply, and slowly he opened the door.

 _...And THIS is how you enter a room, you asshole,_ Levi thought as he closed the door behind him. Even though hours had passed between _that_ and now, the feeling of embarrassment was still raw, and Levi had to bite his tongue to keep from bringing it up.

“I heard you wanted to talk to me?” he said, raising his eyebrow.

“...Shall we take a walk?” Erwin offered.

“...Something tells me this isn't a conversation we should be having where other people could be listening,” Levi replied in a low voice, narrowing his eyes.

“...Fair enough.” Erwin gave him a small smile, then added, “I'm sorry for earlier. That...wasn't my intention at all, obviously.”

“I know,” Levi muttered, walking over to the bookshelf on the left wall of Erwin's office. There were titles that he could read and understand now that he could not before, and he pursed his lips.

“...How long has that been going on?” Erwin asked quietly, and Levi glanced at him.

“...I'm pretty sure that's none of your business,” he growled.

“I'm not asking because I'm curious or nosy, Levi. I'm asking for a reason.”

“...A while.”

Sighing, Erwin leaned forward over his desk; Levi could see out of the corner of his eye that he was staring at him.

“I also heard that you've been studying lately.”

 _...Goddammit, four-eyes..._ Levi thought, the scowl on his face deepening.

“I think it's a good thing--I didn't realize it before, but now that I think about it, it's made a difference to how quickly we can get things done around here,” Erwin went on. “But, she's the one teaching you, right?”

“What of it?” Levi snapped. He could feel himself getting defensive; it felt like he was being lectured, but he had done nothing wrong. His private life was just that--private. It was none of Erwin's business, even if he _was_ his boss.

_Everyone keeps secrets--everyone. Why does this one matter?_

“...Levi, you're the best soldier this regiment has ever seen, and probably the best we'll ever have,” Erwin murmured. “...I'm concerned that this all could become a distraction for you, as well as Catherine.”

“Am I not allowed to have a private life?” Levi argued. “This has nothing to do with you, Erwin. You didn't even know until you literally stumbled in on us, so it's not a big deal. I do enough shit for you already--I'm training Mikasa, I'm helping Catherine with her squad while running my own fucking bunch of brats, I go to all of your meetings, I read through all of that paperwork--but suddenly you're so fucking concerned about how I spend my free time? About how I happen to be--”

“Levi, do you love her?”

Levi's words caught in his throat at Erwin's question, and he lowered his gaze.

“...Erwin, I don't even know what that means,” he murmured in reply. “I never have.”

“...I'm telling you this not only because I'm your Commander, but also because I consider you to be one of my closest friends--be careful.”

“Of what?” Levi hissed, finally turning to face Erwin. He was surprised to see a pained expression on the man's face, one he had never seen before.

“Of yourself, I guess.” Erwin sat back in his chair, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Of myself? Thanks for the cryptic advice.”

“I'm speaking from first-hand experience,” Erwin added, staring across the room, as if he was looking at something far away. “You might not see it all as a distraction now, or at least not a detrimental one, but it has the potential to evolve into that, Levi. I... In order to become what I am now, in order to accomplish what I have accomplished...”

Erwin's voice trailed off, and Levi stared at him, waiting for him to finish his thought. He had never seen the Commander like this before, drowning in what appeared to be some kind of nostalgia.

“...I had to give up a lot of things to get here,” he finally murmured. “I...had a distraction like yours once, too.”

“Like mine?” Levi echoed, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly the pieces fell into place, and Levi lowered his gaze. “...Hanji...”

“...You don't have to listen to my advice,” Erwin said. “We're not the same people, after all. But I...would have felt bad if I hadn't said anything.”

“You would've felt bad? For who?”

“...I don't want anyone else to go through what we did, I guess.”

Turning away from Erwin, Levi faced the bookshelf once again, crossing his arms. He knew that Erwin's words had truth to them, and the advice was obviously straight from his own experiences.

Still, Levi felt hesitant--he did not consider the attachment he had to Catherine anything important up until now, now that it was threatened by the idea of being erased.

“...Is there anything else you wanted to say?” Levi asked quietly.

“No, that's all. Thank you for hearing me out.”

“...Yeah.”

Without another word, Levi's arms fell to his side, and he walked out of the room, his lips drawn into a small frown.

 

…......

 

“Eating a late dinner, I see!”

At Hanji's exclamation, Catherine winced, rubbing the back of her neck. She had had a terrible headache all day; she knew it was just from stress, but Hanji's loud voice did not help things any.

“...Though I guess eating isn't quite right,” Hanji added as she sat down next to Catherine.

“...I don't have an appetite,” Catherine admitted as she stared down at her mostly untouched dinner.

“Had a rough day?”

“...Yeah, a bit...”

“...Well, Erwin says he's sorry.”

Catherine's stomach lurched at Hanji's words, and she slowly reached out and pushed her dinner tray away from her.

“...People...already know...” she whispered, lowering her forehead down to the wooden table as tears pushed at her eyes.

“No, no, he only told me,” Hanji laughed. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I've kind of suspected it for a while now, actually.”

“...Is it that obvious?”

“The way you look at him is drastically different than how you look at Rowen.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Catherine lifted her head. Her head was pounding even harder now, and her heart was still racing from the shock of Hanji's words.

“...It's so embarrassing,” she admitted, holding her head in her hands.

“Embarrassing?” Hanji echoed. “Why?”

“I don't know, I guess--I guess I thought we were doing okay with keeping this private,” Catherine replied, her voice wavering. “We didn't want anyone to know.”

“Why not?”

“Huh?” Catherine lifted her head to look at Hanji; her eyes were bright as always, but there seemed to be something complicated to her expression, and Catherine could not pick out what it was.

“Why don't you want anyone to know?” Hanji asked, and Catherine hesitated.

“...Because...I don't know, I just don't. It was supposed to be just...us...”

“...Well, don't worry too much about it.” Hanji gave her a bright smile, but the complexity to her expression did not fade. “If it's supposed to be between just you two, then that's all it has to be. Just enjoy it and try not to get too invested.”

“We...”

 _It's too late,_ Catherine realized, hiding her face in her hands as tears began to fill her eyes once again. _I'm already invested. I don't know what happened._

“But...what if...” Catherine whispered, swallowing back the sobs caught in her throat. “...What if there _are_ feelings there, though...?”

To her surprise, Hanji's response was just a hearty laugh. Catherine quickly lifted her head to see Hanji staring off, a dumb smile on her face.

“I mean, I didn't say that couldn't or wouldn't happen,” she said, chuckling.

“...What...?”

“It's only natural, I guess.” Hanji's smile faded, and her gaze lowered to the table. “You spend all that time telling yourself it doesn't mean anything, but the more time you spend with that person, the more invested you get. It happens.”

“Hanji...”

“It'll be okay,” Hanji assured her. “At some point, you learn to work through it. If I can do it, you can too, definitely.”

“...You mean, if I love him, I'll learn to...ignore it?”

“I guess, yeah.” Hanji shrugged, smiling sadly. “It's only fair that I tell you something about myself, I think--y'know, since I found out about you and Levi. I'm like you.”

“...There's someone...”

Catherine stared down at the knotholes of the mess hall's wooden table and thought back to all the years she had known Hanji.

“...Erwin,” she murmured.

 _I should have realized it a lot sooner_ , she thought as Hanji nodded. _The day he lost his arm... And he made Rowen and me stay behind to take care of Hanji... They've kept quiet all this time..._

“It's just the world we live in,” Hanji said. “It's just...hard to commit to anything once you join the Survey Corps. Y'know, because you're already committing your life to the cause. That's just how it is.”

“So...you gave up?” Catherine asked quietly.

“What other choice is there? We've tried enough times, but...”

Hanji's voice trailed off, and Catherine furrowed her brow. She had not expected to hear this, especially about Hanji, of all people.

“And, I mean, we're not the only ones, y'know? Did you know about Mike and Nanaba?”

“No,” Catherine gasped, her eyes widening. “What..?”

“There were others, too. It just happens. I mean, it's a nice change of pace, right? But after a while, it starts to change, and it's hard to trace back to exactly _when_ the change occurs. So it's easier to just stop before you end up getting too invested and hurt each other any more... Or at least, that's what I tell myself.”

 _She has a point,_ Catherine realized, nodding to herself. She held her head in her hands again, reflecting on this piece of advice. _If things continue on like this, eventually we're just going to fuck ourselves over somehow. But...that wasn't supposed to matter in the first place, right? That's why we agreed to be noncommittal, right...?_

“...I think...maybe it's...too late for that,” Catherine admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “...I'm... I messed up, Hanji...”

“...Do you love him?” Hanji asked softly.

“...That word terrifies me. I don't...really know what it means...”

Pursing her lips, Catherine closed her eyes. She could feel herself beginning to panic; without thinking, she reached down toward her chest. It felt tight, like she was drowning.

“I'm sorry,” Hanji said quickly. “I didn't mean to upset you.”

“It's...all right...” Catherine murmured. “I guess...I have to face it sometime...”

“...I hope things work out differently for you,” Hanji then murmured. Catherine lifted her head; once her vision came into focus, she could see the genuine smile upon Hanji's face. “Really, I do.”

“...I...”

“...Y'know, I don't think he'd admit this, but...I think Levi cares about you. A lot. And you make him happy. I can tell.”

 _Please stop,_ Catherine wanted to say, her fingers curling into fists. _Please stop making this harder than it already is._

“And I don't mean, like, a superficial happiness, though I'm sure that's true, too.” Hanji let out a laugh. “I mean, that's not so hard to do, right? It's human nature. But, y'know, he's changed a lot recently. I don't know if you've noticed, since you spend more time with him than I do, but he seems...I dunno, more at ease now? And part of that could be the fact that things have been relatively peaceful lately, but...I really think part of it is because of you. He's needed someone like you for a while.”

“...I'm not sure I'm a person anyone _needs_ ,” Catherine whispered. “I'm not sure anyone has that kind of person, or can _be_ that kind of person.”

“Yeah, maybe you're right. But, I dunno. Have you ever talked to him about what happened to him before joining the Corps?”

“...No.”

If she had to be honest with herself, Catherine had not ever thought to ask Levi about his past. After all, it was none of her business, and he never really brought it up. She had only heard rumors, and she knew about Kenny and his mother, but other than that, she did not know any details.

“Maybe someday you should ask him. Then you'll get what I mean.” Hanji shrugged again, tilting her head. “He's lost a lot, so I think he values you more than he's willing to admit.”

“...On Christmas this past year...he was drunk--”

“Yeah, I know,” Hanji chuckled, and Catherine let out a quiet laugh.

“He told me that I was pretty.” As the words left her lips, her face turned hot. “And I just... I don't know, Hanji. I've been called pretty before, but it never meant anything to me. But when he said it, I felt like my heart was going to stop...”

“It's probably because love is painful,” Hanji replied, and Catherine paused.

 _...I didn't want this to happen_ , she thought, slowly covering her mouth with her hands. _I tried so hard to keep this from happening..._

“...I feel selfish,” she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“...Catherine...”

Closing her eyes, Catherine buried her face into her hands, trying to contain her sobs. She felt Hanji gently place a hand on her head, and though she knew it was supposed to be a gesture of kindness, it only made her tears fall faster.

 _I don't want to mess this up... I don't want to lose him..._ Laying her forehead down on the edge of the table, she opened her eyes, staring at the stone floor by her feet. _I didn't mean for this to happen... I didn't mean to fall in love with him..._

“...Sorry,” she mumbled, but Hanji only ruffled her hair.

“It's okay,” she replied softly. “I get it. Take your time.”

 


	101. Changes in History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're still around, you know.   
> The Sertoli family...

_“Hey, congratulations, lady!”_

_Rowen's exclamation made Catherine peer up from her coffee and glare at him with narrowed eyes. She was too tired for any kind of jokes; she had only just woken up a half hour before, and she was only on her second cup of coffee._

_“...What are you talking about?” she muttered as Rowen sat down across from her in the mess hall._

_“What, you can't even remember what today is?” Rowen laughed, shaking his head. “Today's the day you started your squad! It's been a full year! I can't believe it.”_

_“...Has it really?” Catherine asked, her face softening. When Rowen nodded, she continued, “It doesn't feel like it. I feel like I've been doing this my whole life.”_

_“That's a good thing!” he assured her with a grin. “That means you've made the right decision. Not that I'm surprised. You're usually pretty good about that.”_

_Catherine stared down at her coffee, into her barely visible reflection. Somehow, yet another year had passed her by. It had gone so quickly, and they had accomplished a lot, but she still was not satisfied. She knew that there would be even more trials ahead of them._

_However, her confidence in her squad had grown, and now, the idea of facing the dangers that would surely come did not worry her as much. They had worked hard--she could see the difference._

_“...Maybe we'll do something fun today, then,” she murmured, taking a sip of coffee. “To celebrate, I mean.”_

 

Yasmin could clearly see how quickly the seasons were changing, but she could not believe it. It was hard to think that, just two years ago, her life had been relatively simple. All of her friends had been alive, her path had been clear, and she had still been just a child, with a future ahead of her.

Now, as spring passed and summer pushed on, it was clear to her just how much had changed, and how much _she_ had changed, too. She had been with the Special Linguistic Squad for over a year now, and the bonds she had with them were just as strong as her friendship with Milena and Rosaleen. Being in that squad made her feel useful, a feeling that she could not help but crave on the days that she had to spend cleaning out cannons atop Wall Rose. Thinking about Marco, Erin, and the countless others still hurt, but she had reasons to smile now, more than she had had in a long time.

 _Now that I think about it, everyone else has changed, too_ , Yasmin thought as she pushed open the door to the familiar Survey Corps conference room. Catherine, Levi, Jean, and Armin were already there, and she smiled at them.

“Hello,” Catherine said softly, glancing over at her as her hand flew across the chalkboard. Yasmin could see a small, gentle smile on her face.

“Hi!” Yasmin greeted, giving her a little nod.

_Even she and Captain Levi--even they've changed..._

It would not take a genius to figure out that both Catherine and Levi were stubborn and set in their ways. Yasmin knew it to be a trait of many people in the military, particularly veteran soldiers; they were similar in many other ways, too, so it was not surprising to see that side of them.

What _had_ surprised Yasmin was what they both were hiding underneath all of that--the deep affection and attachment they had for not only one another, but for this squad. She knew that they worried about them, all of them, and not just because they were obligated to, either. Over the past few months, Yasmin had been watching them grow, too--she could see that their true feelings for this squad were beginning to shine through much more obviously.

“Well, look who's not late for once,” Jean chuckled as Claus and Bianca walked into the room. Yasmin let out a quiet laugh as Claus narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah, well, not all of us have a short trip here,” he mumbled, taking his seat as Bianca smirked in amusement.

They, too, had changed.

When Yasmin had first met Bianca and Claus, they were rigid and unfriendly, cold and seemingly elitist. But now, she knew better. Now, even Bianca smiled more often.

“We're just waiting on Olivia, then?” Catherine asked, turning around to face them. “...I'll give her a couple more minutes. She told me she might be late.”

“Why?” Armin asked.

“An eye checkup,” Yasmin replied, and Armin nodded understandingly, gently pushing his own pair of glasses further up on the bridge of his nose.

“Can't she wait until physicals?” Jean asked. “Is it that bad?”

“No, no, nothing's wrong. Her dad is testing a prototype that can be added on to goggles to help with vision during use of one's three-dimensional maneuvering gear,” Catherine told him, dusting off her hands. “They needed to make sure her prescription was up to date before letting her use the trial piece.”

“That's going to be pretty incredible,” Claus admitted. “When is it supposed to be finished?”

“She told me that they're aiming to finish the trial runs by graduation.”

“That's so soon!” Armin exclaimed, and Catherine nodded.

“It's unbelievable,” she agreed. “Time's passed very quickly.”

“This year is almost halfway over,” Bianca murmured.

“Oh, Yasmin, that means Esra will graduate, right?” Armin asked, turning to her. She nodded, smiling brightly.

“Your younger sister, right?” Jean added.

“Yeah, I can't believe it,” Yasmin laughed.

“You have a younger sister?” Bianca asked quietly. For whatever reason, she seemed very surprised, and Yasmin nodded.

“Yeah, maybe I never mentioned it, but my little sister is in the military, too,” Yasmin explained. “Actually, she plans to join the Police, so...please...”

“We'll keep an eye on her,” Bianca assured her, nodding solemnly.

Before Yasmin could question the intense sincerity on Bianca's face, Olivia burst into the room, panting.

“I tried,” she wheezed, staggering over to her seat.

 

…......

 

As she tried to calm her breathing, Olivia sat down, pulling out her notebook. Feeling the unmistakable sensation of someone watching her, she glanced up to see Captain Levi's eyes on her. He did not look angry, though, just a bit concerned. Giving him a wry smile, Olivia held his gaze; he soon looked away, his eyes half-lidded in feigned interest as Catherine began her lesson.

 _Don't worry--I haven't told anyone that doesn't already get it,_ she thought, shifting her gaze back to Catherine.

“We've worked a lot with verbs the past few weeks--would you rather do something different?” she asked them. “Or would you feel better making today a review?”

“I want to work on translating,” Claus answered.

“I agree,” Jean said, nodding. “Reviewing should be something we do on our own time.”

“Yeah, and if we don't get to work on this stuff, the enemy will just catch us off-guard again,” Olivia chimed in.

“...Fair enough,” Catherine murmured. “All right, work on your own. We'll be around if you have questions.”

Olivia loved these kind of squad meetings the most--it gave her a chance to give her imagination and intuition a good workout, and not just with translating.

Narrowing her eyes, Olivia pulled out the book that she and Yasmin had been working on. She knew what page to flip to, and the moment that she did, Yasmin got right to work. However, Olivia's focus was directed toward the pair of Squad Leaders in her peripheral vision. Tucking a lock of hair behind her left ear, she rested her head in her right hand, covering her right ear in the process.

“...What do you want to work on today?” Catherine asked Levi quietly, sitting down next to him.

“I don't know,” he muttered.

“If you don't choose, I'll pick something you hate doing,” she warned him.

“...I don't fucking care. I don't have any focus today anyway.”

They fell silent, and Olivia glanced over at them. Both were absentmindedly staring at the stack of papers in front of Catherine. She then watched as the expression on Catherine's face suddenly became much more complex; she furrowed her brows, then pursed her lips.

“...We should try to get something done, anyway,” she mumbled, reaching toward her paperwork.

“...Olivia?”

At the sound of her name, Olivia flicked her eyes back to Yasmin, who was staring at her.

“...Good god, woman, leave them alone,” she whispered.

“Sorry, I'm a little invested in them,” Olivia replied back in a hushed voice. As long as they kept their voices down, their conversation would easily be drowned out in the discussions between Armin and Jean, as well as Claus and Bianca.

“They're adults, they can do what they want.”

“I know--that's why they're doing each other.”

Olivia snickered as Yasmin slapped her hand to her forehead, obviously flustered.

“Okay, but--”

“No, look, they're practically our parents,” Olivia argued. “They want us to be happy, right? Well, shouldn't we want the same thing for them?”

“Yeah but...that part's...not our business.”

Olivia sighed through her nose, flicking her eyes up toward the ceiling.

“You're just mad because Claus still doesn't believe you,” Yasmin added, and Olivia lowered her gaze, narrowing her eyes.

“I mean, that's fair, I guess,” she mumbled.

“And you don't like him.”

“It's not that I don't like him--he's just my least favorite.”

“Olivia...”

 _I'm not going to argue with you about this_ , Olivia thought, glancing back over at Levi and Catherine, who had now moved on to a new topic.

“Are you planning on taking anyone else into this squad from the next class of graduates?” Levi asked, and Catherine shook her head slightly.

“No. Are you?”

“No.”

“...Erwin's still gonna make us go, though.”

“...Yeah, I know. He did last year.”

“Yeah, but...never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing. I was going to say something but I was wrong, so--”

“I thought you were never wrong.”

“That's not true.”

“Really? Because you like to use that argument a lot.”

Olivia watched as Levi stared Catherine down--the latter's face gradually grew redder, until she finally caved and broke eye contact.

“...You just say dumb things all the time,” she muttered, flipping through her notes. “So you're always wrong.”

“Always?”

Catherine narrowed her eyes, staring daggers at Levi, who had a small but certain smirk on his face.

“...I hate you,” she mumbled. “...I don't have any paperwork to work on with you tonight after all.”

“You sure about that?”

“You dug your own grave.”

“...You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you? Olivia?”

“Nope,” Olivia mumbled, glancing up at Yasmin with a large smirk. “I was concentrating on decoding the bedroom rendezvous cancellation going on over there.”

 

…......

 

Bertholdt enjoyed summer, especially at night; it was as if the world created its own atmosphere to help people relax from what business a normal summer day could bring about.

He, however, did not have those normal summer days anymore. Bertholdt had only ever really had them during his trainee days, and even then, those days were not nearly as carefree as they could have been.

Still, he enjoyed sitting by the fire during these short summer nights, occasionally snapping twigs and throwing them into the flames. Reiner was sitting beside him, quietly shaving down the head of a wooden spear. They had been back in their village for a while now, and this was how they had spent almost every night.

“You two are always together,” a familiar voice said. Bertholdt glanced up to see Ymir approaching them.

“You shouldn't be walking around at night,” Bertholdt told her. “Zeke is only letting you stay until--”

“Hey, Bertl, calm yourself.” Ymir held up a hand to silence him, then said, “If I hadn't taken risks, I wouldn't be here today. I know what I'm doing.”

 _...That's good, because nobody else does_ , he wanted to say, fiddling with a dead tree branch.

Ymir let out a loud sigh as she sat down on the wooden log across from the boys, placing her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. She stared into the fire for a few moments before looking up at them again, narrowing her gold-flecked hazel eyes, squinting through the darkness.

“You guys ready to go back to real civilization?” she asked, but neither one responded. “Though I gotta say, this clan has come a long way. There's a lot more going on here than there used to be. You guys even have a hospital now.”

“That's been there for a few years,” Bertholdt murmured, pursing his lips. “Since we were young.”

“Hmmhmm, is that so?” Ymir sat upright, crossing her legs, then slouching down again.

“You're pretty calm for someone whose life is on the line,” Reiner said suddenly, and Ymir's eyes flicked toward him.

“I have confidence in her,” Ymir stated. “Don't you?”

“She's been with the others all this time--you can't tell me that you don't think it's influenced her.”

“Nahh, Reiner--you don't get it.” Ymir lifted her face up toward the starry night sky, a faint smile on her face. “Historia promised that she'd start living for herself. She'll help us, or at least, she'll help me.”

“Even after you ditched her?”

“Yikes, you're harsh today,” Ymir laughed. “What--does the memory of your fair Krista bring back some painful shit?”

“Stop,” Bertholdt said, snapping a twig in his hands. “Both of you, stop. We're working together--it's already been decided.”

Ymir and Reiner fell silent, and Bertholdt sighed through his nose.

He knew what Ymir's motivations were to help them--he understood that, more than anything, she wanted to be with Historia again and save her from the tyranny that was bound to erupt within the walls. Bertholdt, too, did want to lose another friend, but he also knew that as soon as Ymir accomplished her goal, she would most likely either betray them and find a way to destroy them all, or escape them, never to be seen again.

Bertholdt understood, though--there was still someone that he wanted to save, too.

Annie had been trapped in her crystallized state for almost two years now. He was not sure if she was even still alive or not, but he wanted to at least _try_ to bring her back.

“Annie failed her mission. She's not worth our time.”

Those were the words Zeke had responded with when Bertholdt pleaded his case, but he could not bring himself to agree. Annie had failed, but she had never betrayed them--why would they instead listen to Ymir, whose allegiance to them was so obviously half-baked?

 _Because she knows things,_ he told himself, watching in silence as Ymir jiggled her foot absentmindedly. _Things that even we don't know._

“...Just don't get caught,” Bertholdt murmured, and Ymir laughed.

“Me? Get caught? Please.” Tossing her hair out of her eyes, she leaned forward toward him. “I appreciate your concern, Bertl, but you forget that I did this kind of thing for over ten years. Spending a few months gathering intel isn't going to be hard.”

“The military is stronger,” Reiner warned her. “According to our people on the inside, the Military Police has an elite squad that assists the Queen. They've dismantled the Central Police and strengthened themselves.”

“Zeke said that one of the men in charge is a Sertoli,” Bertholdt added quietly, and Ymir tilted her head.

“Sertoli? Who's that?” Ymir asked, but Bertholdt could tell by the tone of her voice that she was playing dumb.

“Zeke only mentioned a woman by the name of Inga,” Reiner explained. He was either unaware of Ymir's feigned ignorance or did not care to acknowledge it. “She was born into the clan, but she betrayed them and left to live in the walls. Eventually, word got back to Zeke that she had married a wealthy man and now lived in Sina. We don't know whether her husband knew about her Titan powers, but they had a family and lived normally. It was a waste of her skill.”

“She thought that she could break down the government from the inside,” Bertholdt added softly. “But she didn't want to completely undo the society within the walls--Zeke told us that she wanted to protect it. To unify it, even.”

“D'you think that's even possible?” Ymir scoffed, and Bertholdt shook his head.

“I don't know.”

“People become afraid,” Reiner interjected. “They don't like change--it's just human nature. That's what makes this clan different.”

“...The man that she married was a wealthy land-owner with the surname Sertoli. That's all we know for sure about him,” Bertholdt continued, and Ymir sighed through her nose.

“They're still doin' stuff, y'know,” she said.

“What?”

“The Sertoli family. There's a couple of them in the military now, actually. I heard about it back in the day, when I was hiding out in Wall Sina.” Ymir rocked back and forth in her seat. “If memory serves, they're both in the Police, which means they're probably trying to carry on what good ol' Inga was doing. Though as humans, who knows if they're worth anything.”

“Are they...not like us?”

“Dunno. At the time, it didn't matter.”

Ymir fell silent for a moment, then let out a laugh through her nose.

“Even if they were, though, there'd be no real way to tell, right? Natural shifters, they don't _need_ to eat a person to complete the cycle. It's in their blood.” Ymir narrowed her eyes. “But we have to. ...Y'know, you should thank me--if they hadn't fucked me over and destroyed me like they did, you guys would have probably met the same fate...”

“...What do you mean?” Reiner asked hesitantly. Ymir chuckled.

“By all accounts, I should have been born a shifter, but I wasn't, and as the next leader, that was unacceptable.” Ymir sighed loudly, staring into the fire. “They had to fix the problem--they had been preparing all that time for it, just in case. But they didn't know the details, they didn't know what was gonna happen to me when they injected me with that shit. You guys were probably the same at first, right? ...Who did you eat?”

“Stop,” Bertholdt said quickly, standing up and staring down at Ymir. He knew what she was up to; she did not just want information from them--she also loved to torment them, especially Reiner, who easily succumbed to her tricks. “It doesn't matter--it's over now.”

“Then why are you getting so defensive over it?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It's not...something any of us should be dwelling on. Including you.” Bertholdt lowered his gaze, but his words stayed sharp. “We've forgiven you for Marcel. We're letting you live and have a second chance. The least you can do is stay out of our business.”

Slowly, Bertholdt sat back down, but he could feel his knees shaking. He was not used to this--having to stick up for himself and Reiner like this.

It had not been their fault. They had not had a choice.

It had just been a horrible twist of fate.

Just like with Marco.

“Ymir...do you still remember Marcel's face...before he died?” Reiner asked suddenly, his voice low.

“...Not really,” she admitted, shrugging. “I didn't have control of myself at that point. Everything was hazy.”

“We aren't that lucky,” Reiner replied. “We remember their faces--they were people we saw on a regular basis. People we called our allies. That's not something we're ever going to forget.”

“What're you trying to say?”

“...Don't fail us, Ymir.” Reiner gritted his teeth, and Bertholdt glanced away. “We've already had to make enough sacrifices. I'm tired of losing battles. Help us.”

“...Relax, I'm gonna help you out.” Ymir sighed, sitting back on the log again. “I think you guys are in the right. The civilization behind the walls? It's bound to fall apart. They don't know what they're doing. Never have.”

“...Thank you.”

 _I still don't trust you_ , Bertholdt thought as he watched Ymir smile at Reiner. _But I guess for right now, I don't have much of a choice._

“We should get some rest,” Bertholdt then said, pushing himself up. “Ymir, you too.”

“You're gonna just leave the fire going?” she asked, standing up and dusting off the back of her pants.

“The night watchers need it. Besides, nobody comes back here but us.”

“...Things have really changed,” Ymir mumbled, shoving her hands into her pockets. “All right, I'll call it a night, then. Wish me luck, sleeping in that dirt cave Zeke calls his house.”

“Be grateful,” Reiner murmured, and Bertholdt nodded.

“Yeah, yeah...”

 


	102. Pure Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of justice. To make myself useful. To protect the citizens.  
> Some reasons for joining the Military Police are truly pure of heart.

_Bruno was just straightening up his desk to head to dinner, when he heard a soft knock on his door._

_“Come in,” he said, and Bianca soon appeared in the doorway. She quietly shut the door behind her without a word; the expression on her face was an anxious one, and Bruno frowned when he noticed it._

_“What's wrong?” he asked her._

_“...Nothing. I just...thought I should tell you,” Bianca murmured in reply, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “...Yasmin has a younger sister in the military. She's going to be joining the Police.”_

_“...Who told you that?”_

_“Yasmin did, today at our lesson.”_

_Bruno paused, looking away from his sister._

_“I think we should take her into the squad,” Bianca added. “Just in case.”_

_“...We don't know what kind of soldier she is,” Bruno sighed._

_“If she's anything like Yasmin, she'll be a good addition to the team. And, if we don't, she...”_

_Bianca's voice trailed off, and Bruno turned back to her. Her eyes were downcast, a worried frown on her face._

_“...She'll be graduating in a matter of weeks, right? We'll figure it out then,” he told her, and she nodded obediently in response. Still, her reservation was obvious, and Bruno could not help feeling bad. “It'll be all right,” he added. “Nothing's going to happen.”_

 

“Ahhh, I can't believe this is our last dinner all together...!” Vanessa whined, and Esra nodded, giving her a sympathetic smile. Petr, however, just laughed, shaking his head.

“Oh, come on--you act like we're never going to see each other again,” he teased her, smiling brightly. He then ran a hand through his light brown hair and added, “I mean, your headquarters is gonna be kinda far away, but--”

“But, nothing!” Vanessa sighed, obviously frustrated. “Y'know, joining the Survey Corps? That's _dangerous_. You might _die._ ”

“Th-there are dangers in the Police, too!” Petr argued, his cheeks flushing pink.

“Yeah, but it's not the same!”

“We're just worried about you,” Esra said with a quiet laugh, putting a hand on Vanessa shoulder to calm her down. “You'll have to take care of yourself--we aren't going to be there to keep an eye on you anymore.”

Petr chuckled, resting his chin in his hands.

“Don't worry about me,” he insisted. “I know what I'm getting myself into. I'll be careful. But you guys gotta be, too, y'know.”

“Careful of what?” Vanessa scoffed. “It's the _Police_ \--we're safe within the inner walls, no Titans whatsoever.”

“Yeah, but, I mean, there's other scary stuff in this world besides just Titans, Vanny.”

“Yep--like your lack of concern for your own well-being.”

Esra could not help but laugh, and soon she and Petr were laughing, too.

 _I think we're all just a little bit edgy because we don't want to be separated_ , she thought, her smile fading slowly as she looked around the mess hall. Everyone was lively, having just been released from their graduation ceremony--the pressures of their trainee days now behind them at last. But, there was also a hint of sadness in the air, because this would also be a night filled with goodbyes.

“Anyway, Esra--did you notice?” Petr leaned toward her, his wry smile revealing the gap in his teeth. “Those Military Police soldiers on stage were staring at you.”

“...Wait, what?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “I...didn't notice that...”

“They were,” Vanessa confirmed, nodding. “Not the Commander, but those other two on the stage. They were looking right at you at one point--but you didn't take your eyes off of Commander Shardis.”

“...To be honest, I kind of spaced out,” Esra giggled. “...But really, I wonder why...?”

“They must be elite soldiers if they were invited to the graduation ceremony,” Petr said. “I saw Squad Leader Hanji and Captain Levi there, too, and another Squad Leader, but nobody else from the Survey Corps besides Commander Erwin was there with them.”

“Ooh, an elite squad?” Vanessa teased, elbowing Esra. “Looks like you're gonna get a raise right away, Esra!”

“But, I don't understand--you ranked higher than I did, Vanny!” Esra exclaimed, blushing. “If anyone should be in an elite squad, it should be you!”

“Heh, it's okay, I'm not jealous.” Vanessa winked. “I'm happy for you.”

“N-nothing's happened yet!”

As Vanessa and Petr laughed, Esra looked away, her eyes wandering the room as she tried to explain away what happened. She did not know anyone who was already in the Police--however, Yasmin did, so perhaps they were her sister's friends, and they recognized her for looking like her sister. Or, maybe they had been spacing out just like she had been during the ceremony--and she had just happened to be the person in their line of sight.

“C'mon, if you're done eating, we should finish packing,” Vanessa said, tugging on Esra's arm.

“Y-yeah,” Esra murmured, standing up at last. It was odd--this would be the last time she would ever set foot in this mess hall with her friends. Tomorrow, she and Vanessa would head to Wall Sina, leaving Petr behind to join the Corps.

“Don't look so sad!” Vanessa then cried, and Esra looked up to see Petr's light blue eyes wavering and wet with tears. “Shhh, stop that! It's fine!”

Rushing around to the other side of the table, Vanessa pulled Petr into a hug.

“I'm fine!” he insisted, his voice full of tears. “It's fine! C'mon, we gotta pack and get ready!”

Esra nodded, picking up her tray, as well as Vanessa's.

 _...I'm grateful for the time I had here,_ she thought as she dropped off their trays and headed toward the exit. _...Well...goodbye..._

 

…......

 

“Oooh, Bianca, you don't look well...”

Ignoring Serene's worried voice, Bianca pushed herself up from her bed, forcing her eyes open. She had not slept well the previous night; her dreams had been plagued with horrible memories from her past, which was not anything she could easily share with Serene.

“...I'm fine,” Bianca mumbled, rubbing her eyes. “Just didn't get much sleep.”

“Worse than usual...?”

“...Yeah...”

Bianca was grateful that Serene did not press the issue; instead, she stood up from her bunk and walked over to Bianca, smiling brightly.

“Well, I know it must've been bad if you slept longer than _I_ did,” she teased. “Do you want me to wait on you?”

“No, go ahead,” Bianca insisted, shaking her head. “If Bruno asks where I am, you can just be honest with him.”

Serene laughed, nodding.

“If you say so,” she said. “You must be the only one who's not afraid of him...”

“He's nothing to be afraid of,” Bianca replied, letting out a low laugh. “He's a big baby.”

“I think I get what you mean.”

 _That's right,_ Bianca thought as Serene waved goodbye and walked out of the room. _She has an older brother, too, just like me. Except our families couldn't be more different..._

Sighing loudly, Bianca stood up from her bed and walked over to her closet.

... _Why am I so nervous...?_ she asked herself as she pulled out a clean shirt and fresh pair of pants. _This is just our duty--to protect people like us... But, I guess, because it's Yasmin's sister..._

Two days ago, at the welcoming ceremony for the new members of the Military Police, she and Bruno had pulled Esra aside to offer her a place on their squad. Today, the entire squad would meet with her to decide if she would fit in. But, unlike with the others before her, Bianca already knew what the final decision would be.

Pulling on her uniform jacket, Bianca glanced at her reflection in her vanity mirror. She looked tired, more so than usual--she had not even been aware of how much she had been aging, but the dark circles under her eyes made it more obvious today than usual.

 _We've been doing this forever_ , she realized, running a comb through her thick blonde hair. _I've been in the Police for so long now--for five years. But there's still so much we've yet to accomplish..._

Shaking her head, Bianca pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. There were plenty of things that they had been able to change in those five years--good things--and she knew that they would continue to make progress. She could not allow herself to be negative about this.

Grabbing her keys, Bianca then left her room, shutting the door behind her with a soft click.

“Oh, um, excuse me? You--you're Bianca, right?”

At this gentle voice, Bianca turned to see none other than Esra Güven hesitantly approaching her, as if trying to catch a wild rabbit.

“Yes,” Bianca replied, nodding. “Come on, you can walk with me.”

“Ah...th-thank you,” Esra murmured, her cheeks flushing pink. “I wasn't sure exactly where the conference room was...”

“It's fine,” Bianca assured her.

Despite their age difference, Esra stood at almost her height with good posture and a mature gait. She definitely looked like Yasmin, but upon closer inspection, Bianca could see the differences between them quite clearly. Had she not known better, she might have guessed Esra to be the older sister, judging by how she carried herself.

“...Um, so, you mentioned before that you know my sister, right?” Esra asked suddenly, and Bianca nodded, glancing over at the girl.

“We work together in a linguistic squad,” she replied.

“...How is she? I haven't seen her in a while.”

“She's fine. Keeping busy, I guess.”

“That's good!” Esra smiled brightly. “I miss her, so I'm glad to hear that she's doing all right.”

“Are you two close?”

“...We used to be closer,” Esra admitted.

“It happens.” Bianca shrugged, then added, “I see Bruno every day, but we're not as close as we used to be. Work gets in the way.”

“I'm sorry...” Esra gave Bianca a small, sympathetic smile. “That must be hard.”

“It's all right.”

For some reason, Bianca felt at ease speaking to Esra. Perhaps it was because she already knew some things about her, thanks to her friendship with Yasmin, but Esra also seemed to be a genuinely kind person, as well as a good listener.

Before she knew it, they had arrived at the conference room.

“Go on,” Bianca said, opening the door for Esra. The girl hesitated, then nodded and stepped inside.

“Good morning,” Bruno greeted them, and Bianca nodded, walking over to him.

 _I didn't realize it until just now, but...this squad has really grown_ , she thought as she noted Nikoleta, Marlowe, Serene, and Claus sitting at the table. _Maybe...with all of them helping us...we can really do something..._

 

…......

 

Marlowe could not help feeling a bit sorry for Esra--he had been in her place just a year prior, under Bruno's judgmental gaze. However, this time, something seemed different. Perhaps it was because Bruno and Bianca had intentionally recruited Esra; being hand-picked by them probably gave her a slight advantage, but she still seemed nervous.

“Esra, how much do you know about this squad?” Bruno asked, sitting back in his chair.

“...You all work very closely with the Queen and royal advisers,” Esra replied. “That's really all I know for sure...”

“That's correct--our main duty is to protect the Queen and advise her. However, it's important that you understand what kind of consequences come out of our actions.” Bruno leaned forward in his seat, toward Esra. “I'll put it simply: we are the group in the Police with the most power. If something was to happen to the monarchy, we would be the group to pick up the pieces and restore order.”

“What about Commander Dawk?” Esra asked quietly.

“A Commander's duty is to instruct his soldiers,” Bruno replied. “However, it is still the duty of the soldiers to choose the correct actions.”

Marlowe watched as Esra's eyes widened a bit.

 _She seems far too innocent to get wrapped up in this squad_ , he thought, glancing down the table at Serene. _Then again, I'm not sure how Serene got pulled into this group, either..._

“We are the group who will bring changes to this regiment, and hopefully, to this world, too,” Bruno continued, leaning back in his chair again. “Esra, do you think the world is safe as it is now?”

“...No,” she replied, shaking her head.

“Why not?”

“We have no way to eliminate the enemy,” she said. “We have no way to protect ourselves, to protect people as a unit. Right now, we're just sitting around waiting for the next bad thing to happen. If we don't take action, we're going to be wiped out, and everything that we've fought for so far will go to waste.”

“...You'll do anything to protect the people of this world?” Bruno asked quietly.

“Yes. I have to.”

Marlowe watched as Esra's face grew gravely serious; her hazel eyes were locked with Bruno's, and her hands were balled up into fists.

“...Good. As will we,” Bruno said at last. He then glanced around at the rest of them. “What do you all think?”

“I can tell you're very sincere,” Serene spoke up, smiling at Esra. “I trust her.”

“It's up to you,” Claus said. “As always.”

“...There must be some reason you chose her,” Marlowe murmured. “I'll trust you on that.”

“I don't see a problem with it,” Nikoleta agreed. “The more people we have, the faster we can get things done.”

“...Bianca?” Bruno said softly. Marlowe looked over at the young woman; she was staring up at Esra with an almost concerned expression on her face.

“...Yasmin would kill me if we didn't,” Bianca sighed at last.

“Esra, do you accept the offer to join?” Bruno asked, turning back to Esra.

“Yes,” Esra answered, blushing. “Th-thank you. I won't let you down. I...will make myself useful.”

Esra's face then lit up, and she took a step toward Bruno.

“May I make one request?” she asked, and Bruno raised an eyebrow.

“What's that?” he replied.

“I have a friend who may be interested in helping us, too,” she explained. “Could I please talk to her, and if she agrees to meet with you, would you please consider her for the squad?”

Marlowe watched as Bruno slowly lowered his gaze, narrowing his eyes.

 _He really gives a lot of thought as to who gets into this squad, but I guess I understand why that is,_ he thought, pursing his lips. _If someone like Hitch tried to join, things would fall apart..._

Marlowe knew that Bruno had big plans for them--that was why he was so picky about the members of this squad. He worked them hard; they were the only squad in the Police that still regularly trained like a normal foot soldier, and they kept busy with meetings and whatever other duties presented themselves, besides their work guarding and advising the Queen. While Marlowe was not yet sure of the exact reasons, he knew that Bruno's ultimate intention was to restructure the regiment--maybe even the entire government. If they succeeded, Marlowe knew that one of the consequences might be losing his friendship with Hitch and Boris, but he was willing to do anything. There was more to their world than just his desires.

 _I hope your friend is a good person, Esra--otherwise, they're never going to make it_ , he thought as Bruno finally nodded. _They have to be as willing as the rest of us to make some sacrifices..._

 

…......

 

As she followed Serene and Esra down the hallway toward the mess hall, Nikoleta could not help feeling a bit left out. They were cheerfully carrying on a conversation about something irrelevant and stupid, but still, Nikoleta felt like an outsider looking in as she watched them.

 _Don't be petty,_ she told herself, crossing her arms. _This is work. Bruno sent Serene for emotional support, and he sent me to supervise . That much is obvious._

Of course, Bruno had not said that out loud--he had only told Nikoleta and Serene to accompany Esra as she looked for her friend. But, he did not have to say it out loud for Nikoleta to understand his intentions.

Over the past year, she had learned something important about herself: of all the people in her squad, she was the one with the mindset that most resembled Bruno's. Even Bianca, his own sister, had admitted it out loud in front of the entire squad. Whether it was meant as a compliment or not, Nikoleta took it as such. After all, it meant that Bruno trusted her with more responsibilities, just like this one.

 _I don't see this as a menial task_ , Nikoleta thought as they entered the mess hall. _I see it as an opportunity. Bruno must feel the same way._

“There!” Esra cried, pointing to a girl with wavy hair sitting at a table filled with other new recruits. “Vanessa!”

Nikoleta followed Esra as she rushed over to the table; Serene was right beside her, a small smile on her face.

“It'd be nice to have more members,” she said, and Nikoleta nodded.

 _Provided that they have the right attitude_ , she thought.

“Vanessa, I was looking for you!” Esra exclaimed, beaming at her friend, who looked a bit annoyed.

“Yeah?” Vanessa murmured, taking a bite of her scrambled eggs.

“Vanessa, I'm joining that squad,” Esra said. “We're going to work with the Queen and get things done. It's exactly what we wanted! If you come with me, you can meet with Bruno and--”

“Wait, what?” Vanessa raised an eyebrow. “What we wanted...?”

“Isn't it?” Esra straightened up. “We joined the Police so we could actually do things and protect people and make a difference, right?”

“...Esra, do you know how much we're getting paid to be in the Police?” Vanessa asked.

“...Yes, of course I do, but--”

“That's why.” Vanessa's face was serious, and Nikoleta frowned. “You can do what you want--that's fine. Do whatever makes you happy--just leave me out of it.”

“...I don't understand,” Esra murmured. “Then...then, why did you work so hard in training?!”

“The money,” Vanessa said, taking a drink of water. “You really helped me out, Esra. I'm grateful for that. But, I mean, we obviously had different intentions from the start, right? It's time to go our separate ways.”

Nikoleta watched as Esra's eyes grew wet with tears.

 _I understand what this feels like_ , she thought, stepping in front of the girl.

“Good--then stay complacent,” she declared, staring Vanessa down.

“Huh?” Vanessa grunted.

“People like you don't deserve our protection, but we do it anyway, because it's the right thing to do,” Nikoleta went on. “You're a fool--you have an opportunity to make a difference in the world, but you'd rather satiate your own selfish desires. What a waste of talent.”

“Nikoleta...” Esra murmured.

“We won't waste any more time with you, then,” Nikoleta said. She then turned to Esra, placing her hands on the girl's shoulders; she could feel her shaking under her grip. “Esra, listen to me: I understand what you're feeling. Just a year ago, I went through the same thing. You have to move on.”

“...” Esra did not say a word, only stared at her with wide hazel eyes.

“You're destined for greater things--you will make a difference to this world,” Nikoleta told her. “We need your help. Your heart is pure and full of good things--we need someone like you to help us.”

“...I... Can I...even...?”

“You can, and you will.” Nikoleta gave her a determined smile. “You're in our squad now--we're going to take care of you. Don't forget that. We're your allies.”

“...Thank you...” Esra murmured, closing her eyes and lowering her head.

“C'mon, let's go,” Nikoleta hissed, grabbing Esra's wrist and pulling her away from Vanessa's table.

“...Nikoleta, you were...maybe a bit too harsh to that girl,” Serene whispered, trotting alongside her.

“I didn't say anything that wasn't true, Serene,” she replied, her words sharp.

“But...”

As they exited the mess hall, Nikoleta released her grip on Esra and stopped to face Serene.

“Do you disagree with what I said?” she asked.

“No, not really,” Serene replied, shaking her head. “But approaching a complete stranger with that level of malice isn't exactly going to win people over, Nikoleta.”

“It wasn't malice--it was honesty.”

“Nikoleta...”

“Come on, let's go. Bruno is waiting on us.”

“...Thank you, Nikoleta.”

At Esra's words, Nikoleta turned to see the girl standing there, a determined expression on her face.

“You're right...I shouldn't be wasting my time with things that won't help us in the end,” she murmured. “But...please, be kind to her if you see her again. She's...my friend...”

Her face softening, Nikoleta sighed, then nodded.

“Fair enough,” she muttered. “Now c'mon, let's get going.”

 


	103. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a new specimen, Hanji's squad can move forward in their studies.   
> However, it may reveal things that were better off hidden for good...

_“Hang on, Erwin!”_

_Not even flinching as Hanji slammed her hands down on the table, Erwin glanced up from his map to see a fierce look in her normally bright eyes._

_“I get that setting up the logistics base comes first,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. “But finding out the Titans' true nature is the Survey Corps' original objective!_ _**You** _ _should already know that, too!”_

_“Um, Squad Leader...” Moblit murmured, reaching out toward Hanji's shoulders. “Speaking to the Commander like that...”_

_“SHUT UP!” Hanji shouted, whipping her head around toward Moblit. Then, turning back just as quickly, her furious gaze met Erwin's again. “In order to_ _**do** _ _that, we have to capture a Titan alive! I know it isn't realistic--our last successful capture was fifteen years ago, and more than twenty lives were lost to make it happen.”_

_Leaning forward over the table toward him, Hanji's eyes widened._

_“But if we're afraid to make sacrifices, we'll never acquire information!” she cried._

_Erwin knew deep down that Hanji was not wrong, but for now, they would have to focus their efforts elsewhere._

_“All right, focus on the rear,” he said to one of his soldiers, ignoring Hanji's outrage. She was being too idealistic now--her priorities would have to be put off for another time._

 

“I kinda feel sorry for the people living here...”

“They've gotta be used to it by now, right?”

As she listened to Meryem and Liam's conversation, Justina kept her eyes on Hanji and Moblit as they approached the gate of the Karanese district.

“Whoa, he's starting to get restless!” Liam cried, letting out a laugh.

“Make sure his blindfold is on tightly,” Meryem scolded. Justina could no longer resist the temptation; glancing over her shoulder, she looked back at Liam, who was helping the Garrison squad lead a giant cart back home. Their load was a large one--a four meter Titan that was blindfolded, gagged, and restrained with special devices.

 _Titans' wounds heal around them, so he'd have to tear himself out of those bindings in order to escape,_ Justina reminded herself when she noticed how hard her heart was still pounding. _And if he does, hell, he's earned it._

Justina had heard stories of the Corps capturing Titans before, so she had known that it was possible, but to actually be involved in the process was a different situation entirely. They could not have done it without the Garrison squads that had accompanied them; apparently, many of them had worked with Hanji two years ago, back when she captured Titans in Trost. This time, they would be taking one back to the Karanese district, then through to Wall Rose, back to their headquarters.

“I kind of feel sorry for him...” Petr admitted, and Justina laughed.

Petr, the newest member of their squad, was a wiry and energetic boy, but he was also sympathetic toward the Titans. He did not want to hurt them, and even now Justina could see the worried look he was giving their latest catch.

“I don't think it hurts him,” Justina told him.

“It does,” Squad Leader Hanji said suddenly, and Justina whipped her head around. “Titans do feel pain--remember that. They aren't all that different from us. It's going to be our job to figure out exactly _what_ makes us different.”

“Understood,” Justina said quickly, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over her.

“Don't sound so down,” Hanji then chuckled, glancing back at Justina. “You all are in this squad to learn. I am, too, actually. It's okay to be wrong.”

“Hey, Squad Leader, what're we gonna name him?” Liam called out.

“I don't know--maybe we shouldn't this time,” Hanji said quietly. Justina noted the concern written all over Moblit's face, and it was then that she remembered how the last two Titans that they had captured had been brutally killed by a rogue soldier.

“We should!” Justina exclaimed. “It's tradition, right?”

“Squad Leader, last time you named them after a cannibal, right?” Meryem asked, riding up alongside Justina.

“That's right--Sawney and Bean,” Hanji replied with a gentle laugh.

“Did he really exist?”

“Of course! I wouldn't make that up!”

“...You have a pretty incredible imagination, Squad Leader,” Moblit murmured, and to Justina's surprise, Hanji let out a loud laugh.

“It's not THAT bad! Really! That man _did_ exist! Or at least, there's evidence that he did. I suppose that's just another story that's lost to history.”

“I read a story about him once,” Meryem chimed in. “Supposedly, one of his children survived.”

“I guess that's possible,” Hanji replied, shrugging. “There were apparently a lot of children in that clan, most of them incestuous. One of them _could_ have escaped. But, I'm pretty sure the legend goes that they were all eventually killed.”

“It's interesting to think about, though,” Justina said, her grip on her reins tightening. “What made them snap like that? Why would anyone think it's a good idea to eat people?”

Nobody replied, and Justina bit her lip, narrowing her eyes as the sounds of hoofbeats and the Titan's muffled groans filled her ears. Perhaps there was just no good way to respond to her comment, but she could not help but think that, maybe, she had sparked something.

After all, how different were cannibals and Titans, really? Most obvious was their size, but there were other factors to consider, too. And, how did Titan shifters fit into that picture? Was there even a real connection? Or just similarities?

 _Guess that's why we're here_ , Justina thought, smiling to herself as Hanji raised her arm and shot off a signal flare to the soldiers atop the Karanese wall.

“Don't let any townspeople near that cart,” Hanji commanded them. “I instructed the Garrison soldiers to hold people back, but stay alert. They can't do everything on their own.”

“Understood!” Justina and the others shouted back as the gate began to rumble. Slowly, it began to open up, revealing a wide main street, lined with wide-eyed spectators.

“Looks like you've got a welcoming party, fella,” Petr said, presumably to their new Titan companion.

 

…......

 

Hanji was admittedly exhausted by the time they reached headquarters and secured their catch of the day, but the rest of her squad seemed full of energy, and she did not want to stop them if they were willing to keep working.

“We have to at least _name_ him today,” Liam insisted, speaking to Meryem and Justina. “I'm kind of getting tired of hearing Petr call him 'fella.' It's like he's talking to a dog.”

“There's nothing wrong with that!” Petr called out, still standing near Moblit, who was double-checking the fasteners keeping the Titan nailed down. “It's a term of affection, you twat!”

“How about Sam?” Justina suggested, shrugging.

“Whatever, I don't care,” Meryem said, waving her hand. “I can't believe you guys are even wasting your time on something like this.”

“D'y'hear that, Petr?!” Liam shouted. “We're naming him Sam!”

“That's a dog's name!” Petr shouted back, and Liam laughed.

“He got me.”

“It's kind of cute, though,” Justina admitted, grinning. “Maybe it's short for Samson? That's a good name.”

“Squad Leader, what do you think?” Liam asked, and Hanji turned toward them.

“Hm? Me?” she murmured, still lost in thought.

 _It's been so long since we last captured Titans, I forgot that I used to name them,_ Hanji realized, glancing at Moblit, whose expectant gaze was upon her.

“That's a good name,” she finally declared, nodding. “But Meryem is right--we need to move on to other things now.”

“Yeah, where do we even begin?” Petr asked, walking over to the rest of the squad. Moblit trailed behind him, like a concerned parent.

“Tomorrow, we can begin by testing his level of communication,” Hanji explained. “I plan on repeating the tests we always do on our Titans, just to check for inconsistencies.”

“And after that?” Meryem murmured.

“I...don't know yet. It'll just depend on the results of all of the preliminary testing.” Putting her hands on her hips, Hanji gave her squad a bright smile and added, “But don't worry too much about that. You all did great today--you led the Garrison squads well, and everything went as smoothly as it could have gone. Thank you. I don't have anything else for you today, so as soon as the Garrison guards are ready, you guys are done for the day.”

“Understood!”

As her squad members dispersed, Hanji glanced toward Sam; he was a beautiful specimen, with bright brown eyes and a tuft of brown hair atop his head. Hanji could not help wondering what kind of personality he had, and if he fully understood his current surroundings.

“I keep thinking about something,” Justina said suddenly, and Hanji quickly turned around. She had not realized that Justina was still standing there, gazing at the Titan.

“You mean, about what we talked about earlier?” Hanji asked, and Justina shook her head.

“No, not about Sawney Bean--about the Titans.” She paused, narrowing her eyes, then looked up at Hanji. “Once, Michelle and I were talking about whether Titans' healing abilities were the sped-up version of our own human ones, or if we simply possessed the slowed-down version. I wondered about it for a while, but I think it's the first one. I think that the Titans came from us.”

“What makes you so sure?” Hanji inquired, her curiosity piqued.

Justina grinned at Hanji, then snickered.

“One time, when I was a kid, I cut the skin on my elbow when I was playing outside,” she explained. “But that part of my skin was already so calloused that it refused to heal quickly, so I cut off a chunk of my skin with scissors so that it would just start over and heal faster.”

“Ew, that's gross, Jay,” Meryem said. She and the others had obviously been eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Did it work?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, it finally healed.” Justina pulled up the sleeve of her uniform jacket to reveal her scarred elbow. Sure enough, one portion of it was very smooth compared to the rest.

“But what does that have to do with the Titans?” Meryem countered. “They don't cut themselves up in order to heal more quickly.”

“Well, I think someone must have created the Titans because of that way of thinking,” Justina insisted. “Like, humans are so impatient. I couldn't wait for my skin to just heal naturally, so I took matters into my own hands. Maybe that's what happened with the first people who became Titans. They wanted to fix something about themselves, but it backfired.”

“That's an interesting point, but that would take something pretty extreme,” Hanji pointed out, grimacing. “There would have to be something seriously wrong with a person for them to try to reform themselves to this extent. And besides, there's the matter of _how._ How would anyone be able to pull that off?”

“That would probably require working with some kind of cell mutation,” Moblit added, nodding. “They would have had to have had something that caused an insane amount of cell growth in a very short amount of time, as well as the environment in their own bodies to support that.”

“I mean, I'm not saying it's for sure!” Justina laughed. “I just think that we came first, that humans created Titans.”

Hanji opened her mouth to reply, but she quickly shut it again as a thought entered her mind--something she had not thought to consider before.

_Cannibalism and genetic mutations...exacerbated by rapid cell growth spurred on by some kind of source..._

“...Jay, you might be on to something,” Hanji murmured, narrowing her eyes. “You're all dismissed. We'll discuss it further tomorrow.”

 

…......

 

“It's so nice to have a day off!” Rosaleen exclaimed, and Yasmin laughed, nodding in agreement. Normally, they both would have been up and dressed hours ago, but it was nearing noon, and both were still lounging in their pajamas, sprawled out on their bunks.

“Poor Milena, though,” Rosaleen added, pouting as she pushed her long red hair out of her face. “She still has to work...”

“It's only natural--she _is_ a Captain, after all,” Yasmin pointed out, stifling a yawn. “At least she was able to get us both the same day off on the rotation.”

“Yeah, being friends with her has its perks,” Rosaleen giggled, winking.

Yasmin grinned, wrapping her arms around her pillow. Days off for Garrison soldiers came only once a month, and that was still no guarantee--that was only assuming nothing crazy was going on. Since she was not a part of the special squad that helped Hanji, nor was she a high-ranked officer, Yasmin got her day off as per usual.

“Wanna go get lunch soon?” Rosaleen asked, sitting up in bed.

“How soon is soon?”

“...Thirty minutes?”

“...Deal.”

Yasmin had been running around so much lately that she had forgotten how behind she was on sleep. Catherine's squad kept her very busy, and she felt a certain obligation to help Milena whenever possible, so she always ended up pulling extra weight in her Garrison squad as well.

“Oooh, the leaves are starting to change colors,” Rosaleen said, glancing out of their window as she walked over to her vanity. As she ran a brush through her hair, she added, “I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, though. I mean, the 105th class already graduated, we had our second reunion...”

Rosaleen's voice trailed off, and slowly, Yasmin sat up on her bunk.

“...It's not any easier for you, either, is it?” she murmured, and Rosaleen sighed quietly.

“No, not at all,” Rosaleen admitted, her voice wavering. “...It's...still hard to even look in the mirror.”

 _That's one thing I don't have to worry about, at least..._ Yasmin thought, biting her bottom lip. _I can't even imagine if I saw Marco in myself every time I saw my own reflection..._

“But I'm still so glad we had another reunion!” Rosaleen exclaimed as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. “So many people came, even though it rained...”

“Yeah,” Yasmin murmured, nodding. “It was good to see everyone again.”

“Yes! I can't believe how different Armin looks now.” Rosaleen giggled, giving Yasmin a bright smile over her shoulder. “He's finally starting to look his age!”

“It's true,” Yasmin laughed.

“What was it that Mikasa said...?”

“'My son is growing up.'”

“Yes. I laughed so hard.”

Yasmin opened her mouth to say something else, when a sudden knock on the door interrupted her.

“Is Yasmin Güven there?” a voice called out.

“Yes, I'm here,” Yasmin replied, standing up.

“You have a guest down in the lobby.”

“Oh, I bet that's Olivia,” Yasmin murmured, glancing at Rosaleen. “She said she would drop by today...”

“Give me five more minutes and I can be ready!” Rosaleen whispered, nodding.

“I'll be down in a few minutes, thank you!” Yasmin called out to the messenger.

“She's pretty eager,” Rosaleen said, smirking at Yasmin, who rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well, that's Olivia,” Yasmin chuckled, heading over to the dresser and pulling out a clean shirt and pair of pants. “She jokes that she's going to marry me.”

“That's kind of cute.”

“Shuddup,” Yasmin muttered, but Rosaleen just giggled.

“Okay, I'm ready whenever you are!” Rosaleen announced, buttoning up the last button her blouse. “Let's go!”

 

…......

 

Even though it was just an ordinary day for her, Rosaleen could not get her mind off of stupid, nostalgic things--most likely a result from their earlier conversation. They had been in the Garrison for over two years now, and just last month they had celebrated Yasmin's eighteenth birthday. It was odd how comfortable Rosaleen felt in this life now, but she did not question it.

 _In a way, it only makes sense_ , she told herself as she followed Yasmin downstairs toward the lobby. _This is what I wanted all along. Even as a kid, this is where I imagined myself. It's definitely not perfect, but...it's what I've worked for, isn't it?_

If Rosaleen could have gone back and done things over again, she would not have changed too much. The only thing, really, would have been the day she convinced Erin to join the military. If everything else had then stayed the same, she would have had no complaints.

“...Bianca...?”

At Yasmin's murmur, Rosaleen looked into the lobby to see a young woman with blonde hair and a Military Police jacket. The name Bianca was a familiar one; Rosaleen had heard plenty about her from Yasmin. It was, however, the girl standing next to Bianca that caught Rosaleen's attention.

“...Esra!?”

“Yasmin!” Esra exclaimed, beaming with joy. She had not changed too much in two years' time; she still had the same bright eyes and cute freckled face that Rosaleen remembered from before. However, she was taller now, and more muscular, and her facial features had sharpened with maturity.

“What are you doing here?!” Yasmin cried, laughing as she hugged her sister. “Not that I'm not happy! I just didn't expect you!”

“I heard you mention today was your day off,” Bianca said quietly. “It seemed like a good chance...”

From what Rosaleen knew of Bianca, she was an orphan, with her only living blood relative being her older brother. They were apparently extremely close, so it did not surprise Rosaleen that Bianca had wanted to reunite these two sisters.

... _I wish you could do the same for me,_ Rosaleen thought, pursing her lips as she tried to keep the dark thoughts pushed to the back of her mind.

“...I'm not bothering you, am I?” Esra asked gently, releasing Yasmin, who quickly shook her head.

“No, no, not at all! It's just like Bianca said--it was a good opportunity.” Yasmin cringed a bit, then added, “I should have thought of that myself. I'm sorry...”

“It's okay,” Esra insisted, smiling. “I know you must be busy. I didn't want to bother you on your day off, but...”

“I'm glad that you did,” Yasmin said. “...God, you're almost as tall as me now. I feel old.”

“You _are_ old,” Esra said, her smile growing wider.

“Shut up.” Yasmin gently knocked on the side of Esra's head. “Are you hungry? Rosie and I were just about to go get lunch. Bianca, you're welcome to join us, too.”

“...I--”

“Come with us!” Rosaleen insisted, waving Bianca on. “Ah, that's right--I'm Rosaleen Johnson. I've heard a lot about you!”

“...Nice to meet you.”

 _It's just as Yasmin said_ , Rosaleen realized as she lowered her arm. _She's very cold--she didn't try to shake my head, or even smile..._

“Our headquarters isn't quite as nice as yours, but the food is good,” Yasmin said, laughing. “Unless you've got something to do?”

“...I'll stay,” Bianca mumbled, but she looked a bit uncomfortable.

“So, you're in the same squad as Bianca, then, right?” Rosaleen asked Esra, who nodded.

“Yes! It's wonderful!” she replied enthusiastically. “Everyone there is so nice, and I really like working closely with Her Majesty!”

“Oh, that's right--Historia...” Yasmin murmured. “How is she?”

“She's doing well,” Bianca replied. “She mentioned that you all had a reunion recently, and she's sorry that she couldn't come.”

“Pff, we understand why,” Yasmin laughed. “But I'm glad she's doing well.”

“She actually mentioned having some kind of party, too,” Esra added, her hazel eyes sparkling with delight.

“A party?” Rosaleen echoed.

“She said that, since we have had such a peaceful year, we should celebrate,” Esra explained.

“There's talk of holding a military ball this fall,” Bianca added, nodding. “All soldiers would be invited.”

“Whoa, really?” Rosaleen gasped. “That would be so cool!”

“You can meet all of my friends!” Esra exclaimed, grabbing Yasmin's arm excitedly.

“I'd love to! And you can meet all of mine!” Yasmin cried. “...Though you know most of them by now, I think. But still.”

“Mom can help us with dresses!”

“...Maybe...”

Rosaleen sighed through her nose; she knew that Yasmin had been avoiding going home for a while, but Esra did not seem to understand all of the hints.

“If you need help, I know someone,” Bianca said quietly.

“Really?” Esra asked.

“Squad Leader Catherine's father is a tailor and dressmaker. He's made a lot of things for me in the past. I'm sure he'd love to do the same for you both.”

“I didn't know that,” Yasmin said.

“And I know of someone in Stohess!” Rosaleen exlaimed, snapping her fingers. “So there's no shortage of resources.”

“...I think I'll still want Mom to help somehow,” Esra murmured, a sad smile appearing on her face as she looked at Yasmin.

“...Bianca, sometime you'll have to take me to go see Mister Müller,” Yasmin stated, ignoring Esra's insistent gaze.

“Can you afford it?” Esra asked suddenly, and Yasmin raised an eyebrow.

“...I _do_ get paid in the Garrison, y'know,” she said quietly, letting out an awkward laugh.

 _She just cares about you, Yasmin..._ Rosaleen wanted to say, but she kept quiet as she watched the disappointed expression on Esra's face. _That's what sisters do..._

“...I'm sorry,” Esra whispered, hanging her head. “I didn't mean to say it like that...”

“It's okay. I just... I'm not ready to go home yet.”

Esra's frown deepened, but she nodded.

“I know. I just...wish you were, I guess...”

Rosaleen sighed through her nose, then looked over at Bianca; she was watching the sisters closely, a concerned look on her face.

... _It must have been hard to be the younger one, Erin..._ Rosaleen thought as Esra changed the subject at last. _I'm sorry for making you worry..._

 


	104. A Lonely Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Left behind by family, by friends, by lovers, by society...  
> Some are left with loneliness that cannot be easily overcome.

_“Welcome to the Military Police, Bianca,” Nile said, holding out his hand. He watched as Bianca hesitated, then took it with her own. Her hands were cold, as if she had been holding them under ice. “...We expect great things from you.”_

_“I won't let you down,” Bianca murmured in reply._

_Nile then glanced over at her brother, Bruno; his arms were crossed, and he was staring at Bianca with an odd look of contemplation on his face._

_“It must be nice to have family here,” Nile then said, and Bruno nodded once._

_“She's all I have,” he admitted quietly, and Bianca finally released Nile's hand, her arm falling to her side. “Don't worry--that doesn't stop me from having high expectations of her.”_

_“I'll take your word for it,” Nile laughed. “Are there any other new recruits you've considered taking in to your new squad?”_

_“Claus Rasmussen is one,” Bruno replied, and Nile nodded. That young man had also been in the top ten of the newest graduating class; it was likely that he and Bianca were friends, too. “The rest are Police soldier veterans.”_

_“I see,” Nile murmured, nodding once again. “...Well, when you've decided, come speak with me again. We can make it all official at that time.”_

 

“Good morning, Bianca!” Serene greeted, waving as she approached Bianca. “You can go get some sleep now!”

Serene knew first-hand how difficult being on night guard could be, but for whatever reason, Bianca hardly ever seemed fazed by it. She somehow always managed to take the six overnight hours of standing outside Queen Historia's chambers in stride.

 _How many all-nighters has she pulled to get used to staying up like this?_ Serene wondered, but she did not dare ask the question out loud.

“Good morning,” Bianca said, giving Serene a small smile. “Though I'd barely call it morning. The sun's not even up yet.”

“True... But, y'know what I mean,” Serene giggled. “How was last night?”

“Fine,” Bianca replied. “Nothing too interesting.”

“Has she said anything more about her ideas for a ball?”

“Nothing.”

Unable to hide her disappointment, Serene sighed loudly, her shoulders drooping.

Ever since Historia had brought up the idea of hosting an event to celebrate the military's success this year, Serene could not stop her imagination from running wild. She had grown up poor, and the only nice dress she had ever worn was the black gown she had worn to her father's funeral. The idea of being able to dress up and hang out for a fun evening with her best friends sounded like a dream--but she did not want it to remain as just that.

“I'm sure if you bring it up to her today, she'll come up with more ideas,” Bianca said, stretching her arms. “...Anyway, I'll see you later.”

“Yeah!” Serene exclaimed, nodding. “See you. Please get some rest...”

Bianca only chuckled darkly in response, and she walked away without another word.

“...Bianca...” Serene murmured, leaning against the wall.

She had been roommates with Bianca for two years now, but Serene had not been able to really learn much more about her. Bianca had obviously chosen just two people as her confidants: Bruno and Claus. The reasons for her closeness with Bruno was obvious: they were siblings, orphans who had probably been through quite a bit to leave behind their wealth for the military life. Serene knew that if she had been in Bianca's place, she would have done the exact same thing.

But, Bianca's relationship with Claus was a mystery. Ever since Bianca had mentioned their trainee days and how much they had hated each other, Serene had been curious as to why the sudden change came about. She had already imagined a few possibilities based on her own experiences, but she was too afraid to ask. Becoming this close to Bianca had already been difficult enough--she did not want to ruin that trust now by prying.

“Good morning, Serene!”

Turning over her shoulder, Serene saw Esra heading down the hallway, smiling brightly at her.

“Oh, good morning, Esra!” Serene exclaimed. “You're already up?”

“Yeah, I woke up hungry,” she admitted, grinning. “Do you want me to bring you anything?”

“Oh, no, it's all right,” Serene laughed, mussing Esra's hair. “You're so sweet. Thank you. But I'll be all right--Queen Historia and I will have breakfast together.”

“Ah, I see,” Esra replied, her eyes widening. “I haven't worked much with her on my own yet--I didn't know...”

“It's okay, you're still learning!” Serene smiled gently at Esra, who nodded. “But you're picking up things quickly, so don't feel bad! You're doing great.”

“...Thank you,” Esra murmured, blushing. “...I'll see you at lunch?”

“Yep! Have a good morning.”

“I will--you, too!”

As Esra walked away, Serene smiled to herself. She was so glad to have a person like Esra in their squad now. Her kind and gentle spirit seemed to bring out the best in everyone; even Bruno and Bianca were gentler toward her than anyone else.

 _Come to think of it, didn't Bruno specifically seek her out to join this squad?_ Serene thought, pursing her lips. _I wonder why? Not that it was a bad decision, just random..._

Then again, Bianca _did_ know Esra's older sister--perhaps _that_ was a deciding factor in all of this.

 _I won't question it... Bruno hasn't let us down yet..._ Serene told herself. _I don't really agree with all of his decisions, but...for now, I have to trust him..._

 

…......

 

“Sorry to call all of you to this meeting on such short notice,” Historia began, her hands folded and placed delicately on the conference room table. Bruno knew that, despite being the person with the most obvious amount of power in the room, she was intimidated by the number of people present. His entire squad was present, as well as Nile and several other higher-ups in the Police.

“I promise this won't last long,” she added, sitting up a little straighter in her chair. Despite that, she was still the shortest person in the room by far. “Last week I mentioned the idea of a military event. I've been giving it some thought, and I was wondering if there would be any possibility of using some of the extra money in the Police budget to throw a ball and banquet here this winter.”

“On what scale are we talking about, here?” one of the other officers asked, crossing his arms.

“I want it to be open to all military personnel,” Historia replied, and the officer clicked his teeth in disapproval. “Is there a problem?”

“I don't think you realize what kind of costs would be involved in throwing that kind of party,” he declared.

“I don't see a problem,” Nikoleta interjected. “The Military Police has plenty of surplus that it could use to supply for a ball. Also, I'm sure that the Reeves Corporation would be more than happy to sponsor it, considering that the company has a tight bond with the Survey Corps.”

“Nikoleta has a point,” Bruno agreed, nodding as he glanced at her. “This is the first time in years that all three regiments have been cooperative and friendly with one another for a decently long period of time. I believe it's worth celebrating that.”

“I think it would also look good to the public,” Nile murmured. “It would serve as a sign to the people that the military has become stable and reliable again.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Historia said, nodding. “And besides, what other chances will you all have to meet with people of other regiments? This could be a great opportunity for you all to come together and discuss future goals.”

“I think that it should be your decision, Historia,” Bianca said quietly, glancing down the table at the Queen.

“Yeah, you're the one in charge here,” Claus added. “I mean, yeah, money matters, but if we can manage to do it, I think we ought to.”

Bruno glanced at the other officers sitting around the table; he could see the distaste in their expressions, but not a single one of them seemed to have a counter-argument.

“Then, assuming we can cooperate with the Reeves Corporation, we'll hold a ball here at our headquarters this winter,” Historia declared, a small smile pushing its way onto her face. “I ask of you all to spread this news throughout all the territories in Sina and Rose; it will be good for businesses to get involved.”

“I'll get in touch with our contact in the press,” Nikoleta said. “If we can keep track of our status on preparations, I can pass that information along, and the press can notify the public with regular updates.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Historia replied. “Thank you, Nikoleta.”

 _You'd never guess she just entered the Police only a year ago..._ Bruno thought, a small, proud smile making its way onto his face.

Despite his particularly high expectations for her, Nikoleta had proven herself to be an extremely capable and useful soldier. She was constantly taking charge without a single complaint, and she never turned down any task given to her.

As Historia continued brainstorming ideas for the ball, Bruno looked at Bianca, then back at Nikoleta. Both of them were listening attentively, but there was a hint of detachment in Bianca's gaze that made Bruno's heart sink.

There was no doubt in his mind that Bianca had changed. Granted, it was almost all for the better; she had definitely become more independent, and she also seemed to have an easier time making friends. Bruno knew that it was mostly due to being in Catherine's squad, where she was forced to work alongside different people, people at the same status as her. In his squad, she was his Assistant Squad Leader, and as a result, there would always be a sort of barrier there, besides the personal one she carried in her heart already.

However, Bruno had noticed other changes in his sister, too. When she had first joined the military, her fighting spirit had rivaled his own, and she had not hesitated to take risks to get things done. She was a naturally quick thinker, a person who could take action at the snap of one's fingers, and she balanced Bruno's personality well. That was part of the reason he had chosen her as his Assistant, besides the obvious familial obligation.

Now, Bianca was much more subdued. Perhaps it was because she had begun to mature into a young adult, with a quiet, controlled strength. Still, she was not the same soldier that she had once been, and it was becoming clear that Nikoleta had begun to surpass her.

Bruno did not have any plans to replace Bianca officially, but he had already subconsciously started to give more and more responsibilities to Nikoleta instead. He was not sure if Bianca had even noticed, but if she had, she did not seem to mind. In fact, she often was more than willing to teach Nikoleta new things. She seemed more willing to share her responsibilities with Armin and the others, too.

 _Maybe she's just worn out_ , Bruno thought, pursing his lips as he turned his full attention back to Historia.

“I think that's enough discussion for today,” she declared, standing. “Let's meet here next week at the same time.”

“Understood,” came the unified murmur. As he stood from his seat, Bruno brought his fist to his chest in a salute; he saw the others follow suit, their gazes focused on the Queen.

“You're dismissed. Thank you.”

“Marlowe, let's pull out those maps you were talking about,” Nikoleta said, turning toward him with obvious vigor. “I don't know jack shit about the northern districts, so I'm gonna need your help.”

“Y-yeah,” Marlowe grunted, nodding.

Bruno then turned his attention toward Bianca, who had already headed toward the door.

“Hey,” he murmured, catching her arm as she tried to walk past him.

“What?” she mumbled, looking up at him.

“...You need to keep taking care of yourself.”

“...Don't worry. I am.”

Bruno released his grip, and Bianca walked away without another word.

 

…......

 

As she walked out of the conference room, Bianca could feel Claus' worried gaze on her from behind.

“What was _that_ about?” he murmured, quickening his steps to walk alongside her.

“He worries too much,” Bianca muttered.

“Yeah, well, he seemed to have a good reason to...”

“Claus...” Bianca slowed her pace to a stop, then glanced down the hallway to make sure no one else was listening. “...I don't know how much longer I wanna live like this.”

“What do you mean by that?” Claus asked, obviously startled.

“I'm not quitting or anything. That's not what I mean.” Bianca crossed her arms as Claus let out a relieved sigh.

“Well, then, don't phrase it like that. You scared me.”

“...Would it really be that big of a deal if I did quit?”

“Uh, yeah,” Claus replied, frowning. “You have no idea how much people look up to you and rely on your opinions. Including me. Besides, what would you even _do_? Like, for a living?”

“Are you saying I don't have other skills?”

“You know what I mean.”

“...That was kind of my point, anyway,” Bianca admitted at last, and Claus narrowed his eyes. “...I don't like having to hide things from people, Claus. I don't know how much longer that I can.”

“It's not like it's easy for you to just bring that up,” Claus said in a low, quiet voice. He glanced around the hallway before adding, “It's still not safe.”

“I know, but...I trust them.”

“Who?”

“The squads we're in.”

Bianca pursed her lips as Claus let out a heavy sigh.

“...If you tell them, just...be careful about it,” Claus told her, putting his hands on his hips. “Just in case.”

“I know. I will.”

The two stood in silence for a moment, and Bianca slowly lowered her arms to her sides.

For years now, she had lived her life with only two people she could truly confide in: Bruno and Claus. They were the only ones who knew everything about her, and for a long time, that was all that she had really needed.

But, these last few years had changed her.

That was why Bruno was worried. She knew that had to be the reason for his comment to her at the end of that meeting. It was completely understandable, seeing as how she was his only family now, as well as his greatest ally.

But, if she had to be honest, Bianca _liked_ the changes she was seeing in herself. Making friends, and _keeping_ those friends, was something that had gotten easier for her. She could smile more often now. She felt like she belonged somewhere now. She felt so much more _human_ now.

“...I'm going to lunch now--you coming?” Claus asked, staring into Bianca's eyes with obvious concern.

“Yeah, I'll go,” she mumbled, nodding. “But we'll have to hurry--we're already running late for our other squad meeting.”

“I'll just grab something really quick, I promise,” Claus laughed. “I mean, I have a reputation already, anyway, right?”

“...Fair enough,” Bianca chuckled, shaking her head slowly.

As they headed toward the dining hall, Bianca's smile faded, and she furrowed her brows in concentration. If she really was to let the others in, if she was really to tell them the truth, before that, she would have to prepare herself for the worst.

 

…......

 

Claus had become quite skilled at ignoring Captain Levi's judgmental gaze every time he arrived late to a squad meeting. It did not mean much anymore; if anything, it was almost just business as usual for both of them.

This particular day, though, Claus and Bianca had arrived in the middle of what appeared to be quite an exciting topic.

“What's going on?” he asked, glancing around the room.

“...Well, I suppose there's no use in trying to hide it,” Catherine muttered, sighing. “The Survey Corps does a gift exchange every year for Christmas, but this year they're talking about making it a secret gift exchange.”

“And I'm gonna put in our names, too,” Olivia added.

“No, you're not,” Levi said sternly.

“I am,” Olivia mouthed.

“I think that sounds like fun,” Bianca said quietly, shrugging as she took her seat.

“Well, a few people have problems with it,” Catherine told them. “I think it sounds like a good idea--it keeps things from getting too cliquey and what not.”

“We're supposed to draw names next week,” Jean added. “I wonder what would happen if someone refused...”

“Jean,” Yasmin said in a terse tone, narrowing her eyes.

“I'm not saying I will!” he insisted, leaning away from Yasmin's harsh gaze. “I'm just saying, they can't force anyone to do it.”

“I just don't see how people are gonna manage to keep secrets from each other in such a small organization,” Armin chuckled.

“Well, there will be distractions,” Bianca assured them. “We had a meeting this morning with Queen Historia in regards to a ball this winter.”

“A ball?” Olivia echoed, leaning toward Bianca across the table.

“To celebrate the military's accomplishments, basically,” Claus explained. “I mean, we don't know for _sure_ if it's going to happen, but--”

“Oh god, I hope it does,” Olivia breathed.

“Okay, even if it does, that's still a while from now,” Catherine said, shaking her head. “We've got plenty to keep us busy until then. Don't let yourselves get distracted now.”

“Too late...” Olivia murmured.

“I'm serious. Stay focused. You know what you have to do.”

 _She's right_ , Claus told himself, nodding as he finally took his seat. _We have to stick with it and not let ourselves get caught up in other stuff._

As Claus looked around the room, his gaze moved from face to face, observing the expressions of his comrades. They had come a long way already; they were finally starting to be able to make sense of some of the passages in their books. Before long, they would surely find hints as to what actions they would have to take next.

But then what? Not knowing made him anxious.

 _I don't know how anyone possibly_ _ **could**_ _focus on anything else right now..._ he thought as he watched Catherine write on the blackboard with her usual quick, sharp strokes. _Maybe that's what's happening with Bianca... Maybe she's getting worn out..._

No matter how much Bianca insisted that he did not need to, Claus worried about her constantly. They had been through too much together for him to shake the habit now. No, perhaps “habit” was not the right word--it seemed to be more of his duty than anything else.

Bianca had not always been his friend; in fact, his first meeting with her had been antagonistic, and they had constantly fought with one another through most of their trainee days.

And then, things changed. Things that could not be forgotten were said.

Suddenly, everything had made sense to Claus. Suddenly, he understood her. She was alone, she had forced herself into isolation, and she was willing to do anything to change the world so that she did not have to live that kind of life anymore.

 _That's starting to change, though_ , Claus realized as he glanced at Bianca. _Don't tell me you're giving up now... There's still hope. Being in this squad should have taught you that... ...Or is it that you've pushed past it...?_

He knew that Bianca's parents had died when she was still young, and Claus had done everything he could to make her feel at home in his family and circle of friends. But, this squad was somehow different, and Claus was not sure why.

 _What about this group has made you open up so much, I wonder?_ Claus asked himself, staring down at his open book. _Is it because your brother wasn't around, and you could start over here? This is your new family--you don't have to think about that other shit while you're here...is that it?_

“Claus?”

“Huh?” Claus grunted, whipping his head toward Captain Levi, who was staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“She asked you a question,” he hissed, glancing at Catherine.

“Ah, I--sorry, Mom--!”

The words had slipped out before he could catch himself, and immediately Claus clenched his jaw shut.

“Did you just call her MOM?!” Olivia screeched, slapping her hands on the table.

“It was...an accident,” Claus muttered, placing his head in his hands.

“Just answer the question,” Levi sighed.

“Give him a minute, _Dad_ ,” came Bianca's voice, and again, Olivia let out a shrill laugh.

“WHAT IS GOING _ON_?!” she shouted.

“Captain Levi, are you gonna take that?” Jean asked, and Claus finally looked up to see Armin's startled expression, Yasmin's wry smile, and Jean's clear exasperation. Finally, he looked over at Captain Levi, whose face seemed as emotionless as always, save for a slight hint of discomfort--or perhaps, embarrassment.

“...We're moving on now,” Catherine muttered, turning away from Claus and back to the blackboard. Despite her dark tone, though, Claus could see a strange, almost distant look in Catherine's eyes.

 


	105. The Military Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a year of peace, they come together to celebrate.  
> Celebration, however, is not the only thing on their minds.

_“I don't_ _**want** _ _to wear this dress,” Justina muttered under her breath as her mother dragged her through the front door and out onto the street. “It's itchy and it smells funny.”_

_“You'd better be grateful,” her mother hissed in reply, yanking on Justina's arm. “Some people will never get the chance to wear such a nice dress.”_

_Justina wanted to say something else, to point out that this was not exactly the kind of occasion anyone ever wished for, but she held her tongue. She understood that her mother was struggling right now--her brother's death had not been entirely unexpected, but it was still jarring, and it left their whole family feeling emotionally raw._

_“Where's Serene?” Justina asked at last, and her mother sighed._

_“They're probably already at his grave site,” she replied, pursing her lips._

_“Why so early? It's not like that's going to make him come back or anything,” Justina murmured, more to herself than her mother. Again, she felt a sharp yank on her arm._

_“Not a word more from you today, understand?”_

_Justina nodded, narrowing her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder. Her father was trailing behind them with her three younger brothers. The gloomy looks on their faces did not suit any of them, and it felt as if she was looking at wandering spirits rather than living human beings._

 

“Oh, man, you hardly look like yourself, Cat!” Rowen laughed as Catherine appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Had he not known any better, he never would have thought of her as a soldier seeing her in a beautiful, dark blue gown, with her hair swept back into a loose bun. “So _this_ is what would've happened if you had stayed in Sina...”

“Is that why you don't look any different?” she muttered, glaring up at him, but, despite her makeup, the harshness in her eyes was weaker than usual. “Lucia's going to be there--one would _think_ you'd try a little harder to look your best...”

“I know Lucia loves me no matter what,” Rowen told her, grinning as he straightened out his waistcoat.

“Miraculously.”

Catherine's playful insults meant nothing to him now, though. Tonight--no, in just a matter of hours--he would be reunited with Lucia again, as well as Bruno, Bianca, and so many others.

It was the night of the military ball.

“Are you sure you're gonna be warm enough?” Rowen asked, reaching for the handle of the front door. “I know it's not bad out now, but...”

“I have plenty of layers on,” Catherine assured him, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Let's just go.”

“Okay, if you're sure...”

The moment Rowen opened the front door of the castle, he felt the early December air fill his lungs. He could not believe how quickly this year had passed, and also how quietly. It seemed fitting that the year should end in celebration of that fact.

“What carriage number are we, again?” Rowen asked as Catherine walked alongside him. He had to be careful to take smaller strides than usual--otherwise, she would be left behind in her heels.

“Four, I believe,” she replied, her hands gripping the dark blue material of her skirt, lifting it off of the ground.

“I knew you'd remember,” he chuckled.

“Because I pay attention.”

“No, because you're not riding with Levi.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” Catherine hissed, glaring at Rowen. “...I don't make fun of you and Lucia.”

“Yeah, you do. You just did, like, five minutes ago.”

“That's not the same.”

“Yes it is.”

“...It's not,” Catherine murmured, her eyes locked on their carriage up ahead.

“It is. And I can't help it--I'm not used to it yet,” Rowen laughed, opening the door for Catherine.

“...I'm not, either.”

His smile softening, Rowen slowly shook his head as Catherine stepped into the carriage. Connie and Sasha were already sitting inside, talking excitedly.

“Hi, Rowen!” Sasha greeted, grinning. “Ah, and, Squad Leader Catherine, thank you for your help earlier...” She gently patted her hair, which was braided and pulled out of her face and up on top of her head.

“It's nothing, like I said,” Catherine replied, a small smile appearing on her face. “The majority of women in the Corps have shorter hair than us, so it's only natural that we help each other, right?”

“Of course!”

“How much longer until we leave?” Connie asked, leaning forward a bit in his seat.

“Dunno, maybe ten more minutes?” Rowen replied. “...How long have you two been sitting out here?”

“No idea,” Connie laughed. “We were just excited, that's all!”

“We get to see Queen Historia! It has been so long!” Sasha exclaimed.

“That poor girl's gonna be busy tonight...” Rowen chuckled.

“She probably knew what she was getting herself into,” Catherine said, shrugging. “I'm sure it's lonely, being in her position without any of her friends...”

“I wish we could go hang out with her,” Connie sighed. “I mean, I'm not stupid--I get why we can't, but...still...”

“We were comrades, we trained together,” Sasha said, and Connie nodded.

“We understand,” Rowen assured them. “One of our best friends is in the Police, and we hardly ever get to see him. But that's what makes being able to see him when we can so great!”

“Oh, yeah...Bruno will be there...” Catherine murmured, staring out the window with pursed lips.

 _Yeah, so don't do anything stupid,_ Rowen wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Carriage four, are you all present?” a voice called from outside.

“Yes,” Catherine said in a loud voice. “We're all here and ready.”

“Yay!” Sasha cheered.

“Finally!” Connie shouted, and Sasha nodded. “Let's have some fun!!”

 

…......

 

It had been months since Reiner had last been inside the walls, and he knew that now he had to be even more cautious than usual, but for some reason, he felt oddly at peace wandering the Trost district.

“Don't walk so fast,” Bertholdt warned him. “You'll look suspicious.”

 _It feels like, if I stand still, all the bad memories will catch up to me_ , he wanted to say, but he simply nodded, then fell back to Bertholdt's side.

“...You remember the plan, right?” Bertholdt then asked, his voice quieter than usual.

“Of course,” Reiner grunted in reply. “At sundown, we find some food and a place to stay for a little while. Then, when Ymir comes back--”

“If she comes back...”

“I think she will.”

“Yeah?” Bertholdt murmured.

“Ymir's only afraid of one thing,” Reiner reminded him.

“Yeah...that's true. That's why we're at this point now, I suppose...”

Reiner sighed through his nose, nodding. He had not wanted to come back to the walls ever again, especially not in hiding like this. It had not been his choice to help Ymir get Historia back.

However, Reiner had not had the courage to stand up to Zeke. When the details of this mission had been decided, Reiner went along with it, simply because he knew that if he argued, he would not only be putting his own life at risk, but Bertholdt's, too.

 _I don't want him to have to do any of this alone_ , he thought, pulling his coat closer around his body. _We've already lost so much--I don't want him to have to go through anything else..._

Reiner knew that Ymir was capable of doing horrible things, especially to Bertholdt. He knew that he had to protect Bertholdt from her; right now she was on their side, but once Historia was back, there was no telling what she might try to do to them.

 _Hopefully she sticks to the plan_ , Reiner thought. _She's a valuable ally, and if we have to kill her, I want to make sure that happens_ _ **after**_ _she's told us what she knows._

It was too late to change their path, Reiner understood that much. He was well aware that no matter what he learned from her--or anyone else--nothing would fix his past mistakes. But, at the very least, he wanted to know why this had happened to him, and to Bertholdt. He could only assume that, from everything that she had said, Ymir knew why. Maybe not the exact reasons, but at least there would be clues.

“It's starting to get dark,” Bertholdt murmured, slowing his steps to a stop. “Should we try to find a place...?”

“There were plenty of abandoned houses back toward the far end of the wall,” Reiner told him, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. Without the sunshine, it was cold and brisk, even with a heavy winter coat on.

“All right.”

Reiner glanced around; most people seemed to be heading home for the night, bundled up and shrinking away from every cold gust of wind. They all had places to be, places to belong to.

 _We're different..._ _We're always going to be..._

 

…......

 

Erwin had been to the Military Police headquarters dozens of times, and he had also been to enough formal events held there to be familiar with the sensation of the crowds of people. However, on this night, he felt such a different atmosphere in the air. It was odd--almost all of these people had been through hell, be it personal or on the battlefield, and yet, they were so full of joy, to the point that he, too, could not help smiling.

“What are you smiling about?” Nile grunted, and Erwin only chuckled in reply. “You're always up to something.”

“I'm not,” Erwin insisted, shaking his head as Nile glowered at him. “Really, I'm not. This is...just nice.”

“...I guess it must be for you guys, especially,” Nile admitted, shrugging. “I'm just kind of ready to get it over with at this point, though. We've been working on planning it for so long and all--”

“You should appreciate the fruits of your efforts,” Marie told him, pursing her lips in disapproval.

“It's been all-consuming for the past week,” he argued. Marie only laughed in response.

“See, Erwin? This is what happens now that you aren't around to keep an eye on him and whip him into shape,” she said in a low voice, giving Erwin a wry smile.

“Oh, I know. He doesn't hide it well,” Erwin chuckled.

“It all looks amazing, though,” Hanji said, her eyes lighting up as she glanced around the crowded ballroom. There was a warm glow on her face from the gold and ivory pillars lit up around them. “It's pretty obvious that you guys worked hard to get all of this put together.”

“Thank you,” Nile sighed, running a hand through his thinning dark hair. “The food is good, too.”

“I've kind of been eyeing it, to be honest,” Hanji snickered, glancing up at Erwin. “They have wine.”

“I know,” Erwin laughed, and Hanji's smile widened.

It felt so odd, so nostalgic to talk with Nile and Marie like this, but Erwin could not complain. Being with such good company made him feel hopeful for the first time in a while, and he was grateful that things had been so peaceful. They had all been through so much, it was hard to believe they were still standing here.

“Levi, do you want something to drink?” Hanji said, obviously poking fun at him. Erwin looked over at him, expecting to see a scowl stretched across his face.

However, Levi's expression was calm, almost distant, and he was staring off into the crowd of people. Erwin followed his gaze over to a group of familiar faces: Rowen, Bruno, Catherine, and another young woman around their age.

“Don't even think about it,” Erwin warned him, and Levi at last looked up at him, frowning.

“...I'm not going anywhere,” Levi muttered, looking away.

“Good. You're an elite soldier in our regiment, so you'd better act like it.”

Erwin heard Levi let out a quiet grunt of disapproval, but he ignored it and turned back to his other friends.

“So, we've been standing here talking for a while, but I haven't bothered to ask how you've been doing,” he said, giving Nile and Marie a gentle smile.

“Busy. You don't have to ask me to know that,” Nile grumbled, but he did not sound angry. “But things have been quiet. It's been nice.”

“That's because he isn't at home all day,” Marie teased him, brushing a curl of her brunette hair over her shoulder. “Three kids is the definition of busy.”

“Samson will be old enough to go to school next year,” Nile told her. “You'll only have one to worry about during the day after that.”

“I know, and I can't wait.” Marie turned to Erwin and Hanji, then shrugged. “I love them, but it's exhausting.”

“I can't even imagine,” Hanji murmured. Erwin could see her smile out of the corner of his eye; it was one that, at a glance, was normal and happy, but he could see the pain and sadness there, too. It made his stomach drop, and he desperately tried to think of something to change the topic of discussion.

“Things might get kind of dull for you after this ball, Nile,” he said, smiling. Nile chuckled, shaking his head. “We're about due for a meeting or two, right? We owe you some status updates on the Titan we captured.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nile replied. “We can discuss it all after the holidays. I want to enjoy my break.”

“We don't get breaks in the Corps,” Hanji laughed. “I'm so jealous.”

“Maybe you guys should think about taking one this year, then,” Marie said, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Really, you guys work incredibly hard--you always have. Wouldn't it be a good idea to--”

“We can't afford breaks,” Erwin interrupted. “If we get too carefree, then--”

“Marie is right, Erwin,” Nile told him. “If you're ever going to give everyone a chance to rest, let it be now, while things are peaceful. Besides, you guys are skilled at pulling things together the second everything goes to shit, aren't you?”

“That might be so, but that's not how I like to operate.” Erwin pursed his lips, then added, “We'll operate as we normally do. Nobody works on Christmas, like usual.”

“Or today, apparently,” Hanji laughed. “Levi's gone.”

“What?!”

Quickly glancing around the immediate area, Erwin scanned all the faces in the crowd, but Levi's was not among them.

“Dammit,” Erwin hissed. “He's been so irresponsible lately.”

“Give him a break, Erwin,” Hanji told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “He's not being irresponsible--he's just a little distracted.”

 _Don't_ , Erwin wanted to say, but he clenched his jaw. _If you defend him, then..._

“He wasn't enjoying himself, anyway, right?” Marie added gently. “We're not insulted or anything, Erwin. Hanji's right--just let him go.”

“He's not exactly great company, either,” Nile muttered under his breath. “Anyway, do you guys want anything to drink?”

“The usual,” Hanji replied, grinning. “Thank you.”

“I'll help you carry them over,” Marie said, taking Nile's arm.

As they walked away, Erwin watched them disappear into the crowd, arm in arm.

 _...I used to want that so much_ , he realized, his eyes then wandering the ballroom. His gaze shifted from couple to dancing couple; all of these young people, they were so happy to just have this one night to enjoy themselves and forget everything, to be with their friends.

If Erwin had followed the same path as Nile, if he had joined the Police, he would have lived this life much more often. He would have had wealth, a wife, and a family. Those were all things that he had wanted so badly in his youth. He had wanted to be with _Marie_ , to have a care-free life, to smile every day.

“I'm sure if they get into any trouble, Rowen will be the first to let us know,” Hanji said quietly, a small smirk on her face. “Try not to worry about them too much. You do what _you_ came here to do, yeah?”

Erwin looked over at Hanji; her arms were gently folded across her chest, and her eyes were wandering the dance floor, just as his had been. She looked tired, but happy, which was surprising, since she was hardly the type to wear a full ballgown of any kind and was probably more uncomfortable than she was willing to admit. Still, she looked like herself--her face had no makeup, and her hair was a mess as usual.

It was then that Erwin realized that what he had wanted back then no longer mattered. Yes, it would be great to live a care-free life, to not be in this difficult position. But that life? Was it really better than this?

 _I don't need it_ , he realized, pursing his lips. _I don't really have to have it anymore._

“We've got you covered!” Marie's voice came from a few meters away. She was holding up two glasses of red wine.

_I don't want Marie anymore. I don't want a life with her anymore. It doesn't matter to me...at all. I still can't have the things that I want, but...she isn't one of them anymore._

“You're the best!” Hanji exclaimed, laughing as Marie shoved a glass into her hands.

“Thank you,” Erwin murmured, smiling at her.

_And it doesn't hurt at all, realizing this. Realizing that I don't want her anymore. It feels good. What I want...is within my reach, but..._

Erwin wished more than usual that he had his right arm; it felt like yet another boundary between him and Hanji. All he could do was give her a smile, the most sincere one he could muster, and clinked his glass against hers, whispering “cheers” before taking a drink.

 

…......

 

Bianca had been taught how to dance at a young age; she had grown up in a wealthy family, and, had things turned out differently, she probably would have attended plenty of parties and formal events like this throughout her life.

She was not particularly fond of dancing, but it was better than forcing herself into pointless small talk with people she would never meet again. Besides, Claus was here to join her, so it could have been much worse.

“You'd hardly guess that these people are members of the military,” Claus laughed as they whirled around the room. Bianca glanced around her, nodding.

“There's never been a better year to be a tailor,” she added, smirking.

“Didn't you say you got your dress made by Squad Leader Catherine's dad?”

“Yes. He's been making my clothes for a while, now.”

“That's pretty cool.” Claus grinned, then said, “It suits you really well.”

“Thank you--but I think everyone else is the same, don't you?” Bianca nodded over toward Esra and Serene, who were happily chatting with each other on the edge of the dance floor. “Serene's dress is beautiful. I'm sure it was expensive.”

Claus did not reply, but he glanced over at Serene several times, as if looking at her straight-on would blind him.

_...So that's how it is, after all..._

With a quiet laugh, Bianca squeezed Claus' shoulder and forced him to look at her.

“By the way, why are you dancing with me?” she asked, and Claus raised his eyebrows.

“Well, you're my friend, and every time anyone comes near you, Bruno gives them a look,” he replied, chuckling.

“Yeah, and he's giving _you_ a look right now, too.”

“What?”

Bianca jerked her head in the direction of her brother; when he was not engaged in the conversation he was having with his friends, his eyes were locked on her and Claus.

“God, it's not like I'm gonna do anything to you or anything!” Claus exclaimed, his cheeks reddening.

“If you want to avoid his wrath, why don't you try dancing with _her_?”

“Who? ...Don't tell me you mean Squad Leader Catherine?”

Bianca could not help herself; she let out a loud laugh.

“Oh, god, Claus, I would pay money to see you try,” she snickered. “I meant Serene.”

“Serene?” Claus' cheeks reddened again, this time to an even deeper shade of pink.

“I can tell by the way you look at her that she's important to you,” Bianca murmured, her smile becoming more gentle.

“I--I don't know what you're talking about, like, at all?” Claus stammered. “She's my friend, too!”

“Uh-huh.”

Bianca stared up at Claus, and his green eyes widened in surprise.

“What?! What's that look for?” he cried, obviously starting to panic. “...God, I hate that you can do that...”

“...Do what?”

“Make me feel like an idiot without saying a word.”

“...It's something Catherine taught me.”

“Why am I not surprised...?” Claus muttered. He then glanced over toward Serene again. “...Do you think she'd want to?”

“...Did you seriously just ask me if Serene would want to dance with you or not?”

“Is there something wrong with me asking?”

Sighing loudly, Bianca grabbed Claus' arms and flung him away from her, toward where Serene and Esra were standing. Startled, the two girls caught Claus before he crashed into anyone else.

“Have fun,” she told them, giving them a small wave.

“Wait, where d'you think YOU'RE going?!” Claus shouted after her as she started to walk away.

“It's about time for me to be on patrol,” she called back. “Nikoleta's probably dying of boredom right now, don't you think?”

“Bruno told you not to go anywhere on your own!”

Bianca ignored Claus' exclamation and disappeared into the crowd of soldiers without another word. She did not want to be at this party anymore, anyway. People exhausted her, and she needed time to herself to think.

“Nikoleta, you can go,” Bianca said once she found the girl. Her thick, dark hair was wound up into a single braid, and her eyes lit up the moment she saw Bianca's face.

“How is it?” she asked, not bothering to hide her excitement.

“...You'll have fun,” Bianca replied, giving her a small smile.

Nikoleta rushed off without another word, and Bianca sighed quietly through her nose.

For many years, being alone had not ever bothered her, but now, suddenly, it made her chest hurt. She hated just how lonely she felt, how isolated she really was.

 _I want to fix that_ , she told herself, clenching her fists. _I...think I have to be brave...and just tell them the truth..._

 


	106. Nothing Goes As Planned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We must show gratitude toward those who have stayed with us through tough times.   
> Reflecting on how they've helped us grow is important, and sometimes, a bit shocking.

_“Hey, Jean, it's been a while!” Milena exclaimed as she, Yasmin, and Rosaleen approached their Survey Corps comrades. “And, Armin, wow, you look_ _**so** _ _different!”_

_“Stop saying that,” Armin laughed, his cheeks reddening._

_“You guys are the ones who look different,” Jean murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets._

_“Oh, what, you saying we don't look this good all the time?” Rosaleen asked jokingly, putting her hands on her hips._

_“We're used to seeing you in uniform, that's all,” Armin insisted, waving his hands. “Right? That's what you meant, right, Jean?”_

_Before Jean could dig himself into any deeper of a hole, another familiar face came rushing over._

_“Hey!” Esra cried, throwing her arms around Yasmin. “Ah, I'm so glad I finally found you!”_

_“It feels like it's been forever,” Yasmin admitted, laughing as she hugged her sister. Milena pursed her lips, then glanced over at Rosaleen. She could see the distant look in her eyes; Rosaleen was surely thinking of Erin. Milena could not help but picture Erin, too, dressed in her finest wear and mingling with the others, a smile upon her face._

 

Nikoleta had only ever worn a dress this incredibly beautiful once before in her life--but it had been for her father's funeral, the farthest thing from beautiful that she had ever witnessed. She knew the same was true for Serene and a few other members of the Police, and when she saw Armin dressed in a fine suit, she could not help assuming that he, too, was unaccustomed to this kind of thing.

Either way, this regal look suited him well; he looked much more mature with his hair pulled back into a braid, and it was obvious that wherever he had found his clothing, it had been altered it to fit his body perfectly.

“Armin,” Nikoleta called out when he started to turn her way. She did not want him to know she had been staring at him for the past few minutes from behind, too afraid to say anything.

“Nik!” he exclaimed, his smile widening. “I was wondering if you were around!”

“I was on guard duty for a while,” she explained, walking over to him. “That's what happens when _we_ have to host something...”

“Well, you're done now, right?” he asked. When she nodded, he went on, “You should meet the others.”

“The others? You mean, in your squad?”

“Yeah! I mean, you didn't graduate in our class, so you don't really know them, do you?”

“Only by name,” Nikoleta replied, shaking her head.

Before she could say anything else, Armin grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the group of people standing around at the edge of the dance floor. She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from getting flustered.

“This is Nikoleta, one of the people I've been working with in the Police,” Armin said, gesturing to Nikoleta. “Nik, this is Yasmin, Jean, Olivia, Mikasa, and Eren.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Nikoleta greeted, nodding once. “You guys have been working hard. Thank you.”

“I've never seen you around before,” Olivia murmured, peering up into Nikoleta's face.

“She graduated the year after us,” Armin explained.

“Ahhhh, okay, that makes sense...”

“Thanks for keeping an eye on Armin while he's not at our HQ,” Eren said, laughing.

“W-What's _that_ supposed to mean!?” Armin gasped, his cheeks reddening. “I haven't done anything wrong!”

“No, he fits right in with us,” Nikoleta affirmed, grinning. “But if he _does_ try anything weird, you can bet we'll be the first people to put a stop to him.”

“...That's a little terrifying,” Jean murmured, and Nikoleta could only laugh.

“Is Esra doing okay?” Yasmin asked, and Nikoleta nodded.

“So you're her sister? She talks about you a lot.” Nikoleta smiled, then added, “She's fine. Kind of quiet, but fine.”

“Quiet compared to you, maybe,” Armin teased, and Nikoleta felt her ears get hot.

“I'm sorry--is there a _problem_ with actively participating in my squad's duties?” she snapped, but she could not hide her nervous laughter through her words.

“...No wonder they get along,” Jean sighed, rolling his eyes. “She's gonna bring out Armin's ruthless side.”

“Armin has a ruthless side?” Nikoleta asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That's not true!” Armin cried.

“I know, I know,” Jean chuckled. “You saved my life--I wouldn't ever _actually_ make fun of you for that.”

“Wait, what are you guys talking about?” Olivia asked.

“We're not gonna talk about this here,” Armin insisted, and Nikoleta looked into his eyes. There was a complexity to his expression that she had never seen before, and she frowned in concern. Of all people, she had not expected Armin to hide a dark secret.

 _What happened to you...?_ she wondered, staring him down. _What exactly are you hiding? What exactly...are you capable of...?_

 

…......

 

“Armin, you should come with me to meet Lucia,” Nikoleta said, and Yasmin glanced over at her other friends. She was not sure if it was just her first impression, but it seemed like Nikoleta's interest in Armin was greater than just the usual friendship.

“Okay, sure,” he replied, nodding. “I'll see you guys later!”

“It's nice that he's found a good friend in the Police, too,” Eren chuckled as the pair walked away.

“Right. A good friend,” Jean muttered, letting out a low laugh.

“...What's _that_ supposed to mean?” Eren asked, giving Jean a stern look.

 _Okay, so it's not just me,_ Yasmin thought, smiling to herself.

“Eren, come with me to get food,” Mikasa insisted, tucking a lock of her short black hair behind her ear.

“I'm starting to get hungry, too,” Olivia admitted. “Sasha and Connie have been over by the buffet the whole time--they had the right idea. Do you guys want anything?”

“I'm all right for now,” Yasmin said, shaking her head. “Thanks, though.”

“I'm fine,” Jean murmured. “I don't have much of an appetite.”

“Lame.” Olivia grinned at them, but then Yasmin noticed a slight look of concern in her energetic grey eyes. “...Well, if that's the case, I'll be right back. Don't go too far, okay?”

“We won't,” Yasmin assured her, smiling. Once Olivia was out of earshot, Yasmin turned to Jean and asked, “Are you all right?”

“What? Yeah,” he replied, raising his eyebrows. “Why are you asking?”

“You said you didn't have much of an appetite--are you feeling sick?”

“No, I just don't have an appetite... Is that such a bad thing?” Jean sighed loudly, then shrugged. “I guess I'm just uncomfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno, I mean--I had wanted to join the Police so badly. And now I'm looking around and...I don't feel like I belong here at all. I feel really out of place. It's weird...”

“...That's good that you realized it in time, then,” Yasmin said gently, giving Jean a small smile.

“...Do you ever get the feeling that things are just...stagnated?” he asked her suddenly, and Yasmin raised her eyebrows at him. “...I dunno, Yas. Feels like I can't get anything done.”

“Jean...that's not--”

“Do you wanna dance?”

“What?”

“I mean, we're right here.” Jean gestured to the dance floor to his left, then looked back at Yasmin. “Do you want to dance? With me?”

“...Okay, sure.”

 _Marco would have a heart attack if he could witness this_ , Yasmin thought as she took Jean's outstretched hand and stepped onto the dance floor. She had never danced with anyone other than her female friends before, and Jean seemed just as nervous; however, once their bodies were in motion, they moved together fluidly, the beautiful music guiding them along.

 _...Things have really changed_ , she realized as she looked up into Jean's gold eyes. _This person...that I never thought I'd be close with..._

Had Marco been right all along? All these years later, it certainly seemed that way. For some reason, she and Jean had been able to overcome their outright hatred for one another and become close friends.

 _...I can_ _ **trust**_ _him_ , she thought, glancing away for a moment. That was a mistake--she immediately felt dizzy, and she quickly brought her eyes back to Jean's.

“It's been...a good year,” Jean murmured, and Yasmin nodded. “It's the happiest I think I've been in a long time...”

“Yeah, me too,” Yasmin admitted. “I hope it just keeps getting better.”

“...It will.” Jean squeezed her hand, then added, “I know that it will.”

For reasons that she did not entirely understand, Yasmin suddenly felt like crying. Jean's eyes were earnest and warm, and her throat closed up, and she forgot her words. All she could do was nod, her cheeks growing warm.

 _I never would have expected to have_ _ **you**_ _at my side...but I'm so glad that you are..._ she thought, pursing her lips. _Thank you..._

 

…......

 

“...So, ever since then, Beaure has had an irrational fear of cats, and for his birthday we're all going to try to find the gaudiest cat decorations that we can for his desk.”

His own laughter joining with Lucia's, Bruno smiled brightly at his friends. It had been years since the four of them had been together like this; he had almost forgotten how much fun they had, how perfect their dynamic was. If he closed his eyes and ignored the background noise, it was almost as if they were at their usual bar, at their usual corner table, together after a day of work.

But, Bruno did not want to close his eyes. He knew that what he was seeing right now was the truth of his existence, and he did not want to shy away from it. There were still good things left in this world; a few of them were standing right in front of him.  
“I'm glad work is keeping you busy,” Catherine told Lucia, smirking. “I can only imagine what kind of trouble you'd get into if it wasn't.”

“Me too, honestly,” Lucia laughed, her arm linked with Rowen's. “It's really fun now that I get to work with all of the messengers.”

“Speaking of that, I hope Nikoleta hasn't given you any trouble,” Bruno murmured.

“Not at all! We get along really well.” Lucia grinned at him, then added, “Are you worried she'll tell me all of the dumb things you do now that Catherine isn't around to keep an eye on you?”

“I need to meet this girl,” Catherine said quickly, and Lucia laughed again.

“Me, too,” Rowen agreed, looking around. “I bet she's got some _great_ stories.”

“Not really,” Bruno insisted, chuckling. “Unlike you, Rowen, I don't make a fool of myself on a regular basis.”

“True,” Rowen laughed, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. “But I'll own up to my faults!”

“Oh?” Catherine murmured, crossing her arms. “Then I guess I should start listing them off, huh?”

“Hang on, lady--I've got a list for you, too,” Rowen countered, and Catherine's cheeks flushed pink.

“Wait, what?” Bruno asked, and Catherine quickly shook her head. “What happened?”

“W-we're changing the subject,” she stammered, looking away from the group.

“Oh, look--Nikoleta's headed this way!” Lucia exclaimed, pointing. Bruno looked over to see her walking toward them with deliberate strides, Armin right beside her. “Perfect timing.”

“Hey.”

A shiver ran up Bruno's spine at the familiar voice; he glanced to his left to see Levi standing there. He had apparently approached their group while they were distracted, but he did not seem interested in joining their conversation. Instead, his focus was directed at only Catherine, his narrow eyes staring intently at her.

“Aren't you supposed to be with Erwin and Hanji?” Catherine asked him quietly. The tone she used toward him was gentle, almost uncharacteristically so.

“Nile is there,” Levi muttered, glancing away. “He's the last person I want to spend my free time around.”

 _I can't fault him there,_ Bruno thought, sighing through his nose.

“Take a walk with me,” Levi then said, and Catherine nodded.

“I'll be back,” she announced, but Bruno was the only one who heard her; Rowen and Lucia were already talking to Nikoleta and Armin, who had arrived to their circle.

“See you later,” Bruno murmured, and Catherine gave him a small smile in response. Without another word, she and Levi disappeared into the crowd.

“...Hey, Catherine's gone?” Rowen gasped when he turned back to Bruno. “Where'd she go?”

“She went on a walk with Levi,” Bruno replied, crossing his arms and sighing once again. “She said she'll be back later.”

“Oh, a walk, huh?”

At Rowen's comment, Bruno glanced over at his friend, then looked at where Catherine had vanished. It was not hard to imagine Levi and her as friends, but judging by Rowen's response, there seemed to be more to the story than just that, and the idea of what might have happened between them made Bruno's stomach sink.

“...What's that supposed to mean?” Bruno asked quietly.

“...I dunno if it's my place to say, Bruno,” Rowen answered, shrugging, and Bruno turned to him. “...Don't give me that look! It's really not either of our business, okay?”

“...Rowen, I worry about her still,” Bruno admitted, and Rowen sighed. “She's smiling tonight, but how long is that gonna last? I'm not sure she's changed that much after all...”

“I don't know about that.” Rowen put his hands on his hips, looking down at his feet. “...What I'm about to tell you stays between us, all right?”

“I won't say anything to anyone else,” Bruno said, glancing at Lucia. She seemed to be focused on Armin and Nikoleta, unaware of the growing tension between him and Rowen. “Did something happen?”

“...She and Levi are...a thing.”

“...A 'thing'?”

Rowen grimaced, then said, “She's been sleeping with him. For a while now, actually. And...y'know, I... I think she loves him.”

Bruno could not bring himself to look at Rowen, nor could he focus on anything else. He did not know where to look, or how to react; he only knew that his blood was boiling, but his body felt cold and heavy.

“...How long have you known?” Bruno finally sputtered, and Rowen chuckled.

“A while,” he replied. “Over a year now, I guess?”

“A year...?”

“Yeah, it's been going on for a while. I can't even believe it, to be honest.” Rowen let out a quiet laugh. “She hardly seems like the type. I can remember us growing up, and how it'd take so long for her to get attached to anything or anyone. She's so damn cautious, but...I don't know. Don't ask me to explain it--apparently he's different. _She_ couldn't even explain it to me herself.”

“...She...”

Bruno could not finish his sentence; he was too distraught to think straight, and he did not want to say anything that he might regret.

“...I can tell you're upset,” Rowen then said, his voice gentle. “...I know you've loved her for a long time, Bruno.”

His arms falling to his sides, Bruno looked away from Rowen, clenching his fists as he tried to find the right words to explain what he was feeling.

“But...it can't be helped, man. You chose your path, and she's chosen hers. It doesn't mean that she doesn't still care about you, though--”

“Don't,” Bruno hissed, shaking his head. “Don't...don't act like this is fine.”

 _Why...? Why him?_ he thought, his hands shaking. _Dammit, Catherine--when I told you to find something to live for, this...isn't what I meant..._

“Don't be selfish, Bruno,” Rowen said suddenly, his tone uncharacteristically stern. “Be happy for her. Look, like...I've known her for a _long_ time, and this...this is the happiest I've ever seen her.”

“But I--”

“You had plenty of chances,” Rowen interrupted, taking a step toward Bruno. His normally calm blue eyes were narrowed with obvious concern, and his mouth was drawn into a straight line across his face. “Let her go, Bruno.”

 _...I don't know what to think anymore_ , Bruno realized, turning away from Rowen. _This isn't what I wanted... This isn't what I planned..._

As he walked away from his friends, Bruno stayed facing forward. If distancing himself was what he had to do to keep moving forward, he would do it without question--but that did not stop the ache in his chest, nor the tears filling his eyes.

 

…......

 

Catherine had not minded the socialization that this ball had brought on, but she was naturally introverted, so it was a nice break to roam the empty moonlit halls of the Police headquarters with Levi. He had stayed silent for the most part, which she did not mind in the slightest; it was better than forcing small talk, and besides, the silence was not an uncomfortable one. She felt natural being with him now, in almost every aspect of the word, to the point that it almost scared her.

Glancing out the windows to their left, Catherine looked up at the moon--it was almost full, and the night sky was clear for a December evening. It was already getting late, she could tell, and she let out a quiet sigh through her nose. This ball had been fun so far, but when she thought back to the reasons for it, she felt uneasy. She did not entirely trust Historia, and she knew that the Police was divided over her. From what Bruno had told her, she could glean that half of the regiment fully supported her, while the other half sided with the idea of a free government. She agreed with the viewpoints of the latter group, especially when she thought about Historia's past actions. However, nobody seemed to be giving that any thought, and this ball was proof--it was simply a distraction.

“...Well, this was nice and all, but...I'm ready to go back to headquarters now,” Catherine mumbled at last, folding her arms against her chest. “...All this celebration for a teenager we can't trust, it's disconcerting, really. We have no way of knowing her intentions. I don't see why we should be so overjoyed about it. Plus, my feet are killing me.”

“I know it's against your nature, but be grateful,” Levi replied in a low voice. “She's let Erwin stay in command of the Corps, and she seems to be willing to cooperate for now.”

“The key words there are 'for now,'” Catherine argued.

“Be patient. We'll figure things out in time,” Levi told her, grimacing. Despite his words, he obviously agreed with her, and that was enough to satisfy her for the time being.

“...Yeah, I guess you're right,” Catherine admitted after a few seconds. “This is the way it's always been, after all. The Survey Corps fighting a losing battle...and still managing to pull through one way or another...”

“...Do you...not like it?”

“Mm?” Catherine looked at Levi, who was no longer looking at her, but was staring down the dimly lit, empty hallway. “Not like what?”

“I mean...do you regret joining the Corps?”

Catherine raised her eyebrows, and without meaning to, came to a stop.

 _Do I regret it?_ she asked herself, staring at the floor by the hem of her dress. _...I don't. Surprisingly, I don't at all. It ended up being the best decision I've ever made._

“...No,” she said, stepping forward. “No, I don't. I like the Survey Corps even more than I thought I would, actually.” She could not help herself; her brother's face popped into her mind, and she smiled at the memory of his stories of the Corps. “My brother wrote home to us a few times about his life in the Corps, and at the time, it didn't really mean anything to me, but now...I wish I could reread those letters. I...can't help but wonder if his experiences were anything like mine.”

 _I kind of doubt it,_ she thought, thinking back on the last few years in the Corps. _But who knows. He may have found his happiness here, too. This could have been a place he called home._

“He would probably be surprised to see how much it's changed,” Levi told her.

“Yeah, I guess so...” Catherine let out a laugh, tilting her head a bit as she imagined Ernst seeing her now. “He'd probably also say that I've changed, and he's...not wrong.”

“It's only natural.”

“Mm...”

 _Did the Corps change him as much as it's changed me?_ Catherine then wondered, once again coming to a halt. _It means so much to me--is that...odd?_

“...You really can't walk and think at the same time, can you?” Levi grumbled, but Catherine ignored him.

“I wonder if Ernst liked the Corps as much as I do,” she murmured. “That means that...he would have been really happy... I'd like to think that he lived that kind of life...”

“...Are you trying to say that you're really happy?” Levi asked.

_Yes. For the first time, I think I can say it._

“...I know it sounds stupid, but growing up in Wall Sina didn't mean anything to me,” Catherine admitted, shrugging. “I could have done without the fancy clothes and the big house.”

“That's kind of selfish.”

“I know. But it's true.” Catherine glanced away from Levi, her ears getting warm. “I'm...not entirely sure of what I expected to get out of the Survey Corps--I only thought that I could use and develop my skills as a soldier this way. I wasn't expecting things to go this far, to come to this point...”

Catherine could feel Levi's gaze upon her, and she turned back to him, a slight smile upon her face.

“I was able to make myself useful here, and I feel like I finally belong somewhere,” she told him. “Of _course_ I'm happier here.”

“You felt that disconnected to your life in Hermiha?” Levi asked incredulously.

“Well, yes, I did. I didn't have you around, for starters.”

To Catherine's surprise, Levi let out a small laugh through his nose, and she glared at him, albeit half-heartedly.

“It's true,” she insisted, and his face softened. “I didn't have my squad, either, or Erwin or Hanji... So, yes. I'm happy here. Is that so hard to believe?”

Levi did not respond for almost a full minute, and Catherine looked away again, her fingers pulling at the decorative lace on the skirt of her dress. Perhaps she had said something that made him uncomfortable; after all, she did not know much about his past, other than that he grew up in the underground. Maybe by denouncing her love for Sina, she had somehow insulted him.

“...You deserve better,” Levi said at last, and Catherine raised her eyebrows in surprise. That was not the kind of response that she had been expecting.

“...What do you mean by that?” she asked quietly, but Levi only stared at her.

 _I've had a good life, all things considering_ , she thought, holding his gaze. _Compared to people like you, and Bruno and Bianca, I've been very lucky... But this, this is what makes me happy... Without the Corps, I wouldn't be here... No, it goes beyond just that--you're part of it... Without you, I wouldn't have gotten this far..._

“...I should thank you,” Catherine murmured, and Levi looked startled. “I've been putting you through a lot in order to get what I want. It's selfish, and I'm sorry, but...if you hadn't agreed to help me, I wouldn't have gotten this far.”

Catherine opened her mouth to speak again, but with the way Levi was looking at her, she did not feel like she could find anything to say. The way he was staring at her was unlike anything she had ever seen from him before, and her throat closed up. His gaze spoke more clearly than any of his words ever had, which was both terrifying and, somehow, very beautiful.

 _Don't,_ she thought, but Levi only continued to look into her eyes. As the seconds passed, she could see the expression on his face grow gentler, and her heart began to race, pounding in her chest. _...Just...say something..._

“...Why are you looking at me like that?” Catherine murmured at last. She could feel her legs shaking with nerves.

“...You...” Levi mumbled, still staring at her, as if he could not yet look away. “...We can leave now, if that's what you want,” he finally sputtered out, his voice low.

“Hm?”

“We can leave,” Levi insisted, taking a step toward her. “You said your feet were tired? Then let's go home.”

“We can't just _leave,_ ” Catherine said, growing flustered. “We're not here to just--”

“Then let's go somewhere where we don't have to stand around and pretend we give a damn about people's personal lives,” Levi interrupted.

“Why?”

“...I want to be able to kiss you without anyone else staring at us,” he murmured.

“...No one's here now,” Catherine told him, her voice wavering.

“...Fine.”

Gently, Levi's lips met hers, his arms sliding around her waist.

 _You want more than this_ , she realized, pulling away from him. _But how much? Do you...?_

“Let's go,” Levi whispered, taking her hand in his. Without complaint, Catherine walked down the hallway with him, her heart pounding in her throat as she tried to piece together exactly what had just happened between them.

 

 


	107. Destiny Approaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weight of our deepest secrets is sometimes too great to hold onto any longer.  
> But for some, it must be suppressed and locked away, until the time comes...

_“Did you just_ _**see** _ _that?!” Olivia gasped, and Yasmin nodded, standing upright at last. She had been squatting down in heels for so long that she was starting to lose feeling in her feet._

_“...I'm glad,” Yasmin murmured. “That even they can be happy, I mean.”_

_“Yeah, I know,” Olivia replied, dusting off her skirt as she got to her feet. She glanced down over the railing of the upper balcony one more time, down at Levi and Catherine, who were now walking away side by side, deeper into the Police headquarters. “...I can't believe we just saw that happen. Like, god, can they just get married already?”_

_“That's not how this world works,” Yasmin chuckled, shaking her head. She could feel her meticulously styled bangs starting to fall into her face again; they were a few hours into the ball now, so it was no real surprise, but it made her realize just how long they had been here. It had been a good night, nearly magical, but she was ready to go home._

_“What do you mean?” Olivia scoffed. “What kind of attitude is that?”_

_“What do_ _**you** _ _mean?” Yasmin laughed. “...I mean, I don't disagree with you. It's just not likely, y'know? It's something that they're willing to give up--they're more dedicated to the Corps. They're trying to set an example.”_

_“...Yeah, I guess I know that,” Olivia mumbled, sounding dejected. She pouted, staring down at where Levi and Catherine had been standing. “I understand the feeling.”_

_Yasmin could not bring herself to respond--she was afraid to ask, to open any wounds, be they old or fresh. She had a feeling, though, that she understood what Olivia was trying to tell her, and she swallowed hard, placing a hand on her hot, flushed cheek._

 

“You look very pretty tonight, Bianca,” Historia said, smiling up at the young woman walking beside her.

“As do you,” Bianca murmured, gazing off into the distance. Historia quietly sighed through her nose in response; she had not minded when Serene or Nikoleta had been on guard, since they were easy to talk to. Bianca, however, was withdrawn and not the least bit outgoing.

 _She reminds me of..._ Historia's thoughts trailed off as she glanced up at the night sky. _...I don't want to think about that right now_.

“You know, you really don't have to escort me all the way to the restroom,” Historia chuckled, and Bianca shrugged.

“It's my duty, and I might as well--I don't have anything else to do for right now,” Bianca told her. “It...feels good to have company, anyway.”

“...What do you mean?” Historia asked gently. She did not know much about Bianca, mostly because Bianca did not let people get to know her. If this was her chance to learn a little more about her, then Historia wanted to take it.

“...Nothing. I've just had a lot on my mind.” Bianca gave Historia a small smile, then added, “I'll be patrolling this hallway--go on ahead. I'll meet you back here.”

“Okay,” Historia said, nodding.

The evening had been going well so far; people seemed to be enjoying themselves, and nothing too out of the ordinary had happened. Things were calm, and Historia was glad for such a lengthy era of peace (relatively speaking, of course).

But, she was not happy. In fact, she had not been happy for a couple of years now, and she had a feeling that, perhaps, she would feel this way for the rest of her life. She was useful now, yes, and people needed her. But to what end?

The restroom was silent; it made Historia want to scream. Even though she had been walking around, talking to people here and there throughout the evening, even though she was worn out from that socialization, the emptiness and the stillness was haunting.

 _Something has to change, but...nothing ever will_ , she thought, blinking back tears. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror; she looked very beautiful, almost unlike herself, but that did not help anything. It only reminded her further that her role right now was just that--a role. Something for her to do until she was no longer needed.

 _If I had said no..._ she wondered, then shook her head. _I don't know if I really could have gotten away with that._

When Historia left the restroom, she could see that Bianca had not returned yet, and she felt an odd sense of relief in that. Leaning against the nearby balcony railing, Historia gazed up at the night sky. It was a cold night, but she did not mind. She was used to it, that feeling of emptiness was nothing compared to what she had been living with for years now.

“Psst.”

At that sound, Historia snapped her head in its direction, her heart pounding. She could see a slim, shadowy figure slinking across the balcony railing toward her.

“Hey, long time, no--”

“Oh!” Historia breathed, taking a step back. She was so shocked that she could not manage to shout for help at first, and the moment that she took a deep breath to cry out, the intruder grabbed her, covering her mouth. There was a strange disconnect with reality for her at that moment, and she thought that, maybe, this was just a dream.

“Shhhh!” the person shushed, and Historia's heart began to pound harder. If this was a dream, it was a nightmare, and she wanted out.

“Shh, hey, it's me, it's _me_! Keep it down, you moron!”

Historia recognized the voice--she would have anywhere, really--but she could not help but struggle in her grip. It seemed too good to be true. How could she even still be alive? Why would she have waited so long to come back for her? It just did not make sense.

“Settle down, would ya?!” she hissed. “I just want to talk to you!”

Historia had a firm grip on Ymir's hands, trying to pry them off of her. She could feel resistance, and tears began to fill her eyes. This was a real person, this was a living human being. It was Ymir. _Ymir._

“Can we do that?” Ymir murmured, her voice surprisingly gentle. “I...”

“Ymir...” Historia croaked, her voice muffled by Ymir's hands. Slowly, Ymir removed her hands, and Historia clenched her jaw, turning to face what should have only been an apparition.

“Ymir...why...” Historia could not decide what she wanted to ask first. She had so many questions, and this was overwhelming.

“I'm sorry,” Ymir said quietly, looking down at her feet. “I'm sorry. I know what I did...hurt you...but I...I had to...”

 _It's...is it...like I hoped?_ Historia wondered, biting her lip.

“Was it...to protect me...?” Historia whispered.

“...Yeah.”

Knowing the answer to that question was enough; just knowing that, suddenly, so many other things made perfect sense. Why she left without explanation, why she had not been back in such a long time, why they had been blessed with this time of peace. It had been Ymir's doing.

Her fear vanishing without a trace, Historia wrapped her arms around Ymir's waist.

“...Historia...I don't have much time,” Ymir murmured. Historia felt her kiss the top of her head gently before speaking again. “Please, hear me out--I need you to decide what you're going to do next.”

“I'll do whatever it takes to keep you this time,” Historia said without hesitation. She looked up at Ymir and added, “Just tell me what I have to do.”

“You'll have to leave here. You won't be able to be the Queen anymore.”

“I don't care about that.” Historia wanted to laugh with relief. “This isn't a role that I chose. Ymir, weren't you the one who told me to live for myself? I want to start doing that. I've been _wanting_ to this whole time...”

“...I know what you're saying, but I really need you to hear me out,” Ymir insisted. “Listen--this isn't as simple as it seems. If you come with me, I can't guarantee your safety just by being by your side.”

“What do you mean...?”

“Historia, your father--no, your family--they were destined to hold the coordinate. That power that Eren has now? It should be yours.”

“...But I...” Historia murmured, and Ymir sighed in response.

“Reiner and Bertholdt can help you,” she continued. “They want to be able to fix this almost as much as I do. That's why I'm here--that's why we're back inside the walls. But, y'know, I don't wanna drag you into anything, so I--”

“You want me to eat Eren, then?” Historia asked, and Ymir hesitated.

“...Yeah, it might come to that,” she finally admitted.

“Okay,” Historia replied, nodding.

“Whaddya mean, 'okay'?! You know that'd fuck up your life, right?!”

“You've managed for this long,” Historia chuckled. “...If I have to, I will. I'm not afraid. You're giving me a choice, you're letting me decide--and for once, I feel like I'm in control. I feel like...I get to choose what my destiny is this time.”

Gently, Historia laid her head on Ymir's chest. She could feel her heart pounding hard, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“I want to be with you,” she murmured. “The details don't matter anymore.”

“Yeah they do,” Ymir muttered.

“Not to me, they don't. And aren't I the one who gets to decide?” Historia looked up at Ymir again, smiling. “I'll eat Eren. I'll become a Titan. That way, you'll be safe, and we can fix this mess that the others started.”

“...You should know, he's your cousin,” Ymir mumbled, and Historia raised her eyebrows.

“Who is?”

“Eren. I learned about it when I was staying at the village. That's why he can use the power. That's why...it has to be you...” Ymir looked away, narrowing her eyes before adding, “And if you do it, Reiner or Bertholdt might try to eat you, too. Just to get rid of you.”

“Then we'll fight them,” Historia declared, shrugging. “I don't care. They don't scare me anymore.”

_There's only one thing that does..._

“...You're really serious about this, aren't you?”

“I am.”

Historia looked up at Ymir, who, to her surprise, smiled brightly before hugging her tightly.

“...I love you,” Ymir mumbled, and Historia let out a nearly silent gasp. She felt Ymir kiss her head again before saying, “This time, we'll stick together.”

 

…......

 

“Queen Historia!?”

Ymir nearly flung Historia away from her at the sudden shout. Narrowing her eyes, she could see a figure standing at the end of the hallway, dressed in a beautiful green gown.

“Bianca!?” Historia cried, whirling around.

“Who are you?!” Bianca shouted, running toward them with surprising speed. Ymir could hear the clacking of her heels on the palace tiles. “Get away from her!”

“Bianca, it's not--”

“Get away!”

To Ymir's surprise, Bianca reached into her skirt, as if reaching into a pocket, and pulled out a sharp knife.

 _She must be a Police guard_ , Ymir realized as Bianca came rushing toward her.

“Ymir, run!” Historia gasped, and Bianca stopped.

“Ymir?” she echoed quietly, taking a few cautious steps toward her. Ymir stared Bianca down for a moment, not daring to say a word.

 _Now's my chance_ , Ymir thought the moment she saw Bianca's arm start to relax. Spinning on her heel, she broke into a sprint down the hallway.

“Wait!” Bianca shouted, and a few seconds later, Ymir felt someone tackle her from behind.

_Shit. She's stronger than I thought._

Ymir knew that she was still stronger, though; she had nothing to lose--just Historia. Even her freedom was not on the line, not really. She would never be free again as long as things stayed the way they were.

Kicking Bianca off of her, Ymir pushed herself to her feet, widening her stance.

 _If she wants to fight, then we can fight_.

“Wait,” Bianca murmured in a low voice. “I have...to ask you something.”

_Yeah, right._

Before Bianca could react, Ymir grabbed her wrists and twisted her arms around her back. The knife clattered to the ground a few seconds later, and Bianca writhed out of Ymir's grip, reaching for it. Ymir got there first, though, and she kicked the knife away.

“Why are you--”

Ymir did not bother letting Bianca finish her question; she smashed her fist into the girl's face, knocking her onto her back. A few moments later, she could see a small trickle of blood coming from her nose, and Bianca sat upright, dabbing at the blood with the back of her hand.

Her victory seemingly claimed, Ymir was just starting to turn around when she saw something that made her freeze in shock. A small trail of steam was coming from Bianca's mouth and nose; her glowing gold eyes were locked on Ymir.

_It...can't be..._

Slowly, Bianca pushed herself to her feet again, her fists clenched. Ymir could see the muscles in her arms flex, as if to say that she was not done here, not yet.

In the blink of an eye, Ymir was face to face with Bianca again, with that pair of startling gold eyes, narrowed and focused on the enemy.

 _...She's...a Sertoli..._ Ymir realized, her eyes widening.

Shoving her foot into Bianca's stomach as hard as she could, Ymir threw her onto the floor, and this time, without any hesitation, ran toward the balcony.

“Ymir, wait!” Historia cried, but Ymir ignored her.

 _I can't stay here, not anymore_ , she thought, pursing her lips as she began to climb onto the roof of the Military Police headquarters.

It was not until she was standing outside in the cold night air that Ymir realized that she was panting, and that her hands were shaking with nerves.

 _They must not know_ , Ymir realized as she grabbed the maneuvering gear she had left behind. Fastening the gas pack on, she sighed through her nose sharply. _...Maybe we can use that. But...what a waste... Doesn't she realize what she's doing...?_

 

…......

 

“...anca?! Bianca?! Can you hear me?!”

Her eyes fluttering open, Bianca slowly lifted her head. A sharp pain shot through her neck, and she winced.

“You're never going anywhere alone ever again,” Claus murmured, sighing heavily.

“Bianca, are you all right?”

Bianca glanced over to see Bruno kneeling beside her. He gently put a hand on her head, and she nodded.

“...I'm fine,” she whispered.

“What the hell happened here?” Nikoleta cried. Bianca heard her before she saw her; she briskly walked by Bianca and headed straight over to Historia. “What happened?!”

“I-I couldn't do anything!” Historia exclaimed, clearly the source of the desperate sobs that Bianca had been hearing in the background. “Bianca tried to defend me, but--”

“...Word is spreading that someone broke in,” Bruno said in a low voice, leaning down toward Bianca. She slowly pushed herself up, her head spinning. “Who was it?”

“...Ymir,” Bianca mumbled. She glanced up at Bruno before adding, “This was my fault. I shouldn't have hesitated to capture her. I just...”

Bianca paused, glancing around. Nikoleta, Serene, and Esra were with Queen Historia, pressing her for details. She could see Commanders Nile, Erwin, and Pyxis headed their way, along with several other veterans from their various regiments.

“...I have so many questions,” Bianca whispered, lowering her gaze.

“Bianca, what happened?” Nile asked, leaning over Bianca with wide eyes.

“...Ymir came back,” Bianca murmured in reply. “...I'm sorry I let her get away.”

“Ymir!? Why was she here?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Bruno replied, glaring up at Nile. “For Historia.”

But why now?” Hanji asked, stepping forward. Bianca sat fully upright at last, looking up at Hanji and Erwin, who were staring at Historia. “After all this time...?”

 _...That just confirms it_ , Bianca realized, the pieces suddenly falling into place. _When we went to Ragako... And it's why there were suddenly Titans within Wall Rose again. They're behind it. They're moving in on us again. ...But why...?_

“What's going on!?”

Bianca turned her head at Catherine's voice; the woman's hair was mussed, as if she had fallen asleep somewhere, but judging by the faint lipstick stains on Levi's neck, she knew that was not quite the right explanation for her tardiness.

“Bianca, what happened?” Catherine murmured, quickly kneeling down beside her. She ran a hand over her head, nothing but concern in her eyes.

“Ymir came back,” Bianca told her, and Catherine's eyes widened.

“Ymir?! Ymir, the shifter?”

“Yeah.”

Catherine fell silent, but Bianca could sense the gears in her head spinning at maximum velocity.

_If I had just...fought her..._

Bianca lowered her gaze to the tile floor, lost in thought.

_I was selfish... If I had just fought her with my full strength, I could have captured her. I would have gotten my answers that way. But now... We're all in danger now..._

“We're going to double security,” Nile announced. “Until we know for sure what's going on, Queen Historia, you are not to go anywhere on your own.”

“...I...”

“Bruno, I expect your squad to be fully armed when on guard duty until further notice,” Nile went on, ignoring Historia's whimper of protest.

“Understood,” Bruno grunted, nodding. He then turned to Claus. “Take her to her room. I'll be there as soon as I can.”

“I'll be fine,” Bianca insisted, but Bruno shook his head.

“...Until this all blows over, we can't take any chances,” he murmured. “...Just in case.”

_...If I had just used my full strength..._

“C'mon, Bianca, let's go,” Claus mumbled, pulling her to her feet. She stumbled a bit, and Claus gasped. “Are you hurt?”

“...No,” Bianca said, lifting her foot. “...My heel is broken.”

Slipping off her shoes, Bianca then took Claus' arm, and together they walked down the hallway, passing many curious, unwanted gazes.

 

…......

 

A heavy weight--the result of stress and anxiety--sat in the pit of Catherine's stomach during the entire ride back to headquarters. She was glad that Rowen had been with her; he knew that she was worried, and he was obviously trying his best to cheer her up. But nothing was really working, and she could not stop thinking about the distant look that she saw in Bianca's eyes.

 _...I'm afraid to press her for details_ , she thought as they finally arrived back to the Survey Corps headquarters. _She and Bruno have always been so private. I don't want to ruin the trust that she has in me..._

“Cat, you gonna be okay?” Rowen asked as they stepped out of the carriage. “...Bianca's fine. You and I both know that Bruno won't let anything happen to her.”

“I know,” Catherine mumbled, sighing. “I just...wish I could do more.”

“And I'm sure she's grateful for that.” Rowen smiled, but his face was barely visible in the dim lighting. “But you've gotta take care of yourself, too, y'know.”

Catherine could not bring herself to respond; she knew that Rowen was right, that she was once again worrying too much. Bianca was practically like family to her, though, so it was only natural. Still, to let these thoughts consume her would not help anyone.

“Have a good night,” she murmured, gently placing her hand on Rowen's arm. He nodded in response.

“Same to you. G'night, Catherine.”

Admittedly, Catherine felt far more at ease once she was back in her room, isolated from the energy that was still buzzing through the rest of headquarters. It was a relief to kick off her shoes, to change out of her dress, to let down her hair and wipe off the makeup. Once that was done, she felt more like herself again, and her anxiety started to dissipate.

 _...It was good to see everyone again..._ she thought as she ran a hand through her hair, untangling the last few knots. _How long has it been since the four of us were together like that? Years, probably... Not that that's any kind of surprise... I wish I could have talked to them more, but...I..._

As she turned over the events of that night in her head once again, Catherine's hands began to tremble, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down again.

... _I don't know what to think. The way he looked at me, I just..._

Catherine had noticed a change in Levi, but she was not sure how or why, or even exactly when it had happened.

 _We agreed for this to just be...simple..._ she thought, gritting her teeth as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. _...What's going on...?_

A knock on the door startled Catherine out of her thoughts, and her heart began to race again. She knew who it was--this had happened enough times for her to understand what was about to happen.

“Come in,” she said, her voice trembling.

As she had suspected, Levi appeared on the other side of the door. He had already dressed down, too, and looked far more like himself now than he had earlier that evening.

 _This is my chance,_ Catherine told herself. _I should just ask him what the hell is going on...and get this over with..._

“Will Bianca...be all right?” Levi asked, and Catherine paused, trying to collect herself.

“...I hope so,” she murmured at last. “I don't know if there's anything we can do to help her, but...I'll do whatever it takes.”

“Yeah.”

The room fell silent, and Catherine could tell that he had more to say but she could not tell what was scarier: his lack of explanation, or the idea of him putting all of this into words.

“...Is it all right...if I stay here?” Levi asked quietly.

“...Yeah, but...why?” Catherine replied. Levi's response was only a glance up at her, but she could clearly see that the look he had given her resembled the one he had had earlier that evening--the one she had not fully understood, the one she was afraid to understand.

 

…......

 

Despite, for once, wanting more than anything to put his thoughts into words, Levi could not bring himself to speak. He could barely even _look_ at Catherine; it was only by some miracle of a higher power that he had even brought himself to see her again at this point.

 _Fuck this,_ he thought as Catherine approached him. _This was_ _ **not**_ _what was supposed to happen._

Levi would have been fine if she had not kissed him, if she had not wrapped her arms around him, if she had not pressed her body to his. It made it impossible for him to escape, and now, he was drowning in her.

What was scarier, though, was that he did not mind it.

In fact, he wanted to be even closer to her, if he could. As close as possible. Without ever having to let her go.

 _This is... I can't do this_ , Levi thought, a hand placed on Catherine's neck as he continued to kiss her. _I can't..._ _If this keeps up..._

Levi felt Catherine's fingertips dig into his back, then pull him toward her bed, and he could not bring himself to fight her on it. Not anymore, not after feeling such raw emotion just by _looking her in the eyes_.

He knew that, if he could not suppress these feelings, they would eventually destroy him. There were reasons he did not let himself get attached to people--but with her, suddenly, none of them mattered nearly as much as they should have.

Pulling Catherine's blouse up and over her head, Levi pressed his lips in between her breasts; he could still smell the leftovers scents of her dress and makeup on her skin, but behind that was her, the person he knew better than anyone else.

Yes, it was true--she had become the one person he was absolutely dedicated to. He did not agree with everything she said or thought, but that did not matter. The bottom line was that he was attached to her, and now, in love with her, and wanted to be with her as much as she would let him.

“...Levi,” Catherine breathed, running a hand through his hair. Her thumb stopped on the hair behind his ear, then gently traced over it. “...What...”

 _Don't ask me to explain this to you_ , Levi thought, cutting her off with a deep kiss. _Please, don't. Not right now. Because I can't._

Levi could not even remember the last time he had felt this much emotion, and it was draining. That was usually _exactly_ why he normally would try to dismiss his feelings, to push them aside.

Why it was so different with Catherine, he was not sure. But for now, he would not question it.

He could feel Catherine hurriedly undressing him, as if trying to hide that her hands were shaking, but Levi already knew. Now, he understood what she was feeling, what she had been feeling for months now.

The skin in between her thighs was soft and warm; Levi gently ran his hand along it, up to her waist, where he held her there, then closed his eyes. He could feel her fingers digging into his arm in anticipation, in desperation. To keep her waiting any longer would be unfair.

He heard her quiet gasps and moans more clearly than ever on this night, and without giving it a second thought, Levi pressed his forehead against hers. She seemed almost startled by this, letting out a jagged breath in response, and Levi opened his eyes to see her staring up at him with a confused expression.

 _...Maybe someday...I'll know what to say to you..._ he thought, gently kissing the bridge of her nose. _...For now, I guess...I'll just act like nothing's changed..._

Levi had had sex with Catherine enough times to know how to get the job done so that they were both satisfied, but this was, for him, the first time that he had really _felt_ anything with it. It was the first time he felt intimacy, not just desire, and though it frightened him, it was also far more satisfying.

... _I love you_ , Levi thought as he felt Catherine's body synchronize with his. _I love you._

Both his body and heart were soaring, finally feeling freedom; even when his physical high started to fall, his spirit did not. Slowly, he lowered himself onto Catherine's bed, pulling her still trembling body closer to his.

... _Someday, I'll be honest with you..._

 


	108. Giving and Taking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the excitement of the ball behind them, the Survey Corps prepares to celebrate the holidays, and Historia prepares to make a crucial decision.

_As he watched Serene and Esra walk Historia back to her chambers, Bruno stood with his arms crossed and lips pursed. He knew that she had not shared all of the details of what had transpired between her and Ymir, but he also knew that he could ask Bianca for the truth later._

_“...What do we do now?” Nikoleta murmured from beside him. He glanced down at her; her eyes were narrowed and staring straight ahead at Historia and the others. “...Should we try to track down Ymir?”_

_“Not yet,” Bruno replied quietly. “Not until we know everything that happened. Leave it to the low-level guards.”_

_“...I don't like this, Bruno.” Nikoleta sighed sharply through her nose. “This isn't a good sign. You were right all along--we can't trust her.”_

_“...No...unfortunately, we can't.”_

_“...If she goes, then...what's going to happen?”_

_“I don't have the answer to that just yet,” Bruno admitted, gritting his teeth._

_“...Then we'd better find it quickly.”_

_Nikoleta was right--it was only a matter of time before the government would either be dismantled, or just fall apart on its own. Judging by Historia's behavior and the events of this night, the latter seemed more likely, and Bruno lowered his gaze._

_“...Meet me tomorrow morning in the conference room at nine--we'll discuss this further then,” he murmured, and Nikoleta nodded once, not saying a word._

 

When Historia awoke the next morning, she was almost completely sure that the events of the previous night had simply been a dream. Or, perhaps she had had too much wine at the ball and imagined it all.

“Good morning, Your Majesty.”

Serene's voice was quiet and gentle, but clear enough for her to know that she was in the same room. Slowly, Historia lifted her head and met eyes with the soldier, who looked concerned.

“Are you all right?” she asked, not moving from her post next to the door. Normally, Bruno's squad guarded her room from the outside; this sudden invasion of privacy seemed to confirm that everything that had transpired last night was, in fact, real.

“...I'm...very tired,” Historia admitted, unsure of what else to say. How was she supposed to explain what was going on inside of her head? It still felt too much like a dream.

“I'm sure that you are.” Serene gave her a gentle smile and nodded, then stifled a yawn before continuing. “I'm glad you're all right. ...We...never found out where Ymir ran off to, though.”

“...She...really was here, then.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Serene pursed her lips, and Historia sighed quietly.

... _I have so many questions,_ she thought, sitting upright in her bed. _For Ymir...and for Bianca, too..._

Historia was sure of what she had seen--she had clearly watched the smoke curl up from Bianca's face, just like she had seen happen with Eren so many times before.

_I don't get it. Why is she in the Police if she's...?_

“Your Majesty, would you like to have breakfast now?” Serene asked, and Historia nodded.

“Let me have a few minutes,” she replied, a faint smile crossing her lips. Serene smiled back, nodding enthusiastically.

“I'll be waiting right here,” she assured her, stepping outside of the room. With a soft click, she closed the door, leaving Historia alone.

 _...I want to know what's going on..._ Historia thought, pushing the blankets off of her legs and dragging herself out of bed. _Why are the shifters split like this...?_

Though she had very strong feelings for Ymir, Historia could not deny that there was still so much that she did not know about her. She was not entirely sure how she had become a Titan shifter, or why she had initially sought out the Reiss family anyway.

 _...Well, I guess I have_ _ **some**_ _clues,_ she realized, running a brush through her long blonde hair. _My family possessed the coordinate. She wanted that, or was drawn to it, for some reason or another... So why is Eren's family different? And Bianca..._

From what Historia had observed in their interactions, Bianca seemed incredibly dedicated to her job in the Police and her duties as a soldier. She had not revealed any personal information thus far--everything was kept very formal, even on the night of the ball. Historia never would have guessed that she was a shifter had it not been for the brief encounter with Ymir.

 _I think if Bianca had wanted to really use her powers, she would have last night_ , Historia thought, biting her lip. _But she's hiding it for some reason. I mean, I guess it's dangerous, but... Anyway, it still doesn't make sense. Why would she choose to work so closely with the government if she's just like Eren and his--_

The realization hit Historia hard, and she quickly set down her hairbrush, her heart pounding.

 _The elite squad doesn't want to help me_ , she realized. _They want to get rid of me. Of the monarchy._

Standing up from her vanity's stool, Historia grabbed a robe and pulled it tightly around herself.

 _Then...I mean...if that's the case, then...why am I still here...?_ she asked herself. _I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to keep living this lie. I...want...to be with Ymir... I want to understand...what's going on..._

“Your Majesty?” Serene called out through the wooden door. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes,” Historia replied. “Sorry--I was just daydreaming. I'm coming.”

“All right, take your time!”

 _That's it, then_ , Historia told herself, her expression hardening as she walked toward the door. _The next time I see her, I won't hesitate. I'll go with her._

 

…......

 

Over the past couple of years, Yasmin had made a habit of staying at the Survey Corps headquarters after squad meetings to eat dinner with her friends. She valued the time she could spend with them and did not want to waste any opportunities, but it was also a far more interesting environment. Yasmin loved to people watch, and while most of the people in the Garrison were rather average, the Corps definitely had some oddballs, and she loved interacting with them and watching them go about their lives.

When she reached the mess hall with Armin, Jean, and Olivia, she noted that there seemed to be a slight commotion toward the center of the seating area, and Jean let out a loud groan of disgust.

“That's right,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I forgot today was the day for picking out names for the gift exchange.”

“It is!?” Olivia exclaimed, then smacked Jean's arm. “Dummy! Why didn't you tell me!? I entered our names, too, y'know!”

“Oh, right, that _is_ today,” Armin laughed. “It's really already that close to Christmas...”

“I can't believe it, either,” Yasmin admitted, smiling.

“The ball was already a week ago,” Olivia pointed out. “But enough of that--let's go draw names!”

Unable to avoid Olivia's insistent gaze, Yasmin nodded and followed her friends into the crowd gathered in the middle of the room.

 _That's right...it_ _ **has**_ _already been a week since the ball..._ Yasmin realized as Olivia pulled her into line behind Armin and Jean.

Yasmin's gaze came to rest on the Wings of Freedom patch on Jean's back, and she sighed quietly through her nose.

 _It was...weird how...I didn't feel any distance between us then_ , she thought, her lips pursed in thought. _But of all people..._

“I hope I get someone interesting!” Olivia exclaimed, gently slapping Yasmin's arm in excitement. “I mean, like, they'd better have a good sense of humor, otherwise this is gonna be a total bust.”

“Yeah, I'm sure,” Yasmin murmured, barely able to process Olivia's words. She was too lost in thought; her mind was replaying that night over and over again.

 _Why you? Why?_ she asked herself. ... _Is it because you understand your role? I...admire that. I want that for myself...so badly..._

“Oh, looks like Claus and Bianca beat us to it,” Olivia then said, pointing at the pair. They were already staring at the tiny pieces of paper in their hands, quietly discussing something. “Mannn, I hope there are still good names left!”

“You shouldn't have put your name in if you had someone specific in mind,” Jean told her, and Olivia let out a laugh through her nose.

“I don't,” she argued. “I have _several_ people.”

“Whatever.”

“Well, what about you?” Olivia then asked. “You didn't even _like_ the idea of it, but--”

“Sasha said she'd put our names in anyway,” Jean interrupted, sighing. “There's no use fighting potato girl on this. It's not such a big deal.”

“...Oooh...wonder who _they_ got,” Olivia whispered, ignoring Jean and grabbing Yasmin's arm. She nodded toward Levi and Catherine, who had apparently just drawn names.

“Who did you get?” Catherine asked as she and Levi walked by.

“...The point of this is supposed to be a secret, you moron,” Levi hissed in reply.

“That's fair.”

It would be their turn any minute now, and Yasmin felt her heart begin to pound in her chest.

 _Calm down,_ she told herself, brushing her hair out of her eyes. _This isn't a big deal, just like Jean said. Unless..._

“Don't look into the box!” Armin laughed as Jean reached down into the wooden crate.

“I'm not!” Jean insisted.

“...You're taking too long. Hurry up,” Olivia snapped, and Jean finally pulled out a slip of paper. “...Yasmin, you go next.”

 _Why am I so nervous?_ Yasmin asked herself as she reached into the box. ... _I'll just get it over with..._

As quickly as she could, Yasmin pulled out a slip of paper, then glanced down at the name:

_Armin Arlert._

It was odd--she felt a sense of relief seeing such a familiar name on the slip of paper, but there was also an undeniable feeling of disappointment there, too.

“Oooh, this'll be fun,” Olivia said, snickering as she looked down at her slip of paper. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

“This is just going to end up being chaotic,” Jean sighed, shaking his head as he pocketed his paper.

“I don't even know this person that well,” Armin admitted with a nervous laugh.

“Chaos,” Jean repeated.

“Oh, c'mon, you two,” Olivia teased, poking Jean in the side. “Get some Christmas cheer in those bones! We can brainstorm later, yeah?”

“Whatever.”

“You should visit your mom and ask her for advice,” Yasmin added, grinning.

“...Y'know, that isn't a _terrible_ idea,” Jean murmured, tilting his head in thought.

“She's always been the best gift-giver,” Armin agreed. “Do you think she'll come here again this year?”

“Probably,” Jean sighed. “There's no keeping her away...”

“She's a strong woman,” Yasmin laughed.

“Stronger than Jean,” Armin chimed in, and Jean rolled his eyes.

“I'm getting dinner now. You guys can shut up and settle down in the meantime, yeah?”

“...Somebody's bitter,” Olivia commented as Jean walked away. “He probably didn't get Mikasa. Probably got Eren instead.”

“I'm not sure that's quite it,” Armin chuckled, shaking his head. “C'mon, we should get something to eat, too.”

 _So it's_ _ **not**_ _just me,_ Yasmin thought, glancing at Armin. _...I can practically hear Marco laughing at me now..._

 

…......

 

Chuckling to himself, Rowen set down his pen and sat back in his desk chair. He was normally not the type to take such pleasure in concocting plans, but this would be the exception. As luck would have it, he had drawn Levi's name for the gift exchange; the only better result would have been getting Catherine.

But, he could still have a lot of fun planning things for Levi. Even though Levi tended to be distant and unfriendly, Rowen still felt like he had come to know him well enough to treat him to some great gifts for Christmas.

 _It doesn't hurt that I have an inside source, either_ , he thought, grinning. _Catherine's dropped enough hints--shouldn't be hard to get her to give me a few more..._

At the sound of a knock on his door, Rowen flipped his notebook shut and whirled around.

“Come in!” he called out. “The door's open!”

There was a brief moment of silence, and Rowen wondered if he had just been imagining it. Or, it could have been someone trying to pull a prank, or better yet, someone was wandering the halls drunk off their ass.

But, a few seconds later, the door opened, and Rowen raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“If it isn't Levi!” he exclaimed as the man entered his room. “Odd to see you in these parts. What's goin' on?”

Quietly, Levi shut the door behind him, and Rowen sat upright in his chair.

“...I need your help,” Levi said quietly, and Rowen let out a laugh.

“You need _my_ help?” he asked with a delighted chortle. “...What'd she do this time?”

“...It's not like that.” Levi reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a small scrap of paper. Squinting, Rowen scooted his chair toward Levi's outstretched hand. “...I drew Catherine's name for the gift exchange.”

“Oooooooh,” Rowen breathed, peering up at Levi through his glasses. Levi, however, did not look nearly as enthused. “...What, you nervous about it?”

“...This isn't exactly something I'm accustomed to,” Levi murmured in reply, pocketing the piece of paper. “Especially since she has the money to buy whatever the hell she wants. There's not really anything special that I can give her.”

“C'mon, man, give yourself a little more credit than that!” Rowen exclaimed, letting out a sympathetic laugh. “I think you'd have to try pretty hard to make her hate you at this point.”

“...What do you mean by that?”

“Is it not obvious?”

Rowen held Levi's gaze, noting the hint of understanding in his eyes.

 _I see...so he's at that point now, too_ , Rowen realized, a smile making its way onto his face. _He's not just spouting bullshit..._

“...I mean, I guess you're not _entirely_ wrong,” Rowen said at last, and Levi narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Cat's got money. Her dad sends her money all the time as a gift. If she wanted to buy her way into the Police, she could probably do it. But _surely_ you've noticed by now that she's not exactly that type of person.”

“No, she's...odd,” Levi murmured, and Rowen let out a laugh.

“You have no idea how glad I am that you agree with me on that,” he chuckled. “You're totally right--she _is_ odd. She's always been odd. But she is who she is, I guess. ...Anyway, I'm assuming you're wanting ideas about what to give her?”

“...Do you know how I can contact her parents?” Levi asked, and Rowen raised an eyebrow.

“Her parents?” he echoed. “Why?”

“...At the ball, Catherine mentioned her brother, the one who was in the Corps. I was thinking...maybe there's something I can give her that will remind her of him. But...I don't know anything about him, other than that he was in this regiment. She only mentioned the letters he used to write.”

“I see...”

Rowen lowered his gaze to the floor, away from Levi's gaze.

 _Weird_ , he thought, lacing his fingers together as he rested his forearms on his thighs. _For a second, I thought he...meant something else..._

“...I'm not sure if they still have those letters,” Rowen admitted at last. “I mean, if they do, they're probably in her mother's possession.”

“How do I contact her?” Levi asked, and Rowen let out a laugh through his nose.

“That's...not really an option.” Rowen grimaced, then added in a quiet voice, “She wouldn't give them to you, anyway. No offense.”

“...I won't ask about that,” Levi murmured. “But what about her father?”

“Mister Müller? He's still around, but I'm not sure he's kept any of that stuff. ...It's complicated. I'm not gonna get into that with you.”

“...Then what am I supposed to do?” Levi grimaced, turning away from Rowen. “...I'd like for this to actually _mean_ something to her.”

 _Is that so...?_ Rowen wanted to say, but he bit his tongue.

“...Y'know, a lot of Survey Corps soldiers keep written records of some sort or another,” he said at last, and Levi turned around. “I'm not sure where those are kept, or if they've even been archived, but it might be worth asking Commander Erwin about it.”

“...I thought about asking him already,” Levi admitted.

“Then why haven't you?”

“I know what he'll say.”

“Yeah?”

Levi let out a heavy sigh, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the floor by his feet.

“He'll say we're distracted. Like he said before.”

“Distracted?” Rowen echoed. “What, that you and Catherine are distracted? ...I mean, he's not _wrong_ , necessarily, but...is that really such a bad thing?”

“...What's that supposed to mean...?” Levi mumbled, still staring at the floor.

“What do you mean, 'what do I mean'? She makes you happy, doesn't she? That's a good thing.” Rowen shook his head, smiling gently. “I guess I can understand to some extent what Erwin is trying to get across to you, but...I dunno, isn't it kind of stupid to avoid something that makes you so happy? What's the point in trying to pretend it doesn't exist?”

Levi did not reply, but he narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips.

“...I'm a little jealous of you, to be honest,” Rowen added, laughing. “If Lucia was in the Corps, I'd be just like you. How could I _not_? Why would I deny myself that chance at happiness?”

“...Because there are more important things,” Levi murmured at last.

“Oh yeah? Like saving humanity?” Rowen crossed his arms, staring at Levi, who was still avoiding his gaze. “Isn't part of saving humanity saving ourselves, too? Your attempts at finding happiness aren't a bad thing, Levi.”

“...None of us can afford to be selfish,” Levi then said, finally lifting his gaze to meet Rowen's. “None of us are meant to just serve ourselves. That defeats the purpose of us being soldiers. You can't argue against that.”

“No, I can't--but you can let yourself be happy without being selfish,” Rowen insisted, and Levi grunted in response, shaking his head.

“...Thanks for your advice,” he muttered, turning toward the door.

“So you're not gonna do anything, then?”

“I'll talk to Erwin. We'll see what happens.”

“Good luck,” Rowen said, and Levi paused, his hand on the doorknob. “Really. I'm sure you'll find something. And...even if you don't? I don't think that will make her love you any less.”

Rowen watched as Levi's face softened for a moment, but then his lips spread into a grimace, and he opened the door. Once it had closed again, Rowen let out a heavy sigh, slumping down in his desk chair.

 

…......

 

Even though he knew that Rowen was right, that he should not hold himself back as much as he did, Levi could not shake the hesitation looming over him. He could not face Erwin like this now--that would only end with him being scolded again.

 _That asshole...treating us like kids when he's just as bad_ , Levi thought as he walked back to his room, fists clenched. _What does he think he can do to stop this?_

Placing his hand on the doorknob, Levi paused, narrowing his eyes again.

 _...Asking Hanji would be even worse_ , he thought, sighing heavily. _This...is just a mess..._

His hand falling to his side, Levi turned away from his room, heading toward the stairs.

A few minutes later, he was outside of Catherine's door, and quietly, he knocked.

“It's me,” he said, leaning toward the door.

“I'll be right there,” she called out, her voice muffled through the wood. Moments later, the door opened, and Levi stepped into her room, shutting the door behind him.

“...What's wrong?” she asked quietly. “You don't look well.”

“I'm...fine,” he mumbled. “...I've been thinking too much today.”

“...Yeah, me too,” she admitted, fidgeting with the sleeve of her shirt. “...Bianca's been off ever since the ball. It's like...she just relapsed.”

“...I noticed that,” Levi said, walking over to Catherine's bed. He sat down on the end of it, running a hand through his hair.

“But it's not like we can just _ask_ her what's going on,” Catherine continued, sitting next to him. “She's just...not the type to talk about herself...”

“Yeah...”

“...You sure you're okay?”

Levi could not bring himself to answer; he could feel Catherine staring at him, but he did not dare look her in the eye.

“...I'll be fine,” he murmured after a few long seconds of silence. “...I just...don't wanna be alone right now.”

“...Okay.”

Levi glanced over to see Catherine press her lips against the side of his head, then stand up from her bed and walk back over to her desk.

“...I was just reading this,” she then said, holding up a thick book. There were several bookmarks sticking out on the side. “...Mind if I get to a stopping point?”

“No,” Levi murmured, shaking his head.

Catherine gave him a small smile, then walked over to her bed again, sitting down with her back resting against the headboard. Levi hesitated, then unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to the side. He then slowly crawled over to Catherine, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying himself down beside her.

 _I'll do it tomorrow_ , he told himself, squeezing his eyes shut. _If that doesn't work...I'll figure something else out. I just..._

Levi let out a small sigh through his nose as he felt Catherine's fingers slowly run through his hair. In that moment, he was able to make himself forget for just a little while that things were any more complicated than this, this calm, serene state of being that he had been longing for his entire life.

 


	109. Undefined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Defining a feeling feels permanent--and sometimes, as a result, terrifying.  
> But, it can help us hold on to the things we need, and let go of what we no longer have.

_“I'll see you again--don't cry...”_

_Ignoring Ernst's gentle reassurance, Catherine could not bring herself to let go of her brother. She was still young; her world was not all that big yet, and he had been such a big part of it. For him to leave was just..._

_“You little shit,” Ernst laughed, pulling Catherine's hands off of his jacket. “Don't you believe me?”_

_“Yeah...but...” she mumbled, wiping her eyes. It was not the military that scared her--just the lack of his presence. He had given her strength over the years, and he had always been there to protect her. But now, she would not have that helping hand at her disposal._

_“Hey.”_

_Ernst put a hand on Catherine's head, then ran it over her long, messy hair._

_“...You're a good kid,” he whispered, giving her a small smile. “You're gonna be okay. And if you work hard, you'll get out of here. Just like me.”_

_Catherine could not speak, but she nodded, blinking back tears. She knew that, no matter how much she cried, she would not be able to change anything. Instead, she would have to wait and be patient, just like Ernst had been all these years._

 

It had admittedly been a little hard to get back into focus after the events of the ball, but Erwin knew that he had a job to do, that people were still relying on him. He was still the Commander, and with that position came certain responsibilities. There were still things that only he could do.

At least, that was what he tried to remind himself as he sat at his desk. The blanket draped over his lap--a present from Mike years ago--was warm and presented the slightest temptation to doze off for a few minutes and forget that he had tedious work ahead of him.

 _Focus,_ he told himself, tightly gripping his pen.

Just as he started to lift his hand to begin writing, there came a knock on his door, and he let out an exasperated sigh.

“It's me,” Levi said in a clear voice.

“Come in,” Erwin called out, and a moment later, the door opened, revealing Levi's slight scowl. “What's going on?”

“...We have archives here in the Corps, don't we?” he asked, and Erwin raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“We do,” Erwin replied, nodding. He wanted to ask why, but he was afraid he might sound rude. After all, if Levi was looking for new reading material to practice, or was sent by Catherine to find something, he probably would be embarrassed to answer that kind of inquiry. Still, he would not really be able to _help_ Levi _without_ asking him.

“Where?”

“It's the room directly above mine,” Erwin told him. “Is there something I can help you look for?”

“...Is it locked?”

“What are you looking for?” Erwin repeated, and Levi glanced away.

“It's none of your business,” he muttered, his jaw clenched.

Slowly, Erwin set down his pen and pulled open his top desk drawer. The archive room key was near the top of the pile; Hanji and her squad often filed things in there, so it had seen a lot of use as of late. Why Levi needed it, however, was still a mystery to Erwin.

Without a word, he stood from his desk, holding up the key.

“...I can do it myself,” Levi insisted, holding out his hand.

“I'll escort you,” Erwin said firmly, and Levi dropped his arm to his side, glaring up at him.

The walk to the archive room was a silent and unpleasant one; Erwin could feel Levi's harsh gaze upon him the entire way, but he ignored the malice. Once they reached the room, Erwin unlocked the door and pushed it open, letting Levi enter first.

“Anything you take out of here needs to be signed out,” Erwin explained. “Or, if you're planning on adding something, I'll need you to write down certain--”

“I'm taking something,” Levi mumbled, looking around the room.

“What is it?”

“...There should be a section with journals in here.”

“A journal...?”

“We keep the written records of our soldiers, right?” Levi asked, and Erwin nodded. “There's...one in particular that I need.”

“Is that all?” Erwin chuckled, leading Levi over to the corner of the room. It was surprising to see Levi so intimidated by such a simple task. “Do you know the soldier's name?”

“...Ernst Müller.”

Erwin's hand froze on the spine of one of the journals; he then turned to Levi, who was staring him down.

“...I need his journal,” Levi repeated, his words sharp as knives.

“Why?” Erwin asked, holding Levi's gaze. “...You don't even need to answer that. I guess I know why. But--”

“I drew her name for the gift exchange.”

“Levi, you're letting her become a distraction, and--”

“Don't give me your bull shit,” Levi hissed. “It's none of your business what I do with my personal life. Besides, anything that belonged to Ernst is rightfully _hers. She_ should have inherited his belongings, not the Corps.”

“Do you know _why_ we keep these journals, Levi?”

“I know why--and I'm saying I don't give a damn. It's one fucking bundle of pages, Erwin. Let her have this.”

Unsure of how to respond, Erwin turned back to the shelves in front of him, scanning the names on the spines of the books. He was shocked to see Levi defending Catherine so fiercely--not because he did not think Levi was capable of it, but because he was surprised to know that Levi cared _that much_ about someone else's happiness, especially when he obviously was not nearly as concerned with his own.

Once Erwin saw Ernst's name, he could not avoid staring at it, and slowly, he reached up and touched the journal. It was one of the newer ones in their collection, but still obviously quite worn. Erwin had never known Ernst personally, but it was likely that he had taken this journal out on their expeditions.

“...This needs to be returned by the end of the month,” Erwin told Levi.

“No.”

Erwin glanced over his shoulder at Levi, who was still glaring up at Erwin.

“This is Survey Corps property now.”

“What if she doesn't want to give it back?” Levi asked. “It's not your right to say she can't keep it.”

“Levi...”

Erwin turned to Levi and stared him down; he could tell that Levi was holding himself back, but he already knew what was going on inside his head. He knew what Levi was feeling, because he had felt it plenty of times before.

 _I get it_ , Erwin wanted to say. _I get it. You want to do something for her. You want to make her happy. But that's just...not the world we live in._

“...If this was for Hanji, you wouldn't have thought twice about this,” Levi hissed, and Erwin sighed through his nose.

“...You're right,” Erwin admitted, and Levi grunted in surprise. “...You're right, Levi. I... I can't tell you what to do. I can only make decisions based on my own experiences. But...it's not my place.”

“No, it's not,” Levi said, but his tone had lost its previous harshness.

 _...I hope it works out differently for you two, then_ , Erwin thought as he held out the journal to Levi.

“...Do what you have to do,” Erwin told him quietly, and Levi stared up at him. “...I won't try to stop you.”

“...Then maybe you should use that extra energy to take care of yourself for once,” Levi murmured, taking the small book out of his hand and turning away. “Don't expect to see this again.”

“...All right.”

 

…......

 

Bruno was normally not the type of person to leave his bedroom door wide open; his introverted personality usually meant the exact opposite.

But this evening, he felt ridiculously isolated, and the only thing he could do to subdue those feelings was to, at the very least, keep his door open and give himself some fresh air.

The day had started just like any other for Bruno, with a quiet breakfast and a squad meeting. It had been a relatively uneventful day, and moderately productive, until after their meeting had ended, and he had joined some of his squad members for afternoon tea. Their headquarters had several parlors on the first floor for times like these, and they were usually well-kept and undisturbed, but when Bruno had pushed open the door to the first parlor room, he could sense that something was off.

“Umm, let's _not_ hang out here,” Nikoleta had said, reaching out for the door's handle, despite Bruno's hand still being on it.

“What? What's wrong with it?” Esra had asked.

“Trust me, honey, you don't wanna know.”

“Now I do,” Bruno had told her.

That had been his first mistake.

Nikoleta's explanation had been quite simple and, if the conditions had been different, amusing: on the night of the ball, the moment she had heard there was an intruder in their headquarters, Nikoleta had begun running through the halls, searching for anyone and everyone who had strayed from the party, simply to alert them to the news. Apparently, that first parlor room had been occupied when she arrived, by someone that she simply described as “a certain high-ranking officer in a certain regiment--not ours, don't worry” along with “another certain high-ranking officer in that same regiment, doing god knows what. Well, I think I know what. But I'm not gonna talk about that here.”

Despite Nikoleta's warning, Bruno had entered the parlor to find a dark blue lace ribbon hanging over the edge of the sofa. He had recognized the color immediately--it had perfectly matched the color of Catherine's dress.

He did not say a word to his squad about it, but he did not join them for tea after that. Instead, he had retreated to his room, where he had been for the last few hours, staring at the ribbon with a cold, empty gaze.

 _I've tried so long not to care_ , he thought, sitting back in his chair. _But I didn't think it would come to this... I thought that...she would focus on her goals...like the rest of us...like we_ _ **agreed**_ _to do from the start..._

Bruno lifted his head at the sound of footsteps passing by his door, just in time to see Bianca pass by.

“Bianca,” he said, and a few moments later, she peered into his room.

“What.”

“What do you mean, 'what'?” Bruno narrowed his eyes.

“I can already tell you're in a bad mood,” Bianca told him, and he sighed.

“Come here--I want to talk to you about something. And...close the door behind you, please.”

Bianca hesitated before coming inside, shutting the door with a soft click behind her.

“You're not in trouble,” Bruno added, noting the uncomfortable expression on his sister's face. “I just need to...ask you something.”

Without a word, Bianca sat in the chair next to Bruno's, her gaze avoiding his.

“...Did you know?” he asked quietly.

“Did I know what?”

“Did you know that Levi and Catherine are in a relationship?”

“What does it matter if I did or not?” Bianca replied, glancing over at him.

“So you did?”

“What does it matter, Bruno?”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

To his surprise, Bianca suddenly sat upright in her seat, staring at him.

“I don't want to have to repeat myself,” she murmured. “It doesn't have anything to do with you.”

“I would have at least liked to have known before I had to see them at the ball,” Bruno insisted, leaning toward Bianca. “You could have told me a while ago and it wouldn't have been a big deal.”

“But now it is because you found out they're fucking?”

“Bianca--”

“Bruno, you're contradicting yourself,” Bianca interrupted. “...I'm...trying something new, where I'm more honest with people, and that includes you. So, I'm going to just... _tell_ you--you're acting like a child.”

Bruno sat back in his chair, stunned. The young woman before him hardly seemed like his sister at all--her ferocity was normally kept subdued and restrained. She was not the type to become aggressive, not this openly.

“I know that you love her,” Bianca went on. “And there's nothing wrong with that. But you were the one who decided to give her up. You decided that you had other things that you wanted to prioritize more.”

“That doesn't mean it doesn't affect me anymore,” Bruno told her, narrowing his eyes. To his surprise, Bianca did the same, her gaze surprisingly and uncharacteristically harsh.

“It's not any of your business anymore. You gave her up--you gave up that road for another. After coming this far, are you really going to falter now? And...Bruno...she's happy now.”

Bruno watched as Bianca's gaze softened, and she faced forward, sitting back in her seat again.

“That's all that should matter now, isn't it?” she said softly. “That she's happy. That's all you really wanted for her in the first place, right?”

“...Are you sure?” Bruno murmured, massaging his forehead.

“Am I sure of what?”

“Are you sure that she's happy...?”

Bianca paused, staring straight ahead.

“...I think so,” she replied at last. “At the very least...she's living as if she is.”

“Then...that's...all that matters, I guess,” Bruno whispered, lowering his gaze.

“...You...told me a long time ago...”

Glancing up at his sister, Bruno noticed the distant expression on her face.

“...That we'd have to give up certain things to accomplish our goals... ...We'd have to...sacrifice certain things to be happy...” Bianca pushed herself up from her chair, straightening out her jacket. “I've done my best to do just that. But...I think...maybe I overdid it. And maybe, you did, too.”

“Now _you're_ the one contradicting yourself,” Bruno scoffed, chuckling, but Bianca shook her head.

“No, I'm not saying giving up Catherine was a mistake. I'm saying that not caring about yourself _was_.”

... _You've changed after all_ , Bruno thought as Bianca walked toward his door.

“Good night, Bruno,” she murmured, and without another word, she left his room, silently shutting the door behind her.

 

…......

 

Bianca was still feeling irritable about her brother's childish behavior the next day, and she could tell that Claus noticed, judging by the side-glances he kept giving her throughout their ride to Survey Corps headquarters. But, once they entered their classroom and sat down, her negativity subsided and was replaced with the usual determination that she felt during lessons.

 _Soon..._ she thought, biting her lip as she hurriedly flipped through her notes from Catherine's lessons. _Soon I won't have to hide this anymore, and we can move forward more quickly..._

“Daaaamn, you're _on_ it today,” Olivia said, leaning over Bianca's shoulder as her pen raced across the page.

“Because she studies,” Claus told her, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Um? She also has natural _talent_?”

“...I just really needed this today,” Bianca admitted, not looking up from her translation work.

“...Whatever works,” Catherine mumbled. Bianca could feel her staring at her, and she bit her lip again.

 _I'm fine_ , she thought, squinting. _I just need to make sure you are, too..._

For reasons she could not entirely explain, Bianca had always seen Catherine as oddly approachable. As a general rule, Bianca did not do well around strangers, especially in that first interaction, but she had been able to trust Catherine very easily after just one night at dinner with her. Something about her was relatable; perhaps it was because Catherine had a similar role to her own, being a younger sister to an older brother. She did not understand everything about Bianca, but she understood more than most people ever could.

“We don't always say it, but big brothers are important to us, y'know?”

Catherine had said that once before, when they were at dinner together, before any of them had decided to leave for the military. That had been a complicated time in her life, but Catherine had been there for her, as much as she possibly could have been without knowing the full story.

Bruno was her blood relative, but Catherine was her family, too. In fact, this squad was her family, and she wanted to make sure that all of them were happy.

Glancing over at Levi, Bianca frowned slightly.

 _I don't know exactly what I should say but...I have to just...make sure,_ she told herself. _For Bruno's sake...and for Catherine's..._

The rest of their study session passed without incident, and the moment Catherine dismissed them, Claus stood up, stretching his arms.

“Let's go,” he said, looking down at Bianca with a small smile. “I've still got Christmas shopping to do.”

“You go ahead,” Bianca murmured, and Claus raised his eyebrows at her. “I'm going to be a little while. I'll see you back at headquarters.”

“...Is everything...okay?” he mouthed.

“I'm all right,” she assured him. “This doesn't have anything to do with me, really. I just...need to take care of something.”

“...All right. I trust you...”

Bianca nodded, smiling up at Claus, then stood from her seat, slowly gathering her things--and her courage.

“...Captain Levi,” Bianca said, and Levi looked up at her in response. “Do you have a moment? I need to discuss something with you.”

“...What?” Levi asked, narrowing his eyes. Bianca did not reply; instead, she only narrowed her eyes at him, staring him down. He seemed surprised at her actions, and he sighed sharply through his nose.

Still, despite his obvious discomfort with the situation, Levi lingered in the room until only he and Bianca were left, and once Olivia had closed the door behind her, Bianca sat down once again.

“What do you want?” Levi asked, still standing behind his chair.

“Do you love Catherine?”

Again, Levi narrowed his eyes, but Bianca held his gaze. She could understand his reasons for hesitation; he really was not that different from her brother, always protecting himself and guarding his emotions.

“Why are you asking me a question like that?” Levi replied after a few moments of silence.

“Because I want to tell Bruno to let her go.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Bruno is in love with her,” Bianca admitted, sitting up straight in her chair. “He's loved her for a long time, but he also chose to let her go, to prioritize other things instead of her.”

Levi pursed his lips and lowered his gaze to the table, but Bianca kept her eyes on him. She knew that he was older, a superior officer, and now, probably closer to Catherine than she ever could be, but she wanted to make sure that he understood that she was serious, that every word out of her mouth was spoken with sincerity.

“I consider Catherine to be part of my family,” Bianca continued. “I've thought of her as such for a long time. I want to make sure that she's happy. So...if she's happy with you, I want to be able to tell Bruno with confidence that he should move on, and that he should find his own happiness.”

Bianca paused, a small smile appearing on her face as she glanced toward the door, then around the empty room.

“And...if you'd like my complete honesty, I consider you to be family now, too. The same goes for Claus, and the rest of this squad. I want each of them to be happy. ...That's why...I need to be sure...”

“...I'm not sure I can define any of this for you, Bianca,” Levi said at last, in an uncharacteristically soft voice. “Things have...just kind of fallen into place...and I really don't understand it. I'm not sure she does, either. I don't know if either of us can really define what love is, or if that's what we're feeling...but...”

Levi's voice trailed off, and Bianca pursed her lips.

“...You guys have changed,” she murmured. “In a good way, I think.”

“Well, you have, too,” Levi said, glancing up at her with a smirk. “Never would have thought you'd be as direct as this. Practically driving me into a corner...”

“Did I scare you?” Bianca snickered, and Levi let out a quiet laugh.

“I'm not sure I'd say that,” he replied. “...You just don't seem like a little shit, not as much as the rest of them...”

“I'll do whatever I have to, if it's to protect someone I care about.”

Levi's smirk faded, and his eyes stayed locked on the table, his hands gripping the back of his chair.

“...You...might be right,” he whispered.

“About what?”

“...Catherine is the first person I've felt this way about...so don't ask me to define anything for you, but...” Levi shrugged slightly, his face softening. “...It's possible that...I do...love her...”

Bianca could not help herself; she let out a quiet laugh, and Levi flicked his eyes up at her.

“I'm glad,” she said, smiling. “Because I think she loves you, too. And I think that...you're both happier than you were when this squad first started.”

“...You might be right,” Levi mumbled again, running a hand through his hair.

“...I'll leave you alone now,” she added with a laugh. “Thank you...for being honest with me.”

“...I trust you,” Levi told her. “I hope you trust all of us, too.”

“...Yeah. I do.”

“Good. And...one more thing?”

“Yes?”

“...Don't ever call me 'dad' again, you shit.”

Bianca laughed, then nodded, standing from her seat.

“I won't. I promise.”

 


	110. Deepest Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty and bravery are deeply connected.  
> But Bianca's decision is not for that reason.

_Catherine was normally the type of person to wake up early every day, but for whatever reason, her body had kept her sleeping longer than usual. Perhaps it had sensed the chaos that was about to unfold, and it had wanted to shield her from it._

_“They're coming back already?!” one of her dormmates exclaimed. Catherine opened her eyes to see her pulling on her uniform jacket._

_“...What's going on?” Catherine asked, sitting upright in bed._

_“The survivors from the Wall Maria restoration mission are coming back,” another replied, twisting her hair into a bun on top of her head. “Apparently it didn't go so well. Not that I'm surprised.”_

_“The...survivors...?”_

_“I heard that not even a quarter of them survived.”_

_Slowly, Catherine lowered her gaze; Ernst's smiling face flashed in her mind, and her hand covered her mouth as a sob escaped her throat._

 

“Two days into winter and not even a cloud in the sky...” Catherine murmured as she and Hanji passed by one of the many large windows in the Survey Corps headquarters.

“Last year was brutal--I'd be pretty surprised if it snowed like that two years in a row,” Hanji chuckled, and Catherine sighed. “I do hope it snows, though. Just not like last year.”

“That's really all I'm asking for, too,” Catherine told her, giving her friend a small smile. Hanji grinned in response.

“Well, who knows.”

“Yeah...”

Catherine paused outside of her bedroom door, then looked back at Hanji.

“I'll see you around,” she said.

“Don't forget--tomorrow's the big day!”

“...Christmas Eve...” Nodding, Catherine smiled and unlocked her door. “I won't forget. Don't worry.”

This year, Christmas Eve would be even more an ordeal than usual, all because of the secret gift exchange. Catherine had had fun with it--it had been a good way to get to know Justina, someone that she did not normally talk to. Leaving little gifts for her and overhearing her reactions had been admittedly more enjoyable than she had originally predicted.

Her own gifts, too, had been very nice, and whoever this was, they definitely knew her tastes. Premium coffee beans, books, whiskey--all things that she liked, but none of them were particularly personal, and it was impossible to discern who could be the gift-giver, since those things were all pretty much common knowledge.

Catherine was startled out of her thoughts by a loud thud against her door.

“Hello!?” she cried, whipping her head towards the noise.

But there was no response.

“...Hello?” she called out again. It sounded as if someone had thrown their entire weight against her door. Had it just been a couple of the younger soldiers messing around? Or was somebody already drunk this early in the afternoon?

Carefully, Catherine opened her door and peered into the hallway; not a soul was around, and everything was quiet. It was then that she noticed a notebook just outside of her door. Whoever had gone crashing into her door had probably dropped it, and, judging by the state of its cover and binding, this was probably not the first time that had happened.

But then, Catherine noticed the piece of paper sticking out of the top of the journal--her name was on it, in small, polite letters.

“...What is this...?” she mumbled to herself, turning around and walking over to her desk. Pulling out the piece of paper, she opened the journal to that page. “...This can't...”

She recognized the handwriting almost immediately, but there was no way that it could be real. It felt like a joke, or maybe a dream. Still, she could not deny the familiarity of the writing style as she glanced over the page.

Narrowing her eyes in confusion, Catherine flipped to the front of the journal, and her hand flew up to her mouth in shock.

The name scrawled into the upper right corner of the first page was “Ernst Müller.”

“Oh, god...”

Catherine's words came out mixed with her quiet sobs. She was not quite sure how this had come into her possession, or who would have known to give this to her, but she could not stop shaking with sobs.

Even though Ernst had been dead for years now, holding this tiny piece of him made it feel like he had never really left--or at least, not completely.

Without any further hesitation, Catherine sat down on her bed and flipped to the last few pages in the journal. She wanted to know his final thoughts more than anything; she had never been able to tell him goodbye before his final breath, or to know for sure if he had chosen to go out and give up his life.

Now, she could find out that much, and even more.

 

_The Ninth Month of 845, on the Third Day_

 

_Today was unlike any other day._

_I awoke this morning thinking of my sister, more than usual. Her birthday is soon. She’ll be twenty-one, which is far too old for me to imagine. It has been several years since we have been able to meet, but she will be graduating from military training before long, and perhaps then we will have a chance to meet._

_Regardless, I would give anything for the chance to see her right now._

_Wall Maria has fallen._

_The Titans came from the South. They broke through Shiganshina yesterday afternoon and infiltrated Wall Maria from there. We have been told that an unbelievably powerful pair of Titans is to blame._

_Our Commander is beside himself. We just returned to our headquarters yesterday, and many of our men were lost. I am beyond lucky to have been one of the survivors._

_But I do not know what that means anymore. We have lost so much of our land, and we will likely lose many more of our population._

_For once, I feel truly grateful that my family remains in Wall Sina._

 

_The Eleventh Month of 845, on the Twenty-Seventh Day_

 

_There has been a rumor circulating in regards to the next steps of the Survey Corps._

_Supposedly, we will be leading an expedition to take back our lost territory in Wall Maria. It will likely be Commander Shardis’ last deed as Commander, for he is already in the process of passing on his responsibilities to a fellow soldier, Erwin Smith._

_I do not know many details of the operation, but so far, I do think that it is unusually optimistic. It would be quite a feat to take back Wall Maria in a single mission. I cannot help but suspect that there may be ulterior motives behind all of this talk._

_There is nothing left for us to do now, though, but wait and pray, and do what we must to keep humanity going._

_We must not lose Wall Rose._

 

_The First Month of 846, on the Eleventh Day_

 

_The details of our mission have been released. We will have a Wall Maria recovery mission next month. Non-military citizens have been asked to join us as volunteers._

_I am not stupid. I know what this means. I suppose it’s been something I have been quietly preparing for my entire life._

_As a soldier in the Survey Corps, I must do what is right to protect and aid humanity. Even if it is painful, even if it is unfair, even if it is terrifying…_

_Still, there is admittedly a part of me that wants to resist this._

_I joined the Survey Corps to fight. I wanted to be able to protect my family and friends so that they may contribute to humanity in whatever way they each see fit. I know that I have hurt some of those people by leaving for the military, but I also know my role._

_There is no use in running away. Nothing good will come of it._

_I wish to serve as an example to my fellow soldiers, and to the future soldiers that will follow in my footsteps. I want to show them that sometimes, sacrifice is necessary. Nothing can be built anew without something being destroyed in its place._

_For years, I had thought that someday my sister and I would serve together in the military. I somehow had convinced myself that would we fight side-by-side in the Survey Corps, for the glory of humanity. It seems that day will never come._

_Instead, I would like to make her proud. I would to like to lay down a path for her to follow, so that she may not meet this same kind of end. I would like to save her, and my family, and my friends, with the simple and single act of my death._

 

_Ernst Müller_

 

…......

 

“It was nice of Justina to lend us her bunk!” Olivia exclaimed as she threw open the door to the quiet dorm room. “Good thing Michelle doesn't mind her company.”

“She's more like Serene than I originally thought...” Bianca murmured quietly, and Yasmin tilted her head in confusion.

“Serene? Why does that name sound familiar...?” she asked.

“She's a member of my squad in the Police, and Justina's cousin. You probably ran into her at the ball. She's genuinely a kind person.”

 _She says that like_ _ **she's**_ _not_ , Yasmin thought, flicking her eyes up to the ceiling in thought.

“...The ball feels like it was ages ago,” she admitted after a few moments of silence.

“Oooh, Justina was right--nobody sleeps in the bunk above her,” Olivia said, pointing up at the clean bed. “Are they really that short on people?”

“Their old headquarters was a smaller space--it's probably just extra,” Bianca told her.

“You can have it,” Olivia giggled, a grin spread from ear to ear. “I'll sleep next to Yasmin, like last year!”

“Was that really a year ago...?” Yasmin asked herself.

“I don't think Justina's roommates are gonna come back anytime soon,” Olivia went on, observing the beds across from them. “I think they're all too absorbed in studying. Oh yeah--didn't we meet one of them? Ummm, Meryem...? That was it, right? Really grumpy, dark hair--”

“How the hell do you have so much energy?” Bianca sighed as she climbed the ladder and laid herself down on the top bunk.

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!” she exclaimed, jumping up to try to smack Bianca's ankle.

“She's like a dog,” Bianca chuckled.

“You're just excited for the gift exchange's reveal,” Yasmin laughed, putting a hand on Olivia's head. She could feel the girl gyrating with excitement.

“Because I know I did a damn good job!” Olivia cried. “And I think tomorrow, I might make him cry. Wanna take bets? If I do, will you buy me dinner sometime?”

“No, because I believe you,” Yasmin snickered, and Olivia looked up at Bianca.

“Bianca, how about it?”

“I know Rowen--he'll definitely cry.”

“Speaking of dinner--” Olivia whirled around to face Yasmin. “Let's have a second one! I'm so hungry! We should go make something!”

“It's late,” Yasmin told her, sitting down on Justina's bunk. She was already worn out by Olivia's energy; she wished that instead, she could somehow absorb some of it. It was impressive how incredibly vivacious she could be, even this late.

“How are you guys so dull?!” Olivia gasped, pacing the room a bit before sitting down next to Yasmin, flustered and frustrated. “Where is your holiday spirit?!”

“It's late,” Bianca mumbled, an arm over her eyes. “I wish I could sleep in my own bed.”

“I'm sure this is a far cry from the luxuries you guys have in the Police,” Yasmin laughed. “No offense.”

“None taken. You're not wrong.”

“Sometime I'll have to make Esra let me sleep in one--”

“Ugh, I can't _stand_ it anymore!” Olivia shouted, jumping to her feet. She grabbed Yasmin's arm, jerking her up and onto her feet. “C'mon, let's go make food!”

“Olivia. It's late--we should get to sleep,” Yasmin said sternly. She hated to sound so dull, but at the end of the day, they were still soldiers, and they still needed to rest.

“But I _can't_ ,” Olivia whined, pulling Yasmin toward the door. She was surprised at the strength packed into such a small body. “What if I promise to make something really good? Yeah? I _can_ cook, you know Really! I know it seems, like, too domestic for me but--”

“Bianca, _help_ me,” Yasmin pleaded, looking up at Bianca, who was watching them with an amused expression. She ran a hand through her blonde locks, then sighed quietly.

“...You really won't change your mind for anything?” Bianca asked Olivia.

“No.” Olivia's grin took up half of her face.

“Well, I guess there's nothing I can do, Yasmin. Sorry.”

Exasperated, Yasmin looked up at Bianca with wide, pleading eyes; Bianca's only reaction was to shrug nonchalantly, then swing her legs over the side of the bunk.

“I'll supervise you, though,” she added. “Does that make you feel better?”

Yasmin grimaced, but before she could say anything, Olivia dragged her toward the door.

The halls were quiet at this point; Yasmin could only assume that most people were either in their rooms for the night or asleep by midnight in the Corps. Most Garrison soldiers were the same, probably because of the high levels of physical activity their regiments' duties presented.

Yasmin could not think too hard about it, though; Olivia was rambling on, her tone full of a joy and excitement that Yasmin admittedly envied.

“It's been so long since I cooked for someone!” Olivia exclaimed, and Yasmin hushed her, putting a finger to her lips.

“People are trying to sleep--keep it _down_ , woman,” Yasmin whispered, but Olivia either had not heard her, or had chosen to ignore her.

“Do you guys like stew? It's a good night for that kind of thing. Oooh, and then we can have leftovers! Double the fun, right?” As she spoke, Olivia practically was skipping down the hallway. “What about spicy food? Do you guys like hot or mild or are you guys, like, not feeling that tonight? I don't really care, I can make whatever!”

Olivia was still going when they entered the mess hall, but she finally let go of Yasmin's arm; she made a beeline for the cabinets near the stoves.

 _Has she been watching the cooks here?_ Yasmin wondered as Olivia opened each of the cabinets, pulling out various ingredients. _How the hell else would she know where everything is? That little shit... It's pretty incredible..._

“Okay, I've got everything I need!” Olivia cried at last. Her smile then faded for a moment as she stared at one cabinet that had a small note tacked onto it. “Hey, what's this for? It has Captain Levi's name on it.”

She flung open the cabinet door without a second of hesitation; the inside was simply bag after bag of tea leaves, and Yasmin slowly shook her head.

“Shit, this stuff is expensive,” Olivia mumbled, pulling out one of the bags.

“I really wouldn't touch that if I were you,” Bianca warned her, and Olivia laughed through her nose.

“Don't worry--I'm not _that_ stupid,” she assured her, putting the tea back and closing the cabinet door. “I'll get started! You guys don't have to do a thing--this is my treat! An early Christmas present from yours truly!”

Stunned, Yasmin slowly took a seat in a nearby chair; it was as if Olivia had flipped a switch in her brain. She had gone from an overexcited kid to a professional chef in literally seconds, and it was, to say the very least, impressive.

“Who taught you how to do all this?” Bianca asked. She sounded just as surprised as Yasmin.

“I did!” Olivia replied, giving Bianca a grin over her shoulder. “My mom died when I was still young, so I had to be the 'mom' for a little while. And sometimes the dad, and the big sister, too. But I don't mind any of it--I never have.”

“I thought you said your father was alive,” Yasmin said, sitting back in her chair. While she could not always keep track of everyone's family situations, she could distinctly remember Olivia mentioning her father multiple times. In fact, he was working on an attachment for goggles during combat, specifically designed for soldiers utilizing three-dimensional maneuvering gear. He had to be alive to do that.

“He is,” Olivia confirmed, “but _someone_ had to bring in money. He's a blacksmith and makes good money, but he had some long days, and my little runt of a brother couldn't exactly take care of himself, y'know?”

Yasmin nodded understandingly; she had three younger siblings of her own and could understand Olivia's feelings as the oldest child.

 _...It doesn't look like Bianca gets it_ , Yasmin thought as Bianca slowly sat down beside her. There was a complex expression on her face; her lips were tightly drawn together, as if she was searching for the right words, and her eyes were glittering in the low lighting.

“Okay, it shouldn't be long until we feast!” Olivia laughed, gesturing to the large pot suspended above the cooking fire. “I hope you guys like it.”

“I'm sure we will,” Yasmin said, nodding.

“Even if you don't, will you at least pretend it's good?”

“...I don't...understand,” Bianca murmured.

“Whaddya mean? It's a pretty simple lie--”

“No, I mean...I don't understand how...I've misunderstood you so much...”

Yasmin glanced over at Bianca; she was staring up at Olivia with wide eyes.

“We're not that different,” Bianca mumbled. “We're really not.”

 

…......

 

Claus understood why it was more logical for them to spend the night at the Survey Corps' headquarters instead of just coming back the next day, but he still missed having his own bed, having _his_ specific personal space. Had it been anyone other than Jean and Armin in the room with him, he probably would have opted to sleep in the mess hall or library instead.

“...Do you guys smell that?” Armin asked suddenly. The light in their room was still on, but Connie and Eren had already turned in for the night, and Claus, too, was close to falling asleep.

“Smell what?” Jean mumbled, looking up from his notes. He had come to take studying much more seriously than he had a year ago.

“It smells like food,” Armin told him, peering down from his bunk.

“That doesn't make sense,” Jean sighed. “It's after midnight--none of the cooks are gonna be up at this hour.”

“It might be residual,” Claus pointed out, stifling a yawn. “This hallway is above the mess hall, right?”

“No, this doesn't smell like what they served us,” Armin insisted, reaching for his glasses.

“What do you need those for?” Jean chuckled. “S'not like they're gonna help you smell any more clearly.”

“I'm going to go see what's going on,” Armin told him, slowly stepping down the ladder.

“Why does it even matter?” Claus sighed, pushing himself upright. He was reluctant to give up the warmth he had managed to trap in his blankets.

“I'm just curious.” Armin shrugged, then added, “You guys don't have to come with me.”

“...Now I feel like I have to,” Jean muttered, snapping his notebook closed.

“...You've spent too much time around Bruno,” Claus mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Though he would have much rather stayed in bed and slept through the night, something was nagging him; it was as if his subconscious knew that he needed to get up and investigate. “I'll come along, too. I'm awake, anyway...”

The only shoes Claus had brought with him were his uniform boots, but he did not want to risk stepping on anything sharp, so he begrudgingly slipped them on, pulling the legs of his pajama pants over them.

“The latest in fashion,” Armin chuckled, and Claus narrowed his eyes.

“I changed my mind--you've been hanging around Nikoleta too much,” he muttered.

“No, trust me--Armin's always been like this,” Jean sighed, pulling his jacket tighter around himself as Armin opened the bedroom door. “...Oh, you weren't kidding. I smell something now.”

Claus nodded; there was a distinct food smell coming from somewhere nearby. Whatever it was, it smelled delicious, and though Claus had eaten plenty for dinner, he could not help feeling a little hungry now.

“Let's just check the mess hall to be sure...” Armin murmured, softly shutting the door behind them.

The halls were quiet, and Claus could see that it was a clear winter night through the windows they passed on their way downstairs. No crazy snowfalls seemed to be in store for them this year.

 _I'm sure Bianca will be disappointed, though_ , he thought, smiling to himself.

As they neared the mess hall, Claus could clearly hear a familiar voice from down the hallway.

“Okay, it shouldn't be long until we feast!” Olivia's cheerful voice echoed toward them. “I hope you guys like it.”

“Why am I not surprised...” Jean sighed, and Claus nodded. “...But she's not alone,” Jean added as Yasmin's voice came into the mix.

“We should go check on them...just in case...” Armin said quietly.

“What, are you trying to bum off of their food?” Jean asked, chuckling.

“No...I just worry about Olivia setting something on fire...”

“I'm with Armin on this one,” Claus said quickly. “Just for our peace of mind...”

Just as Armin reached out his hand to open the door to the mess hall, Claus heard Bianca's voice from the other side.

“We're not that different. We're really not.”

“Hey!” Armin greeted the girls once he opened the door. Olivia and Yasmin turned to them, but Bianca was staring up at Olivia. “We're here to crash your party.”

“You can't crash it if you're invited,” Olivia countered, gesturing to large pot nearby. “Just wait a sec for it to cool, and you guys can help yourselves.”

“What're you guys doing, anyway?” Jean asked, glancing at Bianca for a moment before turning to the others.

“Just talking,” Yasmin replied, shrugging.

“Sounds fun,” Armin said, smiling.

“Well, since you guys are here, I'll serve up food!” Olivia exclaimed, practically prancing over to the cabinets.

“Should you really be digging around in there?” Claus asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Too fuckin' late,” she laughed in reply, and Claus sighed. He should have known better--Olivia was an unstoppable force of nature.

Still, he could not deny that the quality of her cooking was outstanding. Everyone seemed impressed, and Claus could not help wondering if this was something she had _really_ done all by herself, or if Bianca or Yasmin had helped her at all.

“No, I did it!” she insisted. “I even make cakes for people on their birthdays in my Garrison squad. Woermann keeps a stash of stuff that I borrow from time to time. Y'know. Simple things.”

Olivia took a bite of stew, then turned to Bianca, tilting her head.

“But I mean, it's not like it's that special or anything. I mean, you could probably do it, too, right, Bianca?”

The room fell silent as they waited on Bianca's reply; she simply stared up at Olivia, her eyes shimmering.

“...It's a thing normal people do, right?” Olivia asked, and Bianca slowly nodded.

“...Yes. It's a thing that...normal people do,” she replied in a distant voice. “...But, Olivia... I'm not normal. I never have been. I--”

“Bianca,” Claus said quickly, standing from his seat. He could not believe what he was hearing from here. Why now? Why all of a sudden? Just because they were close did not mean that they had to know the truth about her. It would just be too risky.

“They deserve to know,” Bianca said quietly, and Claus gritted his teeth. “...It'll be okay.”

As much as he wanted to argue with her, Claus could tell by the look in Bianca's eyes that she was beyond persuading now. If she wanted to be honest with them, he could not stop her.

But it still terrified him.

 _Please, don't let this be a mistake_ , he thought, slowly taking his seat again.

“...I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you sooner,” Bianca murmured. “I wasn't really sure that I could...but now, I know... I trust you guys.”

It was as if everyone had frozen in place. Jean had a spoonful of stew suspended over his bowl, and Yasmin was staring at Bianca with wide, confused eyes.

“What are you talking about...?” Armin asked. Bianca gave him a small smile, but it soon faded, as if she realized the weight of her next words before even having spoken them.

“...I'm like Eren. I'm a Titan shifter, too.”

 


	111. Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Bianca's secret is out, it is only natural that it would spread.

_Licking his lips, Claus tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs stopped him short, and he exhaled sharply, holding back a sob. It felt as though he had been crying for days on end, and more than anything, he wanted to stop. He wanted to erase the image of Arthur's bloodied body from his mind, but he did not know how._

_“...Claus?”_

_Claus recognized Bianca's voice, but he did not turn to acknowledge her. She was the last person he wanted to see right now._

_“...I...I'm sorry,” she murmured, appearing suddenly beside him. Claus jumped, startled, then slowly let his body relax. Hesitantly, he sat down on the bank of the creek. He had never really enjoyed nature before, but right now, the peaceful scenery was helping him forget the gruesome events of the past few days._

_“...I know you hate me, but I do mean it,” Bianca added, sitting beside him. “Arthur didn't deserve that.”_

_“Of course he didn't,” Claus spat. “We're only trainees--it's too early for anyone to die.”_

_“I think so, too.” Bianca paused, then ran a hand through her hair. “You know, I...think we...may have misunderstood each other. I can tell how much you hate it here. You're like me--you're from Sina, not used to this kind of life. So...what made you join?”_

_“...The Police pays,” Claus admitted with a slight chuckle. “Three years of suffering will be worth the money soon enough. Don't you think so?”_

_“...I don't really care about that,” Bianca laughed softly, pulling her knees up to her chest._

_“But, you just said you're from Sina, too, right? Why the hell would you come here if you didn't care about the money?”_

_Bianca was silent for several minutes, staring up at the night sky. Claus could tell that she was thinking something over, and he could not help but wonder if he had caught her in a lie._

_“...Do you really want to know...?” she asked at last. “Why I'm here...?”_

 

Bianca could feel all eyes in the room on her , a sensation she had never experienced before, and it made her heart pound in her throat.

“...What did you just say?” Armin breathed, staring at her with wide blue eyes.

“I'm a Titan shifter,” Bianca murmured, but despite her quiet words, her voice did not waver. “I was born as one.”

“Wait, how do you even know for sure?” Olivia asked, seeming almost panicked by this new revelation. “Is this just something someone told you or--”

“I've done it once before,” Bianca admitted. “I've shifted, I mean. When I was young...”

“...Suddenly, a lot of stuff makes sense,” Yasmin mumbled. Bianca raised her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“You've always understood the language we're studying in this squad better than anyone else, and you...mentioned once before that you were afraid of the Titans, but you were still hesitant to kill one...” Yasmin glanced down at the floor, then back up at Bianca, a worried expression on her face. “Is this why?”

“Yeah,” Bianca confirmed, nodding.

“And you've known all along,” Jean added, looking at Claus.

“I told him a long time ago,” Bianca said, glancing at Claus, who was now staring at the floor, his eyes narrowed in obvious concern. “He's the only one outside of my family who knows.”

“Then why are you telling us now?” Armin asked. He was obviously still in shock; his eyes were wide, and his face was pallid.

“...Because you guys matter to me. You've become like my family. I trust you.”

Bianca paused, glancing at the faces of her friends as they stared back at her.

“I've...never really had anyone like you guys in my life,” she confessed. “My mother died when I was young, and my father followed soon after. It's...been lonely. But you...you all are good people, good soldiers...and you're my best friends. It didn't feel right to lie to you anymore.”

“Wait a minute,” Jean said, shaking his head. “You said that you were _born_ a Titan? Eren told us that his father injected him with something to transform him.”

“It's true,” Armin jumped in, nodding. “He was definitely artificially transformed without any natural Titan abilities.”

“That's why I joined this squad,” Bianca told them, leaning forward in her seat. “From what I knew, the ability to transform into a Titan was a genetic mutation--in other words, something that had to be passed down through a bloodline. But, after learning about Eren and his father, and Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt, there's obviously some sort of split between Titan shifters.”

“Someone learned how to isolate that mutation,” Olivia murmured, her face going pale.

“I want to know why,” Bianca went on. “Why would anyone want to curse someone with this power...? Why does it even exist in the first place? Can we get rid of it...? ...Now it seems like...there...might be someone who knows the answers...”

“...Ymir...” Yasmin breathed, her eyes widening. “She's supposed to be some sort of link to the Titan civilization--”

“Okay, I get all that,” Jean interrupted, waving his hand as if to dismiss their commentary. “But why didn't you just do what Eren did? Why didn't you just be honest and tell Nile? Your skills could have helped us accomplish things--”

“Do you think Eren has an easy life?” Claus said suddenly, his gaze locked on Jean's startled face. “Do you think everyone considers Eren a hero? I'll make it easy for you--the answer is no. People fear the Titans, even the ones who are technically human. The Garrison almost killed Eren just for existing. And besides, if Bianca had said something when she had first joined the military, that was _before_ Eren had sealed the wall. Titan shifters were basically an unknown entity at that point. If she had said she was a Titan, the government would have killed her without question.”

The room fell quiet, and Bianca looked around at her friends again. Their expressions were much more serious now, but with a hint of understanding there, too.

“Don't tell anyone else,” Claus added. “This isn't just some gossip. We have to protect her.”

 

…......

 

Catherine had almost drifted off to sleep with her face in Ernst's journal when she caught a whiff of something delicious. Many of the men's dorms were spread out over the mess hall, and Levi's was no exception.

“...Hey...” Catherine mumbled, glancing over at Levi. He was sound asleep, curled up beside her. She had been so engrossed in reading that she had not noticed him drift off, and she did not want to disturb him now, either.

Still, she was curious as to what was going on downstairs. Why anyone would be up at this hour cooking, she had no idea.

 _...I have a feeling..._ she thought, a frown creeping onto her face. _...I'd be willing to bet it's one of those kids..._

Sighing quietly, Catherine gently shut the journal and set it on the edge of Levi's bed. Slipping out from under the covers, she draped them over Levi's sleeping body. He had obviously been using her for warmth; his room was cold and dry, and Catherine had to grab one of his jackets to cover herself before slipping out into the hallway.

Perhaps it was because she had spent the last several hours reading her brother's journal entries over and over, but as Catherine walked toward the stairs, it felt as though she was in a different era of time completely. Things seemed so peaceful and quiet, and the scent of stew filled the air and gave it a certain warmth that seemed to fill her body.

When she reached the hallway outside of the mess hall, she could hear several familiar voices in cheerful conversation with each other.

 _I should've known_ , Catherine thought, smiling to herself as she rolled her eyes. _They can't go long without causing some kind of trouble..._

Suddenly, the voices ceased, the hall went quiet, and Catherine became overly aware of her own heartbeat.

 _...What's going on?_ she wondered, taking a silent step forward toward the door of the mess hall, which was ajar just enough to see light coming from inside.

“...What did you just say?” she heard Armin gasp, his voice muffled. She took a few more steps forward, then leaned against the wall, one ear pressed against the brick.

“I'm a Titan shifter. I was born as one.”

The voice that had announced this startling fact was none other than Bianca's.

 _Oh, god_ , Catherine thought, flattening her back against the brick wall. Putting a hand over her mouth, she let out a small breath of shock. This was not at all what she had expected. She had not anticipated coming down here to hear this confession, to experience this revelation.

But, as she listened to Bianca and the others talk, Catherine thought back to all that she knew about Bianca and her family.

... _I should've figured it out years ago..._ she realized, narrowing her eyes. _Why she isolated herself, and why Bruno was so fiercely protective of her... It was different than how my brothers acted, at least... She was so eager to join this squad, too, and Bruno was hesitant to let her... So_ _ **this**_ _is why..._

Another thought then struck Catherine as she listened to Bianca explain herself, and she swallowed hard.

_...If what Bianca's saying is correct, then...Bruno... Is he...?_

Quickly shaking her head, Catherine closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down. She could not let herself be swallowed by speculation now. Bianca's confession was important for reasons besides that--their studies could now be focused around these questions that Bianca had been dying to answer.

“Don't tell anyone else,” Claus said, his voice stern. He barely even sounded like himself. “This isn't just some gossip. We have to protect her.”

The room fell silent again, and Catherine knew that if she was going to speak up, now would be the time. Slowly, she pulled the door open and stepped into the mess hall. All six of her squad members were there; they turned to her with startled expressions on their faces.

“Squad Leader--” Claus gasped.

“It's all right,” Catherine told them. “I heard everything. You don't have to pretend around me anymore.”

Slowly, Bianca stood up; her cheeks were slightly flushed, as if she was ashamed of having been caught. Giving her a gentle smile, Catherine walked over and pulled Bianca into her arms.

“I'm proud of you,” she murmured as Bianca hesitantly hugged Catherine back. She was trembling, and Catherine sighed through her nose. “I mean it. You've done something incredibly brave tonight, Bianca.”

“I'm sorry,” Bianca whispered, her grip on Catherine tightening. “I didn't want to have to hide it from you...”

“I understand,” Catherine assured her, pushing the girl back to look her in the eye. She then glanced around at the rest of her squad, nodding at them. “I hope you all understand what this means.”

She paused, then turned Bianca around toward them.

“What you've learned tonight stays between us,” Catherine declared. “Bianca has entrusted us all with her personal safety, on a level that nobody else in this room can understand.”

“I want to make myself useful,” Bianca said suddenly, looking down at Catherine. “I plan to tell Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Hanji, too. I don't want to live in fear anymore.”

“Then don't,” Catherine said, nodding. “We'll protect you.”

 

…......

 

Levi had not noticed that Catherine had left his room until she came back; her warm body was a sudden but pleasant surprise, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

“...Are you okay?” he asked, his voice muffled by the blanket pulled up to his nose.

“...Yeah,” Catherine murmured in reply. Her voice sounded distant, and Levi opened his eyes. Squinting through the shadows, he could see a slight grimace on her face.

“Something happened.” It was not a question--he could tell by the expression on her face that there was something she was not telling him.

Catherine did not answer him at first; instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his collarbone.

“Hey...” he mumbled, moving a hand up to stroke her hair.

“...You can't tell anyone,” she whispered. “Please.”

“...Is it that bad?” he grunted, and she lifted her head at last.

“...Bianca is a Titan shifter.”

Levi stared at Catherine in disbelief; this was not what he had been expecting to hear.

“...How do you know?” he asked.

“She told the rest of the squad. I overheard them in the mess hall,” Catherine explained quietly. “I... I'm glad she said something, but...it's still scary. Not her--just, how other people will handle it.”

“She... _did_ tell me that she was going to try being more honest,” Levi admitted in a whisper, and Catherine sighed.

“I'm...worried,” she whispered.

 _Me, too_ , Levi thought, but he did not want to make Catherine feel any worse, so he kept quiet. Without another word, he gently kissed her forehead, closing his eyes.

Morning came more quickly than Levi had wanted; the events of the previous night felt more like a dream, but when he awoke to see Catherine already lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling with a worried gaze, he knew it had not been something he had made up in his head.

“...It's better that she said something than for it to be revealed at the wrong time,” Levi told her, running a hand over her hair.

“...She said it runs in her family,” Catherine murmured. She did not have to say another word for Levi to understand what she was insinuating.

“There's no way for us to know,” Levi said. “Which means there's no reason for us to worry about it. We need to focus on our squad.”

“...I know.”

Sighing through his nose, Levi slowly got up from his bed and walked over to his dresser. Pulling out a clean towel and his robe, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glanced at Catherine; she had not moved, and she almost looked as if she had fallen asleep with her eyes open.

“...Here, take this,” Levi said, reaching toward the spare key on top of his dresser. He tossed it over to her, and she glanced over at it, furrowing her brow. “...I'm going to shower and get breakfast. When you leave, just lock up after yourself.”

“...Thank you,” she mumbled, and Levi nodded, then headed out into the hallway.

 _What is Bianca thinking...saying all of these things now...?_ he wondered. The question echoed in his head all the way through his shower and on his way to the mess hall.

“G'morning!” Hanji exclaimed, waving as Levi passed by her without a word. “You're getting your breakfast now? I'll wait in line with you!”

 _Never a moment of peace in this goddamned place..._ Levi thought, not bothering to try to chase Hanji away.

“You look more exhausted than usual,” Hanji remarked with a chuckle. “I guess that means you're not gonna drink with us at the party tonight?”

“I did that once--it's never happening again,” Levi snapped. “I thought you agreed to leave me alone about it.”

“Oh, I am,” Hanji laughed. “Just making a joke. You do look out of it, though. Everything okay?”

“When is that ever the case?”

“That's fair...”

Levi did his best to suppress a sigh as Hanji followed him over to a table. He normally got up earlier than this for breakfast for this exact reason--he wanted alone time whenever he could get it. There were very few people he could spend a long time around and not end up exhausted. Unfortunately, Hanji was not one of them.

“Are you really okay?” she asked, sounding a bit concerned now.

“It'll be fine,” he replied.

“Oh, so something _did_ happen...”

“Why do you get so much enjoyment out of prying?” Levi asked, glaring at Hanji before taking a sip of tea.

“I don't,” she laughed. “You just make it too easy. So what's going on? Anything I can do to help.”

“...I don't know. I can't really talk about it.”

“...Now I'm really curious.”

Levi sighed sharply, and Hanji laughed through her nose.

“Does it have anything to do with why the mess hall was apparently occupied last night?” she asked. Levi did his best not to react, but he could tell that Hanji was watching his every move. Even a twitch could give him away to her, at this point. “That was your squad, then, right? Did something happen with them?”

“It's none of your business,” Levi insisted.  
“Okay, so something happened...”

“Hanji...”

Levi stared up at the ceiling, pursing his lips. He was not so sure that it was any safer trying to keep this secret from her than he was just telling her and getting it all over with.

“...You can't tell anyone about this,” he murmured. “Not a soul.”

“What about Erwin?” she asked.

“...I trust him, I guess,” Levi muttered. “But you guys need to act like you don't know a goddamned thing. You got it?”

“I get it.”

Levi lowered his voice, then leaned a bit closer to Hanji. Nobody was around them, but he did not want to take any chances.

“Bianca...is a Titan shifter.”

To his surprise, Hanji had no outward reaction.

“...Is that all?” she asked, smiling at him. Levi leaned away, staring her down.

“If you say a word--”

“About what? I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but when he looked at Hanji again, he could see an energetic glow in her eyes.

 

…......

 

“You look how I feel right now, Jean,” Armin laughed, and Jean rolled his eyes in response. He had hardly slept at all the previous night, unlike Armin and Claus, who had crashed nearly the moment they had returned to their dorm room after their talk in the mess hall. Just a few hours later, though, they were all back eating breakfast as if nothing had happened.

“Four hours of sleep is something I'm definitely not used to...” Claus mumbled.

 _You'd think we'd get used to pulling all-nighters in the Corps_ , Jean wanted to say, but he did not want to complain and add to the slightly negative atmosphere. After all, everyone was obviously preoccupied with Bianca's confession and what would come next.

“I wonder if she'll tell Eren,” Armin murmured, stirring his soup absent-mindedly.

“I don't think she will yet,” Claus replied. “It's not like they're close.”

“The rest of Bruno's squad doesn't know, either, right?”

“No... Just me and Bruno...”

“I still can't believe it...”

Jean sighed through his nose as he listened to Armin and Claus' conversation. Normally, he would have been more than willing to discuss what was going on, but he was caught up on a couple of details that they both seemed to be ignoring.

Bianca confirmed something that Jean had somewhat suspected for a while now: there were two types of Titans. However, it was not the split that he had expected--it had nothing to do with who allied with whom, or at least, not entirely. There were people who were born with the ability to become Titans, genetically mutated from the start, and there were those like Eren, who had been forced to obtain the powers.

However, it seemed like Bianca had only known that she was a shifter because she had actually _done_ it. What if she had never tried to shift, to summon that power within herself? Would she have ever known for sure? If not, then that meant that there must be other people like her out there--but, those people lacked awareness of their abilities.

On top of all this, Bianca had also admitted that the reason she excelled at their studies was probably because, being a descendant of those people, she had some kind of innate ability to understand the language more quickly than the average person. She did not have to study as hard as the others to keep up with the lessons, and she was the fastest translator among them.

The next fastest was Yasmin, and that was what concerned Jean.

No, not that, exactly. It was entirely possible that her knack for learning this language was because she was a naturally gifted student. She had made excellent grades in their trainee days, too, and she was a very attentive person in general.

 _...If she knew she was a shifter, she would have spoken up last night_ , Jean told himself as he glanced down the table at Yasmin, who was happily talking with Sasha and Connie as if nothing was wrong. _...But if she doesn't know... God, who am I kidding... I should be more worried about Marco..._

Marco also fit some of the description that Bianca had given, and though he did not know the exact details of Marco's death, Jean _knew_ that Annie and the others had to have been involved. If that was the case, then there had to have been a reason for them to kill him.

And the _way_ he had died...

 _I'm thinking too much_ , Jean told himself, resting his chin in his hand. _It's just as likely that I'm a shifter, too, and that I have no idea._

“Hey, I've gotta work on my last gift for tonight,” Claus said, standing. “I'll see you guys later.”

“Did you really procrastinate that much?” Armin teased, laughing.

“ _No_. I only just got the idea yesterday, that's all.”

As Claus waved goodbye and walked away, Jean sighed, shaking his head.

“I don't know how he can be so...relaxed...” he mumbled.

“...It's impressive,” Armin admitted, shrugging. “But he's known for a while, it seems. We've just got to get used to it...”

“...I dunno, man. I just...don't have a good feeling about all of this...”

“You're never optimistic, so I can't say I'm surprised.”

“...God, for getting so little sleep, you sure do have enough energy to be a shit,” Jean muttered as Armin continued to laugh.

 

 


	112. What I Have Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though much may have been lost, there are still things worth protecting.

_Bruno could not help feeling a bit surprised when he walked into the mess hall on Christmas morning to find Catherine sitting by herself, hunched over a book and holding a cup of coffee._

_“You didn't go home?” he asked, taking a seat next to her._

_“Is that really so odd?” she replied, not bothering to even look at him. “You didn't, either.”_

_“My only family is Bianca, and she's here, too--there's no reason for me to leave.”_

_“I don't have a reason to leave, either.”_

_Bruno fell silent, crossing his arms. He knew that Catherine did not get along well with her mother, but her father was still alive, and as far as he knew, they still had a good relationship._

_“Won't your father be sad?” he asked after a few minutes._

_“He understands,” Catherine murmured. “...Besides, that's...just not how we show that we care about each other.”_

_“...I'm...not sure that I understand,” Bruno admitted with a quiet laugh._

_“I'm not asking you to.” Glancing up at him, Catherine closed her book and tucked it under her arm. “Not all of us have someone in our family we're close to. ...Go find your sister.”_

_Without another word, Catherine swung her legs over the side of the bench and, taking her cup of coffee, walked away, her head held quite high for someone who Bruno knew to be suffering._

 

“WHAAAAAT?! No you're not!!”

As Petr laughed and threw his arms around Hanji, Levi sighed through his nose. He had felt this same odd sense of peace last year, too; these people, these _soldiers_ , were acting as if they did not exist to fight or die trying. The current atmosphere, did not seem like the same world he had been a part of all this time.

But, it was undeniably a good thing.

“I never would have guessed!” Petr cried, holding Hanji's hands and grinning from ear to ear. “You kept that secret really well!”

“I tried,” Hanji chuckled. “I hope you liked everything!”

Pursing his lips, Levi glanced around the room. His eyes met Erwin's briefly; he, too, was watching everyone reveal themselves for the gift exchange, and a soft smile was upon his face.

“Heya, friend!”

At Rowen's unmistakable voice, Levi turned around, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Rowen,” Levi murmured. “...Have you seen Catherine?”

“Oh, yeah, she's around here somewhere!” Rowen laughed. “C'mon, take a walk with me?”

Levi hesitated; he had already been waiting almost a half hour for Catherine to show up, and he was afraid that if he left now, she would show up and be disappointed.

“...Let's make it quick,” Levi finally answered, and Rowen nodded. His hand still clasped around the piece of paper he had drawn for the exchange, Levi followed Rowen out of the mess hall and out into the hallway.

“Soooo, you may or may not believe me, but--surprise!” Rowen exclaimed, throwing out his arms. “I was your gift-giver!”

“...Really?” Levi mumbled, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep, I sure was.” Rowen grinned as he headed toward the stairs. “It wasn't hard. You're a pretty simple guy, Levi.”

“...Is that so...”

“It's true,” Rowen laughed. “And I about shit myself when you came to me for help about getting gifts for Catherine--for a second, I thought you had figured me out and were trying to get me to spill it.”

“No, I really did need your help,” Levi admitted, and Rowen sighed quietly.

“I told you, man--you gotta start giving yourself more credit.”

Levi opened his mouth to reply, but stopped once he realized where they were.

“...Why are we at my room?” Levi asked slowly.

“Because I have to give you your last gift, duh,” Rowen snickered. He patted Levi on the shoulder, then added, “Merry Christmas!”

Without another word, Rowen walked away, leaving Levi standing outside of his bedroom door, stunned. He was almost afraid to imagine what might be waiting on the other side; Rowen was an undeniable agent of chaos, but a well-meaning one, _most_ of the time.

Levi stood outside of his room for a couple of minutes before finally reaching out and opening the door. Peering inside, he could see a familiar figure kneeling on his bed.

“...Catherine?” he murmured, hurrying inside and shutting the door behind him.

It was undeniably her--she looked almost as beautiful as she had the night of the ball. However, now her hair was disheveled, and her hands and feet were bound with rope; she was securely tied to either side of the bed, and a white cloth was wrapped around her mouth. She looked up at Levi when he entered the room, and her face first flushed bright pink, then red with rage.

Without another second of hesitation, Levi rushed over and pulled the gag off of Catherine's mouth.

“ _I'M GOING TO KILL HIM_!” she screamed.

“I get it,” Levi told her as he reached for the knife in his nightstand's drawer. As he cut at the ropes, he continued, “I can't believe that he...no, I take that back. I can. You can kill him. I just...have to tell you something before you go.”

“What?” Catherine muttered as she rubbed at her now-freed wrists. They were red from what had surely been her struggles to escape her bindings.

 

…......

 

Catherine was more than ready to wipe the makeup off of her face, take a shower, and call it a night. Rowen had always had a knack for embarrassing her, but this was by far the worst he had ever done, and it was taking a great deal of effort not to just break down and cry in shame.

The only thing keeping her emotions in check was Levi's reaction to all of this. He seemed to be hardly fazed by it; in fact, he was practically ignoring what had happened, as if whatever he had to say was more important.

“...What is it?” she repeated, pulling the decorative comb out of her hair and tossing it to the side.

Levi hesitated for a moment, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, crumpled piece of paper.

“...I...don't understand,” Catherine murmured, staring down at the faint handwriting. It was clearly her name. It was _clearly_ the same size of scrap paper that she had drawn for Justina. “...You...”

Quickly looking down at her hands, Catherine gritted her teeth. She could feel tears pushing at her eyes, and she knew she had to say something to stop them from falling, to prevent embarrassing herself any further.

“... _You_ got me that journal?” she breathed, glancing up at Levi. He nodded. “ _How_?”

“There's an archive room full of them,” he replied, and her eyes widened in surprise. “...It's yours now. Keep it.”

“...But the stuff we take from the archive room for the squad, isn't that--”

“Keep it,” Levi repeated. “It belongs to you.”

Catherine was familiar with the archive room; it was where Hanji had taken out most of the books that Catherine's squad was now studying and translating. She knew that the general rule was about the same as a library's: borrow the book until it is no longer needed. For Levi to tell her that Ernst's journal--a _clear_ record of events in the Survey Corps during one of its most tumultuous eras-- _belonged_ to her now...

“This is...a historical record. It's property of the Corps,” she insisted.

“Not anymore,” Levi replied. “Didn't you read it? It never should have belonged to anyone else but you in the first place.”

“...Why...”

Catherine could not finish her question before bursting into tears. It was one thing for Levi to remember their conversation about Ernst, to recognize how important he had been to her, and still was. The very idea that Levi would defy the order of their superior officer for something as insignificant as her personal happiness was unbelievable.

“...I just...thought you deserved it,” Levi mumbled, and Catherine clutched at her stomach as her sobs worsened. “...Stop...”

“...I'm...sorry...” she gasped. Her hands shaking, she pulled Levi toward her, wrapping her arms around his neck.

 _...I have...never felt like this before..._ she realized as Levi held her against him, his warm arms around her waist. _I didn't do anything to deserve this..._

Tears still rolling down her cheeks, Catherine pressed her forehead against Levi's shoulder, trying to swallow large gulps of air to calm herself down. A moment later, she felt Levi's hand on her chin, tilting her face up to meet his.

“...Gross,” he mumbled, wiping her cheeks. “You have makeup everywhere.”

“...It's not my fault,” Catherine whispered, letting out a hoarse laugh. “You made me cry.”

“I didn't do anything.”

“Yeah, you did.” Wiping her eyes, Catherine let out a quiet sigh. “Between Rowen's shenanigans and you...just...”

Shaking her head, Catherine took a shaky breath in.

“...Never mind,” she muttered. “...Thank you. You...have no idea how much it means to me.”

“...Judging by your little breakdown there, I have some kind of idea,” Levi murmured, a small smirk appearing on his face.

“Asshole...” Leaning closer to Levi, Catherine gently kissed his cheek. “...But really, thank you.”

Kissing him briefly on the lips, Catherine sat back on her heels, sighing once again.

“...Give me a bit to clean up, then we can go back down to the party,” she told him.

“Do you even really _want_ to go?” he asked quietly, and Catherine raised an eyebrow. Levi held her gaze, and she let out a laugh through her nose.

“...I guess Rowen _did_ promise you a gift, too,” she mumbled.

 

…......

 

Hanji had been subtly keeping an eye on Erwin throughout the entirety of the Christmas party, but not for her usual reasons. Normally, she wanted to make sure that he was having fun and enjoying this break, however short it might be. Tonight, though, there were more serious topics at hand.

At some point during the evening, she noticed that Erwin had left, and her heart began to thunder in her chest.

 _I can't wait to see the look on his face_ , she thought, rushing out of the mess hall. _Will he even believe me? I mean, there's no way he_ _ **can't**_ _at this point, right?_

Taking the stairs two at a time, Hanji practically stumbled into the second floor hallway.

Ever since Levi had told her about Bianca, she had been thinking about it nonstop. Of all the allies to emerge, this one was a pleasant surprise. Bianca was a talented and loyal soldier, so for her to be a shifter gave them a definite advantage. Experiments with Eren had been pushed to their limit, but it was entirely possible that Bianca could provide them with some answers outside of Eren's realm of knowledge and talent.

Once Hanji reached Erwin's door, she knocked several times before bursting into the room. Erwin was seated at his desk, already back to work after dismissing himself from the party.

“ERWIN!” she shouted, pulling the door shut behind her. The slam echoed in the otherwise silent room, and Erwin stared up at her. “...Oh, good. I have your attention.”

“What is it?” he asked with a sigh.

“I received a pretty interesting tidbit of information from Levi today,” she said, walking over to Erwin with proud, deliberate steps. “But this is between you and me, all right? He said I couldn't tell anyone else but you.”

“All right...” Erwin looked very visibly hesitant, and he almost cringed as he added, “Do I really want to know?”

“I think that you probably should,” Hanji admittedly, matching his expression.

“If you say so.”

Hanji was just about to open her mouth when she realized that, if anyone happened to enter in on this conversation, her vow to Levi would be broken and--more importantly--Bianca's safety would be compromised. She hurried over to the door and locked it without hesitation.

“Now you have me worried,” Erwin murmured, but Hanji did not reply. Instead, she rushed over to Erwin's desk and knelt down in front of it. Slowly, she rested her arms on it, staring up at Erwin.

“Bianca Sertoli is a Titan shifter,” she declared in a quiet but clear voice.

Erwin's immediate response was relatively reserved, as expected; he sat back in his chair, running his hand through his hair, his eyes slightly widened. It was enough for her to know that he understood everything that this meant for them, for their regiment, for their world.

“How do we know for sure?” he murmured.

“She admitted it to Catherine and her squad,” Hanji replied, rocking her head back and forth as she spoke. “Catherine told Levi, and he told me.”

“And her brother?”

“That...I don't know,” Hanji admitted, narrowing her eyes. “But logically, he'd have to know, right?”

Hanji had not even thought about the possibility of Bruno _not_ knowing that Bianca was a shifter. After all, this information suddenly provided him with the perfect motive for almost all of his actions thus far: he was trying to protect her. And, maybe...

“What if Bruno is also a shifter?” Erwin then asked, and Hanji froze, staring back up at Erwin.

“...That thought also just crossed my mind,” she confessed, sighing. “But it's not like we can just confront him about it, especially with the way things are right now with Historia...”

“Maybe not, but...if we could figure out a way to confirm it or at least eliminate it as a possibility, it would be worth it.”

Hanji nodded, pushing herself up on her feet again.

“Yeah?” she murmured. “...I think so, too.”

“Then maybe that's what we should focus on,” Erwin told her, nodding to himself. “As our next plan of attack.”

“Starting when?”

“Starting now.”

Hanji could not help but smile; with a small laugh, she dashed over to the other side of Erwin's desk and promptly took a seat in his lap. Before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him. It was the first real physical contact she had had with him in a while, and she had not realized how much she had missed it until now.

“Let's do this thing,” she said, swinging her legs back and forth. “Where do we even start with a problem this big?”

Erwin did not answer, and eventually, her legs came to a stop. She felt him place his cheek against her head; his body was warm and familiar, and a bitter taste filled Hanji's mouth.

“We used to do this a lot back in the day,” she mumbled.

“A lot's changed,” Erwin replied.

“Yeah.” A smile tugged at Hanji's lips as she continued, “You had two arms back then, for starters.”

Erwin just laughed through his nose in response, and Hanji felt his body relax against hers at last. It was obvious that he had missed being with her as much as she had missed him. No matter how many times they promised each other that they would back off, they always came back to this. It was only natural--Hanji had come to realize it while watching other people struggle with same thing.

“...By the way,” Hanji chuckled, “I could tell by your face when I came in that you thought I was going to say something about Levi and Catherine. Don't worry about them. They do their best to keep to themselves.”

“Levi assured me it was all non-committal,” Erwin sighed, “but I'm not sure if I believe that.”

“I'm sure it's possible--to keep oneself that detached...” Hanji's voice trailed off, and she closed her eyes. “...We could probably do that, too.”

“...Probably.”

Hanji's eyes popped open at Erwin's reply, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from saying anything. She had tried so many times to push him away, but nothing ever worked. Talking to Catherine had made it clear that they were fucked, and had been for a while--they were emotionally attached to each other, psychologically connected in a way that could not easily be severed, even by their work as soldiers.

“Probably,” Erwin repeated, and Hanji felt his lips press into her hair.

 _...Here we go again,_ she thought, gritting her teeth.

 

…......

 

Jean could not help noticing how quiet this year's Christmas Eve party was, especially in comparison to last year's wild events. In the end, the only ones left in the mess hall past eleven were people his age or younger; most of the veterans had already turned in for the night, or were asleep somewhere in the mess hall.

“Are you _sure_ you don't want to come to my place tomorrow?” Claus asked Bianca, who shook her head.

“I'm totally fine with spending Christmas at headquarters,” she assured him. “Besides, Bruno will be lonely.”

“He's more than welcome to come, too...”

“Invite Serene.”

Claus fell silent at those words, and Jean noticed Armin lean in with a small grin on his face. It was the same face he always made when he was up to something.

“Yeah, Claus, I'm sure she'd be overjoyed to visit your parents,” Jean said. Claus shot him a look, but Armin only laughed in response.

“She goes home for Christmas, too,” Claus told him. “Her brother has a girlfriend, and her mother is living with her uncle and cousins. She's got a family.”

“What are you trying to say?” Armin gasped, clutching at his chest dramatically. “That I don't? Didn't Bianca just tell us the other day that we were all family?”

“...You hang out with Eren too much,” Jean mumbled, shaking his head and turning to Yasmin, who was quietly chuckling as she watched the scene unfold. “What about you? Are you going home this year?”

“No,” she answered, shrugging. “I know Esra will be disappointed, but she should know how I feel by now. It's complicated.”

“...I understand,” he murmured. “Then, you're staying here?”

“Yeah--I'll go back to Garrison headquarters at some point tomorrow, though. Milena usually comes home relatively early; her sister's house is crowded, I've heard.”

“Hm...” Jean stared down at the wooden table. “...I guess I didn't realize that her parents weren't alive anymore, either.”

“You're a rare case,” Yasmin teased him, poking the side of his head. “Having both of your parents alive in this day and age is the ultimate privilege.”

“It's both a blessing and a curse,” Claus jumped in, shaking his head.

“I don't know about that,” Bianca murmured. “It's easy to say that when you don't know what it's like to _not_ have them both around.”

“...That's...fair.” Claus lifted his chin a bit, scanning the dining room. “Olivia never did come back, did she?”

“She left to go home tonight,” Yasmin reminded him. “...Or, rather, to see her family. She still can't go 'home' just yet...”

Jean nodded, more to himself than to Yasmin's statement. In this time of quiet and peace, he had almost forgotten that a huge part of human territory was still lost to the Titans. They still had a lot of work in front of them.

“Oi, Jean.” Eren's voice was loud and sounded a bit smug; Jean did not have to turn around to know that he was smirking. “You have a visitor.”

“Oh, god,” Jean mumbled under his breath as he quickly turned around, only to be almost knocked out of his seat by a familiar pair of arms.

“My Jeanbo...” his mother whispered, hugging him tightly.

“Ma...what are you doing here?” Jean sighed, patting her back. “It's late--did you come all the way here on your own--”

“So what if I did?” She put her hands on her hips, staring down at him. He was impressed; she had hardly aged a day since the last time he had seen her. “But I didn't. Edith Wagner and I are staying with some friends tonight! We're working on a big project right now.”

“A project?” Jean echoed. “What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Watch your language, _Jeanbo_.” Armin's warning voice came from behind him, and he noticed Eren's smirk broaden.

“Oh, Armin, dear,” Anna said, laughing. “How are you? You've grown up so much in just a year's time!”

“I'm doing well, thank you,” he replied, nodding. “You look like you're doing well, too!”

“I am,” she declared, crossing her arms for a brief moment. “Oh, and you dears, you must be...?”

“That's Claus and Bianca,” Jean said, gesturing to the pair. “And you remember--”

“Yasmin!” Anna nearly picked Yasmin up off of the bench in her embrace. “Oh, bless your patient heart for sticking with my Jeanbo all this time.”

“He's not _so_ bad,” Yasmin told her, but he could hear the dark chuckle in her voice, and he narrowed his eyes.

“Ma,” Jean said sharply. “Why are you here tonight? I wouldn't bother asking, except that it's only Christmas Eve, and it's already so late. And what's the project you're talking about?”

“Well, my dear...” His mother placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. “Edith and I got the idea to collect money to get gifts for all of you kids, as well as your superior officers. The Survey Corps doesn't get paid as well as the other regiments, so it's the least we can do for you all.”

“That's a lot of money,” Jean told her sternly. “You can't just--”

“Oh, hush. I'm a grown woman, and I'm your mother. I can do whatever I please.”

“You're a true angel,” Armin laughed.

“Oh, please,” Anna chuckled, waving a hand at Armin. “That's a mother's job. And so many of you don't have that joy anymore. I can handle taking care of you all, considering what trouble Jeanbo caused me.”

“Ma--”

“Anyway, I should get going. I just had to check in on you. I'll be back tomorrow to pass out gifts.”

Sighing heavily, Jean reluctantly accepted his mother's hug.

“...You're very lucky,” she whispered, patting his head gently. “These seem like a good group of friends for you. Do your best not to lose them.”

“...Yeah,” he mumbled. “I won't. Don't worry.”

 


	113. Unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smiles and laughter show much. But, silence speaks just as loudly.   
> As they spend time with their loved ones, our soldiers come to realize this truth.

_Eren was admittedly a bit surprised when he awoke Christmas morning and headed downstairs to find the mess hall nearly empty. Had he really woken up that early? Or was everyone else sleeping in late? The only person in the room was Yasmin; she was sitting with what appeared to be a hot drink and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders._

_“Morning,” Eren mumbled as he walked over to her. She smiled up at him._

_“Merry Christmas,” she said as he sat down across from her._

_“Same to you.” Eren scratched the back of his head, then asked, “What's got you up so early?”_

_“...Dunno.” Yasmin shrugged, then glanced around the mess hall. “I've had a lot on my mind, so it's probably just the result of that. Are you...doing okay?”_

_“I'm fine,” Eren laughed. “...Do you wanna, y'know, talk about anything?”_

_To Eren's slight relief, Yasmin laughed._

_“Oh, trust me,” she chuckled. “It's not anything you'd really be interested in talking about. ...I was thinking about the ball a bit, though. With Ymir coming back and everything...”_

_“Don't worry,” Eren assured her, leaning forward across the table. “If she comes back, she'll have to deal with me,_ _**and** _ _the rest of the Survey Corps.”_

_“Do you think she'll come back?” Yasmin asked, and Eren sat back, pursing his lips._

_“...The only thing she wants is here. So...yeah. I think she will.”_

_“That's...a fair point...”_

_“...We've gotta catch her.” Eren balled his hands into fists. “She knows too much. I think that there are some questions that only she can answer.”_

_“I think so, too,” Yasmin agreed, perking up. “We have to find her again, one way or another.”_

 

“Merry Christmas, Jean!” Connie called out as soon as Jean entered the dining hall. He laughed at his friend's exasperated face.

“My mom's not here yet, right?” he asked, and Connie shook his head.

“Not yet!” he exclaimed. “I'm glad she's coming back again this year, though.”

“Yes, she is so sweet!” Sasha agreed.

“Like a breath of fresh air,” Armin added, and Jean scowled.

“Stop that poetic bullshit,” he snapped, smacking Armin on the back of the head as he took a seat next to Yasmin. “She's my mom, not a saint.”

“It's been years and you still get this flustered,” Eren chuckled.

“Jean isn't good at expressing himself,” Connie laughed. “Even though he claims to be an honest guy. What a shame.”

Connie gave Jean a crooked grin, but he was not paying attention; he had already started a conversation with Yasmin, and Connie rolled his eyes in response.

“Case in point,” he added under his breath.

“Hm? Hmm?” Sasha peered into his face. “What is 'case in point'? Jean ignored you.”

“For a girl,” he snickered, and Sasha's face lit up.

“Do you think he, you know...” She glanced over at the pair, then back at Connie.

“Who knows.” Connie shrugged, sighing.

And, if he had to be honest with himself, he did not really care. Personal stuff like that was really neither here or there. He was just grateful that this many of them had survived this long. They had had a relatively quiet year, and he was glad to see that so many of his friends were not only here with him, but were _smiling_.

“Merry Christmas!”

Connie heard Mrs. Kirschstein before he saw her burst through the mess hall doors. She was carrying a large sack, and another familiar face followed behind her.

“Oh,” Connie breathed, his smile fading. “Thomas' mom...”

He stood from his seat, and to his surprise, Sasha did the same.

“Mrs. Wagner!” she exclaimed cheerfully. “It has been so long!”

“Hello, Sasha,” Mrs. Wagner laughed as Sasha hurried around the table over to her.

Connie had seen Mrs. Kirschstein every year since they started training, but it had been a few years since he had seen Mrs. Wagner. She, too, had always been kind to them, all of them, without any kind of reservation. Just like Thomas had been, too, come to think of it...

“It's really been a while,” Connie murmured as the woman approached their section of the table. Sasha was still clinging to one of her arms.

“It has,” she chuckled. “You've grown to be quite tall, Connie.”

“Eh?” Connie gasped. He motioned for Sasha to stand next to him, and she obediently crawled under the table and popped up at his side.

He had not even noticed it, but indeed, he now stood taller than Sasha by about an inch.

“...Huh,” he mumbled, and Sasha gave him a thumbs up. “D-Don't give me that! It's not a big deal.”

“It is!” she insisted. “It means you are growing up!”

“...More like getting old,” he snickered, and Sasha pouted.

“But then...that means...that...I would be getting old, too.” She sighed. “Well, I guess it is not so bad. Just...maybe it is best not to mention that to Captain Levi...”

Connie opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by Mrs. Kirschstein shoving a gift into his arms.

“Merry Christmas, Connie!” she exclaimed, grinning at him. “Thank you again for taking such good care of Jeanbo.”

“It's no big deal,” he laughed. “He's learning to take care of himself.”

“Yes, he is growing up, too!” Sasha cried. Connie glanced over at Jean to see him glaring at them, and he shot his friend a grin. Jean's face relaxed a bit, and he sighed heavily, turning back to Eren.

“I'm glad to hear that,” Mrs. Kirschstein sighed. “You two, take care of each other, too, all right?”

“Huh?” Connie tilted his head, glancing at Sasha. “Of course I will.”

“Connie is my life partner!” Sasha declared, and Connie glanced at her again. She had a very serious look on her face, despite her odd statement. “I will take care of him, always!”

Mrs. Kirschstein only laughed in response, then waved goodbye and moved on to the next group of soldiers.

“Do not forget that!” Sasha added, rapping her knuckles on Connie's head.

“Ouch!” he cried, waving her hand away. “I won't, I won't!”

 

…......

 

“She should be here any minute,” Justina assured Michelle, who sighed as she gently patted her horse's side. The first rays of the sun were just starting to push over the horizon, meaning that it was probably around seven in the morning now. They had been waiting outside for about thirty minutes for Justina's cousin, and though it was not as cold as it had been last year, it was still miserable.

Michelle had not wanted to take Christmas off; in fact, she had _wanted_ to keep busy. There was no way she could travel all the way up to the northern part of Sina and back to headquarters in one day, so visiting her aunt and uncle was out, but she did not mind. However, apparently she had not been the only one to make this request, and, oddly enough, the hospital was overstaffed for the day.

“Come home with me for Christmas!” Justina had suggested. “Please? Pleeeease? You'll love it, I promise! I mean my brothers are kinda loud but you'll LOVE my aunt and Serene, oh god, she's the sweetest thing--”

Michelle had never really had a choice in the first place; once Justina had made up her mind on something, there was usually no use in talking her out of it.

In the distance, Michelle could hear the faint sound of hooves, accompanied by female voices.

“Serene!” Justina called out. “S'that you?!”

“I'm coming!” a voice shouted back, laughing. “Sorry I'm late!”

A few moments later, two horses came into view; both riders wore Military Police coats, and they both had bright smiles on their faces.

“It's been forever,” Justina breathed as the blonde hopped down from her horse to hug her. “I've missed youuuu.”

“I've missed you, too!” Serene laughed, ruffling Justina's hair. She pushed her back, then looked up at the other rider. “Esra, you're heading home now?”

“Yes,” Esra replied, nodding. “Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“You too!” Justina exclaimed. “Have a good day!”

“Yeah, you do, too!” Esra's voice was sweet, but there was something about her tone that had a hidden bitterness to it. Michelle said nothing as she rode off, and once she was out of sight, she turned back to Justina and Serene.

“I think this is my first time officially meeting you,” Serene said, holding out a gloved hand. “My name's Serene. Michelle, right?”

“Yes,” Michelle replied, shaking Serene's hand. She was admittedly surprised as to how firm the girl's grip was.

“It's great to meet you! I'm so glad you're coming with us!”

“Thank you for having me,” Michelle murmured, unsure of what else to say.

“Well, no point standing around,” Justina told them, pulling herself into her saddle. “Don't wanna waste time!”

Michelle did not know much about Serene--only basic facts that Justina had mentioned here and there in conversations. She knew that Serene had joined the Police two years before they had joined the Corps, and that she had been in the top ten of her class, meaning that she was indeed a capable soldier and had not simply bought her way in. Apparently, she also had an older brother in the Police, but Justina had not said much about him. Michelle could not even recall if she had heard his name.

“Will your brother be there?” Michelle asked Serene, and the blonde gasped in delight.

“You know about Ed?” she replied as they departed Survey Corps headquarters. “That's so sweet of you to ask! Ah, but...you won't get to meet him today. He's going to visit his girlfriend's parents.”

“Ooooh, are things getting that serious between them?” Justina snickered.

“I guess so.” Serene sounded a little disappointed as she added, “I don't get to talk to Ed as much anymore, though, so...I'm not sure.”

 _They seem close,_ Michelle thought as she listened to Justina and Serene chat about the Police, about Edmund, and about his apparent love of money. She barely spoke up at all during that time, but listening to them and absorbing their cheery atmosphere made time pass much more quickly, and soon they were in the small town of Adenau, on the far east side of Wall Rose territory.

“Y'know, Michelle,” Justina said, walking alongside her as they guided their horses into the public stable. “Someday, maybe, we can take you to Shiganshina. When we get Wall Maria back, I'll show you where everything used to be and we can figure out how to build everything back up.”

“I'd be interested to see it,” Michelle murmured, nodding to herself.

“Where are you from, Michelle?” Serene asked, and Michelle turned to face her.

“I was born in a village in western Wall Rose, but after my parents died, I lived with my aunt and uncle in the north,” she explained.

“Come to think of it, have you even been back to your hometown since you left?” Justina hitched up her horse to one of the empty stalls. “You've never mentioned it before.”

“What reason would I have to go back?” Michelle replied, letting out a laugh through her nose. “My parents were cremated--they died in the plague.”

“They...didn't bury anyone who died in the plague, did they?” Serene murmured, her voice low. Michelle glanced at the blonde, who looked lost in thought.

“Of course not,” Michelle told her. “They had to stop the disease from spreading any more than it already had. It's only logical that they would want to destroy any and all remnants of the bodies that carried the virus.”

 

…......

 

As she led the way to their family's temporary housing, Serene tried to wrap her mind around what Michelle had said earlier.

 _How in the world can she do it?_ she wondered, walking up the steps to the front door of the apartment complex. _Losing my dad was horrible... I guess, maybe, because she was young, it didn't bother her as much...but still..._

“I can already hear my brothers,” Justina laughed as they climbed up to the second floor. “They're running around like madmen already.”

“Don't worry,” Serene assured Michelle, giving her a small smile. She could tell that the girl was already overwhelmed. “They'll leave you alone if you just ignore them.”

Serene pulled out her key and pushed open the front door.

“Merry Christmas!” she called out. Her mother was standing in the front room, talking to Justina's oldest brother, Shaun. “Whoa, you beat us back?!”

“Hey, loser!” Justina exclaimed, running over to pull her brother into a hug. “You got taaaaall! And what's this crazy hair about?” She mussed his dark brown locks, which were a bit overgrown. “Is this what's in fashion these days?”

“Leggo of me,” Shaun grunted, prying Justina off of him. “You're only two years older than me--there's not _that_ big of a gap in trends.”

Serene walked over to her mother, hugging her tightly.

“I missed you,” she murmured. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know. The usual,” Lenore replied with a quiet chuckle. “Your cousins keep me busy.”

“Oh, Auntie Len!” Justina cried as Serene released her mother and turned around. “This is Michelle Hugo--I wrote to you about her, right? She's one of the nurses in the Corps.”

“It's nice to meet you,” Michelle said quietly, nodding. “Thank you for having me today.”

 _She's so demure_ , Serene thought as her mother went to hug Michelle, who seemed to show a bit of discomfort with the interaction.

“C'mon, you gotta meet my dad and my brothers!” Justina exclaimed, grabbing Michelle's wrist and pulling her away.

“...How is Aunt Natalia?” Serene asked quietly, glancing at Justina as she pulled Ephraim into her arms and spun him around.

“...About the same,” Lenore answered.

“She doesn't like having visitors anymore,” Shaun interjected, crossing his arms.

“Huh?” Serene turned toward her cousin, furrowing her brow. “Have you tried to visit her, Shaun?”

“Loads of times,” he replied, narrowing his dark eyes. “Just because I'm in training doesn't mean I don't care about my family.”

“...I wish I could come home more often,” Serene admitted.

“You do enough,” Lenore reassured her, putting her hands on Serene's shoulders. “We're over halfway saving up for Hektor's operation. That's mostly because of you.”

Serene smiled, lowering her head to hide her blushing face. She was glad that she could contribute to such a cause. In the end, she wanted her family to be happy, especially after all of the terrible things they had experienced.

“Meanwhile, Jay spends her money like rain draining into the gutter,” Shaun mumbled.

“It's her money--she can spend it however she likes,” Lenore reminded the teen, but he huffed a sigh in response and walked away.

“Waaaah, Hektor, be careful!” Justina shouted. Serene looked over to see Hektor doing his best to run after Ephraim. “You're gonna crash into something.”

“...Hektor, come here,” Serene laughed. The nine year old pursed his lips, then hobbled over to her. She pulled him into her arms, picking him up off of the ground.

“I just wanna play,” he mumbled dejectedly, squirming impatiently.

“...May I?”

Serene met eyes with Michelle, who was staring at Hektor's twisted legs.

“He has CTEV, right?” Michelle asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Um,” Serene mumbled. “I'm...”

“Commonly referred to as 'club foot,' or in his case, 'feet,' I suppose.” Michelle crouched down, gently touching Hektor's feet. “He's quite old to still have this uncorrected. This kind of deformity would definitely require surgery--that being said, it's not impossible to fix it.” She tilted her head, obviously lost in thought. “I just...wouldn't expect him to be perfect afterward.”

“Whoa, 'neglect' is a little harsh,” Justina said, appearing behind Michelle, startling her out of her thoughts.

“What else should I say?” Michelle asked, standing upright and tucking hair behind her ear.

“We didn't have money to fix it right away,” Justina explained.

“It's complicated,” Serene added, noting the look of confusion on Michelle's face.

There was no easy way to tell her all of the details of their childhood. There was no easy way to explain the psychological trauma Natalia Small had experienced, and how that had come to tear the family apart. There was no easy way to admit that Justina had been labeled as the family outcast, or that her choice to enter the military had been the final straw to send her mother to psychiatric care. There was no way to say that Hektor _had_ been neglected--because the family's money had been poured into paying for Natalia's mental health, and for Serene's father's funeral.

Michelle nodded, as if to dismiss it.

“When you're ready, take him to the Survey Corps hospital,” she stated. “We'll take care of him there. If he's a family member of a soldier, we can provide extra care for free.” She turned to Justina, lightly smacking her on the back of the head. “Don't forget that. It'll save your family a few hundred.”

Serene smiled brightly at Michelle's words.

“Thank you,” she whispered, setting Hektor down. Michelle simply stared back at her for a few seconds, then looked at Hektor with pursed lips.

“It's my job,” she declared.

 

…......

 

“Rowen...it's way past breakfast, and it's almost past lunch... I think it's time to get up now...”

“...Five more minutes...?”

Lucia sighed, pushing Rowen's bangs out of his eyes.

“The last time you said that, I fell back asleep, and so did you,” she told him, kissing him on the cheek. “Merry Christmas.”

Rowen finally opened his eyes, rolling over to look at her. She smiled down at him, unable to tear her eyes away.

“...I don't think I'll ever be able to pay Olivia back for this,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, we got you good,” Lucia giggled. “Haven't seen you cry like that in a while. Did you think you wouldn't get to see me this year or something?”

“I don't know--I guess I just always give myself a big talk down before I go see you,” Rowen admitted. “To calm myself down, because y'know, if I think too much about it, I won't want to leave.”

Lucia gave him a sympathetic smile. She loved Rowen more than anyone else in the world, but she knew that he had missed her more and more with each passing year. So, when Olivia Gautier had contacted her with her wild idea to surprise Rowen on Christmas Eve, _of course_ she jumped at the chance.

“These headquarters aren't exactly Sina quality,” Rowen went on, letting out a laugh as he sat up. He straightened out his shirt sleeves, then pulled his hair back into a ponytail. “So I'm sure you won't get too attached.”

“It doesn't really matter,” she told him, shaking her head. “The only problem I have is that it's too far away from my work.”

“That's true...” Rowen stretched his arms, then reached over and pulled Lucia into a tight hug. “Either way...I'm really glad you're here...even if this is all we do...” He planted a kiss on her forehead, then let go of her. “I'd say we should stop by and ask Catherine to join us, but I already know that's not gonna happen.”

“I'll be interested to know her reaction when she sees you next,” Lucia laughed, and Rowen let out a cackle as he stood up and walked over to his dresser.

“She has no reason not to be grateful,” Rowen insisted in a playful tone as he reached for a pair of pants hanging out of one of his open drawers. “I gave _both_ of them exactly what they wanted.”

“Yeah, but you tied her to a bed and humiliated her beforehand.”

“That's fair.” Rowen laughed heartily, and Lucia joined him. She had missed this so much. The ball had been nice, but it had also been a bit stressful, especially with its abrupt ending. Being able to sit and chat with Rowen, and sleep beside him, was much more satisfying than some stupid formal event, anyway. The only bad thing about this was that it was temporary.

“Here.” Rowen tossed her a roomy jacket. “The hallways'll be cold. You're gonna need it.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, pulling it on over her lightweight sweater. “...I can't believe this year is almost over...”

“You're telling _me_.” Rowen slipped on his shoes, then motioned for Lucia to come over to him. She reluctantly left the warm bed, walking over to Rowen. “It was a quiet one. I hope they're all like that from now on.”

“Be careful,” Lucia laughed, slapping his chest. “You're gonna jinx it for yourselves.”

“Eh, it's already fucked.” Rowen opened his door, letting Lucia go first. “I overheard someone talking about how they're already planning another mission to capture even more Titan subjects. Not that I think it's a bad idea, but if we gather too many Titans here, it's gonna be a mess.”

“Do you think they'll get loose or something?” Lucia asked as Rowen locked his door.

“No, not on their own. Hanji's pretty safe about that kind of thing, surprisingly.”

“Then--”

“You know that girl who came for the Queen--Ymir--is a Titan shifter. And the last time we lost Titan subjects, it was because another shifter killed them.”

“Annie Leonhardt...” Lucia pursed her lips. She had not thought much about Annie at all since the happenings in Stohess a couple of years prior.

“I wonder if that girl's even still alive. Annie, I mean.” Rowen sighed as they walked down the hallway toward the stairs. “If there's any chance that she is, we ought to start working on a way to get her out of there and start talking. It'd probably solve a lot of our problems.”

“If that happens, let me know,” Lucia said, nodding. “That'd be one hell of a story to cover.”

“Oh, Lu, you never change,” Rowen laughed. “Always thinking about work.”

“Can you blame me? Honestly.” Lucia gave Rowen a smirk as they descended the stairs. “Getting to talk to a shifter about the crazy shit she did and went through to get to that point in the _first place_ \--Rowen, that'd be insane.”

“Well, talk to Hanji. She'll probably be in the mess hall.”

But when they arrived in the dining hall, hardly a soul was there. Not Hanji, not Catherine, not even Erwin. Lucia recognized a couple of the people there, but she was surprised to see it so quiet, especially when less than twenty-four hours ago, it had been the bustling center of activity.

“Guess it's later than I realized,” Rowen laughed, walking over to a table where a familiar young man was sitting. “Merry Christmas, Moblit!”

“Oh, Merry Christmas!” Moblit beamed up at them. “It's great to see you again, Lucia. And so soon!”

“Same here,” she told him with a grin. “D'you mind if we keep you company for a little while?”

“Of course not!”

Lucia sat down next to Moblit, still smiling.

 _These soldiers...they're so brave_ , she thought as she and Moblit chatted while Rowen got them food. _Some of them have lost everything...and they're still fighting... Don't worry...I'm going to do what I can, too..._

 


	114. A Crumbling Monarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Historia tries once again to live life for herself--and she is not the only one.

_“Happy birthday, Your Majesty!”_

_Historia opened her eyes to see Esra standing in the doorway, a bright smile on her face that did not make sense until Historia realized what day it was. She had clearly said “birthday”...was it really already that time again?_

_“Whenever you're ready, we have breakfast waiting for you!” Esra exclaimed, her hands behind her back in a girlish pose. Historia simply nodded, tried to fake a smile, and thanked her._

_Once the door closed behind Esra, Historia reached into her pillow case and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper--she had found it stuck into her window a few days before. “853-01-27, 200” was scrawled in small letters across it. To anyone else, it might seem like nonsense, but to Historia, it was the key to her freedom._

_On January twenty-seventh, at two in the morning, Ymir would come back for her. It would be her last chance to get out of here._

_And she was going to take it._

 

Unlike her first visit, Ymir had not come fully equipped with her 3D gear to the palace on her second try at the beginning of January. She had been armed only with a knife, just in case, but she had left all of her blades behind--the canisters on her hips were empty.

There had been good reason for this, though. Ymir knew that the Military Police headquarters would be more heavily guarded now, or at least, they would be keeping an eye out specifically for her. If they were to catch her, she did not want to have to put up a fight. She had wanted to seem harmless. The less reason there was for them to kill her, the better. Only the endangerment of Historia's life would make Ymir risk her own.

However, when she had arrived, not a soul was around, and Ymir had been able to leave her message for Historia without any further ado.

Now, on this cold, late January morning, Ymir was back, once again unarmed. Would Historia be ready for her? Or would this be it, the damning moment in Ymir's life where all of her plans went straight to shit?

Carefully climbing down the roof, Ymir dropped onto the edge of Historia's window. She tapped at the glass lightly with her index finger. Several seconds of silence went by.

 _...C'mon, don't do this to me..._ Ymir thought. She _had_ gotten the note, right? Maybe someone else had discovered it...

Again, Ymir tapped on the window, a little harder this time. The curtains finally moved, and Ymir saw a pale hand hold up an index finger.

 _Wait_.

Ymir understood--there were probably things that Historia had to take care of before totally ditching this place. Who was the guard on duty tonight? There was no way to know for sure, not without having them come into the room.

A few minutes later, the curtains opened, revealing Historia. She had her hair pulled back and was equipped with a small knapsack.

“Hey,” Ymir breathed as Historia opened the window. The blonde shivered, her blue eyes widening. “Can you handle it?”

“Y-Yeah,” Historia murmured, nodding. She glanced to her right, then grabbed a shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. “...Let's go.”

 _I can understand what you're feeling right now_ , Ymir thought as Historia climbed through the window. _I felt it, too, when I left my home._

Many years ago, Ymir had once been in a position similar to Historia's--she had been a princess, a symbol of hope for her people. She had only been a child, but people worshiped her, just as they would a god. As a direct descendant of the first Titan, Ymir had also been trusted with valuable information, as well as the means to protect it. But she had only been a child. How could she have truly understood the weight of her role?

She had tried to leave, but her attempt was unsuccessful. The elders had caught her in the act, and she had been severely punished. Not for wanting to leave, but to bring satisfaction to the rest of her tribe. They had felt betrayed by her, and they wanted to see her suffer for it.

On that day, Ymir died.

Not in the sense that most people think of. Her heart had not stopped beating, and she had not stopped breathing. However, Ymir--the princess, the goddess--was killed that day.

And for sixty years, she roamed the world as a mindless Titan, forgetting more and more about herself as time went on.

Historia's departure would not be that dramatic; if they were captured now, Ymir would be the one to die, and Historia would probably just be dethroned and imprisoned. If they sentenced her to death, it would be just that: her death. There would be no suffering after that.

 _She must understand that,_ Ymir thought as she helped Historia up onto the roof.

“...Any last words before we get outta here?” Ymir asked, smirking. Historia frowned, narrowing her eyes.

“There's nothing left for me here,” she declared. “Let's go.”

“Fair enough. Hang on tight.”

 

…......

 

Nikoleta admittedly hated taking the morning shifts, but any time she did not have to stand guard outside the Queen's chambers was a victory in her book. Besides, she wanted to let Bianca enjoy her birthday to its fullest, even if that meant that _she_ had to work a little harder.

 _That's all right_ , she told herself as she headed down the quiet hallway. _The more I can make myself useful, the better._

Marlowe looked exhausted, but he perked up a bit when he saw Nikoleta.

“Good morning,” he greeted her.

“Morning.” She came to a stop in front of Historia's bedroom door. “Well, I'm here. You can go, Marlowe.”

“Understood.”

As Marlowe picked up his lantern, Nikoleta knocked on the door.

“Your Majesty?” she called out. “It's time to get up.”

Nikoleta grabbed the cold metal handle of the door and pushed it open. The room was wintry cold, and a wave of shock hit her as she looked around the room.

“Historia?!” she shouted, taking a step into the room. She reached up to grab one of the handles of her gear, just in case someone was waiting to jump her. It was then, however, that she noticed the open window. “Historia!!”

“What's wrong?” Marlowe asked, following her into the room. Nikoleta rushed over to the window, looking down over the side of the palace, then up onto the roof.

“Fuck,” Nikoleta hissed, whirling around to observe their surroundings. “Don't touch anything, Marlowe!”

“Wh-where's the Queen?!” he gasped, obviously starting to realize what had happened. “She's...she's gone... How did this happen?!”

“Don't ask _me_!” Nikoleta snapped, walking around Historia's bed. “ _You_ were the one on duty!”

“I didn't hear anything!” Marlowe insisted. “I stayed up the whole night and--!”

Nikoleta raised her hand to silence the panicky soldier as she reached down toward a crumpled piece of paper near Historia's pillow.

“...853-01-27, 200,” Nikoleta read, then sighed. “Shit. How did we miss this?”

“What the hell does that even mean?!”

“It's a code.” She handed Marlowe the paper. “The first part is the date--today's date--and then the time--two in the morning. She had this all planned in advance.”

“This isn't her handwriting,” Marlowe pointed out, and Nikoleta shook her head.

“No, it's not--which means she left with someone else.”

“Help!! Come quickly!”

A cry rang out from the hallway, and Nikoleta recognized the girl's voice. She shoved Marlowe aside and looked out into the hallway; Esra was running their way, tears streaming down her face.

“Nikoleta!” she cried, running into the girl's arms. “Something terrible has happened!”

“What's going on?!” Marlowe asked, putting a hand on Esra's shoulder.

“Th-the two guards at the front gates--they were killed!”

Nikoleta gritted her teeth, then pushed Esra back.

“You stay with Marlowe,” she ordered her. “I'll alert Bruno and the Commander. Keep people away from here, keep them _calm_.”

Nikoleta did not stay put long enough for Esra or Marlowe to protest.

“Shit,” she hissed as she rushed up the stairs.

How could they have let this happen?

This was not just a missing person case--this was their _Queen_ , the singular _ruler_ of their tiny, cramped world. She had not been kidnapped--she had left of her own accord.

 _We should have done something different that night,_ Nikoleta thought as she reached Bruno's room. _The night of the ball...we should have worked harder to track down Ymir..._

“Bruno!” Nikoleta shouted, pounding on the wooden door. “Bruno!!”

Bruno appeared at the door seconds later, looking startled.

“...Historia's gone,” she told him, breathless. “She left.”

Nikoleta handed him the piece of paper, watching his face closely. He was incredibly calm; seeing him so put-together admittedly made her feel more at ease, too.

“...I'll handle Nile,” he then said, his grip on the paper tightening. “Gather the rest of the squad, and we'll meet you at her chambers.”

“Understood,” Nikoleta said, saluting before rushing down the hallway.

“Nikoleta!”

Coming to a halt, she turned over her shoulder to look at Bruno.

“Stay calm,” he told her. “This is not the end of the world--just the end of an era.”

 _...He knew this was coming_ , Nikoleta realized, nodding slowly. She then turned around, walking quickly down the hallway with long, confident strides.

 

…......

 

Bruno had suspected that something like this might happen. He had just not expected it to happen so soon.

 _She's really quite bold, to pull off this kind of stunt so soon after the ball_ , he thought as he walked to Commander Nile's office. Clearing his throat, he knocked on the door.

“Commander Nile,” he called out. “It's Bruno Sertoli.”

A few short moments passed before Nile appeared at the door.

“It's early--what's going on?” he asked, looking as if he had just woken up.

“Sir, I know you spent all last night working, but we need you,” Bruno said, keeping his voice low. “...Queen Historia has disappeared.”

Bruno watched as Nile's eyes widened in obvious fear, and his mouth opened, but no words came out.

“Kyrgiakos found this in her room,” Bruno continued, handing the note to Nile. “Historia was already gone when Freudenberg was relieved from guard duty.”

“...How did this happen?” Nile breathed at last.

“You can't be too surprised.”

“...No, but...” Nile pursed his lips. “Now what? We have no good way to explain this to Zackley, and even worse--no one to _replace_ her.”

“Nile.” Bruno stared his Commander down, narrowing his eyes. “...I won't lie--I'm a little disappointed in you.” He lowered his voice, then went on. “Was the monarchy really holding this world together? What role did Historia _really_ have here? We essentially exchanged one figurehead for another, one that we thought would be easier for us to control. But now, we're left with a very important decision--we either try to replace her, or we start something entirely new.”

“...I understand what you're trying to say, Bruno,” Nile replied, finally regaining his composure. “But this is not the time. Not in the middle of this disarray.”

“In the middle of this disarray is _exactly_ the time to implement something drastic,” Bruno argued. “The people will be in need of hope, and they will be willing to listen to new ideas.”

“Bruno.” Nile stepped out into the hallway, shutting his door behind him. “This is not the time. Don't make me repeat myself.”

 _You coward_ , Bruno thought, biting his tongue.

“Show me what happened,” Nile then said, and Bruno nodded, turning on his heel without a word.

By the time they reached Historia's chambers, Bruno had calmed down, but he could not help feeling irritated by Nile's hesitation.

“Bruno.”

Bianca appeared by his side like a ghost; he glanced at her, then sighed.

“We'll manage,” he told her quietly.

“...I need to tell you something,” Bianca murmured, her voice barely audible.

Bruno raised an eyebrow at his sister. Did she know something about Historia's escape? Had she held something back?

“...Later,” he mumbled. “We'll take a walk.”

“...No,” she whispered. “I'll come by your room later.”

“...All right.”

 

…......

 

The news of Historia's disappearance spread through the walls like wildfire; Bianca had never seen the Police in such a state of discontent. It was just as Bruno had predicted: they were already becoming divided over it, over whether Historia was worth replacing or not. The one thing people seemed to agree on was that she would probably not come back. If that was the case, it likely meant that she really had met with Ymir.

The Military Police was helpless. They had been charged with protecting the ruler of the walls, but they had failed horribly. Marlowe had been demoted from Bruno's squad and put on probation that afternoon, and Commander-in-chief Zackley declared a State of Emergency and--again, as Bruno had predicted--put himself in charge until a decision could be reached.

“That man, ruling these walls?” Nikoleta scoffed at the dinner table. “Disgusting.”

“I don't trust him, either,” Esra admitted. “But we don't have another choice right now.”

“It'll at least help the people stay safe,” Serene agreed. “...Still, this is...all just so awful. Poor Marlowe...”

 _There is still one thing we can do_ , Bianca thought as she walked to her brother's room after finishing her dinner. _It could be our last chance to bring Historia back._

She knocked on the door just once before Bruno called her in.

“...What's going on?” he asked, narrowing his eyes as she closed the door behind her.

“...You're not going to be very happy with me,” Bianca warned him, walking over to her usual chair and taking a seat.

“The last thing I need is more bad news,” he told her.

“...I told Catherine and her squad,” she admitted.

“...You told them...?”

“That I'm a shifter.”

The room fell silent for a moment, until Bruno let out a loud sigh, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands.

“Why?” he groaned. “Bianca, I know they're your friends, and you're close to them, but--”

“I told you that you wouldn't be happy,” Bianca muttered, resting her chin in her hand.

“Of course not. Don't you realize how dangerous it is to tell other people?” Bruno ran a hand through his hair, looking exasperated. “I get telling Catherine--we've known her for long enough to know she's trustworthy. I could even understand you telling _Rowen_ , but, Bianca--”

“I didn't feel like it was fair,” she interrupted, feeling tears push at her eyes.

“Fair?” Bruno echoed.

“They're all working so hard, and I was born with this power that I'm not even using. I could use it to protect them, Bruno. I could use it and train myself, like what Eren is doing. Then I could do more to help them--”

“You wanna know what's not fair, Bianca?” Bruno stood up from his chair, pacing the room. “Being born into a society where people think of you as a menace. Not just a freak, but a monster-- _inhuman_. I don't _want_ that life for you--hell, I don't want it for anyone. That's why we're working so damn hard to change things here. You're doing everything you can as it is.”

“No, I'm not,” Bianca argued, standing up.

“Bianca...”

“I'm not, Bruno,” she hissed, staring her brother down. “Even now, there's more I could be doing.” Bianca clenched her fists. “I could help them track down Historia. Nobody outside the military would have to know it was my doing--I could go out on an expedition with the Corps and help them there. It's too late to send out normal soldiers on their own and expect them to easily find Ymir and the others. Two guards were killed by Ymir as a human--she could cause absolute devastation in her Titan form.”

“Enough,” Bruno sighed.

“No.” Bianca shook her head. “I could tell Commander Erwin. I could work with Squad Leader Hanji and train myself. I could work together with Eren to fight back. Even if I failed, it would still do good--it would prove that Titan shifters aren't something to be feared.”

“Bianca--”

“We're losing allies left and right, Bruno!” she cried. “Please, this is something I can do, and it's something I'm _willing_ to do!”

“I don't care if you're willing to die! That doesn't mean that you should go and do it!” Bruno shouted.

“...You _have_ gotten weaker,” Bianca murmured, trying to hold back a sneer. “You've let your personal biases cloud your vision. We joined the Police to better things for the _people_ , not just ourselves. _You_ were the one who said we needed to make sacrifices, Bruno. I still believe in that.”

“...That doesn't mean that that sacrifice should be you.”

“No, it doesn't. But if no one else is willing to step forward, shouldn't it be me?” She pursed her lips. “You've got Nikoleta--she can do the jobs that I can't. Let me do what I _can_ do.”

Bianca stared her brother down, her gaze unwavering. She knew this was not the safest road, and perhaps it was not the smartest. But, it would work. She was sure of it.

“...They have Eren,” Bruno said at last. “The Survey Corps has Eren. He's perfectly capable of helping them.”

“I could learn from him--”

“Bianca.” Bruno gave her a sad smile, then looked away from her. “...People still fear him. It's been over two years since his trial, and people still are scared of him. People still hate Eren. They're waiting for him to betray us.”

“But if I step forward--”

“If you come out as a shifter now, people will start asking questions. Why didn't you come forward earlier? Why are you just now jumping into the fight? How did you find out you were a shifter in the first place? How long have you known? Who else knows?”

Bruno's voice trailed off, and Bianca narrowed her eyes.

“It won't just put you in danger, in the end,” Bruno continued. “It won't be just your life that you're putting at risk.”

Bruno was right. This was, at last, a point that she could not counter. If she revealed herself to the public and there was a poor reaction, not only would her life be essentially lost, but Bruno, Catherine, Claus, and all of the other people who knew would be questioned. Especially right now--they had just lost their ruler, so to come forward with the truth too soon would be a mistake. It would be too jarring.

“...I'll wait,” Bianca stated, ignoring Bruno's displeased expression. “If things calm down, though, I'm going to do it. I _have_ to.”

Bruno sighed loudly, leaning against his desk.

“...I know you're scared for me. I know it's because you care,” Bianca went on, giving her brother a gentle smile. “But I trust the others. They have...become like my family. It's...unlike anything I've ever really felt before. I feel safe with them. I feel like I belong with them.”

“...I can't stop you from doing anything,” Bruno mumbled. “I...can only beg you...please, _please_ think this all through. Don't do anything--”

“Yeah, I know,” Bianca interrupted, letting out a laugh. “Don't do anything you might regret later--right?” She laughed again. “I know you hate Levi, but you're more like him than you realize.”

Bruno grimaced at her, but she simply smiled, shrugging.

“I get your point, though,” she assured him. “I'll wait.”

Rolling his eyes, Bruno walked over to Bianca. He pulled her into his arms; he did not hug her--or anyone, really--very often, and she had almost forgotten how warm his hugs were.

“...Dad'd be proud of you,” he muttered, mussing her hair. “You've got his fighting spirit.”

“Like you don't?” Bianca laughed, mussing Bruno's hair. He frowned, and she sighed, patting it gently. “Sorry, sorry. I've ruined your pride and joy.”

“...If that keeps you from doing anything else reckless, then you could cut it all off and I wouldn't complain,” Bruno told her quietly.

“That's a lie--you would so complain.”

“Not a lot,” he insisted. He hugged her again, then whispered, “Don't make me worry about you any more than I already do.”

Bianca gently punched Bruno's side, smiling.

“I'll try,” she murmured, closing her eyes.

 


	115. A Devastating Strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the traitors make their next move, no one will be ready.  
> Some reactions, too, will be out of fear and cowardice.

_“Historia, are you willing to do this for us?”_

_At Zeke's question, Historia stood up a little straighter, then nodded._

_“I'm not afraid anymore,” she declared. “Now that I know the truth...” She glanced at Reiner and Bertholdt, nodding. “...There's only one thing I want, anyway.”_

_Gently, Historia took Ymir's hand in hers._

_“...It will require something beyond just stealth to capture Eren,” Zeke went on. “To convince him to go along with you, you'll have to appeal to him emotionally, too.”_

_“I can use his father,” Historia said. “And the truth about his family. And the basement...”_

_Pursing her lips, Historia lowered her gaze. She did not hold anything against Eren--he, too, was only trying to do what he thought was right. There were no “bad people” in their world--just differing opinions._

_However, in order to protect herself and, more importantly, Ymir, Historia would have to secure Eren and eventually, consume him and take his Titan powers from him._

_“You are the rightful heir,” Zeke told Historia, then glanced at Ymir. “Your family is the one that succeeded Ymir's... I intend to keep it that way.”_

_“...We'll leave on the next full moon,” Ymir murmured, narrowing her eyes at Zeke. “Don't worry--we'll bring him back in one piece.”_

 

Ever since Historia's disappearance, Eren had had a hard time sleeping. Not only had it been jarring news in general, but it also made him anxious for his future once again. He had been able to spend the last year or so living like a normal soldier, for the most part, but now that the government had fallen into disarray, he feared what they might do in this chaos. They were ruled by fear, he could tell, and the last time that had happened, Eren had almost been sentenced to death.

“You'll be fine,” Levi had assured him. “You're probably the last thing on their mind right now. They're gonna be working their asses off to try to find that shitty little girl.”

Eren had nodded in agreement at the time, but he was not entirely sure that what Levi had said was the truth. Was it not obvious where she had probably run off to? Especially considering how recently Ymir had been sighted within the walls...

Sighing, Eren rolled over onto his side, staring into the darkness of his room. He could barely make out Connie's sleeping figure across from him. The room was still, peaceful with sleep, but Eren felt restless.

Suddenly, Eren heard something tap against their window. He quickly sat upright, his vision blurring as the blood rushed to his head. Carefully, he listened for it again--and it came, the slightest tapping noise

Cautiously, Eren stood from his bunk and crept over to the window, pulling back the curtain just enough so that he could see what was outside.

It was _her._

_Historia._

Eren opened his mouth to shout something to the others, but Historia quickly put a finger to her lips. She pointed down--was she wanting him to meet her downstairs? But why? Why had she come back? Why had she come to see _him_? This was such a reckless move on her part--she could be caught at any moment. Was that what she wanted? Did she need his help to explain herself...?

Eren did not question her decisions for now--he nodded, then rushed over to the door, not even bothering to slip on shoes before bolting out into the hallway and running down the stairs.

The mess hall was directly below their room, but when he peered into the room, Historia was nowhere to be found. Had she meant to meet him outside? Or...

 _...The basement..._ Eren thought, pursing his lips as he dashed out of the mess hall and down to the basement. It had been turned into storage since he had moved out, which was perfect for meeting in secret. No one was around, but after a few minutes, Eren heard soft footsteps.

“Eren?”

That was unmistakably Historia's voice.

“Historia!” Eren hissed as she appeared around the corner, stepping into the dim lighting. “What the hell are you _doing_ here?”

To his surprise, Historia rushed into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“What--!?”

“Eren, I'm so sorry,” she whispered, pressing her head into his chest. “I've hurt you the most...”

“...What the hell are you talking about?” Eren pried Historia off of him, holding her by the shoulders. “What's going on?! Why did you leave? Why are you _back_?!”

“Eren, please listen to me.” Historia grabbed his arms, gripping them tightly. “We've all made a terrible mistake.”

“What do you mean? You're not making any sense!”

“You...” She swallowed hard, her eyes filling with tears. “You never should have been burdened with this power. Your father--he's done terrible things to you, and to so many others.”

Historia stared up at Eren, her lips pursed.

“...Grisha knew the secrets of the walls since the beginning,” she told him in a hushed voice. “He spread the power of the Titan to so many innocent people...”

“Please, Historia,” Eren breathed, his grip tightening. “I wanna understand what you're saying, but...you're not making any sense here...”

“...Your father never should have possessed the Titan power,” she whispered. “It belonged to a cursed bloodline--a line that has continued even into our generation. But Grisha... he took that power for himself, then took the power of the coordinate--in other words, the power to control all Titans.”

“...Y-You're throwing way too much at me at once here,” Eren stammered, lowering his arms to hold his throbbing head in his hands. “I-I know he transformed me, and I know that I ate him, but--”

“Eren, you have to leave here.” Historia shook her head. “The power that you have? It won't do you any good here. We need the coordinate's power to control the Titans. Without it, they'll just continue to attack the innocent.”

“...I don't even know how to use it,” Eren mumbled, staring at Historia.

“...It's okay,” she told him, giving him a small smile. “Even if you can't, I can.”

“What?”

“We're cousins, you know,” she went on, her smile fading. “Distantly--through your mother's side. But I come from the proper bloodline--the bloodline _meant_ to carry the Titan powers. The coordinate doesn't belong to you. It belongs to _my_ side of the family. Only we can use it properly.”

Eren shook his head, taking a step away from Historia.

“No,” he whispered, narrowing his eyes. “I can use it. I'll learn to use it. I'll make myself useful--”

Eren's pleas were cut short as a hand reached out from behind and grabbed his throat, while another covered his mouth.

“His hands,” a voice hissed. It was one he had not heard in a long time.

 _Ymir...?_ he thought as Historia snatched up Eren's wrists, binding them with a rope. He could feel himself growing light-headed. _...How..._?

 

…......

 

Justina awoke to the smell of smoke, and her body immediately sprang into action. She leaped from her bunk, running over to the window.

“What're you doing...?” Meryem muttered as Justina yanked open the curtains. She could see an orange glow nearby.

“Get up!” she cried, pulling Meryem off of her cot. “Something's on fire!”

Justina did not wait for Meryem; she grabbed her shoes and bolted out of their room, slipping on the boots as she ran down the hallway. She was, as it turned out, not the only one to notice the chaos unfolding.

“What's going on!?” she shouted as Sasha ran by her.

“We dunno!” she exclaimed. Justina pursed her lips--she had only ever heard Sasha slip into her dialect in jest, so to hear her using it now only drove home the fact that something terrible had happened. “Something's on fire!”

“I saw it, too!” Justina gasped, following after Sasha. Together, they headed down the stairs; on the second floor, they ran into Jean and Connie, who were just as exasperated as them.

“What happened?!” Sasha asked them.

“Eren's gone,” Connie breathed, his eyes wide as he bumped shoulders with another soldier running by.

“That doesn't explain the fire!” Justina huffed as they hurried to the first floor.

“Maybe it will,” Jean told her with a pained expression as they headed toward the stable door.

As soon as they stepped outside, Justina could smell the fire. The horses were fine, just frightened, which meant that the next most likely target was--

“Shit!” Justina hissed, running ahead of her comrades and out into the open. It was still dark--the first signs of dawn were only just appearing on the horizon--so she could clearly see that the fire was toward their test site, where they had been keeping Sam, their Titan specimen.

“Jay!”

Justina whirled around to see Liam running toward her.

“Liam!” she breathed, waiting for him to catch up before continuing toward the source of the blaze. “D'you have any idea--”

“We could see the fire from our room!” Liam gasped, his dark eyes shimmering with unshed tears “Petr was down there--!”

“Shit.” Justina gritted her teeth, narrowing her eyes. What the hell was going on? Connie had said that Eren was gone, and now someone had attacked Sam? Why? Unless--

When Justina and Liam arrived on the scene, Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Hanji were already there, along with several other veterans. As she had suspected, Sam's tent had already been reduced to its bare bones, as had Sam himself.

“Petr!” Liam screamed, dashing over to a lifeless body that had been pulled off to the side. Justina followed him, her heart in her throat. Moblit was kneeling beside Petr, pressing a cloth to his side.

“Moblit,” Justina gasped, kneeling beside him. “What's going on?”

“...It's not good,” he murmured, staring down at Petr. The boy's eyes were closed, and Justina could clearly see that he had been hit with something that had slightly burned part of his head. “...Eren's gone missing, and judging from what we managed to get from Petr before he passed out, he was taken by force. Those shifters...they came back for him.”

“...That...can't be...” Justina mumbled, looking over her shoulder at the fire. It was starting to recede, thanks to the efforts of several fellow soldiers, but there was damage that no amount of water could fix now.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Liam asked, looking down at Petr.

“This wound isn't too deep,” Moblit said quietly, nodding. “He's just gonna be in pain for a while.” A small smile crossed his lips as he added, “He told us he played dead. Smart kid--it's because of him that we know who did this. Now it's just figuring out why.”

“We can probably take a few guesses,” Justina muttered. She opened her mouth to say more when a pair of raised voices caught her attention.

“ _MIKASA_!” Captain Levi roared, grabbing the girl's arm.

“LET GO OF ME!” Mikasa screamed back, struggling to free herself from his grip. “I HAVE TO BRING EREN BACK!!”

“MIKASA, _ENOUGH_!”

Justina watched as Levi yanked Mikasa to the ground, then knelt beside her.

“What do you think running around is gonna solve?!” he shouted as Mikasa stared at him. Even from this distance, Justina could see the hatred in her eyes--the glow of the fire added to her fury. “Do you think you're invincible!? Do you think you're special?! You heard the Commander's orders--you're staying here until further notice! All of us are!! We'll get Eren back by doing our jobs and doing them _right_! Keep your head on straight!”

“A fleet of Garrison soldiers is already being organized to track down the shifters' base,” Moblit murmured, staring down at Petr.

“Why doesn't the Commander want any of us going out there?” Liam asked quietly, brushing Petr's singed hair from his forehead.

“...He doesn't think that they plan on killing Eren right away,” Moblit replied. “Squad Leader Hanji agreed, and so do I. If they had wanted to kill him, they would have done it right away. They could have taken his powers and destroyed our headquarters pretty easily.”

“I see,” Justina breathed, nodding slowly as she watched Armin pull Mikasa into his arms. “Sending out soldiers to get Eren back now would only aggravate them and push them to do something crazy.”

“We still don't know exactly what they're after,” Moblit agreed.

“Or why they even exist,” Liam added. “Without knowing that, it's hard to know how to wipe them out.”

“Exactly.” Moblit let out a quiet chuckle. “Looks like we're gonna be busier than ever, huh?”

“A welcome challenge,” Justina said with a grin. Liam nodded, smirking.

 

…......

 

“Don't you want to see him?! He's our _friend_ , Vanessa!”

“It was _his_ choice to join the Corps--he's the idiot who left behind a chance to live in safety. I don't owe him anything.”

Claus sighed quietly through his nose as he glanced over at Esra, who had a hold of Vanessa's arm, clinging to it tightly.

“...Esra,” he called out. “...We need to go.”

Esra turned to Claus, then looked back at Vanessa, who sneered at them.

“Yeah, go see your friends,” she snarled. “The ones who let this entire regiment go to shit.”

“At least we're trying,” Serene muttered under her breath as Vanessa yanked her arm out of Esra's grip and walked away briskly.

“...Don't waste your time on her,” Claus told Esra as she walked over to them, head hung low. “She's obviously not your friend.”

“...But Petr...she should at least care about him,” Esra mumbled, wringing her hands. “...He's been in the hospital for a week now. I wanted to see him earlier, but I waited for her...”

“I'm sure he'll be glad to see you,” Serene said with a smile, putting an arm around Esra's shoulders and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Because he knows you really care. Claus is right--you're not doing Petr any favors by pleading with her, either.”

Esra let out a dejected sigh, but she nodded, still staring at the floor.

 _I get it,_ Claus thought, pursing his lips as he led them to the large conference room. _I was in that position once. A lot of us have been, really... A lot of us have lost friends by joining this squad..._

He pulled open the door for the girls, letting them enter first, then followed them into the large room. Commander-in-chief Zackley was already seated beside Commander Nile; Bruno and Bianca were sitting across from them, and Nikoleta was seated on Bruno's other side. Several other veterans--no doubt representing the less active squads in the Police--were already seated there, too.

“They're the last ones,” Nile said quietly as Claus and the others took a seat. “Let's get started.”

Claus glanced at Bianca, and she gave him a pained expression; none of them had wanted this. It was one thing for Historia to bail on them, but for Eren to fall into enemy hands again, and so easily...

“...This is quite the predicament we've found ourselves in,” Zackley murmured, looking around the room. “We've lost our monarch, and now, our greatest weapon... There's still no news from the Garrison search party--either they're still out there, or all of them have died. I've spoken with Commander Pyxis, and he plans to send out small search parties one bit at a time. The Survey Corps, however, has not planned any moves.”

“Isn't that their job?” one veteran asked. “They're the ones who specifically get paid to go out and fight the Titans.”

“Commander Erwin is waiting on the results of a search party before moving out,” Bruno stated. “Moving out too quickly might result in the decimation of their regiment. It would be three shifters against the Corps again--last time, that didn't go well.”

“That might be true, but it's...disconcerting that Erwin didn't do anything about this,” Nile sighed.

“He might be planning something--we just don't know what that is yet,” Nikoleta told him.

“Yes--the last time he did something like that, he overthrew the old monarchy and dismantled the Central Police,” Zackley said, nodding slowly. “But at that time, he had revealed his plan to not only myself, but several other elites, including Commander Pyxis.”

“That doesn't mean he doesn't have a plan,” Bruno countered.

“But if he's not sharing information with us, that's a problem.”

“I agree,” Nile said, frowning. “It's as if he's given up.”

“The public's opinion of him has dropped considerably in just a week,” another veteran said. “I even heard rumors that one of the metalworkers in Sina is considering severing their relationship with the Corps until they take action.”

“Hang on--why are they so angry with Commander Erwin?” Claus asked, sitting upright in his seat. “If they're going to be upset with anyone, it should be with Queen Historia for leaving, or with the shifters for coming back and causing more chaos.”

“People are funny things,” Zackley murmured, a faint smile crossing his face. “We idolize others far too easily for our own good. The public has seen Erwin as a figure of hope for many years--but it seems he's finally made enough mistakes to make people see him in another light.”

“...Are you trying to suggest that Commander Erwin should be replaced?” Bruno asked quietly.

“Yes--and that he should be punished for his crimes.”

“What crimes?” Nikoleta snapped. “He hasn't done anything wrong--Eren was kidnapped, and if they had tried to fight then and there, the entire Corps would have--”

“That's the point--Erwin hasn't done _anything_ ,” Nile interrupted. “It's been a downhill slope with him for a while, but this is unacceptable.”

“This is ridiculous,” Bruno hissed. “Just because the public is dissatisfied with him doesn't mean we should tear him down.”

“Our jobs as Police soldiers are to protect the monarchy and to protect the people. Seeing as we've all but lost the former, we must focus on the latter,” Nile argued. “I don't like it, either, but Erwin should have understood the consequences of his actions--or rather, inaction.”

“He's become lax,” Zackley agreed with a sigh. “The original orders from the government were that Eren was to be kept in isolation, but at some point, Erwin changed that, and look what's happened. How long are we going to let laziness get us into trouble?”

“That's not laziness--that's a mistake,” Bruno shot back. “Laziness is that we, too, did not do anything to keep Eren safe from threats, nor did we assist the Corps when their headquarters was attacked!”

“As Nile said, our job is to focus on the people,” Zackley declared. “What good could you have done for the Corps anyway? Don't tell me _you_ planned to track down Eren for them? You're quite a capable soldier, but even that is beyond your abilities.”

The room fell silent for a moment, and Claus could sense Bruno fuming even from a couple of seats down.

 _God, don't_ _ **you**_ _say anything..._ he thought, cast a glance at Bianca, who was sitting with pursed lips.

“It's honestly as if he expected all of this to happen,” a veteran spoke up. “Erwin, I mean. He kind of just...let Eren fall into the enemy's hands. Pathetic.”

“Relying on a Titan shifter as an ally ending up being a waste of time,” another agreed. “He couldn't even protect himself or fight back? How strong is he, really, if he couldn't even defend himself?”

“Eren still hadn't learned the full potential of his powers yet,” Bianca murmured. “That's why the Corps was studying him.”

“But they stopped doing those experiments,” Nile told her. “Months and months ago. They weren't going anywhere. It was a waste of time and money. They could have been using those resources to supply their troops and strengthen themselves.”

“The bottom line is that Erwin Smith is no longer fit to be a Commander,” Zackley stated crisply, adjusting his glasses. “He's broken far too many rules, and he doesn't have enough to show for it. His trust among the populace has diminished, and at this rate, the entire Corps will fall apart. He really isn't leaving us much of a choice...” He sighed heavily, then turned to Nile. “Tomorrow, I will send you out to their headquarters with escorts. We'll arrange a trial as soon as possible.”

“Understood,” Nile murmured.

“This is a huge mistake,” Bruno warned them. “You're taking away a leader who is not afraid of change or sacrifice--”

“No--we are removing an unfit soldier from his position. That is all.”

Claus watched as Zackley slowly stood from his seat.

“You all are dismissed,” he said, nodding.

The moment Zackley left the room, Bruno quickly stood from his seat, glaring down at Nile.

“You're a coward,” he growled.

“...That might be so,” Nile admitted. “...I can only hope that Erwin puts up a fight, and we can all move on from this.”

“This can't be happening...” Serene murmured, and Claus turned to her, grimacing.

“Commander Erwin won't give up this easily,” he assured her. “He's stronger than that. He'll come up with something. I know it. We can't give up yet.”

Claus then glanced at Bianca once again; her gaze was fixed on her lap, her eyes narrowed. He could tell she was mulling something over, and it did not take him long to realize what.

“Don't,” he mouthed, putting his hand on hers. She simply looked up at him, but the expression on her face spoke clearly: could they really afford for her to keep quiet anymore?

 


	116. Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A once-great leader is reduced to nothing more than a shell of a man.  
> Those who still hold respect for him will do whatever they can to make sure he is happy in whatever time he has left.

_“Daddy!”_

_“Hey, Isaac,” Nile murmured as his eldest ran into his arms. Samson followed after, and he took the boys into his arms, squeezing them tightly._

_“Welcome home.”_

_Nile looked up at the sound of Marie's voice; she was standing in the entrance hall, a small smile on her face and their youngest son, Jakob, in one arm. He slowly released his grip on his sons and walked over to his wife, pulling her into his arms._

_“You've been gone longer than usual,” she murmured, kissing his cheek. “Things have been crazy, haven't they?”_

_Nile held her in silence, resting his head against hers. She barely felt real, hardly anything did anymore._

_“...It's gotten ugly,” he admitted at last, and he felt Marie run a hand over his hair. “...Erwin is going to jail...and he may face execution.”_

_Nile felt Marie's body jolt in his arms, and she quickly pulled herself out of his grip. She gently set Jakob on the floor, then turned back to Nile, her hazel eyes wide and red-rimmed._

_“...That can't be true,” she whispered. Nile grimaced, reaching out to Marie again. The moment he pulled her into his arms, she seemed to crumble into him. “...Erwin...can't...”_

_“...I've been given orders for his arrest tomorrow,” Nile breathed as Marie clung to him. “...I...didn't want it to come to this...”_

_Despite his mistakes and shortcomings, Erwin was still Nile's friend. If only, if only Erwin had just...tried a little harder... And if he could talk his way out of this, like he did before..._

_But Nile could not shake the bad feeling he had; it sat in the pit of his stomach and ate away at him all through the night._

 

“So, does anyone else have anything to add before we close out this meeting?” Erwin asked, looking around the room at the other veteran officers. They all looked bored out of their minds, except for Hanji, who seemed attentive and sat alert. It had been hard to keep them all focused on the more mundane things lately with all that had happened, so he could not be too angry with them, but he was a bit disappointed.

“…Very well,” he said at last. “We’ll meet again next week. I look forward to hearing updates from all of you.”

At Erwin's words, everyone suddenly sprang to life, quickly gathering up their meeting notes and filing out of the conference room. Hanji was the only one to linger, not to Erwin's surprise, but he was grateful that she, at least, still seemed to care.

“It sounds like Catherine’s squad is really pushing forward,” she said, giving him a smile as she stood from her seat. “…Or were you even listening to a word they said?”

“I was,” Erwin murmured as he struggled to put all of his papers back into order. Having only one hand made it a little bit tedious.

“And you’ve got nothing to say about it?” Hanji asked.

“It’s still too early to determine anything yet.” Erwin let out a sigh as he leaned back in his seat, staring off into the distance. “We lost two of our key players to those shifters— _again_. And if we consider that Historia left by her own free will, even if we bring her back, it won’t do us much good. She will only be fit to rule because of her name; her motivations are no longer guaranteed to be in our favor.”

“Were they ever, really?” Hanji murmured, a sad smile upon her face. “Erwin, we knew that putting her into power was a risk from the start, but there were things to be gained by trying, and so we did. We did what we thought was best--as always.”

Hanji was right--they could only do so much. And until they received some kind of news from the Garrison, or until either Hanji's squad or Catherine's squad had some kind of miraculous breakthrough, the Survey Corps was stuck in a rut.

Startling him out of his thoughts, a knock came on the door, and a few seconds later, Nile appeared in the doorway.

“Nile!?” Hanji gasped as their old friend stared at them with dark, sunken eyes. “I didn’t know you had been invited over…?”

Erwin noticed Hanij look at him, but he was not sure what to make of this, either. Nile had no real reason to be at their headquarters--they had not arranged any kind of meeting, and the expression on Nile's face disturbed Erwin and made his heart sink. He had known Nile long enough to know what expression this was--it was the face Nile always made when either he had tasted something bitter, or when he was forced to do something he did not like.

“I apologize for interrupting your…meeting, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to wrap it up soon,” Nile stated, his voice sounding distant. “Erwin, I’m sorry--“

Nile could not say a single word more--Hanji turned to him with such force that her chair clattered to the floor.

“You’re kidding me!” she shrieked, her voice cracking. “The queen leaves and this is how you react?!”

“It’s not as if I enjoy doing this,” Nile murmured. His eyes looked lifeless, and Erwin understood immediately what was happening, what the Police wanted from him, and from Nile. “Erwin, you’ll come quietly, I assume?”

Erwin stayed silent, but he stood from his chair. He was, for some reason, steady on his feet, and his steps toward Nile were deliberate.

“Erwin, don’t do this,” Hanji begged him, following him toward the door. “Erwin, don’t. Don’t do this. Please.”

If she had not been there, it would not have been hard. If she had left but one minute earlier, with everyone else, Erwin would not have felt a single bit of hesitation. Still, he resisted her pleas, and instead turned to face her with a stern, unwavering expression.

“Hanji,” he mumbled, pulling at the emblem fastened around his neck. Hanji shook her head at him, her lips tightly pursed as she watched him slip off the bolo tie. “You know what you have to do.”

“You’re damn right I do,” she breathed, narrowing her eyes. “I’m going to get you out of this.”

Erwin stared at her for a moment, trying his best to ignore the tears glittering in her eyes. She had always been so stubborn, and it had normally worked in his favor, but he knew that now, there was nothing she could do to fix this. This was the end.

Without a word, Erwin held out the bolo tie to Hanji.

“No,” she muttered, shaking her head again. “I’m not taking it.”

“I’m leaving you in charge of the Survey Corps--“ Erwin began.

“No, I won’t.”

“You are to take command--“

“I refuse.”

“Hanji.”

Erwin stared at Hanji, and the person he saw standing before him made his insides want to collapse in on themselves. Hanji was so bright, so happy, ridiculously intelligent and forward-thinking, talented and energetic--but this person who was standing in front of him now looked so fragile, fragile enough that if he was to touch her, she might shatter. And he had done it to her. He had ruined plenty of things, Erwin knew that, but he had not wanted to ruin her. He never had.

They had tried to avoid it, they had tried for years. In the back of his mind, he had always known that this was a possibility. But still, somehow, he had given in, and thus, had failed her.

Erwin stood with his arm outstretched, the bolo tie swinging loosely, for a long while without saying a word. Hanji, too, only stared up at him, completely silent. He knew what she was thinking, though; there had been enough wordless conversations between them that he just knew. Her will to resist was fading, though not without a struggle, but at last, she reached up and took the bolo tie.

 _Thank you_ , Erwin thought as he lowered his arm. A couple of Police soldiers grabbed his shoulders, but he did not resist. It would not do anyone any good anymore.

“We appreciate your cooperation,” Nile murmured, then nodded at Hanji. Erwin looked at her one more time before being pulled away into the hallway; the bitterness had returned to her expression, and his throat filled with bile so quickly that when he turned and saw Moblit, he almost got sick at that very moment.

“Commander?” Moblit gasped, but Erwin did not say a word. It was up to Hanji now, and he trusted her more than anyone.

“...I'm sorry, Erwin,” Nile whispered as they walked toward the front doors.

“...Yeah. So am I,” Erwin murmured as the afternoon sun shone down on his face for the last time.

 

…......

 

As he ran his hand through Catherine's hair, Levi let out a sigh.

“Mikasa still won't talk to me,” he mumbled, pushing the long wavy locks over her shoulder. They simply tumbled back down, brushing against his face as she looked down at him.

“Give her time,” Catherine told him, planting a kiss on his forehead. The bed shifted as she sat back on her heels and rolled up her sleeves. “Just think of this as a break. You can focus on other things for a while.” She then smirked and added, “Have you still been reading that book I gave you?”

“A little,” he muttered, rolling onto his side away from her.

“Uh-huh.” Catherine reached over and tugged on his shoulder, pulling him back toward her. “...It's okay if you haven't been. I know you were preoccupied with other things for a while.”

Levi smirked up at her.

“Because making you cry over a present was my goal the whole time,” he said, and she rolled her eyes in response.

“Yeah, well, you did it. Good for you.”

Catherine leaned down and kissed his lips gently; Levi reached up to pull her closer.

Yeah, he had done that. He had done that, and more. Ever since then, he had been distracted; now, all of Erwin's warnings had started to make a little more sense.

“You should get back into the habit, though,” Catherine warned him, pulling on his cravat and smacking him in the face with it. “Everyone else is working their asses off.”

“I will,” he muttered.

A loud knock interrupted their quiet conversation, and Levi quickly sat upright, Catherine still holding his cravat.

“Captain Levi!?” Moblit's frantic voice cried out. He threw open the door, then let out a yelp and pulled it shut again.

“It's fine,” Levi told him, gritting his teeth. Catherine finally released her hold on Levi, turning toward the door. “What's going on?!”

“C-Commander Erwin--he's been taken into Military Police custody!”

Moblit's words seemed to echo in Levi's head for a good while before their meaning fully registered.

“When!?” Catherine cried--her voice sounded distant.

“Right after we left that meeting, I think!” Moblit looked more exasperated than usual. “I went back to ask Squad Leader Hanji a question, and I saw Nile and two of his men leading Erwin out.”

Again.

Again, Erwin had chosen to sacrifice himself and his well-being for the happiness of others. This time, though, there was no escape plan. Levi had no idea what Erwin wanted them to do now. Everything felt more panicky, more chaotic than before.

“Levi,” Catherine murmured. “Let's go.”

He nodded, but his head was spinning. What was going to happen to Erwin? This could not be how he let himself fall. After everything that had happened so far...

“Moblit, you go on ahead,” Catherine commanded him. “We'll find Hanji.”

“Understood!”

As Moblit's footsteps disappeared down the hallway, Levi slowly got to his feet. He had not realized that he was shaking until then, when the bed no longer supported him and the warmth of Catherine's body had left him.

“...What the hell is going on...?” Catherine whispered.

“...Erwin's lost,” Levi mumbled. God, he wanted to believe that was not the truth. He wanted Erwin to pull through again, to prove him wrong. But something about these circumstances, something about how easily it had all happened...it did not bode well for any of them.

“That can't be,” Catherine insisted. “This is outrageous--why would they remove our leader so soon after we've been shaken up like this?”

Levi glanced over at her; her fists were clenched, as well as her jaw. Her mind was obviously hard at work, trying to decipher what all of this meant. But to him, it was not that complicated.

This had been a long time coming. Levi had seen Erwin's willpower waver more and more as time had gone on. He thought of himself as useless, a failure to those who had relied on him. Nobody in the Corps shared that opinion, but Erwin was stubborn. Once he had decided something, he would follow through on it, until the bitter end.

“He's giving up,” Levi murmured, gritting his teeth. “That bastard. That absolute piece of _shit_. After everything that's happened...”

Erwin had been the one to bring Levi to this place. Without him, Levi would have lived in the underground, or in prison, for the rest of what probably would have been a short life. Erwin had taught him how to move on, how to succeed, how to lead--simply by setting an example himself. And now, he was just going to throw it all away? What a sickening ending. It did not suit him.

“Let's find Hanji,” Catherine murmured, gently placing a hand on Levi's shoulder before walking out of the room.

“...Hanji can't fix this now, either,” he mouthed as he followed her out into the hallway.

 

…......

 

February was still a cold month, and Marie Dawk was not used to spending it outside. She was a housewife, and she loved it, but she did not get out as much as she used to. It was a full time job, after all.

But, once she had confirmation that Erwin Smith was indeed in Military Police custody and held in their prison, Marie had dropped everything.

A long time ago, she had loved Erwin.

Years and years ago, perhaps--but the feelings had still existed once, no matter how long ago they had occurred. He was still an important person to her.

Marie loved Nile--she did not regret her choice to settle down with him. He had been a great partner, a loving husband, a wonderful father, and her best friend after all of these years. But Erwin was still special. And he did not deserve this.

“Oh, Missus Dawk,” one of the Police soldiers greeted her as she arrived at their headquarters. “Nile is--”

“I'm not here to see Nile today,” she told him briskly, pulling her scarf down from her mouth. “Escort me to the prison cells.”

“...Yes, ma'am.”

The heels of Marie's boots clicked as she walked on the tile; the sound echoed through the otherwise quiet halls, and it made her aware of just how quiet things were now, compared to how lively and joyous the ball had been. Most of the soldiers walking around now wore grim expressions, as if they knew how heavy of a burden they had been saddled with, as if they too could not stop thinking about the man they were keeping locked up in the basement.

 _He didn't do anything wrong_ , Marie thought, gritting her teeth as she carefully descended the dimly lit stairs to the prison cells. _Or at least, nothing worthy of this._

Marie did not have complete insider details about the inner workings of the Police and its relationship to what was left of their government, but she _did_ know enough to know that the regiment was splitting right down the middle. Those who wanted to continue to receive full support from their government had sided with Zackley, and Nile was among them. But, one consequence of that was Erwin's imprisonment. Nile had only wanted Erwin to step down and retire; he had only agreed to this to protect the citizens.

God, what a great thing that would have been! To see Erwin Smith, retired and free!

But, that would not _really_ be Erwin Smith. Not anymore.

... _And this i_ _ **s**_ _...?_ Marie thought as she stopped in front of Erwin's cell. His remaining arm was chained to the wall, and it made her realize just how much he had changed. Even after spending the whole night drinking, Erwin had always been able to maintain his composure in public. He had always appeared well-kept, even if in truth, he was not. Now, though, he was just a shadow of himself. This was not Erwin Smith. The real Erwin Smith? Something had already happened to him. This was simply just the last shred of him that had yet to be crushed under what had been a horrible life.

“Erwin,” she murmured, stepping up to the bars. He lifted his head, and to her surprise, a small smirk appeared on his face. “...What's that face for?” she then snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you? You're in _jail._ ”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, but his smirk stayed. “I'm just--I'm still not used to seeing you in those fancy clothes.”

Marie looked down at her dress, then back up at Erwin, and she scowled.

“You don't have to give me back-handed compliments--I'm not your bartender anymore,” she told him, but she could not hide her smile for long. “...Though you probably do still owe me money from back then.”

“You can have it now,” Erwin replied. “I won't need it anymore.”

Marie stood in silence for a few moments before she summoned enough bravery to open her mouth again.

“You've had your trial?” she breathed. Erwin nodded, confirming that, yes, a week had passed. A week of him locked up like this. “And?”

He did not reply, but that was an answer in itself.

Marie grabbed the bars of his cells, digging her nails into the iron beams.

“No,” she hissed. “Who decided--”

“It doesn't matter, Marie,” Erwin said, as if to comfort her. “...It'll protect you and Nile, and everyone else.”

“It'll also protect people who don't deserve it!” she shouted, leaning toward Erwin, her cheeks brushing against the cold bars.

“Ma'am, please--”

“Oh, shut up,” Marie huffed at the Police soldier, who gave her a concerned look. “Do you think I'm a child? I'm not going to get my head stuck in them.”

“You don't have the authority to go in there,” he warned her, and she rolled her eyes.

“My husband is the Commander--do you _really_ think I care?” Marie shook her head. “Not that I'm going to do anything...”

She stared down at Erwin; the smile had disappeared from his face at last, and he seemed uncomfortable. Her grip tightening on the bars, she leaned forward again, pursing her lips.

“...You know, for a while, I wondered if you were going to ruin my life,” she admitted, and Erwin looked up at her. “...I used to love you, y'know. And I knew, I _knew_ you'd never settle down. I knew better. You're wild. You don't like to sit still.” She grimaced. “This is...actually the most passive I've ever seen you.”

Marie could feel tears threatening to fall, but she stood tall.

“...I'm sorry,” Erwin mumbled. “...I--”

“I'm a person, you know!” she then shouted, making Erwin fall silent again. “And I don't _regret_ the choice that I made in the end, but sometimes, Erwin, sometimes I wonder who actually _made_ that choice. Was it me?”

“Marie--”

“ _Was_ it me?!” Marie clenched her jaw, shaking her head. “I was bartered off, Erwin. I was young and stupid and I didn't know what else to do besides play along, so I didn't fight it, and in the end, I'm glad I did it, but it still hurt!”

Erwin said nothing, but his silence only confirmed that her assumptions were correct.

“You've been trying to push away people your whole life, it seems,” she added, sniffing back her tears. “God. What a shame.” Marie pushed her hair out of her face. “...You've given up on yourself. What a goddamn shame.”

“...I'm sorry.”

Erwin's words were so quiet that Marie could only stare at him in response. Was that it? Was that all he had become?

“...I forgive you, Erwin,” Marie said gently. “...And I'll miss you. You...you didn't do anything wrong, you know? You've always done what you thought was right, and you did things that no one else was willing to do. This...isn't how it should be ending.”

She paused, running a hand through her hair.

“...Just...at least, at least now you'll be able to rest,” she sputtered, trying to ignore the tears appearing on her cheeks. “Rest, and--and we'll handle everything else.”

Erwin looked up at her again; he had a faint smile on his face.

“...Thank you, Marie,” he murmured, and she nodded, pulling at her hair.

“...I'm, uh, I'm not gonna say goodbye, y'know?” Marie shrugged, letting her hand drop to her side. “You're gonna think it's stupid, but, um, I really think we'll meet again. And, next time, let's--let's not pretend. Just, remember that. We have to be better to each other.”

“...I'll remember,” Erwin promised her, and she nodded again.

“I will, too, okay?”

“Okay, Marie. Thank you.”

Marie nodded once more, biting her lip in a futile effort to hold back her tears. She stepped away from his cell at last, then turned to the guard who had escorted her downstairs. Though she could not speak, he seemed to understand that she had nothing left to say.

 _What a damn shame_ , she thought, burying her mouth and nose into her scarf to stifle her sobs.

 


	117. Don't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gave up.   
> No one has given up on him, but himself.

_“Oh, fuck off.”_

_Erwin laughed as Nile placed his face into his hands. The guy could be so uptight sometimes, and that made it even easier for Erwin and Mike to tease him. It was all in good fun, though, and Erwin knew that Nile understood that, too._

_“Whoa,” Mike murmured suddenly, and both Erwin and Nile stopped in their tracks. “You okay?”_

_Erwin followed Mike's gaze, and he could clearly see the outline of a young soldier huddled up against the corner of the mess hall._

_“Yep!” came the hushed voice. “Just, y'know, enjoying the fresh air!”_

_Erwin took a closer look at the soldier; their eyes were watering, and there were tear stains on their cheeks._

_“You can't sleep outside,” Nile said crisply. “It's against the rules.”_

_“Well, that might be one that I have to break!” the soldier laughed, adjusting their glasses. They pulled their jacket tighter around their torso._

_“Then just stay with us,” Erwin replied, shrugging. Mike let out a quiet laugh through his nose. “...S'gotta be better than sleeping out here, right?”_

_“I can't do that,” the soldier sighed. “But thanks.”_

_“You can't stay out here, either. Come on.”_

_Erwin grabbed the soldier's skinny arm and pulled them to their feet._

_“What's your name?” he asked._

_“...Hanji.”_

_“You can't just drag an underclassman into our dorm,” Nile hissed._

_“'You can't sleep outside. It's against the rules.' Hi, my name's Nile. Someone pull out the stick shoved up my ass.” Erwin heard Hanji let out a laugh in response to his mockery. He grinned down at them. “Ignore him. You're safe with us. Right, Mike?”_

_Mike only chuckled, then nodded, an unusually warm smile on his face._

 

Bruno did not fear much in this world. He had trained himself to physically and psychologically deal with so much that hardly anything really surprised him anymore. That was, however, not to say that he did not experience any emotions, or that he did not think of things as roadblocks or obstacles. He was stoic, not stupid.

To keep Erwin Smith alive, something drastic would have to happen. Bruno was willing to do it, whatever it might be. But, he had to have Erwin's guaranteed cooperation first.

He visited Erwin after his first week in prison--despite protest from several people, Zackley and the majority of the Police had decided that Erwin's crimes were severe enough to warrant an execution. This was a disgusting fate, one that Bruno felt was not appropriate for such a successful leader. It was far more befitting of a rabid dog.

“...Commander,” Bruno greeted Erwin, who let out a quiet laugh.

“I think it's obvious that there's no need for formalities anymore, Bruno,” he murmured. The fire that Bruno had once seen in his eyes was gone.

“You can't give up,” Bruno insisted, glancing over at the guard. He was far enough away that, as long as Bruno kept his voice down, he could not hear their conversation. “...There may still be a way to fix this.”

“Even if that's true, it won't fix the minds of the people,” Erwin argued. He gave Bruno a smile, then added, “I appreciate your dedication, but I can assure you, there are better ways to spend your time. I've been preparing for this for a long, long time. It's not really a surprise to me, unfortunately.”

“The people's minds won't change because they've yet to have someone show them anything better,” Bruno replied quietly. “You have that potential. So many of us have recognized it.”

“Even if what you're saying is true...that's not going to convince _Zackley_ to let me go.”

“No, perhaps not. But there are other ways to get you out of here.”

Bruno stared down at Erwin. This man was but a shadow of who he once was. Deep down, though, _surely_ , his beliefs and dreams had not changed.

“Just because Eren is gone doesn't mean we are powerless,” Bruno continued in a low voice. “We have other resources.”

“...Do you mean your sister?”

Bruno jolted up straight at Erwin's words. He knew? Someone had already told him about Bianca's powers? How far had that news spread...?

“Don't worry,” Erwin assured him. “Hanji and I are the only ones who know outside of Catherine's squad. We intend to keep it that way.” He then shook his head. “But...I can't risk her life for mine. That's...”

“It's what we've been preparing for,” Bruno told him. “Not just Bianca. I have, too. I am...willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary.”

Bruno held Erwin's gaze as the man's blue eyes widened. There was a look of understanding in his eyes; Bruno knew he did not have to explain himself any further. Good.

“...This world has gone to shit,” he continued. “You have the potential to change it.”

Erwin lowered his head at last, and Bruno frowned. This man had once been so powerful, so steady. Was this his true form? Was he really so badly broken?

“I've done what I can,” Erwin said, giving Bruno a sad smile. “You and the others--you still have hope and potential. If I have to turn myself into the world's enemy to protect people, even the ungrateful ones, I'll do it. You're not the only one willing to make sacrifices.”

“...This whole thing is just...disgusting,” Bruno hissed.

“I'm not gonna deny that. But it is what it is.” Erwin looked up at Bruno and narrowed his eyes. “...If what you've told me is true, use it to move forward. Consider me a thing of the past.” He paused, pursing his lips. “...Protect the Corps,” he added in a soft whisper.

“...I will,” Bruno promised. “Not just them--I'll protect this world. By whatever means necessary.”

Erwin gave him a gentle smile; it seemed familiar, somehow, and resigned.

“...Good luck, Bruno,” Erwin murmured. “Thank you.”

 

…......

 

“I can't believe this is happening.”

Levi had repeated those words so many times, always in the same way, that under any other circumstances, Catherine would have mocked him. It was becoming habitual for him, and linguistically, it was a bit comical.

But, god, the circumstances.

Catherine had never expected to visit Erwin in jail. She had thought that, like most members of the Corps, he would die on the battle field. There should not have been any chance for last words. In that sense, perhaps, she should have been grateful. But seeing him chained to the wall like an animal...it did not suit the Commander she had followed for years, the formerly glorious leader of the Survey Corps. Now, he just looked like a beggar that had been pulled off of the streets.

“...You're not Erwin...” Levi murmured as he stepped up to the bars of Erwin's cell. Erwin only let out a quiet laugh.

“Thank you for coming,” he replied, a small smile on his gaunt face. Levi was right, to an extent--this was not Erwin. Or at least, it was not the Erwin they had come to know over the years.

“Commander,” Catherine said quietly, standing next to Levi with pursed lips. “...This can't be how this ends. This just...doesn't make sense. You've always had a plan in mind for times like this...”

Had they messed something up? Catherine could not help but consider the possibility. Letting the shifters get away with Eren had obviously been a fatal mistake. But was this _really_ a necessary consequence?

“It's been decided that I've committed enough crimes against humanity to earn this punishment,” Erwin told her calmly.

“Bullshit,” Levi spat out. “The real crime against humanity is locking you up like this.”

“Levi...” Catherine murmured, glancing at the Police guards nearby. Fortunately, they seemed disinterested.

“You've been the only one brave enough to take risks to improve our circumstances,” Levi went on, gripping the iron bars. “You've continuously put your life on the line to protect these people and better their lives. How the _fuck_ is losing Eren _your_ fault? You're just a scapegoat, Erwin--I thought you knew better than to let them get away with using you like this.”

Erwin just smiled up at Levi, and Catherine bit her lip. He was resigned, that much was obvious now.

“If I was to come back now, what do you really think that would change?” Erwin asked them.

“You're our leader, for fuck's sake,” Levi hissed. “We _trust_ you.”

“You can trust other people, too.”

“It's not the same!”

Startled by Levi's harsh tone, Catherine turned to him, pursing her lips. She completely understood why he was upset--this was not fair to Erwin, or to their regiment. They were essentially being kicked while they were down. Still, what good would it do them to get this angry? Hanji was trustworthy, and she was probably going to be a capable leader. Her style would be different, but that was only natural.

“...Levi,” Erwin murmured, frowning. “...I'm disappointed in you.”

“Yeah? Well, that's mutual, you ass.” Levi leaned forward, his face poking through the bars. “You're giving up. It's obvious. And it's pathetic.”

“...Don't make the same mistakes that I did.”

“The hell are you talking about?” Levi stood up straight. “I'm not gonna be Commander. That's the advice you should be giving to--”

“Don't close yourself off to everyone,” Erwin interrupted him. “Don't isolate yourself. It won't help you.”

Catherine stared down at Erwin, furrowing her brows. What did he mean by this? There was definitely something that she was missing.

“I don't have a choice!” Levi shouted. “None of us do! We're working jobs that make us risk our lives!”

To Catherine's surprise, Erwin laughed again.

“What the _fuck_ do you think is so funny?” Levi was visibly shaking with anger at this point, and Catherine gently put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped at her touch, as if she had drawn him out of someplace deep inside his own world.

“...Don't live like a coward, Levi.” Erwin tugged on his chain. “Having this on your physical body is bad enough. Having them in your head will destroy you. And you deserve better. You both do.”

“But you do, too,” Catherine jumped in, removing her hand from Levi's shoulder. “That's what just...doesn't make sense.”

“...He's giving up,” Levi muttered. “Must be nice. To just let everything go. You're better than that. You used to be.”

“Levi, I've never been strong. I only looked that way in comparison to the hell you had escaped.” Erwin gave Levi a sad smile. “You've still got a lot to learn about this world. And yourself, to be quite honest.”

Catherine had had this thought before, but with Erwin's words, it occurred to her once again: she did not know Levi very well. Outside of an intimate setting, she did not know him at all, really. Erwin, however, seemed to know so much more about Levi than she did, and she could not help but take his advice to heart.

“Commander,” Catherine murmured. “...Do you really think this is the right choice?”

“...It's hard to say,” Erwin admitted. “But it's an inevitability. And I decided to stop running from it.” He pursed his lips, giving her a stern look. “Take advantage of it. Find Eren. We know the who and why--it's just a matter of where.”

“We will,” she promised him, nodding firmly. They did not have a good place to start, and there were not very many clues for them to work with, but they had to try. Especially if this was one of the sacrifices they were going to make. She did not want to let Erwin die in vain.

“Stop it,” Levi said suddenly. “Just stop. Stop acting like you still care. If you cared, you'd be fighting your way out of this.”

“Levi--”

“What happened to the guy who told us all to keep moving forward, to never give up, to never regret?!” Levi shouted, interrupting Erwin. “He's turned back on his word, he's turned back to his past and is dwelling on it like a fucking _child_. This is _childish_ , Erwin!”

“Levi, enough,” Catherine said, pulling him back by his shoulder away from the bars. “Even if you're right, saying all this isn't going to change anything.”

“...It's all right, Catherine,” Erwin told her, and she turned to him again. “Levi isn't wrong. This is probably the most childish thing I've ever done. But in the end, it will protect all of you. That's my goal now.” He furrowed his brow, looking up at Levi. “But you have to promise to keep trying.”

Catherine watched as Levi narrowed his eyes at Erwin, staring him down. His loyalty to the Commander was obvious, but there was something else about this, something...

 _What happened to him_? she wanted to ask Erwin. _What did you do for him to gain his trust to this extent..._?

“Remember your decision to join the Survey Corps--remember that day, and the determination you felt,” Erwin went on, looking up at Levi. “Take that, hold on to it. Use it to protect the people of this world who still need you.” His face softened. “I can't be a symbol of hope for this world anymore, but the rest of you still can. I'm counting on you.”

“...I hate you,” Levi whispered, his voice trembling. “For giving up here. After all this. I hate you.”

“Levi--you don't mean that,” Catherine told him, narrowing her eyes. She could not let him leave here with those as his last words.

“I do,” he insisted. “...I hate you. But I forgive you.”

Erwin let out a quiet laugh.

“...Do you believe in the afterlife, Levi?” he asked. “If I see you there, you can punch me.”

“I'll knock your teeth in,” Levi agreed. “...You piece of shit.”

“I'm holding you to that.”

“...Thank you,” Catherine said to Erwin. She could not bring herself to say anything more. Anything else would feel too final.

“Good luck,” he replied, nodding. “I believe in you.”

“...Erwin...I'm sorry,” Levi breathed, his voice barely even audible. He looked at Catherine at last; his eyes were glassy, and it caught her off-guard. “...I...”

“...Let's go,” she said quickly, hardly able to look at him. She did not want this to destroy him, but she was not sure how to fix it. Was there even a way to help him, especially when she understood so little about him?

Without another word, Catherine turned her back to Erwin and led Levi out of the prison, her heart heavy with grief.

 

…......

 

“...There's really nothing we can do, is there?”

Hanji stared at Nile as he tried to avoid her gaze. She could feel the guilt radiating off of him; in twenty-four hours, Erwin Smith would be dead.

“...I'm not sure there is,” Nile admitted quietly. “...I...I've been trying to think of something, but--”

“...Then just...let me see him.”

Nile nodded, but he still seemed hesitant.

“If this was Marie wanting to see you, I wouldn't think twice,” she murmured, and Nile nodded again.

“...Just...don't do anything to get yourself into trouble,” he warned her, and she nodded. She knew better now. She did not want to hurt him anymore. She just wanted to say goodbye for the last time. To just rip out the thorns.

Nile led her down the stairs to the prison; it was not the first time she had been down here, but she wanted this to be the last. Eren had not exactly been treated well here, and she did not expect to see much better for Erwin.

It was, in fact, worse.

He looked thin and worn-down, and Hanji had to really look at him to realize that yes, this was Erwin Smith.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” she managed to say as she walked into his cell. To her slight relief, Erwin let out a weak but genuine laugh.

“I’m glad you came,” he admitted, giving her a small smile. She knelt down in front of him “…Don’t sit on the floor in here--it’s disgusting.”

“What, do I look like Levi to you?” Hanji scoffed. “I don’t care--I’ll do as I please.”

“You always have, I suppose…”

Hanji could not help but grin at Erwin. He was right, after all. After all they had been through, she had always sort of...done her own thing. But that did not make her a leader--it would not make her a leader like him. Realizing this, the smile disappeared, and she stared at Erwin, feeling the sense of dread fill her body from head to toe.

“Nile told me that nothing has changed?” Hanji mumbled.

“Nothing has changed,” Erwin replied.

“…Erwin, you and I both know that you’re the last person who deserves to be in prison for crimes against humanity.” Hanji stared at him, pursing her lips.

“We also know that people are fickle--and when mixed with fear, that irrationality can do some pretty horrible things.”

“Maybe it’s _your_ turn to do something crazy.”

At her words, Erwin gave her a small grimace; he had probably turned over the same thing in his head plenty of times by now.

“That wouldn’t change anything now; it wouldn’t mean anything,” he murmured.”

“…I know.”

 _But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna ask you to try,_ Hanji wanted to say, but she instead averted her gaze, staring at the dirty cell floor. This just did not seem right. It also did not seem real.

Finally, _finally_ , after all of their internal struggles, they had been brought together again. Was it really only to be torn apart in the end? How was that fair? Or had their mistake been to begin all of this in the first place?

 _God, I don't want you to ever leave me,_ she thought, biting her lip. She hesitated, then looked up at Erwin. He looked so tired, _so tired_. But, she should have known. He had told her so already--he _was_ tired.

Gently, Hanji ran a hand through his hair. It was greasy, dirty, so unlike him.

“I haven’t bathed in days,” Erwin mumbled, a small, guilty smile on his face.

“Neither have I,” Hanji replied in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. To her relief, Erwin let out a laugh; with that, he looked like himself again, and Hanji felt that she could laugh with him. She loved being happy with him. She loved being with him. Was that really about to be taken away? Even when right now, at this moment, they were so happy?

Hanji ran her fingers through Erwin's hair again, smiling at him while trying to ignore the lump in her throat.

“I was hoping I could hear you laugh at least one more time,” she confessed quietly.

“…Why did you come today? What was the real reason?” Erwin stared at her, the smile fading someplace far away. Hanji grimaced at him, swallowing back bile. This was torture. This was _torture_.

“…For some reason, I thought…that…it would be a good idea to give you a proper goodbye.” Hanji's voice was quiet, awkward. “Why…? Erwin, why does this hurt so much…?”

She stared at him, hoping that he would answer her, that he would satisfy this emptiness that she was already starting to feel inside. Though she had spent years denying it and avoiding it, she could not run anymore--she loved Erwin. She had for a long, long time. And, when Erwin laid his head upon her shoulder, it took every fiber of her being to hold him there and not rip his chains from the wall and free him. She had only wanted to protect him. She had only wanted to help him. Hurting him had never been her goal. And, if she was perfectly honest with herself, it had probably not been his goal, either.

But, god, it hurt.

Knowing that this moment could not last forever...it hurt. Hanji's entire body ached, and her heart pounded in her throat in fear--the fear of, at any moment now, having to let him go.

“Zoë Hanji…”

Erwin's voice was gentle but firm, and it startled Hanji to hear him speak with such sudden confidence.

“I am entrusting you with this burden: please, guide the Survey Corps in my stead, and bring peace to humanity.” Erwin lifted his head to face her; his blue eyes locked with hers. “...I won’t ask anything else of you now.”

“I will,” Hanji promised him, relying on the last bit of courage she had left in her body. She untangled her fingers from his hair and gently put her hand on his shoulder. But that felt so impersonal, and her hand then wandered to his chest, over his heart, where she could feel the physical proof that he was alive, right now.

“A man as brave and wise as you has entrusted me with a nearly impossible task, but I’ll do it,” Hanji declared, giving him a small smile. “...I would never refuse anything you asked of me, Erwin.”

“Thank you.” Erwin's chapped lips curled into a sincere smile, and Hanji's heart felt like it might shatter. There was more to say, so much more, but she could only manage something simple.

“I love you,” she murmured; the words were like a breath of fresh air. She had been holding them in so long, but they were not stale. The feeling was pure, tainted only by these disgusting circumstances.

Erwin looked as if someone had woken him from a dream. His eyes were wide, and she could see the beginnings of tears there.

“…I would have regretted staying quiet,” she told him, unable to hide her smile. “I’m sorry that this is all I could do for you.”

“I…” Erwin could not speak, but he did not have to; Hanji had never seen his emotions so clearly written in his expression before, and it made her chest ache. She did not want to hurt him. Anything but that. If he could not say it, if that was what he had to do to protect himself, she understood.

“It’s all right, Erwin,” Hanji murmured, running her fingers through his hair one last time. “I already know. I’ve known for a while. Please…” She paused, staring into his eyes. In the time he had left in this world, she just wanted him to feel happiness. However brief. “...Just be at peace with yourself now.”

Erwin said nothing in reply, but she noticed the change in his expression as she slowly stood, pulling her hand away. Suddenly, there was regret. She felt it, too--this horribly strong magnetism that told her to stay, just stay, stay until the end. And it was tempting.

But, Hanji had made a promise to him. She had to get up and keep going. She had to leave now. Time to leave.

Erwin had no final words for Hanji, and that was all right. If he had tried to say anything, she would have broken down. The silence was enough for now.

Hanji felt nothing but numbness until she returned to her room later that afternoon. She returned to an empty, lifeless space that was plagued with so many memories, it made her head hurt. It was then that the tears fell, and she was not the only one to give up on sleeping that night.

 


	118. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A life-shattering event for many.  
> It will, however, become the start of a series of events that will change their world.

_Levi watched Erwin's face carefully as he sat down at his desk. He then glanced at Mike and Hanji standing beside him; they, too, were observing Erwin's every move. There was surely so much that their new Commander wanted to say, but none of them was going to try to force it out of him._

_“...You three have been with me through all of this,” Erwin finally stated, staring at his desk. “...Thank you. I'm truly grateful.”_

_Levi again glanced at Mike and Hanji; they kept silent, still waiting for Erwin to say more. They had known him much longer than Levi had, so he had no choice but to follow their lead._

_“I think you all already know this, but there is going to be a difficult decision ahead of us,” Erwin then murmured. “...I've appointed you three as Squad Leaders for a reason. I believe in your abilities as soldiers, and as leaders.”_

_Erwin looked up at them, his eyes glancing between the three of them in turn._

_“I'm going to need your support more than ever,” he told them in a soft voice. “...I want to work together with you all, until our dying breaths.”_

_“Of course,” Hanji said without hesitation. Mike nodded, and Levi did the same. If there was one person in this world that he trusted, it was Erwin. Under his command, he could do anything he put his mind to--that was the proof of Erwin Smith's incredible leadership._

 

Erwin awoke to sunbeams on his face on the morning of his execution. The skies were beginning to clear, as if welcoming spring and the new era it would bring.

He was not afraid, nor was he nervous. When Nile and the Police guards came to get him, he did not resist. This had been coming for some time now, and to struggle now would only hurt him, as well as those he desperately wanted to protect.

“...You're going to let this happen?” Nile breathed as they walked outside to the Military Police headquarters' courtyard. Erwin nodded.

“Don't sound so sad,” he murmured, giving Nile a small smile. He was glad that at least his childhood friend could keep him company, even if it was the weakness of this very same man that had brought him to this point.

“Don't tell me how to act,” Nile snapped, his eyes glittering. “Do you even get what's going to happen today...? They're going to kill you.”

“I know.” Erwin took a gulp of fresh air; there was a cold wind that brushed against his skin and gave him goosebumps. These simple sensations were more beautiful than usual; they held finality for him, a peaceful ending.

Of course, Erwin knew that peace was the furthest thing from their world. But at least he might feel it soon himself.

He was led up onto the wooden platform of the gallows by the guards; before him was a large crowd of people, soldiers and townsfolk alike, mixed with familiar faces. Many of the Survey Corps soldiers had gathered in front, huddled around one another. They had already begun their mourning, it seemed.

“Erwin Smith.”

Zackley's voice was loud and authoritative--Erwin remembered that, some time ago, his voice had held something similar in it.

As Zackley read out a declaration of Erwin's crimes, Erwin looked out over the sea of people in front of him. He knew who he was looking for, and it did not take him long to find them: Hanji, Levi, Catherine, Bruno, and Rowen were gathered together toward the front, staring up at him in a mix of disbelief, fear, and sorrow. He could not look at them directly without feeling horrible guilt. Had he not explained to them that this was all for their own good?

Bianca, too, was staring up at him with pursed lips and furrowed brows, as if she could not understand why he had chosen this path. She stood close to her brother, her hand on his arm.

 _People like you...deserve so much more from this world_ , Erwin thought as he caught her gaze. _You...who are willing to do anything to save the people of this world..._

“...Do you confess to these crimes?” Zackley asked, and Erwin looked over at the old man.

 _...That could have been me,_ he realized, raising his eyebrows slightly as Zackley stared at him. _...If I had been swallowed by my bitterness..._

“...I do,” Erwin declared, nodding once. By those words, he had sealed his fate, and the crowd seemed to know that, too. There was a murmur of disbelief that rose up among them, and Erwin glanced over their faces again.

As Zackley continued to speak, Erwin gazed down at his friends. Levi looked more like a child than a powerful soldier; Erwin had only seen him make that face once before, many years ago.

 _I'm sorry_ , he wanted to say.

Erwin's eyes then met Hanji's; they were earnest as ever, and of all of the soldiers in the audience, she appeared to be the calmest. Perhaps it was because she had been through so much with him already that this kind of ending was not as shocking as it should have been. Or maybe it was instead related to the fact that finally, _finally_ , she had opened up to him completely. Hanji had been honest with him in her last meeting with him--it was upon realizing this that Erwin was suddenly overcome with fear.

He had only wanted to protect these people. He had only wanted to do something _good_ for them, and for himself. But over time, he had neglected his own desires for those of the world and had become a slave to them.

Despite all of this, Hanji had stood with him all the while. Unwavering, just like her gaze now. And he had loved her for it. And he always would.

But now, there was nothing he could do about it.

What good would it do them to shout it out loud here? What good would it do anyone to break free and run from this fate? It would only be selfish--there was no room for selfishness in this life.

“Erwin, do you have any final pleas or declarations?” Zackley then asked, tearing Erwin out of his thoughts. He turned to Zackley again, swallowing hard, then looked back out toward the crowd.

“...This...is not the end,” he stated, finding his voice as his eyes once again met Hanji's. “This is...just one step forward...in what will be a very long journey.”

 _...And on that journey...we'll find each other again_ , Erwin vowed. _All of us...will be together again someday... We have to believe in that future..._

Even from where he stood, Erwin could see tears forming in Hanji's eyes, and there was the faintest hint of a smile there.

 _I love you_.

It was the last thing Erwin saw before he was enveloped in darkness. The thin leather bag over his head was warm, stifling, and his resolution died away in an instant. He wanted to live. He wanted a different life than this, a different ending than this.

But it was too late to change that now. He was going to die in this stale darkness.

Erwin closed his eyes, squeezed them shut, in the hope that the image of Hanji's smiling face would present itself. It did, in so many variations. The smiles of those he had helped, the faces of those he had called his friend...

He had no choice but to believe in his own declaration.

Erwin would find them again someday.

But before that, death found him.

It was not hope, or a miracle, but the rope around his neck that caught him when the floor disappeared from under his feet. His last breaths were taken in shattered gasps, and then, the world went silent for him at last.

 

…......

 

Catherine felt as though she had aged twenty years by the time they returned to Survey Corps headquarters that evening. She was sad, to be sure, but more than that, she was disgusted. That was one of the biggest mistakes of humanity to date--killing one of their most capable allies was nothing short of foolish.

She could imagine what Hanji and Nile, people who had been especially _close_ to Erwin, were thinking and feeling now. Silent tears had not stopped falling from her eyes since they had left Wall Sina, and she was not alone.

Levi, however, shed no tears.

Catherine was not sure she had ever really witnessed Levi grieve before. He did not show a lot of emotion in general, and she could not recall a strong reaction after Kenny had died. Even thinking back to when he had lost his squad, he had been quiet, but the silence had not been quite so deafening.

“...Come with me?” Catherine murmured to Levi as they tied up their horses. His only response was a nod, and he avoided all eye contact.

 _There had to have been something,_ she thought as they headed inside and toward the stairs. _I've never seen him like this before. He's downright catatonic..._

Everyone grieved differently, she knew that. And, of course, it would probably take Levi longer to recover from this, since he had been much closer to Erwin. Still, something bothered her about all of this.

When they reached Catherine's room, she gently pulled Levi inside and shut the door behind them. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, placing her head against his. He felt empty and lifeless, as if she was holding air.

“...Levi,” she mumbled, loosening her grip on him and pulling back to look him in the eye. The empty gaze she received in return frightened her, and she felt her throat close up.

 _What happened to you..._? Catherine wanted to ask, but now was obviously not the time.

“...I'm here for you,” she told him quietly. However he was going to grieve, however he was going to continue, even if she did not agree, she wanted to at least support him in whatever way she could.

“...Thank you,” Levi mumbled at last, but his expression did not change. He looked as if he had been shocked into a state of consciousness and was still trying to wake up.

Catherine nodded, running a hand through his hair gently. No reaction. Nothing.

She suddenly regretted not asking Erwin for details on Levi's life, like where he had come from and why he was here now. The only person left to ask was Hanji, but there was no way that she could burden their new Commander with something that was, to everyone else, incredibly trivial and essentially, a selfish pursuit. Catherine would just have to wait it out, to keep her mind open, for Levi's sake.

Gently, she let go of Levi and walked over to her desk, pulling open the top drawer.

“...Take this,” she said, taking out the spare key to her room. She walked back over to him and pressed it into his hand, which was as cold as the metal key itself.

Catherine wanted to be able to tell him that it would be okay, that they would move past this, but right now, there was no proof of that anywhere. They had all been kicked while they were down, and they had lost a valuable life in the process.

“...I need a drink,” she murmured to herself, walking over to her cabinet. To her surprise, Levi followed her over, but he said nothing--he only stood beside her in silence as she poured herself a small glass of wine. “...What can I do for you?” she then asked him.

Levi said nothing in reply. His eyes remained dull as he looked at her; he obviously did not know the answer to her question. The hopelessness was written all over his face.

Swallowing back her tears, Catherine pulled Levi into her arms again; there was a slight reaction this time from him. His arms tightened around her waist, and he placed his forehead on her shoulder, but there were no words nor tears. That was all right for now--Catherine simply held him there, stroking his hair as she took deep breaths, fighting the grief in silence.

 

…......

 

Hanji had expected to hurt after all that had happened. She had also been somewhat aware that there would be parts of this day that would haunt her forever; right now, it was the last look on Erwin's face before they covered his face with a dirty bag, and the sight of his lifeless body being carried away.

Honestly, of all of the horrible things she had witnessed as a Survey Corps soldier, Erwin's death was not particularly spectacular. She had seen far more gruesome things and had seen more horrific deaths.

It was what came after that she had not been able to prepare for in the slightest.

Erwin had done what he thought was right--Hanji _knew_ that. She had trusted him, like she _always_ had. However, because she had been so preoccupied with Erwin's fate, she had neglected to think ahead and consider the consequences that awaited _her_. She was the Commander now, and she did not have Erwin there to fall back on anymore.

But, even worse than that, Hanji felt longing unlike anything she had ever felt before.

“...Commander...”

“Don't call me that,” Hanji begged Moblit quietly as they sat in her room. He lowered his gaze to the floor, and she sat back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling. The nausea that had plagued her all day had yet to vanish; she had started to accept it as a permanent resident in her body.

“...Hanji, it's...it's going to be all right,” Moblit told her after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah.” Hanji grimaced. She knew that already. Erwin had already promised them that much. Somehow, it would all work out in the end. “But...I don't know how to get us there.”

“It's okay--”

“No, it's not. Not anymore.” Hanji looked at Moblit, pushing her hair out of her face. “I'm the Commander now--knowing what to do next is my job.”

“...You can't expect to lead the Corps the same way Erwin did,” Moblit said, giving her a gentle smile. “You're not Erwin. But that doesn't mean you can't do great things, too.”

“...Moblit.” Hanji lowered her gaze to her desk, her hands folded in her lap. “...You're a good person. I know you mean well with all of this. But right now, I don't really wanna think about it.” She swallowed back bile, then added, “We all need to rest. We can figure out what comes next another time.”

“...You're right.” Moblit nodded, standing from his seat on Hanji's bed. He then walked over and gave her a gentle hug around her shoulders. “...I'm sorry.”

No, no, Moblit should not have been apologizing. He could not have done anything to change this. If anyone could have, it was Hanji. And she had not. She had let this happen.

Even after Moblit left her room, Hanji could not cry. She could only feel longing, as if she was starving, or being slowly torn to shreds. This was a kind of grief that she had never known before, not even after losing Mike and Nanaba. The sensation made her want to pull her teeth out, to jump into scalding water...

None of those were viable options, though, so she instead opted for a walk. She would walk until she either felt something again, or until her body gave out--whatever came first.

The halls of the Survey Corps headquarters were not just quiet--they were stale and lifeless, not unlike when they had first arrived here two years ago. Their already bleeding wounds had been dug into with sharp nails, their morale had been crushed, and now, there was no clear path forward, other than to find Eren. But that was easier said than done, and it was entirely possible that they were already too late.

If that was the case, Erwin's death would be in vain.

Hanji's feet led her to the second floor, and her muscle memory stopped her in front of the door to Erwin's office. Standing in front of it, she felt a sense of nostalgia, and she thought that maybe, if she opened it, he would be sitting inside, and this would all turn out to be a horrible nightmare.

To her surprise, the door was unlocked, and Hanji's breath caught in her throat. Had this all been a dream? Had it all been the result of her overactive imagination?

When she opened the door, though, Erwin's office was empty, though, and Hanji let out a deep sigh. His desk was organized, as if at any minute, he would be walking back in and getting back to work. She took a few steps into the room, then glanced over her shoulder. No one was there. No approaching footsteps. Just silence.

She shut the door with a soft click, then stood in the center of the empty room for several minutes, taking in the surroundings. The air held the faintest hints of coffee and wine, and Hanji closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. He would never exist in this world again, but, if possible, she wanted to be able to hold on to the fragments of his memory that he had left behind.

Hanji opened her eyes slowly, then walked over to his desk and sat down in the chair. She had never seen things from this perspective before; it was a small glimpse of what had been Erwin's secret world, or rather, the burden he had carried for years.

One by one, Hanji opened the desk drawers. She had never realized how little Erwin actually owned. He had never been the type to hang on to little trinkets in the first place, but after becoming Commander, he had definitely taken a step back from that attitude in its entirety. It made her think about how much he had given up.

For a moment, it made her think about how he had given _her_ up.

Shoving the open drawer shut with her foot, Hanji grabbed her head, her elbows thudding onto the desk.

 _I don't want to be bitter_ , she told herself, pulling at her hair and squeezing her eyes shut. The longing was bad enough; she did not want to have any lingering hatred, either.

Hanji opened her eyes, then let out a sharp sigh, releasing all of the air she had been holding back. A paper nearby fluttered, and she grabbed the corner of it and pulled it toward her; any distraction was welcome to her now.

It was a page of the most recent budget report for the Corps--the details of how much money went toward each of the squads was listed there, and she recognized the organization of the outline. She had seen these reports before, but something about seeing Erwin's terrible handwriting, the best efforts of his left hand, made her feel at ease.

But, still, there was longing.

Hanji stood up from the desk, then walked over to the door on her right--the door that led to Erwin's room. It, too, was unlocked, and when she entered the room, she let out a quiet laugh. Almost forty, and he still did not bother to make his bed or take back his dishes.

 _What a man_ , she thought, smiling to herself as she walked over to his nightstand. She gently pulled open the drawer, and inside, she found more sources of laughter--terrible drawings that she recognized from their early days in the Survey Corps, shopping lists that had commentary by Mike, letters from his mother and several other people...

Hanji pulled out a familiar piece of parchment; it had her handwriting on it, and after glancing at the date, she recognized it to be the proposal that had eventually landed her the job as a Squad Leader. Why it was stuck with all of these personal things, she was not entirely sure, but she was touched by the thought that maybe, for Erwin, it had been a good memory in a lifetime of struggles and hardships.

That was all she had wanted anyway--to see him be happy.

Shutting the drawer, Hanji then turned to Erwin's bed.

“...Why?” she breathed at last, kneeling next to it. She rested her body on the sheets, then pressed her face into them. Erwin's scent was still there, and Hanji lifted her face.

 _Please, let this be a dream_ , she thought, her cheek pressed against the blankets. _Don't let this be forever_.

The longing within her had only grown; surely, at anyone else's touch, she would only recoil.

“...I'm sorry,” Hanji whispered, once again pressing her face into the bed. She gripped the sheets tightly in her hands, but she could no longer hold back her sobs. “...I'm so sorry...”

This was not how it should have ended.

 

…......

 

Pressing an ear to the wall, Moblit let out a sigh. He could hear Hanji's stifled sobs coming from next door, and though he wanted to go to her and comfort her, he knew that she needed to come to terms with all of this in her own way first.

As he stood up from his bed to blow out the candle, Moblit heard a faint knock on his door.

“Moblit?” It was Justina, and he stood alert.

“I'll be right there!” he exclaimed, hurrying over.

Justina was notorious for being a bundle of energy, but the person Moblit saw standing before him that night seemed years older and far too worn down for any nonsense.

“...I can't sleep,” Justina admitted.

“...Jay, you should really try,” Moblit said gently. Justina only stared back up at him with her large brown eyes. “...It's okay. I feel the same right now.”

He stepped aside to let her in, and Justina hesitated.

“...Can we, like, take a walk or something?” she offered. Moblit pursed his lips, nodding quickly. He had not meant to make her uncomfortable--he had no ill intentions whatsoever.

“Of course.” Moblit grabbed a jacket from the end of his bed, and Justina lowered her gaze.

“...I tried to go see Petr,” she admitted as Moblit stepped out into the cold hallway. “I thought it would help. But...I dunno. Somehow that made things worse.”

“...I suppose I understand,” Moblit sighed as they walked down the hallway toward the stairs.

“It's just proof of one more person we couldn't help.” Justina clenched her teeth, then looked up at Moblit. “There's nothing quite like being kicked while you're down, huh?”

“No, there's not...”

They were silent for a while, until Justina spoke again a few minutes later.

“...What's gonna happen to us?” she asked. “The squad, I mean?”

Moblit chuckled, placing a hand on Justina's head.

“Don't worry about that,” he told her.

“Moblit, it's the reason I joined the Corps,” she retorted, raising an eyebrow. “Of _course_ I'm worried.”

“No, no, I get that, trust me.” Moblit let out a laugh as he lowered his hand. “I still remember meeting you for the first time.”

Justina let out a mischievous giggle, and Moblit slowly shook his head.

“I don't think Hanji has any intention of dissolving the squad,” he explained. “Especially now that we've lost Erwin. On the contrary--I think we'll be working even harder now.”

“Good,” Justina grunted, narrowing her eyes. “...I don't want anyone else to die like that for the sake of progress. It just...seems counter-intuitive.”

“You're...not entirely wrong,” Moblit sighed, nodding in agreement.

To Moblit's surprise, Justina slung an arm around his shoulders, knocking her head against his.

“...Today sucked,” she mumbled.

“...It really did.”

“...Do you believe what he said?”

“Huh?” Moblit blinked, then let out a quiet gasp of understanding. “You mean, what Commander Erwin said?”

“Yeah. That this isn't the end.”

“...We don't have a choice but to believe in that,” Moblit told her, and Justina nodded.

“I think so, too. So we gotta work hard.” She gave Moblit a squeeze, then released him and stopped in her tracks. “...Thank you. Just knowing someone else feels the same...feels good.”

“...I'm glad.” Moblit gave her a small smile. “Let's call it a night.”

Justina nodded, to his relief; he was more than ready to leave this horrible day behind him and face a new day with a fresh mind.

 


	119. Cutting Off the Shackles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Erwin gone, there are those who will try to fill his shoes.  
> Perhaps, with their joint efforts, the changes will continue, and rights will be wronged.

_“We're counting on you, Levi!”_

_Farlan's last words echoed in Levi's head as he raced through the pouring rain. Now was their--no,_ _**his** _ _chance. If he could just kill Erwin Smith now...through all of this chaos, they would be able to escape. He was sure of it._

_After all, Levi had confidence in his friends. They were his world, and somehow, his family. And, of course, he had confidence in his own abilities as well. No one had come out and said it yet, but he was by far the most skilled soldier in the Corps. It had not taken him years of training to become so adept at the gear--just years of living in the hell of the underground._

_However, the elements that Levi could not control were beginning to overwhelm him. The rain was cold and reduced the ground to a sloshing, muddy mess. His horse was having trouble moving, he could tell, and it was nearly impossible to see through the mist._

_He did not see the corpses until he was literally right on top of them._

_Levi jerked on the reins, bringing his horse to a halt. Without any traction, though, his horse could only stumble through the sludge, and a few moments later, both he and the horse fell to the ground. The cold mud was disgusting, and it covered Levi's right side, but he was unhurt, and slowly, he pushed himself up, looking over at the round object near him._

_Isabel's lifeless eyes stared back._

 

Headquarters had not been the same since Erwin's passing.

Catherine had always recognized this castle to be a lonely sort of place, with a dark atmosphere and furnishings close to a town in Wall Maria. They were the poorest of the regiments, but everyone had seemed to just...deal with it. Everyone was proud of their work, and that had been enough.

But she now realized that part of the reason everyone had been so willing to accept these conditions was because they had had a leader that had appreciated them for what they did. Erwin had been reliable and had stood up for them, both as their Commander and their comrade. Catherine was sure that Hanji had it in her to do something similar, but her dedication to this regiment was not the same. It would probably _never_ be the same.

Levi, too, had not been the same.

He had altogether refused to come to recent squad meetings for the past few weeks, and Catherine could not recall when the last time he had trained with Mikasa was. She did not see him at meals; the only time she could find him was at night, when she came to his room. He was usually just sitting in silence, never sleeping, and he would not speak to her when she came to see him. She knew he must be hurting, but...to such an extreme extent...? Something about it was odd.

“Give him time to grieve,” Rowen told her one night at dinner. “Some people take longer than others. And they do it differently. Just because Hanji is up and about doesn't mean she isn't still torn up about it.”

“I know that much,” Catherine insisted in a quiet but firm voice. “But there's just...something different about him. About how he's acting. It's...almost childish...”

Rowen let out a chuckle.

“Yeah, now that you mention it, he sounds a lot like Mikasa right now,” he said. “Moping, isolating themselves--you can kinda tell they're related.”

Catherine glanced across the dining hall at where Mikasa was seated. She had a blank expression on her face, despite her friends talking animatedly around her.

 _That's true--Mikasa lost the person she trusted most..._ Catherine realized. _The same must be true for Levi._

“...I won't press him for anything,” she then murmured, absentmindedly stirring her stew. “...If he doesn't trust me, then I can't force him.”

“Well, I'm not sure if it's a matter of trust,” Rowen replied. “...I think you were right when you told me that you don't know anything about him. Maybe that's why things are happening like this.”

“...Yeah...”

Catherine did not talk to Rowen any more about it that night; she returned to her room and went to bed early, as she had been doing the past few nights. She did not have the energy to do anything else.

She awoke a few hours later to a noise coming from somewhere in her room. Sitting up quickly, she could see a figure standing in the doorway; it was Levi, but he did not say a word. He only closed the door behind him, then sat down on the edge of her bed.

Slowly, Catherine lowered herself back onto her pillow, closing her eyes. If he did not want to talk to her, that was fine. If he only wanted her company, that was fine, too. That was why she had given him the key, anyway.

“...After I got away from Kenny, I...made my first friend.”

Levi's voice sounded distant, but Catherine was sure that she had not imagined it, and she opened her eyes again.

“...His name was Farlan. He was a thief, but a good guy.” Levi paused, and Catherine sat up to look at him. “...He would steal to help people. Half of the underground knew him as a thug, but the other half saw him as a hero. I lived with him...and I started doing the same thing. But not for the same reasons...”

Catherine stared at Levi; it was too dark to see his expression, and she could barely even make out the outline of his body. His head was bowed, and he sat completely still, as if he was talking in his sleep.

“...I lived with him for a long time. I was there when he stole 3D gear from some Police soldiers,” Levi continued. “And I was there when his mother died. It wasn't too long after that...that we met Isabel. She had been kidnapped... They were going to sell her to a brothel...”

 _What's going on_...? Catherine wanted to ask. Why was he telling her all of this now? This was probably the most she had ever heard him speak at once, and the words were falling out of his mouth like a waterfall. She did not have the heart to interrupt him.

“The three of us lived like that together for a while before...” Levi's voice trailed off for a moment. “...The Survey Corps came down to find us. That was the first time I met Erwin. He gave us a choice... ...And we chose joining the Corps over imprisonment.”

Catherine found herself nodding. She had heard rumors of Erwin being the one to bring Levi into the Corps, and she had also heard that Levi had been living in the underground as a thug before that, but she had never heard about Farlan and Isabel, or that Levi and his friends had been _forced_ into the Corps.

“...I hated him. I hated Erwin.” Catherine could sense the malice in Levi's tone. “For fucking up what had been a decent life, and dragging me into this mess. We went from one hell to another...until...we went outside for the first time...”

Levi paused again, and Catherine swallowed hard. She had never fully considered the circumstances Levi was describing to her now--he had never even really seen the sun until he was in his twenties. His _late_ twenties.

“...To get ourselves out of the Corps, and to earn citizenship up here for good...we made a deal with some Sina bastard to kill Erwin,” Levi went on, his voice growing quieter. “I knew we could do it, even if we were in the Corps... I was the strongest... I wasn't afraid of the Titans... None of us were... But...that wasn't enough. That wasn't enough to keep us safe. To keep them safe.”

“Levi...”

“Farlan and Isabel died...because of me,” Levi interrupted her. “Because I was selfish... Because I thought I could handle anything... And even after that, even after an attempt to kill him, Erwin forgave me. Erwin accepted me into the Corps, gave me citizenship... He treated me like anyone else... He's the reason I've lasted this long... I've just been following him this whole time...because I trusted him more than anyone...”

Catherine could hear Levi's voice wavering, and his breathing became more and more ragged as he went on. Hesitantly, she leaned over toward him, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

“What am I supposed to do now!?” he shouted, and Catherine drew her hand back. “I've just been following him this whole time!”

“...Levi,” Catherine murmured. She swallowed back her tears, then took a hold of Levi's arm, tugging on the sleeve.

“What...am I supposed to do...?!”

Catherine knew that she could not answer that question. It would be a mistake to tell him to just follow Hanji instead, or to believe in himself. Saying that would be the same as telling him that she had not been listening to a word he had just said. Levi's life was the way it was now because of Erwin Smith. Erwin had saved his life.

She could feel Levi trembling, but she kept her hand there. There was not much else she could do now, other than show him that he was not alone. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, then gently wrapped her arms around his neck.

“...I don't know,” she admitted, and she felt Levi let out a deep, shaky sigh. “...I'm sorry.”

“Don't,” Levi hissed. “Don't apologize. You couldn't have changed this. Erwin's always done whatever the hell he wanted. He's always been the one in control. That's...what makes this so fucked up...”

Catherine felt one of Levi's hands grab her wrist.

“...What can I do for you?” she asked quietly.

“...I don't know,” he replied. “...Just don't...leave like he did...”

 

…......

 

Yasmin stared quietly at the sign on the door of their squad's meeting room.

“'No meeting today. Feel free to study on your own. -- C'... Canceled again...” Olivia muttered, sighing loudly. “...I hope they're okay.”

“Commander Erwin was executed unfairly--I'm not sure they'll ever be entirely 'okay' again,” Yasmin pointed out, and Olivia stepped closer to her, as if concerned by her words.

“...Well, we're here. We might as well spend some time getting work done.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

Yasmin reached out and pushed the door open.

“Oh, hey.” She smiled at Armin and Jean, who were already seated. There were books open in front of them; apparently, they had had the same idea as her. She had not expected them to come out to study, considering that neither of them had shown up to the classroom for the past few lessons.

“Hey,” Armin greeted her quietly. “I'm glad you guys came. It would've been lonely.”

“You sayin' I'm not good company?” Jean scoffed, glancing up from his book at the girls, then at Armin.

“You've been quieter than usual,” Armin told him, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“...I'm sure this whole place has been,” Yasmin murmured, taking a seat in her usual spot. “It doesn't even seem like the same place.”

“It's like a ghost town,” Olivia agreed, plopping into her chair.

“...Losing the Commander was...rough,” Jean said, narrowing his eyes.

“I believe in Commander Hanji,” Armin jumped in. “But, I mean, she's obviously the most affected by Commander Erwin's death. So...” His voice trailed off.

“I'm sure she'll step up,” Olivia assured him. “I don't think she's the type to give up easily.”

The conversation came to a close with that statement, and the four of them began to study quietly. Every so often, Yasmin glanced up and looked at the empty seats where Levi and Catherine should have been.

 _At least they have each other to lean on,_ she told herself.

Several quiet minutes passed, then there were voices outside of their door.

“I dunno--should we just go back?” It was muffled, but it was obviously Claus.

“We're in here!” Yasmin called out, and a moment later, the door opened.

“Hey,” Bianca murmured, walking into the room. Claus followed behind her, gently shutting the door. “...No sign of either of them?”

“No,” Jean said, shaking his head.

“I've seen Catherine once,” Armin admitted. “But I didn't talk to her--she looked like she was sleepwalking.”

“...It'd be a shame if this squad fell apart now,” Claus mumbled, slowly sitting in his chair. “I feel like we haven't accomplished much yet.”

“Gee, thanks,” Olivia huffed. “That makes me wanna work even harder.”

“...There's no way Catherine would let everything go to waste now,” Yasmin murmured. “Right?”

“She worked really hard to put it all together,” Jean agreed.

“...Still, it's disconcerting,” Armin said softly. “...What's going to happen to us...?”

The room fell silent again, and Yasmin looked around at her friends. She did not want to lose any of them, she did not want to lose this family they had created. There had to be a way for them to keep moving forward, even if their leaders could not find it.

“...I don't think I can avoid it anymore,” Bianca said suddenly. Yasmin looked at her, pursing her lips.

“You mean...using your powers?” Armin asked hesitantly.

“Don't,” Claus told her firmly, but Bianca shook her head.

“The Corps doesn't have any allies right now,” she insisted. “Their one source of strength was Eren, and who knows where he is. As it is now, the only way to find him would be to take a big risk and send out troops into Wall Maria as a search party. If that happened, there would be an inevitably high number of casualties. But...”

“That doesn't mean you should put yourself in danger,” Claus argued.

“If I don't, then who else should? Who else will?” Bianca pursed her lips. “I trust Commander Hanji to find a way to do this safely.”

Yasmin lowered her head. As much as she hated the idea of Bianca willingly putting her life on the line, she knew she was right. It was their best option to make progress on finding Eren and the shifters.

“We'll protect you, too,” Olivia chimed in. “You're our family now.”

Bianca gave Olivia a small smile.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “...I trust you.”

Olivia gave her a broad grin in response.

“We trust you, too!”

“...There was a place where we worked with Eren for a while,” Jean spoke up. “The only evidence of the experimentation was the smoke his Titan form left behind. If we could find a way to conceal that, you'd be pretty well hidden.”

“...Yeah, well, they'd better figure that out before you start anything,” Claus mumbled.

“Don't worry.” Armin gave Claus a reassuring smile. “This time, we'll have Hanji's squad to help us. We'll keep her safe.”

Yasmin smiled at her friend's declaration, then looked back at Bianca.

 _...She can do it_ , she realized. _...She can turn this around for us all._

 

…......

 

These days, Armin looked forward to his squad meetings with the Police squad just as much as the other squads he was part of--the atmosphere at Survey Corps headquarters was still unbearably dark, and it was always a horrible reminder as to why that was when he woke up each morning to see Eren's empty bunk.

“Good morning,” he told Bruno as he walked into the conference room.

“Good morning, Armin,” Bruno greeted him quietly. He was the first to arrive--now that Marlowe was no longer in the squad, the only person who ever beat Armin there was Nikoleta.

“How was your weekend?” Armin asked, smiling at Bruno. Not to his surprise, the man's face stayed emotionless.

“...Forgive me--I don't mean to brush aside your greeting, but since I have you alone, I'd like to talk to you about something,” Bruno said a moment later.

“Ah, no, it's no trouble.” Armin waved his hands. “Go ahead.”

Bruno seemed to hesitate for a moment; he stared down at Armin with pursed lips.

“...This isn't a subject that I enjoy bringing up,” he began, “but you need to be aware of the full consequences of Erwin's death. I know that Hanji has officially taken over as Commander of the Survey Corps, but despite the fact that she is a brilliant and capable soldier, I don't think she'll stay in the position for long.”

“Eh?” Armin gasped. “What makes you say that?” Was Commander Hanji also being targeted?

“Tell me--what is Commander Hanji most known for?”

“...That would be...most likely, her ability to think quickly and critically, especially as a...”

Armin's voice trailed off.

“...As a scientist, correct?” Bruno finished. “Is that not what you were going to say?”

Armin stayed silent, but he gave Bruno a slight nod, trying not to be disrespectful.

“I do not doubt Hanji's skills as a leader, but that is not her passion,” Bruno went on. “Anyone who has worked with her for any amount of time knows that. She took this position for one reason--to carry out Erwin's will. When that is done, if she is still alive, it's very likely that she will pass on her title and return to her work as a scientist.”

Armin considered all of this in silence for a few minutes. Bruno had a very real point--Hanji's focus had always been on the scientific side of things. It had been Erwin's specific request for her to take over the Corps, but when Armin asked himself if he thought Hanji really _wanted_ to do that...the answer was no.

“...If that happens--if what you say happens,” Armin said slowly, “who do you think she'll ask to lead?”

“I don't know--but it could be you.”

Armin froze, staring up at Bruno.

“M-Me?”

“Why not?” Bruno raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you really think it's that unlikely? Erwin and Hanji were the ones to put you in this position in the first place. If they hadn't agreed with my suggestion, they could have easily said no and replaced you with someone that they thought would be more suitable.”

Bruno sighed quietly.

“Then again, it may end up differently.”

“Wh-what--”

“Armin--you are also much like Hanji. Not to say that you're a scientist, but you _are_ an academic.” Bruno glanced at him, then stared down at the polished table. “If memory serves, you also did not particularly excel in the physical part of your training, and you did not place in the top ten. Honestly, your skills are more well-suited toward an instructor job, or, if you had made the top ten, a position in the Police.”

“...I'm...not sure I understand where you're going with this,” Armin said frankly. “I mean, I, um, I absolutely agree than Commander Hanji will eventually choose someone else to take over, and that it might not be me, but...”

Armin stared at Bruno, and as he slowly began to put the pieces together, he frowned deeply.

“...I know you are a member of the Survey Corps,” Bruno murmured. “But, over time, I believe that the lines that have divided the regiments will be very blurred. That is what we're working toward, at the very least. You seem to understand that.”

Armin nodded.

“But, I don't think I could do your job,” Armin admitted, and Bruno chuckled.

“No?” He ran a hand through his curly hair. “...Perhaps not. But there are other positions you may fill one day.”

“I mean--I'm not opposed to any of this,” Armin told him. “But there are certain obstacles, like, Commander Nile, for instance.”

Bruno's expression became noticeably harsher.

“I understand what you're saying, but that man is a disgrace to this military,” he spat out. “He's a coward, and he's let Zackley do whatever the hell he wants.”

Armin had never seen Bruno this openly angry before; usually it was more of a cool rage, but this was equally terrifying.

“...The point is, Armin...” Bruno lowered his voice, his tone becoming calm again. “...You will inevitably find yourself in the position to take a role in leading this world one day. My advice is that you carefully examine your circumstances, then take it. You're someone who is willing to bring about change to this world. That is becoming more and more rare these days.”

Armin nodded. He knew that Bruno had a very valid point. As scary as it was to admit it, Armin knew that someday, he would be part of a generation that would be leading the world forward. As to what kind of world they would inherit, though, he was not yet sure.

“Good morning!”

Armin turned at the sound of Nikoleta's voice. She paused in the doorway, slowly letting the door shut behind her.

“...Have I interrupted something?” she asked.

“No, no,” Bruno assured her. “It's nothing that you can't hear, anyway.”

Nikoleta stared up at Bruno, then gave him a firm nod.

 _...I see,_ Armin thought as he watched her walk over to her usual seat. _...I've noticed this before, but this is the first time I've really thought about how Bruno is grooming Nikoleta to be a leader, too..._

“I finished the full report of the trial,” Nikoleta told them. “...I'm sorry it took so long. It was not exactly a fun task.”

“No, you've been working hard,” Armin replied, smiling at her. She stared back, then nodded.

 _People like us have got to learn to work together_ , he told himself. _...Not that I think that'll be a problem. She'll be a good leader, too._

 


	120. Utility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bianca steps into the role that she was born to play--or at least, that's what she believes.

_“...I can't believe...that of all people...”_

_As Hitch sank further into her seat, Marlowe watched her with a grimace._

_“...Annie was rude, yeah, but--she didn't seem like...that type of person,” Hitch went on, and Boris shook his head as he took a bite of bread. “She just seemed socially awkward! Not like, menacing or anything.”_

_“It doesn't matter what our impressions of her may have been,” Marlowe finally interjected. “The bottom line is that she was a traitor.”_

_“Was?” Hitch narrowed her eyes at Marlowe. “You're speaking of her in past tense already? She could still be alive!”_

_“It's already been two weeks since the attack on Stohess,” Boris pointed out. “Annie's been in that crystal for two weeks without food or water. How could she even be alive?”_

_“...I hope that she is,” Marlowe admitted quietly._

_“Why? You got a crush on that giant Titan?” Boris scoffed._

_“No. She has information. That's all.” Marlowe pursed his lips. “There are still a lot of things that we don't know, and--”_

_“That's not even our job,” Hitch interrupted, waving his words away. “We're in the Police, not the Corps. Get your head on straight and remember your_ _**real** _ _job.”_

 

Things had not been the same since Commander Erwin's death.

 _No_ , Nikoleta reminded herself. _It started with Historia leaving us..._

It was from there that everything had come unglued, so to speak.

Nikoleta had never been particularly concerned about her job security being in the Police; as long as she could be useful, she did not mind what Bruno had her doing. But now, with the entire military under Zackley's watchful eye, she was not sure what they could really accomplish.

“Things will change,” Bianca assured her one day at lunch. Nikoleta glanced up from her plate to look at the young woman, who spoke with such confidence that Nikoleta knew she must have some sort of idea. Well, her, or Bruno.

“What makes you so sure?” Nikoleta asked, raising an eyebrow. She looked over at Armin, who was quietly listening to the conversation. To her surprise, he looked confident, too. “...What am I missing?”

“...You're not missing anything,” Bianca told her. “Things are going to change. That's the one thing we can be sure of right now.”

“That might be true, but you're not saying 'for the better' after that...” Nikoleta gave Bianca a sly smile, and the blonde smirked in return.

“I'm not sure who's more impatient--you, or my brother...”

Nikoleta opened her mouth to argue that point when the sound of dishes clattering caught her attention.

“Oh, you--you're so _full_ of it!”

Nikoleta did not talk to Hitch very often, but her voice was unmistakable; there was also no doubt in her mind that Marlowe was the victim of that harsh tone.

“You're overreacting,” Marlowe said in a firm voice as Hitch stared down at him. Her hands were flat against the table; she must have slammed her palms against it, causing the ruckus.

“Because I can't believe your idiocy!” Hitch exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

“What's going on?” Claus interrupted them, standing up and looking over at them with a stern look on his face.

“You don't have any authority over me!” Hitch snapped. Even though she was just a table away from theirs, she was shouting and drawing all sorts of attention to herself. That did not seem to be her goal--from what Nikoleta could see, she was genuinely upset.

“Hitch, sit,” Boris grunted, and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, I don't wanna hear it from you, either.” She crossed her arms and turned to Claus. “As for _you--_ what kind of power do you think you have?!”

“Hopefully enough power to get you to stop making a fool of yourself,” Nikoleta snapped, unable to keep quiet any longer.

“Look, if there's a real problem, I want to take care of it now,” Claus said, ignoring Nikoleta's snide remark. “What's going on, Dreiss?”

Hitch clenched her jaw, glaring at Claus.

“What do you guys fucking _do_ to the members of your squad?” she growled. “Do you brainwash them? Or just pay them a lot?”

“What...?”

“Claus, it's all right,” Marlowe stepped in, standing. “She's angry that I still agree with the decisions your squad has made, and may make in the near future.”

“You're not even in that squad anymore!” Hitch shouted, turning back to Marlowe. “Why are you still kissing their asses?!”

“Because they're doing the right thing!” Marlowe insisted. “This is not the time for complacency!”

“Our job is to serve the people!” Hitch argued. “And if that's what they want, then that's what we do!”

Nikoleta glanced at Bianca before looking back at Hitch and Marlowe. Hitch was not entirely wrong--as Police soldiers, their first and most important duty was to serve the interests of the people, commoners and wealthy alike. However, what Bianca had just said moments ago echoed in her mind. Things were going to change. It had already begun with the Queen leaving and Zackley taking over. They would have to change with the times--that meant that their first duty was no longer to just serve the people, but to protect them, to preserve them.

 _...I don't want to waste my time or energy explaining that to someone so small-minded_ , Nikoleta told herself. _...Or maybe she already knows. Maybe she's just...scared..._

Claus sighed loudly.

“...If you guys are going to argue about something like this, take it outside,” he told them, taking a seat again. “You're disturbing everyone else.”

Nikoleta watched as Hitch's eyes filled with tears, and a few moments later, she stormed out of the dining hall. Yes, it was obvious--Hitch was scared.

 

…......

 

Hanji hated the budget paperwork even before she became Commander, but now there was even more of it that she had to deal with. It was just such a nuisance--most of the time, she recruited Catherine or Moblit, or even Rowen, to help her. Anyone who was willing to sit down and help her plug in numbers and brainstorm.

She was always looking for an excuse to get out of doing such tedious work, so when she heard a knock on her office door, a smile pushed its way onto her lips.

“Come in!” she called out, pushing her hair back out of her face.

To her surprise, it was not a Survey Corps soldier who entered the room, but Bianca Sertoli.

“Bianca?” Hanji murmured as the young woman closed the door behind her. “What can I do for you...? Shouldn't you be getting back to your headquarters soon?” She smiled gently. “It's not safe to ride at night.”

“I should,” Bianca confirmed, nodding. “But there's something I wanted to discuss with you first.”

Hanji had wondered for a while if this day would come. Slowly, she set down her pen and pushed aside the paperwork in front of her, then leaned forward onto the desk and stared up at Bianca. The girl's eyes were unwavering; she obviously had settled into this decision, and there was no fear in her expression whatsoever.

“It's about how we can find Eren,” Bianca began, and Hanji nodded. “...At this point, it's nearly impossible to tell where he might be, or if he's even alive anymore.”

“Do you think that he is?” Hanji asked, and Bianca nodded.

“I'm sure of it,” she replied. “But, it would take a large number of soldiers to spread out and search for him. I know that we've already lost several small Garrison troops to the cause, and...”

Her voice trailed off, and Hanji stared up at her, waiting for the words that would confirm what she already knew, and what she had hoped she would hear someday.

“...It's impossible to find Eren as things are now,” Bianca continued. “But I think that I can help you find him--in a way that nobody else can right now.”

“How is that?” Hanji asked, and Bianca narrowed her eyes, but other than that, was still and calm.

“...I want to help you find him. I want to use the powers that I have to find him.”

“The powers you have?”

 _Say it_ , Hanji thought, pursing her lips as Bianca stared down at her. _You can do it._

“...I'm like Eren, too. I have the ability to change into a Titan,” Bianca murmured at last, her voice hushed but steady.

The room fell silent as Hanji sat back in her chair. She sighed quietly, lacing her fingers and setting her hands in her lap.

“...Who else knows about this?” she asked.

“I told Catherine and her squad,” Bianca replied. “And, of course, my brother.” She narrowed her eyes. “I know it seems odd that I haven't told anyone else thus far, but...I have my reasons for that. Even if they were selfish ones, I stand by that decision. Now, though--now, I don't have time to be selfish anymore.”

Hanji could not bring herself to speak. She had already known all of this, of course, but it was still so much different, so much more jarring, to hear the words coming from Bianca directly.

“...You've transformed before, then?” Hanji asked in a hushed voice, and Bianca nodded. Hanji's eyes widened.

“Once,” Bianca told her. “When I was...just a child.” She then grimaced. “So...I don't have a very good grip on what I can do, or anything like that. But...you worked with Eren before, so maybe there's something you can do with me, too. I'm...not sure if there's much I can do to help right now, but...I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever has to be done.”

Hanji lowered her gaze; as much as she wanted to immediately agree to Bianca's request, she knew that she could not just treat her like a test subject. She was no longer just a scientist--she was the Commander, and she was therefore responsible for Bianca's life more than ever. With the way things had become, it would not be safe to just openly proclaim that Bianca was their new shifter ally, and with the way Bianca had come to her, Hanji knew that Bianca understood the situation, too.

“...You realize what kind of risks this will involve,” Hanji said slowly, and Bianca nodded once. “Physically? Emotionally?”

“Yes,” Bianca murmured.

“I'm not trying to talk you out of it or anything,” Hanji then reassured her. “I just want to make sure that this is something you're prepared for--or at least, as much as you can be.”

“Bruno doesn't want me doing this,” Bianca admitted, and Hanji could not help but smile. It did not surprise her that Bruno was protective of his little sister. “But I have to do something. I don't want to see anyone else suffer while I stand idly by.”

“I don't think what you've been doing up to this point counts as being idle,” Hanji laughed. “But I understand what you mean. ...I feel the same. So, then, let's work together, shall we?”

Pushing herself to her feet, Hanji gave Bianca a grin, then stuck out her hand. Bianca took it in hers; her hands were like ice, not clammy or nervous at all.

“I don't want to live in fear anymore,” Bianca stated, shaking Hanji's hand firmly.

“I understand. I'll talk to Catherine and Levi about when we can start. As for Bruno...”

“Understood. I'll talk to him. ...Thank you.”

A small smile appeared on Bianca's face as Hanji released her hand.

 _She's very brave_ , Hanji realized as Bianca turned and walked toward the door. _I'm not sure even I would have done the same, if I was in her situation..._

 

…......

 

Despite what had been a rather tumultuous start to her official military career, Esra had truly enjoyed her time in the Military Police so far. Bruno and the others treated her well, and though she did not always agree with the decisions he made, Bruno was a good leader, and she never felt as if her voice was unheard. She had become close with her squadmates, too, which was a welcome change. None of them seemed like the type to turn around and ditch her.

“I remember when _you_ were the baby of the squad, Nikoleta,” Claus laughed as they walked to the dining hall together.

“That's ironic, considering you're the biggest baby here,” Nikoleta shot back.

Laughter erupted from the group, save for Claus, and Esra grinned at Nikoleta. The girl had become like her sister over the past few months; ever since the blow-up with Vanessa, Nikoleta had been protective of her.

“Nobody deserves to be treated like that,” she had told Esra.

“You walked into that one, Claus,” Bianca told the now-blushing Claus. She gently punched his arm, and he winced. “That's what you get for picking on the smart ones.”

“Yeah, yeah--you'd think I'd know better by now,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

 _I wish things would have worked out for me and Vanessa_ , Esra thought as she watched Bianca and Claus exchange smiles. _I want a friendship like theirs._

The dining hall was bustling; they had come right in the middle of everyone's dinner hour, it seemed, and Armin let out a sigh.

“Should've just gone home for the night,” Claus laughed.

“No, it's fine,” Armin assured him. “You guys have the better food, anyway.”

“Damn right we do.” Nikoleta grinned. “It sure as hell beats what most places have in the walls.”

“Wall Rose wasn't so bad,” Esra piped up. “I mean, we didn't have the same access to meat as we do here, but we were never hungry.”

“Honestly, Wall Maria wasn't terrible, either,” Serene added, smiling. “When we _did_ get fancy meals, it just made everything even more special.”

“...Are you guys trying to drive him off?” Nikoleta mouthed, narrowing her eyes. Serene let out a quiet laugh.

 _She's really fond of him_ , Esra realized as Nikoleta turned her attention back to Armin. _I can see why--he's a good person. He...reminds me a lot of..._

Esra lowered her gaze, blindly following her friends to the back of the line. She tried her best not to think about Marco, but whenever she did, she could not escape the horrible pain and sorrow it gave her. At least she had not witnessed his death, or his cremation, like Yasmin had.

“Are you all right?”

Esra looked up at the sound of Bianca's voice to find the young woman standing beside her. She had fallen to the very back of the line, letting the others go in front of them.

“Ah, yes!” Esra squeaked, pursing her lips. “I was...just thinking too much, I guess.”

Bianca did not seem convinced, but she did not pry.

“...Would you like to take a walk with me after dinner?” Bianca then asked, and Esra nodded.

“Sure, yes! Thank you!”

Dinner ended without much ado, and Esra met Bianca outside of the dining hall.

“It's starting to get warmer,” Esra said as they walked down the marble hallway. “Just barely, but you can still feel it.”

Bianca chuckled.

“I'll miss it,” she murmured. “Winter, I mean.”

“You like it that much?”

“Yes. It's always been my favorite.”

Esra hummed a low note.

“Maybe it's because you were born in winter?” she offered. “I love spring, and that's also the season I was born in, so...”

“Maybe you're right.” Bianca shrugged, but there was a gentle smile on her face.

 _She's always been calm, but lately, she seems even more at ease_ , Esra realized as they fell silent. _I wish I could be more like her. I don't know why she even pays attention to me._

“...Are you still worried about me?” Esra asked suddenly, and Bianca raised an eyebrow.

“Worried...?” she echoed.

“About earlier, in the dining hall...”

To her surprise, Bianca just chuckled again.

“Oh, no. I trust that you were telling the truth--that you can handle whatever it is you're struggling with.” She nodded once, continuing, “And if you feel that you can't handle it by yourself, I also trust that you know when to ask for help, and who to ask.”

Who to ask? Did she specifically mean herself? Or the squad members in general? Or perhaps her brother?

“...You're a very kind person,” Esra told Bianca.

“...You think so?”

“Yes...?” Esra giggled. “Do you _not_ think so?”

“...I'm not sure that I'm in the position to define myself one way or another,” Bianca admitted with a shrug.

“I envy you,” Esra went on. “You're so confident, and you seem to know yourself so well. And, I'm sure even when you're out in the field fighting, you're the same way. And you're so nice, and--”

“Enough,” Bianca interrupted her in a surprisingly stern tone. “I'm not any better than anyone else. Including you.”

“Then why are you so nice to me?”

Bianca paused, staring down at Esra. Her eyes were shimmering, but Esra could not understand the emotion held in them.

“...Because you're a human. And you deserve kindness, like any other human,” she replied quietly.

Esra stood in silence for a few moments, Bianca standing beside her, her calm presence unchanged.

“...Thank you,” Esra murmured, smiling up at Bianca. “I want to live like that, too. All humans should get along.”

“...Yes, we should,” Bianca agreed, and the two of them began to loop around the mess hall, toward the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories.

 

…......

 

Even though she had returned to teaching lessons twice a week, Catherine could not help feeling as if something was off in her squad meetings. She attributed it to her own mentality, as well as Levi's, and even Jean and Armin's. It would take some time before they all could really get over what happened to Erwin, and until that time, it was going to be incredibly hard to focus.

“...Next week, let's meet in Hermiha,” Catherine told them at the end of a Thursday lesson.

“Ooh, we're going out again!?” Olivia gasped, and Catherine nodded.

“It's getting warmer, so we shouldn't have to worry about snow or ice. We could stand some fresh air, I think.”

She glanced at Levi, who stayed silent. Honestly, she was proud of him for even having showed up today. It was his first day back since Erwin's death--that had already been over three months ago.

“Do we have to go?” Jean asked.

“Yes,” Olivia snapped before Catherine could reply.

“You don't have to, if you've got other things that you need to be working on. That, I'll understand completely,” Catherine told him. “But not going simply because you don't want to go...? Well, I guess I can't stop that, but I can't recommend it, either.”

“You don't wanna go?” Yasmin murmured to Jean.

“...If it's gonna be cold out, I don't wanna mess with it,” he mumbled.

“If that's all that's keeping you, then borrow a fucking coat,” Levi interjected, and the conversation came to a halt.

“...All right. That's it for today.” Catherine dusted the chalk off of her hands. “Have a good night, everyone. Thank you.”

Bianca was the only one to linger behind; everyone else shot out of the room, their focus and motivation obviously spent.

“...Has Hanji talked to you yet?” Bianca asked Catherine, and she nodded.

“Yes.” Catherine pursed her lips. “...Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes, I'm sure. It's not even about what I want anymore--”

“Does Bruno know?”

Bianca did not reply, and Catherine let out a heavy sigh.

“You won't even tell your own brother?” Levi asked, his tone openly judgmental. “That's a mistake.”

“I already know that he won't agree with me,” Bianca explained. “I won't waste my breath making him worry.”

“Yeah, but if something happens to you...”

Catherine's voice trailed off, and Bianca shook her head.

“Then I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of my decision,” she stated. “This is something I've chosen to do on my own, and I don't want to drag anyone else into it.”

“That's not how it works,” Levi insisted. “People who give a goddamn about you are gonna get 'dragged' into it whether they want to or not.”

“Levi is right,” Catherine murmured. “...But, I know you won't change your mind. Just...at least tell Bruno. At least tell him so that if something _does_ happen, he can help you.”

“...Okay,” Bianca whispered.

“...It's not that we disagree with your decision to do this,” Levi added. “It'll help us--that much is obvious. But the way you're going about this is reckless. There's no point in ruining a brave action with your own idiocy.”

Catherine watched as Bianca lowered her head. She understood her hesitation to some degree. The more people she involved in this, the easier it would be to let fear stop her--the fear of hurting one of those people, or putting them in danger.

“...I'll tell Bruno,” Bianca mumbled. “But if he tries to stop me, please help me convince him that this is a good idea.”

“He's not gonna listen to me,” Levi scoffed, and Catherine smirked.

“I promise, I'll help you talk him down if need be,” she said, and Bianca gave her a small smile. “Big brothers are stupid sometimes. They need to learn to listen to their younger sisters.”

“Especially because the younger sisters are always right,” Bianca added with a smirk.

“That's right.” Catherine nodded. “...Go get some dinner and rest. We'll see you later.”

Bianca disappeared out of the room without another word, and Catherine let out a sigh.

“...Why didn't you just say that you're worried about her?” Levi asked quietly as Catherine ran a hand through her hair.

“Because it wouldn't change her mind.” Catherine shook her head. “I won't place any more guilt on her shoulders than what's needed, Levi. That's...not my job.”

 


	121. Self-Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will face forward.  
> I will face forward and use all of my strength to better this world, she says.   
> She tries.

_“Nn...”_

_Slowly opening her eyes, Historia blinked a few times. Her whole body was warm, as if she had been swaddled in heavy blankets, but she could only feel a thin sheet draped across her. The pleasant warmth was instead coming from the person sleeping next to her._

_“...Ymir, the sun's out,” Historia murmured, gently prodding Ymir's freckled cheek._

_“Hngh,” Ymir grunted, rolling over._

_“Hey...” A grin spread across Historia's face as she reached over Ymir's shoulder and poked her again. “C'mon. I'm hungry.”_

_“...Look...just because_ _**you** _ _got used to eating three meals a day...” Ymir grumbled, pulling the blanket up to her chin. “...Five more minutes.”_

_Sighing, Historia pressed her face into Ymir's shoulder. She would not complain; every spare moment that she could spend with Ymir was worth anything else. That was all she had wanted in the first place._

_“...Shifters need their strength,” Historia pointed out after a few minutes of silence, and Ymir let out a quiet laugh through her nose._

_“Don't you worry about that. We still outnumber the ones left in the inner walls,” she murmured, and Historia pursed her lips. She only knew of one person that was a shifter like Ymir--if Eren was with them now, who else was even left...?_

 

“I still can't believe Jean didn't come...”

Kicking a rock down the brick path, Yasmin walked beside Olivia through the Hermiha marketplace. She knew things had been hard for everyone in the Corps lately, but...isolation was not the solution. Especially for someone like Jean, who thrived off of receiving attention and praise from others.

“Ehh, don't worry about him,” Olivia insisted, poking at nearly every little thing that caught her interest. “He'll snap out of it at some point, I'm sure. There's probably a lot of pressure on him.”

“Pressure?” Yasmin echoed, and Olivia smirked at her.

“Have you not noticed how the superior officers are grooming both him and Armin? They're going to end up as leaders--assuming they both survive whatever's next for us all.”

Yasmin nodded, sighing quietly. She had noticed little things, admittedly, but it had not seemed all that relevant until she really thought about what Commander Erwin's passing meant for them. The older generation was slowly but surely losing power; inevitably, her generation would have to step up, and Jean was likely going to be one of those who would take a seat of power in some form or another.

“...Either way, he could have at least come out for a little bit with us all,” Yasmin muttered. Olivia only laughed.

“Like I said, don't worry about him.” She lightly elbowed Yasmin. “He can take care of himself--and if he can't, his mom can.”

“True.”

Yasmin grinned at Olivia as they wandered and weaved in and out of the crowded shops. This kind of life still fascinated her; sometimes she forgot that Catherine grew up in this kind of society.

 _Bianca did, too_ , Yasmin reminded herself as Olivia pulled her into a shop full of beautiful, ornate mirrors and glass figurines. _Though I'm sure that for her, it was a much different a life than what it was for Catherine... Did she even go out and experience this world? Or was she too afraid...?_

“Are you still worrying?” Olivia asked, and Yasmin shook her head.

“No, I was just thinking about what it must've been like to grow up here,” she admitted, absentmindedly twisting a lock of hair around her finger. “I mean, it's not terribly different from where I lived, but the atmosphere is definitely...”

Her voice trailed off, and Olivia shrugged.

“I can't say that I can imagine it,” she said, checking her reflection in a small round mirror. She pressed her index fingers into her cheeks, distorting her face. “It's more like a playground to me, honestly.”

“...I really wonder what it was like for Bianca, especially...”

“Ah.” Olivia lowered her hands, turning to Yasmin. “Probably pretty quiet, don't you think? It's not like she could risk going out into the streets all the time.”

“Maybe so.”

“Her parents died when she was young, too,” Olivia went on, her face falling. “...I'm sure she was lonely for a long time.”

“I think so, too.”

Olivia's face brightened as she looked up at Yasmin.

“That's why I'm so glad she trusts us!” she exclaimed, excitedly tugging at Yasmin's shirt. “It's a fucking honor to be considered her family!”

“I wouldn't go that far,” Yasmin laughed. “She's not a goddess or anything...”

“Well, you know what I mean.” Olivia grinned. “I'm just so glad she trusted us enough to open up to us. She must've been suffering keeping all that in for so long. I can't even imagine.”

“Of course _you_ can't,” Yasmin teased her, and Olivia let out a loud laugh.

“No comment.” She pushed her hair over her shoulder as she wandered through the store. “But really--who would have thought that Bianca was hiding something that big? No pun intended.”

“I didn't. I just thought she was ashamed of fearing the Titans.”

“Yeah, not that she _is_ one, and that's what fuels her fear,” Olivia murmured. “...I wonder what exactly she'll do from here.”

“Whatever Commander Hanji advises, I guess.” Yasmin shrugged.

“I wonder if it'll be the same shit Eren had to go through,” Olivia continued. “Like, the experiments and stuff, or if they'll just dive right in and see what she can do as an intelligent weapon.”

“I can't say.” Shaking her head, Yasmin walked out into the marketplace again, Olivia following her. “I'm not going to worry about it. I trust Commander Hanji to make the right decision.”

“D'you think she'll mention it to the other regiments' leaders, then?”

“...I really don't know...” Commander Nile was probably trustworthy and willing to help Hanji, especially after how things with Commander Erwin had ended, but he was still being puppeteered by Zackley to an extent, and that might end up putting Bianca in danger.

“Me either. But I can't stop thinking about it.” Olivia lowered her voice a bit. “...I wonder what she looks like. Y'know. Transformed.”

Though Yasmin knew that Bianca had to be telling the truth, she had a hard time imagining someone as graceful and _human_ as Bianca becoming a Titan.

“I guess we'll find out soon enough,” Yasmin murmured, shielding her eyes from the sun as it came out from behind the cover of the clouds. “...It's starting to get warm out. Let's get something to drink.”

“Sounds good to me!” Olivia exclaimed, walking alongside Yasmin toward the food vendors with a bright smile and energetic steps.

 

…......

 

“Hah, you're always here early,” Armin laughed as he walked into the conference room. Bruno and the others had not yet arrived, but Nikoleta was already there, looking over the notes spread out in front of her. “How are you today?”

“...Fine,” she mumbled. Normally she would follow up with a sarcastic remark or something relatively energetic in reply, but today she did not say anything else.

“...You're not acting fine...” Armin murmured, and Nikoleta rolled her eyes.

“Don't worry about it. It doesn't have to do with you, anyway. Well--that's--never mind.”

“Okay, no.” Armin took a seat next to her, and Nikoleta seemed to shrink away from him. “Now you have to tell me.”

“I misspoke, okay?!” she snapped. “Look, the point is, you didn't do anything wrong. _I_ have to change.”

Armin watched as Nikoleta stared at him for a moment, then looked back at her notes. He could see the complicated expression on her face, and he thought back to the last few meetings, the last few weeks. Nothing that eventful had really happened, except...

“...This isn't...about what Bruno talked to me about a little while ago, is it?” he asked quietly, and her lips quivered. “Ah.”

“Don't 'ah' me,” Nikoleta huffed.

“Does it really bother you? Do you feel left out or something?” Armin let out a little laugh, to let her know he was not seriously making fun of her. He leaned in a little closer, and she furrowed her brows.

“...It's complicated,” she told him.

  
“It doesn't _have_ to be.”

“...It's not like I'm mad or anything. I'm not even _jealous_.” Nikoleta sat back in her chair, breathing out a loud sigh and looking at Armin. She looked tired, and for the first time, Armin realized just how long they had been working at this, working to bring order to this chaos.

“I don't doubt Bruno's judgment--I agree with him,” she went on. “...You seem to have a natural talent for decision making and leadership.”

“Not at all,” Armin insisted, shaking his head quickly. “I couldn't have done a thing without my friends backing me up.”

“Mm, I'm not so sure about that.” Nikoleta shrugged. “I can only make judgment calls on the things I know to be true with my own eyes. ...Maybe that's my problem. Maybe that's what's holding me back.”

“...I can see why Bruno chose you for his squad,” Armin said with a quiet laugh. But, to his surprise, Nikoleta's eyes filled with tears.

“He didn't,” she mumbled.

“Huh?”

“He didn't choose me. I asked him to let me in. I begged him to let me in.”

Armin sat in the awkward silence, unsure of how to break it. He never would have guessed that Nikoleta had not been a shoe-in from the start--one look at how she worked was a great indication to the kind of person she was. She was reliable, determined, unfazed by the petty and unimportant things.

“...I think he would've chosen you anyway,” he told her gently.

“...While I appreciate the gesture, you don't have to say things like that to try to make me feel better,” Nikoleta replied in a calm but quiet voice.

“No, I really mean that.” Armin sat up straighter in his chair. “You're really reliable. Or at least, you definitely have shown that so far. It's obvious that you really care about what you're doing, and that you're trying your best to accomplish your goals, while still worrying about the whole of humanity. I feel like that's pretty important, considering how selfish some people can be in this world...”

His voice trailed off, and he glanced at Nikoleta. She was sitting perfectly still, but there was a slight fire to her eyes again, and Armin smiled to himself.

“If what Bruno says is true--if I become a leader, I would turn to you for help in times of need without hesitation,” he added.

“...” Nikoleta stayed silent, but there was an unmistakable look of pride upon her face.

“...You'll help me, right?” Armin asked with a quiet laugh.

“Of course,” she replied, smiling at him. “I'll help you, no matter what.”

 

…......

 

Bruno loved the end of spring as it transitioned into summer; he loved the nights where he could leave his window cracked to let in fresh air. It helped to clear his mind, especially with the dull task of meeting reports ahead of him. He did not see the point of them anymore anyway. Nile was not really reading them, and if Zackley did not like what he saw, what was he going to do about it? It had already happened. It was beyond his control.

The Military Police had started to go to shit, just as Bruno had predicted. However, it had not happened the way he expected; losing Erwin had been a harsh blow to the entire military. Still, it was not time to give up fighting. Not yet.

There was a knock on his door, and he grunted in response.

“It's me.” Bianca's voice was clear through the wooden door.

“Come in,” he called out, and she appeared a few seconds later.

“You didn't come to dinner,” she said, a faint scolding tone to her voice. It reminded him so much of their mother.

“It's not like that's a new phenomenon,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

Closing the door behind her, Bianca walked over and knelt down next to his desk, peering at the report.

“...What a waste of time,” she mumbled. “It's not like we're doing much now, anyway.”

“Once they've sunk their claws into something, they don't want to let go,” Bruno muttered, and Bianca let out a laugh.

“They're not animals. They're people.”

“Barely.”

“You're so dramatic.”

As Bianca giggled, Bruno once again rolled his eyes.

“You're energetic today,” he commented, glancing down at his sister.

“...I'm in a good mood,” she admitted. “Dinner was pretty lively.”

“...Did you get anything done at your squad meeting?” Bruno then asked. He knew that Catherine was trying her best to push them all in the right direction, but she could only do so much.

“A bit.” Bianca sat back on her ankles. “We're finally starting to focus as a group again.”

“...That's good...”

“And Catherine is fine. You worry too much.”

“I worry just the right amount,” he insisted, ignoring the flash of heat he felt in his face. When he glanced back down at Bianca, he could see her incredulous expression, and he internally cringed. She had a talent for making people feel stupid without speaking a word--just like Catherine.

“...I didn't just come here to bug you, by the way,” she then said. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Bruno finished what he was writing, then set down his pen and turned to Bianca.

“What?” he asked.

“...I talked to Commander Hanji.”

“About...?”

Bianca held his gaze, and a sinking feeling filled Bruno's body.

“Bianca...please tell me you didn't...”

“How can I not?” To his surprise, Bianca's voice was calm, and her gaze was unwavering and steady. She shrugged lightly, continuing, “Bruno, I can do something to help. How can I not take that opportunity?”

“Bianca, don't you realize what could happen?” Bruno hissed. “This is a huge risk. For a lot of reasons.”

“Sitting idly by is far worse. You've said so yourself enough times.”

Gritting his teeth, Bruno stood from his seat, and Bianca stood upright to face him. She did not cower, but instead stood firm, still calm and collected. More collected than Bruno could be.

“No. Absolutely not.” Bruno shook his head, storming over to the window in his room and pulling it closed. “Even if you can successfully transform again--you _know_ what happened last time.”

“I was young,” Bianca argued. “And terrified. And I won't lie to you--I'm still scared, but now I have a purpose.”

“No. You have other talents, you have _other_ ways you can contribute--”

“Don't you trust me?”

Bruno fell silent at Bianca's words, and he stared at his little sister. She was grown up now, to a fault, and as strong-willed as any other Sertoli before her.

“...I trust you,” Bruno murmured.

“Then don't you trust me to make the right decision?” Bianca pursed her lips. “I told you because I didn't want to have to be dishonest with you. I thought that, if something would happen to me, I just...didn't want you wondering what had happened, and then stewing in that bitterness.”

Bruno could only sigh. He sat down in his armchair, putting a hand to his forehead and rubbing his temples. How could she think this was safe? Why would she want to do this, to risk her life in this way? There was plenty she could do as a human--but...

“...Bruno...”

Bianca slowly walked over to him, then sat in his lap.

“Oof,” Bruno grunted. “Get up--you're heavy.”

“...Didn't Dad tell us to be proud of who we are?” Bianca murmured, facing away from him. Bruno fell completely silent. “...He wanted us to live like everyone else in the end, and I still want that. But, in order to get to that point...”

Bianca's voice trailed off, and Bruno sighed through his nose. He did not have anything to say in response to that--she was right, after all. It was what their family had been fighting for all this time.

“...I have to embrace who I am,” Bianca told him. “What I am. ...Don't you think so, too?”

“...It's dangerous,” Bruno murmured.

“It's dangerous to let things stay as they are, too,” she laughed quietly. “Humanity is trying its best to fight, Bruno. I want to be part of that as much as I can.”

 

…......

 

Bianca understood Bruno's reasons for hesitation and fear. This was a dangerous feat, for various reasons, and she was also his only family. Of course he was going to feel selfishly, to speak out against what she was doing.

But she had been prepared for it, and she knew that she had made the right decision to face this challenge.

She and Bruno sat in silence for a few minutes before Bruno finally spoke up again.

“...I'm proud of you,” he mumbled, and Bianca turned to face him at last, giving him a grin.

“I learned it all from you,” she laughed. She then gently knocked a fist against his head, then fluffed his hair. “And I knew you'd want to play your role as the protective older brother. But...this goes beyond that now.”

“I know.” Bruno frowned, looking away from her.

“...It'll be okay,” she assured him.

“How can you say that?” Bruno asked, obviously exasperated. “You _know_ what you're doing could get you killed, or that you might even accidentally kill someone else. And even if this plan works, people are never going to look at you the same way again. You're never going to be considered a hero--”

“Bruno.” Bianca gently patted her brother's head. “...It'll be okay. This world...is really broken and shitty, and we've been prisoners in it for far too long. Even if this is just one step forward, it's still a step. And it's one that only I can make. But...I know it'll be okay.”

Bianca smiled to herself, closing her eyes. She felt oddly at ease, even though the future ahead of her was dim.

“I guess it's because...I don't need to be in this world a minute longer to know that, in the end, humanity will win,” she murmured. “Humans are broken, yes, but they'll fix themselves. The power to do so is already ours--now people are just learning how to use it for good. That's why--even if I was to die tomorrow, I can be resigned.”

The room fell silent, and Bianca opened her eyes to look at Bruno. He was not looking at her, but at the far corner of the room. She could see a faint glitter in his eyes that looked like the beginnings of tears.

“...You've come...a long way,” Bruno mumbled at last. “...I don't know if you realize it, but...before you joined the military, I was afraid that this world would consume you before you had the chance to really live your own life, not one that you were living vicariously through me.”

“...I made a friend,” Bianca admitted. “...A real friend, who knew the real me. That...definitely helped me a lot.”

“...You'd better be right,” Bruno then said. “You'd better not be lying to me about how you feel.” He gently squeezed her shoulder. “I'll protect and support you as much as I can, but only if I know that you're genuine about all of this.”

“I am,” she declared. She then flopped back into Bruno.

“Ow,” he hissed. “Get off. You're not a little kid anymore.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“You're not skinny, that's for sure.”

Bianca turned around and punched Bruno's stomach playfully.

“Stupid older brothers. Catherine was right.”

“Wait, what?”

“...Nothing.”

Bianca laid her head on Bruno's shoulder.

“...Things will get better,” she told him. “I'm sure of it. We were born with the right to live in this world, just like everyone else. I'm more confident in that than I ever have been.”

She had never particularly believed those words before, but now that she had told other people the truth about herself, and since they had accepted her, she knew that it was possible. That there was hope for her, and for other people like her.

“...Good night,” Bianca then said, pushing herself up out of Bruno's lap and walking toward the door.

“Good night,” Bruno murmured. “...I'm proud of you, Bianca.”

“...Thank you.”

 


	122. Martyrdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been said countless times before: the world cannot change without sacrifice.   
> Hers will be, perhaps, too great.

_“He’s a Titan that took the shape of a child to slip in among us!”_

_The shout rang out somewhere from behind Bianca, and she grimaced. It was disgusting to hear such vocal protests against someone who was clearly an ally to humanity._

_“Who knows if we can trust him or not!!” another person cried._

_“That goes for her, too.” Bianca noticed one of the Sina merchants point at Mikasa Ackermann, whose eyes widened. “Who’s to say she’s human, too?!”_

_“I agree! She should be executed, too, just to be safe!”_

_Bianca felt Claus tense up beside her; she gently knocked her hand against his. This would not end in brutality. That was not the answer. Eren could prove useful to them--he had the potential to represent the most oppressed group within the walls. Bianca was desperate to see it happen, and she was not the only one._

_“No!” Eren screamed in protest. “I mean, please, don’t! I may be a monster, but Mikasa has nothing to do with it!”_

_“Can we really believe a word you say?”_

_“It’s the truth!” Eren insisted._

_**You're not a monster,** _ _Bianca wanted to say. No, no, the farthest thing from it--he could be a hero. Their hero. Eren Jaeger had the freedom to do what she could not. If he succeeded, then perhaps someday, she too could leave this prison of a world and live in peace._

 

“Look, I know we're running late, but is this kind of power-walk _really_ necessary?” Claus complained as he hurried alongside Bianca.

“Doesn't it bother you that we're late?” she asked incredulously.

“We've been doing it for years--it's not like they're not used to it.”

“Don't you want to set a higher standard for yourself?”

Claus grinned, shrugging as he and Bianca sped through the first floor of Police headquarters toward the stables. In the two years they had been in Catherine's squad, they had _never_ been early, had hardly been on time, and were predictably late, but at this point, it did not seem like it was worth changing their pattern. Catherine did not seem to mind, and as long as she did not care, Levi would not do anything, either.

“You there!”

Claus did not see anyone else ahead of them in the hallway, so he stopped and turned toward the source of the shout. There were several Military Police veterans heading their way, and they looked less than pleased to see them. Before he could realize what was happening, more soldiers appeared from the opposite direction, and he glanced at Bianca. What was this...?

“Bianca Sertoli!” one of the veterans bellowed, taking a step forward. Claus had seen him around; he was a comrade of Edmund's, if memory served. He, along with several others, was armed. “We had heard claims that you may be violating one or more of the laws that rule this land!”

 _Oh god_. Claus glanced at Bianca as his stomach sank. Someone had told them. Somehow they knew. Was this really how they were going to handle it? _Then again, why am I surprised? There's a reason we never told anyone..._

“You are to speak the truth without resistance,” the soldier continued, “or we will execute our rights as soldiers to detain you as we see fit! Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” Bianca practically spat.

“We received information regarding your true nature, and we would like you to confirm that this information is correct,” another soldier said. He did not sound as terribly authoritative as the first, but Claus could tell by the look in his eyes that just _looking_ at Bianca terrified him--and to think that was only because...

“Are you, or are you not, able to transform into a Titan?”

“...I am able.”

Claus was proud of Bianca for standing tall, for holding her head high while admitting the truth, but hearing the words come out of her mouth was like experiencing the beginning of a nightmare. The moment she finished her declaration, the Police soldiers grabbed her, securing her arms and shoulders, and pushed Claus away so that he could not defend her.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!” he yelled as he pushed toward her again. She was not resisting. She was not fighting back. How could this happen? How could it have come to this?

“Bianca Sertoli,” the lead officer said crisply. “In the name of our Queen, I place you under arrest for crimes committed unto this land--concealment, deceit, and treason against your commanding officers, as well as your fellow Police soldiers.”

Claus gritted his teeth, his pulse throbbing in his neck. Were they really going to recite their code as if it still mattered? If Queen Historia was still here, she never would have let this happen. Not like this, at least.

“Any objections will be discussed in a fair trial--”

“Fair, my ass!” Claus shouted, interrupting the soldier and stepping forward. If he had to fight their way out of this... “Bianca's done nothing wrong!”

“Claus.”

Bianca was staring at him with her usual calm grace, unbelievably calm, stupidly calm. She was going to be arrested, and at best, her reputation as a soldier ruined for the rest of her life. At worst...

“It's all right,” she murmured.

 _Don't succumb to martyrdom,_ Claus wanted to say, clenching his jaw.

“But--”

“You think to defend her?”

Claus was interrupted by another soldier; despite his short stature, the man got up close to Claus' face, narrowing his eyes, as if asking for a fight. “Do you realize the consequences your actions will bring about, boy?”

“Claus is innocent,” Bianca stated in a loud, clear voice. “He has nothing to do with this.”

“Did you know?” the soldier asked, ignoring Bianca's declaration. “Did you know that she is a Titan shifter?”

Claus pressed his lips together, staring down at the soldier. As much as he wanted to outright defend her, to destroy whatever case they had against her, he knew that it would only cause more trouble in the end.

“...No, I didn't,” he said firmly. “I didn't know, and it never would have mattered to me, anyway, because she is an excellent soldier and a wonderful human being. I don't care if she's a shifter or not. The only thing I _know_ is that all of this is total bullshit.”

“Hold your tongue, Rasmussen.” Claus recognized this young man, too, as another one of Edmund's friends. “You're only off the hook until we can prove you're involved.”

“...We'll get you out of this, Bianca,” Claus whispered to Bianca. “I swear.”

“Claus...it's all right...”

Bianca could not say anything more--she was quickly gagged, and though they had already cuffed her wrists, they further chained them onto her belt, so that she could not even lift her arms. Seeing her treated like an animal...worse than an animal, really... It made Claus' blood boil, and the moment all eyes were on Bianca and off of him, he bolted to Bruno's room.

Despite how quickly he moved, Claus felt as if he was fighting a roaring wind just to get upstairs. He was out of breath, and his entire body was coated in a thin layer of cold sweat. His hands shook as he reached out to Bruno's door; he threw himself against it.

“Bruno!” he shouted, his voice cracking as he pounded on the door. He did not wait for a response before forcing the door open. Luckily, it was unlocked, and Claus saw a startled Bruno sitting at his desk.

“Claus?” Bruno murmured, his eyebrows raised. “...What's--”

“Bianca--they've...” Claus swallowed back his tears. “They've arrested her.”

Claus had never seen Bruno go pale like this before. He had never seen that look of horror on his face.

“They know,” Claus sputtered, leaning on the doorframe, panting.

“...Go,” Bruno hissed. “I'll deal with our squad--tell Catherine and the others. Meet us back here.”

“...Okay.”

Peeling himself off of the wooden frame, Claus forced himself to turn around, to run downstairs toward the stables. He did not know what Bruno was planning to do, but he had no choice but to trust him and pass the message along.

 _If he can't do anything, then maybe Catherine and the others can_ , he thought. It was more like a wistful prayer than anything else. _Maybe they'll think of something he hasn't... Maybe...she'll be okay..._

 

…......

 

“For fuck's sake.”

As Catherine muttered under her breath, Levi could not help but roll his eyes.

“You were the one who insisted there was plenty of time,” he reminded her. “And you're the one who decided to take a nap.”

“Shut up,” she hissed, pulling her jacket closer around herself. “I didn't mean to fall asleep. You shouldn't have let me--but _you_ fell asleep, too.”

“...I can't believe you're late to your own squad meeting,” he added, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Yeah, me either,” she snapped, reaching out toward the door.

Seated inside the classroom was Jean, Armin, Yasmin, and Olivia. Claus and Bianca were notorious for being late, but this was by far the latest they had ever been--it was almost twenty minutes past their usual meeting time.

“...Sorry we're late,” Catherine murmured, hurrying inside as Levi pulled the door shut behind him. “...No word on the others yet?”

“They're always late,” Jean sighed.

“Claus oversleeps, apparently,” Olivia laughed.

“Don't you oversleep, too?” Yasmin snickered.

“We've already wasted enough time,” Catherine said, quickly picking up a piece of chalk. “Let's get started for today, okay?”

There was a general murmur of agreement in response, and Levi sat down in his usual seat, crossing his arms. He was not entirely sure why, but there was something a little off about the atmosphere. Perhaps it was because he had recently woken up, and everything was still hazy.

 _It wouldn't be like them to not show up at all_ , Levi thought, looking at the two empty chairs where Bianca and Claus normally sat. _They're more responsible than that._

But, for at least another half hour, there was no sign of Claus nor Bianca, and Levi began to wonder if they had a good reason for skipping, if something had happened at headquarters, or maybe--

The door to the conference room burst open suddenly, causing Catherine to drop the chalk she was holding and Olivia to let out a shriek of fright.

“Claus!” Armin gasped, the only one to have a seemingly intelligible response. “...What...?”

Levi got a better look at Claus' face as he staggered in, gripping the back of the nearest chair. He was visibly sweating, his ginger hair sticking to his forehead, and he looked as if he had been punched in the gut.

“...Bianca's been arrested,” he breathed, squeezing his eyes shut.

The feeling that filled Levi's body was a familiar one--a feeling of despair, of coldness.

“What?!” Yasmin gasped. “Claus--”

“They found out,” he said weakly. “That she's a shifter.”

Levi could sense Catherine moving behind him before he even turned around.

“I'm going there,” she announced, and Levi could hear the anger in her voice. It was startling, considering that just moments before she had been completely at ease.

“Please,” Claus murmured, looking up at her. “Please--I don't know if Bruno can get her out all on his own.”

“I'm going, too,” Armin said, standing quickly.

“We all should,” Yasmin added.

“Wait,” Levi murmured, getting to his feet. “If you all come along, it'll be suspicious.”

“Let them come,” Catherine insisted, and Levi caught her gaze. Her eyes were burning with malice he had never seen before. “We can't just let this slide.”

“B-Bianca's been...?”

Olivia's whimper was the most frail thing Levi had ever heard from her, a usually boundless source of positive energy.

“...This can't...?” she gasped, her voice laden with tears. “This... How did they...?”

“I don't know how they know,” Claus responded, shaking his head. “But we don't have time to wonder about it now. We have to go.”

Catherine nodded, and without another word, she and Armin followed Claus out of the room. Yasmin and Jean followed soon after, and Levi turned to Olivia.

“Will you stay? Or will you go?” he asked. “Choose.”

“...It...this might be...all my fault,” Olivia whispered, nervously wringing her hands.

“If so, then it's time to fix what you've done,” Levi murmured. He pushed in his chair, then did the same for Catherine's. “Come on.”

 

…......

 

Bruno did not consider himself to be a particularly calm man, but he had never before felt his blood boil like this. To see his kid sister gagged and chained to a wall before his very eyes--it was something he had never wanted to see, and never thought he would see. It should have been him in her place. But to call _her_ a traitor.

“It's one thing to delay her trial right after throwing her in jail without real cause,” Bruno spat at Nile, standing face to face with the Commander. “But to treat her like a wild animal when she's shown absolutely no resistance is vile, and it shows just how disgusting this regiment has become as time has gone on. The shadow of the Central Police's influence is still strong, and this is proof.”

“I know she's your sister,” Nile murmured. “I know this must be hard for you. But getting angry here won't help her. And it'll put the rest of your squad at risk.”

“We're willing to risk it,” Nikoleta spoke up, her voice aflame. “If it means that the wrongs done here will be righted, then we'll gladly risk whatever it takes. That's what separates us from the mediocre.”

Despite the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling at that moment, Bruno did feel a jolt of pride hearing Nikoleta's words. He had done well to groom her for this position; he just had never wanted her to take it under these kinds of circumstances.

“...Don't make me repeat myself--getting angry won't do anyone any good,” Nile insisted.

“Then do something about it,” Bruno argued. “This is your regiment. You're the Commander.”

“It's up to Zackley's discretion,” Nile replied, and Bruno clenched his jaw.

 _Really?_ he wanted to say, to spit the words onto Nile's cowardly face. _Falling back on the judgment of someone else so that you can avoid responsibility for your own actions? This is the same way that you let your friend die._

“Regardless, there's no need to treat her like an animal,” Nikoleta interjected, gesturing to Bianca, who was not moving at all. “She's done nothing to make herself threatening besides existing. Never before has she done _anything_ to harm this regiment or its goals! _She_ was the one to protect the Queen when the enemy came! The Queen that you all let get away!”

Bruno looked over at his sister, grimacing. Bianca was staring at the floor by her feet, looking away from them, completely docile. It was as if they had traveled back in time, back to when she was just a child and had no friends, no dreams, no hope for her future.

“...She'll be treated no better and no worse than any other prisoner,” Nile told them.

“She shouldn't be a prisoner at all.”

“You'd defend someone who kept this secret from you all this time?” Nile asked Nikoleta, and she let out a laugh.

“As if the world itself isn't full of secrets? But I still fight to protect it. And so does she. That makes us allies, no matter what form she takes.”

 _Thank you_ , Bruno thought, looking down at Nikoleta, who was shaking with anger.

“...I won't state my opinion on that one way or the other,” Nile murmured, slowly shaking his head. “Regardless, I do find it odd that no one seems to have known the truth about her.”

“I think that the reason why is quite evident,” Bruno said crisply, gesturing to Bianca. “How could anyone expect her to come forward and offer herself, offer her powers, when this kind of judgment awaited her?”

“It's disgusting,” Nikoleta snapped. “Don't you get it? Bianca is exactly the kind of soldier that we need, and this is how you all handle it?”

“...I can only do so much--”

“If I have to hear that excuse one more time, I swear to whatever god is watching, I will never forgive you,” Bruno said in a low voice.

“Bruno?!”

Claus' voice echoed through the small stone jail, and soon he appeared, his face still shining with sweat.

“Did you tell the others?” Bruno asked, and he nodded.

“They're coming from the stables now,” he breathed. “We got here as quickly as we could--”

“You've already been waiting for several hours,” Nile told them. “Can you all not wait a little longer to hear a verdict?”

“Are you kidding?” Claus asked, exasperated. “You pull an innocent soldier--one of your best--into jail, and expect us to sit idly by?”

Bruno pursed his lips; he was not entirely sure, but it seemed that Claus might have lied to the officers who arrested Bianca. It was possible that he had hidden that he knew the truth about Bianca.

... _I see_ , Bruno thought. _I hope the others follow suit._

A few moments later, Bruno heard the sound of quick footsteps coming down the stairs.

“I want an explanation,” Catherine spat the moment she came into view. She altogether ignored Bruno and the others, and instead marched right up to Nile. “Is your goal to unravel the Corps? Is your goal to bring back the Central Police that we all worked so hard to get rid of? Or is it simply to save your own hide? Don't answer the question--I already know the answer.”

“Catherine.” Levi pulled her back by the shoulder, but she shrugged him off. Bruno could not help wondering if Levi had ever seen her this angry before. If not, then he was in for quite the experience.

“You would come in and speak to a superior officer like that?” Nile said in disbelief, and Catherine clicked her teeth in disgust.

“It's a wonder you still have your job--you've been reduced to a figurehead, if that,” she spat. “What a goddamn shame. You take a perfectly harmless soldier and throw her in jail like she's a monster.”

“She's dangerous--”

“She's also been an active soldier in the Police for over five years,” Catherine argued. “She's one of the few members of this regiment willing to go out onto the field and fight. Tell me, Commander Dawk, why would she fight Titans if she considers those her allies?”

“Did you know?” Nile asked, ignoring Catherine's question entirely. “Tell me--did you know the truth of her identity?”

“Of course not.” Catherine narrowed her eyes, and Bruno crossed his arms. It seemed that they all were aware of Claus' lie, and they were willing to keep it up. Good. There was no point in putting anyone else in danger. “And if we had known, would it have mattered? How could we have even protected her? She's more powerful than the rest of us combined. And that's only speaking of her physical abilities if she is, in fact, a Titan shifter. For two years now, she's been working in my squad, studying and translating a dead language--and she's done it better than anyone else, even me. Now I see why--now I know that she did have what one might consider to be an unfair advantage--but that makes her all the more valuable as a soldier!”

Despite her biting tone and obvious rage, Bruno could see the fear in Catherine's eyes. She did not want to lose Bianca--they were family, they had been for a long time now. They had a bond, and Bianca owed loyalty to Catherine.

“Catherine, enough.” Levi pulled her back by both shoulders this time, as if pulling her out of her burning anger. “Save this for whatever trial they have planned for her.”

“Don't bother,” Bruno said quietly, looking down at Levi. “They've already started deliberation. The rest of my squad is there.”

“...They've already started?” Levi echoed in what was nothing short of disbelief.

Had the circumstances been different, Bruno would have been amused to see Levi let go of Catherine the way she did, as if releasing her back into the hellfire. And, judging by the expression on his face, he planned to join her in fighting this injustice.

But, everything halted at the sound of a muffled voice.

“Wait.” Someone was telling them to wait.

“Bianca?” Nikoleta murmured, facing the jail cell.

“Wait.”

It was muffled, but that was definitely what she was saying. But why? Why...?

“Bianca,” Catherine sighed, walking over to the cell. “Bianca, please--”

But, to Bruno's disappointment, Bianca shook her head.

 _She...doesn't want us to fight_ , he realized, his heart sinking. _She doesn't want us to risk our lives for hers._

Yes...that was what it had to be. They had just spoken of it last night--of her resignation. Despite all of this, it had not wavered, and Bruno did not know whether to be proud of her, or to be disappointed in her.

“You can't die here,” Claus insisted, his voice wavering. Bianca only stared back up at him; if the gag had not been there, she might have been smiling.

“...Catherine, you and the rest of your squad can wait in our conference room,” Bruno said quietly, turning to his old friend. “...We can figure things out from there.”

Catherine stared back up at him; the malice was gone from her eyes, and a faint glitter of unshed tears had replaced it.

Still, she nodded, and she, Levi, and the rest of her squad followed Bruno and Nikoleta out of the prison in a quiet parade of grief.

 


	123. The Sacrificial Lamb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though to everyone else, Bianca's actions seem rash,  
> she has a greater goal in mind, one that they have yet to understand completely.

_Looking up from his tray of food, Rowen glanced over at Catherine; she was holding her head in her hands, a pose he had seen from her more and more lately._

_“...You have to eat something,” he insisted, nudging his biscuit toward her. “...I know you're worried, but starving yourself isn't going to help you think of anything to help Bianca.”_

_“...Can't.” Catherine's reply only came out in a soft mumble. She shook her head a little, not even looking up at Rowen._

_“It's not over yet,” Rowen told her, trying to smile. But he could only manage a grimace; he was worried, too, of course. Bianca had been their friend--no, their_ _**family** _ _, for years, and though he had not known the truth about her abilities as a shifter, that revelation did not at all change his allegiance to her. He hoped that the Police would feel something similar to that, considering her dedication and performance as a soldier._

_“...I dunno what to do...” Catherine's mouth was now muffled; her face was buried into her hands._

_“Keep going,” Rowen murmured, sighing quietly as he put the biscuit next to her cup of coffee. “The fight isn't over yet...so don't start acting like it is.”_

_“You don't get it,” Catherine whispered, removing her hands from her face and looking up at Rowen with red-rimmed, sleepless eyes. “They're not even giving us the chance to fight back...and...Bianca doesn't want to, either...”_

 

Serene had known that things would not stay quiet forever, especially with the Queen absent and the government subsequently thrown into disarray, but she had not expected _this_. Of all people to be on the brink of death...Bianca had not seemed like a likely candidate, but she had stayed in prison without complaint for two weeks. Two weeks. Without a word to any of them, save for Bruno.

“She doesn't want to get out,” Nikoleta reported to them at last.

“That doesn't make any sense,” Serene insisted.

“I don't think so, either, but it's apparently what she said.” Nikoleta gritted her teeth, slowly sinking into her chair in the conference room. “...Bruno has been trying to reason with her all morning. Like he thinks it'll still make a difference.”

“What can he really even say anymore...?” Claus murmured. “...With guards listening in...there's only so much he can say...”

“Unless he's willing to throw us all onto the chopping block, which I don't think is likely,” Nikoleta sighed.

“It could be,” Esra said quietly, and Serene turned toward the girl. Her voice sounded distant, and her eyes had an almost vacant look in them. “That could be his plan. Do we really know what he would be willing to do to get her out of jail?”

“...I don't always agree with Bruno's decisions, but I don't think he's that type of person,” Serene assured her.

“Well, we didn't think that Bianca was a Titan shifter, either.”

The room fell silent for several minutes; it was not broken again until Armin entered the room. To Serene's surprise, the other members of his special squad in the Corps followed him in.

“Yasmin!?” Esra cried, jumping up from her seat to hug her sister. “What're you doing here?!”

“It was at Bruno's request,” Armin told them. “...They're going to decide Bianca's sentence today. This is our last chance to come up with some way to help her.”

“Whether she wants it or not, then?” Nikoleta asked him, crossing her arms.

“She doesn't want help?” Jean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Claus mumbled. “...She's...using herself as a sacrifice.”

“For what?”

Again, silence. Serene normally did not mind it, but this kind of atmosphere made her skin crawl, and she could only watch with pursed lips as the four remaining Special Linguistic Squads members sat down around the table.

“Catherine and Captain Levi are with Bruno,” Armin explained. “The three of them should be here any minute.”

“...God, I hate this,” Serene murmured, sitting back in her chair and hugging herself. “How did it come to this?”

“...Secrets only stay secret for so long, I guess,” Jean said darkly, sighing. Olivia quickly shook her head.

“No, that's not--”

She was interrupted, however, by the door opening once again. Bruno entered first, a sour expression on his tired face. Captain Levi and Squad Leader Catherine followed him in, then stood against the wall behind their squad members, both of them pale-faced and obviously sleep-deprived.

“...Anything?” Serene asked Bruno; she noticed Claus seemed to sink lower into his chair as Bruno's scowl deepened.

“...I've always known that she was stubborn, but this is honestly incredible,” Bruno muttered in reply. “...You all know they're deciding her punishment today. I think you all also know that she hasn't been fighting back.”

“Which is why we have to do it for her,” Nikoleta insisted.

“What would it prove?”

Serene whipped her head over to Claus; he was staring at the table, but it was definitely him who had spoken.

“What would it prove to save her? That she's 'special' enough to get away without facing any consequences? What good would it do to anger half of the military and public by letting her live, and compromising her freedom to use her abilities? I think...those kinds of things... That's all she's thinking about...”

Claus' voice trailed off, and he narrowed his eyes.

“In other words...you mean to say...she's acting as a martyr?” Esra asked quietly.

“Yeah. She's hoping the government will see this as a mistake--because it is.”

“Is it?” Esra stared at him.

“I think they'll come to regret all of this,” Serene cut in quickly, before Esra could say anything potentially damaging. She was not sure why all of a sudden Esra seemed to not care what happened to Bianca. Was this an attempt to try to shield her feelings? “She's been a loyal soldier up to this point--and she's still being cooperative, despite how terribly she's been treated.”

“These are all good points, but the bottom line is that we still have to convince a group of selfish bastards that keeping Bianca alive is a good thing,” Catherine spoke up at last. “They aren't concerned about the safety of this world--they're only concerned about what _they_ have. What _they_ want. And if she gets in the way of any of it, then they're not going to hesitate to do away with her, especially now that she's in such a vulnerable state...”

Serene nodded, grimacing. She knew what Squad Leader Catherine was saying was true; she had seen a similar way of thought in her own brother. Though she could not yet call him completely corrupted by the system, he was still on the cowardly end of the spectrum of Police soldiers, and he likely agreed that Bianca should be sentenced to death.

“But if Bianca doesn't want to cooperate with us, it doesn't matter what we say or do--it all turns to shit and makes us look like the enemy,” Levi pointed out.

“Levi is right,” Bruno sighed. “At this point, we're just talking in circles.”

“So are you saying we're supposed to just give up?!” Claus snapped.

“No--the one we need to convince isn't the military counsel, but Bianca herself.” Bruno leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. “That's what we have to decide how to do, and quickly.”

 

…......

 

“Get up.”

Bianca's eyes fluttered open at the sound of the harsh voice. She heard the sound of clanking metal, and she turned her head to see Commander Nile, along with several soldiers, at the gate of her jail cell.

“Your trial starts soon,” a soldier said. He had been the one to wake her up; he had also been the one to gag her before. She remembered, and part of her wanted to shrink away.

 _No...no point in getting scared now_ , she told herself, sitting upright. Her back ached from sleeping on the cold brick floor for so long, and she could feel herself growing thinner, weaker.

Yet, they still pulled her out of her jail cell like an animal being pulled from its cage. The moment they removed her hands from the shackles on the walls, they forced them into a pair of handcuffs, then once again gagged her.

“We'll remove the gag once we reach the courthouse,” Nile told her, and she narrowed her eyes. Was it really necessary? Were they really that frightened of her? How many of them were just following a coward's orders...?

Bianca's feet hurt--they felt swollen, in fact--but she trudged up to the courthouse with the rest of the soldiers. She did not struggle, either, because what would be the point of that anyway...?

Though it had been years prior, Bianca still remembered Eren's trial well. The atmosphere had been one that combined both fear with fascination, and she felt that a bit now, too, but it was far quieter in comparison. Only Police soldiers were here this time--apparently, not even Catherine or Levi had been allowed in.

 _...Sorry..._ she thought as they locked her into a pole, the same that they had used on Eren. As they removed her gag, she shook her hair out of her eyes, glancing at her brother and her squad mates. _...I didn't want to make any of you worry..._

“...We'll make this quick,” Zackley said once the escorts were settled. “We've already been discussing the consequences of all this excitement you've caused, but the last person we have to speak with is you, Bianca.”

Bianca pursed her lips; she could feel all eyes on her.

_...This is..._

“As it stands, you have committed several crimes against the Military Police, but we've yet to hear a real explanation for all of it,” Zackley went on, adjusting the small glasses on his face. “You lied to your fellow soldiers, superior officers...and even to the general populace. You've been concealing information--information possibly so important that it could have prevented many of the horrible tragedies our world has faced in recent years. One question that I think we all have is, why?”

“Why, what?” a soldier said suddenly. Bianca recognized the voice--it was Marlowe, and he was glaring up at Zackley. “Why she concealed her true identity? Isn't it obvious? Because she's being punished for it, despite not having done anything wrong!”

“Were you not listening to a word he just said?” Bianca turned to look at the soldier arguing against Marlowe; her heart sank as she recognized him as Edmund Hastings. “It's not just the fact that she has Titan abilities--it's the fact that she _hid_ them from everyone, when we could have used her to help us keep the Queen here. She's obviously not trustworthy--I'm _glad_ the secret leaked.”

“Quiet,” Zackley said firmly, slapping his hand once on the desk in front of him. “Bianca, speak. Explain to us why it's come to this.”

Bianca hesitated--not because she did not know what she wanted to say, but because she was not sure it would be worth saying anymore.

 _...This is... This is a waste of time..._ she realized, slowly glancing around the room. _...At this point, no matter what I say...everyone has decided where they stand..._

Still, she wanted to take this chance to be honest, to speak her mind, even if she would be punished for it. She had never really had this opportunity before, and she wanted to take advantage of it.

“...Marlowe is right--I hid myself because I was scared,” Bianca told them. “I wasn't just scared of the consequences of revealing myself, though. I was also scared of _me_. So...I get it. I get why you're all afraid now. But...humanity is running out of allies. I knew that, if I didn't try to do something, we might lose hope altogether... But if I stepped forward, if I accepted myself and used my powers, I thought that maybe I would not only be able to be of use to humanity, but also convince people like me that stepping up to take this responsibility would be worth it.”

“People like you?” a soldier gasped.

“There are people in this world like me,” Bianca repeated, narrowing her eyes. “Some of them don't even realize it, some of them might never know. But I don't want any of them to live in fear the way I have for so long...”

 _...Perhaps I was selfish_ , she thought as quiet murmurs filled the room. _To recklessly step forward like this..._

Bianca locked eyes with Zackley; he was staring down at her, an almost inquisitive look on his face. He was thinking hard, she could tell, and for a moment, she wondered if he was reconsidering her punishment somehow. Perhaps she was going to be experimented on, like they had wanted with Eren.

“...I don't know a lot, but I'm willing to share what I know to help us all survive,” Bianca added, keeping her gaze on Zackley. The murmurs started to die down, and Zackley shifted in his seat, sitting upright.

“...You could not even share your identity with your squad, or your Commander. I don't know how you expect anyone to take you seriously.” Zackley sat back in his chair, narrowing his eyes. “...I've decided. Bianca Sertoli, your execution will take place at the end of this week.”

 

…......

 

As long as he had known Bianca, Claus had also known that, between the two of them, it was hard to tell who was more stubborn. They both had always been hard-headed, they both hated to be wrong, and they both hated to give up.

Lately, though, the person that Claus had seen behind those prison bars seemed like one who had given up, and he could not understand why.

Bianca had been working so hard all this time to achieve her goals--to rid the world of its fear and bias against shifters like her, to understand their world, to make everyone equally free. Why had she cast all that aside? Why was she giving up...?

She seemed to have _some_ fight left in her; she had been active in all of the interrogation sessions with their Police squad, and lied for both him and Bruno. Her goal was obviously to protect them--an honorable goal--but why not expend some of that energy on herself, too? Why did not she not try harder to defend herself at her trial...? Now, time was running out, and the days that she had had left to live were dwindling down to mere hours.

“...I don't mean to discourage you, but...are you sure it's a good idea to go and see her?” Serene asked as she followed Claus toward the jail. “Are you sure...it won't just make things worse?”

“...I have to make sure,” he murmured in reply, slowly shaking his head. “I have to make sure this is...really what she wants. Because if it is...I have to also...”

His voice trailed off; putting it into words was still too scary. He did not want this to be how it ended for them. His precious friend... Bianca deserved better than this.

“...If you're sure,” Serene said quietly, tucking a lock of her short hair behind her ear. “...I just...don't want this to hurt you--or Bianca, either.”

“If...she's really going to die in just a...a matter of hours...then...I have to know it's for the right reasons...”

_No, no, whatever. There's no such thing as a “right reason” anymore. She shouldn't have to be in this position at all._

“...Good luck.” Serene stopped just short of the door, and Claus turned to look at her. She gave him a small smile, but he could see the worry in her eyes. “If you need anything...I'll be in my room, so...you know where to find me, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.” Claus did not try to force a smile; he knew she would just see right through it anyway.

As he opened the familiar wooden door, he was almost immediately met by a guard.

“...Oh, it's you, Rasmussen,” he muttered. “No doubt as to why _you're_ here.”

Claus opened his mouth to reply, but as he did, another guard appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

“Is that the Rasmussen kid?” he shouted up to his comrade.

“It is,” Claus called back in a dry tone. He began his descent into the cold stone prison, and the first guard followed him down. “...I can tell you're following me closely. There's no need for that. I'm just here to...settle things, I guess.”

As he paused in front of Bianca's cell, Claus peered in through the bars. She seemed to be sound asleep--if it was even her. It did not seem like it, it never did. The Bianca that _he_ knew was stronger than this...

“...He's been proven innocent,” the first guard said at last. “Go ahead and let him in.”

As the second guard unlocked Bianca's cell door, Bianca lifted her head slowly.

“...Bianca...” Claus mumbled, unable to force himself out of the grim expression that he had been wearing for days.

“Thanks for coming to see me,” Bianca mumbled, smiling. Claus tried, but it did not feel like a smile.

“How could I not?” he laughed darkly, kneeling down in front of her. “...Look, I...” His voice trailed off as he glanced at her chained wrists. It made him feel queasy, but he found his words again regardless. “...This isn't how this is supposed to happen. You and I both know that. You can't let this be the end.”

“Claus...”

“C'mon.” Claus lowered his voice, leaning in a little closer to Bianca. “Tell me you've got some kind of plan to escape here, or to get yourself out of this.”

“...I don't.”

“What the hell do you mean you don't?” Claus snapped. “Wasn't your goal to change the world so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen to anyone? Didn't you want to change things so that people like you could live normal lives? You can't do that if you're dead, Bianca.”

“Claus...”

“I don't get it, I just--

“Claus--

“Look, I-I know you're always right, but I need you to be wrong just one time.”

Claus' voice cracked on the last word, and Bianca gave him another smile, but it slowly faded, as if she was realizing how desperate he really was, how serious he was. Normally, he tried to remain laid-back and care-free, but he could not do that in this case. If he did, she would die, without a doubt.

“Please, you can't give up here,” he pleaded.

“...Claus, this...” Bianca shrugged a little, glancing away from him. “...You won't like hearing this, but this is...something I've been preparing for my entire life.”

Claus clenched his jaw as Bianca continued to avoid his gaze. He could not accept this kind of ending. Not like this. Not even if _she_ was prepared for it.

“...It's okay,” she assured him again. “It's all right now. It's...not fair, but it's all right.”

“No, it's not,” Claus hissed, shaking his head. “No--”

“This is much better than I imagined it would be,” Bianca insisted. “I have a chance to say goodbye to everyone. Knowing how much time I have left...puts me much more at ease.”

Bianca closed her eyes, and Claus glanced away, pursing his lips. She did have a point--knowing when the end would come was somehow reassuring, but the _how_ still bothered him, and it bothered him that it did _not_ bother her.

“...I don't feel...as much pain anymore,” she told him. “I'm not afraid anymore. This is just how things have to be.”

“Things don't _have_ to be this way,” Claus argued. Bianca opened her eyes and looked up at him. “They really don't. We can get you out of this, Bianca. Bruno and I, we can...” He hated to make empty promises, but he knew that if it came down to it, they could manage something. “There has to be something that we can do...”

“Claus...”

To his surprise, Bianca did not say anything just yet; instead, she unhooked the familiar gold chain around her neck.

“No, don't--” Claus sputtered.

“Please, let me say what I want to say,” Bianca murmured, pulling off the necklace. “...My mother gave me this, because she said that she would always be protecting me. I've always believed in that, even though it's a little stupid...” She smiled a little before continuing, “But now, I...I don't need it anymore. I've lived a good life, and you were part of what made it so amazing.”

Bianca's familiar cold hands gently took Claus' hands in hers; he felt the cool metal of the chain in his hands, and before he could resist, she closed his fingers around it.

“I'm so glad I met you,” she said, a hint of a smile in her voice. “I'm so, so grateful we became friends. You taught me how to trust people, how to love them. It was because of you that I was able to make more friends, to be happy in this life. Claus, I think...you already know this, but...Bruno and I...we were damned from the start.”

 _She's given up_.

The reality hit Claus hard; this was the beginning of their goodbye. An eternal goodbye.

“But even still, because of you, I was able to live so happily,” Bianca continued, her eyes shimmering with tears. “Even now, because of you, I can be at peace. I'm...satisfied with the life I lived... It's because of you. Thank you.”

“...Shut up.” Claus lowered his gaze, gritting his teeth. “You act like I did everything for you, but...I owe you so much. You've stuck with me through everything, even when I was a little asshole. When I was all alone, you came to me, became my friend...” His grip on Bianca's hands tightened as he looked back up at her. “So...please, Bianca, don't leave now. There's still so much we can do.”

“No, Claus, that's where you're wrong again.” Bianca was laughing through her tears, which only made it harder to listen to her words. “It's up to you now. I can't do anything more for the world than this. But you...you have so much left to do.”

“I can't do it without you,” Claus insisted.

“You don't have to.” He felt Bianca squeeze his hands. “I'm going to be watching over you. Even though you won't be able to see me anymore, I'll be there, always. I'll never give up on you. Remember that.”

“...Bianca...” Claus could not force himself to speak anymore; he did not want to grovel in front of her, but he felt so stupidly childish in that moment that he was not sure what else to do. “...Please...”

“I'm not leaving you, Claus. Not really. Do you really think that people are that easily separated from one another? I don't think so. We won't be.”

Claus had not realized that he was crying until he looked up at Bianca again and realized that his vision was blurry and distorted. Not to his surprise, Bianca laughed.

“I haven't seen you cry like that in a long time,” she said quietly. “Don't cry. Please, smile for me? I...don't want this to be a painful goodbye...because...we're going to see each other again someday. I know it.”

“...I'm trying...” Claus breathed, and even though Bianca laughed in response, he had heard the pain in her earlier words, and that only made his heart break even more.

“I'll pretend I don't see this,” Bianca chuckled as she wiped his tears. Claus could only laugh. “That's better.”

With the absence of her hands on his, Claus remembered the necklace; he gently placed it into his breast pocket. He would never go anywhere without it--he knew now that it was his last piece of her.

Still, she was here now, too, so he took her hands again.

“...I'm...sorry for putting you through hell all these years,” he murmured. “But thank you...for sticking with me all this time.”

“I wouldn't trade that time for anything,” Bianca said softly. “Now, please, take care of everyone. I'm counting on you.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“I'll be watching.”

“I know.” Claus could not help laughing at his own response. “...I don't...doubt that... I'll miss you.”

“...I'm sorry.” Bianca's hands slipped out of his as her smile disappeared. “But...thank you...for everything, Claus.”

 _No, don't end it like this_.

Without hesitation, Claus pulled Bianca into his arms. He ran his hand through her hair, squeezing his eyes shut.

 _God, you've been such a good person to me_ , he thought.

“You're the best friend I've ever had,” Bianca murmured, her voice filled with tears again. “I love you so much, and I don't want to see you hurting. Please, take care of yourself.”

“...I will,” Claus whispered.

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Claus tightened his grip on what had now become a frail body, and he opened his eyes, reminding himself that, at some point, he would have to leave.

_Thank you...thank you..._

As he finally released Bianca, he looked at her gaunt face with a small frown. His heart was practically beating out of his chest, and his whole body ached. But he could not delay this forever.

“...Goodbye, Bianca,” he mumbled.

“No, not goodbye.” As she shook her head, Claus could see the tears on her face. “I'll see you again. I promise.”

“...Please, don't let me down.”

“I won't. I wouldn't ever.”

Claus did not want to leave. What if he could just...stay here? That would be okay, right...?

“Go,” Bianca said, the smile returning to her face. “Live.”

Swallowing back the sobs threatening to escape from his throat, Claus gave her a firm nod, then slowly got to his feet. His entire body felt numb, useless. He had failed to protect her, and soon, she would be gone.

 _...Enough_ , he told himself, finally turning around. _Go. Just go. And don't look back._

Without another word, Claus left the jail cell, then returned to his room. His chest ached, as if it felt the weight of what remained in his left breast pocket. The weight of her life, of everything it had been...

Now, he would have to carry on alone.

 

 


	124. The Martyr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, she was just a child.  
> Another ally gone, the Corps begins to crumble.

_“This is all my fault!” Olivia cried, gripping the bars of Bianca's jail cell. Her hands were shaking, and she felt like she might throw up right then and there, but if she did not say these words, if she did not apologize now, she would not have another chance. This was supposedly going to be their last moment with her before her execution; she did not want to regret anything more._

_“Olivia...!” Catherine murmured, grabbing her shoulder to pull her back, but Olivia shrugged her off, clinging to the cold iron._

_“It's my fault!” she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut. She was sure of it. She was the only one who had spoken so openly about Bianca's Titan powers--and it had been in the middle of Sina territory, an area crawling with Police soldiers. Anyone could have heard it, but, in this case, the wrong person had heard it, and Bianca's death would be the consequence._

_“...You shouldn't blame yourself for this,” Bianca said calmly, but that only made Olivia more anxious._

_“Yes I should!” she cried, her voice cracking. “I--”_

_“Enough,” Captain Levi interrupted, stepping forward and prying her hands off of the bars. In the back of her mind, she understood why he was doing this; if she was to admit that she knew something about Bianca's abilities here, that would prove that Claus, Catherine, and many others had lied about what they claimed to have known nothing about at the time._

_Still..._

_“Please, just let me say I'm sorry!” Olivia insisted, tears welling up in her eyes. She had never wanted this, especially not for Bianca, who was so pure-hearted and strong._

_“It's okay.” Bianca gave her a warm smile, then added, “I forgive you. We're family, right? So that makes us sisters, right...?”_

_Olivia could only wail in response as Levi dragged her away._

 

 _How could this have happened..._?

Bruno knew that, at this point, it was too late to do anything for Bianca. She had given up, and if she would not cooperate with him, there was nothing he, or anyone else, could do anymore.

No matter how many times he told himself that, though, nothing really helped it sink in. Even on the morning of her execution, when he entered the prison and saw her sitting on the floor, staring up at the window, he saw the same Bianca, always willing to push forward and fight. But, perhaps this was just his mind's way of pushing away what was happening, and what _would_ happen, to her.

“...This is your last chance,” Bruno whispered, and Bianca glanced him, then smiled.

“...Anything you want me to tell our parents?” she asked, and Bruno's stomach lurched.

“Please.” Bruno narrowed his eyes. “You've done nothing to deserve this.”

Bianca turned to look at him; her eyes were smiling, and he recognized that gentleness. He had seen something similar once before in his own mother's gaze, not long before she had died. She was willing to sacrifice herself to teach this world a lesson.

 _“I don't need to be in this world a minute longer to know that, in the end, humanity will win...”_ Her words echoed in his mind. _“...That's why--even if I was to die tomorrow, I can be resigned.”_

“...I think that this is a mistake,” Bruno admitted, and Bianca's smile disappeared. “I think it's a waste of potential, Bianca. But...I...” His voice trailed off, and he clenched his fists. “...But I'm still proud of you. You're doing something...most would never have the courage to do. And I'm sure...Mom and Dad will be proud of you, too.” He closed his eyes, slowly shaking his head. “...I love you, Bianca.”

Bruno opened his eyes to see Bianca smiling at him again.

“I love you, too,” she murmured. “...Please, take care of this world.”

“I will. I'll do whatever it takes.”

 

…......

 

Bianca willingly let the Police soldiers lead her outside. She had some idea of what to expect; she was being led to the same place they had led Erwin when he had been executed, after all. Though the idea of dying did make her a bit uneasy, she knew that this was the better alternative to what could have been a brutal ending. Instead, she would go quietly, without much ado. It was better for the others that way, too, perhaps.

When Bianca arrived to the gallows, she was surprised to find that it had been rearranged--the most noticeable difference was the absence of a noose, and she glanced around at the audience. They seemed so far away--was it her imagination, or had they been pushed back...?

Perhaps it was related to the rain that had rolled in; there was a fine mist in the air, covering the area in a slight fog. But that still did not explain the missing noose, and the general atmosphere of uneasiness.

“Bianca Sertoli!”

Zackley's voice was unmistakable, and Bianca turned toward the sound. It was echoing from somewhere far away, though, or so it seemed.

“We will now commence with your execution!” he continued, and Bianca looked around the area once again. It seemed like...even the soldiers were far away from her; they were all fully armed, which was a strange sight as well. Zackley, Nile, and several other superior officers were looking down from one of the tower balconies of their headquarters, making them the farthest away of them all. “You have committed undeniably heinous crimes against your regiment, as well as the peoples of this world! You concealed your true identity as a Titan for years--in other words, you denied your commanding officers and peers valuable information that could have changed the fate of humanity! What do you have to say for yourself?”

Bianca said nothing; it was not that she did not have anything to say, but she was still confused. Her heart fluttered with anxiety as the two soldiers that escorted her to the gallows released her hands. One of them then handed her a knife, and she held it, staring down at her blurred reflection in the blade.

“If you have no response for us, then we will proceed--”

“What...is this?” Bianca asked, her voice hoarse as she watched the other two soldiers hurry away. “Why...?”

“Do you really think that, in a case like this, we would proceed without testing your word?” Zackley's voice boomed through the courtyard, and Bianca glanced up at the audience again. She could not see their expressions well, but she could sense the uneasy atmosphere, and she pursed her lips.

“What's going on?” she asked, turning toward the sound of Zackley's voice.

“In order to confirm that you are, in fact, a Titan shifter, we need to see it with our own eyes!” he declared, and Bianca's heart dropped. Surely, surely, they did not mean...

“Why!?” she cried, unable to hold herself back. Now, suddenly, the distance from the crowd, the lack of the noose, the armed Police soldiers--all of those details made sense. “Why?!”

“You're not lying to cover for someone else, are you?! If not, then prove it!”

“They've already been proven innocent!” she argued, tears welling up in her eyes as her hands began to shake in fear.

“You refuse to cooperate? If so, then what are you hiding?” Nile called down, and Bianca lowered her head, looking down at the wooden paneling beneath her feet.

“I'm...not...”

To die as a human, to die as a soldier, was an honor. There was no reason to fear such a death; it was a peaceful ending for any prisoner in this world.

 _Please_ , Bianca thought, squeezing her eyes shut as she gripped the hilt of the knife. _Please, please, I want to keep my humanity...!_

“Well?! Are you trying to hide something, or not?! Speak!!”

 _I'm so scared...!_ Gritting her teeth, she tried to ignore the tears rolling down her cheeks. _Mama... Papa... Please, I don't want it to end like this...!_

_“You have worth! You are human! You deserve a place in this world, just like anyone else!”_

Remembering her father's words, Bianca reached up toward her necklace. Her hand caught nothing but air, and she quickly opened her eyes again.

 _...Claus_...

She could see him standing there next to Bruno, and a faint smile crossed her lips.

_...That's...right. That's right. I wanted to...protect everyone..._

Was that not the entire reason for revealing her identity in the first place? What good would it do her, or anyone else, to cave in now? This would still be a death with meaning. This would still be a death with honor.

_...I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... Please...live..._

Without another moment of hesitation, Bianca struck the blade against the palm of her hand.

Warmth spread out from every cell in her body; she could see the world around her become blurred, then strangely clear again. Gasps and screams from the audience were muffled, and here, she could not feel any fresh air against her skin, nor any rain.

This warm cocoon... She had felt it once before.

_...Mama...Mama...!!_

Bianca could only scream now. She did not know what else to do. Even time had not changed the fact that she was, and would always be, a monster.

Her eyes open wide, she struggled to escape this prison, this nightmare realm.

And, for a moment, her body felt fresh air, and her cheeks could turn up into a smile again.

But then, just as suddenly, all of that was taken away with an expert swoop of a Police soldier's blade.

Just as suddenly, everything went white, and the only thing Bianca could hear was a familiar voice , one she had been longing to hear for so long--and it was calling her name.

_“...Bianca...”_

_Mama..._

 

…......

 

The moment Bianca slashed her hand, Claus knew that it was over. He knew that there was no turning back from this.

“God,” he hissed as a sharp gust of wind blasted his face. Though he had known the truth about Bianca for years, he still had never expected to see her transform right in front of his eyes like this--and under these circumstances...

Claus watched as the rain around Bianca's Titan body seemed to slow down; suddenly, it occurred to him that, a long time ago, she had mentioned that her body was naturally cooler for some reason, and her hands were always cold to the touch. He could see it now, as this rain froze to snow before them all.

 _...You're definitely in there_ , he thought as the smoke cleared and Bianca's Titan form became clear. Her blonde hair had not disappeared, and when she lifted her face, he could still see her features in there, somehow.

“...She's...beautiful,” Serene whispered, dragging Claus out of his thoughts. He glanced at Serene, then back at Bianca.

It was true--though she probably had the ability to wipe them all out in a single blow, there was something obviously gentle about her. Even as a Titan, she was ethereal and calm. She was beautiful.

Suddenly, Bianca let out a roar, and Claus pursed his lips as he noticed the surrounding Police soldiers pull out their blades.

“Cut her out!” Zackley commanded. “We've seen enough!”

 _And then what?!_ Claus wanted to ask, but he stayed quiet as Bianca's cry continued. For some reason, it made him feel uneasy, and it was not long before he realized that this was not a proud roar, but a desperate scream.

“What's going on?!” he asked Bruno, but he only shook his head, not taking his eyes off of Bianca. “What's happening to her...!?”

... _Is she...scared?_ Claus wondered, and a knot formed in his throat as the screaming continued. Soon, it became more human, and Bianca's Titan form knelt down, as if groveling. A few seconds later, he could see Bianca's human form pushing out of the nape; she was shrieking at the top of her lungs, and even from afar, Claus could see that her eyes were wide with fright.

“Bianca!” he breathed, but before he could react any further, it happened.

A soldier shot down toward her, and with one strike, cut into the back of Bianca's body. There was a spray of blood from her body, and she collapsed forward like a doll.

It took Claus several long seconds to comprehend what he was feeling; when he came to, he could hear Serene screaming into her hands, as well as Bruno's choked-back sobs. Soldiers were already pulling Bianca's bloodied, broken body out of her Titan's remains. It was raining even harder now, but he felt nothing. He could not feel anything.

“This can't be happening,” he heard Nikoleta murmur from next to Serene. “This can't be real.”

 _It's real_ , Claus wanted to say, but he was frozen in shock. It was as if that soldier had cut right into him as well. ... _I'll never see her again. I'll never talk to her again. She's gone. She's gone. She is never...coming back..._

The necklace in his breast pocket felt as if it had suddenly grown heavy, as if it now was the weight of Bianca herself.

“She was just a _kid_!!”

Catherine's screams sounded distant, and even Serene's sobs from beside him sounded muffled. Was it the sound of rain drowning everything out...?

Claus turned and pulled Serene toward him, but she barely felt tangible.

 _...This is...hell_ , he realized as Bianca's body disappeared from sight at last, wrapped in cloth and taken away. _There is...no way...to continue from here..._

Claus did not feel angry, or sad. Just empty. Just hollow. Like something had been cut out of him. What was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to do anything?

_...Why...? Why...did it...have to be you...?_

 

…......

 

Levi knew that he was an abnormally unemotional person, and he had thought that Catherine was similar. Usually, when she would show any kind of emotion, it was in a quick burst, and then it was gone, like snuffing out a candle.

He had never before seen her cry like she did on the way home from Bianca's trial. In fact, he was not sure he had seen _anyone_ cry like that before. No matter what Rowen tried to say to comfort her, it fell upon deaf ears. She spent almost the entire time hunched over, sobbing into her hands, or passed out in her seat.

Levi thought that, perhaps, after passing out and getting some rest in the carriage, she would be a little more level-headed. When they left the carriage and entered headquarters, that seemed to be the case. She did not say anything, but she was not crying anymore, at least, so he considered that to be an improvement.

 _Bianca was...like her family_ , he reminded himself. _Of course she's going to react more strongly than anyone else..._

Without a word, Levi followed Catherine up to her room. She did not send him away, which he also took as a good sign. He did not want her to have to grieve alone; he had tried that once before, and it had turned him into a wreck. If possible, he wanted to help her get through this, so that she would never have to suffer like this again.

Catherine unlocked her bedroom door, and Levi silently followed her inside. As she slid off her boots, Levi closed the door behind them. She stood perfectly still for a few moments, and as he removed his own shoes, Levi thought that she might finally say something, or maybe start crying again. Either one was okay--whatever she needed.

Slowly, Catherine walked over to her desk; she had not put away the books she had been pouring over the past few days in a desperate attempt to find some way to save Bianca. They had not done her any good, but even if they _had_ contained valuable information, it was not likely that they would have been helpful, anyway. Bianca had made up her mind, and if Bruno had not been able talk her out of it, nobody could have.

Suddenly, tearing Levi out of his thoughts, the books on her desk went flying. They tumbled here and there, and Levi blinked rapidly. Before he could ask what had happened, though, he saw the source of the chaos in action again.

Catherine's arm knocked into the oil lamp on her desk; it went flying, and the glass shattered the moment it hit the stone floor.

“Catherine!?” he breathed, but she did not hear him. She was instead focused on the papers that still remained on her desk; her hands reached for them, crumpled them and tore them apart, like a beast ripping into its prey.

“Catherine.” Levi's voice was stronger this time, but Catherine still ignored him. Or perhaps she could not hear him at all. She just picked up the closest book and threw it at the wall, tearing a couple of its pages out in the process. He watched as her ink bottle tipped over and spilled onto her desk and the scraps of the papers she had ripped apart.

He could not blame her for this kind of reaction. It surprised him, yes, but he understood it. He knew that it must have its roots in hardship, like most anger does.

Still, the moment she reached for the back of her chair, Levi shot out his hand and grabbed her arm.

“Catherine,” he murmured. “Hey.”

He could feel her shaking, and her eyes were still wild, but slowly, they became almost child-like, and they filled with tears again.

“...None of this...did...any good...” she whispered hoarsely, almost trance-like.

“We couldn't have done anything.”

“How do you know!?”

Catherine ripped her arm out of his grip--or at least, tried to. Levi had seen it coming, and he tightened his hold, his fingertips pressing into her tensed arm muscles.

“Enough,” Levi told her. “Don't grieve her like this. Bianca deserves better.”

“She deserved better before all of this!” Catherine screamed. “She deserved to have people who could save her...!”

“...Don't,” Levi murmured. “Don't do this to yourself.”

“We all betrayed her!”

“Catherine, enough!”

Catherine did not argue with words; instead, she just let out a scream. It was so full of bitterness and rage that Levi could hardly call it human. This went beyond his understanding. He did not know how to approach this level of self-loathing.

When Catherine's voice finally gave out, she collapsed into sobs again; they shook her entire body, as if she was possessed by them.

“...Catherine...”

As gently as he could, Levi released her arm and ran his hand over her hair, smoothing the wild tangles that had come about during her burst of anger. He then guided her into his arms and held her there. Her body felt hot, as if she was feverish, and he frowned as her sobs continued, growing hoarser and shakier by the minute.

“...Listen to me,” he said quietly, pushing her hair away from her ear. “This is not your fault. And even if it you believe it is, dwelling on it won't do anything. It won't change anything. It doesn't help anyone.”

“...She didn't...do anything wrong.”

Finally, words he could comprehend. Something he knew how to respond to.

“You're right. She didn't. But it's over now. And she would want us to keep going.”

Levi pulled Catherine a little closer, squeezing his eyes shut. Bianca had been so young, and she had matured so much in the little time he had known her; to see her life cut short was awful, and to see it done so brutally was disgusting. She had deserved something so much better, so much more, than the shitty life she had been handed.

“I couldn't...do anything for her...” Catherine breathed. Levi felt one of her hands grab Levi's shirt. “...I just...watched her die...like a monster...”

“She wasn't a monster. She never was. And she didn't deserve to die like one.”

Catherine let out a quiet whimper.

“...It hurts...”

“...”

It had not been that long ago since Erwin had died; Levi still remembered the tremendous grief he had felt at that time, how it had made him feel numb and lifeless. He barely remembered anything _but_ that feeling of loss, so he could not imagine how it felt for Catherine right now, how horribly strong the pain was, when Bianca was not just her friend and comrade, but part of what Catherine considered to be her _family_.

A few long moments of silence--other than Catherine's quieting sobs--passed between them. Levi held her there, afraid that if he let go again, the anger would come rushing back to her. He did not want her to deal with her grief like that.

Then, a knock came on the door.

“Catherine? It's me.” It was Hanji's voice on the other side. “...If you have a moment, I need to speak with you.”

“...Yes...” Catherine murmured, lifting her head at last. Her eyes were red-rimmed and glazed over; they were dull, the dullest Levi had ever seen him.

Slowly, she walked over to the door and opened it, letting Hanji inside. Moblit followed behind her, and he quietly shut the door behind them.

“...Nile left me with a warning tonight,” Hanji said quietly, a grim expression on her normally bright face. “He said that Zackley wants to speak with us again--each of us.” She nodded at Catherine, then at him. “On our own. About Bianca.”

“...He knows we're lying,” Catherine concluded.

“That could be. Or, he's hoping to weed out more shifters.” Hanji pursed her lips. “Either way, I...didn't want either of you to be blindsided by it.”

“We don't have anything left to give them,” Levi snapped. “We've lost our shifters, and they ripped Erwin away from us, too. What more do they want?”

“I don't know,” Hanji sighed heavily. “We...really don't have...anything left to give them. I have the feeling that...the Corps we used to know is gone.”

Levi glanced at Catherine; she was staring at the floor, her arms wrapped around her waist. She looked vulnerable--a representation of how they all felt in that moment.

“...It's likely that he'll try to take control of this regiment,” Hanji then said. “We need to try to avoid that. Otherwise, we'll never be able to find a way to get Eren back.”

“...Do you think it's even still possible...?” Catherine asked. “Is he even still alive...?”

“...We have to...hang on to the hope that he is,” Hanji replied.

“Eren doesn't give up on anything very easily,” Levi added.

“...I'll...reassess,” Catherine murmured, nodding once.

“Thank you. Both of you.” Hanji nodded back. “...Try to rest.”

The moment Hanji and Moblit were gone, Levi turned to Catherine, afraid that she might buckle under her emotions again.

Instead, she quietly walked over to one of the cabinets in her room, then pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

“...This is the only way I'll sleep tonight,” she murmured, pouring herself a few shots worth.

“...Should I go?”

“Stay...please.”

Levi was silent as Catherine swallowed back the caramel-colored liquor, but he walked over to her bed and laid himself down, closing his eyes. A few minutes later, he felt Catherine pull him closer to her still-trembling body, but despite the physical comfort, the events of that day still flashed in his mind and plagued his sleep.

 

 


	125. Shifting the Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to avoid losing anyone else, Hanji and Levi must fight the Police head-on.  
> Not with arms, but with words.

_Jean was admittedly surprised to see Yasmin come to their usual conference room the Tuesday after Bianca's execution. She was alone, however, which was_ _**not** _ _surprising. There was just no way that he could expect Olivia to show up--not after how she handled Bianca's execution._

_“...No Olivia?” Armin asked quietly, and Yasmin shook her head._

_“...I waited for her, but...” Her voice trailed off; apparently, Yasmin had reached the same conclusion as Jean. Olivia was still too shaken by it all._

_“...I don't imagine Claus will be here today, either,” she added._

_“Catherine won't be,” Armin sighed. There had not been a note on the door, but they did not need one to know._

_“But...we all are, so we should work on something, right?” Yasmin pointed out. Though her words seemed cheerful, her face was still dark with grief._

_“...There's no point in wasting any more time,” Jean agreed, and Yasmin closed the door behind her, then sat down. “We might not have been able to do anything for Bianca, but that doesn't mean we can't do something for Eren.”_

_“Wow,” Armin murmured, and Jean raised an eyebrow._

_“What?” he grumbled._

_“You really do care about Eren...”_

_Jean rolled his eyes, frowning. Of course he did. They all did. Even if he did not care for him personally, Eren was still their ally. Jean would not be able to let go of that so easily._

 

Armin was surprised at himself for how quickly he had been able to move on from Bianca's death. He had grieved, to be sure; the night after her execution, he had been unable to sleep, and he and Jean had spent the entire night in the mess hall talking it over. Still, he had not shed too many tears over it.

 _Because I know Bianca wouldn't want us to_ , he realized on his way into Police headquarters a week after her death. Bianca would want them to mourn or grieve to whatever point was healthy for them, but she would want them to live their lives to the fullest. That was why she had fought so hard for so long.

There were those, however, who did not and could do the same.

Claus was one of them. In fact, Armin had not seen Claus since Bianca's execution; the only reason he knew he was alive was through Bruno, who had spoken to him a bit since then.

Armin was not surprised, therefore, when he entered their usual conference room at the Military Police headquarters and found it empty, save for Nikoleta. Her hands were on either side of her head, and she was reading over something.

“Hey,” he said quietly, but Nikoleta did not look up at him. “...What are you doing?” he then asked, a bit louder this time. She only shook her head quickly; getting a closer look at her face, he could see tears rolling down the bridge of her nose.

“Nik,” Armin murmured, sitting down beside her.

“Shut up, it's nothing,” she insisted, and Armin could not help but laugh. “I'm not sad. I'm pissed.”

His smile fading, Armin peered down at her face.

“What happened?”

“Whaddya mean, what happened?!” Nikoleta snapped, sitting upright. Her stern tone startled Armin, and he sat straight-backed in concern.

“...Did something else happen?” he asked, and Nikoleta stared at him. “...You've lost me, Nik.”

“This regiment is useless,” she hissed. “Instead of questioning their own actions, they're pulling the leading officers of the Corps into a power struggle. But it's nothing to do with Bianca. To say it's to clear the air for what happened with her is just a disgrace. It's disgusting.”

Armin watched as Nikoleta batted the notebook on the table closed, knocking her pen away as she did.

“What's _wrong_ with this world?!” she shouted. “What the fuck are we even fighting for anymore?!”

“Nik...”

“It's disgusting!” Nikoleta had gotten to her feet and was pacing around now; Armin had never seen her like this before. “What kind of fucking world is this, that a perfectly harmless young woman is brutally murdered, just because _they_ didn't feel safe?! She would have done anything to help us!”

Stopping in front of the window, Nikoleta clenched her jaw, and Armin stood upright.

“People who are willing to be brave and give up the things and the people they love are punished for being too rash and outlandish,” she spat. “It makes me _sick_.”

Armin could see that she was shaking, and he reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“...What's the point?” she murmured. “What's the fucking point? If the people I'm working so hard to protect are just going to act like animals...?”

“...They're scared,” Armin told her. He gently squeezed her shoulder before stepping closer to her. “They're just human. That's the thing...all of us are human. We're all victims in some sense.” He let out a quiet laugh before adding, “Except maybe Zackley.”

To his relief, Nikoleta let out a quiet chuckle, but her expression was still stern.

“...Unfortunately, normal people aren't the ones who fight for everyone else. It takes people with the right amount of guts to do it.” Armin shrugged. “Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm one of those people, either. But you are. And that's probably why this is hurting you so much.”

Nikoleta lowered her head; she was still shaking, but not as hard anymore. She clenched her fists for a moment, then released her hands.

“...I want...normal people to want to fight,” she mumbled. “I want them to realize...that we can make this world better.”

“...I hate to say this, but you might be asking too much.”

Nikoleta squeezed her eyes shut in response.

“But that doesn't mean what you've been doing so far has been a waste,” Armin said quickly. “Because it hasn't. It's just...we're at a roadblock right now.”

“...My father died in the Wall Maria recovery operation,” Nikoleta breathed, keeping her eyes closed. “...I've wanted to prevent senseless deaths ever since then.”

“You can't do it all on your own, though,” Armin reminded her. Nikoleta opened her eyes and looked at him. She looked exhausted, and his heart sank. She was normally so fiery and alive that seeing her like this was strange. “The world will change. It will. We just have to keep trying, and give it time, and keep working together.”

To his surprise, Nikoleta let out a small sob.

“...That's sweet, Armin, but I'm having a hard time believing it,” she sputtered.

Giving her a sad smile, Armin gently pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. He had never really heard her cry before; he had never even thought about how much pain she might be holding in. She had just never seemed like the type.

“...Thanks,” she mumbled once her tears came to a halt. “...You're stupidly nice.”

Armin could only laugh, patting her back.

 

…......

 

Hanji felt oddly prepared for the Police interrogation. Even though she was on her own, she knew what she had to say, and what she had to avoid. Perhaps it was because this task did not necessarily require leadership--it just involved quick thinking, which was something she already excelled in.

“...Commander,” a soldier greeted her as she hopped down from her horse. “You came alone?”

“Was that not what you requested of me?” Hanji replied, her words crisp.

The Police soldier did not reply, and Hanji could not help feeling a little bad for him. He was just a middle-man, and it was hard to tell where he really stood on this issue. Still, she could not help feeling bitter toward almost the entirety of the regiment, this stranger included.

Once Hanji had tied up her horse, she was escorted inside, into a conference room. She had been here once before, and she knew that it was the same place that Erwin had been to many times to meet with Nile and other people of power. It did not intimidate her, though; she could hardly even see Nile as a Commander anymore. He barely even seemed like the same person she had known for all these years.

“Hanji.” Nile greeted her with a nod, and she nodded back. She wanted to talk to him one on one, but that was not going to happen now--the room was already full of other soldiers and officers, including Zackley.

“Have a seat, Commander,” the man said, gesturing to an empty chair. From that spot, she could see out into Sina through the windows, and the light cast a shadow over Zackley's face as he sat directly across from her.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she settled into the chair. To her right was the entirety of Bruno's squad; all of them wore dark expressions, but there was still a hint of fire in their gazes. Seeing that gave Hanji hope.

“...Thank you for taking the time to meet with us,” Zackley told her, and Hanji resisted rolling her eyes. As if she had really had a choice? “We'll keep this as brief as we can. It's important that we establish what route we must take from here.”

“To what end?” Hanji asked. “To what goal?”

“That is what I thought to ask you.”

“I asked _you_ first.”

 _I'm not taking any of your bullshit,_ Hanji thought, narrowing her eyes. _Not from those who let innocent people die._

“...I'm not sure how we should proceed,” Nile admitted. It seemed to be his attempt, however weak, to break the tension.

“If we continue to have traitors hiding among us, that will only slow the process,” Zackley added, and Hanji clenched her fists in her lap.

“Are you saying you truly considered Bianca to be a traitor?” Hanji inquired.

“She concealed valuable information from us all--information that could have been used to bring Eren back a long time ago, or to even get rid of the Titan threat as it is.”

“So you were afraid of her?” Hanji could not help but let out a low, harsh laugh. “How ironic.”

“How is that ironic?” Nile asked, his eyes widening. “She could have done anything with her powers.”

“Exactly.” Leaning forward in her seat, Hanji stared him down. “We don't know the extent of Bianca's powers, and now we never will. But suppose that her abilities were on par with Annie Leonhardt's, for example. Finding Eren and bringing him back would not have been a problem.”

“Then she should have revealed herself,” Zackley argued.

“Don't you see why she didn't?” Hanji sat back in her seat, her frustration beginning to boil over. “You say that you were afraid? Don't you think she was, too? You could see it in her eyes when you put her on that stand and told her to transform.”

“We're getting off subject,” Zackley sighed. “The question now is how to proceed. We don't have any ideas. Your squad studies the Titans extensively--is there anything you can use from what you've gathered so far?”

“...No. Not yet.” Hanji grimaced. “Without any Titans to study, it slows our progress, but our funding is too low to afford another mission out to capture one for at least another few months. Instead, we've had to focus on book research and work more closely with Catherine's squad.”

“...I see.”

“...If the Police offered you funding, would that help you proceed more quickly?” Nile asked. Hanji glanced at him; if this was his attempt to make her feel better, it was a poor one, but she did not mind milking him for money.

“That's certainly a possibility,” Hanji replied. “Either way, without proper resources, we won't find any leads, and it would be difficult for us to go out and track down Eren on our own.”

“Have you considered working more closely with the Garrison on this?” Zackley suggested, and Hanji shook her head.

“They've already been sending out troops and have lost large groups of people because of us. To ask more of them now--”

“You may not have a choice.”

Hanji bit her tongue. She could not deny that it would probably be beneficial to team up with the Garrison on this, but she hated that it was Zackley's idea.

But, at least Commander Pyxis respected her more, and at least he would be willing to really work with her.

“...That's something I'll consider, then,” Hanji said at last, a bitter taste filling her mouth.

“Good. Nile, you can supervise the meeting.”

Nile gave Zackley a startled expression, then slowly nodded.

 _You coward_ , Hanji thought, narrowing her eyes as she looked down at the table.

“I do have one more question for you,” Zackley said, and Hanji looked up at him.

“What's that?” she replied.

“Were you aware of Bianca's abilities?”

“I've been asked this before,” Hanji sighed. “How foolish do you really think I am? If I had known, I would have taken advantage of them without hesitation. She could have been...an ally who changed the course of history...”

Hanji felt Bruno's eyes on her, but she stared at Zackley with an unwavering gaze.

“...I see.” The man cleared his throat. “Then you're dismissed. Nile will arrange a meeting for the Commanders to discuss a strategy.”

“Understood,” Hanji stated, standing from her chair. She had not realized it until she stood up again, but her legs were shaking, and by the time she left the conference room, there were beads of sweat on her forehead.

Soon, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder; Hanji turned to see Bruno standing there. He looked exhausted, and she frowned.

“...This will all be taken care of,” he told her quietly, and she nodded. What he meant by that, she was not entirely sure, but she trusted him. If he had managed to talk his way out of suspicion in this case, he could probably handle whatever they put in front of him.

“...I'm holding you to it, then,” Hanji murmured, giving him a small smirk.

 

…......

 

In all his years of military service, Levi had never been to the Police headquarters by himself. It made him feel uncomfortable for many reasons; he felt like he stuck out, for one. The more luxurious marble floors and high ceilings were intimidating compared to the unassuming and meager living space he was used to.

The cool atmosphere was only exaggerated by the silent escort to the conference room. It was not the silence that bothered him, but the reason behind it, as if he was being treated like a traitor, too.

 _Those days are long gone_ , he told himself. Had it been a decade prior, he might have understood, but he had worked hard to gain a good reputation in the military. He had not done anything wrong--nor had Bianca, for that matter.

No one greeted Levi when he sat down in the conference room, but there seemed to be a small look of relief on Claus' face. The young man looked as if he had aged several years in just a week's time, but Levi was not surprised. Grief could do that.

“Thank you for coming,” Zackley said at last, adjusting his small glasses sitting on the fat bridge of his nose. “We won't waste your time.”

“Too late for that,” Levi muttered.

Zackley ignored him, but Levi was sure he had heard the comment, judging by the sour expression on his face.

“We've already spoken with Commander Hanji about the next steps we must take against the shifters that kidnapped Eren, but we felt that it was also necessary to meet with you,” he went on. “After all, Eren Jäger was in your squad, and Mikasa Ackermann has been under your training for quite a while.”

“...Do you really think I have a say in what will happen next?” Levi scoffed, crossing his arms. “My rank was given to me initially as a special privilege--being a 'Captain' doesn't mean all that much.”

“Apparently not, seeing that Eren was taken from you so easily.”

Levi's ears burned with shame.

“Let me be frank with you, Levi--the Survey Corps hardly has the resources to chase after Eren on their own. I'm sure you know that already--”

“If you've only called me out here to tell me shit I already know, then why are you wasting my time?” Levi snapped. “If you've talked to Hanji, then why bother with me? Whatever she decides, I have to follow.” He narrowed his eyes, glaring at Zackley. “If you're bothering with me, then you must have an ulterior motive. So spill it. I'm sick of wasting my time with these useless formalities.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi noticed Bruno raise an eyebrow in surprise.

... _I don't sound like myself_ , Levi realized, sitting back in his chair as Zackley stared him down. Normally, in verbal arguments like this, Levi kept his responses short, blunt, to the point that sometimes, just one sentence would do. But, because of certain influences...

“...Bianca Sertoli was also under your watch,” Zackley said at last, and Levi gritted his teeth. “According to our reports, no one in either of your squads knew the truth about her Titan powers, but her identity was revealed because a Military Police soldier overheard someone talking about it in public.”

“That's right,” Levi replied, his gaze unwavering. He did not know for sure which one of those kids had spilled it, but whoever it was, he was not going to let them be punished for it. The internal struggle they were surely facing would be punishment enough for their lifetime.

“So if it was not any of them, and it was not you, then who could have known?” Nile asked. “Besides Bianca herself. But if that was the case, why would she have been talking about it in public?”

“I'll answer your question with a better one--why does it matter?” Levi leaned forward in his chair. “I can tell you that in all honesty, if Catherine had known that Bianca was a shifter, she would have jumped on it, and Hanji would have, too. The chances they could have taken to expand what they've both been studying would've been too much to pass up. She was our only ally that could have helped the Corps win a fight against those shifters and bring back Eren.”

“Concealing such dangerous information is a crime,” Zackley stated, and Levi snarled at him.

“A crime is humiliating one of the Police's best soldiers in front of hundreds of people and treating her like an animal for something she probably had no control over. A crime is killing one of the last chances we might've had to get the upper hand in what's become an absolute shit-show of a fight with the enemy. A crime is continuing to let personal interests and blatantly obvious cowardice win over the greater good.”

“Levi--”

“She was crying for her _mother_ when she died,” Levi spat, his chest growing tight at the memory of that horrible scene. “Tell me how she was a threat when she continuously tried to do everything she could to better this world. Don't waste your breath with a reply--there's not a damn thing you can say to counter such an obvious truth.”

The room fell silent, and Levi sat back in his seat again.

“...Any further outbursts, and you'll be charged with insubordination,” Nile murmured, but Zackley shook his head.

“No, it's quite all right. He's most likely emotionally compromised.” Zackley straightened out the papers in front of him. “Perhaps you're right, Levi. Perhaps it was a waste of time to bring you in and expect you to be of any use to us.”

Levi could not think of a good counter, but to his surprise, he did not have to.

“And perhaps all of these meetings have been a waste of time,” Nikoleta spoke up. “You've thus far only tried to force your thoughts on everyone, instead of actually listen to them and reflect on the obvious mistakes you've made.”

“Don't bother with it,” Bruno said to her quietly.

Zackley ignored her remark; Levi noticed that he was unusually calm, and it made him uneasy.

... _Does that mean he's not faced his real target yet..._? Levi thought, frowning.

“Then we'll close this meeting,” Zackley declared. “Levi, I trust that whatever decisions Commander Hanji makes, you'll follow.”

“I will.”

“But she's no Erwin,” Zackley added.

“An odd thing to say, being one of the people who sent him off to his death.”

“It had to be done,” Nile said quietly.

“In executing him, you may have obeyed necessity--but necessity is a monster of the old world,” Bruno stated. He stood from his chair, and one by one, his squad members followed him. Levi, too, stood from his chair, then left the room. Unsurprisingly, Bruno and his squad were waiting for him down the hallway.

“...My sister respected you,” Bruno said quietly as Levi slowed to a stop in front of them. “And she would thank you if she could hear you now.”

“She was a good person,” Levi murmured. “And she didn't deserve anything that happened to her. ...I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything to stop it before it happened.”

“We have to move on,” Bruno insisted. “They've already gone too far, and their intention is to continue to pin what they call crimes on whomever they feel stands in their way. They have to be stopped, before someone else innocent is killed.”

“...You're worried about Catherine, too, then.”

Bruno's face softened a bit.

“I don't worry about her ability to lie, but I worry about the extent of her dedication,” he admitted after a moment's pause.

“Her lack of it?”

“The opposite.”

Levi hummed a low note. Bruno was only confirming his suspicions; Catherine would have to choose her words carefully, or she would easily become the next target.

“...Personal bias aside--to lose her now would be a mortal blow to humanity,” Bruno added. “Her squad has worked hard, but they don't know enough yet to take over what she's done.”

“I know.” Levi clenched his fist. “...But I trust her to make the right decisions. She cares too much about all of this to let down her guard.”

“...If tomorrow's meeting goes well, then my squad will be able to take steps forward again,” Bruno then said, and Levi narrowed his eyes in confusion. Bruno was obviously hinting at something, but Levi was afraid to guess what it could be. He was already involved in enough trouble, anyway; it was probably better if he did not know.

Still, they had so few allies.

“...I trust you,” Levi murmured.

“Have a good night,” Claus told Levi as he headed toward the stable door.

“Be safe,” he replied, pulling his cloak around his shoulders.

 

 


	126. Arraignment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is willing to let Bianca's death slide.  
> Catherine, too, will do whatever it takes to protect her memory.

_“Don't talk any more than you have to. Just let them ask their stupid questions and move on with your life.”_

_Levi paused, glancing at Catherine. She was leaning against her desk, her brows furrowed and her eyes locked on the floor. Her arms were hanging loosely at her sides, and Levi sighed._

_“Are you listening to a word I'm saying?” he asked._

_“Yes,” Catherine answered crisply. “I'll be fine,” she added in a softer tone._

_“...It's not that I don't trust you--I don't trust_ _**them** _ _.”_

_Catherine did not reply, and Levi sighed again, quieter this time. He then slowly reached into his boot, pulling out a knife snugly wrapped in a leather sheath. Catherine's eyes widened a bit, and he shook his head._

_“...Take this with you,” he murmured, holding out the sheath to her. She stared at it for a few moments before slowly reaching out to it. “Just in case.”_

_“You really think someone'll have the audacity to attack me?” she mumbled, her fingers closing around the handle._

_“If you negotiate things in the favor of the Corps, absolutely.” Levi narrowed his eyes. “You're a target now, too. And...if you don't believe me, ask Bruno.”_

_Catherine hesitated, then nodded, carefully sticking the knife into her own boot._

 

Though she had not really expected Bruno to meet her at Police headquarters as her escort, Catherine could not help feeling surprised that the escort was a soldier whom she had never met before. It was the first clear sign of an attempt to alienate her and make her feel vulnerable, but it would not work. She would not go down without a fight.

Catherine had never been in this conference room before. It was very well-decorated, and it had a very official atmosphere to it, but the man sitting across from her ruined all of that with his presence alone. Zackley was nothing short of an aspiring dictator, and he was riding on cowardice to gain power.

 _I'm not going to be one of those people_ , she thought, taking her seat without a word. Bruno only gave her a slight nod, and Claus glanced in her direction, but nobody else would look her in the eye, save for Zackley.

“...Now then, shall we begin, Miss Müller?” he murmured, clearing his throat. “Squad Leader, I should say. You've held that title for a couple of years now, haven't you?”

“I have,” Catherine replied, keeping her gaze on Zackley. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Nile sitting beside him, looking ridiculously uncomfortable. Yes, cowardice was certainly Zackley's strongest ally.

“Your squad's activities are mainly academic, isn't that right?”

“That's correct.”

“And you've been focusing on studying a dead language--one that is supposedly connected to the Titan civilization?”

“Supposedly,” Catherine repeated. “From what we've gathered so far, I believe it's safe to assume it's connected.”

“...Before joining the military, you were a teacher in the Hermiha district, I believe?”

“For a couple of years, yes, I was.” She narrowed her eyes; she could already tell where this was heading.

“I suppose your role as a Squad Leader is somewhat similar,” Zackley said with a quiet sigh. “You're more of a professor than a tactician. Not that there's anything wrong with that--we all have our roles to play. ...Tell me--do you think anything you've learned so far will help us find Eren?”

“...Not yet,” Catherine admitted. “Until recently, we were trying to focus on finding hints that would further drive home the connection between this language and the Titan civilization--descriptions of a landscape, for instance. With that kind of information, it might--”

“Trying. Hints. _Might_.” Zackley stared at her. “ _Not yet_. Do you see the problem in this?” He peered over his small glasses at her, but she did not shrink away. “Nothing seems to be definite.”

“Tell me a sure thing in this world, besides death,” Catherine said slowly, but each word was biting. She did not mind criticism, but only if it came from someone who deserved to give it in the first place. “Also, perhaps you have forgotten, or maybe you did not know, but all six of my squad members have been learning this language from the ground up. Of _course_ information hasn't come falling into our laps. Nothing is that easy.”

“But you've studied it on your own for a long time, haven't you?” Zackley asked.  
“On my own, yes.” A snarl tugged at her lips as she added, “Without any help, including government assistance.”

The room fell silent for a moment, then Zackley cleared his throat again.

“So, your squad will continue with its studies, I assume,” he said calmly. Catherine gave him a firm nod. “Progress will probably be much slower without Bianca, though, will it not? She was the best one in your squad, I'm sure, because of her heritage.”

“She would have been the best anyway--she worked incredibly hard to stay ahead and challenge herself with the material,” Catherine shot back. “Bianca is gone now, but her memory is with us, and we will no doubt use it to work even harder--as hard as she would have.”

“Don't you think it's odd that she didn't just tell you?” Zackley asked.

“What do you mean by that?”

“If Bianca had just come out and told you the truth of her powers. That would have made it easier for you all, right? And you could have helped her work with other regiments. Then again, you seem to be quite protective of her. If you had known, would you have really told anyone?”

“Is this really why you asked me here today?” Catherine asked in a light tone. “Really?” She leaned forward a bit in her seat, toward Zackley and Nile. “If you're trying to reason with yourselves that executing a perfectly harmless girl was worth it, let me help you by telling you something: it wasn't. It wasn't worth it.”

“She was hardly harmless,” Nile scoffed, an incredulous expression on his face. It made Catherine want to slam his face into the table, or punch him square in the jaw--anything to fix that face.

“She was a child,” Catherine argued. “And a loyal soldier. She did more in five years in the Police than most Police soldiers do in their decades-long careers.”

“She was also a monster.”

“You guys are the _real_ monsters here.”

 

…......

 

Bruno had always admired Catherine; she was incredibly intelligent, and also very protective. He had been grateful for that fighting spirit for many years, but right now, it would more likely than not get her into trouble. She was in the right--of _course_ she was--but she was also up against the most powerful man within in the walls right now.

“...Insubordination will hardly get you anywhere,” Zackley said sharply, but Catherine was obviously not ready to back down.

“Neither will staying silent!” she argued. “It's clear that everything you've done so far has been for personal gain; you use the excuse that you want to protect the people, to give them what they want, but you're hardly the person that should be speaking for them now! How much more bloodshed will you need before you're satisfied?!”

“Enough.”

“No!” Catherine slammed her hand on the table, forcing Zackley's attention upon her again. “You want to take away my title? My squad? The Corps? You can do that, but we will _never_ stop fighting back. Don't waste your time. Humanity has _always_ yearned for its freedom, and that is what I will always fight for.”

“...I do wonder, Catherine--what got you so interested in that language in the first place...?” Zackley asked suddenly, and Catherine sat back in her seat, obviously confused.

“I...can't say that I remember,” she admitted, and Bruno clenched his fists. She had exposed a weak point, and soon, Zackley would fire. “I've always wanted to understand things that I don't already know. Perhaps that's why.”

“...You've been incredibly eager to protect your cause, as well as Bianca's life.” He paused, then sat forward a bit in his chair. “Before she died, Bianca mentioned 'people like her.' What do you suppose she meant by that?”

“Shifters--or at least, that's what I thought,” Catherine replied.

“Wouldn't it be interesting if she knew even more than you did about that language, and that culture? And about you?”

“...Are you insinuating that _I'm_ a shifter?” Catherine narrowed her eyes, her face screwed up in disbelief.

“Doesn't it make sense?” Zackley asked, raising his voice to show that he wanted the rest of the room to pay attention. There were a few murmurs, and even a few nods. “You don't seem too worried about getting Eren back, either. Otherwise, wouldn't you be working yourself a lot harder?”

“There's only so much work someone can do in a day,” Nikoleta spoke up, but Zackley ignored her.

“I'm _not_ a Titan shifter,” Catherine declared. “Even if I was, what do you think punishing me would solve? You'd be in even further disarray, with no way to help Eren _or_ the remaining members of my squad.”

“Are they really doing enough to worry about what will happen when their 'contribution' goes away?” Zackley retorted--his use of air quotes seemed to set Catherine off.

“This is _ridiculous_!” she shouted. “Why are you so desperate to send away your allies to horrible deaths?!” She then turned to the silent majority. “And why are you all cowardly enough to let him get away with it?!”

“Can you prove that you're not...?” Nile asked in disbelief, and Catherine whirled around to face him.

“You really think I'm a shifter?!” she asked, equally in shock.

“You've not really given much evidence to prove anything otherwise,” Zackley told her, and Catherine faced him once again.

The next few moments seemed to happen more slowly than they should have: Catherine reached down below the table, into her boot, and pulled out something wrapped in leather. Pulling away the sheath, she revealed a sizable knife with a slightly curved blade. Gasps flew throughout the room, but Catherine held it completely still, staring at Zackley. She then gently placed it next to the palm of her left hand, her movements steady, unshakable.

“...Titan shifters must have a reason to shift in order to successfully transform,” she stated calmly, despite the growing air of panic in the room. “And right now, more than anything, I want to send you flying--out of this building, out into Titan territory--where they'll rip you to shreds, like you deserve.”

Without a moment of hesitation, Catherine struck the blade against the palm of her hand. Blood gushed onto the table and the floor, and a few panicked gasps echoed in the room, but other than the collective shock of everyone in the room, nothing else happened. Catherine simply held out her bleeding hand over the floor, not taking her eyes off of Zackley.

“...I'll strike you a deal,” she then said. “If you think we're not progressing quickly enough, I can live with that criticism. I can work with it. I don't want Bianca's death to be in vain. So, how about this: we'll work more closely with Commander Hanji's squad, and we'll deliver reports to you on a regular basis. If you don't think we're progressing quickly enough after that, then you can do away with me as you please.”

Catherine narrowed her eyes at Zackley, who was sitting back in his chair. There was a slight hint of amusement to his gaze, and Bruno resisted giving him a look of disgust.

“These young people are our hope,” Catherine went on. “I know I won't live forever, and I suppose they won't either. But they have a better shot at a bright future than I do, and I will do _anything_ to ensure that that never changes.”

“...Your reports will be weekly,” Zackley said at last. “Both you and Commander Hanji will meet us here with statements on your progress. You have six months.”

Bruno was glad that Catherine did not ask what would come after that. He was afraid to imagine what might happen if they failed.

“...You all are dismissed,” Zackley then declared. “...Nile, send someone in to clean up in here.”

Bruno did not hesitate to go to Catherine's side; she stayed strong even after leaving the room, but once she made it a few steps down the hallway, her face seemed to go grey.

“Stop,” Bruno told her, grabbing her shoulder. He then quickly took off his jacket and pressed it against her bleeding hand. “...You need to clean this up.”

“It's not _that_ deep,” Catherine assured him.

“Doesn't matter. Are you really going to want to hold reins like this?”

Catherine could only sigh in response.

Putting his arm around her shoulders, Bruno guided her away from the conference room.

“I don't wanna go to the doctor for this,” Catherine mumbled.

“Trying to explain it would be...a bit problematic,” Bruno agreed, turning her toward the closest bathroom. Once they got to a sink, Bruno let go of her to pump the handle.

“Shit,” she hissed as she removed his blood-stained jacket and let the water run over the wound. “It stings.”

“...Of course it does.” Bruno slowly shook his head. “You're always so reckless. Where did you even get that knife from, anyway?”

Catherine did not answer; she only pursed her lips, washing out the cut.

“...Thank you,” he then murmured, and she glanced up at him.

“...Don't thank me.” Catherine patted her hand dry with his jacket. “In the end, I couldn't save her.”

“I'm not sure she wanted to be saved.”

“In the end, she did.”

“...Let's bandage that up.” Bruno jerked his head toward the door. “C'mon.”

 

…......

 

Catherine was grateful for the stinging pain in her hand; it distracted her from the biting words she had faced in that meeting.

“Ow,” she whispered, wincing as Bruno wrapped a bandage around her hand.

“I'll wrap around it a few extra times,” he told her. “Otherwise it'll probably just bleed right through.”

“...Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.”

The two were silent for a moment, until Bruno broke it.

“...You really can't blame yourself for anything that happened to her,” he murmured, and Catherine narrowed her eyes.

“I can, and I will,” she muttered. “Zackley's a piece of shit at best, but he was right--my squad needs to make more progress. _I_ need to work harder. I've been...”

Distracted? Discouraged? Unmotivated? None of those words really seemed to fit. Things had just been...slow. There were no leads.

 _But I should have the ability to find them_ , she told herself.

“...There's nothing wrong with wanting to work harder,” Bruno sighed at last. “But don't forget to give yourself time to grieve, too.”

Catherine just nodded. Was there really time for that? Was there really even a _way_ to do that...?

“...When you get back to headquarters, talk to Rowen for me,” Bruno then said. “I want to meet with you both sometime this weekend, if you can.”

“Of course,” Catherine replied. “The usual place?”

“Yeah. Will Sunday work for you?”

“It shouldn't be a problem.” Catherine looked down at her hand, then wiggled her fingers. “...Thank you, Bruno. I'm sorry I couldn't do more.”

Bruno simply placed his hand gently on hers, then gave her a small smile.

“You've done more than I could have,” he laughed quietly. “Be safe going back.”

Catherine did not want to leave. It was not that she did not want to go home--on the contrary, more than ever did she want to sleep in her own bed. However, she knew that the ride home would be a long one, and she would have to spend it alone.

Hours later, she returned to headquarters in one piece. As Bruno had warned her, her hand had started to bleed through the bandages.

 _I'll get it looked at tomorrow_ , she told herself. _I'm too tired right now_.

But, when she returned to her room, Catherine did not go to bed. She simply sat down at her desk, picked up her pen, and went to work. How could she afford to do anything else right now, anyway? She could not just sit around anymore. It was too risky to be idle, for a variety of reasons.

Catherine had only been at her desk a few minutes when she heard someone knock on her door. She had almost not even heard it, it was so quiet, and that ruled out a few likely suspects.

“Come in,” she called out, not looking up from her book.

“It's me.” Levi's familiar voice was barely audible, and he did not say anything else until he shut the door behind him. “...I see you're back.”

“I am.” She looked back at him, pursing her lips a bit.

“And?”

“It was...not nearly as productive as it should have been,” Catherine murmured, turning back to her work. “But they'll leave us alone for now. I guess that's all that matters.”

Catherine heard the faint creak of her wooden bed frame as Levi sat down on it. She could tell he had been looking for more of an answer than that, and she did not want him to think that she was pushing him away, so she decided to indulge him.

“They've agreed to let us continue our activities, as long as we have something to report to them weekly,” she told him. “That falls to me and Hanji, so you don't have to worry about that part, nor do the kids.”

“And what if they don't like what you have to say?” Levi countered.

“Bruno will be attending those meetings, too. Anyone who doesn't respect him is afraid of him, so what have that going for us, at least.”

“I would think so. It would be hard to ignore opinions coming from the brother of the girl they just brutally murdered.”

“His squad will be there, too.” Catherine let out a deep sigh, pressing her back against her chair. “We may not have a lot of allies in the Police, but at least the ones that we have are good ones.”

“Let's hope so,” Levi muttered.

Leaning forward again, Catherine jotted a few things down in her notes. She could hear Levi lay back on her bed, letting out a sigh.

“...But who was the one who made those bastards agree to such a lenient proposal?”

“...I did most of the talking,” Catherine admitted. “I didn't want the others to get involved if it wasn't necessary. But--”

“Oi.”

Even without turning around, Catherine could sense Levi's harsh gaze on her, and she had to remind herself that he did not know the full story, that he could not judge her for what she had done today.

“...In other words, you offered yourself up as bait?” he asked.

“That's not what I'd call it,” she argued, turning to face him. As she turned her chair around to face her bed, she noticed his gaze fall to her hand--she had nearly forgotten all about it. “I just--”

“Your hand.”

Catherine quickly hid her hand under her leg. She did not want to get off-topic; without knowing the full story, he would just get worried for no reason.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Catherine said quickly, trying to move the conversation along. “Don't worry about it.”

“...You're a terrible liar,” Levi muttered.

Startling her, he reached out and snagged the front legs of her chair with his own, then grabbed her wrists once she was within his reach. He held up her left hand closer to his face.

“...What happened?” he repeated, somewhat exasperated.

“I said not to worry about it,” Catherine insisted.

“Did you do this to yourself?”

“I only did what was necessary to--”

“What the hell, Catherine?!”

“Stop interrupting me!” Catherine screamed. Her outburst had obviously startled Levi; his mouth snapped shut in surprise. “I did it to prove a point, okay?! I did it so they'd stop treating Bianca like some monster! It'll heal, so don't worry about it!”

“Bianca is dead, and you're not--that's why I'm worried about it!” Levi's exasperation had only grown, and she could not help feeling frustrated. If he would just let her explain-- “You can't just throw your life around!”

“What else was I supposed to do!? I already let one of my squad members die--I can't afford to let anyone else go, and I don't _want_ to!”

“That doesn't give you an excuse to be reckless! If something happens to you, then having all of your squad members is useless!”

 _That's what I'm trying to tell you_ , Catherine thought, but she was becoming blinded by her anger and frustration.

“ _You_ might be satisfied with standing by and not doing anything, but I'm _not_ ,” Catherine growled. “They're _my_ squad members--and they're just _kids_ , Levi.”

“They know what they signed up for,” Levi told her.

“That doesn't make it okay to throw them aside!” she argued, her blood boiling. “Just because _you_ were willing to do that with _your_ squad doesn't mean everyone _else_ is!”

The moment the words had left her mouth, Catherine felt an intense wave of regret, but it quickly subsided and was replaced by bitterness and fear. If he did not want to fight for these kids, then she would. And she would fight anyone for them.

Levi tossed her arms into her lap, and she felt a lump form in her throat.

 _Has this all been a mistake?_ she wondered. _This whole goddamn time? Was this really just a waste of time...?_

“...No, I guess not,” Levi murmured after a few moments of heavy silence. She stared at him, her jaw clenched. He stood up at last, then headed toward her door. “Do whatever you want, then. If you're so eager to die, then just do it.”

Catherine could see the anger in Levi's movements as he yanked the door open and then slammed it behind him, but she would have understood it even without the visual demonstration. Her body was on fire, but not like she was used to. This kind of hatred was not what she wanted to feel toward him at all.

Standing from her seat at last, Catherine marched over to her door and locked it, then turned back to her desk.

“ _FUCK_!” she screamed, kicking her chair into the corner of her room. It careened against her vanity's stool before falling over. Her hands instinctively reached for her scalp, but then she felt the sharp pain on her palm, and she winced.

“Fuck...”

Grimacing, Catherine walked over to her cabinet and pulled out a bottle of rum and a glass. There was no way to easily forget all of this and move forward. For now, she would just have to keep things wrapped up tight and focus on other things as much as she could.

 

 

 


	127. Where Do You Stand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the military becoming so divided, one must hold fast to their beliefs.  
> However, for some, that will come at the sacrifice of relationships.

_“Come in,” Hanji called out upon hearing the knock on her door. A wave of relief washed over her as Catherine walked inside. “You made it back.”_

_“Yes,” Catherine murmured, but her face was pale. “...Zackley is requiring us to meet more often--not just with him, but with each other. He wants our squads to work together.”_

_“You say that like it's a bad thing,” Hanji chuckled, and Catherine quickly shook her head._

_“No, no, I don't think it's bad idea at all. It's just...not a good feeling, being so heavily supervised by someone who doesn't actually give a damn about what we're doing.”_

_“Yeah...” Hanji pursed her lips before continuing, “...It's probably something we should have been doing from the beginning, to be honest. But...I guess we've been occupied with other stuff.”_

_Catherine nodded, avoiding Hanji's gaze. She looked worn down, and Hanji quietly cleared her throat._

_“...You look like you have more to say,” Hanji said gently, and Catherine shook her head again._

_“It's just...been a rough day. And a rough night.” She shrugged, then forced a smile. “I should get back to work. We can talk more about all of this at the next officer meeting.”_

_“Of course.” Hanji returned the smile. “I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest.”_

_“Thank you. You, too.”_

 

 

“Again.”

Throwing her fist into the bag of sand, Mikasa let out a grunt.

“Again,” Levi repeated. She obeyed--she did not have a choice anymore.

 _I have to believe in him_ , she reminded herself. _I have to believe that he's still alive..._

Mikasa did not believe in miracles. She had been through enough that she knew there was no such thing. Nothing was going to magically bring Eren back; he would either escape on his own, or they would rescue him.

There was no point in thinking that he might already be dead, either. If he was, their opponents surely would have attacked by now. Surely.

Everyone else seemed to believe this, too; that was why Mikasa could still hold her head up. But it was hard. She was drained, to a point that no one else could understand.

 _Well, except maybe you_ , she thought, narrowing her eyes at Captain Levi as he nodded once.

“...Stretch, then you're done,” he told her. He had seemed more tired than usual lately, and she did not want to ask why. It could have been a number of reasons, and it was not likely that he would feel like talking to _her_ about it, anyway.

“...You're improving,” Levi then said, and Mikasa glanced up at him from the floor as she stretched out over her leg.

“I don't have a choice,” she replied quietly. “Eren is...all I have.”

“That's not true.”

“...Didn't you feel that way about Commander Erwin?” she asked, and Levi raised an eyebrow at her.

“What way?”

“...Loyal.”

Levi paused, narrowing his eyes.

 _I shouldn't have said anything_ , Mikasa thought, looking away from him. She attempted to focus on stretching, but a few moments later, he spoke again, breaking the silence.

“...You might be right,” Levi admitted, his voice barely above a murmur. Mikasa looked up at him again; he had a pained expression on his face, and she immediately regretted having spoken at all. “...I felt a...blind dedication to the person who changed my life. I didn't ever question it. From what I've seen, that's how you feel toward Eren.”

“...Yes,” Mikasa whispered, pulling her legs in and sitting up straighter.

“...It's selfish.”

Levi's words were biting, and Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “I owe Eren my life.”

“Yeah, and I owed Erwin mine. But just because you owe someone something doesn't mean that the only way to repay that person is to follow them around without questioning a goddamned thing.” Levi grimaced at her. “Have you ever thought that Eren would want you to live your own life?”

“...I _am_ living my own life,” Mikasa murmured, and Levi's face seemed to soften.

“...I see.” He looked away. “...It's _that_ kind of selfishness.”

“I don't understand.” She shook her head slowly. “If you think this is a mistake, then--”

“Mikasa.” Levi stood up straight, looking down at her. She kept his gaze as she slowly got to her feet. The fact that she was taller than him did not seem to faze him in the slightest.

“What are you trying to say?” Mikasa asked him outright. Perhaps she was speaking to him disrespectfully, but he was being vague, and ultimately, he was wasting their time.

“...It's selfish to follow someone for the sake of following them, or for the sake of paying back a debt. ...But, there's also a different kind of selfishness.” Levi stared up at her, and though at a glance his expression was stern, the look in his eyes betrayed that. “It's something you'll come to learn in time. I can't teach you any more than that. ...I don't even fully understand it myself.”

Mikasa pursed her lips, then nodded. He was still being horribly vague, but she understood now. It was not simply loyalty, or dedication, but something beyond that.

“...That kind of selfishness isn't bad,” she told him, and Levi nodded.

“...Only sometimes,” he murmured in response.

 

…......

 

When Rowen heard a knock on his door about an hour before he planned to leave headquarters for the evening, he could only assume it was one person. However, why she was coming by so early, he was not sure.

“Come in,” he called out, looking toward the door. Sure enough, Catherine entered the room. “You're a little early--we weren't planning to leave for another hour, right? Isn't that what Bruno said?”

“...Yeah,” Catherine mumbled as she shut the door behind her.

“So, what's up?” Rowen laughed, tapping his pen on his desk. “You never do anything without a reason.”

Catherine did not answer right away, but he could tell by looking at her that something was wrong. She had looked more exhausted than usual since Bianca's death, which was completely understandable; there was no way her grief would disappear in any short amount of time. But her face, her posture--her being seemed to be enveloped in a strange, empty atmosphere, different than one of simple grief. She seemed pained, as if she physically could not get her face out of a grimace.

“What, having second thoughts about seeing Bruno tonight?” Rowen then asked, and Catherine quickly shook her head as she sat down on the edge of Rowen's bed. She was wringing her hands--one of them was still bandaged, but he could not see any red stains on it today. “...Still can't believe you did that. You're crazy.” He could not help laughing again, and he slowly shook his head. “Can't leave you anywhere unsupervised, can we?”

To his surprise, Catherine suddenly burst into tears. She held her head in her uninjured hand, her fingers tangling with her hair.

“Whoa, Cat, whoa!” Rowen waved his hands quickly at her. “Talk to me, okay?! You're freakin' me out a little...”

“I can't do anything right,” she breathed. “I literally can't do anything right.”

“I'm gonna beg to differ with you on that one,” Rowen murmured, giving her a small smile. “What happened? Did you get into a couple's spat or something?”

Catherine's sobs worsened, and Rowen sat back in his seat.

“Wait, really? Is that really what happened?” he gasped. “I mean, I guess that explains why I haven't seen him around lately with you, but--”

“...I said some really awful things,” Catherine finally admitted. “He was so mad...about what I did during that interrogation, but...what else was I supposed to do, Rowen?!” She shook her head, opening her eyes for a moment, only to squeeze them shut again. “I can't let any of them die. What else was I supposed to do...?”

“...I'm not sure that's even what he was mad about,” Rowen murmured. “...Tell me this, Cat--were you as open about it with him as you were with me?”

“...No...”

“...Yeah, you probably shouldn't try to hide it from the guy.” He chuckled, shrugging. “I dunno if he's said it to you yet, but he really cares about you.”

Once again, Catherine's sobs worsened.

“I didn't mean to say what I did,” she whimpered. “But I was so mad.”

“Why? Why were you mad at him?”

Catherine did not answer him, and Rowen sighed.

“...Cat, you were wrong to try to hide it all from the very beginning, and you know you shouldn't have gotten mad at him for getting upset that you hid it,” he told her. “So why don't you just apologize?”

“...I told him...that Eld and the others...them dying was his fault,” Catherine then confessed, her voice breaking with sobs.

“What?! Why would you say that?”

“I don't know!” she cried. “I just wanted him to understand that I can't let that happen to my squad. I can't, Rowen. They're just kids. She was just a _kid_...”

Catherine shook her head, blinking her tears away, only to have more replace them.

“...Cat, Bianca's death wasn't your fault,” Rowen reminded her. “No one blames you but you.”

“...He told me...if I was ready to die, to just do it.”

Rowen frowned as Catherine's voice reduced to a quiet whimper.

“...But do you think he meant that?”

“...No... But...I...”

“But, what?” Rowen furrowed his brows, leaning forward in his seat. “...You guys are so stupid, I swear.”

Catherine glanced up at him, narrowing her eyes.

“You're an adult, Cat. So is he. Neither of you have an excuse to be acting like this. We need you guys to pull it together now more than ever. You need to apologize.”

Rowen's face softened as he held out his hand to Catherine.

“And I don't think he meant what he said, either,” he went on. “Don't you think he's grieving, too? Imagine if he had to lose you on top of it... I don't think he'd know what to do.”

Gently, Rowen took Catherine's injured hand in his.

“You need to swallow your pride. If you really wanna protect your squad, and the people in this regiment, you need to get past your personal stuff.”

He could speak from experience on this; to be able to focus on military duties, he had to push the people and things that he loved to the back of his mind. It was not easy, especially when he knew that, on the other side of things, Lucia was fighting alongside him. Distractions were everywhere, but people were also relying on him.

Normally, Catherine did not struggle with this at all. She was dutiful and responsible to a fault, and she always had been. But Bianca's death had obviously shaken her, and Rowen wondered if she would really ever be the same.

“...How long has it been since you last talked, then? Since that argument?” Rowen asked, and Catherine nodded. “Over a week...?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes.

“...You should talk to him tomorrow, then.” Rowen smiled at her, releasing her hand at last. “I won't make you do it right before we go see Bruno--I'm not _that_ mean.”

To his relief, a small smile finally appeared on Catherine's face.

“...Thank you,” she whispered. “Sorry I just...lost it...”

Rowen only laughed, then stood up and hugged his friend tightly, sitting next to her on the bed.

“I'm used to it by now,” he teased her, patting her hair.

 

…......

 

Being together with Rowen and Bruno again--her oldest friends--in such a familiar and nostalgic place made Catherine feel much more at ease than she had in a while.

“How's your hand?” Bruno greeted her, giving her a gentle hug.

“Getting better,” she mumbled, her cheeks burning in embarrassment. “It'll be fine.”

“You left stains in the room,” he chuckled.

“Does that mean she's been immortalized there?” Rowen laughed.

“If that's the case, I'm gonna come back and haunt you both when I die,” she warned them, leading them inside the restaurant. It had definitely been remodeled since she last came by--probably partially due to the scuffle that had happened with Kenny Ackermann a couple of years ago.

“It's been a while,” Rowen sighed as they sat down at their usual corner table. “Almost makes me wanna try something new. Almost.”

“I'll just take coffee,” Catherine murmured, not even bothering to look over the menus sitting in the center of the table.

After getting their drinks, the three of them chatted for a while about stupid, trivial things--Bruno had seen more of Lucia than Rowen had lately, and Catherine was grateful for their lively conversation as a distraction from the muddiness in her own head.

“Nikoleta told me that she cried when she heard about Bianca's execution,” Bruno mentioned to them, taking a sip of tea. “She also refused to attend it. ...I don't blame her. Bianca lived with her for a year, after all...”

“Sometimes I forget about that,” Catherine admitted. “About her living with Lucia, I mean.” She twirled a lock of hair around her finger absentmindedly. “...She must have felt powerless, too...”

“I think it's safe to say that we all did,” Rowen agreed, frowning.

“No, that's not...that's not entirely true.”

Catherine glanced up at Bruno; he was staring down at the center of the table, his brows furrowed.

“Bianca didn't want anyone's help, but there was plenty that we could have done--we weren't entirely powerless,” he continued. “And we're not powerless now, either.”

“...The Police might not be, but the Corps is,” Catherine murmured. “You've seen it first-hand; not even Hanji gets any respect from Zackley. Or from Nile, for that matter.”

The first of their regular meetings with Zackley had been mostly just Hanji and Catherine talking and explaining; every once in a while, Zackley or Nile would nod, while everyone else sat in silence. Once they reached the end, they were both criticized for their lack of progress, but they were not offered any advice, either. At this rate, the Corps would fall under Zackley's direct control in a matter of weeks.

“The Police are not powerless,” Bruno said in a low voice, leaning forward onto the table.

“Yeah, but they're not united,” Rowen pointed out, sighing. “Half of them side with what's easy, just like before with the Central Police. History is always so doomed to repeat itself, huh?”

“If that's the case, then we'll do what we did before.” Bruno stared down Rowen. “We'll eradicate the source of the poison from our ranks.”

“...I don't like this,” Rowen whispered, holding Bruno's gaze. “I don't like what you're saying right now, Bruno. It doesn't have to be like this.”

Catherine watched as Bruno frowned, then turned to her.

“What do _you_ think?” he asked her, and she grimaced.

“...I can't say that I completely disagree, but...” Catherine narrowed her eyes a bit. “...Do you really think that will solve things...?”

“It's just like Rowen said--the Police are divided. There's those that side with the idea of saving themselves, and there are those that want to save this world.” Bruno seemed to look satisfied with himself as he added, “You know what side I'm on.”

“I do,” she replied.

“The others fear me now.”

Catherine could not help cringing.

“This isn't how you wanted to do things,” she reminded him. “This is messy and reckless--even beyond what we could have predicted. You'll become a target again--you're probably already one, anyway.”

“It isn't.” Bruno sat back in his chair, but he kept his eyes on her. “It's _not_ how I wanted to do things, but it's not about what _I_ want anymore. It's about what _must be done_.”

Catherine looked away from Bruno, casting her worried gaze on Rowen.

“...It's dangerous,” he murmured. “We just lost Bianca. Don't make us lose you, too.”

“If I die, it won't be for the sake of martyrdom,” Bruno argued. “It will be because I fought back. We cannot survive without doing so at some point.”

Their table fell quiet at last, until Rowen let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

“I hate it when you get like this,” he groaned, putting his hand to his forehead in distress. “You're always running wild, and now that Bianca's not there to keep an eye on you, you're really going for it, aren't you...?”

“...My goal is to give you grey hairs before you give me any,” Bruno teased him with a low chuckle.

“Well, it's working,” Catherine grumbled, crossing her arms.

 _...I trust him_ , she reminded herself as Bruno smirked to himself. _I have for as long as I can remember. That shouldn't change now. He always has a plan._

 

…......

 

Serene's room had felt horribly empty ever since Bianca's death. It was not just the absence of her physical presence that affected her, but it was also the horrible memories of just how brutally she had been killed, and how little Serene had really understood about her in the first place.

 _She just wanted to be like everyone else..._ Serene thought, staring at the empty bed across the room as she waited for a knock on her door. _That was all she was fighting for..._

“Serene?”

Edmund's voice was muffled through the door, but it was undoubtedly him; he had not flaked on their plans, for once.

“Coming!” she called out, wiping the moisture from her eyes and hopping to her feet.

When she opened the door, she gave her brother a hug like usual, as if he had not been among those to condemn Bianca to her death.

“Hey, kid,” Edmund greeted her, patting her shoulder before letting go of her. “You hungry?”

“Yes, let's go,” Serene said with a nod. She locked her door, then followed her brother down the hallway toward the stairs.

It had been a while since she had really had any one-on-one time with Edmund, but she knew that this feeling of unfamiliarity was not just because of that; he had most definitely changed over the years, for reasons that she did not entirely know. They had been close when they were kids, and even after he had first started military training, he always looked after her. He was even the reason she had met Claus and Bianca in the first place.

 _I know it's not that unusual for siblings to eventually walk separate roads, but..._ Serene pursed her lips as they walked outside into the warm summer air.

“Disgusting--it's so humid,” Edmund complained. “I hate this time of year.”

“It is _really_ humid today,” Serene admitted. She could already feel the moisture on her face.

“Days like this make me wish I was a woman--Eliza never bitches about the heat because she's always wearing dresses. 'The skirt keeps me cool,' she says.” Edmund chuckled. “Wish I could get away with that, too.”

“I mean, you could always try to start a new trend?” Serene teased him, and Edmund rolled his eyes.

“Not gonna happen.”

The lunch plans had been Serene's idea, but this restaurant had been Edmund's suggestion; though she had lived in Wall Sina for years now, she still felt a bit out of place in such a nice building.

“So, gotten any letters from Mom lately?” Edmund asked once they were both seated.

“No, but I just sent her one, so I'm sure I will soon,” Serene replied, tucking her hair behind her ears. “She's probably busy, though. I'm sure those boys drive her insane.”

“Yeah, I really can't understand why she does it.” Edmund frowned.

“What do you mean? Isn't it obvious how much she loves them?”

“Yeah, but they're not _her_ kids. All of the responsibility shouldn't be piled on her, yeah?” Edmund sighed. “I send her money every month, but god only knows what she's using it for. Probably not on herself like she ought to.”

“She's probably been saving to get Hektor surgery,” Serene reminded him. “That's what I've been sending them money for.”

“Why?”

“Because they're our family, aren't they?” Serene giggled nervously. “Is it wrong of me to want to help them?”

“No, not necessarily. But don't you think Justina should be the one sending back money for them instead? That's _her_ younger brother, not yours.”

“Maybe that's true...but Jay doesn't make as much as us. And I'm sure she's been using every last bit of her salary for research.”

Edmund did not reply to that, and Serene placed her chin in the palm of her hand, trying to swallow back her frustration.

“I've also been saving to buy a ring for Eliza,” Edmund then said, taking a sip of wine.

“Ah, really?!” Serene perked up at this news. “That's so exciting! Does she know?”

“Yes and no.” Edmund gave her a sly grin. “She knows my intentions, but not the details. It's more fun that way.”

“You're so mean to her,” Serene laughed. “But that's really exciting. I'm so glad!”

Eliza had been with Edmund for quite a while--years now--but Serene had never known if they had any serious intentions of getting married. After all, Edmund was in the military, and Eliza was not; she could have easily been using him for his money.

“Yeah, so you need to get to know her better, since she'll be family soon,” Edmund told her, and Serene nodded.

“Of course!”

The siblings were quiet for a little while as they ate their salads and bread, but once they had both ordered their meals, the conversation started up again.

“I'm sure you've been busy lately, though,” Edmund said. “With everything that's happened.”

“...Actually, it's been quiet,” Serene admitted. “...Bianca was my roommate, you know.”

“Oh yeah, I had forgotten that.” He shrugged a bit. “So you never suspected anything? C'mon, kid--you're more observant than that.”

“She was just like everyone else,” Serene assured him. “Quiet, yes, but...never menacing. She didn't talk about her past much, but that's not unusual in this world anymore. Bianca just... was really like a normal person.”

“But she wasn't. And if she had just been honest from the beginning--”

“If she had just been honest from the beginning, she would have been killed even more quickly,” Serene interrupted. “Don't you remember how the government reacted when Eren revealed his powers? And he didn't even _mean_ to do it. He didn't even _know_.”

“But that's what makes Bianca's crime even more disturbing.” Edmund slowly shook his head. “She knew the whole time what she was hiding. I can understand why she wouldn't have wanted the whole _world_ to know, but she should have at _least_ told Commander Nile.”

“I don't think he would have done anything, though,” Serene said quietly. “Nothing that would have benefitted us.”

“He's the Commander for a reason--he knows what he's doing.”

Serene narrowed her eyes, unable to reply.

 _Is that really the case_? she asked herself. _When I compare Commander Nile to someone like Commander Erwin...it hardly seems possible...but..._

“Besides, it's over now.” Edmund waved his hand. “Nothing we can do to turn back time. Maybe the next person who discovers their powers will be a bit more honest about it.”

 _I highly doubt that_ , Serene wanted to say, but she held her tongue as the waiter dropped off their dishes in front of them. Her appetite was nowhere to be found, though, and she instead pulled out some money from her wallet.

“...I'm not hungry anymore,” she told Edmund, who had already started eating. As she placed the money on the table, she stood from her seat. “...I'll see you later.”

 

 


	128. Liberty's Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be careful who you try to fight.  
> Be careful who you make an enemy out of.  
> The elite squad of the Police will always fight back.

_If there was a point to all of the suffering that he had experienced in the past month, Claus had not found it yet. Memories of Bianca were everywhere, and though plenty of time had passed since her execution, he still felt too...disconnected. None of it felt real._

_“...Been a while...” he mumbled to himself as he sat on his bed, staring at the lonely wooden cello sitting in the corner of his room. A pinching feeling gripped his chest, and he looked away from it quickly. It was worthless now; it had all become a waste of time._

_**Maybe I should just sell it** _ _, he wondered, staring at his feet. He could do something useful with the money, perhaps._

_“Claus?”_

_Shaken out of his thoughts, Claus glanced up at the sound of his name. He had completely forgotten that he left his door ajar, but luckily, it was Serene's face poking into his room. Anyone else's presence would have been too much for him right now._

_“It's time to go,” Serene said softly, and even her footsteps were silent, as if this was all just a continuation of this long dream. “Bruno's waiting on us.”_

_To move from this spot, to speak to Serene--that would make this reality. Claus could not escape it. It was just something else he would have to push aside, just one more roadblock that he would have to overcome. There was no time to waste wallowing in self-pity anymore, anyway._

_“...Yeah, I'm coming,” Claus replied, breaking through the disillusionment at last._

 

“Come on in,” Hanji called out at the knock on her office door. Catherine peered into the room a moment later, wearing her usual frown, but with slightly more exhaustion added in.

“Do you have a moment?” Catherine then asked. “If not, I can come back later--it's not urgent.”

“Come in,” Hanji repeated, letting out a quiet laugh. “I'm always looking for a reason to get out of this useless paperwork.”

A small smile crossed Catherine's face, and she obliged, quietly shutting the door behind her. That smile only lasted a moment before the worry swallowed it up--understandably, considering the kind of lives they were living now.

“What can I do you for?” Hanji asked, setting down her pen and leaning onto her elbows.

Catherine pulled over a chair to sit across from Hanji, then sighed.

“We met with Bruno the other night, Rowen and I,” she said, and Hanji nodded, frowning a little.

“How has he--well, I don't really need to ask that, huh...?”

“...He's honestly handling it all better than I thought he would, but...” Catherine's voice trailed off, and the worried expression on her face became more obvious.

“...I don't doubt he's been...struggling,” Hanji murmured. She could understand what that was like.

“No, no, that's...not quite what I mean.” Catherine's grimace worsened, and Hanji sat upright again. “...I'm afraid he might do something reckless.”

“Reckless? He doesn't seem like that type of person to me, but, I mean...you obviously know him much better than I do.” Hanji furrowed her brows and added, “...I only really know that he's...somewhat similar to Erwin in his way of thinking. He's willing to try anything...”

Hanji's voice trailed off, and as she stared up at Catherine, a sinking feeling filled her gut. Bruno was indeed the type of person to make sacrifices whenever necessary, and she was sure that he would not be afraid to give up even his own life to accomplish his goals. But, would losing him really help anything right now? That would just be another ally lost to humanity.

 _So, does that mean...?_ Hanji thought, pursing her lips.

“...I'm afraid he might try something drastic,” Catherine continued, her voice shaking. “...Nikoleta Kyrgiakos will be named his new Assistant Squad Leader soon, and he assured us that once that happens, his squad will start to 'move' again. What that means, I don't know, but obviously, I can...make some educated guesses.”

Hanji narrowed her eyes, looking away from Catherine at last.

 _He may try to kill someone_ , she realized. She did not dare suggest this out loud; if they directly acknowledged the possibility, that would require her to take preventative action, and she was not sure that she could, or that she wanted to.

“...Right now, we're not in a position to act,” Hanji decided, nodding to herself before looking back up at Catherine.

“...I trust your judgment,” Catherine murmured, tugging on her sleeve absentmindedly. “And I agree. I just... I guess because I have personal investment...”

“I understand, but...we can't let that kind of attitude guide us right now,” Hanji said in a low, quiet voice.

“...Understood.”

“Thank you for letting me know, though.”

“Of course.” Catherine nodded. “Have a good evening.”

“You, too, Catherine.”

As Hanji watched Catherine leave the room, she sighed quietly through her nose. Though she did not wish anything ill on anyone in particular, she hoped that Bruno's plan, whatever it might be, would be drastic enough to improve their circumstances. He had assured her before that they were allies, and she believed that. Now, he was most likely going to prove it with an air of boldness that no one else could match.

 

…......

 

As Nikoleta signed her name at the bottom of the last document on Commander Nile's desk, she smiled to herself.

“...Congratulations,” Nile said, nodding as she slid him the papers. “You're now officially an Assistant Squad Leader. As I mentioned earlier, starting next week, you'll receive a raise to your weekly payments. Your new duties are effective immediately.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Nikoleta replied, holding out her hand. He shook it, and she then turned to Bruno. He gave her a warm smile, but she could sense a faint hint of sadness to it. She could understand why, for she felt it, too. Though Nikoleta would be able to replace Bianca as a functional Assistant Squad Leader, she would never be able to replace her as a person, or as Bruno's sister.

 _Still...this is a good thing_ , Nikoleta reminded herself as she followed Bruno out of Nile's office and into the hallway.

“...Nikoleta, I know you're prepared for whatever is ahead of us, but...it wouldn't be fair for me to leave you completely in the dark,” Bruno said as the door closed behind them. “Come with me.”

“Yes, Sir,” Nikoleta murmured, nodding.

She had never seen the inside of Bruno's room before for more than a few seconds; it suited him quite well: practical, minimalist, and refined. When she shut the door behind them, Bruno opened the curtains, letting the afternoon sun pour into the room, illuminating the glossy wood floor.

“...I'm sure you're smart enough to have figured it out by now, but Bianca's identity was no surprise to me,” Bruno murmured.

“Of course not,” Nikoleta said, shaking her head. They were siblings--of course he would have tried to hide something like that for her.

“...It's why we've been working so hard all this time--so that people like her could live like anyone else, without having to hide...”

Bruno's voice trailed off, and Nikoleta nodded again.

“But as things are, that won't ever happen,” she finished for him.

Bruno did not move, but Nikoleta did not need any reassurance to know that what she had said was correct. She had already seen proof in Nile's hesitant gaze as he had signed off on her promotion contract, and she could sense the fear from the Police soldiers who had simply let Bianca be executed without putting up a fight. There were those, however, outside of Bruno's squad whose opinions aligned with theirs. If they could work together...

“...You must have something in mind, right?” Nikoleta then asked Bruno. “You never do anything without a plan first.”

“...You're already a great Assistant,” Bruno chuckled. “...But if I told you everything, that would take the fun out of it, don't you think?”

Nikoleta raised an eyebrow at Bruno, then looked away. She did not like the idea of being excluded, but she trusted his judgment--otherwise, she would not have agreed to become his Assistant Squad Leader.

Bruno stood upright and walked over to her; he placed his hands on her shoulders tightly, staring her down.

“I'm trusting you that, when the time comes, you'll be able to organize the people,” he told her quietly. “I need you to spread the truth, to show the ugliness of this regiment, and to stand up for what we both know is right.”

“Of course,” Nikoleta murmured, giving him a firm nod.

“I'm counting on you. Our lives are on the line.”

Nikoleta knew that whatever Bruno had planned would be dangerous, and she did not mind sacrificing her own life if it meant moving humanity in the right direction. However, there was something about the desperation in his eyes that concerned her, and she pursed her lips.

“...Don't worry. We'll succeed. We're stronger than them, no matter what anyone says.”

 _I wonder how many times he said something like that to Bianca...?_ Nikoleta thought, nodding again. _Does he really believe he has some sort of advantage? That kind of confidence is...incredible._

“...Of course we are,” Nikoleta said at last. “After all, we're the ones who represent justice now. We _have_ to be stronger.”

 

…......

 

“Oi, you awake?”

Forcing his eyes open, Eren glanced down at Ymir. He could remember a time when she stood taller than him--that was back before any of this betrayal had happened.

“Historia's bringin' you food soon, so don't fall back asleep,” she told him, a hand placed casually on her hip, as if this was just a normal conversation back during their trainee days. ...Was it? What day was it? How long had it been since he had seen sunshine...?

Eren was admittedly shocked that he was still alive. When Historia and the others had captured him, he had not expected to live long past arriving at their encampment. Yet, here he was, securely fastened to a pole, like a sacrifice in waiting.

“...Did you hear a word I said?” Ymir asked, peering up into Eren's face. His overgrown bangs covered part of his gaze, but he could see her frowning. “We were nice enough to finally take the gag off of you--you'd think you'd be a little more grateful and at least answer basic questions.”

Eren did not have the energy to respond. His throat and mouth were dry, anyway, so even if he had wanted to talk, nothing intelligible would have come out.

“...Y'know, you could make this all a lot easier on yourself and the rest of us if you'd just tell us more about what's goin' on behind the walls,” Ymir sighed, scratching the back of her neck. “It's not like I think it's a great time to torture you like this. I mean--if you guys'd caught me way back when, I'd be in your place, and I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty.”

Ymir leaned over, looking down at Eren's wrists.

“I'm sure that nut Hanji would love to see this, though.” Eren felt Ymir's warm hands prod his mutilated wrists. “Your wounds healed up around that pole perfectly. Pretty incredible.”

Eren let out a quiet sigh through his nose, and Ymir straightened back up, imitating his sigh.

“...Don't act like this is all that surprising. Of course we aren't gonna trust you to wander around here freely,” she scoffed. “They were reluctant to even trust _me_. If it weren't for Historia...” Ymir shrugged, then shook her head. “Well, anyway, it'll be over soon, I'm sure. Zeke's getting impatient.”

A feeling of dread filled Eren's chest, and he narrowed his eyes, staring at the ground by Ymir's feet. He did not want her to notice how afraid he was--he could not afford to show any more weakness than he already had.

“Good morning.”

Historia's voice was incredibly pleasant in comparison to Ymir's harsh tone; she entered the tent quietly, holding a tray of bread, gruel, and water.

“Ymir, are you hassling him again?” Historia asked, pouting at Ymir, who seemed embarrassed.

“It's not a good idea to leave him alone for too long, right?” she insisted, but Historia only sighed heavily.

“...You're going to get yourself in trouble. Why don't you go help Reiner and Bertholdt gather firewood or something?”

“...Only because your tiny little arms can barely hold an ax,” Ymir mumbled, leaving the tent with a slightly flustered expression.

“...Ignore her,” Historia murmured, letting out a quiet laugh.

 _She always does this_ , Eren thought as Historia held up the glass of water to Eren's lips. _She acts like she's on my side, but I know she's not. I can't trust any of them..._

Part of him wanted to refuse to drink, but once the cold water touched his mouth, he could not help himself; he gulped it down, and Historia gave him a sympathetic smile.

“...I hate that things have to be this way,” she murmured, gently tilting the cup away from him. “Really, I do... But...we have to atone for our family's sins... You know that, right? Your father...and my father as well...”

Historia lowered her gaze, and Eren narrowed his eyes. He wanted to feel sorry for her; after all, if the shifters' plan went through, she would end up just like him, and that was not something he wished on anyone. But, she had abandoned so many people in a time of need for selfish purposes. He knew her real intentions, and Ymir's, too: they were simply trying to protect each other. While that might have been an otherwise noble goal, it was at the cost of other people's well-being, and Eren could not accept it.

“...Sorry, I came here to feed you, not get all caught up in my head,” Historia said, letting out a nervous giggle before holding up a spoonful of gruel to Eren's mouth.

Even though having his hunger finally satisfied felt good, Eren still could not shake the uneasiness Historia's words had given him. Had she intended to make him feel so vulnerable? If so, she had done well.

“I'll see you later,” she told him after he finished his meal. Once she disappeared, Eren let out a sharp sigh through his nose, shifting the weight on his feet. Because of the way he was fixed onto the pole behind him, his movements were limited; they had effectively found a way to drain him of his strength, too, so that he could not shift and break free.

 _There has to be something that I can do..._ he told himself, but even moving his wrists a little hurt so much that it made him nauseous. If he pulled too hard in any direction, the wounds would open up again, and then they would just heal again. He had no control over his own powers.

... _That's it._

Eren's eyes widened as he realized the key to his escape, his survival. It would be painful and arduous, but if he could work through it...

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eren pulled his wrists toward him as hard as he could. A few moments later, he could feel warm blood on his hands and arms. The pain was excruciating, but if he could get used to it, bit by bit, he would eventually be able to pull himself free.

... _I'm not gonna die here..._ Eren bit his lip as he relaxed his wrists. _I'm gonna get out of here..._

 

…......

 

“Took your time getting out here, I see.”

Ignoring Reiner's jab, Ymir grabbed an ax and walked over to the pile of uncut wood.

“Even after all this time, Eren's still got an attitude problem,” she chuckled, grabbing a piece and placing on a stump.

“You do, too,” Bertholdt pointed out, and she laughed before bringing down the ax, chopping the wood in half.

“That's a fair point, Bertl.”

“By the way, did you hear? Bianca Sertoli is dead.”

Ymir let her ax sink into the tree stump as she froze.

“...Dead?” she echoed.

“We heard that she was executed,” Reiner explained, wiping sweat from his brow. The sun had started to come out from behind the clouds, and Ymir could feel her skin prickling with moisture. “They found out she was a shifter.”

“That could've been you,” Bertholdt added quietly, glancing at Ymir before chopping another piece of wood.

“Whoa, okay, wait--who executed her? How did they even find out?!”

Ymir had never met Bianca or spoken to her outside of their one-time scuffle, but she could not help feeling a little sorry for the girl. It was one thing for Bianca to get herself killed in a fight or doing something reckless, but to be executed simply because she was a shifter was...something that Ymir could sympathize with.

“The Military Police is under Darius Zackley's control, remember?” Reiner reminded her. “Apparently, concealing her identity was considered a great enough crime to earn her a death sentence. Bertholdt is right--that could've been you.”

“And it still could be any of us,” Bertholdt murmured.

“...Good god. The inner walls have really gone to shit...” Ymir muttered, more to herself than to her companions. As she struck another piece of wood, she grimaced. She had always known that things were not really as good as they seemed in there, but...now that the corruption was so out in the open, she wondered what might happen next.

“They haven't got a chance in hell of fighting back right now, it seems,” Reiner went on.

“Don't speak too soon,” Ymir warned him. “They've still got some brainy people left. And Bianca has a brother--don't underestimate the power of vengeance.”

 _We don't really even know what he's capable of,_ she realized as the boys fell silent. _But you'd think that if he was a shifter, too, he'd have done something about Zackley already._

“...It really is...kind of sad, though,” Bertholdt said a few minutes later. Ymir pursed her lips, focusing on gathering the pieces of firewood she had cut up. “I don't think she knew much about her powers--maybe even less than Eren.”

“...One of our messengers attended the execution,” Reiner told them, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face dry. “He said that she died crying out for her mother.”

“...That hardly seems like the same person I fought,” Ymir mumbled. The Bianca she had known had had fire in her eyes...

“She was executed in her Titan form, wasn't she?” Bertholdt asked. When Reiner nodded, he continued, “...They still have custody of Annie.”

“Can we even be sure Annie's alive?” Ymir grunted, and Bertholdt quickly turned to her.

“She has to be,” he insisted.

“Oh-kay, whatever you say.” She rolled her eyes--he was obviously speaking with bias.

“Annie used her abilities in a way no one else has before,” Reiner sighed, squatting to pick up his share of the firewood. “I don't think she would have done it without knowing whether or not she could have survived, but...who knows.”

“She had more motivation to survive than any of us,” Bertholdt agreed.

“Oh yeah? And what was that?” Ymir asked.

Neither of the boys answered her, but she noticed a softness push its way into Reiner's gaze.

“Hey, snap out of it,” she told him, stomping her foot.  
“Huh?” Reiner quickly looked up at her, obviously confused.

“...Sorry, Bertl.” Ymir shrugged, gesturing to the muscular blond. “Forgot that I have to be careful about what I say to him. He's a fragile guy, I guess.”

“What do you mean by that?!” Reiner snapped.

“Reiner, stop,” Bertholdt sighed, and Ymir held back a laugh. It had honestly been a while since Reiner had dissociated like this; she had started to wonder if he had finally gotten over it.

 _Seems like his guilty conscience is acting up again_ , she thought as Bertholdt walked over to Reiner, speaking to him in a low voice.

“Well, while you two chat, I'm gonna head on back.” Slinging the ax over her shoulder, Ymir walked away without another word. She knew that Bertholdt would not chase her down, not while Reiner was in that state. Besides, she did not owe them anything anymore. She had helped them get Historia and Eren--therefore, she had effectively secured her own safety and a more permanent place in their society.

At least, until she decided she did not agree with their actions anymore.

Ymir knew that she could take on the other shifters if she took them down from the inside out. And, if Historia followed through with eating Eren and got his powers, they would be unstoppable, and they could leave the inner world to rot if they wanted to. They would be untouchable--they would be _free_.

 _That's all I want_ , she thought as she headed back to the encampment. _For both of us._

 

 


End file.
